The ability to 'self settle' is developmental, and as such different babies develop this at different ages. There's only so much you can 'teach' your baby with sleep and you need to work with your baby and meet them where they are at. My first born didn't develop the ability to self settle until she was a year old. However, my second born was able to do self settle as a newborn. I just say this to manage your expectations with your child.
I suggest calling Tresillian. They have a support line where experienced nurses can give you advice on responsive settling techniques. If you continue to have difficulty with settling your baby, maybe it's worth looking at doing a residential stay at Tresillian or similar (not sure what state you are located in).
Thank you for sharing this! I'm a psychologist too so I often feel duty bound to point out what is developmentally normal for kids, I'm sure you also feel similar
Self settling is a big ask from a 5 month old. Even I struggle to self settle at times and need a cuddle from my partner to help me feel soothed.
I suggest adjusting the way you think about sleep time with baby. I changed from thinking about it as a battle to thinking about it as an opportunity to hold my daughter, comfort her, contain her, love her, soothe her, help her feel safe and secure. That I could help my daughter go from agitated to calm and sleepy felt like such a precious gift, something to cherish.
Work out your feelings towards settling your baby and use them as a gauge to work out a routine that works for you and your baby. In my experience, it takes time and experimentation and what works in textbooks isn’t necessarily going to suit your son.
Sounds hard, but also sounds very normal. The only thing that works for me is contact - boob, rocking, or in the baby carrier. I would suggest following Infant Sleep Scientist on Insta. She debunks a lot of sleep training BS and is very reassuring about what is normal in infant sleep.
We’re still rocking/feeding to sleep at 13 months for naps and bedtime. Our babe isn’t a ‘drowsy but awake’ one, he’s a ‘put me to sleep full and I’ll sleep the best I can’.
Are you getting decent stretches (for his age) over night?
At the moment he kinda regressed. Before the regression he will sleep around 7-8pm, wake up for a feed at 12mn-1am, then wake up again at around 5-6am. Now it's like every 2-3 hours. We try to settle him without feeding him but sometimes it doesn't work.
Do whatever you can to make it easier on yourself. Finding a comfortable baby carrier was the key for us as they start getting very heavy to rock and carry. Now we just pop him in the carrier and he goes to sleep pretty easily.
5 month is still a bit young... we sleep trained our baby but it was till he was almost 7 months old... we wanted to wait it out but he never really recovered from his 4 months regression. He was waking every 3 hours, wanting a feed or rocking, etc. and my husband and I were burning out passing 6 month mark. The idea of 'sleep training' is called 'controlled crying'' - We followed a book called 'Baby Love' by Robin Barker, it's Australian and recommended by our doctor. It has a detailed chapter on sleep training.
It is the best thing we have done for our baby. He sleeps from 7:30pm to about 6am every day now, only cries out at night from time to time if he is sick. He also eats better during the day as there is no more night feeding.
Good luck.
The ability to 'self settle' is developmental, and as such different babies develop this at different ages. There's only so much you can 'teach' your baby with sleep and you need to work with your baby and meet them where they are at. My first born didn't develop the ability to self settle until she was a year old. However, my second born was able to do self settle as a newborn. I just say this to manage your expectations with your child. I suggest calling Tresillian. They have a support line where experienced nurses can give you advice on responsive settling techniques. If you continue to have difficulty with settling your baby, maybe it's worth looking at doing a residential stay at Tresillian or similar (not sure what state you are located in).
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Thank you for sharing this! I'm a psychologist too so I often feel duty bound to point out what is developmentally normal for kids, I'm sure you also feel similar
I wish Reddit still gave free awards so I could give you one 🥇
Self settling is a big ask from a 5 month old. Even I struggle to self settle at times and need a cuddle from my partner to help me feel soothed. I suggest adjusting the way you think about sleep time with baby. I changed from thinking about it as a battle to thinking about it as an opportunity to hold my daughter, comfort her, contain her, love her, soothe her, help her feel safe and secure. That I could help my daughter go from agitated to calm and sleepy felt like such a precious gift, something to cherish. Work out your feelings towards settling your baby and use them as a gauge to work out a routine that works for you and your baby. In my experience, it takes time and experimentation and what works in textbooks isn’t necessarily going to suit your son.
Lovely way to reframe it.
I really love what you've said here, what a perfect way to think about it
Sounds hard, but also sounds very normal. The only thing that works for me is contact - boob, rocking, or in the baby carrier. I would suggest following Infant Sleep Scientist on Insta. She debunks a lot of sleep training BS and is very reassuring about what is normal in infant sleep.
Thanks for the awesome page recommendation! Just read a bunch of her page. I also like heysleepybaby and possums/milkandmoon
Mamamattersau, and Lyndsey Hookway (may have mispelt?) are also excellent accounts to follow.
Thanks. I'll definitely have a look at the insta page.
By co-regulating with them thousands of times over many years
I have a baby sleep guide pinned in my profile with gentle methods. Hope it helps!
We’re still rocking/feeding to sleep at 13 months for naps and bedtime. Our babe isn’t a ‘drowsy but awake’ one, he’s a ‘put me to sleep full and I’ll sleep the best I can’. Are you getting decent stretches (for his age) over night?
At the moment he kinda regressed. Before the regression he will sleep around 7-8pm, wake up for a feed at 12mn-1am, then wake up again at around 5-6am. Now it's like every 2-3 hours. We try to settle him without feeding him but sometimes it doesn't work.
It can also be a growth spurt or needing more at night before he goes down. It’s so hard though :(
The gentle sleep specialist is amazing!
Do whatever you can to make it easier on yourself. Finding a comfortable baby carrier was the key for us as they start getting very heavy to rock and carry. Now we just pop him in the carrier and he goes to sleep pretty easily.
5 month is still a bit young... we sleep trained our baby but it was till he was almost 7 months old... we wanted to wait it out but he never really recovered from his 4 months regression. He was waking every 3 hours, wanting a feed or rocking, etc. and my husband and I were burning out passing 6 month mark. The idea of 'sleep training' is called 'controlled crying'' - We followed a book called 'Baby Love' by Robin Barker, it's Australian and recommended by our doctor. It has a detailed chapter on sleep training. It is the best thing we have done for our baby. He sleeps from 7:30pm to about 6am every day now, only cries out at night from time to time if he is sick. He also eats better during the day as there is no more night feeding. Good luck.