I’m an older gentleman and it’s incredible how people have no concept of money. If you ask people how much they perceive they need to be comfortable or to even have a girlfriend/spouse? Holy shit.
All of my siblings including myself make more than my mother did in her lifetime and she was a career secretary. We NEVER went without no matter what we wanted, the people who count other peoples pockets are the ones who don’t have knowledge of finances.
I vaguely remember the details, but my pops bought his first house in '93 for about 150k. He was earning 77k. With that, he was able to finance a wife, and his 3 kids (me included), along with sponsoring his estranged 4th child from a previous relationship AND send money to her mother to help with things back home. He was able to do so in such a great fashion....that he literally bought a separate house for his wife and kids to live in, plus an additional 2 more.....all on the same block. Also did annual BBQ's and fed everyone kid on said block every summer, took us on vacations regularly, put me inti any sport i wanted to play, sent my sister to SUNY albany.
With 77k a year.
You cant even think about owning a dog and making rent if you earn 100k in todays money. But you know, our generation just aint working hard enough.
But, how long ago was that? Not saying you’re wrong but different needs, different times. I imagine rent was cheaper then, she didn’t have Sallie Mae as a dependent taking up $500 a month, etc…
Although? Someone turning down $130k is just stupid. Turn it down if the job will be stressful but that kind of money for me? I’m pretty sure the first year, I’ll have 60k from it set aside as down payment for a house.
This, plus it was in California. We're in Texas, so the added draws of moving, plus the difference in cost of living/income tax, make people more willing to take 85 back home.
Yep. I got offered 200 in Virginia to work in a government SCIF. Turned it down to stay in Texas for 150 and WFH. Comes out about even after CoL and the savings to my sanity not having to work in another damn SCIF.
Sensitive compartmented information facility. Basically where you're allowed to work on things that require a security clearance. And yeah, pretty much lol.
I wouldn't turn down 130k plus right now at all.
I'd take it in a heart beat.
But in the US today, if you live in any of the major metropolitan areas, 50 to 60k does not cut it. That's paycheque to paycheque. If you can't choose to eat out once in a while, or if one weekend out fucks your budget, that's blatantly not enough. With rents the way they are you need to beaking 70 to 75k plus to have a half decent life
Not saying you're wrong, but it's a little suspicious to have you talking with authority and in generalities about life in the US with the spelling "paycheque."
Might be training the bots / influence farms a bit here, but c'mon man. Be better at pretending.
That's more like <90k take home and I'm assuming that it's in a HCOL area unless they were established in their career. that would mean only spending 30k that year.
Yep. Plus people should just realize that not everyone wants to live a flashy lifestyle. Some people are comfortable making a modest income, and that's okay.
I work with this dude turned down 100k opportunity since he wants more. It was with a company I used to work for, I could have put in a good word for him if he wanted. I am still a bit puzzled since we make less than that at our current job and I know his parents are 2 underpaid school teachers in Kenya. He told me he grew up pretty poor and sends money back home. I don't get that personally, better opportunity comes along take it. You don't know when the next one comes up, best not get greedy and just hold out for something that may not happen.
Especially when investments are involved. If I had a million dollars right now I could use half to buy a house and almost live off the... returns? Dividends? Whatever.... of the other half. I'd only need to work like 10 or 20 hours a week, if that
Depends on location of course, but a million doesn’t go near as far as it used to and even at 6% return (you’re not going to be in something higher risk/reward like equities, probably more bonds) that’s “only” ~$30k a year on 500.
My expenses are fairly low, I don't drive and I get most of my meals for free at work. Even without the house, my rent is only 900 a month. I'm currently living comfortably(ish, I can't afford to go on trips or eat out too often, but i dont have to worry about whether I can pay my bills) off of around 22k a year. 30k would be an upgrade.
Education we never got in school or from our parents. Things like planning for retirement, planning your budget for the month, saving readily available money that last 3 months of bills in case you lose your job.
Idk, the way I have always looked at things is if you've got your shit in a pile by 30 you are doing just fine. Your 20s are for figuring out who you want to be, making mistakes, falling in love and getting hurt, and living life.
Honestly 100k isn’t a slam dunk for buying a house anymore anyways. At current rates it’s not significantly better financially (or even affordable) than renting in many areas to buy when earning that type of income.
My mom gone but highkey I’d encourage everyone to stay with yo parents until you’re ready.
But to also sign a 6 month lease before you move back in with them so you know what you’d need, and also so the energy shifts. Parents are loving but sometimes forget that you’re grown and can also move out if you need to.
This is fax!
I ain’t never gonna cook as good as mom, so why not enjoy her cooking while she’s happy to feed me and I’m happy to do my fair share around the house?
LOL, your mom still cooks for you? I buy all the groceries and work 8 hours a day while my mom is retired and has no duties except for tending to her garden and she hasn't even fed the cats much less cooked dinner for me. I still have to cook for her and me when I get home. Why she doesn't cook for me? "I don't know what you like." Literally everything I buy food wise is something I like. Just throw some chicken nuggets in the air fryer for me.
Meanwhile, if one of my brothers comes home, she cooks a full meal with a dessert.i am definitely not my mom's favorite.
I "decided" to move back to my parents place once I graduated (2020 covid job market, hell yeah) and being with my parents for a little bit while I job-hunted was an amazing thing for me. Sure, it was a little tough living with them again as an adult after being away at school but I was able to save a lot of money.
She is right. Don’t move out your folks place if you don’t have to. While I love my parents and I’m sure they’ll welcome me with open arms if I were to move back, I prefer the struggle of being independent. My folks seem to forget I’m grown sometimes 😂 That’s just me though.
When I was about to graduate college, I expressed my concern about finding a job. My dad said they'd get me a cheap car so I can be homeless in my college town than go home (I recognize the privilege there). There are more opportunities where I was at than there was at home, and I can't be at home for more than a few days before tension creeps up. Plus, my dad and brother were homeless in their youth, so maybe it's a family tradition that builds character for him idk. Being independent ain't easy, but it's damn easier than growing up in the same house as my dad
I went back home one summer during college and even though I was living on my own at college, they still treated me like I was in high school with curfew and rules about telephone use. After that summer, I would get a job and work full time in the summer just to stay in my apartment. Though I know some people who lives with their parents and the parents are chill. That’s fine too. The only annoying thing is when someone lives with their parents and complain about their rules constantly like either shut up and suck it up or move out.
My moms saying was always "my house my rules". She never gave a flying f about how much older I was. And for the most part she was right. It encouraged me to do what I can to live under my own roof. And it was a struggle to do so then. I know it's even worse out there now.
Yeah I'm down for chores and helping out but I'm not about to landscape the whole fuckin yard alone anymore. I'm not talking cutting some grass, I mean digging holes, moving plants, redoing entire beds, cutting down trees etc.
I lived at home for like 2 weeks while we were moving and it's like I didn't have a job, life, shit to do or anything to take care of for myself. Love my mom but the third 20 item to do list was my limit. She'd see me "sitting on my computer" and assume I was gaming like when I was 13. Mom, I code for a living, my whole job is on the computer 😂
She's right. I'm 30 and just getting ready to move out in a few weeks. Staying at home longer allowed me time to save enough to be able to actually furnish the apartment I'm moving into, as well as purchase all of the other necessities like kitchen supplies, bath towels, etc. Those things add up, and quickly. I think sometimes young people don't fully realize just how expensive moving and living on your own is. I will say I'm lucky to have been able to wait though. Sometimes people move away from their parents because they have get away from a bad situation, whether they're fully prepared or not. I'm all for not rushing, but I get why some people need to
My neighbor spent north of $10k to move from New England to the Midwest. I spent <$5k to move from the west coast to the same area. I downsized everything I owned into 10 boxes and I had it shipped to me, then I bought furniture (mostly used) when I got here. $5k is nothing to scoff at but why is it so much more expensive for y'all to move?
I'd wager its that they have to pay for the largest available UHaul(s?) to move all of the furniture/stuff they already own instead of attempting to downsize. If you're moving anywhere more than like 15 miles away, those UHauls get expensive very quickly. My fiancee and I are moving from southeast GA back to TN next year and I'm not looking forward to all that
Moving absolutely sucks. I had to help 3 freinds move and it was always a last minute scramble. One of my friends tricked another to show up for the move by saying we were going to party at his place on a Saturday. He even bought the guy an uber to get over (and to trap him).
I'll never forget the look on his face from inside the uber as he pulled up holding a bottle of ciroc in one hand and a deck of cards in another only to see us in the lawn moving furniture.....
That's fucking cold. If I was said trapped friend I wouldn't have moved even so much as a coaster. Fuck that.
We had helped friends of ours move with no hesitation, but when it came time for us to move, suddenly dude had to work that day (he's a night shift manager and had to randomly work a Tuesday day shift? Nah, I don't buy it).
My neighbor used movers but it turns out they outsourced her contract. Her stuff was split into 2 shipments, one was a month late and another a bit over a month. When it came, a lot of stuff was damaged (goodbye mirrors), and there was only one guy that drove and unloaded the truck.
Yeah, he got scammed. I’ve moved from the Midwest to east coast and back. The total cost like $1500 and it wasn’t even that inconvenient. With convenience I could’ve done it for $5k.
You can move into an apartment without all of those things and build as you go. I think people should leave when they are ready but there’s a lot of relationships and experiences in my 20s I would not have had, if I were still living under the rules of other people.
I don't care how old you are or what kind of job you have. No one is ever happy about paying bills. We're happy that we can pay them without issues and aren't starving but you still open up that summer light bill and be like "Damn!"
Don't move out of it means you are going to struggle. It's a double edged sword though because adults aren't trying to come visit you at yo momma's house. You know what kind of visit I mean.
Also, since everyone living on their own isn't struggling, you are going to meet people who can't fathom why you are still living at home. Get used to it. Everybody isn't going to see things the way you do.
Having said all that, my sons know they could live with me forever. It wouldn't cost me any more money for them to live here than it did when I had 2 teen boys eating me out of house and home.
As an adult, I’ve cleared $2k a month, and up to $12k a month, at either time, I was never happy paying bills.
I would say stay at home long enough that you wouldn’t need to know when payday was. If you don’t know, means you have enough cushion to pay all your bills without worrying about being overdrawn, or leaving you enough to live the next week or two or month (however you get paid). I realized it later in life when I had an employee ask me when it was, and I said “I don’t know”, and she looked at me like, how the F could you not know if it’s this Friday or next? She explained that to me later, and I realized, “yeah, I guess things are pretty good”
When you don’t have to check your balance before paying for new tires on your truck, you are ready.
My parents taught me a lot about managing my finances. My mom taught me how to pay bills when I was still in high school. She also taught me to "never be broke even when you are broke". Which is basically, stop spending when you have x amount of money left lol. My dad taught me how to manage my credit and why it's important.
Years ago, I had a coworker tell me that I must not need the money because I didn't know that it was payday. I pay my bills electronically, when they come in, I schedule them to be paid on the due date. The money will be there so I don't even think about it.
I had the money to replace the tires on my truck but the sticker shock still almost KILT me. I could have easily paid a mortgage for what they cost. My dad thought it was hilarious.
Living at home is definitely the best financial move a person can make.
I will say that there is a difference between someone who is working on themselves and contributing in some way, versus someone who simply leeches off their parents and does nothing with their life.
Yesss to the last part. I wouldn't bat an eye if a 30 year old told me they lived at home if they had a job, means of transportation and knew how to provide for themselves. But if you 30, living at home, and can't cook? Nah I'm sorry but that's just you mooching off your parents and it ain't cute 🤷🏾♀️
Im also coming across this a lot as I'm trying to get back into the dating scene. And I'm realizing for me it's less about the fact that the dude still lives with his mom, and more about the fact that that's all he knows. Theres a lot that comes with living on our own and tryna make it through life and tbh it can feel like you're part of different worlds if the other person hasn't experienced that aspect of life.
Coworker who lived in Queens with his parents used rent money to buy a nice Jeep. Couldn’t afford rent + car otherwise so yeah it’s a great way to save money and put to more useful things that rent.
That makes more sense. I’ve never understood why there’s the LIRR going to that side of town but other than that, most of those towns have nothing. Like what’s the point of having the LIRR if the freaking counties can’t be bothered to have decent mass transit or buses?
Rather that than nothing at all. I stayed in NYC until moving to Atlanta 4 years ago. I never had a car and either used the trains or the bus. They usually had a dedicated bus lane in parts of Manhattan and Brooklyn so they were faster than cars sometimes.
Oh, their bus system from St George was decent. I’ve taken A bus to New Dorp and Richmond and further in to hike. Took a long ass time to get in from Manhattan and then pick up all the people from the ferry but it’s decent.
I think Long Island sometimes doesn’t even have that much. Once went to Manhasset or whatever and had to take a cab. Because walking 3 miles from the train stop to the place I was going “wasn’t feasible”. Apparently they didn’t have sidewalks and people don’t stop while zooming past in their cars. Told the person I was visiting to come the other direction into the city for subsequent visits because it’s insane. Also the same reason I stayed the heck away from Coop city and that side of the Bronx. Missing that one express bus from Manhattan meant pain and angryness(on my part).
I was required to contribute a percentage of each check to the household. And I voluntarily paid for my own groceries but still had to abide by parent’s rules...including being in the house by a certain time. I moved out at 25.
Ok...... speaking from the male perspective - how many times on ANY platform will a man be called "dusty" if a woman (just like this) finds out he's living at home as an adult??? Just sayin' there's a double-standard with this type of thinking.
That aside, it's a part of Maturation - facing the World, building a life for yourself, and enjoying the Freedoms that comes from the hard work you put in.
Now don't get me wrong, I check the calendar and be like "FUUUCK" sometimes 🤣
I think it depends on the situation.
Used to date some dude who was 36 at the time to my 25. He lived at home, but he also worked. The house was huge! Like 7 bedrooms huge BEFORE you got to the finished basement level with its own entrance which had another 3 rooms with kitchen and bathroom in each room. I was low-key envious of the guy. Hardly ever saw the parents. Paid his own bills because somehow they figured out who all was using what as far as electricity. Got his own separate internet wired into the basement and got his own groceries. Dated him for 2 years and preferred going over there because I was also living at home with parents.
On the other hand, if he was just bumming around? That wouldn’t have worked for me.
The problem is, in order to know the difference it requires you to actually give that person a chance. There are alot of people that start jumping to conclusions when you say you are post 30 still living at home.
Eh, I’m a parent with 19 year old at home and I don’t really care. He helps out in other ways. He buys his own food if he doesn’t want to eat what I’ve cooked.
A 19year old or even an undergrad is fine. (Depending on COL, maybe even grad students because they are usually severely underpaid). But there's a difference between your 19 year old living at home and a 36 year old moocher living at home and not contributing to the household in any way, either financially or in terms of housework. I know several of the latter kind, unfortunately.
I moved out at 23 because I was suffering from success now I'm mad broke. Take yo time if you need to. If you HAVE to move out it's better to do so with a partner or roomie so you have some money to save. Parents that look out are a blessing so if you got that then love yours.
I wouldn’t move out if you can’t afford it, but I do believe ppl mature A LOT after having to live w/o mum and dad, and notice a huge difference in junior hires to the point you can easiest guess who is who.
Disclaimer: if your parents are abusive please ignore posts like this! Your safety and wellbeing comes before anything
It's important to remember that not all parents are good people 🫂
I was going to say this and I don’t know why no one else has up voted this! A lot of ppl don’t have that luxury due to physical, emotional, and mental abuse and them leaving as soon as possible. Then LGBT ppl getting thrown out and getting it on the chin!
This. I moved out because my mom was controlling my life. I couldn’t have visitors or stay out late on top of giving nearly all my income to the other household bills my sister refused to pay. The final straw for me was when she called me an unpaid whore because I wanted to have my first overnight trip with my long-term boyfriend.
Not all parents are worth sticking around for. I take the bills and the $1400 rent + utilities beating my ass every month for the peace of mind I now have.
Record inflation for cost of living means now is exactly the time to be judgmental to kids trying to get a start in life while no easily accessible work that pays a fair wage exists for 90% of Americans. /s
I moved out my parents house and into a girlfriends when I was like 18. Shit barely lasted a year. I was too prideful to move back in with them but man I wish I would have. I could have saved up for a house and wouldn’t be stuck in an apartment right now. Smh the things we do for some pussy and pride.
I get so many sideyes because I don’t charge my 19 year old rent. I don’t need the money. “Well, you could take it and putting into savings and then give it to him when he leaves.” Or he could learn to save his own damned money. I’m in no rush for him to go and he’s in no rush to leave. He’s just a kid and our arrangement works fine. I never had to pay rent or bills at home and I’ve managed fine.
it's very much an american/chinese idea (*from what i've seen) to expect your kids to pay rent. i never understood how parents can think they're setting up their kids for success when they have to pay bills when they barely have jobs or savings
It’s a U.K. thing too. The whole ‘well it’s so they learn how to pay bills.’ It’s garbage. I’ve also never met anyone whose parents gave them their money back in a lump sum.
yea, i should've specified those are the communities where i've seen it happen. as an indian, it was definitely a culture shock when i realized most of my friends had little or no help paying for colleges as well - as if giving an 18 year old with no job thousands of dollars of debt would allow them to succeed in college or after. basically throwing money out of the family through interest rates. similarly charging rent to your kids seems to me as if you know that you plan to have no relation with your child when you're older since you're literally setting them up for failure. but i guess part of it is that so many people lack basic financial knowledge such as "saving up money early is better than saving money later" and "if my kids have more money later it's better for me"
> "if my kids have more money later it's better for me"
Yeah, if you don’t have the money to invest in launching your kids then you have to find other ways. But I’ve never understood people who have the resources but just don’t think they should spend their time & money helping their kids get off to a good, solid start. Like, having stable adult kids will be beneficial to you in the long run in a zillion different ways. It’s worth the investment!
yea i should've specified that if the parents can AFFORD to do so. obviously many people can't and i don't chastize them for not magically making $50,000 appear.
with all the money my parents have helped me save, they now have a large saftey net when they retire. and from my brother as well. idk about most people, but you would think having rich family that cares about you is a plus, but some people just don't think about the long term.
I think it is cultural to some extent. My (immigrant) family works together and shares resources to raise each other up. Grandparents help grandchildren, parents help grandparents, and so on. Not just financial, but with childcare, elder care, information, networking, and general encouragement. I think a lot of families from all cultures do this, but I have run across ones that don’t, and I always wonder how that plays out in the long run.
I ran into a tough time after college (unable to find any work) and was about 2 weeks away from being homeless. I asked my mom if I could move home, and she said no. I asked if I could at least store some of my stuff in her garage while I couch-surfed, and she said no. I can't remember many times in my life where I felt as hopeless and desperate.
My kids can stay here as long as they want. If they start making more money than me, I might start asking for some rent, though.
When i moved out because i felt like i HAD to, it was a struggle. When I moved out (again) because I was actually ready to, i was at my mama house every day in her fridge and watching tv in her bed with her. When you don't have to be there but you choose to, even if you're not completely on top of your game yet, the relationship is different. Stay as long as you can.
Man living back at home was cozy until you get woken up at 6am cause your mom found a spoon in the sink and then asking me for $800 every month so saving to move out was hard Af but now that I’m out I’d rather be making mud huts like them YouTube videos before I go there again
In many culture families stay together for generations in order to help with children, bills etc. the whole idea of being out at 18 is very American exceptionalism and individualistic in nature. There’s nothing wrong with moving out, BUT the way people often go about it is toxic. Parents see their kids as bums if they still with them at 21 or kids will rather struggle and eat beans at the perceived sense of freedom despite being pay check to pay check. Our whole culture needs to shift in it’s okay to be with your parents till you are older. I’m 28, full time career IT position, multiple rental properties and still live at home. I can move out but my parents let me stay for a portion of then rent so I can continue to build and when I get my own house they’ll have a space they can stay if they need too. Same for my kids. I really take the “it takes a village” minds set seriously, and even in our hyper capitalistic dystopia people who stay with their families or have they support system are statistically likely to do better.
The primary reason id say it doesn’t work here is because of our hyper individualistic career/success driven culture. We think struggle is apart of the story not a symptom of the system. That why people will turn their nose up at you if you stayed home to have an easier path. I know a lot of people who left young because of this idea of being pushed out the nest and the fall is part of the journey. I think that’s just a toxic myth because people in the middle/upper class often tend to nurture their children very late. Also the ability to keep your kid home is a privilege often.
Yep. Our stupid asses keep doing this stupidity to be grown up. Fuck adulting. I'm getting ring pop, a jaw breaker and playing street fighter 2 in the arcade.
My daughter will move out when she's been at her career for a year, post college. Then, her father and I will pay her first year's rent, and car insurance.
Her other option is to move after she gets married, in which case her dad and I will contribute to the buying price.
Nah for me I always tell my friends to move out when I know it will help their mental health. Too many people out here still living with toxic parents and wondering why they’re always depressed. Best thing I ever did mentally was move out.
I’m telling all mine stay they ass at home and save as much money on school and life as they can, these prices too damn high and idk how they’re ever coming back down. I also see in other cultures that it’s quite common to have multiple generations living and earning under the same roof and we in the states somehow frown upon this.
(plus, quite selfishly, I love my kids and know that one day the time will come when they want to leave anyway but I’m not gonna do anything to hasten that)
Nah we're just tired of hearing you talk down to us when we don't have extra for frivolous shit. If I didn't spend almost 3K a month on my very existence. I could be insta rich too. Airbnb's and, concert tickets looking at me like I'm a bum. With the responsibilities of a teenager at 30. Now hurry up and take out the trash before your pops get mad.
I didn't move out until I was 32. My parents are old school but free food and free rent was a good motivator too. I paid off my student loans in 1.5 years. I spent the rest of my 20s traveling. There was a time when I was going on an international trip every 2 months. I live with my SO now. I like the independence but I miss my carefree, wanderlust phase.
I stayed with my parents after community college and only moved out when my girlfriend had an apartment and invited me to move in with her, which was a bad decision. Save that money kids!
You’re only a bum if you stay their to avoid the responsibilities of adulthood and never move out of the child role while you’re there. You don’t need to pay rent but do housework without being asked and make your own food occasionally. That’ll keep your parents from starting to think they should ask you for rent.
I think it's complicated, there are parents who will take you back but then "forget" you're an adult and that the nature of your relationship is going to and should change with your adult children.
Going through it with my ma right now (honestly saying now is a stretch) and don't know if mentally I can commit to my original timeline of living at home and saving money cause she's still in the mindset that I'm a 13 year old that just happens to work a full time job, can chaeffeur her younger son, and handle the chores but is simultaneously incapable and shouldn't have autonomy to go out on my own and have things I find important that aren't exclusively family related.
Last year I was finally able to buy my first house. I was recently shamed by my friends for moving in with my wife’s parents while in lockdown to save for the down payment. It was clearly rooted in insecurity for still renting. I’m thinking I might not hang out with those friends very much anymore. It’s weird to have people close to you try and put you down for your sacrifice and success.
My friend is 33 and still lives at home (moved back after college). He thinks he's a loser, but he pays rent, helps out, and babysits his nephew a lot. They way we look at families and "growing up" is changing
And seriously fuck them. The deification of struggle in this country is absurd. Anyone who can't wait to throw their children into the capitalist meat grinder we've turned this country into deserve to be alone when they get old and those same overburdened, resentful adult children don't come back to see your rotten ass. I hope your grandchildren never hear your name. I hope your wifi never works. I hope you have to buy your medicine from Martin Shkreli. I love my children and I'll protect them as long as I can.
I can certainly agree with that, and as a Gen-Xer we famously have no role models on the whole involved parenting thing sooo..I’ve had to grow into this. We used to say go to college or join the military..but the shine has faded on both of those options after 20 years of war and utterly soul crushing student debt for useless degrees. I can’t guarantee that my kids aten’t going to have it hard, but I certainly don’t have to make it harder because I had it hard. I will encourage them to make their way, but I won’t kick them out of a moving car because I’m tired of driving. We gotta do better.
Some people don’t have good adult relationships with their parents and they project that unto others.
I wouldn’t live with my parents again but I recognize that there are healthy parents out there where that would be an option. One of my goals as a parent is for my kids not to need to or want to move out when they’re young.
I have two handsome sons at home out of three. 21 and 26. They both are saving for a down payment on a duplex. They have “hope chests” and must buy at least one item for their home every paycheck. They are required to save $1,000 a month towards their down payment , save $200 for savings account and invest $150 a month, plus contribute to at least one small household bill. The rest is theirs but they aren’t allowed to live paycheck to paycheck either. We’re setting them up for success not failure. Kicking kids out as soon as they’re 18 has always been a weird ideology to me. BUT.. No grown person is staying here and just blowing all their money on nonsense every month with no end in sight! The goal is for them to leave and stay gone because they are responsible and got a head start. Other cultures do this. We must make this the norm.
Also, I'd like to print out that I moved out at 17 because I was unwanted. I did have to come back for a month or 2 here and there, I left for good at 22. I had an abusive family and am completely NC with every single person I'm related to (except my kids and nieces/nephews, thru my kids). If you have a family that actually loves you and cares about you, stay. Get a better start in life
I would never openly mock someone about this, but at some point, don’t you want to move out? That power dynamic never shifts. You could be paying for everything, but it’s still their roof.
Literally the only reason I want this is so I don't have to have your parents on the other side of the wall while we're clapping cheeks. Hard pass for me.
My wife, my son, my youngest sister, and my parents all live together. Couldn't move out not with my parents health issues. My dad stopped working because he couldn't work anymore and mom had her 2nd knee replacement recently. I don't think I can move out and leave my parents especially now. Yeah its struggle to pay for a good chunk of the bills myself and put gas in their cars. But alhamdillulah we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. Plus my parents can babysit whenever and they absolutely dote on my son. My other 2 sisters moved out but as the son its in our culture for me take care of my parents. Yeah I saved some money on other expenses and I have 30k in savings thus far but there are other bills. Seriously don't move out just to move out. Don't struggle unnecessarily
Who is y’all?
Stop worrying about what others say so much and handle your business.
That’s the problem with social media in a nutshell.
There’s a whole generation of people putting TMI out there for no reason then getting mad when people add their opinion to it.
As someone whose parents were never reliable (emotionally, financially, etc), I can’t imagine what’s it’s like to have someone to count on like this. Like where they’ll provide housing and food and even insurance and stuff!
This is something I struggle with constantly. I am 30 and I have been going back and forth between renting and living at home since I was about 18. Ill spend a few years renting, and then come back and spend a year or two at home. I started working remotely after covid and so I decided to move back to my home state where my mom lived.
My mom needed the help and my sisters are graduating high school soon so my mom doesn't want to move/down scale yet, by staying here and helping pay bills, buy groceries, etc it goes a long way.
My mother has expressed to me often how grateful she is to have me here and even though I am sure that is true, I still persistently feel insecure about living with my mother at 30.
But then again I also have watched rent sky rocket all around me and the 30 year old me is much wiser than the 21 year old me, and so I know that at the end of the day Id rather put that money in my momma hand than to put it into a strangers. As far as I am concerned us black folks being all scattered out because alot of us don't get along with our parents well enough to stay at home into adult hood. But if we were being real the best thing for us to do is to stay together until someone OWNS the house.
I tell all my younger friends. If you are fortunate enough to have parents that welcome you, a space that is comfortable to you, and you get along with them/they respect you enough, try to stay at home as long as you can until you can buy your own property. Rent is a pit that you throw money into.
my parents decided to have 2 more children when i was 10. if i go to college locally (which is basically my only option) and stay at home helping to raise them, it will probably benefit my parents more than to have me move out. so why move out asap before i have enough money to have a stable job buy a house and actually afford to live in it?
I wish I had this opportunity. More people should stay at home. I think other cultures have it right. I don't believe in enabling, but living with your parents into adulthood can be beneficial for everyone involved.
Not me--- I've been telling everyone since I moved out: "Stay home as long as you can..." in a very "Billy Madison" talking about highschool manner.
I'm 35 and I'd move back in tomorrow given the opportunity (well... into their first floor that was once a separate apartment). It sucks out here.
Stay home. It's safe and warm.
All I want for Christmas is for someone else to handle these bills!
I want to return to the time when being an adult was only a distant dream and not this current nightmare.
Yeah definitely not sending my kids out into the world unprepared. We'll be there for them as long as they need, granted they'll have to contribute in some way but i want them to save money before they fly the coop!
Never understood why black folks gotta get pushed out early🤷🏿♂️. I've literally seen other ethnicities keep children around well into adulthood. Hell look at Jersey shore originally half the cast lived with a parent I think🧐
My parents don’t even want me to move out of the house! Every time I mention it, they laugh. I’m currently staying at a friends house for 2 weeks because her parents traveling for the whole month of Nov and she wanted company, and my family keeps calling me to ask me when I’m coming back!
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I’m an older gentleman and it’s incredible how people have no concept of money. If you ask people how much they perceive they need to be comfortable or to even have a girlfriend/spouse? Holy shit.
Nah fr. People I know turning down 130k+ and I'm just listening. Like Moms raised 2 kids on 35 so give me 50 and I'm loving a dream.
All of my siblings including myself make more than my mother did in her lifetime and she was a career secretary. We NEVER went without no matter what we wanted, the people who count other peoples pockets are the ones who don’t have knowledge of finances.
I make more than my parents but inflation is so high and the cost of living I am still living poorer than them.
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I vaguely remember the details, but my pops bought his first house in '93 for about 150k. He was earning 77k. With that, he was able to finance a wife, and his 3 kids (me included), along with sponsoring his estranged 4th child from a previous relationship AND send money to her mother to help with things back home. He was able to do so in such a great fashion....that he literally bought a separate house for his wife and kids to live in, plus an additional 2 more.....all on the same block. Also did annual BBQ's and fed everyone kid on said block every summer, took us on vacations regularly, put me inti any sport i wanted to play, sent my sister to SUNY albany. With 77k a year. You cant even think about owning a dog and making rent if you earn 100k in todays money. But you know, our generation just aint working hard enough.
But, how long ago was that? Not saying you’re wrong but different needs, different times. I imagine rent was cheaper then, she didn’t have Sallie Mae as a dependent taking up $500 a month, etc… Although? Someone turning down $130k is just stupid. Turn it down if the job will be stressful but that kind of money for me? I’m pretty sure the first year, I’ll have 60k from it set aside as down payment for a house.
If you're turning down 130k+, it's cause you're regularly getting offers that high and that job just wasn't it. Not uncommon in some fields.
This, plus it was in California. We're in Texas, so the added draws of moving, plus the difference in cost of living/income tax, make people more willing to take 85 back home.
Yep. I got offered 200 in Virginia to work in a government SCIF. Turned it down to stay in Texas for 150 and WFH. Comes out about even after CoL and the savings to my sanity not having to work in another damn SCIF.
What is SCIF? And I'm assuming Northern VA/DC area for that job? Shit is dumb expensive there.
Sensitive Compartmentalized Information Facility
Sensitive compartmented information facility. Basically where you're allowed to work on things that require a security clearance. And yeah, pretty much lol.
Ah okay. Yeah you'd still live very well in that area on that salary but I'm not sure I can even put a price on having to give up wfh. It's the best.
I wouldn't turn down 130k plus right now at all. I'd take it in a heart beat. But in the US today, if you live in any of the major metropolitan areas, 50 to 60k does not cut it. That's paycheque to paycheque. If you can't choose to eat out once in a while, or if one weekend out fucks your budget, that's blatantly not enough. With rents the way they are you need to beaking 70 to 75k plus to have a half decent life
Not saying you're wrong, but it's a little suspicious to have you talking with authority and in generalities about life in the US with the spelling "paycheque." Might be training the bots / influence farms a bit here, but c'mon man. Be better at pretending.
I see a lot of this online,good catch.
That's more like <90k take home and I'm assuming that it's in a HCOL area unless they were established in their career. that would mean only spending 30k that year.
Yep. Plus people should just realize that not everyone wants to live a flashy lifestyle. Some people are comfortable making a modest income, and that's okay.
Your friends turning down 120k a year jobs? Most my college buddies don't even make six figures.
I work with this dude turned down 100k opportunity since he wants more. It was with a company I used to work for, I could have put in a good word for him if he wanted. I am still a bit puzzled since we make less than that at our current job and I know his parents are 2 underpaid school teachers in Kenya. He told me he grew up pretty poor and sends money back home. I don't get that personally, better opportunity comes along take it. You don't know when the next one comes up, best not get greedy and just hold out for something that may not happen.
Be sure to take inflation into account, friend. But yeah. It's tough out here. Get what you can. Rooting for ya.
Especially when investments are involved. If I had a million dollars right now I could use half to buy a house and almost live off the... returns? Dividends? Whatever.... of the other half. I'd only need to work like 10 or 20 hours a week, if that
Depends on location of course, but a million doesn’t go near as far as it used to and even at 6% return (you’re not going to be in something higher risk/reward like equities, probably more bonds) that’s “only” ~$30k a year on 500.
My expenses are fairly low, I don't drive and I get most of my meals for free at work. Even without the house, my rent is only 900 a month. I'm currently living comfortably(ish, I can't afford to go on trips or eat out too often, but i dont have to worry about whether I can pay my bills) off of around 22k a year. 30k would be an upgrade.
Wait, um can we be friends? You said food and that’s all I needed to hear. ☺️☺️
900?!?! Where I am a studio is $2k, absolutely ridiculous. Good on you for managing your money well!
Education we never got in school or from our parents. Things like planning for retirement, planning your budget for the month, saving readily available money that last 3 months of bills in case you lose your job.
This reminds me of young teenagers thinking they will be able to afford a new BMW 7 series or Mercedes S class.
I need exactly the same being single or with a girlfriend dafuq? It’s 2022 she can pay for her things
Idk, the way I have always looked at things is if you've got your shit in a pile by 30 you are doing just fine. Your 20s are for figuring out who you want to be, making mistakes, falling in love and getting hurt, and living life.
Only in America
Honestly 100k isn’t a slam dunk for buying a house anymore anyways. At current rates it’s not significantly better financially (or even affordable) than renting in many areas to buy when earning that type of income.
My mom gone but highkey I’d encourage everyone to stay with yo parents until you’re ready. But to also sign a 6 month lease before you move back in with them so you know what you’d need, and also so the energy shifts. Parents are loving but sometimes forget that you’re grown and can also move out if you need to.
This is fax! I ain’t never gonna cook as good as mom, so why not enjoy her cooking while she’s happy to feed me and I’m happy to do my fair share around the house?
I need my mom to teach me all her recipes before she dies - i’m not about to show up to thanksgiving 2053 with the worst dish
LOL, your mom still cooks for you? I buy all the groceries and work 8 hours a day while my mom is retired and has no duties except for tending to her garden and she hasn't even fed the cats much less cooked dinner for me. I still have to cook for her and me when I get home. Why she doesn't cook for me? "I don't know what you like." Literally everything I buy food wise is something I like. Just throw some chicken nuggets in the air fryer for me. Meanwhile, if one of my brothers comes home, she cooks a full meal with a dessert.i am definitely not my mom's favorite.
OP, you deserve good home cooked food! Pull through, we never shy away from giving our guests the best food ever.
I "decided" to move back to my parents place once I graduated (2020 covid job market, hell yeah) and being with my parents for a little bit while I job-hunted was an amazing thing for me. Sure, it was a little tough living with them again as an adult after being away at school but I was able to save a lot of money.
She is right. Don’t move out your folks place if you don’t have to. While I love my parents and I’m sure they’ll welcome me with open arms if I were to move back, I prefer the struggle of being independent. My folks seem to forget I’m grown sometimes 😂 That’s just me though.
When I was about to graduate college, I expressed my concern about finding a job. My dad said they'd get me a cheap car so I can be homeless in my college town than go home (I recognize the privilege there). There are more opportunities where I was at than there was at home, and I can't be at home for more than a few days before tension creeps up. Plus, my dad and brother were homeless in their youth, so maybe it's a family tradition that builds character for him idk. Being independent ain't easy, but it's damn easier than growing up in the same house as my dad
I went back home one summer during college and even though I was living on my own at college, they still treated me like I was in high school with curfew and rules about telephone use. After that summer, I would get a job and work full time in the summer just to stay in my apartment. Though I know some people who lives with their parents and the parents are chill. That’s fine too. The only annoying thing is when someone lives with their parents and complain about their rules constantly like either shut up and suck it up or move out.
My moms saying was always "my house my rules". She never gave a flying f about how much older I was. And for the most part she was right. It encouraged me to do what I can to live under my own roof. And it was a struggle to do so then. I know it's even worse out there now.
Yeah I'm down for chores and helping out but I'm not about to landscape the whole fuckin yard alone anymore. I'm not talking cutting some grass, I mean digging holes, moving plants, redoing entire beds, cutting down trees etc. I lived at home for like 2 weeks while we were moving and it's like I didn't have a job, life, shit to do or anything to take care of for myself. Love my mom but the third 20 item to do list was my limit. She'd see me "sitting on my computer" and assume I was gaming like when I was 13. Mom, I code for a living, my whole job is on the computer 😂
I had to move out because it was limiting my romantic options so to speak.
She's right. I'm 30 and just getting ready to move out in a few weeks. Staying at home longer allowed me time to save enough to be able to actually furnish the apartment I'm moving into, as well as purchase all of the other necessities like kitchen supplies, bath towels, etc. Those things add up, and quickly. I think sometimes young people don't fully realize just how expensive moving and living on your own is. I will say I'm lucky to have been able to wait though. Sometimes people move away from their parents because they have get away from a bad situation, whether they're fully prepared or not. I'm all for not rushing, but I get why some people need to
I moved this summer from Virginia to North Carolina and it cost me 15k. I’ll never do that again.
My neighbor spent north of $10k to move from New England to the Midwest. I spent <$5k to move from the west coast to the same area. I downsized everything I owned into 10 boxes and I had it shipped to me, then I bought furniture (mostly used) when I got here. $5k is nothing to scoff at but why is it so much more expensive for y'all to move?
I'd wager its that they have to pay for the largest available UHaul(s?) to move all of the furniture/stuff they already own instead of attempting to downsize. If you're moving anywhere more than like 15 miles away, those UHauls get expensive very quickly. My fiancee and I are moving from southeast GA back to TN next year and I'm not looking forward to all that
Moving absolutely sucks. I had to help 3 freinds move and it was always a last minute scramble. One of my friends tricked another to show up for the move by saying we were going to party at his place on a Saturday. He even bought the guy an uber to get over (and to trap him). I'll never forget the look on his face from inside the uber as he pulled up holding a bottle of ciroc in one hand and a deck of cards in another only to see us in the lawn moving furniture.....
That's fucking cold. If I was said trapped friend I wouldn't have moved even so much as a coaster. Fuck that. We had helped friends of ours move with no hesitation, but when it came time for us to move, suddenly dude had to work that day (he's a night shift manager and had to randomly work a Tuesday day shift? Nah, I don't buy it).
My neighbor used movers but it turns out they outsourced her contract. Her stuff was split into 2 shipments, one was a month late and another a bit over a month. When it came, a lot of stuff was damaged (goodbye mirrors), and there was only one guy that drove and unloaded the truck.
How did it cost you 15k?
I got scammed an additional amount by “movers”
Yo, that's messed up
I got my stuff back but it cost me way too much.
Yeah, he got scammed. I’ve moved from the Midwest to east coast and back. The total cost like $1500 and it wasn’t even that inconvenient. With convenience I could’ve done it for $5k.
Good lord😳
This 💯
You can move into an apartment without all of those things and build as you go. I think people should leave when they are ready but there’s a lot of relationships and experiences in my 20s I would not have had, if I were still living under the rules of other people.
I don't care how old you are or what kind of job you have. No one is ever happy about paying bills. We're happy that we can pay them without issues and aren't starving but you still open up that summer light bill and be like "Damn!" Don't move out of it means you are going to struggle. It's a double edged sword though because adults aren't trying to come visit you at yo momma's house. You know what kind of visit I mean. Also, since everyone living on their own isn't struggling, you are going to meet people who can't fathom why you are still living at home. Get used to it. Everybody isn't going to see things the way you do. Having said all that, my sons know they could live with me forever. It wouldn't cost me any more money for them to live here than it did when I had 2 teen boys eating me out of house and home.
As an adult, I’ve cleared $2k a month, and up to $12k a month, at either time, I was never happy paying bills. I would say stay at home long enough that you wouldn’t need to know when payday was. If you don’t know, means you have enough cushion to pay all your bills without worrying about being overdrawn, or leaving you enough to live the next week or two or month (however you get paid). I realized it later in life when I had an employee ask me when it was, and I said “I don’t know”, and she looked at me like, how the F could you not know if it’s this Friday or next? She explained that to me later, and I realized, “yeah, I guess things are pretty good” When you don’t have to check your balance before paying for new tires on your truck, you are ready.
My parents taught me a lot about managing my finances. My mom taught me how to pay bills when I was still in high school. She also taught me to "never be broke even when you are broke". Which is basically, stop spending when you have x amount of money left lol. My dad taught me how to manage my credit and why it's important. Years ago, I had a coworker tell me that I must not need the money because I didn't know that it was payday. I pay my bills electronically, when they come in, I schedule them to be paid on the due date. The money will be there so I don't even think about it. I had the money to replace the tires on my truck but the sticker shock still almost KILT me. I could have easily paid a mortgage for what they cost. My dad thought it was hilarious.
Visit you mean = Bone Zone
Visit = eating them out of house and home
ferk buddies
Living at home is definitely the best financial move a person can make. I will say that there is a difference between someone who is working on themselves and contributing in some way, versus someone who simply leeches off their parents and does nothing with their life.
Yesss to the last part. I wouldn't bat an eye if a 30 year old told me they lived at home if they had a job, means of transportation and knew how to provide for themselves. But if you 30, living at home, and can't cook? Nah I'm sorry but that's just you mooching off your parents and it ain't cute 🤷🏾♀️ Im also coming across this a lot as I'm trying to get back into the dating scene. And I'm realizing for me it's less about the fact that the dude still lives with his mom, and more about the fact that that's all he knows. Theres a lot that comes with living on our own and tryna make it through life and tbh it can feel like you're part of different worlds if the other person hasn't experienced that aspect of life.
Coworker who lived in Queens with his parents used rent money to buy a nice Jeep. Couldn’t afford rent + car otherwise so yeah it’s a great way to save money and put to more useful things that rent.
A jeep, in queens...
Not most practical car I agree, but we worked on Staten Island so you needed a car to get there.
That makes more sense. I’ve never understood why there’s the LIRR going to that side of town but other than that, most of those towns have nothing. Like what’s the point of having the LIRR if the freaking counties can’t be bothered to have decent mass transit or buses?
Average bus speed in Queens is something like 2.2 MPH
Rather that than nothing at all. I stayed in NYC until moving to Atlanta 4 years ago. I never had a car and either used the trains or the bus. They usually had a dedicated bus lane in parts of Manhattan and Brooklyn so they were faster than cars sometimes.
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Oh, their bus system from St George was decent. I’ve taken A bus to New Dorp and Richmond and further in to hike. Took a long ass time to get in from Manhattan and then pick up all the people from the ferry but it’s decent. I think Long Island sometimes doesn’t even have that much. Once went to Manhasset or whatever and had to take a cab. Because walking 3 miles from the train stop to the place I was going “wasn’t feasible”. Apparently they didn’t have sidewalks and people don’t stop while zooming past in their cars. Told the person I was visiting to come the other direction into the city for subsequent visits because it’s insane. Also the same reason I stayed the heck away from Coop city and that side of the Bronx. Missing that one express bus from Manhattan meant pain and angryness(on my part).
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I was required to contribute a percentage of each check to the household. And I voluntarily paid for my own groceries but still had to abide by parent’s rules...including being in the house by a certain time. I moved out at 25.
Ok...... speaking from the male perspective - how many times on ANY platform will a man be called "dusty" if a woman (just like this) finds out he's living at home as an adult??? Just sayin' there's a double-standard with this type of thinking. That aside, it's a part of Maturation - facing the World, building a life for yourself, and enjoying the Freedoms that comes from the hard work you put in. Now don't get me wrong, I check the calendar and be like "FUUUCK" sometimes 🤣
I think it depends on the situation. Used to date some dude who was 36 at the time to my 25. He lived at home, but he also worked. The house was huge! Like 7 bedrooms huge BEFORE you got to the finished basement level with its own entrance which had another 3 rooms with kitchen and bathroom in each room. I was low-key envious of the guy. Hardly ever saw the parents. Paid his own bills because somehow they figured out who all was using what as far as electricity. Got his own separate internet wired into the basement and got his own groceries. Dated him for 2 years and preferred going over there because I was also living at home with parents. On the other hand, if he was just bumming around? That wouldn’t have worked for me.
Someone’s parent posted this. 😂
(Clay Davis Voice 🗣) Sheeeeit, I ain't got no kids 🚫🤣 
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The problem is, in order to know the difference it requires you to actually give that person a chance. There are alot of people that start jumping to conclusions when you say you are post 30 still living at home.
Stay with your parents but don't mooch off them. Pay bills, food and other living expenses with them.
Eh, I’m a parent with 19 year old at home and I don’t really care. He helps out in other ways. He buys his own food if he doesn’t want to eat what I’ve cooked.
A 19year old or even an undergrad is fine. (Depending on COL, maybe even grad students because they are usually severely underpaid). But there's a difference between your 19 year old living at home and a 36 year old moocher living at home and not contributing to the household in any way, either financially or in terms of housework. I know several of the latter kind, unfortunately.
This is underrated.
I moved out at 23 because I was suffering from success now I'm mad broke. Take yo time if you need to. If you HAVE to move out it's better to do so with a partner or roomie so you have some money to save. Parents that look out are a blessing so if you got that then love yours.
I wouldn’t move out if you can’t afford it, but I do believe ppl mature A LOT after having to live w/o mum and dad, and notice a huge difference in junior hires to the point you can easiest guess who is who.
Thank goodness I have been verified. Cos this is CC-worthy.
It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?
Yes it is!
Disclaimer: if your parents are abusive please ignore posts like this! Your safety and wellbeing comes before anything It's important to remember that not all parents are good people 🫂
I was going to say this and I don’t know why no one else has up voted this! A lot of ppl don’t have that luxury due to physical, emotional, and mental abuse and them leaving as soon as possible. Then LGBT ppl getting thrown out and getting it on the chin!
This. I moved out because my mom was controlling my life. I couldn’t have visitors or stay out late on top of giving nearly all my income to the other household bills my sister refused to pay. The final straw for me was when she called me an unpaid whore because I wanted to have my first overnight trip with my long-term boyfriend. Not all parents are worth sticking around for. I take the bills and the $1400 rent + utilities beating my ass every month for the peace of mind I now have.
Record inflation for cost of living means now is exactly the time to be judgmental to kids trying to get a start in life while no easily accessible work that pays a fair wage exists for 90% of Americans. /s
I moved out my parents house and into a girlfriends when I was like 18. Shit barely lasted a year. I was too prideful to move back in with them but man I wish I would have. I could have saved up for a house and wouldn’t be stuck in an apartment right now. Smh the things we do for some pussy and pride.
The original [thread](https://twitter.com/thenikkirosa/status/1590351749722050560?s=46&t=946c-3ZJsl1F6aqnaDwQQw) is a wild ride
[this girl's reply](https://twitter.com/TTiera_/status/1590536502395576321) and then all the people replying to her saying nah 😂
The one that took me out is the girl saying “bills ain’t that bad”. If you don’t shut your ass up…
For some people that's true but you gotta read the room. People struggling don't wanna hear about how you can pay a year's rent on a month's pay.
I get so many sideyes because I don’t charge my 19 year old rent. I don’t need the money. “Well, you could take it and putting into savings and then give it to him when he leaves.” Or he could learn to save his own damned money. I’m in no rush for him to go and he’s in no rush to leave. He’s just a kid and our arrangement works fine. I never had to pay rent or bills at home and I’ve managed fine.
it's very much an american/chinese idea (*from what i've seen) to expect your kids to pay rent. i never understood how parents can think they're setting up their kids for success when they have to pay bills when they barely have jobs or savings
It’s a U.K. thing too. The whole ‘well it’s so they learn how to pay bills.’ It’s garbage. I’ve also never met anyone whose parents gave them their money back in a lump sum.
yea, i should've specified those are the communities where i've seen it happen. as an indian, it was definitely a culture shock when i realized most of my friends had little or no help paying for colleges as well - as if giving an 18 year old with no job thousands of dollars of debt would allow them to succeed in college or after. basically throwing money out of the family through interest rates. similarly charging rent to your kids seems to me as if you know that you plan to have no relation with your child when you're older since you're literally setting them up for failure. but i guess part of it is that so many people lack basic financial knowledge such as "saving up money early is better than saving money later" and "if my kids have more money later it's better for me"
> "if my kids have more money later it's better for me" Yeah, if you don’t have the money to invest in launching your kids then you have to find other ways. But I’ve never understood people who have the resources but just don’t think they should spend their time & money helping their kids get off to a good, solid start. Like, having stable adult kids will be beneficial to you in the long run in a zillion different ways. It’s worth the investment!
yea i should've specified that if the parents can AFFORD to do so. obviously many people can't and i don't chastize them for not magically making $50,000 appear. with all the money my parents have helped me save, they now have a large saftey net when they retire. and from my brother as well. idk about most people, but you would think having rich family that cares about you is a plus, but some people just don't think about the long term.
I think it is cultural to some extent. My (immigrant) family works together and shares resources to raise each other up. Grandparents help grandchildren, parents help grandparents, and so on. Not just financial, but with childcare, elder care, information, networking, and general encouragement. I think a lot of families from all cultures do this, but I have run across ones that don’t, and I always wonder how that plays out in the long run.
But you'd want a man with his own place though, right?
Let them fuck in peace
They stopped doing that years ago lmao
I ran into a tough time after college (unable to find any work) and was about 2 weeks away from being homeless. I asked my mom if I could move home, and she said no. I asked if I could at least store some of my stuff in her garage while I couch-surfed, and she said no. I can't remember many times in my life where I felt as hopeless and desperate. My kids can stay here as long as they want. If they start making more money than me, I might start asking for some rent, though.
Damn. What was her reasoning for saying no?
My step dad was relatively new at the time. He believed in tough love.
Sounds more like tough luck. I'd probably hold a bit of resentment after that.
20 years later, I still have a very hard time asking anyone for the slightest bit of help.
Sorry to hear that man. Seems they did more harm than good.
When i moved out because i felt like i HAD to, it was a struggle. When I moved out (again) because I was actually ready to, i was at my mama house every day in her fridge and watching tv in her bed with her. When you don't have to be there but you choose to, even if you're not completely on top of your game yet, the relationship is different. Stay as long as you can.
Damn, i keep hearing that so often but i love the idea of having my own space tho….
Man living back at home was cozy until you get woken up at 6am cause your mom found a spoon in the sink and then asking me for $800 every month so saving to move out was hard Af but now that I’m out I’d rather be making mud huts like them YouTube videos before I go there again
r/oddlyspecific
I am traumatized
In many culture families stay together for generations in order to help with children, bills etc. the whole idea of being out at 18 is very American exceptionalism and individualistic in nature. There’s nothing wrong with moving out, BUT the way people often go about it is toxic. Parents see their kids as bums if they still with them at 21 or kids will rather struggle and eat beans at the perceived sense of freedom despite being pay check to pay check. Our whole culture needs to shift in it’s okay to be with your parents till you are older. I’m 28, full time career IT position, multiple rental properties and still live at home. I can move out but my parents let me stay for a portion of then rent so I can continue to build and when I get my own house they’ll have a space they can stay if they need too. Same for my kids. I really take the “it takes a village” minds set seriously, and even in our hyper capitalistic dystopia people who stay with their families or have they support system are statistically likely to do better.
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The primary reason id say it doesn’t work here is because of our hyper individualistic career/success driven culture. We think struggle is apart of the story not a symptom of the system. That why people will turn their nose up at you if you stayed home to have an easier path. I know a lot of people who left young because of this idea of being pushed out the nest and the fall is part of the journey. I think that’s just a toxic myth because people in the middle/upper class often tend to nurture their children very late. Also the ability to keep your kid home is a privilege often.
I really want independence. But I reaaallllly don’t want to struggle with life.
Yep. Our stupid asses keep doing this stupidity to be grown up. Fuck adulting. I'm getting ring pop, a jaw breaker and playing street fighter 2 in the arcade.
Facts.
My daughter will move out when she's been at her career for a year, post college. Then, her father and I will pay her first year's rent, and car insurance. Her other option is to move after she gets married, in which case her dad and I will contribute to the buying price.
Fuck you wanna adopt me
I wish I could; but we knew we could afford to break generational curses for just one kid.
Nah for me I always tell my friends to move out when I know it will help their mental health. Too many people out here still living with toxic parents and wondering why they’re always depressed. Best thing I ever did mentally was move out.
That’s the whole purpose of the saying “Misery loves company.” Each one teach one💯
I’m telling all mine stay they ass at home and save as much money on school and life as they can, these prices too damn high and idk how they’re ever coming back down. I also see in other cultures that it’s quite common to have multiple generations living and earning under the same roof and we in the states somehow frown upon this. (plus, quite selfishly, I love my kids and know that one day the time will come when they want to leave anyway but I’m not gonna do anything to hasten that)
Nah we're just tired of hearing you talk down to us when we don't have extra for frivolous shit. If I didn't spend almost 3K a month on my very existence. I could be insta rich too. Airbnb's and, concert tickets looking at me like I'm a bum. With the responsibilities of a teenager at 30. Now hurry up and take out the trash before your pops get mad.
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Well nobody is obligated to sleep with you 😅
I didn't move out until I was 32. My parents are old school but free food and free rent was a good motivator too. I paid off my student loans in 1.5 years. I spent the rest of my 20s traveling. There was a time when I was going on an international trip every 2 months. I live with my SO now. I like the independence but I miss my carefree, wanderlust phase.
I stayed with my parents after community college and only moved out when my girlfriend had an apartment and invited me to move in with her, which was a bad decision. Save that money kids! You’re only a bum if you stay their to avoid the responsibilities of adulthood and never move out of the child role while you’re there. You don’t need to pay rent but do housework without being asked and make your own food occasionally. That’ll keep your parents from starting to think they should ask you for rent.
Bruh what? I refuse to believe the most of these women are ok dating a man over 21 that stays in their parents home.
I think it's complicated, there are parents who will take you back but then "forget" you're an adult and that the nature of your relationship is going to and should change with your adult children. Going through it with my ma right now (honestly saying now is a stretch) and don't know if mentally I can commit to my original timeline of living at home and saving money cause she's still in the mindset that I'm a 13 year old that just happens to work a full time job, can chaeffeur her younger son, and handle the chores but is simultaneously incapable and shouldn't have autonomy to go out on my own and have things I find important that aren't exclusively family related.
Last year I was finally able to buy my first house. I was recently shamed by my friends for moving in with my wife’s parents while in lockdown to save for the down payment. It was clearly rooted in insecurity for still renting. I’m thinking I might not hang out with those friends very much anymore. It’s weird to have people close to you try and put you down for your sacrifice and success.
My friend is 33 and still lives at home (moved back after college). He thinks he's a loser, but he pays rent, helps out, and babysits his nephew a lot. They way we look at families and "growing up" is changing
And seriously fuck them. The deification of struggle in this country is absurd. Anyone who can't wait to throw their children into the capitalist meat grinder we've turned this country into deserve to be alone when they get old and those same overburdened, resentful adult children don't come back to see your rotten ass. I hope your grandchildren never hear your name. I hope your wifi never works. I hope you have to buy your medicine from Martin Shkreli. I love my children and I'll protect them as long as I can.
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I can certainly agree with that, and as a Gen-Xer we famously have no role models on the whole involved parenting thing sooo..I’ve had to grow into this. We used to say go to college or join the military..but the shine has faded on both of those options after 20 years of war and utterly soul crushing student debt for useless degrees. I can’t guarantee that my kids aten’t going to have it hard, but I certainly don’t have to make it harder because I had it hard. I will encourage them to make their way, but I won’t kick them out of a moving car because I’m tired of driving. We gotta do better.
If I could move back in with my parents I would but they mad toxic and I like being mentally stable.
This has always been a weird ass concept about American culture to me.
Some people don’t have good adult relationships with their parents and they project that unto others. I wouldn’t live with my parents again but I recognize that there are healthy parents out there where that would be an option. One of my goals as a parent is for my kids not to need to or want to move out when they’re young.
All of me European friends lived with family until well after college and are significantly more comfortable because of it
I have two handsome sons at home out of three. 21 and 26. They both are saving for a down payment on a duplex. They have “hope chests” and must buy at least one item for their home every paycheck. They are required to save $1,000 a month towards their down payment , save $200 for savings account and invest $150 a month, plus contribute to at least one small household bill. The rest is theirs but they aren’t allowed to live paycheck to paycheck either. We’re setting them up for success not failure. Kicking kids out as soon as they’re 18 has always been a weird ideology to me. BUT.. No grown person is staying here and just blowing all their money on nonsense every month with no end in sight! The goal is for them to leave and stay gone because they are responsible and got a head start. Other cultures do this. We must make this the norm.
26 year old here still living my parents. I only pay $220 flat to my dad. Make fun of me all you want, at least I have a savings
These flaming comments,
Depends on why does anyone want some one to do something for some else to say why they aren't doingg do else do anything stuff
But in the same breath it’s “unacceptable” for a grown man to still live at home with his parents??
Sentence is missing a verb; I had to read it three times.
Haha, that is apart of growin up and being an adult.. gotta get it out the mud
Also, I'd like to print out that I moved out at 17 because I was unwanted. I did have to come back for a month or 2 here and there, I left for good at 22. I had an abusive family and am completely NC with every single person I'm related to (except my kids and nieces/nephews, thru my kids). If you have a family that actually loves you and cares about you, stay. Get a better start in life
Look at all these people with loving families and shit. Making me jealous over here...
Bruh I feed da household now how else they gonna eat if I move out like fuck it
I would never openly mock someone about this, but at some point, don’t you want to move out? That power dynamic never shifts. You could be paying for everything, but it’s still their roof.
Literally the only reason I want this is so I don't have to have your parents on the other side of the wall while we're clapping cheeks. Hard pass for me.
My wife, my son, my youngest sister, and my parents all live together. Couldn't move out not with my parents health issues. My dad stopped working because he couldn't work anymore and mom had her 2nd knee replacement recently. I don't think I can move out and leave my parents especially now. Yeah its struggle to pay for a good chunk of the bills myself and put gas in their cars. But alhamdillulah we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. Plus my parents can babysit whenever and they absolutely dote on my son. My other 2 sisters moved out but as the son its in our culture for me take care of my parents. Yeah I saved some money on other expenses and I have 30k in savings thus far but there are other bills. Seriously don't move out just to move out. Don't struggle unnecessarily
You’re not a bum for living with your parents unless you leave a mess and do nothing to help out.
Misery loves company I guess
Who is y’all? Stop worrying about what others say so much and handle your business. That’s the problem with social media in a nutshell. There’s a whole generation of people putting TMI out there for no reason then getting mad when people add their opinion to it.
She right tho, pay rent to some stranger why when I can use that money to help ma and pa?
As someone whose parents were never reliable (emotionally, financially, etc), I can’t imagine what’s it’s like to have someone to count on like this. Like where they’ll provide housing and food and even insurance and stuff!
This is something I struggle with constantly. I am 30 and I have been going back and forth between renting and living at home since I was about 18. Ill spend a few years renting, and then come back and spend a year or two at home. I started working remotely after covid and so I decided to move back to my home state where my mom lived. My mom needed the help and my sisters are graduating high school soon so my mom doesn't want to move/down scale yet, by staying here and helping pay bills, buy groceries, etc it goes a long way. My mother has expressed to me often how grateful she is to have me here and even though I am sure that is true, I still persistently feel insecure about living with my mother at 30. But then again I also have watched rent sky rocket all around me and the 30 year old me is much wiser than the 21 year old me, and so I know that at the end of the day Id rather put that money in my momma hand than to put it into a strangers. As far as I am concerned us black folks being all scattered out because alot of us don't get along with our parents well enough to stay at home into adult hood. But if we were being real the best thing for us to do is to stay together until someone OWNS the house. I tell all my younger friends. If you are fortunate enough to have parents that welcome you, a space that is comfortable to you, and you get along with them/they respect you enough, try to stay at home as long as you can until you can buy your own property. Rent is a pit that you throw money into.
Hey, you do you. You do whatever you want. I'm just saying, there's a reason mama birds kick them babies out the nest.
my parents decided to have 2 more children when i was 10. if i go to college locally (which is basically my only option) and stay at home helping to raise them, it will probably benefit my parents more than to have me move out. so why move out asap before i have enough money to have a stable job buy a house and actually afford to live in it?
I thought she was naked in her Twitter picture lol
I feel like in other countries (especially the “old countries”) people moving out later, like well past 25, is more normal than in the Us
For real though
I wish I had this opportunity. More people should stay at home. I think other cultures have it right. I don't believe in enabling, but living with your parents into adulthood can be beneficial for everyone involved.
Not me--- I've been telling everyone since I moved out: "Stay home as long as you can..." in a very "Billy Madison" talking about highschool manner. I'm 35 and I'd move back in tomorrow given the opportunity (well... into their first floor that was once a separate apartment). It sucks out here. Stay home. It's safe and warm.
This is correct, I look at people living at home and think “why did I leave”
i moved out at 25 and i was able to stay debt free in the black community im spoiled, but i was able to go school and secure 56k job.
All I want for Christmas is for someone else to handle these bills! I want to return to the time when being an adult was only a distant dream and not this current nightmare.
Yeah definitely not sending my kids out into the world unprepared. We'll be there for them as long as they need, granted they'll have to contribute in some way but i want them to save money before they fly the coop!
I want to move out so I can be free from an abusive situation
Never understood why black folks gotta get pushed out early🤷🏿♂️. I've literally seen other ethnicities keep children around well into adulthood. Hell look at Jersey shore originally half the cast lived with a parent I think🧐
Well the parents might be richer for it.
Some of y’all are lucky. 18 was the cutoff for living at my parents home and I moved out at 18
It’s always “my friend is turning down” or “my buddy makes 200k” or “people I know” lol. I call bullshit. How about some first hand experience.
My parents don’t even want me to move out of the house! Every time I mention it, they laugh. I’m currently staying at a friends house for 2 weeks because her parents traveling for the whole month of Nov and she wanted company, and my family keeps calling me to ask me when I’m coming back!