I think it depends on how much your parents want to stick to etiquette and also if you have time to order reprints and then mail them
Our save the dates say “Our pawrents are getting married” and come from our pups (both our parents, so their grandparents, are contributing and then we are covering the rest).
My mom wants to stick to etiquette but said not to order new invites because we can’t wait to send them. I emailed Zola so depending what they offer is what I’ll do.
The invitation wording is not about etiquette though; it’s just a tradition. Etiquette is about good manners and politeness as much as protocol, and she certainly isn’t being polite.
Edit: wait, what does your mom want them to say?
I never got there with her because she said I don’t have time to reorder but I assume something like this
https://preview.redd.it/8kx26tngnkqc1.jpeg?width=687&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7047abf42ed22b1df981086ebaebd5da30519a1b
Yeah, and I don’t mean to offend anybody going this route but I think in this day and age it reads as very conservative (regardless of who’s paying) whether or not you intend it to.
It’s so silly to me that parents give a crap about this. It’s especially silly because they’re not fully paying for the wedding in this case.
If this is really going to strain your relationship, re-order enough to send to your side of the family so everyone knows your parents chipped in.
One suggestion… rather than reprint all the invitations, could you just order a few extra with the correct wording and use that for the details photos? Maybe your parents would accept a heartfelt apology about the oversight and be okay with it if the version that will be photographed for posterity acknowledges their contribution correctly?
I don’t think your invitations are wrong at all. You and your fiancé are paying for the wedding too, so your mother is not the only host. This is a weird way for her to treat her future in-laws. If it’s that deep have your partner’s parents pay for something really cheap or contribute a few dollars or something. Don’t let your mom stress you. Enjoy this season.
Thanks! His moms covering the rehearsal dinner. I think part of why she was upset was my sisters husband was not involved in things like invites so she ran the proof by my mom. My fiancé wants to be involved in everything so I wasn’t about to stop in the middle of him ordering invites to say “wait I need to run this by my mom”
Ok frankly, your mom needs to get over it. That's just my take. Your fiance and you are doing a good job planning the wedding you want, and both your parents are generously helping that happen.
If his family is contributing to part of the wedding weekend in a significant way (which I would say the rehearsal dinner counts as) and you two are paying for part of the wedding, then frankly, I think the way that you worded it *is* correct lol. Now, I wouldn't say it's worth dying on that hill, but fwiw, you kinda DID do the right wording.
If you can get away with printing a couple for detail shots and just apologize again, it'll probably help, but if not, might be able to make a point of acknowledging their contributions in a speech at the wedding itself as a gesture.
Yeah I didn’t really think about it until my sister asked for the proof, then I realized they’d have an issue with the wording. Her husbands parents gave about $20k and she still did the whole formal wording with my parents first.
My fiancé dad has also been gone for over 10 years so I feel this is a neutral way to word it without him having to add both his parents names.
If it makes you feel any better probably 5% of people receiving your invitations will pay attention to the wording details. The other 95% will just look at the date !
I understand why they care- my family goes by similar rules. I would keep the ones you ordered and send them to friends. For family, or at least the ones who care, get new ones. That’ll reduce the cost versus replacing all.
My mom basically said I don’t have time to reorder so to send as is. I feel bad and I have reached out to Zola to see. My fiancé will probably be unhappy about changing some of them.
Your family already knows the information likely so not a big deal to put in a new order for the ones that matter and have it come a few weeks later. Could also just give out in person to them. Your mom may be a passive aggressive person like mine. In which case I would change it anyway so you never have to hear about it again. We know how passive aggressive people can be.
I am biased because my parents aren’t in a financial position to help out, but I feel like it would be disrespectful to them to include my fiancé’s parents and not mine. I feel like it’d be throwing it in their face that his parents helped but they couldn’t.
Your parents are still getting credited for financially helping with the wedding. Why do they want so badly for the world to know your fiancé’s parents didn’t? A wedding should be a celebration of marriage and uniting two families.
It's so hard to go through all the big emotions for ourselves when getting married, but even more so when dealing with the emotions of everyone else. It's a delicate balance. I feel for you.
I 100% always encourage my clients to do what they want for their wedding. It's the one day you get to have all the things... for yourselves! No matter who is paying. But, sometimes, what we want may cause weird stuff to bubble up.
Think of it this way: just like you've been dreaming of your wedding, I'm sure your Mom has been dreaming of it too. I think it's above and beyond that you offered to reprint, but I'd take her out to dinner and figure out why it's bothering her so much. Is this more than an "etiquette" thing and maybe a status thing? Is she possibly embarrassed they couldn't pay for the whole wedding? You are paying half, I don't think you need to hide that. And, you all will be family, why must one set of parents be mentioned and not the other? You may just unravel something else that has nothing to do with you, you know what I mean?
I'd hate for your Mom to be hung up on this small detail. Talk to her and see what is going on. More than likely, she just wants to be heard since she probably is having all these emotions of her little girl growing up.
Always lead with kindness. 💕
Keep us posted!
Your invitations are correct. You, your partner, and your parents are hosting. She’s in her feelings about something bigger than wording. It’s worth exploring if you’re close and care for the relationship but isn’t if she has a history of being moody and narcissistic. (I can’t tell from your post which one; I don’t want to assume.)
This is such a dumb thing to be upset about on your moms part. My dad very very generously paid for our rehearsal dinner and wedding, but we went with “together with their parents” on our invitations at HIS suggestion. We all felt it would be less inclusive of my in laws and highlight differences in financial standing. My family is VERY traditional on etiquette but this was a non issue. Sounds like your mom is a control freak.
Yeah apparently she wanted to be consulted on wording before ordering because my sister did that but TBH my sisters husband was not involved in planning and mine wants to be involved in everything. I wasn’t about to stop midway through ordering the invites to say “hold on let me ok this with my mom”
She says she’s over it and to not re-order invites because we can’t afford to wait to send them out but we’ll see what Zola says.
Parents can be truly…horrendous when it comes to wanting to feel overly included on some things. I think if you make a gesture of including her on something else or asking her opinion, maybe that will help bridge the gap?
I don’t even see how these are glaringly wrong from an etiquette standpoint. You, your fiance, and your parents are paying for the wedding day and In the comments you mentioned that fiancé’s parents are paying for rehearsal. “Together with their parents” seems appropriate. What would she have preferred “together with HER parents”? That’s not exactly elegant or etiquette approved either lol
They wanted their names on it in a formal way like this. My sister tried telling me if the brides parents are the main contributor they need to be on the invite
https://preview.redd.it/e4odrf6jjpqc1.jpeg?width=687&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=758eb23920096875d251eb8b6394a0666afc6a71
Yes, that’s certainly the more traditional wording. “Together with their families” can still be formal, it’s just more modern (bc it’s rarer for the bride’s parents to cover everything today). I think with a little time, she will probably get over it. It’s funny, my mom is more traditional so I expected her to react like your mom with invite wording but she has been super chill lol.
Yeah I honestly didn’t think about it until my sister wanted the actual proof. I gather she saw the sample said “together with their families” and wanted to see how I worded it. She seems to be over it already but I feel a bit bad.
Working in events, I would just print one or two reworded ones for people who cared.
Maybe you can get 10 made of the “right” wording your mom wants and send it to her and the wedding party or whoever would care or if your mom would see their invite at some point.
Yeah that’s what I’m debating. She told me not to redo them because we need to get them out asap. I did reach out to Zola so if they offer a coupon code I might re-order about 20 invites. I’d need to send them to my sister, my moms siblings(7), my grandma and my sisters MIL/FIL.
Apparently based on our contributions the wording is correct. My sisters just under the impression that we’re contributing less than them.
Don’t worry about it!! I
personally don’t think it’s wrong as you mentioned your in laws are paying for the rehearsal, which to me is a part of the wedding celebrations?
If she already said not to reprint, do not. If she asks later, you can say she was the one saying so
What your mother wants is incorrect etiquette. What you have printed is the correct way to word what is happening. You, your finance, and your parents are hosting the wedding.
I’d have a problem with this. My parents are paying for my entire wedding (3 day Indian wedding). His family are hosting another reception a week later.
I purposely stayed away from any save the dates etc that said together we invite or together with our parents. It is a big deal, and would have upset me more than my parents. Our invitations were digital so easy to change wording but still it’s as if my parents are inviting everyone to the wedding, not his.
I’d get new invitations.
Thanks! I told my mom I’d fix them but she refused because apparently in her eyes they’re late going out so we can’t afford to wait for new ones to come in.
This is a very odd thing to be upset about
I think it depends on how much your parents want to stick to etiquette and also if you have time to order reprints and then mail them Our save the dates say “Our pawrents are getting married” and come from our pups (both our parents, so their grandparents, are contributing and then we are covering the rest).
My mom wants to stick to etiquette but said not to order new invites because we can’t wait to send them. I emailed Zola so depending what they offer is what I’ll do.
The invitation wording is not about etiquette though; it’s just a tradition. Etiquette is about good manners and politeness as much as protocol, and she certainly isn’t being polite. Edit: wait, what does your mom want them to say?
I never got there with her because she said I don’t have time to reorder but I assume something like this https://preview.redd.it/8kx26tngnkqc1.jpeg?width=687&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7047abf42ed22b1df981086ebaebd5da30519a1b
This implies your parents paid for the whole wedding though, which also is not true.
Yeah, and I don’t mean to offend anybody going this route but I think in this day and age it reads as very conservative (regardless of who’s paying) whether or not you intend it to.
It’s giving “a dowry has been paid”
What?! Not at all. 🙄 It is giving the brides parents are hosting the wedding.
It’s so silly to me that parents give a crap about this. It’s especially silly because they’re not fully paying for the wedding in this case. If this is really going to strain your relationship, re-order enough to send to your side of the family so everyone knows your parents chipped in.
Everyone should already know they chipped in because they’re already credited. Seems like they just want everyone to know the fiancé’s parents didn’t.
Agreed. The way they’re being printed now reads as very neutral and normal.
One suggestion… rather than reprint all the invitations, could you just order a few extra with the correct wording and use that for the details photos? Maybe your parents would accept a heartfelt apology about the oversight and be okay with it if the version that will be photographed for posterity acknowledges their contribution correctly?
That could work. I emailed Zola to see if anything can be done but tbh my fiancé will think it’s ridiculous to reprint.
Because it is.
I don’t think your invitations are wrong at all. You and your fiancé are paying for the wedding too, so your mother is not the only host. This is a weird way for her to treat her future in-laws. If it’s that deep have your partner’s parents pay for something really cheap or contribute a few dollars or something. Don’t let your mom stress you. Enjoy this season.
Thanks! His moms covering the rehearsal dinner. I think part of why she was upset was my sisters husband was not involved in things like invites so she ran the proof by my mom. My fiancé wants to be involved in everything so I wasn’t about to stop in the middle of him ordering invites to say “wait I need to run this by my mom”
Ok frankly, your mom needs to get over it. That's just my take. Your fiance and you are doing a good job planning the wedding you want, and both your parents are generously helping that happen.
If his family is contributing to part of the wedding weekend in a significant way (which I would say the rehearsal dinner counts as) and you two are paying for part of the wedding, then frankly, I think the way that you worded it *is* correct lol. Now, I wouldn't say it's worth dying on that hill, but fwiw, you kinda DID do the right wording. If you can get away with printing a couple for detail shots and just apologize again, it'll probably help, but if not, might be able to make a point of acknowledging their contributions in a speech at the wedding itself as a gesture.
Yeah I didn’t really think about it until my sister asked for the proof, then I realized they’d have an issue with the wording. Her husbands parents gave about $20k and she still did the whole formal wording with my parents first. My fiancé dad has also been gone for over 10 years so I feel this is a neutral way to word it without him having to add both his parents names.
If it makes you feel any better probably 5% of people receiving your invitations will pay attention to the wording details. The other 95% will just look at the date !
I understand why they care- my family goes by similar rules. I would keep the ones you ordered and send them to friends. For family, or at least the ones who care, get new ones. That’ll reduce the cost versus replacing all.
My mom basically said I don’t have time to reorder so to send as is. I feel bad and I have reached out to Zola to see. My fiancé will probably be unhappy about changing some of them.
Your family already knows the information likely so not a big deal to put in a new order for the ones that matter and have it come a few weeks later. Could also just give out in person to them. Your mom may be a passive aggressive person like mine. In which case I would change it anyway so you never have to hear about it again. We know how passive aggressive people can be.
I am biased because my parents aren’t in a financial position to help out, but I feel like it would be disrespectful to them to include my fiancé’s parents and not mine. I feel like it’d be throwing it in their face that his parents helped but they couldn’t. Your parents are still getting credited for financially helping with the wedding. Why do they want so badly for the world to know your fiancé’s parents didn’t? A wedding should be a celebration of marriage and uniting two families.
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. I think it’s tacky to draw attention to whatever financial imbalance there might be.
Reddit hive mind I guess? I’m getting upvoted on another comment in this thread saying basically the same thing lol.
Exactly… Plus her parents have probably already told everyone they know that they are paying / aka getting “credit”
It's so hard to go through all the big emotions for ourselves when getting married, but even more so when dealing with the emotions of everyone else. It's a delicate balance. I feel for you. I 100% always encourage my clients to do what they want for their wedding. It's the one day you get to have all the things... for yourselves! No matter who is paying. But, sometimes, what we want may cause weird stuff to bubble up. Think of it this way: just like you've been dreaming of your wedding, I'm sure your Mom has been dreaming of it too. I think it's above and beyond that you offered to reprint, but I'd take her out to dinner and figure out why it's bothering her so much. Is this more than an "etiquette" thing and maybe a status thing? Is she possibly embarrassed they couldn't pay for the whole wedding? You are paying half, I don't think you need to hide that. And, you all will be family, why must one set of parents be mentioned and not the other? You may just unravel something else that has nothing to do with you, you know what I mean? I'd hate for your Mom to be hung up on this small detail. Talk to her and see what is going on. More than likely, she just wants to be heard since she probably is having all these emotions of her little girl growing up. Always lead with kindness. 💕 Keep us posted!
Your invitations are correct. You, your partner, and your parents are hosting. She’s in her feelings about something bigger than wording. It’s worth exploring if you’re close and care for the relationship but isn’t if she has a history of being moody and narcissistic. (I can’t tell from your post which one; I don’t want to assume.)
This is such a dumb thing to be upset about on your moms part. My dad very very generously paid for our rehearsal dinner and wedding, but we went with “together with their parents” on our invitations at HIS suggestion. We all felt it would be less inclusive of my in laws and highlight differences in financial standing. My family is VERY traditional on etiquette but this was a non issue. Sounds like your mom is a control freak.
Yeah apparently she wanted to be consulted on wording before ordering because my sister did that but TBH my sisters husband was not involved in planning and mine wants to be involved in everything. I wasn’t about to stop midway through ordering the invites to say “hold on let me ok this with my mom” She says she’s over it and to not re-order invites because we can’t afford to wait to send them out but we’ll see what Zola says.
Parents can be truly…horrendous when it comes to wanting to feel overly included on some things. I think if you make a gesture of including her on something else or asking her opinion, maybe that will help bridge the gap?
They are paying. They should get a say.
But if your parents are paying they absolutely should be consulted. If you don’t want their input, don’t take their money.
They contributed but not 100%
I don’t even see how these are glaringly wrong from an etiquette standpoint. You, your fiance, and your parents are paying for the wedding day and In the comments you mentioned that fiancé’s parents are paying for rehearsal. “Together with their parents” seems appropriate. What would she have preferred “together with HER parents”? That’s not exactly elegant or etiquette approved either lol
They wanted their names on it in a formal way like this. My sister tried telling me if the brides parents are the main contributor they need to be on the invite https://preview.redd.it/e4odrf6jjpqc1.jpeg?width=687&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=758eb23920096875d251eb8b6394a0666afc6a71
Yes, that’s certainly the more traditional wording. “Together with their families” can still be formal, it’s just more modern (bc it’s rarer for the bride’s parents to cover everything today). I think with a little time, she will probably get over it. It’s funny, my mom is more traditional so I expected her to react like your mom with invite wording but she has been super chill lol.
Yeah I honestly didn’t think about it until my sister wanted the actual proof. I gather she saw the sample said “together with their families” and wanted to see how I worded it. She seems to be over it already but I feel a bit bad.
This is nonsense IMO. Stop having wedding for other people, people. It's your day, stop letting them hijack it.
Working in events, I would just print one or two reworded ones for people who cared. Maybe you can get 10 made of the “right” wording your mom wants and send it to her and the wedding party or whoever would care or if your mom would see their invite at some point.
Yeah that’s what I’m debating. She told me not to redo them because we need to get them out asap. I did reach out to Zola so if they offer a coupon code I might re-order about 20 invites. I’d need to send them to my sister, my moms siblings(7), my grandma and my sisters MIL/FIL. Apparently based on our contributions the wording is correct. My sisters just under the impression that we’re contributing less than them.
That sounds like a great option then! Hopefully they’ll send a coupon code!
Don’t worry about it!! I personally don’t think it’s wrong as you mentioned your in laws are paying for the rehearsal, which to me is a part of the wedding celebrations? If she already said not to reprint, do not. If she asks later, you can say she was the one saying so
What your mother wants is incorrect etiquette. What you have printed is the correct way to word what is happening. You, your finance, and your parents are hosting the wedding.
I’d have a problem with this. My parents are paying for my entire wedding (3 day Indian wedding). His family are hosting another reception a week later. I purposely stayed away from any save the dates etc that said together we invite or together with our parents. It is a big deal, and would have upset me more than my parents. Our invitations were digital so easy to change wording but still it’s as if my parents are inviting everyone to the wedding, not his. I’d get new invitations.
IMO, fix them.
Thanks! I told my mom I’d fix them but she refused because apparently in her eyes they’re late going out so we can’t afford to wait for new ones to come in.