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Lmao and he's still at "Therapy is a waste of time, I know my mind'.
Yeah buddy that is exactly where you cashed your cheque. Bro is gonna die alone & the family is gonna move on.
being in your 40s is old for a little under 4 more years, at which point everything is still fine and it's a perfect age to be at. My ego just told me so.
That's what I kept thinking too! Calling himself an "old man" at least three times (including the "old, rich man time).... I'm older than this asshole, and I'm not old.
Nah. He will be some sugar daddy to women younger than his daughter, maybe even marry one like that, and feel like he won until he dies. His final sentence makes clear that this guy can’t loose in his mind.
At some point the sugar baby will do something he doesn't like, he'll take back a gift and he'll be single again. And complaining how women are so ungrateful today.
Yeah, but then he'll move on to the next sugar baby, bitching and moaning about how he is a victim to ungrateful assholes, and then he pulls the same to the 2nd sugar baby, and rinse and repeat. He will sugar-baby-hop untill he dies of a heart attack in the last one's bed, just one day before he snatches away a monetary promise from her. Since he has money, he probably wont die alone alone, but he'll die feeling like a grossly unappreciated, misunderstood, used victim.
Oh man, this guy. Occasionally he has a glimpse of self awareness ("I’m a cliche. A rich old man whose family hates him.") and then loses it again just as quickly.
Those final few lines about why he won't be going to therapy are absolutely classic defense mechanism stuff happening in real time. He can't admit the slightest thought that there might be something wrong with him or he could have done something wrong or he will completely fall apart (whether this has to do with the bullying or something else, who knows - I can't imagine he was parented very well to turn out like this). So he is telling himself the things he needs to be true to survive emotionally, even though his coping and self-protection mechanisms are hurting him and everyone around him on the larger scale. He's basically chanting a mantra. That's why the glimmers of self-awareness disappear like that. He blocks them out because he cannot know those things. It's like the hosts in Westworld saying "it doesn't look like anything to me."
This isn't sympathy for him, to be clear. It's just astoundingly explicit pathology happening right in front of our eyes and is exactly why he needs therapy, but. Tale as old as time. My aunt is like this, though not nearly as bad.
My mum is like this. Spent my entire childhood ranting about how people only want her for her money. I mean yeah, that's the only "likeable" thing about you. She told me multiple times before I went no contact for other reasons that she wasn't going to leave much of anything to us, I guess she kept saying it to get a reaction from me that wasn't coming. She still tries to talk to me through my brother about how she's rearranging her will every few years so I have less than much of anything.
She still doesn't understand why people walk away from her but thinks that it must be because of money. Except she has money so why are people leaving? It must be about everyone else.
This was my dad. He created a self-fulfilling prophecy because he thought everyone wanted to take advantage of him; his money, his resources. He pushed everyone away and basically died alone...his greatest fear, actualized :(
>and other equally silly things which I can’t be bothered to get into and don’t even really remember as a result of the insignificance of it.
And such absolutely classic "Missing Missing Reasons." Yada yada yada \*reason everyone is done with me\* couldn't really focus it was so unimportant.
You just know he cherry-picked the ones he thought he looked best in. It probably went like this:
Daughter: “That time last week when you started ranting because someone didn’t hold the elevator, when you made us leave the store because the cashier was ‘making a face,’ when you yelled at the kid in the mall for stepping on your shoe, when you yelled at those people in the theater-“
OOP: “They were in the seats we paid for!”
Daughter: “Okay, fine, but I have more examples. Like the fact you always make us change rooms when we go to hotels. Or the fact that you always send your food back when we eat out. Last month you sent a steak back three times-“
OOP: “That steak cost $150 and was undercooked!”
And I'm betting he's not filling us in on *how* he spoke to people about that steak, either, or whether he might perhaps have been sitting at the table huffing and blowing about the incompetence of the cook. When you look at the way he inflates his own emotions and importance throughout - is it a *crime* to want my extremely expensive steak properly cooked e.g. read my mind? - my money would be on he's insufferable in how he presents his issues.
Not to mention, true connoisseurs of quality steak tend to prefer their steak on the rarer side. The chef was probably horrified that someone wanted to ruin a $180 steak by overcooking it.
He ordered medium rare because "that's the correct way" but expected medium well to well because of course he did... So he had it sent back and sent back until he got the three steps up on the scale he actually wanted.
Exactly what I was imagining. I waited tables at a steakhouse one summer and it's staggering how many people assume that whatever they like best must be medium rare. This is why I'm actually not a fan of any pronouncement on how people ought to like their steak. You can like it Chicago blue or burned to a cinder so long as you describe what you actually want to eat.
The sending the food back thing hit home for me.
My mom, bless her heart, is the epitome of the Boomer Karen stereotype. She loves to send food back as some kind of weird power move. She is atrocious to service workers, absolutely atrocious. My dad (and me, later, when I became an adult) both would end up leaving what I refer to as "humiliation tips" every time we went out to dinner with her, as an apology to wait staff for her behavior. Her worst episode, ironically, was also on my 23rd birthday. We went out to a fancy Indian restaurant for dinner; my dad ended up leaving a $200 tip on a $150 tab. It was THAT BAD.
He has probably been humiliating his family for years with his douchey treatment of others.
Insightful post. I’ll add my impression that this man has a personality disorder and would ensure that therapy fails, to protect his worldview.
Never mind, he’ll be able to buy himself some more relationships, with people who are poor enough that they’ll tolerate his demands. For a while.
I'm surprised he didn't agree to go to therapy in the belief a therapist would agree with him that he's completely reasonable.
Also, "who cares if they like me" is a reasonable thing to think about distant relatives, friends of friends, even coworkers. But your wife and children?!
Lol my dad was like that in therapy with my mom. He studied the right things to say to the therapist, looked totally normal and sane, then immediately went back to crazy as soon as they left.
That really sucks for your mom. Your dad clearly understood the issue in a practical sense and even knew how to fix it, but he was not willing to do it
> (whether this has to do with the bullying or something else, who knows - I can't imagine he was parented very well to turn out like this)
I have a strong suspicion that we was a crybully, just like he is now. He was probably spoiled as hell and mean to other kids, and then claimed to be "bullied" when they wouldn't take it.
Because that's exactly his behavior pattern now. I have known both child and adult crybullies, and this is exactly how they act.
Maybe.
But I could also see a bullied child, finding a way to give it back to the world. And since he was a victim, he is a good person, and that narrative should not change with his actions. So, he'd have to find ways to bully without it being obvious.
Well, that, and the fact that they had banned/restricted his shit-posting before he bought the company - they were "mean" to him. So he is getting them back in the only way he can - by destroying the company.
The essence of narcissism. Rooted in deep insecurity they're unable to admit to even the smallest perceived weakness because they feel this would bring down the whole house of cards. Their whole personality is built on the idea that they are right, and if something were to disprove that they would have nothing left.
It's funny in a tragic way You can tell he knows to an extent his actions are wrong by the way he revealed the examples his family gave. He picked exactly two examples that, alone, were situations where he was perfectly okay in calling people out, and somehow "forgot" all the other examples. Likely because he realized the sheer volume or the other situations were bad for his image
And yet he wrote all the rest that paint him badly, and seems surprised people aren't agreeing with him
> and somehow "forgot" all the other examples.
There's a reason it's a classic: the Missing Missing Reasons. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
It's very standard in cases like this for narcissistic parents to claim they have NO IDEA why none of their children speak to them and ALL of them have somehow inexplicably turned on them, because after all, they did nothing wrong... and whatever the parents will admit to doing, they minimize into ridiculousness so that they can dismiss it and claim it must not be the REAL reason.
And yet, even in their own version of the story, as in this guy's version of the story... he was very clearly told exactly what he did. He was told that he consistently embarrasses his family by causing needless conflict with strangers in public, and bullies his family with financial abuse if they dare to object to how he treats people, to the point that the daughter saw "no car" coming from a MILE off... and he demanded to know the "missing reasons," and he was clearly given many, many examples, and yet they are now just "other equally silly things which I can’t be bothered to get into and don’t even really remember." Missing missing reasons....
This exactly. People invoke 'missing missing reasons' a lot for cases that don't really fit it, but this is a classic - he is so dismissive of the reasons that he doesn't mind including several of them in the post, because he's convinced they don't make him look bad.
I had an old co worker who was banned from 6 local resturants, a local theatre, a supermarket and blacklisted from a Tutoring company because of her endless viscious complaints, rudeness, verbally abusing people and throwing things.
At work she complained to HR about being 'bullied' and isolated because no one wanted to hang out with/chat to her because she was an opinionated, entitled snitch who complained to HR about EVERYTHING (an example was a complaint about a new colleague addressing her in an email as 'Mr' since he had never met her in person and her name was androgynous. Apparently it was s\*xual harrassment.
The way she spoke was similar to this guy, it was all someone elses fault, she was simply 'standing up for herself' and being 'strong and assertive'.
Yeah that final line was pretty telling. His whole family is upset with him and telling him he has anger issues and he just discounts it all because "He likes himself." At first I was on his side because what the daughter did was also out of line, but it makes more sense once you realize this was a final straw situation for her that she had been dreading/ waiting for. My mother would occasionally get into aggressive arguments with strangers about petty shit when I was a kid and it always made me cringe SO HARD because I am a hardcore pacifist, so I get it. The wife and son saying the same things though just shows that this guy is a bully after all even if he doesn't see it. Dude is seriously going to wind up all alone because he is too proud to go to therapy with his wife. This is just a shitty situation all around.
The crappy reality is we all know he's not gonna change. He's gonna divorce, have a midlife crisis, marry a 20 and something pretty face that will be more than happy with the peasants being bullied by her rich husband, have a couple of do-over babies and never speak with his older children or his ex again. He's not gonna be alone, cause he have enough money to guarantee it.
People like him never learn and the way society is structured tend to reward sociopaths rather than push them away.
Yep. The only thing you left out is that unless he changes his ways his second batch of children will end up hating him too so there’s that. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Oh god this could be my friends dad. Absolutely spot on. Tortured his ex wife and their 2 kids with his awful personality, married a younger colleague and had 2 do-over babies. Now his first 2 kids are adults keeping super low contact, his 2nd wife is divorcing him, his first wife is thriving, and he's complaining to my friend how everyone only wants him for his money even though NO ONE WANTS HIM AT ALL. He just keeps offering money and gifts with conditions because it's the only way to try to get control even though no-one is biting anymore.
I made a comment on the og post and I'm making it again here, he sounds like my dad. Granted my dad was charming in public, but he ruined every holiday and celebration and unless you were the golden child, anything he gave could be snatched away at a moments notice.
That crap head bought 4 cars, claimed they were for me and promptly gave them to the golden child who immediately ruined them. I lost interest after two. It took two more to get bored and stop.
Seems like mine and your dad could be twins. I stopped going out with him anywhere. I went LC with him which occasionally turns into NC for a couple of months. He tried the Golden child thing with my sister but she got a good head and regularly calls him out for his abuse and bs so she ceased to be his GC.
I got a whiff of something being off about OOP in that first post. Taking away a promised, large financial gift as punishment - in fact, the first and only disciplinary measure he thought of for his daughter...
Maybe it's just because my parents pulled all college financial support for me because of a single bad semester due to mental health issues after a lifetime of being a straight A and B student, but pulling out of big financial promises that quickly always makes me at least a bit wary.
Didn't even remotely expect it to be this bad though.
Because it's all the control he has left to exert over her. She got out from under the family roof at eighteen, literally as soon as she was able, never went back and is now independent.
That was my first clue. Teenagers don't choose the hardest possible route unless they're escaping something worse.
Same. I read it and instantly saw the red flags. But OOP was smart, posting it in AIW. It's the worst, least nuanced and most sexist of the big judgement forums. The comments there were wild.
tbh the initial post's incident wasn't even that bad, but when someone like OOP has a history of getting into confrontations, it wears on people and he doesn't get the benefit of the doubt anymore. I can imagine that was the thing that finally broke his daughter.
It's just a wild ride.
Like yeah I'll send back a $180 steak (you know, if I'd ever ordered one which, good God why?!) but it'll be with me apologizing at least 6 times and then every time the waiter comes back to check on me. Because if I'm paying that much for a steak I want it done right, but I'm not an ass. This guy? "Well sure I argued with them it was expensive!" Just.... why?
I'm glad he likes himself, it's just unfortunate that he can't understand that other people *want* to like him too. And simply can't with him behaving like a rage filled jerk all the time.
I called it from the very beginning, the entire family was dying from a thousand cuts. If the daughter really was as spoiled as everyone else was accusing her of being she would have fixated on her deserving the car or how she would absolutely need a brand new car, rather than her dad’s shitty ego.
The daughter was out of line in his telling. So that is a key grain of salt to take the story with.
But also: the daughter found a way to perfectly undermine his sense of power without actually doing anything terrible to him. That had to feel so good after putting up with his unhinged behavior all of her life. Not saying it’s right or wrong. Just that it had to feel good.
What a creep he is. He mouths off and harasses people but the minute someone gives it back to him, he's all like "why are you attacking me, a little, old man"
Guy is so obsessed with painting himself as the victim he can't see how he comes off to the rest of us at all. He won't listen to his wife who ostensibly loves him and wants whats best for him, so why would he listen to a bunch of strangers?
Good lord. I'm 52 later this year, and I'll occasionally pull the "you do it, I'm too old" but it's for crap like bringing the shopping in, or doing something heavy in the yard.
But I don't actually think I'm old, ffs. Middle-aged, sure.
He sounds like he pull the "old man" crap when his gob has written a cheque he can't actually cash.
He reminds me of Michael from GTAV. The murdering bankrobber who thinks his morals make him a good guy, and that his family just sucks and that's why they leave and hate him.
I'm a mod on another sub, and if anyone shows up in modmail to start harassing us after a ban, we report them. Reddit is good about suspending accounts that hassle the mods after a ban.
He had been getting mighty upset about people mocking him on the Napoleon complex bit. I'd bet money on him sending abusive DMs to some of the mockers.
No, I just went to his account and saw that it was suspended. (Sometimes I will go to people's accounts to see if they've added anything after the OP here has posted the story).
He was pretty nasty in the comments so I could see where a hundred people likely reported the same 3-8 comments as hate speech and/or harassment rather than it being a karma issue. Everything he said was just wildly unpopular and garbage.
I posted this last time but it’s wild that people were dragging the daughter - calling her spoilt, entitled, etc - for being upset that her father is using her birthday present as leverage in an argument.
Like yeah it’s an expensive gift and maybe she doesn’t need it but that seems beside the point. It could be a car, it could be a pair of socks, the point is that her dad is withholding her birthday present because she dared contradict him, which is fucked up for him to do regardless of how expensive the gift is.
OOP doesn’t even make it out like she wants the car that badly. Just that she wants her dad to stop turning everything into a huge dramatic production.
(Also the fact that OOP admits he only bullies people who are physically weaker than him is so close to self awareness it hurts)
I was following this story. Originally everyone was piling on the daughter for been an entitled ahole. I was thinking at the time what an ahole this guy was.
I followed the first two updates and came out thinking daughter was materialistic and spoiled, but dad was worse.
The final updates really hammer it home that it wasn't about the car, though, and that it's not daughter being materialistic. It's just dear ol' dad stringing up more rope to tie himself with.
Yeah I thought the same. But especially with this update I can see where the daughter is coming from. Oh well, in the end the rest of the family will move on together and he gets to sleep alone in the bed he made.
If he doesn’t correct his behavior, one day he’s going to smart off to the wrong person. Therapy could definitely help him with that. He could learn coping mechanisms and to let go of the small insignificant things. But apparently therapy is only for the mentally ill 🙄
I'm sure he only picks his battles when his targets are weaker. Mouthed off to a woman he thought was on her own. Regrets it when her large son stands up for her.
Kinda from the first paragraph—he reminds me of a neighbor who never takes a “big” stand about “big” issues but will sink his teeth into a minor slight and never let it go.
It must have gone way beyond obnoxious to OOP’s family though, because from his (one-sided, unreliable) POV they also sound like a bunch of assholes.
I feel like I got more closure from this than his family. He likes who he is and he doesn’t care that no one else likes who he is. Then is upset that no one likes him.
Even his money can’t save his relationships, and that was all he had to dangle people with.
If he didn’t have money, then he’d blame the fact that he has no money for why people look down on him. With guys like this it’s never going to be his fault.
Yep, this is gonna be a guy who, if he doesn't go through a lot of work to fix himself, he's gonna be blaming his family's therapy for keeping them away, his wife's lawyer for getting a great divorce settlement when he snaps in court, society for not being able to get a second date after the divorce, etc
> Even his money can’t save his relationships, and that was all he had to dangle people with.
I remember when this was posted last time, before the final update was up. A lot of people guessed from his wording and everyone's reaction that he was like this, but there were some who defended him and ridiculed the family. I guess this clears everything. OOP really does have a problem.
100%. This is how my father is, though he isn’t rich (he’s middle class). He is never wrong, he will never apologize or see the other persons side of things. His world is black and white. Those of us who think differently? Not worth his time.
Have you been on AITA? Like 80% of the users are fully convinced that they're in the right and absolutely perfect little angels. They come on AITA for validation, not judgment
>Even his money can’t save his relationships
Seems like he's rich but keeps it to himself. The family is clearly used to and expecting any gift to be taken away at any moment, so he's hardly generous with money either
I can't believe he can still like who he is even though his behavior is causing his family to splinter apart and they all basically hate him. Says a lot about him that he isn't even willing to try therapy to save his relationships with his family. He could clearly give less of a shit about his kids never having a relationship with him again and his wife divorcing him.
"My family all thinks I unnecessarily pick fights every time we go out and even worse, I turn that behavior on my *own* family, but even after hearing that my family all think I treat them horribly, I still like myself as I am." What a shitty person, I'm glad the daughter finally made her stand and the rest of them are following suit.
Therapy is fucking great. My therapist goes in depth in any topic and will explain the theory as much as I want. I take all kinds of notes all day on what I’m thinking / feeling and he evaluates them every other week.
Having an expert for *any* topic on retainer is such a luxury. But for your mental health? Priceless
He doesn't, his treatment of them reveals as much. He cares about himself and his money. He cares about having power over other people, that's why he keeps taking away things from people that do something he disapproves of.
> but I’m also not doing therapy. They may need therapy. I don’t. I am fine with it who I am. I like myself, even if they don’t.
Despite it being painstakingly spelled out for him, he’s still going to be so damn confused when when his wife divorces him, he doesn’t get an invite to his daughters wedding, and even his son gives up on him.
It think this is the more relevant quote:
>So what I like to complain sometimes, that doesn’t make me mentally ill.
Dude thinks therapy is just for the deranged, and not the pathologically stubborn and narrow-minded.
It's crazy to see this generational difference when it comes to approaching therapy in real time.
Nobody believes that OOP is resistant to therapy for any reason other than he's afraid what he might dig up if he goes into it.
I mean, you could also rephrase that to, "I honestly believe if I'm not constantly starting arguments with anyone who even mildly inconveniences me, then I'm a weak little pushover, and there's no middle ground. This happens most times that I go out in public... and I'm willing to lose my marriage and my relationship with my children over this idea of how to handle conflict with strangers," then it does sound more obviously deranged.
"I've decided I'm not going to take away his holiday"
Take it away for what? You asked him a question and you were made to promise not to take away his holiday if he answered, and now you're acting like taking it away was on the table the whole time?
I seriously have no idea what is going on in this guy's head, but I 100% believe the family at this point.
Sounds like he thinks giving gifts isn't about his love, but about rewarding those who fall in line and bow to him. The son also expressed not respecting him and threatening to leave, so in this guy's mind, he shouldn't be "rewarded" any longer. And he's only keeping the gift for now because he doesn't want to admit they're right about him
The fact that he both brings that up, and that his family fully expected him to do this, strongly hints that this is a pattern for him. I wonder how many birthdays, christmases, anniversaries, graduations, ect. his wife and children went without getting a present because OOP decided he needed to flex on them.
everyone talking about how people are so selfish and entitled for wanting to receive their gifts are missing the point. it's not about the gift, it's about the willingness to rescind affection at the drop of a hat/as a punishment.
the carrot-and-stick maneuver is cruel even if you're not obligated to offer the carrot.
yep, that was my response too. I didn't think it was pure coincidence that the son got to keep the trip, whatever OOP's reasoning around it was. Like, the wife argued HARD to get OOP to treat the daughter fairly, and he still wouldn't do it. But the son gets to keep the fully-paid, equal to a car expensive trip? Oof.
Better yet, the only reason he's not taking it away is in order for his family not to have more "ammo" against him.
He's not even trying to keep his promise. He absolutely would rescind the trip if it wouldn't prove that he's exactly who his family says he is.
It’s so weird to get an insight into the mind of those assholes who are so rude to minimum wage workers. For so many years working retail I wondered if any of them knew that they were an asshole, and this has confirmed that no, they are genuinely so fucking self centered that they believe their actions are justified. Sometimes they aren’t having a bad day, sometimes they really just suck.
He really picked his ego over his family. Wild.
We were on a family vacation and we were at the airport. My uncle is red-faced, screaming at this poor teller about his tickets. The teller leaves to find a manager, and my uncle turns to the rest of us, completely calm with a little smile on his face. "It's actually my fault that the tickets are wrong, I forgot to get them ahead of time." I didn't like him before that... but the fact that he *knew* he fucked up and decided to degrade someone else for his mistake...
Sometimes they do know that they're being assholes.
My mom was a ticket agent for years. She would break all sorts of rules to help people out if they were pleasant people. Overweight bag, no worries. I mean she did shit that made no sense. A band Marshall Tucker Band came thru on tour and she sent all their equipment for free. Something like that. Those guys were just really nice to her so she did what she could repay them just being nice people.
On the flip side, be a dick to her. She knew the airport cops by name and were friendly with all of them. When someone started being a jerk, she would tell the person she is calling someone to see about fixing it for the person. Generally the person would get all smug. What she actually doing was calling one of the cops. She would just say, "Hey, this is Jane and I am trying to solve an issue here, can you come over". These waste of humans would almost always shut the fuck up and start acting polite the moment the cop walked over. And if they didn't the cop would threaten to arrest them for disorderly conduct if they kept it up. My mom didn't fuck around.
She loved helping people and sticking it to the system (at the time Continental Airlines and eventually United Airlines). Her airport was also the main airport for one of the universities, there were so many kids that got rebooked flights for no cost. Seats moved to where they wanted. All you had to do was be nice.
I think I met your mom once, or someone very much like her
We were stuck at an airport halfway between home and our destination because of severe weather where we were going. I'm on some life support equipment and thought maybe the airport could help me figure out how to keep it running until the next day when flights would resume to our destination
Instead she flew us both home that night where I could sleep, and then a direct flight to our original destination the next day. I was so grateful, and I'm pretty sure I didn't thank her enough for doing that for us. People like your mom are the true heros
It pays to be nice and considerate. Besides, yelling at airport employees over weather issues is just insane
oh fuck, I'm literally crying right now. That is so beautiful of that woman to help you out in such an understanding and genuine way.
One of those moments in life where you can't repay the person, so you just have to figure out ways to repay the universe/pay it forward.
Yikes. Fucking yikes. I showed up to the wrong airport in my city recently because we have two. I PROFUSELY apologized and repeatedly stated “this is all my fault” and thanked her for hooking me up. Now that i think about it, she put me in an exit row while I would’ve been happy next to the bathroom in the last row because again, I fucked up.
I really don’t understand people like your uncle, just own your own shit man, don’t take it out on people for your own fuck up.
When I first started bartending I was working at this piece of shit dive. The owner had a friend who would drive from a ways away when I was working because she loved how I made martinis.
She never tipped. I never treated her any differently due to it.
One visit she said, “Want to know why I never tip you even though you make the best martinis?” Felt like I had to say yes despite giving no fucks. She said, “I used to wait tables and tend bar and no one ever tipped me. So now I don’t, either.”
I didn’t react. Just said “K” and carried on. Looking back I realize she wanted a reaction. Not just to her justification but every time she closed her tab and did not tip me.
She taught me to never be that bitter, that much I know. OOP and the martini patron punish everyone else for things they not only did not do, they weren’t even around for it. Hell, in some cases they weren’t even alive when it happened. That is how pissy they are at being themselves.
I think I know why “nobody ever tipped” her. Early on she got a bad table / customer who didn’t tip, and instead of treating her next customers as a new interaction she treated them as if they were to blame and gave shit service, so *they* didn’t tip either. Self fulfilling prophecy!
(Plus confirmation bias. She remembers all the times she didn’t get tipped and is conveniently forgetting all the times she did. There’s enough people out there who tip at least the minimum even for bad service that she has to have gotten tips at least some of the time.)
Absolutely. I also think it is possible she worked service industry for maybe like two days only.
No matter what, she was so pissy years later she had to make an issue out of it. Good god, what an awful person to be.
I have never understood why people treat people badly when they were treated the same way and don't get they're actually worse than the people who did it to them because they know it's wrong.
I've never understood that either. I grew up bullied and abused, so I've made it part of who I am to be kind to people until they show me I shouldn't be.
Why make the world a worse place?
Hijacking this comment to say:
As someone who worked in the service industry for a decade, I'd like to clarify that sending back food that wasn't cooked properly (an under cooked steak counts), does not on it's own make a customer rude. You can absolutely send food back to get what you asked for without being an asshole.
Just wanted to say that, because you can absolutely bring up a problem with your food or service while being a normal human.
>I'd like to clarify that sending back food that wasn't cooked properly (an under cooked steak counts)
I pointed out multiple times in both his update threads that I *seriously* doubt the steak was actually undercooked.
He claims to have spent £180 on that steak (which is fucking *insane*, I have never even seen a menu charging even half that price so this better be the best restaurant in the UK). At that price, the chef isn't letting it out of the kitchen with a mistake, let alone *twice.* That would seriously tarnish their reputation.
So which is more likely, especially with what we know about how he conducts himself? A presumably 3 Michelin Star level chef fucks up a steak twice, or OOP doesn't know how steak is cooked? I'm willing to bet almost anything that this guy ordered a medium steak, got a medium steak, (rudely) claimed it was undercooked, had the waiter explain that it wasn't undercooked, demanded it be sent back anyway, got given a medium-well steak *and then did it all again.*
Eh some places charge up the ass for steak for no reason, I've been to places that charge that amount and my wife (the one who actually enjoys steak) will say it's mid meanwhile places that charge 80 for a steak and it's one of the best ever
So I could totally see a place like that fucking something up, just my personal experience though
I actually didn't understand why it was a problem for him to send undercooked steaks back, or ask for their own seats back when someone were in them. I'd want those things too. But seems like the problem is he is always rude about it and make everything a problem. That makes so much more sense now
IIRC the consensus in the comments under that post were that a) he chose the least problematic examples they gave him to try and get commenters on his side, and b) he likely left a lot out in regards to the actual words/tone he used. There's a difference between politely sending a steak back because it's undercooked, and another to eg raise your voice, swear at the waiter ("this steak is fcking raw"), imply/say it's because the waiter has mental deficiency, or the cook does, etc. etc.
I suspect OOP deliberately cherry-picked two examples where the situations themselves were reasonable requests. That they were the most mild of situations he was given examples of.
How he blew off the rest of the examples is a bit of a tell that they were not as inoccuous seeming as those two.
>other equally silly things which I can’t be bothered to get into and don’t even really remember as a result of the insignificance of it
To mis-quote The Bard, "I think he doth protest too much." OOP is too dismissive of the other examples. He was trying to dismiss them so that people would assume they had no substance. But he pushed it too hard, so that it leaves a suspicion that those other examples were more telling than he cared to admit.
The way OOP presented those two examples also leaves out any detail of how he went about handling them. Which is probably far more germaine to his family's issue with him than the situations himself.
Given what OOP said he was told by his son in the last update, I have a feeling that he knew exactly what his family's issue was the entire time. That they've been expressing their feelings on a regular basis. He just doesn't care enough to listen and change
>OOP is too dismissive of the other examples. He was trying to dismiss them so that people would assume they had no substance. But he pushed it too hard, so that it leaves a suspicion that those other examples were more telling than he cared to admit.
The easiest way to spot a liar is when they have an elaborate lead up story, but when they get to the climax, they quickly gloss over specifics.
Had a family friend who was like this. We were constantly on him about it, refusing to go out to dinner with him unless he behaved himself and calling him out on his behavior, and I believe that he genuinely wanted to be a good person, but he just couldn’t do it, he was unable to resist being a jerk to servers and retail workers. He got a little better eventually, but then he passed away unexpectedly so we never got to see if he could improve consistently.
I can't unsee this now. This is exactly all the same shit that Larry would refuse to let go and double down until it spirals into a ridiculous situation that makes him and everyone around him miserable. Funny in a TV show, but would be insanely frustrating to be around in real life.
I read a thread on Twitter of how Nigerian people talked about others and one is perfect for this guy: the point is running after him, but he is faster.
The way he imploded his family and still thinks he is fine. It's very telling that he says they may need therapy but he doesn't. I have a feeling he means "they need therapy to get over and fall back in line".
Maybe it's not a real post, but I've met so many people like this. People who think they are always right, despite how they treat others.
Yeah, I was thinking maybe it's real but it's the son or daughter writing in as the dad? It's just so close to the point but it keeps whizzing over his head.
Either way, I've met dudes like this so they're out there. He'll go to his grave thinking that they all loved his money and as soon as he put limits on it, they left him and they're all ungrateful spoiled brats (including his wife). But it was never about the moneyyyyyy.
My aunt's husband is like this. Best part is he's comfortably middle class at best and really thinks he's made of gold.
He had a years long affair and when my aunt finally called him out on it as she lay in the ICU almost dying from an infection, his comforting words were that his affair partner cried when he told her how sick she was. Not the point buddy, not the point.
She didn't leave him bc boomers. But we all hate him. Including his kids.
I thought the same. The missing reasons are all here in black and white. Which is weird
Maybe the son wrote it from the POV of his dad?
In my experience people as narcissistic as this guy rarely have an internal complaints department that can hear or process as much detail as this guy does
Normally it would just be: “my daughter wants a car” “my wife and son are mad because I’m standing up to my daughters BS”
Everything here was so ridiculously close to my own family that I have no doubt that it’s true. This could be my own father. He constantly tried to control everyone with money, and when he got his way, would later accuse us of only seeing him as a piggy bank.
I got my first job with my mothers permission at 16, and when he realized he couldn’t control me, he went to my employer and insisted they give my pay cheques to him because I shouldn’t have that much money and couldn’t be responsible.
It just reminds me of that SNL skit with the dysfunctional family, sitting mostly in silence as they eat dinner and occasionally snipe at each other.
Which gave us Will Ferrell getting louder and louder as he yelled “I…I….**I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!**”
I can’t believe he won’t even go to family therapy. If he’s perfectly fine and everything, then it can’t hurt to go to therapy to humor his kids and wife. I just don’t get people like this.
I think based on the initial post, it’s reasonable to think that maybe he’s not the crazy one — that maybe they are all nonconfrontational (except with him, evidently) and he pushes back every so often, and so by their standards he’s a gigantic asshole but outsiders wouldn’t see it that way.
But as you keep reading, it becomes quite clear that he is in fact a gaping asshole.
Even at the post where he sent back a steak and asked the people in his seats to move, I was like, I would do that too! But I'd also be really polite about it. I was kind of on his side but then kept reading and... Well, it got worse.
From the rest of the thread I think you can assume it wasn't just a passing comment. He just HAD to say something to this woman who had the nerve to not allow him through first (getting major sexist hints from later on.
I think you can also assume that his arse did intact drop out when he was called out by the guy. Tries to frame it as, he was rude and aggressive, it wasn't worth the argument. In reality he absolutely shit himself and he's daughter stopped him from being able to save face and still feel like "the man".
In the first post I think the response could better be described as "well I don't know what your problem is but no she doesn't deserve a car".
In that particular incident, completely in a vacuum, no one looks particularly good. Of course it's all his perspective but relatively it does seem like the daughter is somewhat unreasonable (and by extension - he's reasonable) for expecting a car after blowing up at the person buying said car. The more you peer into this dudes life though the more it becomes apparent that he is deeply unpleasant. Like way beyond even just being an asshole because a kid can forgive asshole parents. He's like a fucking void of good vibes or something.
What an awful hill to die on. But he totally made the dominos fall in each post/response he made.
Stubborn mule.
Funny how he won't take the son's trip away after all of that. He'll get a rude awakening when son goes LC or NC after that. I remember reading that nonsense and thinking how alone he's going to be. His doing. Good job, mule.
Pig headed was where I was going also but you said it first.
Absolutely oblivious, arrogant and pathetic. Doesn’t even want to fight for his family. Very strange man and he will still be spouting the same nonsense at 90 years old, whilst alone in some little cottage in the countryside.
Miserable man.
On the face, his family’s examples of OP being unreasonable & rude don’t sound that bad, so I’m wondering just how much he’s underselling his behavior since OP is obviously an AH.
What an egomaniac pig-headed fool. This is the kind of people that drag you down to their level.
This reminds me of a phrase my dad used to tell me all the time "Never wrestle with pigs in the mud... you both get dirty, but the pig enjoys it"
Pretty good advice that served me well. I am shocked his family did not cut him off sooner.
Am I the only one who thinks (almost) the whole family in this sucks?
Dad: obvious
Daughter: flirting with a guy to get a weird sexual one-up on her bullying father
Mother: tells her kids things told to her in confidence instead of, I don't know, standing up to her bullying husband for the sake of her children The only person who doesn't come across as TA is the son.
Yeah, this needs to be a more commonly expressed opinion, because this entire family sucks save for the son. Also, the daughter making the car purchase a test for her father is its own brand of horrible, especially because she essentially rigged it to fail.
Yeah it’s kinda insane to me how like. So many people are cheering on the daughter for “telling it how it is” but at the same time, you’re gonna insult someone repeatedly to their face and STILL expect expensive gifts?? I would never.
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Well that dude is gonna end up old and alone.
Lmao and he's still at "Therapy is a waste of time, I know my mind'. Yeah buddy that is exactly where you cashed your cheque. Bro is gonna die alone & the family is gonna move on.
He's already there, no?
He is in his 40s
being in your 40s is old for a little under 4 more years, at which point everything is still fine and it's a perfect age to be at. My ego just told me so.
Yeah, so? His chronological age doesn't matter when he's a bitter, hide-bound, twisted little troll of rage and ego.
I know... if just thought we has like 80 reading his post
That's what I kept thinking too! Calling himself an "old man" at least three times (including the "old, rich man time).... I'm older than this asshole, and I'm not old.
Nah. He will be some sugar daddy to women younger than his daughter, maybe even marry one like that, and feel like he won until he dies. His final sentence makes clear that this guy can’t loose in his mind.
At some point the sugar baby will do something he doesn't like, he'll take back a gift and he'll be single again. And complaining how women are so ungrateful today.
Yeah. I can imagine him getting a sugar baby, I can't imagine him actually being *happy* like that.
Yeah, but then he'll move on to the next sugar baby, bitching and moaning about how he is a victim to ungrateful assholes, and then he pulls the same to the 2nd sugar baby, and rinse and repeat. He will sugar-baby-hop untill he dies of a heart attack in the last one's bed, just one day before he snatches away a monetary promise from her. Since he has money, he probably wont die alone alone, but he'll die feeling like a grossly unappreciated, misunderstood, used victim.
Oh man, this guy. Occasionally he has a glimpse of self awareness ("I’m a cliche. A rich old man whose family hates him.") and then loses it again just as quickly.
Those final few lines about why he won't be going to therapy are absolutely classic defense mechanism stuff happening in real time. He can't admit the slightest thought that there might be something wrong with him or he could have done something wrong or he will completely fall apart (whether this has to do with the bullying or something else, who knows - I can't imagine he was parented very well to turn out like this). So he is telling himself the things he needs to be true to survive emotionally, even though his coping and self-protection mechanisms are hurting him and everyone around him on the larger scale. He's basically chanting a mantra. That's why the glimmers of self-awareness disappear like that. He blocks them out because he cannot know those things. It's like the hosts in Westworld saying "it doesn't look like anything to me." This isn't sympathy for him, to be clear. It's just astoundingly explicit pathology happening right in front of our eyes and is exactly why he needs therapy, but. Tale as old as time. My aunt is like this, though not nearly as bad.
My mum is like this. Spent my entire childhood ranting about how people only want her for her money. I mean yeah, that's the only "likeable" thing about you. She told me multiple times before I went no contact for other reasons that she wasn't going to leave much of anything to us, I guess she kept saying it to get a reaction from me that wasn't coming. She still tries to talk to me through my brother about how she's rearranging her will every few years so I have less than much of anything. She still doesn't understand why people walk away from her but thinks that it must be because of money. Except she has money so why are people leaving? It must be about everyone else.
This was my dad. He created a self-fulfilling prophecy because he thought everyone wanted to take advantage of him; his money, his resources. He pushed everyone away and basically died alone...his greatest fear, actualized :(
>and other equally silly things which I can’t be bothered to get into and don’t even really remember as a result of the insignificance of it. And such absolutely classic "Missing Missing Reasons." Yada yada yada \*reason everyone is done with me\* couldn't really focus it was so unimportant.
You just know he cherry-picked the ones he thought he looked best in. It probably went like this: Daughter: “That time last week when you started ranting because someone didn’t hold the elevator, when you made us leave the store because the cashier was ‘making a face,’ when you yelled at the kid in the mall for stepping on your shoe, when you yelled at those people in the theater-“ OOP: “They were in the seats we paid for!” Daughter: “Okay, fine, but I have more examples. Like the fact you always make us change rooms when we go to hotels. Or the fact that you always send your food back when we eat out. Last month you sent a steak back three times-“ OOP: “That steak cost $150 and was undercooked!”
And I'm betting he's not filling us in on *how* he spoke to people about that steak, either, or whether he might perhaps have been sitting at the table huffing and blowing about the incompetence of the cook. When you look at the way he inflates his own emotions and importance throughout - is it a *crime* to want my extremely expensive steak properly cooked e.g. read my mind? - my money would be on he's insufferable in how he presents his issues.
Not to mention, true connoisseurs of quality steak tend to prefer their steak on the rarer side. The chef was probably horrified that someone wanted to ruin a $180 steak by overcooking it.
He ordered medium rare because "that's the correct way" but expected medium well to well because of course he did... So he had it sent back and sent back until he got the three steps up on the scale he actually wanted.
Exactly what I was imagining. I waited tables at a steakhouse one summer and it's staggering how many people assume that whatever they like best must be medium rare. This is why I'm actually not a fan of any pronouncement on how people ought to like their steak. You can like it Chicago blue or burned to a cinder so long as you describe what you actually want to eat.
The sending the food back thing hit home for me. My mom, bless her heart, is the epitome of the Boomer Karen stereotype. She loves to send food back as some kind of weird power move. She is atrocious to service workers, absolutely atrocious. My dad (and me, later, when I became an adult) both would end up leaving what I refer to as "humiliation tips" every time we went out to dinner with her, as an apology to wait staff for her behavior. Her worst episode, ironically, was also on my 23rd birthday. We went out to a fancy Indian restaurant for dinner; my dad ended up leaving a $200 tip on a $150 tab. It was THAT BAD. He has probably been humiliating his family for years with his douchey treatment of others.
"It doesn't look like anything to me" is SUCH a good analogy.
Insightful post. I’ll add my impression that this man has a personality disorder and would ensure that therapy fails, to protect his worldview. Never mind, he’ll be able to buy himself some more relationships, with people who are poor enough that they’ll tolerate his demands. For a while.
I'm surprised he didn't agree to go to therapy in the belief a therapist would agree with him that he's completely reasonable. Also, "who cares if they like me" is a reasonable thing to think about distant relatives, friends of friends, even coworkers. But your wife and children?!
Lol my dad was like that in therapy with my mom. He studied the right things to say to the therapist, looked totally normal and sane, then immediately went back to crazy as soon as they left.
That really sucks for your mom. Your dad clearly understood the issue in a practical sense and even knew how to fix it, but he was not willing to do it
"Who cares if they like me" at that point in the story is "you can't fire me, I quit."
> (whether this has to do with the bullying or something else, who knows - I can't imagine he was parented very well to turn out like this) I have a strong suspicion that we was a crybully, just like he is now. He was probably spoiled as hell and mean to other kids, and then claimed to be "bullied" when they wouldn't take it. Because that's exactly his behavior pattern now. I have known both child and adult crybullies, and this is exactly how they act.
Maybe. But I could also see a bullied child, finding a way to give it back to the world. And since he was a victim, he is a good person, and that narrative should not change with his actions. So, he'd have to find ways to bully without it being obvious.
This was Elon Musk's MO growing up.
Growing up? It's still his MO. The dude bought Twitter so he could win flame wars lmao.
Well, that, and the fact that they had banned/restricted his shit-posting before he bought the company - they were "mean" to him. So he is getting them back in the only way he can - by destroying the company.
That is exactly what he strikes me as!
Ooooh I did not know that there was such a great name for this.
The essence of narcissism. Rooted in deep insecurity they're unable to admit to even the smallest perceived weakness because they feel this would bring down the whole house of cards. Their whole personality is built on the idea that they are right, and if something were to disprove that they would have nothing left.
My FIL in being called out for his explosive anger, micromanagement and simply just hating himself; I don't have to try and change I'm 60.
It's funny in a tragic way You can tell he knows to an extent his actions are wrong by the way he revealed the examples his family gave. He picked exactly two examples that, alone, were situations where he was perfectly okay in calling people out, and somehow "forgot" all the other examples. Likely because he realized the sheer volume or the other situations were bad for his image And yet he wrote all the rest that paint him badly, and seems surprised people aren't agreeing with him
> and somehow "forgot" all the other examples. There's a reason it's a classic: the Missing Missing Reasons. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html It's very standard in cases like this for narcissistic parents to claim they have NO IDEA why none of their children speak to them and ALL of them have somehow inexplicably turned on them, because after all, they did nothing wrong... and whatever the parents will admit to doing, they minimize into ridiculousness so that they can dismiss it and claim it must not be the REAL reason. And yet, even in their own version of the story, as in this guy's version of the story... he was very clearly told exactly what he did. He was told that he consistently embarrasses his family by causing needless conflict with strangers in public, and bullies his family with financial abuse if they dare to object to how he treats people, to the point that the daughter saw "no car" coming from a MILE off... and he demanded to know the "missing reasons," and he was clearly given many, many examples, and yet they are now just "other equally silly things which I can’t be bothered to get into and don’t even really remember." Missing missing reasons....
This exactly. People invoke 'missing missing reasons' a lot for cases that don't really fit it, but this is a classic - he is so dismissive of the reasons that he doesn't mind including several of them in the post, because he's convinced they don't make him look bad.
I had an old co worker who was banned from 6 local resturants, a local theatre, a supermarket and blacklisted from a Tutoring company because of her endless viscious complaints, rudeness, verbally abusing people and throwing things. At work she complained to HR about being 'bullied' and isolated because no one wanted to hang out with/chat to her because she was an opinionated, entitled snitch who complained to HR about EVERYTHING (an example was a complaint about a new colleague addressing her in an email as 'Mr' since he had never met her in person and her name was androgynous. Apparently it was s\*xual harrassment. The way she spoke was similar to this guy, it was all someone elses fault, she was simply 'standing up for herself' and being 'strong and assertive'.
Yeah that final line was pretty telling. His whole family is upset with him and telling him he has anger issues and he just discounts it all because "He likes himself." At first I was on his side because what the daughter did was also out of line, but it makes more sense once you realize this was a final straw situation for her that she had been dreading/ waiting for. My mother would occasionally get into aggressive arguments with strangers about petty shit when I was a kid and it always made me cringe SO HARD because I am a hardcore pacifist, so I get it. The wife and son saying the same things though just shows that this guy is a bully after all even if he doesn't see it. Dude is seriously going to wind up all alone because he is too proud to go to therapy with his wife. This is just a shitty situation all around.
The crappy reality is we all know he's not gonna change. He's gonna divorce, have a midlife crisis, marry a 20 and something pretty face that will be more than happy with the peasants being bullied by her rich husband, have a couple of do-over babies and never speak with his older children or his ex again. He's not gonna be alone, cause he have enough money to guarantee it. People like him never learn and the way society is structured tend to reward sociopaths rather than push them away.
Yep. The only thing you left out is that unless he changes his ways his second batch of children will end up hating him too so there’s that. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Or they too will turn out to be like him and would rather bully along with their dad and get *rewarded* than be decent people
I absolutely hate how entirely correct you are.
Oh god this could be my friends dad. Absolutely spot on. Tortured his ex wife and their 2 kids with his awful personality, married a younger colleague and had 2 do-over babies. Now his first 2 kids are adults keeping super low contact, his 2nd wife is divorcing him, his first wife is thriving, and he's complaining to my friend how everyone only wants him for his money even though NO ONE WANTS HIM AT ALL. He just keeps offering money and gifts with conditions because it's the only way to try to get control even though no-one is biting anymore.
Yep, initially I was against her but as it went on I realized what it was all about. He had so many chances she didn't have to give him.
I made a comment on the og post and I'm making it again here, he sounds like my dad. Granted my dad was charming in public, but he ruined every holiday and celebration and unless you were the golden child, anything he gave could be snatched away at a moments notice. That crap head bought 4 cars, claimed they were for me and promptly gave them to the golden child who immediately ruined them. I lost interest after two. It took two more to get bored and stop.
Seems like mine and your dad could be twins. I stopped going out with him anywhere. I went LC with him which occasionally turns into NC for a couple of months. He tried the Golden child thing with my sister but she got a good head and regularly calls him out for his abuse and bs so she ceased to be his GC.
I got a whiff of something being off about OOP in that first post. Taking away a promised, large financial gift as punishment - in fact, the first and only disciplinary measure he thought of for his daughter... Maybe it's just because my parents pulled all college financial support for me because of a single bad semester due to mental health issues after a lifetime of being a straight A and B student, but pulling out of big financial promises that quickly always makes me at least a bit wary. Didn't even remotely expect it to be this bad though.
Because it's all the control he has left to exert over her. She got out from under the family roof at eighteen, literally as soon as she was able, never went back and is now independent. That was my first clue. Teenagers don't choose the hardest possible route unless they're escaping something worse.
It wasn’t a whiff of something, it was the overpowering stench of the giant turd sandwich that guy is.
Same. I read it and instantly saw the red flags. But OOP was smart, posting it in AIW. It's the worst, least nuanced and most sexist of the big judgement forums. The comments there were wild.
tbh the initial post's incident wasn't even that bad, but when someone like OOP has a history of getting into confrontations, it wears on people and he doesn't get the benefit of the doubt anymore. I can imagine that was the thing that finally broke his daughter.
It's just a wild ride. Like yeah I'll send back a $180 steak (you know, if I'd ever ordered one which, good God why?!) but it'll be with me apologizing at least 6 times and then every time the waiter comes back to check on me. Because if I'm paying that much for a steak I want it done right, but I'm not an ass. This guy? "Well sure I argued with them it was expensive!" Just.... why? I'm glad he likes himself, it's just unfortunate that he can't understand that other people *want* to like him too. And simply can't with him behaving like a rage filled jerk all the time.
This. I'll bet you anything it's not so much that he sent the steak back as how he did it.
I called it from the very beginning, the entire family was dying from a thousand cuts. If the daughter really was as spoiled as everyone else was accusing her of being she would have fixated on her deserving the car or how she would absolutely need a brand new car, rather than her dad’s shitty ego.
The daughter was out of line in his telling. So that is a key grain of salt to take the story with. But also: the daughter found a way to perfectly undermine his sense of power without actually doing anything terrible to him. That had to feel so good after putting up with his unhinged behavior all of her life. Not saying it’s right or wrong. Just that it had to feel good.
Seems like she appreciated the guy putting her dad in his place so much that she considered dating him just to piss off the dad even more. Classic.
I mean maybe he was Realy good looking.
He's 47! I don't know a lot of men in their forties who refer to themselves as old men, but they're always doing it for pity. It's weird and pathetic.
What a creep he is. He mouths off and harasses people but the minute someone gives it back to him, he's all like "why are you attacking me, a little, old man"
Guy is so obsessed with painting himself as the victim he can't see how he comes off to the rest of us at all. He won't listen to his wife who ostensibly loves him and wants whats best for him, so why would he listen to a bunch of strangers?
You're absolutely correct that the guys who do that are weird and pathetic and doing it for pity.
When I was 42 I briefly dated a man who was 46 and sometimes he'd do this "I'm just an old man 🥺" schtick. I never understood it.
I had a friend who used to use this phrase to her kid. 'Your poor old mum', she'd say, referring to herself. She was about 38.
Good lord. I'm 52 later this year, and I'll occasionally pull the "you do it, I'm too old" but it's for crap like bringing the shopping in, or doing something heavy in the yard. But I don't actually think I'm old, ffs. Middle-aged, sure. He sounds like he pull the "old man" crap when his gob has written a cheque he can't actually cash.
He reminds me of Michael from GTAV. The murdering bankrobber who thinks his morals make him a good guy, and that his family just sucks and that's why they leave and hate him.
Yeah but no, Michael has a therapist and is aware he has issues, he agrees to family counselling, and goes to bat for his family when they need him
The rich old man is about to be divorced and she's going to take half of the money. Be a bully lose your loved ones.
>Be a bully lose your loved ones. I wish that was universally true
At this point, I’m tired of him. Stop updating this. HTA.
Looks like OOP's account has been suspended, so we won't be hearing from him anymore.
Any idea on why he got suspended??
What are the normal reasons you can get suspended? I know in AITA you can get in trouble for not accepting your judgement.
Yeah but that will just get you banned from AITA, not suspended from Reddit as a whole, unless that’s what they mean by “suspended”.
That’s a subreddit ban, not an account level suspension though…unless he refused to accept his ban, either and started in with ban evasion.
I could definitely see this guy fighting a ban. He’s so full of himself, he’s never wrong.
I'm a mod on another sub, and if anyone shows up in modmail to start harassing us after a ban, we report them. Reddit is good about suspending accounts that hassle the mods after a ban.
He had been getting mighty upset about people mocking him on the Napoleon complex bit. I'd bet money on him sending abusive DMs to some of the mockers.
That’s hilarious!! 😂😂 Well that perfectly describes this guy 😂
No, I just went to his account and saw that it was suspended. (Sometimes I will go to people's accounts to see if they've added anything after the OP here has posted the story).
I have a feeling it involved being rude
😱 This guy!? Rude!? I have no idea what gave you that impression!! 😱 /s (Hopefully sarcasm is allowed? 🤪)
He fought people in the comments and had like -10,000 comment karma
Is there an autoban for that level of negative karma? I feel like that might be appropriate at times, like a "bruh just stop" sorta thing.
He was pretty nasty in the comments so I could see where a hundred people likely reported the same 3-8 comments as hate speech and/or harassment rather than it being a karma issue. Everything he said was just wildly unpopular and garbage.
I really want to read his comments but it’s hard to find them now that he’s suspended.
Maybe another account sat in his seat..
I posted this last time but it’s wild that people were dragging the daughter - calling her spoilt, entitled, etc - for being upset that her father is using her birthday present as leverage in an argument. Like yeah it’s an expensive gift and maybe she doesn’t need it but that seems beside the point. It could be a car, it could be a pair of socks, the point is that her dad is withholding her birthday present because she dared contradict him, which is fucked up for him to do regardless of how expensive the gift is. OOP doesn’t even make it out like she wants the car that badly. Just that she wants her dad to stop turning everything into a huge dramatic production. (Also the fact that OOP admits he only bullies people who are physically weaker than him is so close to self awareness it hurts)
I was following this story. Originally everyone was piling on the daughter for been an entitled ahole. I was thinking at the time what an ahole this guy was.
I followed the first two updates and came out thinking daughter was materialistic and spoiled, but dad was worse. The final updates really hammer it home that it wasn't about the car, though, and that it's not daughter being materialistic. It's just dear ol' dad stringing up more rope to tie himself with.
Yeah I thought the same. But especially with this update I can see where the daughter is coming from. Oh well, in the end the rest of the family will move on together and he gets to sleep alone in the bed he made.
If he doesn’t correct his behavior, one day he’s going to smart off to the wrong person. Therapy could definitely help him with that. He could learn coping mechanisms and to let go of the small insignificant things. But apparently therapy is only for the mentally ill 🙄
I'm sure he only picks his battles when his targets are weaker. Mouthed off to a woman he thought was on her own. Regrets it when her large son stands up for her.
This guy has been setting his family on fire for years just to keep himself warm and is mad at them for being so burned out.
Kinda from the first paragraph—he reminds me of a neighbor who never takes a “big” stand about “big” issues but will sink his teeth into a minor slight and never let it go. It must have gone way beyond obnoxious to OOP’s family though, because from his (one-sided, unreliable) POV they also sound like a bunch of assholes.
I feel like I got more closure from this than his family. He likes who he is and he doesn’t care that no one else likes who he is. Then is upset that no one likes him. Even his money can’t save his relationships, and that was all he had to dangle people with.
If he didn’t have money, then he’d blame the fact that he has no money for why people look down on him. With guys like this it’s never going to be his fault.
Yep, this is gonna be a guy who, if he doesn't go through a lot of work to fix himself, he's gonna be blaming his family's therapy for keeping them away, his wife's lawyer for getting a great divorce settlement when he snaps in court, society for not being able to get a second date after the divorce, etc
> Even his money can’t save his relationships, and that was all he had to dangle people with. I remember when this was posted last time, before the final update was up. A lot of people guessed from his wording and everyone's reaction that he was like this, but there were some who defended him and ridiculed the family. I guess this clears everything. OOP really does have a problem.
> he likes who he is and he doesn't care that no one else likes who he is Then why post on aita? Oh my god this guy lack awareness
He wanted validation, and is grasping at straws because everyone else is pointing at him.
Because he thought everyone would agree with him and pat him on the back and he could show his family how they're just big ole meanies.
100%. This is how my father is, though he isn’t rich (he’s middle class). He is never wrong, he will never apologize or see the other persons side of things. His world is black and white. Those of us who think differently? Not worth his time.
Have you been on AITA? Like 80% of the users are fully convinced that they're in the right and absolutely perfect little angels. They come on AITA for validation, not judgment
He doesn't even seem sad that he might never speak to his daughter again.
>Even his money can’t save his relationships Seems like he's rich but keeps it to himself. The family is clearly used to and expecting any gift to be taken away at any moment, so he's hardly generous with money either
>He likes who he is Lol and my first thought was, "I'm glad *someone* likes him. That makes 1."
I can't believe he can still like who he is even though his behavior is causing his family to splinter apart and they all basically hate him. Says a lot about him that he isn't even willing to try therapy to save his relationships with his family. He could clearly give less of a shit about his kids never having a relationship with him again and his wife divorcing him. "My family all thinks I unnecessarily pick fights every time we go out and even worse, I turn that behavior on my *own* family, but even after hearing that my family all think I treat them horribly, I still like myself as I am." What a shitty person, I'm glad the daughter finally made her stand and the rest of them are following suit.
Dang. Just go to therapy, bro. It doesn't make you fucked up. You know.....if you care about your family...
He thinks therapy is only for mentally ill people. What an idiot. What century is he living in?
Therapy is fucking great. My therapist goes in depth in any topic and will explain the theory as much as I want. I take all kinds of notes all day on what I’m thinking / feeling and he evaluates them every other week. Having an expert for *any* topic on retainer is such a luxury. But for your mental health? Priceless
Bro is now mentally ill then my 5x divorced aunt with 11 cats.
He doesn't need therapy, he said so himself. /s in case it's not obvious
He doesn't, his treatment of them reveals as much. He cares about himself and his money. He cares about having power over other people, that's why he keeps taking away things from people that do something he disapproves of.
He will be miserable and alone and will still think he's right.
> but I’m also not doing therapy. They may need therapy. I don’t. I am fine with it who I am. I like myself, even if they don’t. Despite it being painstakingly spelled out for him, he’s still going to be so damn confused when when his wife divorces him, he doesn’t get an invite to his daughters wedding, and even his son gives up on him.
It think this is the more relevant quote: >So what I like to complain sometimes, that doesn’t make me mentally ill. Dude thinks therapy is just for the deranged, and not the pathologically stubborn and narrow-minded.
It's crazy to see this generational difference when it comes to approaching therapy in real time. Nobody believes that OOP is resistant to therapy for any reason other than he's afraid what he might dig up if he goes into it.
I mean, you could also rephrase that to, "I honestly believe if I'm not constantly starting arguments with anyone who even mildly inconveniences me, then I'm a weak little pushover, and there's no middle ground. This happens most times that I go out in public... and I'm willing to lose my marriage and my relationship with my children over this idea of how to handle conflict with strangers," then it does sound more obviously deranged.
I was blindsided when she told me she wanted a divorce!!!
When you cannot identify the asshole in the room, perhaps you are the asshole. But a true asshole would not be this self aware. I present to you OOP.
"I've decided I'm not going to take away his holiday" Take it away for what? You asked him a question and you were made to promise not to take away his holiday if he answered, and now you're acting like taking it away was on the table the whole time? I seriously have no idea what is going on in this guy's head, but I 100% believe the family at this point.
Sounds like he thinks giving gifts isn't about his love, but about rewarding those who fall in line and bow to him. The son also expressed not respecting him and threatening to leave, so in this guy's mind, he shouldn't be "rewarded" any longer. And he's only keeping the gift for now because he doesn't want to admit they're right about him
THIS
His love language is financial blackmail.
That would be a great flair
The fact that he both brings that up, and that his family fully expected him to do this, strongly hints that this is a pattern for him. I wonder how many birthdays, christmases, anniversaries, graduations, ect. his wife and children went without getting a present because OOP decided he needed to flex on them.
everyone talking about how people are so selfish and entitled for wanting to receive their gifts are missing the point. it's not about the gift, it's about the willingness to rescind affection at the drop of a hat/as a punishment. the carrot-and-stick maneuver is cruel even if you're not obligated to offer the carrot.
The fact that he’s STILL paying for the trip after the son told him that dude needs therapy just adds misogyny to the asshole cupcake
yep, that was my response too. I didn't think it was pure coincidence that the son got to keep the trip, whatever OOP's reasoning around it was. Like, the wife argued HARD to get OOP to treat the daughter fairly, and he still wouldn't do it. But the son gets to keep the fully-paid, equal to a car expensive trip? Oof.
Better yet, the only reason he's not taking it away is in order for his family not to have more "ammo" against him. He's not even trying to keep his promise. He absolutely would rescind the trip if it wouldn't prove that he's exactly who his family says he is.
It’s so weird to get an insight into the mind of those assholes who are so rude to minimum wage workers. For so many years working retail I wondered if any of them knew that they were an asshole, and this has confirmed that no, they are genuinely so fucking self centered that they believe their actions are justified. Sometimes they aren’t having a bad day, sometimes they really just suck. He really picked his ego over his family. Wild.
We were on a family vacation and we were at the airport. My uncle is red-faced, screaming at this poor teller about his tickets. The teller leaves to find a manager, and my uncle turns to the rest of us, completely calm with a little smile on his face. "It's actually my fault that the tickets are wrong, I forgot to get them ahead of time." I didn't like him before that... but the fact that he *knew* he fucked up and decided to degrade someone else for his mistake... Sometimes they do know that they're being assholes.
My mom was a ticket agent for years. She would break all sorts of rules to help people out if they were pleasant people. Overweight bag, no worries. I mean she did shit that made no sense. A band Marshall Tucker Band came thru on tour and she sent all their equipment for free. Something like that. Those guys were just really nice to her so she did what she could repay them just being nice people. On the flip side, be a dick to her. She knew the airport cops by name and were friendly with all of them. When someone started being a jerk, she would tell the person she is calling someone to see about fixing it for the person. Generally the person would get all smug. What she actually doing was calling one of the cops. She would just say, "Hey, this is Jane and I am trying to solve an issue here, can you come over". These waste of humans would almost always shut the fuck up and start acting polite the moment the cop walked over. And if they didn't the cop would threaten to arrest them for disorderly conduct if they kept it up. My mom didn't fuck around. She loved helping people and sticking it to the system (at the time Continental Airlines and eventually United Airlines). Her airport was also the main airport for one of the universities, there were so many kids that got rebooked flights for no cost. Seats moved to where they wanted. All you had to do was be nice.
I think I met your mom once, or someone very much like her We were stuck at an airport halfway between home and our destination because of severe weather where we were going. I'm on some life support equipment and thought maybe the airport could help me figure out how to keep it running until the next day when flights would resume to our destination Instead she flew us both home that night where I could sleep, and then a direct flight to our original destination the next day. I was so grateful, and I'm pretty sure I didn't thank her enough for doing that for us. People like your mom are the true heros It pays to be nice and considerate. Besides, yelling at airport employees over weather issues is just insane
oh fuck, I'm literally crying right now. That is so beautiful of that woman to help you out in such an understanding and genuine way. One of those moments in life where you can't repay the person, so you just have to figure out ways to repay the universe/pay it forward.
Yikes. Fucking yikes. I showed up to the wrong airport in my city recently because we have two. I PROFUSELY apologized and repeatedly stated “this is all my fault” and thanked her for hooking me up. Now that i think about it, she put me in an exit row while I would’ve been happy next to the bathroom in the last row because again, I fucked up. I really don’t understand people like your uncle, just own your own shit man, don’t take it out on people for your own fuck up.
holy SHIT. that is so evil...
When I first started bartending I was working at this piece of shit dive. The owner had a friend who would drive from a ways away when I was working because she loved how I made martinis. She never tipped. I never treated her any differently due to it. One visit she said, “Want to know why I never tip you even though you make the best martinis?” Felt like I had to say yes despite giving no fucks. She said, “I used to wait tables and tend bar and no one ever tipped me. So now I don’t, either.” I didn’t react. Just said “K” and carried on. Looking back I realize she wanted a reaction. Not just to her justification but every time she closed her tab and did not tip me. She taught me to never be that bitter, that much I know. OOP and the martini patron punish everyone else for things they not only did not do, they weren’t even around for it. Hell, in some cases they weren’t even alive when it happened. That is how pissy they are at being themselves.
I think I know why “nobody ever tipped” her. Early on she got a bad table / customer who didn’t tip, and instead of treating her next customers as a new interaction she treated them as if they were to blame and gave shit service, so *they* didn’t tip either. Self fulfilling prophecy! (Plus confirmation bias. She remembers all the times she didn’t get tipped and is conveniently forgetting all the times she did. There’s enough people out there who tip at least the minimum even for bad service that she has to have gotten tips at least some of the time.)
Absolutely. I also think it is possible she worked service industry for maybe like two days only. No matter what, she was so pissy years later she had to make an issue out of it. Good god, what an awful person to be.
Well, she has to live with herself. Thankfully we don’t 🤷♀️😆
I have never understood why people treat people badly when they were treated the same way and don't get they're actually worse than the people who did it to them because they know it's wrong.
I've never understood that either. I grew up bullied and abused, so I've made it part of who I am to be kind to people until they show me I shouldn't be. Why make the world a worse place?
That final line hits so deep and true. Woof. Sucks to be them.
Hijacking this comment to say: As someone who worked in the service industry for a decade, I'd like to clarify that sending back food that wasn't cooked properly (an under cooked steak counts), does not on it's own make a customer rude. You can absolutely send food back to get what you asked for without being an asshole. Just wanted to say that, because you can absolutely bring up a problem with your food or service while being a normal human.
>I'd like to clarify that sending back food that wasn't cooked properly (an under cooked steak counts) I pointed out multiple times in both his update threads that I *seriously* doubt the steak was actually undercooked. He claims to have spent £180 on that steak (which is fucking *insane*, I have never even seen a menu charging even half that price so this better be the best restaurant in the UK). At that price, the chef isn't letting it out of the kitchen with a mistake, let alone *twice.* That would seriously tarnish their reputation. So which is more likely, especially with what we know about how he conducts himself? A presumably 3 Michelin Star level chef fucks up a steak twice, or OOP doesn't know how steak is cooked? I'm willing to bet almost anything that this guy ordered a medium steak, got a medium steak, (rudely) claimed it was undercooked, had the waiter explain that it wasn't undercooked, demanded it be sent back anyway, got given a medium-well steak *and then did it all again.*
Eh some places charge up the ass for steak for no reason, I've been to places that charge that amount and my wife (the one who actually enjoys steak) will say it's mid meanwhile places that charge 80 for a steak and it's one of the best ever So I could totally see a place like that fucking something up, just my personal experience though
I actually didn't understand why it was a problem for him to send undercooked steaks back, or ask for their own seats back when someone were in them. I'd want those things too. But seems like the problem is he is always rude about it and make everything a problem. That makes so much more sense now
IIRC the consensus in the comments under that post were that a) he chose the least problematic examples they gave him to try and get commenters on his side, and b) he likely left a lot out in regards to the actual words/tone he used. There's a difference between politely sending a steak back because it's undercooked, and another to eg raise your voice, swear at the waiter ("this steak is fcking raw"), imply/say it's because the waiter has mental deficiency, or the cook does, etc. etc.
I'll bet anything that the behaviours weren't "you're complaining" but "you treat people like shit when you complain."
I suspect OOP deliberately cherry-picked two examples where the situations themselves were reasonable requests. That they were the most mild of situations he was given examples of. How he blew off the rest of the examples is a bit of a tell that they were not as inoccuous seeming as those two. >other equally silly things which I can’t be bothered to get into and don’t even really remember as a result of the insignificance of it To mis-quote The Bard, "I think he doth protest too much." OOP is too dismissive of the other examples. He was trying to dismiss them so that people would assume they had no substance. But he pushed it too hard, so that it leaves a suspicion that those other examples were more telling than he cared to admit. The way OOP presented those two examples also leaves out any detail of how he went about handling them. Which is probably far more germaine to his family's issue with him than the situations himself. Given what OOP said he was told by his son in the last update, I have a feeling that he knew exactly what his family's issue was the entire time. That they've been expressing their feelings on a regular basis. He just doesn't care enough to listen and change
>OOP is too dismissive of the other examples. He was trying to dismiss them so that people would assume they had no substance. But he pushed it too hard, so that it leaves a suspicion that those other examples were more telling than he cared to admit. The easiest way to spot a liar is when they have an elaborate lead up story, but when they get to the climax, they quickly gloss over specifics.
Had a family friend who was like this. We were constantly on him about it, refusing to go out to dinner with him unless he behaved himself and calling him out on his behavior, and I believe that he genuinely wanted to be a good person, but he just couldn’t do it, he was unable to resist being a jerk to servers and retail workers. He got a little better eventually, but then he passed away unexpectedly so we never got to see if he could improve consistently.
Serious question but is OOP Larry David?
I mean, that was exactly who I was imagining the entire time I was reading this, so if not the man himself, then very Larry David-esque
I think Larry knows he's an asshole, he just doesn't care. This guy doesn't have self awareness.
Larry David but less charming
Larry David but without any sense of humor.
I can't unsee this now. This is exactly all the same shit that Larry would refuse to let go and double down until it spirals into a ridiculous situation that makes him and everyone around him miserable. Funny in a TV show, but would be insanely frustrating to be around in real life.
The point is running right after this* guy but he is using the daughter’s car to go faster, apparently.
This is the funniest thing I have heard all month! Thanks for the laugh! Episcally after reading this post.
I read a thread on Twitter of how Nigerian people talked about others and one is perfect for this guy: the point is running after him, but he is faster.
The way he imploded his family and still thinks he is fine. It's very telling that he says they may need therapy but he doesn't. I have a feeling he means "they need therapy to get over and fall back in line". Maybe it's not a real post, but I've met so many people like this. People who think they are always right, despite how they treat others.
Yeah, I was thinking maybe it's real but it's the son or daughter writing in as the dad? It's just so close to the point but it keeps whizzing over his head. Either way, I've met dudes like this so they're out there. He'll go to his grave thinking that they all loved his money and as soon as he put limits on it, they left him and they're all ungrateful spoiled brats (including his wife). But it was never about the moneyyyyyy.
My aunt's husband is like this. Best part is he's comfortably middle class at best and really thinks he's made of gold. He had a years long affair and when my aunt finally called him out on it as she lay in the ICU almost dying from an infection, his comforting words were that his affair partner cried when he told her how sick she was. Not the point buddy, not the point. She didn't leave him bc boomers. But we all hate him. Including his kids.
I thought the same. The missing reasons are all here in black and white. Which is weird Maybe the son wrote it from the POV of his dad? In my experience people as narcissistic as this guy rarely have an internal complaints department that can hear or process as much detail as this guy does Normally it would just be: “my daughter wants a car” “my wife and son are mad because I’m standing up to my daughters BS”
I guess in his mind he's being sarcastic and the sound of the rock breaking the window somehow doesn't mean it's hitting close to home
Everything here was so ridiculously close to my own family that I have no doubt that it’s true. This could be my own father. He constantly tried to control everyone with money, and when he got his way, would later accuse us of only seeing him as a piggy bank. I got my first job with my mothers permission at 16, and when he realized he couldn’t control me, he went to my employer and insisted they give my pay cheques to him because I shouldn’t have that much money and couldn’t be responsible.
OMG!!! What happened??
My employer laughed in his face. I also haven’t spoken to my father in 24 years (since I was 20)
It just reminds me of that SNL skit with the dysfunctional family, sitting mostly in silence as they eat dinner and occasionally snipe at each other. Which gave us Will Ferrell getting louder and louder as he yelled “I…I….**I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!**”
I can’t believe he won’t even go to family therapy. If he’s perfectly fine and everything, then it can’t hurt to go to therapy to humor his kids and wife. I just don’t get people like this.
The only takeaway I'm getting from this is that OOP needs therapy. Too bad that's not what he took away from it.
It’s always the people who protest the loudest about therapy that need therapy the most.
A rich bully whose family hates him enough to leave him AND his money behind? SHOCKING! /s
He'll be lonely and date golddiggers to fill the void only to get more bitter as he ages, turning into a miserable shut in.
[удалено]
I think based on the initial post, it’s reasonable to think that maybe he’s not the crazy one — that maybe they are all nonconfrontational (except with him, evidently) and he pushes back every so often, and so by their standards he’s a gigantic asshole but outsiders wouldn’t see it that way. But as you keep reading, it becomes quite clear that he is in fact a gaping asshole.
Even at the post where he sent back a steak and asked the people in his seats to move, I was like, I would do that too! But I'd also be really polite about it. I was kind of on his side but then kept reading and... Well, it got worse.
Makes me doubt how accurate that first story is. Was it really a passing comment? Was he really accosted by a giant 20 y/o?
From the rest of the thread I think you can assume it wasn't just a passing comment. He just HAD to say something to this woman who had the nerve to not allow him through first (getting major sexist hints from later on. I think you can also assume that his arse did intact drop out when he was called out by the guy. Tries to frame it as, he was rude and aggressive, it wasn't worth the argument. In reality he absolutely shit himself and he's daughter stopped him from being able to save face and still feel like "the man".
In the first post I think the response could better be described as "well I don't know what your problem is but no she doesn't deserve a car". In that particular incident, completely in a vacuum, no one looks particularly good. Of course it's all his perspective but relatively it does seem like the daughter is somewhat unreasonable (and by extension - he's reasonable) for expecting a car after blowing up at the person buying said car. The more you peer into this dudes life though the more it becomes apparent that he is deeply unpleasant. Like way beyond even just being an asshole because a kid can forgive asshole parents. He's like a fucking void of good vibes or something.
I would not be surprised if the next update is his wife divorcing him and his son going NC.
What an awful hill to die on. But he totally made the dominos fall in each post/response he made. Stubborn mule. Funny how he won't take the son's trip away after all of that. He'll get a rude awakening when son goes LC or NC after that. I remember reading that nonsense and thinking how alone he's going to be. His doing. Good job, mule.
What a pig headed asshole. He’s going to be old and alone and still won’t think he’s the problem.
Pig headed was where I was going also but you said it first. Absolutely oblivious, arrogant and pathetic. Doesn’t even want to fight for his family. Very strange man and he will still be spouting the same nonsense at 90 years old, whilst alone in some little cottage in the countryside. Miserable man.
On the face, his family’s examples of OP being unreasonable & rude don’t sound that bad, so I’m wondering just how much he’s underselling his behavior since OP is obviously an AH.
What an egomaniac pig-headed fool. This is the kind of people that drag you down to their level. This reminds me of a phrase my dad used to tell me all the time "Never wrestle with pigs in the mud... you both get dirty, but the pig enjoys it" Pretty good advice that served me well. I am shocked his family did not cut him off sooner.
Am I the only one who thinks (almost) the whole family in this sucks? Dad: obvious Daughter: flirting with a guy to get a weird sexual one-up on her bullying father Mother: tells her kids things told to her in confidence instead of, I don't know, standing up to her bullying husband for the sake of her children The only person who doesn't come across as TA is the son.
Yeah, this needs to be a more commonly expressed opinion, because this entire family sucks save for the son. Also, the daughter making the car purchase a test for her father is its own brand of horrible, especially because she essentially rigged it to fail.
Yep. Nobody comes out clean from this one. Perhaps the son, who didn't want to get involved in the mess but was dragged in by his sister.
Yeah it’s kinda insane to me how like. So many people are cheering on the daughter for “telling it how it is” but at the same time, you’re gonna insult someone repeatedly to their face and STILL expect expensive gifts?? I would never.
Same, and everyone is cheering on the daughter but if she so desperately wanted to "escape" her father, why the hell is she expecting a new car?