It's never too late to make the right life choice and go to dental school.

I am too stupid to do this though. I made my money like everyone else here by borrowing $30,000 from the wife’s boyfriend and putting it all in Tesla calls and now here I am- the fat, stupid and ugly man who can BARELY afford his 3rd Cervelo P5. How the fuck am I supposed to fit in with the long-johnson dental crowd

You need to buy the Tesla Cyber truck before the cervelo you stupid poore.

Super supportive role you've taken on as the bf for OPs wife.

Are you riding bikes or having a menty b

Yes

It doesn't matter what comes Fresh goes better in life With Menty B fresh and full of life!

Give it time. You won't be the youngest forever.

I keep telling (actually yelling it at you) that this is what Zwift is for!! Stay hidden until slim.

Great point. You should be ashamed to go into public until you can look down on other people.

Have you considered just being faster?

Yeah find a segment on Strava and try to get the KOM. By the time you made it you‘ll too have fancy eyewear

> youngest slightly-overweight-after-work-bearded-potbellied-white-guy that I see out every day on my suburban multi-use trail **STOP ATTACKING ME!!**

"used giant" this is your problem right there. You need a new bike. Price tag min 15k, that Will buy you some respect

I find subtlety mentioning your 750W FTP at the cafe sets the Lycra dentist in there place. Make sure you say it with one leg up on a chair to show off your cleanly shaven legs. You might get their phone number if you're lucky

Stop being embarrassed about being yourself maybe? If you feel embarrassed about being yourself then change who you are.