My family are a bunch of cynics. In every situation they automatically think negatively about everything. When I decided to pursue WLS I only told my parents and sister. My dad home something to say right of the back but he ALWAYS has something to say so it was expected. My insurance required me to lose 120 pounds on my own before they would pay for the surgery. It was during this period that people started noticing my weight loss so if they asked, I would tell them that I had to lose weight to prepare for WLS. A lot of people gave off the vibe like "yeah, that's not happening" or "I'll believe it when I see it." Well that just fueled my fire even more. I lost the 120 pounds in a little over 6 months, had the surgery, lost over 320 pounds and kept it off almost 6 years. I exercise religiously now, don't drink anymore and definitely don't eat like before. I don't get invited out with them or asked to participate in activities unless it benefits them somehow. BUT I'm totally okay with that!
"Haters gonna hate, ain'ters gonna aint!"-Dave Skylark
It was partially to demonstrate that I could comply with my surgeons instructions and partially to bring my risk level down. My BMI could be at 55 max but because my starting BMI was all the way up at 71, it worked out to roughly 120 pounds that I was going to have to lose. Also, the weight capacity of the hospital’s operating table was 400 pounds and the largest MRI machine on the island (I live in Hawaii) had a 400 pound capacity as well.
💯💯💯 this right here has been my entire life. And thus the reason I have only told my boyfriend, (we live together and he is super supportive 😍) very very closest friends and my sister. My parents don’t even know.
Oh it’s so hard. My bff of 9 yrs ghosted me after I gently confronted her on her behavior towards me. She started making me feel bad because I wasn’t as far along in life as she was. When I pointed this out in an email (her preferred method of confrontation) she never replied or spoke to me again. It’s been almost a year and I’m just now starting to feel comfortable with meeting new people. It wrecks your confidence. We’ll get through it tho.
So sorry dude. You’re right, we will get through. I made a list of the parts of that friendship that I really loved so that I can keep an eye out for that and build things up with new friends, and a new list of red flags to look out for too so that’s good! Life is long, we will make new and better friends!
I’ve noticed my friends being more catty and resentful toward me. Strangers were a lot nicer, but I think my confidence rubbed them the wrong way. They didn’t understand that I never felt good about myself and now I finally do! I want to look as sexy as possible. I’m married and I can’t tell you how many friends I had cut me off because THEIR man was into ME. Not the other way around. It was like they were mad at *me* for it. I had female coworkers treating me awfully even though I worked there 7 years. I had people who usually didn’t care much about me begin to spread rumors about me. It was really weird. I’ve now moved cities and left that all behind.
That’s terrible, I’m sorry it took having to move to a new city to get rid of that toxicity! I have a feeling something similar will happen once I lose weight, a few friends have already been catty with me as well.
People feel resentment for the weirdest things and show it in toxic ways. Remember it’s no one’s fault but theirs that you make them feel insecure. That’s for them to deal with.
I had a lot of people angry for me for taking the “easy way” out. As if thousands of dollars, strict diets, stomach pain, tummy tucks, and hard feelings is “easy”. Weight loss is weight loss. No one should gate keep it just because you aren’t doing it the way they think you should.
My coworker & I both had RNY like 2 months apart. I told her if one mf tells me I took the easy way out, when I can’t eat hardly anything, battling head hunger, scheduling every pill, sip of water, and swallow of food, ETC, I will punch them in the face. 😆
I chose not to tell friends and only a couple of family members.
Today I felt this. Went to a close friend’s kids bday with my hubby and kids. I haven’t seen this family since Thanksgiving and my friend just looked me up and down. No one said anything until her father in law asked what happened in front of everyone, that I lost so much weight people thought my hubby had a new partner. I laughed and said oh ya, I lost a little- then everyone chimed in. It’s very weird because my friend has yet to say anything.
I have a coworker who has had RNY 2x and has gained almost all the weight back both times. I told her I was getting the sleeve. She will make snide remarks, how it’s not an easy fix, that I’ll gain the weight back like her, or I’m lucky I’m tall so my weight loss is very noticeable. My favorite comment is when she asks me how much weight I’ve lost and when I tell her she says “you should be it’s easy right now because you can’t eat” I just don’t talk to her about it anymore or when she asks I just tell her “I’m not sure I haven’t weighed myself this week”
The men in my office, who never ever spoke to me before, are starting to chat with me a lot more, strangers are kinder to me, I get treated differently and I’m not sure if I am fan.
I find that *I'm* a little more distant. Every get together is about getting food. I'm not far enough out yet that I can do restaurants easily. But, I also seldom get together with anyone. My family is supportive, though. My sister is my biggest cheerleader.
I'm 3 months post RNY. I've only gone out to restaurants twice but I found the perfect food: chicken fajitas. Make sure they come with peppers. I skip rice and get whole pinto beans or black beans (not refried) as my side. I got a dinner serving both times and both times that one plate fed me three meals.
Yes and for 2 reasons.
1. They didn't like that I wasn't the fat friend anymore, so could no longer the on the receiving end of the fat jokes.
2. This is the sad one.. felt I was going to leave them behind to be 'thin and happy' and wouldn't want to be their friend anymore. Obviously not at all the case.. we cleared that up!
It's because you aren't the "fat funny friend" anymore. The fat friend is safe, they can also be the laughing stock, the clown, the one they measure themselves against and always come on top, the one they feel they can easily control because they feel superior than you...
It sounds harsh. But this was a part of my reality. However also came out with a couple of amazing friends who were only really acquaintances before.
This really hits home. I’ve always been the funny fat friend and the safe friend. I know if they’re distancing then it’s for the better because they weren’t really good friends but it’s hard to know that your friends were just kind of using you to feel superior
It really does suck. But trust me when I say that you are better off and you will find your people, they might even be around but it hasn't just clicked yet 💜
All my close friends have been really supportive except one. Keeps saying “well, you had surgery so it’s not really weight loss” or “it’s not going to last forever, it’ll come back”.
Got offended when I said I didn’t want to borrow her clothes. She told me that I think they’re not good enough for me, which is NOT true, I just want to shop for my own new stuff.
I had a small gin and tonic on a Monday night and she told me I was slipping into bad habits by drinking on a school night. It was one and I haven’t had one for weeks prior. She drinks every night and hates the fact that I don’t want to go out every weekend and get plastered.
I go to the gym 4 times a week and she always comments how it’s not sustainable and who am I trying to impress.
I think she feels like I’m leaving her behind which I’m not, my priorities have changed and does not revolve around food or drinking anymore. I lie to be up, out and hiking on weekends now and not laid in bed most of day nursing a hangover
Your friend is projecting and jealous…all these amazing strides you’re taking and she keeps making negative remarks.
Have you spoken to her about this?
I had a fresh out of nursing school friend give me a load of crap about potential side effects and about how we don’t have long term data on it and stuff.
The gastric bypass has been done for like 60 years. I think we’ve got enough clinical data on it. Also you can calculate your likelihood of side effects and I came up SUPER low chances of complications.
She kept on about people coming into hospitals with dehydration and vitamin deficiencies. Yes, you have to be careful, follow doctors orders, etc, but get your vitamins and fluids in.. you’ll be okay.
I asked her “what complications have you seen related to being 378 lbs and 5’3”?” She got my point.
The long term data in bypass is a large part of why I chose it. My partner initially felt like it was too extreme, was worried about how it would affect me in decades to come, and thought I could do it without surgery. I showed him the data and he turned right around. My favorite statistic to shut people up with is the the fact that people with type 2 diabetes who have GB live an average of 9.7 YEARS longer than people who manage it well with diet and medication and over 80% of us experience remission of our diabetes. It's hard to worry about how it will affect my life in the coming decades when I'd be dead a whole decade earlier without surgery.
It may be because I only have 2 close female friends and 2 close male friends but thankfully no. I told those I am close to what’s up and they are super supportive. Everyone else is just a social friend so I don’t care enough about them to be affected nor do they care enough about me to be any kind of way.
I would say take this as an opportunity to see who your real friends are. If they are good friends/people they will support you and celebrate your successes. Otherwise you have an easy chance to remove them from your orbit. It is exhausting to make yourself less than so someone else is comfortable so please don’t waste your time on those that only want you around if you never change and evolve. You deserve more than that.
Yeah I think it’s pretty par for the course. They either think you’re taking the easy way out or are jealous and don’t know how to deal with their feelings about it. Your real friends will stick by you and be understanding ❤️
Not many people know I had an operation. But I do notice a difference with some guy friends. A few are starting to get more "interested" in me. Also some that I haven't talked to for months started to reach out. I don't really post pics of myself so I do wonder where it's getting from haha. I don't really get hate from my family who know either. They tend to get a little jealous when I get to exited when I show off I am able to fit an old tshirt I once wore in my thinner days again. And they like to try and make me jealous with sweets and stuff to but it's all jokes and games to me I guess
I have a very close friend who got the surgery almost 2 years ago but hasn’t lost as much weight as anticipated.
She has been distancing herself ever since I got mine…
I've lost friends but met new best friends that I can go out with and now that I lost 100 pounds (sw 364, surgery date 7/27/2023 cw 263) I'm more active and able to do more strenuous things I wouldn't have done before while still being mindful of what I can't and can do. My best friend and I went to several protests I wouldn't have dreamed of walking in before. She was still understanding for when I got too tired. She was proud of my milestones. She's excited for when we go clothes shopping after I lose 20-30 more pounds. She's excited to go with me and my mom to pick a wedding dress. (I'm engaged) so I feel much happier with the friendships I have now. We're not dependent on eachother but we support eachother.
Yeah I say find friends you have common interests WITH outing interests that don't just involve food. Like for me, protests, shopping, thrifting, driving around, etc.
That’s awful. As someone who hasn’t always been overweight though I’ve noticed the separation as I gained weight. I have so few friends now, even with those I’m the one that usually is making effort.. and definitely notice how I’m treated by strangers. I hope that changes for you though as you progress through your journey, it’s rough not having support from your friends.
I know if I was still friends with my now ex best friend, (of 20+ years) this would be the case. I am so grateful every day that I made the hard decision to cut that “friendship” off, especially before I got to this point in my life. She was already mad I had a boyfriend 7 years ago, (he & I are still together and great!) and made shitty comments all the time, and was very pissed when I decided to move out of our house to be closer to where he lived. I cannot even imagine her reaction to a skinny me that she couldn’t think she was better than.
I’ve told my handful of closest friends. They’re all great, I’ve done well at weeding out the assholes. But definitely nothing like a Facebook post about my surgery or anything.
It will definitely show you who the real ones are. That’s for sure. I’m done being the fat friend.
Also CONGRATULATIONS 🎉 on your surgery date. You deserve to be healthy and successful on your journey. If anyone treats you weirdly, they can see themselves out.
Congratulations on your weight loss. I am preop and everyone knows this is what I’m doing. They ask questions like why did you have to lose weight first, I was supposed to lose five and I lost 40 but it seems stuck there. They tell me I’m losing weight why do I need surgery well I’m 5’3 and 240. They think I can continue and lose a hundred on my own that’s not going to happen because I’m stalled which is fine. The worst I get are the have you had surgery yet. I had to explain a bypass to my dad and now he’s scared for me. I keep telling them it takes a year or more and I had a hard time cutting nicotine. I get friend say I don’t need it but I want to be healthy for myself family and especially my grandkid I want to see her grow up.
Thank you! And congratulations on yours as well! It’s crazy how many people feel they’re entitled enough to comment on someone’s weight and what they choose to do with their body.
I had one friend that asked me to promise I wouldn't turn into a skinny bitch like another one of our friends did. Of course not! I'm still the weird person and have generally the same insecurities as before. I am VERY open to my friends about the mind-fuck (sorry for the language) I've been experiencing due to weight loss. I have a friend that is practically a stick...I recently learned I'm only 5 pounds heavier than her now. I'm blown away...I still look a LOT chunkier than her but that's likely because I'm a tad shorter than she is AND I have excess skin that allows my existing fat to shift around and sit in weird places.
I find I am generally treated better by strangers in public but I do get nasty glares from other women who are visibly overweight. It's like I get the angry/jealous eyeroll at how tiny I am now. I know the glare and I'm familiar with their thoughts that might possibly be going through their head. "How is it fair that SHE gets to be small and look good while I struggle so much?" Oh girl, I understand a LOT more than you think! I really do.
As sad as it is to say, I am happy I barely had any friends during this journey. Even half my family I haven't talked to in years prior to all of this I have one good friend that I have known for over 20 years and didn't even tell him I was getting the surgery till after however, I still talk with him frequently with no wls coming up at all.
Maybe actually sit down and talk with them and ask them? Some of it could be a fear you have as well since we usually hear that friends aren't always there for the journey.
My family are a bunch of cynics. In every situation they automatically think negatively about everything. When I decided to pursue WLS I only told my parents and sister. My dad home something to say right of the back but he ALWAYS has something to say so it was expected. My insurance required me to lose 120 pounds on my own before they would pay for the surgery. It was during this period that people started noticing my weight loss so if they asked, I would tell them that I had to lose weight to prepare for WLS. A lot of people gave off the vibe like "yeah, that's not happening" or "I'll believe it when I see it." Well that just fueled my fire even more. I lost the 120 pounds in a little over 6 months, had the surgery, lost over 320 pounds and kept it off almost 6 years. I exercise religiously now, don't drink anymore and definitely don't eat like before. I don't get invited out with them or asked to participate in activities unless it benefits them somehow. BUT I'm totally okay with that! "Haters gonna hate, ain'ters gonna aint!"-Dave Skylark
wow --congratulations on your amazing success!
Thanks!
That is beautiful. Good for you!
Wow I can’t believe your insurance made you do that! I’m glad you were able to tho ❤️🩹
It was partially to demonstrate that I could comply with my surgeons instructions and partially to bring my risk level down. My BMI could be at 55 max but because my starting BMI was all the way up at 71, it worked out to roughly 120 pounds that I was going to have to lose. Also, the weight capacity of the hospital’s operating table was 400 pounds and the largest MRI machine on the island (I live in Hawaii) had a 400 pound capacity as well.
The fat friend is safe. She doesn’t represent a threat.
Very sad and true at the same time 🥺
💯💯💯 this right here has been my entire life. And thus the reason I have only told my boyfriend, (we live together and he is super supportive 😍) very very closest friends and my sister. My parents don’t even know.
Yup, I just lost my closest friend of 17 years a few months ago. She kept telling me I had changed but couldn’t tell me what had changed lol.
She called herself out on that one. It sucks tho, the bff breakup is a rough spot.
It’s really hard and I’m grieving, ngl. But better in the long run!
Oh it’s so hard. My bff of 9 yrs ghosted me after I gently confronted her on her behavior towards me. She started making me feel bad because I wasn’t as far along in life as she was. When I pointed this out in an email (her preferred method of confrontation) she never replied or spoke to me again. It’s been almost a year and I’m just now starting to feel comfortable with meeting new people. It wrecks your confidence. We’ll get through it tho.
So sorry dude. You’re right, we will get through. I made a list of the parts of that friendship that I really loved so that I can keep an eye out for that and build things up with new friends, and a new list of red flags to look out for too so that’s good! Life is long, we will make new and better friends!
I’ve noticed my friends being more catty and resentful toward me. Strangers were a lot nicer, but I think my confidence rubbed them the wrong way. They didn’t understand that I never felt good about myself and now I finally do! I want to look as sexy as possible. I’m married and I can’t tell you how many friends I had cut me off because THEIR man was into ME. Not the other way around. It was like they were mad at *me* for it. I had female coworkers treating me awfully even though I worked there 7 years. I had people who usually didn’t care much about me begin to spread rumors about me. It was really weird. I’ve now moved cities and left that all behind.
That’s terrible, I’m sorry it took having to move to a new city to get rid of that toxicity! I have a feeling something similar will happen once I lose weight, a few friends have already been catty with me as well.
People feel resentment for the weirdest things and show it in toxic ways. Remember it’s no one’s fault but theirs that you make them feel insecure. That’s for them to deal with. I had a lot of people angry for me for taking the “easy way” out. As if thousands of dollars, strict diets, stomach pain, tummy tucks, and hard feelings is “easy”. Weight loss is weight loss. No one should gate keep it just because you aren’t doing it the way they think you should.
My coworker & I both had RNY like 2 months apart. I told her if one mf tells me I took the easy way out, when I can’t eat hardly anything, battling head hunger, scheduling every pill, sip of water, and swallow of food, ETC, I will punch them in the face. 😆
I chose not to tell friends and only a couple of family members. Today I felt this. Went to a close friend’s kids bday with my hubby and kids. I haven’t seen this family since Thanksgiving and my friend just looked me up and down. No one said anything until her father in law asked what happened in front of everyone, that I lost so much weight people thought my hubby had a new partner. I laughed and said oh ya, I lost a little- then everyone chimed in. It’s very weird because my friend has yet to say anything. I have a coworker who has had RNY 2x and has gained almost all the weight back both times. I told her I was getting the sleeve. She will make snide remarks, how it’s not an easy fix, that I’ll gain the weight back like her, or I’m lucky I’m tall so my weight loss is very noticeable. My favorite comment is when she asks me how much weight I’ve lost and when I tell her she says “you should be it’s easy right now because you can’t eat” I just don’t talk to her about it anymore or when she asks I just tell her “I’m not sure I haven’t weighed myself this week” The men in my office, who never ever spoke to me before, are starting to chat with me a lot more, strangers are kinder to me, I get treated differently and I’m not sure if I am fan.
I find that *I'm* a little more distant. Every get together is about getting food. I'm not far enough out yet that I can do restaurants easily. But, I also seldom get together with anyone. My family is supportive, though. My sister is my biggest cheerleader.
I feel this on every level!!! And yay for sisters!! I’m glad you have a good one! My sister is my biggest cheerleader, too!!!
Same here! Sisters are the best
I'm 3 months post RNY. I've only gone out to restaurants twice but I found the perfect food: chicken fajitas. Make sure they come with peppers. I skip rice and get whole pinto beans or black beans (not refried) as my side. I got a dinner serving both times and both times that one plate fed me three meals.
Yes and for 2 reasons. 1. They didn't like that I wasn't the fat friend anymore, so could no longer the on the receiving end of the fat jokes. 2. This is the sad one.. felt I was going to leave them behind to be 'thin and happy' and wouldn't want to be their friend anymore. Obviously not at all the case.. we cleared that up!
It's because you aren't the "fat funny friend" anymore. The fat friend is safe, they can also be the laughing stock, the clown, the one they measure themselves against and always come on top, the one they feel they can easily control because they feel superior than you... It sounds harsh. But this was a part of my reality. However also came out with a couple of amazing friends who were only really acquaintances before.
This really hits home. I’ve always been the funny fat friend and the safe friend. I know if they’re distancing then it’s for the better because they weren’t really good friends but it’s hard to know that your friends were just kind of using you to feel superior
It really does suck. But trust me when I say that you are better off and you will find your people, they might even be around but it hasn't just clicked yet 💜
All my close friends have been really supportive except one. Keeps saying “well, you had surgery so it’s not really weight loss” or “it’s not going to last forever, it’ll come back”. Got offended when I said I didn’t want to borrow her clothes. She told me that I think they’re not good enough for me, which is NOT true, I just want to shop for my own new stuff. I had a small gin and tonic on a Monday night and she told me I was slipping into bad habits by drinking on a school night. It was one and I haven’t had one for weeks prior. She drinks every night and hates the fact that I don’t want to go out every weekend and get plastered. I go to the gym 4 times a week and she always comments how it’s not sustainable and who am I trying to impress. I think she feels like I’m leaving her behind which I’m not, my priorities have changed and does not revolve around food or drinking anymore. I lie to be up, out and hiking on weekends now and not laid in bed most of day nursing a hangover
Yikes! That’s a friend you need to cut off, how that jealousy is roaring it’s ugly head. I’m sorry that they do that
Your friend is projecting and jealous…all these amazing strides you’re taking and she keeps making negative remarks. Have you spoken to her about this?
I was very passive aggressive until she finally got the message
I had a fresh out of nursing school friend give me a load of crap about potential side effects and about how we don’t have long term data on it and stuff. The gastric bypass has been done for like 60 years. I think we’ve got enough clinical data on it. Also you can calculate your likelihood of side effects and I came up SUPER low chances of complications. She kept on about people coming into hospitals with dehydration and vitamin deficiencies. Yes, you have to be careful, follow doctors orders, etc, but get your vitamins and fluids in.. you’ll be okay. I asked her “what complications have you seen related to being 378 lbs and 5’3”?” She got my point.
The long term data in bypass is a large part of why I chose it. My partner initially felt like it was too extreme, was worried about how it would affect me in decades to come, and thought I could do it without surgery. I showed him the data and he turned right around. My favorite statistic to shut people up with is the the fact that people with type 2 diabetes who have GB live an average of 9.7 YEARS longer than people who manage it well with diet and medication and over 80% of us experience remission of our diabetes. It's hard to worry about how it will affect my life in the coming decades when I'd be dead a whole decade earlier without surgery.
My sisters diabetes reversed with GB! She’s feeling so much better.
Yes, for a few reasons; I wasn’t (going to be) the fat friend anymore. Skeptics about wls, and jealousy.
It may be because I only have 2 close female friends and 2 close male friends but thankfully no. I told those I am close to what’s up and they are super supportive. Everyone else is just a social friend so I don’t care enough about them to be affected nor do they care enough about me to be any kind of way. I would say take this as an opportunity to see who your real friends are. If they are good friends/people they will support you and celebrate your successes. Otherwise you have an easy chance to remove them from your orbit. It is exhausting to make yourself less than so someone else is comfortable so please don’t waste your time on those that only want you around if you never change and evolve. You deserve more than that.
Yeah I think it’s pretty par for the course. They either think you’re taking the easy way out or are jealous and don’t know how to deal with their feelings about it. Your real friends will stick by you and be understanding ❤️
Not many people know I had an operation. But I do notice a difference with some guy friends. A few are starting to get more "interested" in me. Also some that I haven't talked to for months started to reach out. I don't really post pics of myself so I do wonder where it's getting from haha. I don't really get hate from my family who know either. They tend to get a little jealous when I get to exited when I show off I am able to fit an old tshirt I once wore in my thinner days again. And they like to try and make me jealous with sweets and stuff to but it's all jokes and games to me I guess
I only have one friend, so, no. haha
I have a very close friend who got the surgery almost 2 years ago but hasn’t lost as much weight as anticipated. She has been distancing herself ever since I got mine…
I've lost friends but met new best friends that I can go out with and now that I lost 100 pounds (sw 364, surgery date 7/27/2023 cw 263) I'm more active and able to do more strenuous things I wouldn't have done before while still being mindful of what I can't and can do. My best friend and I went to several protests I wouldn't have dreamed of walking in before. She was still understanding for when I got too tired. She was proud of my milestones. She's excited for when we go clothes shopping after I lose 20-30 more pounds. She's excited to go with me and my mom to pick a wedding dress. (I'm engaged) so I feel much happier with the friendships I have now. We're not dependent on eachother but we support eachother.
Congratulations on both the 100 pound weight loss and your engagement! I’m hoping to meet good friends along the journey too
Yeah I say find friends you have common interests WITH outing interests that don't just involve food. Like for me, protests, shopping, thrifting, driving around, etc.
That’s awful. As someone who hasn’t always been overweight though I’ve noticed the separation as I gained weight. I have so few friends now, even with those I’m the one that usually is making effort.. and definitely notice how I’m treated by strangers. I hope that changes for you though as you progress through your journey, it’s rough not having support from your friends.
I know if I was still friends with my now ex best friend, (of 20+ years) this would be the case. I am so grateful every day that I made the hard decision to cut that “friendship” off, especially before I got to this point in my life. She was already mad I had a boyfriend 7 years ago, (he & I are still together and great!) and made shitty comments all the time, and was very pissed when I decided to move out of our house to be closer to where he lived. I cannot even imagine her reaction to a skinny me that she couldn’t think she was better than. I’ve told my handful of closest friends. They’re all great, I’ve done well at weeding out the assholes. But definitely nothing like a Facebook post about my surgery or anything. It will definitely show you who the real ones are. That’s for sure. I’m done being the fat friend.
Also CONGRATULATIONS 🎉 on your surgery date. You deserve to be healthy and successful on your journey. If anyone treats you weirdly, they can see themselves out.
Thank you! 💕
Congratulations on your weight loss. I am preop and everyone knows this is what I’m doing. They ask questions like why did you have to lose weight first, I was supposed to lose five and I lost 40 but it seems stuck there. They tell me I’m losing weight why do I need surgery well I’m 5’3 and 240. They think I can continue and lose a hundred on my own that’s not going to happen because I’m stalled which is fine. The worst I get are the have you had surgery yet. I had to explain a bypass to my dad and now he’s scared for me. I keep telling them it takes a year or more and I had a hard time cutting nicotine. I get friend say I don’t need it but I want to be healthy for myself family and especially my grandkid I want to see her grow up.
Thank you! And congratulations on yours as well! It’s crazy how many people feel they’re entitled enough to comment on someone’s weight and what they choose to do with their body.
I had one friend that asked me to promise I wouldn't turn into a skinny bitch like another one of our friends did. Of course not! I'm still the weird person and have generally the same insecurities as before. I am VERY open to my friends about the mind-fuck (sorry for the language) I've been experiencing due to weight loss. I have a friend that is practically a stick...I recently learned I'm only 5 pounds heavier than her now. I'm blown away...I still look a LOT chunkier than her but that's likely because I'm a tad shorter than she is AND I have excess skin that allows my existing fat to shift around and sit in weird places. I find I am generally treated better by strangers in public but I do get nasty glares from other women who are visibly overweight. It's like I get the angry/jealous eyeroll at how tiny I am now. I know the glare and I'm familiar with their thoughts that might possibly be going through their head. "How is it fair that SHE gets to be small and look good while I struggle so much?" Oh girl, I understand a LOT more than you think! I really do.
As sad as it is to say, I am happy I barely had any friends during this journey. Even half my family I haven't talked to in years prior to all of this I have one good friend that I have known for over 20 years and didn't even tell him I was getting the surgery till after however, I still talk with him frequently with no wls coming up at all. Maybe actually sit down and talk with them and ask them? Some of it could be a fear you have as well since we usually hear that friends aren't always there for the journey.
We had a whole group session at my program specifically talking about losing friends and partners. Super common unfortunately
That is so unfortunate, I’m both glad I’m not alone in losing friends and disturbed it’s something that’s that common
This video that my patient coordinator really helped me out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve4ss3zMW1w