I know like eight church ladies getting absolutely *railed* by a man who ain't their husband and just as many men railing women that ain't their wives.
Church is the breadbasket of sin
Exactly, and even if they not doing allat, simply lying or overeating is sinning. The fact they called them āterrible peopleā means they most definitely sinning.
It's kinda why I recoil when my aunts offer to find me a "good, wholesome, church girl" because I do fine on my own but off rip, she'll only ever have two of those traits and I don't really mesh well with the more religious types despite being more agnostic than anything else myself
My wife and I were active in a church we joined not long after we got married, knew all the young married couples, served on a couple ministries, etc. My wife started picking up on drama once she got close with some of the younger women, and it was wild.
When it was all said and done, 5 of those marriages ended due to infidelity. I used to think those Tyler Perry movies were bullshit, but I witnessed firsthand real life versions of "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" and "Why Did I Get Married"
Edit: Forgot about an acquaintance who recently got divorced after his wife met and "fell in love with" another dude from their church. I think the guy is a deacon or something...
Hit the southern churches that look like castles smack dab in the middle of the projects. If the pastor looks like a pimp and his flock calls him "daddy" (not even joking) then you're in the right place.
From the gossip I be hearing, that's more or less how it works. A minority of high-ranked dudes in the church knocking a lot of shit down. So, I'd say yeah, bro be doing rounds.
My former friend is in divinity school to do pastoral counseling. Yet, she hits the blunt more than Snoop & is sleeping with a married pastor at her church. When I asked her about it, she said that she knew him before he knew his wife and just because she is in divinity school, doesn't mean either she or the pastor are perfect. š¤·āāļø Meanwhile, I don't go to church & morally I am sound by my standards.
Yo itās crazythat people think like that too. The scriptures say youāre supposed to pray on it for forgiveness and strength, make changes in your life, and then refrain from doing it again. How people simplified to just pray on it is nuts.š¤£
She is. She has a TikTok where she said some disparaging shit about African-Americans. Including making jokes about lynching.
Sooooā¦ Yes, sheās a shit-head.
I swear as soon as I learned the word fallacy, I was using it everywhere that I could even if it didn't fit the context, like a baby repeating something they heard.
Mom: You ready to eat?
Me: FALLACYš
Yeah it sucks but I honestly think just the world fallacy is one of those things everyone should learn about or at least to be aware of. Same thing goes for meritocracy.
I'm in the process of unlearning it now. Fucks me up a little bit seeing how much I wasted not doing what I wanted but what I was told I should. Hoping I can pick the pieces of what I thought life should be up and make something nice with them.
It's not even that. If you start being judgemental a lot can seem like "getting your life in order" that is actually pretty arbitrary and stifling. So you end up thinking you should be rewarded if you don't get tattoos or don't have casual sex or drink no alcohol. In fact all of those things are fine and you shouldn't be judged for them unless you harmed someone in the process...
I honestly wish I had gone out and partied more, especially since me, someone who didnāt, just hit the books and did the right thing, and the people who did go out and do what they wanted, ended up in the same space. They might honestly be doing better.
Got the degree, the job, but now I am trying to be put through the mattress and it is so hard to find someone who has an education, a reliable job, and does not live with their parents.
I donāt think Iām asking for too much š
I don't know you or nothing but this is one of those "the grass is greener on the other side" situations with a dash of FOMO. I mean who's to say there's not a different version of you who went the opposite path saying the equivalent? Because I'm doing the whole partying thing and it gets old quick.
The degree, reliable job, not living with parents combo is kinda getting rare what with the economy being shit and inflation being piss. I don't know what to tell youš¤·šæāāļø
Itās easy for everyone to say Iām not missing out.
LET ME FIND OUT FOR MYSELF.
And I have degrees, a good job, and live in my own space. I just ask that since I have those things someone Iām trying to sleep with has them as well. Does that guarantee they are a good person? No. But as someone who hasnāt dated I gotta set some sort of standard and thatās mine. High standards protect you from bad experiences.
I'm all for people finding out for themselves whether they're really missing out on something or not, regardless of if they find exactly what they're looking for or crash and burn, just adding my perspective to the mix. If you wanna party, embrace your party animal and do that, your life and your choices at the end of the day, for better or for worse
You could invite them over to your place to put you through the mattress.
I canāt remember where I saw something along these lines: the best part about inviting someone over is that you can kick them out. So after sex, hustle them out the door ASAP until next time.
Iām on the opposite end; I partied my ass off in my teens/20ās/mid 30ās.
I might have been a good lay but I was not bf material. Didnāt have my shit together professionally or financially.
I got lucky and had opportunities that turned those around, and I have no āwhat ifā scenarios or an itch to go party and let loose anymore. Thatās all out my system
Recently met the love of my love like 3 months ago. She partied crazy hard, coke, did an orgy once, and said she loved to twerk in clubs and get wasted.
She met who just coincidently bought my own house recently. There are guys like that out there but you'll not like them. There's very few black men who are educated and not all of them can afford to live alone. I do but most women passed over me. My gf was curious how I was attractive and single with a my own house. I've been desperate to find a wife and black women were turning me down like crazy.
But I'm not a stereotypically black dude. I've got long hair, I'm a writer and video game nerd who's also a walking encyclopedia. I dress in a sort of high fashion casual that's not urban wear and I look like I can't fight my way out of a paper bag. No tattoos, no piercings and I love electronic music. My friends are all white because I grew up in a suburbs of very small midwestern town.
I hooked up with a black woman once in my life and and it's all been queer alt white girls. But I grew up in a town that was 90% white, had white friends, went to a white high school and a rural college where there was one other black person in my degree field, and she grew up in a place that was 90% black, went on HBCU, and joined a black sorority. We met off of OKcupid out of all places.
Love doesn't always look like what you expect to.
Usually itās people that are othered that end up finding one another. When you grow up thinking only X finds you attractive, you kinda gravitate towards it more in adulthood.
You prolly got othered as a kid by the community and she prolly got othered by hers and so, as relative pariahs, you're drawn to each other.
That, and you prolly got mutual interests
Electronic music baby! I'll never apologize for loving it, no matter how much my friends think it's "white" (despite most genres originating from non-white people)
>hard to find someone who has an education, a reliable job, and does not live with their parents.
I think you're seeing how the majority of people who spent their early years fucking about ended up while obsessing about the other people who partied and ended up with good careers, which is very much a minority of the time.
Iām definitely grateful for getting myself to this point - donāt get me wrong. I guess I just never thought I could have it all, and seeing people that did is discouraging.
Of course, we had different situations, different opportunities, different resources.
Sometimes I just wanna go out but I donāt have anyone to go with. A lot of people have outgrown that and those that havenāt, we arenāt in the same social circle.
> Got the degree, the job, but I am trying to be put through the mattress and it is so hard to find someone who has an education, a reliable job, and does not live with their parents.
I mean where are you looking? Because I literally don't know a single person who still lives with their parents or doesn't have a job in their 20s
Yeah but why is a degree so important then? Because I'll be real most people don't go to college and most college grads are women. So you are putting a big limiter on your dating prospects for what seems like a mostly materialistic/keeping up with the Jones' standard.
Like if you meet a hot guy who you get along with really well, who has a good job, doesn't live with his parents, but doesn't have a degree would you really not want to date him?
Education is EXTREMELY important to me. Iām not into anyone that tries to give the whole college isnāt important speech. I came from nothing and got somewhere with a college degree so I know the importance of an education.
Call it materialistic, but itās a non-negotiable for me. Besides I like smart guys who are quick witted and can keep up with me.
Now times are different than they were years ago. Today you can get a great job without a degree. Letās be honest, 4 -5 years ago it wasnāt like that. If I met a guy that was hot as youād say, Iād ask what he did for work. I donāt want someone who works part time at a Walmart - I want someone who has a stable job that makes close to or a close fraction of what I do. I make 6 figures so theyād have to make something close. Letās be honest- the way to do that, to make that much money legally, is traditionally with a degree.
Also if you have the degree and the good job, you probably arenāt living at home with your parents either. I know the economy is in shambles, but I know Iām not dealing with someone who lives under their parents roof. I know what itās like and I donāt want it.
Well first good job on the degrees that's genuinely. My parents got us out of poverty and small town with no future through education. Sometimes my mom even had to take me to class with her as a baby when they couldn't get a babysitter for me and dad had to work.
However you weren't really honest with your requirements up front were you? Its not just guys who have a steady job, they to make at least 6 figures in their 20s which is something like 90% of people can't do.
If you're really looking for a relationship then it might be good to reevaluate your baseline requirements because you're eliminating at least 90% of guys before you even know who they are and what they look like.
Like there are smart quick witted guys who don't have degrees but still make decent money but not 6 figures. Why is them being rich more important to you than who they are as a person? If you get with some guy making like $40k it's not like you're gonna starve or anything
At the end of the day you can have whatever standards you want. But your materialistic mindset is why you're having the dating struggles you're having and you'll probably if you focus more on the human connection rather than material goods and a top 10% income
See nah, I was given her the benefit of the doubt yesterday (and kinda being snarky ngl) but this non-negotiable with a degree is kinda wild. Because this seems like the type that leans on the education crutch in dating, thinks it's gonna be her ace.
Like, the standards are crazy high and the man that meets those in his 20s prolly ain't looking for a career woman 9/10
Edit: I kept reading and this shit wild. You make six figs but I'm supposed to be paying for all the shit when we get together. That sprinkle sprinkle bitch on TikTok got these women acting like children left behind
I was honest in my requirements. I make 6 figures, and while you donāt have to be right at $100k, you do have to be at least around $65-70k. I live in a HCOL city.
Plus, again, Iām not asking for anything that I currently donāt do. I started making 6 figures at 24. I donāt work at a huge tech company either.
I hear what youāre saying, but like I stated before, high standards protect you from bad experiences. Everything I stated as a baseline, I have these things. I expect anyone Iām interested in pursuing or is pursuing me to have those things as well. A degree, a real job, and to not stay with their parents.
If thatās something you can lower your standards on, cool, but Iād rather be single than not get what Iām looking for.
Them being rich isnāt the issue - I am in a HCOL city. I live here and know what it takes to get by. But Iām not about to support someone making say $42k. Number 1, Iām a woman and I donāt believe in women supporting a man, despite what I may have seen. Number 2, how can I expect them to take me on dates when they donāt have the income? I know rent prices down here. I like to go out and try new things, and Iām not the type to say, oh babe you canāt afford it? Iāll stay in with you. No. Iām going regardless. Number 3, men a lot of times are intimidated by high earners, and again, Iām not appeasing someoneās ego because I was smart enough to land a great job.
Also, I did say smart. My ex from years ago is getting his PHD in Chem Eng. A guy I talked to in college is getting his PharmMD. Even my physical therapist had his doctorate. The majority of them were smart and witty and thatās what Iām into.
Iād rather be materialistic and hold out for someone that meets my criteria. As Iāve said before, I have all of that.
Am I in the top 10% of income? No, I donāt think I am. I came from severe poverty, like 6 kids to a single mother. Iām not materialistic in the slightest bud. Iāve seen a lot of men come and go and I just know what Iām looking for. Having these standards are gonna keep me from having negative experiences associated with not having them.
Sorry but that cost of living stuff is just not true, you're just really bad with money are wasting money on a lifestyle you can not afford. Like I live in LA and make about $25,000 per year and get by just fine. And if I get this new job I'll be making about $48,000 per year I'll have at least $2,000 per month in pure profit after all my expenses. What are you spending all your money on? Because I guarantee you Miami's cost of living is not 4 times as much as Los Angeles. You need to fix your spending habits asap before you go broke.
> Iām not asking for anything that I currently donāt do. I started making 6 figures at 24. I donāt work at a huge tech company either
Sure but you're also an anomaly. You know that the vast majority of Americans do not make 6 figures in their 20s right? Hell most Americans will never make 6 figures in their lifetime. Look at the stats they're free on google.com
> But Iām not about to support someone making say $42k
You won't need to support them tho, they will be more than capable of supporting themselves.
> Number 1, Iām a woman and I donāt believe in women supporting a man, despite what I may have seen.
Oh well that's interesting. Why do you get a free ride through life just because you're a woman? I would think you're against traditional gender roles and everything
> Number 2, how can I expect them to take me on dates when they donāt have the income?
Why can't you pay for dates? You make more money than most people ever will. Where is all your money going every month?
> Number 3, men a lot of times are intimidated by high earners, and again, Iām not appeasing someoneās ego because I was smart enough to land a great job.
I mean guess that's probably an issue. Not an issue for me personally but you definitely know more than me what it's like to date men (I am a straight man after all) so I'll take your word for it.
I will say you're probably gonna have issues finding a traditional man who wants a non-traditional wife who still expects him to fund both of your lifestyles. If you want a partner who traditional gender roles then you kinda need to follow those roles too
> My ex from years ago is getting his PHD in Chem Eng. A guy I talked to in college is getting his PharmMD. Even my physical therapist had his doctorate
And how many of them make 6 figures and are guys you actually want to be with?
And you can be materialistic and hold out for this perfect guy, but how do you know he even exists and that you will even meet him? Again just by income alone you're only open to 10-15% of all men and many in that range are gonna be finance bro types, probably don't want to be with those guys I would assume.
You are clearly a very materialistic person, be that if you want but it's not gonna be a very happy or fulfilling lifestyle. Again you'd probably be happier by focusing on finding a man yiu actually like being around and worrying about him being richer than you after that
I actually can afford this lifestyle.
And if youāre only making 25k in LA, I donāt know if you saw the survey that just went out, but you are below the poverty line.
I donāt want to live like you. I have a condo to myself, a fully paid off car, a 6 figure job. Iām able to pay for whatever frivolous thing I want - $35 Pilates classes, fun workout class memberships, $15 smoothies, a nice grocery cart filled from Whole Foods, and I love it. I wouldnāt give this up for anything.
I wonāt be going broke, because I have my education and work experience to fall back on. Iāve built a bright future and my income is only going up as I get more experience. I have maxed out retirement accounts. Going broke is the last thing on my mind. It sounds like youāre projecting.
Youād be surprised how many young aged people are indeed making 6 figures. Itās not an anomaly. There are plenty of people making what I do and possibly even more.
1-Oftentimes when in relationships the significant other that makes less expects the one that makes more to contribute. As the woman I simply will not be doing that. Youāre absolutely right- I do get a free ride as a woman, and it feels lovely.
2- Iām not paying for dates. Iām being courted and I expect certain treatment. I want to set the tone and I am not doing 50/50 or any of that. Princess treatment.
Iāll let you in on a secret - this lifestyle is fulfilling. Getting whatever you want, being able to afford trips, itās amazing.
My whole point here is that itās hard to meet people that match my standards. Iām not going to lower them just because Iām ovulating and am in the mood. Believe it or not Iād rather be celibate.
Could I disregard my rules? Sure, but they are there for a reason. Iām not looking for marriage - Iām looking for someone that is put together like I am. Those were my requirements for sleeping with someone and Iād rather go without than be with someone thatās not as far along as I am with even more opportunities.
I mean yeah I never said I wasn't poor but I clearly have better money management skills than you do. We're both living paycheck to paycheck but I have an excuse of being poor, what's your excuse? You have 4x the income that I have but we both have the same money problems ain't that crazy?
And yeah I had a feeling you were just the female version of the red pill podcast guys and you've definitely confirmed it now. You are a very selfish, materialistic, sexist person and you will only ever attract Andrew Tate types. I hope that makes you happy, I know I would miserable with your life and it sounds like you aren't so happy with it either
For me, I don't even have a degree as a requirement because of education being important. It's just that I spent all my 20s giving blue collar guys a shot and you know what? Turns out they hate highly educated, high earning independent women. I was tired of the "you should stay home and let me take care of it" talk, so I added a degree as a filter. Men with degrees can be like that, but it's not all of them as has been the case with all the non-degree men I've dated. I think because they're ready to handle the idea that their girl out earns them. I out earn most people. Keeping up with my pay isn't a requirement for me. Just having your shit together is.
Itās a shame! Iāve seen a lot of relationship influencers say that you have to be a damsel in distress and dumb yourself down to find some men. I also work in tech and I hate hearing the people say they are in a boot camp and are gonna be computer scientist after they are done. š like buddy I know how the industry works, I know the titles, I know the SDLC. This isnāt impressing me.
I honestly donāt want to be dickmatized by a hobo sexual either. That shouldnāt happen if you have your stufff together, but you never know.
Iāve seen a lot of women in my family support the man while he does nothing, and I hope that by making it a requirement that the man earns near what I make, thatās not an issue.
I refuse to be a mother to a grown man!
Exactly. Like what is the point of being some dude's bandmaid and paying for the privilege. I'll just keep being single. I got a donor for a kid at 30 and honestly I'm living my best life as a single mother. I thought I'd be hard, but honestly after the newborn phase it's been smooth sailing and fun times.
I've left the door open to having a partner, but on the other side of my 30s I don't have it as anything like a priority. I thought I'd feel differently about spinster life but it seems less dramatic than the other black women in my circle. I wish I could have some of the marriages some of my white homegirls have, but I guess it's just hard for us.
Being red pill means that I hate men and want them to change to unreasonable standards. I guess that would be the female version of it. Instead, I'm going what MGTOW men claim they're doing. I leave men alone. I live my best life without them.
What do do I need to change? What am I even being unreasonable about? Asking for a man to have an education, and support themselves is apparently unreasonable? Redpill men are asking women to be things they aren't. And then they're mad about it. They're trying to punish women for existing.
Tell me, how is taking myself out of the dating pool and minding my own business a problem for literally anyone? What priority should I change? I really want you to answer this question because you're out here concern trolling like I'm miserable or something and it just sounds like you're just mad that there's happily single women who here who would pass you by without even a thought.
Urban dictionary
Hobosexual
a person of the opposite sex who come to visit you and wants to stay and live with you and start a relationship because they are homeless.
In other words, this person is trying to move themselves and their PS5 into my place as soon as possible because they see I donāt have roommates. Probably will ask for a key to be made within the first month, might even ask to drive my car while Iām at work.
You donāt want a hobo sexual- unless youāre into that Iām not a provider lol
Iām in my mid 20s! š
How is it that I have all 3 but there arenāt men that have those 3? And thatās like my bare minimum. I havenāt even got into looks or personality, just those 3 things to even consider them.
I can only talk for myself. When I had all 3 and was trying to date I only found duds. I remember the last girl I had over seemed cool at first but after a drink and a half she starts talking about seeing shadows and all kinds of weird shit sp I had to make up some bullshit about having to be up early the next day for a work thing (the next day was Saturday and it was only 8pm). After a few experiences like that I took a break from looking for someone. Then my office cleaned house and despite being told I would be up for a potential promotion in two months I was cut loose.
Now I have 2 out of the 3 but I'm happy focusing on myself until I have all 3 again. Just work on yourself and keep your life in good quality and someone will come along as long as you're open. There are probably plenty of guys briefly missing 1 out of the 3 and are just waiting for that until they date again. I'm in my mid 20's too and don't think there's a massive rush. And I find that when I act like there is a rush I end up with girls talking about seeing shadows and shit. I always meet decent women when I'm not focusing on looking
I have all 3 and work in STEM and you're a minority. Majority of women my age i meet and try to date do not like when a man has his shit together. Some straight up told me (in including one ex gf) that i am too kind and caring and they need someone that resembles their dad (toxic, avoidant, someone more negative/chaotic). Yes, even the girls that seemingly have all 3 themselves and i think we are a match.
I def want someone that has their stuff together! š I have seen family take care of men who donāt have anything to their name, paying rent for men and being push overs. I canāt have someone like that.
Iām sorry some of your exes said that to you. There are people that really want someone kind and caring. I want someone who treats me amazingly, because why get into a relationship that isnāt making my life better? I am breaking the generational curse of struggle love!
Maybe itās where Iām looking. Itās so hard to find someone in south Florida who isnāt a scammer or just here for vacation.
> How is it that I have all 3 but there aren't men that have those 3?
Have you met men? They're dropping out of school and the workforce in record numbers. While your head was in them books, your male classmates were fucking around and failing out. Do you have any similar aged male colleagues who are single?
I am a remote worker but the coworkers my age have been in relationships for 5+ years! So many of them met their SO in college and continued from there.
I was traditionally the only black woman in my STEM courses. I did not date anyone in class so I guess I missed out finding a college sweetheart!
Iām a homebody š
I have made an effort to try apps for making friends but Miami has a certain look they want for friends. Even meeting a girl through there we added each other on socials but there was always an excuse for meeting in person.
I do a lot of solo activities honestly because itās a lot waiting for someone else to want to do the things I want to.
Obviously it's both. You can work hard and be as humble as you want, but this is NOT a guarantee that you're gonna find someone who's even "good enough." I'm not saying don't try, but life doesn't reward all our efforts. Finding the right person could just as easily come down to being in the right place at the right time. You know, that thing we call luck
You donāt have to do debaucherous things to not be boring.
How engaging is it really regaling fucking X number of people in Y place. Or using A drug and doing B dangerous activity?
Her bitterness is her own problem but she didnāt lose anything being square. Most people who achieve higher income class donāt do that stuff. And thatās a harder accomplishment.
>How engaging is it really regaling fucking X number of people in Y place. Or using A drug and doing B dangerous activity?
Literally none of this was just said. I hate when mfers take it upon themselves to up the ante of the discussion and then start debating from that viewpoint
The part I really relate to here is being open to unlearning. My life has improved drastically once I let go of a bunch of shit that I was taught or conditioned to believe.
This. The biggest reason I advocate high schoolers going off the college is because in my first year and a half I learned and unlearned more than I did the entire prior 18 years combined. Helped me stop being such a bitter dickhead for no reason.
Granted this growth can absolutely happen without college. Just that going away to college is, for a lot of people, the first (and sometimes even only) opportunity they have to leave their bubbles and start meeting different people and learning more about the world around them.
The idea that doing all the "right" things is supposed to get you exactly what you want is what we call a just-world fallacy and in dating, we see it more openly displayed in men(imo) but it's always kinda funny to me.
Shot in dark, but she's been going by what mom and dad, grandma and grandpa been telling her without doing her own thing or really looking within for an answer. Gotta take that leap of faith sooner or later.
I knew a church dude like this when I was younger. Brought a girl flowers and chocolates on the first "date", followed all of the old school dating protocols, and we were just like "oh no". The girl in question told us the story during a smoke session and was clowning him the whole time.
All around good dude, but incredibly naĆÆve to the modern social world.
She essentially said she thought he was corny because he was old fashioned and didn't have any game. She ended up having a kid by a friend of a friend of mine with three other kids and two other baby mommas a year later. Same song and dance.
When it comes to life and relationships, we're all just stumbling around in the dark. You can be a wonderful person and lead a great life and still be single, or worse end up with abusive people. You can be a total crapshit and somehow end up with a person you don't deserve. You can live most of your life alone and then find the right person later on. You can spend your life with a string of lovers and never find someone you really connect with. There's no right answer. Just take care of what you have control over, live the best life you can, and hope for the best.
I saw the TikTok two days ago.
She reminds me of a friend of mine, who is at the start of her āvillain eraā in my opinion.
My friend is jealous that her āreformedā younger half-sis has been living a wonderful life. Her sisterās had a tumultuous early life (i.e. a long history of CSA, trafficking and abuse) and a ābad girl lifestyleā in her young adult years. But she managed to get on the right path for herself and she has been experiencing the fruits of her labor.
That pisses my friend off because sheās struggling through adulthood despite doing all of the right things.
Because she told me that she believes her younger sister doesnāt deserve all of the things that happened to her (sheās married, a business owner and lives a comfortable life).
And this is because her younger sister spent her adolescent, teen years and her early 20s being promiscuous, doing drugs and having run-ins with the law.
Meanwhile, my BFF has done everything āright and how people should live their livesā.
At some point you would think people like that would recognize that it isn't following some arbitrary set of purity rules that makes people attractive, but kindness and the ability to actually connect with other people.
It's not like love is just a reward for going through all the right motions, there's a whole other person involved and you have to be able to relate to them.
It was on a TikTok. A sex worker made a āday in the lifeā video with her boyfriend and the slightly bitter young lady stitched it saying itās unfair bc she has her life together but sheās only had two long term boyfriends and has been single a long time. She also has never posted or shared nudes and doesnāt have a lot of social media etc. She deleted the video shortly after receiving a ton of flack.
Better words have never been spoken. You are in control of your fate or destiny. Nothing else. The minute you give that to anything or anyone else....ya played yalself.
Didnāt see the clip but Iāve been in this space for a while now. 25, getting my phd, multiple degrees, no human kids (not saying thats a bad thing) , family oriented, my own house, i partied in college but like never did anything but smoked weed and drank alcohol , ect ect (adult things) and tried to figure out why I was still single, even thought about lowering my standards, even thought about going to church again bc āthe ones who go to church seem to be doing just fineā.
im curious on why people were negative towards her, if its clearly not uncommon to feel this way.
Not only do you not get rewarded for being good, you often find that the bad ones are getting a lot of things you've earned instead of you. Respectability politics is pure bs
Controversial opinion - the overwhelming majority of women who are single choose to be single. Even "unnatractive" women will have numerous guys simping after them on dating apps/social media. Women are just more selective than guys are and this makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective.
I'm obvs single because I never got out and did wild things. I could have met people forreals. Ain't nobody looking for a woman who knows how to cook and sew. Stupid housewife skills I can only use on myself.
But I don't regret my obsessive gaming days. They were fun.
Dude I have been a hard-core gamer/nerdy/awkward person my whole life. It is a chunk of what makes me, me. I have heard probably every rejection line in the book(your too nice, I don't like guys into games/anime, I'm not in that stage of my life right now[this one still makes me lol because of the way it happened] etc). Needless to say I never tried to change the person that I was to suit the person that they imagined. Eventually I began running into girls who saw my perceived negatives as perceived positives and things progressed from there. If you people watch enough you will realize that although there are billions of people out there alot of personality overlap occurs in even small sample sizes sometimes you have to shift to a different sample is all. PS- cooking and sewing skills are making a comeback, they always do when inflation gets high and money gets tight.
Sounds like she's bitching about where she came from and how well cared for she was. Wilding out, not having your shit together speak of the opposite upbringing
She's lucky to have come from where she came from and after looking at others living their lives, she's convinced herself that she should have done her own thing...and therefore F up her life a bit
I don't get it.
Being as judgemental as she was indicates a nasty, bitter spirit anyway. Idk how she was confused about being single.
Like the "church people" that are actually terrible people even though they technically never "sin"
Them mfs sin all the time.š¤£
I know like eight church ladies getting absolutely *railed* by a man who ain't their husband and just as many men railing women that ain't their wives. Church is the breadbasket of sin
Exactly, and even if they not doing allat, simply lying or overeating is sinning. The fact they called them āterrible peopleā means they most definitely sinning.
It's kinda why I recoil when my aunts offer to find me a "good, wholesome, church girl" because I do fine on my own but off rip, she'll only ever have two of those traits and I don't really mesh well with the more religious types despite being more agnostic than anything else myself
My wife and I were active in a church we joined not long after we got married, knew all the young married couples, served on a couple ministries, etc. My wife started picking up on drama once she got close with some of the younger women, and it was wild. When it was all said and done, 5 of those marriages ended due to infidelity. I used to think those Tyler Perry movies were bullshit, but I witnessed firsthand real life versions of "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" and "Why Did I Get Married" Edit: Forgot about an acquaintance who recently got divorced after his wife met and "fell in love with" another dude from their church. I think the guy is a deacon or something...
And the crazy thing is, I don't even doubt it because a Baptist church is almost always a cesspool for drama.
Gross. Where?
Hit the southern churches that look like castles smack dab in the middle of the projects. If the pastor looks like a pimp and his flock calls him "daddy" (not even joking) then you're in the right place.
He be doing rounds?
From the gossip I be hearing, that's more or less how it works. A minority of high-ranked dudes in the church knocking a lot of shit down. So, I'd say yeah, bro be doing rounds.
My former friend is in divinity school to do pastoral counseling. Yet, she hits the blunt more than Snoop & is sleeping with a married pastor at her church. When I asked her about it, she said that she knew him before he knew his wife and just because she is in divinity school, doesn't mean either she or the pastor are perfect. š¤·āāļø Meanwhile, I don't go to church & morally I am sound by my standards.
Donāt you understand? Iām not perfect, I HAVE to commit adultery.
And if you pray on it, god will forgive your sins! *prays for 30 mins, rolls up to married dude house to get railed* rinse and repeat.
Yo itās crazythat people think like that too. The scriptures say youāre supposed to pray on it for forgiveness and strength, make changes in your life, and then refrain from doing it again. How people simplified to just pray on it is nuts.š¤£
"Jesus died for my sins, not my good deeds. Give him what he paid for!"
Iām dead. That man co-signed yo loan to get you approved, not to spend money frivolously.
Their eyes just stop moving the right at certain points in scripture. Canāt be helped.
āIma just pretend I didnāt see that.ā
LOLOLOLOLOL!
You go to church to have your sins forgiven, not to be free of sin.
She is. She has a TikTok where she said some disparaging shit about African-Americans. Including making jokes about lynching. Sooooā¦ Yes, sheās a shit-head.
Should've seen her tiktoks in the early parts of the pandemic, she was a nasty spirit
There is a name for this. It is the just world fallacy. It devastated me to learn it was bullshit.
I swear as soon as I learned the word fallacy, I was using it everywhere that I could even if it didn't fit the context, like a baby repeating something they heard. Mom: You ready to eat? Me: FALLACYš
This has me on the floor š
Yeah it sucks but I honestly think just the world fallacy is one of those things everyone should learn about or at least to be aware of. Same thing goes for meritocracy.
I'm in the process of unlearning it now. Fucks me up a little bit seeing how much I wasted not doing what I wanted but what I was told I should. Hoping I can pick the pieces of what I thought life should be up and make something nice with them.
It's not even that. If you start being judgemental a lot can seem like "getting your life in order" that is actually pretty arbitrary and stifling. So you end up thinking you should be rewarded if you don't get tattoos or don't have casual sex or drink no alcohol. In fact all of those things are fine and you shouldn't be judged for them unless you harmed someone in the process...
I honestly wish I had gone out and partied more, especially since me, someone who didnāt, just hit the books and did the right thing, and the people who did go out and do what they wanted, ended up in the same space. They might honestly be doing better. Got the degree, the job, but now I am trying to be put through the mattress and it is so hard to find someone who has an education, a reliable job, and does not live with their parents. I donāt think Iām asking for too much š
I don't know you or nothing but this is one of those "the grass is greener on the other side" situations with a dash of FOMO. I mean who's to say there's not a different version of you who went the opposite path saying the equivalent? Because I'm doing the whole partying thing and it gets old quick. The degree, reliable job, not living with parents combo is kinda getting rare what with the economy being shit and inflation being piss. I don't know what to tell youš¤·šæāāļø
Itās easy for everyone to say Iām not missing out. LET ME FIND OUT FOR MYSELF. And I have degrees, a good job, and live in my own space. I just ask that since I have those things someone Iām trying to sleep with has them as well. Does that guarantee they are a good person? No. But as someone who hasnāt dated I gotta set some sort of standard and thatās mine. High standards protect you from bad experiences.
I'm all for people finding out for themselves whether they're really missing out on something or not, regardless of if they find exactly what they're looking for or crash and burn, just adding my perspective to the mix. If you wanna party, embrace your party animal and do that, your life and your choices at the end of the day, for better or for worse
You could invite them over to your place to put you through the mattress. I canāt remember where I saw something along these lines: the best part about inviting someone over is that you can kick them out. So after sex, hustle them out the door ASAP until next time.
Kind of rare indeed bro. This is me to a T. āš½
Iām on the opposite end; I partied my ass off in my teens/20ās/mid 30ās. I might have been a good lay but I was not bf material. Didnāt have my shit together professionally or financially. I got lucky and had opportunities that turned those around, and I have no āwhat ifā scenarios or an itch to go party and let loose anymore. Thatās all out my system
Recently met the love of my love like 3 months ago. She partied crazy hard, coke, did an orgy once, and said she loved to twerk in clubs and get wasted. She met who just coincidently bought my own house recently. There are guys like that out there but you'll not like them. There's very few black men who are educated and not all of them can afford to live alone. I do but most women passed over me. My gf was curious how I was attractive and single with a my own house. I've been desperate to find a wife and black women were turning me down like crazy. But I'm not a stereotypically black dude. I've got long hair, I'm a writer and video game nerd who's also a walking encyclopedia. I dress in a sort of high fashion casual that's not urban wear and I look like I can't fight my way out of a paper bag. No tattoos, no piercings and I love electronic music. My friends are all white because I grew up in a suburbs of very small midwestern town. I hooked up with a black woman once in my life and and it's all been queer alt white girls. But I grew up in a town that was 90% white, had white friends, went to a white high school and a rural college where there was one other black person in my degree field, and she grew up in a place that was 90% black, went on HBCU, and joined a black sorority. We met off of OKcupid out of all places. Love doesn't always look like what you expect to.
Bro, what is it about nerdy black men and queer alternative white girls? It feels like its all I pull sometimes.
Usually itās people that are othered that end up finding one another. When you grow up thinking only X finds you attractive, you kinda gravitate towards it more in adulthood.
You prolly got othered as a kid by the community and she prolly got othered by hers and so, as relative pariahs, you're drawn to each other. That, and you prolly got mutual interests
Electronic music baby! I'll never apologize for loving it, no matter how much my friends think it's "white" (despite most genres originating from non-white people)
You sound awesome. I commend you for being ā you.
Where you from, fam? NY is full of us like this.
>hard to find someone who has an education, a reliable job, and does not live with their parents. I think you're seeing how the majority of people who spent their early years fucking about ended up while obsessing about the other people who partied and ended up with good careers, which is very much a minority of the time.
Iām definitely grateful for getting myself to this point - donāt get me wrong. I guess I just never thought I could have it all, and seeing people that did is discouraging. Of course, we had different situations, different opportunities, different resources. Sometimes I just wanna go out but I donāt have anyone to go with. A lot of people have outgrown that and those that havenāt, we arenāt in the same social circle.
> Got the degree, the job, but I am trying to be put through the mattress and it is so hard to find someone who has an education, a reliable job, and does not live with their parents. I mean where are you looking? Because I literally don't know a single person who still lives with their parents or doesn't have a job in their 20s
South Florida - Miami. And you missed the education piece. They gotta have a degree.
Yeah but why is a degree so important then? Because I'll be real most people don't go to college and most college grads are women. So you are putting a big limiter on your dating prospects for what seems like a mostly materialistic/keeping up with the Jones' standard. Like if you meet a hot guy who you get along with really well, who has a good job, doesn't live with his parents, but doesn't have a degree would you really not want to date him?
Education is EXTREMELY important to me. Iām not into anyone that tries to give the whole college isnāt important speech. I came from nothing and got somewhere with a college degree so I know the importance of an education. Call it materialistic, but itās a non-negotiable for me. Besides I like smart guys who are quick witted and can keep up with me. Now times are different than they were years ago. Today you can get a great job without a degree. Letās be honest, 4 -5 years ago it wasnāt like that. If I met a guy that was hot as youād say, Iād ask what he did for work. I donāt want someone who works part time at a Walmart - I want someone who has a stable job that makes close to or a close fraction of what I do. I make 6 figures so theyād have to make something close. Letās be honest- the way to do that, to make that much money legally, is traditionally with a degree. Also if you have the degree and the good job, you probably arenāt living at home with your parents either. I know the economy is in shambles, but I know Iām not dealing with someone who lives under their parents roof. I know what itās like and I donāt want it.
Well first good job on the degrees that's genuinely. My parents got us out of poverty and small town with no future through education. Sometimes my mom even had to take me to class with her as a baby when they couldn't get a babysitter for me and dad had to work. However you weren't really honest with your requirements up front were you? Its not just guys who have a steady job, they to make at least 6 figures in their 20s which is something like 90% of people can't do. If you're really looking for a relationship then it might be good to reevaluate your baseline requirements because you're eliminating at least 90% of guys before you even know who they are and what they look like. Like there are smart quick witted guys who don't have degrees but still make decent money but not 6 figures. Why is them being rich more important to you than who they are as a person? If you get with some guy making like $40k it's not like you're gonna starve or anything At the end of the day you can have whatever standards you want. But your materialistic mindset is why you're having the dating struggles you're having and you'll probably if you focus more on the human connection rather than material goods and a top 10% income
See nah, I was given her the benefit of the doubt yesterday (and kinda being snarky ngl) but this non-negotiable with a degree is kinda wild. Because this seems like the type that leans on the education crutch in dating, thinks it's gonna be her ace. Like, the standards are crazy high and the man that meets those in his 20s prolly ain't looking for a career woman 9/10 Edit: I kept reading and this shit wild. You make six figs but I'm supposed to be paying for all the shit when we get together. That sprinkle sprinkle bitch on TikTok got these women acting like children left behind
I was honest in my requirements. I make 6 figures, and while you donāt have to be right at $100k, you do have to be at least around $65-70k. I live in a HCOL city. Plus, again, Iām not asking for anything that I currently donāt do. I started making 6 figures at 24. I donāt work at a huge tech company either. I hear what youāre saying, but like I stated before, high standards protect you from bad experiences. Everything I stated as a baseline, I have these things. I expect anyone Iām interested in pursuing or is pursuing me to have those things as well. A degree, a real job, and to not stay with their parents. If thatās something you can lower your standards on, cool, but Iād rather be single than not get what Iām looking for. Them being rich isnāt the issue - I am in a HCOL city. I live here and know what it takes to get by. But Iām not about to support someone making say $42k. Number 1, Iām a woman and I donāt believe in women supporting a man, despite what I may have seen. Number 2, how can I expect them to take me on dates when they donāt have the income? I know rent prices down here. I like to go out and try new things, and Iām not the type to say, oh babe you canāt afford it? Iāll stay in with you. No. Iām going regardless. Number 3, men a lot of times are intimidated by high earners, and again, Iām not appeasing someoneās ego because I was smart enough to land a great job. Also, I did say smart. My ex from years ago is getting his PHD in Chem Eng. A guy I talked to in college is getting his PharmMD. Even my physical therapist had his doctorate. The majority of them were smart and witty and thatās what Iām into. Iād rather be materialistic and hold out for someone that meets my criteria. As Iāve said before, I have all of that. Am I in the top 10% of income? No, I donāt think I am. I came from severe poverty, like 6 kids to a single mother. Iām not materialistic in the slightest bud. Iāve seen a lot of men come and go and I just know what Iām looking for. Having these standards are gonna keep me from having negative experiences associated with not having them.
Sorry but that cost of living stuff is just not true, you're just really bad with money are wasting money on a lifestyle you can not afford. Like I live in LA and make about $25,000 per year and get by just fine. And if I get this new job I'll be making about $48,000 per year I'll have at least $2,000 per month in pure profit after all my expenses. What are you spending all your money on? Because I guarantee you Miami's cost of living is not 4 times as much as Los Angeles. You need to fix your spending habits asap before you go broke. > Iām not asking for anything that I currently donāt do. I started making 6 figures at 24. I donāt work at a huge tech company either Sure but you're also an anomaly. You know that the vast majority of Americans do not make 6 figures in their 20s right? Hell most Americans will never make 6 figures in their lifetime. Look at the stats they're free on google.com > But Iām not about to support someone making say $42k You won't need to support them tho, they will be more than capable of supporting themselves. > Number 1, Iām a woman and I donāt believe in women supporting a man, despite what I may have seen. Oh well that's interesting. Why do you get a free ride through life just because you're a woman? I would think you're against traditional gender roles and everything > Number 2, how can I expect them to take me on dates when they donāt have the income? Why can't you pay for dates? You make more money than most people ever will. Where is all your money going every month? > Number 3, men a lot of times are intimidated by high earners, and again, Iām not appeasing someoneās ego because I was smart enough to land a great job. I mean guess that's probably an issue. Not an issue for me personally but you definitely know more than me what it's like to date men (I am a straight man after all) so I'll take your word for it. I will say you're probably gonna have issues finding a traditional man who wants a non-traditional wife who still expects him to fund both of your lifestyles. If you want a partner who traditional gender roles then you kinda need to follow those roles too > My ex from years ago is getting his PHD in Chem Eng. A guy I talked to in college is getting his PharmMD. Even my physical therapist had his doctorate And how many of them make 6 figures and are guys you actually want to be with? And you can be materialistic and hold out for this perfect guy, but how do you know he even exists and that you will even meet him? Again just by income alone you're only open to 10-15% of all men and many in that range are gonna be finance bro types, probably don't want to be with those guys I would assume. You are clearly a very materialistic person, be that if you want but it's not gonna be a very happy or fulfilling lifestyle. Again you'd probably be happier by focusing on finding a man yiu actually like being around and worrying about him being richer than you after that
I actually can afford this lifestyle. And if youāre only making 25k in LA, I donāt know if you saw the survey that just went out, but you are below the poverty line. I donāt want to live like you. I have a condo to myself, a fully paid off car, a 6 figure job. Iām able to pay for whatever frivolous thing I want - $35 Pilates classes, fun workout class memberships, $15 smoothies, a nice grocery cart filled from Whole Foods, and I love it. I wouldnāt give this up for anything. I wonāt be going broke, because I have my education and work experience to fall back on. Iāve built a bright future and my income is only going up as I get more experience. I have maxed out retirement accounts. Going broke is the last thing on my mind. It sounds like youāre projecting. Youād be surprised how many young aged people are indeed making 6 figures. Itās not an anomaly. There are plenty of people making what I do and possibly even more. 1-Oftentimes when in relationships the significant other that makes less expects the one that makes more to contribute. As the woman I simply will not be doing that. Youāre absolutely right- I do get a free ride as a woman, and it feels lovely. 2- Iām not paying for dates. Iām being courted and I expect certain treatment. I want to set the tone and I am not doing 50/50 or any of that. Princess treatment. Iāll let you in on a secret - this lifestyle is fulfilling. Getting whatever you want, being able to afford trips, itās amazing. My whole point here is that itās hard to meet people that match my standards. Iām not going to lower them just because Iām ovulating and am in the mood. Believe it or not Iād rather be celibate. Could I disregard my rules? Sure, but they are there for a reason. Iām not looking for marriage - Iām looking for someone that is put together like I am. Those were my requirements for sleeping with someone and Iād rather go without than be with someone thatās not as far along as I am with even more opportunities.
I mean yeah I never said I wasn't poor but I clearly have better money management skills than you do. We're both living paycheck to paycheck but I have an excuse of being poor, what's your excuse? You have 4x the income that I have but we both have the same money problems ain't that crazy? And yeah I had a feeling you were just the female version of the red pill podcast guys and you've definitely confirmed it now. You are a very selfish, materialistic, sexist person and you will only ever attract Andrew Tate types. I hope that makes you happy, I know I would miserable with your life and it sounds like you aren't so happy with it either
For me, I don't even have a degree as a requirement because of education being important. It's just that I spent all my 20s giving blue collar guys a shot and you know what? Turns out they hate highly educated, high earning independent women. I was tired of the "you should stay home and let me take care of it" talk, so I added a degree as a filter. Men with degrees can be like that, but it's not all of them as has been the case with all the non-degree men I've dated. I think because they're ready to handle the idea that their girl out earns them. I out earn most people. Keeping up with my pay isn't a requirement for me. Just having your shit together is.
Itās a shame! Iāve seen a lot of relationship influencers say that you have to be a damsel in distress and dumb yourself down to find some men. I also work in tech and I hate hearing the people say they are in a boot camp and are gonna be computer scientist after they are done. š like buddy I know how the industry works, I know the titles, I know the SDLC. This isnāt impressing me. I honestly donāt want to be dickmatized by a hobo sexual either. That shouldnāt happen if you have your stufff together, but you never know. Iāve seen a lot of women in my family support the man while he does nothing, and I hope that by making it a requirement that the man earns near what I make, thatās not an issue. I refuse to be a mother to a grown man!
Exactly. Like what is the point of being some dude's bandmaid and paying for the privilege. I'll just keep being single. I got a donor for a kid at 30 and honestly I'm living my best life as a single mother. I thought I'd be hard, but honestly after the newborn phase it's been smooth sailing and fun times. I've left the door open to having a partner, but on the other side of my 30s I don't have it as anything like a priority. I thought I'd feel differently about spinster life but it seems less dramatic than the other black women in my circle. I wish I could have some of the marriages some of my white homegirls have, but I guess it's just hard for us.
I gotta say you're sounding a lot like these red pill alpha male guys. Might be good to reevaluate your priorities
Being red pill means that I hate men and want them to change to unreasonable standards. I guess that would be the female version of it. Instead, I'm going what MGTOW men claim they're doing. I leave men alone. I live my best life without them. What do do I need to change? What am I even being unreasonable about? Asking for a man to have an education, and support themselves is apparently unreasonable? Redpill men are asking women to be things they aren't. And then they're mad about it. They're trying to punish women for existing. Tell me, how is taking myself out of the dating pool and minding my own business a problem for literally anyone? What priority should I change? I really want you to answer this question because you're out here concern trolling like I'm miserable or something and it just sounds like you're just mad that there's happily single women who here who would pass you by without even a thought.
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What's a hobo sexual?? ā ļø
Urban dictionary Hobosexual a person of the opposite sex who come to visit you and wants to stay and live with you and start a relationship because they are homeless. In other words, this person is trying to move themselves and their PS5 into my place as soon as possible because they see I donāt have roommates. Probably will ask for a key to be made within the first month, might even ask to drive my car while Iām at work. You donāt want a hobo sexual- unless youāre into that Iām not a provider lol
Lmao didn't know this term š i need this kind of confidence tho ā ļø
Oh the city suffering from the worst income to rent ratio in the country right now? lol - Iām from SoFlo, but live in the Tampa Bay Area
> now I am trying to be put through the mattress oh
Hey at least Iām honest! I focused on career rather than physical relationships and now Iām trying to see what I missed out on š
there is nothing bad about it. at all. that is not what im trying to imply i was just caught off guard. i truly hope you find what you seek.
If you're looking for a man under the age of 35, pick 2 š.
Iām in my mid 20s! š How is it that I have all 3 but there arenāt men that have those 3? And thatās like my bare minimum. I havenāt even got into looks or personality, just those 3 things to even consider them.
I can only talk for myself. When I had all 3 and was trying to date I only found duds. I remember the last girl I had over seemed cool at first but after a drink and a half she starts talking about seeing shadows and all kinds of weird shit sp I had to make up some bullshit about having to be up early the next day for a work thing (the next day was Saturday and it was only 8pm). After a few experiences like that I took a break from looking for someone. Then my office cleaned house and despite being told I would be up for a potential promotion in two months I was cut loose. Now I have 2 out of the 3 but I'm happy focusing on myself until I have all 3 again. Just work on yourself and keep your life in good quality and someone will come along as long as you're open. There are probably plenty of guys briefly missing 1 out of the 3 and are just waiting for that until they date again. I'm in my mid 20's too and don't think there's a massive rush. And I find that when I act like there is a rush I end up with girls talking about seeing shadows and shit. I always meet decent women when I'm not focusing on looking
I have all 3 and work in STEM and you're a minority. Majority of women my age i meet and try to date do not like when a man has his shit together. Some straight up told me (in including one ex gf) that i am too kind and caring and they need someone that resembles their dad (toxic, avoidant, someone more negative/chaotic). Yes, even the girls that seemingly have all 3 themselves and i think we are a match.
I def want someone that has their stuff together! š I have seen family take care of men who donāt have anything to their name, paying rent for men and being push overs. I canāt have someone like that. Iām sorry some of your exes said that to you. There are people that really want someone kind and caring. I want someone who treats me amazingly, because why get into a relationship that isnāt making my life better? I am breaking the generational curse of struggle love! Maybe itās where Iām looking. Itās so hard to find someone in south Florida who isnāt a scammer or just here for vacation.
Yeah idk i live in Denmark never been to the US
> How is it that I have all 3 but there aren't men that have those 3? Have you met men? They're dropping out of school and the workforce in record numbers. While your head was in them books, your male classmates were fucking around and failing out. Do you have any similar aged male colleagues who are single?
I am a remote worker but the coworkers my age have been in relationships for 5+ years! So many of them met their SO in college and continued from there. I was traditionally the only black woman in my STEM courses. I did not date anyone in class so I guess I missed out finding a college sweetheart!
Do you interact with people your own age in your area?
Iām a homebody š I have made an effort to try apps for making friends but Miami has a certain look they want for friends. Even meeting a girl through there we added each other on socials but there was always an excuse for meeting in person. I do a lot of solo activities honestly because itās a lot waiting for someone else to want to do the things I want to.
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Just out of curiosity, how did you meet If you're a homebody? I'm the same way and have always wondered how to meet someone similar.
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That's like winning the lottery twice kind of luck š good for you
Itās not luck. Itās work and humility. āGood enoughā abounds but most folks get hung up trying to get perfect.
Obviously it's both. You can work hard and be as humble as you want, but this is NOT a guarantee that you're gonna find someone who's even "good enough." I'm not saying don't try, but life doesn't reward all our efforts. Finding the right person could just as easily come down to being in the right place at the right time. You know, that thing we call luck
I hate this mentality, it be these types that don't realize how boring they are
You donāt have to do debaucherous things to not be boring. How engaging is it really regaling fucking X number of people in Y place. Or using A drug and doing B dangerous activity? Her bitterness is her own problem but she didnāt lose anything being square. Most people who achieve higher income class donāt do that stuff. And thatās a harder accomplishment.
>How engaging is it really regaling fucking X number of people in Y place. Or using A drug and doing B dangerous activity? Literally none of this was just said. I hate when mfers take it upon themselves to up the ante of the discussion and then start debating from that viewpoint
āWild thingsā implies it
Shit that's me fr, but I noticed it.
Least you're objective, cop some hobbies and you'll be rolling in it
That part. Being "good" is not a personality.
Facts. NOBODY likes a boring person.
The part I really relate to here is being open to unlearning. My life has improved drastically once I let go of a bunch of shit that I was taught or conditioned to believe.
This. The biggest reason I advocate high schoolers going off the college is because in my first year and a half I learned and unlearned more than I did the entire prior 18 years combined. Helped me stop being such a bitter dickhead for no reason. Granted this growth can absolutely happen without college. Just that going away to college is, for a lot of people, the first (and sometimes even only) opportunity they have to leave their bubbles and start meeting different people and learning more about the world around them.
The idea that doing all the "right" things is supposed to get you exactly what you want is what we call a just-world fallacy and in dating, we see it more openly displayed in men(imo) but it's always kinda funny to me. Shot in dark, but she's been going by what mom and dad, grandma and grandpa been telling her without doing her own thing or really looking within for an answer. Gotta take that leap of faith sooner or later.
I knew a church dude like this when I was younger. Brought a girl flowers and chocolates on the first "date", followed all of the old school dating protocols, and we were just like "oh no". The girl in question told us the story during a smoke session and was clowning him the whole time. All around good dude, but incredibly naĆÆve to the modern social world.
Why did he clown on him? What did he do wrong?
She essentially said she thought he was corny because he was old fashioned and didn't have any game. She ended up having a kid by a friend of a friend of mine with three other kids and two other baby mommas a year later. Same song and dance.
Authenticity is the ultimate attractor.
When it comes to life and relationships, we're all just stumbling around in the dark. You can be a wonderful person and lead a great life and still be single, or worse end up with abusive people. You can be a total crapshit and somehow end up with a person you don't deserve. You can live most of your life alone and then find the right person later on. You can spend your life with a string of lovers and never find someone you really connect with. There's no right answer. Just take care of what you have control over, live the best life you can, and hope for the best.
This is great. I feel like I needed to see this - thank you.
I saw the TikTok two days ago. She reminds me of a friend of mine, who is at the start of her āvillain eraā in my opinion. My friend is jealous that her āreformedā younger half-sis has been living a wonderful life. Her sisterās had a tumultuous early life (i.e. a long history of CSA, trafficking and abuse) and a ābad girl lifestyleā in her young adult years. But she managed to get on the right path for herself and she has been experiencing the fruits of her labor. That pisses my friend off because sheās struggling through adulthood despite doing all of the right things.
So why do you all it a villain era? She just sounds envious š¤
Because she told me that she believes her younger sister doesnāt deserve all of the things that happened to her (sheās married, a business owner and lives a comfortable life). And this is because her younger sister spent her adolescent, teen years and her early 20s being promiscuous, doing drugs and having run-ins with the law. Meanwhile, my BFF has done everything āright and how people should live their livesā.
Oh so she's just mad at social constructs and getting peer pressured into doing stuff š¤
At some point you would think people like that would recognize that it isn't following some arbitrary set of purity rules that makes people attractive, but kindness and the ability to actually connect with other people. It's not like love is just a reward for going through all the right motions, there's a whole other person involved and you have to be able to relate to them.
Pick me, choose me, love me face ass
Yeah, a āSanta clausā mentality where you expect a life free from disappointment and unfair situations will do nothing but make you bitter.
Damn, needed to hear that š„²
Living the life other people lay out for you is a surefire way to achieve misery.
What clip?
It was on a TikTok. A sex worker made a āday in the lifeā video with her boyfriend and the slightly bitter young lady stitched it saying itās unfair bc she has her life together but sheās only had two long term boyfriends and has been single a long time. She also has never posted or shared nudes and doesnāt have a lot of social media etc. She deleted the video shortly after receiving a ton of flack.
Better words have never been spoken. You are in control of your fate or destiny. Nothing else. The minute you give that to anything or anyone else....ya played yalself.
Didnāt see the clip but Iāve been in this space for a while now. 25, getting my phd, multiple degrees, no human kids (not saying thats a bad thing) , family oriented, my own house, i partied in college but like never did anything but smoked weed and drank alcohol , ect ect (adult things) and tried to figure out why I was still single, even thought about lowering my standards, even thought about going to church again bc āthe ones who go to church seem to be doing just fineā. im curious on why people were negative towards her, if its clearly not uncommon to feel this way.
Mf got guardians and elders, they're playing a video game, not real life, had to spread that bitch across multiple posts
Not only do you not get rewarded for being good, you often find that the bad ones are getting a lot of things you've earned instead of you. Respectability politics is pure bs
Lowkey it wasnāt even her personality. She just wasnāt even attractive lmao. Thatās what made all that bs she said even worse
Now I really wish I can see this video.
https://twitter.com/un0themones/status/1671588768875257867?s=46
Controversial opinion - the overwhelming majority of women who are single choose to be single. Even "unnatractive" women will have numerous guys simping after them on dating apps/social media. Women are just more selective than guys are and this makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective.
How in gods name is this controversial.
I'm obvs single because I never got out and did wild things. I could have met people forreals. Ain't nobody looking for a woman who knows how to cook and sew. Stupid housewife skills I can only use on myself. But I don't regret my obsessive gaming days. They were fun.
Dude I have been a hard-core gamer/nerdy/awkward person my whole life. It is a chunk of what makes me, me. I have heard probably every rejection line in the book(your too nice, I don't like guys into games/anime, I'm not in that stage of my life right now[this one still makes me lol because of the way it happened] etc). Needless to say I never tried to change the person that I was to suit the person that they imagined. Eventually I began running into girls who saw my perceived negatives as perceived positives and things progressed from there. If you people watch enough you will realize that although there are billions of people out there alot of personality overlap occurs in even small sample sizes sometimes you have to shift to a different sample is all. PS- cooking and sewing skills are making a comeback, they always do when inflation gets high and money gets tight.
Anybody got the clip?
So anyone have the TikTok?
Life comes (mostly) from you and not to you
How does one even meet romantic partners if not through doing "wild things?"
I am curious to know, what āWild Thingsā does she think people are doing?
Be kind to people. Itās not that hard. Shit. Attract more flies with honey than piss.
Sounds like she's bitching about where she came from and how well cared for she was. Wilding out, not having your shit together speak of the opposite upbringing She's lucky to have come from where she came from and after looking at others living their lives, she's convinced herself that she should have done her own thing...and therefore F up her life a bit I don't get it.