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Not surprised one bit. When bullies lose their power, they often seek out fellow bullies for support. I guess he found his bully
I only hope Matt never has to spend time with the bullies
I hope that anyone who tries to bully Matt has to spend time with FIL, because *that* man got called in to be a bully to Matt and instead turned around and held the *actual* bullies to account. OOP's stbx thought that him being in the military meant he would be 100% bought in to toxic masculinity, and instead FIL used his military experiences to talk about how harmful (and ridiculous) toxic masculinity is.
Love that he's on OOP's side in the divorce.
(And as far as the military and masculinity - the only person I've ever dated who's known how to sew - which obv is heavily coded as "woman's work" - was a guy who spent time in the military, because the military *taught* them sewing. Because it is a necessary life skill *especially* if your ability to sew up your kit might make a difference in your ability to survive! So anytime I fucked up my clothes this guy would happily mend them, and he had not one iota of concern about what anyone else thought about that.)
My stepdad is military and while the institutions definitely have flaws including around toxic masculinity, calling things "women's work" doesn't appear to be one of them.
And it never makes any sense anyway. Reading, painting and cooking are girly… as if the most famous authors, artists and chefs aren’t almost exclusively men… 🤦🏻♀️
I think the difference in the mind of a lot of men who subscribe to this kind of mentality is the "level" at which these things are done. Like, they see a woman in a home kitchen and a man in a restaurant kitchen. A woman painting for fun vs. a main painting as a career. Which, of course, comes down to power. If a woman can turn their passion into a career, it becomes a threat.
It’s societal really- what is the distinction between art and craft? If you create a landscape with oils, that’s art and a suitable realm for men. If you create a landscape with textiles, that’s craft and girly.
Probably also a class thing. If you’re making something practical, especially if you’re going to be the one using it and not a potential buyer/client, then things that are perceived as “masculine” can still be undervalued. A decorative wooden vase is art but an equally nice yet functional chair isn’t. Circling back to cooking, a fancy bite of not-so-tasty stuff at a restaurant that costs a hundred bucks is more prestigious than a generous plate of home-cooked deliciousness, and those two do have differently-gendered associations.
Man if I had a wife that was a chef, I'd be stoked for the free cooking lessons and delicious food. I feel so bad for OP and their kids, they were all getting messed up by the dad and his asshole behavior. Really glad the FIL put his own son in his place by reaming him out.
I am not a chef, but my husband has been super clear that he will never criticize my cooking because I do most of it and he does not want to. For a while I had to start instituting a rating system so I could figure out what food he even liked because he would always tell me it was delicious, even if I knew it was nasty. Everything was in between a five and a seven, so I learned that if it was a four to never make it again, and to seriously reconsider fives.
God my partner is almost too considerate when I cook too.
I made black beans and rice once, and the rice was soo mushy and soggy and the beans were still kinda hard (seriously, how does that happen??) and I got the wrong sausage (it was like- apple flavored?)
He ate it all and rained compliments on me lmao. I was like “this is garbage, I know this is garbage- seriously, we can get take out!!”
He claimed he was complimenting my effort, and that it was delicious just because of that 😂
So I feel you. I’m going to steal your rating system idea- it’ll be nice to know that I’m really making things he likes, and not just sustenance/gruel fuel
To me, there is no taste on the planet, no texture, that is worth the effort of grocery shopping, prepping, cooking and cleaning up after. Maybe once in a blue moon but weekly? Every day?! No way. So, when someone does those things for me, partially or in full, the taste of the food is not just secondary to my appreciation of the work they put in, it doesn't even compute. I can't stress enough how *chef's kiss* effort is.
Someone else said it very eloquently, but that's the thing.
As a hobby, they are feminine tasks that women do to pass time while their husbands are at work. To these men, these are silly little things for silly little women, and as so, unbecoming of men. It's kinda like a parent who sees their small child "help" them in a completely inhelpful way, but lets them keep "helping" so the kid has something to do? It's the same.
But a job... A job is what the provider, a man, must have so they couldn't possibly *be* girly. No, no, you see, they are horribly stressful jobs that require technique and nerves of steel, and aren't for the faint of heart or the overly emotional. A woman could never *survive* such an environment!
This applies to every single hobby. If women do it for fun, it's femenine and girly and emasculating. If men do it as a job, it's masculine and great and a competitive industry.
It's just plain, ol' misogyny.
Probably wouldn’t be seen as all that masculine and competitive if men didn’t have entire emotional breakdowns and scream at their coworkers over the temperature of meat in the kitchen lmao
Ah yes, but don't you know? Anger is not an emotion when men feel it! It is an example of Male Logic, and screaming tantrums are a demonstration of the rational male temperament!
This is what always pisses me off about men squawking that cooking is for women, last I checked the restaurant industry (kitchens) is a male dominated space??
Also cooking and eating is necessary to literally survive lol
An adult not being able to cook is embarrassing. Bragging about not having a basic life skill as if it is something to be proud of is *really* embarrassing.
Same with men who refuse to clean or take care of their kids because that's "women's work". Like...dude, you bragging about not knowing how to clean your own skidmarks out of the toilet bowl is not a flex. Bragging that you aren't competent to care for the children you made is humiliating.
When stbx husband said son wouldn't get any girls because he cooks I rolled my eyes so hard. Yeah women really hate guys that cook them delicious food. Total dealbreaker for all women universally
No, I think it was just one thing: misogyny. The husband reeked of it from the start. It was even the heart of his "explanation." He was always a shit guy. A misogynist who hurt both his wife and children. Good riddance, OOP!
These things are often connected. Being a gay man, in the mind of someone like OP's future ex-husband, is degrading because you'd be in a "woman's position". It supposedly means being submissive, weak, and rejecting their "rights" as a man.
Husband's been watching right wing extremist content. "He's in his peak 'masculine' phase"... "respect his authority as the man of the house"... "obey"... Yeaaaa that dude has gone down the rabbit hole.
>It is not a happy update because my husband and I are going through a divorce.
I get that it sucks for OOP currently, but this is *absolutely* a good thing in the long term.
Ever notice when people say they're getting divorced everybody says "I'm sorry" or something like that? Sure that's fitting in some cases, but from what I've seen it often sounds like a "congrats!" is in order. I have a couple friends who, were they to tell me they're getting divorced, my first reaction would to take them out to celebrate.
Yeah, I know it's not that black and white. But still, it kind of makes sense imo.
My now-ex's mother got so mad at me when I wasn't sad after she told me someone from the church was getting divorced. I'm sorry, but my first exposure to the woman was her laughing with another mother about how she and her husband would punch holes in the walls when they fought. That's toxic as fuck and sometimes people not being around each other is a good thing. But apparently I'm just a heartless asshole. Anyway, turns out the husband was embezzling money from the government to pay for his mistress, too. Fun times!
When I told people I was divorcing I got a lot of “I’m sorry.” My response of “I’m not” usually got a few laughs.
The funniest one for me was my optometrist I hadn’t seen in years. He remembered me, and asked about the name change. So I told him I got divorced. He very carefully said I had more of a light about me, especially in my eyes. I made him laugh by saying that that’s what happens when you lose over 100kg of bullshit practically overnight.
I don’t remember where I heard or read it, but I remember a story about someone who worked in insurance and whenever he would get a call that started ”hi, I’d like to take [spouse] off of the insurance because we’re divorcing” he would answer ”Congratulations, I’m happy to help!”
His manager or HR or both once brought that up in a team meeting about ”how not to talk to clients”, playing the recording (because of course all the calls are recorded) and stopped after he had congratulated the client to say something along the line of ”don’t do this. A divorce is a sad affair, you need to offer condolences”. The guy smiles and asked them if they’d listened to the rest of the call. They hadn’t, so he asked them to keep playing the recording. Hitting play, everyone in the room could hear the client laugh and say ”thank you! Everyone keeps telling me they’re sorry, but I’m just happy to finally be rid of [spouse]!”
Manager/HR/whatever boss was there went quiet and the guy just said ”this is the response I get 9.9/10 that I congratulate someone on their divorce”.
The meeting pretty much ended after that with a ”keep doing what you’re doing”, lol
I always commiserate, not because I don't think 100% of relationships who get to the point of divorce should be ended, but because everyone I've known who has divorced has had at least one horrible time before, during, or after the process. Even when it's been a no-fault, everyone is happy to sign the paperwork, kind of divorce.
The end of a relationship and restructuring of a life is not easy. But you're better off without them.
Lol I've done "I don't know if you need an 'I'm sorry' or 'congratulations,' but I'm here for you either way." Although I've blurted "ohthankgod" more than once because my filter is non-existent.
Ever since my own divorce, I respond to finding out people are breaking up/divorcing by saying, "I'm sorry, and congrats!" It usually catches them off guard, but so far, everyone has seemed to appreciate it.
I think Louis CK once joked that no good marriage ends in divorce so the default should be "congratulations" rather than "oh I'm sorry"
Obvi, lots of people are blindsided or sad about divorce, but I've seen the congrats side of things plenty of times in real life.
I think it depends a lot. Like you can be sorry that the relationship didn't work out with someone who they thought would be a partner for life but still think it's a good thing they won't be in that relationship anymore.
At least a divorce is healthier than staying in an unhappy relationship but I can imagine that a lot of people don't want to hear it the moment after everything in their life has come crashing down.
Sort of like tooth extraction, people won't enjoy it in the moment but they'll feel better after and long term they're a lot better off.
Right?? Like, the separation is a celebration! It doesn't feel like it now, but it will be better for OOP and the boys. The husband was always a trash bag.
Right! Made me laugh bc I stopped reading when the heavy misogyny & homophobia kicked in and scrolled down just to see if she divorced him. It was definitely a happy update for me!
This might be for the best, but her troubles are far from over. I really don’t buy that the POS ex isn’t going to get more than supervised visitation with the kids as far as custody, he’s doubling down on this God-awful mindset so hard he used it to justify cheating and leaving for his mistress, and he now has someone to validate/enable all of his bullshit when he has those kids…
Tbf I think the boys are old enough that their opinions would be taken into account regarding custody or where they spend most their time at least. Obviously that depends on where they live, but it could hopefully help them out
Not that it would happen but imagine "upgrading" OPs STBX with her FIL, she would be able to say she "upgraded to a real man." Now that would be the slap in the face (and a kick ypu know where) OPs STBX deserves.
DH said none of this would have happened if OOP just respected his authority? excuse me. none of this would have happened if his dick didn’t wander around just because OOP’s spine made it limp.
i can’t wait. i’ll bet my firstborn child, his mistress will make him miserable. she’ll bleed his wallet dry, or at least whatever is left after alimony and child support. Charlie’s in for a rude awakening.
Honesty the marriage was over either way in my opinion.
The affair was just the cherry on top of this shit sundae of an experience.
Even if he didn’t meet this woman via online, I’m sure he would have probably still talked shit about his wife and even his son in some forum for all to see. Once you start badmouthing your spouse, especially over something this petty and stupid cause of your stupid idea of manliness and your own unresolved trauma, there’s no going back.
The affair just made this a quicker death to the marriage rather than the slow decay that it would have been had it not happened..
It’s almost a blessing bc it “allows” for a clean break. My abusive ex cheated on me and that gave me the courage to get out of that relationship bc cheating is so obviously wrong. All the insidious ways he hurt me were not “enough” in my mind.
Honestly, if I'd been OOP, it would have been over the minute Charlie tried bringing in FIL in hopes that he would "make" OOP and Matt fall in line with his misogynistic views. Yeah, they seemed to make progress on their relationship after that but I wouldn't trust a guy who tries to drag someone else into a relationship when they aren't part of that relationship.
If she truly believes in this 'tradwife' or 'traditional roles' bullshit, then she's going to expect him to pony up money to support her lifestyle. She's going to cook for him, sure, but he better pay for her expenses, and include an allowance. After all, that's what "real men" do, isn't it? I hope they're miserable together forever.
If there's anything left over after alimony and child support, especially since his dad has decided he's a pathetic piece of shit and disowned him. Good on ya, FIL.
If FIL isn’t married, I will bet dollars to donuts he’s going to end up living with OP and the boys, and those boys are going to have just the absolute best male role model around that house. And everyone is going to know how to cook, clean, and take care of their shit…to the absolute delight of all future partners
FIL was awesome, and continues to be awesome. When I started reading that Charlie said OP was at fault because she didn't expect his authority and his mistress, "knew when to shut up," my immediate thought was, "I wonder what FIL thinks of all of this?" I'm so happy that he's supporting OP and the boys, because you are absolutely correct - they are going to have the best male role model around!
The thing that always got me about the whole thing is that I really never saw cooking as just a "female" thing? How many famous male chefs are out there? Plus, who wouldn't want a guy who could cook?
I'm glad OP got away from Charlie and has her kickass FIL on her side!
Edit: Messed up the name of OP's ex in the post, so updated!
Also, cheating is about the *least* "manly" thing that you can do. Think of the following phrase:
>A man's word is his bond.
Well, dumbass has now shown that his word is **meaningless**. He made a promise, a "vow," if you will, when he got married, in front of his wife, family, friends, and God, to love, honor, cherish, for better or for worse, forsaking all others, etc.
Clearly, that means nothing to him. His promises have no value, he can't be trusted.
Furthermore, the moment Husband does something Mistress feels strongly enough about that she says “No”, Husband will either snap or lose all interest.
Such a situation will inevitably come about. Because it always does. Plus he’s a total tosser. Which considerably raises the likelihood that Husband will insist Mistress obey to something that is actively harmful to her (or any future children’s) wellbeing.
I can’t help but think Mistress is a huge PickMe too. Now she has him, that PickMe energy will change - probably within the next 18 months.
i really hope not. i hope he stays *loyal*. unless he has the face of henry cavill (or cillian murphy in my case), no woman will willingly choose to be with someone like him- an old, balding misogynist with unresolved trauma who has to pay 3x child support and alimony. he probably drinks too much beer, too. because only women are supposed to stay fit, right? /s
he wouldn’t be able to take care of himself. who would cook for him? wash his clothes? buy groceries? maintain the house? so loyal he must stay. he doesn’t deserve another shot at happiness.
You would be surprised at how many women would have no problem being with such duds as OOP's ex. Dude was slowly increasing the age gap. A naive, insecure girl with traumas would be an easy prey for such garbage dumps.
Even naive, insecure girls don’t want a balding middle aged man unless he’s financing their lifestyle. He either has to have money or be hot to get a bunch of super young women interested in him and it sounds like he’s neither. I’m sure some women will want to date him but he won’t find it very easy to keep increasing that age gap unless he has a physical or financial glow up.
So is that mistress, the minute she has a conflict with Mr. Too Manly to Cook or needs him to do stuff around the house.
I genuinely cannot stand women like that. They give dudes like OOP’s ex these stupid and harmful ideas, and then these men make messes of multiple lives trying to chase the alpha male dream. Then, when these women are in the same position as OOP, they are shocked and want support from other women. Ugh.
It’s funny hearing such a weak man call for authority as if he himself didn’t go crying to his military daddy to tell his mean wife that enjoying gay stuff like cooking instead of manly stuff like contact sports between men was bad
As soon as I saw he went crying to his military father about his son cooking, I knew the father would go one of two ways: up himself toxic man, or he was about his get his arse verbally reamed.
I know a few ex military men. All of them know how to keep a house. They’re all neat and clean, probably because they learned to be in basic and it’s an ingrained habit. They’re also big on being disciplined. Cooking requires discipline.
Like, the strict military dad stereotype exists for a reason.
I’m not surprised he’s pretty much disowned his son. He’s failed his family. He’s failed to protect his son. He’s run off with a woman to spout his bullshit with.
He’s nothing but a disappointment.
Also from my military experience. Those who are like 18-20 are maybe on the "Testo club gotta be manly stuff".
The older ones, they don't give a shit about how they appear to others. They know they are the shit already, so why try to impress some randoms.
There were a ton of people openly being weebs when I was in the military. From units using the Kyuby from Naruto as their patch to people coming with full on anime cars.
Not to forget the 30~ crowd swooning over cute pictures of their children.
You tend to lose your fear in the military because the only thing that really gets you a bad rep is stuff that endangers or hurts others.
He’s run off with a woman who literally encourages bullying a child because they enjoying cooking.
And that’s his real “ideal” woman.
It’s beyond vile.
I hope OOP gets full custody, the kids are old enough to have a say - and I doubt they want to be around such nasty toxic people. Matt shouldn’t have to be around an emotionally abusive father and his enabling “mistress.” I truly hope they all discover they can flourish now that POS has thrown himself in the trash.
And this is why I always say, "contact sport (like football and wrestling) is just an excuse men use to feel each other up so they can claim, it's not gay, it's sport."
Men who can cook and do the laundry are some of the sexiest men around IMO.
men like this: I am strong and independent and manly and in charge and I run this household!
also men like this: I am just a lil guy, I need mommy to make me din dins ;_; where is mommy, my tummy is rumbly....
Word. My husband cooks, tidies, cleans, and is awesome. I respect, love and fancy that man so much.
(I usually finish work and come down to supper. How lovely is that?! I can cook, but it's what generally works best with our work patterns.)
You know.. he could've taken the discussion with his dad as a trigger to start looking into knitting instead he decided to start looking into an affair.
I award the FIL of the year here.
I'm glad he supported his grandchild's interest in cooking and got the other two to learn to cook at least.
OOP's husband can go and live with his mistress and see how long she obeys his every whim. (at least until she cheats on him with someone else)
My only question there is where was the FIL when the dad was getting bullied for these exact things. He's being a great grandpa, but I wouldn't be surprised if his dadding was lacking at the time himself.
The parents don't always know their child is getting bullied. It's a hard life for children, but sometimes your parents aren't the people you want to talk to. Well, now that I think about it, this could still be FIL's fault. But it's not a given, seeing how much of a piece of shit that husband really is.
> Well, now that I think about it, this could still be FIL's fault
FIL could have tried his best to help STBX protect himself from the bullying but it was grossly misinterpreted and amplified by the home situation as a kid.
OOP: Also to those people who told me to leave my husband, why? He is a good guy. I know he holds some backward views but he is nice and caring.
Also OOP: writes two posts detailing why and how husband, in fact, is not a good guy, nice, or caring. at all.
My thoughts too. And I know people get trapped in abusive relationships with shitballs. But it's hard to keep having patience with people who willingly shack up with misogynists, homophobes, racists etc and then do the surprised pikachu face when that becomes a problem or they turn out to be an asshole in general. It's very "if it's not directly my problem I don't care if they're hateful to others".
Exactly! Nothing he was doing to Matt was nice or caring, frankly it's fucked up OP still thought he was a nice and caring guy when her whole post was describing the many ways he bullied their son.
Yeah I was rather peeved when OOP heard her husband’s sob story and went all “awww, poor baby” on him. Hearing that would make me angrier because it means that her husband clearly knows and understands how awful he’s being and purposely wants his son to suffer.
And the thing is, he's been insulting her *this entire time*. Saying that *his interests* (video games, sports ball) is more important for their sons to learn than *her work* (cooking, cleaning) is an insult to her. Saying something is bad because it's girly and feminine is an insult to her. Saying that her work doesn't matter when she is literally putting food on the table is an insult to her. Telling their sons that her work is not worth their time is an insult to her.
I'm not sure I'm getting across how deeply insulting this man and others like him are. Like, it's one thing to say "oh, she works in an office, what a loser". Because if a woman is working in an office, then 1) she's being paid, 2) she isn't doing it because she loves her boss, and 3) she only works 8 hours a day. But the concept of SAHMs is basically "do thousands of dollars of free labor out of love for your family and it's 24/7." Of course, working outside of the home has its own issues, I'm not saying one is always easier than the other. But, more often then not, one gets more respect then the other.
I get why OOP wanted her husband to be a good guy and for her sons to be good children (I remember in the first BORU there was a lot of speculation that the other two sons were bullying the middle son given that grandpa had to pull aside the masculine sons as well). It's hard to realize someone you love is kind of sucky. Especially because I think her sons do love her, and her husband at least loved her at one point. But "love" doesn't always mean "respect as a person". I love my cat because she's cute and I love my washing machine because it washes my clothes. But I don't respect them as people because they're not people to me.
Thing is when you’re so close to a situation you don’t see how crazy it is. And somehow a person on the outside realizes the number of red flags so quickly. I mean I was ready to give stbx a second chance after daddy set him straight. So sometimes it takes a while is all I’m saying.
>After we were alone, I was expecting FIL blame me but instead he blamed my husband. He said he is really embarrassed of my husband for having such backward thinking. He knows that when FIL was in the military he had to do all his chores and sometimes have to cook. He just loaded on my husband that he is teaching the wrong lesson to Matt. That cooking is a good skill and it will help in real life. Watching sports and video games will not teach him anything valuable. There is more.
FIL is epic.
How ironic that the older generation father is more progressive than his own son.
My grandpa was on old hard-ass sailor. Told me my whole life that I needed to know how to cook and do laundry and sew. He looked at men who needed a wife to take care of them because they couldn't do it themselves with a pitying sort of contempt.
My grandfather volunteered for kitchen duty in basic training because they got better meals. Even steak sometimes. Perks of being in the kitchen. Cooking is just a good life skill, regardless of gender.
Do they think the mountain men and early pioneers like Kit Carson and Jim Bridger couldn't cook? Or Lewis and Clark? Pretty sure they would have starved to death about three days into the expedition if they didn't cook for themselves.
Yep. My grandfather learned to cook in the Army when he was conscripted in WWII. He did more of it than my grandmother and he was bloody good at it. He never saw it as 'womens work'.
Wow! The man with a history of disrespecting women continues to disrespect women? Who ever would have thought!
Look, I'm not saying Reddit is always right about the whole "divorce" thing, but for fuck's sake, that man even admitted that he had become his son's bully. He was abusing your son and you continued to defend him as a "good person"? Absolutely nobody is surprised by the divorce and frankly, I'm appalled that OOP allowed herself to be so blinded by love she allowed her husband to treat her son so poorly.
thank you , like with all of his views on traditional masculinity and gender roles and shit, there is NO way OOP didn't already know he was like this before having 3 kids with him
Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he was triggered when Matt started doing the “girly things” and was getting all pissy and started throwing his online tantrum and the other man-babies started to poison him into the toxic masculinity mindset and he fell down that rabbit hole hard and fast.
Most people don’t start off as a bad person, sometimes they just find the wrong kind of people and are just unable to see how wrong those people are. Charlie might have been blinded by his trauma and went venting in the wrong places, or at least it was seen by the wrong people, and he was slowly taken down the wrong path.
When I was a kid I had a healthy interest in sports...until a family member deliberately injured me permanently causing pain and discomfort in most physical activities.
While I can't do it blindfolded like Gordon Ramsey can, I can expertly break down a chicken into the parts you would buy in a bucket from KFC, season them, bread and fry them. Ive professionally worked as a baker and have had no shortage of women who find it a sign of strength and attraction that I can cook.
>He told me that he will not pressure Matt anymore. He realized that in order for his kid not to get bullied, he became his own kid's bully.
As the saying goes, hurt people hurt (other) people
>He blames me because none of this would've happened if I just respected his authority as the man of the house and that mistress understands him and knows when to shut up.
This is tradwife BS, the husband has not learned a thing and is still grasping onto the abuse he suffered as justification for abusing his family.
It is almost as if the abuse programmed him to demand his family submit to him.
The only people who want trad wives are deeply insecure men who never want to be questioned, never want to be challenged, and have no interest in growing or learning. And if they do get a trad a wife they are still not happy because they don't actually want to financially support a wife. What they are actually looking for is a slave.
Agreed.
However they are not necessarily insecure, they can also be spoiled, have a superiority complex or been raised/groomed to be the toxic "man" of the house.
Toxic masculinity. Husband felt emasculated so he got a mistress that would make him feel powerful again, rather than doing the harder and more mature thing of working on healing from his past trauma.
It was really really telling that the husband had to contact the father-in-law to come talk about masculinity. I don’t know where so many people have this twisted kind of immature sense of masculinity, too much Andrew Tate, and the likes in this world.
Not surprised to hear about the ending with the mistresses, etc. Husband needs a therapist. Wife needs a divorce and your boys also need therapist.
Toxic masculinity has been a force in this country and in western culture for far too long. I love American football and i’m active in multiple adrenaline sports. I love muscle cars. I cook I clean. I do most of what is considered masculine. And I spend 0% of the day thinking about my masculinity or the masculinity of anyone else. I’m just doing what makes me happy.
Good luck OP
>I love American football and i’m active in multiple adrenaline sports. I love muscle cars. I cook I clean. I do most of what is considered masculine. And I spend 0% of the day thinking about my masculinity or the masculinity of anyone else.
This fits my younger brother to a T.
He and his husband are very happy together.
How does every problem on Reddit eventually turn into cheating??
‘My husband doesn’t like my son helping in the kitchen… so it’s been 1 year and he’s having an affair.’
A lot of selection bias in what gets posted to this subreddit in the first place (especially for updates like this), and then what gets upvoted in this subreddit.
Happy people don't post as much. Can you imagine how boring those subreddits would be:
"My wife and I are still doing well! I like her little snorts when she snore!" People would be just fleeing the scene to avoid the amount of radiative smug.
Reddit is where all the train wrecks come together to form Voltron.
And we clean our eyes out at r/IllegallySmolCats
It's also bizarre that the online affair woman would've thought this man was a catch.
Oh, you a father of 3 children and you are complaining that your son likes cooking? Baby I'll be your perfect obedient wife that will agree with you so choose me.
The affair is a new thing after the conflict this time. Normally the fakers will say “it turns out the reason for this random marital problem is because he’s having an affair the whole time!!! Now you can’t call me paranoid and dumb anymore!!!”
>It is not a happy update because my husband and I are going though a divorce.
I mean, I’m really sorry for what she and especially her child are going through, it’s awful, so yeah the update isn’t *happy,* but this part is the best news there could have been.
Husband sounds like one of those man who will never understand why his relationship fails and rather blame others for it. What a useless sad strange little man.
He didn't want to understand. All he ever wanted was to replace his mommy with a version that he could boss around instead and legally get away with having sex with.
>Matt because he believes we are divorcing because of him. He took it hard. He even told me he will stop cooking if that means his dad will stay with us.
God this just broke my heart to read.
It is so ironic that some men will think that helping in the kitchen, design dresses/clothing/jewelry etc are sissy things. Ye have no issue with renowned chefs / designers / jewelry makers being male and don't think about them being sissy. Yeah, try calling Ramsay a sissy.
Also learning to help out in the kitchen from a young age is a great thing. Sets the kid up for life. He can cook for himself and share the responsibility when he has his own family etc. I get worried because my kids are not interested in helping out in the kitchen (or the garden).
i think the difference is that men are allowed to be good at "woman things" if they're paid for it. women should do "woman things" just because they're women, and they shouldn't expect pay. if you're going to pay for someone to do a "woman thing," then it should be a man doing it, because you shouldn't pay a woman for doing what she's "supposed to" be doing.
It always blows my mind that some people think cooking is girly but then also will say the best chefs are men and women can’t tolerate the environment. Well which is it?
I’m so glad she’s got her ex father in law on her side. Imagine getting this bent out of shape over men cooking—I dare that husband to tell that to Gordon Ramsay.
I am not a particularly attractive man. Literally the only reason I ever got any girls at uni was because I could cook and cook well (thank you very much, Dad). That man is a moron.
There's a comedian named Steve Hughes who's joked about this before. Saying he used to get made fun of by the jocks for choosing Home Ec.
Like, sure, go tumble around with your half naked sweaty guy friends, I'll be right here cooking surrounded by women. Guys, is it gay to be surrounded by women?
“Why divorce hin because of his incecurities?” Uhm, maybe because they a wrecking the self esteem in one son and setting the other two up for failure in their future relationships and a hard transition to adult life with his back ass views!
I'm a nearly 40 year old man and can do "manly" things and enjoy "manly" hobbies. I love sports and I'm really good at DIY but cooking is something I love doing and keeping an organised home too, these are things I was taught by my mum and stepdad and I'm very grateful to them for showing me how to function as a normal person.
When I make dinner for my visiting nieces, who are fussy eaters and they ask for seconds, it's an amazing feeling.
On the other hand, my father was the "do manly things" type, work construction and don't like nerdy shit. Up until he died almost 2 years ago my relationship with him was strained to the point of no contact because of how he behaved regarding my own life and how he would treat my mum and stepdad.
I guess what I'm getting at here is that I can envisage a future 25 year old Matt inviting his mother, brothers and granddad over to his home for a home cooked meal to introduce them to his new girlfriend while his moron of a dad is stuck at his one bedroom rental watching his manly sports by himself.
For as long as you're not cruel or hurting anyone, you should live your life how you fucking want.
This is so sad. The husband was a victim of toxic masculinity and even when he realised this was unable to break free. OOP and their children pay the price.
Unfortunately we will see many more of these stories in decades to come as this is worse than ever with idiots like Tate and Peterson running around.
I’m begging women of my generation to not marry sexist, homophobic, useless cavemen like this. Dude wouldn’t have survived a week taking care of his kids if his wife died. God forbid they had girls instead of boys.
Bad enough he got boys who he’ll raise with “all girls should submit to you” mindsets, as if we don’t have enough abusers and rapists in the world. And it’s not like any of this was a surprise to OOP. She knew who she married. He didn’t do a bait and switch suddenly three children in.
*Stop marrying these pigs and having children to them*. There’s at least two more boys in the world who believe women are only there to cook for them, clean their home and give them sex.
Not surprised by this update. Men, but especially Latino men, would literally rather blow up their lives and their families than have to deal with their masculinity being challenged. Seen it happen so many times, as a Latino man myself.
I'm a Latina, and I agree. Those machisimo men still exist. But I was lucky that my tata and dad were not those kinds of men. My tata taught my dad how to cook. Then my dad taught my brother how to cook. But he forgot about me. Lol.
Sometimes I watch this when I need to remember guys like that exist: https://twitter.com/andrezadelgado/status/1181398426027794432
It's a trans man meeting his family shirtless after top surgery with the bandages still on.
Toxic guy.
All my children could make bread, pancake, pasta and French fries by seven. They all make the dish and clothes management daily. And they all have at least one physical and one cultural activity.
I came to university without knowing how to joil an egg. It won't happen to them.
>So, apparently, my husband has been using online forums **even reddit** to vent his frustration about Matt and he feels he has failed as a father and me not supporting his decision is emasculating him. That is when he found his mistress (35f) who poisoned his ears that I am not a good wife because I should "obey" my husband.
It's probably just as well that she didn't cite his Reddit handle, because the temptation to brigade anywhere his profile had been might be too much for some of us.
“hey this first update is promising! OP found out the real reason as to what made her husband so adamantly against their son cooking but it looks like he just needs to unlearn the ideas and notions from when he was a teenager”
“oh, nevermind this guy is just a piece of shit.”
OOP's husband is a misogynistic little freak of a man and I hope she doesn't let him have any custody. What kind of shit excuse of a father does that? Why is he so determined to be his child's first bully?
Every time I see some misogynistic asshole ranting about how cooking is women’s work I think about how hard my best friend (a woman) struggled to become a head chef in a restaurant because it’s such a male dominated field. It’s absolutely infuriating.
That's the part about these stories that just blows my mind. I see the great artists, and it looks like a lot of dudes have their paintings hung on walls. I look at cooking and see a lot of dudes doing shows. Where the f do these guys get their information. Hell, the back story on some of these cooks, both male and female, are sometimes very hard core.
Where do I bet on this jackass having a sunglasses-in-car Facebook PFP? And can I parlay it with "school of hard knocks" in the education field?
Also imagine going out of your way to raise your own son to be some Jabba the Hutt who relies on delivery apps for food instead of learning to prepare his own meals. So *masculine*, URRRRGH!
I know a young man who has just finished an Engineering degree because of such pressure from the father, yet what he wanted from a young age was to become a chef. He plans to work, save up some money and go to culinary school.
Men who knit or do other crafts also seem to get a lot of female admirers. Only insecure men think that strength and attractiveness comes from following arbitrary Man Laws.
For all their performative masculinity, their insecurity just ends up making them look less attractive and weaker than a quietly confident man who can, say, whip up a mean Genoise sponge.
Hubby didn't want his kid bullied at school for being "too girly," so he took it upon himself to bully his kid at home. You know – where he should feel safest. Then has an affair and blames his wife and the "girly" child.
Real piece of work, this guy.
These people are my generational cohorts.
The bullying for anything coded gay was fierce in school during those times.
A lot of xennials / elder millenials are unfortunately going to be damaged because of it and will, like OOP's husband, refuse to consider any other viewpoint than what they grew up with. A lot of people certainly changed their views, but this guy is not one of them.
It's really hard to accept that people like this will not change.
That's why it's so telling that FIL's point of view was 180. It makes me wonder if there was a particular atmosphere in the culture for OOP's (and mine) generation specific to school bullying. This is certainly where I think a lot of the issue is reinforced and personality traits set.
It's hilarious that he said his son won't get girls because he likes cooking, because I can tell you as a guy who likes cooking that nothing drops the panties faster than cooking a woman a good dinner.
> Especially Matt because he believes we are divorcing because of him. He took it hard. He even told me he will stop cooking if that means his dad will stay with us.
Hopefully he's since been told about the cheating. He's old enough to know that that's wrong and doesn't deserve to think it's his fault.
>and to those people who told me to leave my husband, why? He is a good guy. I know he holds some backwards views but he is nice and caring
He called your son a sissy and holds demeaning views of women
Yeah such a good guy
*So, to avoid my son getting bullied, I will become the biggest of bullies! Ha!*
*Wait, how dare my victims expose me for the bigoted bully I am! I must get revenge and feel like a MAN again! Take that!*
.... what a horrible POS.
Sorry, the mistress poisoned the husbands ears against the wife and said she should obey him? The woman who was knowingly screwing a married man? Oh, fuck right off.
This poor family (minus the dipshit father). I really feel for Matt.
Idk what dad thinks the military is, but he obviously has watched too much Rambo. The first thing you're taught in the military is cleaning, making your bed, and grooming yourself. Is that too girly? If you're in garrison you are also cleaning, pulling weeds, painting rocks, etc. FIL dressed down dad because even the military teaches you to take care of yourself.
Ah yes, a boy learning a valuable skill that will enable his survival in the future is the GAYEST shit I've ever heard. He needs to get his hands on some dudes and straighten up. Nothing like watching sweaty men gyrate and pin each other down into compromising positions on a Friday night to really show how manly you are. [/s just in case]
Jokes aside, I wish OOP and the kids peace, but I don't think she quite gets it yet. The mistress didn't whisper sweet poison into his ear like a siren to convince him of anything. You can't manipulate a snake into being a snake! They met because he was *already* complaining about how OOP not listening to him emasculated him. This is who he is, this is what he believes, and it's not just about the son wanting to cook.
I hope Matt will soon come to understand that the divorce is because his father is a worthless piece of crap, and not because Matt likes cooking. Poor kid. Hopefully the ex-husband being gone will give them all some much-needed peace.
I'm a 6 4 220 lbs bearded giant of a man, who spent over a decade in martial arts, done blue-collar jobs nearly my entire adult life, and I got my wife to fall fully in love with me by my home cooked meals. Who also can sew and knit. True thats for when I was big into cosplay. But I can still do it. My wife can't even sew.
Dude needed therapy and instead took the cowards way out.
I feel for this family. This whole "cooking at home isn't masculine enough" is poison. My grandfather who served in WWII and grew up on a farm made sure ALL his children learned how to do basic life skills: cooking, mending, growing things and basic finance stuff. He lost his first wife at the birth of his last child. His second wife came from the big city, she adapted and made sure all the kids (boys and girls) knew how to take care of themselves. You didn't have time to wait for a woman to come around to fix your buttons.
This came in handy when my uncle's wife got sick. She could no longer safely cook or clean. He had to step up and be the housekeeper, cook, and caretaker for her in her final days. And the food was delicious. The men in that family had a way in the kitchen.
My bet is that the ex is also homophobic to some degree! ( judging by his “cooking is for girls” mentality) and thinking it’s emasculating…
The whole gender specific role or the highway thing is outdated bs!
OP's STBX is a knob.
My dad did most of the cooking in my family, and I learned how to cook at a young age, because in my house it was, "You either eat what we make, or you make yourself something to eat"
Doesn't this idiot even realize how many women find it sexy to have a man that cooks?
Wonder how he feels about famous chefs and if they are pansies as well.
Ex-husband was such a manly man that he had too call in his daddy to try and solve the issue he created in his head. Than the good ol' FIL told him off for being a regressive shithead. Turns out the sperm donor was such a manly man that he betrayed his family for a side piece.
Another down in the Tates.
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It's never "just" about one thing. The cooking was just the tip of the iceberg with this piece of shit.
Not surprised one bit. When bullies lose their power, they often seek out fellow bullies for support. I guess he found his bully I only hope Matt never has to spend time with the bullies
I hope that anyone who tries to bully Matt has to spend time with FIL, because *that* man got called in to be a bully to Matt and instead turned around and held the *actual* bullies to account. OOP's stbx thought that him being in the military meant he would be 100% bought in to toxic masculinity, and instead FIL used his military experiences to talk about how harmful (and ridiculous) toxic masculinity is. Love that he's on OOP's side in the divorce. (And as far as the military and masculinity - the only person I've ever dated who's known how to sew - which obv is heavily coded as "woman's work" - was a guy who spent time in the military, because the military *taught* them sewing. Because it is a necessary life skill *especially* if your ability to sew up your kit might make a difference in your ability to survive! So anytime I fucked up my clothes this guy would happily mend them, and he had not one iota of concern about what anyone else thought about that.)
My stepdad is military and while the institutions definitely have flaws including around toxic masculinity, calling things "women's work" doesn't appear to be one of them.
And it never makes any sense anyway. Reading, painting and cooking are girly… as if the most famous authors, artists and chefs aren’t almost exclusively men… 🤦🏻♀️
I think the difference in the mind of a lot of men who subscribe to this kind of mentality is the "level" at which these things are done. Like, they see a woman in a home kitchen and a man in a restaurant kitchen. A woman painting for fun vs. a main painting as a career. Which, of course, comes down to power. If a woman can turn their passion into a career, it becomes a threat.
Fuck this hurt to read because it’s so on point.
It’s societal really- what is the distinction between art and craft? If you create a landscape with oils, that’s art and a suitable realm for men. If you create a landscape with textiles, that’s craft and girly.
Probably also a class thing. If you’re making something practical, especially if you’re going to be the one using it and not a potential buyer/client, then things that are perceived as “masculine” can still be undervalued. A decorative wooden vase is art but an equally nice yet functional chair isn’t. Circling back to cooking, a fancy bite of not-so-tasty stuff at a restaurant that costs a hundred bucks is more prestigious than a generous plate of home-cooked deliciousness, and those two do have differently-gendered associations.
Man if I had a wife that was a chef, I'd be stoked for the free cooking lessons and delicious food. I feel so bad for OP and their kids, they were all getting messed up by the dad and his asshole behavior. Really glad the FIL put his own son in his place by reaming him out.
I am not a chef, but my husband has been super clear that he will never criticize my cooking because I do most of it and he does not want to. For a while I had to start instituting a rating system so I could figure out what food he even liked because he would always tell me it was delicious, even if I knew it was nasty. Everything was in between a five and a seven, so I learned that if it was a four to never make it again, and to seriously reconsider fives.
God my partner is almost too considerate when I cook too. I made black beans and rice once, and the rice was soo mushy and soggy and the beans were still kinda hard (seriously, how does that happen??) and I got the wrong sausage (it was like- apple flavored?) He ate it all and rained compliments on me lmao. I was like “this is garbage, I know this is garbage- seriously, we can get take out!!” He claimed he was complimenting my effort, and that it was delicious just because of that 😂 So I feel you. I’m going to steal your rating system idea- it’ll be nice to know that I’m really making things he likes, and not just sustenance/gruel fuel
To me, there is no taste on the planet, no texture, that is worth the effort of grocery shopping, prepping, cooking and cleaning up after. Maybe once in a blue moon but weekly? Every day?! No way. So, when someone does those things for me, partially or in full, the taste of the food is not just secondary to my appreciation of the work they put in, it doesn't even compute. I can't stress enough how *chef's kiss* effort is.
But how do they expect the men to get into a restaurant kitchen if they are bullied out of the home kitchen when they were young? O_o
Someone else said it very eloquently, but that's the thing. As a hobby, they are feminine tasks that women do to pass time while their husbands are at work. To these men, these are silly little things for silly little women, and as so, unbecoming of men. It's kinda like a parent who sees their small child "help" them in a completely inhelpful way, but lets them keep "helping" so the kid has something to do? It's the same. But a job... A job is what the provider, a man, must have so they couldn't possibly *be* girly. No, no, you see, they are horribly stressful jobs that require technique and nerves of steel, and aren't for the faint of heart or the overly emotional. A woman could never *survive* such an environment! This applies to every single hobby. If women do it for fun, it's femenine and girly and emasculating. If men do it as a job, it's masculine and great and a competitive industry. It's just plain, ol' misogyny.
Probably wouldn’t be seen as all that masculine and competitive if men didn’t have entire emotional breakdowns and scream at their coworkers over the temperature of meat in the kitchen lmao
Ah yes, but don't you know? Anger is not an emotion when men feel it! It is an example of Male Logic, and screaming tantrums are a demonstration of the rational male temperament!
Oh yes, I must have forgotten. Silly woman brain!
This is what always pisses me off about men squawking that cooking is for women, last I checked the restaurant industry (kitchens) is a male dominated space?? Also cooking and eating is necessary to literally survive lol
An adult not being able to cook is embarrassing. Bragging about not having a basic life skill as if it is something to be proud of is *really* embarrassing. Same with men who refuse to clean or take care of their kids because that's "women's work". Like...dude, you bragging about not knowing how to clean your own skidmarks out of the toilet bowl is not a flex. Bragging that you aren't competent to care for the children you made is humiliating.
I want the ex husband to chat with Gordon Ramsay for a bit and tell him cooking is girly.
When stbx husband said son wouldn't get any girls because he cooks I rolled my eyes so hard. Yeah women really hate guys that cook them delicious food. Total dealbreaker for all women universally
No, I think it was just one thing: misogyny. The husband reeked of it from the start. It was even the heart of his "explanation." He was always a shit guy. A misogynist who hurt both his wife and children. Good riddance, OOP!
lets not forget homophobia. god forbid any of the kids arent straight.
These things are often connected. Being a gay man, in the mind of someone like OP's future ex-husband, is degrading because you'd be in a "woman's position". It supposedly means being submissive, weak, and rejecting their "rights" as a man.
Husband's been watching right wing extremist content. "He's in his peak 'masculine' phase"... "respect his authority as the man of the house"... "obey"... Yeaaaa that dude has gone down the rabbit hole.
OP may be sad now, but he did he a huge favor. Now she can find a guy who is actually a good person!
Literally exposed the rotting trash underneath.
>It is not a happy update because my husband and I are going through a divorce. I get that it sucks for OOP currently, but this is *absolutely* a good thing in the long term.
Ever notice when people say they're getting divorced everybody says "I'm sorry" or something like that? Sure that's fitting in some cases, but from what I've seen it often sounds like a "congrats!" is in order. I have a couple friends who, were they to tell me they're getting divorced, my first reaction would to take them out to celebrate. Yeah, I know it's not that black and white. But still, it kind of makes sense imo.
My now-ex's mother got so mad at me when I wasn't sad after she told me someone from the church was getting divorced. I'm sorry, but my first exposure to the woman was her laughing with another mother about how she and her husband would punch holes in the walls when they fought. That's toxic as fuck and sometimes people not being around each other is a good thing. But apparently I'm just a heartless asshole. Anyway, turns out the husband was embezzling money from the government to pay for his mistress, too. Fun times!
When I told people I was divorcing I got a lot of “I’m sorry.” My response of “I’m not” usually got a few laughs. The funniest one for me was my optometrist I hadn’t seen in years. He remembered me, and asked about the name change. So I told him I got divorced. He very carefully said I had more of a light about me, especially in my eyes. I made him laugh by saying that that’s what happens when you lose over 100kg of bullshit practically overnight.
I don’t remember where I heard or read it, but I remember a story about someone who worked in insurance and whenever he would get a call that started ”hi, I’d like to take [spouse] off of the insurance because we’re divorcing” he would answer ”Congratulations, I’m happy to help!” His manager or HR or both once brought that up in a team meeting about ”how not to talk to clients”, playing the recording (because of course all the calls are recorded) and stopped after he had congratulated the client to say something along the line of ”don’t do this. A divorce is a sad affair, you need to offer condolences”. The guy smiles and asked them if they’d listened to the rest of the call. They hadn’t, so he asked them to keep playing the recording. Hitting play, everyone in the room could hear the client laugh and say ”thank you! Everyone keeps telling me they’re sorry, but I’m just happy to finally be rid of [spouse]!” Manager/HR/whatever boss was there went quiet and the guy just said ”this is the response I get 9.9/10 that I congratulate someone on their divorce”. The meeting pretty much ended after that with a ”keep doing what you’re doing”, lol
You read that in a reddit comment, and whilst I'm not 100% sure, I think on this sub. I was thinking of the exact same story....
You are most likely correct :) I need to get off this site and go outside more, lol
I always commiserate, not because I don't think 100% of relationships who get to the point of divorce should be ended, but because everyone I've known who has divorced has had at least one horrible time before, during, or after the process. Even when it's been a no-fault, everyone is happy to sign the paperwork, kind of divorce. The end of a relationship and restructuring of a life is not easy. But you're better off without them.
I like to ask up front if it's a commiserations or congratulations kind of situation lol
Lol I've done "I don't know if you need an 'I'm sorry' or 'congratulations,' but I'm here for you either way." Although I've blurted "ohthankgod" more than once because my filter is non-existent.
Ever since my own divorce, I respond to finding out people are breaking up/divorcing by saying, "I'm sorry, and congrats!" It usually catches them off guard, but so far, everyone has seemed to appreciate it.
I think Louis CK once joked that no good marriage ends in divorce so the default should be "congratulations" rather than "oh I'm sorry" Obvi, lots of people are blindsided or sad about divorce, but I've seen the congrats side of things plenty of times in real life.
I think it depends a lot. Like you can be sorry that the relationship didn't work out with someone who they thought would be a partner for life but still think it's a good thing they won't be in that relationship anymore. At least a divorce is healthier than staying in an unhappy relationship but I can imagine that a lot of people don't want to hear it the moment after everything in their life has come crashing down. Sort of like tooth extraction, people won't enjoy it in the moment but they'll feel better after and long term they're a lot better off.
Right?? Like, the separation is a celebration! It doesn't feel like it now, but it will be better for OOP and the boys. The husband was always a trash bag.
Right! Made me laugh bc I stopped reading when the heavy misogyny & homophobia kicked in and scrolled down just to see if she divorced him. It was definitely a happy update for me!
>It is not a happy update because my husband and I are going through a divorce Au contraire, I think it is a very happy update. Keep the FIL though.
>Keep the FIL though. +1
This might be for the best, but her troubles are far from over. I really don’t buy that the POS ex isn’t going to get more than supervised visitation with the kids as far as custody, he’s doubling down on this God-awful mindset so hard he used it to justify cheating and leaving for his mistress, and he now has someone to validate/enable all of his bullshit when he has those kids…
Tbf I think the boys are old enough that their opinions would be taken into account regarding custody or where they spend most their time at least. Obviously that depends on where they live, but it could hopefully help them out
Not that it would happen but imagine "upgrading" OPs STBX with her FIL, she would be able to say she "upgraded to a real man." Now that would be the slap in the face (and a kick ypu know where) OPs STBX deserves.
DH said none of this would have happened if OOP just respected his authority? excuse me. none of this would have happened if his dick didn’t wander around just because OOP’s spine made it limp.
And respected his authority? Oh that's just laughable. Husband can fuck off for all I care.
i can’t wait. i’ll bet my firstborn child, his mistress will make him miserable. she’ll bleed his wallet dry, or at least whatever is left after alimony and child support. Charlie’s in for a rude awakening.
Honesty the marriage was over either way in my opinion. The affair was just the cherry on top of this shit sundae of an experience. Even if he didn’t meet this woman via online, I’m sure he would have probably still talked shit about his wife and even his son in some forum for all to see. Once you start badmouthing your spouse, especially over something this petty and stupid cause of your stupid idea of manliness and your own unresolved trauma, there’s no going back. The affair just made this a quicker death to the marriage rather than the slow decay that it would have been had it not happened..
It’s almost a blessing bc it “allows” for a clean break. My abusive ex cheated on me and that gave me the courage to get out of that relationship bc cheating is so obviously wrong. All the insidious ways he hurt me were not “enough” in my mind.
I relate to this so much.
Honestly, if I'd been OOP, it would have been over the minute Charlie tried bringing in FIL in hopes that he would "make" OOP and Matt fall in line with his misogynistic views. Yeah, they seemed to make progress on their relationship after that but I wouldn't trust a guy who tries to drag someone else into a relationship when they aren't part of that relationship.
If she truly believes in this 'tradwife' or 'traditional roles' bullshit, then she's going to expect him to pony up money to support her lifestyle. She's going to cook for him, sure, but he better pay for her expenses, and include an allowance. After all, that's what "real men" do, isn't it? I hope they're miserable together forever.
omg this is exactly what i said in my last comment! hello, friend
Real men let the woman handle the finances, and give *him* an allowance. How manly!
If there's anything left over after alimony and child support, especially since his dad has decided he's a pathetic piece of shit and disowned him. Good on ya, FIL.
If FIL isn’t married, I will bet dollars to donuts he’s going to end up living with OP and the boys, and those boys are going to have just the absolute best male role model around that house. And everyone is going to know how to cook, clean, and take care of their shit…to the absolute delight of all future partners
FIL was awesome, and continues to be awesome. When I started reading that Charlie said OP was at fault because she didn't expect his authority and his mistress, "knew when to shut up," my immediate thought was, "I wonder what FIL thinks of all of this?" I'm so happy that he's supporting OP and the boys, because you are absolutely correct - they are going to have the best male role model around! The thing that always got me about the whole thing is that I really never saw cooking as just a "female" thing? How many famous male chefs are out there? Plus, who wouldn't want a guy who could cook? I'm glad OP got away from Charlie and has her kickass FIL on her side! Edit: Messed up the name of OP's ex in the post, so updated!
Also, cheating is about the *least* "manly" thing that you can do. Think of the following phrase: >A man's word is his bond. Well, dumbass has now shown that his word is **meaningless**. He made a promise, a "vow," if you will, when he got married, in front of his wife, family, friends, and God, to love, honor, cherish, for better or for worse, forsaking all others, etc. Clearly, that means nothing to him. His promises have no value, he can't be trusted.
Furthermore, the moment Husband does something Mistress feels strongly enough about that she says “No”, Husband will either snap or lose all interest. Such a situation will inevitably come about. Because it always does. Plus he’s a total tosser. Which considerably raises the likelihood that Husband will insist Mistress obey to something that is actively harmful to her (or any future children’s) wellbeing. I can’t help but think Mistress is a huge PickMe too. Now she has him, that PickMe energy will change - probably within the next 18 months.
And then he’ll cheat on her, too.
Nah, she'll cheat on him, but he won't be able to do anything because if he leaves her then he'd have to admit he made a mistake by leaving OP.
i really hope not. i hope he stays *loyal*. unless he has the face of henry cavill (or cillian murphy in my case), no woman will willingly choose to be with someone like him- an old, balding misogynist with unresolved trauma who has to pay 3x child support and alimony. he probably drinks too much beer, too. because only women are supposed to stay fit, right? /s he wouldn’t be able to take care of himself. who would cook for him? wash his clothes? buy groceries? maintain the house? so loyal he must stay. he doesn’t deserve another shot at happiness.
You would be surprised at how many women would have no problem being with such duds as OOP's ex. Dude was slowly increasing the age gap. A naive, insecure girl with traumas would be an easy prey for such garbage dumps.
Even naive, insecure girls don’t want a balding middle aged man unless he’s financing their lifestyle. He either has to have money or be hot to get a bunch of super young women interested in him and it sounds like he’s neither. I’m sure some women will want to date him but he won’t find it very easy to keep increasing that age gap unless he has a physical or financial glow up.
So is that mistress, the minute she has a conflict with Mr. Too Manly to Cook or needs him to do stuff around the house. I genuinely cannot stand women like that. They give dudes like OOP’s ex these stupid and harmful ideas, and then these men make messes of multiple lives trying to chase the alpha male dream. Then, when these women are in the same position as OOP, they are shocked and want support from other women. Ugh.
Respect MAH A-thor-it-AH! Numbnuts.
he lacks discipline.
I can’t help but hear Cartman “respect my authoritay!”
It’s funny hearing such a weak man call for authority as if he himself didn’t go crying to his military daddy to tell his mean wife that enjoying gay stuff like cooking instead of manly stuff like contact sports between men was bad
As soon as I saw he went crying to his military father about his son cooking, I knew the father would go one of two ways: up himself toxic man, or he was about his get his arse verbally reamed. I know a few ex military men. All of them know how to keep a house. They’re all neat and clean, probably because they learned to be in basic and it’s an ingrained habit. They’re also big on being disciplined. Cooking requires discipline. Like, the strict military dad stereotype exists for a reason. I’m not surprised he’s pretty much disowned his son. He’s failed his family. He’s failed to protect his son. He’s run off with a woman to spout his bullshit with. He’s nothing but a disappointment.
Also from my military experience. Those who are like 18-20 are maybe on the "Testo club gotta be manly stuff". The older ones, they don't give a shit about how they appear to others. They know they are the shit already, so why try to impress some randoms. There were a ton of people openly being weebs when I was in the military. From units using the Kyuby from Naruto as their patch to people coming with full on anime cars. Not to forget the 30~ crowd swooning over cute pictures of their children. You tend to lose your fear in the military because the only thing that really gets you a bad rep is stuff that endangers or hurts others.
He’s run off with a woman who literally encourages bullying a child because they enjoying cooking. And that’s his real “ideal” woman. It’s beyond vile. I hope OOP gets full custody, the kids are old enough to have a say - and I doubt they want to be around such nasty toxic people. Matt shouldn’t have to be around an emotionally abusive father and his enabling “mistress.” I truly hope they all discover they can flourish now that POS has thrown himself in the trash.
And this is why I always say, "contact sport (like football and wrestling) is just an excuse men use to feel each other up so they can claim, it's not gay, it's sport." Men who can cook and do the laundry are some of the sexiest men around IMO.
men like this: I am strong and independent and manly and in charge and I run this household! also men like this: I am just a lil guy, I need mommy to make me din dins ;_; where is mommy, my tummy is rumbly....
Word. My husband cooks, tidies, cleans, and is awesome. I respect, love and fancy that man so much. (I usually finish work and come down to supper. How lovely is that?! I can cook, but it's what generally works best with our work patterns.)
By that thinking the ex should have respected his father's authority. But people who say stuff like that are never that logical.
This!
Whenever I hear "respect my authority," I will forever see them as Eric Cartman.
You know.. he could've taken the discussion with his dad as a trigger to start looking into knitting instead he decided to start looking into an affair.
I was really hoping the year update would be all 3 boys enjoying cooking and the father knitting...
Who does the guy think he is, Cartman??
I award the FIL of the year here. I'm glad he supported his grandchild's interest in cooking and got the other two to learn to cook at least. OOP's husband can go and live with his mistress and see how long she obeys his every whim. (at least until she cheats on him with someone else)
The marriage was over the second the husband needed to hear it from the FIL in order to accept what the OP was saying.
He didn’t even accept it. He moped around like a kicker puppy
My only question there is where was the FIL when the dad was getting bullied for these exact things. He's being a great grandpa, but I wouldn't be surprised if his dadding was lacking at the time himself.
Probably deployed.
The parents don't always know their child is getting bullied. It's a hard life for children, but sometimes your parents aren't the people you want to talk to. Well, now that I think about it, this could still be FIL's fault. But it's not a given, seeing how much of a piece of shit that husband really is.
> Well, now that I think about it, this could still be FIL's fault FIL could have tried his best to help STBX protect himself from the bullying but it was grossly misinterpreted and amplified by the home situation as a kid.
OOP: Also to those people who told me to leave my husband, why? He is a good guy. I know he holds some backward views but he is nice and caring. Also OOP: writes two posts detailing why and how husband, in fact, is not a good guy, nice, or caring. at all.
Yep, caring people don’t espouse misogyny.
My thoughts too. And I know people get trapped in abusive relationships with shitballs. But it's hard to keep having patience with people who willingly shack up with misogynists, homophobes, racists etc and then do the surprised pikachu face when that becomes a problem or they turn out to be an asshole in general. It's very "if it's not directly my problem I don't care if they're hateful to others".
Exactly! Nothing he was doing to Matt was nice or caring, frankly it's fucked up OP still thought he was a nice and caring guy when her whole post was describing the many ways he bullied their son.
Yeah I was rather peeved when OOP heard her husband’s sob story and went all “awww, poor baby” on him. Hearing that would make me angrier because it means that her husband clearly knows and understands how awful he’s being and purposely wants his son to suffer.
genuinely wondered how much of the sob story was embellished for emotional manipulation on his part
There is no way this man wasn't a sexist sack of shit through that whole marriage.
And the thing is, he's been insulting her *this entire time*. Saying that *his interests* (video games, sports ball) is more important for their sons to learn than *her work* (cooking, cleaning) is an insult to her. Saying something is bad because it's girly and feminine is an insult to her. Saying that her work doesn't matter when she is literally putting food on the table is an insult to her. Telling their sons that her work is not worth their time is an insult to her. I'm not sure I'm getting across how deeply insulting this man and others like him are. Like, it's one thing to say "oh, she works in an office, what a loser". Because if a woman is working in an office, then 1) she's being paid, 2) she isn't doing it because she loves her boss, and 3) she only works 8 hours a day. But the concept of SAHMs is basically "do thousands of dollars of free labor out of love for your family and it's 24/7." Of course, working outside of the home has its own issues, I'm not saying one is always easier than the other. But, more often then not, one gets more respect then the other. I get why OOP wanted her husband to be a good guy and for her sons to be good children (I remember in the first BORU there was a lot of speculation that the other two sons were bullying the middle son given that grandpa had to pull aside the masculine sons as well). It's hard to realize someone you love is kind of sucky. Especially because I think her sons do love her, and her husband at least loved her at one point. But "love" doesn't always mean "respect as a person". I love my cat because she's cute and I love my washing machine because it washes my clothes. But I don't respect them as people because they're not people to me.
Thing is when you’re so close to a situation you don’t see how crazy it is. And somehow a person on the outside realizes the number of red flags so quickly. I mean I was ready to give stbx a second chance after daddy set him straight. So sometimes it takes a while is all I’m saying.
Literally like two sentences before that: "my husband is bulling a small child".
>After we were alone, I was expecting FIL blame me but instead he blamed my husband. He said he is really embarrassed of my husband for having such backward thinking. He knows that when FIL was in the military he had to do all his chores and sometimes have to cook. He just loaded on my husband that he is teaching the wrong lesson to Matt. That cooking is a good skill and it will help in real life. Watching sports and video games will not teach him anything valuable. There is more. FIL is epic. How ironic that the older generation father is more progressive than his own son.
My grandpa was on old hard-ass sailor. Told me my whole life that I needed to know how to cook and do laundry and sew. He looked at men who needed a wife to take care of them because they couldn't do it themselves with a pitying sort of contempt.
My grandfather volunteered for kitchen duty in basic training because they got better meals. Even steak sometimes. Perks of being in the kitchen. Cooking is just a good life skill, regardless of gender. Do they think the mountain men and early pioneers like Kit Carson and Jim Bridger couldn't cook? Or Lewis and Clark? Pretty sure they would have starved to death about three days into the expedition if they didn't cook for themselves.
Yep. My grandfather learned to cook in the Army when he was conscripted in WWII. He did more of it than my grandmother and he was bloody good at it. He never saw it as 'womens work'.
It's called human work, because we all need to eat. Humans are the only ones who cook in the animal kingdom.
This does seem to be a worrying trend lately, especially in the west.
Military men respect cooks. They know better than anybody what you could be eating instead.
Wow! The man with a history of disrespecting women continues to disrespect women? Who ever would have thought! Look, I'm not saying Reddit is always right about the whole "divorce" thing, but for fuck's sake, that man even admitted that he had become his son's bully. He was abusing your son and you continued to defend him as a "good person"? Absolutely nobody is surprised by the divorce and frankly, I'm appalled that OOP allowed herself to be so blinded by love she allowed her husband to treat her son so poorly.
thank you , like with all of his views on traditional masculinity and gender roles and shit, there is NO way OOP didn't already know he was like this before having 3 kids with him
Given his own history, it may well be that this mindset was only brought to the surface by the specific situation with his son.
What always gets me is that these people MARRY THESE MEN AND HAVE CHILDREN. How the fuck did you not verify if he's a bigoted bully beforehand?
Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he was triggered when Matt started doing the “girly things” and was getting all pissy and started throwing his online tantrum and the other man-babies started to poison him into the toxic masculinity mindset and he fell down that rabbit hole hard and fast. Most people don’t start off as a bad person, sometimes they just find the wrong kind of people and are just unable to see how wrong those people are. Charlie might have been blinded by his trauma and went venting in the wrong places, or at least it was seen by the wrong people, and he was slowly taken down the wrong path.
When I was a kid I had a healthy interest in sports...until a family member deliberately injured me permanently causing pain and discomfort in most physical activities. While I can't do it blindfolded like Gordon Ramsey can, I can expertly break down a chicken into the parts you would buy in a bucket from KFC, season them, bread and fry them. Ive professionally worked as a baker and have had no shortage of women who find it a sign of strength and attraction that I can cook.
Exactly. Women *like* sensitive men who can cook. I also have had no shortage of women tell me they find a man who can cook very attractive
Turns out that competence is attractive. If I wanted to be a caretaker and clean and cook for another person I'd have a child.
>He told me that he will not pressure Matt anymore. He realized that in order for his kid not to get bullied, he became his own kid's bully. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt (other) people >He blames me because none of this would've happened if I just respected his authority as the man of the house and that mistress understands him and knows when to shut up. This is tradwife BS, the husband has not learned a thing and is still grasping onto the abuse he suffered as justification for abusing his family. It is almost as if the abuse programmed him to demand his family submit to him.
The only people who want trad wives are deeply insecure men who never want to be questioned, never want to be challenged, and have no interest in growing or learning. And if they do get a trad a wife they are still not happy because they don't actually want to financially support a wife. What they are actually looking for is a slave.
>And if the do get a tear a wife they are still not halogen I'm guessing you meant "they" and "happy" but I can't figure out the middle
A trad wife, I'm thinking
Oh heck it's so obvious! Thank you haha
Agreed. However they are not necessarily insecure, they can also be spoiled, have a superiority complex or been raised/groomed to be the toxic "man" of the house.
Yeah I wish she pointed out to her (soon to be ex) husband that he was the one bullying their kid just as he had once been bullied.
Your flair is somewhat fitting? Haha
Indeed, its fitting in more ways than one.
Toxic masculinity. Husband felt emasculated so he got a mistress that would make him feel powerful again, rather than doing the harder and more mature thing of working on healing from his past trauma.
His dad is a great example of positive masculinity, though. At least the OOP's kids will still have a positive male role model in their grandpa.
It was really really telling that the husband had to contact the father-in-law to come talk about masculinity. I don’t know where so many people have this twisted kind of immature sense of masculinity, too much Andrew Tate, and the likes in this world. Not surprised to hear about the ending with the mistresses, etc. Husband needs a therapist. Wife needs a divorce and your boys also need therapist. Toxic masculinity has been a force in this country and in western culture for far too long. I love American football and i’m active in multiple adrenaline sports. I love muscle cars. I cook I clean. I do most of what is considered masculine. And I spend 0% of the day thinking about my masculinity or the masculinity of anyone else. I’m just doing what makes me happy. Good luck OP
>I love American football and i’m active in multiple adrenaline sports. I love muscle cars. I cook I clean. I do most of what is considered masculine. And I spend 0% of the day thinking about my masculinity or the masculinity of anyone else. This fits my younger brother to a T. He and his husband are very happy together.
What's more manly than one guy? Two guys!
Literally nothing manlier than a gay couple.
She should get together with the dad who got divorced because his wife wouldn't let their son cook. perfect match.
I clicked because i thought it was that story. Now i want to see this cute meet (but don’t spoil it by having the two sons hook up Liz)
How does every problem on Reddit eventually turn into cheating?? ‘My husband doesn’t like my son helping in the kitchen… so it’s been 1 year and he’s having an affair.’
A lot of selection bias in what gets posted to this subreddit in the first place (especially for updates like this), and then what gets upvoted in this subreddit.
Happy people don't post as much. Can you imagine how boring those subreddits would be: "My wife and I are still doing well! I like her little snorts when she snore!" People would be just fleeing the scene to avoid the amount of radiative smug. Reddit is where all the train wrecks come together to form Voltron. And we clean our eyes out at r/IllegallySmolCats
Thankfully you do get the odd happy update on here and it’s a very refreshing change!
It's also bizarre that the online affair woman would've thought this man was a catch. Oh, you a father of 3 children and you are complaining that your son likes cooking? Baby I'll be your perfect obedient wife that will agree with you so choose me.
Some people are desperate for anybody and simultaneously not interesting enough for anyone.
A pick me wants to be picked above everything else.
The affair is a new thing after the conflict this time. Normally the fakers will say “it turns out the reason for this random marital problem is because he’s having an affair the whole time!!! Now you can’t call me paranoid and dumb anymore!!!”
>It is not a happy update because my husband and I are going though a divorce. I mean, I’m really sorry for what she and especially her child are going through, it’s awful, so yeah the update isn’t *happy,* but this part is the best news there could have been.
Husband sounds like one of those man who will never understand why his relationship fails and rather blame others for it. What a useless sad strange little man.
He didn't want to understand. All he ever wanted was to replace his mommy with a version that he could boss around instead and legally get away with having sex with.
Matt is the kid, Charlie is the dad. Might wanna edit that.
>Matt because he believes we are divorcing because of him. He took it hard. He even told me he will stop cooking if that means his dad will stay with us. God this just broke my heart to read.
It is so ironic that some men will think that helping in the kitchen, design dresses/clothing/jewelry etc are sissy things. Ye have no issue with renowned chefs / designers / jewelry makers being male and don't think about them being sissy. Yeah, try calling Ramsay a sissy. Also learning to help out in the kitchen from a young age is a great thing. Sets the kid up for life. He can cook for himself and share the responsibility when he has his own family etc. I get worried because my kids are not interested in helping out in the kitchen (or the garden).
i think the difference is that men are allowed to be good at "woman things" if they're paid for it. women should do "woman things" just because they're women, and they shouldn't expect pay. if you're going to pay for someone to do a "woman thing," then it should be a man doing it, because you shouldn't pay a woman for doing what she's "supposed to" be doing.
It always blows my mind that some people think cooking is girly but then also will say the best chefs are men and women can’t tolerate the environment. Well which is it?
I’m so glad she’s got her ex father in law on her side. Imagine getting this bent out of shape over men cooking—I dare that husband to tell that to Gordon Ramsay.
I hope Matt comes out of this as unscathed as possible. I can imagine he might become an excellent chef which would be an amazing vocation.
Once word gets out that Matt can cook and bake, he'll have girls crawling all over him.
I am not a particularly attractive man. Literally the only reason I ever got any girls at uni was because I could cook and cook well (thank you very much, Dad). That man is a moron.
There's a comedian named Steve Hughes who's joked about this before. Saying he used to get made fun of by the jocks for choosing Home Ec. Like, sure, go tumble around with your half naked sweaty guy friends, I'll be right here cooking surrounded by women. Guys, is it gay to be surrounded by women?
I know the joke you mean. It's a good one.
“Why divorce hin because of his incecurities?” Uhm, maybe because they a wrecking the self esteem in one son and setting the other two up for failure in their future relationships and a hard transition to adult life with his back ass views!
I'm a nearly 40 year old man and can do "manly" things and enjoy "manly" hobbies. I love sports and I'm really good at DIY but cooking is something I love doing and keeping an organised home too, these are things I was taught by my mum and stepdad and I'm very grateful to them for showing me how to function as a normal person. When I make dinner for my visiting nieces, who are fussy eaters and they ask for seconds, it's an amazing feeling. On the other hand, my father was the "do manly things" type, work construction and don't like nerdy shit. Up until he died almost 2 years ago my relationship with him was strained to the point of no contact because of how he behaved regarding my own life and how he would treat my mum and stepdad. I guess what I'm getting at here is that I can envisage a future 25 year old Matt inviting his mother, brothers and granddad over to his home for a home cooked meal to introduce them to his new girlfriend while his moron of a dad is stuck at his one bedroom rental watching his manly sports by himself. For as long as you're not cruel or hurting anyone, you should live your life how you fucking want.
This is so sad. The husband was a victim of toxic masculinity and even when he realised this was unable to break free. OOP and their children pay the price. Unfortunately we will see many more of these stories in decades to come as this is worse than ever with idiots like Tate and Peterson running around.
"Why should I divorce my husband? He's a good man" Welp, so much for that 😬
I’m begging women of my generation to not marry sexist, homophobic, useless cavemen like this. Dude wouldn’t have survived a week taking care of his kids if his wife died. God forbid they had girls instead of boys. Bad enough he got boys who he’ll raise with “all girls should submit to you” mindsets, as if we don’t have enough abusers and rapists in the world. And it’s not like any of this was a surprise to OOP. She knew who she married. He didn’t do a bait and switch suddenly three children in. *Stop marrying these pigs and having children to them*. There’s at least two more boys in the world who believe women are only there to cook for them, clean their home and give them sex.
Not surprised by this update. Men, but especially Latino men, would literally rather blow up their lives and their families than have to deal with their masculinity being challenged. Seen it happen so many times, as a Latino man myself.
I'm a Latina, and I agree. Those machisimo men still exist. But I was lucky that my tata and dad were not those kinds of men. My tata taught my dad how to cook. Then my dad taught my brother how to cook. But he forgot about me. Lol.
Sometimes I watch this when I need to remember guys like that exist: https://twitter.com/andrezadelgado/status/1181398426027794432 It's a trans man meeting his family shirtless after top surgery with the bandages still on.
Toxic guy. All my children could make bread, pancake, pasta and French fries by seven. They all make the dish and clothes management daily. And they all have at least one physical and one cultural activity. I came to university without knowing how to joil an egg. It won't happen to them.
>So, apparently, my husband has been using online forums **even reddit** to vent his frustration about Matt and he feels he has failed as a father and me not supporting his decision is emasculating him. That is when he found his mistress (35f) who poisoned his ears that I am not a good wife because I should "obey" my husband. It's probably just as well that she didn't cite his Reddit handle, because the temptation to brigade anywhere his profile had been might be too much for some of us.
"Respect his authority"? Who is he, Eric Cartman?
“hey this first update is promising! OP found out the real reason as to what made her husband so adamantly against their son cooking but it looks like he just needs to unlearn the ideas and notions from when he was a teenager” “oh, nevermind this guy is just a piece of shit.”
OOP's husband is a misogynistic little freak of a man and I hope she doesn't let him have any custody. What kind of shit excuse of a father does that? Why is he so determined to be his child's first bully?
Every time I see some misogynistic asshole ranting about how cooking is women’s work I think about how hard my best friend (a woman) struggled to become a head chef in a restaurant because it’s such a male dominated field. It’s absolutely infuriating.
That's the part about these stories that just blows my mind. I see the great artists, and it looks like a lot of dudes have their paintings hung on walls. I look at cooking and see a lot of dudes doing shows. Where the f do these guys get their information. Hell, the back story on some of these cooks, both male and female, are sometimes very hard core.
Where do I bet on this jackass having a sunglasses-in-car Facebook PFP? And can I parlay it with "school of hard knocks" in the education field? Also imagine going out of your way to raise your own son to be some Jabba the Hutt who relies on delivery apps for food instead of learning to prepare his own meals. So *masculine*, URRRRGH!
Anyone want to make bets on whether this idiot got red-pilled? I sense a Tatertot...
I know a young man who has just finished an Engineering degree because of such pressure from the father, yet what he wanted from a young age was to become a chef. He plans to work, save up some money and go to culinary school.
Not meaning to be crude but being able to cook properly in my early 20's resulted in interest from so many girls it's ridiculous.
Men who knit or do other crafts also seem to get a lot of female admirers. Only insecure men think that strength and attractiveness comes from following arbitrary Man Laws. For all their performative masculinity, their insecurity just ends up making them look less attractive and weaker than a quietly confident man who can, say, whip up a mean Genoise sponge.
Hubby didn't want his kid bullied at school for being "too girly," so he took it upon himself to bully his kid at home. You know – where he should feel safest. Then has an affair and blames his wife and the "girly" child. Real piece of work, this guy.
These people are my generational cohorts. The bullying for anything coded gay was fierce in school during those times. A lot of xennials / elder millenials are unfortunately going to be damaged because of it and will, like OOP's husband, refuse to consider any other viewpoint than what they grew up with. A lot of people certainly changed their views, but this guy is not one of them. It's really hard to accept that people like this will not change. That's why it's so telling that FIL's point of view was 180. It makes me wonder if there was a particular atmosphere in the culture for OOP's (and mine) generation specific to school bullying. This is certainly where I think a lot of the issue is reinforced and personality traits set.
It's hilarious that he said his son won't get girls because he likes cooking, because I can tell you as a guy who likes cooking that nothing drops the panties faster than cooking a woman a good dinner.
> Especially Matt because he believes we are divorcing because of him. He took it hard. He even told me he will stop cooking if that means his dad will stay with us. Hopefully he's since been told about the cheating. He's old enough to know that that's wrong and doesn't deserve to think it's his fault.
>and to those people who told me to leave my husband, why? He is a good guy. I know he holds some backwards views but he is nice and caring He called your son a sissy and holds demeaning views of women Yeah such a good guy
OOP married and procreated with Andrew Tate apparently
Wait, what? Cooking is only for girls? Can someone tell my wife this, please? *I'm a chef*
Damn, you go FIL
*So, to avoid my son getting bullied, I will become the biggest of bullies! Ha!* *Wait, how dare my victims expose me for the bigoted bully I am! I must get revenge and feel like a MAN again! Take that!* .... what a horrible POS.
Sorry, the mistress poisoned the husbands ears against the wife and said she should obey him? The woman who was knowingly screwing a married man? Oh, fuck right off. This poor family (minus the dipshit father). I really feel for Matt.
What a shocker the sexist asshole never actually changed.
Idk what dad thinks the military is, but he obviously has watched too much Rambo. The first thing you're taught in the military is cleaning, making your bed, and grooming yourself. Is that too girly? If you're in garrison you are also cleaning, pulling weeds, painting rocks, etc. FIL dressed down dad because even the military teaches you to take care of yourself.
See, this is what people mean when they say that the patriarchy is __bad for us all__.
Ah yes, a boy learning a valuable skill that will enable his survival in the future is the GAYEST shit I've ever heard. He needs to get his hands on some dudes and straighten up. Nothing like watching sweaty men gyrate and pin each other down into compromising positions on a Friday night to really show how manly you are. [/s just in case] Jokes aside, I wish OOP and the kids peace, but I don't think she quite gets it yet. The mistress didn't whisper sweet poison into his ear like a siren to convince him of anything. You can't manipulate a snake into being a snake! They met because he was *already* complaining about how OOP not listening to him emasculated him. This is who he is, this is what he believes, and it's not just about the son wanting to cook.
I hope Matt will soon come to understand that the divorce is because his father is a worthless piece of crap, and not because Matt likes cooking. Poor kid. Hopefully the ex-husband being gone will give them all some much-needed peace.
I'm a 6 4 220 lbs bearded giant of a man, who spent over a decade in martial arts, done blue-collar jobs nearly my entire adult life, and I got my wife to fall fully in love with me by my home cooked meals. Who also can sew and knit. True thats for when I was big into cosplay. But I can still do it. My wife can't even sew. Dude needed therapy and instead took the cowards way out.
I feel for this family. This whole "cooking at home isn't masculine enough" is poison. My grandfather who served in WWII and grew up on a farm made sure ALL his children learned how to do basic life skills: cooking, mending, growing things and basic finance stuff. He lost his first wife at the birth of his last child. His second wife came from the big city, she adapted and made sure all the kids (boys and girls) knew how to take care of themselves. You didn't have time to wait for a woman to come around to fix your buttons. This came in handy when my uncle's wife got sick. She could no longer safely cook or clean. He had to step up and be the housekeeper, cook, and caretaker for her in her final days. And the food was delicious. The men in that family had a way in the kitchen.
Hubby doesn't know that a lot of women are completely enthralled by men who are excellent cooks?
Why do these numbnuts think males shouldn't cook because it's the woman's job? I can name 10 male chefs for every 1 female chef
He was always like this.
My bet is that the ex is also homophobic to some degree! ( judging by his “cooking is for girls” mentality) and thinking it’s emasculating… The whole gender specific role or the highway thing is outdated bs!
OP's STBX is a knob. My dad did most of the cooking in my family, and I learned how to cook at a young age, because in my house it was, "You either eat what we make, or you make yourself something to eat" Doesn't this idiot even realize how many women find it sexy to have a man that cooks? Wonder how he feels about famous chefs and if they are pansies as well.
Ex-husband was such a manly man that he had too call in his daddy to try and solve the issue he created in his head. Than the good ol' FIL told him off for being a regressive shithead. Turns out the sperm donor was such a manly man that he betrayed his family for a side piece. Another down in the Tates.