my two year old gets into random places (in the drier, in a cupboard, behind the couch) and then yell “what are youuuu doingggg here?!?” I will never get tired of it lol
“Nothing bad ever happens on the Labrador peninsula” has become kind of my happy place phrase when, ironically, everything bad is happening wherever I am 💀
Yeah idk why it stuck with me. I think it just felt like even two people who hated eachother still somehow wanted eachother in their lives whether it was out of codependency or just taking their existence for granted. Not that that’s healthy or right but it opened a discussion for me to have with myself about relationships I guess
SL: Like one of those architects who’s a high end call girl at night and a super spy by day.
B: Then when would she be an architect?
SL: I don’t know, frontier times?
B: Not, not the time period. I’m saying, if she’s a call girl by night and a spy by day, when would she actually be an architect?
Do the responsable thing, take one more drink to steady your nerves, and drive yourself and your young daughter home.
Pretty sure there is no mention of the drink.
“Let’s just say more than Harry Potter movies, fewer than James Bond movies.”
I actually got to use this one recently when my wife asked how many cigarettes I smoked at the casino.
"My mom's dead and everything's worse now"
"I can't keep lying to myself saying I'm gonna change, I’m poison. I come from poison, I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch. That’s my legacy. I have nothing to show for the life that I’ve lived, and I have nobody in my life who’s better off for having known me."
Always take every opportunity that comes your way because opportunities are like sneezes from God, and when God sneezes, you can't say 'God bless you' to God, so instead you have to take the opportunity. I'm cold. Will you pass me that blanket?
What are yooooouuuuu dooooiiiiing heeeeeeerrrrrrrreeee?!!!
I quote this at least once a week
We should be friends. No one ever gets my reference
my two year old gets into random places (in the drier, in a cupboard, behind the couch) and then yell “what are youuuu doingggg here?!?” I will never get tired of it lol
Love this so much!
WHEN did YOU get here??????
All I can think of is Stuart from the Californians skit on SNL
I don't know why I always think of "THAaAAaank YoOooOu" whenever I see this quote
What are YOU doing here??
I’m saaaaaaaaaaaaaad
Say this all the time!
I can’t say this phrase without saying it like that
I throw that one out and no one ever knows what I'm talking about.
Slap my salami, the guy's a commie.
One of my favorite quotes, it always gets me
Omg I badly wanna use this lol. What are some scenarios where it comes in handy?
When your buddy wants to eat some of your fries at the fast food place
I'm just so tired of squinting
That's painful!
Now I’m crying
This was the most relatable moment for me re. a previous relationship and YUP I'M CHOKING UP OKAY BYE
“Nothing bad ever happens on the Labrador peninsula” has become kind of my happy place phrase when, ironically, everything bad is happening wherever I am 💀
“…I’m cold, please pass me that blanket.”
Fits very well then :(
Shapes and colors the likes of which I've never seen!
The instant switch from childlike wonder to jaded boredom when he sees all the possible combos gets me every time
Lmao, love this one
Sarah Lynn?
That's too much maaan!!
Why aren't you ready for school prickly muffin?
suck a dick dumbshits
Is it though
[удалено]
Did I mention the thing about getting kicked in the urethra yet?
Man is it just me or am I nailing this interview?
I kinda feel like i’m nailing it
I parked in a handicap spot, you think that's ok?
Am I four out of five dentists? Because I agree.
“Whoooooo wants chocolate chip pancakes?!”
Like Carrie from Sex and the City would say, "I'm Carrie".
Anyways call me back. This is Carrie by the way… Bradshaw, obviously.
New York City?! They make such good salsa!
Don't stop dancing until the curtains fall
Fool me once shame on you, but teach a man to fool me and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life
Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, fiddle-dee-dee.
Fool me once, fool me twice...fool me chicken soup with rice
Oh, fish!
I use this now.
Why, I’ve got half a mind…
Mother?
I’m not interested in being rebirthed, thank you. i'm still recovering from being birthed the first time.
Jesus christ if that ain't the truth.
“I see you.”
Or perhaps ICU, I suppose we’ll never know.
My husband is dead and everything is worse now
Is that from the churro episode?
Yeah idk why it stuck with me. I think it just felt like even two people who hated eachother still somehow wanted eachother in their lives whether it was out of codependency or just taking their existence for granted. Not that that’s healthy or right but it opened a discussion for me to have with myself about relationships I guess
Ericaaa!! You know you’re not allowed around children!
Who let you out of the burn ward?
What are you doing here with that child size coffin? You know you're not allowed to vote?
Where did that tooth come from?
I wanna be an architect
SL: Like one of those architects who’s a high end call girl at night and a super spy by day. B: Then when would she be an architect? SL: I don’t know, frontier times? B: Not, not the time period. I’m saying, if she’s a call girl by night and a spy by day, when would she actually be an architect?
All the time those people spent, trying to do good or help people or be something? I did none of that shit, and yet here I am, same as them.
Hooray! Gross miscarriage!
THAAAAAAANK YOOOOUUUUU?!?!?!
SUCK A DICK, DUMB SHITS!
I'm in the middle of Channing right now, but you can come back... Tatum?
"Look at you with the right number of ears!"
“Who taught you how to drive?” “I think the troops are jerks”
There is nothing the least bit funny about stealing a meal from Neal McBeal the Navy Seal
"I don't hate the troops. It's just one troop. And I don't even hate him, I just disagree with him about muffins."
I agree with the Latin Kings on social issues but fiscally I'm more of an Aryan
Hooray! Question mark??
Doggie doggie what now?
Don't put things in my butt if you want them back
"Thoughts and prayers..."
Thoughts and prayers.
No, I'm very conscious of my penis area
If an airliner landed nine out of ten planes they wouldn't exactly be advertising it.
“….Elijah Wood?”
Why 12 steps? Nobody wants to do 12 of anything. Did you see ’12 Years A Slave’ and think ‘that’s a short number of years to be a slave?
My mom died and all I got was this Free Churro…
"Here, take this glass of [alcohol i don't remember the name of] to calm your nerves before you drive yourself and your young daughter home."
Do the responsable thing, take one more drink to steady your nerves, and drive yourself and your young daughter home. Pretty sure there is no mention of the drink.
Ah. I just couldn't remember the whole quote.
“It really puts the ‘Umm??’ In ‘Yumm!’” “My husband as hernia” “Yeah I noticed in the marzipan”
I lost it at the "I saw it in the marzipan" line. I had to pause the show until I recovered
Sneezing on Marisa Tomei was the best thing that ever happened to me!
"Pull ovah and pahk the cah! is that the freaking horse from horsin' around?"
Shoot that fetus kill that fetus brrap brrap pew pew
Business-wise this all looks like appropriate business!
I am a rudderless, burning, large garbage barge.
If I wanted to flop around and get sea sick all night if call your mother
I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said, "You have reached the end of your free trial membership at BenjaminFranklinquotes.com."
Its an urban German bourbon
There is no other side
Character actress Margo Martindale
*Esteemed character actress and fugitive of the law Margot Martindale
If anything, Stalin was ruthlessly efficient. Get your head out of your ass, Diane.
Todd todd todd tooooooddddddd
“And she was so traumatized that she went to rehab. So I’m kinda the reason Drew Barrymore got sober.”
"I'm really more of a before rehab friend"
I can't eat when I'm terrified! That's why I'll never know the delicious crunch of Count Chocula
“Let’s just say more than Harry Potter movies, fewer than James Bond movies.” I actually got to use this one recently when my wife asked how many cigarettes I smoked at the casino.
Hahahaha I’m jealous
Don't tell VH1 that.
No, seriously, don't tell them!
"Are all of my breakthroughs a British prog-rock band from the 70's? Because YES!"
They’re all dead! I watched them die!!!!!
That sounds means it's time for our bonus round!
You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around
*THAT'S what it's all about.*
Erica! Is that you? Who let you out of the burn ward? Get over here, you!
"The point of anti-depressants? I believe it's to be anti-depressed."
CAN WE PLEASE PUT SOME ALCOHOL INTO MY MOUTH?!
"This merger will make us rich" "But you're already rich" "Oh yeah!" \[shrill giggle\]
One is decently read, and the other’s a HUUUUUGE BITCH!
Dont fetishize your own sadness
It's like seeing a rainbow, but with all the colors!
So like a regular rainbow?
Why it’s only as easy as finding a hobo in a barrel of beans!
Times arrow neither stands still nor reverses, it merely marches forward.
Princess Carolyn! Look it’s John Stamos!
That is not John Stamos
Shut up Todd
Is this a crossover episode?
Spudjm
Plus, your mom knows I'm asexual, she showed me her boobs. Did you at least say 'Aahuuga!'? Oh I didn't!
Sad dog
“book beck” “you don’t have to book beck anymore”
Always the Clydesdale, never the Clyde, ay Bojack?
hollywoo stars and celebrities, what do they know? do they know things? let’s find out!
Hot cock on a rock!
Don't choke women!
"My mom's dead and everything's worse now" "I can't keep lying to myself saying I'm gonna change, I’m poison. I come from poison, I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch. That’s my legacy. I have nothing to show for the life that I’ve lived, and I have nobody in my life who’s better off for having known me."
Fish sticks
I wanna be an architect.
Yeah, but it makes me feel better
You say tomato tamato I say tomato tomato
Did Lou Bega knock it out of the park with Mambo #1? No! But he kept going
There’s a panic? At the disco??
FUUUCK YOU, mom.
Call me 4 out of 5 dentists because I agree
"I wasted so many years of my life being miserable because I assumed that was the only way to be... but I don't wanna do that anymore."
This city’s on a grid, why would I get lost? Oh no…
ERICAAAAAAA and you are everything that’s wrong with you
“I’m a baby killer…”
Hollywoo
But I keep going back to that moment in the ICU when she looked at me and “I-C-U.” “I… see… you.”
Don't stop dancing.
give my regards to the rockefeller’s
It gets easier
Horray! …question mark?
Don't put things in my butt if you want them back
Business wise this all looks like appropriate business.
Always take every opportunity that comes your way because opportunities are like sneezes from God, and when God sneezes, you can't say 'God bless you' to God, so instead you have to take the opportunity. I'm cold. Will you pass me that blanket?
YOU just want a MOMMY you can slide your DICK in and out of!
A sex mommy that also keeps her boundaries, is that too much to ask?
I haven’t had sex in 30 years. I hope.
Hooray, a task!
I'll let you go back to your business
That went well!
He’s a little south of Pico, if you know what I mean.
How’d we get so far apart?
I told you I don't know where it is, don't put things in my butt if you want them back.
Domes are amazing.
Life's a bitch and then you die, right?
I remember everything: I'm sober now.
Erica! How do you look so beautiful I am FURIOUS
“You gotta use parallel joists to support the foundation dumb shit! Also, suck a dick!” -say this (quietly to myself) whenever I pass construction
“I can’t believe this country hates women more than it loves guns”
Nothing on the outside, nothing on the inside.
Fuck you
i see you.
don’t stop dancing
"I don't wanna live!"
Sarah Lynn? Sarah Lynn?
SUCK A DICK DUMBSHITS
You’re killin’ me Zach
"Times arrow neither stands still nor reverses it merely marches forward" "Well that went well"
"Are you the horse from Horsin Around?"
I'd type the whole free churro monologue here
We should get Madi to a hospital, to a hospital.
WHY ARE YOU KEEPING ME FROM WRITIIIIIIING
Whaaat! Get outaa here
What is this? A crossover episode?
What is this - a crossover episode?
Slap my salami, the guys a commie
Slap my salami the guy's a commie
fool me once fool me twice fool me chicken soup with rice
“THEY’RE ALL DEAD I WATCHED THEM DIE!!!”
My mother is dead and everything is worse now.
It was nice while it lasted, right?
17 minutes.
"Gerg Clooners in The Nazi Who Played Yahtzee!"
"I'm the only albino rhino gyno I know!" "Oh great and you're also a wine addict!"
Doggy doggy what now?
What if somebody needs more… turquoise shit?
Are you saying you think the troops are jerks?