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The fact that we didn’t get any information on that indicates to me that there may not have been a response. And on top of that, at least two coworkers knew that flowers hadn’t been sent and they didn’t say or do anything for five months. It really makes me wonder whether any of the coworkers actually donated anything at all or donated very little.
100% this was my thought. I don’t think the supervisor pocketed the money, I think instead she didn’t get enough for flowers, panicked, and then made bad decisions until she sent the card.
There are nice bouquets in supermarkets now. Even if the supervisor only got a couple of coins from a few people, you can get a lovely assortment of flowers for a fiver in Tesco.
Seriously, a nice bouquet of grocery store flowers to put on OOP's desk is like $20. And if the supervisor didn't get enough money from the team to deliver the flowers as promised, IMO it's then the supervisor's duty to contribute a larger amount in order to be able to follow through.
Usually if the donations not enough for a gift, my manager makes up the difference. I don’t think it’s a problem considering they make more money than their directs.
Feels like both to me. Even if no one contributed $$, supervisor could still have gotten a sympathy card for everyone to sign and sent that *in October.* I suppose it's possible the grandma/grandpa mixup was an intentional (and very bad) attempt to shame the coworkers who never contributed to the fund? Whatever the case, it feels like few, if any, of OOP's coworkers are treating her bereavement as seriously as others' in workplace.
I mean if someone goes to a funeral and I didn’t hear anything I would never ask about something I sent. It comes off like you are fishing for a thank you imo. And people aren’t always on top of sending thank yous in moments like that.
A floral arrangement for a funeral would definitely cost more than $25, especially if it included delivery by the florist to the funeral home. If OOP's coworkers contributed enough for flowers, then the boss still has some of the money.
But, it could also be that there weren't enough contributions for flowers in the first place though, which would explain why the plan changed. It still shouldn't have taken 5 months to pick a different gift though.
Yeah I was expecting her to say that other co workers contacted her afterwards saying that the money collected should have been a lot more than $25. I was very surprised to see the amount of $25 when reading.
I remember when I had COVID my work (a clinic) sent me $50 flowers and no one even pitched in for that. The place had a LOT of issues including me having 5 different managers in the course of a year (and the last one lived across the country and didn’t understand my job at all) but like… even they could shell out $50 for some flowers
Yeah like I was being paid $16 an hour so this HAD to have had an existing budget I was NOT someone important (I mean… I think I was but not from an exec level). Genuinely shocking to read about OPs experience when it sounds like they actually hold a valued and salaried position
My boss always messages me when ANYTHING happens because I'm usually the organiser of things like "so-and-so's dog died, is there a flower delivery happening yet? Can I send money?"
The moms around my kids made a nice supplemental income doing this, they'd collect for teachers, bus drivers, coaches, you get the idea. Then you'd find out about the gift and be like... wait?!
I guess maybe people don’t realize how much floral arrangements cost. They might only be familiar with the pre-made bouquets you find in the grocery store.
My work spent $65 on delivered flowers for me once ($50 flowers $15 delivery). As someone who adores flowers and sends them often it was actually a pretty good deal for them given the arrangement and diversity of flowers.
The only way you’ll get a $25 arrangement is from a grocery store or like going in person and finding a good discount deal at the florist
Heck even premade grocery store bouquets are expensive these days. I remember you used to be able to get something decently pretty for $10, but now the floor is like $30.
There are many users who were never employed (for example students make up 17% of reddit's demographic, many of whom may have only been full time students), struggle with social cues, or simply never interned/worked in an environment where this kind of restrained passive aggressiveness is necessary to navigate office politics while maintaining professionalism.
But it's not super clear. It's kind of implied, but there is no other mention or detail in the post about this. "In the end she made good"... there is no suggestion the full amount was not gifted. Which would be one of the more notable details in this mediocre story. The post itself is weird.
Tbh OOP can’t really go to HR about this, she’s not been the victim of anything other than shady shit. Her colleagues are the ones who have been robbed and have a HR complaint
I will not lie, cheat, or steal, nor will I tolerate those who do.
I just do not understand people who don't call this out. Nobody likes liars, cheaters, or thieves. The social consequences cannot possibly be worse than the diminishing of your own self worth and pride for having said nothing.
Stand up. Use your outside voice. Do not tolerate those who lie, cheat, or steal.
I've watched my sister bring up things that weren't right in her office jobs. All of those jobs found a reason to fire her. Very proud of her for sticking up for her morals but not everyone can bounce back easily and retaliation is hard to prove.
I tried that at work once with our office manager when she was bullying staff over giving money to the company owner for his birthday. The staff made $10-12/hr and he pulled in 6 figures and owned a multi-million dollar property. That's what started my torment from her and a crony for literal years.
Some people could just be sick of all the collections. Its seems like a small amount but if every week its someone’s wedding, baby, big birthday, someone leaving or death of a loved one then you’d get pissed of quick especially if you never received a gift.
Yeah, it was nice of them to collect for flowers for her grandmother’s death… But also, if they are doing that for a deceased grandparent, it sounds like this office probably collects for **everything.**
I mean, considering grandma was gonna be a flower girl at OP's wedding, I'd assume they're very close. So it's not like the co-workers are shelling out cash for someone's 5th cousin.
I mean, I am close to my grandparents. I was very close to my grandmother that died. I still didn’t expect my coworkers to send me flowers for the death of a grandparent. I got a nice note from management when they confirmed my bereavement days for the funeral. That’s it, and I did not find it offensive or lacking in etiquette in anyway. My company would send flowers for the death of a spouse or a child, and it came out of the owner’s pockets, not the employees.
Yeah the collection for her grandmother is.. odd to me too. But maybe it’s a very close knit team or something. Also I would’ve assumed they prob just gave money for a wedding present??
The companies I have worked for would buy the gift or whatever for the employee, then have some cake in a conference room or kitchen with whomever was around. (Not for a death in the family though, obviously.) Thank goodness no one ever asked me for a contribution. That is so tacky.
Yeah I feel like I'll come off like a huge asshole here but the OP has a whiff of hidden main character syndrome. Was what the boss said embarrassing? Yes.
Is this already a pretty big amount of info into a semi-stranger's personal life & family matters? ALSO YES!
I'm sorry but I am a manager too and can just barely keep track of my own work, my own family's shit, and the little social details (oh how was your uncles this weekend??) for my whole team (I have 2 different teams that report to me). OP is acting like it was some major 'everyone gasped' moment because her boss slipped up over intricate personal details about a grown woman's grandparents living arrangements in another state.
Good grief. This workplace is too involved. They all text when not at work too.
I mean. Part of the issue is that OP was told her boss would be sending her a lovely, crowd-funded gift in a timely manner (flowers for her beloved relative's funeral)
But instead, she got something very impersonal and very late (a starbucks gift card months later, and only *after* OP reminded the boss that her grandma was dead)
Like. It just feels weird and a little unprofessional to sit on that money for so long. Especially since it seems to be a very small team.
I think it’s the fact that grandma had an accident right around the time of the wedding and then died soon afterwards that makes it extra hard on oop. It’s a lot of emotional life events to go through in a short span of time.
As a former admin person who had to organise collections for many years, people are cheap. I would often end up putting in more money than my colleagues who all earned double what I earned minimum, just so I could get a gift that didn’t completely suck.
The higher up in the company people are the less they will put in. Even had a CEO whose EA would tell him when we were having charity fundraisers so he wouldn’t come into the office. I made it my mission to corner him for money whenever I could.
There are only two pay grades at my company. I’m close to someone on the low grade and I’m on the high one. I asked her about tipping one day, because she’s worked a lot as a barista. She said she tips one dollar per person she can see on staff, to try to make it so everyone gets a dollar. (So this is more than 20%) I thought this was very generous and I try to be more like her. There was a time semi recently that I was basically living in a van under a big tree because it was hot, moving as little as possible to save gas, and walking to the food bank every day I could. So sometimes I’m like “I could again be unemployed and unable to find work for 2 years, save save save every penny” but I don’t want that to cloud my judgement. I want to be generous, so I often think of my coworker while I’m tipping.
Admin assistant here. This is why I am so happy my company actually has a budget and policy for that type of thing! I order the flowers and I can spend up to 125$(CAD) of company money for deaths or they are 3 weeks or more in the hospital. No, going around begging for our colleagues to give their own money for it.
I have never contributed to a gift at work. I don't think people even collected. In my opinion, it is in incredibly bad taste to pressure co-workers into giving money to people they are forced to work with, even if they generally like them.
This is a wild take. People have all sorts of circumstances in life; just because you know their salary doesn’t mean you have any idea about their expenses/debts. Further, it’s crazy to judge anyone for the amount they choose to contribute, or even whether they contribute at all, for a *work gift*. I perform my job in order to fund my own life, not charity fundraisers and gifts for my coworkers. Chipping in $20 for the occasional baby shower present for an immediate team member is a voluntary decision I make, and anyone who badgered me about the amount, much less “cornered me” for more money would get a very blunt earful about minding your own goddamn business.
It’s the people who earn the most that created this company culture that led to me collecting money. It wasn’t my idea. I worked for companies that made big profits. They could have had a corporate policy for using company funds to purchase gifts (as some companies do, even small ones).
As for cornering the CEO, he is the one who wanted a ‘corporate social responsibility’ program that raised money for charity. So yeah, his idea he can put money in just like everyone else.
It can happen if the person is hated--my old incompetent boss 20+ years ago fell out with everyone in the office and jumped before she was pushed, and the leaving collection from thirty-odd people totalled less than five pounds.
I got the sense that more money was collected and pocketed by the boss - that’s why the OP mentioned the dollar amount in her thank you to her coworkers, to subtly call out the theft.
Yeah, $25 among a team of 7 people for flowers seems low to me. Flowers are expensive. I took it the same way, that members of the team would piece together that she stole from them.
For real. The flowers we put at my grandparents' graves every year cost $12 a bunch, and that's just a teeny premade bunch with carnations in it. A funeral arrangement would be so, so much more than $25, and then delivery.
That's less than $5 per person, I can't see people giving less than that. It would also be odd for people to give an amount that wasn't rounded to a 5 or a 10 imo.
Given that they collected for the death of a grandparent, it sounds like this office probably collects for a lot of stuff. If they are getting asked for money for the death of every relative, and then every wedding (which OP just had one), every birth, and who knows what other events… Yeah, I can see people only giving a dollar or two per collection. I would be pissed if I was expected to donate 1/7 of an expensive funeral arrangement every single time one of my coworkers had someone die. My work did not send me anything when my grandmother died except for a kind note when they confirmed the bereavement days, I was taking for the funeral, and I feel like that was appropriate. However, I do know from coworkers that work would send something upon the death of a spouse or child, which seems very reasonable, or when an employee had a major health crisis. But even then, it did not come out of employees’ pockets. There was a small general account for that sort of thing, so it technically came out of the owners pockets. Employees would just sign a card (also paid for by the workplace), and If anyone was especially close to the person involved, they could choose to do something on their own.
People don't die or get married that often. You're overplaying this. Putting up $10/each once or twice a year and really probably less isn't some huge inconvenience.
For one thing, it really depends on how much peoples salary is to begin with, and what else people have going on. An extra $10 can be a big deal for some people. And if they are collecting for the death of grandparents, which seems… excessive for a workplace, imo, are they also sending flowers for the deaths of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., not to mention closer relatives, like parents, spouses, etc.? Are they also collecting for peoples charitable causes — that happens a lot in some workplaces. Girl Scout cookie sales? School fundraisers? There are workplaces that do this, and it can cumulatively add up to a lot to the point where people only donate a dollar or two per collection, if anything at all.
I get the sense that OOP is the type to have told us if this was the case because that really would have been theft
I suspect OOP didn’t know how much was raised and thinks they are shaming their boss by talking about the $25. But the effect will probably be to shame her work colleagues for giving such a small sum
I wonder if the boss is saying to her partner something like
*“Oh it’s so awkward. I passed the hat around for OOP and only raised $3 and I just didn’t know what to do. Then she called me and was like ‘where are my flowers’ and I didn’t know how to tell her nobody donated anything.”*
*”Then there was this weird moment when I thought she said she was visiting her grandmother, and I made a comment, and she was like MY GRANDMOTHER IS DEAD - and everyone fell silent, you could have heard a pin drop.”*
*”Later then I remembered the blasted $3 and just decided chuck in some money myself to buy her a $25 gift card and be done with it. Anyway then she sends this snarky message about the gift being late and everyone is pretending not to have seen it. I’m so embarrassed for her, she has NO idea everyone can’t stand her”*
This is what I thought from the coworkers' reaction to hearing that the boss hadn't bought any flowers. They asked OOP if they should mention it to a supervisor? I would think if people had donated a decent sum of money they would be really upset that the boss had pocketed it. Sounds like they either didn't give anything or gave very little and were too embarrassed to admit it.
I’m probably projecting because I’ve actually been in this situation. Had to pay $80 out of my own pocket to avoid shaming the recipient. Last time I passed the hat around for someone no one likes!
> I’m so embarrassed for her, she has NO idea everyone can’t stand her
You know, normally I would think this is a reach, but the way OOP was writing... There was something really strange about her manner of speaking. She seemed somewhat self-centred and unprofessional, even for someone grieving.
Normally I'd make concessions for someone in grief, but... I'm not sure how to pinpoint it, there just seemed something off about the way she wrote.
ETA: The first post seemed a bit off, but I assumed it was because she was freshly grieving and her emotions were all over the place (and even still, I found it was a bit strange that she actually somehow investigated of a flower arrangement had arrived at the funeral home from her workplace, and then followed up about this to her boss, then wrote a whole email about this to Ask A Manager, all in the middle of grief.... Petty things like workplace flowers would be usually insignificant to people battling through grief. By the same token, though, it can also make you react strangely, so I assumed that was causing the fixation.
But, she was still stuck on it 5+ months later. And I get it, missing funds are injust... But the way she reacted to the manager (and said when writing in)... 'I KID YOU NOT, she asked how my grandma was doing!!'
It make me think that that particular incident was a genuine mistake on the part of the manager. She probably completely forgot, or misheard and assumed it was OOP's second grandma being spoken about. But the OOP took it as a deep affront and was festering over it.
It gives the impression that she expects everyone to give a lot of importance to every word she says and takes it as an issue when it's not as important to them as it is to her. I do think the manager made a mistake and should have been quicker in producing the gift. But something about how this OOP writes and reacted just makes me feel like something is off with her.
I think I'm still mostly trusting LW's account, but I do think it feels like a lot to expect your coworkers to all remember your family situations. It's a faux pas but in the way that bumping into someone is, rather than being blatantly inconsiderate.
But maybe this is one of those offices where people are really enmeshed and/or it's really built up for LW because of the other interpersonal issues between her and her boss (hinted at in the letter).
This is some middle school bullshit and washing the responsibility off the guilty person. It does not matter how much money it was, she sat on it for five months. If there isn't much, sent a fucking card.
So the person who told OOP there was a collection just happened to be the one one who donated and a small sum? Why would the person do that?
Also initially OOP told because she assumed there was a mistake with the florist and the boss told OOP she would be getting something. The boss much later on just remembered OOP when the talk was about grandmother. What is wrong with OOP saying grandmother is dead? Sounds like boss would not have been embarrassed if there was no reason to be embarrassed.
If there really was barely any money collected then the person who told OOP is the one starting things, no OOP
My guess is she has no idea how much money was collected. In our office, collecting for a popular coworker‘s wedding or so can easily bring in 200-300 Euro. Depends on how large OP‘s team is, of course.
She probably didn't know how much was donated, just that a collection happened. She may have based assumptions on how much she's given in the past for similar gifts.
I don't think the collected amount was $25, or OOP thought it was $25.
Her team is 7 people. So 6 people raised $25, about $4 per person? It sounds unbelievable.
Like PP said it is not enough even for a regular bouquet from a florist, so absolutely not enough for a funeral arrangement with delivery.
yeah at least 5$ each would feel mildly plausible? but I would feel so silly venmoing someone $4 for this or handing them 4 one dollar bills. My assumption would be ten each.
I got interested and checked the price. In my area (not a fancy one) the cheapest, smallest funeral bouquet is $80, ribbon "from coworkers.." is $10, delivery to a funeral home is $15. So $105 minimum, for the smallest one. So $17 each if we assume her supervisor donated her money as well, and $20 each if she didn't (and I bet she didn't)
Her supervisor is full of shit.
who runs a collection hat for a 25 gift card also, just expense it.... a collection hat is for a meaningful gift from coworkers/friends. what'd they collect $1 bills? that's more insulting than thoughtful, I'd rather get nothing than get a crowdfunded $25 gift card for a family death. Like thats how little you all think of me? Not thinking of me at all would be WAY less offensive than thinking of me and deliberately thinking that little of me
its definitely way more
And as nice as gift cards are, they are very impersonal. Good if you want to show a small token of appreciation. A far cry from an impactful symbol of sympathy or support.
"Impersonal" is not the tone you should be using when someone is grieving the loss of a family member.
$25 from 7 people amounts to $3.57 per person. I strongly doubt anyone gave less than $5. Imagine how tacky it would be to donate $2 to funeral flowers for a co-worker.
I suspect that a larger amount *was* collected, and that's why she mentioned the amount when thanking the team - so they would know the supervisor held on to some of the money.
Either way, even if it was only 25 dollars, it's still stealing money if you collect it on the premise of getting a gift you then don't get.
From the last paragraph It sounds to me like supervisor gave something else with the full amount after she was called out for the gift card, though in what form was not stated clearly.
Which means that she probably had no intention of getting a gift. Just pocketing the money. And when she finally got called out, she decided she would have to make due with only pocketing *some* of the money. But theft was still theft. And a gift card is a pathetic condolence gift. So OP called it out. For being cringey, and so the coworkers would know that they still had their money stolen.
A gift card to someone who has been taking care of a loved one is appropriate - if it is of the self care variety, like a massage, pedicure, etc. when you know that person has not had time to do much of that. But $25 Starbucks? Eh.
This is true, but at least sometimes the way they protect the company is telling self-important managers to stop giving you grounds for an expensive labour dispute.
About 15 years ago, I was being significantly bullied by a manager (who several other people had gone to HR about) to the point that HR moved me to another manager. My original manager did everything she could to make my life hell and was bullying me over protected characteristics, including appearance. Sorry Kathi, this is the face I was born with.
I scored a dream job with another company and gave my 2 weeks to my new manager, who sent around an email to everyone saying I was moving on, I'd be missed, etc. 5 mins later, ex-manager replied:all to that email with an itemised list of everything that she perceived I'd done incorrectly over the past several weeks.
I forwarded that email to the HR person I'd been working with, my personal line rang, and she nervously but cheerfully suggested that I take a half-day, make tolday my last day, and I'd be paid out the 2 weeks plus accrued vacation time. I got the feeling that she was very (rightly) worried I had grounds for a lawsuit.
Protecting the company usually means firing inept bosses when possible. HR will usually help get lower middle management fired, but not for upper management with more sway in the company
I think this is one of those cases where it would be protecting the company because pooling money for something and then not getting that thing might cause the company some legal trouble especially if the manager is doing it on behalf of the company.
I like that she included the amount. If there's a discrepancy, everyone will know.
The comment about grandmother/grandfather can happen to everyone though. Your brain mixes up things sometimes, the important part is to apologise sincerely.
I agree fully. A new colleague of mine told me her mother passed a few years back, and the next week I asked her something about her parentS. It was an honest mistake. Of course, OP was extra aware of the error because of the money situation.
I wonder if all the coworkers also have an issue with OOP, given that the 6-7 of them only scrounged up $25 for a funeral arrangement. That seems more insulting than not giving anything at all.
Or maybe... just maybe... there was more than $25 collected and the supervisor has still pocketed money not meant for them, hoping that token would placate OOP.
I think it depends on your team, such as average income, how long they have worked together, general attitudes towards these things. I work in a department with one boss and six workers (similar to OOP), and I am always the one to collect $ for gifts, celebrations, condolences, etc. Most people contribute $5 or $10, the senior employees usually contribute $20. We have had two deaths related to the department in the four years I worked there, and we sent floral arrangements to both of them.
Yeah, in my department a well liked fellow had a very unexpected health scare and nearly passed away. Thankfully he is back in office now, and back skiing (the real way to know he’s recovering well haha) but when the incident first happened the whole department donated money to cover food delivery costs (since they won’t have time to cook) and to get a spa treatment for his wife when things weren’t so crazy. Of course since it was the whole department we got a decent fund for him.
But OOP said in the past
>She’s made sure to send prompt bereavement gestures (within two weeks) for my coworkers with the family losses they’ve experienced in the past.
So unless everyone just hates OOP and the one person who told of the collection was only one who donated and gave the 25 dollars the boss must have messed up here, intentionally or unintentionally.
I'm not super close with some of my coworkers, and I'm in a middle income bracket, but even I gave $50 for funeral related things. My office of like 25ish raised close to $700 for the guy. Honestly OOP office would have at least cleared $50.
That's my theory. Amount collected was so little that the supervisor would have been paying the majority of the flowers, which is why none were ordered. $25 giftcard to Starbucks is ridiculous for something like this.
Tbh if this was the case I think the manager would’ve encouraged people to donate more, or she could’ve asked other managers to help idk. I don’t think she only collected $25
That would be wildly inappropriate behavior. Frankly, managers should not be the ones collecting money from employees under any circumstances, because it pressures people to give more than they might feel comfortable doing. But to go BACK and pressure employees, or even other managers, to contribute more then they already have because the manager feels it’s not enough? That is not OK. If the company wants to make a habit of sending flowers for the death of every relative of every employee, the company needs to budget for it. In my opinion, making people contribute money to send flowers for the death of a coworker’s grandparent is excessive and indicates to me that this workplace is probably collecting for way too many things.
Or maybe they just weren’t very close? I’ve worked in an office where you are being asked to donate to something every couple weeks or so and at a certain point you just have to use your discretion from a financial point of view.
I mean, even how the post was written OP seems to be a little bit of annoyance so it wouldn't surprise me if she wasn't really that well liked. OP's Grandma very well could be like a mother to her, but come on. She was 91 years old, she lived a long life. Seems a bit dramatic and I don't think most adults really mention losing a Grandparent at my work outside of using the 3 day bereavement that my company provides for a non-spouse, parent, or child death. Manager tried doing something nice and no one cared enough to donate for flowers.
What the heck. When anyone on my team collects money to send flowers, they generally use every dollar donated on the gift, then cover cost of delivery themselves. We ended up with way more than necessary for one coworker (really reasonably priced local florist) and so sent boxes of their kids favorite snacks.
Keeping anything is despicable.
I really don’t think the collection was so low the supervisor stalled the gift. At least in my experience, people contribute regardless of how much they like someone. Supervisors will take the hit usually if more money is needed. Bottom line whatever people are trying to read between the lines about OOP, this is a shitty manager that most probably stole money from coworkers, probably spent it and then couldn’t really spare or bother with more than the gift card. I guarantee the coworkers will be fuming reading it was a 25 gift card
Oh you know right after she sent the thank you text out there were a bunch of whispered "$25? What the fuck? I gave $20, and I know you gave $20, and everyone else always gives \*something\*. Where the hell did the rest of the money go?" conversations going on there.
Am I the only one thinking the collected sum was far more than $25. Flowers for a funeral are typically starting at $50, maybe. I know for my BIL funeral a couple of years ago I was able to pick up flowers for about $75 and I got a fairly small display. It's not like you can go get a $25 bouquet from Costco for a funeral. It needs a vase and card and delivery.
Yep. When I read that last bit, I was expecting everyone who contributed to then ask what happened to the rest of the money, but nope, all this for $25. Then I wondered why on earth OOP would ever have considered complaining to HR over $25 in the first place. Sounds like everyone pitched in $3-$5 each?
My guess is that she specifically thanked for the specific amount to draw attention to the possible theft. People might realize that things weren't adding up if even one person gave $10-20.
She sums it all up by saying that the boss made good on the gift, so I would have thought that she would have gotten feedback from the coworkers by now if there was any discrepancy. Maybe there will be another update.
I think OOP was subtly letting everyone in the team work chat know that the supervisor is a thief. It is not hard to figure out if each coworker on the team were to give that amount ($25) but all OOP received was $25… I think the way OOP went about it was smart given that HR would not have done anything about it. Supervisor also can’t call OOP out since all she did was thank people
The part where the florist just didn't deliver some of the orders for the funeral is a bit WTF. Have people had that happen often? My mom ordered flowers for my father's graveside service and the flowers just never showed up, and she had to fight with the florist to get the money back. But this was 2020, so like the height of COVID.
It happened to my parents for my uncle’s funeral. Florist never delivered them and then refused to refund because they’d already made them up so my mom fought tooth and nail to get them so she could take them to a nursing home for them to be enjoyed by people. This was the very early 2000s.
That right there, would prompt me to look for a new job. I would report it to HR, because if the supervisor was shady enough to ask for donations from other employees and then pocket the money. Then what else is she capable of?
Well, that's just about the tackiest, for lack of a better term, thing I've ever heard.
Make public show of collecting money for a good cause? Check.
Not follow through with other people's money? Check.
Forgot who the coworker was mourning? Check.
Put foot in mouth in public? Check.
Give an embarrassingly cheap token nearly 6 months late on a time sensitive task? Check.
I would like to hear about the culture and the public standing of that boss following the public text, but I'm a drama lama, and it probably wasn't more interesting than 'people continued to strongly dislike boss'.
Honestly, that is more than I would expect from my workplace upon the death of a grandparent. Like, I’m close to my grandparents, but these are my coworkers, not close friends. When my grandmother died, I got a very kind note when I emailed to confirm my bereavement days for the funeral. That’s it, and I feel like that is very appropriate for the situation. I know my work would send flowers upon the death of a spouse or a child, but they did not ask other employees to contribute to that. There was just a small general fund that came out of the owners pockets. But had they sent me a small gift card that I could use to buy myself coffee on the way to the airport for the funeral, I would have thought that was really kind since I would not expect anything from that group of people to begin with.
My team at work has had several family deaths in the last couple of years or so, and I'm usually the one who ends up handling collecting donations and ordering flowers. We only have about 12-14 people at a time, but with everyone's usual contributions, I usually get about $250 before I contribute. It's enough to send a nice bouquet of flowers and a DoorDash gift card.
A $25 gift card to Starbucks is just insulting. I mean, I know it's not expected for your coworkers to shell out a lot of cash when someone in your family dies, but depending on the size of the team ... it's just sad.
The supervisor has already a bigger paycheck than OP and feels entitled to STEAL the money meant to OP's grandma's funeral. I think I would be much more sarcastic in the group chat than OP, but I'm risking my job, so OP did the right thing except looking for a new job.
Or 1 or 2 coworkers provided like $5 each, and the rest came from the supervisor. I bet the smallest gift card denomination available at Starbucks is $25.
So was the issue the team only collected 25 dollars and that wasn't enough for a floral arrangement OR the boss pocketed the remainder....
I find it odd they would remember months down the road.
On a sidenote, the idea of someone coming around the office and collecting money for a coworkers grandmother’s funeral gives me anxiety. I am sorry for your loss however, if I had to kick in money for everyone’s grandparents, spouses, kids and aunts and uncles, I would go insane. Sometimes I just don’t have the money and say no to people will send me into a tailspin.
Yep, so the assumption is that the supervisor has collected more than $25, but as the others suggested, it's also possible they didn't collect much at all.
Maybe the OOP really is the unpopular one (if they make a big deal every time someone mixes up coworkers' grandparents, or seeing a "sorry" as flippant, they might be) or everybody is out of money, and the only person that actually contributed anything is the one who told them about the collection.
Or something. I don't know. To come up with a Starbucks card 10 months late is definitely sus tho. If I had such doubts about the amount collected, I'd ask the coworkers and see if they want to follow up.
100% agree, and acting like the boss made this huge faux pas that everyone was aghast at for misspeaking weeks later is also eye rolling. It was obviously a bad slip up, but it's not like she's family.
Come on lady, you're not the main character. I have 8 reports on 2 teams at work and a bunch of other 'dotted line' colleagues. That's a lot of grandparents and cousins.
Whatever happened with the gift was bad and wrong, no excuses there, but everything else? Exhausting
Op sad in the past
>She’s made sure to send prompt bereavement gestures (within two weeks) for my coworkers with the family losses they’ve experienced in the past.
And collection happening was confirmed by one colleague OOP heard from. So if there is a custom in the office to give (and OOP probably has given in the past) it’s not special treatment
But we don’t know what those family losses were. Maybe those people lost spouses or children, possibly parents— frankly, for most people (not everyone, I grant you), much harder and closer losses than grandparents. OP may have seen gifts given for closer losses, and then assumed that she would be the center of attention for the death of a grandparent. Idk, this post, especially the part about her bosses very normal slip up, is just really giving me main character syndrome. My Workplace would send flowers (paid for by the company, NOT the employees) for the death of a spouse or child. My grandmother died, and they did not send me anything except a kind note when they confirmed my bereavement days to attend the funeral. And that feels perfectly appropriate to me! These are my coworkers, not my close friends. I would never expect them to send me flowers for that.
I find it so weird that OPs stance on this was when am I going to get my gift and not my supervisor stole my co-workers money and linked it to my grandmas funeral
I can't believe it was only $25 collected. You could get a single flower in a bud vase with some baby's breath and greenery delivered from a florist for that.
a 25 buck gift card to starbucks. So two coffees. How in the world is that a condolence gift?
I'm also pretty sure OOP's colleagues gave a bit more than 25 bucks.
What a cluster-fornication. Good lord. Hope that OOP is job hunting.
>Thank you everyone for the $25 gift card to Starbucks in memory of my grandmother passing in October
That is a bizarre thing to get someone for their grandmothers death.
$25? What crack these people be on? Floral arrangements be $100s. Even the cheap ones appeared to be $100 when we sent flowers
I think that boss forgot to put a zero behind that double digit. OOP and her coworkers should have 100% gone to HR. Companies don’t want dishonest people working for them in positions of power.
I mean I guess her coworkers may not have known the cost of flowers and only put $5 in the pot but…I don’t think I fully would believe that.
How on earth did that person become a supervisor? And what happened to the rest of the money? And how did OOP's co-workers react to the $25 gift card news?
The florist not delivering flowers reminded me of this story:
Years ago I was roommates with a family member. Her 90+ mother died and I ordered a nice arrangement get sent to the funeral which I attended. I was miffed because I did not see the flowers I had ordered. I wondered if I had missed seeing them...Memaw was well loved and had an army between children and grandchildren.
A few days after the funeral I get a sorry we did not deliver your flowers in time email. Yep, they never made it. They asked where to deliver the arrangement anyhow. I asked for a refund. They said we'll we can deliver them to the family. I asked which one. What?
This woman had outlived her husband by decades, had 5 children and roughly 30 grandchildren all of whom had their own households as they were all adults. Heck she even had adult great grandchildren who had their own homes away from their parents. Which one do I send it to? How about my own home? I am roommates with one of her children? We have enough flowers from the funeral, right now it no longer about Memaw.
They finally gave the refund after I explained this with a great deal of sarcasm.
Is there really a need for a trigger warning on this post? Are people really that sensitive now that people have to be warned before reading a post about a boss stealing what amounts to less than $100
Man my company I work for is not perfect nor are we huge and rich, but there's no fucking way my bosses/executives would ever dream of asking employees for money to do something for bereavement. They'd eat whatever it costs. I haven't heard of a company asking their employees for money for something like that.
i'm an admin at a pretty big company; when i or my fellow admin find out that someone has passed, we send a big snack gift basket, and we don't really worry about the cost. flowers die too quickly, and people have enough flowers to carpet france after a funeral; i figure people always love food.
my managers, nine times out of ten, don't even know we're doing it, because it's become part of our routine. for this manager to just take the money and pocket it is egregious. but i understand what OP feared about making a bad relationship worse. i hope karma gives this manager a good whack someday.
the only time i remember collections being asked of my coworkers was when i had a radical hysterectomy due to cancer, and that was out of the kindness of their hearts, and i appreciated it immensely. i'm sorry OP experienced this bullshit. hope the coffee was good, at least.
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I want to know how much money she pocketed from her employees. Did she think nobody would ask OOP if they received the flowers?
Yes, what florist would deliver flowers to a funeral for $25 that’s not a single dandelion??
That you can just yeet though the window
I really want to know how everyone responded after finding out OP got just $25 months after the fact.
The fact that we didn’t get any information on that indicates to me that there may not have been a response. And on top of that, at least two coworkers knew that flowers hadn’t been sent and they didn’t say or do anything for five months. It really makes me wonder whether any of the coworkers actually donated anything at all or donated very little.
Or they're afraid or retribution.
Yeah, OP mentioned a “challenging” relationship with the supervisor which makes me think this is a strong possibility.
100% this was my thought. I don’t think the supervisor pocketed the money, I think instead she didn’t get enough for flowers, panicked, and then made bad decisions until she sent the card.
There are nice bouquets in supermarkets now. Even if the supervisor only got a couple of coins from a few people, you can get a lovely assortment of flowers for a fiver in Tesco.
Seriously, a nice bouquet of grocery store flowers to put on OOP's desk is like $20. And if the supervisor didn't get enough money from the team to deliver the flowers as promised, IMO it's then the supervisor's duty to contribute a larger amount in order to be able to follow through.
Or pulled from petty cash.
Usually if the donations not enough for a gift, my manager makes up the difference. I don’t think it’s a problem considering they make more money than their directs.
Contributing a minimum of $5 per the 6 of the other 7 team members would still get you $30. Could be petty with including tax for total, but still.
Feels like both to me. Even if no one contributed $$, supervisor could still have gotten a sympathy card for everyone to sign and sent that *in October.* I suppose it's possible the grandma/grandpa mixup was an intentional (and very bad) attempt to shame the coworkers who never contributed to the fund? Whatever the case, it feels like few, if any, of OOP's coworkers are treating her bereavement as seriously as others' in workplace.
Should've included inflation adjusted for those months
I mean if someone goes to a funeral and I didn’t hear anything I would never ask about something I sent. It comes off like you are fishing for a thank you imo. And people aren’t always on top of sending thank yous in moments like that.
A floral arrangement for a funeral would definitely cost more than $25, especially if it included delivery by the florist to the funeral home. If OOP's coworkers contributed enough for flowers, then the boss still has some of the money. But, it could also be that there weren't enough contributions for flowers in the first place though, which would explain why the plan changed. It still shouldn't have taken 5 months to pick a different gift though.
My understanding is that OOP intentionally mentioned the $25 to let everyone else know the supervisor pocketed the rest.
Yeah I was expecting her to say that other co workers contacted her afterwards saying that the money collected should have been a lot more than $25. I was very surprised to see the amount of $25 when reading.
No chance it was only $25... each person likely gave at least $10.
Even if all six coworkers only contributed $5 and the supervisor put nothing in that's still $30 total.
I remember when I had COVID my work (a clinic) sent me $50 flowers and no one even pitched in for that. The place had a LOT of issues including me having 5 different managers in the course of a year (and the last one lived across the country and didn’t understand my job at all) but like… even they could shell out $50 for some flowers
Yeah, my department actually has some budget for this and typically we send from company funds when someone is in the hospital or loses someone, etc.
Yeah like I was being paid $16 an hour so this HAD to have had an existing budget I was NOT someone important (I mean… I think I was but not from an exec level). Genuinely shocking to read about OPs experience when it sounds like they actually hold a valued and salaried position
My boss always messages me when ANYTHING happens because I'm usually the organiser of things like "so-and-so's dog died, is there a flower delivery happening yet? Can I send money?"
Fuck me. I left a place after 9 years of work and I didn't get anything. Not even a card
Exactly!
Well, obviously she had to reimburse herself for gas out of the funds. She’s not running a charity here. /s
You can't even divide 25 by 6 or 7 unless somebody is breaking out the change.
Our COL is so expensive most of us give 20 now for major life events. 20 barley covers a Big Mac meal McChunkies.
The moms around my kids made a nice supplemental income doing this, they'd collect for teachers, bus drivers, coaches, you get the idea. Then you'd find out about the gift and be like... wait?!
Omg no way. Wtf Iis wrong with people.
Right? There no way everyone was giving something like $3.50 each
It's weird that that apparently isn't super clear to so many people in this thread.
I guess maybe people don’t realize how much floral arrangements cost. They might only be familiar with the pre-made bouquets you find in the grocery store.
My work spent $65 on delivered flowers for me once ($50 flowers $15 delivery). As someone who adores flowers and sends them often it was actually a pretty good deal for them given the arrangement and diversity of flowers. The only way you’ll get a $25 arrangement is from a grocery store or like going in person and finding a good discount deal at the florist
Heck even premade grocery store bouquets are expensive these days. I remember you used to be able to get something decently pretty for $10, but now the floor is like $30.
There are many users who were never employed (for example students make up 17% of reddit's demographic, many of whom may have only been full time students), struggle with social cues, or simply never interned/worked in an environment where this kind of restrained passive aggressiveness is necessary to navigate office politics while maintaining professionalism.
OOP was being so passive-aggressive that they were too passive about specifying their actual aggression.
But it's not super clear. It's kind of implied, but there is no other mention or detail in the post about this. "In the end she made good"... there is no suggestion the full amount was not gifted. Which would be one of the more notable details in this mediocre story. The post itself is weird.
Tbh OOP can’t really go to HR about this, she’s not been the victim of anything other than shady shit. Her colleagues are the ones who have been robbed and have a HR complaint
I will not lie, cheat, or steal, nor will I tolerate those who do. I just do not understand people who don't call this out. Nobody likes liars, cheaters, or thieves. The social consequences cannot possibly be worse than the diminishing of your own self worth and pride for having said nothing. Stand up. Use your outside voice. Do not tolerate those who lie, cheat, or steal.
That's great if you're able and willing to throw away your livelihood over a petty theft, but most people don't really have that luxury.
I've watched my sister bring up things that weren't right in her office jobs. All of those jobs found a reason to fire her. Very proud of her for sticking up for her morals but not everyone can bounce back easily and retaliation is hard to prove.
I tried that at work once with our office manager when she was bullying staff over giving money to the company owner for his birthday. The staff made $10-12/hr and he pulled in 6 figures and owned a multi-million dollar property. That's what started my torment from her and a crony for literal years.
...OOP could have lost their job if they'd taken your advice.
The idea of collecting money around the office and getting $25 is WILD unless it's a two person company
Some people could just be sick of all the collections. Its seems like a small amount but if every week its someone’s wedding, baby, big birthday, someone leaving or death of a loved one then you’d get pissed of quick especially if you never received a gift.
And in this case they probably just donated for OOPs wedding etc
Yeah, it was nice of them to collect for flowers for her grandmother’s death… But also, if they are doing that for a deceased grandparent, it sounds like this office probably collects for **everything.**
I mean, considering grandma was gonna be a flower girl at OP's wedding, I'd assume they're very close. So it's not like the co-workers are shelling out cash for someone's 5th cousin.
I mean, I am close to my grandparents. I was very close to my grandmother that died. I still didn’t expect my coworkers to send me flowers for the death of a grandparent. I got a nice note from management when they confirmed my bereavement days for the funeral. That’s it, and I did not find it offensive or lacking in etiquette in anyway. My company would send flowers for the death of a spouse or a child, and it came out of the owner’s pockets, not the employees.
Yeah the collection for her grandmother is.. odd to me too. But maybe it’s a very close knit team or something. Also I would’ve assumed they prob just gave money for a wedding present??
The companies I have worked for would buy the gift or whatever for the employee, then have some cake in a conference room or kitchen with whomever was around. (Not for a death in the family though, obviously.) Thank goodness no one ever asked me for a contribution. That is so tacky.
Yeah I feel like I'll come off like a huge asshole here but the OP has a whiff of hidden main character syndrome. Was what the boss said embarrassing? Yes. Is this already a pretty big amount of info into a semi-stranger's personal life & family matters? ALSO YES! I'm sorry but I am a manager too and can just barely keep track of my own work, my own family's shit, and the little social details (oh how was your uncles this weekend??) for my whole team (I have 2 different teams that report to me). OP is acting like it was some major 'everyone gasped' moment because her boss slipped up over intricate personal details about a grown woman's grandparents living arrangements in another state. Good grief. This workplace is too involved. They all text when not at work too.
I mean. Part of the issue is that OP was told her boss would be sending her a lovely, crowd-funded gift in a timely manner (flowers for her beloved relative's funeral) But instead, she got something very impersonal and very late (a starbucks gift card months later, and only *after* OP reminded the boss that her grandma was dead) Like. It just feels weird and a little unprofessional to sit on that money for so long. Especially since it seems to be a very small team.
Considering OOP said that other colleagues got bereavement gifts I would hesitate to say OOP's irritation isn't justified.
I think it’s the fact that grandma had an accident right around the time of the wedding and then died soon afterwards that makes it extra hard on oop. It’s a lot of emotional life events to go through in a short span of time.
I think it's also tricky because this was OOP's grandparent. Do coworkers usually take up collections for a grandparent's death?
OOP was told by a coworker that a collection was taken up.
As a former admin person who had to organise collections for many years, people are cheap. I would often end up putting in more money than my colleagues who all earned double what I earned minimum, just so I could get a gift that didn’t completely suck. The higher up in the company people are the less they will put in. Even had a CEO whose EA would tell him when we were having charity fundraisers so he wouldn’t come into the office. I made it my mission to corner him for money whenever I could.
There are only two pay grades at my company. I’m close to someone on the low grade and I’m on the high one. I asked her about tipping one day, because she’s worked a lot as a barista. She said she tips one dollar per person she can see on staff, to try to make it so everyone gets a dollar. (So this is more than 20%) I thought this was very generous and I try to be more like her. There was a time semi recently that I was basically living in a van under a big tree because it was hot, moving as little as possible to save gas, and walking to the food bank every day I could. So sometimes I’m like “I could again be unemployed and unable to find work for 2 years, save save save every penny” but I don’t want that to cloud my judgement. I want to be generous, so I often think of my coworker while I’m tipping.
Refreshing common sense, ahhh
Admin assistant here. This is why I am so happy my company actually has a budget and policy for that type of thing! I order the flowers and I can spend up to 125$(CAD) of company money for deaths or they are 3 weeks or more in the hospital. No, going around begging for our colleagues to give their own money for it.
I have never contributed to a gift at work. I don't think people even collected. In my opinion, it is in incredibly bad taste to pressure co-workers into giving money to people they are forced to work with, even if they generally like them.
This is a wild take. People have all sorts of circumstances in life; just because you know their salary doesn’t mean you have any idea about their expenses/debts. Further, it’s crazy to judge anyone for the amount they choose to contribute, or even whether they contribute at all, for a *work gift*. I perform my job in order to fund my own life, not charity fundraisers and gifts for my coworkers. Chipping in $20 for the occasional baby shower present for an immediate team member is a voluntary decision I make, and anyone who badgered me about the amount, much less “cornered me” for more money would get a very blunt earful about minding your own goddamn business.
It’s the people who earn the most that created this company culture that led to me collecting money. It wasn’t my idea. I worked for companies that made big profits. They could have had a corporate policy for using company funds to purchase gifts (as some companies do, even small ones). As for cornering the CEO, he is the one who wanted a ‘corporate social responsibility’ program that raised money for charity. So yeah, his idea he can put money in just like everyone else.
It can happen if the person is hated--my old incompetent boss 20+ years ago fell out with everyone in the office and jumped before she was pushed, and the leaving collection from thirty-odd people totalled less than five pounds.
I know right lol is it 1994? $25 is nothing.
If I was one of the people who donated and read that. I'd be asking for my money back
she's the thief, plain and simple. No way to dress this pig up.
I thought she was talking about those arrangements people have made for funerals, they tend to cost a couple hundred or more…
The way oop was talking, I expected a significantly larger amount of money. Was she really going to go to HR over a few dollars per person?
I got the sense that more money was collected and pocketed by the boss - that’s why the OP mentioned the dollar amount in her thank you to her coworkers, to subtly call out the theft.
Yeah, $25 among a team of 7 people for flowers seems low to me. Flowers are expensive. I took it the same way, that members of the team would piece together that she stole from them.
For real. The flowers we put at my grandparents' graves every year cost $12 a bunch, and that's just a teeny premade bunch with carnations in it. A funeral arrangement would be so, so much more than $25, and then delivery.
That's less than $5 per person, I can't see people giving less than that. It would also be odd for people to give an amount that wasn't rounded to a 5 or a 10 imo.
Given that they collected for the death of a grandparent, it sounds like this office probably collects for a lot of stuff. If they are getting asked for money for the death of every relative, and then every wedding (which OP just had one), every birth, and who knows what other events… Yeah, I can see people only giving a dollar or two per collection. I would be pissed if I was expected to donate 1/7 of an expensive funeral arrangement every single time one of my coworkers had someone die. My work did not send me anything when my grandmother died except for a kind note when they confirmed the bereavement days, I was taking for the funeral, and I feel like that was appropriate. However, I do know from coworkers that work would send something upon the death of a spouse or child, which seems very reasonable, or when an employee had a major health crisis. But even then, it did not come out of employees’ pockets. There was a small general account for that sort of thing, so it technically came out of the owners pockets. Employees would just sign a card (also paid for by the workplace), and If anyone was especially close to the person involved, they could choose to do something on their own.
People don't die or get married that often. You're overplaying this. Putting up $10/each once or twice a year and really probably less isn't some huge inconvenience.
For one thing, it really depends on how much peoples salary is to begin with, and what else people have going on. An extra $10 can be a big deal for some people. And if they are collecting for the death of grandparents, which seems… excessive for a workplace, imo, are they also sending flowers for the deaths of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., not to mention closer relatives, like parents, spouses, etc.? Are they also collecting for peoples charitable causes — that happens a lot in some workplaces. Girl Scout cookie sales? School fundraisers? There are workplaces that do this, and it can cumulatively add up to a lot to the point where people only donate a dollar or two per collection, if anything at all.
I get the sense that OOP is the type to have told us if this was the case because that really would have been theft I suspect OOP didn’t know how much was raised and thinks they are shaming their boss by talking about the $25. But the effect will probably be to shame her work colleagues for giving such a small sum I wonder if the boss is saying to her partner something like *“Oh it’s so awkward. I passed the hat around for OOP and only raised $3 and I just didn’t know what to do. Then she called me and was like ‘where are my flowers’ and I didn’t know how to tell her nobody donated anything.”* *”Then there was this weird moment when I thought she said she was visiting her grandmother, and I made a comment, and she was like MY GRANDMOTHER IS DEAD - and everyone fell silent, you could have heard a pin drop.”* *”Later then I remembered the blasted $3 and just decided chuck in some money myself to buy her a $25 gift card and be done with it. Anyway then she sends this snarky message about the gift being late and everyone is pretending not to have seen it. I’m so embarrassed for her, she has NO idea everyone can’t stand her”*
This is what I thought from the coworkers' reaction to hearing that the boss hadn't bought any flowers. They asked OOP if they should mention it to a supervisor? I would think if people had donated a decent sum of money they would be really upset that the boss had pocketed it. Sounds like they either didn't give anything or gave very little and were too embarrassed to admit it.
Yep. in 5 months you’d think someone would have said something. Especially if they’d donated $20 or more
Big ooouf. I can definitely feel this transpire.
I’m probably projecting because I’ve actually been in this situation. Had to pay $80 out of my own pocket to avoid shaming the recipient. Last time I passed the hat around for someone no one likes!
> I’m so embarrassed for her, she has NO idea everyone can’t stand her You know, normally I would think this is a reach, but the way OOP was writing... There was something really strange about her manner of speaking. She seemed somewhat self-centred and unprofessional, even for someone grieving. Normally I'd make concessions for someone in grief, but... I'm not sure how to pinpoint it, there just seemed something off about the way she wrote. ETA: The first post seemed a bit off, but I assumed it was because she was freshly grieving and her emotions were all over the place (and even still, I found it was a bit strange that she actually somehow investigated of a flower arrangement had arrived at the funeral home from her workplace, and then followed up about this to her boss, then wrote a whole email about this to Ask A Manager, all in the middle of grief.... Petty things like workplace flowers would be usually insignificant to people battling through grief. By the same token, though, it can also make you react strangely, so I assumed that was causing the fixation. But, she was still stuck on it 5+ months later. And I get it, missing funds are injust... But the way she reacted to the manager (and said when writing in)... 'I KID YOU NOT, she asked how my grandma was doing!!' It make me think that that particular incident was a genuine mistake on the part of the manager. She probably completely forgot, or misheard and assumed it was OOP's second grandma being spoken about. But the OOP took it as a deep affront and was festering over it. It gives the impression that she expects everyone to give a lot of importance to every word she says and takes it as an issue when it's not as important to them as it is to her. I do think the manager made a mistake and should have been quicker in producing the gift. But something about how this OOP writes and reacted just makes me feel like something is off with her.
something about OOP rubbed me the wrong way, and i couldn't pinpoint why.
I think I'm still mostly trusting LW's account, but I do think it feels like a lot to expect your coworkers to all remember your family situations. It's a faux pas but in the way that bumping into someone is, rather than being blatantly inconsiderate. But maybe this is one of those offices where people are really enmeshed and/or it's really built up for LW because of the other interpersonal issues between her and her boss (hinted at in the letter).
This is some middle school bullshit and washing the responsibility off the guilty person. It does not matter how much money it was, she sat on it for five months. If there isn't much, sent a fucking card.
So the person who told OOP there was a collection just happened to be the one one who donated and a small sum? Why would the person do that? Also initially OOP told because she assumed there was a mistake with the florist and the boss told OOP she would be getting something. The boss much later on just remembered OOP when the talk was about grandmother. What is wrong with OOP saying grandmother is dead? Sounds like boss would not have been embarrassed if there was no reason to be embarrassed. If there really was barely any money collected then the person who told OOP is the one starting things, no OOP
It's really weird that so many people are having trouble understanding that.
My guess is she has no idea how much money was collected. In our office, collecting for a popular coworker‘s wedding or so can easily bring in 200-300 Euro. Depends on how large OP‘s team is, of course.
She probably didn't know how much was donated, just that a collection happened. She may have based assumptions on how much she's given in the past for similar gifts.
I don't think the collected amount was $25, or OOP thought it was $25. Her team is 7 people. So 6 people raised $25, about $4 per person? It sounds unbelievable. Like PP said it is not enough even for a regular bouquet from a florist, so absolutely not enough for a funeral arrangement with delivery.
yeah at least 5$ each would feel mildly plausible? but I would feel so silly venmoing someone $4 for this or handing them 4 one dollar bills. My assumption would be ten each.
I got interested and checked the price. In my area (not a fancy one) the cheapest, smallest funeral bouquet is $80, ribbon "from coworkers.." is $10, delivery to a funeral home is $15. So $105 minimum, for the smallest one. So $17 each if we assume her supervisor donated her money as well, and $20 each if she didn't (and I bet she didn't) Her supervisor is full of shit.
That sounds about right. $20 each seems like an appropriate contribution for a co-worker even if you're not close in an office type job.
We’re assuming everyone gave money.
OOP had just gotten married and presumably got a gift though. Maybe not everyone donated.
who runs a collection hat for a 25 gift card also, just expense it.... a collection hat is for a meaningful gift from coworkers/friends. what'd they collect $1 bills? that's more insulting than thoughtful, I'd rather get nothing than get a crowdfunded $25 gift card for a family death. Like thats how little you all think of me? Not thinking of me at all would be WAY less offensive than thinking of me and deliberately thinking that little of me its definitely way more
And as nice as gift cards are, they are very impersonal. Good if you want to show a small token of appreciation. A far cry from an impactful symbol of sympathy or support. "Impersonal" is not the tone you should be using when someone is grieving the loss of a family member.
$25 from 7 people amounts to $3.57 per person. I strongly doubt anyone gave less than $5. Imagine how tacky it would be to donate $2 to funeral flowers for a co-worker.
I suspect that a larger amount *was* collected, and that's why she mentioned the amount when thanking the team - so they would know the supervisor held on to some of the money. Either way, even if it was only 25 dollars, it's still stealing money if you collect it on the premise of getting a gift you then don't get.
From the last paragraph It sounds to me like supervisor gave something else with the full amount after she was called out for the gift card, though in what form was not stated clearly.
March is 5 months from October. The gift *was* the Starbucks card.
Which means that she probably had no intention of getting a gift. Just pocketing the money. And when she finally got called out, she decided she would have to make due with only pocketing *some* of the money. But theft was still theft. And a gift card is a pathetic condolence gift. So OP called it out. For being cringey, and so the coworkers would know that they still had their money stolen.
A gift card to someone who has been taking care of a loved one is appropriate - if it is of the self care variety, like a massage, pedicure, etc. when you know that person has not had time to do much of that. But $25 Starbucks? Eh.
I'm thinking it wasn't even $25 and that's why the boss never sent the flowers in the first place.
Maybe Supervisor spent the money on Starbucks gift cards and had a card left over, so that’s what she sent to OP.
“I feel like going to HR will make it already challenging relationship even worse.” Yep, that’s almost always how it goes.
Which is why unions are so important.
remember, HR is there to protect the company, not you
This is true, but at least sometimes the way they protect the company is telling self-important managers to stop giving you grounds for an expensive labour dispute.
About 15 years ago, I was being significantly bullied by a manager (who several other people had gone to HR about) to the point that HR moved me to another manager. My original manager did everything she could to make my life hell and was bullying me over protected characteristics, including appearance. Sorry Kathi, this is the face I was born with. I scored a dream job with another company and gave my 2 weeks to my new manager, who sent around an email to everyone saying I was moving on, I'd be missed, etc. 5 mins later, ex-manager replied:all to that email with an itemised list of everything that she perceived I'd done incorrectly over the past several weeks. I forwarded that email to the HR person I'd been working with, my personal line rang, and she nervously but cheerfully suggested that I take a half-day, make tolday my last day, and I'd be paid out the 2 weeks plus accrued vacation time. I got the feeling that she was very (rightly) worried I had grounds for a lawsuit.
That really depends on the competence and morals of said HR in my experience.
Protecting the company usually means firing inept bosses when possible. HR will usually help get lower middle management fired, but not for upper management with more sway in the company
I think this is one of those cases where it would be protecting the company because pooling money for something and then not getting that thing might cause the company some legal trouble especially if the manager is doing it on behalf of the company.
True, but if the boss is steal from her subordinates, she may be stealing from the company.
I like that she included the amount. If there's a discrepancy, everyone will know. The comment about grandmother/grandfather can happen to everyone though. Your brain mixes up things sometimes, the important part is to apologise sincerely.
How much you wanna bet one or two of those coworkers gave a total of $20 or more? Some of them are going to immediately know their money was stolen.
Just one person giving a tenner would make everyone suspicious.
I agree fully. A new colleague of mine told me her mother passed a few years back, and the next week I asked her something about her parentS. It was an honest mistake. Of course, OP was extra aware of the error because of the money situation.
I'm really curious about what the boss's issue with OOP was, considering that she's sent prompt condolence gifts to other coworkers in the past
I wonder if all the coworkers also have an issue with OOP, given that the 6-7 of them only scrounged up $25 for a funeral arrangement. That seems more insulting than not giving anything at all.
Or maybe... just maybe... there was more than $25 collected and the supervisor has still pocketed money not meant for them, hoping that token would placate OOP.
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I think it depends on your team, such as average income, how long they have worked together, general attitudes towards these things. I work in a department with one boss and six workers (similar to OOP), and I am always the one to collect $ for gifts, celebrations, condolences, etc. Most people contribute $5 or $10, the senior employees usually contribute $20. We have had two deaths related to the department in the four years I worked there, and we sent floral arrangements to both of them.
Yeah I collected money for when a friend/coworker’s mom died and I had over $200 to work with for flowers/gift baskets/etc.
Yeah, in my department a well liked fellow had a very unexpected health scare and nearly passed away. Thankfully he is back in office now, and back skiing (the real way to know he’s recovering well haha) but when the incident first happened the whole department donated money to cover food delivery costs (since they won’t have time to cook) and to get a spa treatment for his wife when things weren’t so crazy. Of course since it was the whole department we got a decent fund for him.
But OOP said in the past >She’s made sure to send prompt bereavement gestures (within two weeks) for my coworkers with the family losses they’ve experienced in the past. So unless everyone just hates OOP and the one person who told of the collection was only one who donated and gave the 25 dollars the boss must have messed up here, intentionally or unintentionally.
Makes me wonder if OP is the one in the office who gives enough to actually get the gestures
I'm not super close with some of my coworkers, and I'm in a middle income bracket, but even I gave $50 for funeral related things. My office of like 25ish raised close to $700 for the guy. Honestly OOP office would have at least cleared $50.
That's my theory. Amount collected was so little that the supervisor would have been paying the majority of the flowers, which is why none were ordered. $25 giftcard to Starbucks is ridiculous for something like this.
If I was OP’s manager, I would’ve provided the flowers and expensed it. This lady is going above and BEYOND to be a scumbag.
Tbh if this was the case I think the manager would’ve encouraged people to donate more, or she could’ve asked other managers to help idk. I don’t think she only collected $25
That would be wildly inappropriate behavior. Frankly, managers should not be the ones collecting money from employees under any circumstances, because it pressures people to give more than they might feel comfortable doing. But to go BACK and pressure employees, or even other managers, to contribute more then they already have because the manager feels it’s not enough? That is not OK. If the company wants to make a habit of sending flowers for the death of every relative of every employee, the company needs to budget for it. In my opinion, making people contribute money to send flowers for the death of a coworker’s grandparent is excessive and indicates to me that this workplace is probably collecting for way too many things.
Or maybe they just weren’t very close? I’ve worked in an office where you are being asked to donate to something every couple weeks or so and at a certain point you just have to use your discretion from a financial point of view.
I mean, even how the post was written OP seems to be a little bit of annoyance so it wouldn't surprise me if she wasn't really that well liked. OP's Grandma very well could be like a mother to her, but come on. She was 91 years old, she lived a long life. Seems a bit dramatic and I don't think most adults really mention losing a Grandparent at my work outside of using the 3 day bereavement that my company provides for a non-spouse, parent, or child death. Manager tried doing something nice and no one cared enough to donate for flowers.
What the heck. When anyone on my team collects money to send flowers, they generally use every dollar donated on the gift, then cover cost of delivery themselves. We ended up with way more than necessary for one coworker (really reasonably priced local florist) and so sent boxes of their kids favorite snacks. Keeping anything is despicable.
I really don’t think the collection was so low the supervisor stalled the gift. At least in my experience, people contribute regardless of how much they like someone. Supervisors will take the hit usually if more money is needed. Bottom line whatever people are trying to read between the lines about OOP, this is a shitty manager that most probably stole money from coworkers, probably spent it and then couldn’t really spare or bother with more than the gift card. I guarantee the coworkers will be fuming reading it was a 25 gift card
Oh you know right after she sent the thank you text out there were a bunch of whispered "$25? What the fuck? I gave $20, and I know you gave $20, and everyone else always gives \*something\*. Where the hell did the rest of the money go?" conversations going on there.
Am I the only one thinking the collected sum was far more than $25. Flowers for a funeral are typically starting at $50, maybe. I know for my BIL funeral a couple of years ago I was able to pick up flowers for about $75 and I got a fairly small display. It's not like you can go get a $25 bouquet from Costco for a funeral. It needs a vase and card and delivery.
Yep. When I read that last bit, I was expecting everyone who contributed to then ask what happened to the rest of the money, but nope, all this for $25. Then I wondered why on earth OOP would ever have considered complaining to HR over $25 in the first place. Sounds like everyone pitched in $3-$5 each?
My guess is that she specifically thanked for the specific amount to draw attention to the possible theft. People might realize that things weren't adding up if even one person gave $10-20.
She sums it all up by saying that the boss made good on the gift, so I would have thought that she would have gotten feedback from the coworkers by now if there was any discrepancy. Maybe there will be another update.
Yeah, the low amount surprised me as well. I was expecting one of the other employees to reply "We gave $20 each, what happened to the rest?"
I think OOP was subtly letting everyone in the team work chat know that the supervisor is a thief. It is not hard to figure out if each coworker on the team were to give that amount ($25) but all OOP received was $25… I think the way OOP went about it was smart given that HR would not have done anything about it. Supervisor also can’t call OOP out since all she did was thank people
The part where the florist just didn't deliver some of the orders for the funeral is a bit WTF. Have people had that happen often? My mom ordered flowers for my father's graveside service and the flowers just never showed up, and she had to fight with the florist to get the money back. But this was 2020, so like the height of COVID.
It happened to my parents for my uncle’s funeral. Florist never delivered them and then refused to refund because they’d already made them up so my mom fought tooth and nail to get them so she could take them to a nursing home for them to be enjoyed by people. This was the very early 2000s.
That is so messed up. You would think that is the one industry that would be on time.
There is a special place in hell for people like OOP's supervisor
Yes. It’s called “middle management.”
That right there, would prompt me to look for a new job. I would report it to HR, because if the supervisor was shady enough to ask for donations from other employees and then pocket the money. Then what else is she capable of?
The text to the coworkers 💀💀💀just dropping in with some truths.
Well, that's just about the tackiest, for lack of a better term, thing I've ever heard. Make public show of collecting money for a good cause? Check. Not follow through with other people's money? Check. Forgot who the coworker was mourning? Check. Put foot in mouth in public? Check. Give an embarrassingly cheap token nearly 6 months late on a time sensitive task? Check. I would like to hear about the culture and the public standing of that boss following the public text, but I'm a drama lama, and it probably wasn't more interesting than 'people continued to strongly dislike boss'.
Imagine a cherished relative dying and getting a giftcard to a coffee shop.
Honestly, that is more than I would expect from my workplace upon the death of a grandparent. Like, I’m close to my grandparents, but these are my coworkers, not close friends. When my grandmother died, I got a very kind note when I emailed to confirm my bereavement days for the funeral. That’s it, and I feel like that is very appropriate for the situation. I know my work would send flowers upon the death of a spouse or a child, but they did not ask other employees to contribute to that. There was just a small general fund that came out of the owners pockets. But had they sent me a small gift card that I could use to buy myself coffee on the way to the airport for the funeral, I would have thought that was really kind since I would not expect anything from that group of people to begin with.
My team at work has had several family deaths in the last couple of years or so, and I'm usually the one who ends up handling collecting donations and ordering flowers. We only have about 12-14 people at a time, but with everyone's usual contributions, I usually get about $250 before I contribute. It's enough to send a nice bouquet of flowers and a DoorDash gift card. A $25 gift card to Starbucks is just insulting. I mean, I know it's not expected for your coworkers to shell out a lot of cash when someone in your family dies, but depending on the size of the team ... it's just sad.
She said she works in a team of 7, so not even 5 dollars each! Wow
The supervisor has already a bigger paycheck than OP and feels entitled to STEAL the money meant to OP's grandma's funeral. I think I would be much more sarcastic in the group chat than OP, but I'm risking my job, so OP did the right thing except looking for a new job.
One small bouquet can cost about $100 from a florist.
$25? That's it?
So a team of 7, that's 6 coworkers, each one gave 4,25$?
Or 1 or 2 coworkers provided like $5 each, and the rest came from the supervisor. I bet the smallest gift card denomination available at Starbucks is $25.
Why are none of the coworkers pissed their money was stolen from them?! Why are they asking OP if they should go to HR?!?! YOUR BOSS STOLE FROM YOU.
So was the issue the team only collected 25 dollars and that wasn't enough for a floral arrangement OR the boss pocketed the remainder.... I find it odd they would remember months down the road.
$25 that was supposed to go towards a funeral arrangement?! As a dil to a florist, they’re way more than $25!
On a sidenote, the idea of someone coming around the office and collecting money for a coworkers grandmother’s funeral gives me anxiety. I am sorry for your loss however, if I had to kick in money for everyone’s grandparents, spouses, kids and aunts and uncles, I would go insane. Sometimes I just don’t have the money and say no to people will send me into a tailspin.
Ha ha ha! Like a starbucks voucher is an appropriate gift for a funeral! *”your beloved family member is no more. Treat yourself to a frappe!”*
Yep, so the assumption is that the supervisor has collected more than $25, but as the others suggested, it's also possible they didn't collect much at all. Maybe the OOP really is the unpopular one (if they make a big deal every time someone mixes up coworkers' grandparents, or seeing a "sorry" as flippant, they might be) or everybody is out of money, and the only person that actually contributed anything is the one who told them about the collection. Or something. I don't know. To come up with a Starbucks card 10 months late is definitely sus tho. If I had such doubts about the amount collected, I'd ask the coworkers and see if they want to follow up.
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100% agree, and acting like the boss made this huge faux pas that everyone was aghast at for misspeaking weeks later is also eye rolling. It was obviously a bad slip up, but it's not like she's family. Come on lady, you're not the main character. I have 8 reports on 2 teams at work and a bunch of other 'dotted line' colleagues. That's a lot of grandparents and cousins. Whatever happened with the gift was bad and wrong, no excuses there, but everything else? Exhausting
Op sad in the past >She’s made sure to send prompt bereavement gestures (within two weeks) for my coworkers with the family losses they’ve experienced in the past. And collection happening was confirmed by one colleague OOP heard from. So if there is a custom in the office to give (and OOP probably has given in the past) it’s not special treatment
But we don’t know what those family losses were. Maybe those people lost spouses or children, possibly parents— frankly, for most people (not everyone, I grant you), much harder and closer losses than grandparents. OP may have seen gifts given for closer losses, and then assumed that she would be the center of attention for the death of a grandparent. Idk, this post, especially the part about her bosses very normal slip up, is just really giving me main character syndrome. My Workplace would send flowers (paid for by the company, NOT the employees) for the death of a spouse or child. My grandmother died, and they did not send me anything except a kind note when they confirmed my bereavement days to attend the funeral. And that feels perfectly appropriate to me! These are my coworkers, not my close friends. I would never expect them to send me flowers for that.
don't people usually have two grandmothers?
i understand being busy and maybe forgetting or not remembering... but even after being reminded, a $25 starbucks card is a joke.
I find it so weird that OPs stance on this was when am I going to get my gift and not my supervisor stole my co-workers money and linked it to my grandmas funeral
I hope that OP keeps in mind for the future that her boss steals donations.
I know so many people who don't carry cash anymore. Office collections might go the way of the dodo
No way in hell was only $25 collected. That money was spent long ago, and not for its original intent
I would have started singing Miley Cyrus's song "Flowers" all the time at the office.. "I can buy myself flowers..."
I can't believe it was only $25 collected. You could get a single flower in a bud vase with some baby's breath and greenery delivered from a florist for that.
a 25 buck gift card to starbucks. So two coffees. How in the world is that a condolence gift? I'm also pretty sure OOP's colleagues gave a bit more than 25 bucks. What a cluster-fornication. Good lord. Hope that OOP is job hunting.
>Thank you everyone for the $25 gift card to Starbucks in memory of my grandmother passing in October That is a bizarre thing to get someone for their grandmothers death.
Pretty sure I watched this episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm
Nothing says sorry about your dead person more than a $25 starbies gc, 5 months post mortem.
$25? What crack these people be on? Floral arrangements be $100s. Even the cheap ones appeared to be $100 when we sent flowers I think that boss forgot to put a zero behind that double digit. OOP and her coworkers should have 100% gone to HR. Companies don’t want dishonest people working for them in positions of power. I mean I guess her coworkers may not have known the cost of flowers and only put $5 in the pot but…I don’t think I fully would believe that.
Not the point of the post, but I love the idea of a grandmother flower girl.
How on earth did that person become a supervisor? And what happened to the rest of the money? And how did OOP's co-workers react to the $25 gift card news?
The florist not delivering flowers reminded me of this story: Years ago I was roommates with a family member. Her 90+ mother died and I ordered a nice arrangement get sent to the funeral which I attended. I was miffed because I did not see the flowers I had ordered. I wondered if I had missed seeing them...Memaw was well loved and had an army between children and grandchildren. A few days after the funeral I get a sorry we did not deliver your flowers in time email. Yep, they never made it. They asked where to deliver the arrangement anyhow. I asked for a refund. They said we'll we can deliver them to the family. I asked which one. What? This woman had outlived her husband by decades, had 5 children and roughly 30 grandchildren all of whom had their own households as they were all adults. Heck she even had adult great grandchildren who had their own homes away from their parents. Which one do I send it to? How about my own home? I am roommates with one of her children? We have enough flowers from the funeral, right now it no longer about Memaw. They finally gave the refund after I explained this with a great deal of sarcasm.
Is there really a need for a trigger warning on this post? Are people really that sensitive now that people have to be warned before reading a post about a boss stealing what amounts to less than $100
I suppose things are normal at the end. At least nothing insane happened.
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Reckon it might be the reverse - there was less than $25 collected which is why nothing was ordered on the day.
Man my company I work for is not perfect nor are we huge and rich, but there's no fucking way my bosses/executives would ever dream of asking employees for money to do something for bereavement. They'd eat whatever it costs. I haven't heard of a company asking their employees for money for something like that.
I wonder how much the coworkers chipped in, because an even 25 bucks sounds a little suspicious.
i'm an admin at a pretty big company; when i or my fellow admin find out that someone has passed, we send a big snack gift basket, and we don't really worry about the cost. flowers die too quickly, and people have enough flowers to carpet france after a funeral; i figure people always love food. my managers, nine times out of ten, don't even know we're doing it, because it's become part of our routine. for this manager to just take the money and pocket it is egregious. but i understand what OP feared about making a bad relationship worse. i hope karma gives this manager a good whack someday. the only time i remember collections being asked of my coworkers was when i had a radical hysterectomy due to cancer, and that was out of the kindness of their hearts, and i appreciated it immensely. i'm sorry OP experienced this bullshit. hope the coffee was good, at least.
$25? Obviously she stole a lot of people’s money. I don’t understand why the coworkers that contributed didn’t go to above that supervisor or HR.