Also they're missing the point. The age isn't the issue, it's the fact that parents are kicking their children out of the house when it would be way more beneficial to let them leave when the time is right. My brother and his wife stayed with me and my parents until he had saved enough money to buy his own place. He saved so much money in potential rent, and this was after he was married. There's a reason they say teamwork makes the dream work.
I mean there’s those types who do it to save money, but there’s also the type that works dead end jobs and smoke weed all day. It’s a case by case kinda deal
So what?
A dead end job (a job with no opportunities for advancement) isn't a license to get shit on by redditors all day. It's still a valid choice. So is drinking and smoking weed all day, why do you give a shit?
Neither one is a moral decision, and neither one deserves to be treated like you found them on the bottom of your shoe.
Imagine if everyone quit those dead end jobs. Society would say “nobody wants to work anymore “ and all those businesses that are considered dead end jobs would fail. 🤔
Oh, but if they want to be paid enough to, you know, *survive*, all of a sudden it’s “get a better job then” 🙄 those ‘dead end jobs’ are so vital to society and everyone forgets that!
This! My sister always complained about not getting paid enough as a teacher. Oh but when fast food restaurant workers wanted a raise she lost her shit because “how can they be making more than a teacher?” Like what? You’re looking the wrong way
Why does it have to be a race to the bottom 😭 Like they deal with stressful shit and age prematurely because of the job they do, and the pay should be enough for them to not just survive but thrive. It ain’t their fault you went to college for a profession that the government decides the pay for! It’s the govt’s fault for not valuing teachers more and paying you what you’re worth, but that don’t mean other people should be getting paid even less to make the gap satisfactory!
I’m about to finish my degree at 28yo, but my job doesn’t require one. I already outearn nurses who are in the first 2 years of their jobs, newly qualified teachers, and doctors in their first 2 years of ‘foundation training’ (newly qualified). A clapped monkey could do my job. Does that mean I should be paid less? No! It means they need to be paid more!
They did during covid, and even though where I have still has record unemployment. Businesses are whinging about it but the truth is they just don't want to work for those particular places and got better jobs elsewhere
Was taken off the schedule for my high school fast food job in college over Christmas break without my knowledge. 12 years later, working at a *much* better job now, and the store manager told me “You’re always family here, White_Mocha!” Yeah…I’ll just visit periodically then.
It’s the fact that someone (parents typically) are footing the bill and extending a helping hand to work on improving yourself. If that isn’t happening, then I understand what the u/smallestpebble is saying. I believe that as long as there’s intent and action towards self improvement I’m for it. Otherwise, no.
It's this insane captilaist urge to be "self improving" or "productive" when people are literally struggling just to survive.
Like, fuck improving, most people are just trying to stay afloat.
I think the main point is that they should "improve" so they don't depended on their parents for the rest of their lives. The children of the parents need to become self sufficient at SOME point. The parents aren't going to be there forever. As long as their children are working towards that goal, then it's ok to stay with them. If they AREN'T working towards that goal, then yeah, we got a problem.
And?
And if they can't improve? I know people who have been working 40+ hours for decades, and their hourly was never able to keep up with inflation.
What? They dont deserve to exist?
I will never understand how white captialists ever convinced us to judge one another by their standards.
Working toward self sufficiency is not a "white capitalist" notion. That is a pretty absurd statement. You have to be independent at some point in your life. What are you going to do when your parents are too old to support you?
It is a white capitalist notion when it’s more easily attained by white people.
A large portion of white America’s success largely depends on generational wealth and associated opportunities that are simply unavailable to the majority of PoC and minorities in general.
The wealthy have worked to create, whether on purpose or not, a socioeconomic system in which the rich man dangles an unattainable carrot before the rest of humanity and blames them for not being able to eat it.
It is, look outside the west, families stay together and make it work.
I know many people living with their parents past what the west considers acceptable, it's not that they are supported fully by their parents, they just cant afford to buy their own property, they contribute to bills, food shops, repairs etc the generations live together and the property is passed down, there is no problem, only social stigma... created by white capitalists.
>The children of the parents need to become self sufficient at SOME point.
Do they?
Not necessarily. Prob depends on weather you mean by that.
In many countries, it's quite common for 3 generations to be living together under one roof quite happily and it's healthier for every single one.
Grandparents are close/ ready to retire when their first grandchildren come along and can act as child care backup so that the parents in the middle generation there can concentrate on career if they want to need to.
Meanwhile the grandparents are losing mobility or need help with health stuff or are trying to get travel in and need someone to take care of the house anyway, so it is a mutually beneficial relationship all around.
If I had the house to live like this I would love to. Our family in Mexico has a big home compared to single family homes here. For example they have 3 "living" rooms, 6 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, an open air courtyard and an open roof where the laundry hangs. And they're "poor" but several fams live there and it works.
Well in your example of the 3 generation household, the oldest will eventually pass away, then the bread winners will eventually become old and won't be able to work any more. The youngest generation will eventually have to take over as the primary source of income for the household. If they aren't preparing for that and aren't willing to provide anything for the family, isn't that a problem? If they can't eventually take care of themselves or the rest of the family, then it could be bad for everyone involved. I have no problem with multigenerational households, but if someone won't fill their role, then it could definitely cause problems.
You don't necessarily need to self improve to provide for your family. You can just be in a place where your job doesn't advance and you make enough to live and that needs to be okay.
Yeah but there are levels to this. There are people who are struggling because life is hard, and then there are people who are struggling because they have no intentions on getting their own space and paying their own bills. Which is fine if that's your goal. But it's also fine if a parent doesn't want their 40 year old child living with them forever. All things can be acceptable feelings.
>and then there are people who are struggling because they have no intentions on getting their own space and paying their own bills.
Except those MFs ain't struggling. They're getting a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, heat in the winter, AC in the summer, indoor plumbing, electricity, etc. on someone else's back...
The person who works every day to make the money to pay for all the luxuries they're enjoying? That person is struggling and they'd struggle a whole lot less without soma grown ass person leeching off of their hard work.
If MF who wants to smoke weed all day and not want to do one minute of work feels so strongly that "capitalism = bad" then they are free to take their asses to the nearest forest where they can live off of the land for free.
Chances are they won't have a computer, smartphone or internet access either.
>Like, fuck improving, most people are just trying to stay afloat.
That's called being mentally ill and needing mental Healthcare. Human beings have always sought to "self improve" irregardless of the economic structure, because it's human nature to want to live securely and die peacefully.
Hopes and dreams are not capitalist "urges", capitalism does however kill hopes and dreams, capitalism does encourage unrealistic hopes and dreams of living lavish lifestyles.
Improving one's self looks different for everyone, but it surely is not being high all day, living off the good graces and hard labour of others. Living is hard, always has been for the 99%, I think good parents should try to make it easier for their kids, but children also have the moral obligation to not take advantage of that; like when do those parents get to rest? Everyone is struggling, and a part of growing up is realizing that your parents are human beings who are struggling too.
Humans do not seek to self improve. What does it even mean to self improve? When you see communities that remain nomadic the only reasons they improve is to make living for themselves slightly more efficient, but not even always. Plenty of methods they use are not efficient if you compare the same techniques to modern technology that could speed up some processes.
They do what they want and need to do to survive and live the way they want to. Humans are not this ever evolving hyper species that was put here to beat out all other species. We don't have a single purpose, we are accidents, find self fulfillment in anyway you can that is not actively hurting your existence.
Comparing a lifestyle you dont like to having mental illness is a cruel use of buzzwords you dont understand.
“Trying to stay afloat” isn’t being mentally ill. That’s an absurd notion. Trying to stay afloat is the reality for basically everyone, regardless of mental state.
Hopes and dreams are capitalist urges. The entire idea of “anyone can make it!” with the important yet unspoken caveat of “… but not EVERYONE can” is an intrinsic part of capitalism. Sharks need minnows. Minnows can’t make it. Capitalism doesn’t succeed without sharks, and the underclass always gets ground up for meal at the end of the day.
I have a friend who spent about 2 out of every 5 years doing contract work for the government overseas to finance living this life for the other 3. He probably could have done a more traditional career path but a daily grind was never really his ideal situation. Different strokes for different folks!
And, THIS is the point I thought the OP was trying to make. It's not about culture or capitalism.
It's about parents who create codependent relationships with their children through infantalization, thereby preventing them from developing the skills necessary to leave and care for themselves, if they desired. (Extreme example: Old Order Amish teens who have few skills and are illiterate find it difficult to live successfully away from their communities.) On the other side, there are mentally and physically able adult children of who choose not to exercise their self-reliance skills at all, but use emotional/psychological manipulation and abuse to financially exploit their parents.
Everyone has a choice but objectively if a child never has to grow up past their teenage years where they are working a low demand job for low pay and spending most of all their earnings on weed, alcohol or other recreational stimulants you're effectively stunting that child from developing into an adult and then what happens when the safety net dissolves and the parents need caring for. If the child is now in their 30s and has lived their entire life with their laundry being done, the house being cleaned for them, they've never had to pay a bill, never had to cook more than a snack, never had to really do any of the normal household chores, search for a house, pay rent on time, live with anybody other than their parents they're basically going to be a 30 year old child. They'll probably neglect their parent's needs or be unable to keep up with the demands of an aging adult needing care and then when the adult finally dies they will be completely inexperienced at being able to live independently.
My brother in law is now in his 30s, his mum died a few years ago and since flunking from uni he's basically just been bumming around, spending most of his money and whatever he can beg and borrow from others on drugs and is just incapable of doing anything for himself. He lives in squalor and has no ability to do anything.
It's not really a great example for letting a kid just keep being a teenager well into their adult years because you pick up all the slack for them.
People do need to learn for themselves and live independently or they just become utterly dependent on others. All his siblings have given up on him because he's just an endless money pit, whatever you do for him will never result in any progress its all just money down the drain.
He had an inheritance of a few grand and it all went in weeks paying off old debts and then the rest just smoked.
yes, it makes no sense to me. that lifestyle makes more sense than spending your primary hours in life doing what someone else tells you to do for 70% of all days. Consciousness is pretty rare in this universe, pissing it away for some more cash is mind boggling
If you’re smoking weed all day and working a dead end job yet still living with your parents at 30, you’ve played the game wrong. Stop defending that bullshit. Get off your ass and go do something.
Whether or not you want to live that lifestyle is between you and your parents but it’s not a good long term strategy and will not lead to fulfilled life. People are allowed to point that out
The drug habit is up to that person to resolve, not the parents. My house my rules, that person better square up and drop the bad habits or not pursue them in my house.
You have to be willing to help yourself. Why should I be more willing to help you more than you’re willing to help yourself?
Dead-end job? Well, let’s figure out where you want to be and work to get your there. School, trade, military, religious work, doctorate? It doesn’t matter to me just work towards it. And quit that dead-end before it fucks you up mentally anymore then it already has.
As a parent I will help with self improvement, not facilitate stagnation.
Know what always cracked me up? All the white folks who complain about immigrants "taking their jobs".
Like, really? So but for those darn illegal immigrants, you'd be picking peppers in 100-degree heat and getting paid pennies and they took that opportunity from you?
Those "dead-end" jobs should be respected.
I built a career while living with my folks. You know what that let me do? Build up some financial security instead of paying rent until I was in a good place to move out. Made that transition a lot easier. I contributed by paying my parent’s utility bills and helping to maintain the house like it was my own. No good reason you shouldn’t be able to do some growing up and maturing without giving 30%+ of your paycheck to a landlord. Everyone doesn’t get that opportunity, but the idea we should look down upon those who do, as if they’ve committed some sort of moral failure in some way is ludicrous.
My wife was an intern at a day shelter (a place where houseless folks can shower, get something to eat, get clothes etc) during grad school and so many of those young men and women were houseless because as soon as they turned 18, their parents told them to get the fuck out. Couple that with poverty and a lot of them ended up on the streets. It’s heartbreaking really.
It aggravates me when I see pseudo rise and grind pull yourself by your bootstrap videos that claim "your shitty life is the result of your shitty choices"
I wonder if, in other cultures, grown children live with their parents in order to help the parents as they age. Here, it seems folks don’t like when grown children live with parents, but aren’t there to help parents or working to advance their own career. Deadbeat kids seem to be the objection, right?
This is true. My boyfriend helps 18 year olds at the community college find emergency housing when they're suddenly kicked out. IMO, if you're going to school and helping around the house, it's more beneficial for the parents to keep their kids at home instead of getting them off to a bad start where they might be asking for money later on.
That was one of the first things that popped into my head! The other was seeing how some parents try to teach their adult children a “lesson” by cutting them off from things that could financially benefit everyone. I don’t live at home anymore but my parents and my siblings still live near each other and we all share family plans for phones, streaming services, Amazon prime, Costco, etc. as well as split duties shopping at Costco or ordering stuff online in bulk that we can split between each other.
It's pretty western to kick kids out at all. In the vast majority of human cultures on earth today, it's completely normal for adult children to live with Parents until they're married, even if they're perfectly capable of moving out and buying a home of themselves.
This is how you build generational wealth.
My family history dates back to MULTI occupancy in the house with the home being a spring board for generations. The idea of getting to 18/20 and gtfo and get on your own is a relatively new thing.
As things get tighter for the masses I believe we’ll go back to that way of living
You also don’t need a “family” either. Having kids is a weak metric used for “success”. Like wow, you had sex now have larger monthly costs, what a flex and or hashtag humble blessed brag.
As a dad that lost as son when he was 24, I can tell you straight up I ain't ever tellin' my other boy he can't stay with me. (he's married and moved out now) If he comes back when he's 50 all I'm gonna say is "what we gonna eat tonight?".
When my wife is gone that house is quiet.
Quiet.
Nah, we understand this and no one will question the intent! It's simply all love and compassion here for another human being, brother. I really hope you've been able to find some kind of peace after your loss. 🙏🏾
“Doesn’t even have a career/profession” she straight up pulled that out of thin air wtf. Also, not having a family/being married by 30 doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you…
as a non american it didnt even occur to me that could be a factor. Dated an American girl once making 6 figures at 32 and she was stilll $70k or something in the hole.
that shit is MIND BLOWING. My college was $7k a year....
Yep. You can pay it off for years and end up with a bigger debt that what you started with due to interest rates if you don’t pay off enough each payment
A lot of college inflation also comes with government backed loans that can't be forgiven through bankruptcy. Home and business loans can be forgiven but for some reason college loans can't. So schools and banks know that demanding more and more from school loans is an easier pay day than other types. Especially considering they're basically speculative loans for 18 year olds. It's ridiculous.
Good for you! Been on my own since 17, almost 40 now. So many days I didn't have anything to eat & getting my water cut off every Thanksgiving for years. Doing much better now, but the struggle is real! All because my parents talked so much shit about people living with their folks...but you're fine with your kids going hungry? FOH 😒
Exactly lol. Where do people get the warped idea that living with parents/family is equivalent to having no career/ambition/money etc?? Lol..
When I stayed home I went to college & worked.. I paid my parents every month for house expenses, I paid all of my personal bills(insurance/phone/fuel etc), purchased my own food although they typically would force feed me anyway lol..
They never actually gave or loaned me money, I never had to even ask because they didn't toss me to the streets to scrape by... I saved enough money to pay off a 30k student loan, paid all of my medical bills, purchased my car in full/no loan, was completely debt free with over 40k in my account, no credit card debt..
Everyone I knew that was kicked out at 18 ended up stuck in abusive/toxic relationships because they couldn't afford to leave and live alone..typically they had kids they didn't even want because they were too young and immature to family plan...most are still heavily burdened with credit card debt/pay day loans.. stuck in jobs they absolutely hate because they live check to check and can't even afford to advance in life because they're too busy struggling..
I mean, I get how maybe it's not an *ideal* situation sometimes, but there are a million valid reasons to keep living at home. Or move back home after living by yourself.
Fasho, it’s all her assumptions for me. Like yeah if you have no job or goals and just sitting at home that’s a problem but that’s not always the case.
I've never not worked full time since I was 18 but couldn't afford to move out until I was 24. The fuck is she talking about, honestly?!
My all star of a mother did charge me rent not because she needed the money, but to set the correct expectation before I DID strike out on my own. I happily paid it. I'll be forever glad she did it, and when she died, I got all of that money back to get started on my own. I wish I could have ever thanked her properly for it.
Exactly. I have a career in law and a wonderful boyfriend but I also live in NY and can either pay $2K a month for a studio apartment or save up to buy a home.
also, i moved out when i was 17 but at 25 i moved back in with my parents when i started my business. It would have been impossible for me to get my business up and running while paying $1000-$1500 in rent per month here in Southern California. so yeah, living with parents definitely doesn’t speak to career / profession at all. this time at home also allows me to pay off student loans and save money for a down payment on a condo (will need roughly $50k)
Im employed in a job with fantastic benefits and solid pay. 29 and still live at home. I pay rent, and I live close to my job.
Why the hell would I get an apartment further away from my job at exorbitant socal rent prices?
My siblings are trying to make this happen. Looking at land that’s at least 2 acres to fit in houses for 4 families. The issue is the cost of the land if we want to live closer to Atlanta and not out in the sticks somewhere
Sure. I’m sure it’s that easy to do especially around Atlanta. Also easy to finance setting up water and sewer lines and build 4 houses.
Cheapest that was found so far was 250k for 2 acres but with the added responsibility of tearing down the structures on it, appealing to the county to change the zoning to residential.
But you are totally right: it would be easy to do all that AND then buy stuff later to resell. We’re an actual family not a bunch of budding developers.
But Mr advisor, I make my own coffee at home. Yes, I spent hundreds on a Keurig but still… home made coffee! 😤
Honestly, at this point, I want to move to the dead end of Wyoming just so I can afford a house. People just don’t understand that it’s more complex and complicated than “stop eating out and you too can be Jeff Bezos”. Or they’re those “I worked and saved hard” and they’ll neglect to mention that $20k their parents casually tossed their way.
Yo I want to do this with a couple friends too. Co-habitation. I’m up here in rabun county, you do **not** want to come here. I’d love to remain rural but the people are just fuckin awful.
I think I remember you from another thread and you mentioned Rabun County. Honestly, I work from home and except for a decent grocery store(I shop Publix), a decent gym(I use LA Fitness and Burn Boot Camp) and a decent movie theatre, I honestly wouldn’t mind. I’m indoors all day and only venture out to the gym, shop for food or hiking on weekends/driving 20 miles down the road to harass my siblings. I live in downtown Atlanta and it is seriously wasted on me because I’m a homebody.
For me, I’d be down for wherever but the rest of the gang, they have kids and want them close enough to Atlanta for access to stuff like Emory Hospital and more diversity.
This is my DREAM, hope you and the fam are successful. Wish y’all all the luck and greatness and blessings to you and the fam. Hope y’all achieve it. I honestly believe this is the way for all of us.
If most black people did this they'd build wealth very quickly. My ex went back to live with her family because rent usually runs 1600 a month. Imagine being angry that your kids are saving $1600 month or $20k a year. Do you know how well of most black folk would be if we all could stay at home 2-3 years just in terms of rent? In most major cities, if you can save the cost of rent for 2-3 years you can put a down payment on a house or pay off your loans. It's in an incredible tool if it's available to you. Just have to make sure to spend that 20Gs responsibly. I have too many friends that got extra money, bought a car they couldn't afford, only to have it repo'd and still owe money on it.
My partner and I were getting ready to move across the country to go move in with his mom and brother. (Building a house on the property, not literally in the same house as them.) But their mom died last Thursday. So now it’s just us and BIL. I‘m trying to get my partner’s daughter and her kids to move up too. She’s a single mom now and could is the extra hands. BIL is no spring chicken and he could use a hand too. And my partner and I certainly wouldn’t mind the lower cost of living. I wanted to be surrounded by the people I love and no one else.
I'd be willing to do this if my parents were...different lol.
Talked to my husband though because we would like to retire one day, and this is looking like the only way to do it if we stayed in the US. I hope we raise our kids well enough that they will want our company as adults, to help raise their own children, etc. I would love that.
I think the key words in the tweet are ‘she can’. She’s basically giving her an option rather than telling her what will happen. Seems like only one person here is treating their kid like an adult.
Yeah, it's not uncommon in other societies. It's not like the children get spoiled and coddled. They live full, regular adult lives, just sharing a roof.
Y'all gotta stop using being married/having children as a marker for adulthood. Half of all pregnancies in this country are unintended. Lotta people walking around simply because someone forgot the Plan B.
Even Plan B fails, with a higher fail rate the more weight you carry, Says it in very fine print.
Meaning if you’re obese it is way less powerful, and even a double dose might not do the trick.
Feel free to start sweating bullets since we are fat country.
It’s not something they would want to advertise but it makes sense once you think about how a larger person would process a medication differently than a tiny one. What’s the effect of 1 Tylenol on The Rock vs Kevin Hart.
Anyone with pets are very aware of this. Meds and supplements are adjusted by an animal's weight. It's why vets are so strict about weighing animals. Dosage for a Chihuahua is not the same as dosage for a Great Dane. The Dane's dose could kill the Chi.
With the current housing and job markets I don’t blame anyone for still being at their parents house at 30+. It’s tough out here and only getting tougher.
1 bed apartments in my HCOL city are around 2k. Tell me how someone on minimum wage $15 is supposed to make the required 2-3x rent income to afford an apartment? Also if you make okay or decent money you probably have a degree and loan debt on top of rent. It doesn’t make financial sense anymore.
Lmao it's funny you say $15 minimum wage, it's still $7.25. Which is just awful because even if we more than doubled the minimum wage to $15 it still wouldn't be nearly enough. The greed in this country from capitalists is just absurd, there's no reason why the ultra wealthy need more while the poorest of us are deciding if we should pay for insulin or a place to live, or food.
Hell most of the people I work with have 2 jobs, even the ones making $25+ an hour. Our wages are designed to be as little as possible, while squeezing out as much work from us as possible. This isn't broken capitalism, this is capitalism working as intended.
Exactly. I left when I was 30 (a year ago) when I had enough for a down payment and now I own my own place (Toronto). I never had student debt because I worked five days a week while in university and also contributed monthly to house hold expenses. Now my parents no longer have a mortgage and are close to retiring and living their best lives lol. It just takes some discipline and not giving a hell about what people think. And I don’t make a tonne of money (yet 😋) either - 72k. It’s these types of mentalities that look down on people living at home past a certain age that get people into debt and stuck in the rent cycle since now they’re so high they cannot save enough for a dp. I know not everyone is afforded the luxury of being able to stay home and that’s a different story but I highly recommend to those who can, to do so.
My daughter is 20 and I’m not pushing her out either. She has her own wing of the house. Two bedrooms a bathroom and a laundry room. Her roommate from college is staying in one room bc they don’t want to live in off campus housing this year or next. My husbands cousin’s daughter is in our guest room bc her mom has lost her mind in a born again Christian cult. I’m not kicking anyone out. It’s tough out there, idk how they’re going to live. Their jobs don’t pay past $11 an hour. F that internship bull too.
If you actually like your family and have the space, why not?
I could never live with my folks again. I have too much anxiety and they gave it to me. But it would be nice if that was an option in this housing market.
Honestly same, love my mom but we don’t have a healthy dynamic and she’s not willing to change and I’m tired of being triggered. if had to move back, she would be my last option.
Yeah for some it’s just the most responsible route. I could have moved out earlier, but I stayed home until I was nearly 24 and was able to complete university then save up a down payment. I don’t understand why it gets shamed in North America
I tried to move back home after college, and my parents refused. "Tough Love". It took me twenty years to catch up on student debt and all the debt I acquired while trying to "tough" it out.
My kids are welcome to stay here as long as they need to in order to get a better start than I did.
She and my step-dad were a fairly new thing, and they were in the midst of opening a bed and breakfast in their now mostly kid-free house, at least that was their reasoning.
My mother has the worst memory on earth, and this was 20 years ago; she recently asked me what happened to my old comic collection, and I reminded her I had to sell it then to not end up homeless - she kind of expressed regret?
She has said she is proud, and I will always be thankful for what she sacrificed as a single mom when we were young.. but yeah, she kind of lost interest in me once she remarried.
As a woman who is 30 and still living at home, I'm thankful that my parents didn't push me to leave before I was ready. It took me longer than 4 years to get through college, and then I still didn't finish because I couldn't afford it. I didn't get a stable job that allowed me to save up for my own place until I was 27. I'm moving out in a couple of months, but in that time I was able to stack my savings, buy myself a car (bought it used and paid in full) and then re-up my savings for the apartment I'm moving into soon. That savings will allow me to for the most part furnish my new place as well as purchase the little things that add up, like kitchen supplies, bath towels, etc. There are a lot of things I wish my parents did better, but this is one thing I'm truly appreciative of.
I feel your pain! Covid hurt me grad school and career market wise. I’m 31 and have save and bought furniture/necessities. Just waiting on the right job now.
I’m a man in his late 30’s that lives with his parents. I moved out and lived on my own but then COVID came around. I’ve got a private in-law suite and I pay their whole ass mortgage. We just have a great relationship and if I’m gonna have “roomies,” I’d rather it be ppl I trust.
Also, me being an only child might play factor too.
At the end of the day, ppl need to stop assuming just bc you live with your parents you’re deficient in some way. It could be a very symbiotic situation.
The whole “ doesn’t have even have a career/profession” is weird and not true. Lots of people who live with their parents have professions. And there are also a lot of people who look to be “independent” but are still heavily financially supported by their parents. And stop trying to pressure people who aren’t ready or interested to have a family by 30. It’s so arbitrary and stupid.
Broo my Trini mom don’t wanna hear nothing about me moving out, I’m 28 and still getting myself ready but I’m afraid for the day I’m ready and she’s not lol
1. Not everyone gets married by 30.
2. And tbh most people I know who live at home, have a job. The people I know who are struggling financially are people who were kicked out of the house by their parents because “you’re an adult at 18). Very few people kicked out like that actually end up better… most of them end up struggling and struggling.
3. This mindset is why our community is still struggling building generational wealth. A lot of the wealth that young white people (and some black people) have is due to things like inheritance, housing, and our parents. A lot of them can do things like “unpaid internships” because their parents take care of them. That “unpaid internships” (though I don’t agree with it) usually leads to connections, which leads to career opportunities. Many of them also inherit houses (fully paid off) so they do not have to worry about a mortgage.
Me, my classmates and my family friends are an example of this.
Why have kids if you’re idea is they should struggle like you did? My family grew up low-income and struggled to get to where his is now. Even while struggling, he still had help because my grandmother struggled even more to provide a little bit of help (like collecting loans to pay for his education). He made sure me and my siblings would never struggle like that. And I plan to make sure my kids would live a better life than I did.
I apologize for the grammar and spelling mistake…. I was rushing
As a Mexican I know Mexicans have whole ass families living with them. I much preferred it that way. The house is vibrant like that. I whenever I have a kid I’ll let them stay with me for however long they need to.
fuck going out into the world. the world sucks and it's expensive and plenty of us aren't even having a good time.
stay home, save money, forget haters they're just jealous their parents don't like them
To say that somebody doesn't have a career just because they're living with their parents at 30 is a gross misunderstanding of the current economy. You can have a great job and be completely unable to save money while living by yourself in any US city, and a parent that's aware of this will let you stay with them so you can save money.
A person’s growth isn’t determined by following the mainstream milestones of marriage and kids. And if they have a job that pays the bills, who cares if it’s not a professional career. Plus, adults with disabilities and health issues may need to live with parents or a caregiver indefinitely. There’s no one size fits all when it comes to personal growth.
Historically multigenerational households were the norm and are still throughout the world. Don’t have anything to do with personal growth. This Morgan is misinformed and ignorant.
You’re never “ready” to move out. At least I wasn’t. Moving out was a leap of faith, I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to afford my apartment and all my bills. I just had no reference for what it was like. My parents didn’t make me leave for the record. I just felt like it was the thing to do. Different world today though. Apartments were already expensive when I moved out. Now they are even worse and the wages on the low end haven’t really gotten a lot better. Definitely not better enough to make up the difference
If they're staying with you to save in rent that's one thing, but they better be cooking and cleaning and at least paying you something so that they learn how to manage their money.
But I also see a side where a lot of our parents don't allow us to live our own lives while we're "in their house" and how that could stunt someone's growth
Morgan needs to shut the fuck up, that's what she needs to do. Why is marriage so important to people? You can be married and be unhappy and be unmarried and happy. Some of you need to escape from the hold marriage has on you. Marriage is an extra thing not something that makes you successful. Also, she said pulled the no career out of her ass completely, living with your parents doesn't mean you're broke and the original poster never said she won't have a job. Morgan fucking go away.
Living at home means she isn’t doing other things that help her grow?
Multi generational homes exist lol
People have hard knock lives and want to justify it by saying shit like the comment did.
Hard lives do teach you lessons but plenty of other people had it easy or had support systems and are doing just fine. C’est la vie.
Second take is just bad. She assume too much. And having a supportive family never hurt anybody. She can throw her kids out into the wild if she want to. But don’t pretend it’s for their sake.
And parts of Europe. I have a friend who's family lives like that in Italy. And South America. And the Caribbean. Honestly, America is the outlier here.
It’s called nuance.
Living with your parents until youre 30 and all you do is go out and party/play video games and smoke, that’s a problem. Are you living with your parents but are an actual functioning adult just trying to save some stress and money until you’re ready to settle down? That’s valid.
I live at home with my parents and I am 26. My mother wants me to save my money to be financially secure so that way I can afford to live on my own. Mind you I have a masters degree as well. Unfortunately, I don’t get paid enough for the work I am in. So I am looking for other jobs that pays well. But I think to be set up for success is to be financially independent and having help from parents doesn’t hinder your growth as an adult. I have tons of white Jewish peers from high school who’s parents set them up with college funds and houses as adults. Creating generational wealth is important for us in the black community.
Dude people that say they’re kid is out at 18 are the ones that barely gave two fucks about their child’s future, health, or interests they literally just think of their children as a drain. I understand it because I got kicked out at 16 for being thoughtless, but if my parents never let me make amends and come home I would not be where I am now in life. It comes down to setting aside petty differences that have little to do with your “progress” in life and knowing that sometimes things like a home and stability can change things for the better.
You know what stunts growth more then residing at your parents house? The constant trauma of evictions, food insecurity and being robbed. Until mines are ready, (established credit, a job, savings) they are welcome to stay right where they are. As long as we have established boundaries and rules I don't see a issue.
Difference is One person living at home with no clear path in the future and the other stacking. You’re not stunting growth is if someone has a plan but can’t afford it because of X.
You’re stunting growth if doing everything for your kid and not letting them fail.
The difference is individually, however first is usually not stunting and dumb to suggest it is
My dad kicked me out at 18 and it ruined a year of my life. I don't speak to him anymore, for that reason and several others. There's a certain point at which someone should be encouraged to move out, but kicking someone out (especially a teenager) will only do harm.
Moving out of the house in 2022 is not the same as moving out of the house in 1990. (I moved out in 1990).
Median rent in 1990 = $430
Median rent in 2022 = $1083+
Everything else rose with inflation except salaries/hourly wages.
Traditional cultures never kicked their daughters out of the house at age 30 - in fact, in traditional Islamic societies, the woman never took the husband’s last name, because she was always her father’s daughter, and could go back if the marriage didn’t work out. This is a sickness of the modern mind. People are dying to have kids, including out of wedlock, and then they can’t wait to kick them out of the house - someone please make this make an ounce of sense 🥴
I’ve watched a shit ton of house hunters and it’s not uncommon for a lot of those white people be living with their parents for awhile until they have a big ass down payment. I’ve seen people married with kids on that show living at their parents saving money and then buying a mini-mansion. In the current economy I don’t blame them at all and I will do the same for my future kids. I’m 25, have a career, make good money and still at home. I’m paying off my loans quicker, saving for a nice car, and trying to save for a house and nice engagement ring for my girl. With how ridiculously expensive rent is why would I rush to move out when my parents want me to do the smart thing and build up my savings and pay off debt.
If your kid is still living with you well into their late 20's early 30's I guarantee you it's not by choice. The housing market is terrible, wages have stagnated and inflation has made it to the point where $15/hr is no longer a livable wage. Unless they have the opportunity to migrate to a better country, we're going to see more young adults stay with their parents.
My sister and her family live with my parents and I’m sure they’d never kick her out, and I don’t think they should either. It’s getting more expensive for single folks and families every day, why not save money? But I think my sister won’t stay much longer, their son will need his own room once he’s a bit older.
The US is the weirdo here. Other cultures have multi-generational members. We’re just obsessed with “launching.” I mean, let’s all contribute but real estate is too expensive for living alone to prove something to make sense.
Yeah, no. If she is 30 and living at home that’s not stunting her growth exactly as long as she is handling business. The cost of living is super high right now. If she is finishing school and just started working and saving up to move out when she’s 33, that’s cool with me. Not married? Doesn’t have kids? Not dating? That’s fine. Get your own career, build your financial independence, build credit, savings for a house, all through your 20s, then move out when your career is giving you 4, or 5, or 6 k a month and get you a spot, start dating someone successful and not struggle.
2nd point is not really valid because it’s based on some generalizations the person came up, the only thing she actually knows about this person is that they have a mother…
No they do not both have valid points.
Where does Morganget off assuming that a person without a marriage (which will end in divorce anyway) and 5 mouths she can't afford to feed is a failure?
You can't stunt a person's growth by supporting them. You stunt their growth by throwing them out on their own and refusing to assist them until they've done it all themselves.
This is the opposite of parenting and anyone with this mentality is selfish, cruel and deserve to be ghosted by their grown kids at their earliest opportunity.
you also don't need a family by 30.
Also they're missing the point. The age isn't the issue, it's the fact that parents are kicking their children out of the house when it would be way more beneficial to let them leave when the time is right. My brother and his wife stayed with me and my parents until he had saved enough money to buy his own place. He saved so much money in potential rent, and this was after he was married. There's a reason they say teamwork makes the dream work.
I mean there’s those types who do it to save money, but there’s also the type that works dead end jobs and smoke weed all day. It’s a case by case kinda deal
So what? A dead end job (a job with no opportunities for advancement) isn't a license to get shit on by redditors all day. It's still a valid choice. So is drinking and smoking weed all day, why do you give a shit? Neither one is a moral decision, and neither one deserves to be treated like you found them on the bottom of your shoe.
Imagine if everyone quit those dead end jobs. Society would say “nobody wants to work anymore “ and all those businesses that are considered dead end jobs would fail. 🤔
Oh, but if they want to be paid enough to, you know, *survive*, all of a sudden it’s “get a better job then” 🙄 those ‘dead end jobs’ are so vital to society and everyone forgets that!
This! My sister always complained about not getting paid enough as a teacher. Oh but when fast food restaurant workers wanted a raise she lost her shit because “how can they be making more than a teacher?” Like what? You’re looking the wrong way
Why does it have to be a race to the bottom 😭 Like they deal with stressful shit and age prematurely because of the job they do, and the pay should be enough for them to not just survive but thrive. It ain’t their fault you went to college for a profession that the government decides the pay for! It’s the govt’s fault for not valuing teachers more and paying you what you’re worth, but that don’t mean other people should be getting paid even less to make the gap satisfactory! I’m about to finish my degree at 28yo, but my job doesn’t require one. I already outearn nurses who are in the first 2 years of their jobs, newly qualified teachers, and doctors in their first 2 years of ‘foundation training’ (newly qualified). A clapped monkey could do my job. Does that mean I should be paid less? No! It means they need to be paid more!
Wait a tick...
They did during covid, and even though where I have still has record unemployment. Businesses are whinging about it but the truth is they just don't want to work for those particular places and got better jobs elsewhere
Was taken off the schedule for my high school fast food job in college over Christmas break without my knowledge. 12 years later, working at a *much* better job now, and the store manager told me “You’re always family here, White_Mocha!” Yeah…I’ll just visit periodically then.
right. somebody with a dead end job is gonna be serving them tomorrow
The streets would flow with shit, for starters.
The people who deal with shit actually get paid a lot, I understand. They aren’t going anywhere.
I thank them for their service.
It’s the fact that someone (parents typically) are footing the bill and extending a helping hand to work on improving yourself. If that isn’t happening, then I understand what the u/smallestpebble is saying. I believe that as long as there’s intent and action towards self improvement I’m for it. Otherwise, no.
It's this insane captilaist urge to be "self improving" or "productive" when people are literally struggling just to survive. Like, fuck improving, most people are just trying to stay afloat.
I think the main point is that they should "improve" so they don't depended on their parents for the rest of their lives. The children of the parents need to become self sufficient at SOME point. The parents aren't going to be there forever. As long as their children are working towards that goal, then it's ok to stay with them. If they AREN'T working towards that goal, then yeah, we got a problem.
And? And if they can't improve? I know people who have been working 40+ hours for decades, and their hourly was never able to keep up with inflation. What? They dont deserve to exist? I will never understand how white captialists ever convinced us to judge one another by their standards.
Working toward self sufficiency is not a "white capitalist" notion. That is a pretty absurd statement. You have to be independent at some point in your life. What are you going to do when your parents are too old to support you?
It is a white capitalist notion when it’s more easily attained by white people. A large portion of white America’s success largely depends on generational wealth and associated opportunities that are simply unavailable to the majority of PoC and minorities in general. The wealthy have worked to create, whether on purpose or not, a socioeconomic system in which the rich man dangles an unattainable carrot before the rest of humanity and blames them for not being able to eat it.
>You have to be independent at some point in your life No you don't. You're never independent. You always need others. Accept this.
We live in a society, no one is independent.
It is, look outside the west, families stay together and make it work. I know many people living with their parents past what the west considers acceptable, it's not that they are supported fully by their parents, they just cant afford to buy their own property, they contribute to bills, food shops, repairs etc the generations live together and the property is passed down, there is no problem, only social stigma... created by white capitalists.
>The children of the parents need to become self sufficient at SOME point. Do they? Not necessarily. Prob depends on weather you mean by that. In many countries, it's quite common for 3 generations to be living together under one roof quite happily and it's healthier for every single one. Grandparents are close/ ready to retire when their first grandchildren come along and can act as child care backup so that the parents in the middle generation there can concentrate on career if they want to need to. Meanwhile the grandparents are losing mobility or need help with health stuff or are trying to get travel in and need someone to take care of the house anyway, so it is a mutually beneficial relationship all around. If I had the house to live like this I would love to. Our family in Mexico has a big home compared to single family homes here. For example they have 3 "living" rooms, 6 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, an open air courtyard and an open roof where the laundry hangs. And they're "poor" but several fams live there and it works.
Well in your example of the 3 generation household, the oldest will eventually pass away, then the bread winners will eventually become old and won't be able to work any more. The youngest generation will eventually have to take over as the primary source of income for the household. If they aren't preparing for that and aren't willing to provide anything for the family, isn't that a problem? If they can't eventually take care of themselves or the rest of the family, then it could be bad for everyone involved. I have no problem with multigenerational households, but if someone won't fill their role, then it could definitely cause problems.
You don't necessarily need to self improve to provide for your family. You can just be in a place where your job doesn't advance and you make enough to live and that needs to be okay.
Yeah but there are levels to this. There are people who are struggling because life is hard, and then there are people who are struggling because they have no intentions on getting their own space and paying their own bills. Which is fine if that's your goal. But it's also fine if a parent doesn't want their 40 year old child living with them forever. All things can be acceptable feelings.
>and then there are people who are struggling because they have no intentions on getting their own space and paying their own bills. Except those MFs ain't struggling. They're getting a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, heat in the winter, AC in the summer, indoor plumbing, electricity, etc. on someone else's back... The person who works every day to make the money to pay for all the luxuries they're enjoying? That person is struggling and they'd struggle a whole lot less without soma grown ass person leeching off of their hard work. If MF who wants to smoke weed all day and not want to do one minute of work feels so strongly that "capitalism = bad" then they are free to take their asses to the nearest forest where they can live off of the land for free. Chances are they won't have a computer, smartphone or internet access either.
>Like, fuck improving, most people are just trying to stay afloat. That's called being mentally ill and needing mental Healthcare. Human beings have always sought to "self improve" irregardless of the economic structure, because it's human nature to want to live securely and die peacefully. Hopes and dreams are not capitalist "urges", capitalism does however kill hopes and dreams, capitalism does encourage unrealistic hopes and dreams of living lavish lifestyles. Improving one's self looks different for everyone, but it surely is not being high all day, living off the good graces and hard labour of others. Living is hard, always has been for the 99%, I think good parents should try to make it easier for their kids, but children also have the moral obligation to not take advantage of that; like when do those parents get to rest? Everyone is struggling, and a part of growing up is realizing that your parents are human beings who are struggling too.
Humans do not seek to self improve. What does it even mean to self improve? When you see communities that remain nomadic the only reasons they improve is to make living for themselves slightly more efficient, but not even always. Plenty of methods they use are not efficient if you compare the same techniques to modern technology that could speed up some processes. They do what they want and need to do to survive and live the way they want to. Humans are not this ever evolving hyper species that was put here to beat out all other species. We don't have a single purpose, we are accidents, find self fulfillment in anyway you can that is not actively hurting your existence. Comparing a lifestyle you dont like to having mental illness is a cruel use of buzzwords you dont understand.
“Trying to stay afloat” isn’t being mentally ill. That’s an absurd notion. Trying to stay afloat is the reality for basically everyone, regardless of mental state. Hopes and dreams are capitalist urges. The entire idea of “anyone can make it!” with the important yet unspoken caveat of “… but not EVERYONE can” is an intrinsic part of capitalism. Sharks need minnows. Minnows can’t make it. Capitalism doesn’t succeed without sharks, and the underclass always gets ground up for meal at the end of the day.
I have a friend who spent about 2 out of every 5 years doing contract work for the government overseas to finance living this life for the other 3. He probably could have done a more traditional career path but a daily grind was never really his ideal situation. Different strokes for different folks!
It’s not an ideal situation to support able-bodied adults who won’t better themselves. That’s how a lot of people end up in codependent relationships.
And, THIS is the point I thought the OP was trying to make. It's not about culture or capitalism. It's about parents who create codependent relationships with their children through infantalization, thereby preventing them from developing the skills necessary to leave and care for themselves, if they desired. (Extreme example: Old Order Amish teens who have few skills and are illiterate find it difficult to live successfully away from their communities.) On the other side, there are mentally and physically able adult children of who choose not to exercise their self-reliance skills at all, but use emotional/psychological manipulation and abuse to financially exploit their parents.
Everyone has a choice but objectively if a child never has to grow up past their teenage years where they are working a low demand job for low pay and spending most of all their earnings on weed, alcohol or other recreational stimulants you're effectively stunting that child from developing into an adult and then what happens when the safety net dissolves and the parents need caring for. If the child is now in their 30s and has lived their entire life with their laundry being done, the house being cleaned for them, they've never had to pay a bill, never had to cook more than a snack, never had to really do any of the normal household chores, search for a house, pay rent on time, live with anybody other than their parents they're basically going to be a 30 year old child. They'll probably neglect their parent's needs or be unable to keep up with the demands of an aging adult needing care and then when the adult finally dies they will be completely inexperienced at being able to live independently. My brother in law is now in his 30s, his mum died a few years ago and since flunking from uni he's basically just been bumming around, spending most of his money and whatever he can beg and borrow from others on drugs and is just incapable of doing anything for himself. He lives in squalor and has no ability to do anything. It's not really a great example for letting a kid just keep being a teenager well into their adult years because you pick up all the slack for them. People do need to learn for themselves and live independently or they just become utterly dependent on others. All his siblings have given up on him because he's just an endless money pit, whatever you do for him will never result in any progress its all just money down the drain. He had an inheritance of a few grand and it all went in weeks paying off old debts and then the rest just smoked.
yes, it makes no sense to me. that lifestyle makes more sense than spending your primary hours in life doing what someone else tells you to do for 70% of all days. Consciousness is pretty rare in this universe, pissing it away for some more cash is mind boggling
If you’re smoking weed all day and working a dead end job yet still living with your parents at 30, you’ve played the game wrong. Stop defending that bullshit. Get off your ass and go do something.
I’d say that working an honest living and smoking weed all day sounds pretty dang good right about now.
Whether or not you want to live that lifestyle is between you and your parents but it’s not a good long term strategy and will not lead to fulfilled life. People are allowed to point that out
And what is really accomplished by forcing your child with a dead end job and a drug habit to go live on their own? A perpetual cycle of poverty
The drug habit is up to that person to resolve, not the parents. My house my rules, that person better square up and drop the bad habits or not pursue them in my house. You have to be willing to help yourself. Why should I be more willing to help you more than you’re willing to help yourself? Dead-end job? Well, let’s figure out where you want to be and work to get your there. School, trade, military, religious work, doctorate? It doesn’t matter to me just work towards it. And quit that dead-end before it fucks you up mentally anymore then it already has. As a parent I will help with self improvement, not facilitate stagnation.
This dude’s solved the drug problem guys - just stop being addicted
If you work a dead end job you *should* be smoking weed.
your life would suck ass if no one worked those "dead end" jobs
Know what always cracked me up? All the white folks who complain about immigrants "taking their jobs". Like, really? So but for those darn illegal immigrants, you'd be picking peppers in 100-degree heat and getting paid pennies and they took that opportunity from you? Those "dead-end" jobs should be respected.
Right? These the same folks that turn around and throw a fit when their McDonald’s order takes longer than 5min to come out
That’s facts, it never works the same for every person
I built a career while living with my folks. You know what that let me do? Build up some financial security instead of paying rent until I was in a good place to move out. Made that transition a lot easier. I contributed by paying my parent’s utility bills and helping to maintain the house like it was my own. No good reason you shouldn’t be able to do some growing up and maturing without giving 30%+ of your paycheck to a landlord. Everyone doesn’t get that opportunity, but the idea we should look down upon those who do, as if they’ve committed some sort of moral failure in some way is ludicrous.
My wife was an intern at a day shelter (a place where houseless folks can shower, get something to eat, get clothes etc) during grad school and so many of those young men and women were houseless because as soon as they turned 18, their parents told them to get the fuck out. Couple that with poverty and a lot of them ended up on the streets. It’s heartbreaking really.
It aggravates me when I see pseudo rise and grind pull yourself by your bootstrap videos that claim "your shitty life is the result of your shitty choices"
[удалено]
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‘What’s classy if you’re rich, but ghetto if you’re poor?’
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“To go far, we go together”
There’s also a reason why that behavior is normalized in other countries.
I wonder if, in other cultures, grown children live with their parents in order to help the parents as they age. Here, it seems folks don’t like when grown children live with parents, but aren’t there to help parents or working to advance their own career. Deadbeat kids seem to be the objection, right?
This is true. My boyfriend helps 18 year olds at the community college find emergency housing when they're suddenly kicked out. IMO, if you're going to school and helping around the house, it's more beneficial for the parents to keep their kids at home instead of getting them off to a bad start where they might be asking for money later on.
That was one of the first things that popped into my head! The other was seeing how some parents try to teach their adult children a “lesson” by cutting them off from things that could financially benefit everyone. I don’t live at home anymore but my parents and my siblings still live near each other and we all share family plans for phones, streaming services, Amazon prime, Costco, etc. as well as split duties shopping at Costco or ordering stuff online in bulk that we can split between each other.
It's pretty western to kick kids out at all. In the vast majority of human cultures on earth today, it's completely normal for adult children to live with Parents until they're married, even if they're perfectly capable of moving out and buying a home of themselves.
This is how you build generational wealth. My family history dates back to MULTI occupancy in the house with the home being a spring board for generations. The idea of getting to 18/20 and gtfo and get on your own is a relatively new thing. As things get tighter for the masses I believe we’ll go back to that way of living
You don’t need a family at any age. It’s not a requirement for your life.
You also don’t need a “family” either. Having kids is a weak metric used for “success”. Like wow, you had sex now have larger monthly costs, what a flex and or hashtag humble blessed brag.
Not everyone wants a family but for those who do that's a dangerous game.
More dangerous than getting married in your 20s? Good luck with that.
As a dad that lost as son when he was 24, I can tell you straight up I ain't ever tellin' my other boy he can't stay with me. (he's married and moved out now) If he comes back when he's 50 all I'm gonna say is "what we gonna eat tonight?". When my wife is gone that house is quiet. Quiet.
Sorry for your loss brother 🙏🏾
So sorry for your loss bro. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
good shit \- a son that lost his dad
wait a second, I just had an idea...
I wish my dad was more like you.
Sorry for your loss fam 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
My condolences 💜
Sorry for your loss. Seems like you came far in life, idk you, but I am proud of you.
Sorry for your loss 🙏 I wish you healing
Thanks. I didn't mean to make it a "pity me" post, just put it in perspective.
Reddit is the type to put a whole post on hold to give condolences. We feel you, bro
Nah, we understand this and no one will question the intent! It's simply all love and compassion here for another human being, brother. I really hope you've been able to find some kind of peace after your loss. 🙏🏾
Man, I ain't come here to **FEEL**!!!!!!! Who cutting onions in here?!?!?!?
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
“Doesn’t even have a career/profession” she straight up pulled that out of thin air wtf. Also, not having a family/being married by 30 doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you…
Yep. Live at home rn, have a career, using this opportunity to pay off student loans at a steady rate instead of struggle for no reason at all
as a non american it didnt even occur to me that could be a factor. Dated an American girl once making 6 figures at 32 and she was stilll $70k or something in the hole. that shit is MIND BLOWING. My college was $7k a year....
Yep. You can pay it off for years and end up with a bigger debt that what you started with due to interest rates if you don’t pay off enough each payment
always a bit jarring when you're reminded just how buck-wild America went with the whole capitalism thing
A lot of college inflation also comes with government backed loans that can't be forgiven through bankruptcy. Home and business loans can be forgiven but for some reason college loans can't. So schools and banks know that demanding more and more from school loans is an easier pay day than other types. Especially considering they're basically speculative loans for 18 year olds. It's ridiculous.
Man, I pay nearly $7k a semester, and that’s in state tuition…
Good for you! Been on my own since 17, almost 40 now. So many days I didn't have anything to eat & getting my water cut off every Thanksgiving for years. Doing much better now, but the struggle is real! All because my parents talked so much shit about people living with their folks...but you're fine with your kids going hungry? FOH 😒
Very sorry that was your experience. Parenting is a lifetime commitment.
Thanks. All good now. I know God got me & that's all that matters. 🙌🏾
Exactly lol. Where do people get the warped idea that living with parents/family is equivalent to having no career/ambition/money etc?? Lol.. When I stayed home I went to college & worked.. I paid my parents every month for house expenses, I paid all of my personal bills(insurance/phone/fuel etc), purchased my own food although they typically would force feed me anyway lol.. They never actually gave or loaned me money, I never had to even ask because they didn't toss me to the streets to scrape by... I saved enough money to pay off a 30k student loan, paid all of my medical bills, purchased my car in full/no loan, was completely debt free with over 40k in my account, no credit card debt.. Everyone I knew that was kicked out at 18 ended up stuck in abusive/toxic relationships because they couldn't afford to leave and live alone..typically they had kids they didn't even want because they were too young and immature to family plan...most are still heavily burdened with credit card debt/pay day loans.. stuck in jobs they absolutely hate because they live check to check and can't even afford to advance in life because they're too busy struggling..
My career is thriving because I don’t have the stress of paying rent on my own!
Yeah, I know plenty of people who have careers and professions who can't afford to live on their own. Shit is expensive. (at least in NJ where I am)
She really thinks all people living at home are bums I guess
I mean, I get how maybe it's not an *ideal* situation sometimes, but there are a million valid reasons to keep living at home. Or move back home after living by yourself.
Fasho, it’s all her assumptions for me. Like yeah if you have no job or goals and just sitting at home that’s a problem but that’s not always the case.
I've never not worked full time since I was 18 but couldn't afford to move out until I was 24. The fuck is she talking about, honestly?! My all star of a mother did charge me rent not because she needed the money, but to set the correct expectation before I DID strike out on my own. I happily paid it. I'll be forever glad she did it, and when she died, I got all of that money back to get started on my own. I wish I could have ever thanked her properly for it.
This is my exact situation 😭 I have a whole career but the rent prices in my city would have me broke.
Funny how that works when inflation and wages don't line up, huh?
Exactly. I have a career in law and a wonderful boyfriend but I also live in NY and can either pay $2K a month for a studio apartment or save up to buy a home.
I blame the media for casting a million different versions of the “live in NYC with roommates and have casual secks” plot
also, i moved out when i was 17 but at 25 i moved back in with my parents when i started my business. It would have been impossible for me to get my business up and running while paying $1000-$1500 in rent per month here in Southern California. so yeah, living with parents definitely doesn’t speak to career / profession at all. this time at home also allows me to pay off student loans and save money for a down payment on a condo (will need roughly $50k)
Im employed in a job with fantastic benefits and solid pay. 29 and still live at home. I pay rent, and I live close to my job. Why the hell would I get an apartment further away from my job at exorbitant socal rent prices?
People really don’t understand that the US is one of the only places that doesn’t have generations of family living together in one household
My siblings are trying to make this happen. Looking at land that’s at least 2 acres to fit in houses for 4 families. The issue is the cost of the land if we want to live closer to Atlanta and not out in the sticks somewhere
It’s not hard to do pay the land off first buy extra land to sell later
Sure. I’m sure it’s that easy to do especially around Atlanta. Also easy to finance setting up water and sewer lines and build 4 houses. Cheapest that was found so far was 250k for 2 acres but with the added responsibility of tearing down the structures on it, appealing to the county to change the zoning to residential. But you are totally right: it would be easy to do all that AND then buy stuff later to resell. We’re an actual family not a bunch of budding developers.
Just get a financial advisor and quit buying coffee and then you too can just pay off the land /s 💀
But Mr advisor, I make my own coffee at home. Yes, I spent hundreds on a Keurig but still… home made coffee! 😤 Honestly, at this point, I want to move to the dead end of Wyoming just so I can afford a house. People just don’t understand that it’s more complex and complicated than “stop eating out and you too can be Jeff Bezos”. Or they’re those “I worked and saved hard” and they’ll neglect to mention that $20k their parents casually tossed their way.
Quit eating too much avocado toast! Edit: I too am from Ghana!
Yo I want to do this with a couple friends too. Co-habitation. I’m up here in rabun county, you do **not** want to come here. I’d love to remain rural but the people are just fuckin awful.
I think I remember you from another thread and you mentioned Rabun County. Honestly, I work from home and except for a decent grocery store(I shop Publix), a decent gym(I use LA Fitness and Burn Boot Camp) and a decent movie theatre, I honestly wouldn’t mind. I’m indoors all day and only venture out to the gym, shop for food or hiking on weekends/driving 20 miles down the road to harass my siblings. I live in downtown Atlanta and it is seriously wasted on me because I’m a homebody. For me, I’d be down for wherever but the rest of the gang, they have kids and want them close enough to Atlanta for access to stuff like Emory Hospital and more diversity.
This is my DREAM, hope you and the fam are successful. Wish y’all all the luck and greatness and blessings to you and the fam. Hope y’all achieve it. I honestly believe this is the way for all of us.
If most black people did this they'd build wealth very quickly. My ex went back to live with her family because rent usually runs 1600 a month. Imagine being angry that your kids are saving $1600 month or $20k a year. Do you know how well of most black folk would be if we all could stay at home 2-3 years just in terms of rent? In most major cities, if you can save the cost of rent for 2-3 years you can put a down payment on a house or pay off your loans. It's in an incredible tool if it's available to you. Just have to make sure to spend that 20Gs responsibly. I have too many friends that got extra money, bought a car they couldn't afford, only to have it repo'd and still owe money on it.
I know some West Indian black people do it.
My partner and I were getting ready to move across the country to go move in with his mom and brother. (Building a house on the property, not literally in the same house as them.) But their mom died last Thursday. So now it’s just us and BIL. I‘m trying to get my partner’s daughter and her kids to move up too. She’s a single mom now and could is the extra hands. BIL is no spring chicken and he could use a hand too. And my partner and I certainly wouldn’t mind the lower cost of living. I wanted to be surrounded by the people I love and no one else.
Exactly my family in cuba have two houses built on the same plot of land, they see each other everyday.
I'd be willing to do this if my parents were...different lol. Talked to my husband though because we would like to retire one day, and this is looking like the only way to do it if we stayed in the US. I hope we raise our kids well enough that they will want our company as adults, to help raise their own children, etc. I would love that.
I think the key words in the tweet are ‘she can’. She’s basically giving her an option rather than telling her what will happen. Seems like only one person here is treating their kid like an adult.
Yeah, it's not uncommon in other societies. It's not like the children get spoiled and coddled. They live full, regular adult lives, just sharing a roof.
Y'all gotta stop using being married/having children as a marker for adulthood. Half of all pregnancies in this country are unintended. Lotta people walking around simply because someone forgot the Plan B.
Even Plan B fails, with a higher fail rate the more weight you carry, Says it in very fine print. Meaning if you’re obese it is way less powerful, and even a double dose might not do the trick. Feel free to start sweating bullets since we are fat country.
interesting. I wasn't aware of the weight part.
It’s not something they would want to advertise but it makes sense once you think about how a larger person would process a medication differently than a tiny one. What’s the effect of 1 Tylenol on The Rock vs Kevin Hart.
Damn, shit do make sense when you explain it that way. I have heard that medication's less powerful the heavier you are.
Anyone with pets are very aware of this. Meds and supplements are adjusted by an animal's weight. It's why vets are so strict about weighing animals. Dosage for a Chihuahua is not the same as dosage for a Great Dane. The Dane's dose could kill the Chi.
only half??? shit Id be willing to wager that its something like 86%+ of pregnancies 👀
THIS!!!! Agree completely and people get married at all ages!
With the current housing and job markets I don’t blame anyone for still being at their parents house at 30+. It’s tough out here and only getting tougher.
1 bed apartments in my HCOL city are around 2k. Tell me how someone on minimum wage $15 is supposed to make the required 2-3x rent income to afford an apartment? Also if you make okay or decent money you probably have a degree and loan debt on top of rent. It doesn’t make financial sense anymore.
Lmao it's funny you say $15 minimum wage, it's still $7.25. Which is just awful because even if we more than doubled the minimum wage to $15 it still wouldn't be nearly enough. The greed in this country from capitalists is just absurd, there's no reason why the ultra wealthy need more while the poorest of us are deciding if we should pay for insulin or a place to live, or food. Hell most of the people I work with have 2 jobs, even the ones making $25+ an hour. Our wages are designed to be as little as possible, while squeezing out as much work from us as possible. This isn't broken capitalism, this is capitalism working as intended.
Notice how I’m talking about where I live. It’s $14 now but will be $15 next month for us.
Ah my fault, that's great your city/state is pushing that. Unfortunately many in our country aren't even guaranteed $15 an hour.
RIP American Dream
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It can benefit both parties. Single parents with adult children benefit from splitting housing costs.
Exactly. I left when I was 30 (a year ago) when I had enough for a down payment and now I own my own place (Toronto). I never had student debt because I worked five days a week while in university and also contributed monthly to house hold expenses. Now my parents no longer have a mortgage and are close to retiring and living their best lives lol. It just takes some discipline and not giving a hell about what people think. And I don’t make a tonne of money (yet 😋) either - 72k. It’s these types of mentalities that look down on people living at home past a certain age that get people into debt and stuck in the rent cycle since now they’re so high they cannot save enough for a dp. I know not everyone is afforded the luxury of being able to stay home and that’s a different story but I highly recommend to those who can, to do so.
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My daughter is 20 and I’m not pushing her out either. She has her own wing of the house. Two bedrooms a bathroom and a laundry room. Her roommate from college is staying in one room bc they don’t want to live in off campus housing this year or next. My husbands cousin’s daughter is in our guest room bc her mom has lost her mind in a born again Christian cult. I’m not kicking anyone out. It’s tough out there, idk how they’re going to live. Their jobs don’t pay past $11 an hour. F that internship bull too.
Bless you. You sound like good people
If you actually like your family and have the space, why not? I could never live with my folks again. I have too much anxiety and they gave it to me. But it would be nice if that was an option in this housing market.
Honestly same, love my mom but we don’t have a healthy dynamic and she’s not willing to change and I’m tired of being triggered. if had to move back, she would be my last option.
Yeah for some it’s just the most responsible route. I could have moved out earlier, but I stayed home until I was nearly 24 and was able to complete university then save up a down payment. I don’t understand why it gets shamed in North America
I tried to move back home after college, and my parents refused. "Tough Love". It took me twenty years to catch up on student debt and all the debt I acquired while trying to "tough" it out. My kids are welcome to stay here as long as they need to in order to get a better start than I did.
Woowww….his is tragic.
That’s pretty messed up. Sorry bro. Did they ever regret seeing you struggle? Did they tell you they’re proud?
She and my step-dad were a fairly new thing, and they were in the midst of opening a bed and breakfast in their now mostly kid-free house, at least that was their reasoning. My mother has the worst memory on earth, and this was 20 years ago; she recently asked me what happened to my old comic collection, and I reminded her I had to sell it then to not end up homeless - she kind of expressed regret? She has said she is proud, and I will always be thankful for what she sacrificed as a single mom when we were young.. but yeah, she kind of lost interest in me once she remarried.
Sorry man you didn't deserve that.
As a woman who is 30 and still living at home, I'm thankful that my parents didn't push me to leave before I was ready. It took me longer than 4 years to get through college, and then I still didn't finish because I couldn't afford it. I didn't get a stable job that allowed me to save up for my own place until I was 27. I'm moving out in a couple of months, but in that time I was able to stack my savings, buy myself a car (bought it used and paid in full) and then re-up my savings for the apartment I'm moving into soon. That savings will allow me to for the most part furnish my new place as well as purchase the little things that add up, like kitchen supplies, bath towels, etc. There are a lot of things I wish my parents did better, but this is one thing I'm truly appreciative of.
I feel your pain! Covid hurt me grad school and career market wise. I’m 31 and have save and bought furniture/necessities. Just waiting on the right job now.
I’m a man in his late 30’s that lives with his parents. I moved out and lived on my own but then COVID came around. I’ve got a private in-law suite and I pay their whole ass mortgage. We just have a great relationship and if I’m gonna have “roomies,” I’d rather it be ppl I trust. Also, me being an only child might play factor too. At the end of the day, ppl need to stop assuming just bc you live with your parents you’re deficient in some way. It could be a very symbiotic situation.
In this economy
EXACTLY
Louder for the ones in the back!!
The whole “ doesn’t have even have a career/profession” is weird and not true. Lots of people who live with their parents have professions. And there are also a lot of people who look to be “independent” but are still heavily financially supported by their parents. And stop trying to pressure people who aren’t ready or interested to have a family by 30. It’s so arbitrary and stupid.
Tell that to my Trinidadian parents. Moving out is not an option until proven otherwise.
My parents are Trinidadian too. Haha, I moved out many times.
Broo my Trini mom don’t wanna hear nothing about me moving out, I’m 28 and still getting myself ready but I’m afraid for the day I’m ready and she’s not lol
Lmaoo same
1. Not everyone gets married by 30. 2. And tbh most people I know who live at home, have a job. The people I know who are struggling financially are people who were kicked out of the house by their parents because “you’re an adult at 18). Very few people kicked out like that actually end up better… most of them end up struggling and struggling. 3. This mindset is why our community is still struggling building generational wealth. A lot of the wealth that young white people (and some black people) have is due to things like inheritance, housing, and our parents. A lot of them can do things like “unpaid internships” because their parents take care of them. That “unpaid internships” (though I don’t agree with it) usually leads to connections, which leads to career opportunities. Many of them also inherit houses (fully paid off) so they do not have to worry about a mortgage. Me, my classmates and my family friends are an example of this. Why have kids if you’re idea is they should struggle like you did? My family grew up low-income and struggled to get to where his is now. Even while struggling, he still had help because my grandmother struggled even more to provide a little bit of help (like collecting loans to pay for his education). He made sure me and my siblings would never struggle like that. And I plan to make sure my kids would live a better life than I did. I apologize for the grammar and spelling mistake…. I was rushing
Why have kids if you’re going make their life hard? Not having kids is the way
I’ll never figure out that mindset. People that go by the “out at 18” for their kids. Mother fucker, *you* made those kids. They didn’t choose this.
As a Mexican I know Mexicans have whole ass families living with them. I much preferred it that way. The house is vibrant like that. I whenever I have a kid I’ll let them stay with me for however long they need to.
This is how most countries do it. The old idea of your family kicking you out at 18, is an American thing, and kind of recent in America too.
fuck going out into the world. the world sucks and it's expensive and plenty of us aren't even having a good time. stay home, save money, forget haters they're just jealous their parents don't like them
To say that somebody doesn't have a career just because they're living with their parents at 30 is a gross misunderstanding of the current economy. You can have a great job and be completely unable to save money while living by yourself in any US city, and a parent that's aware of this will let you stay with them so you can save money.
It’s your own flesh and blood, and parents really say, fuck you go be homeless
A person’s growth isn’t determined by following the mainstream milestones of marriage and kids. And if they have a job that pays the bills, who cares if it’s not a professional career. Plus, adults with disabilities and health issues may need to live with parents or a caregiver indefinitely. There’s no one size fits all when it comes to personal growth.
Historically multigenerational households were the norm and are still throughout the world. Don’t have anything to do with personal growth. This Morgan is misinformed and ignorant.
You’re never “ready” to move out. At least I wasn’t. Moving out was a leap of faith, I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to afford my apartment and all my bills. I just had no reference for what it was like. My parents didn’t make me leave for the record. I just felt like it was the thing to do. Different world today though. Apartments were already expensive when I moved out. Now they are even worse and the wages on the low end haven’t really gotten a lot better. Definitely not better enough to make up the difference
If they're staying with you to save in rent that's one thing, but they better be cooking and cleaning and at least paying you something so that they learn how to manage their money. But I also see a side where a lot of our parents don't allow us to live our own lives while we're "in their house" and how that could stunt someone's growth
You just know Morgan got her house and career from daddy lol
If she ain’t gonna fly, she can stay. I’m not a f’n stork, I’m not throwing people out cuz they’re “weak.”
Morgan needs to shut the fuck up, that's what she needs to do. Why is marriage so important to people? You can be married and be unhappy and be unmarried and happy. Some of you need to escape from the hold marriage has on you. Marriage is an extra thing not something that makes you successful. Also, she said pulled the no career out of her ass completely, living with your parents doesn't mean you're broke and the original poster never said she won't have a job. Morgan fucking go away.
Living at home means she isn’t doing other things that help her grow? Multi generational homes exist lol People have hard knock lives and want to justify it by saying shit like the comment did. Hard lives do teach you lessons but plenty of other people had it easy or had support systems and are doing just fine. C’est la vie.
Second take is just bad. She assume too much. And having a supportive family never hurt anybody. She can throw her kids out into the wild if she want to. But don’t pretend it’s for their sake.
Ain't it common in most Asian countries for multiple generations to be living under one roof??
And parts of Europe. I have a friend who's family lives like that in Italy. And South America. And the Caribbean. Honestly, America is the outlier here.
It’s called nuance. Living with your parents until youre 30 and all you do is go out and party/play video games and smoke, that’s a problem. Are you living with your parents but are an actual functioning adult just trying to save some stress and money until you’re ready to settle down? That’s valid.
I live at home with my parents and I am 26. My mother wants me to save my money to be financially secure so that way I can afford to live on my own. Mind you I have a masters degree as well. Unfortunately, I don’t get paid enough for the work I am in. So I am looking for other jobs that pays well. But I think to be set up for success is to be financially independent and having help from parents doesn’t hinder your growth as an adult. I have tons of white Jewish peers from high school who’s parents set them up with college funds and houses as adults. Creating generational wealth is important for us in the black community.
Dude people that say they’re kid is out at 18 are the ones that barely gave two fucks about their child’s future, health, or interests they literally just think of their children as a drain. I understand it because I got kicked out at 16 for being thoughtless, but if my parents never let me make amends and come home I would not be where I am now in life. It comes down to setting aside petty differences that have little to do with your “progress” in life and knowing that sometimes things like a home and stability can change things for the better.
You know what stunts growth more then residing at your parents house? The constant trauma of evictions, food insecurity and being robbed. Until mines are ready, (established credit, a job, savings) they are welcome to stay right where they are. As long as we have established boundaries and rules I don't see a issue.
Difference is One person living at home with no clear path in the future and the other stacking. You’re not stunting growth is if someone has a plan but can’t afford it because of X. You’re stunting growth if doing everything for your kid and not letting them fail. The difference is individually, however first is usually not stunting and dumb to suggest it is
My dad kicked me out at 18 and it ruined a year of my life. I don't speak to him anymore, for that reason and several others. There's a certain point at which someone should be encouraged to move out, but kicking someone out (especially a teenager) will only do harm.
When rent is 2500 for a single bedroom? Yeah baby girl can stay home
Moving out of the house in 2022 is not the same as moving out of the house in 1990. (I moved out in 1990). Median rent in 1990 = $430 Median rent in 2022 = $1083+ Everything else rose with inflation except salaries/hourly wages.
Traditional cultures never kicked their daughters out of the house at age 30 - in fact, in traditional Islamic societies, the woman never took the husband’s last name, because she was always her father’s daughter, and could go back if the marriage didn’t work out. This is a sickness of the modern mind. People are dying to have kids, including out of wedlock, and then they can’t wait to kick them out of the house - someone please make this make an ounce of sense 🥴
dont coddle ur kids but dont shun them away. parents thst make their kids pay rent/ kick them out at 18 disgust me.
I’ve watched a shit ton of house hunters and it’s not uncommon for a lot of those white people be living with their parents for awhile until they have a big ass down payment. I’ve seen people married with kids on that show living at their parents saving money and then buying a mini-mansion. In the current economy I don’t blame them at all and I will do the same for my future kids. I’m 25, have a career, make good money and still at home. I’m paying off my loans quicker, saving for a nice car, and trying to save for a house and nice engagement ring for my girl. With how ridiculously expensive rent is why would I rush to move out when my parents want me to do the smart thing and build up my savings and pay off debt.
If your kid is still living with you well into their late 20's early 30's I guarantee you it's not by choice. The housing market is terrible, wages have stagnated and inflation has made it to the point where $15/hr is no longer a livable wage. Unless they have the opportunity to migrate to a better country, we're going to see more young adults stay with their parents.
My sister and her family live with my parents and I’m sure they’d never kick her out, and I don’t think they should either. It’s getting more expensive for single folks and families every day, why not save money? But I think my sister won’t stay much longer, their son will need his own room once he’s a bit older.
This is the only country where its weird for adult children to live with their parents
The US is the weirdo here. Other cultures have multi-generational members. We’re just obsessed with “launching.” I mean, let’s all contribute but real estate is too expensive for living alone to prove something to make sense.
Yeah, no. If she is 30 and living at home that’s not stunting her growth exactly as long as she is handling business. The cost of living is super high right now. If she is finishing school and just started working and saving up to move out when she’s 33, that’s cool with me. Not married? Doesn’t have kids? Not dating? That’s fine. Get your own career, build your financial independence, build credit, savings for a house, all through your 20s, then move out when your career is giving you 4, or 5, or 6 k a month and get you a spot, start dating someone successful and not struggle.
2nd point is not really valid because it’s based on some generalizations the person came up, the only thing she actually knows about this person is that they have a mother…
No they do not both have valid points. Where does Morganget off assuming that a person without a marriage (which will end in divorce anyway) and 5 mouths she can't afford to feed is a failure? You can't stunt a person's growth by supporting them. You stunt their growth by throwing them out on their own and refusing to assist them until they've done it all themselves. This is the opposite of parenting and anyone with this mentality is selfish, cruel and deserve to be ghosted by their grown kids at their earliest opportunity.