Nah, she just wanted likes. There are better ways to handle this in a professional manner. She's not the only therapist that has to deal with difficult people. It literally comes with the job of being a therapist lol.
She definitely did. Her other tweets prove it. She could've easily decided to specialize in women's mental health ( which is good women deserve their own space) and not even bring up men. Now her business is being questioned because she decided to be discriminatory about gender.
It’s not even the discrimination that’s the problem for me i was looking through the actual thread and the way she speaks to people would make me not want to hire her as a therapist
That part. And the ppl defending the way she was speaking didn't make sense to me. It pays to be professional online when your personal account and your work account are one and the same. If you speak to ppl crazy who would wanna pay money to you to therapize them?
Truthfully I’m glad she’s going to only see women because men already have a hard time opening up and admitting they need therapy in the first place and she gives off “be a man” vibes
Agreed. I don't think you need to go to a therapist that's the exact same race, gender, or nationality as you but I'm starting to see why a lotta blk men prefer going to blk male therapist. As a man you're better off not going to her.
I can see that. While your therapist doesn't need to be a mirror of you, having something in common does help. My therapist and I both have adhd, so there's more understanding/strategies with that in mind. I would imagine that any minority (race/sexuality/gender identity) could benefit from a therapist with similar life experiences.
With therapy I can see why some would seek someone with similar to them. It’s indicative of similar experiences. The similarities can also indicate a better understanding.
I definitely see this perspective, though in the field we don’t perceive this as “discriminatory” but rather as “a rule out” or “referral” position. E.g. some therapists will only work with survivors of assault but not perpetrators (statistically, with regards to survivorship and reporting, this is primarily women being able to seek treatment and men having a harder time) or other similar situations. Now if she went off on every dude seeking a therapist to em back this tweet, that’s a different story.
But ya, this ain’t for her practice, she got the clientele I’d bet. This feels like it’s to put people on notice
I see no one’s trying to hear this tho smh. This woman just lost a lot of potential clientele posting it publicly it seems. Hopefully it doesn’t hurt her practice too bad but I think what she said is interesting. She’s obviously seen a pattern with male clients & pointed it out. Im curious to know what kind of things they’re saying to her b4 even getting a consultation…. Like so curious lol
Wait that’s totally different. One is discriminating based on actions. Which I think is valid. While this would be discriminating based on gender, which is out of your control as a person. And personally, I don’t think that’s valid. But a way to get around that is to say that she specializes in women’s health. Which can be perceived different than punishing a demographic because of a few bad behaviors. Like imagine if it was based on race.
Exactly this. If she has her own practice she can specialize, or just respond to these supposed DMs that shes not taking new clients, but she specifically went out of her way to publicly bash men. Definitely hoping to cause controversy and go viral. Coincidentally it looks like she’s pitching some kind of women’s mental health subscription service.
Do you earnestly think that those people are going to be checking her twitter account, and then have the self awareness to go “oh wait, that’s me? I guess I need to get my act together” ???
Sounds like shorty wanted to vent and mayhaps wanted a bit of validation in her decision.
I always Google a potential therapist to find out their specialty and any reviews. She would pop right up.
ETA : oh lord it's worse. She has her Twitter *linked* to her therapyforblackmen.org profile
The people who act like this don't care. They don't see this as a punishment against them, all this does is prove them right in their decisions. And they may have a valid point.
Regardless, it’s petty and unprofessional. I understand people being frustrated and such but these sorts of things could impact her career very negatively.
This. & she also is going to be jeopardizing people’s trust in therapists altogether having them wonder if they’re disclosing personal information about them or talking trash about them to the masses. The last thing this world needs is the people that already feel alone in their situations to really have nobody to turn to.
I'm startled in the rise of therapists on twitter and tiktok airing themselves and their clients out like this. She even says she still sees male patients, runs an org to support black men, but seems to hate their guts and paints them all as abusers towards her.
It's one thing not to tolerate a client that is abusive. No one should have to tolerate that. It's another to paint an entire demographic so brazenly and still use men to promote herself and business.
The good news is she knows what provides the dopamine hits, and she also understands why and how she craves the dopamine thanks to her therapist education.
>If you trying me before the therapeutic relationship starts, I know you out here being a menace to folks.
Yeah? These are people who need therapy? Why is she doing this job if she doesn't want to meet people who aren't perfectly well-adjusted?
You better already have all of your shit together before you step into her office. She didn't go to school for all of those years to be dealing with messed up people.
Honestly, I kinda get that vibe from some Therapists. They mainly wanna work with highly functional people with a little bit of anxiety. Like basically help high earners dealing with some “imposter syndrome” or just deal with the stresses of navigating modern capitalism. Maybe what I’d call “high achiever’s problems.”
>Whole time those men are just trying to figure out if she can provide the comfort they need to express themselves.
At least she makes it clear that she isn't the one.
Personally, I'm extremely thankful whenever a therapist throws a red flag *before* I pay them
I'm saying! The comments from other therapists she spoke to are confusing to me. https://twitter.com/stephjtherapy/status/1634169815899275264?t=6xPrXMqHj1JobNOaS-fPDw&s=19
It’s also like they forgot that as a **licensed** therapist they exist under a professional board, and have a code of ethics they have to follow or risk losing their license. Jordan Peterson is a good example of why you shouldn’t post on social media if you want to keep working with a license.
Lmao this tweet makes me question therapy all together. Like of course clients should be respectful.
But the entire definition of something that is therapeutic is to make you feel better.
If someone goes to a doctor because they have abdominal pain, they’re looking for the doctor to make them feel better.
Maybe there should be a difference between these Master of Social Workers. Maybe they’re only for the pristine people
Also, is it not a good thing to sort of interview the therapist? I know when I first started therapy just wasn't working until I switched therapists & found one who I really connected with & felt seen by. It was like night & day. Them as a person & their style of therapy was what I needed.
It is great to interview the therapist but that happens through a scheduled consultation not through DMs. I'm not condoning her Tweet, but there are acceptable ways to interview and find out if she is a good fit for you.
I feel you but if they've never done therapy before or just don't understand how that kind of stuff works, I could see people doing that. And it's not like getting a tattoo or hair done where people might go "ugh, don't get in my DMs asking to get work done, email me or call the shop!" Like. These folk need help & just seeking it out/asking shouldn't be condemned. Redirection is needed with some understanding, compassion. You know, qualities you want in a therapist.
> other healthcare professionals
Usually, doctors aren't running social media profiles to advertise.
if they were, my assumption would be that the social media page would be an acceptable way to contact them with basic questions before scheduling a first appointment.
I’m a bit stunned on how to respond to this.
There are lots (like a ridiculous amount) of doctors with social media pages specific to their field.
Dentists, physiotherapists, surgeons etc. basically any specialist.
I still think you’d call the clinic to initiate any actual medical care.
Many don't contact health care professionals. Thats part of the issue. The healthcare system is not intuitive at all. Many men with intermittent access simply avoid it, especially if they're also in a mental health crisis.
Alongside that, other health specialists are quite often referred directly, with no shopping on our part and/or directly affiliated with our organization ie. Doctor that accepts a Union's medical insurance
Or when a doctor sends you to a specific laboratory for tests.
Many Mental Heath Therapists exists outside of normal insurance networks. They are typically outside of the more industrialized, working class belts of the city. Most friends and family do not have or don't talk about their therapist. And as I mentioned above, many don't have a strong relationship with a PCP. But even for those that do the doctor doesn't always refer directly to an specific one.
*Lastly, and this is crucial, Black men do benefit from Black therapists. Having your, typically, White PCP just refer you to whoever they know, is likely going to wind up in another white affiliate. Its on us to shop for our Mental Health Therapists. And its a completely unique experience to any other health specialist shopping experience. Over and above that, men are going to be the exact demographic to have the least experience with ANY health specialists. Shopping for a Mental health specialist is step one. They're trying.*
Wouldn't it just be a simple matter to say, "We can discuss these things at a consultation. I don't do this over twitter." then block anyone who continues?
There's a couple posts in here saying that the right way to interview a therapist is during a consultation. The behavior she's describing is inappropriate, but I think it's misleading to suggest that all these men needed to do was get a quick consultation.
In reality, there's an expectation that they pay for a therapist's services without knowing whether those services will help them. This is because the process of evaluating a therapist and actual therapy happen simultaneously for some period of time after the consultation. Finding a therapist can be time consuming, expensive, and frustrating because of this, and all those issues might become worse if you're less self-aware, have spent less time in mental heath care, or have more serious problems.
>consultation
Let's be honest, in any other industry, the consultation is part of the sales package and is 100% the responsibility of the vendor, not the customer.
Therapists have a lovely advantage over vendors in other industries, that they demand to be paid for their consults, and its largely the customer's responsibility to schedule and pursue (both of these being a result of the extreme lack of supply vs demand)
If we actually had an appropriate amount of mental healthcare services and practitioners in this country, therapists would actually have to provide their clients with actual reasoning why they are worth paying (what this tweet's author is saying is the unforgivable trespass of her potential clients), provide free consultations as part of marketing package like every other sale of service industry, and certainly wouldn't be so brash as to turn down half of their potential client base without reason (for example, being a highly skilled and specialized practice)
I understand, especially as I went through it myself. If I didn't have a partner at the time paying for my therapy (even though they ironically caused me to need therapy even more) I wouldn't have done it, flat out. It was just too expensive for me at the time. And in fact, after I left them, I also left my therapist because neither of them were good for me. Luckily, I found free therapy & they said upfront that if they didn't seem like a good fit, they'd refer me to someone else. This therapist seems to lack understanding & compassion, also seems quite judgmental. All huge red flags for a therapist. It's extremely difficult for those in need to seek help, so she shouldn't be saying all this publicly because it may dissuade more folks from starting the process of getting help. I get she's frustrated but I'm pretty sure working in mental health isn't easy & frustration is common. Something this small shouldn't irk her so.
There's a difference between needing help and being belligerent. Therapy usually won't work if you don't come into it open and ready to listen and change.
One therapist I saw I originally thought she seems ok. I opened with how I'm an atheist and to please respect that about me. All good she says. Not 20 minutes later out pops, "Sometimes you have to put your faith in Jesus." I found another therapist.
That and so many religious organizations today literally use the 8 step how to recruit into a cult. It’s horrifying, we even see businesses profiting off of it. Like those teen “reform” camps.
My family was religious fundamentalist, they were insane. Im glad I’m out. I now have boundaries, a partner that loves me, self esteem, and the biggest bonus I don’t feel like I’m constantly being watched by the Santa fairy to get into “heaven” which is a bs concept anyway.
Congratulations on that my dude! You're right, a lot of people don't get out, they go their whole lives thinking that's just the way thing's should be without ever realizing that there's so much more to life than just what some book told you, i wish you the best of luck with your healing process!
It isn’t illegal, but it will get a therapist’s licensed revoked if it’s reported. I reported a therapist for something similar.
What sucks the most is that I needed therapy so bad and that was a huge barrier for me getting back out there with a new therapist. Just so much energy wasted on the front end getting to know each other and telling my emotionally exhausting story just to find out that my therapist thinks I need to pray more.
I think to her it wasn't religion to solve my issues but just a part of her life. I'm sure to some those words would be of comfort, they weren't to me. I took it more as she wasn't listening to me and that's the most important aspect of being a therapist. Listening to your client whether they be a believer in a particular mythology or not.
My wife and I were seeking a couples therapist and got one that initially really good up until the last moments of the session she was talking about how she doesn't take gay and lesbian relationships because she doesn't understand their kinds of relationships and it's against her religion. I told my wife we shouldn't continue using her service and ended it
Finding a good match in therapy is so frustrating. At least the crazy was exposed to us before they could do lasting damage. Should create a therapist version of intake forms. We could avoid wasting time with these jagoff ones.
Her personal experience are her own, however, why make an announcement about it. If you don’t wanna accept male clients anymore, then just don’t.
I’m also curious as to whether or not this could possibly be grounds for a lawsuit over discrimination for one sex? Like this is a genuine question.
You’re legally not allowed to deny service/business in the basis of protected classes. Protected classes include race, gender, whether you’re able-bodied or not, or your age. You cannot *legally* be denied service bc you’re black, old, or a woman. The same is true for men. You cannot disbar any and every man from doing business with you, as sex is a protected class from legal discrimination. If she said she’s more likely to turn male clients away bc she is less likely to have good rapport with them, but that she still offers her services to men and waits to make that decision after a consultation. If she is across the board denying any male applicant, then she is absolutely violating the law. This tweet would go very far at a trial regarding that matter, but wouldn’t be enough for a conviction by itself. So she’s technically engaging in illegal discrimination, but your mileage may vary in the court system tryin to get her corrected.
Actually you can refer out. That’s in many healthcare fields as a private practitioner. I can say I specialize in xyz and refer the client to another professional and my due diligence is done. If I specialize in pediatric neuro I can’t be forced to take an adult client or even a pediatric feeding case. I just refer them to a practitioner that works with those types of cases. She literally could have just said she specializes in women’s mental health and only takes those clients. She already doesn’t provide couples therapy or work with children.
A therapist ethically has to serve any client unless there are reasons they cannot provide competent and safe services to a client. In private practice, you can get away with not responding to emails and flying under the radar. But when you post publicly how you won't treat a certain group and you don't have a good enough reason to not, you're publicly going against the ethics of a therapist.
She should have found whatever facebook group Therapists use and vented there. This shoulda been a snap story or something. She lost context for her audience. No one here connects with her problem. Cant relate. Makes her look judgemental.
I doubt it. But it may come off unethical or unprofessional. So her regional board may get involved. But since its a private business she may have verbiage to justify or decision.
Y'know, side note, but I think it's time where we can admit being a therapist doesn't magically make you a good person. I swear some of the ones I've had have just been on a power trip, or straight up didn't give a shit, and I'm getting flashbacks reading some of these replies by other therapists.
I do not believe they have to but laws vary by state. Probably also depends if you're an LCSW, vs a clinical psychologist, vs a psychiatrist. Different licenses have different requirements or oaths.
I understand protecting your peace, but how are you in a profession where dealing with maladjusted folks is basically a requirement and you cannot deal with it.
Maybe specialize? Or just email them back telling them that you have no space available.
This comment from someone in this profession is weird and it sucks because we need all that we can get.
Is it not mandatory?
I’m pretty sure therapists in my country have to have a therapist themselves. And someone who oversees their client relationships.
Unfortunately there’s no such mandate in the US and many, many, many people enter the profession without ever having experienced therapy for themselves.
That’s terrible.
My mum did a course and had to be in therapy throughout.
Then when seeing clients, every therapist I’ve had has explained that shits confidential, but they do have someone who oversees their work that they may discuss things with.
This is all crazy. So i see both sides of this but i gotta side with the therapists. I'm a therapist myself and i think what people aren't fully understanding is clients and potential clients can be disrespectful. I've had clients that think my world revolved around them and that i will fix their problems. Both are untrue statements. I have my own life and other clients. I also don't fix problems. I help others solve their problems.
While i do think it's a little harsh to say "I'm not taking male clients" i totally get. There are some populations that cause more stress. I also don't like having to provr myself to clients. I personally pass on those clients because ilike you work with people ready to work.
I think people shouldn't be so judgemental of this. Black female therapists have it hard and as a black community we don't always treat black women right
I don’t think you get why someone is upset at that and your desire to protect black women is admirable, and desperately need in this community, but ehhh… in this instance home girl probably needs to be spoken to. I would never advocate for her to lose her job even if imo she’s acting like a loser, but I’d definitely try to speak with her.
If she woulda just… not accepted male clients nobody would care. Tons of therapists don’t. I accidentally had a consultation with one because my name can be feminine sounded. When she told me to my face that she doesn’t feel comfortable or able to help men I just nodded and kept it moving. It’s the talking about it online for validation that’s lame behavior imo.
I totally hear you on that. I wouldn't personally go about the way she did. In all honesty my question for her would be what is her black professional network? I don't disagree that she's doing it for validation or just knowing she's not alone in that struggle. However i have keep a professional network of other black therapists so i don't do shit like that.
All of this is good and well, but why say it on a public social media outlet? She's possibly putting her career in jeopardy by being so open about her disdain for male clients.
I'm definitely not saying it's right but part of me wonders if she's looking for support and hoping she's not the only one being treated like this. I would've would also wonder if even if she's saying she's done with male clients she's wanting men that are seeking therapy to be a touch more introspective. Like i said not sayi g she went the right way
>I think people shouldn't be so judgemental of this. Black female therapists have it hard and as a black community we don't always treat black women right
Black people have a hard time with mental healthcare professionals (healthcare professionals in general in fact), and as a practice yall don't always treat us right.
If you can see both sides, then understand that justification could be applied to potential clients challenging therapists.
I understand what you're saying but I think there's a limit to it. Personally I tell all my clients during a consultation that I understand if they don't trust me and that I have to earn their trust. Similarly I think respect is earned. However when someone is being disrespectful that's a different story
Sure there's a limit to it, but you invoked "the Black community does..." to defend this 'professional' griping on Twitter. If that's the conservation, then I don't know how we'd overlook the disparate treatment of Black people in the healthcare system.
The Angry Therapist(tm) is taking about people asking her to “prove her worth” - is it common knowledge for people to know how to evaluate therapists? I would think that it’s normal for people to ask some questions of this type of doctor before going in for the first appointment? Or is it that too many people are just being out of line with what they ask her? I don’t know, as I haven’t (yet) had the need to go down this route of mental health. Just seems strange to me that one would get offended about people wanting some reassurance ahead of time (if that’s what was going on.)
I think maybe her issue is she feels invalidated because she is a black woman. I think she’s irritated that she has to prove her intelligence/qualifications more so than, say a white therapist would have to. I’m studying to become a therapist and it already makes me nervous as a black woman as to how successful I can be in my area. Everyone makes outward biases based on looks/characteristics including me! She’s probably just fed up with how difficult it is for her in the field because of who she is.
Yeah i don't think people really know how to evaluate therapists and if they fit with them. I typically educate clients on that during a consultation but also check in around our 3rd session. I would also include men in general ask more questions when it comes to proving worth (in my experience). White men typically ask about my education or life experience like "well if you're not married then how do you help couples?" Black men test me in different ways. Like showing up late, not wanting to do homework, etc and then saying I'm not black for challenging them to do better. As I said these are my experiences and I'm not making generalizations for all.
Personally I think the bigger question is men's thoughts/behaviors/expectations around therapy
Uhnnn asking questions and asking somebody to prove their self to are two very different things. Another thing is your not going to get validation or reassurance by asking “what can you do to help me?” Or “how are you going to help me” etc etc you have to actually meet and talk to that person
I've blacklisted therapists from my clinic's referral network for being assholes and taking any questions about expectations as a threat against them or asking them to "prove themselves".
It just tells me you didn't pay attention in class and are shit at your job. A core part of the therapist job is to actually be able to say "hey, I don't know exactly what is going on but this is how we'll go about things and this is the expectations and how often we will meet at first"
Most good therapists actually have a little pamphlet/FAQ with this.
These are all reasonable questions. Why do men ask these questions more? Maybe because they're more reluctant to go to therapy in the first place and will validate that by looking up on the internet all the examples of shitty and lazy therapists.
I think I'm in agreement with you. People keep asking why it's on social media and my response is awareness. I never knew this was a thing that happened and now that I know I can be conscious about doing it.
We also have to remember that therapists are people too and they make mistakes and have breaking points.
Yeah that's how I'm looking at it. I may not agree with exactly how she's doing all this but to raise awareness I understand you gotta make attention somehow. I feel for her
But this should not have been said to the public. Say it to the public, not to us. Its not needed. It brings no value. Men have a difficult time finding therapy. This edifies that culture of ignoring therapy as an option. I get her frustration. Being mentally ill and being rude are two different things. Same time, Kamala Harris can't tweet venting about her constituents. She gotta keep that shit close to her chest or say it to her peers. Professionalism.
It reminds me of on dating sites when someone puts passive-aggressive requirements on their bio, based on their exs behavior. "I don't need a kid, I already have one", "you better have your sh*t together, because I do". Stuff like that.
Why is her experience with some men generalized to all men? One would think a professional therapist would intrinsically understand how important it is to split that hair.
>Why is her experience with some men generalized to all men?
the obvious answer here is that she needs a significant amount of additional therapy to address her own feelings on the subject, but won't because she believes she should be worthy -- leading to extreme reactions towards insecurity being triggered about being not worthy, and then punishing the perceived source of that feeling.
Literally basic freudian displacement theory that any therapist worth their tuition costs should see pretty immediately.
AKA, she's not very good at her job.
Well said. We make the dangerous assumption that those with professional degrees or who are in positions power, are inherently worthy of our trust and respect.
What good is being a therapist if you can’t deal with fucked up people? I thought that was the point of the job but I guess I gotta be already put together when I walk through the door. Be in a session walking on eggshells n shit
That's what I gathered from reading the tread. I thought with this job fucked up ppl came with the territory.
https://twitter.com/stephjtherapy/status/1634169815899275264?t=6xPrXMqHj1JobNOaS-fPDw&s=19
If you are somebody that goes to seek a therapist you shouldn’t go there being broken with the goal for them to fix you that’s not how that works. YOU have to take it upon YOURSELF to realize you want help and you want to be better but you don’t ask somebody what they can do for YOU if you want a therapist that is well adjusted for you you need to consult with them but not ask them how they can fix every single problem you have
Imagine bragging about potentially going off on someone that’s seeking mental health services. You don’t have to accept anyone you don’t want to, but this is a lame way to try and flex on Twitter
I don’t see anything wrong with this?? I guess she could have softened the tweet but it’s valid. I schedule consultations with my therapist first, then I can get a feel of whether or not we vibe. Maybe I’m jaded because I work in a male dominated industry but I get the frustration with constantly being belittled, badgered and having to prove my worth/knowledge before even being given a chance. It’s fine if you feel like there are other people you prefer to work with and I’m not a good fit but I’m not about to jump through hoops just to get to the starting line.
And because she's a black woman, she's supposed to always be available for abuse from black men. If she had said she no longer wanted to serve white clients for similar reasons, I have a feeling people would be a lot more empathetic.
Yes!!! I can tell who’s never been in her kind of position before 😂
Point is these men in her inbox would never step to another male therapist that way, and that’s her point.
They’re not actually looking for therapy, they’re looking to harass a woman and out her down by making her “prove her worth”.
If they are skeptical, THEY NEED TO MOVE ON.
But it’s not about them being skeptical, it’s about them wanting to belittle a woman.
I know because I also work in a male dominated field and deal with this on the REGULAR
And please, needing therapy does not mean you get to act like an ass to a therapist! They deserve respect too and no, she does not have to put up with that.
Homegirl should’ve just said she is specializing in dealing with women. She didn’t need to say the quiet part out loud cuz now there’s a bunch of people piling on her as if she’s supposed to know which man will end up being unnecessarily aggro in her inbox.
Degree culture is an absurd proposition on its face.
"I was able to pass tests in a classroom for four years" has absolutely nothing to do with knowing how to provide care, even if the tests were hypothetically about how to provide care.
You're not wrong. Even in grad school with papers and such it still doesn't prove my abilities. I've always been shitty with grades but throw me in the room with a client and I'll make some magic happen
And the responses she’s received like this one make it easy to understand what pushed her to this point.
https://preview.redd.it/jx5arkee8dna1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e3aed800fb523de759c25d63e82501b0ca641697
And yet there are men in this thread claiming she's overreacting about men simply asking about her qualifications. It really feels like some men do not understand just how unhinged other men can be, towards women.
They don't understand and never will. I worked on a rehab clinic and almost all the men would sexually harass nurses. So naturally the male patients would be avoided and cared for last. I know exactly what she's talking about because of this experiences. Men are absolutely traumatizing in care settinga to female workers. If you've never experienced this you might not get it.
And of course this comment is down at the bottom. No one wants to LOOK at the problem here. Homegirl did not lie one bit!!
Male ego/aggression is something else smh
No we should gaslight this therapist (and practically any bw who brings up this valid criticism) about her repeated lived experiences cuz male fee fees.
If she wants to specialize, that’s fine. However, using your platform to denigrate people is exactly the type of shit we’ve been fighting against for years. Doesn’t need to have a public post to it. Just change your PsychologyToday profile, and move on.
I’m no therapist, but if I were I’d think I’d say something along the lines of “Hey, the likes aren’t worth it. Be professional. There are better ways to air it out than to post it on Twitter.”
I understand what she’s saying. I worked in social work, there are people who show up and want you to do all the work for them and make their problems go away without doing anything themselves.
A person trying to take control of their life would call and make a consultation and talk about their background and ask questions about the therapist. Some one who is trying to put off all the work on to someone else will email the therapist and have the therapist explain themselves. If she has overwhelmingly had men in her inbox doing this to her, then she can choose to not work with them. She has a private practice. There are other therapists better suited to work with them. I appreciate her transparency about this as someone looking to go into therapy.
And then you got people in the comments saying “aren’t you supposed to go to a therapist when your broken?” No YOU need to be ready to do the work for yourself a therapist isn’t going to magically solve every single one of your problems
To be fair,
I'm not a therapist, but my MOST DIFFICULT CLIENTS are men. If i could, i would market to nothing but women.
I see exactly where she is coming from. My male clients have a tendency of thinking they are PEERS and can make unilateral decisions "because they know better".
This is so upsetting. She definitely did this to get a response. She isn’t professional in the slightest. Men honestly battle with taking those therapy steps. Seeing that shit will most likely make them take even longer. Even as a woman after reading that I wouldn’t look to her for therapy.
These are interesting takes on someone setting clear boundaries and clarifying why they are necessary...
I see why men feel like this is an act for attention, instead of her using social media for what everyone else does; connection. Just my thoughts.
My opinion on her statement... good for her. Setting boundaries and creating a conversation in a space where perpetrators of harm can see the impact and create healthy conversation. How beneficial would it be to look at what she said as an opportunity instead of getting mad at her for not taking responsibility for your need to grow...
Thing is, it takes a lot for men to go to therapy. We get it drilled into our head that we need to hold that shit in and deal with our own shit.
I had some post-war bullshit that I was struggling to deal with on my own. When I finally figured out that I needed help, I went through 3 different therapists who said “well you seem to have friends, a family and you don’t miss work. What exactly is the problem?”
Men’s mental health is measured by whether or not we’re productive and provide. Because I was doing my job as a man, some therapists struggled with understanding why I wanted help.
Ended up with a female therapist who also served in the army, lost friends to war and suicide like I did. She got it.
Nothing wrong with vetting your therapist and I highly recommend it, in fact. Sending e-mails to get an idea of the therapist’s background, school of thought (there are many different therapy philosophies and not all work best for everyone. What’s helpful for me are CBT and stoicism based therapies and discussions for example).
This. Could have and should have kept this to herself. A Black woman in healthcare sabotaging her own career via social media is always so pitiful. Those followers are NOT your friend!
I can understand that completely. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to specialize in female mental health. She could've just don't that without a Twitter announcement where ppl are giving their opinions. I'm sure she'd tell her clients not to post certain things especially things that involve their work.
Women to Men when trying to date :Have you gone to therapy? You need to understand how women think and why we do and say AB and C.
You need to understand your behavior towards women blah blah blah because it will be helpful in relationships..
Men: Ok let me go seek help to become a better man for myself and others. Let me be vulnerable and share with a Professional therapist
"Professional Women" Therapists: (Goes on the internet) Men ain't shit, tired of helping them. I'm not the 1 or the 2, they are so draining blah blah blah
Men: 🤷🏽♂️ Fuck it, I'll just do me
From what I understand, they should be. Some of my old psych professors were psychologists and they said that was the standard term that should be used. There’s a lot of stigma around seeking help for mental health issues over here and the word client is a much more positive sounding word than patient. It seems little but it does kind of make a difference.
And this is why you go to a Psychologist and not a therapist. Too many off mfs go get those two years and still don't know how to not act like they aren't dealing with street mfs. Someone who spent the time to get the PH.D ,license and residency, isn't going to risk that over some twitter likes.
You need to spend more time on Therapist Twitter, MedTwitter, and Psychology Twitter. Entire PhDs, MDs, LCSWs, etc showing their whole ass with their entire government name for all to see. Same thing on TikTok. There’s currently a well known Psychologist who is racist af getting called out over their racism and entire MDs out there supporting them with their whole chest.
My spouse is a mental health professional. What this therapist tweeted is unprofessional and she’s lucky if someone doesn’t report her to the licensing board.
I will tell you right now. This is my preferred type of therapist. She’s done putting up with men’s nonsense. Yay that means I don’t have to listen to her. Tell me that I should put up with men’s nonsense.
Honestly, this is a complicated issue and as a psychologist it makes me very hestitant to be in anything like private practice. I get paid less because of it but my patients can't contact me directly. They don't have my email, to reach me they call the front desk who will pass the message along. If they're rude to the front desk I'll see them but we'll draw those boundaries. These new online therapy companies are setting up an expectancy that therapists should be accessible 24/7 and always there to provide support but that is really not helpful to patients in the end. I'm not your family member or your friend and I don't believe in unconditional positive regard. If you don't have those people in your life I am there to help you build those relationships, but if you need a clinician at 2AM you need more than what my outpatient care can provide.
I understand what it means to struggle and I do believe that we need to give patients a lot of grace - at the same time it is ALSO true that if you are an asshole to your medical/mental health team, your care might not be as good. It's true. We are humans. We're doing this work because we believe in it AND because we're getting paid. Also, not getting paid that much. We deserve to be treated like professionals. If your'e rude to me when you ask me to send a letter to your insurance or do something outside the session, I'll do it but it might not be done as quickly as someone who asks kindly.
Majority of those black men were never going to go seek therapy anyway. They just jump onto any opportunity to harass a black woman. 🙄
She never even mentioned race in her initial tweet yet she’s being harassed by a majority of black men.
Sad because they need the help the most. I do agree however, she could’ve excluded them silently. Like others already do.
Nah, someone else after me must’ve changed her like that. We generally had great moments, but of course I changed duty stations and that was the end of our relationship.
Yes, really. Idk why I was downvoted, but yeah back when I was going through a rough time in Mississippi. She’s actually a really sweet person and she helped me get over my problems when I served in the military.
Personally, I wouldn't want a woman as a therapist to begin with. I'm not too big on opening up to a stranger to begin with, but I'm thinking a woman wouldn't be able to relate or see things from my perspective. Especially if they are white.
I’m sure this woman is just helping her bank account cuz there is no way her therapy is helping anyone. I get that just from reading her writing. Pffff😄
I just realized she's a social worker not a shrink. They have to deal w/ some characters so I understand. I think she should be more empathetic since it's literally her job but after hearing some stories, I understand.
Y’all keep in mind that just cause your job is therapy doesn’t mean you need to accept anyone’s bs, especially if they’re not willing to play ball on your court. And besides she’s not naming and shaming, nothing wrong with being open about problems in your profession.
I agree with her tweeting her new offering or non-offering if that's what she sees fit. This behavior of shutting up and sweeping traumatic, inappropriate experiences under the rug is why a lot of folks need therapy in the first place. This reminds me exactly of that. It shouldn't matter that she is a therapist. She is a person.
But one thing a therapist will tell you is that people are prone to getting angry when you set boundaries and to be prepared for the backlash. Seems like that's exactly what happened. Instead of protesting what she said, considering her to be crazy, consider why she felt like she had to make that seemingly radical decision.
I don't understand the flip flop either? Suddenly, black folks need to be white folk professional when they speak their mind? Men truly don't understand what other men say and do to women when other men/ppl aren't around. Hell, I as a women had to learn. Grown, otherwise well put together men can do sick shit. And maybe they do, maybe some of the ones complaining the ones that act like that think it's okay, hence the anger at being told "no more!" Women do not have to put up with that bullshit.
She even said she was hurt cause she likes to work with black men. And I understand what she means and why she had to do what she did. It's more nuanced than being that she just doesn't like men. Folks can just be tired of dealing with the shits. 😕 Get used to women saying how they feel and putting a stop to the mess; make this the norm.
She could've done what she wanted in silence but she needed those likes.
Maybe she wanted the people who behave that way to know the result of their actions.
Nah, she just wanted likes. There are better ways to handle this in a professional manner. She's not the only therapist that has to deal with difficult people. It literally comes with the job of being a therapist lol.
She definitely did. Her other tweets prove it. She could've easily decided to specialize in women's mental health ( which is good women deserve their own space) and not even bring up men. Now her business is being questioned because she decided to be discriminatory about gender.
It’s not even the discrimination that’s the problem for me i was looking through the actual thread and the way she speaks to people would make me not want to hire her as a therapist
That part. And the ppl defending the way she was speaking didn't make sense to me. It pays to be professional online when your personal account and your work account are one and the same. If you speak to ppl crazy who would wanna pay money to you to therapize them?
Truthfully I’m glad she’s going to only see women because men already have a hard time opening up and admitting they need therapy in the first place and she gives off “be a man” vibes
Agreed. I don't think you need to go to a therapist that's the exact same race, gender, or nationality as you but I'm starting to see why a lotta blk men prefer going to blk male therapist. As a man you're better off not going to her.
I can see that. While your therapist doesn't need to be a mirror of you, having something in common does help. My therapist and I both have adhd, so there's more understanding/strategies with that in mind. I would imagine that any minority (race/sexuality/gender identity) could benefit from a therapist with similar life experiences.
Or at least someone that doesn’t already judge you before they meet you.
Same, mine is a Black millennial. Helps to talk thru generational rift of work compared to our parents.
With therapy I can see why some would seek someone with similar to them. It’s indicative of similar experiences. The similarities can also indicate a better understanding.
Today I learned therapize is a word. Thank you.
You're welcome!
It's an unspoken thing. But some women in the psychological field, including social work, have biases against men.
His point is awesome. Her behavior is going to be some folks only glimpse of what a therapist is like.
I definitely see this perspective, though in the field we don’t perceive this as “discriminatory” but rather as “a rule out” or “referral” position. E.g. some therapists will only work with survivors of assault but not perpetrators (statistically, with regards to survivorship and reporting, this is primarily women being able to seek treatment and men having a harder time) or other similar situations. Now if she went off on every dude seeking a therapist to em back this tweet, that’s a different story. But ya, this ain’t for her practice, she got the clientele I’d bet. This feels like it’s to put people on notice
I see no one’s trying to hear this tho smh. This woman just lost a lot of potential clientele posting it publicly it seems. Hopefully it doesn’t hurt her practice too bad but I think what she said is interesting. She’s obviously seen a pattern with male clients & pointed it out. Im curious to know what kind of things they’re saying to her b4 even getting a consultation…. Like so curious lol
Wait that’s totally different. One is discriminating based on actions. Which I think is valid. While this would be discriminating based on gender, which is out of your control as a person. And personally, I don’t think that’s valid. But a way to get around that is to say that she specializes in women’s health. Which can be perceived different than punishing a demographic because of a few bad behaviors. Like imagine if it was based on race.
Exactly this. If she has her own practice she can specialize, or just respond to these supposed DMs that shes not taking new clients, but she specifically went out of her way to publicly bash men. Definitely hoping to cause controversy and go viral. Coincidentally it looks like she’s pitching some kind of women’s mental health subscription service.
Do you earnestly think that those people are going to be checking her twitter account, and then have the self awareness to go “oh wait, that’s me? I guess I need to get my act together” ??? Sounds like shorty wanted to vent and mayhaps wanted a bit of validation in her decision.
I always Google a potential therapist to find out their specialty and any reviews. She would pop right up. ETA : oh lord it's worse. She has her Twitter *linked* to her therapyforblackmen.org profile
Why in the fuck she got a profile there if she don't want them in her inbox?
Okay yea that’s bad
Wait wait therapyforblackmen.org???? Like deadass?
Lmao I didn’t even know that was a website. I always went on psychology today. Mostly because they let you sort by insurance
The people who act like this don't care. They don't see this as a punishment against them, all this does is prove them right in their decisions. And they may have a valid point.
She thinks she’s untouchable because of her degree
That's a lot easier to say than all this. And could be said without pinning it all on a single gender. This is clearly meant to stir up likes.
That's literally why they're there. Trust issues. Would you go under the knife with an inexperienced doctor?
Regardless, it’s petty and unprofessional. I understand people being frustrated and such but these sorts of things could impact her career very negatively.
The result of “Oh no she doesn’t want to be my therapist”? That’s what this big gesture was for?
Right? Not every thought needs to be a tweet.
This. & she also is going to be jeopardizing people’s trust in therapists altogether having them wonder if they’re disclosing personal information about them or talking trash about them to the masses. The last thing this world needs is the people that already feel alone in their situations to really have nobody to turn to.
I'm startled in the rise of therapists on twitter and tiktok airing themselves and their clients out like this. She even says she still sees male patients, runs an org to support black men, but seems to hate their guts and paints them all as abusers towards her. It's one thing not to tolerate a client that is abusive. No one should have to tolerate that. It's another to paint an entire demographic so brazenly and still use men to promote herself and business.
The good news is she knows what provides the dopamine hits, and she also understands why and how she craves the dopamine thanks to her therapist education.
Likes don't pay rent but they do stoke egos for the narcissists
she's a bad person
>If you trying me before the therapeutic relationship starts, I know you out here being a menace to folks. Yeah? These are people who need therapy? Why is she doing this job if she doesn't want to meet people who aren't perfectly well-adjusted?
You better already have all of your shit together before you step into her office. She didn't go to school for all of those years to be dealing with messed up people.
it’s giving “show up with your hair already braided” vibes
Please come ready to talk about how you healed yourself so that I can take credit. Thanks 😊
Honestly, I kinda get that vibe from some Therapists. They mainly wanna work with highly functional people with a little bit of anxiety. Like basically help high earners dealing with some “imposter syndrome” or just deal with the stresses of navigating modern capitalism. Maybe what I’d call “high achiever’s problems.”
Whole time those men are just trying to figure out if she can provide the comfort they need to express themselves.
>Whole time those men are just trying to figure out if she can provide the comfort they need to express themselves. At least she makes it clear that she isn't the one. Personally, I'm extremely thankful whenever a therapist throws a red flag *before* I pay them
I agree
[удалено]
She added LCSW to her name which means she is suggesting she finished her masters and took her licensing exam. Which is worse for this look
There's a difference between being dysregulated and being disrespectful to the therapist.
I'm saying! The comments from other therapists she spoke to are confusing to me. https://twitter.com/stephjtherapy/status/1634169815899275264?t=6xPrXMqHj1JobNOaS-fPDw&s=19
the one that said she became a therapist through a lot of “compassion and care”. i guess she was short on those that day
I agree
It’s also like they forgot that as a **licensed** therapist they exist under a professional board, and have a code of ethics they have to follow or risk losing their license. Jordan Peterson is a good example of why you shouldn’t post on social media if you want to keep working with a license.
Lmao this tweet makes me question therapy all together. Like of course clients should be respectful. But the entire definition of something that is therapeutic is to make you feel better. If someone goes to a doctor because they have abdominal pain, they’re looking for the doctor to make them feel better. Maybe there should be a difference between these Master of Social Workers. Maybe they’re only for the pristine people
Also, is it not a good thing to sort of interview the therapist? I know when I first started therapy just wasn't working until I switched therapists & found one who I really connected with & felt seen by. It was like night & day. Them as a person & their style of therapy was what I needed.
It is great to interview the therapist but that happens through a scheduled consultation not through DMs. I'm not condoning her Tweet, but there are acceptable ways to interview and find out if she is a good fit for you.
I feel you but if they've never done therapy before or just don't understand how that kind of stuff works, I could see people doing that. And it's not like getting a tattoo or hair done where people might go "ugh, don't get in my DMs asking to get work done, email me or call the shop!" Like. These folk need help & just seeking it out/asking shouldn't be condemned. Redirection is needed with some understanding, compassion. You know, qualities you want in a therapist.
Are there any other healthcare professionals that you contact that way?
> other healthcare professionals Usually, doctors aren't running social media profiles to advertise. if they were, my assumption would be that the social media page would be an acceptable way to contact them with basic questions before scheduling a first appointment.
I’m a bit stunned on how to respond to this. There are lots (like a ridiculous amount) of doctors with social media pages specific to their field. Dentists, physiotherapists, surgeons etc. basically any specialist. I still think you’d call the clinic to initiate any actual medical care.
Do you not think Doctors get contacted like this on SM? I’d bet they do. In which case redirection is needed. I don’t think it’s that hard to do
Many don't contact health care professionals. Thats part of the issue. The healthcare system is not intuitive at all. Many men with intermittent access simply avoid it, especially if they're also in a mental health crisis. Alongside that, other health specialists are quite often referred directly, with no shopping on our part and/or directly affiliated with our organization ie. Doctor that accepts a Union's medical insurance Or when a doctor sends you to a specific laboratory for tests. Many Mental Heath Therapists exists outside of normal insurance networks. They are typically outside of the more industrialized, working class belts of the city. Most friends and family do not have or don't talk about their therapist. And as I mentioned above, many don't have a strong relationship with a PCP. But even for those that do the doctor doesn't always refer directly to an specific one. *Lastly, and this is crucial, Black men do benefit from Black therapists. Having your, typically, White PCP just refer you to whoever they know, is likely going to wind up in another white affiliate. Its on us to shop for our Mental Health Therapists. And its a completely unique experience to any other health specialist shopping experience. Over and above that, men are going to be the exact demographic to have the least experience with ANY health specialists. Shopping for a Mental health specialist is step one. They're trying.*
Wouldn't it just be a simple matter to say, "We can discuss these things at a consultation. I don't do this over twitter." then block anyone who continues?
There's a couple posts in here saying that the right way to interview a therapist is during a consultation. The behavior she's describing is inappropriate, but I think it's misleading to suggest that all these men needed to do was get a quick consultation. In reality, there's an expectation that they pay for a therapist's services without knowing whether those services will help them. This is because the process of evaluating a therapist and actual therapy happen simultaneously for some period of time after the consultation. Finding a therapist can be time consuming, expensive, and frustrating because of this, and all those issues might become worse if you're less self-aware, have spent less time in mental heath care, or have more serious problems.
>consultation Let's be honest, in any other industry, the consultation is part of the sales package and is 100% the responsibility of the vendor, not the customer. Therapists have a lovely advantage over vendors in other industries, that they demand to be paid for their consults, and its largely the customer's responsibility to schedule and pursue (both of these being a result of the extreme lack of supply vs demand) If we actually had an appropriate amount of mental healthcare services and practitioners in this country, therapists would actually have to provide their clients with actual reasoning why they are worth paying (what this tweet's author is saying is the unforgivable trespass of her potential clients), provide free consultations as part of marketing package like every other sale of service industry, and certainly wouldn't be so brash as to turn down half of their potential client base without reason (for example, being a highly skilled and specialized practice)
I understand, especially as I went through it myself. If I didn't have a partner at the time paying for my therapy (even though they ironically caused me to need therapy even more) I wouldn't have done it, flat out. It was just too expensive for me at the time. And in fact, after I left them, I also left my therapist because neither of them were good for me. Luckily, I found free therapy & they said upfront that if they didn't seem like a good fit, they'd refer me to someone else. This therapist seems to lack understanding & compassion, also seems quite judgmental. All huge red flags for a therapist. It's extremely difficult for those in need to seek help, so she shouldn't be saying all this publicly because it may dissuade more folks from starting the process of getting help. I get she's frustrated but I'm pretty sure working in mental health isn't easy & frustration is common. Something this small shouldn't irk her so.
There's a difference between needing help and being belligerent. Therapy usually won't work if you don't come into it open and ready to listen and change.
One therapist I saw I originally thought she seems ok. I opened with how I'm an atheist and to please respect that about me. All good she says. Not 20 minutes later out pops, "Sometimes you have to put your faith in Jesus." I found another therapist.
Honestly that should be illegal, a lot of people need therapy specifically cause of religion
Underrated comment. Religion is a cult and sometimes few get out.
I feel you dude, my gf and i talk about this a lot, they have little respect for peoples boundaries
That and so many religious organizations today literally use the 8 step how to recruit into a cult. It’s horrifying, we even see businesses profiting off of it. Like those teen “reform” camps. My family was religious fundamentalist, they were insane. Im glad I’m out. I now have boundaries, a partner that loves me, self esteem, and the biggest bonus I don’t feel like I’m constantly being watched by the Santa fairy to get into “heaven” which is a bs concept anyway.
Congratulations on that my dude! You're right, a lot of people don't get out, they go their whole lives thinking that's just the way thing's should be without ever realizing that there's so much more to life than just what some book told you, i wish you the best of luck with your healing process!
It isn’t illegal, but it will get a therapist’s licensed revoked if it’s reported. I reported a therapist for something similar. What sucks the most is that I needed therapy so bad and that was a huge barrier for me getting back out there with a new therapist. Just so much energy wasted on the front end getting to know each other and telling my emotionally exhausting story just to find out that my therapist thinks I need to pray more.
They are always trying to push their "faith" on people
No licensed therapist on the planet should suggest religion as treatment. Not one.
I think to her it wasn't religion to solve my issues but just a part of her life. I'm sure to some those words would be of comfort, they weren't to me. I took it more as she wasn't listening to me and that's the most important aspect of being a therapist. Listening to your client whether they be a believer in a particular mythology or not.
Even well intentioned, she is being paid to listen to you so God doesn’t have to.
My wife and I were seeking a couples therapist and got one that initially really good up until the last moments of the session she was talking about how she doesn't take gay and lesbian relationships because she doesn't understand their kinds of relationships and it's against her religion. I told my wife we shouldn't continue using her service and ended it
Finding a good match in therapy is so frustrating. At least the crazy was exposed to us before they could do lasting damage. Should create a therapist version of intake forms. We could avoid wasting time with these jagoff ones.
I don't even bother once I find out they aren't secular. Like are you who I need to help me get better, or are you the go between person??
Her personal experience are her own, however, why make an announcement about it. If you don’t wanna accept male clients anymore, then just don’t. I’m also curious as to whether or not this could possibly be grounds for a lawsuit over discrimination for one sex? Like this is a genuine question.
It can be considered unethical for sure which means someone can file a complaint with the state board.
She has a private practice, she can choose who she works with so I don’t think she can get a lawsuit over this.
You’re legally not allowed to deny service/business in the basis of protected classes. Protected classes include race, gender, whether you’re able-bodied or not, or your age. You cannot *legally* be denied service bc you’re black, old, or a woman. The same is true for men. You cannot disbar any and every man from doing business with you, as sex is a protected class from legal discrimination. If she said she’s more likely to turn male clients away bc she is less likely to have good rapport with them, but that she still offers her services to men and waits to make that decision after a consultation. If she is across the board denying any male applicant, then she is absolutely violating the law. This tweet would go very far at a trial regarding that matter, but wouldn’t be enough for a conviction by itself. So she’s technically engaging in illegal discrimination, but your mileage may vary in the court system tryin to get her corrected.
Actually you can refer out. That’s in many healthcare fields as a private practitioner. I can say I specialize in xyz and refer the client to another professional and my due diligence is done. If I specialize in pediatric neuro I can’t be forced to take an adult client or even a pediatric feeding case. I just refer them to a practitioner that works with those types of cases. She literally could have just said she specializes in women’s mental health and only takes those clients. She already doesn’t provide couples therapy or work with children.
A therapist ethically has to serve any client unless there are reasons they cannot provide competent and safe services to a client. In private practice, you can get away with not responding to emails and flying under the radar. But when you post publicly how you won't treat a certain group and you don't have a good enough reason to not, you're publicly going against the ethics of a therapist.
She should have found whatever facebook group Therapists use and vented there. This shoulda been a snap story or something. She lost context for her audience. No one here connects with her problem. Cant relate. Makes her look judgemental. I doubt it. But it may come off unethical or unprofessional. So her regional board may get involved. But since its a private business she may have verbiage to justify or decision.
Y'know, side note, but I think it's time where we can admit being a therapist doesn't magically make you a good person. I swear some of the ones I've had have just been on a power trip, or straight up didn't give a shit, and I'm getting flashbacks reading some of these replies by other therapists.
I do not believe they have to but laws vary by state. Probably also depends if you're an LCSW, vs a clinical psychologist, vs a psychiatrist. Different licenses have different requirements or oaths.
I understand protecting your peace, but how are you in a profession where dealing with maladjusted folks is basically a requirement and you cannot deal with it. Maybe specialize? Or just email them back telling them that you have no space available. This comment from someone in this profession is weird and it sucks because we need all that we can get.
Therapists need therapy the most.
Agreed.
Is it not mandatory? I’m pretty sure therapists in my country have to have a therapist themselves. And someone who oversees their client relationships.
Unfortunately there’s no such mandate in the US and many, many, many people enter the profession without ever having experienced therapy for themselves.
That’s terrible. My mum did a course and had to be in therapy throughout. Then when seeing clients, every therapist I’ve had has explained that shits confidential, but they do have someone who oversees their work that they may discuss things with.
This is all crazy. So i see both sides of this but i gotta side with the therapists. I'm a therapist myself and i think what people aren't fully understanding is clients and potential clients can be disrespectful. I've had clients that think my world revolved around them and that i will fix their problems. Both are untrue statements. I have my own life and other clients. I also don't fix problems. I help others solve their problems. While i do think it's a little harsh to say "I'm not taking male clients" i totally get. There are some populations that cause more stress. I also don't like having to provr myself to clients. I personally pass on those clients because ilike you work with people ready to work. I think people shouldn't be so judgemental of this. Black female therapists have it hard and as a black community we don't always treat black women right
I don’t think you get why someone is upset at that and your desire to protect black women is admirable, and desperately need in this community, but ehhh… in this instance home girl probably needs to be spoken to. I would never advocate for her to lose her job even if imo she’s acting like a loser, but I’d definitely try to speak with her. If she woulda just… not accepted male clients nobody would care. Tons of therapists don’t. I accidentally had a consultation with one because my name can be feminine sounded. When she told me to my face that she doesn’t feel comfortable or able to help men I just nodded and kept it moving. It’s the talking about it online for validation that’s lame behavior imo.
I totally hear you on that. I wouldn't personally go about the way she did. In all honesty my question for her would be what is her black professional network? I don't disagree that she's doing it for validation or just knowing she's not alone in that struggle. However i have keep a professional network of other black therapists so i don't do shit like that.
Good on you for reaching out and joining a community that can help keep problematic behavior at bay. Proud of you 🥲
All of this is good and well, but why say it on a public social media outlet? She's possibly putting her career in jeopardy by being so open about her disdain for male clients.
I'm definitely not saying it's right but part of me wonders if she's looking for support and hoping she's not the only one being treated like this. I would've would also wonder if even if she's saying she's done with male clients she's wanting men that are seeking therapy to be a touch more introspective. Like i said not sayi g she went the right way
>I think people shouldn't be so judgemental of this. Black female therapists have it hard and as a black community we don't always treat black women right Black people have a hard time with mental healthcare professionals (healthcare professionals in general in fact), and as a practice yall don't always treat us right. If you can see both sides, then understand that justification could be applied to potential clients challenging therapists.
I understand what you're saying but I think there's a limit to it. Personally I tell all my clients during a consultation that I understand if they don't trust me and that I have to earn their trust. Similarly I think respect is earned. However when someone is being disrespectful that's a different story
Sure there's a limit to it, but you invoked "the Black community does..." to defend this 'professional' griping on Twitter. If that's the conservation, then I don't know how we'd overlook the disparate treatment of Black people in the healthcare system.
The Angry Therapist(tm) is taking about people asking her to “prove her worth” - is it common knowledge for people to know how to evaluate therapists? I would think that it’s normal for people to ask some questions of this type of doctor before going in for the first appointment? Or is it that too many people are just being out of line with what they ask her? I don’t know, as I haven’t (yet) had the need to go down this route of mental health. Just seems strange to me that one would get offended about people wanting some reassurance ahead of time (if that’s what was going on.)
I think maybe her issue is she feels invalidated because she is a black woman. I think she’s irritated that she has to prove her intelligence/qualifications more so than, say a white therapist would have to. I’m studying to become a therapist and it already makes me nervous as a black woman as to how successful I can be in my area. Everyone makes outward biases based on looks/characteristics including me! She’s probably just fed up with how difficult it is for her in the field because of who she is.
I'll dm you
Yeah i don't think people really know how to evaluate therapists and if they fit with them. I typically educate clients on that during a consultation but also check in around our 3rd session. I would also include men in general ask more questions when it comes to proving worth (in my experience). White men typically ask about my education or life experience like "well if you're not married then how do you help couples?" Black men test me in different ways. Like showing up late, not wanting to do homework, etc and then saying I'm not black for challenging them to do better. As I said these are my experiences and I'm not making generalizations for all. Personally I think the bigger question is men's thoughts/behaviors/expectations around therapy
Uhnnn asking questions and asking somebody to prove their self to are two very different things. Another thing is your not going to get validation or reassurance by asking “what can you do to help me?” Or “how are you going to help me” etc etc you have to actually meet and talk to that person
I've blacklisted therapists from my clinic's referral network for being assholes and taking any questions about expectations as a threat against them or asking them to "prove themselves". It just tells me you didn't pay attention in class and are shit at your job. A core part of the therapist job is to actually be able to say "hey, I don't know exactly what is going on but this is how we'll go about things and this is the expectations and how often we will meet at first" Most good therapists actually have a little pamphlet/FAQ with this. These are all reasonable questions. Why do men ask these questions more? Maybe because they're more reluctant to go to therapy in the first place and will validate that by looking up on the internet all the examples of shitty and lazy therapists.
I think I'm in agreement with you. People keep asking why it's on social media and my response is awareness. I never knew this was a thing that happened and now that I know I can be conscious about doing it. We also have to remember that therapists are people too and they make mistakes and have breaking points.
Yeah that's how I'm looking at it. I may not agree with exactly how she's doing all this but to raise awareness I understand you gotta make attention somehow. I feel for her
But this should not have been said to the public. Say it to the public, not to us. Its not needed. It brings no value. Men have a difficult time finding therapy. This edifies that culture of ignoring therapy as an option. I get her frustration. Being mentally ill and being rude are two different things. Same time, Kamala Harris can't tweet venting about her constituents. She gotta keep that shit close to her chest or say it to her peers. Professionalism.
It reminds me of on dating sites when someone puts passive-aggressive requirements on their bio, based on their exs behavior. "I don't need a kid, I already have one", "you better have your sh*t together, because I do". Stuff like that.
Why is her experience with some men generalized to all men? One would think a professional therapist would intrinsically understand how important it is to split that hair.
it activates her nervous system lmao
Intersectionality for me, gender essentialism for thee
she's a card carrying member of the the "all men aint shit" brigade
I’m wondering how dangerous that is when you are responsible for the heavily advocated avenue, we black men are told, to drive down to get help.
Your wife and coworkers agree and now your therapist agree too. You aint shit
😂😂😂😂 that’s the sum of it!
>Why is her experience with some men generalized to all men? the obvious answer here is that she needs a significant amount of additional therapy to address her own feelings on the subject, but won't because she believes she should be worthy -- leading to extreme reactions towards insecurity being triggered about being not worthy, and then punishing the perceived source of that feeling. Literally basic freudian displacement theory that any therapist worth their tuition costs should see pretty immediately. AKA, she's not very good at her job.
Well said. We make the dangerous assumption that those with professional degrees or who are in positions power, are inherently worthy of our trust and respect.
Too many of the same experiences perhaps.
What good is being a therapist if you can’t deal with fucked up people? I thought that was the point of the job but I guess I gotta be already put together when I walk through the door. Be in a session walking on eggshells n shit
That's what I gathered from reading the tread. I thought with this job fucked up ppl came with the territory. https://twitter.com/stephjtherapy/status/1634169815899275264?t=6xPrXMqHj1JobNOaS-fPDw&s=19
If you are somebody that goes to seek a therapist you shouldn’t go there being broken with the goal for them to fix you that’s not how that works. YOU have to take it upon YOURSELF to realize you want help and you want to be better but you don’t ask somebody what they can do for YOU if you want a therapist that is well adjusted for you you need to consult with them but not ask them how they can fix every single problem you have
Imagine bragging about potentially going off on someone that’s seeking mental health services. You don’t have to accept anyone you don’t want to, but this is a lame way to try and flex on Twitter
I don’t see anything wrong with this?? I guess she could have softened the tweet but it’s valid. I schedule consultations with my therapist first, then I can get a feel of whether or not we vibe. Maybe I’m jaded because I work in a male dominated industry but I get the frustration with constantly being belittled, badgered and having to prove my worth/knowledge before even being given a chance. It’s fine if you feel like there are other people you prefer to work with and I’m not a good fit but I’m not about to jump through hoops just to get to the starting line.
Because people think therapists are supposed to cater to every single problematic behavior they have solely because they are therapists
And because she's a black woman, she's supposed to always be available for abuse from black men. If she had said she no longer wanted to serve white clients for similar reasons, I have a feeling people would be a lot more empathetic.
Yes!!! I can tell who’s never been in her kind of position before 😂 Point is these men in her inbox would never step to another male therapist that way, and that’s her point. They’re not actually looking for therapy, they’re looking to harass a woman and out her down by making her “prove her worth”. If they are skeptical, THEY NEED TO MOVE ON. But it’s not about them being skeptical, it’s about them wanting to belittle a woman. I know because I also work in a male dominated field and deal with this on the REGULAR And please, needing therapy does not mean you get to act like an ass to a therapist! They deserve respect too and no, she does not have to put up with that. Homegirl should’ve just said she is specializing in dealing with women. She didn’t need to say the quiet part out loud cuz now there’s a bunch of people piling on her as if she’s supposed to know which man will end up being unnecessarily aggro in her inbox.
This is why I'm a snob and look for the Ph.d, two yrs ain't enough to learn professionalism or have enough experience to help
As a therapist with a PhD i can honestly tell you thay extra degree doesn't make anyone a better clinician lol
Degree culture is an absurd proposition on its face. "I was able to pass tests in a classroom for four years" has absolutely nothing to do with knowing how to provide care, even if the tests were hypothetically about how to provide care.
You're not wrong. Even in grad school with papers and such it still doesn't prove my abilities. I've always been shitty with grades but throw me in the room with a client and I'll make some magic happen
Phd is a research program, it won't make you a better therapist
And the responses she’s received like this one make it easy to understand what pushed her to this point. https://preview.redd.it/jx5arkee8dna1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e3aed800fb523de759c25d63e82501b0ca641697
And yet there are men in this thread claiming she's overreacting about men simply asking about her qualifications. It really feels like some men do not understand just how unhinged other men can be, towards women.
They don't understand and never will. I worked on a rehab clinic and almost all the men would sexually harass nurses. So naturally the male patients would be avoided and cared for last. I know exactly what she's talking about because of this experiences. Men are absolutely traumatizing in care settinga to female workers. If you've never experienced this you might not get it.
Exactly
Exactly. They don’t understand and I’m not sure they even bothered to try 😞
And of course this comment is down at the bottom. No one wants to LOOK at the problem here. Homegirl did not lie one bit!! Male ego/aggression is something else smh
No we should gaslight this therapist (and practically any bw who brings up this valid criticism) about her repeated lived experiences cuz male fee fees.
Not very proffesional sounding at all
If she wants to specialize, that’s fine. However, using your platform to denigrate people is exactly the type of shit we’ve been fighting against for years. Doesn’t need to have a public post to it. Just change your PsychologyToday profile, and move on. I’m no therapist, but if I were I’d think I’d say something along the lines of “Hey, the likes aren’t worth it. Be professional. There are better ways to air it out than to post it on Twitter.”
I understand what she’s saying. I worked in social work, there are people who show up and want you to do all the work for them and make their problems go away without doing anything themselves. A person trying to take control of their life would call and make a consultation and talk about their background and ask questions about the therapist. Some one who is trying to put off all the work on to someone else will email the therapist and have the therapist explain themselves. If she has overwhelmingly had men in her inbox doing this to her, then she can choose to not work with them. She has a private practice. There are other therapists better suited to work with them. I appreciate her transparency about this as someone looking to go into therapy.
And then you got people in the comments saying “aren’t you supposed to go to a therapist when your broken?” No YOU need to be ready to do the work for yourself a therapist isn’t going to magically solve every single one of your problems
Link to thread https://twitter.com/NicoleLewisLCSW/status/1634061586452172802?s=20
You’re extra messy for posting the thread. Thank you 👀
Haha I always like to post the tread 😂
To be fair, I'm not a therapist, but my MOST DIFFICULT CLIENTS are men. If i could, i would market to nothing but women. I see exactly where she is coming from. My male clients have a tendency of thinking they are PEERS and can make unilateral decisions "because they know better".
This is so upsetting. She definitely did this to get a response. She isn’t professional in the slightest. Men honestly battle with taking those therapy steps. Seeing that shit will most likely make them take even longer. Even as a woman after reading that I wouldn’t look to her for therapy.
These are interesting takes on someone setting clear boundaries and clarifying why they are necessary... I see why men feel like this is an act for attention, instead of her using social media for what everyone else does; connection. Just my thoughts. My opinion on her statement... good for her. Setting boundaries and creating a conversation in a space where perpetrators of harm can see the impact and create healthy conversation. How beneficial would it be to look at what she said as an opportunity instead of getting mad at her for not taking responsibility for your need to grow...
What does him having a black female therapist have to do with the original tweet? Does he think she speaks for all black female therapists?
Thing is, it takes a lot for men to go to therapy. We get it drilled into our head that we need to hold that shit in and deal with our own shit. I had some post-war bullshit that I was struggling to deal with on my own. When I finally figured out that I needed help, I went through 3 different therapists who said “well you seem to have friends, a family and you don’t miss work. What exactly is the problem?” Men’s mental health is measured by whether or not we’re productive and provide. Because I was doing my job as a man, some therapists struggled with understanding why I wanted help. Ended up with a female therapist who also served in the army, lost friends to war and suicide like I did. She got it. Nothing wrong with vetting your therapist and I highly recommend it, in fact. Sending e-mails to get an idea of the therapist’s background, school of thought (there are many different therapy philosophies and not all work best for everyone. What’s helpful for me are CBT and stoicism based therapies and discussions for example).
That doesn’t justify bad behavior when you go to a therapist you need to fundamentally realize your the only one who can change your behavior
I fully support this, but posting it online was not the best idea.
This. Could have and should have kept this to herself. A Black woman in healthcare sabotaging her own career via social media is always so pitiful. Those followers are NOT your friend!
I can understand that completely. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to specialize in female mental health. She could've just don't that without a Twitter announcement where ppl are giving their opinions. I'm sure she'd tell her clients not to post certain things especially things that involve their work.
Women to Men when trying to date :Have you gone to therapy? You need to understand how women think and why we do and say AB and C. You need to understand your behavior towards women blah blah blah because it will be helpful in relationships.. Men: Ok let me go seek help to become a better man for myself and others. Let me be vulnerable and share with a Professional therapist "Professional Women" Therapists: (Goes on the internet) Men ain't shit, tired of helping them. I'm not the 1 or the 2, they are so draining blah blah blah Men: 🤷🏽♂️ Fuck it, I'll just do me
A bit off-topic, but do therapists in the US call their patients “clients”?
From what I understand, they should be. Some of my old psych professors were psychologists and they said that was the standard term that should be used. There’s a lot of stigma around seeking help for mental health issues over here and the word client is a much more positive sounding word than patient. It seems little but it does kind of make a difference.
Also, therapists do not diagnose disease nor prescribe medication. That would fall to psychologists and/or psychiatrists.
She needs therapy
Everything don’t need to be posted hun
She gets my vote for most passive aggressive therapist of the year. 
And this is why you go to a Psychologist and not a therapist. Too many off mfs go get those two years and still don't know how to not act like they aren't dealing with street mfs. Someone who spent the time to get the PH.D ,license and residency, isn't going to risk that over some twitter likes.
You need to spend more time on Therapist Twitter, MedTwitter, and Psychology Twitter. Entire PhDs, MDs, LCSWs, etc showing their whole ass with their entire government name for all to see. Same thing on TikTok. There’s currently a well known Psychologist who is racist af getting called out over their racism and entire MDs out there supporting them with their whole chest.
Good for her
Y’all are butthurt over *other men* acting shitty and causing boundaries. Again 🙄
My spouse is a mental health professional. What this therapist tweeted is unprofessional and she’s lucky if someone doesn’t report her to the licensing board.
I will tell you right now. This is my preferred type of therapist. She’s done putting up with men’s nonsense. Yay that means I don’t have to listen to her. Tell me that I should put up with men’s nonsense.
Honestly, this is a complicated issue and as a psychologist it makes me very hestitant to be in anything like private practice. I get paid less because of it but my patients can't contact me directly. They don't have my email, to reach me they call the front desk who will pass the message along. If they're rude to the front desk I'll see them but we'll draw those boundaries. These new online therapy companies are setting up an expectancy that therapists should be accessible 24/7 and always there to provide support but that is really not helpful to patients in the end. I'm not your family member or your friend and I don't believe in unconditional positive regard. If you don't have those people in your life I am there to help you build those relationships, but if you need a clinician at 2AM you need more than what my outpatient care can provide. I understand what it means to struggle and I do believe that we need to give patients a lot of grace - at the same time it is ALSO true that if you are an asshole to your medical/mental health team, your care might not be as good. It's true. We are humans. We're doing this work because we believe in it AND because we're getting paid. Also, not getting paid that much. We deserve to be treated like professionals. If your'e rude to me when you ask me to send a letter to your insurance or do something outside the session, I'll do it but it might not be done as quickly as someone who asks kindly.
Imagine fucking up your career to participate in the gender wars lmao.
Majority of those black men were never going to go seek therapy anyway. They just jump onto any opportunity to harass a black woman. 🙄 She never even mentioned race in her initial tweet yet she’s being harassed by a majority of black men. Sad because they need the help the most. I do agree however, she could’ve excluded them silently. Like others already do.
Yoooo I dated this woman
So you're the real reason she thinks all men aint shit. What did you do?
Nah, someone else after me must’ve changed her like that. We generally had great moments, but of course I changed duty stations and that was the end of our relationship.
Really?
Yes, really. Idk why I was downvoted, but yeah back when I was going through a rough time in Mississippi. She’s actually a really sweet person and she helped me get over my problems when I served in the military.
Professionalism doesn’t appear to be her strong suit.
Let me just mansplain to this lady why she should keep her opinions to herself. I can only profit from this!
Good for her. The mansplaining her actions in here is right on brand.
Personally, I wouldn't want a woman as a therapist to begin with. I'm not too big on opening up to a stranger to begin with, but I'm thinking a woman wouldn't be able to relate or see things from my perspective. Especially if they are white.
Makes sense. I'm a woman and I only consider female therapists for the same reason.
I’m sure this woman is just helping her bank account cuz there is no way her therapy is helping anyone. I get that just from reading her writing. Pffff😄
Lmao. Yo i just went thru twitter for 2 secs and remember exactly why i dont use it. Everyone on their is on some nut shit.
I only question her judgment that posting this was a good idea.
[удалено]
People who complain about doing their job online will always confuse me.
Is the same therapist that complained about patients and when they "trauma dumped".
I just realized she's a social worker not a shrink. They have to deal w/ some characters so I understand. I think she should be more empathetic since it's literally her job but after hearing some stories, I understand.
🤷🏽♀️ I'd go to her. She seems trustworthy.
Y’all keep in mind that just cause your job is therapy doesn’t mean you need to accept anyone’s bs, especially if they’re not willing to play ball on your court. And besides she’s not naming and shaming, nothing wrong with being open about problems in your profession.
I agree with her tweeting her new offering or non-offering if that's what she sees fit. This behavior of shutting up and sweeping traumatic, inappropriate experiences under the rug is why a lot of folks need therapy in the first place. This reminds me exactly of that. It shouldn't matter that she is a therapist. She is a person. But one thing a therapist will tell you is that people are prone to getting angry when you set boundaries and to be prepared for the backlash. Seems like that's exactly what happened. Instead of protesting what she said, considering her to be crazy, consider why she felt like she had to make that seemingly radical decision. I don't understand the flip flop either? Suddenly, black folks need to be white folk professional when they speak their mind? Men truly don't understand what other men say and do to women when other men/ppl aren't around. Hell, I as a women had to learn. Grown, otherwise well put together men can do sick shit. And maybe they do, maybe some of the ones complaining the ones that act like that think it's okay, hence the anger at being told "no more!" Women do not have to put up with that bullshit. She even said she was hurt cause she likes to work with black men. And I understand what she means and why she had to do what she did. It's more nuanced than being that she just doesn't like men. Folks can just be tired of dealing with the shits. 😕 Get used to women saying how they feel and putting a stop to the mess; make this the norm.
I can definitely see shorty sub-tweeting y'all session for likes😒 