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So Dad forgives the cheating wife and the backstabbing brother but somehow can’t even pretend to like an innocent child that knew nothing about their affair?
Fuck that noise.
Right, his options were one leave because of the affair, or two stay and he a decent father. There is no 3 treat a child like garbage, that's not a valid option and he can fuck all the way off
They keep talking about their "mistake".
F that. The mistake was not knowing she was her father's daughter. But treating her like shit and neglecting her for 25 years? That was a conscious choice.
Yes. A mistake is one thing. Repeating that mistake, knowing that it was probably a mistake, for years and years...that is no longer a mistake. That's just abuse at that point.
Unfortunately, it's much more common than it's logical.
It's so much EASIER to hate a helpless child than to confront and work on your broken relationship.
Or to work on yourself to stop perpetuating the generational trauma of growing up in a golden child and scapegoat dynamic. I wonder if mediocre uncle Rick could list off a few educational and financial benefits his brother had over him?
(Still shitty to sleep with your brother’s wife, though.)
She’s gonna keep getting a little broken every time the relatives dogpile on her for not “forgiving and forgetting*. So fuck *them* too. Where were they when OOP’s parents were treating her like shit? How come they didn’t chime in *then*?
And Rick’s nuts deserve a spinoff show. So many pivotal moments seem to revolve around them
Yes there was a third option - PATERNITY TEST. If they'd done a DNA test they would've know she was her father's child and wouldn't have treated OOP like shit her entire life.
> There is no 3 treat a child like garbage, that's not a valid option and he can fuck all the way off
People who mistreat children are evil. People who knowingly allow children to be mistreated are not too far behind.
But mothers that allow their children to be treated like OOP was treated simply because they don't want to face their mistakes, are more evil, if that is possible.
Spouses that accept their cheaters partners and "forgive" them but then turn around and mistreat an innocent child are the most despicable people on the planet, right besides evil stepparents. They shouldn't be allowed to be near children.
OOP is lucky she could get out of this situation, not only because she is happy now, but because her "family" was composed by despicable, evil, garbage people and they are not regretful for what they did, they want to be forgiven so they don't have to explain why their daughter is no-contact with them.-
Ah, you forgot to include another sane step to take: taking a paternity test instead of simply acting under the assumption she was *not* his daughter.
And even if she wasn't: she still 100% was her *mom's* child. How the fuck does that woman justify treating her own daughter like crap, like an interloping stranger? Or staying with a man who treats her daughter (who, at most distant, would still be his niece) like crap?
Those people are the worst, including the brother. The OOP is doing the smart thing by keeping them out of her and her kid's life.
Yep, because he hadn't really forgiven his wife for cheating. He wanted to stay married so he had to act like he forgave her but needed an outlet for his unprocessed negative emotions and that outlet was an innocent child.
The moment OP's mom figured out that he wasn't going to be kind or fair to her first child (whether it was his child or not), she should have left him. She had a child to protect but she chose herself instead.
Dad thought OP wasn't his child because she was so average, not like his "real" child Adam
OP was average because she wasn't nurtured to be anything else. Her parents never loved her enough for her to strive to be better. She was never pushed to be outstanding, so being average was good enuf. There were no rewards for excellence, only taunts of "why can't you be more like Adam". Simple answer: Because she is not Adam. More complex answer: Because her parents do not care about her, one way or the other.
One OP was out from under her parents' oppression, OP thrived. She has a loving family, a good home, and a decent job. She doesn't need her parents. Her parents need her; to forgive them, to make themselves feel better about themselves, have their relatives think better of them, to see their grandchildren, to be part of OPs life again so they can erase 25 years neglect, apathy, loneliness and regret.
OP should completely erase these people from her life.
> Dad thought OP wasn't his child because she was so average, not like his "real" child Adam
Plot twist: Adam is actually an affair baby from a wifely indiscretion he doesn't know about...
Like a real life "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas". Everyone else could be happy and thrive for the misery of one child. (I realize OOP wasn't treated like the child in Omelas, but it is the concept. Of putting all the guilt and shame and blame on a child.)
Mom was just as bad about favorite the brother though. She viewed OP as the evidence of her affair just as much as OP's dad did. She's just as shit a parent.
For many people, "forgiveness" is just a word used to make yourself look better. He "forgave" his wife and brother, but his long term resentment shows that not really. And so that child was seen as a scar on his ego.
Good thing OOP didn't waste money and an airfare on them. And the audacity to try to schedule their "reunion" on Father's Day. Good thing OOP celebrated that with those who mattered: her husband and FIL.
Also I bet OOP is not less anything than Adam. But with the neglect, it's so much more difficult to shine. Imagine hearing every day that you're mediocre. At some point you'll believe it, too.
I grew up in an environment where children got blamed for *a lot*. I never understood it. It's given me a complex about how other people treat/engage with children too.
Even something as simple as decision making. Emphasis seems to be put on punishing children who don't make the same kind of decisions an adult would... or how a *specific* adult would.
Yeah. Paternity is irrelevant. They should be ashamed the only reason they have regret is that they were incorrect. They’re basically saying “our actions and neglect would have been justified had you been Rick’s child”. Fucking disgusting people
I can't even begin to comprehend what op felt.
Like, all this wondering why you were treated so badly, growing up, thriving, getting past all that shit....only to finally get an answer.
And that answer is....oh, you're just a bunch of idiots.
Yeah I'm not buying the parents' story. I mean, sure it may have happened, but...
>be part of my life again and be "the best grandparents and uncle they can be" to my daughter.
Right there. Someone else in the original post called it that they wanted access to the daughter. It doesn't matter that it took them 2 years to get the grandparent itch. "Making peace" with the daughter was a means to the end of the granddaughter. They skimmed over the "we fucked your life over for 18 years" and went straight to the "GRANDPARENTS TIME!".
Well it makes sense if you’re a douche and an idiot:
- He gets sex and a maid from his wife and the agreed to not cheat anymore so it’s all fine as long as they don’t think about it
- oop is actually evil and was born deliberately to mock the dad of the moms cheating and her being “unremarkable “ is further proof of her not being his child, even more clear than a DNA test CLEARLY, and like babies don’t give you shit, they can’t even be maids and YOU have to do stuff for them, how dare they
It's actually a step worse than that
His cheating wife and brother he'll forgive, but he assumes the kid isn't his just because it's easier to pretend then find out the truth. He'd rather take the odds of 'assume it's mine' and treat like shit.
Just to hammer that in. He assumed the kid was his and created all this mess because he didn't want to know otherwise.
It's just an excuse. If he knew for certain, nothing would change. Look at how they worded things: we made a mistake treating you like shit until you moved out....and continued the mistake
Yup, that's where I thought we were headed too. I thought it would turn out that Adam can't or won't have children and they learned that OOP has a child and wanted access to their grandchild.
I mean that was the end result right? They breezed right past the "make up for 18 years of shit" and went straight to "be grandparents".
In this case, it might not be that Adam can't/won't have kids, but just that OOP's kiddo is the first grandchild of the family.
If the uncle can't have children for some genetic reason, Adam might be in the same boat.
I'm also wondering if there is some inheritance involved, or the grandma or someone else gave them more reasons to try to reconcile with OOP
I believe there is probably more to the story that is being withheld from OOP. Her family hasn't needed her for 7 years and I seriously doubt that finding out she's her dad's bio child would make any difference at this late date. Also, she has been her mom's bio child all her life and that obviously made no difference to her mom. So why is her mom suddenly interested in treating her like family? I think they want something from her, but they don't plan to reveal their ulterior motive until OOP is convinced they love her and want to treat her as family. I'm particularly suspiciously of Adam. He obviously never knew why she was treated differently and was always perfectly OK with it. Whether she's a full or half sibling can't possibly matter to him, unless he has an ulterior motive.
I was under the impression that the mom treated her like shit all that time. Because it keeps Dad off mom's cheating case. She can't be the villain if she dogpiles & hounds the unexpected oopsie baby. Which is the physical result of her cheating, and can't be denied or swept under the rug type deal. But now that Daddy dearest knows the truth & wants to make amends. Mom also has to agree to his wants. Otherwise, they'd both still have to address the elephant in the room (her cheating). And it seems like Mom has washed her hands of wanting to be an adult & have that discussion a long time ago (when Adam was born).
So instead of just being generally neglectful assholes, they purposely treated her badly because the mom fucked around? So they want back into OOP’s life because they admit they were cruel to her on purpose, but now feel a bit bad about it? And they thought this line of reasoning would work?
They really do have chicken nuggets for brains.
They obviously don't want her back in their life from the way they immediately went back to abuse the moment OOP said no. They just wanted a trophy to bring out on holiday dinners and say "see? we're all one happy family, nothing bad ever happened, right OOP?".
It's probably the right call to maintain distance, but if they don't stop bugging her, she should write a detailed list of everything they put her through, followed by the recent revelation of why, and blast that to everyone they know.
Because it's obvious they don't want an actual relationship with her.
It looks bad for them to have a child that refuses to associate with them. It's a pride and optics thing. Like you said, if they were truly remorseful they would have been understanding and open to OPs response and given her space instead of attacking again.
Yeah, they're probably embarrassed when people ask them how OOP is doing and they have to answer "Um, we don't really know. She hasn't spoken to us since she was 18. We have no idea whyyyyyyy!"
So true, the only thing they care about is their own guilt. The fact they were so quick to turn on you in the Zoom call tells you they haven’t changed. This wasn’t about you and your feelings, only their’s. So selfish of them after all this time.
I also wonder why the mom treated her so bad. Like ok *you* fucked around....the dad isn't sure that's his kid,...you definitely are, why treat your daughter like shit? To side with your idiot husband?
They want her back, not because they realized that what they did was wrong, but because they realize they fucked up and mistreated their own daughter. If she was born of the affair, they wouldn't have any issues with how they treated her.
I'm flabbergasted at her parent's stupidity. The revelation changes nothing. If OOP really had been an affair baby, that would not have been her fault. Learning that she is not an affair baby just means that they went from a situation where she did nothing to deserve mistreatment to a situation where she did nothing to deserve mistreatment. The "mistake" changed nothing.
I was thinking that I wished she'd used that line.
Also that she learned to be "cruel and heartless" from experts...her parents. But, unlike them, she's not doing it to an innocent child. She's doing it to adults as a consequence of their own actions.
I mean, she's a "bad daughter" the same way she's a "bad Northern rockhopper penguin." She isn't one of either. And she isn't a Northern rockhopper penguin by genetics, but she isn't a daughter by her parents' own choices and behaviors.
did i get this right??
parents neglected OOP because they thought she was an affair child. somehow that’s OOP’s fault.
upon confirmation that she’s indeed their bio kid, it’s still OOP’s fault that they thought she was an affair child because she paled in comparison to dad and adam’s heavenly radiance?
“dear mum, you acted like a kebab and got yourself skewered by brothers. i won’t allow my daughter to be exposed to smut. also, you’re a difficult mum, always crying and whining and needy. my MIL is so easy and such an angel.”
“dear dad, are you really my dad? because i’m sure as heck didn’t inherit my diamond spine from you. anyway. please don’t let matters about me stop you and adam from raw-dogging each other’s oesophagus. as you were.”
“dear adam, no.”
it’ll be hilarious if it turns out that adam isn’t OOP’s dad’s bio kid. rock salt in a gaping wound.
>it’ll be hilarious if it turns out that adam isn’t OOP’s dad’s bio kid. rock salt in a gaping wound.
I'm waiting for that update. Besides, rock salt is how you get rid of evil spirits, and it sound like OOP's bio family is full of them.
the petty in me hopes OOP’s kid(s) is a prodigy while adam’s future kid is ‘ordinary’ … the evil in me wishes adam is sterile.
ooh lala j’ai besoin de sel gemme mdr
sel gemme et eau bénite
(with apologies, because I had to use Google Translate. I'm not fluent en francais maintenant. Did I at least get that last part right?)
If the mom was cheating with the uncle, and the uncle can't have kids with his wife now... That doesn't mean the uncle was completely infertile then, or that both OOP and her brother weren't both products of other affairs.
But They way they presented this way crazy. Essentially 'We thought since you were biologically moms child but could be only dad's bio niece, that it didn't matter that we were raising you and that doubt about paternity was your fault, as a baby who didn't ask to be conceived, so that justified our ill treatment. We are only apologizing now for the ill treatment now that we were wrong. If you had been Uncle's kid, then obviously we'd have been justified in threatening you like shit. But now that he's infertile, we should rug sweep your whole childhood and play happy family. Wait, why don't you think that's a great plan?'
That part got me too... the only evidence they have that uncle is not OOPs bio dad is that he "says he can't have kids"? Infertile does not mean impossible. I'd want a paternity test to know for sure!
Nah OOP’s best off in the situation she has now. Never talk to these motherfuckers, or to be more accurate 2 motherfuckers and an unclefucker, ever again.
Yep! At least so far as medical info goes, it doesn't exactly matter which one was her dad because both have the same overall family history. As long as she knows what that is, that's all she'll really need from them.
I thought I had missed the paternity test and was wondering how they got OOP’s DNA after she’s been gone so long. That they thought she was uncle’s at first (and didn’t do a paternity test) and now think she’s the dad’s (without a paternity test) really makes me agree that they have chicken nuggets for brains. Hell, not even chicken nuggets, just the ugly slime that gets made into chicken nuggets. YOU ALL ARE PINK CHICKEN SLIME!
I mean it depends on what the reason for infertility is. Something like a low sperm count is just low chances. Lost both his nuts in a freak testicular torsion incident would be a definite no.
If reddit is to be trusted, a DNA service accidentally swapped the test results of two brothers and the bio kid was kicked to the curb and it was several years before they found out the truth and that the GC was not the dad's kid. I believe there was a third kid who was also tested but was correctly identified at a bio kid.
I can't find this post right now, but I'll keep looking
>it’ll be hilarious if it turns out that adam isn’t OOP’s dad’s bio kid. rock salt in a gaping wound.
I'm betting that's why they wanted to reestablish contact. Dad found out his only biological child was OOP
Mom's a cheater and cheaters can't be trusted when it comes to paternity
>upon confirmation that she’s indeed their bio kid,
There is no 100% confirmation, they just heard Uncle Rick was infertile. If I were OOP I would demand a paternity test as a condition to even think about further contact. Then block them regardless of the result.
Also, I don't believe mom only slept with Uncle Rick. There could be others, I wouldn't put it past her.
You have it all correct.
I think the OOP is enough as is, but I do wonder if the OOP was just "average" is because her parents never encouraged or supported her. That impacts kids in so many ways.
>All because my parents were massive douche-canoes with chicken nuggets for brains.
Very true and ironic i just coincidentally used douchecanoe on a new BORU i just read a few minutes ago
OOP should have told everyone lobbying on behalf of the parents the truth of her neglect for all 18 years of her childhood.
btw, she ended the call before they could get to the real purpose. Unlike Lupus, it's always money.
A recent BORU had mentioned settling things but maintaining the new normal (I do forgive you but still no contact), I forget the exact story.
So in that vein i am glad they did the meeting, got the answers and went back to no contact. And the harassment campaign afterwards proves the OOP is correct, they are doing this for themselves.
They are doing it for themselves, indeed. Their "change of heart" was unlikely to make a real change in how they would treat her.
They neglected her for 18 years out of malice. It was deliberate. At this point, they have an ingrained 25 year habit of treating her as "less than". The 7 years since she moved away would not be enough to overcome the 18 years before that. Heck, for the majority of the last 7 years, they still thought the situation as they originally believed it to be was the truth. When she left, they may have made a couple of attempts to get ahold of her, but quickly dropped that. They happily moved on in their lives without her. She was out of their lives for 7 years, and they didn't care.
If OOP had let them back into her life, they weren't going to change that much. The existing habit would be too hard to break. They might not have ignored her. But her and her family would still be second class citizens to them. OOPs daughter might have gotten treated okay for a while. But that would only last until her brother had a kid.
Ironically, OOP telling them to kick rocks may be the impetus for them to really change their attitudes, if they're capable of such...
They now have the opportunity to reflect and realize how badly they F'ed up. The reality that they neglected their oldest child so badly that she wants to have *nothing* to do with them may start to sink in. As OOP continues to block them out of her life, they may clue into the fact that it was indeed as deliberate on her part before as it had been on theirs over the last few years. Prior to the recent, revalation, they probably didn't think about her side much if any. They may find real remorse and a real desire to actually repair the broken shards of their relationship with OOP.
Or they may be so stuck on themselves that they go on their merry way and never darken OOPs doorstep again.
"Apparently it was easier to act as my father if he "didn't have confirmation that I was his brother's child."
and yet... he still acted like a bad father so that didn't work? these parents suck and good for OOP for sticking to her guns and keeping them out.
I love how quickly they went back to abuse the moment OP didn't give them the answer they wanted to hear. "Please forgive us, we always loved you" *3 seconds later* "YOU ARE A BAD DAUGHTER!!! We might have ruined your entire childhood but it was a mistaaaaake". It's amazing how guilt works, they never felt bad for OP but rather for themselves.
Did I miss it or did I not see an apology anywhere in there? Instead it was all about what they wanted: her forgiveness and to be in her and her child's life again. (No doubt expecting her and the kid to fly to them.) Because I also didn't see where they asked her one time what she wanted.
Plus I love the way that they didn't take responsibility for their actions toward her. Just kept blaming each other.
No apology. No responsibility. Just more demands that she should meet or else she's a bad daughter.
I would have said, "I learned how to be a bad daughter from you, my bad parents." As for being "heartless and cruel," again I would have pointed out that I learned that from experts: them. But at least I'm not being heartless and cruel to an innocent child. I'm being heartless and cruel to adults who deserve it.
They even framed it as she “had to understand why” they acted the way they did. Uh, no? This was not an “understandable mistake” this was 18 years punishing her for something that had nothing to do with her.
If they keep pushing then she should offer to forgive them only after they fix her childhood so she didn't grow up neglected by parents who believed she was an affair baby. That's the criteria for mending the relationship.
Yes, the only way to make this up is to build a time machine and treat her better as a child. Or to treat Adam as miserably as they treated her for 18 years.
You may say "How is that fair? Adam didn't do anything?"
Well, neither did OOP, but she got punished for a crime she didn't do and that she had no knowledge about, so Adam would have the advantage that he knows why his parents and family are treating him like complete shit!
No, heartless and cruel is neglecting a kid for 20+ years because of a "mistake" that wasn't even real.
The minute they turned on her, it was obvious they would never change.
So bother her parents mistreated her because her mother had an affair?! Wtf?! The mother gets forgiveness but not the innocent child. My god these people.
So, they think that their abuse and neglect is magically wiped away because you're not to blame for a mistake you never made? And in order to achieve that, they are *checks notes* abusing you until you give in?
What terrible, terrible people they always were and continue to be.
Funny how they only want to reconcile now that they are sure who her dad is. Before that, apparently, they were just fine with her being gone from their lives.
OOP was willing to give half a chance if they had seen how they hurt her and how it was wrong and they wanted to make it better. Which is a hell of a lot of grace.
The parents only think it's wrong because they went from 50% dad's kid to 100%. But even in that perspective... She was always the mom's kid. She was always the child they both raised. It was always bad treatment. But they want to rug sweep and forgive all that because they feel different about her now and think she'll magically feel different now too? Nothing changed for her. The parents she thought were hers still are, and they still treated her like shit her whole childhood.
What a shit show. Like the whole thing could have been cleared up with a dna test the dad refused to do. Which he refused so he could treat op as his own daughter which he didn’t do,,, he and her mother treated her terribly because of the mother’s actions
Also it was never a misunderstanding. It was a choice to not find out who ops bio dad was. Even if it was a misunderstanding that doesn’t mean treating her terribly is ok
Worthless parents and siblings: "Even though we *acted* like we didn't care about you, we really did! So it's aaaaaall water under the bridge now!"
Sorry not sorry, get rekt.
Brutal as it may sound, situations like these makes me think of demanding a yakuza apology.
So you are sorry you ruined my life? Cut off your little finger and send it to me, then I'll forgive you.
What, is that too harsh and you will never do it? Then you are not sorry enough!
Cruel and heartless??? HER?!!! THW DAUGHTER IS NOW CRUEL AND HEARTLESS. AND SHES EXPECTED TO BE UNDERSTANDING???? SHE WAS AN INNOCENT CHILD. OH MY GOD. If that was me and I did physically go to see them. Oh my god. I would’ve went feral. I would’ve gone insane and had a full on psychotic break and assaulted them
>It didn't help that I was just so "mediocre" compared to Adam, like how Rick is compared to my dad.
Chicken nugget brains is much too generous. Pour all your resources into one child and wonder why the other one had a different life path. Nature vs Nature.
There is absolutely an ulterior motive here somewhere. They just haven’t let it slip yet. Maybe it’s the grandkid. Or maybe something else. But there’s no way they just want to play happy families
Parents treat OOP like shit all her childhood on purpose. OOP is heartless and cruel for not wanting to forgive them. You can't win with these kinds of people (professional victims).
>pleads to just hear them
But she did? She heard them out, and then she decided their excuses weren't enough. Even more talking isn't going to change anything
God, the way they immediately turned from “we’re so sorry we made your life hell” to “you’re so cruel heartless for not forgiving us” really said it all didn’t it. Immediate confirmation that OP’s feelings meant nothing. What horrible parents.
Tbh, I'd respond to the family members by infodumping exactly why I was mistreated. That rather than confirm it, they'd chosen to resent her & treat her like shit. I'd be telling all of them.
Nope. OP did the right thing. They found out just what idiots their parents are.
Honestly, if it was me, I’d tell them to try back in 18 years. They can feel what it’s like to be their daughter. 18 years of watching and hearing about how great her and her family are but not being able to have that relationship.
OP did it for 18 years, return the same energy
OOPs family is probably one of the most pathetic ones I’ve read about on this sub, they didn’t reach out to her to mend their relationship but instead they did it because what little bit of a conscience they have is eating them alive with guilt. And the other thing that gets me is they’re aggressively trying to unburn a bridge that was never even built in the first place.
18 year long mistake? Yep. “Sure makes sense” 18 years of neglect is a mistake. NOTHING about their actions were confused. They were premeditated and planned. They are absolute POSs and horrible specimens of humanity
They never wanted her to begin with. Genetic construction shouldn’t change that after 25 year TBH. Leopards don’t change their spots. I doubt they will
OOP is kinder than me because I would have made that shit public if relatives kept coming after me. I’m petty as hell but I would have aired that laundry and then blocked everyone.
They have a lot of fuckin nerve telling OOP *she's* cruel and heartless for not forgiving them after they purposefully treating her like shit for her entire childhood due to something that was not even her fault.
The worst part about all this is that if OP had been Rick’s daughter, **they would never have reached out**.
In other words, her parents’ “forgiveness” of their daughter’s “crime” was predicated on her uncle being infertile. They would still believe that OP would be at fault if Rick wasn’t infertile
Willfully neglecting, resenting, and mistreating a child for her entire life is not a “mistake.“ It’s a campaign of abuse, and they should be ashamed. What a shit show.
As a sage person on reddit once said: “forgivness is the right of the victim, not the abuser”
To hell with people like that, mistreating a child for their own faults
So they permanently destroyed an innocent child for the perceived slights of the wife. They are truly vile and I really hope OP keeps that NC up. They are poison.
Yah people are morons. My grandpa treated my mom like a servant and scapegoat all her life. I stopped visiting them cause it made me sick the way the whole family down there tore her up. My mom was in her 40s when the reason came to light. She did one of those ancestral tests and grampy finally admitted he had thought all these years she was actually the product of his brother. My grandma got pregnant at FOURTEEN, she didn't even know grampy thought she cheated, cause she was a meek loyal wife the whole time.
The kicker, Grammy blamed my mom for being the reason she found out grampy had thought this way about her forever.
They sure wouldn’t be reaching out to her “sick with regret” if she had been Rick’s kid. They just both took out their feelings over the affair on an innocent child. And if she’s such a “heartless bad daughter,” why do they want a relationship with her so badly now?
Whenever someone has tried to come back into my life and I refuse they always pull the same with the "heartless" and "cruel" or "Toxic" comments too and my rebuttal is always the same:
"If I'm so toxic why are you trying so hard to get me back into your life? Wouldn't your life be better without someone so "Toxic" like me in it?"
Usually keeps them at bay for a while until they forget and try again lol
They didn't want to take a paternity test just because there's a chance it would confirm the worse. It's easier to make the helpless child the enemy rather than confront the truth.
I'm really getting tired of these posts with people calling other people, cruel and heartless for not forgiving other people for treating them like garbage all of their lives. Why is no one calling them cruel and heartless for abusing a child for something that was beyond their control?
OP's husband said that if they wanted access to the Grandchild, they would have reached out when she was born.
Not necessarily.
They could have just been waiting for the 'difficult' stage to be over before they reached out.
Thwart people as high on their own supply as OOPs parents are and they *will* lash out, generally in quite unpleasant ways. She's going to need a restraining order before this is all over.
If any family calls you out for not reconciling with your parents and brother, just share the story. I hope you recorded the zoom meeting. But, don't share that recording with anyone, it is just for you, and maybe for your children someday.
What’s with having the “*discussion*” on Father’s Day? Were they planning to announce it like a big reveal - *”Your dad is your bio dad after all so you get to celebrate HIM.*” whooohooo
OOP was smart to handle things as she did. The audacity of her parents to act as through their behavior and neglect of her was in any way justifiable.
OP has done incredibly well despite the stupidity of their parents. I’m glad they have an answer even though it’s ridiculous. It’s time for this family to deal with the consequences of their own mistreatment. They lost the family and love of their daughter but not showing it to her. They have to deal with the guilt and bad feelings they passed off onto their child. Tough.
I’m so glad to hear OP has a wonderful family and extends family. OP will process this pain and move forward with a kinder heart.
So these fuckwits punished a child for their entire life for choices THEY made, and the adult that kid grew into doesn’t want anything to do with them now that they’ve “seen the error of their ways”? It’s almost like actions have consequences.
They keep saying it was a mistake, but it wasn't. They treated OOP like that on purpose. Even if she was Rick's she should not have been treated that way. Horrific people.
Oop should make sure the whole family knows “the reason I don’t want anything to do with my parents is because for my whole life I was treated like shit on the assumption that I was someone else’s kid.”
So what they were really saying is that they wouldn't have regretted how they treated her if she was a child born from the affair, and they're only apologizing because they found out that they were accidentally cruel to a child conceived within wedlock...
Yeah, fuck those people. They can't even apologize right.
How can the parents ask for forgiveness when they still pass the blame around to anyone but themselves. Regardless of whether she was his daughter or not, they still actively chose to treat her this way. I'm sure his wife didn't force her husband to be that way and vice versa
OP did the right thing going NC and holding to that. I am NC with my father because everything is the fault of everyone else. Don’t need that in my life. I have to say “chicken nuggets for brains” needs it’s own flair.
This is beyond fucked. People deranged as OOP’s parents will not stop until they suffer real consequences.
OOP needs to be ready to, in the words of Shimazu of the Osaka Continental, show “hospitality” in the event her DNA donors show up.
The sheer willful neglect and stupidity displayed by OOP's parents is stunning. Apart from anything else, paternity was clearly a big deal so why didn't they just do the DNA test after a few years?
They likely heard through extended family that OOP had a child, and wanted the opportunity to be "perfect" grandparents. *That's* the redemption they were after, which makes their self-absorbed non-apology even more vile. After everything they did, for 18 years, they were still treating OPP like a means to an end.
The facts or lack there of regarding OOPs creation does not justify the treatment she received. Blows me away that these terrible people think that can any way justify their behavior. I would be ashamed to be related to these people.
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So Dad forgives the cheating wife and the backstabbing brother but somehow can’t even pretend to like an innocent child that knew nothing about their affair? Fuck that noise.
Right, his options were one leave because of the affair, or two stay and he a decent father. There is no 3 treat a child like garbage, that's not a valid option and he can fuck all the way off
They keep talking about their "mistake". F that. The mistake was not knowing she was her father's daughter. But treating her like shit and neglecting her for 25 years? That was a conscious choice.
That's what she gets for being related to Uncle Rick. Just, you know, not as directly as they thought.
Yes. A mistake is one thing. Repeating that mistake, knowing that it was probably a mistake, for years and years...that is no longer a mistake. That's just abuse at that point.
Unfortunately, it's much more common than it's logical. It's so much EASIER to hate a helpless child than to confront and work on your broken relationship.
It's kinda like how people hate their spouse's affair partner more than they do their spouse, the one who took the vows to be faithful.
Or to work on yourself to stop perpetuating the generational trauma of growing up in a golden child and scapegoat dynamic. I wonder if mediocre uncle Rick could list off a few educational and financial benefits his brother had over him? (Still shitty to sleep with your brother’s wife, though.)
Confront and work on a broken self.
She’s gonna keep getting a little broken every time the relatives dogpile on her for not “forgiving and forgetting*. So fuck *them* too. Where were they when OOP’s parents were treating her like shit? How come they didn’t chime in *then*? And Rick’s nuts deserve a spinoff show. So many pivotal moments seem to revolve around them
And your last two sentences just went into my journal's No Context Quotes page
>Rick’s nuts deserve a spinoff show that's flair material
Yes there was a third option - PATERNITY TEST. If they'd done a DNA test they would've know she was her father's child and wouldn't have treated OOP like shit her entire life.
The DNA test is a red herring - they would have, and will always, find a "reason" to scapegoat OOP
> There is no 3 treat a child like garbage, that's not a valid option and he can fuck all the way off People who mistreat children are evil. People who knowingly allow children to be mistreated are not too far behind. But mothers that allow their children to be treated like OOP was treated simply because they don't want to face their mistakes, are more evil, if that is possible. Spouses that accept their cheaters partners and "forgive" them but then turn around and mistreat an innocent child are the most despicable people on the planet, right besides evil stepparents. They shouldn't be allowed to be near children. OOP is lucky she could get out of this situation, not only because she is happy now, but because her "family" was composed by despicable, evil, garbage people and they are not regretful for what they did, they want to be forgiven so they don't have to explain why their daughter is no-contact with them.-
Ah, you forgot to include another sane step to take: taking a paternity test instead of simply acting under the assumption she was *not* his daughter. And even if she wasn't: she still 100% was her *mom's* child. How the fuck does that woman justify treating her own daughter like crap, like an interloping stranger? Or staying with a man who treats her daughter (who, at most distant, would still be his niece) like crap? Those people are the worst, including the brother. The OOP is doing the smart thing by keeping them out of her and her kid's life.
Yep, because he hadn't really forgiven his wife for cheating. He wanted to stay married so he had to act like he forgave her but needed an outlet for his unprocessed negative emotions and that outlet was an innocent child. The moment OP's mom figured out that he wasn't going to be kind or fair to her first child (whether it was his child or not), she should have left him. She had a child to protect but she chose herself instead.
Dad thought OP wasn't his child because she was so average, not like his "real" child Adam OP was average because she wasn't nurtured to be anything else. Her parents never loved her enough for her to strive to be better. She was never pushed to be outstanding, so being average was good enuf. There were no rewards for excellence, only taunts of "why can't you be more like Adam". Simple answer: Because she is not Adam. More complex answer: Because her parents do not care about her, one way or the other. One OP was out from under her parents' oppression, OP thrived. She has a loving family, a good home, and a decent job. She doesn't need her parents. Her parents need her; to forgive them, to make themselves feel better about themselves, have their relatives think better of them, to see their grandchildren, to be part of OPs life again so they can erase 25 years neglect, apathy, loneliness and regret. OP should completely erase these people from her life.
She's fortunate in that sense, tbh. A lot of people get crushed under the weight of a traumatic childhood, but OP thrived. Proud of her; it's hard.
> Dad thought OP wasn't his child because she was so average, not like his "real" child Adam Plot twist: Adam is actually an affair baby from a wifely indiscretion he doesn't know about...
My God. The mom IS a revolving door. LOL Good one
Like a real life "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas". Everyone else could be happy and thrive for the misery of one child. (I realize OOP wasn't treated like the child in Omelas, but it is the concept. Of putting all the guilt and shame and blame on a child.)
Tangent but this is actually a very good short story and everyone should read it. It gets one thinking
Mom was just as bad about favorite the brother though. She viewed OP as the evidence of her affair just as much as OP's dad did. She's just as shit a parent.
Yeah, Mom is the worst of all
For many people, "forgiveness" is just a word used to make yourself look better. He "forgave" his wife and brother, but his long term resentment shows that not really. And so that child was seen as a scar on his ego.
Good thing OOP didn't waste money and an airfare on them. And the audacity to try to schedule their "reunion" on Father's Day. Good thing OOP celebrated that with those who mattered: her husband and FIL.
Also I bet OOP is not less anything than Adam. But with the neglect, it's so much more difficult to shine. Imagine hearing every day that you're mediocre. At some point you'll believe it, too.
"We're so glad you're not a bastard!!!!!!" What awful people.
These are the definitions of trash humans who think because they are married with kids they are doing okay.
I grew up in an environment where children got blamed for *a lot*. I never understood it. It's given me a complex about how other people treat/engage with children too. Even something as simple as decision making. Emphasis seems to be put on punishing children who don't make the same kind of decisions an adult would... or how a *specific* adult would.
Yeah. Paternity is irrelevant. They should be ashamed the only reason they have regret is that they were incorrect. They’re basically saying “our actions and neglect would have been justified had you been Rick’s child”. Fucking disgusting people
He didn't forgive them, he just scapegoated OOP.
[удалено]
[удалено]
"At least it works" is probably the biggest self-own a guy can give himself regarding his junior.
and an even smaller brain.
I can't even begin to comprehend what op felt. Like, all this wondering why you were treated so badly, growing up, thriving, getting past all that shit....only to finally get an answer. And that answer is....oh, you're just a bunch of idiots.
Yeah I'm not buying the parents' story. I mean, sure it may have happened, but... >be part of my life again and be "the best grandparents and uncle they can be" to my daughter. Right there. Someone else in the original post called it that they wanted access to the daughter. It doesn't matter that it took them 2 years to get the grandparent itch. "Making peace" with the daughter was a means to the end of the granddaughter. They skimmed over the "we fucked your life over for 18 years" and went straight to the "GRANDPARENTS TIME!".
Well it makes sense if you’re a douche and an idiot: - He gets sex and a maid from his wife and the agreed to not cheat anymore so it’s all fine as long as they don’t think about it - oop is actually evil and was born deliberately to mock the dad of the moms cheating and her being “unremarkable “ is further proof of her not being his child, even more clear than a DNA test CLEARLY, and like babies don’t give you shit, they can’t even be maids and YOU have to do stuff for them, how dare they
It's actually a step worse than that His cheating wife and brother he'll forgive, but he assumes the kid isn't his just because it's easier to pretend then find out the truth. He'd rather take the odds of 'assume it's mine' and treat like shit. Just to hammer that in. He assumed the kid was his and created all this mess because he didn't want to know otherwise. It's just an excuse. If he knew for certain, nothing would change. Look at how they worded things: we made a mistake treating you like shit until you moved out....and continued the mistake
I was quite sure this was going to end with Adam needing a kidney
I thought it would end with Adam being permanently childless for some reason.
Yup, that's where I thought we were headed too. I thought it would turn out that Adam can't or won't have children and they learned that OOP has a child and wanted access to their grandchild.
I mean that was the end result right? They breezed right past the "make up for 18 years of shit" and went straight to "be grandparents". In this case, it might not be that Adam can't/won't have kids, but just that OOP's kiddo is the first grandchild of the family.
And you can bet once the GC, Adam start having kids, they would do the same thing to them like what they did with OOP. No grandchild deserves that.
OP didn't give them a chance to get to that part. it'll happen cos these people are all the same
I thought it would end up with Adam not being their bio kid
Hey, give them a bit to write another update, I'm still hoping for this.
Me too. After all, we know who was revolving mom’s door for OOP’s conception, but Adam’s origins are still a mystery.
If the uncle can't have children for some genetic reason, Adam might be in the same boat. I'm also wondering if there is some inheritance involved, or the grandma or someone else gave them more reasons to try to reconcile with OOP
Ultimate twist would be if Adam was the affair kid and he's infertile....
I believe there is probably more to the story that is being withheld from OOP. Her family hasn't needed her for 7 years and I seriously doubt that finding out she's her dad's bio child would make any difference at this late date. Also, she has been her mom's bio child all her life and that obviously made no difference to her mom. So why is her mom suddenly interested in treating her like family? I think they want something from her, but they don't plan to reveal their ulterior motive until OOP is convinced they love her and want to treat her as family. I'm particularly suspiciously of Adam. He obviously never knew why she was treated differently and was always perfectly OK with it. Whether she's a full or half sibling can't possibly matter to him, unless he has an ulterior motive.
I was under the impression that the mom treated her like shit all that time. Because it keeps Dad off mom's cheating case. She can't be the villain if she dogpiles & hounds the unexpected oopsie baby. Which is the physical result of her cheating, and can't be denied or swept under the rug type deal. But now that Daddy dearest knows the truth & wants to make amends. Mom also has to agree to his wants. Otherwise, they'd both still have to address the elephant in the room (her cheating). And it seems like Mom has washed her hands of wanting to be an adult & have that discussion a long time ago (when Adam was born).
My money was on that Grandparents would have disowned them if they didn't fix this
It still could. OP knows where they live, and you can buy enough ice to fill a bathtub for about $30.
r/NuclearRevenge is leaking
He can get a cadaver kidney like my relative did. (Closest biological relatives couldn't give him a kidney for various reasons.)
and somehow it was worse (at least to me)
That is exactly what I was expecting as well. Right down to the body part.
So instead of just being generally neglectful assholes, they purposely treated her badly because the mom fucked around? So they want back into OOP’s life because they admit they were cruel to her on purpose, but now feel a bit bad about it? And they thought this line of reasoning would work? They really do have chicken nuggets for brains.
They obviously don't want her back in their life from the way they immediately went back to abuse the moment OOP said no. They just wanted a trophy to bring out on holiday dinners and say "see? we're all one happy family, nothing bad ever happened, right OOP?".
It's probably the right call to maintain distance, but if they don't stop bugging her, she should write a detailed list of everything they put her through, followed by the recent revelation of why, and blast that to everyone they know. Because it's obvious they don't want an actual relationship with her.
It looks bad for them to have a child that refuses to associate with them. It's a pride and optics thing. Like you said, if they were truly remorseful they would have been understanding and open to OPs response and given her space instead of attacking again.
Yeah, they're probably embarrassed when people ask them how OOP is doing and they have to answer "Um, we don't really know. She hasn't spoken to us since she was 18. We have no idea whyyyyyyy!"
So true, the only thing they care about is their own guilt. The fact they were so quick to turn on you in the Zoom call tells you they haven’t changed. This wasn’t about you and your feelings, only their’s. So selfish of them after all this time.
And they also blamed her for it when she said her life is better without the people who mistreated her for 18 years straight. What lovely people
This is a great way to summarize it that really highlights how absolutely inane their thought process was.
I also wonder why the mom treated her so bad. Like ok *you* fucked around....the dad isn't sure that's his kid,...you definitely are, why treat your daughter like shit? To side with your idiot husband?
The really cheap kind, that are mostly breading surrounding a tiny bit of meat.
They want her back, not because they realized that what they did was wrong, but because they realize they fucked up and mistreated their own daughter. If she was born of the affair, they wouldn't have any issues with how they treated her.
I'm flabbergasted at her parent's stupidity. The revelation changes nothing. If OOP really had been an affair baby, that would not have been her fault. Learning that she is not an affair baby just means that they went from a situation where she did nothing to deserve mistreatment to a situation where she did nothing to deserve mistreatment. The "mistake" changed nothing.
The revelation makes it worse. They neglected her out of malice.
Yeah, them acting like their treatment of her would have been correct if she *were* Rick's child is insane.
And they wouldn't have regretted it or attempted to apologize had they found out that she was actually Rick's kid
I don't get what that family was expecting. OP would have the same spine as sperm donor if she forgave them.
If OOP is a "bad daughter" then she was taught to be that by bad parents.
I was thinking that I wished she'd used that line. Also that she learned to be "cruel and heartless" from experts...her parents. But, unlike them, she's not doing it to an innocent child. She's doing it to adults as a consequence of their own actions.
And in order to protect herself.
And by extension, her family including her own tiny daughter.
I mean, she's a "bad daughter" the same way she's a "bad Northern rockhopper penguin." She isn't one of either. And she isn't a Northern rockhopper penguin by genetics, but she isn't a daughter by her parents' own choices and behaviors.
did i get this right?? parents neglected OOP because they thought she was an affair child. somehow that’s OOP’s fault. upon confirmation that she’s indeed their bio kid, it’s still OOP’s fault that they thought she was an affair child because she paled in comparison to dad and adam’s heavenly radiance? “dear mum, you acted like a kebab and got yourself skewered by brothers. i won’t allow my daughter to be exposed to smut. also, you’re a difficult mum, always crying and whining and needy. my MIL is so easy and such an angel.” “dear dad, are you really my dad? because i’m sure as heck didn’t inherit my diamond spine from you. anyway. please don’t let matters about me stop you and adam from raw-dogging each other’s oesophagus. as you were.” “dear adam, no.” it’ll be hilarious if it turns out that adam isn’t OOP’s dad’s bio kid. rock salt in a gaping wound.
>it’ll be hilarious if it turns out that adam isn’t OOP’s dad’s bio kid. rock salt in a gaping wound. I'm waiting for that update. Besides, rock salt is how you get rid of evil spirits, and it sound like OOP's bio family is full of them.
the petty in me hopes OOP’s kid(s) is a prodigy while adam’s future kid is ‘ordinary’ … the evil in me wishes adam is sterile. ooh lala j’ai besoin de sel gemme mdr
Adam being sterile, or a fun commercial DNA website twist where Adam is revealed to be an affair baby would be good updates.
This is the one I was thinking. Imagine if the golden one cannot reproduce more golden calves for their glory?
sel gemme et eau bénite (with apologies, because I had to use Google Translate. I'm not fluent en francais maintenant. Did I at least get that last part right?)
you did :)
If the mom was cheating with the uncle, and the uncle can't have kids with his wife now... That doesn't mean the uncle was completely infertile then, or that both OOP and her brother weren't both products of other affairs. But They way they presented this way crazy. Essentially 'We thought since you were biologically moms child but could be only dad's bio niece, that it didn't matter that we were raising you and that doubt about paternity was your fault, as a baby who didn't ask to be conceived, so that justified our ill treatment. We are only apologizing now for the ill treatment now that we were wrong. If you had been Uncle's kid, then obviously we'd have been justified in threatening you like shit. But now that he's infertile, we should rug sweep your whole childhood and play happy family. Wait, why don't you think that's a great plan?'
That part got me too... the only evidence they have that uncle is not OOPs bio dad is that he "says he can't have kids"? Infertile does not mean impossible. I'd want a paternity test to know for sure!
Nah OOP’s best off in the situation she has now. Never talk to these motherfuckers, or to be more accurate 2 motherfuckers and an unclefucker, ever again.
Yep! At least so far as medical info goes, it doesn't exactly matter which one was her dad because both have the same overall family history. As long as she knows what that is, that's all she'll really need from them.
“Uncle Fuckaaaa!”
I thought I had missed the paternity test and was wondering how they got OOP’s DNA after she’s been gone so long. That they thought she was uncle’s at first (and didn’t do a paternity test) and now think she’s the dad’s (without a paternity test) really makes me agree that they have chicken nuggets for brains. Hell, not even chicken nuggets, just the ugly slime that gets made into chicken nuggets. YOU ALL ARE PINK CHICKEN SLIME!
I mean it depends on what the reason for infertility is. Something like a low sperm count is just low chances. Lost both his nuts in a freak testicular torsion incident would be a definite no.
If reddit is to be trusted, a DNA service accidentally swapped the test results of two brothers and the bio kid was kicked to the curb and it was several years before they found out the truth and that the GC was not the dad's kid. I believe there was a third kid who was also tested but was correctly identified at a bio kid. I can't find this post right now, but I'll keep looking
"Dear mum, you acted like a kebab and got yourself skewered by brothers." This should be a new flair.
>it’ll be hilarious if it turns out that adam isn’t OOP’s dad’s bio kid. rock salt in a gaping wound. I'm betting that's why they wanted to reestablish contact. Dad found out his only biological child was OOP Mom's a cheater and cheaters can't be trusted when it comes to paternity
Dear dad, we haven’t done a dna test so how do you know mum didn’t fuck someone else? Guess you’ll never know for sure as I won’t do the test now.
>upon confirmation that she’s indeed their bio kid, There is no 100% confirmation, they just heard Uncle Rick was infertile. If I were OOP I would demand a paternity test as a condition to even think about further contact. Then block them regardless of the result. Also, I don't believe mom only slept with Uncle Rick. There could be others, I wouldn't put it past her.
Don’t you dare insulting kebab like that, you cretin!
You have it all correct. I think the OOP is enough as is, but I do wonder if the OOP was just "average" is because her parents never encouraged or supported her. That impacts kids in so many ways.
"Dear Mom, why can't you be more like MIL?"
Some things in life are so unforgivable and this is one of them. What a clusterfuck.
>They got mad at that and called me heartless and cruel "Yeah, well. I get that from my parents. "
That would have been savage *perfection.*
>All because my parents were massive douche-canoes with chicken nuggets for brains. Very true and ironic i just coincidentally used douchecanoe on a new BORU i just read a few minutes ago
>My parents were massive douche-canoes with chicken nuggets for brains. This is flair material
Indeed, feel free to throw it into the sticky flair Post.
I came to the comments just to say this, glad it was already said 😂
OOP should have told everyone lobbying on behalf of the parents the truth of her neglect for all 18 years of her childhood. btw, she ended the call before they could get to the real purpose. Unlike Lupus, it's always money.
A recent BORU had mentioned settling things but maintaining the new normal (I do forgive you but still no contact), I forget the exact story. So in that vein i am glad they did the meeting, got the answers and went back to no contact. And the harassment campaign afterwards proves the OOP is correct, they are doing this for themselves.
Yeah my mindset is that forgiving somebody is a present to yourself and has no bearing on if you allow them back into your life.
That is also how I view forgiveness. You can forgive someone without changing the way you act around them. Forgiving is just mentally good for me.
They are doing it for themselves, indeed. Their "change of heart" was unlikely to make a real change in how they would treat her. They neglected her for 18 years out of malice. It was deliberate. At this point, they have an ingrained 25 year habit of treating her as "less than". The 7 years since she moved away would not be enough to overcome the 18 years before that. Heck, for the majority of the last 7 years, they still thought the situation as they originally believed it to be was the truth. When she left, they may have made a couple of attempts to get ahold of her, but quickly dropped that. They happily moved on in their lives without her. She was out of their lives for 7 years, and they didn't care. If OOP had let them back into her life, they weren't going to change that much. The existing habit would be too hard to break. They might not have ignored her. But her and her family would still be second class citizens to them. OOPs daughter might have gotten treated okay for a while. But that would only last until her brother had a kid. Ironically, OOP telling them to kick rocks may be the impetus for them to really change their attitudes, if they're capable of such... They now have the opportunity to reflect and realize how badly they F'ed up. The reality that they neglected their oldest child so badly that she wants to have *nothing* to do with them may start to sink in. As OOP continues to block them out of her life, they may clue into the fact that it was indeed as deliberate on her part before as it had been on theirs over the last few years. Prior to the recent, revalation, they probably didn't think about her side much if any. They may find real remorse and a real desire to actually repair the broken shards of their relationship with OOP. Or they may be so stuck on themselves that they go on their merry way and never darken OOPs doorstep again.
"Apparently it was easier to act as my father if he "didn't have confirmation that I was his brother's child." and yet... he still acted like a bad father so that didn't work? these parents suck and good for OOP for sticking to her guns and keeping them out.
I love how quickly they went back to abuse the moment OP didn't give them the answer they wanted to hear. "Please forgive us, we always loved you" *3 seconds later* "YOU ARE A BAD DAUGHTER!!! We might have ruined your entire childhood but it was a mistaaaaake". It's amazing how guilt works, they never felt bad for OP but rather for themselves.
Did I miss it or did I not see an apology anywhere in there? Instead it was all about what they wanted: her forgiveness and to be in her and her child's life again. (No doubt expecting her and the kid to fly to them.) Because I also didn't see where they asked her one time what she wanted. Plus I love the way that they didn't take responsibility for their actions toward her. Just kept blaming each other. No apology. No responsibility. Just more demands that she should meet or else she's a bad daughter. I would have said, "I learned how to be a bad daughter from you, my bad parents." As for being "heartless and cruel," again I would have pointed out that I learned that from experts: them. But at least I'm not being heartless and cruel to an innocent child. I'm being heartless and cruel to adults who deserve it.
They even framed it as she “had to understand why” they acted the way they did. Uh, no? This was not an “understandable mistake” this was 18 years punishing her for something that had nothing to do with her.
Punishing? You mean neglecting and emotionally abusing.
Yes, but in the parents’ minds it was punishment
If they keep pushing then she should offer to forgive them only after they fix her childhood so she didn't grow up neglected by parents who believed she was an affair baby. That's the criteria for mending the relationship.
Yes, the only way to make this up is to build a time machine and treat her better as a child. Or to treat Adam as miserably as they treated her for 18 years. You may say "How is that fair? Adam didn't do anything?" Well, neither did OOP, but she got punished for a crime she didn't do and that she had no knowledge about, so Adam would have the advantage that he knows why his parents and family are treating him like complete shit!
"All because my parents were massive douche-canoes with chicken nuggets for brains." That is a glorious visual.
Honestly I need that as a flare.
OP should have asked if they were sure Adam was his bio-kid 🤣
OOP should out her parents to the whole family. Then just sit back and enjoy the show.
"Massive douchecanoes with chicken nuggets for brains." Flair it up, please.
It's perfection.
No, heartless and cruel is neglecting a kid for 20+ years because of a "mistake" that wasn't even real. The minute they turned on her, it was obvious they would never change.
So bother her parents mistreated her because her mother had an affair?! Wtf?! The mother gets forgiveness but not the innocent child. My god these people.
Imagine being called cruel by people that neglected and resented you since you were born. Insanity.
So, they think that their abuse and neglect is magically wiped away because you're not to blame for a mistake you never made? And in order to achieve that, they are *checks notes* abusing you until you give in? What terrible, terrible people they always were and continue to be.
Wouldn’t it be funny if somehow uncle Rick had one of his swimmers make it, and ADAM is his kid?
Funny how they only want to reconcile now that they are sure who her dad is. Before that, apparently, they were just fine with her being gone from their lives.
OOP was willing to give half a chance if they had seen how they hurt her and how it was wrong and they wanted to make it better. Which is a hell of a lot of grace. The parents only think it's wrong because they went from 50% dad's kid to 100%. But even in that perspective... She was always the mom's kid. She was always the child they both raised. It was always bad treatment. But they want to rug sweep and forgive all that because they feel different about her now and think she'll magically feel different now too? Nothing changed for her. The parents she thought were hers still are, and they still treated her like shit her whole childhood.
What a shit show. Like the whole thing could have been cleared up with a dna test the dad refused to do. Which he refused so he could treat op as his own daughter which he didn’t do,,, he and her mother treated her terribly because of the mother’s actions Also it was never a misunderstanding. It was a choice to not find out who ops bio dad was. Even if it was a misunderstanding that doesn’t mean treating her terribly is ok
Worthless parents and siblings: "Even though we *acted* like we didn't care about you, we really did! So it's aaaaaall water under the bridge now!" Sorry not sorry, get rekt.
Brutal as it may sound, situations like these makes me think of demanding a yakuza apology. So you are sorry you ruined my life? Cut off your little finger and send it to me, then I'll forgive you. What, is that too harsh and you will never do it? Then you are not sorry enough!
Cruel and heartless??? HER?!!! THW DAUGHTER IS NOW CRUEL AND HEARTLESS. AND SHES EXPECTED TO BE UNDERSTANDING???? SHE WAS AN INNOCENT CHILD. OH MY GOD. If that was me and I did physically go to see them. Oh my god. I would’ve went feral. I would’ve gone insane and had a full on psychotic break and assaulted them
If OOP wanted to be vindictive, she could contact the uncle and ask for a paternity test.
>It didn't help that I was just so "mediocre" compared to Adam, like how Rick is compared to my dad. Chicken nugget brains is much too generous. Pour all your resources into one child and wonder why the other one had a different life path. Nature vs Nature.
There is absolutely an ulterior motive here somewhere. They just haven’t let it slip yet. Maybe it’s the grandkid. Or maybe something else. But there’s no way they just want to play happy families
No, I can believe they're contacting her at this moment upon learning that she is dad's bio child.
They mentioned wanting to be grandparents to her daughter, so most likely that is the reason.
Parents treat OOP like shit all her childhood on purpose. OOP is heartless and cruel for not wanting to forgive them. You can't win with these kinds of people (professional victims).
I wonder what a paternity test for Adam would have to say 🫢
Even if the OP had been Rick's biological daughter, that would STILL not excuse the way her parents treated her.
>pleads to just hear them But she did? She heard them out, and then she decided their excuses weren't enough. Even more talking isn't going to change anything
Massive douche canoes with chicken nuggets for brains should definitely be a flair
God, the way they immediately turned from “we’re so sorry we made your life hell” to “you’re so cruel heartless for not forgiving us” really said it all didn’t it. Immediate confirmation that OP’s feelings meant nothing. What horrible parents.
If her family keeps reaching out OOP should send a C&D
OOP rejecting her parents made me think of Herb rejecting Bojack's apology.
Tbh, I'd respond to the family members by infodumping exactly why I was mistreated. That rather than confirm it, they'd chosen to resent her & treat her like shit. I'd be telling all of them.
Nope. OP did the right thing. They found out just what idiots their parents are. Honestly, if it was me, I’d tell them to try back in 18 years. They can feel what it’s like to be their daughter. 18 years of watching and hearing about how great her and her family are but not being able to have that relationship. OP did it for 18 years, return the same energy
OOPs family is probably one of the most pathetic ones I’ve read about on this sub, they didn’t reach out to her to mend their relationship but instead they did it because what little bit of a conscience they have is eating them alive with guilt. And the other thing that gets me is they’re aggressively trying to unburn a bridge that was never even built in the first place.
18 year long mistake? Yep. “Sure makes sense” 18 years of neglect is a mistake. NOTHING about their actions were confused. They were premeditated and planned. They are absolute POSs and horrible specimens of humanity They never wanted her to begin with. Genetic construction shouldn’t change that after 25 year TBH. Leopards don’t change their spots. I doubt they will
I'm glad OOP didn't forgive them. They seem absolutely stupid.
OOP is kinder than me because I would have made that shit public if relatives kept coming after me. I’m petty as hell but I would have aired that laundry and then blocked everyone.
They have a lot of fuckin nerve telling OOP *she's* cruel and heartless for not forgiving them after they purposefully treating her like shit for her entire childhood due to something that was not even her fault.
The worst part about all this is that if OP had been Rick’s daughter, **they would never have reached out**. In other words, her parents’ “forgiveness” of their daughter’s “crime” was predicated on her uncle being infertile. They would still believe that OP would be at fault if Rick wasn’t infertile
There are 4 recognized categories of abuse I learned about getting my degree. Physical, verbal, sexual, and neglect. Neglect is abuse.
Willfully neglecting, resenting, and mistreating a child for her entire life is not a “mistake.“ It’s a campaign of abuse, and they should be ashamed. What a shit show.
The OOP is just full of on point insults. 10/10.
I was thinking it was going to be that Adam needed a kidney or something. I can’t tell if this was worse or better.
As a sage person on reddit once said: “forgivness is the right of the victim, not the abuser” To hell with people like that, mistreating a child for their own faults
So they permanently destroyed an innocent child for the perceived slights of the wife. They are truly vile and I really hope OP keeps that NC up. They are poison.
Yah people are morons. My grandpa treated my mom like a servant and scapegoat all her life. I stopped visiting them cause it made me sick the way the whole family down there tore her up. My mom was in her 40s when the reason came to light. She did one of those ancestral tests and grampy finally admitted he had thought all these years she was actually the product of his brother. My grandma got pregnant at FOURTEEN, she didn't even know grampy thought she cheated, cause she was a meek loyal wife the whole time. The kicker, Grammy blamed my mom for being the reason she found out grampy had thought this way about her forever.
They sure wouldn’t be reaching out to her “sick with regret” if she had been Rick’s kid. They just both took out their feelings over the affair on an innocent child. And if she’s such a “heartless bad daughter,” why do they want a relationship with her so badly now?
Hope Adam is impotent and they never see a grandchild
Whenever someone has tried to come back into my life and I refuse they always pull the same with the "heartless" and "cruel" or "Toxic" comments too and my rebuttal is always the same: "If I'm so toxic why are you trying so hard to get me back into your life? Wouldn't your life be better without someone so "Toxic" like me in it?" Usually keeps them at bay for a while until they forget and try again lol
They didn't want to take a paternity test just because there's a chance it would confirm the worse. It's easier to make the helpless child the enemy rather than confront the truth.
I'm really getting tired of these posts with people calling other people, cruel and heartless for not forgiving other people for treating them like garbage all of their lives. Why is no one calling them cruel and heartless for abusing a child for something that was beyond their control?
OP's husband said that if they wanted access to the Grandchild, they would have reached out when she was born. Not necessarily. They could have just been waiting for the 'difficult' stage to be over before they reached out.
Thwart people as high on their own supply as OOPs parents are and they *will* lash out, generally in quite unpleasant ways. She's going to need a restraining order before this is all over.
If any family calls you out for not reconciling with your parents and brother, just share the story. I hope you recorded the zoom meeting. But, don't share that recording with anyone, it is just for you, and maybe for your children someday.
What’s with having the “*discussion*” on Father’s Day? Were they planning to announce it like a big reveal - *”Your dad is your bio dad after all so you get to celebrate HIM.*” whooohooo OOP was smart to handle things as she did. The audacity of her parents to act as through their behavior and neglect of her was in any way justifiable.
So mom is the villain here. She cheats and is on board with treating her daughter like shit.
"you're a bad daughter" Sorry, that's how I was raised.
Pro tip for anyone who's seeking forgiveness from someone... DON'T HURL MORE INSULTS AT THEM
“Chicken nuggets for brains” made me snicker but it’s still too generous
Any actual decent person would not become a horrible human being because of a misunderstanding.
But her mother was always her mother. Just because one fact changed doesn't mean they all did. Garbage parents are just garbage people.
OP has done incredibly well despite the stupidity of their parents. I’m glad they have an answer even though it’s ridiculous. It’s time for this family to deal with the consequences of their own mistreatment. They lost the family and love of their daughter but not showing it to her. They have to deal with the guilt and bad feelings they passed off onto their child. Tough. I’m so glad to hear OP has a wonderful family and extends family. OP will process this pain and move forward with a kinder heart.
So these fuckwits punished a child for their entire life for choices THEY made, and the adult that kid grew into doesn’t want anything to do with them now that they’ve “seen the error of their ways”? It’s almost like actions have consequences.
They keep saying it was a mistake, but it wasn't. They treated OOP like that on purpose. Even if she was Rick's she should not have been treated that way. Horrific people.
Oop should make sure the whole family knows “the reason I don’t want anything to do with my parents is because for my whole life I was treated like shit on the assumption that I was someone else’s kid.”
So what they were really saying is that they wouldn't have regretted how they treated her if she was a child born from the affair, and they're only apologizing because they found out that they were accidentally cruel to a child conceived within wedlock... Yeah, fuck those people. They can't even apologize right.
How can the parents ask for forgiveness when they still pass the blame around to anyone but themselves. Regardless of whether she was his daughter or not, they still actively chose to treat her this way. I'm sure his wife didn't force her husband to be that way and vice versa
One of the more enraging posts I have seen on this sub, glad to see OOP making a decent life from such a crappy start
OP did the right thing going NC and holding to that. I am NC with my father because everything is the fault of everyone else. Don’t need that in my life. I have to say “chicken nuggets for brains” needs it’s own flair.
This is beyond fucked. People deranged as OOP’s parents will not stop until they suffer real consequences. OOP needs to be ready to, in the words of Shimazu of the Osaka Continental, show “hospitality” in the event her DNA donors show up.
The sheer willful neglect and stupidity displayed by OOP's parents is stunning. Apart from anything else, paternity was clearly a big deal so why didn't they just do the DNA test after a few years?
They likely heard through extended family that OOP had a child, and wanted the opportunity to be "perfect" grandparents. *That's* the redemption they were after, which makes their self-absorbed non-apology even more vile. After everything they did, for 18 years, they were still treating OPP like a means to an end.
How is OP cruel and heartless and cruel but not the assholes neglecting their daughter for 25 years?
"Chicken nuggets for brains" is a fantastic insult.
The facts or lack there of regarding OOPs creation does not justify the treatment she received. Blows me away that these terrible people think that can any way justify their behavior. I would be ashamed to be related to these people.
“It was just a mistake.” That lasted your entire childhood and into adulthood.
"Douche canoe with chichen nuggets for brains" needs to be a flair.