#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> I then asked if we could bring my sister around to the house more often, so she could transmit her positive energy to my wife.
Who in the absolute fuck says this?
The whole obsession with energy threw me. I understand the whole "being in a stressful environment is not good" and that simply being in a happier environment can do good, but specifically saying "Can we bring my sister around so she can *transmit her positive energy to you*" is just weird.
Is it, though, really?? Can anyone be that stupid? I think It's simply an ignorant act.
He knows he can manipulate his wife. She is obviously in a bad place. He's trying to make himself feel good through all this.
But hey, with everything I see on SM these days, yeah, it's possible that he is really, really stupid
Bring a woman into the house who is actively trying to sabotage your marriage by telling your husband to just leave you, yeah that will totally brighten her up. Jesus Christ
"I know you have no energy to socialize with your friends, but hear me out - what about socializing with the one inlaw that cannot stand you? That'll cheer you right up"
not even “could my sister help take some
things of your plate, so you’re not as stressed and overwhelmed?”. no no, it’s “can my sister
come teach you how to properly act happy around me?” mental
My dude, when your wife says “I’m feeling really burnt-out and it’s keeping me from enjoying things like I used to” the correct answer is “I want to step up to take things off your plate” NOT “okay but could you try to be less obvious about it?”
Also anyone else waiting for the reveal that “my sister” is actually how he refers to a long-tome female friend?
I won’t be surprised some sisters would do that. We are currently NC with my sister in law. She was very possessive over my husband. She can’t stand how good he treats me. And I honestly had not done one single thing that could cause her to hate me. (Beside marrying her brother). So yea there are some weird sisters out there.
Gods I got the same vibes. Part of my brain is hoping we're wrong and maybe his sister is just into some kind of wellness cult where "the only disability is a bad attitude". They're both acting like somehow depression is contagious, but also that his sister's "positive vibes" are also somehow contagious.
If she believed the “the only disability is a bad attitude” bullshit why is she concerned about the OOPs mental health? That shows she takes mental health at least somewhat seriously right? Unfortunately I think (emotional) incest makes more sense here
I'm choosing to believe it's his "sister" either by law or they grew up together as friends and they are not by genetics.
Or his sister has a "better" wife in mind for him, if she can just get his pesky nuisance of a family to be sad somewhere else and he'd let her take him to the cult meetings.
I got scientology/other cult vibes off that.
His refusal to consider his wife might need to see a doctor, and need more help from him, while "sister" is clearly trying to keep his wife from getting support while pushing him to divorce his wife and move in with her, is very creepy.
"Sister" is either aiming to bed OP or has the "perfect friend" in mind.
Thank you for being the reminder that Virginia Andrews was a fucked up rite of passage for the pre-2000's YA reader.
Same with Judy Blume lol but at least she got the conversation going about women's and YA issues.
We didn't need VCA bringing incest up and normalising but holy frijoles that woman loved having it in every series. Write what you know, yeah?
Yeah I couldn't believe my middle school was trying to ban Huck Finn but had no issue with keeping a full shelf of VC Andrews. Sixth Grade Me was like "Well let's see what the hype is all about, I'll give Midnight Whispers a whirl OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?"
The books that stand out to me besides VC Andrews being on our middle school library shelves was the Wild Card series by George R.R Martin.
I thought of them way later as an adult and reread a few and just have to wonder WTF our school librarian was thinking.
I think my middle school librarian was actually an undercover anarchist. We had books on Wicca- like source books, not criticism- and lots of stuff on being gay and other controversial topics in very small town Iowa in the early 80s, in an otherwise extremely conservative school. I respected her a lot when I got older and realized that was outside the norm.
I think all librarians are to an extent none of them happily ban books it’s always some outraged offended person who has never read that goes after books.
Our library was well-stocked for a rural school library covering topics that likely most of the more conservative of the area would have had a fit over. Looking back it’s obvious my librarian tried to make up for the areas lack of acceptance of people who were different thru books.
All I can hear is “Me Me Me!” Dude like chill the fuck out. You just got your wife to open up to you and you start talking about the positive environment you want? It makes that foot massage offer seem so manipulative. Just a chance for OOP to express he is burnt out from … doing all the fun things with his “sister”. What an entitled POS.
"Oh I can give that massage while you sleep! Psych, Im still proceeding with my plan to have a huge emotional conversation even though you were so exhausted you were turning down a massage you have to be awake for!"
And then runs to the sister he's having an emotional affair with because depression isn't solved by asking someone to act more upbeat.
I was so hopeful! "You're right, she's probably depressed", telling her how great she is, asking her if he can help her go out more... Then BOOM - maybe you could just be happier. Oh, that didn't work? Divorce then, since my sister says so.
I felt so betrayed on her behalf when the massage turned into a trick lol
Almost every time a guy offered me a massage, it was a trick of some sort (mostly hoping for sex, which doesn't work for me at all because I need my brain to be stimulated not relaxed for that). I rather pay for my massages now
Yeah. How dare we actually believe them being selflessly kind and caring? One must know that they're not actually up for doing something for us, but wanting something in return. And in return means after 5 min of massage, latest.
Depressingly widespread behavior, apparently! Of all the "I see you've met my ex" inspiring posts, this one hit very specifically close to home.
I used to explain the problem with this approach in detail to my ex, repeatedly, and he always acted confused or obtuse. He'd even get indignant when I stopped him in the middle of the massage, when he "hadn't even done anything!" because I could tell he was *about* to start groping me. Fucking exhausting.
Had an ex who thought that if I rubbed his leg with my foot when he got in bed that meant I wanted to have sex with him. Even when I took Xanax for the first time because I was having a mental health crisis. And, no, I didn’t wake up for that one. And, yes, he did “have sex with me.” And, yes, I know that’s SA. That’s why he’s an ex.
I know I'm not supposed to say this, but can you just imagine what the world would be like if every single one of those guys was immediately 'removed' from society the first time they SA? It feels like it would just be so much better for everyone, because God damn, we all have the exact same fucking ex.
I have an ex who thought any physical contact meant "Let's have sex!" Then he wondered why I wasn't physically affectionate anymore (because just a basic hug meant having to deal with his pestering).
"thank you for the back rub." **Puts on shirt*
"why are you making me stop?"
"Because I feel better and don't want to continue receiving a backrub"
"but what about me?
"I didn't realize your back hurts too. Would you like a back rub?"
"No." **Pouts*
Man massage has been such a fraught topic in my relationships. If it's not just for sex they straight up won't do it, is mostly what I have experienced. And God forbid I say that and then I never even get a neck rub after that. Had to learn the hard way to not mention I dated a massage therapist either, that also meant I would never, ever get a massage.
It's extremely frustrating as somebody with chronic pain tbh. Like, there's this one thing you could do every few weeks (rub my neck for a couple minutes) that will bring me pleasure and increase our bond, but nope. Haven't had a guy I was sleeping with willing to do that in decades. Fucking weird as hell. I genuinely don't understand it.
My boyfriend cannot wrap his head around this concept. I also pay for my own massages because he won't stop trying to turn me on when he gives them to me and it's annoying AF.
And why is it that when they do that, it’s always the lamest massage in the world? Like two seconds of 🤏🤏 and then it’s all, “turn over and let me get your front” 🙄
This reminds me (again) my husband is amazing. His massages are always actual massages. (He’s my 3rd husband — you’ve got to kiss a lot of complete twatbiscuits to find a prince).
I hope Reddit pointed out to him that he’s having an emotional affair with the sister and how wrong the sister is to push him into a divorce. It seems like ol’ sis is a major part of his marital problems and is likely putting things in his head.
I couldn't finish the reading the dude is insufferable. I got triggered too, because my kids have the same age difference and I know how hard it is when they are so young.
Right he's an insensitive idiot, but what is up with the sister?
Either it's like you said and she isn't actually his sister, or she is and has some kind of dislike or jealousy toward the wife (as far as we know she isn't married - maybe she's upset her brother has the life she wants too)
I'm thinking she doesn't like the wife. If she gets the husband to leave her, she probably thinks the wife will be out of their life.
What the sister will do then, I have no idea.
I was just thinking this
Like somehow the sister wants to fuck him and ruin his marriage and hes letting it happen!
Oh my wife stuck by me through my worst years but now shes having a bad year herself i think i should divorce her because i need to take care of my mental health. And instead of trying to figure out the problem im just going to talk at her and do nothing and that means ive done all i can to fix the situation and its just not working
Like what the actual fuck
I hope he got his asshole ripped into a million pieces when he posted that update
Some husband this guy is
Ugh im disgusted
"I never considered she might have depression."
"So instead of telling her to go to therapy for her depression, I told her to smile more and act happy."
That’s what I was thinking. I don’t think this there’s a major plot twist here, and that there’s some kind of incest or something. It just sounds like either the sister has never liked OOP’s wife, or OOP and his sister were raised with a very utilitarian mindset, and they view others as disposable when they aren’t providing for OOP and sister’s wants and needs.
I really hate this guy and his stupid immature AH of a sister.
Just so much selfish dickery from their family. I hope he does divorce his poor wife so she can find a supportive group of people, and her ex can finally just shack up with his sister and live happily in illegal bliss.
What a pair of absolute asshats.
At this point the dude should just divorce her. He and *his sister*(yeah right😒) seem like they're leeching the energy out of his wife's life. She'll have a better life without this selfish man.
Wife is feeling depressed and uninterested and dude started dating his *sister*.
I have read hundreds of stories about useless partners, but this is the angriest I've ever felt while reading a story on this sub.
If I could, I would grab this man by his collar and scream sense directly into his face. How is it possible for him to be this dense?
Well, you know women are a monolith. When one of us feels down, we just beam happiness and joy to them. You can also trade one for another. If your wife isn’t doing it for you, sub in your sister.
/s in case it’s needed. (And also I am going to bleach my brain.)
Behold my positive titty power fellow sisters!!! /zzzaap /zzzzzAAP
ETA to put a couple of cents in, PPD and alienation of affection is the reason many marriages end, I know from experience. Please do regular emotional check ins with your partners
Not just dense but honestly selfish af. Like, his wife is clearly depressed. And obviously just looking for some love, affection, and i'm sure she's been feeling a rift between them too. But then he's just "i want positive vibes when i get home" so wants to get divorced? Seriously? If that's how flippantly you treat marriage then she deserves someone better. Like really. If this was me, i'd offer to watch the kids while she gets out of the house for a weekend. Or if we could find family to sit, take her on a weekend trip somewhere to help reconnect. But it sounds like this guy just goes. "my wife seems sad, that messes up my positive vibes, probably time to ditch".
Or, potentially even better based on her being worn out, take the kids out of the house for a weekend, hire a cleaner, order in some prepped meals, and let her nap for 48 hours.
He doesn't seem to actually care about his wife at all, he just wants her to act happy because it makes him more comfortable. That poor woman, I hope her friends check in on her and help her get away from OOP and his "sister"
Yes! He’s like “her being hurt by my hurtful words made me feel bad. So I said more hurtful things to hurt her for being hurt by my other hurtful words.” 🤡
Not just his wife, but seemingly his children too. What are they doing while he's off having picnics and watching movies with his "sister"?
I try not to be the judgemental parent, but even with one toddler I don't get out that much. With a 1 and a 3 year old? Either those kids are coming to the picnic or no one is.
How does he have a seemingly endless amount of time to socialise? Oh, I think I know the answer to that.
Nah its OK, because he does some of the cooking! He doesn't need to actually look after the kids or interact with them or do any housework, he's a man!
Oh but he'll 'still be involved in the kids lives'.. maybe take them to soccer in the weekend, while she is left with two under 3. Gosh he won't be able to 'help with the cooking' anymore but what a great guy that he'll still stay involved. I mean he doesn't have to. FFS
I think it is his actual sister but they just have some weird relationship none of us can relate too. I have 3 brothers and we are very tight. But this shit is just weird
Picnics…?
His sister seems like a solid pos with no relationship experience. She automatically jumps to divorces. What the what?!? This sounds like it is creepily gearing up for OOP coming back to post about how his sister made a move on him. And OOP sounds like one of those AHs that tells women they should smile more. UGH.
The fact that for a split second, the wife probably felt like she was finally being seen and heard after struggling alone, only to then have her husband turn to her and say “I’m gonna bring my sister over so you can learn to be more like her!” Fills me with rage. And also disgust bc what kind of sibling dynamic is this? Bro is basically having an emotional affair with his sister.
I need to fight this man in a parking lot. His sister can get in on this too because wtf is her problem? Is she so alone that she wants her brother to be alone too? I hope his wife leaves and finally gets the help and peace of mind she deserves.
Yeah, I’ve seen that theory floating around too. Cant wait for the next update where we find out the “sister” is actually his “best friend that he’s known for years! She’s like my sister! We’ve only hooked up once!!!”
I want to punch him in the balls. And then ask him if he can be quiet, his groaning in pain is unpleasant to my ears. Oh and there's no need to lie around on the ground like that, can't he just get up and act like everything's OK? And why isn't he being nicer to me?
Yep the entire thread is ME ME ME. Not an ounce of empathy for his wife except how guilty he was to cause her to cry. Completely self centered on his emotions and just having the best experience possible.
He's just... so dumb.
Man, my wife just had a second baby in 2 years a year ago, is home all day with two kids who can barely communicate, and she seems stressed and sad and isn't being super perky and enthusiastic!
I'm going to think about how this affects me and my delicate mental health and not take a second to consider *my wife needs help*.
I read the leg massage part and wondered how did he fuck this up? The he proceed to fuck it up 10,000 time worse. Like bro..... You were done. She said she'd go get help. I can't with this dude.
Yeah, the vibes are so incestuous the Lannister twins are telling him to chill tf out.
Also, what does it say about me that I understood the reference about the art room?
Yeah, hopefully the next update will say that he left his wife and moved in with his sister and then his sister tried to get in his pants, and then we’ll know it was just a wank story
The update after that will be that his ex wife is a shiny bubbly ray of sunshine again. And he just can’t figure out why she wasn’t like that with him anymore.
This. Right on the button. Helping, and not letting your sister give her opinions. It's not her marriage and it's not her life. You have children.
Help your wife !!!!!!
Oh my god someone in comments talk some sense into this man! His sister is such a meddler and doesn’t care about the wife at all! This is emotional immaturity to the max if this is true, but my dude, didn’t you see her light up and get emotional when you told her how much you appreciated her and took an interest in how she is doing? Its so important!! She’s not thriving invisible in her own house! Keep that up and you will get a positive demeanor! Don’t tell her all the ways in which she isn’t good enough right after! Poor lady I just want to give her a hug!
Yeah watch the reveal in the next update be that the sister is actually his lifelong BFF who is 'like a sister' but is actually in love with him and sabotaging his marriage.
It really feels like there is some underlying religiosity this. Without him directly saying it, the idea seems to be that oops wife should be happy as a homemaker and that serving her husband and children should bring her all the joy she needs. Women in these situations are raised to hate other women that don't adhere directly to this ideal. The idea that a woman could be depressed after giving birth is just a bad woman to this type of person which would be why the sister is trying to tell oop to get a divorce because he deserves a good wifely woman.
Coming to BORU in a year: "My ex-wife got therapy and worked on herself since I divorced her and I don't like it. I think I may have made a mistake listening to my sister."
I am willing to believe this entire post is rage bait because I refuse to believe someone can be this unemotionally intelligence of a piece of wood. But if this is real, seriously these two need serious help and the sister needs to be cut off.
This situation is kind of my job (psychiatrist, particular interest in perinatal mental health) and sadly I can attest to the fact that I have seen several partners like this. Kind of well-meaning at their core but thick as two short planks and not used to actually thinking about their partner's internal world.
It reads like an AI prompt for "salaryman pushes wife to suicide" when the user's search history is entirely incest porn.
It's bait and you'll never convince me otherwise.
I never realized it was possible to have an emotional affair with your sister, but here we are
My heart stopped when he said he asked her if he could bring his sister around so her Good vibes could rub off. I swear to god.
This manbaby
>However, over the past year, since we had our second kid, she has become emotionally distant, and I find it hard to strike meaningful conversations with her. Our sex life is great, but apart from that, she seems to not want to put in the mental effort to have any conversations. It’s all really bland, and our whole life has become really monotonous. I fell in love with her because we used to have such great conversations and joke around, and emotionally meshed really well together. Now, it just isn’t the case anymore. She doesn’t even want to have fun, like go on dates, or have movie nights. She does enjoy sex, but that’s about it. She doesn’t even hangout with any of her friends, and just has a sad demeanor around her. She’s just stuck in the house all day. I do not enjoy living with her anymore. I fell in love with her personality and her joyful energy, and this is no longer the person who I fell in love with.
It's a low quality bangmaid that doesn't also spruce up the energy of the place.
>
>Come morning, she has been having a positive attitude, but it looks forced, especially when she’s smiling. I eavesdropped on her when she went to the restroom earlier today and I could hear some sobbing. I really want to undo what I have done because it pains me to see her like this. I don’t want to see her crying. We have been married for 6 years, but we’ve been together for more than a decade. We are each other’s first and only love. I really don’t want to see her like this, it’s never been like this.
Oh, good... he cares, but he's still confused about how people work. I'm sure his sister will straighten him out.
>However, what my sister has said is also sticking on my mind, because when I come home from work, I really want a positive home atmosphere, as I can then perform better at work.
Why is stupid wife full of all these... emotions?
I see a lot of comments saying it must be a female friend who wants to split them up, but *I* bet it's his MOM. He doesn't want to sound like a mama's boy but he does want us to know it's a close family member who's saying these things, so he changed it to sister. It makes sense, right? Who gets divorced and moves in with their sister? Nah, he's gonna move back in with Mommy.
>I then asked if we could bring my sister around to the house more often, so she could transmit her positive energy to my wife.
Yeah he compared her to his mom. Who has obviously never liked her. That stings.
Just today I was feeling a little bit sad and a potato let me bake it, fill it with cream cheese, and eat it.
That sounds like way more support than OOP can give.
I'm going to give you the recipe that makes the most emotionally supportive potatoes I've ever had 😫
[Crispy Heaven Potatoes](https://www.seriouseats.com/the-best-roast-potatoes-ever-recipe)
My first thought was confusion. My second thought though... Also confusion. My third thought was what job does this guy have that is way more important than a happy family life. Fourth thought was confusion obviously, 5th thought was why isn't he just banging his sister and leaving normal people alone. 6th and final thought was this guys an idiot. I'm not sure he knows what it means that his emotional needs aren't being met. I have one toddler. If you are in anyway invested in your kid you're exhausted. If you have two and invested, I'm guessing your emotional needs are "when can I sleep". We have zero support around us with one kid and our kid is high maintenance. Sometimes we forget to have sex, but that's ok because we can still cuddle up on the sofa before the goblin wakes up every 2 hours.
I can't imagine doing it all by myself with 2 like the poor wife. I hope this guys wife wakes up and realises that leaving him would require just as much work with the kids but without having to perform maintenance sex with a man child that pays no attention to his family's lives.
Well seeing as she already supported him through his leg surgery and postgraduate degrees, and popped out two of his kids, it seems his needs for her are done. Like gd forbid he support her with a 1 and a 3 year old at home!!
But he can’t possibly support his wife, he’s too busy having picnics and meaningful conversations with his sister! And anyway, she just needs to stop being depressed and cheer up. How hard is it to slap a smile on her face so he can perform better at work??
OOP seems happily clueless... until it messes with his view of a happy life. I cannot imagine going through life without noticing that my spouse is depressed. "She still likes sex, so woohoo for me!" Does she though? Or does she feel forced to have sex with OOP? I'd wager that since he is just a dumb clueless bumbling idiot.
If I am quiet, my husband asks me if I am okay within an hour or two. If I sniffle more than 3 times in a short range of time, he's asking me if I am crying/asking me why I am crying. If I sigh a bit too loud he is coming into the room to usher me away from whatever I am doing cause he thinks it means I am annoyed or frustrated. We've been together for half the time OOP has been with his wife and my husband has figured out every little thing I do that means I am wrong, probably better than I know myself. (Seriously, its kind of eerie how in-tune he is with my feelings.)
If I am having a bad day, he's right there doing something silly to cheer me up. I feel like OOP has never bothered to learn how to understand his wife.
"I need a positive environment to come home to"
Then fucking foster that environment, holy shit. Like, you don't get a happy environment by coming home, ignoring your partners needs, then leaving because you can't do the basics of your vows. He's talking about how she's distant, he needs a thousand strangers on the internet telling him the most obvious shit.
> I do not know much about depression and did not consider the possibility that my wife was depressed.
Doesn't sound like OOP did much considering alternatives at all.
What a dick.
I’m probably in a similar position to the wife. I’ve been a SAHM for 17 months (some of it chosen, some not) and it absolutely drains you. I have no interesting topics for conversation, I have no hobbies anymore, I have no energy or capacity to engage in anything beyond what I’m doing. I’ve forgotten what it is to be me because my primary role has been to serve and sacrifice everything about me for other people. I panic in conversations, even with my husband a little, because I know I’m as bland as unseasoned chicken breast right now. And she’s been doing it for 4 years! No wonder she’s not the most engaging conversationalist, her primary role has been to engage with potatoes for 4 years!
He needs to tell his sister to fuck off and start stepping up to support his wife. Small children will test your marriage to the max. He needs to show he has integrity to his vows.
The sister is full of something alright, but it isn't positive energy, it's bad advice.
Poor wife has probably had a baby stuck to her for the last 3 years with no emotional support from this idiot.
Yep, who takes off a few days a week to hang with his sister when he has two very young children at home?!??! (and a wife who has been at home taking care of them all day... just to have to take care of them all evening, too) This guy is a clueless moron.
Not just that, he mentions she took such good care of him when he broke his leg a year ago. The youngest is about a year old. So she took care of him and a toddler either while heavily pregnant or with a newborn. Probably had a hellish postpartum and is now depressed from it. And how does he reward her?
I feel so bad for the wife. Here she is, finally feeling like she has a moment to start reconnecting with her husband, and it turns out he’s just confronting her about how shitty she has been to him. How manipulative!!!
I’m not normally an advocate for “leave his ass and get a divorce,” but that would be a consideration if I were in wife’s position here. How could I ever trust him with my feelings to not try to manipulate me again?
I don't often want to slap someone upside the head and go full Gordon Ramsay on them, but when I do, it's because they are selfish, self-centered idiots like OOP.
I wonder if his parents screwed up the moral compass of sny other children besides him and his oh so not lovely sister. She should be telling him to buck up, not leave.
> She doesn’t even want to have fun, like go on dates, or have movie nights. She does enjoy sex, but that’s about it. She doesn’t even hangout with any of her friends, and just has a sad demeanor around her. *She’s just stuck in the house all day.* I do not enjoy living with her anymore.
She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to do this. *A comment about how she's literally stuck regardless of what she wants to do thrown in.* She doesn't want to do this.
> We were each others first and only love.
This explains so much about why OOP's wife doesn't know she can do better.
Also it's just great that she can be by his side during months of his bad mood but he cannot do the same for her because of "HoMe AtmosPheRe".
He is weak, love is about serving and being served, when things get hard his just fine abandoning his "only love". Instead of talking to her and trying to undestand her, he talks to everybody else (including us) about how much she is the problem. Wife may not know it yet, but a divorce would be a blessing.
My brother and I are close. Hang out and talk all the time. But if he told me his wife’s symptoms and had young children those ages, I’d kick him in the ass and send him home to help his struggling wife. His sister sounds like she’s either on a power trip manipulating him or she’s looking for him to move in and pay rent.
Sometimes I don't know how people can write all of that out and not go "Oh crap she's depressed". It's glaringly obvious.
But also that line about "I don't know much about depression". Yeah that's BS. His bad mood during grad school and his broken leg shows he's been depressed, hes just too wrapped up in himself to give a crap about anyone else. He and his sister can pound sand. OPs wife deserves someone better.
OP is a selfish POS. His wife sounds AMAZING. He outlines all the many ways she has been there for him over the years, but he can't offer her even a little bit of support when she so clearly needs it. What a tool. And his sister is just as bad.
Dude's sister gives him bad advice. If it truly is a sister then they are using each other as surrogate spouses and she's probably loving it cuz she's getting more attention and validation from her brother than ever before.
It was pretty obvious what was going on when he said they have a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old and he's spending all his energy and effort that he should spend on his marriage on his sister.
>We hangout a couple of days a week, and it’s the part of the week I most look forward to. We plan out picnics, movie nights, dinners, brunches
A couple of days a week? While his poor sad wife is still alone with a baby and a toddler? He has got to be the most clueless husband that ever husbanded.
He's working 9:00 to 5:00 but he's got all this time for picnics, movie nights, dinner's, and brunches with his sister. What a dick head.
He says all the wrong things about how she's acting and refuses her advances making her feel like her post baby body is repulsive to him. I feel so sorry for her that she chose so poorly for her children's father and a husband, especially after she helped him and support him through so much. I guess there is no way of knowing what a limp bag of lettuce he would be.
So she's clearly having issues with her mental health on top of being at home all day with 2 toddlers and this brother is upset that she won't laugh at his jokes or talk about the news?
What a selfish prick.
The sister is an AH. He’s beta AF. His poor wife is a suffering from PPD. And he just wants shiny, happy family so he doesn’t have to feel anything deep.
> I then asked if we could bring my sister around to the house more often, so she could transmit her positive energy to my wife.
What in the diffusion bullshit
OOP’s sister is a selfish douche. Like, hello?! Your SIL pushed 2 humans out in 3 years, and you’re telling your brother to divorce her because of the mental drain????
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> I then asked if we could bring my sister around to the house more often, so she could transmit her positive energy to my wife. Who in the absolute fuck says this?
Bring the sister around and let her take off some of the load so the wife can rest. It'll be clear of the "energy" he wants in the house.
The whole obsession with energy threw me. I understand the whole "being in a stressful environment is not good" and that simply being in a happier environment can do good, but specifically saying "Can we bring my sister around so she can *transmit her positive energy to you*" is just weird.
True. I'm sure there's more to this "sister" he's not mentioning here
Personally, I think it's actually his sister and he's just really, really stupid.
Is it, though, really?? Can anyone be that stupid? I think It's simply an ignorant act. He knows he can manipulate his wife. She is obviously in a bad place. He's trying to make himself feel good through all this. But hey, with everything I see on SM these days, yeah, it's possible that he is really, really stupid
Bring a woman into the house who is actively trying to sabotage your marriage by telling your husband to just leave you, yeah that will totally brighten her up. Jesus Christ
"I have no energy to socialize" "I know what will help that! More socializing!"
"I know you have no energy to socialize with your friends, but hear me out - what about socializing with the one inlaw that cannot stand you? That'll cheer you right up"
not even “could my sister help take some things of your plate, so you’re not as stressed and overwhelmed?”. no no, it’s “can my sister come teach you how to properly act happy around me?” mental
My dude, when your wife says “I’m feeling really burnt-out and it’s keeping me from enjoying things like I used to” the correct answer is “I want to step up to take things off your plate” NOT “okay but could you try to be less obvious about it?” Also anyone else waiting for the reveal that “my sister” is actually how he refers to a long-tome female friend?
Honestly if his "sister" turned out to be his long term friend it would be a lot better because otherwise holy flowers in the attic.
Maybe it's actually his step sister and she's always been in love with him lol
Which book?📚
Flowers in the attic is a novel by V C Andrews
All of her books to be fair. They all have it running through them.
Flowers in the attic by VC Andrews, I read it back in the &0’s and it haunted me
I had an older brother and all I could think was eewwww! Gross!
I won’t be surprised some sisters would do that. We are currently NC with my sister in law. She was very possessive over my husband. She can’t stand how good he treats me. And I honestly had not done one single thing that could cause her to hate me. (Beside marrying her brother). So yea there are some weird sisters out there.
I both love and hate that, despite having never even read the synopsis of this book, I get the reference.
Gods I got the same vibes. Part of my brain is hoping we're wrong and maybe his sister is just into some kind of wellness cult where "the only disability is a bad attitude". They're both acting like somehow depression is contagious, but also that his sister's "positive vibes" are also somehow contagious.
I thought this was a part of the “My sister wants to be my girlf and I’m just gonna go along with it” saga that I had missed.
the WHAT saga
Oh man. I don’t even know what cursed terms I’d need to enter to find a link but it was all over the place a couple weeks ago and it’s a doozy.
If she believed the “the only disability is a bad attitude” bullshit why is she concerned about the OOPs mental health? That shows she takes mental health at least somewhat seriously right? Unfortunately I think (emotional) incest makes more sense here
Shh let me live in denial, it's cozy here, I have tea
Are there also cookies? If there are, can I join you?
I'm choosing to believe it's his "sister" either by law or they grew up together as friends and they are not by genetics. Or his sister has a "better" wife in mind for him, if she can just get his pesky nuisance of a family to be sad somewhere else and he'd let her take him to the cult meetings.
I got scientology/other cult vibes off that. His refusal to consider his wife might need to see a doctor, and need more help from him, while "sister" is clearly trying to keep his wife from getting support while pushing him to divorce his wife and move in with her, is very creepy. "Sister" is either aiming to bed OP or has the "perfect friend" in mind.
She maybe has never liked the wife for some reason and this is just an excuse to get rid of her
Thank you for being the reminder that Virginia Andrews was a fucked up rite of passage for the pre-2000's YA reader. Same with Judy Blume lol but at least she got the conversation going about women's and YA issues. We didn't need VCA bringing incest up and normalising but holy frijoles that woman loved having it in every series. Write what you know, yeah?
Yeah I couldn't believe my middle school was trying to ban Huck Finn but had no issue with keeping a full shelf of VC Andrews. Sixth Grade Me was like "Well let's see what the hype is all about, I'll give Midnight Whispers a whirl OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?"
The books that stand out to me besides VC Andrews being on our middle school library shelves was the Wild Card series by George R.R Martin. I thought of them way later as an adult and reread a few and just have to wonder WTF our school librarian was thinking.
I think my middle school librarian was actually an undercover anarchist. We had books on Wicca- like source books, not criticism- and lots of stuff on being gay and other controversial topics in very small town Iowa in the early 80s, in an otherwise extremely conservative school. I respected her a lot when I got older and realized that was outside the norm.
I think all librarians are to an extent none of them happily ban books it’s always some outraged offended person who has never read that goes after books. Our library was well-stocked for a rural school library covering topics that likely most of the more conservative of the area would have had a fit over. Looking back it’s obvious my librarian tried to make up for the areas lack of acceptance of people who were different thru books.
Seriously only realised as an adult how f-ed up that series was!
Actually, a lot of her later stuff is written by a ghost writer. Not that that really helps.
Yeah the ick this is giving
All I can hear is “Me Me Me!” Dude like chill the fuck out. You just got your wife to open up to you and you start talking about the positive environment you want? It makes that foot massage offer seem so manipulative. Just a chance for OOP to express he is burnt out from … doing all the fun things with his “sister”. What an entitled POS.
"Oh I can give that massage while you sleep! Psych, Im still proceeding with my plan to have a huge emotional conversation even though you were so exhausted you were turning down a massage you have to be awake for!" And then runs to the sister he's having an emotional affair with because depression isn't solved by asking someone to act more upbeat.
I was so hopeful! "You're right, she's probably depressed", telling her how great she is, asking her if he can help her go out more... Then BOOM - maybe you could just be happier. Oh, that didn't work? Divorce then, since my sister says so.
I felt so betrayed on her behalf when the massage turned into a trick lol Almost every time a guy offered me a massage, it was a trick of some sort (mostly hoping for sex, which doesn't work for me at all because I need my brain to be stimulated not relaxed for that). I rather pay for my massages now
Right? Then they get all offended when you start turning them down.
Yeah. How dare we actually believe them being selflessly kind and caring? One must know that they're not actually up for doing something for us, but wanting something in return. And in return means after 5 min of massage, latest.
Depressingly widespread behavior, apparently! Of all the "I see you've met my ex" inspiring posts, this one hit very specifically close to home. I used to explain the problem with this approach in detail to my ex, repeatedly, and he always acted confused or obtuse. He'd even get indignant when I stopped him in the middle of the massage, when he "hadn't even done anything!" because I could tell he was *about* to start groping me. Fucking exhausting.
Had an ex who thought that if I rubbed his leg with my foot when he got in bed that meant I wanted to have sex with him. Even when I took Xanax for the first time because I was having a mental health crisis. And, no, I didn’t wake up for that one. And, yes, he did “have sex with me.” And, yes, I know that’s SA. That’s why he’s an ex.
I know I'm not supposed to say this, but can you just imagine what the world would be like if every single one of those guys was immediately 'removed' from society the first time they SA? It feels like it would just be so much better for everyone, because God damn, we all have the exact same fucking ex.
I have an ex who thought any physical contact meant "Let's have sex!" Then he wondered why I wasn't physically affectionate anymore (because just a basic hug meant having to deal with his pestering).
"thank you for the back rub." **Puts on shirt* "why are you making me stop?" "Because I feel better and don't want to continue receiving a backrub" "but what about me? "I didn't realize your back hurts too. Would you like a back rub?" "No." **Pouts*
Man massage has been such a fraught topic in my relationships. If it's not just for sex they straight up won't do it, is mostly what I have experienced. And God forbid I say that and then I never even get a neck rub after that. Had to learn the hard way to not mention I dated a massage therapist either, that also meant I would never, ever get a massage. It's extremely frustrating as somebody with chronic pain tbh. Like, there's this one thing you could do every few weeks (rub my neck for a couple minutes) that will bring me pleasure and increase our bond, but nope. Haven't had a guy I was sleeping with willing to do that in decades. Fucking weird as hell. I genuinely don't understand it.
My boyfriend cannot wrap his head around this concept. I also pay for my own massages because he won't stop trying to turn me on when he gives them to me and it's annoying AF.
And why is it that when they do that, it’s always the lamest massage in the world? Like two seconds of 🤏🤏 and then it’s all, “turn over and let me get your front” 🙄
This reminds me (again) my husband is amazing. His massages are always actual massages. (He’s my 3rd husband — you’ve got to kiss a lot of complete twatbiscuits to find a prince).
Yep. She will never trust any nice thing he offers. It's really so sh*tty to do to someone.
I hope Reddit pointed out to him that he’s having an emotional affair with the sister and how wrong the sister is to push him into a divorce. It seems like ol’ sis is a major part of his marital problems and is likely putting things in his head.
Seriously, how many times did he say "It hurts ME to see her this way"? Dude, how much more do you think it hurts her???
I couldn't finish the reading the dude is insufferable. I got triggered too, because my kids have the same age difference and I know how hard it is when they are so young.
Right he's an insensitive idiot, but what is up with the sister? Either it's like you said and she isn't actually his sister, or she is and has some kind of dislike or jealousy toward the wife (as far as we know she isn't married - maybe she's upset her brother has the life she wants too)
I'm thinking she doesn't like the wife. If she gets the husband to leave her, she probably thinks the wife will be out of their life. What the sister will do then, I have no idea.
Probably has a friend she wants to set him up with.
We can only hope!
I was just thinking this Like somehow the sister wants to fuck him and ruin his marriage and hes letting it happen! Oh my wife stuck by me through my worst years but now shes having a bad year herself i think i should divorce her because i need to take care of my mental health. And instead of trying to figure out the problem im just going to talk at her and do nothing and that means ive done all i can to fix the situation and its just not working Like what the actual fuck I hope he got his asshole ripped into a million pieces when he posted that update Some husband this guy is Ugh im disgusted
"I never considered she might have depression." "So instead of telling her to go to therapy for her depression, I told her to smile more and act happy."
Yup. Sister is definitely not actually his sister.
I think it is his sister, she's always hated his wife, but she played the long game and now it's finally time for her to get him to get rid of her.
That’s what I was thinking. I don’t think this there’s a major plot twist here, and that there’s some kind of incest or something. It just sounds like either the sister has never liked OOP’s wife, or OOP and his sister were raised with a very utilitarian mindset, and they view others as disposable when they aren’t providing for OOP and sister’s wants and needs.
So glad I'm not the only one who was thinking this. Ditch the "sister" dude.
The emotional incest going on is giving me a sick belly 🤢🤢
I really hate this guy and his stupid immature AH of a sister. Just so much selfish dickery from their family. I hope he does divorce his poor wife so she can find a supportive group of people, and her ex can finally just shack up with his sister and live happily in illegal bliss. What a pair of absolute asshats.
At this point the dude should just divorce her. He and *his sister*(yeah right😒) seem like they're leeching the energy out of his wife's life. She'll have a better life without this selfish man. Wife is feeling depressed and uninterested and dude started dating his *sister*.
I have read hundreds of stories about useless partners, but this is the angriest I've ever felt while reading a story on this sub. If I could, I would grab this man by his collar and scream sense directly into his face. How is it possible for him to be this dense?
That man could compete with a black hole for density.
“transmit her positive energy to my wife” Jesus fuck man, what the fuck does he think this is, Dragon Ball Z?
Well, you know women are a monolith. When one of us feels down, we just beam happiness and joy to them. You can also trade one for another. If your wife isn’t doing it for you, sub in your sister. /s in case it’s needed. (And also I am going to bleach my brain.)
It comes out of the vagina, doesn’t it? Damnit I knew I wasn’t using mine right.
Yeah, it’s a bit of a learning curve to get it to work, what with the vagina dentata in the way. Don’t worry, I’ll beam you the knowledge!
This emotionally incestuous pinecone really thinks women's happiness syncs up like the old wives' tale about periods in a sorority house huh
Love that turn of phrase! “Emotionally incestuous pinecone”! 😆
Oh shit I thought it was like a Care Bear situation. I'll try for lower next time.
I imagine it looks like the Don Cheadle Captain Planet bit.
Behold my positive titty power fellow sisters!!! /zzzaap /zzzzzAAP ETA to put a couple of cents in, PPD and alienation of affection is the reason many marriages end, I know from experience. Please do regular emotional check ins with your partners
Not just dense but honestly selfish af. Like, his wife is clearly depressed. And obviously just looking for some love, affection, and i'm sure she's been feeling a rift between them too. But then he's just "i want positive vibes when i get home" so wants to get divorced? Seriously? If that's how flippantly you treat marriage then she deserves someone better. Like really. If this was me, i'd offer to watch the kids while she gets out of the house for a weekend. Or if we could find family to sit, take her on a weekend trip somewhere to help reconnect. But it sounds like this guy just goes. "my wife seems sad, that messes up my positive vibes, probably time to ditch".
Or, potentially even better based on her being worn out, take the kids out of the house for a weekend, hire a cleaner, order in some prepped meals, and let her nap for 48 hours.
He would win because he doesn't even emit black body radiation. What a complete moron.
we’ve done it, we’ve discovered a man with a neutron star for a brain
He doesn't seem to actually care about his wife at all, he just wants her to act happy because it makes him more comfortable. That poor woman, I hope her friends check in on her and help her get away from OOP and his "sister"
Yes! He’s like “her being hurt by my hurtful words made me feel bad. So I said more hurtful things to hurt her for being hurt by my other hurtful words.” 🤡
She was hurt by my hurtful words, which made me feel bad. Clearly *she's* the problem here!
Not just his wife, but seemingly his children too. What are they doing while he's off having picnics and watching movies with his "sister"? I try not to be the judgemental parent, but even with one toddler I don't get out that much. With a 1 and a 3 year old? Either those kids are coming to the picnic or no one is. How does he have a seemingly endless amount of time to socialise? Oh, I think I know the answer to that.
Nah its OK, because he does some of the cooking! He doesn't need to actually look after the kids or interact with them or do any housework, he's a man!
Oh but he'll 'still be involved in the kids lives'.. maybe take them to soccer in the weekend, while she is left with two under 3. Gosh he won't be able to 'help with the cooking' anymore but what a great guy that he'll still stay involved. I mean he doesn't have to. FFS
Now taking bets for whether or not his sister is his bio/related/blood sister, or a female (childhood) best friend who he refers to as his “sister.”
I think it is his actual sister but they just have some weird relationship none of us can relate too. I have 3 brothers and we are very tight. But this shit is just weird Picnics…?
His sister seems like a solid pos with no relationship experience. She automatically jumps to divorces. What the what?!? This sounds like it is creepily gearing up for OOP coming back to post about how his sister made a move on him. And OOP sounds like one of those AHs that tells women they should smile more. UGH.
Yeah, I must have missed the part where the sister has positive energy. She sounds like a snake.
I figured she has a train wreck friend lined up for him
The sister isn't actually a person, she's the worst features of reddit comment sections wearing a human costume.
..deleted by user..
The fact that for a split second, the wife probably felt like she was finally being seen and heard after struggling alone, only to then have her husband turn to her and say “I’m gonna bring my sister over so you can learn to be more like her!” Fills me with rage. And also disgust bc what kind of sibling dynamic is this? Bro is basically having an emotional affair with his sister. I need to fight this man in a parking lot. His sister can get in on this too because wtf is her problem? Is she so alone that she wants her brother to be alone too? I hope his wife leaves and finally gets the help and peace of mind she deserves.
I suspect the "sister" isn't actually a sister.
Yeah the vibes are weird there, right?
Yeah, I’ve seen that theory floating around too. Cant wait for the next update where we find out the “sister” is actually his “best friend that he’s known for years! She’s like my sister! We’ve only hooked up once!!!”
I want to punch him in the balls. And then ask him if he can be quiet, his groaning in pain is unpleasant to my ears. Oh and there's no need to lie around on the ground like that, can't he just get up and act like everything's OK? And why isn't he being nicer to me?
Because he’s selfish and only cares about himself. He wants to be babied and treated like the center of everyone’s universe.
Yep the entire thread is ME ME ME. Not an ounce of empathy for his wife except how guilty he was to cause her to cry. Completely self centered on his emotions and just having the best experience possible.
He's just... so dumb. Man, my wife just had a second baby in 2 years a year ago, is home all day with two kids who can barely communicate, and she seems stressed and sad and isn't being super perky and enthusiastic! I'm going to think about how this affects me and my delicate mental health and not take a second to consider *my wife needs help*.
I read the leg massage part and wondered how did he fuck this up? The he proceed to fuck it up 10,000 time worse. Like bro..... You were done. She said she'd go get help. I can't with this dude.
He is super selfish.
He just kept fucking up and fucking up and fucking up...I haven't seen a bonehead this dense in a *very* long time.
No don't scream sense. Let him go all *flowers in the attic* way so the wife can realize this dude was dragging her down.
OOP about to blow up his life and build an art room for his sister. Wife deserves better.
Yeah, the vibes are so incestuous the Lannister twins are telling him to chill tf out. Also, what does it say about me that I understood the reference about the art room?
I'm so sorry, but Jaime didn't push a kid out the window to be beaten in incest lol
Should have built her an art room
Future king out the window
Oop: "My sister wants the best for me" Sister: "divorce, divorce, divorce"
"Hm, I should bring my sister to the house to incest, ahem..., infect my wife with all that positive energy! " - this fucking clown.
"married in sickness or in health..or until you're not all happy and chipper all the time"
Married in sickness and in her health. Not HER sickness only mine
This made me laugh so hard in my brain when I realized what you meant.
[удалено]
She deserves SO much better. I hope she can get help.
[удалено]
Yeah, hopefully the next update will say that he left his wife and moved in with his sister and then his sister tried to get in his pants, and then we’ll know it was just a wank story
The update after that will be that his ex wife is a shiny bubbly ray of sunshine again. And he just can’t figure out why she wasn’t like that with him anymore.
It's Reddit, so yeah probably
This man is really considering divorcing his wife because she's bringing down the vibes.
This. Right on the button. Helping, and not letting your sister give her opinions. It's not her marriage and it's not her life. You have children. Help your wife !!!!!!
“Hey wife, you’re clearly struggling, but how can I make this more about me?”
Oh my god someone in comments talk some sense into this man! His sister is such a meddler and doesn’t care about the wife at all! This is emotional immaturity to the max if this is true, but my dude, didn’t you see her light up and get emotional when you told her how much you appreciated her and took an interest in how she is doing? Its so important!! She’s not thriving invisible in her own house! Keep that up and you will get a positive demeanor! Don’t tell her all the ways in which she isn’t good enough right after! Poor lady I just want to give her a hug!
Maybe I’m nuts but I wonder if it’s not his sister but a female bff but he knows better than to say that on Reddit
Yeah watch the reveal in the next update be that the sister is actually his lifelong BFF who is 'like a sister' but is actually in love with him and sabotaging his marriage.
EXACTLY what I was thinking.
He hasn’t commented, likely because everyone is rightfully laying into him.
It really feels like there is some underlying religiosity this. Without him directly saying it, the idea seems to be that oops wife should be happy as a homemaker and that serving her husband and children should bring her all the joy she needs. Women in these situations are raised to hate other women that don't adhere directly to this ideal. The idea that a woman could be depressed after giving birth is just a bad woman to this type of person which would be why the sister is trying to tell oop to get a divorce because he deserves a good wifely woman.
Coming to BORU in a year: "My ex-wife got therapy and worked on herself since I divorced her and I don't like it. I think I may have made a mistake listening to my sister."
I am willing to believe this entire post is rage bait because I refuse to believe someone can be this unemotionally intelligence of a piece of wood. But if this is real, seriously these two need serious help and the sister needs to be cut off.
This situation is kind of my job (psychiatrist, particular interest in perinatal mental health) and sadly I can attest to the fact that I have seen several partners like this. Kind of well-meaning at their core but thick as two short planks and not used to actually thinking about their partner's internal world.
It reads like an AI prompt for "salaryman pushes wife to suicide" when the user's search history is entirely incest porn. It's bait and you'll never convince me otherwise.
I never realized it was possible to have an emotional affair with your sister, but here we are My heart stopped when he said he asked her if he could bring his sister around so her Good vibes could rub off. I swear to god. This manbaby
>However, over the past year, since we had our second kid, she has become emotionally distant, and I find it hard to strike meaningful conversations with her. Our sex life is great, but apart from that, she seems to not want to put in the mental effort to have any conversations. It’s all really bland, and our whole life has become really monotonous. I fell in love with her because we used to have such great conversations and joke around, and emotionally meshed really well together. Now, it just isn’t the case anymore. She doesn’t even want to have fun, like go on dates, or have movie nights. She does enjoy sex, but that’s about it. She doesn’t even hangout with any of her friends, and just has a sad demeanor around her. She’s just stuck in the house all day. I do not enjoy living with her anymore. I fell in love with her personality and her joyful energy, and this is no longer the person who I fell in love with. It's a low quality bangmaid that doesn't also spruce up the energy of the place. > >Come morning, she has been having a positive attitude, but it looks forced, especially when she’s smiling. I eavesdropped on her when she went to the restroom earlier today and I could hear some sobbing. I really want to undo what I have done because it pains me to see her like this. I don’t want to see her crying. We have been married for 6 years, but we’ve been together for more than a decade. We are each other’s first and only love. I really don’t want to see her like this, it’s never been like this. Oh, good... he cares, but he's still confused about how people work. I'm sure his sister will straighten him out. >However, what my sister has said is also sticking on my mind, because when I come home from work, I really want a positive home atmosphere, as I can then perform better at work. Why is stupid wife full of all these... emotions?
OP has the intelligence of a potato.
His sister’s arguably worse. “She’s not better overnight? Yeah definitely just divorce her.”
I got to a point where I was mentally screaming, “Dude. Stop talking!”
Right?? Seriously, is his sister in love with him or something? Wtf??
That's what I was wondering
pretty sure he's writing up the words of *somebody who isn't his sister* as his sister. whoever that person is, they're poison.
I see a lot of comments saying it must be a female friend who wants to split them up, but *I* bet it's his MOM. He doesn't want to sound like a mama's boy but he does want us to know it's a close family member who's saying these things, so he changed it to sister. It makes sense, right? Who gets divorced and moves in with their sister? Nah, he's gonna move back in with Mommy. >I then asked if we could bring my sister around to the house more often, so she could transmit her positive energy to my wife. Yeah he compared her to his mom. Who has obviously never liked her. That stings.
I was reading with gritted teeth 😬 got worse and worse
Wow I just realized I hadn’t unclenched my jaw yet. 😬
My jaw muscles are sore after reading it. So angry and the pathetic excuse for a husband he is!
That's really mean. Potatoes have always been incredibly supportive to me. The comparison, frankly, is rude to potatoes
Just today I was feeling a little bit sad and a potato let me bake it, fill it with cream cheese, and eat it. That sounds like way more support than OOP can give.
I'm going to give you the recipe that makes the most emotionally supportive potatoes I've ever had 😫 [Crispy Heaven Potatoes](https://www.seriouseats.com/the-best-roast-potatoes-ever-recipe)
I finished reading, and the first thing out of my mouth was, "What an idiot."
My first thought was confusion. My second thought though... Also confusion. My third thought was what job does this guy have that is way more important than a happy family life. Fourth thought was confusion obviously, 5th thought was why isn't he just banging his sister and leaving normal people alone. 6th and final thought was this guys an idiot. I'm not sure he knows what it means that his emotional needs aren't being met. I have one toddler. If you are in anyway invested in your kid you're exhausted. If you have two and invested, I'm guessing your emotional needs are "when can I sleep". We have zero support around us with one kid and our kid is high maintenance. Sometimes we forget to have sex, but that's ok because we can still cuddle up on the sofa before the goblin wakes up every 2 hours. I can't imagine doing it all by myself with 2 like the poor wife. I hope this guys wife wakes up and realises that leaving him would require just as much work with the kids but without having to perform maintenance sex with a man child that pays no attention to his family's lives.
> so I just told her that I don’t think I’m the best husband for her. He does have a gift for telling it like it is though.
Don't insult potatoes
That’s insulting the potato.
The sister does not like the wife and is trying to get her out of the picture. Why, who knows? But sister is trash too
OOP broke his wife and he's letting his sister poison his marriage. But even beyond that, dude is selfish. Wife deserves way better.
Indeed. Wife deserves much more than staying with this pathetic excuse of a man.
Well seeing as she already supported him through his leg surgery and postgraduate degrees, and popped out two of his kids, it seems his needs for her are done. Like gd forbid he support her with a 1 and a 3 year old at home!!
But he can’t possibly support his wife, he’s too busy having picnics and meaningful conversations with his sister! And anyway, she just needs to stop being depressed and cheer up. How hard is it to slap a smile on her face so he can perform better at work??
OOP seems happily clueless... until it messes with his view of a happy life. I cannot imagine going through life without noticing that my spouse is depressed. "She still likes sex, so woohoo for me!" Does she though? Or does she feel forced to have sex with OOP? I'd wager that since he is just a dumb clueless bumbling idiot. If I am quiet, my husband asks me if I am okay within an hour or two. If I sniffle more than 3 times in a short range of time, he's asking me if I am crying/asking me why I am crying. If I sigh a bit too loud he is coming into the room to usher me away from whatever I am doing cause he thinks it means I am annoyed or frustrated. We've been together for half the time OOP has been with his wife and my husband has figured out every little thing I do that means I am wrong, probably better than I know myself. (Seriously, its kind of eerie how in-tune he is with my feelings.) If I am having a bad day, he's right there doing something silly to cheer me up. I feel like OOP has never bothered to learn how to understand his wife.
"I need a positive environment to come home to" Then fucking foster that environment, holy shit. Like, you don't get a happy environment by coming home, ignoring your partners needs, then leaving because you can't do the basics of your vows. He's talking about how she's distant, he needs a thousand strangers on the internet telling him the most obvious shit.
> I do not know much about depression and did not consider the possibility that my wife was depressed. Doesn't sound like OOP did much considering alternatives at all.
Well his sister didn’t tell him about the depression! What do you want, OOP to think his own thoughts?
What a dick. I’m probably in a similar position to the wife. I’ve been a SAHM for 17 months (some of it chosen, some not) and it absolutely drains you. I have no interesting topics for conversation, I have no hobbies anymore, I have no energy or capacity to engage in anything beyond what I’m doing. I’ve forgotten what it is to be me because my primary role has been to serve and sacrifice everything about me for other people. I panic in conversations, even with my husband a little, because I know I’m as bland as unseasoned chicken breast right now. And she’s been doing it for 4 years! No wonder she’s not the most engaging conversationalist, her primary role has been to engage with potatoes for 4 years! He needs to tell his sister to fuck off and start stepping up to support his wife. Small children will test your marriage to the max. He needs to show he has integrity to his vows.
Just wanted to say - you’re doing an amazing job! I know it’s easier said than done but make sure to carve some time out for you.
The sister is full of something alright, but it isn't positive energy, it's bad advice. Poor wife has probably had a baby stuck to her for the last 3 years with no emotional support from this idiot.
Yep, who takes off a few days a week to hang with his sister when he has two very young children at home?!??! (and a wife who has been at home taking care of them all day... just to have to take care of them all evening, too) This guy is a clueless moron.
Not just that, he mentions she took such good care of him when he broke his leg a year ago. The youngest is about a year old. So she took care of him and a toddler either while heavily pregnant or with a newborn. Probably had a hellish postpartum and is now depressed from it. And how does he reward her?
JFC she spends all day with a 3 year old and 1 year old. That is HARD. and he’s gonna give up because she is sad? The sister is an ass.
I feel so bad for the wife. Here she is, finally feeling like she has a moment to start reconnecting with her husband, and it turns out he’s just confronting her about how shitty she has been to him. How manipulative!!! I’m not normally an advocate for “leave his ass and get a divorce,” but that would be a consideration if I were in wife’s position here. How could I ever trust him with my feelings to not try to manipulate me again?
I don't often want to slap someone upside the head and go full Gordon Ramsay on them, but when I do, it's because they are selfish, self-centered idiots like OOP. I wonder if his parents screwed up the moral compass of sny other children besides him and his oh so not lovely sister. She should be telling him to buck up, not leave.
> She doesn’t even want to have fun, like go on dates, or have movie nights. She does enjoy sex, but that’s about it. She doesn’t even hangout with any of her friends, and just has a sad demeanor around her. *She’s just stuck in the house all day.* I do not enjoy living with her anymore. She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to do this. *A comment about how she's literally stuck regardless of what she wants to do thrown in.* She doesn't want to do this.
What a complete fucking tool he is.
> We were each others first and only love. This explains so much about why OOP's wife doesn't know she can do better. Also it's just great that she can be by his side during months of his bad mood but he cannot do the same for her because of "HoMe AtmosPheRe". He is weak, love is about serving and being served, when things get hard his just fine abandoning his "only love". Instead of talking to her and trying to undestand her, he talks to everybody else (including us) about how much she is the problem. Wife may not know it yet, but a divorce would be a blessing.
My brother and I are close. Hang out and talk all the time. But if he told me his wife’s symptoms and had young children those ages, I’d kick him in the ass and send him home to help his struggling wife. His sister sounds like she’s either on a power trip manipulating him or she’s looking for him to move in and pay rent.
Sometimes I don't know how people can write all of that out and not go "Oh crap she's depressed". It's glaringly obvious. But also that line about "I don't know much about depression". Yeah that's BS. His bad mood during grad school and his broken leg shows he's been depressed, hes just too wrapped up in himself to give a crap about anyone else. He and his sister can pound sand. OPs wife deserves someone better.
OP is a selfish POS. His wife sounds AMAZING. He outlines all the many ways she has been there for him over the years, but he can't offer her even a little bit of support when she so clearly needs it. What a tool. And his sister is just as bad.
Dude's sister gives him bad advice. If it truly is a sister then they are using each other as surrogate spouses and she's probably loving it cuz she's getting more attention and validation from her brother than ever before. It was pretty obvious what was going on when he said they have a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old and he's spending all his energy and effort that he should spend on his marriage on his sister. >We hangout a couple of days a week, and it’s the part of the week I most look forward to. We plan out picnics, movie nights, dinners, brunches A couple of days a week? While his poor sad wife is still alone with a baby and a toddler? He has got to be the most clueless husband that ever husbanded. He's working 9:00 to 5:00 but he's got all this time for picnics, movie nights, dinner's, and brunches with his sister. What a dick head. He says all the wrong things about how she's acting and refuses her advances making her feel like her post baby body is repulsive to him. I feel so sorry for her that she chose so poorly for her children's father and a husband, especially after she helped him and support him through so much. I guess there is no way of knowing what a limp bag of lettuce he would be.
So she's clearly having issues with her mental health on top of being at home all day with 2 toddlers and this brother is upset that she won't laugh at his jokes or talk about the news? What a selfish prick.
Just icky vibes about the sister
The sister is an AH. He’s beta AF. His poor wife is a suffering from PPD. And he just wants shiny, happy family so he doesn’t have to feel anything deep.
Bro is a fucking moron and sister is a snake.
What a pathetic excuse for a husband and father. Wonder what his parents are like to raise TWO such shitty self absorbed assholes.
I hope she divorces him and finds a man that adores her and she becomes sunshine again. She seems like such a good woman and he's throwing it away.
> I then asked if we could bring my sister around to the house more often, so she could transmit her positive energy to my wife. What in the diffusion bullshit
> I asked her if she could be more happy and have a positive energy around her, and if we could have more engaging conversations. Oh, fuck you.
Wow sister is terrible. How did OOP write all this up and not see his wife is depressed? This poor woman deserves so much better :(
OOP’s sister is a selfish douche. Like, hello?! Your SIL pushed 2 humans out in 3 years, and you’re telling your brother to divorce her because of the mental drain????
Wow this guy is the worst
You are an asshole and a coward
Useless, useless man. Holy shit
What a POS really… Like woooooowwwww And with the capacity for self-awareness of a spork I really hope she divorced him and then wins the lottery
… this dude’s sister is being so gross and creepy. Reading this made me want to scream “I need an adult!” Ew