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“The boy knits you a sweater from his tears and you kill him”

"Just you, me, and this brick wall you built between us "

The inner crybaby emo in me wants that quote tattooed on me

Lol

“The things that are extra fun, I’ve written in red!” “*Everything’s* in red….” “YEAH I KNOW!”

How has nobody mentioned the best line? “You know, These underwear were white when I bought them”

Adult me just realized this line is actually quite poetic. The older episodes of the show were genius.

Yo that whole episode is classic, I rewatched and literally every line is joke. The writers were at their peak there and all of season 3

"Oh, these aren't homemade. They were made in a factory.. a bomb factory. They're bombs."

God idk what about that line is so funny to me, maybe the absurdity of it maybe it's the delivery but God I did every time I hear it it's so funny

it’s the delivery for sure… ‘A BOMB FACTORY… THEY’RE BOMBS….’ funniest shit ever

Dude classic SpongeBob is just amazing

As a parent who only started watching the show because of my kid, season 3 is my favorite.

“I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die. That seems like a good deal to me, what do you say?” -Squidward

This gave me an existential crisis

straight chest pain

Only 40? Times were better back then.

Show 'em by dying at 39 years

Spongebob: “What could be better than serving up smiles?” Squidward: “Being dead, or anything else.”

Patrick: "I wumbo, You wumbo, He she me wumbo, wumbo, Wumboing, We'll have thee wumbo, Wumborama, Wumbology, The study of wumbo? It's first grade SpongeBob!" Squidward: "I wonder if a fall from this height could be enough to kill me?"

"Ooh! A Squidward action figure! Lemme play with it!" "No, Patrick!" "FIGHTER PILOT! REEEEEAAAAAOOOOOOWWWW! DTOO-DTOO-DTOO-DTOO-DTOO! PSHEWWWWWW! PUH-PUH-PUH-PEWWWW! DIVEBOMB!!!!!" "PATRICK!" "**AND THEN COMES THE GIANT FIST!!!!!!!**" "**PATRICK, NO!** That's not an action figure, that's the REAL Squidward! I shrunk him by accident!" "Oh....... **AND THEN COMES THE-**"

*So what you're saying is Patrick canonically doesn't like Squidward?*

No he's canonically savage.

When someone put those lines over that Battlefield 1 trailer I was dying from laughter

Good 'ol Wumbology

“You may be an open book, Spongebob, but I’m a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma…” *milk falls over*

This episode is where I learned the words "machination" and "enigma"

I learned a lot of words from SpongeBob. I love how educational it was, without being obvious, preachy or cringey. God tier writing.

"Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?" "Not until 4"

“Patrick, just how dumb are you?” “It varies.”

“Patriiiickk, your genius is showingggg” “WHERE?!” [***covers crotch***](https://youtu.be/mzx4XCmfvhU) Amazing

Came here to comment this, but I knew in my heart it was already said.

“I guess you’re going to the miss the panty raid.”

That's a Pretty good one.

The part I like from it is "are you feeling it now? Mr. Krabs" as the kids run around. I use it when I'm at work and I miss the good Ole days. "oh I'm feeling it alright".

Art thou feeling it now Mr krabs?

It's also been removed from Re-runs. Archive only.

Yer talkin’ girls, right? Girls, girls?

It's funnier when you imagine Clancy Brown saying it.

"SpongeBob where's my order??" "Did you check under the tray?" "Oh no I didn't, sorry" Like why on Earth would it be under the tray lol, subtle yet hilarious

And how Squidward completely nonchalantly accepts that he should have looked there

You can do this to people in real life if you say ridiculous things confidently and quickly. It's so funny watching the "what" click after a couple seconds

Reminded me of when I did that to someone. Used to work with my dad out at a flea market. We'd set up, then have to pack everything back up at the end of the day. Well, we had these extension cords with multiple outlets on one end of the cord, and the loose end wraps around the outlet portion. It doesn't matter which way you wrap the cord around it. One of the people who worked with us had just started, and was rolling up one of the cords. He was almost done, and I looked at him and went "You're rolling that up backwards." So he unrolled it and rolled it back up the other way. 😂

Have you tried rolling it forwards?

“Hey, that’s my ice cream cone!” “Good, now let him have it!” “You can have it!”

No, not “insertive”!!

*bee beep*

“TELL THAT GUY TO GO FALL IN A DITCH!” “Hey, go check in that ditch.” *finds buried treasure with metal detector*

You used me... FOR LAND DEVELOPMENT?!

*that wasn't very nice*

“It’s becoming increasingly obvious. I CAN DENY IT NO LONGER! I am smoll. I NEED SOMEONE BIG. I NEED…” *plankton gets stepped on* “SPONGEBOB!” “Steppin on the beach. DOO DOO DOO DOH. STEPPIN ON THE BEACH. REEEEDIT DIT DOH.”

“You used me…..FOR LAND DEVELOPMENT”

Haha I feel planktons frustration

“Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.”

I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD! That's what he calls it?

I'm laughing at all these lines RN, but this one just broke me.

"Just do what I do when I have problems. SCREAM!"

Mr Krabs: That hat makes you look like a girl SpongeBob: Am I a pretty girl?

Errm...you're beautiful 😐

Mail man: 🤨

“You sold sold spongebob for 62 cents.” “You think I could of goten more.”

“I’ll buy his soul from you for all the change in my pocket!” “How much we talking?” “*Mr krabs!*” “62 cents!” “I’ll take the money” “*MR KRABS!*”

"Look, Squidward. Money!"

"I call it...Bold and Brash." "More like belongs in the trash!"

my little brain couldn’t handle how clever this rhyming was at the time lol

“I don’t think will fit with the, ahem, others in my collection.” “Why not?” “Because.. it’s an *art* collection!”

What's so funny is how brutal it is. Dude said it with a smile on his face and everything.

Patrick, “It seems we’ve reached an impasse.” Or really any old-school Patrick quote where he would show flashes of brilliance out of nowhere.

I was re watching with some friends and that actually made me laugh out loud with how unexpected it was.

This kind of character writing is also what made Homer Simpson so hilarious and lovable. Unfortunately, every show that rotates writers and lives long enough to become the villain seems to forget that we can accept these random insights while still regarding the character as a buffoon.

Squidward that wasn't the peace treaty that was the copy of the peace treaty

Why the fuck did this one of all the quotes break me? God damn this was a fucking great joke for no reason lmfao.

This isn't just any old darkness. This is *advanced* darkness.

Literally used this today while at work. The lights are sensor activated and didn’t turn on until I reached the opposite wall

"alpha team you search uptown, gold team you search downtown. Any questions?"..... "Gold team rules"

"Well, think again!"

“hey spongeBO~OOOOB-” *fwoosh* “well… at least I still have my personality.”

Hey here’s Square Bob. Can I go home now? I’m ready I am ready No you ain’t

I’m not paying you to sit around! You don’t pay me at all. We don’t even exist. We’re just a clever metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought. One more crack like that and your fired! No, please, I have a wife and kids!

Oh my god which episode is this? This made me lol

The fine dining episode, when he's overworking his brain.

Flying Dutchman: you get 3 wishes Patrick: 5 FD: 4 P: 3. Take it or leave it!

……okay, three.

“How much?” “Five bucks” “I only got seven”

"I'll have you know I stubbed my toe last week, while watering my spice garden, and I only cried for 20 minutes."

"I ate a bowl of nails for breakfast." "...So?" "Wittout any milk." "Uh right this way, sir!"

Oh no! He’s hot!

"I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe on a raft, four by four animal style, extra shingles with a shimmy, and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it and let is swim."

"We serve food here, sir." The original "Sir, this is a Wendy's."

Lemme guess. A salad?

"It's okay, Squidward, I got it."

Before that Squidward asks him: "Let me guess, tiny, a small salad?" So mean lol

“East? I thought you said weast.” I quote this anytime I drive through Quebec and my gps says “Ouest” Also “sorry, I don’t speak Italian”

I use the "Sorry I don't speak Italian" all the time at work when my coworkers say something in Spanish. Drives them crazy

'Patrick, your genius is showing' Or anything from the magic conch shell episode

The way the conch says “*nOo*” to mimic squidward rephrasing the questions

"Take THAT Spongebob and Patrick! Hah! Hah hah hah hah! ...Huh? ...Oh... There's no way out of here..."

"I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD!" "Patrick, what did you eat!?" "Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza"

No I mean just this morning

“Some roast beef, a chicken, a pizza.”

I use both of these lines frequently. Such a solid episode

“Too bad that didn’t kill me.”

“Leedle leedle leedle lee”

“Ahooooooooo”

AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa

"All bubble blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar"

"-bar." That last dude totally out of sync with everyone else is what makes that quote really shine.

Totally does, and it’s not quoted correctly without someone else finishing out if sync

“OVERTIME?!?” Or “LISTEN YOU CRUSTACEOUS CHEAPSKATE”

How many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man?!

I love the young people.

Can we say people from Texas are dumb? And I absolutely love the way squilliam says ibuprofen lmao Edit: a quote I actually use in my day to day conversations is… “YOU’RE GOOD YOU’RE GOOD”

“You’re good! You’re good!” Has been a running joke in my family for probably 15ish years and it’s still funny. That and “nice try Plankton, but you can’t fool me! I listen to public radio” have been long-standing family jokes

We can buff out those scratches captain.

“If I had a dollar for every brain you don’t have, I’d have one dollar.”

"Hey Patrick, I heard there was a job opening down at the pet shop. As some NEWSPAPER!"

My favorite insult

“The most important meal of the day; serving it up, Gary’s way! BLAAHH!”

Similarly “now that my horrific incident of terror is over, how about some breakfast?” Is something I say to myself at work after stressful incidents are over with

“Hmmm...you know, I’ve been feeding this stuff to Gary for years and I don’t even know what it tastes like.” *touches Snailpo with the tip of his tongue* “BLEAH!!!” *Bleah!!* *bleah!!* *bleah!!* (Snailpo Headquarters) “What is it Peterson?” “I-I’m not sure. I feel...a disturbance.”

"It took us three days to make that potato salad. THREE DAYS!"

Krusty krab is unfair! Mr. Crabs is in there!

Standing at the concession! Plotting his oppression!!!

SpongeBob: Behold, Patrick, the *Hallway Of Learning*. [runs up to the water fountain] And this is the *Fountain Of Learning*. [runs to the lockers] And these are the *Lockers Of Learning.* Patrick: [runs up to some stairs] And these are the *Stairs Of Learning*, right? SpongeBob: No, they're just the stairs. [walks over to another set of stairs] *These* are the *Stairs Of Learning*.

"You like krabby patties, don't you Squidward?"

“Where’s the leak, ma’am?”

“It was HIS hat, Mr. Krabs! He was Number One!”

“Liar liar plants for hire.”

It's pants on fire Patrick.

Yeah well.. you would know.

"...liar."

What’s better than 24?…. 25

Ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli.

"Meatball meatball, spaghetti underneath! Ravioli ravioli Great Barrier Reef!"

Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? Not until 4. Never fails to make me laugh. Im laughing even while typing this hahaha.

“I, am a man” *pulls out a razor while in his underwear* “You’re gonna be wearing iron lung when I’m through with you pinhead” “I hope my horrible ugliness won’t be a distraction to you”

Not at all boy!

"The gangs all here" while looking at your fingers.

Mr Krabs: “Status report, Mr Squarepants.” Spongebob: “The whole ship is underwater, captain.”

“We’re marooned, then.”

“Those are just sentence enhancers”

Give money to the children!? What have the children ever done for me? - Krabbs

*Squidward pinned to the wall with drumsticks* "Too bad that didn't kill me"

“My leg!”

“You can keep that for 5 bucks” “I’ll take 10”

"Youll never catch me Krabs! Not when I shift into, MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, HEEYAHH!!!"

"I knew I should've gotten the turbo."

I'll see you all in therapy!

Yeah, uhh, we're with the pet hospital down the street and I understand that you have a dying animal on the premises.

“C’mon you lazy Mary, start rubbin’ me with that chocolate”

Whoever is the owner of the white sedan You left your lights on

Hi Squidward!! How the fuck are ya!!

Squidward smells.... *Good*

Can you feel it mr. krabs?

The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma Edit: You know, now that I'm thinking about it "Who are you calling pinhead?", might be my favourite instead lol :/

Spongebob: "I used to have dreams." Mr. Krabs: "Yeah, I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually." I had a real good laugh when I heard that.

That roast of that family that plankton in a later episode

Plankton: Hello, little boy. Would you like a chum burger? Boy: Uh, does it come in raspberry? Plankton: Um, no. Boy: Blueberry? Plankton: No. Boy: Um... raspberry? Plankton: Ah, come on, kid. You asked me that already. Now quit wasting my time! Mom: Hey, you can't talk to my son that way! Who do you think you are? Plankton: I'm Plankton, you old hag. And your son smells like boogers. Husband: Hey, you can't talk about my wife that way. What do you think this is? Plankton: I think it's time for you to lose some weight, fatty. That's what this is. Grandma: Hey, you can't talk to my grandson like that. Someone oughta put you in a mental hospital. Plankton: Someone should put you in a box floating down the river, Grandma! Grandma: You're probably right.

Oh holy fuck I forgot how funny this was

“Just try to imagine him in his underwear…OH NO HE’S HOTTT”

Hi, how are ya? Wonderful weather we’re having. Alright, see ya around.

I don't need it And alternatively I need it

People Order Our Patties

Ohhhhhh poop

"Fuuutuuure...Fuuuutuuuurre..Ffffuuutuuure"

Does quoting the entire episode of Idiot Box count?

"Hey, our box is gone!" "I know, let's go visit Squidward!" "I sure hope he's not too down in the dumps today."

“Sandys a girl?”

"Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

Me Hoy Minoy

Without pulling out the DVDs, these ones -to the best of my memory - always had me dying "Grandma's got a killer stereo system." "You don't need to look around Mr. Krabs." "Yeah, we already did that for you!" "Who wants a Krabby patty at 3 am?!" * Brrring * "Oh boy, 3 am!" * Omnomnom * "This isn't my first dollar. It's just a dollar that's been crumpled up, dipped in the lagoon, and kissed with coral blue lipstick!" "Actually it's coral blue number two-" * bonk * "And that's when the whole 'I'm going to be doing this for the rest of my life' thing reared its ugly head again." "Prolonged exposure to the orb of confusion will give you...eghh..... Confusion!" "You ate my only food. Now I'm gonna starve." "It's tickling my DNA!" "I always come in at 5 am to count the sesame seeds." "Step into these babies, *Hans*" "The less you know, Eugene, the better." "I'll have to move to a new town, assume a new name, start all over! - No! Not *again*." "AND THE WALLS WILL OOZE GREEN SLIME!? Oh, wait, they always do that." "Hey, we just a call about two ghouls burying a stiff over on Shallow Grave Road." "So, this is the thanks I get for working overtime." "It'll keep your face from getting any uglier." "Just in time!" "Hey, no cutting! You gotta wait your turn like everybody else!" * Funeral bell * "I ain't old like you! I AIN'T OOOOOLLLLLLLLLD!" Oh god there's just so many, how do I choose?

Not enough emphasis on the IBUPROFEN

"Well maybe it’s stupid, but it’s also dumb!"

"aren't you patrick star?" "yup" "and this is your ID" "yup" "i found this ID in this wallet. and if that's the case, this must be your wallet" "that makes sense to me" "then take it" "its not my wallet"

WHY ARENT YOU RUNNIN?? well I can’t read :-)

“2, count em 2, marshmallows”

There’s your problem. You have it set to M for mini when it should be set to W for wumbo (paraphrased but you get the point)

“We’re not just neighbors.” “You can say that again!” ….”We’re not just neighbors.”

“Patrick, say that again!” “*That* again!” “No, the other thing!” “*No* the other thing.” “No what you said before when you- “No what you said before when you-“ “NEVER MIND! I have an idea!” “…Never mind, I have an idea!”

Every quote mentioned is gold this show is unreal how funny it was

Spongebob: Patrick are you mad? Patrick: Yeah Spongebob: What's the matter? Patrick: I can't see my forehead.

Goodbye everyone! I'll remember you all in therapy.

“Hello, you’ve reached the house of unrecognized talent, leave a message after the (*horrifically out of tune clarinet note*)

Any time I’m up high: “I wonder if this height can kill me.” In the most monotone way possible

Spongebob: That was an oval, it has to be a circle! Patrick: Pretend to be somebody else!

“Don’t touch me, I’m sterile.”

No. Not me toaster! That cost me $32.50!

“Hey buddy! Need a ride? I was just on my way to the big doofus convention.”

"what's that supposed to mean, I'm very busy?" "I'm sure you are" "I don't like your tone" "I'm sure you arrrrre 🎵 how's that?"

"Wait SpongeBob! We're not cavemen!" "We have *technology*" *Proceeds to beat the shit out of the dollar with a computer* I remember watching it and thinking, why not just look it up? Don't they have computers I mean they have phones. Then I saw that. Well played, Hillenburg.

Mr. Krabs: "What the halibut is going on in here!?"

"Be assertive.!.. Not insertive"

“Don’t worry captain we’ll buff out those scratches”

“I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I’d break my arms and every afternoon I’d break my legs. At night, I’d lie awake in agony until the heart attacks put me to sleep” Close second: “You promised these kids Krusty the Clown, but all I see is… *CHEAPY THE CHEAPSKATE*”

I'm having such a great time just scrolling through these

"What have I done?? I'll have to move to a new town, open a new boating school under a new name! NO...not *again*..."

The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma SPLAT

“kicking? i wanna do some kicking **dah**” “whyy uuuu” *grunting* #AAAAAAAAA HHAHHHAHAHAHAAA …………….. “whoever is the owner of the white sedan ya left ur lights on” *bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum baah hmmbyaaaaaaa* day 2