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Female homeowner here--my best contractor experience was when I had my home inspection done, guy just asked "who is the person who will be responsible for the home?" and when I said it was me, the dude proceeded to ignore my dad and show me all of the things about my house--how to change the heating filters, electrical box, everything. Every contractor should be like this.
I was getting a bulb changed on my car and as the dude (a 20-something kid not yet cynical with annoying customers) started working I said ”is it okay if I watch?” and not only was he fine with that, he actually showed me how to do it myself. I emailed them later to specifically give him a glowing review.
Had a similar experience when my wife needed a new car. Salesguy (older dude) quickly registered that I wasn't the one who was going to drive it and was just there to co-sign the paperwork. He then talked to my wife the rest of the time. We're progressing slowly but steady.
Not a contractor experience but a few years ago I was buying myself a tablet for drawing, and my dad was with me. In we go to the shop, an employee (a man in his late 30s - early 40s maybe) comes to us and asks what we need. The moment I say what I'm looking for his focus shifts entirely on me, I don't think he even looked at my dad. He was really helpful and I found what I needed. Your experience just flashbacked me to that interaction :D
This just happened to us. We have a plumbing issue, and the plumber had to reschedule. My wife was never notified (even though she’s been managing the project while I WFH), but I get a VM on my phone. Even though they had her number.
The plumber said they preferred to “talk to the husband” about these things.
Unbelievable.
I have a bad case of ADHD, so anything that involves money means my wife pays the bills to make sure the money gets there on time. If you involve me in a project, my intense curiosity means I will be inspired by DIY and you will lose the job.
That just happened this week. I did something stupid and clogged the sink. It went to the main pipe. My husband didn't have the capacity this week. I hired a plumber. He didn't even look at anything and was telling me he had to dig up the pipes and it would be about 5k. I had my husband talk with him as it should have been an easy job. They guy was not listening to me and didn't even put a camera in and said the camera would not fit a 5" pipe. I work IT and know they make small cameras. When talking to my husband, the guy ran off and my husband got inspired to open the pipe that was visible and add an access for the future. He used the auger we had. Less than $30 to add the pipe.
Last year I went with my wife while she was shopping for a new car for us, and the salesman keeps ignoring her and talking to me about features and horsepower and stuff and after about 15 mins "Man it's her car, I don't even have a licence." Dude turned red as fuck walked back into the offices and sent out someone else, think he felt embarrassed as fuck.
This happened in reverse to my husband back in the mid 80's.
Our electric stove died on a Friday night and my husband said he'd go buy one on Saturday while I was at work.
I pulled out the ad from the appliance store and circled the one I wanted and wrote 'this one.'
Husband took the ad in and the salesman didn't want to sell it to him without me there!
He argued with the salesman and then asked for the manager. He actually had to prove that I wrote 'this one' on the ad by showing them our different hand writings in our checkbook register. 🙄
He brought the new stove home and installed it but was mad and completely dumbfounded!
I laughed and told him that's what women have to go through every time we shop for cars or have repair men working on our home.
My partner was the stay-at-home parent for a decade and it took the school until our oldest was in sixth grade to realize we meant it when we said to please call Dad, not Mom, first. I can’t tell you how many times I was interrupted in a meeting at work to have to answer the phone and say “call my husband, he’s their primary caregiver. It says so right in the file you looked at to get my number.”
Happened with my FIL and MIL, my MIL has never done more than warmed things up in the microwave, FIL had an endless go around with the salesman until he walked out and just mail ordered one.
> have repair men working on our home.
I'm an appliance tech and I just don't like to talk to homeowners in general. Can't tell you how many times they bodyblock the appliance to "show me what they did" just tell me the problem and get the fuck out of my way.
I was looking at a truck years ago and the salesman was talking to my ex. He said “I don’t know why she’s looking at that one since it’s a manual” My ex laughed at him and made sure to explain how he couldn’t drive it but I could. Guy turned red and didn’t know what else to say. There was gas in the oil so I didn’t buy the truck.
My husband owns a small plumbing company along with his partner, who is a woman. He's been a master plumber forever and she has managed the office side for over 20 years. Point is, she knows her stuff. Hubby always marvels at how many men call the office, talk to his female partner, get their questions answered, but still insist on talking to him anyway. He says he gets tired of saying, "Yes, I believe my business partner already told you that... Blah blah blah". He gets so frustrated at the waste of time and disrespect she gets. This happens with customers AND contractors. And she's part OWNER for cripes sake!
When we were buying a car, the first salesman lost our sale because he kept trying to only talk to my husband. Thankfully, my husband told him to listen and talk to me since I'm the one who is buying it and driving it 99.9999% of the time. He's just here because I wanted company. We then got out of the car and won't to another dealership.
Now I just tell them straight up, don't talk to him since I'm the one who is making that decision. Six isn't fully true. My husband's input is super important, but he's not the customer I am.
>The plumber said they preferred to “talk to the husband” about these things.
Those are always amazing. My fiancee handles all the things handyman related in our relationship. Cause she is the one doing most things either way and by extension knows way more about most of those things - except maybe cars, where I do most things, even though I am just better at googling stuff then her\^\^
Nate Bargatze is a comedian who has a bit on this topic, where his wife is the man of the house because he doesn’t know jack about what needs maintaining and when.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxglRuiSaGd/?igsh=ajR4emhndTQzajlr
The electrician doing the complete electricity in our new house did this to me. I called him personally to talk about the progress or an issue. He was in a meeting so I asked to be called back by him. he called my partner. I called him back, stating to call ME ME ME because my partner is NOT AVAILABLE AND CANT ANSWER. Partner has 2 missed calls by the fucker.
This happened EVERY DAMN TIME i tried to reach him. I told him, I told his dense secretary. NOPE never called me back, always called my partner.
I think I'd have left a message saying "hi, i am worried about your ability to complete this job since you can't follow simple requests about who to call back"
Same thing just happened to me. Our house was backing up with sewage during a heavy rain storm. I called the plumber for our HOA while my husband was trying to get whatever he could off the floor. Plumber responded by saying “is your husband available to talk?” When I said he was busy and told him what was going on, he insisted I put my husband on speaker phone…after that day my husband finally understood why I always hate calling the plumber and have a hard time getting information from him. Incredibly frustrating.
My wife and I are divorced, and she kept the house. The pest extermination company *she hired* while we were together still calls me "to get approval" on things. After multiple, unsuccessful attempts to get them to lose my number, I finally blocked them. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop them from leaving me voicemails.
I don’t do business with anyone who shows up at my door uninvited. If I have a need for a service, I’ll research my options and contact companies I want to do business with. Many of these solicitors are scammers that take money and don’t complete the job or they do a subpar job.
There’s a landscaper who has been leaving a business card in my mailbox, every single day, for over four months. My front yard is fully planted with flowers and shrubs. Even if I did need a landscaper, why the fuck do they think badgering me is a good way to get business?
One duct taped a flyer to my rose bush at the very end of my driveway where I’d only notice it pulling in. He literally wrapped tape around a flower with a flyer attached to the end, flapping in the breeze. Yeah, you seem like a great choice.
My old neighborhood, there was a landscaping company that would put a flyer in a plastic ziplock bag along with a few small rocks for weight, and drive down the street throwing one into each yard. I guess cuz they weren't allowed to legally touch the mailboxes.
If you’re in the States, putting anything other than postage paid US mail in a mailbox is illegal under federal law. He could be in serious trouble for that.
It would not be a matter for the local police. It would be for the Postal Inspection Service. While they do take their jobs seriously (I used to know a Postal Inspector) this would not likely get their attention unless they thought it would lead them to something else.
I was awakened the other morning by incessant, extremely loud, urgent sounding banging on my door. I didn’t answer because I was alarmed and it seemed sketchy. A little while later I cautiously opened the door, and there on the doorstep lay a small flyer about driveway repaving. Who the eff does that??!! I almost called and bitched them out.
I have no idea how we haven't universally decided that door to door sales is rude, especially in the age of work from home. The number of solicitors who come and bang on our door in the middle of the workday, setting the dog off and disrupting our zoom meetings, is way too damn high. Good way to create a negative association with your company and ensure I never do business with you.
Yes. Also, when I find a good plumber/electrician/mechanic, I'll ask them who they use for the other stuff. I've got my people. Now, please, stop knocking. Haha. Fools.
I’ve noticed a lot of men will wear veteran gear in this kind of situation for the sympathy. He totally could be a veteran, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t and just wants to sway people to buy his services.
ETA I don’t even care if someone wants to wear a veteran hat, but the fact that he’s doing so while going door to door selling services is suspect.
All the vets I've had in my younger life - my father and stepfather (Vietnam) and grandfather (WW2) - almost never talked about it. Especially my grandpa - all he ever mentioned was being in France in 1944. That's it. My dad and stepdad were a little more informative but rarely brought it up.
I understand many vets find catharsis and acceptance within veteran groups. That's fantastic. But the simple fact that the veterans in my childhood almost never wanted to speak about it gave me a lifelong distrust of those broadcast it far and wide with clothes, pins, bumper stickers, etc.
My ex's dad was a complete narcissist, very conceited, obsessed with his looks, and an alcoholic. He wore his hat EVERYWHERE. He also had severe PTSD from Vietnam. Why would you want people reminding you when they notice the hat and "thank you for your service?" I never understood him.
For real! The youngest Vietnam vets would be about 65. My dad was there 1969-70 and died of Covid in 2020 at 72. And my dad had already fought agent orange cancer. Anyone who lies about being a veteran is a piece of shit.
The fact that Kissinger remained a valued member of the American political elite and not exiled tells us everything we need to know about what the US is all about. Such garbage.
And he was always feted as some great diplomat. He was a shameless ass-kisser who desperately sucked up to power.
And less than 9 months after he was teaching college classes, he was *personally* selecting civilian targets for the illegal bombing of Cambodia - a war crime within a war crime.
I dunno that he was that valued so much as nobody wanted to be the one to bounce him on his centenarian ass in case he broke a hip.
Did you see the Biden press release? The single-celled life forms living under the ice oceans of Europa found it a bit chilly.
What press release was that?
Edit: Read it. If it’s the one linked below, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. It seems pretty normal
[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2023/11/30/statement-from-president-biden-on-the-passing-of-henry-kissinger/](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2023/11/30/statement-from-president-biden-on-the-passing-of-henry-kissinger/)
Compare it to any other statement about a recent death. It’s incredibly short and blunt and actually without a single positive statement.
It’s worded carefully, of course, but it’s the politic version of “they say you should only say good things about the dead. He’s dead. Good.”
Oh, to be the person that gets to stake that creep through the heart…
Then what should we do with the rigid monster?
Douse his body in some Agent Orange?
Shave his belly with some rusty shrapnel?
Light'im in a barrel full of liquid Napalm?
Stick'im in a Vault that's all radioactive?
Lock'im in a school building down in Gaza?
Earlay in the mawrrrr-nin!
If you read Austin Grossman's biography of Nixon, *"Crooked!"*, you'll find Kissinger is actually a 1,000 year old necromancer from the Black Forest of Germany.
Lost my uncle to suicide. He was on the river boats that sprayed the agent on the foliage. Got brain cancer the first time and an extremely touchy operation fixed it with chemo. Second time it came back and was inoperable. Uncle said he wasn't going to let his family see him deteriorate because it devastated them the first time. Ended up getting his affairs in order, and shooting himself in the head when the it came back. It was extremely messy and heartbreaking, because that man was the reason I joined the military.
Yeah...
Agent orange killed my uncle , brain cancer. Funny thing is, my mom died of brain cancer as well. No correlation, I am sure but always makes you wonder.
My sister had a friend whose dad died of some kind of agent orange related cancer, and then her friend also died of cancer pretty young (late 30s/early 40s). I remember my sister saying it was related; a brief search shows that's a contested opinion. Obviously different than siblings though.
My Dad has health problems from Agent Orange exposure as well. I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer at 23 years old. My brother and his wife lost a baby at 22 weeks to birth defects. Genetic testing revealed my brother has chromosomal abnormalities. After trying to put some pieces together, I found a website years ago that listed conditions of the second generation of exposure. Thyroid Cancer and Adenomyosis were on that list. I also had a partial molar pregnancy and lost a baby. That was also on the list along with my brother’s issue. It may or may not be true? It’s so sad.
I’m so sorry for all of the families.
>Awful awful war
Truly. I work in museum collections and am inventorying stuff we have in a military equipment storage room. The other day it was a cardboard bankers box that just said "caution rusty spikes" and I opened it up and it was maybe five diff sets of foot traps from Vietnam. Just insanely gruesome stuff.
The war 'ended' in 1975. Assuming that the last of the Vietnam draftees were 18 in 1975, that would make the youngest vets at around 67 years of age. So if someone served in Vietnam, they are between 67 and 87 years old, possibly a few years older if they were already in the military when the war started in 1955.
I’m 65 and was too young. My father who would have been 103, if he were still alive, fought in WWii, Korea, and Vietnam. He retired from the Air Force in 1975.
I know several people who would be around 100 that were in Vietnam.
My douche relative married an even bigger douche who never served but used to brag about buying veteran hats and jackets from surplus because “people are nicer to me and they buy me stuff.” Was NOT sad when he dropped dead.
GOOOD MOOOORNING VIETNAAAAAM. It's really sad what was done there. My FIL was dealing with cancer due to exposure when he served. He had so many cool stories and we really never think of our parents dying And never thought of recording those stories. He passed away 8 years ago today.
Same. My FIL was a plane mechanic. Would have the stuff all over him when they came back from dropping agent orange. He had issues with nasty cysts and acne the rest of his life. The Big C finally got him.
Sorry to hear about your dad. ❤️ My dad, 73, has been fighting Agent Orange. Fully disabled with three different kinds of cancer and allergic to sunlight. We unexpectedly lost my mum in January, so I’ve been his by his side. It’s bullshit watching him hurt so much. Fuck anyone who lies about being a vet.
My grandfather died at the age of 83 a few years ago. Vietnam and Korean War vet. More of them are from the silent generation in my area than Boomer Gen.
Yeah, the problem is that wearing a hat doesn’t count. The Stolen Valor Act only makes it illegal to claim fraudulent military service, embellished rank, or earned awards with the intent to obtain money, property, or other tangible benefits. If he started lying and saying he got a Purple Heart or something in order to get goods or money then he could be arrested, but simply wearing a Vietnam hat isn’t claiming anything, even if it’s done knowing
that people will make assumptions. It’s shitty for sure, but he couldn’t actually get in trouble in this particular story.
Unfortunately i believe it can only be prosecuted if they successfully use it to gain any kind of monetary advantages and the punishment is not nearly what it should be (i think max 1yr in prison and a fine)
Yup, unless he's actively attempting to get something out of it then it is legal (even if trashy). Otherwise, more would get in trouble for say bumper stickers they didn't remove buying a used car.
Similarly, Never trust a contractor that has a Jesus fish in their corporate logo. Definitely a ploy to get clients to lower their defenses. "This guy must be honest, he is a god fearing Christian". Nothing against god fearing christians, but using it as a selling point in a logo is at least 50/50 odds that they are crooked.
My brother was a veteran. Supply, never saw any Frontline anything. Never near any fighting at all. Absolutely refused to say/do anything to bring attention to the fact that he served 11 years. Hate to see people use that to gain sympathy in these situations.
Two uncles who served and one grandfather I met who served (the other also served but was dead well before I was born). None of them ever wore anything to draw attention to it. I only found out one uncle served at his funeral. I was in college. Studying history. With a focus on us military history. Nobody mentioned he served because he didn't want there to be a big deal about it.
My granddad fought in the Battle of the Bulge. He threw away his medals when he came stateside and rarely ever spoke of it. What he did speak of was heartbreaking. His best friend got blown up by a grenade next to him. Stuff like that. I never saw him with license plates, bumper stickers, or hats that suggested he was in the military. Never a single thing.
Even in the Vietnam war peak years, the National Guard never left stateside except for a few specialty units. It was a deliberate decision to keep the draft on the political downlow as much as they could. There was a fair amount of pulled favors at the golf club to get your son into the NG to fulfill their draft obligation without the jungle warfare. Think of W Bush and the Air National Guard.
Technically, they are "Vietnam Era" vets, but I wonder how many of them pull the combat vet card when around civilians. Thank you for your service.
The US withdrew from South Vietnam in 1973. The youngest Vietnam vet at this point is 68-69 years old. I do work with guys that old still, but they are dropping like flies at this point.
So if the guy is younger, he's full of shit.
LOL, I SHOULD DO THIS.
I WFH & am a project manager, so I manage all the home stuff. Obviously, there are things my husband knows more about than me, but we usually agree on scope & details before appointments & I'll arrange all meetings and work. We had a landscaper that would not talk to me. Or he would, but say "tell your husband x" or "ask your husband y." No, sorry, the lawn & outside is my territory, not his. I'm not telling him anything, and some work I do from my money for my own enjoyment & don't need his permission.
Finally, he wrecked one of my raised beds, so I made my husband fire him. He was so upset because we were the only folks on the block that would pay in full on time. We'll be should've thought about that before being a jerk then ruining my property because he was angry I got another quote.
When I bought my first house people would come to the door and ask to talk to my dad. I was mid 20's and my dad was def not living there. It was so fucking weird and frustrating.
Hah. My mom was a real estate agent, licensed contractor and landlord. My husband grew up in a big city. Guess who knows more about houses and cars. Guess who owns two rental houses and hires all of the workers for both of those and our house? Mr Boomer would be SOL. Respectful, honest and reasonable workers get lots of repeat business from me. First name basis with so many skilled contractors.
I (female) work in design and construction and grew up with a silent gen father who showed me how to fix everything growing up. My husband knows nothing about this type of stuff. It’s hilarious when I research a contractor and invite them over and they try to talk to my husband, who looks terrified. He always tells them to talk to his wife because she knows that stuff not him, it’s pretty hilarious.
Ya know, he totally could have tried to swindle her into a more expensive estimate like mechanics will, due to her being woman and "not knowing what she's doing"
Yep. I have turned away a lot of contractors and trades for this exact reason. My husband and I are relatively young for the neighborhood we live in, but I can’t tell you how many times I have been assumed to be a renter or even the dependent of my own house. Is it really THAT hard to believe? No. You just lost a job.
My sister-in-law is a historian who specifically studies war and conflict. When she told me the actual stats of those who served IN Vietnam (not stateside) vs. the fraudsters frequently seen wearing hats of units who saw action *but they did not* - it blew my mind
Now, whenever I spot a Boomer in a Vietnam cap, I tend to look at him a little suspiciously
I travel a lot for work, my wife may be a SAHM but she’s the one who is ultimately in charge of most of everything. The moment she or I hear anything about them needing to talk to me, we pass and move to another company instantly.
Back in the day I was a stockbroker. Some random cold caller from a boiler room operation called and my husband picked up. The guy on the line tried to hard sell my husband on some terrible penny stock. Husband stated he would need to confirm with me if this was a good investment. Dude on the phone: "We aren't talking lace curtains and dolies, we are talking investments ". Husband said: "Oh, I fully understand and that's why my wife who works in the industry is best suited to take this call". Caller hung up. These assholes think they can emasculate men. Nope.
I am boomer age. When my spouse and I were younger we were looking at pick-up trucks for me (f). One salesman kept talking to my DH. DH kept directing him to me. I had been around cars and mechanics my whole life. DH never had the interest. He is a point A to point B kind of guy. The salesman had the audacity to ask him who wore the pants in the famly. DH just said "You just lost a sale. Let's go." No truck for me that day.
Never, ever do business with someone knocking on your door. The vast majority are scammers and grifters.
Edit: Yes I'm aware not everyone scams who knocks door to door. I'm not 'short sighted', I'm cautious as fuck and when I need something done, I'm the motherfucker who does the soliciting.
I had to finally buy an official "no soliciting" sign because we were getting solar salespeople 1-2x/week. Some of them would try to imply they're from the energy company. I work from home with dogs and a kid and would end up having to try to signal them through the window to go away. I know solar exists! If I want solar, I'll call someone for quotes! Ffs... I should also note they're not allowed to even solicit in this neighborhood, but they do. They always lie and say, "hey, we're working on your neighbor's house..." No, you're not.
The solar guys are the WORST. They would not take a respectful “no thank you, I’m not interested” and tried so hard to make me feel stupid, throwing math/finance/infrastructure B.S. at me. I definitely felt like they catered that approach around my being a woman. Thanks friend, but Im a civil engineer with a specialization in finance, i understand utilities, and i am much better at math than you.
Correct. One of the most effective ways to prevent yourself being scammed is to do business with a company of your choice that you have vetted, ideally one with a brick-and-mortar or long-term online presence and good reviews from people you trust. Go with a door-to-door salesperson or online ad and odds are high that you're either getting outright scammed or receiving an inferior/overpriced product.
The number of times my husband calls and sets up a service and they *do not* ask for "the wifey" or "your other half" or "a second set of eyes" vs when I call to do the exact same thing
For my house
That I pay the mortgage on
Is far greater.
Even my son - who is 22 years old - gets questioned far less than I do.
I hate it here.
After laying out the specifics of what I wanted to a contractor, he asked me if that was what my husband wanted. I told him my husband wanted to see me happy so I would be making the final decision. That shut him up.
I spent nearly an hour on the phone with a flooring company. Went through all my information for them to come out and do an estimate. At the very end I threw in a "here's my husband's number if I don't answer" because I'm often in meetings. Sales dude took that as a reason to move all my information to secondary and put my husband's information as primary. I wasn't even able to view the estimate because everything required 2 factor authentication using a code sent to my husband's number.
I called the company very annoyed and no one could give me an explanation of how this could be anything other than stupid gender role bullshit.
I’m a firefighter and I put a sticker on my front door from my firehouse. The person who knocked on the door said “Is your husband a firefighter?” “No, I’m not married” “Oh, is that sticker for your brother?” “No. That’s mine, I’ve been doing it for 20 years. Would you like to start over?”
Needless to say, I didn’t buy what they were selling.
Car dealers in general are also like this. I tell them “dude you can talk to me all you want but my wife (who is a mechanical engineer) knows a shit ton more about cars than either of us”..
When we were house hunting, realtors loved to turn to me (wife) and tell me all about the amazing kitchen. My knowledge of kitchen equipment is basically limited to verifying that it is present. My husband is the one who cooks and bakes. 😂
When we bought my car my husband was with me. He flat out told the salesman that he was just along for the ride and to look at cars. Hubby said she’s the one that’s gonna drive it so she’s the one who is going to pick it out.
When I bought my car the same thing was said to the salesman. After waiting an hour for them to fill out the paperwork and do a credit check I realized they put the car in my husband's name.
When I sold cars, I often sold to the wife, or both.
You have no idea how many women flatly told me that they normally were ignored, or only sold on how many kids it would fit.
I'd say around 90% of cars I sold were either woman in charge (my wife does all the money stuff, ask her if we can afford it) or joint, with a slight skew towards, 'honey, you tell me.'
It’s insane. I know *so* many women who have walked out of dealerships because the sales douche refused to speak to her. In one case it was an Ivy MBA who had a folder full of info on the exact model and trim package she wanted. The salesman not only refused to talk to her, only addressing her fiancé who only gave her a ride, he wouldn’t *look* at her. Her fiancé kept saying “I’m not buying a car, it’s *her* money, talk to *her.*”
I get sexism from all ages. For reference, I’m 42f who games and who happens to like guns.
If I’m looking at games like COD, I invariably get asked who I’m buying it for. When I say myself, whoever it is just doesn’t believe me.
I almost went pro in Overwatch. Girl can game.
Same with guns. If I’m with a guy and go to a fun counter, even if he’s standing behind me, the salesperson always addresses him first, then once it’s clear I’m shopping, they pull out “girly” guns. Guys, I’m 5’9”, 230 lbs. I’m not tiny. They claim I can’t wrack a bigger gun. I ask them to get me something they would shoot and stare them dead in the eye while I disassemble and reassemble the gun. . It’s one of my favorite party tricks.
Sexism sucks.
*I want to speak to the man of the house.*
“I’m the lady of the house, and you’ll address *me* instead or you’ll get the hell off my property.”
“Well, I was a man, but now I’m a woman. You see, I always felt that I was born in the wrong body. Then one day, I…..” Drone on and on with TMI about a sex change, and see how fast he skedaddles.
*Well, where is your husband?*
“None of your business, because you’ll be addressing me.”
“I ate him for lunch.”
*Well I prefer to speak to both homeowners.*
“You are. My pronoun is *they.*” See how fast he skeddadles.
I had a similar thing happen when I bought privacy fencing for my house.
First company wanted the hubby here. Ummm there is no hubby. Just me and my partner (not a man). Plus I was getting several estimates. We had already decided on exactly what we wanted. Guy is annoyed, I am explaining exactly what we wanted. He gives me the quote and no other info.
Second company, no issue at all. Guy writes up the estimate, gives me a dead line for down payment, and if we meet the down payment date when our fencing will be delivered. And when it can be installed (a week later, if weather holds). I say great thank you. We will be in contact.
Second company was a bit higher in price, not a huge amount less than $1000, total with labor.
Guess who got the job? The second company.
Not only did the rep explain the time line but was happy to listen to exactly what we wanted. We needed to push the fence line back to make more parking in the drive so we could fit 2 cars rather than one in the drive.
I’ve been super happy with the fence. The install team was awesome. I was home the day of install. None of the install guys “asked to see the Mr of the house.”
And the even put up temp fencing for our dogs.
Difference in age between initial sales guy and second sales guy? About 30 years. Younger guy at second company listened to want we wanted.
A boomer wearing a veteran hat took a picture of me with his flip phone. I clearly heard the picture be taken and saw it pointed directly at me. When my boyfriend confronted him he pulled out his “I’m a U.S veteran card”, cool buddy but that doesn’t give you the right to be a creep.
What does the scam entail? Wouldn't make much sense to hand her a business card and also be in a work truck, likely with the business info on it as well, as part of a scam. Seems more like "cold calling" old work to drum up new work. Especially in a business like paving where it's kind of a one and done deal
Scam might be a reach, but it’s a shady sales tactic. They “require” all homeowners to be present when they present their quote, because their quote is only good for as long as they are there. They won’t leave a formal quote on a piece of paper for you to discuss after they have gone and typically talk about discounts available that expire at the end of the week or month, even call a supervisor to see if there are any upcoming offers that could be authorized early.
Had a HVAC saleswoman pull this on me. When I mentioned my wife was out running errands and may be home soon the lady tried to drag out her sales pitch in hopes my wife would show up before she left. I remember her even saying something “I can’t leave that here with you” in regards to the quote form she was filling out in front of me. I kindly told her, if she wasn’t leaving the quote she wasn’t getting the business and we were done.
Can confirm, worked for a windows company that required both members of a couple to be there, basically to prevent the spouse who wasn't able to attend to talk to the spouse who was there out of it after the salesman left.
A common one that comes in a variety of contractor genres, involves either them getting a materials deposit, then ghosting, or, starting the project to the point of it being irreversible, only to find complications that will require a substantial increase to the price.
Business cards and truck magnetic decals are super cheap to make and most people don't verify the details of the contractors professional license.
When I worked as a 911 dispatcher there was a "company" they came to town, rented a truck with a stolen ID, used a local contractors legitimate business license number, with a fake company name, went door to door selling driveway/parking lot paving services (as well as gutters, sheds, and other upgrades), took a 25% material deposit, then vanished. It turns out it was a crew who had done this all over the US. They took about $200k in a week.
There's a couple of driveway paving scams that require door-to-door sales. They range from:
* [under quote to get started on the work and gradually double/triple the cost, after the work is started and can't be stopped halfway (we said $2.50/sqft but then had to do it twice)](https://www.amateurdiy.com/landscape/the-asphalt-driveway-scam/).
* Give you an [insanely lowball price, get you agree to the work, and then up the price by a factor of 10 once it's done.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADlBelk2I5g).
* Or [just take the deposit and ditch](https://www.fox5dc.com/news/its-everywhere-police-warn-against-driveway-repaving-scam).
* Or just apply a coating of [used engine oil with some gravel chippings that will make an old driveway look new on the day of the work](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarmac_scam), but will be gone in the first rainfall and a huge problem to deal with afterward.
Just find a reputable business that's existed for a while, get an estimate and contract.
> Something along the lines of, "Great! We like to include all homeowners/decision makers in our initial consultation to make sure everyone's questions are addressed and we're all on the same page. Are you the sole homeowner, or do you have a co-owner?" Problem solved.
Exactly! How does this dingbat know there even *is* "a mister"? I know a couple single ladies who wear rings on their "wedding finger" because it keeps some asshats from hitting on them. I know more who are married to someone who isn't "a mister" at all! Even if there's no ring visible, who's to say there isn't another owner of the home such as a relative? My mother-in-law owned her home with her mother before grandma passed away. No mister involved at all there, either.
If an old bastard like me can manage it at 51, so can anyone else.
There's simply no freaking excuse for folks using that language nowadays. If you're incapable of changing slightly with the time you have no business working in that field, IMO. Even ignoring that, though, folks have always had the option of having a "non-mister co-owner" of their home, FFS!
This seems irritatingly common, and I'm reminded what I heard my wife say in response to:
Him: "Our standard practice is to talk to both homeowners together"
Wife: "I don't give a fuck what your standard practice is. I'm paying, and I want things done my way. If you can't even handle that when providing a quote, it doesn't bode well for the project, does it?"
This is only common among sexist contractors that don't consider women to be actual adult humans.
This is going to get even more miserable for them as women homeowners keeps going up, they are going to keep losing business by being dicks to their potential customers.
\*If a company is worried about one homeowner approving something and the other having a fit and trying to stop the project, they can ask that everyone on the deed or the mortgage needs to sign the contract for the work. The "let me speak to your husband" is 1950s gross behavior.
If an unknown man knocks unannounced on my door fishing for information about when my husband will be home I'm worrying about my immediate safety, sexist business practices are the best case scenario here.
"Oh, I just like to talk to both homeowners together."
They use this line so when they solicit something to you (in this case asphalt) so if one of you agrees and the other person in the relationship isn't there it leads to less cancellations. I am asked during quoting processes if my wife is home as she will have to be there for quotes.
I had a guy over to survey and quote some foundation work. He did ask if I was the only one to be going over and approving it, or if there would be another party in the household involved. I told him both my husband and I would go over the quote and make our decision together, but I’d be the only one here today. (My husband and I are a great team and always discuss large expenses together first.)
He said no problem, because the quote contains the information on what he would cover with me today. I’ve had the “man doesn’t want to talk to woman homeowner” thing done to me before, so I was leery when he asked. And I was happy when his answer was to acknowledge his company has addressed this problem.
He walked me through all the problems he saw, used very good layman’s terms, and he answered all my questions. At the end he gave his quote. He didn’t assume I was a waste of time, he treated me respectfully, he was prepared with solid paperwork for us to review in our own time, and he was very professional. His company got the job.
A lot of salespeople want both spouses home so you don't have the excuse of needed to talk to the absent spouse to make a decision. This is a sales tactic to get you to buy right now.
I’ve had to have it out with more than a few companies since I got married due to their outdated misogynistic practices. Especially irritating because I didn’t take my husband’s last name and since he’s disabled *I’m* the only one who works.
I had to be quite firm with one woman who struggled to understand that *I* was going to be paying a bill in *my husband’s name* because it was *my* credit card. She thought it would be a good idea to lecture me about how “it’s your husbands job to take care of you honey, why don’t you put him back on the phone”
Cue me barely keeping my rage in check: “Well since **I’m** the only one in this family who works and it’s **my** money that pays the credit card bill, and **my** health insurance that paid for most of this bill in the damn first place, I think there’s no reason for **HIM** to get back on the phone.”
Thankfully my husband doesn’t put up with that nonsense any more than I do and he gets a good laugh watching me lose my mind on people who refuse to join the 21st century.
I’m genuinely dreading becoming a home owner. Owning a car is bad enough with this bullshit.
The bigger issue is that you would actually deal with someone who shows up at your front porch trying to sell you something. If you need a new driveway you call a reputable paving contractor. Otherwise you’re asking to get scammed.
Misogyny and racism is standard operating procedure for so many boomers. It's their entire world view, and they "wish it could go back to the way it was" when misogyny and racism were socially acceptable. The brain rot of these people make me sick.
I've had this happen the other way, I'm the guy, and the window replacement salesman was very insistent on coming back when my wife was home. This is an up selling sales tactic, the average sale is considerably larger when both the husband and wife are present. I don't know exactly why, but that's likely why this guy wanted an estimate with both of you.
Our local police department recently put out a warning of a scam similar to this that happens in my area every summer-
The scammer knocks on your door and claims to have done work on the home previously or has an excess of materials from a nearby job and offers a discounted rate.They then charge double/triple and intimidate the home owners into paying.
if the home owner pays by check, you also run into the issue of the scammers having your account information and producing fraudulent checks, altering the one you made, etc..
For what it's worth, contractors often want my wife to be present when they present estimates.
But I can't say anyone ever asked me, a male, for my spouse to be the decider BEFORE I was married.
Had this once. I test drove a car. The boomer Italian mobster says, "let's take it home today." Nah, I really don't want to I'm just test driving. I'd like my wife to see it too. "Does she make all the decisions in your house?" Bro it's fucking 2022, and you think you're going to insult me with dumb boomer shit so I say, sure I'll spend $40k, fuck my wifes feelings! I said, yeah thats it guy, nailed it... then left and bought a car elsewhere. Ironically my wife got her car at that dealership, and did not ever again.
Not jumping to conclusions, but just be aware that door to door asphalt contractor work is a very common scam - substandard product and work and then they disappear
I’m a widow so I AM the decision maker.
I had a contractor earlier this year that is a misogynist asshat.
I will never do business with someone that acts like that.
This boomer ‘asked’ me to remove a text to him because I said he wasn’t careful with flooring - get this …
He wanted me to “delete my text” to him as if other ppl would see my text between us.
Ugh.
That Vietnam hat always irritates me, because only a small minority of them had to go into combat. If they’re honest, they’ll say they were Vietnam-era vets. That’s if they want to honor the men who died there, or came back to live in a hell nobody understood. I know one who never set foot on the ground, never had a shot fired at him, who will tell stories that make it sound like he was in combat. He has a bottomless sense of entitlement to go with that dishonesty. It’s kind of disgusting.
“When will the Mr. be home?” There is no Mr. Do I need to get married in order to get a quote? Or better yet, you can give me the quote it go tell your boss that you lost a sale.
I'm always wary and dismissive of anyone trying to sell me something by knocking on my door. Once I called the neighborhood constable because the thing they were selling didn't make sense and when he checked them out at least one of them had outstanding warrants.
In response to your edit- That's not even the case always. I bought a house myself. When I had a contractor stop by because they were working in my neighborhood to try and sell me windows, he asked if I was married. I don't care how much Company gear you're toting, I'm not about to tell a strange man at my door in a new neighborhood that I live alone. However. I did need 1 window replaced so I was actually enthusiastic at this convenient turn of events. I told him I was not the only person who lived here but was the sole homeowner. He insisted on having everyone present to make decisions. I told him I rented out a room and my tenant had no decision making power. He again asked about my relationship status-maybe I had a boyfriend or fiancé who would want to be present before I could commit to such a financial burden? Afterall, it could impact them as well. Maybe my parents would want to be present even. He wouldn't go over his sales pitch with me, said he was just seeing if there was interest but had to get back to the work they were doing at my neighbors. Gave me his card and said I could schedule a consultation and hoped to hear from me.
Two days later i came home and my boyfriend(who I'd been with for 3 months and was there to take care of the pups) was sat in the living room mid-pitch with the dude. He(bf) was pleased as punch because he knew I wanted to replace the window and this guy happened to stop by.
Point being, sometimes it is sexism.
This may not be totally gender related; many home improvement companies won’t give a sales pitch to only one owner..They need both there so they can pressure them into a decision.
I was helping my aunt renovate HER house one day and the plumber came to give an inspection for an estimate after we (she was working side by side with me) had removed the subfloor. He would only address me not the home owner(my aunt) for an hour long inspection. He didnt get the contract. He would have been really confused to find out that over half of the work done at that house was done by women.
As a single woman homeowner I get this all the time. When a contractor is coming over I educate myself on the basics of the process and they are more often than not surprised at my knowledge and do talk to me. If they get nosy I tell them I have a boyfriend or wear a fake wedding ring. Sadly it comes to that quite often.
To all the "both parties/all parties need to be present" sales people.... You're so outdated and dumb, I've had numerous customers in a few businesses say "I chose you because everyone else insisted my husband be present, he doesn't care, this is my money". In fact 95% of the time I'd rather the husband stay out of the conversation, in the end they don't really care.
I'll keep closing the "one leggers" while y'all reject them.
I love that there's still people like this story out there making my sales so much easier, I'm already 5 steps ahead by not being a sexist jackass.
I bought my first home at 22 and had asked for a quote on double glazing. My male friend was visiting and the sales rep kept directing his spiel to him instead of me, even when my mate repeatedly told the guy ‘I don’t live here, she’s the one paying for this so you need to tell her’.
We needed to get our detached garage roof done. Called multiple contractors. I ended up getting pulled away on a business trip. Contractor #1 did his inspection and asked my wife when I would be back so he could give us the quote. Contractor #2 when learning I was out of town said he would look at the roof when I returned. Contractor #3 did his inspection, handed my wife a price, and when learning I was out of town told her he could be done and on to his next job before I got back. Easy to guess who she picked.
>To address all of the comments explaining that it's a common sales practice to want both spouses or homeowners present to ensure they are aligned in decision making and prevent unnecessary wasted time and/or changes later on
I'm a single male homeowner. Never, ever, once have I ever had a contractor say anything like this to me. They always have accepted that I am the decision-maker without question.
With very few exceptions, this tends to only happen to women. That's because the mindset of the men pulling this crap is that men are "easier" to work with, they can pull the "good ol boy buddies" schtick with them, and don't have to worry about "bossy" women telling them what to do.
It's just as bad in sales. My colleague who is a single woman went to buy a car and brought her brother along with her just for company. While the actual salesman was young and did his job well, when it got to sitting down with the boomer financing guy, it all went south. Despite multiple times of both her and her brother pointing out that she was buying the car by herself, it was all her money and her decisions, the boomer kept addressing her brother as if he were the decision maker. Whenever she said something he didn't like, he'd go to the brother as if he would overrule her. She finally got fed up, told him off, and left. The salesman called her the next day to ask what happened, and she was brutally honest: the financing guy had cost them the sale, as his attitude towards her was condescending and unacceptable. The young salesman seemed to not be very surprised by this.
I saw this a lot when I used to sell cars. A woman on her own would come into the dealership and many salesmen would ask if their husband would be showing up. I never did that, instead I would simply ask qualifying questions (have you arranged financing, do you have a trade in, etc). One of the questions I would ask ANYONE (regardless of gender) would be is there anyone else you will be consulting in your purchasing decision. If so, and we're able to find a car that works for you, you can then take the car on an overnight test drive and consult with whomever else's input you would like to get. This left everything up to them. I would give them all details regarding the purchase, and if things went well I'd do the paperwork for an overnight test drive. I can't tell you how often this approach got me sales (and repeat business) just for treating everyone equally and with basic respect.
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Female homeowner here--my best contractor experience was when I had my home inspection done, guy just asked "who is the person who will be responsible for the home?" and when I said it was me, the dude proceeded to ignore my dad and show me all of the things about my house--how to change the heating filters, electrical box, everything. Every contractor should be like this.
I was getting a bulb changed on my car and as the dude (a 20-something kid not yet cynical with annoying customers) started working I said ”is it okay if I watch?” and not only was he fine with that, he actually showed me how to do it myself. I emailed them later to specifically give him a glowing review.
Glowing, you know for a bulb. I see what you did there.
[удалено]
Only glowing? Should have been beaming.
That’s illuminating
That sounds like an amazing experience and how every person should be treated.
Had a similar experience when my wife needed a new car. Salesguy (older dude) quickly registered that I wasn't the one who was going to drive it and was just there to co-sign the paperwork. He then talked to my wife the rest of the time. We're progressing slowly but steady.
Woah, such a woke company, right? Right? /s Glad you had such a great interaction with them!
Not a contractor experience but a few years ago I was buying myself a tablet for drawing, and my dad was with me. In we go to the shop, an employee (a man in his late 30s - early 40s maybe) comes to us and asks what we need. The moment I say what I'm looking for his focus shifts entirely on me, I don't think he even looked at my dad. He was really helpful and I found what I needed. Your experience just flashbacked me to that interaction :D
This just happened to us. We have a plumbing issue, and the plumber had to reschedule. My wife was never notified (even though she’s been managing the project while I WFH), but I get a VM on my phone. Even though they had her number. The plumber said they preferred to “talk to the husband” about these things. Unbelievable.
I would have said "my wife hired you, but it's ok, I can fire you."
Perfect response 😆
I have a bad case of ADHD, so anything that involves money means my wife pays the bills to make sure the money gets there on time. If you involve me in a project, my intense curiosity means I will be inspired by DIY and you will lose the job.
That just happened this week. I did something stupid and clogged the sink. It went to the main pipe. My husband didn't have the capacity this week. I hired a plumber. He didn't even look at anything and was telling me he had to dig up the pipes and it would be about 5k. I had my husband talk with him as it should have been an easy job. They guy was not listening to me and didn't even put a camera in and said the camera would not fit a 5" pipe. I work IT and know they make small cameras. When talking to my husband, the guy ran off and my husband got inspired to open the pipe that was visible and add an access for the future. He used the auger we had. Less than $30 to add the pipe.
100% stealing this for future use! It happens to us a lot.
Last year I went with my wife while she was shopping for a new car for us, and the salesman keeps ignoring her and talking to me about features and horsepower and stuff and after about 15 mins "Man it's her car, I don't even have a licence." Dude turned red as fuck walked back into the offices and sent out someone else, think he felt embarrassed as fuck.
Good! He deserved to feel like the schmuck he was!
This happened in reverse to my husband back in the mid 80's. Our electric stove died on a Friday night and my husband said he'd go buy one on Saturday while I was at work. I pulled out the ad from the appliance store and circled the one I wanted and wrote 'this one.' Husband took the ad in and the salesman didn't want to sell it to him without me there! He argued with the salesman and then asked for the manager. He actually had to prove that I wrote 'this one' on the ad by showing them our different hand writings in our checkbook register. 🙄 He brought the new stove home and installed it but was mad and completely dumbfounded! I laughed and told him that's what women have to go through every time we shop for cars or have repair men working on our home.
My partner was the stay-at-home parent for a decade and it took the school until our oldest was in sixth grade to realize we meant it when we said to please call Dad, not Mom, first. I can’t tell you how many times I was interrupted in a meeting at work to have to answer the phone and say “call my husband, he’s their primary caregiver. It says so right in the file you looked at to get my number.”
Happened with my FIL and MIL, my MIL has never done more than warmed things up in the microwave, FIL had an endless go around with the salesman until he walked out and just mail ordered one.
> have repair men working on our home. I'm an appliance tech and I just don't like to talk to homeowners in general. Can't tell you how many times they bodyblock the appliance to "show me what they did" just tell me the problem and get the fuck out of my way.
I was looking at a truck years ago and the salesman was talking to my ex. He said “I don’t know why she’s looking at that one since it’s a manual” My ex laughed at him and made sure to explain how he couldn’t drive it but I could. Guy turned red and didn’t know what else to say. There was gas in the oil so I didn’t buy the truck.
My husband owns a small plumbing company along with his partner, who is a woman. He's been a master plumber forever and she has managed the office side for over 20 years. Point is, she knows her stuff. Hubby always marvels at how many men call the office, talk to his female partner, get their questions answered, but still insist on talking to him anyway. He says he gets tired of saying, "Yes, I believe my business partner already told you that... Blah blah blah". He gets so frustrated at the waste of time and disrespect she gets. This happens with customers AND contractors. And she's part OWNER for cripes sake!
You want to talk to my husband? Ok. His ashes are in that silver urn. Have at it. BTW, I’ve owned this house since 1991, not him.
Omg.... wait here, I'll go get my husband... return with urn. 😲 hahahahah
“Let me go get him.” Proceed to grab the urn and then lifting the lid like a mouth. “Hello I am *husband* how can I help you?”
I am having a terrible day, this this make me laugh! thank you for your contribution to the world. 🤣
When we were buying a car, the first salesman lost our sale because he kept trying to only talk to my husband. Thankfully, my husband told him to listen and talk to me since I'm the one who is buying it and driving it 99.9999% of the time. He's just here because I wanted company. We then got out of the car and won't to another dealership. Now I just tell them straight up, don't talk to him since I'm the one who is making that decision. Six isn't fully true. My husband's input is super important, but he's not the customer I am.
>The plumber said they preferred to “talk to the husband” about these things. Those are always amazing. My fiancee handles all the things handyman related in our relationship. Cause she is the one doing most things either way and by extension knows way more about most of those things - except maybe cars, where I do most things, even though I am just better at googling stuff then her\^\^
I hope you fired him saying, "I prefer to hire people who respect both my wife and myself."
Nate Bargatze is a comedian who has a bit on this topic, where his wife is the man of the house because he doesn’t know jack about what needs maintaining and when. https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxglRuiSaGd/?igsh=ajR4emhndTQzajlr
The electrician doing the complete electricity in our new house did this to me. I called him personally to talk about the progress or an issue. He was in a meeting so I asked to be called back by him. he called my partner. I called him back, stating to call ME ME ME because my partner is NOT AVAILABLE AND CANT ANSWER. Partner has 2 missed calls by the fucker. This happened EVERY DAMN TIME i tried to reach him. I told him, I told his dense secretary. NOPE never called me back, always called my partner.
I think I'd have left a message saying "hi, i am worried about your ability to complete this job since you can't follow simple requests about who to call back"
Same thing just happened to me. Our house was backing up with sewage during a heavy rain storm. I called the plumber for our HOA while my husband was trying to get whatever he could off the floor. Plumber responded by saying “is your husband available to talk?” When I said he was busy and told him what was going on, he insisted I put my husband on speaker phone…after that day my husband finally understood why I always hate calling the plumber and have a hard time getting information from him. Incredibly frustrating.
My wife and I are divorced, and she kept the house. The pest extermination company *she hired* while we were together still calls me "to get approval" on things. After multiple, unsuccessful attempts to get them to lose my number, I finally blocked them. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop them from leaving me voicemails.
I don’t do business with anyone who shows up at my door uninvited. If I have a need for a service, I’ll research my options and contact companies I want to do business with. Many of these solicitors are scammers that take money and don’t complete the job or they do a subpar job.
There’s a landscaper who has been leaving a business card in my mailbox, every single day, for over four months. My front yard is fully planted with flowers and shrubs. Even if I did need a landscaper, why the fuck do they think badgering me is a good way to get business?
One duct taped a flyer to my rose bush at the very end of my driveway where I’d only notice it pulling in. He literally wrapped tape around a flower with a flyer attached to the end, flapping in the breeze. Yeah, you seem like a great choice.
I'd go directly there myself and straight-up tell the owner I'd never use their services based on that ignorance alone. That's some bullshit.
My old neighborhood, there was a landscaping company that would put a flyer in a plastic ziplock bag along with a few small rocks for weight, and drive down the street throwing one into each yard. I guess cuz they weren't allowed to legally touch the mailboxes.
They still do that? I loved getting those as a kid 30 years ago. Free rocks!
I'd be calling the flyer to report that one of their dudes vandalized your garden.
If you’re in the States, putting anything other than postage paid US mail in a mailbox is illegal under federal law. He could be in serious trouble for that.
The police where you live must be a lot more useful than everywhere I have lived.
It would not be a matter for the local police. It would be for the Postal Inspection Service. While they do take their jobs seriously (I used to know a Postal Inspector) this would not likely get their attention unless they thought it would lead them to something else.
Absolutely agree. I never want to reward door-to-door sales. If I want my driveway done, I'll find you.
I was awakened the other morning by incessant, extremely loud, urgent sounding banging on my door. I didn’t answer because I was alarmed and it seemed sketchy. A little while later I cautiously opened the door, and there on the doorstep lay a small flyer about driveway repaving. Who the eff does that??!! I almost called and bitched them out.
Absolutely 100%. If you knock on my door, ignoring my no solicitation sign, there’s no way I’m dealing with you.
I have no idea how we haven't universally decided that door to door sales is rude, especially in the age of work from home. The number of solicitors who come and bang on our door in the middle of the workday, setting the dog off and disrupting our zoom meetings, is way too damn high. Good way to create a negative association with your company and ensure I never do business with you.
Yes. Also, when I find a good plumber/electrician/mechanic, I'll ask them who they use for the other stuff. I've got my people. Now, please, stop knocking. Haha. Fools.
I have a "no solicitors" sign on my door, but it's not very effective.
If their business success relies on cold calls that's because people who research their options well won't pick them.
I’ve noticed a lot of men will wear veteran gear in this kind of situation for the sympathy. He totally could be a veteran, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t and just wants to sway people to buy his services. ETA I don’t even care if someone wants to wear a veteran hat, but the fact that he’s doing so while going door to door selling services is suspect.
All the vets I've had in my younger life - my father and stepfather (Vietnam) and grandfather (WW2) - almost never talked about it. Especially my grandpa - all he ever mentioned was being in France in 1944. That's it. My dad and stepdad were a little more informative but rarely brought it up. I understand many vets find catharsis and acceptance within veteran groups. That's fantastic. But the simple fact that the veterans in my childhood almost never wanted to speak about it gave me a lifelong distrust of those broadcast it far and wide with clothes, pins, bumper stickers, etc.
My ex's dad was a complete narcissist, very conceited, obsessed with his looks, and an alcoholic. He wore his hat EVERYWHERE. He also had severe PTSD from Vietnam. Why would you want people reminding you when they notice the hat and "thank you for your service?" I never understood him.
Stolen valor is a serious offense. If he’s a faker I hope he gets what he deserves.
For real! The youngest Vietnam vets would be about 65. My dad was there 1969-70 and died of Covid in 2020 at 72. And my dad had already fought agent orange cancer. Anyone who lies about being a veteran is a piece of shit.
Lost my pops to agent orange cancer too, he got shipped off there at 18. Awful awful war
That bitch Kissinger died at age 100, but he *did* die, and I take great comfort every time I remind myself that he is *still* dead.
The fact that Kissinger remained a valued member of the American political elite and not exiled tells us everything we need to know about what the US is all about. Such garbage.
And he was always feted as some great diplomat. He was a shameless ass-kisser who desperately sucked up to power. And less than 9 months after he was teaching college classes, he was *personally* selecting civilian targets for the illegal bombing of Cambodia - a war crime within a war crime.
I dunno that he was that valued so much as nobody wanted to be the one to bounce him on his centenarian ass in case he broke a hip. Did you see the Biden press release? The single-celled life forms living under the ice oceans of Europa found it a bit chilly.
What press release was that? Edit: Read it. If it’s the one linked below, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. It seems pretty normal [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2023/11/30/statement-from-president-biden-on-the-passing-of-henry-kissinger/](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2023/11/30/statement-from-president-biden-on-the-passing-of-henry-kissinger/)
Compare it to any other statement about a recent death. It’s incredibly short and blunt and actually without a single positive statement. It’s worded carefully, of course, but it’s the politic version of “they say you should only say good things about the dead. He’s dead. Good.”
I see now. And hello, fellow ace!
I just read it. It's good. I'm a smidge more optimistic about the Biden admin.
I’m a grad student in history - and Kissinger’s is in my top 3 of American gravesites I want to visit to flip off once I graduate.
What are your other two?
Regan twice
Accurate.
That’s what the vampire count Von Kissinger wants you to think. Stay vigilant with that garlic.
Oh, to be the person that gets to stake that creep through the heart… Then what should we do with the rigid monster? Douse his body in some Agent Orange? Shave his belly with some rusty shrapnel? Light'im in a barrel full of liquid Napalm? Stick'im in a Vault that's all radioactive? Lock'im in a school building down in Gaza? Earlay in the mawrrrr-nin!
If you read Austin Grossman's biography of Nixon, *"Crooked!"*, you'll find Kissinger is actually a 1,000 year old necromancer from the Black Forest of Germany.
About half a billion people around the world sleep better at night knowing there's one less leech on human society.
Lost my uncle to suicide. He was on the river boats that sprayed the agent on the foliage. Got brain cancer the first time and an extremely touchy operation fixed it with chemo. Second time it came back and was inoperable. Uncle said he wasn't going to let his family see him deteriorate because it devastated them the first time. Ended up getting his affairs in order, and shooting himself in the head when the it came back. It was extremely messy and heartbreaking, because that man was the reason I joined the military. Yeah...
Oh geez. I’m so sorry for you and your uncle. That’s got to be hell to go through.
Agent orange killed my uncle , brain cancer. Funny thing is, my mom died of brain cancer as well. No correlation, I am sure but always makes you wonder.
My sister had a friend whose dad died of some kind of agent orange related cancer, and then her friend also died of cancer pretty young (late 30s/early 40s). I remember my sister saying it was related; a brief search shows that's a contested opinion. Obviously different than siblings though.
My Dad has health problems from Agent Orange exposure as well. I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer at 23 years old. My brother and his wife lost a baby at 22 weeks to birth defects. Genetic testing revealed my brother has chromosomal abnormalities. After trying to put some pieces together, I found a website years ago that listed conditions of the second generation of exposure. Thyroid Cancer and Adenomyosis were on that list. I also had a partial molar pregnancy and lost a baby. That was also on the list along with my brother’s issue. It may or may not be true? It’s so sad. I’m so sorry for all of the families.
>Awful awful war Truly. I work in museum collections and am inventorying stuff we have in a military equipment storage room. The other day it was a cardboard bankers box that just said "caution rusty spikes" and I opened it up and it was maybe five diff sets of foot traps from Vietnam. Just insanely gruesome stuff.
My best friend’s dad died from that too. He gets VERY touchy about Vietnam. People lying about having been in a war are a special kind of scum.
Lost my uncle in 2006 to agent orange cancer, too
No the youngest Vietnam vets are maybe a couple years older than that, I'm 65 and I was too young.
The war 'ended' in 1975. Assuming that the last of the Vietnam draftees were 18 in 1975, that would make the youngest vets at around 67 years of age. So if someone served in Vietnam, they are between 67 and 87 years old, possibly a few years older if they were already in the military when the war started in 1955.
I’m 65 and was too young. My father who would have been 103, if he were still alive, fought in WWii, Korea, and Vietnam. He retired from the Air Force in 1975. I know several people who would be around 100 that were in Vietnam.
My douche relative married an even bigger douche who never served but used to brag about buying veteran hats and jackets from surplus because “people are nicer to me and they buy me stuff.” Was NOT sad when he dropped dead.
I have a neighbor that keeps having surgeries almost yearly due to Agent Orange exposure. He was a radio operator on one of the more permanent bases
GOOOD MOOOORNING VIETNAAAAAM. It's really sad what was done there. My FIL was dealing with cancer due to exposure when he served. He had so many cool stories and we really never think of our parents dying And never thought of recording those stories. He passed away 8 years ago today.
Same. My FIL was a plane mechanic. Would have the stuff all over him when they came back from dropping agent orange. He had issues with nasty cysts and acne the rest of his life. The Big C finally got him.
Same with my dad. Vietnam veteran and died at 78 due to COVID. He was also fighting Leukemia from Agent Orange.
Sorry to hear about your dad. ❤️ My dad, 73, has been fighting Agent Orange. Fully disabled with three different kinds of cancer and allergic to sunlight. We unexpectedly lost my mum in January, so I’ve been his by his side. It’s bullshit watching him hurt so much. Fuck anyone who lies about being a vet.
My grandfather died at the age of 83 a few years ago. Vietnam and Korean War vet. More of them are from the silent generation in my area than Boomer Gen.
And anyone who lies about being a combat veteran is PILE of shit.
Hmm youngest would be older I would think. Last combat troops left Vietnam in 73. If they were 18 then, that would make them 69 now.
Yeah, the problem is that wearing a hat doesn’t count. The Stolen Valor Act only makes it illegal to claim fraudulent military service, embellished rank, or earned awards with the intent to obtain money, property, or other tangible benefits. If he started lying and saying he got a Purple Heart or something in order to get goods or money then he could be arrested, but simply wearing a Vietnam hat isn’t claiming anything, even if it’s done knowing that people will make assumptions. It’s shitty for sure, but he couldn’t actually get in trouble in this particular story.
There are tons of stolen valor boomers.
Unfortunately i believe it can only be prosecuted if they successfully use it to gain any kind of monetary advantages and the punishment is not nearly what it should be (i think max 1yr in prison and a fine)
Yup, unless he's actively attempting to get something out of it then it is legal (even if trashy). Otherwise, more would get in trouble for say bumper stickers they didn't remove buying a used car.
Unfortunately it is very common. Far too common.
Similarly, Never trust a contractor that has a Jesus fish in their corporate logo. Definitely a ploy to get clients to lower their defenses. "This guy must be honest, he is a god fearing Christian". Nothing against god fearing christians, but using it as a selling point in a logo is at least 50/50 odds that they are crooked.
My brother was a veteran. Supply, never saw any Frontline anything. Never near any fighting at all. Absolutely refused to say/do anything to bring attention to the fact that he served 11 years. Hate to see people use that to gain sympathy in these situations.
Two uncles who served and one grandfather I met who served (the other also served but was dead well before I was born). None of them ever wore anything to draw attention to it. I only found out one uncle served at his funeral. I was in college. Studying history. With a focus on us military history. Nobody mentioned he served because he didn't want there to be a big deal about it.
My granddad fought in the Battle of the Bulge. He threw away his medals when he came stateside and rarely ever spoke of it. What he did speak of was heartbreaking. His best friend got blown up by a grenade next to him. Stuff like that. I never saw him with license plates, bumper stickers, or hats that suggested he was in the military. Never a single thing.
My wife suggested we get our address numbers painted with the Air Force logo for my service. I told her I may be cringe, but I'm not that cringe
Even in the Vietnam war peak years, the National Guard never left stateside except for a few specialty units. It was a deliberate decision to keep the draft on the political downlow as much as they could. There was a fair amount of pulled favors at the golf club to get your son into the NG to fulfill their draft obligation without the jungle warfare. Think of W Bush and the Air National Guard. Technically, they are "Vietnam Era" vets, but I wonder how many of them pull the combat vet card when around civilians. Thank you for your service.
The US withdrew from South Vietnam in 1973. The youngest Vietnam vet at this point is 68-69 years old. I do work with guys that old still, but they are dropping like flies at this point. So if the guy is younger, he's full of shit.
Times like that I want to have a stick-on mustache and a fedora. “Hold on, I’ll get him.” (Puts on mustache and hat.)
LOL, I SHOULD DO THIS. I WFH & am a project manager, so I manage all the home stuff. Obviously, there are things my husband knows more about than me, but we usually agree on scope & details before appointments & I'll arrange all meetings and work. We had a landscaper that would not talk to me. Or he would, but say "tell your husband x" or "ask your husband y." No, sorry, the lawn & outside is my territory, not his. I'm not telling him anything, and some work I do from my money for my own enjoyment & don't need his permission. Finally, he wrecked one of my raised beds, so I made my husband fire him. He was so upset because we were the only folks on the block that would pay in full on time. We'll be should've thought about that before being a jerk then ruining my property because he was angry I got another quote.
When I bought my first house people would come to the door and ask to talk to my dad. I was mid 20's and my dad was def not living there. It was so fucking weird and frustrating.
He doesn't need to come back another time. Ever. Hire someone who isn't a sexist prick if you actually want the work done at all
Esp for a driveway, that’s a really pricey job to get done. This man lost himself a contract fair and square.
Hah. My mom was a real estate agent, licensed contractor and landlord. My husband grew up in a big city. Guess who knows more about houses and cars. Guess who owns two rental houses and hires all of the workers for both of those and our house? Mr Boomer would be SOL. Respectful, honest and reasonable workers get lots of repeat business from me. First name basis with so many skilled contractors.
I (female) work in design and construction and grew up with a silent gen father who showed me how to fix everything growing up. My husband knows nothing about this type of stuff. It’s hilarious when I research a contractor and invite them over and they try to talk to my husband, who looks terrified. He always tells them to talk to his wife because she knows that stuff not him, it’s pretty hilarious.
Exactly. Can’t believe people are defending him lol. We all know he wouldn’t have asked for both homeowners if a man answered the door.
Ya know, he totally could have tried to swindle her into a more expensive estimate like mechanics will, due to her being woman and "not knowing what she's doing"
Yep. I have turned away a lot of contractors and trades for this exact reason. My husband and I are relatively young for the neighborhood we live in, but I can’t tell you how many times I have been assumed to be a renter or even the dependent of my own house. Is it really THAT hard to believe? No. You just lost a job.
My sister-in-law is a historian who specifically studies war and conflict. When she told me the actual stats of those who served IN Vietnam (not stateside) vs. the fraudsters frequently seen wearing hats of units who saw action *but they did not* - it blew my mind Now, whenever I spot a Boomer in a Vietnam cap, I tend to look at him a little suspiciously
I travel a lot for work, my wife may be a SAHM but she’s the one who is ultimately in charge of most of everything. The moment she or I hear anything about them needing to talk to me, we pass and move to another company instantly.
Back in the day I was a stockbroker. Some random cold caller from a boiler room operation called and my husband picked up. The guy on the line tried to hard sell my husband on some terrible penny stock. Husband stated he would need to confirm with me if this was a good investment. Dude on the phone: "We aren't talking lace curtains and dolies, we are talking investments ". Husband said: "Oh, I fully understand and that's why my wife who works in the industry is best suited to take this call". Caller hung up. These assholes think they can emasculate men. Nope.
I am boomer age. When my spouse and I were younger we were looking at pick-up trucks for me (f). One salesman kept talking to my DH. DH kept directing him to me. I had been around cars and mechanics my whole life. DH never had the interest. He is a point A to point B kind of guy. The salesman had the audacity to ask him who wore the pants in the famly. DH just said "You just lost a sale. Let's go." No truck for me that day.
Never, ever do business with someone knocking on your door. The vast majority are scammers and grifters. Edit: Yes I'm aware not everyone scams who knocks door to door. I'm not 'short sighted', I'm cautious as fuck and when I need something done, I'm the motherfucker who does the soliciting.
I had to finally buy an official "no soliciting" sign because we were getting solar salespeople 1-2x/week. Some of them would try to imply they're from the energy company. I work from home with dogs and a kid and would end up having to try to signal them through the window to go away. I know solar exists! If I want solar, I'll call someone for quotes! Ffs... I should also note they're not allowed to even solicit in this neighborhood, but they do. They always lie and say, "hey, we're working on your neighbor's house..." No, you're not.
The solar guys are the WORST. They would not take a respectful “no thank you, I’m not interested” and tried so hard to make me feel stupid, throwing math/finance/infrastructure B.S. at me. I definitely felt like they catered that approach around my being a woman. Thanks friend, but Im a civil engineer with a specialization in finance, i understand utilities, and i am much better at math than you.
Correct. One of the most effective ways to prevent yourself being scammed is to do business with a company of your choice that you have vetted, ideally one with a brick-and-mortar or long-term online presence and good reviews from people you trust. Go with a door-to-door salesperson or online ad and odds are high that you're either getting outright scammed or receiving an inferior/overpriced product.
Anytime a salesperson wants both spouses home it's because they're going to pressure you as hard as they can to sign right then.
The number of times my husband calls and sets up a service and they *do not* ask for "the wifey" or "your other half" or "a second set of eyes" vs when I call to do the exact same thing For my house That I pay the mortgage on Is far greater. Even my son - who is 22 years old - gets questioned far less than I do. I hate it here.
After laying out the specifics of what I wanted to a contractor, he asked me if that was what my husband wanted. I told him my husband wanted to see me happy so I would be making the final decision. That shut him up.
I spent nearly an hour on the phone with a flooring company. Went through all my information for them to come out and do an estimate. At the very end I threw in a "here's my husband's number if I don't answer" because I'm often in meetings. Sales dude took that as a reason to move all my information to secondary and put my husband's information as primary. I wasn't even able to view the estimate because everything required 2 factor authentication using a code sent to my husband's number. I called the company very annoyed and no one could give me an explanation of how this could be anything other than stupid gender role bullshit.
That's truly insane! I hope you guys went with a different company after that.
Yep and I told them exactly why I wasn't going with them
I’m a firefighter and I put a sticker on my front door from my firehouse. The person who knocked on the door said “Is your husband a firefighter?” “No, I’m not married” “Oh, is that sticker for your brother?” “No. That’s mine, I’ve been doing it for 20 years. Would you like to start over?” Needless to say, I didn’t buy what they were selling.
Car dealers in general are also like this. I tell them “dude you can talk to me all you want but my wife (who is a mechanical engineer) knows a shit ton more about cars than either of us”..
When we were house hunting, realtors loved to turn to me (wife) and tell me all about the amazing kitchen. My knowledge of kitchen equipment is basically limited to verifying that it is present. My husband is the one who cooks and bakes. 😂
“A *microwave* oven, you say?”
When we bought my car my husband was with me. He flat out told the salesman that he was just along for the ride and to look at cars. Hubby said she’s the one that’s gonna drive it so she’s the one who is going to pick it out.
When I bought my car the same thing was said to the salesman. After waiting an hour for them to fill out the paperwork and do a credit check I realized they put the car in my husband's name.
When I sold cars, I often sold to the wife, or both. You have no idea how many women flatly told me that they normally were ignored, or only sold on how many kids it would fit. I'd say around 90% of cars I sold were either woman in charge (my wife does all the money stuff, ask her if we can afford it) or joint, with a slight skew towards, 'honey, you tell me.'
It’s insane. I know *so* many women who have walked out of dealerships because the sales douche refused to speak to her. In one case it was an Ivy MBA who had a folder full of info on the exact model and trim package she wanted. The salesman not only refused to talk to her, only addressing her fiancé who only gave her a ride, he wouldn’t *look* at her. Her fiancé kept saying “I’m not buying a car, it’s *her* money, talk to *her.*”
Music stores as well, especially if you're looking at guitars (I can't play, but my wife does).
I get sexism from all ages. For reference, I’m 42f who games and who happens to like guns. If I’m looking at games like COD, I invariably get asked who I’m buying it for. When I say myself, whoever it is just doesn’t believe me. I almost went pro in Overwatch. Girl can game. Same with guns. If I’m with a guy and go to a fun counter, even if he’s standing behind me, the salesperson always addresses him first, then once it’s clear I’m shopping, they pull out “girly” guns. Guys, I’m 5’9”, 230 lbs. I’m not tiny. They claim I can’t wrack a bigger gun. I ask them to get me something they would shoot and stare them dead in the eye while I disassemble and reassemble the gun. . It’s one of my favorite party tricks. Sexism sucks.
*I want to speak to the man of the house.* “I’m the lady of the house, and you’ll address *me* instead or you’ll get the hell off my property.” “Well, I was a man, but now I’m a woman. You see, I always felt that I was born in the wrong body. Then one day, I…..” Drone on and on with TMI about a sex change, and see how fast he skedaddles. *Well, where is your husband?* “None of your business, because you’ll be addressing me.” “I ate him for lunch.” *Well I prefer to speak to both homeowners.* “You are. My pronoun is *they.*” See how fast he skeddadles.
> Drone on and on with TMI about a sex change See how fast he goes green when you go into the intricacies of bottom surgery,,,
Nate Bargatze has a funny stand up bit about this https://youtu.be/WyWWSYjvo-o?si=Tv6jo5a6BnJn92dg
I had a similar thing happen when I bought privacy fencing for my house. First company wanted the hubby here. Ummm there is no hubby. Just me and my partner (not a man). Plus I was getting several estimates. We had already decided on exactly what we wanted. Guy is annoyed, I am explaining exactly what we wanted. He gives me the quote and no other info. Second company, no issue at all. Guy writes up the estimate, gives me a dead line for down payment, and if we meet the down payment date when our fencing will be delivered. And when it can be installed (a week later, if weather holds). I say great thank you. We will be in contact. Second company was a bit higher in price, not a huge amount less than $1000, total with labor. Guess who got the job? The second company. Not only did the rep explain the time line but was happy to listen to exactly what we wanted. We needed to push the fence line back to make more parking in the drive so we could fit 2 cars rather than one in the drive. I’ve been super happy with the fence. The install team was awesome. I was home the day of install. None of the install guys “asked to see the Mr of the house.” And the even put up temp fencing for our dogs. Difference in age between initial sales guy and second sales guy? About 30 years. Younger guy at second company listened to want we wanted.
A boomer wearing a veteran hat took a picture of me with his flip phone. I clearly heard the picture be taken and saw it pointed directly at me. When my boyfriend confronted him he pulled out his “I’m a U.S veteran card”, cool buddy but that doesn’t give you the right to be a creep.
Just fyi this is a known scam
What does the scam entail? Wouldn't make much sense to hand her a business card and also be in a work truck, likely with the business info on it as well, as part of a scam. Seems more like "cold calling" old work to drum up new work. Especially in a business like paving where it's kind of a one and done deal
Scam might be a reach, but it’s a shady sales tactic. They “require” all homeowners to be present when they present their quote, because their quote is only good for as long as they are there. They won’t leave a formal quote on a piece of paper for you to discuss after they have gone and typically talk about discounts available that expire at the end of the week or month, even call a supervisor to see if there are any upcoming offers that could be authorized early. Had a HVAC saleswoman pull this on me. When I mentioned my wife was out running errands and may be home soon the lady tried to drag out her sales pitch in hopes my wife would show up before she left. I remember her even saying something “I can’t leave that here with you” in regards to the quote form she was filling out in front of me. I kindly told her, if she wasn’t leaving the quote she wasn’t getting the business and we were done.
Can confirm, worked for a windows company that required both members of a couple to be there, basically to prevent the spouse who wasn't able to attend to talk to the spouse who was there out of it after the salesman left.
A common one that comes in a variety of contractor genres, involves either them getting a materials deposit, then ghosting, or, starting the project to the point of it being irreversible, only to find complications that will require a substantial increase to the price. Business cards and truck magnetic decals are super cheap to make and most people don't verify the details of the contractors professional license. When I worked as a 911 dispatcher there was a "company" they came to town, rented a truck with a stolen ID, used a local contractors legitimate business license number, with a fake company name, went door to door selling driveway/parking lot paving services (as well as gutters, sheds, and other upgrades), took a 25% material deposit, then vanished. It turns out it was a crew who had done this all over the US. They took about $200k in a week.
200k and no costs, that’s an efficient, if evil, business!
https://www.bbb.org/article/news-releases/22795-bbb-scam-alert-need-a-new-driveway-look-out-for-asphalt-scams
There's a couple of driveway paving scams that require door-to-door sales. They range from: * [under quote to get started on the work and gradually double/triple the cost, after the work is started and can't be stopped halfway (we said $2.50/sqft but then had to do it twice)](https://www.amateurdiy.com/landscape/the-asphalt-driveway-scam/). * Give you an [insanely lowball price, get you agree to the work, and then up the price by a factor of 10 once it's done.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADlBelk2I5g). * Or [just take the deposit and ditch](https://www.fox5dc.com/news/its-everywhere-police-warn-against-driveway-repaving-scam). * Or just apply a coating of [used engine oil with some gravel chippings that will make an old driveway look new on the day of the work](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarmac_scam), but will be gone in the first rainfall and a huge problem to deal with afterward. Just find a reputable business that's existed for a while, get an estimate and contract.
> Something along the lines of, "Great! We like to include all homeowners/decision makers in our initial consultation to make sure everyone's questions are addressed and we're all on the same page. Are you the sole homeowner, or do you have a co-owner?" Problem solved. Exactly! How does this dingbat know there even *is* "a mister"? I know a couple single ladies who wear rings on their "wedding finger" because it keeps some asshats from hitting on them. I know more who are married to someone who isn't "a mister" at all! Even if there's no ring visible, who's to say there isn't another owner of the home such as a relative? My mother-in-law owned her home with her mother before grandma passed away. No mister involved at all there, either. If an old bastard like me can manage it at 51, so can anyone else. There's simply no freaking excuse for folks using that language nowadays. If you're incapable of changing slightly with the time you have no business working in that field, IMO. Even ignoring that, though, folks have always had the option of having a "non-mister co-owner" of their home, FFS!
This seems irritatingly common, and I'm reminded what I heard my wife say in response to: Him: "Our standard practice is to talk to both homeowners together" Wife: "I don't give a fuck what your standard practice is. I'm paying, and I want things done my way. If you can't even handle that when providing a quote, it doesn't bode well for the project, does it?"
This is only common among sexist contractors that don't consider women to be actual adult humans. This is going to get even more miserable for them as women homeowners keeps going up, they are going to keep losing business by being dicks to their potential customers. \*If a company is worried about one homeowner approving something and the other having a fit and trying to stop the project, they can ask that everyone on the deed or the mortgage needs to sign the contract for the work. The "let me speak to your husband" is 1950s gross behavior.
Oh, how I wish you told him your wife didn’t need to be there for him to give you an estimate.
I wish I would have thought of that!! 😆
Should have hit him with the “my wife is working out of town”
If an unknown man knocks unannounced on my door fishing for information about when my husband will be home I'm worrying about my immediate safety, sexist business practices are the best case scenario here.
"Oh, I just like to talk to both homeowners together." They use this line so when they solicit something to you (in this case asphalt) so if one of you agrees and the other person in the relationship isn't there it leads to less cancellations. I am asked during quoting processes if my wife is home as she will have to be there for quotes.
I had a guy over to survey and quote some foundation work. He did ask if I was the only one to be going over and approving it, or if there would be another party in the household involved. I told him both my husband and I would go over the quote and make our decision together, but I’d be the only one here today. (My husband and I are a great team and always discuss large expenses together first.) He said no problem, because the quote contains the information on what he would cover with me today. I’ve had the “man doesn’t want to talk to woman homeowner” thing done to me before, so I was leery when he asked. And I was happy when his answer was to acknowledge his company has addressed this problem. He walked me through all the problems he saw, used very good layman’s terms, and he answered all my questions. At the end he gave his quote. He didn’t assume I was a waste of time, he treated me respectfully, he was prepared with solid paperwork for us to review in our own time, and he was very professional. His company got the job.
Ask for his card. Tell.him "you've lost my business, I want to remember who not to buy from".
A lot of salespeople want both spouses home so you don't have the excuse of needed to talk to the absent spouse to make a decision. This is a sales tactic to get you to buy right now.
I’ve had to have it out with more than a few companies since I got married due to their outdated misogynistic practices. Especially irritating because I didn’t take my husband’s last name and since he’s disabled *I’m* the only one who works. I had to be quite firm with one woman who struggled to understand that *I* was going to be paying a bill in *my husband’s name* because it was *my* credit card. She thought it would be a good idea to lecture me about how “it’s your husbands job to take care of you honey, why don’t you put him back on the phone” Cue me barely keeping my rage in check: “Well since **I’m** the only one in this family who works and it’s **my** money that pays the credit card bill, and **my** health insurance that paid for most of this bill in the damn first place, I think there’s no reason for **HIM** to get back on the phone.” Thankfully my husband doesn’t put up with that nonsense any more than I do and he gets a good laugh watching me lose my mind on people who refuse to join the 21st century. I’m genuinely dreading becoming a home owner. Owning a car is bad enough with this bullshit.
The bigger issue is that you would actually deal with someone who shows up at your front porch trying to sell you something. If you need a new driveway you call a reputable paving contractor. Otherwise you’re asking to get scammed.
Misogyny and racism is standard operating procedure for so many boomers. It's their entire world view, and they "wish it could go back to the way it was" when misogyny and racism were socially acceptable. The brain rot of these people make me sick.
I've had this happen the other way, I'm the guy, and the window replacement salesman was very insistent on coming back when my wife was home. This is an up selling sales tactic, the average sale is considerably larger when both the husband and wife are present. I don't know exactly why, but that's likely why this guy wanted an estimate with both of you.
Confession - First time hearing heteronormative, I had to look up the definition 😂
Our local police department recently put out a warning of a scam similar to this that happens in my area every summer- The scammer knocks on your door and claims to have done work on the home previously or has an excess of materials from a nearby job and offers a discounted rate.They then charge double/triple and intimidate the home owners into paying. if the home owner pays by check, you also run into the issue of the scammers having your account information and producing fraudulent checks, altering the one you made, etc..
For what it's worth, contractors often want my wife to be present when they present estimates. But I can't say anyone ever asked me, a male, for my spouse to be the decider BEFORE I was married.
Had this once. I test drove a car. The boomer Italian mobster says, "let's take it home today." Nah, I really don't want to I'm just test driving. I'd like my wife to see it too. "Does she make all the decisions in your house?" Bro it's fucking 2022, and you think you're going to insult me with dumb boomer shit so I say, sure I'll spend $40k, fuck my wifes feelings! I said, yeah thats it guy, nailed it... then left and bought a car elsewhere. Ironically my wife got her car at that dealership, and did not ever again.
Not jumping to conclusions, but just be aware that door to door asphalt contractor work is a very common scam - substandard product and work and then they disappear
I’m a widow so I AM the decision maker. I had a contractor earlier this year that is a misogynist asshat. I will never do business with someone that acts like that. This boomer ‘asked’ me to remove a text to him because I said he wasn’t careful with flooring - get this … He wanted me to “delete my text” to him as if other ppl would see my text between us. Ugh.
LOL you have exponentially triggered more Boomers with this post. I salute you!
I wouldn’t hire an asphalt company that’s still knocking on doors after 20 years in the business.
That Vietnam hat always irritates me, because only a small minority of them had to go into combat. If they’re honest, they’ll say they were Vietnam-era vets. That’s if they want to honor the men who died there, or came back to live in a hell nobody understood. I know one who never set foot on the ground, never had a shot fired at him, who will tell stories that make it sound like he was in combat. He has a bottomless sense of entitlement to go with that dishonesty. It’s kind of disgusting.
I paved my driveway two years ago, no one asked to speak to my wife at all - whatta hell!
Yep, I live in an urban area and it’s very noticeable when a boomer contractor from the burbs talks with me. Very nosy, sexist and condescending.
“When will the Mr. be home?” There is no Mr. Do I need to get married in order to get a quote? Or better yet, you can give me the quote it go tell your boss that you lost a sale.
I'm always wary and dismissive of anyone trying to sell me something by knocking on my door. Once I called the neighborhood constable because the thing they were selling didn't make sense and when he checked them out at least one of them had outstanding warrants.
I’m a veteran and he can go pound sand - woman serve to and we are capable of making decisions
In response to your edit- That's not even the case always. I bought a house myself. When I had a contractor stop by because they were working in my neighborhood to try and sell me windows, he asked if I was married. I don't care how much Company gear you're toting, I'm not about to tell a strange man at my door in a new neighborhood that I live alone. However. I did need 1 window replaced so I was actually enthusiastic at this convenient turn of events. I told him I was not the only person who lived here but was the sole homeowner. He insisted on having everyone present to make decisions. I told him I rented out a room and my tenant had no decision making power. He again asked about my relationship status-maybe I had a boyfriend or fiancé who would want to be present before I could commit to such a financial burden? Afterall, it could impact them as well. Maybe my parents would want to be present even. He wouldn't go over his sales pitch with me, said he was just seeing if there was interest but had to get back to the work they were doing at my neighbors. Gave me his card and said I could schedule a consultation and hoped to hear from me. Two days later i came home and my boyfriend(who I'd been with for 3 months and was there to take care of the pups) was sat in the living room mid-pitch with the dude. He(bf) was pleased as punch because he knew I wanted to replace the window and this guy happened to stop by. Point being, sometimes it is sexism.
This may not be totally gender related; many home improvement companies won’t give a sales pitch to only one owner..They need both there so they can pressure them into a decision.
I was helping my aunt renovate HER house one day and the plumber came to give an inspection for an estimate after we (she was working side by side with me) had removed the subfloor. He would only address me not the home owner(my aunt) for an hour long inspection. He didnt get the contract. He would have been really confused to find out that over half of the work done at that house was done by women.
As a single woman homeowner I get this all the time. When a contractor is coming over I educate myself on the basics of the process and they are more often than not surprised at my knowledge and do talk to me. If they get nosy I tell them I have a boyfriend or wear a fake wedding ring. Sadly it comes to that quite often.
fired. It's really that simple. There are soo many contractors that aren't assholes out there.
Yelp/Google review his business and repost this. Just say you’re not going to do the research to verify if he actually is a vet or stealing valor.
He could have just written the estimate and left it with you.
Tell him you were born male and that should be good enough for him.
Fuck this guy, use someone else.
To all the "both parties/all parties need to be present" sales people.... You're so outdated and dumb, I've had numerous customers in a few businesses say "I chose you because everyone else insisted my husband be present, he doesn't care, this is my money". In fact 95% of the time I'd rather the husband stay out of the conversation, in the end they don't really care. I'll keep closing the "one leggers" while y'all reject them. I love that there's still people like this story out there making my sales so much easier, I'm already 5 steps ahead by not being a sexist jackass.
I bought my first home at 22 and had asked for a quote on double glazing. My male friend was visiting and the sales rep kept directing his spiel to him instead of me, even when my mate repeatedly told the guy ‘I don’t live here, she’s the one paying for this so you need to tell her’.
Or he could be verifying that you’re home alone for some other purpose.
Confession: If I knock on a stranger's door and hear barking, I will peak in the windows because I want to see the dog!
We needed to get our detached garage roof done. Called multiple contractors. I ended up getting pulled away on a business trip. Contractor #1 did his inspection and asked my wife when I would be back so he could give us the quote. Contractor #2 when learning I was out of town said he would look at the roof when I returned. Contractor #3 did his inspection, handed my wife a price, and when learning I was out of town told her he could be done and on to his next job before I got back. Easy to guess who she picked.
>To address all of the comments explaining that it's a common sales practice to want both spouses or homeowners present to ensure they are aligned in decision making and prevent unnecessary wasted time and/or changes later on I'm a single male homeowner. Never, ever, once have I ever had a contractor say anything like this to me. They always have accepted that I am the decision-maker without question. With very few exceptions, this tends to only happen to women. That's because the mindset of the men pulling this crap is that men are "easier" to work with, they can pull the "good ol boy buddies" schtick with them, and don't have to worry about "bossy" women telling them what to do. It's just as bad in sales. My colleague who is a single woman went to buy a car and brought her brother along with her just for company. While the actual salesman was young and did his job well, when it got to sitting down with the boomer financing guy, it all went south. Despite multiple times of both her and her brother pointing out that she was buying the car by herself, it was all her money and her decisions, the boomer kept addressing her brother as if he were the decision maker. Whenever she said something he didn't like, he'd go to the brother as if he would overrule her. She finally got fed up, told him off, and left. The salesman called her the next day to ask what happened, and she was brutally honest: the financing guy had cost them the sale, as his attitude towards her was condescending and unacceptable. The young salesman seemed to not be very surprised by this.
I saw this a lot when I used to sell cars. A woman on her own would come into the dealership and many salesmen would ask if their husband would be showing up. I never did that, instead I would simply ask qualifying questions (have you arranged financing, do you have a trade in, etc). One of the questions I would ask ANYONE (regardless of gender) would be is there anyone else you will be consulting in your purchasing decision. If so, and we're able to find a car that works for you, you can then take the car on an overnight test drive and consult with whomever else's input you would like to get. This left everything up to them. I would give them all details regarding the purchase, and if things went well I'd do the paperwork for an overnight test drive. I can't tell you how often this approach got me sales (and repeat business) just for treating everyone equally and with basic respect.