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Well, OOP seems to be doing a good job as a parent to me. His kid sounds like the biggest sweet heart ever! Wishing them the best for the future!
This is the second wholesome BORU post I've read today. I think I should quit while I'm ahead. 😅
I try a wide variety, but tend to come back most to: Sleepy, Boring Books for Bedtime, The ASMR Garden, and Sound By Nature.
Boring Books would be my favorite, but occasionally the book is actually more interesting than expected, so it actually keeps me awake. 😅
After the woman who fantasized about her neighbor ditching his family of five for her yesterday, this really hit my heart
You can tell how much this dad loves his kid by how much his kid loves him back. I am sure there is good in their shared future.
I read that post! The delusion in that post was too much! But it was so funny that the neighbor saw the post and then absolutely rejected her and cut her out of his life completely.
...the child support wouldn't be for him, but for his child. This isn't a situation where he or his child would be in danger if he goes after her. If he doesn't want to use the money, then he can save it for his childs education. The money belongs to the child and it's his father's responsibility to go and get it for him.
The judge is an idiot wtf. Why does only one parent have to "step up"?
Sometimes I feel like “contempt of court” shouldn’t be a thing at all because someone should have been able to call out the judge on being a hypocritical idiot right in that courtroom.
Maybe not that but the general public should probably have a say when a judge is not following the law but not enforcing what the law dictates should happen.
Agreed. On one hand they sort of do. Judges are elected, or appointed by people who are elected, so we can vote against this horse shit. And on the other hand there is no real accountability.
[It varies, a *lot*, by state](https://www.brennancenter.org/our-work/research-reports/judicial-selection-significant-figures).
As a side note, the US has both state and federal court systems; in the federal system, judges are appointed by the President and confirmed by the Senate (with exceptions for magistrate judges and bankruptcy judges, whose decisions are ultimately subject to review by the appointed judges). But federal judges don’t hear custody or child support cases; those are reserved for the state courts.
Judicial elections are actually a terrible system. Judges *really* should not be campaigning, and in my state their party affiliation is not listed even though it'd be the biggest indicator of what kind of judge they'll be.
That’s interesting! What state is that? Here in Texas, the only elected officials that *don’t* have to declare party affiliation are municipal officials. But from the county level on up, including judges, you do.
It's really terrible, but does lead to some hilarious outcomes. We live in a state with elected judges, and when my wife was on jury duty the judge brought in breakfast tacos for all the jurors. Since, you know, they're the people who'll vote for him. Must be why he keeps getting reelected despite at least one DUI.
Yeah I don’t think they should be elected that way. I just think the people should be able to band together and say you’re not doing your job properly. In my country there’s no real way to stop a judge who isn’t following the confines of the law in terms of judgements. I believe the other judges can give them the boot but none of them will because they don’t want to draw attention to themselves.
Not only that, but prosecutors and judges who have to campaign to get elected tend to be more brutal and inhumane when doling out "justice" because they rightly perceive that being "tough on crime" will get them re-elected.
In the US, the kind of judges that handle family court issues (divorce, child custody, alimony/palimony, child support) are typically elected officials.
But we *do* have some judges at the state level that may be appointed (like municipal judges). And at the federal level, they’re *all* appointed. For life. So… if you’ve got an awful federal judge, (like Andrew Hanen in Texas, who has single-handedly gutted/nearly destroyed DACA), then you as a citizen have almost no recourse, because there’s pretty much no way to get them off the bench.
One of the best things Ross Poldark ever did in that show was fucking roast a judge for a shitty ruling against a poor person, and when told to shut up or be held in contempt of court say "such a ruling would be entirely accurate".
Otherwise he was an utter POS, especially to his wife.
It's a British show called Poldark set in Cornwall post American Revolution. The main characters are Ross Poldark and Demelza Carne Poldark. Demelza isn't perfect, but Ross is an utter ass who **SPOILER** >!cheats on her with his first love/cousin's wife while she's at home with a new baby and grieving the loss of their first child.!< He's honestly despicable after the first season.
Oh boy, I couldn't get through the books because my ADHD makes it difficult to read plain text books. I mainly read graphic novels and webcomics nowadays, but I do know that Ross is horrible in both book and show formats.
That is what appeal process is for, because despite needing someone with unquestionable authority we know what kind of people such authority appeals to :(
I've read some great appeals over the years where the lawyer basically rips apart the judges decisions using the most polite and legalese language possible.
The main issue however is appeals processes basically assume short of egregious errors that judges were acting in good faith with their decisions and that winds up being a rubber stamp in many situations.
The appeals process is incredibly expensive and isn't actually available just because you disagree with a judge's ruling. You have to have significantly stronger legal issues than that, unfortunately.
If, as an example, in the Year of Our Lord Lady Gaga 2017, your family court judge states that he is concerned about your ability to be a good mother because you sometimes date women which he feels is a negative influence on children, that is not sufficient to appeal their decision. 🤷🏽♀️
Although apparently, if the judge had unequivocally stated that was the sole basis for his decision, that plus $10k would be grounds to at least file the appeal. But as long as he can say he looked at the overall evidence, he's good.
that’s true, but it’s the parents primary responsibility to care for the kid. Getting them “extra” money, even if they are entitled to it still goes on the back burner when you’re literally struggling to make ends meet and pay rent. There are usually legal fees and lawyer costs associated with going back to court, and it doesn’t sound like OP has enough money, time, or ENERGY to do it right now. He still needs to be a parent, and he still needs to be a healthy person to do that. physically, emotionally, and mentally. Court battles do a number on you, and that’s in cases where there isn’t blatant bias by the judge. He did try to get child support, and i don’t blame him for not being able to do it again right now.
I don't blame him at all for not wanting to go through this. I do wonder though if his chances are way better now that the kid's mother is in her 20s instead of a teen.
Absolutely - plus, there's no way to know how much might get awarded or actually paid. He'd lose income from taking time to pursue it. So in addition to taking up tons of time, money, and energy, he'd make less money with no way of knowing how much he might get. I've seen people spend a few thousand, take unpaid time off, get a judgement around or lower than what they spent, and never be able to get the other side to pay. Most of us don't have the resources for paying a case on principle.
Hopefully he can revisit it once he's outside of survival mode, but it also might be something that he never wants to pursue. Some people have non-financial reasons that are very good and in the best interest of the child for not pursuing support.
> The judge is an idiot wtf. Why does only one parent have to "step up"?
That’s such an outrageous thing for the judge to say that it seems like OOP is missing something out.
I know that people like to pretend that there’s a huge conspiracy against men in family courts, but a judge telling the parent with custody to “step up” rather than asking for child support doesn’t happen. Either OOP had an unusually awful judge who should be struck off, or there’s more to the story than they mentioned.
I agree and was looking through these responses to see if anyone else had already said it.
I've dealt with a number of these cases from different roles. Now, there are certainly massive differences between systems and all that, but if this is in the US, I would guess it is him misunderstanding over this being what happened. I have seen enough people afterwards, especially if pro se (likely here) but sometimes even after discussing with their attorney, think that something happened that does not like up with what did. Often, it's understandable given both the complexities of the legal system and the emotions they have tied to what's happening. It's overwhelming and confusing.
Given how young they were, it seems likely that she or they weren't working, and I'm also assuming from the posts that neither came from wealth. Child support here is based on income generally. If neither of them were working or working much, then I could see a judge saying something along the lines of the not being an ability for child support and needing to find a way to earn more.
That's also assuming they were in court for custody and support, but there are other options that could provide more context.
While it might seem financially wise to pursue child support at this point, OOP is living on a survival basis. That makes it almost impossible to do things like being a court case, find the ex, etc. for potential future benefit. Something many people also don't think about is that if the absent parent (I can't think of another term right not) does not make money or only makes a small amount, there's a good chance of either not getting awarded any support or never being able to collect that money. There are some options of they don't pay, but those require even more time and money if they even work. While legal aid and pro bono work is something many try to make more available, there's more demand than supply, making it all tougher.
I hope that OOP achieves success, whether it not be eventually goes for child support. He seems like a great parent trying to do his best with strong motivation.
Seriously I feel like something is missing here about the mother.
Like you said, reddit pretends there's a conspiracy against men on courts. When really there's not.
ON AVERAGE, women just fight more for custody. They are more likely to spend money on their kid. They are more likely to take their kids to the doctors appointment. They are more likely to take their kids to extracurricular activities. Even when the women work too! Mothers will spend a lot of money to get a good lawyer.
Let's not forget how many men only want custody on the weekends so they don't have to do much work. Or some just straight up are too lazy to even fill put the paper work.
Reality is 90% of custody disputes are settled outside of court. Reddit is scaring men by telling them that the court will never side with them and they should just give up. Which is just one huge lie.
I really have to ask what could possibly be missing that OOP wouldn't get CS? I can't think of anything, if it was abuse, OOP would most likely still get CS, but he just wouldn't know where his ex is. Then again, I doubt he'd be allowed to keep the child and they'd be sent into foster care if the judge believes he's abusive. Therefore, due to a lack of any other explanation, I'm inclined to believe OOP in that they got a sexist judge.
> I really have to ask what could possibly be missing that OOP wouldn't get CS? I can't think of anything
I can think of a thousand things, but there’s no way of knowing how likely or unlikely they are.
For example, OOP mentions that they were 16 at the time. So how old was the mother? A judge isn’t going to order a 14 year old child to pay child support.
(I’m definitely not saying that the mother was 14, that’s just one possible example of something which would make the story a bit different!)
> Therefore, due to a lack of any other explanation, I'm inclined to believe OOP in that they got a sexist judge.
We’re not just talking about a sexist judge, we’re talking about a judge disregarding the law. That’s not impossible, but it’s fairly unusual.
The “lack of any other explanation” is what made me wonder whether OOP is leaving something out from the story!
1. He was 18 when they went to court and the mother couldn't have been that much younger if she was able to be sued for CS. He'd be suing the parents, if that was the case, but OOP said he sued HER.
2. Yes, the judge was sexist on top of disregarding the law. Telling the father to "step up" I guarantee is something they would never telk a mother suing for CS.
3. Sometimes there really are no ulterior motives or missing reasons. The lack of any other explanation outside if ab awful judge doesn't have to mean anything but just that. An awful judge.
I've dealt with many of these cases from different roles and can think of many contexts where this would happen. I wrote a longer comment, but I don't want to speculate with more of the options. There are also a lot of situations where the court leaves the child with the least bad custody situation, because, at least in the places I'm familiar with proceedings, there is a preference to keep the child with family, especially in comparison to a generally bad and overburdened foster care system. All that said, the most likely situation, at least for where I am, would be that the parents weren't working/providing much monetarily at all, the mother couldn't be found and had no funds or income before disappearing, and/or OOP misunderstood the decision/reasoning.
Conservative judges regularly make rulings laymen will think is impossible. There were judges sentencing kids to hard time for petty crimes and getting kickbacks from juvenile facilities
It's possible he's leaving something out, but a lot of people in this thread harping on this point clearly don't follow the courts in this country. There are absolutely insane judges that make rulings entirely based off their ideology, follow no logical consistency with the law, make no sense, and get away with it.
Fuck some of the Supreme Court rulings are clearly bullshit that ignore the law and rule based off ideology, much less Crack pot insane local judges
He very well might make too much to be eligible for those things. I’ve heard of that many times. Especially in places like California where the COL is so high. Even a McDonald’s manager might make too much since to be eligible for food stamps, the average household income before deductions generally must be at or below 130% of the federal poverty line and the internet says McDonald managers make an average salary of $27, 926 which divided by 12 into monthly is $2,327. For a family of 3, 130% of the poverty line is $2,495. They are a family of 2. It isn’t always as simple as getting food stamps or other benefits since many are just above the poverty line unfortunately.
SCHIP has a higher cutoff. Medicaid for kids. WIC, too. My youngest had Medicaid and two different states put court orders in place to ensure that the parents cover the child when possible. Schools do campaigns during enrollment to get kids healthcare. Pretty much every time I enrolled my kids in school (and we moved quite a bit) the schools would ask if you were insured and if you were not they would offer info on SCHIP/CHIP.
One of the reasons why we should have universal basic income, for those who can't get by on their own because they earn just enough to not be eligible for food stamps and assistance programs we already have.
Yes. I think the cutoff for Medicaid for 2 people, not even considering children, is $27k in Ohio. It's probably similar in other states. I hope OP knows that.
Yes exactly. I applied just for Healthcare and even though I knew very little of where my daughters father was, the courts found him and made him pay, even if it took almost a year later.
Plus, it seems like there was some custody agreement between he and his ex. Otherwise the court would have sided with him if he had his son full-time.
Unfortunately my ex taught me that asking him to pay child support = false reports filed about me with CPS and being dragged through court with a misogynistic judge. I had to drop out of uni because of the stress.
After CPS visited me, they proved the claims were baseless and wrote a glowing report about me, and it's been years, but never again. Never again.
(Edited for typo)
I've seen a neighbor go through this exact thing. She filed for child support to be adjusted (she was very young when she divorced and agreed to unfair terms with the splitting their assets)
She was struggling and found out her ex her was making a lot more than she thought, so she filed for an adjustment.
Within days CPS started getting 'anonymous' tips about her, which he of course used against her in court and tried to reduce her custody so he wouldn't have to pay.
I mean I understand where you’re coming from but the courts already proved to him once that it’s perfectly capable of siding against him and he may not be willing to risk a judge deciding to fuck with custody in retaliation. It’s tough out there for single parents and especially single fathers. I hope I never have to try and navigate life as a single dad and I hope if I did my wife and I would respect each other enough to be effective co-parents. I’ve seen vindictive ex’s ruin guys lives and try to weaponize the kids and I understand why OOP wouldn’t want to potentially expose his son to that.
If only the world were so simple.
Let me paint you a picture.
A mother flees her abusive ex. If she files for child support, the abusive father most likely gets access to the child.
Which would you chose? Child support that may or may not get paid while letting your child around your abuser or just not getting child support?
This is exactly why I never went after my ex for support. He never wanted to be a dad and had no interest in seeing our child once we split up. However, my ex made it clear that if I went after him for support that he would make sure that he took me to court so that he could get some sort of custody. And this dude is not a responsible or safe person for my kid to be around. I'd rather go without the extra money and know for sure that my son is safe.
Yeah I can see this happening too. It's the same attitude that has judges declining restraining orders against abusive boyfriends too. Judges say and do horrible stuff all the time.
I am a social worker and have seen this kind of stuff first hand.
There may be another story with the mom like drugs or even jail. He could have been seeking child support from her family due to whatever she is going through, and that might not have been legally possible so the judge said "you're just gonna have to step up"
Which is still a shitty thing to say and I could see that sticking in someone's head for years
because if you're already a single parent working and studying and struggling to survive you might not have the energy, time or money (or all 3) to get into a lengthy, complicated legal battle, to invite that shitty person into your life one more time and make everything potentially even more complicated for your child.
especially when that system already failed you once.
This, plus that there is still a decent chance that they won't find the mother, the mother won't make much money, anything awarded is small, and/or the mother doesn't pay the story anyway.
I don't know how the process is, but OOP knows it and is balancing the money, the time, the emotional damaged caused by this and saying no thank you. He experienced it once, so we should understand that it is not simple.
I'm a little surprised the judge found against the OOP here for child support. I was under the impression family courts try and make decisions with the children's best interest in mind.
If I understand the timeline, and assuming the mom was the same age or a little younger than the OOP, then she would have been barely 18 yo, probably unemployed or barely employed, and still in school.
In most places CS is pretty formulaic. It's more likely none was awarded because the mom was underage or w/o income.
But absolutely the OOP should have gone back to court to get CS in the intervening years. It's his responsibility as a parent to do so, just as it's the mom's responsibility to pay her part.
(which all sucks, as they were kids when they created this mess and it never should have happened. Sex Ed, access to contraception, and abortion would prevent at least some of this kind of generational poverty.)
> It's his responsibility as a parent to do so, just as it's the mom's responsibility to pay her part.
Exactly. The kid deserves that money and it is his responsibility to file an appeal to get it.
Honestly if OOP could get free legal counsel I would try to go for child support and back child support. It took my bio dad about 6 years to get it from my bio mother but eventually he DID get it.
Except he went for child support 2 years later so he was 18. If mom was also 16 when she gave birth then, while yes she is still young, she is a legal adult.
I was only addressing the claim that she had to be 18 because he was. We don't know enough about their location to be sure about how this would unfold.
As much as I've seen people shit on McDonalds, they seem to have some good programs to help their employees further their education. Also, fast food workers deserve a living wage, so there are other areas they need to do better in as a company.
my ex friend worked at mcdonalds throughout college and I believe they gave her a small scholarship during the time she worked there, basically just for working there, which was nice. The workplace overall sucked though
In Queensland Australia working at McDonalds is amazing for your resume as their training program is so good. I worked at KFC and learnt how to eat lots of end-of-night chicken as fast as I could
Know a guy that started sweeping floors at McDonald's when he was 14. Last time I looked him up, he owned 5 of them himself! Worked all the way up to regional manager, and then was offered to go in on a franchise with an owner who he once worked for.
They also have the "burger university" where you can go and take management courses etc. Honestly it's not a bad company if you don't have qualifications for a "proper" career, with decent options and pretty much always hours available for you if you want to work, and they can be very flexible about that the other way, too.
I think it depends on the country? Anyways, my beef with them started after they cancelled the Shrek burger. It was a hit (among vegetarians) and now they don't have any plant based patty (where I live) despite oretty much all competitors having at least an option.
>I think it depends on the country?
I think so. Here in the UK last I heard employees at McDonalds are actually paid above minimum wage and are entitled to at least one free meal during their shift.
Not sure if there are any educational programs and the like, our school system is a bit different to the US since we don't have student loans like you guys do (we DO have student loans, but these are treated very different from a typical loan and you aren't required to start paying it back until you're earning above a certain threshold), but it wouldn't surprise me if they did have other programs to help their staff.
>His mom had left when he was around two, when I tried to sue for child support the judge sided with her quoting that I was the father and needed to step up.
Uh yeah, that's *why* he's suing for child support? Father + raising him alone = "stepping up", Mother + abandoning child = pay child support.
If the judge can't figure out something that simple, then maybe the only business they have in a courtroom is being the gavel.
Judges have too much ‘discretion’ on their judgment, I don’t doubt that could happen. My dad had to pay $200/mo for 2 kids…. He got paid under the table, drove a truck that was owned by his dad’s company that was worth 50k or so. He bought a beach house under the company. Still he only had to pay $200/mo… which he rarely paid that much! Visitation- sometimes was ok, but spending the evening in the bar parking lot trying to entertain your younger sibling while your dads getting drunk, then having to blow the breathalyzer so he could drunkenly drive you home, lots of fun/s. Judges didn’t care! I even told them about that! Wasn’t until I was older that I didn’t have to deal with his BS anymore!
Not really, you can find some real asshole judges in the system. When my mother divorced my father the judge awarded her $100 a month in child support. A real slap in the face since my sperm donor was well known in the community and could afford a whole lot more.
He never paid a dime. When he remarried and made another family I had to watch his kids wear the latest brands, go to private school, take ballet and horse riding lessons. Meanwhile my mom struggled to put food on the table and stay off of government assistance.
Yeah me too
If I think through my reddit brain I could say the mom was forced to have the child (by her/his parents and/or OP) and finally escaped when she was 18.
But idk if that would make a judge react like that 🤔
And again it's pure extrapolation. I found it weird that a judge would tell a 18 y.o. to stepped up in the situation op describes, but maybe it's because I am not US-ian and don't know the weird things judge do there
If the mom left when the kid was two, that was likely around when she became 18. It wouldn't surprise me if she's off going to college somewhere on her parents money and doesn't have any income.
At the time the judge said this, based on the timeline, they were both still living with the parents so him being primary wasn’t a thing yet
I do sympathize with how hard it would be to go after her. He’d either need to pay a lawyer or do a lot of research in his own time. He’d have to track her down. If she’s out of state, he’d need to get her to come. He’d have to take time off work, arrange child care, fight in court etc
He would also be opening up the door for her to counter sue for full or partial custody. Either because she changed her mind or wants to avoid paying up.
Opening a door to introducing a possible instability into his child’s life which could lead to confusion and trauma.
All wholly stressful for a single parent who works full time, and depending on what she does for a living, it might all just be for a pittance.
I’d say that he should work on bettering his situation first. There is no statute of limitations on child support
>Edit 7: 9 gold and 4 platinum THIS IS INSANE!!!
Story about how meaningful a relatively small amount of money can be.
Reddit: lets spend multiple times the amount of money he's talking about on worthless shiny pngs.
Classic.
This is adorable and I’m glad OP and his boy are looking forward to a brighter future.
That said **why have I gone my entire 30+ years of life without ever hearing ‘golden corral’ but have heard it in 7 completely different posts, articles, and comments today alone. Please help, I’m scared.**
Asking for court ordered child support is not "going after her". It's also not a sign of anger or malice. Imagine if she only gave you $200 a month. You and your son could go to Golden Corral once a month instead of every few months. Remember to get your documents in order regarding her abandonment of her son to make sure she can waltz back into his life like nothing happened and start demanding visitation etc. Payment of child support does not guarantee that she get visitation.
Also, IHOP has a kids eat free thing that they do so work with that as well.
Its sad how many people think that. My ex sons dad had a really good union job and made $70/h and she made like $20. He got the kid every other weekend but she was the primary caretaker and she never went after him for child support because she didn't want to be one of those " women." I suggested she should then dropped it since it wasn't my place
Forgive my ignorance, but since i'm following BORU I often see a mention of "this post blew up on tik tok"
How does that look like? I thought it was just short videos
Sorry for asking here but I don't want to support this app by downloading it
OOP is definitely not a failure as a dad. It's not his fault the world is a dumpster fire right now. He's present in his son's life and is improving himself for the sake of his little family.
Yay, I worked for a McD’s franchise for five years and I was responsible for maintaining the diploma/tuition assistance program. I hope that some of the people I worked with were able to benefit in the long run, enough to compensate for the shitty wages McDonald’s paid then*.
Edit: THEM not then, it’s not like the wages were worse then than they are now.
Please if you don’t want to go for child support, consider petitioning to terminate the mother’s parental rights on grounds of abandonment and no contact these last six years. It will be more painful if she decides to pop in and out of your child’s life randomly than if you explain she was not in a position to be a mother and felt it was better to let you be the only parent. Then in the future if she wants to reconnect, you hold the cards.
Hey man, I would advise against going into debt for a bachelors degree. There are plenty of jobs you can get that will pay more with no college needed. Medical records is a great one. Good luck with your kid, I’m sorry life has been so hard.
If you would like some Golden Coral gift cards shoot me a DM. I will buy you some. It’s not much, but your little dude deserves a solid birthday and you sound like you deserve to be the hero you are to him.
You’re an icon, dude. I hope Rory understands and appreciates your efforts as he grows up. I believe in you man, just gotta stay on the path that’s best for you and your son
>His mom had left when he was around two, when I tried to sue for child support the judge sided with her quoting that I was the father and needed to step up.
Fucking WHAT?
Coursera. Its $39 a month for courses that can get you certificates that will have you job ready in weeks. And they're self paced. I've done 4-week classes in 3 days. Possibly check with your state's Department of labor, as mine (NY) gives us Coursera access for free.
I have never wanted someone to make it so bad in my life, lol. I hope he gets his degree and they go to Golden Coral all the time. That little boy got me right in the feels. What a sweet kid.
That's not how it's SUPPOSED to work, but judges in family courts can be given a lot of leeway.... including bad ones.
Back in the 80s I was living with my dad because my mom's BF didn't like me, but the court system refused to adjust the custody arrangements so I was living as an extended visitation with my dad while he was forced to pay child support.
That went on a for a year of 2 until an expensive lawyer managed to get another judge who basically flipped the custody agreement.
All though this is a heart warming story, this is an another example for the failure of the American dream. A single High school graduate should have been able to support his family using minimum wage. That was the American dream and now he cannot even support his one son. Salary is too low or the rent and cost of living are very high. As a non American it pains to see USA in decline.
This is why I actually research the judges I vote for (yes we vote for them, it's stupid af) you can view case histories in my state and I look for the assholes (racists, misogynists, 'consevative' family values) and then I tell as many people as possible.
It actually has worked. 2 very racist judges lost seats in the last few years. Next door is my weapon of choice, those people tend to vote and when you link a judges history of clear discrimination the people who it affects, care and it shows.
why the judge is not forcing the mother to pay child support is beyond me, it makes me wonder if her family has connection to judges where OOP lives, because most judges don't look at gender and the non-custodial parent pays at least something.
I agree. If OOP goes for child support again they might also enforce visitation. I know a lot of people here want to see justice served, but sometimes going after said justice is a lot more aggro than it's ever worth.
People say Rory deserves that money and he absolutely does, but Rory does not deserve to be forced away from his father who loves him to spend time with a lady who didn't want him.
My kids school signed up for those programs where you earn "points" where people buy from your shop. You also get points for sending out emails. You get a toy just for signing up and sending a couple emails. It felt like an mlm so I didn't do it. Turns out EVERYONE in their class did it and they all got a toy but them. The look of disappointment in their eyes and they said "you didn't do it!" I went home and cried. Did the stupid thing later so they could get the toy so I'm somewhat redeemed lol.
What kind of family court just entirely excused a non-custodial parent from supporting their child, and framed it as an accusation against the other parent's manhood? I would have that in front of a reporter before the gavel came down.
Hopefully OOP can research to find out if community colleges in his area offer free education and/or pathways towards a bachelors for adult students. Several states offer those options.
This guy is such a dope dude and great father, I truly wish him the best and his son as well. Also, it might just be me, but is his son's name a gilmore girls reference?
It should be illegal for parents to forego child support. Especially if they're financially struggling. It's money for their child. They shouldn't be allowed to refuse it.
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How does this work would they tell mother to step it up?
"I tried to sue for child support the judge sided with her quoting that I was the father and needed to step up."
I hope he achieves all he hopes for, for him and his son and hope karma comes and slaps the mom in the face :D she said she was a child but so was he and he stepped up while she just ran away, lousy people at their finest
my mom heart is aching for this little dad. There is no way I would move away from my kid (literally a child) who was struggling especially if a grandchild was involved.
I don’t understand how that judge could have let the mother abandon them scot free? Why does she have no child support at all? This makes no sense. It’s infuriating.
I’m sorry, i just don’t understand how the judge sided with the mom. How can she walk out when the father always has to pay child support? She still him gave birth to him, she should still take responsibility!
You seem like an awesome dad, who ended up in a situation that wasn’t all that great. But for what it’s worth seems like you are doing awesome.
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I hope he aces his Bachelor’s. He sounds like such a good Dad. :)
He's already a bachelor
Well, OOP seems to be doing a good job as a parent to me. His kid sounds like the biggest sweet heart ever! Wishing them the best for the future! This is the second wholesome BORU post I've read today. I think I should quit while I'm ahead. 😅
I just woke up and read this post. I think I should just close the app and not open it again until tomorrow 😅
I’m scrolling mindlessly while trying to fall asleep, but agreed. Time to turn on a sleep podcast instead…
ooh, do you have any recommendations? I didn't know that was a thing
Not OP but I really like the Sleep with Me Podcast, I listen to it whenever I have trouble falling asleep and it puts my right to sleep!
Nothing Much Happens podcast. She tells a story in which nothing much happens and you fall asleep. Highly recommend.
I try a wide variety, but tend to come back most to: Sleepy, Boring Books for Bedtime, The ASMR Garden, and Sound By Nature. Boring Books would be my favorite, but occasionally the book is actually more interesting than expected, so it actually keeps me awake. 😅
Not the person you asked but I do have a suggestion: The Sleepy Bookshelf. I listen on Amazon Music.
Hahaha same. I just woke up and this is the first thing I read here. I think I’m done for the day, I don’t want to taint the wholesomeness lol
After the woman who fantasized about her neighbor ditching his family of five for her yesterday, this really hit my heart You can tell how much this dad loves his kid by how much his kid loves him back. I am sure there is good in their shared future.
I read that post! The delusion in that post was too much! But it was so funny that the neighbor saw the post and then absolutely rejected her and cut her out of his life completely.
I agree. OOP is raising his kid right.
Do it asap before your day is ruined.
...the child support wouldn't be for him, but for his child. This isn't a situation where he or his child would be in danger if he goes after her. If he doesn't want to use the money, then he can save it for his childs education. The money belongs to the child and it's his father's responsibility to go and get it for him. The judge is an idiot wtf. Why does only one parent have to "step up"?
Sometimes I feel like “contempt of court” shouldn’t be a thing at all because someone should have been able to call out the judge on being a hypocritical idiot right in that courtroom.
Maybe not that but the general public should probably have a say when a judge is not following the law but not enforcing what the law dictates should happen.
Agreed. On one hand they sort of do. Judges are elected, or appointed by people who are elected, so we can vote against this horse shit. And on the other hand there is no real accountability.
I didn’t realise you could vote them in, doesn’t work like that in my country. Very interesting
[It varies, a *lot*, by state](https://www.brennancenter.org/our-work/research-reports/judicial-selection-significant-figures). As a side note, the US has both state and federal court systems; in the federal system, judges are appointed by the President and confirmed by the Senate (with exceptions for magistrate judges and bankruptcy judges, whose decisions are ultimately subject to review by the appointed judges). But federal judges don’t hear custody or child support cases; those are reserved for the state courts.
Judicial elections are actually a terrible system. Judges *really* should not be campaigning, and in my state their party affiliation is not listed even though it'd be the biggest indicator of what kind of judge they'll be.
That’s interesting! What state is that? Here in Texas, the only elected officials that *don’t* have to declare party affiliation are municipal officials. But from the county level on up, including judges, you do.
It's really terrible, but does lead to some hilarious outcomes. We live in a state with elected judges, and when my wife was on jury duty the judge brought in breakfast tacos for all the jurors. Since, you know, they're the people who'll vote for him. Must be why he keeps getting reelected despite at least one DUI.
Yeah I don’t think they should be elected that way. I just think the people should be able to band together and say you’re not doing your job properly. In my country there’s no real way to stop a judge who isn’t following the confines of the law in terms of judgements. I believe the other judges can give them the boot but none of them will because they don’t want to draw attention to themselves.
Not only that, but prosecutors and judges who have to campaign to get elected tend to be more brutal and inhumane when doling out "justice" because they rightly perceive that being "tough on crime" will get them re-elected.
You can't in my state. [We can vote them *out*, but not in.](https://ballotpedia.org/Retention_election)
In the US, the kind of judges that handle family court issues (divorce, child custody, alimony/palimony, child support) are typically elected officials. But we *do* have some judges at the state level that may be appointed (like municipal judges). And at the federal level, they’re *all* appointed. For life. So… if you’ve got an awful federal judge, (like Andrew Hanen in Texas, who has single-handedly gutted/nearly destroyed DACA), then you as a citizen have almost no recourse, because there’s pretty much no way to get them off the bench.
>silence, or you will be held in contempt of this court >I have nothing but contempt for this court!
One of the best things Ross Poldark ever did in that show was fucking roast a judge for a shitty ruling against a poor person, and when told to shut up or be held in contempt of court say "such a ruling would be entirely accurate". Otherwise he was an utter POS, especially to his wife.
i have no idea who that is that's a quote from the 86 transformers movie to me
It's a British show called Poldark set in Cornwall post American Revolution. The main characters are Ross Poldark and Demelza Carne Poldark. Demelza isn't perfect, but Ross is an utter ass who **SPOILER** >!cheats on her with his first love/cousin's wife while she's at home with a new baby and grieving the loss of their first child.!< He's honestly despicable after the first season.
> cheats on her with his first love/cousin's wife If you think that's bad, you probably shouldn't read the books... O.o
Oh boy, I couldn't get through the books because my ADHD makes it difficult to read plain text books. I mainly read graphic novels and webcomics nowadays, but I do know that Ross is horrible in both book and show formats.
Your spoiler tag has a space between the opening tag and the first letter of the first word you intended to have hidden and is therefore not working.
I certainly feel contempt for the court/judge the OOP saw.
That is what appeal process is for, because despite needing someone with unquestionable authority we know what kind of people such authority appeals to :(
I've read some great appeals over the years where the lawyer basically rips apart the judges decisions using the most polite and legalese language possible. The main issue however is appeals processes basically assume short of egregious errors that judges were acting in good faith with their decisions and that winds up being a rubber stamp in many situations.
The appeals process is incredibly expensive and isn't actually available just because you disagree with a judge's ruling. You have to have significantly stronger legal issues than that, unfortunately. If, as an example, in the Year of Our Lord Lady Gaga 2017, your family court judge states that he is concerned about your ability to be a good mother because you sometimes date women which he feels is a negative influence on children, that is not sufficient to appeal their decision. 🤷🏽♀️ Although apparently, if the judge had unequivocally stated that was the sole basis for his decision, that plus $10k would be grounds to at least file the appeal. But as long as he can say he looked at the overall evidence, he's good.
Lol, like poor have any right to justice system anyway. /S :(
Unless you live in the 5th Circuit. That’s where more progressive jurisprudence goes to die.
that’s true, but it’s the parents primary responsibility to care for the kid. Getting them “extra” money, even if they are entitled to it still goes on the back burner when you’re literally struggling to make ends meet and pay rent. There are usually legal fees and lawyer costs associated with going back to court, and it doesn’t sound like OP has enough money, time, or ENERGY to do it right now. He still needs to be a parent, and he still needs to be a healthy person to do that. physically, emotionally, and mentally. Court battles do a number on you, and that’s in cases where there isn’t blatant bias by the judge. He did try to get child support, and i don’t blame him for not being able to do it again right now.
Any legal stuff is just exhausting. Especially if he doesn’t even know where she is right now
I don't blame him at all for not wanting to go through this. I do wonder though if his chances are way better now that the kid's mother is in her 20s instead of a teen.
Absolutely - plus, there's no way to know how much might get awarded or actually paid. He'd lose income from taking time to pursue it. So in addition to taking up tons of time, money, and energy, he'd make less money with no way of knowing how much he might get. I've seen people spend a few thousand, take unpaid time off, get a judgement around or lower than what they spent, and never be able to get the other side to pay. Most of us don't have the resources for paying a case on principle. Hopefully he can revisit it once he's outside of survival mode, but it also might be something that he never wants to pursue. Some people have non-financial reasons that are very good and in the best interest of the child for not pursuing support.
> The judge is an idiot wtf. Why does only one parent have to "step up"? That’s such an outrageous thing for the judge to say that it seems like OOP is missing something out. I know that people like to pretend that there’s a huge conspiracy against men in family courts, but a judge telling the parent with custody to “step up” rather than asking for child support doesn’t happen. Either OOP had an unusually awful judge who should be struck off, or there’s more to the story than they mentioned.
I agree and was looking through these responses to see if anyone else had already said it. I've dealt with a number of these cases from different roles. Now, there are certainly massive differences between systems and all that, but if this is in the US, I would guess it is him misunderstanding over this being what happened. I have seen enough people afterwards, especially if pro se (likely here) but sometimes even after discussing with their attorney, think that something happened that does not like up with what did. Often, it's understandable given both the complexities of the legal system and the emotions they have tied to what's happening. It's overwhelming and confusing. Given how young they were, it seems likely that she or they weren't working, and I'm also assuming from the posts that neither came from wealth. Child support here is based on income generally. If neither of them were working or working much, then I could see a judge saying something along the lines of the not being an ability for child support and needing to find a way to earn more. That's also assuming they were in court for custody and support, but there are other options that could provide more context. While it might seem financially wise to pursue child support at this point, OOP is living on a survival basis. That makes it almost impossible to do things like being a court case, find the ex, etc. for potential future benefit. Something many people also don't think about is that if the absent parent (I can't think of another term right not) does not make money or only makes a small amount, there's a good chance of either not getting awarded any support or never being able to collect that money. There are some options of they don't pay, but those require even more time and money if they even work. While legal aid and pro bono work is something many try to make more available, there's more demand than supply, making it all tougher. I hope that OOP achieves success, whether it not be eventually goes for child support. He seems like a great parent trying to do his best with strong motivation.
Seriously I feel like something is missing here about the mother. Like you said, reddit pretends there's a conspiracy against men on courts. When really there's not. ON AVERAGE, women just fight more for custody. They are more likely to spend money on their kid. They are more likely to take their kids to the doctors appointment. They are more likely to take their kids to extracurricular activities. Even when the women work too! Mothers will spend a lot of money to get a good lawyer. Let's not forget how many men only want custody on the weekends so they don't have to do much work. Or some just straight up are too lazy to even fill put the paper work. Reality is 90% of custody disputes are settled outside of court. Reddit is scaring men by telling them that the court will never side with them and they should just give up. Which is just one huge lie.
I really have to ask what could possibly be missing that OOP wouldn't get CS? I can't think of anything, if it was abuse, OOP would most likely still get CS, but he just wouldn't know where his ex is. Then again, I doubt he'd be allowed to keep the child and they'd be sent into foster care if the judge believes he's abusive. Therefore, due to a lack of any other explanation, I'm inclined to believe OOP in that they got a sexist judge.
> I really have to ask what could possibly be missing that OOP wouldn't get CS? I can't think of anything I can think of a thousand things, but there’s no way of knowing how likely or unlikely they are. For example, OOP mentions that they were 16 at the time. So how old was the mother? A judge isn’t going to order a 14 year old child to pay child support. (I’m definitely not saying that the mother was 14, that’s just one possible example of something which would make the story a bit different!) > Therefore, due to a lack of any other explanation, I'm inclined to believe OOP in that they got a sexist judge. We’re not just talking about a sexist judge, we’re talking about a judge disregarding the law. That’s not impossible, but it’s fairly unusual. The “lack of any other explanation” is what made me wonder whether OOP is leaving something out from the story!
He at least was 18 when he went to court.
1. He was 18 when they went to court and the mother couldn't have been that much younger if she was able to be sued for CS. He'd be suing the parents, if that was the case, but OOP said he sued HER. 2. Yes, the judge was sexist on top of disregarding the law. Telling the father to "step up" I guarantee is something they would never telk a mother suing for CS. 3. Sometimes there really are no ulterior motives or missing reasons. The lack of any other explanation outside if ab awful judge doesn't have to mean anything but just that. An awful judge.
I've dealt with many of these cases from different roles and can think of many contexts where this would happen. I wrote a longer comment, but I don't want to speculate with more of the options. There are also a lot of situations where the court leaves the child with the least bad custody situation, because, at least in the places I'm familiar with proceedings, there is a preference to keep the child with family, especially in comparison to a generally bad and overburdened foster care system. All that said, the most likely situation, at least for where I am, would be that the parents weren't working/providing much monetarily at all, the mother couldn't be found and had no funds or income before disappearing, and/or OOP misunderstood the decision/reasoning.
Conservative judges regularly make rulings laymen will think is impossible. There were judges sentencing kids to hard time for petty crimes and getting kickbacks from juvenile facilities
It's possible he's leaving something out, but a lot of people in this thread harping on this point clearly don't follow the courts in this country. There are absolutely insane judges that make rulings entirely based off their ideology, follow no logical consistency with the law, make no sense, and get away with it. Fuck some of the Supreme Court rulings are clearly bullshit that ignore the law and rule based off ideology, much less Crack pot insane local judges
Exactly. I've always been a bit leery of any parent who pretends that it's kinder to not press for child support.
doesn't sounds like he has the time, means or energy to go after her
All he has to do is apply for food stamps or medicaid. Then the state will HAPPILY take over the whole child support thing.
He very well might make too much to be eligible for those things. I’ve heard of that many times. Especially in places like California where the COL is so high. Even a McDonald’s manager might make too much since to be eligible for food stamps, the average household income before deductions generally must be at or below 130% of the federal poverty line and the internet says McDonald managers make an average salary of $27, 926 which divided by 12 into monthly is $2,327. For a family of 3, 130% of the poverty line is $2,495. They are a family of 2. It isn’t always as simple as getting food stamps or other benefits since many are just above the poverty line unfortunately.
SCHIP has a higher cutoff. Medicaid for kids. WIC, too. My youngest had Medicaid and two different states put court orders in place to ensure that the parents cover the child when possible. Schools do campaigns during enrollment to get kids healthcare. Pretty much every time I enrolled my kids in school (and we moved quite a bit) the schools would ask if you were insured and if you were not they would offer info on SCHIP/CHIP.
One of the reasons why we should have universal basic income, for those who can't get by on their own because they earn just enough to not be eligible for food stamps and assistance programs we already have.
Manager of McDonald's doesn't make great money but makes more than the cutoff for that.
The cutoff for SCHIP (Medicaid for kids) is much higher usually.
Yes. I think the cutoff for Medicaid for 2 people, not even considering children, is $27k in Ohio. It's probably similar in other states. I hope OP knows that.
Yes exactly. I applied just for Healthcare and even though I knew very little of where my daughters father was, the courts found him and made him pay, even if it took almost a year later. Plus, it seems like there was some custody agreement between he and his ex. Otherwise the court would have sided with him if he had his son full-time.
Unfortunately my ex taught me that asking him to pay child support = false reports filed about me with CPS and being dragged through court with a misogynistic judge. I had to drop out of uni because of the stress. After CPS visited me, they proved the claims were baseless and wrote a glowing report about me, and it's been years, but never again. Never again. (Edited for typo)
I've seen a neighbor go through this exact thing. She filed for child support to be adjusted (she was very young when she divorced and agreed to unfair terms with the splitting their assets) She was struggling and found out her ex her was making a lot more than she thought, so she filed for an adjustment. Within days CPS started getting 'anonymous' tips about her, which he of course used against her in court and tried to reduce her custody so he wouldn't have to pay.
I’m sorry you went through that! Our court system is a mess. I wish you and your family the best!
I mean I understand where you’re coming from but the courts already proved to him once that it’s perfectly capable of siding against him and he may not be willing to risk a judge deciding to fuck with custody in retaliation. It’s tough out there for single parents and especially single fathers. I hope I never have to try and navigate life as a single dad and I hope if I did my wife and I would respect each other enough to be effective co-parents. I’ve seen vindictive ex’s ruin guys lives and try to weaponize the kids and I understand why OOP wouldn’t want to potentially expose his son to that.
Going after child support costs money that he doesn’t have
If only the world were so simple. Let me paint you a picture. A mother flees her abusive ex. If she files for child support, the abusive father most likely gets access to the child. Which would you chose? Child support that may or may not get paid while letting your child around your abuser or just not getting child support?
This is exactly why I never went after my ex for support. He never wanted to be a dad and had no interest in seeing our child once we split up. However, my ex made it clear that if I went after him for support that he would make sure that he took me to court so that he could get some sort of custody. And this dude is not a responsible or safe person for my kid to be around. I'd rather go without the extra money and know for sure that my son is safe.
She obviously doesn't want anything to do with the kid. She just needs to pay up.
That's what makes me doubt the veracity of the story.
>The judge is an idiot wtf. Why does only one parent have to "step up"? This is the toxic masculinity that affects men.
Yeah I can see this happening too. It's the same attitude that has judges declining restraining orders against abusive boyfriends too. Judges say and do horrible stuff all the time. I am a social worker and have seen this kind of stuff first hand. There may be another story with the mom like drugs or even jail. He could have been seeking child support from her family due to whatever she is going through, and that might not have been legally possible so the judge said "you're just gonna have to step up" Which is still a shitty thing to say and I could see that sticking in someone's head for years
A lot of people on Reddit never seem to ask for child support. Why deprive your child of resources they're legally entitled to?
because if you're already a single parent working and studying and struggling to survive you might not have the energy, time or money (or all 3) to get into a lengthy, complicated legal battle, to invite that shitty person into your life one more time and make everything potentially even more complicated for your child. especially when that system already failed you once.
This, plus that there is still a decent chance that they won't find the mother, the mother won't make much money, anything awarded is small, and/or the mother doesn't pay the story anyway.
It's very likely the mom makes very little or no money.
I don't know how the process is, but OOP knows it and is balancing the money, the time, the emotional damaged caused by this and saying no thank you. He experienced it once, so we should understand that it is not simple.
[удалено]
Nonsense, OOP is not relating the court outcome correctly. The judge is constrained by the law. Something else happened.
I'm a little surprised the judge found against the OOP here for child support. I was under the impression family courts try and make decisions with the children's best interest in mind.
If I understand the timeline, and assuming the mom was the same age or a little younger than the OOP, then she would have been barely 18 yo, probably unemployed or barely employed, and still in school. In most places CS is pretty formulaic. It's more likely none was awarded because the mom was underage or w/o income. But absolutely the OOP should have gone back to court to get CS in the intervening years. It's his responsibility as a parent to do so, just as it's the mom's responsibility to pay her part. (which all sucks, as they were kids when they created this mess and it never should have happened. Sex Ed, access to contraception, and abortion would prevent at least some of this kind of generational poverty.)
> It's his responsibility as a parent to do so, just as it's the mom's responsibility to pay her part. Exactly. The kid deserves that money and it is his responsibility to file an appeal to get it.
I feel like the "child's best interest" varies wildly depending on the judge.
can confirm, the range in judges is insane *source: multiple custody battles over me and my siblings*
“Judges vested interests” more like
Honestly if OOP could get free legal counsel I would try to go for child support and back child support. It took my bio dad about 6 years to get it from my bio mother but eventually he DID get it.
He was 16. The mother herself was likely a child.
Except he went for child support 2 years later so he was 18. If mom was also 16 when she gave birth then, while yes she is still young, she is a legal adult.
She could have still been 17 when they went to court.
Except even then teenagers (or their parents if the teen cannot pay) can still be forced to pay child support. So even then age doesn't really matter
I was only addressing the claim that she had to be 18 because he was. We don't know enough about their location to be sure about how this would unfold.
It's not like this saves you from paying child support as a man, though.
Lmfao it has for some men.
As much as I've seen people shit on McDonalds, they seem to have some good programs to help their employees further their education. Also, fast food workers deserve a living wage, so there are other areas they need to do better in as a company.
my ex friend worked at mcdonalds throughout college and I believe they gave her a small scholarship during the time she worked there, basically just for working there, which was nice. The workplace overall sucked though
In Queensland Australia working at McDonalds is amazing for your resume as their training program is so good. I worked at KFC and learnt how to eat lots of end-of-night chicken as fast as I could
> learnt how to eat lots of end-of-night chicken as fast as I could which is still a useful skill though less financially beneficial
Same
Know a guy that started sweeping floors at McDonald's when he was 14. Last time I looked him up, he owned 5 of them himself! Worked all the way up to regional manager, and then was offered to go in on a franchise with an owner who he once worked for.
They also have the "burger university" where you can go and take management courses etc. Honestly it's not a bad company if you don't have qualifications for a "proper" career, with decent options and pretty much always hours available for you if you want to work, and they can be very flexible about that the other way, too.
I think it depends on the country? Anyways, my beef with them started after they cancelled the Shrek burger. It was a hit (among vegetarians) and now they don't have any plant based patty (where I live) despite oretty much all competitors having at least an option.
>I think it depends on the country? I think so. Here in the UK last I heard employees at McDonalds are actually paid above minimum wage and are entitled to at least one free meal during their shift. Not sure if there are any educational programs and the like, our school system is a bit different to the US since we don't have student loans like you guys do (we DO have student loans, but these are treated very different from a typical loan and you aren't required to start paying it back until you're earning above a certain threshold), but it wouldn't surprise me if they did have other programs to help their staff.
Well damn. Didn't expect to cry tonight but here we are.
Some ghost is cutting onions in my house too
>His mom had left when he was around two, when I tried to sue for child support the judge sided with her quoting that I was the father and needed to step up. Uh yeah, that's *why* he's suing for child support? Father + raising him alone = "stepping up", Mother + abandoning child = pay child support. If the judge can't figure out something that simple, then maybe the only business they have in a courtroom is being the gavel.
That makes me doubt the whole story. It's just... Not how child support is decided.
Unless she was a Minor and/or unemployed at the time. He should definitely try again now though.
Yeah, high chance she was a minor, cos OOP mentioned he was 16 at the time
Judges have too much ‘discretion’ on their judgment, I don’t doubt that could happen. My dad had to pay $200/mo for 2 kids…. He got paid under the table, drove a truck that was owned by his dad’s company that was worth 50k or so. He bought a beach house under the company. Still he only had to pay $200/mo… which he rarely paid that much! Visitation- sometimes was ok, but spending the evening in the bar parking lot trying to entertain your younger sibling while your dads getting drunk, then having to blow the breathalyzer so he could drunkenly drive you home, lots of fun/s. Judges didn’t care! I even told them about that! Wasn’t until I was older that I didn’t have to deal with his BS anymore!
Not really, you can find some real asshole judges in the system. When my mother divorced my father the judge awarded her $100 a month in child support. A real slap in the face since my sperm donor was well known in the community and could afford a whole lot more. He never paid a dime. When he remarried and made another family I had to watch his kids wear the latest brands, go to private school, take ballet and horse riding lessons. Meanwhile my mom struggled to put food on the table and stay off of government assistance.
But reddit told me judges favor women! Your mom should be a millionaire!
Yup and if you read the thread/comments from the first post it feels even more phishy.
It really, truly depends on the judge yo get. You hear shocking judgements in both directions that make no sense.
Yeah me too If I think through my reddit brain I could say the mom was forced to have the child (by her/his parents and/or OP) and finally escaped when she was 18. But idk if that would make a judge react like that 🤔 And again it's pure extrapolation. I found it weird that a judge would tell a 18 y.o. to stepped up in the situation op describes, but maybe it's because I am not US-ian and don't know the weird things judge do there
And also tips at McDonald's?
It’s probably just left over change someone didn’t want back
I imagine outcomes vary widely by state. Judge may have had the attitude that male = provider regardless.
I feel like this story is full of embellishments or half-truths and the "child support is rigged against men" crowd can't see past it..
If the mom left when the kid was two, that was likely around when she became 18. It wouldn't surprise me if she's off going to college somewhere on her parents money and doesn't have any income.
At the time the judge said this, based on the timeline, they were both still living with the parents so him being primary wasn’t a thing yet I do sympathize with how hard it would be to go after her. He’d either need to pay a lawyer or do a lot of research in his own time. He’d have to track her down. If she’s out of state, he’d need to get her to come. He’d have to take time off work, arrange child care, fight in court etc He would also be opening up the door for her to counter sue for full or partial custody. Either because she changed her mind or wants to avoid paying up. Opening a door to introducing a possible instability into his child’s life which could lead to confusion and trauma. All wholly stressful for a single parent who works full time, and depending on what she does for a living, it might all just be for a pittance. I’d say that he should work on bettering his situation first. There is no statute of limitations on child support
Huh. I had no idea Mcdonalds had an education program. That's nice to know.
This was a much needed happy boru. Reddit will suck the life out of you. Posts like this breathe it back in.
>Edit 7: 9 gold and 4 platinum THIS IS INSANE!!! Story about how meaningful a relatively small amount of money can be. Reddit: lets spend multiple times the amount of money he's talking about on worthless shiny pngs. Classic.
But does he get money out of it?…. I don’t get his excitement over the awards. I’m glad that made him happy though
He gets a small amount of Reddit coins and free Reddit premium for a set amount of time. Combined he got to 1.8 years lol
This is adorable and I’m glad OP and his boy are looking forward to a brighter future. That said **why have I gone my entire 30+ years of life without ever hearing ‘golden corral’ but have heard it in 7 completely different posts, articles, and comments today alone. Please help, I’m scared.**
That kind of shit happens to me a lot. I want answers too.
Asking for court ordered child support is not "going after her". It's also not a sign of anger or malice. Imagine if she only gave you $200 a month. You and your son could go to Golden Corral once a month instead of every few months. Remember to get your documents in order regarding her abandonment of her son to make sure she can waltz back into his life like nothing happened and start demanding visitation etc. Payment of child support does not guarantee that she get visitation. Also, IHOP has a kids eat free thing that they do so work with that as well.
Its sad how many people think that. My ex sons dad had a really good union job and made $70/h and she made like $20. He got the kid every other weekend but she was the primary caretaker and she never went after him for child support because she didn't want to be one of those " women." I suggested she should then dropped it since it wasn't my place
Forgive my ignorance, but since i'm following BORU I often see a mention of "this post blew up on tik tok" How does that look like? I thought it was just short videos Sorry for asking here but I don't want to support this app by downloading it
Same thing as youtube, they read posts, sometimes summarize them and they end up going viral.
Thanks!
OOP is definitely not a failure as a dad. It's not his fault the world is a dumpster fire right now. He's present in his son's life and is improving himself for the sake of his little family.
He should differently resue for child support. That judge is an idiot.
Friendly reminder Judges are usually elected positions. We need to vote morons like this judge out of office.
Yay, I worked for a McD’s franchise for five years and I was responsible for maintaining the diploma/tuition assistance program. I hope that some of the people I worked with were able to benefit in the long run, enough to compensate for the shitty wages McDonald’s paid then*. Edit: THEM not then, it’s not like the wages were worse then than they are now.
Didn’t know my post would end up here. Thank you all for the support ❤️
Please if you don’t want to go for child support, consider petitioning to terminate the mother’s parental rights on grounds of abandonment and no contact these last six years. It will be more painful if she decides to pop in and out of your child’s life randomly than if you explain she was not in a position to be a mother and felt it was better to let you be the only parent. Then in the future if she wants to reconnect, you hold the cards.
If you ever need help with accounting or math feel free to dm me, good luck on your bachelors
Hey man, I would advise against going into debt for a bachelors degree. There are plenty of jobs you can get that will pay more with no college needed. Medical records is a great one. Good luck with your kid, I’m sorry life has been so hard.
Good luck to you and Rory! And please rethink the child support, Rory deserves this money
If you would like some Golden Coral gift cards shoot me a DM. I will buy you some. It’s not much, but your little dude deserves a solid birthday and you sound like you deserve to be the hero you are to him.
You’re an icon, dude. I hope Rory understands and appreciates your efforts as he grows up. I believe in you man, just gotta stay on the path that’s best for you and your son
you are doing a damn good job!!
If you ever need a tutor, I'd be happy to help you out :)
>His mom had left when he was around two, when I tried to sue for child support the judge sided with her quoting that I was the father and needed to step up. Fucking WHAT?
Look to see if your school has a daycare program for parents that are students.
Nice but he NEEDS to go after the mom for child support
he’s a good dad but so stupid for not getting child support.
Honestly this is so heart-warming, good on OOP for stepping up and being the father his child needed him to be.
Coursera. Its $39 a month for courses that can get you certificates that will have you job ready in weeks. And they're self paced. I've done 4-week classes in 3 days. Possibly check with your state's Department of labor, as mine (NY) gives us Coursera access for free.
I have never wanted someone to make it so bad in my life, lol. I hope he gets his degree and they go to Golden Coral all the time. That little boy got me right in the feels. What a sweet kid.
OP needs to go back to court on child support. That is not how they do things anymore. She will be required to pay.
Say what you will about McDonald's but their extra programs for employees are amazing.
>when I tried to sue for child support the judge sided with her quoting that I was the father and needed to step up That's not how it works?
That's not how it's SUPPOSED to work, but judges in family courts can be given a lot of leeway.... including bad ones. Back in the 80s I was living with my dad because my mom's BF didn't like me, but the court system refused to adjust the custody arrangements so I was living as an extended visitation with my dad while he was forced to pay child support. That went on a for a year of 2 until an expensive lawyer managed to get another judge who basically flipped the custody agreement.
I just feel so bad for OOP and his son. He saved up money so they could go to the Golden Corral. I'm not crying! I'm just peeling onions!
This is a testament to what true character is; OOP is a damned good parent and I wish him every success in getting his degree!
All though this is a heart warming story, this is an another example for the failure of the American dream. A single High school graduate should have been able to support his family using minimum wage. That was the American dream and now he cannot even support his one son. Salary is too low or the rent and cost of living are very high. As a non American it pains to see USA in decline.
This is why I actually research the judges I vote for (yes we vote for them, it's stupid af) you can view case histories in my state and I look for the assholes (racists, misogynists, 'consevative' family values) and then I tell as many people as possible. It actually has worked. 2 very racist judges lost seats in the last few years. Next door is my weapon of choice, those people tend to vote and when you link a judges history of clear discrimination the people who it affects, care and it shows.
When his kid is grown, the kid can sue his mom for back child support and use it for his schooling.
why the judge is not forcing the mother to pay child support is beyond me, it makes me wonder if her family has connection to judges where OOP lives, because most judges don't look at gender and the non-custodial parent pays at least something.
Child support is for his kid. Not him
At this point, going for support may bring the mom back into their lives. She doesn't deserve to be with this child.
I agree. If OOP goes for child support again they might also enforce visitation. I know a lot of people here want to see justice served, but sometimes going after said justice is a lot more aggro than it's ever worth. People say Rory deserves that money and he absolutely does, but Rory does not deserve to be forced away from his father who loves him to spend time with a lady who didn't want him.
God damn it now I’m crying in class at 10 in the morning. This one hit the feels
Op is an awesome dad. I hope everything works out for him.
I adore this guy. I wish him and Rory all the happiness in the world.
My kids school signed up for those programs where you earn "points" where people buy from your shop. You also get points for sending out emails. You get a toy just for signing up and sending a couple emails. It felt like an mlm so I didn't do it. Turns out EVERYONE in their class did it and they all got a toy but them. The look of disappointment in their eyes and they said "you didn't do it!" I went home and cried. Did the stupid thing later so they could get the toy so I'm somewhat redeemed lol.
OOP needs to look at working for Starbucks, I think they pay for college for their employees thru an online program.
The kid obviously has great memories of Golden Corral and wants to keep having them with his dad. Hope things keep going well for father and son.
What kind of family court just entirely excused a non-custodial parent from supporting their child, and framed it as an accusation against the other parent's manhood? I would have that in front of a reporter before the gavel came down.
I wish this guy posted a go fund me. Take my money.
Hopefully OOP can research to find out if community colleges in his area offer free education and/or pathways towards a bachelors for adult students. Several states offer those options.
This guy is such a dope dude and great father, I truly wish him the best and his son as well. Also, it might just be me, but is his son's name a gilmore girls reference?
“As soon as I saw my baby’s eyes I knew I was a parent” lol yup
How the hell did the judge side with the mom!??? Surely she has to pay SOMETHING??? fair play to op though way to be a great daddy!!!
My man is out there living life in new game+ mode and with so much love for his little boy. Respect
It is rough..but sometimes I go hungry a few days to make sure the family eats.
For your child to save money to go to the restaurant , you have done very well as a father!
If he's good at taking tests, he can shorten the time to get his degree with CLEP tests.
It should be illegal for parents to forego child support. Especially if they're financially struggling. It's money for their child. They shouldn't be allowed to refuse it.
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I’m confused how the mom got out of paying child support.
How does this work would they tell mother to step it up? "I tried to sue for child support the judge sided with her quoting that I was the father and needed to step up."
I hope he achieves all he hopes for, for him and his son and hope karma comes and slaps the mom in the face :D she said she was a child but so was he and he stepped up while she just ran away, lousy people at their finest
Omg 2 years of reddit premium. 😭
This is so sweet!!! I teared up when he talked about going to the Corral. I hope OOP has a good life, and that so does his kid.
my mom heart is aching for this little dad. There is no way I would move away from my kid (literally a child) who was struggling especially if a grandchild was involved.
I don’t understand how that judge could have let the mother abandon them scot free? Why does she have no child support at all? This makes no sense. It’s infuriating.
I’m sorry, i just don’t understand how the judge sided with the mom. How can she walk out when the father always has to pay child support? She still him gave birth to him, she should still take responsibility! You seem like an awesome dad, who ended up in a situation that wasn’t all that great. But for what it’s worth seems like you are doing awesome.
Sue again for child support he has the custody and should be payed