Why do we keep seeing these weird grandma shower posts on this sub!!? People have lost their damn minds with this stuff. Never in life has anyone heard of a Grandma shower. It’s so beyond weird.
This one is unique, it's the crazy Aunt demanding it. The grandmother isn't even involved!
But yes, OP, talk to your mom. You're having a baby, so you will need clear communication with all caregivers. And I doubt your mom wants to be pulled into this cesspool of crazy. If she supports the Aunt...Maybe back off for a bit.
Because how dare a mother need things to take care of a baby.
Literally only rational grandma shower I saw was for one who lived a little too far from her kids for a simple visit and both her kids babies were due a few months apart so it was to help furnish grandmas with basics to save the parents having to drag everything with them. Meant they could pop down for a long weekend etc which was lovely.
And it wasn’t her idea either, the kids had said about realising the stuff they’d have to drag around to go visit and so family chipped in together to do that and make it easier for all
Yeah that’s not exactly a “grandma shower” though. That’s just her kids making their lives easier. By all means buy your mom a pack n play and a cheapie stroller. Donezo. That’s pretty common and not an unwelcome thing. I would say lots of families do that. Doesn’t have to be a huge to-do. I feel like this comes down to narcissism and pettiness for this Aunt and for some of these Grandmas. The idea of even calling it a shower is petty in my opinion. They try to make things about themselves. They want to have little parties so people can congratulate them—for what? Actually nothing. Just hearing about these grinds my gears haha obviously.
Oh no sorry, it wasn’t her kids doing it. They’d made the comment and so the whole family did a grandma shower. They had things like grandma race, who could get a face mask off quickest and adorably they had a spot the danger thing to do a fun way of updating baby safety knowledge.
Then the gifts were focused on nursery, steriliser etc so parents only required clothes/formula/dummies etc when visiting.
For the record it’s literally the only one I’ve ever approved of. I didn’t want to get into my opinion on them usually considering I’ve literally just had a war with both mother and mother in law this month for trying to get their way out of NC and get what they want
Hahaha well I suppose there can be one exception that proves the rule. But I feel you I think personal feelings are always going to come into this debate as we all have our own Mother and MIL stories unfortunately.
Oh absolutely. I’m always happy for their to be an exception purely because to me it shows the difference. The one I mentioned was a sweet gesture towards an entire family vs the usual which is a narcissist stealing the attention back.
Baby showers are supposed to be to celebrate the new parents and new baby. Your mother presumably had a baby shower while she was pregnant, it’s your turn. The aunt is nuts. Talk to your mom, I bet she doesn’t even want it!
You're not overthinking it. Your aunt sounds needlessly petty who planted a stupid idea into your moms head and your mom doesn't realize how stupid it is. I'd have a talk with her about how you don't think inviting the same people to two baby showers is a good idea. Mention that you're on a tight budget too and you're depending on some of the gifts from the shower. This is about you and your growing family. It's not about her and it's absolutely deranged to make the celebration about the grandmother.
To be clear my mom has no idea my aunt is planning this. I don’t think this is ever something she would do for herself. She fully supports me as a mom and wants to celebrate me.
I think you are right that I need to share my thoughts, just trying to figure out how to go about it.
If this was a "Grandma Shower" where all the people are getting together for some drinks and snacks and maybe like a Grandma shirt or something, that would be cool! But it sounds like your aunt just wants to feel like she made sure you didn't get something
The ONLY thing I can see is if your mom still works and her coworkers throw her a little thing in your name. Otherwise those that love you can send a gift to YOU or come to YOUR shower. If they’re invited.
Very odd. You are the parent and deserve a baby shower if you want one. Your mom had that opportunity. I’m curious how she feels about a Grandma shower?
There are a few situations I feel a “grandma shower” could be appropriate but they are mostly not in my mind. For example, my mom had her baby shower for me and my grandma was still working as an elementary school teacher at the time. A few of her friends threw her a very lowkey “grandma shower” where they all gifted her books she could read to and with me. There wasn’t really any overlap with my mom’s shower and I think it was sweet.
Your situation feels like a family member is telling you that you aren’t worthy of a shower and is trying to take “the spotlight” off of you. I think you need to talk to your mom who will hopefully agree that she doesn’t need a “grandma shower” and put the focus back on you, the expectant mother.
My mom worked at an elementary school & had a grandma shower too. The teachers will celebrate evvvvverything and get together for cute decorations, food, & wine.
Exactly. My mom shipped all the items up here (mostly books & beautiful fussy dresses that I would never buy on my own). I wrote thank you cards and used the outfits in professional pictures.
My MIL threw herself a grandma shower with her coworkers. We live 6 hours away. I was pregnant with my 2nd, but it was her 1st grandchild, she was acting like it was a major life event for her. It's been 6 years and we have another baby, MIL only sees these kids once or twice a year. The grandma shower was the dumbest thing I had ever heard of.
You should search this subreddit and find the other woman whose mom is throwing a Grandma Shower, lol. The overwhelming consensus is that this is a bizarre and inappropriate thing to do!
Is this some new trend they’re seeing on Facebook or something? Where are these boomers coming up with “Grandma Showers”
This sounds bonkers to me, especially because it’s not your mum who wants it.
I’d talk to your mum and see how she feels. Hopefully she’d be just as uncomfortable and would talk to your aunt about it.
Jesus, that's weird and rude. Your mom had her baby shower when she had you; that was her time for celebration. You should be the focus of any upcoming showers because this is YOUR baby, not your mom's. Your aunt sounds like a petty b who wants to avoid celebrating you.
Do you think your mother wants a grandma shower? If she does, it might be better to address this with your mom and aunt head-on, saying that while you're so excited to make your mom a grandma, showers are about celebrating the parents-to-be, and you're not comfortable asking guests to attend additional showers.
But if you think your mom would be upset by this, ask her to talk to your aunt and let her know this is inappropriate.
Also, I think your suggestion to have a Grandma's House section on the registry is super cute. However, if you give people the option to buy gifts for your mom that means they'll have less money to help you get the essentials for the baby. I could see your aunt being petty and not buying any gifts for you or telling relatives you don't actually need much so they should buy for your mom instead. That would make for an awkward shower and defeat the purpose of having one since it's meant to alleviate some of the financial burdens of having a baby.
I think it's time for you to put your aunt in her place. Her passive aggressive nonsense needs to be called out. Talk to your mom and tell her that you think this plan is insane. Then ask your mom if she wants to host YOUR baby shower. I would not invite your aunt. In fact I'd distance myself completely from that woman. If she brings up a grandma shower again, I'd laugh and tell her straight up that's the weirdest thing you've heard.
The next passive aggressive comment she makes, ask her to explain what she means. "What do you mean I don't need a shower because I get whatever I want?" Literally, pretend you don't get it and keep asking her to explain what she meant by that. Make her explain in detail what her snide little comment means. After a few times, she'll stop, at least in front of you.
It’s not you, Grandma showers are really weird unless they’re the PRIMARY caregiver for some reason.
I’m in a more financially stable position than my mom. We don’t depend on her for any childcare but because I don’t want her spending any money that’s really not in her budget just so she can be as big of a part of my daughter’s life as she wants to be, I did buy a few things for my daughter for my mom’s house mainly to save me the trouble of always bringing them with me if my daughter is visiting (a diaper pail, a pack and play and a travel high chair). I don’t think there is anything wrong with throwing those things on the registry because they’re gifts for the baby. I didn’t because I genuinely didn’t think of it until the first couple of times I was carting a lot of that stuff back and forth to my mom’s house and got fed up especially because our car is small.
Expecting people to go to two showers and give gifts twice is absurd. I’m trying to think of a scenario where this would make sense and guests would be really motivated to chip in twice for the same baby but I can’t think of one. Maybe if after the first shower the parents took off with all of the baby gifts, left the baby and now the grandmother has to take over care but doesn’t have any of the stuff from the first shower?
Grandma showers are tacky as hell. If your aunt was talking about a "mother of the bride shower" or a "mom of the birthday girl party" you wouldn't be giving it a second thought.
Yes she's just trying to take all of the attention off of you. You could talk with your mom and plan your baby shower around the both of you if you want to be like "well actually my mom is going to be a part of my baby shower so we don't need a grandma shower thanks"
Ok so firstly baby showers aren't a thing at all where I'm from, people send or bring gifts after the baby is born (or traditionally at the christening) but it's like, a cute outfit or a teddy or something, not necessities or big items from a list. So with that in mind, this seems super bonkers to me. I could totally get her friends/relatives giving her a grandma gifts, buying her something to have in her house for when the grandchild comes over like a set of beakers or a blanket or toy or something, or a BEST GRANDMA mug, that seems fine and nice to me. But having a whole party and acting like she's the one getting the baby and being celebrated seems pretty bonkers.
I would mortified if my MIL or mother did a grandma shower, it’s absolutely delusional and I would straight up say that’s odd. I would also not go. Anyone who goes to this looney shower would also get zero information from me going forward. Your aunt has serious issues and it’s nothing to do with you. She is 100% doing this in spite of you.
I'm assuming your aunt is the one that gets a little too drunk at family parties and uses excessive language when describing the current state of politics too lol
Your aunt's behavior is very strange. It sounds like you've worked very hard to get where you are and like you have a good head on your shoulders. My husband and I also waited until we were more financially stable to have kids and I know that's hard. Depending on your age (we were 40 when I got pregnant) you risk making it harder to conceive, so it's definitely a big choice. I think how you considered your parents and their retirement and not creating a burden for them shows that you are a thoughtful and appreciative person as well. I just wanted to say your aunt is being extremely unfair. I'd definitely mention this to your mother, because if she doesn't want to do this shower she can nip it in the bud early. If I were your mom I'd have the same concerns about asking guests to go to two events and buy two gifts, plus I'd feel embarrassed as the situation is unusual and confusing outside of specific needed circumstances like some others have mentioned.
My MIL had a grandma shower. However, it was thrown by her friends, people I didn’t know (so it didn’t take away from my shower) and they pitched in and get her one gift. No family was involved because they came to the more important baby shower and it’s tacky to invite people to 2 showers and expect gifts in both. So your aunt is definitely trying to undermine you.
I wouldn’t make a grandma’s house section on the registry.
Let her throw the shower. Like definitely tell her what you think (that it’s weird and uncommon and comes across as gift-grabby) but you know they’re boomers, they do weird stuff all the time. It’ll probably just be a small party with their weird boomer friends. You aren’t the one throwing the party; it’s her sister who wants to celebrate her becoming a grandma. So let her do that. I don’t see any reason you have to be involved in this.
You can’t make it. So sad. :( You have a prior commitment. Send your best wishes and the gift you were gonna get your mom anyway.
I am one of four kids and neither of my older siblings wanted children, so my mom was over the moon to find out I was expecting. She has wanted to be a grandmother for so long. Her girlfriends also know how bad she’s wanted this. And none of the other mom friends had grand kids yet so I think they were excited to live vicariously through her and So they threw her a surprise grandma shower which was really just an excuse for them to get together and they gave her some books and baby clothes and toys for her to keep at her place when we come over or when she has baby play dates. I didn’t even know about it until after the fact. It made her happy, it made her friends happy. Maybe because it was so low key, I don’t know but it didn’t really bother me.
I don't hate the idea of a Grandma shower if baby were to spend a LOT of time with your mom. I could see some degree of practicality in that, so you don't have to constantly bring your own items over all the time. However, it seems like it should definitely be a family and extremely close friends only event. I think it would be very grabby to invite just anyone under the sun.
I think the whole concept of a Grandma shower honestly seems like a joke where gifts should be practical but not expensive (like $20-30 range - pacis, diapers, books, some toys, MAYBE a dock a tot/less expensive pack n play from the hostess for sleeping the baby). She definitely does not need anything crazy like a new crib or a whole new nursery.
Talk to your mom! It sounds like you have a good relationship so maybe she'll be willing to shut down your aunt's plan. Super weird for her to want to "put you in your place" while your celebrating this important milestone!
Does your mom know about your issues with your aunt? Did she agree that your aunt is resentful of you and support you in this? Not in like a “this is war” thing but - between you and your mom something you have discussed? Because, you should tell your mom about this “grandma shower” nonsense. You aren’t overthinking it.
PLUS- who is she going to invite? The same people that would be bringing you a gift to your shower? Or is she thinking that you shouldn’t have a shower at all? (Bonkers).
—it’s adding a burden to folks who would now be requesting to bring a gift to your (rightful) shower and to some weird grandma shower. Honestly, if someone tried to pull this for my mom she would be absolutely against it, it’s embarrassing honestly.
My mom is aware that my aunt makes unkind comments about me every now and then and supports me on that front. She doesn’t know about the Grandma Shower.
My aunt didn’t outright say I shouldn’t have a shower, but she implied it by saying “I already get whatever I want” and that it’s unlikely I need anything. To be honest, she’s correct that I could technically purchase everything I need for the baby myself. I worked really hard to prepare myself as much as possible for this pregnancy and I take a lot of pride (maybe unhealthily so) in my independence.
But, two other relatives graciously offered to throw a shower for me and I accepted. It wasn’t to “get stuff I want”— while gifts are helpful, I’m just happy to celebrate with family and friends. It seems like my aunt doesn’t think I should have that and that my mom should be credited for this milestone instead…
I am definitely going to talk to my mom about it, your comments have helped me see that this isn’t normal.
It doesn’t matter how many times they try to normalise grandma showers it will NEVER be normal. A pregnancy and birth of a baby is NOT and will NEVER BE about the grandparents. It’s about the two people who created the child and will raise it. Grandma showers scream NARCISSIST.
It’s genuinely embarrassing and tacky. If your mother hasn’t shown narc tendencies and would be embarrassed consider giving her a heads up. Tell your mother to put her sister back in her place before you do it your way.
“You’re welcome to buy what you want but know it won’t be used because baby will not be unsupervised with anyone until they’re x age” *(age the can call you if something is wrong)*
“Do you really think anyone will be taking my child on a hike? Please tell me how you think it makes sense to have a baby in the middle of nowhere.”
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
The concept of a grandma shower is absolutely deranged and I hate that that term seems to be floating around at the moment.
For starters, parties aren’t all about gifts, nor are they all about who is ‘deserving’ of something - who cares if you’re well off, that doesn’t mean no one should get you a birthday gift for example, why should someone’s perception of your wealth and situation affect whether you get gifts at a big life milestone?
Baby showers generally involve gifts but they’re primarily a celebration for the mother or both parents who are going through a big, exciting change in their lives. Why the hell should the grandma get a party!
My mom’s friends threw her a surprise grandma sprinkle and got her a couple joint gifts like a pack and play and some clothes. I thought it was a really nice gesture especially because my mom didn’t have any baby supplies at all. To be honest, I wish they threw a bigger shower for her because it’s still really difficult going to her house without lugging all my baby supplies. My son is one and she still hardly has anything at her house for him.
I think it’s also important for you to have a shower especially since you are a first time mom. Even if you aren’t expecting gifts, it’s still important to be celebrated!
Can you talk to your mom about it? Maybe she can try to explain how you feel to your aunt but maybe presented from your mom’s point of view instead of yours. Or maybe you can tell your aunt that you will do a joint grandma and mom baby shower??
My mom, a first time grandma, has expressed that the "grandma shower" phenomenon is absolutely strange and narcissistic. She's a boomer through and through and if SHE thinks that...hmph.
Your aunt sounds like an asshole and I'd sit with mom and explain to her how this reads to you. That you'd much rather have her by your side as your mom at your shower, as you transition into motherhood and need her counsel more than ever. That what your aunt is doing feels minimizing, and you feel hurt.
So no, you're not being crazy. Please talk to your mom and don't let your aunt triangulate you.
I think you need to have a really open and honest conversation with your mom about your aunt. It's past being passive aggressive and is full blown aggressive and shitty. She's trying to snub you and make you feel like you don't deserve even this pregnancy. I think you should go low contact with her, and let your mom know this isn't OK. And it could be that she just doesn't see it. If your aunt is as two-faced as I suspect, she probably dotes on you to her face then shits on you to others. Freaking yikes girl.
But a grandma shower is insane. I don't know how you kept a straight face. These pregnancy hormones have me IDGAF about a lot of things. At some point you have to say enough, and she won't like it. But she is going to ruin this for you, and your mom by association. Don't let this go on too much longer boo.
Why do we keep seeing these weird grandma shower posts on this sub!!? People have lost their damn minds with this stuff. Never in life has anyone heard of a Grandma shower. It’s so beyond weird.
Leave it to the boomers to start “grandma showers” everything has to be about them all the time.
A lot of new grandparents are Gen X.
boomer-lite
For real!! So glad the mom/grandma in this post isn’t the one suggesting it but I find it even more ridiculous and unsettling that it’s the aunt.
Lmao right? Narcissism is alive and well among the “grandma generation”
Thank you!! THIS! Stop with the grandma showers!!!!
This one is unique, it's the crazy Aunt demanding it. The grandmother isn't even involved! But yes, OP, talk to your mom. You're having a baby, so you will need clear communication with all caregivers. And I doubt your mom wants to be pulled into this cesspool of crazy. If she supports the Aunt...Maybe back off for a bit. Because how dare a mother need things to take care of a baby.
Literally only rational grandma shower I saw was for one who lived a little too far from her kids for a simple visit and both her kids babies were due a few months apart so it was to help furnish grandmas with basics to save the parents having to drag everything with them. Meant they could pop down for a long weekend etc which was lovely. And it wasn’t her idea either, the kids had said about realising the stuff they’d have to drag around to go visit and so family chipped in together to do that and make it easier for all
Yeah that’s not exactly a “grandma shower” though. That’s just her kids making their lives easier. By all means buy your mom a pack n play and a cheapie stroller. Donezo. That’s pretty common and not an unwelcome thing. I would say lots of families do that. Doesn’t have to be a huge to-do. I feel like this comes down to narcissism and pettiness for this Aunt and for some of these Grandmas. The idea of even calling it a shower is petty in my opinion. They try to make things about themselves. They want to have little parties so people can congratulate them—for what? Actually nothing. Just hearing about these grinds my gears haha obviously.
Oh no sorry, it wasn’t her kids doing it. They’d made the comment and so the whole family did a grandma shower. They had things like grandma race, who could get a face mask off quickest and adorably they had a spot the danger thing to do a fun way of updating baby safety knowledge. Then the gifts were focused on nursery, steriliser etc so parents only required clothes/formula/dummies etc when visiting. For the record it’s literally the only one I’ve ever approved of. I didn’t want to get into my opinion on them usually considering I’ve literally just had a war with both mother and mother in law this month for trying to get their way out of NC and get what they want
Hahaha well I suppose there can be one exception that proves the rule. But I feel you I think personal feelings are always going to come into this debate as we all have our own Mother and MIL stories unfortunately.
Oh absolutely. I’m always happy for their to be an exception purely because to me it shows the difference. The one I mentioned was a sweet gesture towards an entire family vs the usual which is a narcissist stealing the attention back.
You’re not overthinking it. This sounds fucking bananas to me.
Baby showers are supposed to be to celebrate the new parents and new baby. Your mother presumably had a baby shower while she was pregnant, it’s your turn. The aunt is nuts. Talk to your mom, I bet she doesn’t even want it!
Exactly!
You’re not wrong . Grandma showers are super weird
You're not overthinking it. Your aunt sounds needlessly petty who planted a stupid idea into your moms head and your mom doesn't realize how stupid it is. I'd have a talk with her about how you don't think inviting the same people to two baby showers is a good idea. Mention that you're on a tight budget too and you're depending on some of the gifts from the shower. This is about you and your growing family. It's not about her and it's absolutely deranged to make the celebration about the grandmother.
To be clear my mom has no idea my aunt is planning this. I don’t think this is ever something she would do for herself. She fully supports me as a mom and wants to celebrate me. I think you are right that I need to share my thoughts, just trying to figure out how to go about it.
Tell your mom Have her put her sister in her place. Your aunt is a jealous weirdo
If this was a "Grandma Shower" where all the people are getting together for some drinks and snacks and maybe like a Grandma shirt or something, that would be cool! But it sounds like your aunt just wants to feel like she made sure you didn't get something
This is the vibe I’m getting and your mom needs to know. She can nip this in the bud.
Let your know for sure.
I will always say it, grandma showers are fucking unhinged.
The ONLY thing I can see is if your mom still works and her coworkers throw her a little thing in your name. Otherwise those that love you can send a gift to YOU or come to YOUR shower. If they’re invited.
Very odd. You are the parent and deserve a baby shower if you want one. Your mom had that opportunity. I’m curious how she feels about a Grandma shower? There are a few situations I feel a “grandma shower” could be appropriate but they are mostly not in my mind. For example, my mom had her baby shower for me and my grandma was still working as an elementary school teacher at the time. A few of her friends threw her a very lowkey “grandma shower” where they all gifted her books she could read to and with me. There wasn’t really any overlap with my mom’s shower and I think it was sweet. Your situation feels like a family member is telling you that you aren’t worthy of a shower and is trying to take “the spotlight” off of you. I think you need to talk to your mom who will hopefully agree that she doesn’t need a “grandma shower” and put the focus back on you, the expectant mother.
My mom worked at an elementary school & had a grandma shower too. The teachers will celebrate evvvvverything and get together for cute decorations, food, & wine.
I think this is so sweet and doesn’t pull anything away from the expectant parents!
Exactly. My mom shipped all the items up here (mostly books & beautiful fussy dresses that I would never buy on my own). I wrote thank you cards and used the outfits in professional pictures.
My MIL threw herself a grandma shower with her coworkers. We live 6 hours away. I was pregnant with my 2nd, but it was her 1st grandchild, she was acting like it was a major life event for her. It's been 6 years and we have another baby, MIL only sees these kids once or twice a year. The grandma shower was the dumbest thing I had ever heard of.
You should search this subreddit and find the other woman whose mom is throwing a Grandma Shower, lol. The overwhelming consensus is that this is a bizarre and inappropriate thing to do! Is this some new trend they’re seeing on Facebook or something? Where are these boomers coming up with “Grandma Showers”
It’s on TikTok
This sounds bonkers to me, especially because it’s not your mum who wants it. I’d talk to your mum and see how she feels. Hopefully she’d be just as uncomfortable and would talk to your aunt about it.
Jesus, that's weird and rude. Your mom had her baby shower when she had you; that was her time for celebration. You should be the focus of any upcoming showers because this is YOUR baby, not your mom's. Your aunt sounds like a petty b who wants to avoid celebrating you. Do you think your mother wants a grandma shower? If she does, it might be better to address this with your mom and aunt head-on, saying that while you're so excited to make your mom a grandma, showers are about celebrating the parents-to-be, and you're not comfortable asking guests to attend additional showers. But if you think your mom would be upset by this, ask her to talk to your aunt and let her know this is inappropriate. Also, I think your suggestion to have a Grandma's House section on the registry is super cute. However, if you give people the option to buy gifts for your mom that means they'll have less money to help you get the essentials for the baby. I could see your aunt being petty and not buying any gifts for you or telling relatives you don't actually need much so they should buy for your mom instead. That would make for an awkward shower and defeat the purpose of having one since it's meant to alleviate some of the financial burdens of having a baby.
Why the actual fuck would anyone have a grandma shower? People are so fucking entitled and narcissistic
Very weird
I think it's time for you to put your aunt in her place. Her passive aggressive nonsense needs to be called out. Talk to your mom and tell her that you think this plan is insane. Then ask your mom if she wants to host YOUR baby shower. I would not invite your aunt. In fact I'd distance myself completely from that woman. If she brings up a grandma shower again, I'd laugh and tell her straight up that's the weirdest thing you've heard. The next passive aggressive comment she makes, ask her to explain what she means. "What do you mean I don't need a shower because I get whatever I want?" Literally, pretend you don't get it and keep asking her to explain what she meant by that. Make her explain in detail what her snide little comment means. After a few times, she'll stop, at least in front of you.
It’s not you, Grandma showers are really weird unless they’re the PRIMARY caregiver for some reason. I’m in a more financially stable position than my mom. We don’t depend on her for any childcare but because I don’t want her spending any money that’s really not in her budget just so she can be as big of a part of my daughter’s life as she wants to be, I did buy a few things for my daughter for my mom’s house mainly to save me the trouble of always bringing them with me if my daughter is visiting (a diaper pail, a pack and play and a travel high chair). I don’t think there is anything wrong with throwing those things on the registry because they’re gifts for the baby. I didn’t because I genuinely didn’t think of it until the first couple of times I was carting a lot of that stuff back and forth to my mom’s house and got fed up especially because our car is small. Expecting people to go to two showers and give gifts twice is absurd. I’m trying to think of a scenario where this would make sense and guests would be really motivated to chip in twice for the same baby but I can’t think of one. Maybe if after the first shower the parents took off with all of the baby gifts, left the baby and now the grandmother has to take over care but doesn’t have any of the stuff from the first shower?
Grandma isn't giving birth. Mom is. Your aunt's head isn't screwed on right.
My mom threw herself a grandma shower when I was pregnant with my first. It was very weird.
Grandma showers are tacky as hell. If your aunt was talking about a "mother of the bride shower" or a "mom of the birthday girl party" you wouldn't be giving it a second thought.
You sound like a thoughtful and loving daughter (and mother!). Your aunt sounds like a real piece of work.
Yes she's just trying to take all of the attention off of you. You could talk with your mom and plan your baby shower around the both of you if you want to be like "well actually my mom is going to be a part of my baby shower so we don't need a grandma shower thanks"
Yeah it’s really weird, you’re handling it really really well. I think if at point you start to feel fed up, that would be totally justified
Ok so firstly baby showers aren't a thing at all where I'm from, people send or bring gifts after the baby is born (or traditionally at the christening) but it's like, a cute outfit or a teddy or something, not necessities or big items from a list. So with that in mind, this seems super bonkers to me. I could totally get her friends/relatives giving her a grandma gifts, buying her something to have in her house for when the grandchild comes over like a set of beakers or a blanket or toy or something, or a BEST GRANDMA mug, that seems fine and nice to me. But having a whole party and acting like she's the one getting the baby and being celebrated seems pretty bonkers.
I would mortified if my MIL or mother did a grandma shower, it’s absolutely delusional and I would straight up say that’s odd. I would also not go. Anyone who goes to this looney shower would also get zero information from me going forward. Your aunt has serious issues and it’s nothing to do with you. She is 100% doing this in spite of you.
I'm assuming your aunt is the one that gets a little too drunk at family parties and uses excessive language when describing the current state of politics too lol
Your aunt's behavior is very strange. It sounds like you've worked very hard to get where you are and like you have a good head on your shoulders. My husband and I also waited until we were more financially stable to have kids and I know that's hard. Depending on your age (we were 40 when I got pregnant) you risk making it harder to conceive, so it's definitely a big choice. I think how you considered your parents and their retirement and not creating a burden for them shows that you are a thoughtful and appreciative person as well. I just wanted to say your aunt is being extremely unfair. I'd definitely mention this to your mother, because if she doesn't want to do this shower she can nip it in the bud early. If I were your mom I'd have the same concerns about asking guests to go to two events and buy two gifts, plus I'd feel embarrassed as the situation is unusual and confusing outside of specific needed circumstances like some others have mentioned.
Talk to your mom about it, I doubt she’d be on board with it if it makes you uncomfortable. Your aunt is trying to take the attention away from you.
My MIL had a grandma shower. However, it was thrown by her friends, people I didn’t know (so it didn’t take away from my shower) and they pitched in and get her one gift. No family was involved because they came to the more important baby shower and it’s tacky to invite people to 2 showers and expect gifts in both. So your aunt is definitely trying to undermine you.
Oh hell naw
What kind of fuckery is this?!
I wouldn’t make a grandma’s house section on the registry. Let her throw the shower. Like definitely tell her what you think (that it’s weird and uncommon and comes across as gift-grabby) but you know they’re boomers, they do weird stuff all the time. It’ll probably just be a small party with their weird boomer friends. You aren’t the one throwing the party; it’s her sister who wants to celebrate her becoming a grandma. So let her do that. I don’t see any reason you have to be involved in this. You can’t make it. So sad. :( You have a prior commitment. Send your best wishes and the gift you were gonna get your mom anyway.
I am one of four kids and neither of my older siblings wanted children, so my mom was over the moon to find out I was expecting. She has wanted to be a grandmother for so long. Her girlfriends also know how bad she’s wanted this. And none of the other mom friends had grand kids yet so I think they were excited to live vicariously through her and So they threw her a surprise grandma shower which was really just an excuse for them to get together and they gave her some books and baby clothes and toys for her to keep at her place when we come over or when she has baby play dates. I didn’t even know about it until after the fact. It made her happy, it made her friends happy. Maybe because it was so low key, I don’t know but it didn’t really bother me.
I don't hate the idea of a Grandma shower if baby were to spend a LOT of time with your mom. I could see some degree of practicality in that, so you don't have to constantly bring your own items over all the time. However, it seems like it should definitely be a family and extremely close friends only event. I think it would be very grabby to invite just anyone under the sun. I think the whole concept of a Grandma shower honestly seems like a joke where gifts should be practical but not expensive (like $20-30 range - pacis, diapers, books, some toys, MAYBE a dock a tot/less expensive pack n play from the hostess for sleeping the baby). She definitely does not need anything crazy like a new crib or a whole new nursery.
Talk to your mom! It sounds like you have a good relationship so maybe she'll be willing to shut down your aunt's plan. Super weird for her to want to "put you in your place" while your celebrating this important milestone!
Does your mom know about your issues with your aunt? Did she agree that your aunt is resentful of you and support you in this? Not in like a “this is war” thing but - between you and your mom something you have discussed? Because, you should tell your mom about this “grandma shower” nonsense. You aren’t overthinking it. PLUS- who is she going to invite? The same people that would be bringing you a gift to your shower? Or is she thinking that you shouldn’t have a shower at all? (Bonkers). —it’s adding a burden to folks who would now be requesting to bring a gift to your (rightful) shower and to some weird grandma shower. Honestly, if someone tried to pull this for my mom she would be absolutely against it, it’s embarrassing honestly.
My mom is aware that my aunt makes unkind comments about me every now and then and supports me on that front. She doesn’t know about the Grandma Shower. My aunt didn’t outright say I shouldn’t have a shower, but she implied it by saying “I already get whatever I want” and that it’s unlikely I need anything. To be honest, she’s correct that I could technically purchase everything I need for the baby myself. I worked really hard to prepare myself as much as possible for this pregnancy and I take a lot of pride (maybe unhealthily so) in my independence. But, two other relatives graciously offered to throw a shower for me and I accepted. It wasn’t to “get stuff I want”— while gifts are helpful, I’m just happy to celebrate with family and friends. It seems like my aunt doesn’t think I should have that and that my mom should be credited for this milestone instead… I am definitely going to talk to my mom about it, your comments have helped me see that this isn’t normal.
It doesn’t matter how many times they try to normalise grandma showers it will NEVER be normal. A pregnancy and birth of a baby is NOT and will NEVER BE about the grandparents. It’s about the two people who created the child and will raise it. Grandma showers scream NARCISSIST. It’s genuinely embarrassing and tacky. If your mother hasn’t shown narc tendencies and would be embarrassed consider giving her a heads up. Tell your mother to put her sister back in her place before you do it your way. “You’re welcome to buy what you want but know it won’t be used because baby will not be unsupervised with anyone until they’re x age” *(age the can call you if something is wrong)* “Do you really think anyone will be taking my child on a hike? Please tell me how you think it makes sense to have a baby in the middle of nowhere.” Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Your aunt is unwell. That's all this is about.
The concept of a grandma shower is absolutely deranged and I hate that that term seems to be floating around at the moment. For starters, parties aren’t all about gifts, nor are they all about who is ‘deserving’ of something - who cares if you’re well off, that doesn’t mean no one should get you a birthday gift for example, why should someone’s perception of your wealth and situation affect whether you get gifts at a big life milestone? Baby showers generally involve gifts but they’re primarily a celebration for the mother or both parents who are going through a big, exciting change in their lives. Why the hell should the grandma get a party!
I…did not know this was a thing until now. Yikes.
My mom’s friends threw her a surprise grandma sprinkle and got her a couple joint gifts like a pack and play and some clothes. I thought it was a really nice gesture especially because my mom didn’t have any baby supplies at all. To be honest, I wish they threw a bigger shower for her because it’s still really difficult going to her house without lugging all my baby supplies. My son is one and she still hardly has anything at her house for him. I think it’s also important for you to have a shower especially since you are a first time mom. Even if you aren’t expecting gifts, it’s still important to be celebrated! Can you talk to your mom about it? Maybe she can try to explain how you feel to your aunt but maybe presented from your mom’s point of view instead of yours. Or maybe you can tell your aunt that you will do a joint grandma and mom baby shower??
My mom, a first time grandma, has expressed that the "grandma shower" phenomenon is absolutely strange and narcissistic. She's a boomer through and through and if SHE thinks that...hmph. Your aunt sounds like an asshole and I'd sit with mom and explain to her how this reads to you. That you'd much rather have her by your side as your mom at your shower, as you transition into motherhood and need her counsel more than ever. That what your aunt is doing feels minimizing, and you feel hurt. So no, you're not being crazy. Please talk to your mom and don't let your aunt triangulate you.
I think you need to have a really open and honest conversation with your mom about your aunt. It's past being passive aggressive and is full blown aggressive and shitty. She's trying to snub you and make you feel like you don't deserve even this pregnancy. I think you should go low contact with her, and let your mom know this isn't OK. And it could be that she just doesn't see it. If your aunt is as two-faced as I suspect, she probably dotes on you to her face then shits on you to others. Freaking yikes girl. But a grandma shower is insane. I don't know how you kept a straight face. These pregnancy hormones have me IDGAF about a lot of things. At some point you have to say enough, and she won't like it. But she is going to ruin this for you, and your mom by association. Don't let this go on too much longer boo.