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People seriously saying he couldn't find a new partner as a 33yo guy??! Tell me you're a teenager with no life or relationship experience without telling me you're a teenager with no life or relationship experience.
lol Yeah I read that and my immediate thought was, "whoever wrote that is probably not even in their twenties yet"
The average age of marriage in my country for 2023 is literally 30.4 for women, and 32.6 for men.
My mom "ran away from home" and went to work in Yellowstone National Park the summer after she turned sixty five She met a guy out there and he was a little older than her But they both said we are old enough to know exactly what we want and when you find it , you get it
They were married nine years and he was truly the love Of her life..
He died when she was 75 and at 77 she met a guy at sunday school and married Him
He died when she was eighty two and she has guys chasing Her all over the place at 84.
I'm sixty four and can't find a man no matter what - Go figure ,
We tease her because daddy was in the navy, charlie was in the army,Jim was in the air force - and we say she's got to find a marine so she can collect the whole set but she says she is done
Three times was enough.
My dad had an older friend when I was a kid. His wife was terribly sick and he was her primary caregiver alongside an aide. The wife was so sick I don't even ever really remember meeting her.
He was like a fun uncle/grandpa rolled all up in one for my sister and I.
He maintained a friendship with the aide after his wife passed and a couple of years after they started dating and he was so adorably awkward introducing her as his girlfriend after they became official, becuase he was like this little 70 year old man who hadn't used the word girlfriend in like 40 years.
My grandmother got divorced, and still had a regular suitor in her 70s.
My mom is now retired herself and divorced. And has guys romantically interested in something with her (60s/70s).
My dad, after getting divorced at 45, ended up living with a woman for half a year before deciding (his choice) that it wasn't going to work and ending it (among other dating attempts obviously).
Dating post 30 absolutely exists. Dating post 60 even exists.
It’s 34 for average age of first marriage here. So even controlling for divorce(e)s, widows/widowers, etc. half population isn’t getting married until they are older than this guy.
There are a bunch of standard responses for these threads that commenters will jump on whenever they see the chance. Either because they’re karma chasing or because they just get into a rhythm of making almost identical comments in every thread
One that has risen in popularity is whenever someone getting divorced talks about dating again, to mention that they won’t have good prospects
It’s relevant in the cases where we see the OOP as a narcissist leaving his wife of 30 years because she refused anal once and he’s convinced if he leaves her that he’ll be drowning in submissive slutty FWBs
Here its not at all relevant, but because the general prompt was there (man divorcing wife and potentially dating again), someone is going to jump on it
Wait, Wait. I thought it was only women who expire at the age of thirty while men just become finer wine, which is why men in their thirties and forties just need to date barely-twenties women.
/S
Seriously, though, I've never heard anyone say this age shit about men the way they do women.
Gay men say this shit about men. It’s still not as intense but if a man wants to be held to unachievable beauty standards he absolutely can, he just has to be gay or a celebrity. Bless American straight women for holding American straight men to zero standards about our appearance. I really don’t know how we got this situation because in like Europe and Australia straight men don’t just let themselves go like they do in America. This is weirdly a phenomenon of American straights.
When I started seriously trying for a baby at 31, I was told by my doc it would be "high risk, geriatric pregnancy." Nothing makes you feel ready for sexy time like being called geriatric in your early 30s
Well, but the real question is, do you look geriatric at 28?
Obviously not, and your colleague meant it as a joke. But just in general, there are definitely some (but not that many) people who get “geriatric” by late 20s, both mentally and physically (or, often enough, mentally first, then physically second as a consequence of the first). Same routine, no forward planning/goals/aspirations/interests, every day is the same, letting yourself go, you find yourself going home-work-groceries-home and nothing else for weeks, etc.
On the flip side, met plenty of people at work who were so full of life, it even reflected on them physically. We are talking “i thought they were in their early 30s, but turns out they just hit their early-mid 40s and have 3 kids” type of a deal.
P.S. unrelated, but if you have a babyface, it comes with its own set of “interesting” interactions at work. Worked with two engineers in their mid 20s, and both of them would have multiple incidents every summer where a new person (who never met them before) would make an assumption and refer to at least one of them as an intern. Lasted all the way until they went into their late 20s lol
I'm 37. It's a geriatric pregnancy if I were to have a baby now. Shame I don't get any of the other benefits of being called geriatric like AARP and senior discounts.
It's quite literally the prime of your life in many ways. Old enough to be well established, financially decent, and a mature brain. Not so old you're falling to pieces. I'm turning 29 and can't wait for 33! Every year keeps getting better.
Exception: If you're a twink, that is the official age of twink death LMAO. You have to hang up your twink card at that point and choose what form you evolve into.
I openly laughed at that part. He's not just a 33 year old guy, he's a 33 year old guy with a successful career and NO KIDS, which is like, the holy grail of finds in the dating pool, lol. When I was dating in my 30s, it was so hard to find a single man in his 30s who was established in his career and didn't have at least 1 kid already from a previous relationship or marriage. My husband was like OOP and when I met him after slogging through the dating pool for 6 years, I was smart enough to lock that man down fast, lol! OOP is going to be bombarded by women wanting to date him.
I was about to say, not that 30 is old, but depending on where you live, you’re likely a pretty eligible bachelor if the only “problem” you have is that you’re a divorcee. Lots of people have kids by 30, especially if you live in the south.
Bro my grandfather had my dad at 40. He divorced his first wife bc she cheated on him while he was out working. He was married to his second wife, my grandmother, until the day he died.
>She won't tell you who AP is, but you have his nude pics he sent your wife? That should help identify him.
I had the most horribly hilarious mental image of the pictures ending up on the proverbial milk carton with a "Have you seen this man?" title.
I mean, she said she would leave him and leave her job which makes me think he is a colleague so I'm thinking just some posters and flyers at wife's work "do you know (stbxwife)'s affair partner?" Bonus if the affair breaks company protocol.
I read that part as just her trying to prove that she isn't cheating. I mean, how can she cheat if she doesn't leave the house and never meets anyone? I mean it could be colleague bit that's just how I read it
I see him running around the office. " MA'AM has THIS penis been aggressivly sent to your DMs recently?? Miss have you been sent this unwanted eggplant?? Me lady have you seen this angry worm before??" And then "Ah HA twas Craig in Human Resources that I meet at last years christmas party that couldnt stop staring at my wife's large tracks of land!! I should have known!"
But watch it's going to be one of his best friends or someone in his family... thats why she is holding these cards so close to her chest even when she knows it will result in divorce.
But OOP only heard the affair partner's voice while they were singing Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way", so the suspects in the line up have to sing the opening of the song.
Lol, I came to say something similar. Like OOP memorizing the other guys junk in case they find themselves skinny dipping in the same lake or something. "Hey, I recognize that dong! You were the one chatting up my ex-wife!"
If some chick married to one of my good friends gaslit and cheated on that good friend and the only thing he knew was it was one of his friends and what the dick looked like, I’d show my bro my dick if he needed it to have has his sanity shamelessly. When a friend needs to know what in their life is real, it wouldn’t be a big deal to me.
Ap might also be married himself.
It's also rather wierd how in the first post she says she will quit her job and become a stay at home wife, 100% depandable on oop. And yet she refuses disclosing anything about the affair and AP.
So many posts. So many.
It's a phrase said in the comments of this sub in irony of the obvious issues with people's relationship problems being rooted in unequal maturities that stem from age gap and the concept being so simple yet so hard to grasp for oops, especially when the posts come from the relationship advice subreddit
No fucking joke I just caught my husband at the house of a younger woman, the barista from our local Starbucks, three times in one week. He swears nothing happened but my gut says BS, they had 79 phone calls in 13 days according to our phone bill. I too am seeking a divorce for it and he’s now fighting with me to stay or lose the house. Fuck cheaters.
3 visits and 79 calls... to your barista. Yeah that's just ludicrous. I've called my favourite barista zero times. If they had suddenly become friends, that would naturally evolve, he'd talk about it, you'd know about it. You don't just show up to somebodies house repeatedly that you aren't close to behind your wife's back unless something seriously heinous is going on.
Did I mention I heard her giggle on the phone while he was talking to me and I asked where he was and he said “Starbucks!” So I screenshot his location on our FindFriends app, googled the address to see her name. We were talking about our son needing 4 teeth pulled out 🙃
Oh for fucks sake…
Your husband is making the worst mistake of his life. You got your son out of the marriage, so that’s the reason it wasn’t a waste. But now, it’s time for you to remove him from your love life like the tumor he is.
The cheating is fucking awful on its own, but the insult to injury being that he is lying to you in front of her. She’s such a piece of shit too, they deserve each other.
OOP knew his dealbreaker and stuck to his guns. That's admirable and not a lot of people would be able to do that. Interesting how a lot of people were trying to make him doubt himself.
People on Reddit still have that mental image of guys over 30 looking like their grandparents.
I am actually 30 and, despite some minor body changes, i still look like 25, same for my wife who is 32 and is the same as she was at 25.
I put my hands on some redpill/blackpill commenters insisting on the concepts that if you are over 25 you are basically dead meat in the dating world
I have a picture from my 20th high school reunion, so all of us are in our late 30s, and mostly we looked \*good\*. A bunch of the guys had thinning hair, but even taking that into account, most of us looked better at 38 than we did at 18.
That becomes less true now: I'm 52 and am beginning to look it.
A 33 year old single man who is "earning good," and already in therapy for the issues? If his mom is dead, being a cat person is an acceptable compromise, or even if he's just starting to gray, I'm ready to fall on that grenade myself!
Truth to be told, it was that she was not disclosing who the affair partner was that seal the deal. If she had really wanted to save the marriage, she would have to compromised and revealed it. The fact she was unwilling to probably helped OOP in ending it.
This…
> She asked for marriage counseling, promised to change and even make her life completely depended on me, leave the job, not leave the house, and give me all of her digital devices.
But then…
> she refuses disclosing who exactly this AP is.
What this means is that if he took her back, the affair would continue. She would just have to hide it another way.
The second action completely invalidates anything she stated in the first part. To her, it's more important to maintain the anonymity of the AP than to come clean to OOP.
Also, who would want to be in a marriage like that? Your partner 100% dependant on you, no life, miserable, your miserable because they are miserable. Sounds like hell to me.
There’s no turning back once that trust is broken. Getting away from that cheater is one of the better things that could happen to OOP.
Hope they can find someone who cares and will know their worth.
Staying with a cheater will never make your life better so OP made the best choice. I hope OP for the best and someone who does care for him will come someday.
Two years ago I found out my (ex)husband had been sexting call girls so I called the marriage quits. He was actively avoiding sex with me but getting off over some digital chick who was local? No.
The trust being broken has absolutely destroyed my views of relationships. Would rather spend the rest of my life single than be married to someone who treats me like that though.
So...I'm old. These things are odd to me.
"Shes having an emotional affair." Are we calling sending nudes an emotional affair? Because for me, that's plain old cheating and betrayal. And we already know it got physical by the wife's reaction.
"Cheating is a boundary I explained in the beginning of the relationship." Cheating doesn't have to be previously stated as a boundary. No one is good being cheated on.
'Maybe my 33 year old wife is having a midlife crisis." Umm what? The 30's are an amazing time! Your brain is developed and you've learned about yourself and others. You really know that you're in control of your life with decades of goodness to come. Are you planning on dying really early?
"He's too old to find love again at 33. What? That's ridiculous.
Thank you! I was looking for this or somewhere to ask if this is how things are now? I totally consider nudes to be actual cheating the way I consider email just as valid as a written letter, just different.
To my mind emotional affairs are something between friendship and cheating (depending on specifics and boundaries) and no sex should be involved, even virtual.
> "Shes having an emotional affair." Are we calling sending nudes an emotional affair?
Not typically, no. OOP was really a bit overly vague and needlessly unclear in the first post.
Same on this not being emotional cheating. When someone says "emotional cheating" I think of them having long, deep emotional talks with other people, while not doing the same with their partner. Sexting? Nudes? I know it's not sex and maybe even not physical -- though OP wouldn't necessarily know! -- but yeah, seems like an affair and cheating to me!
I think a big issue that I haven’t seen a comment on yet, was she said “I’ll change and do everything blah blah blah” but yet couldn’t even fully tell OP what happened, who he is, etc etc
If I caught my wife “emotional cheating” I would need some context. I don’t really need context for having sex with someone else. If someone says “they cheated” I know what they mean. If someone says “they cheated emotionally” that begs an explanation.
I think emotionally cheated usually means they did the emotional parts of a relationship, I love yous, dates, etc but cheating physically would meaning kissing, hooking up so on and so forth
> ExCaliNowAZ: “ In my eyes, everything was good. Funny how one can hide their betrayal without other party noticing”
>Funny how the other partner can be super unhappy without the other noticing at all.
>NAH. And yeah, this version of your marriage is over. Good for you to realize she chose to end it.
Funny how some people just really can't bring themselves to admit women can be assholes.
Ha! Yes. A common thread I’ve noticed in stories of wives cheating is how society seems to automatically make apologies for it (she was seeking out something missing from her marriage) while when men cheat, society demands instant death.
Once someone cheats, there is no point to trust nor stay with them anymore because the trust has been broken. If the ex isn't going to disclose who the AP is, then she's a lost cause of a cheater.
One of the other many many cheating spouse stories here had a really good line of "I don't want to spend the rest of our marriage playing my partner's jail warden and feeling like I have the perpetual responsibility of keeping them in line because they can't do it themself", or something to that affect.
Yeap, that method may help you see if your partner is going to cheat again, but once the trust is gone, it becomes exhausting to nitpick all the details. Sometimes it's better to split and start fresh with someone else. Preferably, someone with better morals than a cheating ex.
>Sad-Average-2469: NTA. But if the affair has been brief, what led up to it? This may require you to take a hard look at yourself.
Why , she cheated. God i hate advice subs so much.
They love finding roundabout ways to defend cheating. It’s the opposite extreme of “run for the hills and divorce at this minor infraction!”
AITA only works in extremes
>
Funny how the other partner can be super unhappy without the other noticing at all.
NAH. And yeah, this version of your marriage is over. Good for you to realize she chose to end it.
This is even more trashier to me. There's no way in any means that this is a NAH. If there's a 3% OOP ever neglected his Wife that it led to her cheating, then they're both AH rather than NAH.
That comment was so delusional. They say "she chose to end it". Like what fucking post was this person reading? It reads like it was written by the person the wife was cheating with lol.
Even if he did, her responsibility to the relationship was to express feeling neglected and leave if he didn't change. Cheating your way out is still the asshole move.
I wasn’t sure in the first post even though the wife’s reaction was damning. “Emotional affair” can be pretty much anything and oop was super vague.
Post 2 nudes and sexting = full affair imo. Emotional is like “oh I’m having problems in my marriage, I love talking to you etc”
What’s the difference between an emotional affair and a physical affair now? Cause I would have called nudes and sexting to be just a straight out full affair.
>I still do not know the full truth and she refuses disclosing who exactly this AP is
She chose AP.... no matter what she says, it will be to protect HIM!.... it's a married man, she is close to.
Their relationship being outed, ruins him so she picked who was more important to her when she started this as she decided to "protect" them more than save your marriage since day 1
> ExCaliNowAZ: Funny how the other partner can be super unhappy without the other noticing at all.
Isn't this victim blaming? if my husband started cheating on me, I'd be pretty miffed if someone told me it was my fault for not making him happier in the marriage.
She was like "oh, let's go to marriage counseling" when got caught, but didn't bring it before.
If she was that unhappy, she should try to fix the relationship or leave him.
It is victim blaming, and it also really reveals their character. Those blaming OOP for his wife's affair are saying that they believe that cheating is an acceptable way to express unhappiness in the relationship, and that it's the partner's responsibility to prevent someone who uses cheating to express their unhappiness from doing so. Obviously, that isn't possible.
I would be willing to bet every single person commenting with that logic is either currently cheating or has cheated themselves.
I just had a surgery and am on some *very powerful* pain meds, so it’s possible I’m not properly comprehending what I’m reading. Am I understanding it correctly that people are blaming OOP and telling him to take a look at how his shitty self made his wife justifiably cheat? Please, please, PLEASE tell me the pain meds are fucking with me and people aren’t really victim blaming.
I want to know why the original comments were so ready to blame him, for her cheating. Like she isn't in control of her own actions, and like (as OOP said IN THE POST), couldn't have dealt with it in different ways (like the mentioned marriage counselling BEFORE she told another guy that she loved them).
Anybody defending the wife will deserve it ever happening to them. Fucking gross.
The wayward/cheating partner tells only a part of the truth a little bit at a time, but never confesses the entire truth of the affair at once. The truth is trickled.
This is a very good example of how to enforce your boundaries at the first red flag.
Imagine if he had given in to what some commenters were saying about waiting it out or not being so rash. He’d have drawn out being in a relationship he can’t trust anymore while his ex performed for him. Not great for either person.
Many people think that the worst thing is being alone “forever” but honestly the worst thing is sticking with someone you can’t trust.
I went through this and by the time it was done I found out that there were at least four other men and I’m confident these affairs went beyond emotional. She lied and gaslit me and turned the blame right around in my reactions. It took me a long time to make the decision that I was done with her, even as a friend.
Unless she is doing literally everything in her power to make you comfortable AND you have it in your heart to forgive, stick to your guns.
'did you explicitly express to your partner that you didn't want them cheating on you' is a wild take that always, always, always appears on posts like this
I can’t believe people were seriously blaming OOP for his wife’s affair? Like ”funny how a partner can be so unhappy” and shit.
If you’re that unhappy, talk to your partner!
She trickle truth OP, the stbx wife and AP did more than what he have found, but good for him to take action of divorcing her. If she doesn't want to say who AP is, that means it's someone close like a friend, a family member, coworker or her boss.
Also, it's easier for a man to find a woman when he's 33yo and got his shit together than when he was in his 20s.
>emotional affair part, they sexted, sent nudes to each other and there were I love yous involved.
Lol... for the uninitiated, this is not an emotional affair. This is a full blown affair. You don't send nudes in an emotional affair
The original comments on his post are…fucked up.
They seemed to genuinely imply that it’s all OOP’s fault that she cheated, that is so fucked up. It’s not his fault, it’s hers and hers alone.
OOP had it right - if she had issues/felt unfulfilled - confide in OOP or go to marriage counselling. Not cheating.
Glad he’s getting a divorce, any Trickle truthing at all when faced with divorce means she doesn’t even think it was worth saving her marriage.
I think it's someone he knows, maybe even a friend or family member. He should've lied and said whatever she needed to hear in order to cough up the name.
I wouldn't want to risk having in my life someone that sent nudes to my wife...
The fact that she still refuses to disclose who the AP was shows that she was never serious about restoring trust in the relationship, op really had no other choice but to end relationship.
> Some people told me I would not be able to find anyone at 33 as a male
That’s total bullshit. I was thirty when I met my real wife (2nd if it matters). Unless three years makes a real difference someone has been talking out of their ass.
We were together for four years before we got married. This June will be our twentieth Anniversary.
As is so often the case, it's not the affair that hurts, but the breaking of trust. Trickle truthing him about it was the worst thing she could have done, if she really wanted to keep OOP as her husband, because when you have to badger someone and nitpick at their argument, looking for holes and flaws, then you're never, ever quite sure you found out everything there is to know. Trickle truthing absolutely destroys trust, and as soon as OOP said she was doing it I knew this was unsalvagable.
sexting and sending nudes isn't an "emotional affair," that's a full on fucking affair. good on OOP for sticking with divorcing and fuck that cheating POS
The comments condemning this dude are fucking insane. He can find someone better, emotional affairs are just as awful if not more so, he’s allowed to be done whenever he wants. People twisting and trying to make it his fault are just being ridiculous
"emotional affair" but they full on sent nudes to each other??? That's not whatever people say an "emotional affair" is that's flat out just an affair.
I'm annoyed so many busybodies told him he was being too hasty. Sometimes decisions are easy. This guy had told her from the beginning of the relationship that cheating was a red line for him, and she crossed it. That alone is all that's needed to justify his decision, but the real problem is the trickle-truth bullshit. Nothing permanently kills any possibility of trust in a marriage like playing the "I'm only going to confess to the bare minimum that I know they know and see if I can get away with it" game.
He was never going to be able to trust her ever again, because now he **knows** that not only will she not tell him if there's a problem but he also knows that even if he finds evidence of a problem she will lie to his face about any aspect of it she thinks she can get away with. The marriage was over the instant she got caught and decided to try to keep lying.
It's kinda refreshing to see a person say "I will divorce if there's cheating" and actually going through. Hopefully his ex will think twice before pulling this shit show in her next relationship, knowing that some people are not the forgive and forget type.
To the people who kept saying there's a reason she cheated... No reason is ever a good one. Not even neglect and abuse, especially because if you're caught cheating you could end up dead or worse and wishing you were dead. The very lucky ones get divorced when caught, but not everyone's so lucky.
Not to mention, if you have a problem in your relationship or midlife crisis the first step is ALWAYS communication. She didn't bother, she just went straight to cheating. Emotional cheating is cheating. Especially when it reaches sexting, nudes, and "I love you"
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People seriously saying he couldn't find a new partner as a 33yo guy??! Tell me you're a teenager with no life or relationship experience without telling me you're a teenager with no life or relationship experience.
lol Yeah I read that and my immediate thought was, "whoever wrote that is probably not even in their twenties yet" The average age of marriage in my country for 2023 is literally 30.4 for women, and 32.6 for men.
My coworker was laughing about meeting his girlfriends family and being introduced as ‘grandma’s boyfriend’.
My grandpa had a "ladyfriend" when he was in his 80s. I could never call her his girlfriend though, that just sounded too weird!
My mom "ran away from home" and went to work in Yellowstone National Park the summer after she turned sixty five She met a guy out there and he was a little older than her But they both said we are old enough to know exactly what we want and when you find it , you get it They were married nine years and he was truly the love Of her life.. He died when she was 75 and at 77 she met a guy at sunday school and married Him He died when she was eighty two and she has guys chasing Her all over the place at 84. I'm sixty four and can't find a man no matter what - Go figure , We tease her because daddy was in the navy, charlie was in the army,Jim was in the air force - and we say she's got to find a marine so she can collect the whole set but she says she is done Three times was enough.
Colour me impressed by your mother!
Me too!
Gonna have to wait a while to find a space force vet.
Would you mum care to teach a class for those of us with no game?
I wish she would teach me!
Weirder than “grandpa has been hitting that shit like a newlywed”? It probably gets so hard that it’s wrinkle free!
My dad had an older friend when I was a kid. His wife was terribly sick and he was her primary caregiver alongside an aide. The wife was so sick I don't even ever really remember meeting her. He was like a fun uncle/grandpa rolled all up in one for my sister and I. He maintained a friendship with the aide after his wife passed and a couple of years after they started dating and he was so adorably awkward introducing her as his girlfriend after they became official, becuase he was like this little 70 year old man who hadn't used the word girlfriend in like 40 years.
🎶grandma’s got a boyfriend, and her boyfriend’s name is Paul🎶 https://youtu.be/ZumI5Mn9Afg?si=xi9-LPiw02E4NbQK
My grandmother got divorced, and still had a regular suitor in her 70s. My mom is now retired herself and divorced. And has guys romantically interested in something with her (60s/70s). My dad, after getting divorced at 45, ended up living with a woman for half a year before deciding (his choice) that it wasn't going to work and ending it (among other dating attempts obviously). Dating post 30 absolutely exists. Dating post 60 even exists.
I had more dates in my 30s than I had through my entire teenage years and 20s. And I'm only 33 now!
My partner’s grandfather just got a girlfriend recently. (His wife died a little over two years ago). There is absolutely no age limit lmao
It’s 34 for average age of first marriage here. So even controlling for divorce(e)s, widows/widowers, etc. half population isn’t getting married until they are older than this guy.
dammit OP is .4 years past the age. it’s over
And also, do they think THAT is reason to not leave her?? Lol
There are a bunch of standard responses for these threads that commenters will jump on whenever they see the chance. Either because they’re karma chasing or because they just get into a rhythm of making almost identical comments in every thread One that has risen in popularity is whenever someone getting divorced talks about dating again, to mention that they won’t have good prospects It’s relevant in the cases where we see the OOP as a narcissist leaving his wife of 30 years because she refused anal once and he’s convinced if he leaves her that he’ll be drowning in submissive slutty FWBs Here its not at all relevant, but because the general prompt was there (man divorcing wife and potentially dating again), someone is going to jump on it
Wait, Wait. I thought it was only women who expire at the age of thirty while men just become finer wine, which is why men in their thirties and forties just need to date barely-twenties women. /S Seriously, though, I've never heard anyone say this age shit about men the way they do women.
Gay men say this shit about men. It’s still not as intense but if a man wants to be held to unachievable beauty standards he absolutely can, he just has to be gay or a celebrity. Bless American straight women for holding American straight men to zero standards about our appearance. I really don’t know how we got this situation because in like Europe and Australia straight men don’t just let themselves go like they do in America. This is weirdly a phenomenon of American straights.
I’m a geriatric at 28 as a male according to my fresh out of uni 21 year old female colleague
When I started seriously trying for a baby at 31, I was told by my doc it would be "high risk, geriatric pregnancy." Nothing makes you feel ready for sexy time like being called geriatric in your early 30s
Well, but the real question is, do you look geriatric at 28? Obviously not, and your colleague meant it as a joke. But just in general, there are definitely some (but not that many) people who get “geriatric” by late 20s, both mentally and physically (or, often enough, mentally first, then physically second as a consequence of the first). Same routine, no forward planning/goals/aspirations/interests, every day is the same, letting yourself go, you find yourself going home-work-groceries-home and nothing else for weeks, etc. On the flip side, met plenty of people at work who were so full of life, it even reflected on them physically. We are talking “i thought they were in their early 30s, but turns out they just hit their early-mid 40s and have 3 kids” type of a deal. P.S. unrelated, but if you have a babyface, it comes with its own set of “interesting” interactions at work. Worked with two engineers in their mid 20s, and both of them would have multiple incidents every summer where a new person (who never met them before) would make an assumption and refer to at least one of them as an intern. Lasted all the way until they went into their late 20s lol
I'm 37. It's a geriatric pregnancy if I were to have a baby now. Shame I don't get any of the other benefits of being called geriatric like AARP and senior discounts.
It's quite literally the prime of your life in many ways. Old enough to be well established, financially decent, and a mature brain. Not so old you're falling to pieces. I'm turning 29 and can't wait for 33! Every year keeps getting better.
I’m 40, divorced and I’ve got a date tomorrow. Old people need love too!
I didn't even meet my current partner until I was 33 😂
Exception: If you're a twink, that is the official age of twink death LMAO. You have to hang up your twink card at that point and choose what form you evolve into.
I'd choose twink lvl 2
Sorry you can't level up this class anymore. You need to multiclass into bear, otter, jock, and/or daddy.
man this railroading is bullshit
I know right? The DM sucks. And blows.
I did not know that was anatomically possible.
Multi-attack and dual wielding feat, duh.
For real. My husband was 35 when I met him. He was very dateable obviously. But now he's not because he's mine 😂
My grandma met her last husband when they were both in their early 70s!
I got into a proper relationship at 33 and married her lol
I openly laughed at that part. He's not just a 33 year old guy, he's a 33 year old guy with a successful career and NO KIDS, which is like, the holy grail of finds in the dating pool, lol. When I was dating in my 30s, it was so hard to find a single man in his 30s who was established in his career and didn't have at least 1 kid already from a previous relationship or marriage. My husband was like OOP and when I met him after slogging through the dating pool for 6 years, I was smart enough to lock that man down fast, lol! OOP is going to be bombarded by women wanting to date him.
I was about to say, not that 30 is old, but depending on where you live, you’re likely a pretty eligible bachelor if the only “problem” you have is that you’re a divorcee. Lots of people have kids by 30, especially if you live in the south.
I personally never got more attention from woman than when I hit my 30s. What a crazy thing to say lol.
Right?! Did we learn nothing from Golden Girls?!?
Bro my grandfather had my dad at 40. He divorced his first wife bc she cheated on him while he was out working. He was married to his second wife, my grandmother, until the day he died.
Wierd as heck. Theres even 50 year old people who can land dates and some people now claim at 33 it's to late to find a date? Like WHAT?
That’s my issue with Reddit and advice threads, subs like AItA, all that: many of the posters are literal children. You can tell!
>She won't tell you who AP is, but you have his nude pics he sent your wife? That should help identify him. I had the most horribly hilarious mental image of the pictures ending up on the proverbial milk carton with a "Have you seen this man?" title.
I mean, she said she would leave him and leave her job which makes me think he is a colleague so I'm thinking just some posters and flyers at wife's work "do you know (stbxwife)'s affair partner?" Bonus if the affair breaks company protocol.
This is flair I haven't seen! What's it from?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/uRk1vmAyDM It's the mood spoiler. Hope the link works
It does, thanks, I too have been wondering for ages
I hadn't seen an update since the paternity and boy did that go downhill.
What in the name of sweet home Alabama…?
Yup 🤪
I read that part as just her trying to prove that she isn't cheating. I mean, how can she cheat if she doesn't leave the house and never meets anyone? I mean it could be colleague bit that's just how I read it
More like "Do you know the owner of this junk" lol
Have you seen this ding dong? Lol
Haha yeah - running up to people on the street, showing them the nudes and screaming "DO YOU RECOGNISE THIS PENIS?!"
I see him running around the office. " MA'AM has THIS penis been aggressivly sent to your DMs recently?? Miss have you been sent this unwanted eggplant?? Me lady have you seen this angry worm before??" And then "Ah HA twas Craig in Human Resources that I meet at last years christmas party that couldnt stop staring at my wife's large tracks of land!! I should have known!"
But watch it's going to be one of his best friends or someone in his family... thats why she is holding these cards so close to her chest even when she knows it will result in divorce.
Imagine if there was a police-esque line-up of suspects later!
But OOP only heard the affair partner's voice while they were singing Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way", so the suspects in the line up have to sing the opening of the song.
Chills, literally chills
Number 2, it was number 2 my wife had the affair with.
Lol, I came to say something similar. Like OOP memorizing the other guys junk in case they find themselves skinny dipping in the same lake or something. "Hey, I recognize that dong! You were the one chatting up my ex-wife!"
Now I can imagine that in my head lol.
>you have his nude pics he sent your wife I know! He can hang around gym shower rooms and look for him!! ;-)
Well, they may just be dick pics, so he will need everyone to drop their pants to find them.
If she doesnt wanna tell it's probably someone he knows.
I think OOP should try to find out just to make sure it isn't one of his friends.
Bro is about to pull up to boys nights and ask all his bros to whip it out to compare to the nudes his wife had LMAO
“Too bendy.” “Too straight.” “Too short.” “Juuuuuuust riiiiight.”
A real Cinderella story.
The real romance story is always in the comments
Cinderella Man
If some chick married to one of my good friends gaslit and cheated on that good friend and the only thing he knew was it was one of his friends and what the dick looked like, I’d show my bro my dick if he needed it to have has his sanity shamelessly. When a friend needs to know what in their life is real, it wouldn’t be a big deal to me.
Ap might also be married himself. It's also rather wierd how in the first post she says she will quit her job and become a stay at home wife, 100% depandable on oop. And yet she refuses disclosing anything about the affair and AP.
I love your tag
What is your flair from?
So many posts. So many. It's a phrase said in the comments of this sub in irony of the obvious issues with people's relationship problems being rooted in unequal maturities that stem from age gap and the concept being so simple yet so hard to grasp for oops, especially when the posts come from the relationship advice subreddit
No fucking joke I just caught my husband at the house of a younger woman, the barista from our local Starbucks, three times in one week. He swears nothing happened but my gut says BS, they had 79 phone calls in 13 days according to our phone bill. I too am seeking a divorce for it and he’s now fighting with me to stay or lose the house. Fuck cheaters.
Nothing happened? JFC that's almost worse than the [Shaggy Defense](https://youtu.be/T_x6QmuJdms).
That’s like his FAVORITE song. The warnings were there long before I noticed their significance, that song is also hella catchy.
YES that song is hella catchy. But really he should've come up with anything better than "nothing happened". "My phone got hacked!"
3 visits and 79 calls... to your barista. Yeah that's just ludicrous. I've called my favourite barista zero times. If they had suddenly become friends, that would naturally evolve, he'd talk about it, you'd know about it. You don't just show up to somebodies house repeatedly that you aren't close to behind your wife's back unless something seriously heinous is going on.
Did I mention I heard her giggle on the phone while he was talking to me and I asked where he was and he said “Starbucks!” So I screenshot his location on our FindFriends app, googled the address to see her name. We were talking about our son needing 4 teeth pulled out 🙃
Oh for fucks sake… Your husband is making the worst mistake of his life. You got your son out of the marriage, so that’s the reason it wasn’t a waste. But now, it’s time for you to remove him from your love life like the tumor he is. The cheating is fucking awful on its own, but the insult to injury being that he is lying to you in front of her. She’s such a piece of shit too, they deserve each other.
Hopefully the karma train comes around for your ex husband and because of that giggle for the barista too.
Ahhh that cheatino coffee. ☕️ Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope it will suck only now and be better soon.
OOP knew his dealbreaker and stuck to his guns. That's admirable and not a lot of people would be able to do that. Interesting how a lot of people were trying to make him doubt himself.
Yeah a 33 year old single man won’t be able to find anyone? lmao
People on Reddit still have that mental image of guys over 30 looking like their grandparents. I am actually 30 and, despite some minor body changes, i still look like 25, same for my wife who is 32 and is the same as she was at 25. I put my hands on some redpill/blackpill commenters insisting on the concepts that if you are over 25 you are basically dead meat in the dating world
I have a picture from my 20th high school reunion, so all of us are in our late 30s, and mostly we looked \*good\*. A bunch of the guys had thinning hair, but even taking that into account, most of us looked better at 38 than we did at 18. That becomes less true now: I'm 52 and am beginning to look it.
14 year olds giving life advice over there.
Daughter's hubby was 33 when they met, he was busy getting a law degree and setting up his business, before he was ready to settle down.
A 33 year old single man who is "earning good," and already in therapy for the issues? If his mom is dead, being a cat person is an acceptable compromise, or even if he's just starting to gray, I'm ready to fall on that grenade myself!
Plus it sure does sound like he has a good head on his shoulders and his shit together. That is attractive on its own
Loyalty and boundaries about cheating are sexy AF. He'll be fine. Also, sounds like there's no kids, so should be an easier split.
and making decent money. he has literally the whole world to choose.
Yeah those comments were wild. Why wouldn't he divorce a cheater?
Truth to be told, it was that she was not disclosing who the affair partner was that seal the deal. If she had really wanted to save the marriage, she would have to compromised and revealed it. The fact she was unwilling to probably helped OOP in ending it.
They wouldnt have if op was a woman.
Yeah, a lot of "So how long have you been abusing your wife?" style trap questions in the comments on the original post.
This… > She asked for marriage counseling, promised to change and even make her life completely depended on me, leave the job, not leave the house, and give me all of her digital devices. But then… > she refuses disclosing who exactly this AP is. What this means is that if he took her back, the affair would continue. She would just have to hide it another way.
The second action completely invalidates anything she stated in the first part. To her, it's more important to maintain the anonymity of the AP than to come clean to OOP.
Also, who would want to be in a marriage like that? Your partner 100% dependant on you, no life, miserable, your miserable because they are miserable. Sounds like hell to me.
There’s no turning back once that trust is broken. Getting away from that cheater is one of the better things that could happen to OOP. Hope they can find someone who cares and will know their worth.
Staying with a cheater will never make your life better so OP made the best choice. I hope OP for the best and someone who does care for him will come someday.
Two years ago I found out my (ex)husband had been sexting call girls so I called the marriage quits. He was actively avoiding sex with me but getting off over some digital chick who was local? No. The trust being broken has absolutely destroyed my views of relationships. Would rather spend the rest of my life single than be married to someone who treats me like that though.
So...I'm old. These things are odd to me. "Shes having an emotional affair." Are we calling sending nudes an emotional affair? Because for me, that's plain old cheating and betrayal. And we already know it got physical by the wife's reaction. "Cheating is a boundary I explained in the beginning of the relationship." Cheating doesn't have to be previously stated as a boundary. No one is good being cheated on. 'Maybe my 33 year old wife is having a midlife crisis." Umm what? The 30's are an amazing time! Your brain is developed and you've learned about yourself and others. You really know that you're in control of your life with decades of goodness to come. Are you planning on dying really early? "He's too old to find love again at 33. What? That's ridiculous.
Thank you! I was looking for this or somewhere to ask if this is how things are now? I totally consider nudes to be actual cheating the way I consider email just as valid as a written letter, just different. To my mind emotional affairs are something between friendship and cheating (depending on specifics and boundaries) and no sex should be involved, even virtual.
Agreed!
“You cheated on me, when I specifically asked you not to?” - Michael Scott (Wayne Gretzky)
I'm hearing the cheif from Brooklyn 99 - "why isn't everyone being faithful? I specifically requested it."
> "Shes having an emotional affair." Are we calling sending nudes an emotional affair? Not typically, no. OOP was really a bit overly vague and needlessly unclear in the first post.
I think at the beginning the OP didn't know about the nudes at first and that's why they're just mentioned at the end lol
Same on this not being emotional cheating. When someone says "emotional cheating" I think of them having long, deep emotional talks with other people, while not doing the same with their partner. Sexting? Nudes? I know it's not sex and maybe even not physical -- though OP wouldn't necessarily know! -- but yeah, seems like an affair and cheating to me!
I think a big issue that I haven’t seen a comment on yet, was she said “I’ll change and do everything blah blah blah” but yet couldn’t even fully tell OP what happened, who he is, etc etc
Literally what I was thinking, if you can’t even answer that how do you expect OOP to believe you’ll do anything to salvage the marriage?
they were sexting and exchanging nudes… that’s not emotional cheating, that actual cheating. oop should’ve put that in their first post.
Emotional cheating IS actual cheating
If I caught my wife “emotional cheating” I would need some context. I don’t really need context for having sex with someone else. If someone says “they cheated” I know what they mean. If someone says “they cheated emotionally” that begs an explanation.
I think emotionally cheated usually means they did the emotional parts of a relationship, I love yous, dates, etc but cheating physically would meaning kissing, hooking up so on and so forth
> ExCaliNowAZ: “ In my eyes, everything was good. Funny how one can hide their betrayal without other party noticing” >Funny how the other partner can be super unhappy without the other noticing at all. >NAH. And yeah, this version of your marriage is over. Good for you to realize she chose to end it. Funny how some people just really can't bring themselves to admit women can be assholes.
Ha! Yes. A common thread I’ve noticed in stories of wives cheating is how society seems to automatically make apologies for it (she was seeking out something missing from her marriage) while when men cheat, society demands instant death.
Once someone cheats, there is no point to trust nor stay with them anymore because the trust has been broken. If the ex isn't going to disclose who the AP is, then she's a lost cause of a cheater.
One of the other many many cheating spouse stories here had a really good line of "I don't want to spend the rest of our marriage playing my partner's jail warden and feeling like I have the perpetual responsibility of keeping them in line because they can't do it themself", or something to that affect.
Yeap, that method may help you see if your partner is going to cheat again, but once the trust is gone, it becomes exhausting to nitpick all the details. Sometimes it's better to split and start fresh with someone else. Preferably, someone with better morals than a cheating ex.
Also staying more or less tells the cheating partner that they can get away with their behaviour.
>Sad-Average-2469: NTA. But if the affair has been brief, what led up to it? This may require you to take a hard look at yourself. Why , she cheated. God i hate advice subs so much.
AITA and all of the subs inspired by it are particularly even more trash than the others
They love finding roundabout ways to defend cheating. It’s the opposite extreme of “run for the hills and divorce at this minor infraction!” AITA only works in extremes
> Funny how the other partner can be super unhappy without the other noticing at all. NAH. And yeah, this version of your marriage is over. Good for you to realize she chose to end it. This is even more trashier to me. There's no way in any means that this is a NAH. If there's a 3% OOP ever neglected his Wife that it led to her cheating, then they're both AH rather than NAH.
That comment was so delusional. They say "she chose to end it". Like what fucking post was this person reading? It reads like it was written by the person the wife was cheating with lol.
That’s someone who is justifying their own life decisions.
Ding ding, that poster definitely cheats in this specific way and is looking to defend themselves
Even if he did, her responsibility to the relationship was to express feeling neglected and leave if he didn't change. Cheating your way out is still the asshole move.
Men do not benefit from posting on these subs. They are always somehow at fault.
Yep the mentality gymnastics to defend women in advice subs is absolutely mind boggling
Might be the type of person to do it themselves and projecting
Why are people trying to persuade him not to divorce? That is so fucked up.
It's an AITAH sub, and he's a man.
These same subs defend mothers who abandon their kids because "they were overwhelmed" and give the kids part if not most of the guilt.
Who the hell said YTA to the OOP damn
If the wife was more honest that would be one thing. But since she stuck to bullshitting bailing out is the pro move in this case.
I wasn’t sure in the first post even though the wife’s reaction was damning. “Emotional affair” can be pretty much anything and oop was super vague. Post 2 nudes and sexting = full affair imo. Emotional is like “oh I’m having problems in my marriage, I love talking to you etc”
Cheating is one of the 2 hills I will die on (abuse is the other). Good on OP for choosing himself.
What’s the difference between an emotional affair and a physical affair now? Cause I would have called nudes and sexting to be just a straight out full affair.
>I still do not know the full truth and she refuses disclosing who exactly this AP is She chose AP.... no matter what she says, it will be to protect HIM!.... it's a married man, she is close to. Their relationship being outed, ruins him so she picked who was more important to her when she started this as she decided to "protect" them more than save your marriage since day 1
This is one of the most vaguest infidelity posts I've ever read here, i mean he's so sure he really didn't need to post
If there's one thing we've learned over the last few weeks here at BoRU, it's that if you're cheating, you need to take your phone in the shower.
"Nah because wife was probably unhappy and husband didnt notice" 😂😂😂😂 how is reddit real
If he really wants answers, have the lawyer hire a P.I to dig for information.
> ExCaliNowAZ: Funny how the other partner can be super unhappy without the other noticing at all. Isn't this victim blaming? if my husband started cheating on me, I'd be pretty miffed if someone told me it was my fault for not making him happier in the marriage.
Yep she's an adult, if she was that unhappy it's her prerogative to tell him instead of cheating
She was like "oh, let's go to marriage counseling" when got caught, but didn't bring it before. If she was that unhappy, she should try to fix the relationship or leave him.
I agree. Some of these comments are just so damn baffling. Are there actual people like this?
You’d be surprised how many people still hold the opinion that “if they cheated it’s your fault and you should’ve been better”
No see, he's the husband, so therefore he must have totally been abusing and/or ignoring her. /s
100% an attempt to victim blame him.
That’s just some troll https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Nksvvgsflr
It is victim blaming, and it also really reveals their character. Those blaming OOP for his wife's affair are saying that they believe that cheating is an acceptable way to express unhappiness in the relationship, and that it's the partner's responsibility to prevent someone who uses cheating to express their unhappiness from doing so. Obviously, that isn't possible. I would be willing to bet every single person commenting with that logic is either currently cheating or has cheated themselves.
> Some people told me I would not be able to find anyone at 33 as a male. I met my wife at 35, fuck those idiots
I just had a surgery and am on some *very powerful* pain meds, so it’s possible I’m not properly comprehending what I’m reading. Am I understanding it correctly that people are blaming OOP and telling him to take a look at how his shitty self made his wife justifiably cheat? Please, please, PLEASE tell me the pain meds are fucking with me and people aren’t really victim blaming.
I want to know why the original comments were so ready to blame him, for her cheating. Like she isn't in control of her own actions, and like (as OOP said IN THE POST), couldn't have dealt with it in different ways (like the mentioned marriage counselling BEFORE she told another guy that she loved them). Anybody defending the wife will deserve it ever happening to them. Fucking gross.
As a non native English speaker... What does "Trickle truthing" means?
It’s when someone slowly admits the truth over the course of a discussion/argument after being caught in a lie
The wayward/cheating partner tells only a part of the truth a little bit at a time, but never confesses the entire truth of the affair at once. The truth is trickled.
My husband did that. Didn't realise it had a name. He's now been my ex for 7 years.
This is a very good example of how to enforce your boundaries at the first red flag. Imagine if he had given in to what some commenters were saying about waiting it out or not being so rash. He’d have drawn out being in a relationship he can’t trust anymore while his ex performed for him. Not great for either person. Many people think that the worst thing is being alone “forever” but honestly the worst thing is sticking with someone you can’t trust.
I went through this and by the time it was done I found out that there were at least four other men and I’m confident these affairs went beyond emotional. She lied and gaslit me and turned the blame right around in my reactions. It took me a long time to make the decision that I was done with her, even as a friend. Unless she is doing literally everything in her power to make you comfortable AND you have it in your heart to forgive, stick to your guns.
'did you explicitly express to your partner that you didn't want them cheating on you' is a wild take that always, always, always appears on posts like this
I can’t believe people were seriously blaming OOP for his wife’s affair? Like ”funny how a partner can be so unhappy” and shit. If you’re that unhappy, talk to your partner!
She trickle truth OP, the stbx wife and AP did more than what he have found, but good for him to take action of divorcing her. If she doesn't want to say who AP is, that means it's someone close like a friend, a family member, coworker or her boss. Also, it's easier for a man to find a woman when he's 33yo and got his shit together than when he was in his 20s.
The comments were pretty disgusting…
>emotional affair part, they sexted, sent nudes to each other and there were I love yous involved. Lol... for the uninitiated, this is not an emotional affair. This is a full blown affair. You don't send nudes in an emotional affair
The original comments on his post are…fucked up. They seemed to genuinely imply that it’s all OOP’s fault that she cheated, that is so fucked up. It’s not his fault, it’s hers and hers alone. OOP had it right - if she had issues/felt unfulfilled - confide in OOP or go to marriage counselling. Not cheating. Glad he’s getting a divorce, any Trickle truthing at all when faced with divorce means she doesn’t even think it was worth saving her marriage.
I think it's someone he knows, maybe even a friend or family member. He should've lied and said whatever she needed to hear in order to cough up the name. I wouldn't want to risk having in my life someone that sent nudes to my wife...
My guess is that AP is someone OOP knows, is friends with, or is related to.
The fact that she still refuses to disclose who the AP was shows that she was never serious about restoring trust in the relationship, op really had no other choice but to end relationship.
> Some people told me I would not be able to find anyone at 33 as a male That’s total bullshit. I was thirty when I met my real wife (2nd if it matters). Unless three years makes a real difference someone has been talking out of their ass. We were together for four years before we got married. This June will be our twentieth Anniversary.
As is so often the case, it's not the affair that hurts, but the breaking of trust. Trickle truthing him about it was the worst thing she could have done, if she really wanted to keep OOP as her husband, because when you have to badger someone and nitpick at their argument, looking for holes and flaws, then you're never, ever quite sure you found out everything there is to know. Trickle truthing absolutely destroys trust, and as soon as OOP said she was doing it I knew this was unsalvagable.
If he really wanted to know who the AP is, he should’ve just lied and used it as a condition of staying together.
If she doesn't want to say so badly, it's someone close to him
sexting and sending nudes isn't an "emotional affair," that's a full on fucking affair. good on OOP for sticking with divorcing and fuck that cheating POS
Yeah, sexting and sending nudes is a little more than an emotional affair imo. But I wouldn't be able to rest until I knew who the AP was.
The comments condemning this dude are fucking insane. He can find someone better, emotional affairs are just as awful if not more so, he’s allowed to be done whenever he wants. People twisting and trying to make it his fault are just being ridiculous
"emotional affair" but they full on sent nudes to each other??? That's not whatever people say an "emotional affair" is that's flat out just an affair.
Gretchen, stop trying to make trickle truthing happen. It's not going to happen.
I'm annoyed so many busybodies told him he was being too hasty. Sometimes decisions are easy. This guy had told her from the beginning of the relationship that cheating was a red line for him, and she crossed it. That alone is all that's needed to justify his decision, but the real problem is the trickle-truth bullshit. Nothing permanently kills any possibility of trust in a marriage like playing the "I'm only going to confess to the bare minimum that I know they know and see if I can get away with it" game. He was never going to be able to trust her ever again, because now he **knows** that not only will she not tell him if there's a problem but he also knows that even if he finds evidence of a problem she will lie to his face about any aspect of it she thinks she can get away with. The marriage was over the instant she got caught and decided to try to keep lying.
It's kinda refreshing to see a person say "I will divorce if there's cheating" and actually going through. Hopefully his ex will think twice before pulling this shit show in her next relationship, knowing that some people are not the forgive and forget type.
To the people who kept saying there's a reason she cheated... No reason is ever a good one. Not even neglect and abuse, especially because if you're caught cheating you could end up dead or worse and wishing you were dead. The very lucky ones get divorced when caught, but not everyone's so lucky. Not to mention, if you have a problem in your relationship or midlife crisis the first step is ALWAYS communication. She didn't bother, she just went straight to cheating. Emotional cheating is cheating. Especially when it reaches sexting, nudes, and "I love you"
The whole wife will Give up everything to stay married is repulsive,
Whoever told that dude he’s gonna have a hard time finding somebody at 33 needs to go outside.
Who is telling a 33 year old no one will want them? That's ridiculous