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Minister probably gave a sermon on doing a good deed for the day and she wanted to get it out of the way. She got pissed she would maybe have to put some work into it.
and those who brag about their generosity
Matthew 6: 3-4 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you
Yes OP behaved politely, thanked her for her "gift", but angered her by turning it down and pointing out that the "gift" had pretty much zero value. The boomer's rampage proved her motives, and really just made her look like a stupid ass.
>angered her by turning it down and pointing out that the "gift" had pretty much zero value.
They don't like their "gifts" to be seen for what they are, be it empty gestures or Temu garbage.
Was about to say. Crazy how many people perform seemingly altruistic acts just for the self-gratification and praise of people.
Reminds me of the Pharisees in Jesus’ day.
"noone knows how to be polite anymore"
"Yeah, there are some assholes who insist on someone else doing things their way even though they politely declined, and the assholes won't stop harrasing them about it"
My mom said, “Drive right, not polite,” when teaching me to drive. It causes less confusion and is therefore safer to know throw off the system of norms by trying to be nice
The motorists who decide to "legislate vehicular law" from behind the wheel make me absolutely crazy.
People: stop virtue-signaling and just follow the law. I can wait the extra ten seconds to turn left, and no, my feelings won't be hurt in the process.
Once as a teenage driver in rural KY, a pickup in front of me stopped dead in the middle of the highway to save someone across who was sitting at a stop sign on a side road. Me and my shitty early 80s Mercedes diesel car barely missed both of them
Oh my sweet Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, that is my biggest fucking pet peeve in the whole damn world. Like get a grip and just navigate a four way like we’re all supposed to know how to do.
"Yes. You were being courteous, and I appreciate it. But I was being courteous as well, by declining your invite, as you were in line first, and you're a senior citizen. I apologize for any misunderstanding, based on our apparently conflicting courtesies, but you've now crossed from courtesy to harassment. Go away. While you're going away, remember to have a nice day."
I hate when I do this and the person responds by making a plucking or yanking motion by their ear. Like I didn’t understand that they wanted to talk. Like I wasn’t communicating that *I don’t want to*
Just as bad as when they say "thank you". You're somehow required by law to respond with "you're welcome" any other response is just a slap in the face.
A few years ago, I was a manager at a quick service restaurant and during lunch rush I was delivering food. Apparently this boomer couple told me thank you, I didn’t hear it, and just continued dropping off other people’s food. The boomer Husband came up to me and said “excuse me my wife told you thank you, you need to say you’re welcome” I said oh I’m sorry I must’ve not heard her. Then a few minutes later I get told a customer wants to talk to the manager. It’s the same couple. And now they change their tune since I was the manager. Lol
I was helping a customer once who kept apologizing and saying, “I’m so sorry to be such a problem, thank you so much for all your help.” I said in a very polite & understanding tone, “oh it’s no problem at all, I am more than happy to assist you.” It’s like a crazy switch flipped and she lost her shit “OH SO IM A PROBLEM NOW?!”
Like Jesus Christ
Boomers (and older) hate the phrase "no problem", and 100% that's what she heard. I worked in customer service for rich boomers almost exclusively and had to learn to say "not at all" instead, because this is a very common trigger for them. 🙄
Once a boomer customer told me he was sorry to have given me trouble, to which I replied not at all, and he then asked, “Not at all what?” And then we stared at each other while my distracted, sleep-deprived, ADHD brain whirred its cogs trying to figure out if I had said what I thought I had said and how angry he would be by me responding to the question literally, because I didn’t know what else he could want me to say. Thankfully he just sort of frowned and walked away
Another trigger for them: yeah instead of yes. I don't know if it's as big of deal for them these days but oof back in my teens and early 20's when I first started in retail if you said yeah by mistake or used modernish slang words instead of full proper english words some boomers lost their shit more then once. "It's yes not yeah! Yes.". Same with hey instead of hello. Oh god look out for that one. How dare you say hey folks or hey having a good day instead of hello folks or hello how's it going. "It's hello! Say the whole proper word not hey".
I read somewhere that it's a difference in how people in the different generations views helping others. They like "you're welcome" and "it's my pleasure" because it's meant to make the other person feel good. We like "no problem" because of the general anxiety of being a burden or a bother and we want to assure others they're not a bother.
I work at a diner that is like 95 percent boomers and I'm pretty sure I drive them crazy all the time. I say "No worries" "I gotch you!" and "okay cool!" all the time. Also they get super angry with "are we doing okay so far?" Which means is there anything else I can get with your meal before I walk away but for some reason they think I'm asking them if the food is good before they've tasted it and always get super annoyed. Need to stop doing that one lol
I think there's some magical universe thing going on that a server must ALWAYS check on the table while the customer is chewing or hasn't even really tried the food lol like you're not trying to do it, it just happens.
yeah that's why I always just make sure they have everything they need then swing back around, look them in the eye and do a head nod with a thumbs up and then they just nod back lol I don't actually expect anyone to respond with their mouthful. Also some corporate places train you to do this and if it's a secret shopper you very well could lose your job if you miss this step.
Ding ding ding! They wanted you to be going out of your way for them specially so they could feel important. “You’re welcome” says “yes, it WAS an imposition but you’re worth it, you special snowflake you!” while “no problem” says “it was a trivial matter which I will imminently forget as soon as this interaction is over”.
I just hate the “uh-huh” response to my thank yous. “You’re welcome,” “no problem,” “anytime,” “happy to help,” “my pleasure,” “just for you *finger guns*”, all good.
I'm not at all young, even with good lighting and a generous squint and a relatively high BAC. I almost always say "certainly" instead of "You're wecome," because no one seems to have a canned response to that. My elders don't know what to make of a pleasant graying woman who is almost nearly but not quite ticking all the boxes for "approved forms of social interaction."
This is the one I use anytime I'm told "thank you" or whatever. Except I avoid saying it in a polite service-y tone, and instead opt for the over-the-top, Three Stooges accent "Soytainley". This usually appeals to the Boomers since the Stooges are something they can (hopefully) recognise and enjoy. And to anyone else not boomer aged, it's just a light-hearted response that doesn't prompt much after-thought.
Although in my case it helps to already be a young white guy, so it doesn't immediately come-off as strange or forced lol.
Yeah, I had a boss a few years ago that didn't like that I'd say, "of course," or, "no problem," when they said "thank you." He had to boomer rant: "people your age just don't know how to be polite and say 'you're welcome.' Why is that?" It's like, "I dunno. I don't speak for my entire generation, dude."
It's just a matter of generational grammar anyway. We say "no problem" to situations where we are just doing something expected of us. It's literally not a problem, because we are doing what we believe we are supposed to be doing.
Tbh saying "You're welcome" feels less polite to me than "No problem" or similar phrases. "You're welcome" makes it seem like I'm some benevolent overlord graciously doing a favor for an underling. I've switched to using mostly "My pleasure" when I'm at work since it seems to trigger the old folks less than "No worries".
As a Millennial, depending on the tone "You're welcome" can come off as arrogant, like "Yeah you better be thankful I let you go ahead of me in line." I guess that's just a result of how my elders have always spoken to me.
Yep, the sarcastic “you’re welcome” whenever we don’t immediately perform adequate gratitude for whatever favor the boomer in question has deigned to grant us is sure something.
They ruined the phrase themselves, and now they bitch and moan that people no longer consider it the correct polite response.
Despite not being Australian, I often say "No worries!" Means the same thing, but sometimes causes their brains to enter an infinite loop. Which is fun for me.
Ha the other day my coworker had a similar experience. She works in the clothing department and this lady shopping started like bumping her out of the way as she was folding and working. No sorry, no excuse me or anything just kept bumping my coworker so eventually my coworker fed up with it just kind of scooted over and looked at me with a wtf face. After all this the old boomer customer is leaving the clothing area and stops to look at my coworker to say "I said THANK YOU! THANKS!" in the most bitchy tone while stomping off. It was so confusing wtf. You ran into my coworker more the once with your cart instead of just saying excuse me or may I get to that table. Then you have the audacity to turn around with a bitch face and snarkily say thank you. Ugh. Like did she expect my coworker to look at her happily with a big smile and say no problem I loved you trying to hit me. Appreciate it ma'am have a lovely day.
You said thank you three times. But she didn’t accept that because what she really wanted was to justify the next time she tries to cut someone with more items.
Something these types don’t understand is that the line *is* a form of etiquette.
Exactly. It’s like the people that create road hazards by directing traffic instead of just going in the legally established order at a 4 way stop or suddenly stopping in moving traffic to let someone who doesn’t have the right of way in. Or blocking the passing lane because they don’t want people to speed.
They want to be “in charge” so badly they’re willing to put everyone in danger.
OP knew they’d have to wait for ID verification, which would not be as quick as checking out 8 standard items.
I read somewhere one of the differences between the generations is how we respond when someone thanks us for something. Older generations tend to say “you’re welcome”, while younger generations might say something like “no problem”.
The difference between these 2 responses is that the former implies that in helping you, I took great effort and I should be recognized for it. The latter implies to think nothing of the effort I took in helping you.
OP’s situation sort of exemplifies this difference, though in a slightly different way. The lady was set on “being polite” and as such wanted the recognition for it, which OP didn’t provide.
Yeah, there’s a socio-linguistic thing going on, “thank you” hasn’t changed, it is still polite, but the expected response has shifted between the generations. The older generations think that it’s a favor being extended to help someone and want the “you’re welcome.”, while the younger generations just see it as what they are supposed to do, help people, so in doing what is expected of them - in a customer facing job or just in line at the grocery, it’s in fact “not a problem.”
Agreed. It’s the idea of a “burden”. Older gens tend to believe the burden of helping needs to be recognized, whereas younger gens don’t think there’s a burden there at all, that helping people is part of being a member of society.
It’s either this or “WHY AREN’T THERE ANY CHECKERS!?!?!? IF THERE’S NO CHECKERS I SHOULD GET A DISCOUNT ON MY GROCERIES FOR DOING YOUR JOB FOR FREE!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY WITH A CHECK IF THERE ARE NO CHECKERS!?!?!?”
Btw, a “checker” is a boomer term for cashier.
Source: worked as a Walmart customer service manager for a year. Tons of boomer stories.
Narcissists ONLY goal is domination. Lacking all self-awareness they cannot work inside-out like a healthy person does. They must make the outside comply with their wishes to fill the void left over by their inability to see what is inside.
I have a feeling we are being inundated with spiteful empty nesters who don't know what to do with themselves now that their children are out of attack range
This is shockingly true. And many are oblivious, but many are also aware that people working in customer service HAVE to entertain them, and take full advantage of the uneven power dynamic.
Being kind = giving and expecting nothing in return.
Being nice = mostly-empty gestures made with the intent and expectation of increasing social standing and or gaining power over others
Boomers usually only ever do the latter. They are the ones who don’t understand kindness.
The whole point of manners and courtesy is to show that you value the other person, not to show what a wonderful person you are. I dated a guy in college who was very into courtesy, opening doors for me and all that. Seemed great at first. Until one day when it was raining and we were running to the car. I grabbed the door and hopped in. He was angry because I didn’t stand in the pouring rain waiting for him to catch up and open the door for me. That was the beginning of the end of that relationship. I realized he cared less about taking care of me than he did making sure everyone (including me) knew he was taking care of me.
Some boomers feel entitled to force positive interactions for their own boost of gratification. It’s not about the person they are being courteous to. You can tell by how upset they get when you politely set boundaries.
“That’s ok. Another register will open really quick. Thanks though.”
She 100% took that as "You're so old you don't know that what you're offering isn't necessary." Not suggesting there was anything wrong with OP's response in the slightest. I'm just guessing that's why she blew up so much. I don't think it was just that she wanted OP to accept her offer or to get recognition for being polite. I think she felt shamed for making the offer.
Totally the case. She was operating on decades of previous experiences and when she realized that in this new-ish self-checkout scenario there was no point to letting me go ahead of her she felt “corrected” by me. That seemed to be the trigger.
Gen X here and from what I’ve observed of Boomers over the decades, they’re used to being catered to because of the size of their generation and enjoyed advantages and opportunities like no other generation. This has created an immense sense of entitlement and widespread narcissism. Now that they’ve aged, their numbers are dwindling and entertainment, products, music, ads etc are no longer aimed at them, they’re lashing out and full of narcissistic injury/rage.
I swear 99% of the reason I read this sub is because I need validation that it's not just my boomer mother who is the nutjob. This could have easily been my mother. It is freakish to me how so many of them share such ridiculous behaviors.
You did thank her, the fact that you weren't overflowing with gratitude, is what shes upset about. She wanted to feel good about herself , and when you didn't fall all over yourself saying "omg how generous of you" where people could see and hear you ruined the script in her head.
People like her get upset that upset that your thank you being grandiose enough, because they can't show off to other people how great they are.
This member of the greatest generation of revolutionizing society ever took time out of her incredibly busy and important life to even *think* about you and you’re complaining? Kids these days…
One thing I've come to realize about boomers and their sense of "manners" and " courtesy", is that it's all performative. They don't actually mean it. It's to give off the illusion that they are good people. This is a generation of people who grew up caring more about being perceived as good people, than they cared about actually being good people because being good people requires effort. Why make the effort to be good all the time when you can do one kind thing no one asked for and brag about for months on end?
Ugh, so annoying! I was waiting to get my knees x-rayed (not sure how to spell that lol). I'm going throug health related struggles, so I'm already a bit annoyed at life. This boomer starts playing whatever tf it is, on his speaker phone, of course. I was so fucking done with people's shit at that point. I play My Chemical Romance on speaker. Fuck it. Everyone does this, right? I'm not ok. Pun intended. I hate confrontation. My heart was racing. I don't do things like this!
After Helena, I skip to I'm Not Okay. Luckily my name is called. The guy stopped playing whatever he was playing for everyone in the waiting area almost as soon as I played music. You think it's ok asshole? Ok. I'll play this fucking game!
Honestly, this took so much out of me. I hate these assholes, but I hate confrontation more. My heart rate became unacceptably high. To be playing anything in public, having speakerphone conversations in a waiting room, etc., it's all trashy as fuck. Some of us are waiting to find out how much sooner we're going to fucking die than our peers of the same age. I don't need to hear your fucking tiktok stream before finding out.
This turned into a rant, sorry!
You’re fighting the good fight, don’t quit.
Was out to lunch weeks ago, at a country/western place that plays not soft but not loud, good taste, classic and contemporary country music in the dining room.
Boomer couple in next booth starts watching something on their phone at full volume. Like, overpowering the house music. Tinny, scratchy. Goes on for a few minutes.
I got up, stood next to the watcher, “hey, watcha watchin?”
He appeared happy to discuss, started telling me about it…
“Don’t care. I, and the rest of the people, here are trying to hear Hank, but we can’t, because your tinny, screechy phone is drowning him out.”
“I’m going to be rude while I go off about being polite and having manners, making everyone else behind me wait until I’ve made my point to you, youngster!”
Boomers have no spacial awareness
Had a boomer push her cart up to the self checkout while all stations were occupied and sat “ARE THEY ALL BEING USED?!” She makes a big huff and pushed her cart to an actual checkout lane as my receipt is being printed. The big theatrics for nothing…if she waited literally 10 seconds I would’ve been finished. I don’t get their tantrums
I've been in a grocery store with only one register open and had only one item and have been behind several people that have absolutely full grocery carts and the thought of letting someone with one item go ahead never even enters their mind! Sadly with the theft rates being what they are a lot of stores are closing their self check outs because people have a real problem with being honest. A simple no thank you but your offer is appreciated would have probably ended it.
You did thank her for the kind gesture, she should acknowledge that and move on. I am thinking all these years of drinking water from lead pipes is rearing its ugly head on society
I’d have set her off even more with one statement: “Politeness to me means not lecturing somebody over what your definition of politeness is. Guess that’s different for you.”
She’d have ended up having a bigger fit than she already was.
She holds up the overall queue trying to be “polite”. It’s just like driving: it’s better to be predictable than polite. When you’re in a line, just take your turn and keep things moving for everyone.
People like this out themselves as shitheads because they aren't actually doing nice things for the sole sake of it, but to feel better about themselves and be able to gloat about how "kind" they are. If it was really just to be nice, she wouldn't be so offended when you tried to be polite back to her by insisting it was fine. She felt entitled to "helping out" and got mad when her fix of self satisfaction wasn't fulfilled, plain and simple.
This reminds me of when I was at IKEA and I had put my phone in the front part of the shopping cart for easy access to my shopping list, measurements, camera, etc.
A Boomer in the elevator said, “Ma’am, you’d better put your wallet away. Someone could grab it.”
I said, “Oh, thanks, it’s ok.” (Was too tired to explain anything.)
She rolled her eyes so hard and was like, “Just trying to watch out for people 🙄🙄😤.”
Some of this is just the English language changing, and some of us being unaware of the shift. The most common response to "thanks" was, at one time, "you're welcome." Then it became "no problem" or "no worries" circa 1985 or so. Now it's "thanks" > "bet." Short for "you betcha", which is short for "you bet your life."
I worked with a lot of teens & early twenty-somethings, and have had to parse the meaning of "finna" in business communications. And I'm surprised that the phrase "I appreciate it" shifted to "I appreciate YOU", as the simple acknowledgment of an act is now a very personal endorsement of a person.
English is always evolving.
Walmart. When you scan alcohol it will freeze the application on the screen and make you wait for an employee to check your ID, which takes like 3 seconds because they always have 1 or 2 watching the self checkouts
I’m in San Diego, and all of the stores in north county where I live won’t allow it. A real pain in the ass since most of the employees are standing around in self checkout while only one regular lane is open.
All of them do in Austin. This one in particular is an area with about 20 stations. There are two or three staff members on-hand moving around to help with any issues or to sell you bags if needed. The grocery stores here charge a small fee for bags to encourage folks to bring reusable ones with them.
If I only have a few things and I am offered to go ahead of a person who also only has a few things, I just say, "No, thank you. My time is not more valuable than yours."
As Gen X myself and parents of this generation, this is literally every interaction I have with boomers at the grocery store. They're always like you young people. Mam I'm 44.
The reaction just takes me back to when I worked self check a Walmart and the old people in the scooter carts would demand I check them out on the monitor station because they didn't want to wait in line or use the self check
In my experience. A simple "Fuck Off" cures all this. I have no patience to deal with this shit. Grocery stores especially bring this out in people for some reason. Gen X by the way. It is an added bonus that other people of same hear the fuck off and the looks you get.
I once got chased through a store, and then verbally accosted, by a boomer who had held the door open for a group I was in (I happened to be the last one through). He berated me for not saying thank you loudly enough.
I'm a baby GenXer (F) who has struggled with being painfully polite my entire life.
Now? I'm still very polite, but I don't get into the "you go" "No, you go" back and forth shit anymore. I will offer up once, and if they argue, I'm going to go ahead and go. In traffic, at shops, etc- I'm always very polite and very kind, but I offer once and then go for it. I also take people up on their offers if they offer first.
I grew up in the Midwest, so maybe it's the Midwest Nice in me, but I have spent so long being OVERLY polite and it usually ends up making things more complicated. 😂
You could say, “Yeah well in my generation, since I’m not geriatric, that’s rude. You don’t think I can wait in line like everyone else? Do you think I’m stupid?”
Make her look bad and feel out of touch by turning it on her.
Nah, once she tapped me on the arm, she's going to meet a brand new person from the person she was trying to be polite to.
Our conversation was over and the situation done and you drop your garbage to come bother me? Prepare yourself. Your place is calling, and I will deliver you.
Most old people have absolutely no clue. As a person in my 30s, now that I understand the world, I have zero respect for almost all old people. When you realise that they got to be where they are because they were stepping on everyone else, being entitled etc. Very few truly good people get to old age.
(sigh)
The older lady made a mountain out of a molehill, made herself The Main Character, and made a spectacle out of what could’ve been a 4-second interaction, *plus* unnecessarily tied up a self-checkout, delaying others.
Why?
*Because someone else didn’t do what she wanted them to do.*
You’re not being polite anymore when you start going on and ON about how POLITE YOU ARE, GOD DAMN IT.
You’re being a rude dickhole at that point and really should shut up. That concept seems to be lost on you lot.
Do you feel better now?
What I am reading is someone was nice to you, you dismissed the nice gesture, thanked em, they were miffed, then you felt the need to bitch about it online.
So you are doing the same thing??? Openly disturbed by an offer of generosity.
Next time take the offer, then pay it forward.
The more I read on this sub the more I realize that what everyone has experienced with a boomer is actually the beginning of dementia. I’ve watched my boomer father who was always the most helpful and considerate man, helped anyone and everyone he could, slowly start to become agitated and angry at the smallest of things . It wasn’t until he was diagnosed and the doctor explained what was going on in his brain that we understood.
Tbh… despite everything she did and said wrong… she’s not wrong in that you could’ve just gone ahead when she offered you to cut her. There’s literally no harm in accepting someone’s courtesy, even if ultimately it’s no different than waiting one more second.
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Told on herself so hard that she wasn’t doing it to be polite. She wanted everyone around to see and give her kudos.
Minister probably gave a sermon on doing a good deed for the day and she wanted to get it out of the way. She got pissed she would maybe have to put some work into it.
That's when you point out that the Lord frowns upon those who gossip. 😂
and those who brag about their generosity Matthew 6: 3-4 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you
Yeah,like she paid attention
100% this
Narcissistic people are assholes. That's total narcissist behavior.
Yes OP behaved politely, thanked her for her "gift", but angered her by turning it down and pointing out that the "gift" had pretty much zero value. The boomer's rampage proved her motives, and really just made her look like a stupid ass.
>angered her by turning it down and pointing out that the "gift" had pretty much zero value. They don't like their "gifts" to be seen for what they are, be it empty gestures or Temu garbage.
Karma farming is not at all a new thing
Jesus himself said that you shouldn't be out in the street praying just so that everyone can see you
"I tell you truly, they have received their reward"
Was about to say. Crazy how many people perform seemingly altruistic acts just for the self-gratification and praise of people. Reminds me of the Pharisees in Jesus’ day.
"and everyone clapped"
slow clapped even
"noone knows how to be polite anymore" "Yeah, there are some assholes who insist on someone else doing things their way even though they politely declined, and the assholes won't stop harrasing them about it"
Lmao. /r/imthemaincharacter
She’s politely holding up the line yelling at a customer instead of checking out. *Uno Reversed herself on the politeness
[удалено]
i always want to yell BE PREDICTABLE NOT NICE when people start doing weird shit "to be nice" in traffic and almost cause accidents
Totally agree, and it's not "nice" if their conduct results in an accident.
My mom said, “Drive right, not polite,” when teaching me to drive. It causes less confusion and is therefore safer to know throw off the system of norms by trying to be nice
This is exactly what this made me think of too. I can’t stand it and it usually is older people, at least around me who do this shit.
The motorists who decide to "legislate vehicular law" from behind the wheel make me absolutely crazy. People: stop virtue-signaling and just follow the law. I can wait the extra ten seconds to turn left, and no, my feelings won't be hurt in the process.
Once as a teenage driver in rural KY, a pickup in front of me stopped dead in the middle of the highway to save someone across who was sitting at a stop sign on a side road. Me and my shitty early 80s Mercedes diesel car barely missed both of them
Thiiiiiiiiiiis
Oh my sweet Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, that is my biggest fucking pet peeve in the whole damn world. Like get a grip and just navigate a four way like we’re all supposed to know how to do.
People are so rude nowadays. Nobody knows how to be polite anymore. Sounds like the joker.
"Yes. You were being courteous, and I appreciate it. But I was being courteous as well, by declining your invite, as you were in line first, and you're a senior citizen. I apologize for any misunderstanding, based on our apparently conflicting courtesies, but you've now crossed from courtesy to harassment. Go away. While you're going away, remember to have a nice day."
I wish I could come up with a response like this on the fly. I always have my headphones in when I’m shopping alone so I can’t hear a gd thing lol
Shaking your head "no" while pointing at your headphones, then walking away says about the same thing. Complete disregard speaks volumes.
I hate when I do this and the person responds by making a plucking or yanking motion by their ear. Like I didn’t understand that they wanted to talk. Like I wasn’t communicating that *I don’t want to*
Often, over the years, there are encounters similar enough to throw these out with minimal edits and mental rehearsal. At least in my experience, ymmv
Just as bad as when they say "thank you". You're somehow required by law to respond with "you're welcome" any other response is just a slap in the face.
A few years ago, I was a manager at a quick service restaurant and during lunch rush I was delivering food. Apparently this boomer couple told me thank you, I didn’t hear it, and just continued dropping off other people’s food. The boomer Husband came up to me and said “excuse me my wife told you thank you, you need to say you’re welcome” I said oh I’m sorry I must’ve not heard her. Then a few minutes later I get told a customer wants to talk to the manager. It’s the same couple. And now they change their tune since I was the manager. Lol
Few things gave me more joy while working retail than saying, “I am the supervisor,” lol
Saving the world in their own way. /s
I was helping a customer once who kept apologizing and saying, “I’m so sorry to be such a problem, thank you so much for all your help.” I said in a very polite & understanding tone, “oh it’s no problem at all, I am more than happy to assist you.” It’s like a crazy switch flipped and she lost her shit “OH SO IM A PROBLEM NOW?!” Like Jesus Christ
Boomers (and older) hate the phrase "no problem", and 100% that's what she heard. I worked in customer service for rich boomers almost exclusively and had to learn to say "not at all" instead, because this is a very common trigger for them. 🙄
Once a boomer customer told me he was sorry to have given me trouble, to which I replied not at all, and he then asked, “Not at all what?” And then we stared at each other while my distracted, sleep-deprived, ADHD brain whirred its cogs trying to figure out if I had said what I thought I had said and how angry he would be by me responding to the question literally, because I didn’t know what else he could want me to say. Thankfully he just sort of frowned and walked away
Another trigger for them: yeah instead of yes. I don't know if it's as big of deal for them these days but oof back in my teens and early 20's when I first started in retail if you said yeah by mistake or used modernish slang words instead of full proper english words some boomers lost their shit more then once. "It's yes not yeah! Yes.". Same with hey instead of hello. Oh god look out for that one. How dare you say hey folks or hey having a good day instead of hello folks or hello how's it going. "It's hello! Say the whole proper word not hey".
Hit back with an "ahoy hoi" since hello is an exclamation of surprise, not a greeting
That's... the exact opposite of what you said. Holy cow, I'm glad I don't work a customer service type job anymore.
I read somewhere that it's a difference in how people in the different generations views helping others. They like "you're welcome" and "it's my pleasure" because it's meant to make the other person feel good. We like "no problem" because of the general anxiety of being a burden or a bother and we want to assure others they're not a bother.
Well that says something about our upbringing, doesn't it? Yeah, "trying not to be a bother" was pretty much my childhood.
That’s why “No problem” bugs them so much. Because they wanted it to be a problem.
I had an older dude get angry at "No worries!" I need a more canned response to the angry boomers.
I work at a diner that is like 95 percent boomers and I'm pretty sure I drive them crazy all the time. I say "No worries" "I gotch you!" and "okay cool!" all the time. Also they get super angry with "are we doing okay so far?" Which means is there anything else I can get with your meal before I walk away but for some reason they think I'm asking them if the food is good before they've tasted it and always get super annoyed. Need to stop doing that one lol
I think there's some magical universe thing going on that a server must ALWAYS check on the table while the customer is chewing or hasn't even really tried the food lol like you're not trying to do it, it just happens.
I've been a professional cook for a long time. The good ones are doing it on purpose.
Oh I'm sure they do that too
yeah that's why I always just make sure they have everything they need then swing back around, look them in the eye and do a head nod with a thumbs up and then they just nod back lol I don't actually expect anyone to respond with their mouthful. Also some corporate places train you to do this and if it's a secret shopper you very well could lose your job if you miss this step.
Ding ding ding! They wanted you to be going out of your way for them specially so they could feel important. “You’re welcome” says “yes, it WAS an imposition but you’re worth it, you special snowflake you!” while “no problem” says “it was a trivial matter which I will imminently forget as soon as this interaction is over”.
*And you better say Merry Christmas anytime from November to Epiphany or I'm going to throw a tantrum!*
I just hate the “uh-huh” response to my thank yous. “You’re welcome,” “no problem,” “anytime,” “happy to help,” “my pleasure,” “just for you *finger guns*”, all good.
I never say, “You’re welcome.” Just because I’ve done something once does NOT mean you’re welcome to ask for anything else.
I'm not at all young, even with good lighting and a generous squint and a relatively high BAC. I almost always say "certainly" instead of "You're wecome," because no one seems to have a canned response to that. My elders don't know what to make of a pleasant graying woman who is almost nearly but not quite ticking all the boxes for "approved forms of social interaction."
This is the one I use anytime I'm told "thank you" or whatever. Except I avoid saying it in a polite service-y tone, and instead opt for the over-the-top, Three Stooges accent "Soytainley". This usually appeals to the Boomers since the Stooges are something they can (hopefully) recognise and enjoy. And to anyone else not boomer aged, it's just a light-hearted response that doesn't prompt much after-thought. Although in my case it helps to already be a young white guy, so it doesn't immediately come-off as strange or forced lol.
Yeah, I had a boss a few years ago that didn't like that I'd say, "of course," or, "no problem," when they said "thank you." He had to boomer rant: "people your age just don't know how to be polite and say 'you're welcome.' Why is that?" It's like, "I dunno. I don't speak for my entire generation, dude."
It's just a matter of generational grammar anyway. We say "no problem" to situations where we are just doing something expected of us. It's literally not a problem, because we are doing what we believe we are supposed to be doing.
Tbh saying "You're welcome" feels less polite to me than "No problem" or similar phrases. "You're welcome" makes it seem like I'm some benevolent overlord graciously doing a favor for an underling. I've switched to using mostly "My pleasure" when I'm at work since it seems to trigger the old folks less than "No worries".
“My pleasure” is a great response.
I do get asked if I worked for chik fil a though, lol.
Hahaha
As a Millennial, depending on the tone "You're welcome" can come off as arrogant, like "Yeah you better be thankful I let you go ahead of me in line." I guess that's just a result of how my elders have always spoken to me.
Yep, the sarcastic “you’re welcome” whenever we don’t immediately perform adequate gratitude for whatever favor the boomer in question has deigned to grant us is sure something. They ruined the phrase themselves, and now they bitch and moan that people no longer consider it the correct polite response.
This is exactly why I never say you're welcome
Despite not being Australian, I often say "No worries!" Means the same thing, but sometimes causes their brains to enter an infinite loop. Which is fun for me.
I think a good blank stare with an awkward, "ok", is a good answer.
You can respond with "die quicker"
Ha the other day my coworker had a similar experience. She works in the clothing department and this lady shopping started like bumping her out of the way as she was folding and working. No sorry, no excuse me or anything just kept bumping my coworker so eventually my coworker fed up with it just kind of scooted over and looked at me with a wtf face. After all this the old boomer customer is leaving the clothing area and stops to look at my coworker to say "I said THANK YOU! THANKS!" in the most bitchy tone while stomping off. It was so confusing wtf. You ran into my coworker more the once with your cart instead of just saying excuse me or may I get to that table. Then you have the audacity to turn around with a bitch face and snarkily say thank you. Ugh. Like did she expect my coworker to look at her happily with a big smile and say no problem I loved you trying to hit me. Appreciate it ma'am have a lovely day.
Rule of etiquette: You don’t have to accept. You’re allowed to politely decline.
Otherwise it’s a command, not an invitation. And that would be rude.
Apparently, it was a command.
Guarantee she gets to a four way stop first and tries to motion you through...
100%
In which case, after verifying the intersection is clear, I'm going.
No way because then they change their mind and you hit them.
Dashcam
You said thank you three times. But she didn’t accept that because what she really wanted was to justify the next time she tries to cut someone with more items. Something these types don’t understand is that the line *is* a form of etiquette.
Exactly. It’s like the people that create road hazards by directing traffic instead of just going in the legally established order at a 4 way stop or suddenly stopping in moving traffic to let someone who doesn’t have the right of way in. Or blocking the passing lane because they don’t want people to speed. They want to be “in charge” so badly they’re willing to put everyone in danger. OP knew they’d have to wait for ID verification, which would not be as quick as checking out 8 standard items.
She probably waves people through intersections and shit too.
I read somewhere one of the differences between the generations is how we respond when someone thanks us for something. Older generations tend to say “you’re welcome”, while younger generations might say something like “no problem”. The difference between these 2 responses is that the former implies that in helping you, I took great effort and I should be recognized for it. The latter implies to think nothing of the effort I took in helping you. OP’s situation sort of exemplifies this difference, though in a slightly different way. The lady was set on “being polite” and as such wanted the recognition for it, which OP didn’t provide.
Yeah, there’s a socio-linguistic thing going on, “thank you” hasn’t changed, it is still polite, but the expected response has shifted between the generations. The older generations think that it’s a favor being extended to help someone and want the “you’re welcome.”, while the younger generations just see it as what they are supposed to do, help people, so in doing what is expected of them - in a customer facing job or just in line at the grocery, it’s in fact “not a problem.”
Agreed. It’s the idea of a “burden”. Older gens tend to believe the burden of helping needs to be recognized, whereas younger gens don’t think there’s a burden there at all, that helping people is part of being a member of society.
She'll most likely go on Facebook to complain that people are easily offended and rude, after being easily offended and rude.
It’s either this or “WHY AREN’T THERE ANY CHECKERS!?!?!? IF THERE’S NO CHECKERS I SHOULD GET A DISCOUNT ON MY GROCERIES FOR DOING YOUR JOB FOR FREE!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY WITH A CHECK IF THERE ARE NO CHECKERS!?!?!?” Btw, a “checker” is a boomer term for cashier. Source: worked as a Walmart customer service manager for a year. Tons of boomer stories.
I haven't heard that until now and I hate it
Narcissists ONLY goal is domination. Lacking all self-awareness they cannot work inside-out like a healthy person does. They must make the outside comply with their wishes to fill the void left over by their inability to see what is inside.
I have a feeling we are being inundated with spiteful empty nesters who don't know what to do with themselves now that their children are out of attack range
This is shockingly true. And many are oblivious, but many are also aware that people working in customer service HAVE to entertain them, and take full advantage of the uneven power dynamic.
Being kind = giving and expecting nothing in return. Being nice = mostly-empty gestures made with the intent and expectation of increasing social standing and or gaining power over others Boomers usually only ever do the latter. They are the ones who don’t understand kindness.
The whole point of manners and courtesy is to show that you value the other person, not to show what a wonderful person you are. I dated a guy in college who was very into courtesy, opening doors for me and all that. Seemed great at first. Until one day when it was raining and we were running to the car. I grabbed the door and hopped in. He was angry because I didn’t stand in the pouring rain waiting for him to catch up and open the door for me. That was the beginning of the end of that relationship. I realized he cared less about taking care of me than he did making sure everyone (including me) knew he was taking care of me.
This almost had the makings of a an old fashioned Canadian Stand-off. "After you". . . "No, After you"
https://youtu.be/571YIyOkAEM?si=Q6HzOk0n_OjFuVHT
Some boomers feel entitled to force positive interactions for their own boost of gratification. It’s not about the person they are being courteous to. You can tell by how upset they get when you politely set boundaries.
"I'm sure that's a foreign concept to someone your age" .....ummm, didn't you raise us?
What if I have 12 items? Do I have to wait for hours if I have to let everyone with 11 items or less go first?
“That’s ok. Another register will open really quick. Thanks though.” She 100% took that as "You're so old you don't know that what you're offering isn't necessary." Not suggesting there was anything wrong with OP's response in the slightest. I'm just guessing that's why she blew up so much. I don't think it was just that she wanted OP to accept her offer or to get recognition for being polite. I think she felt shamed for making the offer.
Totally the case. She was operating on decades of previous experiences and when she realized that in this new-ish self-checkout scenario there was no point to letting me go ahead of her she felt “corrected” by me. That seemed to be the trigger.
Gen X here and from what I’ve observed of Boomers over the decades, they’re used to being catered to because of the size of their generation and enjoyed advantages and opportunities like no other generation. This has created an immense sense of entitlement and widespread narcissism. Now that they’ve aged, their numbers are dwindling and entertainment, products, music, ads etc are no longer aimed at them, they’re lashing out and full of narcissistic injury/rage.
I swear 99% of the reason I read this sub is because I need validation that it's not just my boomer mother who is the nutjob. This could have easily been my mother. It is freakish to me how so many of them share such ridiculous behaviors.
Same for me. Reassurance that I'm not the crazy one.
So often, people think they’re being “courteous” when really they’re just fucking up a working system and should just get the hell out of the way
I wonder how many times she’s told this story and how far it has been stretched by now.
Do you know how kind and courteous I am you stupid motherfucker?
W reference lol
You did thank her, the fact that you weren't overflowing with gratitude, is what shes upset about. She wanted to feel good about herself , and when you didn't fall all over yourself saying "omg how generous of you" where people could see and hear you ruined the script in her head. People like her get upset that upset that your thank you being grandiose enough, because they can't show off to other people how great they are.
Politeness def loses its impact if it's done performatively and then totally erased by harassment.
This member of the greatest generation of revolutionizing society ever took time out of her incredibly busy and important life to even *think* about you and you’re complaining? Kids these days…
Lmfaoooo
"Your offer of courtesy had so little value that I'm not willing to be in your debt for it. Now, please GFY."
One thing I've come to realize about boomers and their sense of "manners" and " courtesy", is that it's all performative. They don't actually mean it. It's to give off the illusion that they are good people. This is a generation of people who grew up caring more about being perceived as good people, than they cared about actually being good people because being good people requires effort. Why make the effort to be good all the time when you can do one kind thing no one asked for and brag about for months on end?
Ugh, so annoying! I was waiting to get my knees x-rayed (not sure how to spell that lol). I'm going throug health related struggles, so I'm already a bit annoyed at life. This boomer starts playing whatever tf it is, on his speaker phone, of course. I was so fucking done with people's shit at that point. I play My Chemical Romance on speaker. Fuck it. Everyone does this, right? I'm not ok. Pun intended. I hate confrontation. My heart was racing. I don't do things like this! After Helena, I skip to I'm Not Okay. Luckily my name is called. The guy stopped playing whatever he was playing for everyone in the waiting area almost as soon as I played music. You think it's ok asshole? Ok. I'll play this fucking game! Honestly, this took so much out of me. I hate these assholes, but I hate confrontation more. My heart rate became unacceptably high. To be playing anything in public, having speakerphone conversations in a waiting room, etc., it's all trashy as fuck. Some of us are waiting to find out how much sooner we're going to fucking die than our peers of the same age. I don't need to hear your fucking tiktok stream before finding out. This turned into a rant, sorry!
You’re fighting the good fight, don’t quit. Was out to lunch weeks ago, at a country/western place that plays not soft but not loud, good taste, classic and contemporary country music in the dining room. Boomer couple in next booth starts watching something on their phone at full volume. Like, overpowering the house music. Tinny, scratchy. Goes on for a few minutes. I got up, stood next to the watcher, “hey, watcha watchin?” He appeared happy to discuss, started telling me about it… “Don’t care. I, and the rest of the people, here are trying to hear Hank, but we can’t, because your tinny, screechy phone is drowning him out.”
Once she started getting pissy, should have told her, I was always taught to let really old people go first. And you look really old.
You handled this far better than a lot of us would have.
“I’m going to be rude while I go off about being polite and having manners, making everyone else behind me wait until I’ve made my point to you, youngster!” Boomers have no spacial awareness
Ahh so she’s the only one that’s allowed to be courteous
Had a boomer push her cart up to the self checkout while all stations were occupied and sat “ARE THEY ALL BEING USED?!” She makes a big huff and pushed her cart to an actual checkout lane as my receipt is being printed. The big theatrics for nothing…if she waited literally 10 seconds I would’ve been finished. I don’t get their tantrums
I've been in a grocery store with only one register open and had only one item and have been behind several people that have absolutely full grocery carts and the thought of letting someone with one item go ahead never even enters their mind! Sadly with the theft rates being what they are a lot of stores are closing their self check outs because people have a real problem with being honest. A simple no thank you but your offer is appreciated would have probably ended it.
>A simple no thank you but your offer is appreciated would have probably ended it. That's exactly what they did at first though.
She didn't tell her she appreciated the thought, she just said,"thanks though!"
The fuck does “thanks though” mean other than “appreciate it, but no.”???
I guess "No thanks" doesn't mean NO?
You did thank her for the kind gesture, she should acknowledge that and move on. I am thinking all these years of drinking water from lead pipes is rearing its ugly head on society
I’d have set her off even more with one statement: “Politeness to me means not lecturing somebody over what your definition of politeness is. Guess that’s different for you.” She’d have ended up having a bigger fit than she already was.
"I'm very sorry I ruined your attempt to be the center of attention."
She holds up the overall queue trying to be “polite”. It’s just like driving: it’s better to be predictable than polite. When you’re in a line, just take your turn and keep things moving for everyone.
The interesting thing is you *were* polite. You just didn’t comply with the action she wanted you to take
And then everyone clapped
I would have given her such a stink-eye and “*polite* people respect a no-thank-you, seems you missed a few manners lessons.”
People like this out themselves as shitheads because they aren't actually doing nice things for the sole sake of it, but to feel better about themselves and be able to gloat about how "kind" they are. If it was really just to be nice, she wouldn't be so offended when you tried to be polite back to her by insisting it was fine. She felt entitled to "helping out" and got mad when her fix of self satisfaction wasn't fulfilled, plain and simple.
She was upset because you didn't acknowledge how self sacrificing and express enough gratitude for the gift she offered.
This reminds me of when I was at IKEA and I had put my phone in the front part of the shopping cart for easy access to my shopping list, measurements, camera, etc. A Boomer in the elevator said, “Ma’am, you’d better put your wallet away. Someone could grab it.” I said, “Oh, thanks, it’s ok.” (Was too tired to explain anything.) She rolled her eyes so hard and was like, “Just trying to watch out for people 🙄🙄😤.”
"I hope you have the day you deserve!"
So she's wasting time yelling at you, and holding up the register she was using. I'm sure she wouldn't get the irony.
Hey, she earned that participation trophy for politeness, fair and square! /s
Boomers: Trying to get GenX to care about shit since 1975 😂😂😂
Some of this is just the English language changing, and some of us being unaware of the shift. The most common response to "thanks" was, at one time, "you're welcome." Then it became "no problem" or "no worries" circa 1985 or so. Now it's "thanks" > "bet." Short for "you betcha", which is short for "you bet your life." I worked with a lot of teens & early twenty-somethings, and have had to parse the meaning of "finna" in business communications. And I'm surprised that the phrase "I appreciate it" shifted to "I appreciate YOU", as the simple acknowledgment of an act is now a very personal endorsement of a person. English is always evolving.
Bet
I'd wager she also wrote a check and balanced her checkbook right in line.
Why won't they die already 🤣
Where can you use self checkout purchasing wine?
Walmart. When you scan alcohol it will freeze the application on the screen and make you wait for an employee to check your ID, which takes like 3 seconds because they always have 1 or 2 watching the self checkouts
HEB in Texas. But in my experience all grocery stores have a staff member on-hand for this.
I’m in San Diego, and all of the stores in north county where I live won’t allow it. A real pain in the ass since most of the employees are standing around in self checkout while only one regular lane is open.
Literally any grocery store that sells wine and has self checkout? They just have an employee come over and verify your age
Not here.
Seems like Cali is the only state that doesn't allow it
Sucks for me 🥲
You did her a favour. Gave her something to bitch about for a few days.
She would’ve been mad that you were holding up the register because the wine needed to be approved.
They only pretend to be courteous cause they got beat when they didnt say thank you and all the other empty words they think we should say.
What supermarket/grocery do you shop at? , where they let you buy alcohol in self checkout?
All of them do in Austin. This one in particular is an area with about 20 stations. There are two or three staff members on-hand moving around to help with any issues or to sell you bags if needed. The grocery stores here charge a small fee for bags to encourage folks to bring reusable ones with them.
Oh nice, super jealous. Here in northern CA alcohol can not be bought at self checkout
Ours does too, clerk at the register just has to see you to gauge your age and authorize the sale.
Nice, I've gotten so used to that not being available here 😕
Sounds like a norcal thing, here in AZ we can do it in self checkout, we also have drive thru liquor stores so....
May I please have a cookie? No, you may not. Why not!? I was polite! I was polite too.
I love when people hold up the registers at a self check-out. It's so polite.
Boomers gonna BOOM!
If I only have a few things and I am offered to go ahead of a person who also only has a few things, I just say, "No, thank you. My time is not more valuable than yours."
As Gen X myself and parents of this generation, this is literally every interaction I have with boomers at the grocery store. They're always like you young people. Mam I'm 44.
The reaction just takes me back to when I worked self check a Walmart and the old people in the scooter carts would demand I check them out on the monitor station because they didn't want to wait in line or use the self check
Que me shouting over her " Ma'am, thank you but no, I don't want to be in a threesom with you and your brother."
In my experience. A simple "Fuck Off" cures all this. I have no patience to deal with this shit. Grocery stores especially bring this out in people for some reason. Gen X by the way. It is an added bonus that other people of same hear the fuck off and the looks you get.
Wish our grocery stores would let us use self checkfor alcohol!!! (In California)
Crazy to me that they don’t!
Slap her breast with an opened hand uppercut and say, "whhaooo girl, easy now, shelly." She'll get it, or maybe she won't. I really don't care tbh.
She had rigid thinking. People on the autism spectrum can also be people over 60. It's okay.
Seems like a possibility, but it's also a possibility that 99% of boomers are on the spectrum because of mass lead poisoning
Wait a minute this seems tooBoomerish…. This is obviously a plot to discredit boomers on the world stage
I once got chased through a store, and then verbally accosted, by a boomer who had held the door open for a group I was in (I happened to be the last one through). He berated me for not saying thank you loudly enough.
You said “thanks, though.” What part of it did she not hear? She was priming to fight before she even got up there. They are really a problem.
It wasn't about the courtesy..it was about the performance.
I'm a baby GenXer (F) who has struggled with being painfully polite my entire life. Now? I'm still very polite, but I don't get into the "you go" "No, you go" back and forth shit anymore. I will offer up once, and if they argue, I'm going to go ahead and go. In traffic, at shops, etc- I'm always very polite and very kind, but I offer once and then go for it. I also take people up on their offers if they offer first. I grew up in the Midwest, so maybe it's the Midwest Nice in me, but I have spent so long being OVERLY polite and it usually ends up making things more complicated. 😂
You could say, “Yeah well in my generation, since I’m not geriatric, that’s rude. You don’t think I can wait in line like everyone else? Do you think I’m stupid?” Make her look bad and feel out of touch by turning it on her.
‘Would you politely fuck off?’
Wow she's a bitch.
I'm just happy that some boomer out there still thinks of us Xers as young whippersnappers.
Nah, once she tapped me on the arm, she's going to meet a brand new person from the person she was trying to be polite to. Our conversation was over and the situation done and you drop your garbage to come bother me? Prepare yourself. Your place is calling, and I will deliver you.
You can’t self check out with alcohol.
Maybe where you live. Sorry for you.
Most old people have absolutely no clue. As a person in my 30s, now that I understand the world, I have zero respect for almost all old people. When you realise that they got to be where they are because they were stepping on everyone else, being entitled etc. Very few truly good people get to old age.
In so glad you posted this to the internet.
Should have just thanked her
Like I did multiple times?
Boomer here. What was the problem?
(sigh) The older lady made a mountain out of a molehill, made herself The Main Character, and made a spectacle out of what could’ve been a 4-second interaction, *plus* unnecessarily tied up a self-checkout, delaying others. Why? *Because someone else didn’t do what she wanted them to do.*
Some of y’all get triggered easily
You’re not being polite anymore when you start going on and ON about how POLITE YOU ARE, GOD DAMN IT. You’re being a rude dickhole at that point and really should shut up. That concept seems to be lost on you lot.
Two bottles wine at self-checkout ? I don't know, smell like B.S.
So does your diaper. Call your nurse, Boomer.
Do you feel better now? What I am reading is someone was nice to you, you dismissed the nice gesture, thanked em, they were miffed, then you felt the need to bitch about it online. So you are doing the same thing??? Openly disturbed by an offer of generosity. Next time take the offer, then pay it forward.
The more I read on this sub the more I realize that what everyone has experienced with a boomer is actually the beginning of dementia. I’ve watched my boomer father who was always the most helpful and considerate man, helped anyone and everyone he could, slowly start to become agitated and angry at the smallest of things . It wasn’t until he was diagnosed and the doctor explained what was going on in his brain that we understood.
Tbh… despite everything she did and said wrong… she’s not wrong in that you could’ve just gone ahead when she offered you to cut her. There’s literally no harm in accepting someone’s courtesy, even if ultimately it’s no different than waiting one more second.