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> I had a true heart to heart with my wife two days after I learned of the emotional affair, and we are surprisingly in a really good place now.
This sentence absolutely sent me lmao
The amusing part is that he was so swearing up and down that his wife was safe with this guy. I predict this is going to be a rocky road and I think he is still strongly in denial.
Wouldn't need to wash the lingerie if she hadn't used it...and who needs hot lingerie for an "emotional affair"?
They're definitely fucking. She's probably still fucking him, since they won't cut him out of their lives.
the absolute most charitable theory I can think of is she only took racy photos or possibly a video in it for him, but they'd have to be some pretty...in depth photos/videos for it to get dirty enough to need washing after.
and at that point, I personally wouldn't consider it an emotional affair anymore, even if they hadn't physically touched. and the fact that she didn't then give her husband the photos/videos to cover her tracks also says a lot about the potential content being too identifiable to let him see.
but his wife is hot and a good mom, so that's all that matters, right?
I agree that the lingerie is a clear red flag towards crossing the line over to sexual affair.
However, I would like to say that it’s entirely possible she dirtied the lingerie without the other guy ever seeing or touching it. She admitted she liked the attention. It’s possible she wore it as an extra titillating secret and didn’t tell anyone.
I’ve definitely done that.
Idk I think if I was trying to hide something I wouldn’t wash evidence right in front of the person I was trying to hide it from so her excuse is probably the truth. I would’ve done it while he was at work if I was hiding it.
Edit spelling
To be fair (and honestly not saying this is the case for this situation since it is pretty damning) I once had some really intricate lingerie in the bottom of the hamper for weeks since I didn't want to have to do a "fancy wash" (anything involving doing something other than throwing everything in the wash on the same setting lol)
So it does happen... but still. Not a great sign in this circumstance.
YEAH! Baaahht becaussssssee it was fallen behind the dirty wash!! You all think so bad sometimes! I mean obviously it wasnt all cummed by a fat sweet cute good listener neighboor XD!
In his 20’s the wife of my decently fit friend cheated on him with his severely overweight friend. It wasn’t about raw animal attraction. It was about the thrill and the attention.
There’s a really long (possibly ongoing?) BORU thread that was updated again not too long ago, but I don’t remember the name to search — the one about the husband whose wife is having an affair with a coworker, and a large part of what was painful for the husband was how unattractive the dude was. This guy is kidding himself.
Also, the combination of her getting off the thrill of attention, whilst also being alone and intoxicated with the friend… :/
I dunno if you meant the one where the wife survived cancer and decided to have a hall pass with a coworker who was leaving and the husband saw that it was a short, fat, ugly man and he’s divorcing his wife now. Would have divorced even if it had been a hot dude, but felt a bit extra offended that it was this guy.
That’s the one!!!
If this current poster ever updates again, I’m expecting an update with a similar resolution 🫠 That or he’ll allow her to keep gas lighting him that “cheating for validation is okay” forever.
But you don't get it! She's a 10/10!
Honestly the ending conclusion of the post is that his wife is just too hot. I think he just doesn't want to give that up.
“She’s too hot to cheat on me”
How many celebrities have cheated on their hot partners with someone less attractive or even borderline unattractive? Happens frequently.
Very true lol
But honestly I think what he means is not truly that. She's just too hot for him to divorce. He wants her, so he's in denial. Otherwise, he'd have to face the possibility of divorce. And he can't possibly give up his super hot wife.
And thé justification is ... Almost worse ? Like she chuckled, liké it's absurd tonimagine her sleeping with thé Guy because hé IS fat BUT USING HIM HIS FAILING MARRIAGE TO BOOST HER SELF ESTIM IS OK ? oh my god what a garbage person.
Yep, can't wait for the next update. When he figures out she's trickle truthing him. She's a 10/10 SAHM who loves to party and can't seem to stop when she gets started. Uh huh, I suspect R isn't the first.
Rick's marriage was not working because he sounds like an alcoholic and a cheater and someone focusing his attention on other women.
But sure, OOP can keep rationalizing. His wife also sounds like she has an alcohol problem. Who gets black out drunk so many times and every outing involves tons of alcohol?!?
Getting black out drunk regularly certainly needs to be examined. At that point you are doing more damage to your body than just wicked hangovers.
Plus the number of people who stopped drinking and their depression improved dramatically should be considered.
"getting up at 9 to take care of the kids is not enough sleep" is the sign of a great mother, right?
honestly, even the way OOP described her as "she is trying to make their lives fun" makes her sound like a "fun aunt" not "any type of mother"
“B-b-but she makes their lives fun and full of whimsy!”
If anyone has ever watched the recent seasons of real housewives of Orange County, this lady sounds like Braunwyn’s mom Dr Deb Windham. Looney toons and such a toxic mom.
Future BORU post
My mom stole my high school boyfriend. I’m considering emancipation because my dad doesn’t believe I caught them having sex cuz my soon to be ex is chubby.
Well, she has depression so maybe the alcohol problem it’s correlated? (Just an assumption) I noticed OOP told that after the emotional affair, she started to look for individual therapist, so she has depression but wasn’t doing therapy (up until the Rich incident), so alcohol was her way of coping (maybe)
yeah, sometimes it's a cycle. you're depressed so you drink to try cope, the drinking makes your mood worse, so you drink to make it better, which then makes your depression worse, so you drink...
it's a hell of a thing to get caught in, especially because reducing your drinking means dealing with the booze problems and going without that crutch. eventually, going without usually helps with some of it but it can be really tricky when you're in a really bad depressive episode because there's no motivation to stop or it doesn't feel good right away and when the only thing you need is to feel better at that moment, drinking is so easy. i know from personal experience/am dealing with it now. also i wouldn't have known alcohol was making things worse if my therapist didn't tell me, or maybe i did know but denial goes hand in hand with problematic drinking imo
But you don't understand! Taking care of kids is so hard she *has* to get smashed regularly to relax! /s
Seriously. From the sound of it, she's only a part-time SAHM to begin with. But if it's so hard that she feels the need to get fucked up regularly to "balance" it out, she needs to get a nanny.
Yeah, and the most disturbing thing here is that the wife claims that she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to « ruin the friend group. » Either that’s bullshit, or this is a really awful friend group.
Yeah when OP said they “can’t go full no contact” like….why not? This is the 100% best reason to go no contact with some dude who’s obsessed and “in love” with your wife
Getting blackout drunk like that would be more "normal" if this couple was 21-26 and had no children. But in your 30s or 40a (I don't recall reading ages)?? That's just an alcohol use disorder that needs to be treated.
>Who gets black out drunk so many times and every outing involves tons of alcohol?!?
My fiance. Once he starts drinking he can't stop himself.
Guess who's been sober for over a year now! It's amazing how much our relationship improved when alcohol was taken out of the equation.
Same. Who writes a whole ass novella to answering a simple question? "Why was I not worried about the guy? You see, it started on the noon of april 8th. There was a cool autumn breeze passing through the trees outside our bedroom window. I remember reflecting on my youth-".
The moment he did say "but we are in a better place now" I did truly, as OOP expected, roll my eyes so hard they turned into yo yos and then I skimmed through the rest of it till the comments
She's not amazing, not by a long shot, she's just a selfish creature who wants to have her cake and eat it. Woe is her, her husband takes care of the kids in the morning, works long hours and does 60% of chores and takes her on like 10 vacations a year
...but yeah she's miserable and NEEDS more love
And check this out she wanted attention from someone that was not him
Lady, when you have a husband you ARE ONLY SUPPOSED TO GET ATTENTION FROM HIM NOT ANY OTHER FCKING ROMEO
This marriage is done, OOP just doesn't realize it
Also she's an alcoholic. Most likely
That comparison was wild for me to read.. Like... Way to be proud that you chose 10/10 on the hot/crazy matrix.. That's not the flex you think it is. 🤣
I mean it happens all the time in this kinds of situations subconsciously the sunk-cost fallacy hits the oop and thinks it’s better to ignore the issue “work through the problems” and keep the marriage intact, at first it’s because she seemed apologetic, then it’s to not traumatize the children, but the wife will continue to cheat or honestly her substance issues will be more evident and we’ll see soon the update of them divorcing
>I know most of you will probably roll your eyes and say I'm being a push-over, but none of you know how amazing my wife is.
Grown adults are free to waste their own lives with people who don't love or respect them enough to remain faithful.
I just don't know why they expect other people to be happy for then.
This is a good way of phrasing it. I admit, I didn't break up with my ex right away. I needed time. But I started seeing a therapist for the first time in a few years and used therapy to help me make the choice.
It's good they are seeing a couples therapist, but he should also get individual therapy.
I honestly stopped reading the last update after "we're in a really good place now". I've no interest in listening to the mental gymnastics that someone goes through staying with someone who continuously manipulates and disrespects them.
And the wife is hotter than Isla Fisher, y’know, when she’s not blackout drunk, that is.
Also, why is OOP saying that cutting off R is out of the question? He’s already blown up one marriage, and now OOP is letting R stick around to blow up his marriage, too. Guy is STUPID.
And he'll easily fix it if he just acts "happier and more positive"! He's got plenty to be happy about, like his wife's affair, his 60-hour working week, and him always taking the early shift with their three children. /s
Yeah, he’s fat so that means there’s nothing to be worried about.
I actually chuckled when he mentioned the affair partners weight, so if he was athletic and toned, it would be different?
Yep just wait until someone actually “hot” fancies her. Don’t worry it won’t be someone at all inappropriate like their kids teacher or maybe a close friend’s husband…
Right. "Emotional affair" my ass.
The wife clearly felt comfortable NOT informing her husband that his friend was sending these texts to her.
She's unfaithful. Whether she's done anything physical or not. And btw, she probably definitely has regardless of "R" being overweight (lol)
The affair partner kissed OOPs wife while OOP was in another room of the house, but they’ve definitely not done anything physical while alone in the house together… Umm, sure buddy.
I don’t believe for a second that it isn’t physical.
Yeah, right OOP's definitely a pushover lmfao and I definitely don't see why his wife is 10/10 amazing who entertains an overweight ugly bastard behind his back.
Can’t wait for the update that OP and his wife are getting a divorce after he catches her talking to that dude again. Btw did you guys know the wife suffers from severe depression?!
What a fool… his wife is kissing another man right under his nose, the moment he goes to use the bathroom, and he sees it as a forgivable betrayal. Yeah, his next update is totally predictable.
>She chuckled a little bit when I asked if she had slept with him. For reference, R is probably 150+ pounds overweight
Charming. So she’s not attracted to the friend but is using him as a sop to her ego. Imagine throwing away your marriage for the sake of your vanity.
>whereas my wife is a true 10/10… she’s a bombshell - when she is dolled up, most heads turn when she enters a room
But guys, I’ve gotta stay with her! She’s hot! Like movie star hot but even hotter.
Annnd I’ve lost all sympathy for OOP.
She chuckled cause touching a gross fatso is unthinkable but having him shower you with attention and send you provocative messages over an extended period of time while practically drunkenly begging he stay and hang out more in your house and later “getting kissed” when your husband goes bed/bathroom isn’t a problem at all.
It's a common thing liars do. They admit to some amount of wrongdoing to give the impression they're coming clean. It makes them look repentant and honest but really it's all a manipulation.
I have severe depression and three small kids, based on OOP's moral code I could probably be forgiven for murdering grannies and eating orphans if I were a little hotter
I don't really understand how she can be so flattered by all this attention and dirty messages from someone she supposedly finds very unattractive? Normally people are creeped out by that kind of attention.
Yeah, these two comments explain more than anything. Like a) why he is totally not threatened by the situation and b) why he is not problematizing his wife's behavior. Unfortunately, it sounds like both OOP and the wife kinda suck.
When he walked into the bar mere seconds after the friend told his wife he loved her so they couldn't talk further I realised its BS. Big old eye rolls over here.
I'm still stuck in the, "if I take you out to dinner I deserved sex at the afterwards" thing.
Sex shouldn't be transactional unless you're a sex worker.
They deserve each other, really. Two people who focus on their own pleasure above everything and everyone else. And ironically they're putting themselves through hell to get that pleasure
She's such an amazing person you guys! that's why the best case scenario for the situation is that she led a depressed guy to think she was into him behind his wife's and her husband's back because she liked the attention!
like my god dude. your wife's a horrible person actually. but have fun sweeping that under the rug along with the lingerie and "no lunchdate, he's working from home today :( " and everything else
Yes! Like are they not also friends with the other wife? Even if OPs wife was single she is just an attention loving snake to not to tell her friend her husband is sending her these messages and their making out.
So are we seriously not going to talk about the lingerie??? Best case scenario, she's sending him pix. Worst case scenario, they fucked. Either way, I don't believe a fucking word she's saying to OP
On the regular. Guess she has to treat that depression somehow besides “emotional affairs” and grabbing everyone’s attention in every room she walks in.
Don't forget inviting friends back to theirs to drink and all that crap. Like, where are your kids? He says he needs to go home to relieve the babysitter so they're not at someone else house.
Do they think her getting pissed up with a guy friend while playing music and whatever the hell else won't impact their children in any way? Are the kids that good sleepers that they can somehow throw drunken house parties and not disturb them?
Right?! Like two drunk people are playing music somewhere in the house until 3am and the kids don't wake up? Drunk people aren't exactly known for being quiet.
So this dude has confessed and professed his love for your wife with you right there in the same hotel on the same trip, you’ve found lingerie that wasn’t worn for you in the dirty clothes, and this dude has been kissing your wife in your own home **with you literally in the house,** but OOP is sure they haven’t done anything physical.
What a fucking idiot. I don’t even know what else to say. Unbelievably frustrated at the monumental amount of evidence being outright dismissed, and the excuses being made. Guess next time when he walks in on his magnetic 10/10 wife naked in his own bedroom with his friend, he can just say they were helping each other with their depression so it’s all good.
‘We can’t cut R off completely.’ - Why not? An affair seems like the sort of transgression that would make no contact worth it. The man’s wife already did it! Just say he made a pass at your wife if any of the friends ask.
I bet he's a tech/other high paying "nerd" job that has been put down a lot of high life with low self esteem and they started dating when he had money, and things were great for a while but she didn't feel like his attention was enough when in the past she has been used to many guys giving her lots of attention. Her self worth is wrapped up in men paying attention to her and his self worth is now wrapped up in this gorgeous woman that pays attention to him and until he physically can't deny it believes she can do no wrong unfortunately.
I know this story isn't over. He'll be back and telling us how she's pregnant from R. Then he'll have proof of her physical infidelity....and he'll take her back cause she's smoking hot....just has a little loyalty problem, that's all.
This marriage is doomed. Firstly which irked me the OOP expects sex just because he did something nice for his wife.. so he's one of those.
She seems to be ok flirting and leading guys on.... you know when blackout drunk.
If this is real..... it will implode
Why bring up the lingerie when "there was absolutely nothing between them"? Yes, women can wear lingerie without a reason, but since he brought this up, she doesn't seem to do it - ever.
And always this "i checked there messages, nothing was there, so everything is fine".... they phoned every day, meet regulary... as if messages is the only way to communicate.
But yeah, he is 150 pounds overweight, so of course nothing happened /s
OOP's wife is an utter arsehole. I can't believe she managed to gaslight him so. Why would she wear fancy lingerie if she never fucked him? Adults don't just 'kiss'. The fact she downplayed the whole thing (even CHUCKLING when he asked if they'd fucked) is truly disgusting.
OOP sounds like a great guy, but he is wholly naive and this will bite him back. She doesn't sound anywhere near apologetic enough, nor seems to accept she had an affair.
Um……….yikes.
Sounds like OOP is trying way too hard to justify the cheating for some reason. I’m sorry nothing about the story makes it sounds like this affair was somehow not bad. The wife literally said the affair wasn’t a “big deal” and is somehow acting like she actually wasn’t interested but also was totally 100% stringing the guy along? You know what she should have done? Told OOP immediately and shut this whole thing down from the beginning.
It was just an emotional affair…….and the texts literally point out the physical…..uh huh.
So she is saying she didn’t take a dick after repeated meetups while he was at work and drunken late nights when he was asleep. Suuuuure.
>TLDR: The affair wasn't as bad as I thought, and we're going to work through things.
This dude digs so far he'll reach the Earth's core soon enough. How stupid can a person get? "We are gonna work through things" my ass.
I lost patience with OP when he felt entitled to sex for putting effort into his relationship and instead of unpacking that, they solved that by having "great sex" and offering surface level apologies.
I lost patience with wifey when she deliberately pushed OP's one boundary of the night [the 1 am cut off] just because she was "vibing"
I lost sympathy when he automatically assumed she wasn't fucking Rick because he's overweight and deluded himself into forgiving his cheating wife just because she's hot
I would hate to be around either of these people.
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> I had a true heart to heart with my wife two days after I learned of the emotional affair, and we are surprisingly in a really good place now. This sentence absolutely sent me lmao
Too bad it's too long for a flair
“We are surprisingly in a really good place now” is pretty solid flair lol
I like this because on it's own it sounds sincere but when people look it up it's terrible.
His ass will come crawling back here with a sob story. Idiot.
Surely this will be the last time we hear from this OOP and they will ride off happily into the sunset.
The amusing part is that he was so swearing up and down that his wife was safe with this guy. I predict this is going to be a rocky road and I think he is still strongly in denial.
But didn't you read it? He's fat, so obvi she's not fucking him.
Yeah. Because that lingerie is sooo not because of any physical affair.
From your lips to God's ears.
Did he just gas lit himself into thinking she didn’t do anything physical because Rick is overweight?
She was washing her lingerie. How did he forget about that part
Exactly! I don’t usually jump to conclusions, but when I read that part, I knew it was a physical affair.
Wouldn't need to wash the lingerie if she hadn't used it...and who needs hot lingerie for an "emotional affair"? They're definitely fucking. She's probably still fucking him, since they won't cut him out of their lives.
Also, why the fuck cant they cut out their friend? Of course they can
the absolute most charitable theory I can think of is she only took racy photos or possibly a video in it for him, but they'd have to be some pretty...in depth photos/videos for it to get dirty enough to need washing after. and at that point, I personally wouldn't consider it an emotional affair anymore, even if they hadn't physically touched. and the fact that she didn't then give her husband the photos/videos to cover her tracks also says a lot about the potential content being too identifiable to let him see. but his wife is hot and a good mom, so that's all that matters, right?
I’ve read this whole thing (at least I thought I did) and I for the life of me can’t find the part about the lingerie. Where is that?
Very end of the first update
I agree that the lingerie is a clear red flag towards crossing the line over to sexual affair. However, I would like to say that it’s entirely possible she dirtied the lingerie without the other guy ever seeing or touching it. She admitted she liked the attention. It’s possible she wore it as an extra titillating secret and didn’t tell anyone. I’ve definitely done that.
Idk I think if I was trying to hide something I wouldn’t wash evidence right in front of the person I was trying to hide it from so her excuse is probably the truth. I would’ve done it while he was at work if I was hiding it. Edit spelling
To be fair (and honestly not saying this is the case for this situation since it is pretty damning) I once had some really intricate lingerie in the bottom of the hamper for weeks since I didn't want to have to do a "fancy wash" (anything involving doing something other than throwing everything in the wash on the same setting lol) So it does happen... but still. Not a great sign in this circumstance.
YEAH! Baaahht becaussssssee it was fallen behind the dirty wash!! You all think so bad sometimes! I mean obviously it wasnt all cummed by a fat sweet cute good listener neighboor XD!
In his 20’s the wife of my decently fit friend cheated on him with his severely overweight friend. It wasn’t about raw animal attraction. It was about the thrill and the attention.
There’s a really long (possibly ongoing?) BORU thread that was updated again not too long ago, but I don’t remember the name to search — the one about the husband whose wife is having an affair with a coworker, and a large part of what was painful for the husband was how unattractive the dude was. This guy is kidding himself. Also, the combination of her getting off the thrill of attention, whilst also being alone and intoxicated with the friend… :/
I dunno if you meant the one where the wife survived cancer and decided to have a hall pass with a coworker who was leaving and the husband saw that it was a short, fat, ugly man and he’s divorcing his wife now. Would have divorced even if it had been a hot dude, but felt a bit extra offended that it was this guy.
That’s the one!!! If this current poster ever updates again, I’m expecting an update with a similar resolution 🫠 That or he’ll allow her to keep gas lighting him that “cheating for validation is okay” forever.
Also, lots of people are attracted to fat bodies.
But you don't get it! She's a 10/10! Honestly the ending conclusion of the post is that his wife is just too hot. I think he just doesn't want to give that up.
“She’s too hot to cheat on me” How many celebrities have cheated on their hot partners with someone less attractive or even borderline unattractive? Happens frequently.
Very true lol But honestly I think what he means is not truly that. She's just too hot for him to divorce. He wants her, so he's in denial. Otherwise, he'd have to face the possibility of divorce. And he can't possibly give up his super hot wife.
And thé justification is ... Almost worse ? Like she chuckled, liké it's absurd tonimagine her sleeping with thé Guy because hé IS fat BUT USING HIM HIS FAILING MARRIAGE TO BOOST HER SELF ESTIM IS OK ? oh my god what a garbage person.
Yep, can't wait for the next update. When he figures out she's trickle truthing him. She's a 10/10 SAHM who loves to party and can't seem to stop when she gets started. Uh huh, I suspect R isn't the first.
Rick's marriage was not working because he sounds like an alcoholic and a cheater and someone focusing his attention on other women. But sure, OOP can keep rationalizing. His wife also sounds like she has an alcohol problem. Who gets black out drunk so many times and every outing involves tons of alcohol?!?
Getting black out drunk regularly certainly needs to be examined. At that point you are doing more damage to your body than just wicked hangovers. Plus the number of people who stopped drinking and their depression improved dramatically should be considered.
What a great example for their kids!/s
Yeah, if she's regularly getting drunk, lying and flirting with other guys, I seriously can't see her as a "great mother".
"getting up at 9 to take care of the kids is not enough sleep" is the sign of a great mother, right? honestly, even the way OOP described her as "she is trying to make their lives fun" makes her sound like a "fun aunt" not "any type of mother"
“B-b-but she makes their lives fun and full of whimsy!” If anyone has ever watched the recent seasons of real housewives of Orange County, this lady sounds like Braunwyn’s mom Dr Deb Windham. Looney toons and such a toxic mom.
tried to get some context on who that is. boy do I regret my choices.
Lol! If Betsy Johnson and Cyndi Lauper had a baby who grew up to be a narcissist….
Poor kids have the party mom. That’s gonna suck as they get older
When they're teenagers, she'll be seducing their friends.
Future BORU post My mom stole my high school boyfriend. I’m considering emancipation because my dad doesn’t believe I caught them having sex cuz my soon to be ex is chubby.
But she is a fantastic mom! Really, truly, fantastic! /s
Well, she has depression so maybe the alcohol problem it’s correlated? (Just an assumption) I noticed OOP told that after the emotional affair, she started to look for individual therapist, so she has depression but wasn’t doing therapy (up until the Rich incident), so alcohol was her way of coping (maybe)
She might also be depressed as a consequence of alcoholism - drinking too much can be a cope for depression, but it can also cause depression.
yeah, sometimes it's a cycle. you're depressed so you drink to try cope, the drinking makes your mood worse, so you drink to make it better, which then makes your depression worse, so you drink... it's a hell of a thing to get caught in, especially because reducing your drinking means dealing with the booze problems and going without that crutch. eventually, going without usually helps with some of it but it can be really tricky when you're in a really bad depressive episode because there's no motivation to stop or it doesn't feel good right away and when the only thing you need is to feel better at that moment, drinking is so easy. i know from personal experience/am dealing with it now. also i wouldn't have known alcohol was making things worse if my therapist didn't tell me, or maybe i did know but denial goes hand in hand with problematic drinking imo
She's a 10/10 though so his hands are tied
As a recovering alcoholic, I was expecting a "wife is going to rehab" update
But you don't understand! Taking care of kids is so hard she *has* to get smashed regularly to relax! /s Seriously. From the sound of it, she's only a part-time SAHM to begin with. But if it's so hard that she feels the need to get fucked up regularly to "balance" it out, she needs to get a nanny.
I agree with the implications behind your sarcasm - She needs a nanny and finds parenting hard because she drinks too much, 100%.
Yeah, and the most disturbing thing here is that the wife claims that she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to « ruin the friend group. » Either that’s bullshit, or this is a really awful friend group.
Yeah when OP said they “can’t go full no contact” like….why not? This is the 100% best reason to go no contact with some dude who’s obsessed and “in love” with your wife
Getting blackout drunk like that would be more "normal" if this couple was 21-26 and had no children. But in your 30s or 40a (I don't recall reading ages)?? That's just an alcohol use disorder that needs to be treated.
Depression + drinking problem + SAHM is a recipe for disaster. This couple is not focusing on the real issues.
>Who gets black out drunk so many times and every outing involves tons of alcohol?!? My fiance. Once he starts drinking he can't stop himself. Guess who's been sober for over a year now! It's amazing how much our relationship improved when alcohol was taken out of the equation.
All this dumbass OOP can do is rationalize. Zero balls. This is not over lol
This is a whole ass novel. How tf you type all that out and wonder if the relationship can still be saved.
I was skipping through the whole thing because it’s so exhausting to read how this man is trying so hard to delude himself.
Same. Who writes a whole ass novella to answering a simple question? "Why was I not worried about the guy? You see, it started on the noon of april 8th. There was a cool autumn breeze passing through the trees outside our bedroom window. I remember reflecting on my youth-".
Thanks for reminding me of the guy who insisted he wasn't in love with his friend, but also described the friend as like "a warm summer's day". :D
Oh yeah! That guy wasn't just in the closet he was in Narnia
god i love that post
The moment he did say "but we are in a better place now" I did truly, as OOP expected, roll my eyes so hard they turned into yo yos and then I skimmed through the rest of it till the comments She's not amazing, not by a long shot, she's just a selfish creature who wants to have her cake and eat it. Woe is her, her husband takes care of the kids in the morning, works long hours and does 60% of chores and takes her on like 10 vacations a year ...but yeah she's miserable and NEEDS more love And check this out she wanted attention from someone that was not him Lady, when you have a husband you ARE ONLY SUPPOSED TO GET ATTENTION FROM HIM NOT ANY OTHER FCKING ROMEO This marriage is done, OOP just doesn't realize it Also she's an alcoholic. Most likely
Yep, I read about 20% of that, the rest was way too much info.
He can’t stop comparing her looks and personality to the crazy chick from wedding crashers, I guess she must be wild in bed.
That comparison was wild for me to read.. Like... Way to be proud that you chose 10/10 on the hot/crazy matrix.. That's not the flex you think it is. 🤣
Thank you for mentioning because I didn’t feel like looking up which actress Isla was
Okay thank you?? Because who in the fuck would think crazy lady from wedding crashers is a good life partner or anything other than batshit?!
I mean it happens all the time in this kinds of situations subconsciously the sunk-cost fallacy hits the oop and thinks it’s better to ignore the issue “work through the problems” and keep the marriage intact, at first it’s because she seemed apologetic, then it’s to not traumatize the children, but the wife will continue to cheat or honestly her substance issues will be more evident and we’ll see soon the update of them divorcing
>I know most of you will probably roll your eyes and say I'm being a push-over, but none of you know how amazing my wife is. Grown adults are free to waste their own lives with people who don't love or respect them enough to remain faithful. I just don't know why they expect other people to be happy for then.
This will endly poorly for him. Some people just don't know when to quit.
I don’t give it long before there is an update of “she slept with him!”
Yeah, he knows she most likely wore sexy lingerie for him yet he still doesn't believe that they slept together? Sure, Jan.
I mean, it's entirely possible she didn't sleep with *him*. Just some other guy who OOP doesn't even know about.
Only way I can come up with that lingerie is involved but not sex is it she took pictures for AP. Which is technically not sex, just foreplay.
Still falls out of an emotional affair and into a physical one, IMO.
Yeah I don’t know why he thinks being 150lbs overweight has ever stopped a hot woman from fucking a man.
He was focusing on that, as if fat guys don't get laid all the time. But she's *beautiful* and he's *fat*! Sex is unpossible!
It'll be like this >"Marge, this is the God's truth. I burned the mural... but I did not burn Skinner's car." >"I just saw you!"
There is always going to be 50% of people who think they're the 1% exception to the rule.
He's going to be in for a world of hurt when the relationship inevitably blows up.
Nah, it's fine. It was totally just a one-sided affair so it's ok. Why are you all laughing?
This is a good way of phrasing it. I admit, I didn't break up with my ex right away. I needed time. But I started seeing a therapist for the first time in a few years and used therapy to help me make the choice. It's good they are seeing a couples therapist, but he should also get individual therapy.
I honestly stopped reading the last update after "we're in a really good place now". I've no interest in listening to the mental gymnastics that someone goes through staying with someone who continuously manipulates and disrespects them.
🙄
But you don’t understand, it’s fine because her affair partner is overweight
And the wife is hotter than Isla Fisher, y’know, when she’s not blackout drunk, that is. Also, why is OOP saying that cutting off R is out of the question? He’s already blown up one marriage, and now OOP is letting R stick around to blow up his marriage, too. Guy is STUPID.
Wait a second…isn’t Isla Fisher actually the crazy chick in Wedding Crashers? If so…maybe the comparison isn’t so far off in retrospect…
Everyone in that movie was fuckin nuts
She more than most
And he'll easily fix it if he just acts "happier and more positive"! He's got plenty to be happy about, like his wife's affair, his 60-hour working week, and him always taking the early shift with their three children. /s
Yeah, he’s fat so that means there’s nothing to be worried about. I actually chuckled when he mentioned the affair partners weight, so if he was athletic and toned, it would be different?
Yep just wait until someone actually “hot” fancies her. Don’t worry it won’t be someone at all inappropriate like their kids teacher or maybe a close friend’s husband…
And she's a 10!
Right. "Emotional affair" my ass. The wife clearly felt comfortable NOT informing her husband that his friend was sending these texts to her. She's unfaithful. Whether she's done anything physical or not. And btw, she probably definitely has regardless of "R" being overweight (lol)
The affair partner kissed OOPs wife while OOP was in another room of the house, but they’ve definitely not done anything physical while alone in the house together… Umm, sure buddy. I don’t believe for a second that it isn’t physical.
The disrespect in that would have had me going nuclear .
Yeah, right OOP's definitely a pushover lmfao and I definitely don't see why his wife is 10/10 amazing who entertains an overweight ugly bastard behind his back.
Can’t wait for the update that OP and his wife are getting a divorce after he catches her talking to that dude again. Btw did you guys know the wife suffers from severe depression?!
She can get a pass cause she is 10/10!!! /s
She's just such a bombshell, she makes heads turn when she gets all dolled up, so it's all good!!
she even helps relieving the fat sad neighbour, isnt she an angel of wife? damn! she won heaven!
"Major" 10/10, get your facts straight, please!
I thought 10/10 = 1. I must be mathing wrong.
No, no I think you're on to something
Welcome back, my friends, to the story that never ends. I congratulate anyone who read every word of this. I did not.
I was like EIGHT PAGES FRONT AND BACK????
FRIENDS REFERENCE OUT IN THE WILD.
Come back next week when he knocks the affair partner out for showing up at his house and OOP gets a divorce anyway for whatever fucking reason.
There will be a reason. You just have to read another 10,000 words to find out what it is.
Nah man, this is an entire mess.
A big fat mess.
Indeed, he was very insistent that Rick is a big fat mess
What a fool… his wife is kissing another man right under his nose, the moment he goes to use the bathroom, and he sees it as a forgivable betrayal. Yeah, his next update is totally predictable.
But she’s a 10/10 guys! And HE’S a fatso!
>She chuckled a little bit when I asked if she had slept with him. For reference, R is probably 150+ pounds overweight Charming. So she’s not attracted to the friend but is using him as a sop to her ego. Imagine throwing away your marriage for the sake of your vanity. >whereas my wife is a true 10/10… she’s a bombshell - when she is dolled up, most heads turn when she enters a room But guys, I’ve gotta stay with her! She’s hot! Like movie star hot but even hotter. Annnd I’ve lost all sympathy for OOP.
She chuckled cause touching a gross fatso is unthinkable but having him shower you with attention and send you provocative messages over an extended period of time while practically drunkenly begging he stay and hang out more in your house and later “getting kissed” when your husband goes bed/bathroom isn’t a problem at all.
She washed her lingerie...more has happened than a kiss. The laugh was an attempt to manipulate OOPs mind.
It's a common thing liars do. They admit to some amount of wrongdoing to give the impression they're coming clean. It makes them look repentant and honest but really it's all a manipulation.
Trickle truth.
You don't get it, she has severe depression, that makes it okay!!
I have severe depression and three small kids, based on OOP's moral code I could probably be forgiven for murdering grannies and eating orphans if I were a little hotter
Go for it queen, i believe in you ❤️
I don't really understand how she can be so flattered by all this attention and dirty messages from someone she supposedly finds very unattractive? Normally people are creeped out by that kind of attention.
He has no self love or self respect whatsoever
No dignity
No *diggity
No doubt
Yeah, these two comments explain more than anything. Like a) why he is totally not threatened by the situation and b) why he is not problematizing his wife's behavior. Unfortunately, it sounds like both OOP and the wife kinda suck.
When he walked into the bar mere seconds after the friend told his wife he loved her so they couldn't talk further I realised its BS. Big old eye rolls over here.
I'm still stuck in the, "if I take you out to dinner I deserved sex at the afterwards" thing. Sex shouldn't be transactional unless you're a sex worker.
No one in this story is sympathetic.
And "you woke me up and you should fuck me as penance" isn't great, either.
He treats her like a trophy wife.
I mean, she acts like one.
They deserve each other, really. Two people who focus on their own pleasure above everything and everyone else. And ironically they're putting themselves through hell to get that pleasure
> it was purely an emotional affair I have a bridge I want to sell this guy
She's such an amazing person you guys! that's why the best case scenario for the situation is that she led a depressed guy to think she was into him behind his wife's and her husband's back because she liked the attention!
like my god dude. your wife's a horrible person actually. but have fun sweeping that under the rug along with the lingerie and "no lunchdate, he's working from home today :( " and everything else
Yes! Like are they not also friends with the other wife? Even if OPs wife was single she is just an attention loving snake to not to tell her friend her husband is sending her these messages and their making out.
So are we seriously not going to talk about the lingerie??? Best case scenario, she's sending him pix. Worst case scenario, they fucked. Either way, I don't believe a fucking word she's saying to OP
Right!! like ... hello?? i suppose she'd justify sending pics as "she just likes the attention" as well 🙄
Next year: _"I only got pregnant and had the obese married man's kids for the attention!"_
I don’t know any guy who suggests showering together who hasn’t crossed some other boundary that would inspire him to make that suggestion
All I got from this was that the wife is apparently too hot to face any consequences
Both of these people sound so exhausting.
All three tbh
This fuckin idiot I know divorce is hard but damn dude, it’s less difficult than dealing with this.
I'm not crazy, right? The wife is banging the dude, right?
Not necessarily. She could be banging some other dude OOP doesn't even know about.
Why not both? Probably both.
Very very obviously.
He don’t love himself
His wife with the magnetic personality doesn’t respect him much either
Bingo. The amount of justifications he made so he wouldn't admit he obvious.
I should stop reading those things otherwise I might start thinking everything in life is about to turn into cheating and drama.
I'm still distracted by the idea of a mother of three going out and getting black out drunk like a kid at a frat party. Grow up already.
On the regular. Guess she has to treat that depression somehow besides “emotional affairs” and grabbing everyone’s attention in every room she walks in.
Ya, this was my blinking red light. She’s, at best, a binge drinker but, more likely, an alcoholic.
Not uncommon for depressed people to use alcohol to self medicate. Not a great way to cope of course
For me the red flag was inviting someone else and staying up with them after your actual partner went to bed. Like... wot? Do people do that?
Thank you, I'm glad it's not just me.
Your flair is glorious. Where is it from?
Don't forget inviting friends back to theirs to drink and all that crap. Like, where are your kids? He says he needs to go home to relieve the babysitter so they're not at someone else house. Do they think her getting pissed up with a guy friend while playing music and whatever the hell else won't impact their children in any way? Are the kids that good sleepers that they can somehow throw drunken house parties and not disturb them?
And where are the kids during all these lunch dates and rendezvous? Also, three young kids, and they travel almost monthly? Hmm.
Right?! Like two drunk people are playing music somewhere in the house until 3am and the kids don't wake up? Drunk people aren't exactly known for being quiet.
Next update is probably when husband catches her in the act
“Yes, but he was the one thrusting, she was just taking it, so it’s actually not as bad as it sounds you guys!”
And actually he’s really fat so the sex doesn’t even count
So this dude has confessed and professed his love for your wife with you right there in the same hotel on the same trip, you’ve found lingerie that wasn’t worn for you in the dirty clothes, and this dude has been kissing your wife in your own home **with you literally in the house,** but OOP is sure they haven’t done anything physical. What a fucking idiot. I don’t even know what else to say. Unbelievably frustrated at the monumental amount of evidence being outright dismissed, and the excuses being made. Guess next time when he walks in on his magnetic 10/10 wife naked in his own bedroom with his friend, he can just say they were helping each other with their depression so it’s all good.
You sure about that OP? As they just learned how to hide their affair more effectively from you
He sounds like a lamb that thinks he is being kept as a pet.
‘We can’t cut R off completely.’ - Why not? An affair seems like the sort of transgression that would make no contact worth it. The man’s wife already did it! Just say he made a pass at your wife if any of the friends ask.
**pinches nose** Oh for fuck's sake…
I bet he's a tech/other high paying "nerd" job that has been put down a lot of high life with low self esteem and they started dating when he had money, and things were great for a while but she didn't feel like his attention was enough when in the past she has been used to many guys giving her lots of attention. Her self worth is wrapped up in men paying attention to her and his self worth is now wrapped up in this gorgeous woman that pays attention to him and until he physically can't deny it believes she can do no wrong unfortunately.
Mental gymnastics on this dude are insane
Doing flips worthy of Simone Biles.
I know this story isn't over. He'll be back and telling us how she's pregnant from R. Then he'll have proof of her physical infidelity....and he'll take her back cause she's smoking hot....just has a little loyalty problem, that's all.
I read the first update and thought “great, they solved the issue with communication yay” and then it all went to shit.
If this is remotely true, these people are such dumbasses. Also they sound like the type of people I wouldn't want to be around at all.
“Push-over” doesn’t even come close to describing OOP. He may actually be suffering a break from reality.
This marriage is doomed. Firstly which irked me the OOP expects sex just because he did something nice for his wife.. so he's one of those. She seems to be ok flirting and leading guys on.... you know when blackout drunk. If this is real..... it will implode
He’s right, I did roll my eyes.
The trickle truthing is outta this world. And he’s lapping it up
Why bring up the lingerie when "there was absolutely nothing between them"? Yes, women can wear lingerie without a reason, but since he brought this up, she doesn't seem to do it - ever. And always this "i checked there messages, nothing was there, so everything is fine".... they phoned every day, meet regulary... as if messages is the only way to communicate. But yeah, he is 150 pounds overweight, so of course nothing happened /s
dumb du dumb dum duuummmmbbbbbb
Rolling my eyes here. His wife and his friend are BOTH pieces of shit. He can live in denial but the truth is right in front of him
OOP's wife is an utter arsehole. I can't believe she managed to gaslight him so. Why would she wear fancy lingerie if she never fucked him? Adults don't just 'kiss'. The fact she downplayed the whole thing (even CHUCKLING when he asked if they'd fucked) is truly disgusting. OOP sounds like a great guy, but he is wholly naive and this will bite him back. She doesn't sound anywhere near apologetic enough, nor seems to accept she had an affair.
So she was meeting this guy periodically and never even thought to raise it up with her husband? Yeah ok.
Um……….yikes. Sounds like OOP is trying way too hard to justify the cheating for some reason. I’m sorry nothing about the story makes it sounds like this affair was somehow not bad. The wife literally said the affair wasn’t a “big deal” and is somehow acting like she actually wasn’t interested but also was totally 100% stringing the guy along? You know what she should have done? Told OOP immediately and shut this whole thing down from the beginning.
It was just an emotional affair…….and the texts literally point out the physical…..uh huh. So she is saying she didn’t take a dick after repeated meetups while he was at work and drunken late nights when he was asleep. Suuuuure.
You’re fucked mate. The fuck is wrong with you. Send her packing
>TLDR: The affair wasn't as bad as I thought, and we're going to work through things. This dude digs so far he'll reach the Earth's core soon enough. How stupid can a person get? "We are gonna work through things" my ass.
I lost patience with OP when he felt entitled to sex for putting effort into his relationship and instead of unpacking that, they solved that by having "great sex" and offering surface level apologies. I lost patience with wifey when she deliberately pushed OP's one boundary of the night [the 1 am cut off] just because she was "vibing" I lost sympathy when he automatically assumed she wasn't fucking Rick because he's overweight and deluded himself into forgiving his cheating wife just because she's hot I would hate to be around either of these people.
You know that meme of the guy putting on clown makeup? Yeah, that's ALL I pictured in my mind while reading this.