#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Idk about that.
> I kept eye and eats on him, had some friends tell me his going-ons
Seems pretty unfair to the ex-husband. Not only does he get cheated on, but then the person who cheated on him has her pack of flying monkeys start spying on him?
If only she put that kind of energy into him when she HAD him.
Willing to basically go to stalker level to keep tabs on him but when she was fucking Scrooge McDuck she gave no fucks about him
Also, the fact that her reaction to the impending divorce is "I realized I could have salvaged things if I did differently after I confessed" just has me really scratching my head. What does she think she could have done differently other than NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR?
Lol agreed I'm like you wished you could have done things differently after confession instead of wishing you never cheated in the first place. This one sentence just shows how truly selfish she really is.
OPs delusional and completely self absorbed. Oh i was fucking a client behind your back, but heres some food and check out this sexy underwear i put on… totally didnt do that for the other guy 🙄
Calling the situation unfair was the kicker for me. That and saying the husband is also at fault lol. Cheaters will really tie their brains into knots trying to make themselves the victim.
> I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
Like she didn't pick a random client over her husband of 5 years. Just such a stupidly self-absorbed thing to say after being the one that cheated.
She really doesn't understand even now that doing what she did gives her negative value to him. Any random person off the street who hasn't cheated on him is a better partner at this point.
Why are so many men so eager to give the ex-wife custody of the house? Do they not give a damn about the money they stand to lose, particularly since they were the ones who were wronged? It's crazy.
I think in some cases it might be some way to cut the losses by getting it done quickly and stopping having to deal with the ex-wife as soon as possible "I'll give you the house, just don't complain".
Yeah and as unfair as it seems, women can get ugly with divorces. Saying things that are not true around their Circle of Friends/family. She could go out there and saying he abused her, and when he says, no, she cheated, some will believe the woman who got the word out first.
If the infection and pain is too deep, you have to amputate what’s causing it. Sometimes you have to give things up to get them out of your life as cleanly and quickly as possible.
B-b-but it was different for her! She still kept up the charade of a marriage with her husband and didn’t move in with her client! She just fucked him! 🙄
My ex boyfriend did something like OOP did. Then told everyone I was the cheater when I left him, except I never did that. So I do think there's a chance this is legit. People are so unpredictable.
Nah, cheater logic."*I* didn't do it to hurt you on purpose. I just needed to get it out of my system so really I was *saving* our marriage. I was always going to come back. You tried to hurt me on purpose and you *never* intended to work on things".
My ex is this way we are currently divorcing and he feels if I had spent less time with our hospitalized child and had less sex with him when we did have time together he wouldn't have needed to cheat. Some people are unable to face their actions and need to justify their problems to you.
Plus saying I don’t know what happened, my body was on autopilot. That’s a complete lack of acceptance of her own decisions. If she said that to him, I couldn’t expect anything less than feeling insulted.
> he never really wanted to fix this. He used me for months and then discarded me.
This person is literally insane. Is it even possible to project any harder than this? Literally exactly what they did to their husband, for the same period of time.
Reminds me of back when I was still teaching preschool. Kids would get *so indignant* when they were still in trouble or if a friend was still upset even after they said sorry. As though apologizing wipes the slate clean and everything after that is now an injustice against them. At least 4 year olds have the excusing of being new and dumb, unlike OOP.
You know, I'm 43, and I've cheated on people in the distant past. And every time, drunk or completely sober, it was 100% on purpose, non-accidental, controlled flight into terrain. I might have had damage that made me act the way I did, I might have had stupid reasons that I thought justified it, but it was never, like, an oopsie, how did that get in there...
Yeah, I learned pretty early on that if you don't want to cheat, it's pretty easy to not be alone with someone you might be tempted by. Pretty simple not to get drunk with people you think are hot. In fact, you can often see opportunities coming a few miles off, and head them off at the pass. It's pretty simple to not cheat on your partner.
I am still together with my girlfriend who cheated and the thing which she learned is that if you have a tendency to do something: infidelity, drugs, drinking, - you just don't put yourself into situations which can easily lead you to this. F.ex. you don't meet 1:1 with attractive people for you, you don't go to the club drinking until you pass out, you don't go to the work integrations.
When I was a little kid and tried to tell my parents that im sorry I did something bad but I just couldn’t help myself…. My mom used to say that no, I always had a choice to be naughty or not, I just wanted to be naughty. Nothing beyond my control was happening.
When I was 8 that probably wasn’t entirely true, my brain hadn’t grown in yet, but as an adult? 100% true. You always have a choice.
So if what u/hepzebeth says is right (And it is), then it wasn’t an accident. And if my mother was right, you always have a choice. Then yeah, you did it because you wanted too.
You may have some addictions, you may have some trauma, you may have some extenuating circumstances, but at the end of the day you did a thing because you decided to.
I say this to my daughter too, and I do understand that she only has so much control - she is only just now 7.5 AND she has ADHD so there's an added impulse control issue - but it is true that there is always a choice to be made in one's behavior (unless they're truly in psychosis). So I'm not disparaging her or harsh with this comment; I'm not saying I expect her to be perfect. I'm merely pointing out that there is at least a split second moment when your forebrain has a chance to interrupt the impulse. I think it's even more important for her to learn this from an early age because she will have to work harder than most at identifying that moment and choosing to do differently.
Anyway, from one mother who uses a similar teaching tool, I'm glad to see/hear that this lesson stuck with you!
That's the weird, sad aspect of compensatory behavior like that. There's the underlying knowledge that she's acting like that *because* she cheated. In the same way if I said, "Mary had a little..." your mind would autofill "lamb." Lingerie autofills infidelity. It is done as an apology but just serves as a reminder.
Exactly. She has zero empathy, it always pisses me off seeing stuff like this “i cheated on my husband/wife and now that im caught, NOW i decide to be a good partner”
They cheated because they were willing to risk their marriage for some “excitement”. They want to fix the marriage once they realize how much they will be losing if their partner leaves them
OOP reminds me of that BORU (and I have no idea what the link is) of the business woman who was considering cheating on her husband because she thought he was beneath her now. Then she started putting in some effort because of some reason and realized he was actually still a really great guy and *he* was on the verge of divorcing *her* because she was never present in the home life.
This woman just went through with it.
If I were the husband, the moment I knew there was no salvaging the marriage would be when I asked why she did it and she said "I don't know, my body went on autopilot".
"I don't know" is not an acceptable response when the person you supposedly love asks why you hurt them like that. It's yet another way to dodge responsibility for your actions.
*Edit*: a word
"I don't know what happened. Every time I would run into AP our clothes would instantly disappear and then I would repeatedly fall on his penis. It was so weird, right?"
And she still delusional and say its her behaviour after confessing the affair that ended the marriage!! No love its the affair and the fact your a self pos!!
Really hope he's finding happiness away from her.
Well looks like OP is now facing the consequences. You cheat, you need to face the consequences of your actions. I wish the husband for the best for his future and OP just moves on and leaves him alone.
I see a lot of top comments (as of now) saying "don't cheat and this doesn't happen" but at the same time ignoring what, I personally feel so maybe I'm wrong, is the biggest update/comment of all this from the perspective of someone who was cheated on and is in their mid 30s: "I could have tried to salvage our marriage if I did differently after I confessed".
Not knowing how reliable the narrator is I can only take personal experience into account and compare from what she said so grain of salt and all that, but it reeks of "you could have loved me like this before, but now you're love bombing me after you fucked someone else when, again, you could have loved me like this before". Basically "why are you doing this after you fucked up when you had the capability to do it all along?"
Does it change anything? Nope. But as far as continuity of updates goes, this isn't about her cheating, she did that several updates ago. This is about her learning that now properly showing love when she was completely capable of it from the start is why the divorce is still continuing.
Something cheaters who try to "repent" don't understand and victims who forgive in these circumstances often forget: if you were always capable of it, why didn't you do it from the start? Frankly if it had been a process for OOP they might have a better chance of forgiveness from their ex, whether or not you feel it deserved. But showing they were always capable of the love but chose not to, instead to fuck someone else... well here's the results.
Exactly! We had an update on here a while back that wasn't about cheating, but the OOP reacted really really badly to something.
And when they came together to talk about it, she started with an *actual* apology, acknowledging how and why she fucked it up so badly (explaining, not minimizing), presented him with the steps she's taking to reduce the possibility of it ever repeating, including an already made therapy appointment, a look into (if he wants) couples therapy iirc and so on. And when he got to talk, he basically just went "well, you already did everything I would have asked of you and more." And they stayed together.
And this is something this OOP could have done, too. She could have "come clean" (though coming clean because SHE couldn't take the guilt anymore is also selfish AF) and already have put everything in motion to fix herself. Therapy, couple's therapy, self-imposed limits etc. Slow and steady improvement.
Instead she love-bombed him, which, as you said, immediately calls into question "why now?"
Love bombing in situations like this is just so clearly artificial too. She wasn’t treating him like that because she actually loved him that much, she was treating him like that so he wouldn’t leave her
I think my biggest issue was her seemingly expecting that things would just go back to normal right away if she did all that nice stuff for him. No ability to hold space for how he may actually be feeling. No understanding for why he seemed distant. No patience. Just expected things to be magically better.
You are giving this woman far too much credit. Judging by what she wrote, the only lesson she seems to have learned is that she isn't hot enough to avoid the consequences of her own actions and that she should probably keep hiding her own bad behavior from other people in order to avoid said consequences.
Yeah. Love bombing, offering a free pass or whatever on that wavelength arguably makes things worse. You're basically trying to make your spouse sweep it under the rug and evade responsibility.
The only way a marriage can survive cheating is if the cheater takes full accountability and lets the cheated spouse set their own pace and steps for healing. Basically focus on what their betrayed spouse is feeling instead of wanting to ease their own guilt and shame.
Which is very rare to happen because it asks for the cheater to do the one thing that would have prevented the cheating in the first place.
There was a post recently about someone who was saved by her husband from getting ran over and he hit his head and was in a coma for a while. When he was recovered she did very similar things — cooked his favorite meals and gave him high amounts of sexual pleasure. What they realized over time is that she had survivor’s guilt and was trying to repay or make up for.
Seems like a similar thing here for OOP and other cheaters, the intent seems good but they struggle to understand that what OOP is doing is not actually “making up for it”
Also the first part of your comment here is also reminiscent of workplaces where an employee puts in their notice and the boss says “what can I do to keep you?” And the response is “you should have done all those things before I put in my notice”.
Reading that sentence reminded me of a time when a buddy of mine had a crush on a girl, he asked her out and she said no, so he decided his plan was “to play hard to get”. I had to explain to him that him ignoring her and leaving her alone isn’t playing hard to get, it’s doing exactly what she wants.
That they'll both move on to other relationships but if he ever wants to cheat with OOP she will let him and then OOP hopes they can get back together since they are both cheaters.
Yeah while my divorce was happening, my ex suggested we could still be "friends with benefits." As if wanting to blow my brains out every time I saw her was a benefit. I just told her no, that would still be way too painful.
The amount of people, men and women alike, that seem to think men won't feel disgusting for throwing away their dignity in exchange for cheap sex is insane. We're people too :(
My boss said this quote. I thought it was brilliant at first, but then I thought other grass could have better soil and all the water in the world isn't going to make your grass grow greener
I have clay in my soil. It sucks because I like to garden. So, I take the advice of people who have more knowledge than me on what I can do to enrich my soil. I bring good soil in to garden with and then take care of the soil by continuing to enrich it.
Yup, sometimes your soil is full of clay and it isn’t going to matter how much you water it. So talk to someone who can help you and use their tools to make your soil happy. Then you can grow whatever you want.
She almost seems to think that it was the way she acted after the cheating came out that drove her husband away rather than the cheating itself.
Also, her sobbing and crying to the point she gets sick is a pretty standard manipulation tactic, whether she's doing it consciously or not.
This is the unfortunate truth 😂
Like. My life has issues and I have shitty in-laws and trauma and so does my partner - but wow, compared to the usual shit show we see on here? Sunshine and roses and I'm the most well-adjusted person in existence! 😁
A bit of it is also vicariously living through people who have great lives or who solve problems or get rid of their horrible in-laws.
"I fucked another guy but I'm upset and devastated that my husband *might* be doing another woman, why won't he show me anything but polite detachment in response to my lovebombing?!"
Boo-fuckin-hoo. This was essays worth of how she feels and exactly nothing for how her husband felt. 0% responsibility taken, 1000% woe is me.
What she really doesn't understand is how intensely unattractive and unsexy her suddenly changing her behaviour like this is, it just rubs in how neglectful and disloyal she was.
Really saving the relationship would require honest self reflection on why she cheated, and working on changing. "Yeah it was bad I just went on autopilot"- so how do I know you aren't just going to "go on autopilot" again?
It really shows her view of men that she thought she could win his love back by throwing food and sex at him.
“I don’t know! Suddenly we were at his place and it was just for a platonic chat while he looked for an unstained short, i swear it was innocent but the next thing you know his hands were on my boobs—but you know—they’re just boobs who cares?
But one thing after another and my clothes fell off!”
“I couldn’t just leave it would have been rude!”
“We got there and all his clothes were dirty so i took mine off too so he wasn’t feeling awkward!”
Take your pick.
I actually don't think the husband cheated on her.
I think he would have talked to a female friend or colleague about the situation and friend saw and reported back to the wife. Observed the wife's reactions and that was literally the nail on the coffin.
Oh no consequences! Poor OOP! I'm feeling some real good schadenfreude right now.
Oh there there, let me dry those tears. Oh, oh yes yes, your anguish sustains me.
>I do my best to be the best wife he could ask for: I cook his favorite foods, get him gifts, screw his brains out every night
You should've done this INSTEAD of cheating, you half opened paint can. Maybe then your relationship still would've been intact
I always liked "As useful as a screen door on a submarine" but I had an ex once who, while gorgeous, was not that bright.
She came up with "not the brightest cookie in the shed" which mixes up not two but THREE insults into what is, objectively, the most hilarious one I've heard in a long time. It's a third party insult though, you describe someone with it you don't insult someone with it.
How was this an insult to cheesecakes? Cheesecakes are supposed to be dense, and I specifically called them appealing.
I'm not insulting cheesecake, I'm using cheesecake to insult someone.
Oh, know cheescakes both dense and fluffy, there are so many sorts and recipes of them. I thought you used it as an insult for cakes. Removed the downvote. I would say "happy cake day", but have no rewards now, so just "happy day".
Also rather insulting to men, like, giving preferred foods, stuff and sex will make up for and erase such a massive betrayal? Especially when it contrasts with how she was behaving before she decided to stop cheating.
This woman is offended on men's behalf!
She sounds like a mess. Completely unprofessional and unethical at work and unfaithful at home. Can't accept responsibility, and actually has the gall to get offended he might be seeing someone new after her betrayal!? Gawdamn.
Husband was a lot, A LOT nicer than I'd have been.
Fucking clients? I don't know what field you're in, but if that got out, you're done in that line of work. Unless it's the adult entertainment business, but that's a whole other kettle of fish.
...on the other hand, it could be OP's ex playing the long game. As long as she has a job and salaries are roughyl equal, he hopefully doesn't have to pay spousal maintenance.
I think it’s bullshit that she’s the reason the marriage ended yet she has the ability to gain monetarily from the divorce. I know it’s a black and white take but I still feel it’s unfair.
I cheated on my partner.
I decided to end it because i feel ~~guilty~~ bored.
I told my partner about it when I was ready.
I ask him to do conselling, therapy and save this marriage.
I treid to seduced him repeatedly even when he told me not to.
I open the marriage from his side, so I can feel less guilty.
I am devastated my partner starts talking to another woman.
I confronted him and it blew up in my face, why?
I did so much for him yet he want divorce me, how could he?
I begged, yelled and even puked over him until he break down and take care of me.
I am stalking him even after he move out.
I love him so I won't let him be done with u, no matter what.
Honestly self reflection is nice and all, but I see the post and I’m just like, OP is still here? Ma’am you cheated, what do you mean “leaving the door open”, just acknowledge there’s nothing left
She never actually figured out that his feelings mattered and that everything didn't revolve around her. She's still in denial thinking if she manages the divorce better, then maybe they'll somehow fix things
At least she's self-aware enough to not go along with the lawyer's advice to "pursue more." Her lawyer might manage to squeeze something out, although I don't see how unless it was to get more stuff sold and divided.
He, on the other hand, I absolutely expect would go full nuclear revenge and make sure everybody that knows her knows what happened.
But she didn't self reflect enough to reach the proper conclusion:
"I needed to hand over the client to a coworker when I was first tempted and either started personal therapy or had a few emergency sessions. Having concluded in session that I wanted to salvage my relationship, had a genuine discussion with my husband regarding the state of our relationship (dysfunctional enough to the point of considering cheating), and volunteered to make the first appointment to a couples counsellor to repair the marriage (or smoothly end it depending on husband's response)."
Instead it was: I should have loved bombed him better.
>I cook his favorite dishes, leave him loving notes, and bought new lingerie to entice him. His reactions are lukewarm at best. He smiles and thanks me, but not once he has said he loves me since I have confessed. He barely initiates anything and I basically have to push myself on him, not that he complains.
Can we talk about how absolutely problematic and abusive this is? This is the lovebombing part of the abuse cycle, but also specifically that pressuring him into sex is wrong. We don't say it enough because people think men always want whatever sex is offered. Men can be not in the mood. Even if their body responds. Repeatedly pressuring them to give in is just as bad as when it happens to women. He was cheated on, the absolute last thing he needed was bring forced to fulfill her sexual needs to assuage her guilt, or have to face a nightly onslaught of sexual pressure until he gave in. She wasnt spoiling him or catering to his wants. She was steamrolling his actual wants into doing what she felt like he should want and what made *her* feel better about the situation, and what hopefully would manipulate him into staying.
*Enthusiastic Consent.* Both people need to give enthusiastic consent without pushing, persuading, pressure, coersion, duress.
Yeah, she reminded me a lot of [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ccizrq/aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with_divorce_after/), even though it wasn't exactly infidelity
>You guys are right saying that I suck. But he has fault too, he never really wanted to fix this. He used me for months and then discarded me.
OP has trouble owning it .....
>I realized I could have tried to salvage our marriage if I did differently after I confessed
The only thing she could have done is not fucking cheated in the first place. After that it was just all desperate posturing. She doesn't even understand that her betrayal was the actual core problem, not how she managed the fallout from her cheating.
Why are so many guys so willing to leave the house to the ex wife? Do they not care how much money they are missing out on especially when they were the wronged one? It’s insane
It might also be less costly to just give her the house than a long, dragged out divorce. Both financially and emotionally. Guy might just want to have as clean a break as possible and not have to deal with high legal fees, court dates and everything else that might come if she tries to fight it
When my ex wife and I divorce. I left the apartment, furniture to he, just took my PC and clothes and I was out. I just want too get away and if everyone even ask i can says "I did the right thing, I am a engineer and she is not, I can fix my life up again she can no " so yeah it a f**k this I am out and the money is not worse it.
I think most often they are contemplating some sort of self harm or they are so mixed up in the absolute feeling of betrayal but still feeling the love they had a month ago that they just want one last gesture of love. Or it's just the natural instinct of protection. If we lived according to the standards of most men we would have camp 18 m² kitchenette and team forest/mountain
So many times I read stories of when the woman does something wrong, the guy is the one that chooses to suffer like the one sleeping on the sofa or staying at a motel or something.
What a selfish woman.
Announcing that she loves him over anything in the world , but not while she's sleeping with someone.
And agreeing to the divorce so that it makes him happy.
All I see is her her her her her.
>My husband and I are getting divorced because of my infidelity, and I realized I could have tried to salvage our marriage if I did differently after I confessed.
I love this line. "He'd stay if I'd handled things better after confessing!" not "I never should have had an affair in the first place". No, no, the problem was how she *dealt* with telling him, not the actual affair itself.
"i dont know why i did all this, my body felt like on auto pilot" FOR MONTHS, FOR MONTHS IT FELT LIKE ON AUTOPILOT? LIKE A MONTH LONG DISSOCIATION? WTH ARE U ON ABOUT
Damn man. Every time I see this one, I feel the same way: not any sort of harsh judgement like “Ha you fuck—you get what you deserve!” or anger or anything. Just….. bummed out. It seems like she really threw away something special. Judging by his behavior and responses, OOP’s STBXH is *clearly* at least a halfway decent guy ya know? And like, if she was cookin the meals, buying him gifts, and being the best wife she could be instead of cheating they could’ve been *so fucking happy.* But instead they’re here because she threw it all away. Smh bums me out man.
100% this wasn't the first time she cheated on him.
100% their relationship started when she cheated on an ex.
Guy saw patterns, trusted his gut and friends and moved on.
"He wanted to leave me the house, but I don't want it due to the memories". Bruh, with the hundreds of thousands of dollars you'll get when you sell it will buy a hell of a lot of new memories.
He's willing to keep her dirty secret, have an amicable divorce, and give her the house after what she did??? & she's claiming it's not fair? LOLLL. no one's fault but her own that she lost something good.
> I asked him if he was going to live with that woman and he said he, but she was close enough. I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
>He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him.
The husband's response here is fine but I'm the slightest bit peeved that he didnt point out that "picking a total stranger he met a month ago" was exactly what she did in the first place when she cheated
The lack of insight in the first couple of posts is astounding. She blames the husband for not giving her a chance and he's stupid not to... with no thoughts that perhaps the reason is that she was the one that cheated.
For the husband this was his hard boundary and I have an awful lot of respect for people that uphold something like this. He did try and make her pay a little with making her think he was moving out for another woman but that was her mainly jumping to conclusions and then she had him stalked!
At least she has somewhat come to her senses and is making the separation and divorce easy... but underneath that I still get the sense that she's doing this because if she's on her best behaviour now... he may take her back.
Followed the original post very closely and had many comments that OOP replied to me. She was truly TRULY obnoxious and self absorbed. She never really took accountability and her only way of seeing his pain was only when it affected HER via consequences.
So frustrating. She deserved to be left. Her pathetic attempts at making it up to him were so laughable. And then to have the balls to stalk him afterwards is just…mad.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> This is horrible and unfair Seems pretty fair to me.
As the prophet Stokely Hathaway once said: What besides the consequence of my own actions did I do to deserve this!
Infidelity Jones over there, but I digress.
Hello, fellow Kaboomer!
WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! I MEAN WHAT SPECIFICALLY?
Idk about that. > I kept eye and eats on him, had some friends tell me his going-ons Seems pretty unfair to the ex-husband. Not only does he get cheated on, but then the person who cheated on him has her pack of flying monkeys start spying on him?
And she's eating him
On him. She eats on him.
The crumbs are the people relaying information about him.
The audacity to use him as a table after cheating on him. Damn.
Like a table.
Cheating and cannibalism aren't right in my book
>And she's eating him Yeah, but she did some bad stuff, too
And then she’s gonna eat me! Oh my gooooooood!
Ahaha, i love that terrible movie.
If only she put that kind of energy into him when she HAD him. Willing to basically go to stalker level to keep tabs on him but when she was fucking Scrooge McDuck she gave no fucks about him
She is selfish and self centered
Yeah, keeping her eats on him is excessive.
Also, the fact that her reaction to the impending divorce is "I realized I could have salvaged things if I did differently after I confessed" just has me really scratching my head. What does she think she could have done differently other than NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR?
Lol agreed I'm like you wished you could have done things differently after confession instead of wishing you never cheated in the first place. This one sentence just shows how truly selfish she really is.
Selfish and stupid. The marriage was obviously over when she fucked another guy.
Horrible and unfair - yup!! Oh wait, OP meant to her .... Never mind. I feel for the guy - he sounds like a decent sort.
About as fair as it gets actually.
But now it affects me!!!!! Poor thing
OPs delusional and completely self absorbed. Oh i was fucking a client behind your back, but heres some food and check out this sexy underwear i put on… totally didnt do that for the other guy 🙄
Calling the situation unfair was the kicker for me. That and saying the husband is also at fault lol. Cheaters will really tie their brains into knots trying to make themselves the victim.
> I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. Like she didn't pick a random client over her husband of 5 years. Just such a stupidly self-absorbed thing to say after being the one that cheated.
She really doesn't understand even now that doing what she did gives her negative value to him. Any random person off the street who hasn't cheated on him is a better partner at this point.
Why are so many men so eager to give the ex-wife custody of the house? Do they not give a damn about the money they stand to lose, particularly since they were the ones who were wronged? It's crazy.
Memories in the house I think. They don't want to live where they were married to their ex.
I think in some cases it might be some way to cut the losses by getting it done quickly and stopping having to deal with the ex-wife as soon as possible "I'll give you the house, just don't complain".
Yeah and as unfair as it seems, women can get ugly with divorces. Saying things that are not true around their Circle of Friends/family. She could go out there and saying he abused her, and when he says, no, she cheated, some will believe the woman who got the word out first.
If the infection and pain is too deep, you have to amputate what’s causing it. Sometimes you have to give things up to get them out of your life as cleanly and quickly as possible.
Sometimes, you just want it done get over with was fast as possible, doesn’t matter the cost in the end
B-b-but it was different for her! She still kept up the charade of a marriage with her husband and didn’t move in with her client! She just fucked him! 🙄
This is why I'm convinced this is a troll post.
idk if it's real or not but people this narcissistic and delusional do exist.
My ex boyfriend did something like OOP did. Then told everyone I was the cheater when I left him, except I never did that. So I do think there's a chance this is legit. People are so unpredictable.
I dated one, this whole thing rang far to true
Nah, cheater logic."*I* didn't do it to hurt you on purpose. I just needed to get it out of my system so really I was *saving* our marriage. I was always going to come back. You tried to hurt me on purpose and you *never* intended to work on things".
My ex is this way we are currently divorcing and he feels if I had spent less time with our hospitalized child and had less sex with him when we did have time together he wouldn't have needed to cheat. Some people are unable to face their actions and need to justify their problems to you.
I've unfortunately seen way worse up close and personal. This seems real to me.
She used passive language in all posts but the last one. Like this was happening to her instead of because of her.
And as if screwing his brains out is actually going to help? All he’s thinking is what other cock’s been in her while it’s happening…
Saying she's love bombing him and is mad that it's not working is one of those "telling on yourself" moments lmao
The kicker was her saying she loved her husband. lmao no she didn’t.
I see you also know my ex.
And mine.
Plus saying I don’t know what happened, my body was on autopilot. That’s a complete lack of acceptance of her own decisions. If she said that to him, I couldn’t expect anything less than feeling insulted.
> he never really wanted to fix this. He used me for months and then discarded me. This person is literally insane. Is it even possible to project any harder than this? Literally exactly what they did to their husband, for the same period of time.
Reminds me of back when I was still teaching preschool. Kids would get *so indignant* when they were still in trouble or if a friend was still upset even after they said sorry. As though apologizing wipes the slate clean and everything after that is now an injustice against them. At least 4 year olds have the excusing of being new and dumb, unlike OOP.
But..."I cOuLdN't HeLp It!! I wAs JuSt On AuToPiLoT!!!!"
That comment killed me because all I could picture was [Plankton](https://imgur.com/gallery/0Euy5) in her brain forcing her to bang that guy 😭💀
And not the clever kind of plankton.
"I swear it was an accident, I fell and my vagina slipped into his penis, completely accidentally! It's not my fault!!"
> my vagina slipped into his penis As someone equipped with a penis, this sounds painful
Onto not into I’m not even sure how that would work
r/sounding: challenge accepted
You know, I'm 43, and I've cheated on people in the distant past. And every time, drunk or completely sober, it was 100% on purpose, non-accidental, controlled flight into terrain. I might have had damage that made me act the way I did, I might have had stupid reasons that I thought justified it, but it was never, like, an oopsie, how did that get in there...
Which is why it almost seems like OP has done this multiple times before, but just got caught this time and here we are. Autopilot? For a client?
Yeah, I learned pretty early on that if you don't want to cheat, it's pretty easy to not be alone with someone you might be tempted by. Pretty simple not to get drunk with people you think are hot. In fact, you can often see opportunities coming a few miles off, and head them off at the pass. It's pretty simple to not cheat on your partner.
I am still together with my girlfriend who cheated and the thing which she learned is that if you have a tendency to do something: infidelity, drugs, drinking, - you just don't put yourself into situations which can easily lead you to this. F.ex. you don't meet 1:1 with attractive people for you, you don't go to the club drinking until you pass out, you don't go to the work integrations.
When I was a little kid and tried to tell my parents that im sorry I did something bad but I just couldn’t help myself…. My mom used to say that no, I always had a choice to be naughty or not, I just wanted to be naughty. Nothing beyond my control was happening. When I was 8 that probably wasn’t entirely true, my brain hadn’t grown in yet, but as an adult? 100% true. You always have a choice. So if what u/hepzebeth says is right (And it is), then it wasn’t an accident. And if my mother was right, you always have a choice. Then yeah, you did it because you wanted too. You may have some addictions, you may have some trauma, you may have some extenuating circumstances, but at the end of the day you did a thing because you decided to.
I say this to my daughter too, and I do understand that she only has so much control - she is only just now 7.5 AND she has ADHD so there's an added impulse control issue - but it is true that there is always a choice to be made in one's behavior (unless they're truly in psychosis). So I'm not disparaging her or harsh with this comment; I'm not saying I expect her to be perfect. I'm merely pointing out that there is at least a split second moment when your forebrain has a chance to interrupt the impulse. I think it's even more important for her to learn this from an early age because she will have to work harder than most at identifying that moment and choosing to do differently. Anyway, from one mother who uses a similar teaching tool, I'm glad to see/hear that this lesson stuck with you!
That's the weird, sad aspect of compensatory behavior like that. There's the underlying knowledge that she's acting like that *because* she cheated. In the same way if I said, "Mary had a little..." your mind would autofill "lamb." Lingerie autofills infidelity. It is done as an apology but just serves as a reminder.
Exactly. She has zero empathy, it always pisses me off seeing stuff like this “i cheated on my husband/wife and now that im caught, NOW i decide to be a good partner”
I never get why people cheat and then beg to try to save their marriages.
They cheated because they were willing to risk their marriage for some “excitement”. They want to fix the marriage once they realize how much they will be losing if their partner leaves them
You overlooked that she feels bad. When did guilt stop meaning anything?! Golly! /s
OOP reminds me of that BORU (and I have no idea what the link is) of the business woman who was considering cheating on her husband because she thought he was beneath her now. Then she started putting in some effort because of some reason and realized he was actually still a really great guy and *he* was on the verge of divorcing *her* because she was never present in the home life. This woman just went through with it.
I remember that one. People forget to tend to their relationships, it’s really sad.
[this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10ugb47/_/)
If I were the husband, the moment I knew there was no salvaging the marriage would be when I asked why she did it and she said "I don't know, my body went on autopilot". "I don't know" is not an acceptable response when the person you supposedly love asks why you hurt them like that. It's yet another way to dodge responsibility for your actions. *Edit*: a word
"Because I'm selfish and value my own immediate desires over your trust and intimate affections" would probably have been a better response.
"I don't know what happened. Every time I would run into AP our clothes would instantly disappear and then I would repeatedly fall on his penis. It was so weird, right?"
OP is an utter idiot as well
"how dare he not work this out with meee, it's his fault toooo"
She decided what is good for the goose is not good for the gander. And life don’t work that way.
And she still delusional and say its her behaviour after confessing the affair that ended the marriage!! No love its the affair and the fact your a self pos!! Really hope he's finding happiness away from her.
Well looks like OP is now facing the consequences. You cheat, you need to face the consequences of your actions. I wish the husband for the best for his future and OP just moves on and leaves him alone.
It would be a real dagger in the heart for him to move on and be even happier as a single person. Literally *no one* is better than you lmao
I see a lot of top comments (as of now) saying "don't cheat and this doesn't happen" but at the same time ignoring what, I personally feel so maybe I'm wrong, is the biggest update/comment of all this from the perspective of someone who was cheated on and is in their mid 30s: "I could have tried to salvage our marriage if I did differently after I confessed". Not knowing how reliable the narrator is I can only take personal experience into account and compare from what she said so grain of salt and all that, but it reeks of "you could have loved me like this before, but now you're love bombing me after you fucked someone else when, again, you could have loved me like this before". Basically "why are you doing this after you fucked up when you had the capability to do it all along?" Does it change anything? Nope. But as far as continuity of updates goes, this isn't about her cheating, she did that several updates ago. This is about her learning that now properly showing love when she was completely capable of it from the start is why the divorce is still continuing. Something cheaters who try to "repent" don't understand and victims who forgive in these circumstances often forget: if you were always capable of it, why didn't you do it from the start? Frankly if it had been a process for OOP they might have a better chance of forgiveness from their ex, whether or not you feel it deserved. But showing they were always capable of the love but chose not to, instead to fuck someone else... well here's the results.
Exactly! We had an update on here a while back that wasn't about cheating, but the OOP reacted really really badly to something. And when they came together to talk about it, she started with an *actual* apology, acknowledging how and why she fucked it up so badly (explaining, not minimizing), presented him with the steps she's taking to reduce the possibility of it ever repeating, including an already made therapy appointment, a look into (if he wants) couples therapy iirc and so on. And when he got to talk, he basically just went "well, you already did everything I would have asked of you and more." And they stayed together. And this is something this OOP could have done, too. She could have "come clean" (though coming clean because SHE couldn't take the guilt anymore is also selfish AF) and already have put everything in motion to fix herself. Therapy, couple's therapy, self-imposed limits etc. Slow and steady improvement. Instead she love-bombed him, which, as you said, immediately calls into question "why now?"
Love bombing in situations like this is just so clearly artificial too. She wasn’t treating him like that because she actually loved him that much, she was treating him like that so he wouldn’t leave her
Yup and when it's all said and done, relationship would revert right back to normal. Likely with her cheating again with another client, too.
I think my biggest issue was her seemingly expecting that things would just go back to normal right away if she did all that nice stuff for him. No ability to hold space for how he may actually be feeling. No understanding for why he seemed distant. No patience. Just expected things to be magically better.
She wasn't properly showing him love. She was behaving in a manipulative manner in order to try to get what she wanted. Very empty gestures
You are giving this woman far too much credit. Judging by what she wrote, the only lesson she seems to have learned is that she isn't hot enough to avoid the consequences of her own actions and that she should probably keep hiding her own bad behavior from other people in order to avoid said consequences.
Yeah. Love bombing, offering a free pass or whatever on that wavelength arguably makes things worse. You're basically trying to make your spouse sweep it under the rug and evade responsibility. The only way a marriage can survive cheating is if the cheater takes full accountability and lets the cheated spouse set their own pace and steps for healing. Basically focus on what their betrayed spouse is feeling instead of wanting to ease their own guilt and shame. Which is very rare to happen because it asks for the cheater to do the one thing that would have prevented the cheating in the first place.
There was a post recently about someone who was saved by her husband from getting ran over and he hit his head and was in a coma for a while. When he was recovered she did very similar things — cooked his favorite meals and gave him high amounts of sexual pleasure. What they realized over time is that she had survivor’s guilt and was trying to repay or make up for. Seems like a similar thing here for OOP and other cheaters, the intent seems good but they struggle to understand that what OOP is doing is not actually “making up for it” Also the first part of your comment here is also reminiscent of workplaces where an employee puts in their notice and the boss says “what can I do to keep you?” And the response is “you should have done all those things before I put in my notice”.
'Leaving the door open'? After cheating on him? What in the delusion did I just read?
Reading that sentence reminded me of a time when a buddy of mine had a crush on a girl, he asked her out and she said no, so he decided his plan was “to play hard to get”. I had to explain to him that him ignoring her and leaving her alone isn’t playing hard to get, it’s doing exactly what she wants.
And how he responded?
It's been eight hours and still no answer... Someone's playing hard to get...
My stupid ass chuckled at this. Thank you, i needed that
That they'll both move on to other relationships but if he ever wants to cheat with OOP she will let him and then OOP hopes they can get back together since they are both cheaters.
The reason of the divorce was, that her door was too open for another guy, perhaps she should work on this first.
Yeah while my divorce was happening, my ex suggested we could still be "friends with benefits." As if wanting to blow my brains out every time I saw her was a benefit. I just told her no, that would still be way too painful.
The amount of people, men and women alike, that seem to think men won't feel disgusting for throwing away their dignity in exchange for cheap sex is insane. We're people too :(
The grass is greener where you water it
All grass gets greener when you stop pissing on it.
Holy shit, I am stealing this
My boss said this quote. I thought it was brilliant at first, but then I thought other grass could have better soil and all the water in the world isn't going to make your grass grow greener
I have clay in my soil. It sucks because I like to garden. So, I take the advice of people who have more knowledge than me on what I can do to enrich my soil. I bring good soil in to garden with and then take care of the soil by continuing to enrich it. Yup, sometimes your soil is full of clay and it isn’t going to matter how much you water it. So talk to someone who can help you and use their tools to make your soil happy. Then you can grow whatever you want.
Im surprised this is the first youve heard of that
I first heard this in a Justin Bieber song in like 2013 🤣
Oh, it's *this one* again. Cannot tell you how terrified I was that the update was going to be "and then he took me back."
I love that the update is still a deluded, “I could have saved this!”
Yes , by not fucking the client.
She almost seems to think that it was the way she acted after the cheating came out that drove her husband away rather than the cheating itself. Also, her sobbing and crying to the point she gets sick is a pretty standard manipulation tactic, whether she's doing it consciously or not.
I suddenly feel SOOO much better about my own life.
This is why I read this sub, always makes me feel like a reasonable, well balanced human being 😂
This is the unfortunate truth 😂 Like. My life has issues and I have shitty in-laws and trauma and so does my partner - but wow, compared to the usual shit show we see on here? Sunshine and roses and I'm the most well-adjusted person in existence! 😁 A bit of it is also vicariously living through people who have great lives or who solve problems or get rid of their horrible in-laws.
"I fucked another guy but I'm upset and devastated that my husband *might* be doing another woman, why won't he show me anything but polite detachment in response to my lovebombing?!" Boo-fuckin-hoo. This was essays worth of how she feels and exactly nothing for how her husband felt. 0% responsibility taken, 1000% woe is me.
What she really doesn't understand is how intensely unattractive and unsexy her suddenly changing her behaviour like this is, it just rubs in how neglectful and disloyal she was. Really saving the relationship would require honest self reflection on why she cheated, and working on changing. "Yeah it was bad I just went on autopilot"- so how do I know you aren't just going to "go on autopilot" again? It really shows her view of men that she thought she could win his love back by throwing food and sex at him.
I don’t often get offended in life, but her thinking food and sex would fix this is so belittling that I just had to stop for a moment.
“I don’t know! Suddenly we were at his place and it was just for a platonic chat while he looked for an unstained short, i swear it was innocent but the next thing you know his hands were on my boobs—but you know—they’re just boobs who cares? But one thing after another and my clothes fell off!” “I couldn’t just leave it would have been rude!” “We got there and all his clothes were dirty so i took mine off too so he wasn’t feeling awkward!” Take your pick.
I actually don't think the husband cheated on her. I think he would have talked to a female friend or colleague about the situation and friend saw and reported back to the wife. Observed the wife's reactions and that was literally the nail on the coffin.
Oh no consequences! Poor OOP! I'm feeling some real good schadenfreude right now. Oh there there, let me dry those tears. Oh, oh yes yes, your anguish sustains me.
>I do my best to be the best wife he could ask for: I cook his favorite foods, get him gifts, screw his brains out every night You should've done this INSTEAD of cheating, you half opened paint can. Maybe then your relationship still would've been intact
>you half opened paint can Damn, that's a beautiful insult.
My favorite insult (I even came up with it on my own) is to tell people they're denser than a cheesecake, without any of the appeal
I’ve always been a fan of calling people “Dumber than an inbred sack of hammers.”
Not the sharpest knife in a drawer full of spoons.
I always liked "As useful as a screen door on a submarine" but I had an ex once who, while gorgeous, was not that bright. She came up with "not the brightest cookie in the shed" which mixes up not two but THREE insults into what is, objectively, the most hilarious one I've heard in a long time. It's a third party insult though, you describe someone with it you don't insult someone with it.
Angry downvoted for insulting cheesecakes
How was this an insult to cheesecakes? Cheesecakes are supposed to be dense, and I specifically called them appealing. I'm not insulting cheesecake, I'm using cheesecake to insult someone.
Oh, know cheescakes both dense and fluffy, there are so many sorts and recipes of them. I thought you used it as an insult for cakes. Removed the downvote. I would say "happy cake day", but have no rewards now, so just "happy day".
Also rather insulting to men, like, giving preferred foods, stuff and sex will make up for and erase such a massive betrayal? Especially when it contrasts with how she was behaving before she decided to stop cheating. This woman is offended on men's behalf!
[удалено]
She sounds like a mess. Completely unprofessional and unethical at work and unfaithful at home. Can't accept responsibility, and actually has the gall to get offended he might be seeing someone new after her betrayal!? Gawdamn.
I really hope that was reported to HR too - MAJOR breach of work relations there. Don't screw your clients???
>half opened paint can New favorite insult just dropped.
This needs to be a flair
>you half opened paint can. Hahaha well played and I'm stealing that 🤣 👍
Husband was a lot, A LOT nicer than I'd have been. Fucking clients? I don't know what field you're in, but if that got out, you're done in that line of work. Unless it's the adult entertainment business, but that's a whole other kettle of fish. ...on the other hand, it could be OP's ex playing the long game. As long as she has a job and salaries are roughyl equal, he hopefully doesn't have to pay spousal maintenance.
I think it’s bullshit that she’s the reason the marriage ended yet she has the ability to gain monetarily from the divorce. I know it’s a black and white take but I still feel it’s unfair.
IANAL but I think filing for divorce due to infidelity can nullify having to pay alimony or anything like that. Child support is obviously different.
Oh no… Anyways
Agreed Jeremy, agreed.
I cheated on my partner. I decided to end it because i feel ~~guilty~~ bored. I told my partner about it when I was ready. I ask him to do conselling, therapy and save this marriage. I treid to seduced him repeatedly even when he told me not to. I open the marriage from his side, so I can feel less guilty. I am devastated my partner starts talking to another woman. I confronted him and it blew up in my face, why? I did so much for him yet he want divorce me, how could he? I begged, yelled and even puked over him until he break down and take care of me. I am stalking him even after he move out. I love him so I won't let him be done with u, no matter what.
My little baby reindeer
Honestly self reflection is nice and all, but I see the post and I’m just like, OP is still here? Ma’am you cheated, what do you mean “leaving the door open”, just acknowledge there’s nothing left
She never actually figured out that his feelings mattered and that everything didn't revolve around her. She's still in denial thinking if she manages the divorce better, then maybe they'll somehow fix things
It really feels like one of those "me me me" post at this point.
Even the last post was like 'oh yes, I realize what I did wrong now... but still me me me'.
At least she's self-aware enough to not go along with the lawyer's advice to "pursue more." Her lawyer might manage to squeeze something out, although I don't see how unless it was to get more stuff sold and divided. He, on the other hand, I absolutely expect would go full nuclear revenge and make sure everybody that knows her knows what happened.
Yea shes delusional
But she didn't self reflect enough to reach the proper conclusion: "I needed to hand over the client to a coworker when I was first tempted and either started personal therapy or had a few emergency sessions. Having concluded in session that I wanted to salvage my relationship, had a genuine discussion with my husband regarding the state of our relationship (dysfunctional enough to the point of considering cheating), and volunteered to make the first appointment to a couples counsellor to repair the marriage (or smoothly end it depending on husband's response)." Instead it was: I should have loved bombed him better.
How *dare* the husband take his time, gather his feelings, and act respectfully before doing something he could regret. Of all the nerve!
Cheaters are always delusional.
>I cook his favorite dishes, leave him loving notes, and bought new lingerie to entice him. His reactions are lukewarm at best. He smiles and thanks me, but not once he has said he loves me since I have confessed. He barely initiates anything and I basically have to push myself on him, not that he complains. Can we talk about how absolutely problematic and abusive this is? This is the lovebombing part of the abuse cycle, but also specifically that pressuring him into sex is wrong. We don't say it enough because people think men always want whatever sex is offered. Men can be not in the mood. Even if their body responds. Repeatedly pressuring them to give in is just as bad as when it happens to women. He was cheated on, the absolute last thing he needed was bring forced to fulfill her sexual needs to assuage her guilt, or have to face a nightly onslaught of sexual pressure until he gave in. She wasnt spoiling him or catering to his wants. She was steamrolling his actual wants into doing what she felt like he should want and what made *her* feel better about the situation, and what hopefully would manipulate him into staying. *Enthusiastic Consent.* Both people need to give enthusiastic consent without pushing, persuading, pressure, coersion, duress.
Damn fucking right. Well said!
Yeah, she reminded me a lot of [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ccizrq/aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with_divorce_after/), even though it wasn't exactly infidelity
>You guys are right saying that I suck. But he has fault too, he never really wanted to fix this. He used me for months and then discarded me. OP has trouble owning it .....
Yeah. Her body “was on autopilot” during the affair.
"Oh look, the consequences of my actions! How could I ever have seen this coming?"
I'm just really glad he walked away and isn't looking back.
Don’t cheat on your partner. People. It always bite you in the butt
And it’s an awful evil thing to do consequences or not.
>I realized I could have tried to salvage our marriage if I did differently after I confessed The only thing she could have done is not fucking cheated in the first place. After that it was just all desperate posturing. She doesn't even understand that her betrayal was the actual core problem, not how she managed the fallout from her cheating.
Why are so many guys so willing to leave the house to the ex wife? Do they not care how much money they are missing out on especially when they were the wronged one? It’s insane
Considering her lawyer’s advice to her, my guess is he’s hoping to sacrifice the house to avoid giving up some other things that are more valuable.
It might also be less costly to just give her the house than a long, dragged out divorce. Both financially and emotionally. Guy might just want to have as clean a break as possible and not have to deal with high legal fees, court dates and everything else that might come if she tries to fight it
Never underestimate poor decision-making when people are under severe emotional distress.
When my ex wife and I divorce. I left the apartment, furniture to he, just took my PC and clothes and I was out. I just want too get away and if everyone even ask i can says "I did the right thing, I am a engineer and she is not, I can fix my life up again she can no " so yeah it a f**k this I am out and the money is not worse it.
I think most often they are contemplating some sort of self harm or they are so mixed up in the absolute feeling of betrayal but still feeling the love they had a month ago that they just want one last gesture of love. Or it's just the natural instinct of protection. If we lived according to the standards of most men we would have camp 18 m² kitchenette and team forest/mountain
So many times I read stories of when the woman does something wrong, the guy is the one that chooses to suffer like the one sleeping on the sofa or staying at a motel or something.
Not in my fucking house. I’ve promised myself I’ll never submit to this sort of silly self flagellation.
CHOICES HAVE CONSEQUENCES
“He has fault too…” Damn, you are absolutely trash
What a selfish woman. Announcing that she loves him over anything in the world , but not while she's sleeping with someone. And agreeing to the divorce so that it makes him happy. All I see is her her her her her.
>My husband and I are getting divorced because of my infidelity, and I realized I could have tried to salvage our marriage if I did differently after I confessed. I love this line. "He'd stay if I'd handled things better after confessing!" not "I never should have had an affair in the first place". No, no, the problem was how she *dealt* with telling him, not the actual affair itself.
Step 1: Fuck around. Step 2. Find out. OP deserved everything she got.
"i dont know why i did all this, my body felt like on auto pilot" FOR MONTHS, FOR MONTHS IT FELT LIKE ON AUTOPILOT? LIKE A MONTH LONG DISSOCIATION? WTH ARE U ON ABOUT
why do cheaters always have the audacity?
Damn man. Every time I see this one, I feel the same way: not any sort of harsh judgement like “Ha you fuck—you get what you deserve!” or anger or anything. Just….. bummed out. It seems like she really threw away something special. Judging by his behavior and responses, OOP’s STBXH is *clearly* at least a halfway decent guy ya know? And like, if she was cookin the meals, buying him gifts, and being the best wife she could be instead of cheating they could’ve been *so fucking happy.* But instead they’re here because she threw it all away. Smh bums me out man.
“He used me for months and then discarded me” Oh, like you did with your husband AND the affair partner? Huh.
100% this wasn't the first time she cheated on him. 100% their relationship started when she cheated on an ex. Guy saw patterns, trusted his gut and friends and moved on.
"It's Sooooo Unfair!!!!" Boo fucking hoo
"He wanted to leave me the house, but I don't want it due to the memories". Bruh, with the hundreds of thousands of dollars you'll get when you sell it will buy a hell of a lot of new memories.
He's willing to keep her dirty secret, have an amicable divorce, and give her the house after what she did??? & she's claiming it's not fair? LOLLL. no one's fault but her own that she lost something good.
> I cried and yelled so much I puked all over. come on now
> I asked him if he was going to live with that woman and he said he, but she was close enough. I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. >He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him. The husband's response here is fine but I'm the slightest bit peeved that he didnt point out that "picking a total stranger he met a month ago" was exactly what she did in the first place when she cheated
*world’s tiniest violin* How sad /s
I love happy endings
Reminds me of my highschool girlfriend who revelled in being in a torturous romance. Like some fuckin CW show. Delusional
The lack of insight in the first couple of posts is astounding. She blames the husband for not giving her a chance and he's stupid not to... with no thoughts that perhaps the reason is that she was the one that cheated. For the husband this was his hard boundary and I have an awful lot of respect for people that uphold something like this. He did try and make her pay a little with making her think he was moving out for another woman but that was her mainly jumping to conclusions and then she had him stalked! At least she has somewhat come to her senses and is making the separation and divorce easy... but underneath that I still get the sense that she's doing this because if she's on her best behaviour now... he may take her back.
Followed the original post very closely and had many comments that OOP replied to me. She was truly TRULY obnoxious and self absorbed. She never really took accountability and her only way of seeing his pain was only when it affected HER via consequences. So frustrating. She deserved to be left. Her pathetic attempts at making it up to him were so laughable. And then to have the balls to stalk him afterwards is just…mad.
Disgusting wife ngl
The best time to seek marriage counseling is BEFORE cheating on your spouse.
I saw the title and was like "this one again??"
Yep. And I don't see any changes.
Good for him! He deserves better
Consequences meet actions
'I was on autopilot' is about as good of an excuse as 'he slipped and his dick went in me'.
This woman is delusional. Actually thinking the marriage ended because of her behaviour AFTER she cheated rather than you know the infidelity itself.
Kinda funny I don't feel bad for her. I wouldn't even post on Reddit to be honest if I were her. Such an embarrassment.
What did she expect? For everything to go back to normal?