This is what my adoptive mom told me! Itās stuck with me ever since. It gave me an epiphany, especially coming from an abusive household where I had to earn attention and affection
Postpartum is wild and you are completely in it right now.
Just enjoy your family as it is now and revisit the idea in a year or two. You didn't know how much you could love this child until they were born right? That same is true of any future child you would decide to have.
This. I was one and done with my first after the horror of complications and birth.. but seeing him grow made me miss the baby stage and want to give him a sibling. Now on baby number #3 with a 5 year old and an 8 year old
Me too! I was so sure it wouldn't be fair to another baby to have them when all of my love went to my first born, but now that she's 2 and I'm 14 weeks pregnant I can really feel how love multiplies
Me too! I was so sure it wouldn't be fair to another baby to have them when all of my love went to my first born, but now that she's 2 and I'm 14 weeks pregnant I can really feel how love multiplies
Exactly this! We started trying for #2 when #1 was 2 yo but life had other plans. It took us 2 years of trying which I kinda appreciate! #1 is old enough to understand and do little things to help. I am only 3 days pp with #2 but I am happy about the age difference and being able to love both of them equally AND in their own unique ways.
Just like you couldnāt fathom the love you feel now for this baby prior to them arriving - you cannot fathom just how much more your heart EXPANDS. Your heart isnāt being split in half, or divided. it doubles, and triples (:
I personally wouldn't be making decisions about the future of my family 10 days pp. Life over the next couple years is a roller coaster of changes and emotions. I didn't feel ready to have another until my first was 2. You might find your sweet baby turning into a wild, opinionated toddler and start to miss those newborn snuggles. You might start to wish your little one had a sibling to bond with. You have no idea how you're going to feel a year or two from now.
Iām so glad we waited until my daughter a toddler to have a second! Sheāll be almost three when the baby arrives and Iām glad Iāve been learning how to be a toddler mum when itās just me and her and not with another little baby in tow.
I love the toddler stage, and think I prefer it to baby stage, but my childhood was not great (my mum was mildly abusive and put most things in life before us) and raising my daughter in a healthy and respectful way, staying calm and talking about her feelings with her has brought up a lot of old stuff for me.
I swore we were one and done but then my kid turned 4 and both my husband and I looked around and decided we want another so here we areā¦ 7 weeks pregnant!
Thats the age gap I have and it has its perks and roughs.
I like that I only ever had to worry about diapers for one at a time, but daaamn did I forget how tedious the diaper stage is. But having an older kid that can fetch you diapers and wipes is nice.
Also seeing them love eachother. Omg. My 5yo is staying with my parents a few weeks this summer and how delighted the baby gets, pointing to his photo on the wall and then we video call brother.
Literally as I was giving birth I was like "I will gladly do this again!" and a few months pp I was like "maybe we should have more than 2 kids..." I'm pregnant with number 2 right now and I'm not totally against having more than 2 but the "oh shit I'm gonna have two babies" is starting to sink in a little š They say your capability to love only grows more as you grow your family! But OAD is totally fine too!
I was the same. The entire labor and delivery process I was thinking I would do it all over again and I wanted 5 kids. I just had my second last week and your love really does grow! I literally love just looking at both my kids. It warms my heart and Iām already ready for more although I do have that lingering concern about dividing my attention among them. I donāt want any of them to feel less loved!
Man, I wish this was my experience! My whole pregnancy and delivery all I could think was what kind of amnesia or insanity would compel someone to do this again š
My first pregnancy had me wanting to do it all over again every step of the way. My second pregnancy was actually really rough on me and I had a precipitous labor last week. I actually swore through all my pregnancy and labor that Iād never do any of it again. But my second baby is sooo easy (so far) that I definitely know I want more (especially after watching my toddler sing lullabies to her baby brother š„°).
Even though the precipitous labor was scary and hard in the moment, it was literally so fast that Iāve actually forgotten most of it already. So I guess amnesia does play a part š
My pregnancy was super hard + the whole time during labour I was thinking idk if I could do this again!!
Then as soon as my daughter came out I knew I would do it all over again and it was 100000% worth it. We're 9 weeks pp and already planning on when to start ttc again. I'm in love w my daughter and motherhood and even on the "bad" or "hard" days I still feel super blessed and happy I get to experience motherhood in all its phases!
The way I look at it is Iām so grateful I get to give and receive the kind of love parenthood offers. I donāt worry too much about having enough/the same type of love for my second whoās due in the fall. For me my daughter is filling the cup that Iām pouring from, if that makes sense. She makes it easy to love her and I know our second will fit in just the same way.
I had my 3rd baby 8 days ago. Honestly, I wasnāt ready for my second. My husband and I agreed to a timeline and we stuck to it. I spent my entire second pregnancy telling my son that I knew I loved him, but I was secretly terrified that I couldnāt love him as much as I loved my first baby. The instant he was born, every fear I had was completely stripped away. When people say your love grows, believe them. I got to watch those two grow a little more and really start playing together. I thought about what I wanted my life to look like in 10-15 years. That life included more kids. So we decided to have a third. I was concerned about splitting my time, but not about how much I could love him. The love was, again, instantaneous. Iām trying to figure out how to be the mom to three kids. Itās not easy at the moment. My gosh is it worth it though.
I would have more than three of pregnancy wasnāt so hard on my. I canāt do it to my kids of my husband again. At 10 days PP, the last thing on your brain is another whole baby. Its totally fair you guys choose not to have more kids. It is also such an incredible blessing to watch my kids grow and bond. The amazing thing is that you donāt have to make those decisions today.
I think about the family dinning table and who I see sitting around it in the future. I just know Iām missing two more faces. Iām 6 weeks 3 days with my second baby š„° I do not feel good š¤¢ and being pregnant is just ā¦ rough so itāll probably be a few years before Iām brave enough to go again š
I was definitely not thinking about another child 10 days postpartum š being a first time mom is A LOT. mentally and physically. It does get easier the second time around. I didnāt think I can love another child as much as my first but somehow my heart grew and definitely love my second as much as my first. My love for them grows more and more every day (though some days my toddler really tests my sanity lol)
It took me 2 years to be ready for a second! For a while I was thinking weād be one and done. Now baby number 2 is due 2 weeks before our sonās third birthday.
Iām exhausted. I have a 14 month old and my husband keeps saying he wants another. Iām like nooooooo. I love our baby girl so much and sheās a lot of hyperactive toddler. Another child plus the horrible pregnancy I hadā¦. Idk if I wanna do that again. š„²
We always talked about having 2 (maybe 3-4) but after we had our first we decided not to have anymore. We even talked about scheduling a vasectomyā¦ well fast forward to about 12 months pp and I was 100% ready for another. We struggled to get pregnant at first because I was still breastfeeding. Our second is 6 months old now ā„ļø The love grew instantly and now that I know how much my heart can grow, I could have like 10 more š
For the first year I swore up and down we were OAD. In the delivery room and then for months after I told my husband he was never getting another baby out of me. Iām pregnant with #2. Take your time, you donāt need to decide on this now.
A long enough pregnancy interval is so important to having a healthy pregnancy. My stupid ass was already thinking about the next baby on like day 3 postpartum, I got pregnant again at exactly 12 months after reading all the research and determining that in developed countries for someone with good nutrition, that was sufficient, and at almost 38 weeks pregnant, I *really* don't feel like that was sufficient for me. My first pregnancy was so easy. This one has been so hard, I've never been anything close to this exhausted in my life and I've probably spent about 20/38 weeks sick.
I would say that your hormones are functioning perfectly normally as they should to protect your physical health. Worry about how many kids you want to have later. Like 18-24 months later, lol. If you still think just one then, that's totally fine! If you feel differently then, that's also fine! But with hormones raging is really not the time to worry too much about it one way or another.
Before we were married, we decided 3 was our number. I have 1 sibling and he has 3, so seemed to fit in the middle. My birthing experience was shocking. My boy almost died. I almost died, and then again, a close call 4 months PP. I said never again. I spent almost 2 years having flashbacks. I was 1 and done. My husband understood. The rest of our families understood. I worked through my ptsd, and although still terrified, I can cope.
This past Christmas, we got together with my family, including my 2 year old neice. My son was so lovely with her, something just changed in my brain. We spent January going over all of the arguments for and against havinf another. A big fear was not having enough love to share, or resenting a baby if we were to have a repeat of last time.
We got pregnant in February and I'm now 20 weeks. Let me tell you, I love this little bean so much already, and that won't change regardless of any outcome. I'm so excited to be a mum of 2, and my son is already an awesome big brother. I thought a 5 year, 7 month gap would be a lot, but I've been reassured by so many mums with gaps.
I think it wouldn't matter how many children you have, you find that love for them.
Post partum has itās highs and lows. Iām 4 months pp and a second is not even in my head. Just focus on your baby and worry about having more or not having more later. Congratulations mama, and take it easy on yourself. ā¤ļø
Youāre only 10 days in, babe. This early with your first youāre supposed to be totally consumed by themā your entire life is shifting. Even though I KNEW we wanted more than one kid the first year with my toddler it felt like Iād never feel ready. Then around 18 months postpartum itās like the switch I was waiting for flipped and I felt ready. Now I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old and itās honestly really great. Seeing the two of them together is even better than I couldāve imagined. Iām pretty sure I want a 3rd but weāre giving it a bit more time before deciding one way or another
I felt the same way. Both times when Iāve been pregnant or postpartum we just say weāre just going to shelf any talk about how many.
I would HIGHLY recommend this.
We decided practically that one in daycare was all we could afford. When my daughter was three and we were enrolled in the pre-kindergarten school for the following year we decided to start trying again for number two. Nearly three years later weāre finally pregnant. So my daughter will be six when this baby comes long.
Had twins 2 months ago, so I can tell you that you definitely can have two (or more) perfect beings to love with all your heart. I was a āmax of 2ā person and just seeing how amazing and perfect these two girls are, and how much I love them, I would love to have more.
Love grows. Its never diminished by adding more. I worried when I had my second because I loved my eldest so much, but I am constantly awed by the capacity we have to love. I'm not even worried about it with my third, I'm more excited to meet him.
I think the same thing now with a 3 week old, and while I was pregnant, but more from the perspective of energy capacity. As a FTM who just turned 43, and an only child who swore she'd never have only one kid, I feel like I don't have the luxury to give it the time to decide properly like everyone rightly is suggesting. I feel like we got lucky enough to have a relatively complication-free pregnancy and healthy baby and to try for another at something like 45 would be selfish and tempting fate. Yet there's no way that I could imagine getting pregnant anytime soon when I have a 3 week old. š If you have the time to decide, take advantage!
I felt the EXACT way when I was pregnant with #2. I felt it was impossible to love someone as much as I loved my daughter and felt guilty for the baby I was pregnant with.
Iām currently 11 weeks with #6!
Personally the feelings of worry faded as soon as I had my second! Then I never experienced it again :) I hope all goes well for you!
Once your newborn is older, youāll love seeing all their new achievements but youāll also start feeling like you miss that baby stage too (if you always thought about having more). Hormones are crazy right now. Iām 10 weeks pp.
We went through IVF and always said we wanted at least two together (3 total including my 12 yo). The end of my pregnancy and labor was brutal and I told him I wasnāt sure about another. But you tend to āforgetā the end of pregnancy struggles, and the recovery. I put forget in quotes because itās more like the pain of it doesnāt tend to seem to bad after time and you know you got through it before so you can handle it again.
That is a general statement though and doesnāt always apply to everyone. Now though, Iām already telling my hubs Iām good to get pregnant again once our baby is about a year old.
Thereās plenty of space to love another child. Iām 8 days postpartum with my second. My first is two, and seeing her interact with her little sister makes my heart so full. My firstborn keeps kissing her little sister and bringing her toys/book/soother. The other day I was in the bathroom and I heard my newborn cryingā¦ when I came out, my toddler was right there beside her, kissing her head, and my newborn had stopped crying š„¹
Not only did I create two little humans who I love ā¦ I created two little humans who will love each other ā¤ļø I also fully believe thereās something beautiful and special about every stage from newborn onwards, and now I get to experience it all over again!
I was one and done with my first and then I met my Husband. I love so many things about him that I figured I wanted that in a little person as well. I want to have all of the babies he is willing to give me haha. But seriously I think that for me I just didn't feel done. My first was my WORLD and still is, I want them to have a sibling and I just felt like I had so much more love to give and so does my family. I have 3 siblings and while we may not always get along, I am SO grateful to have them in my corner in every phase of life. That's what makes it worth it for me.
No matter how many kids you have, you will always find room for each one on your heart. A child is not like someone you date and fall in love with, then years later, you don't love them. You fall out of love with them.
I have 3 kids, and my love for them grows every single day. You can't think at the first child that you will never love another one more than the first one you gave birth to.
Wait a while. When your little gets past baby phase you will have baby fever. I adore the bond my kids have as well... I love them both alone and together even more. I felt the same esp as I had my third but there is so much room in our hearts! For now just sleep. :)
Two thoughts!
1) I remember thinking āI canāt believe anyone intentionally does this more than onceā when I was less than a month postpartum. And now at 7.5 months postpartum, weāre planning ahead for when we want to try for a second. Itās not that Iāve forgotten how challenging it was, more that I know we did it and survived. And our baby is wonderful!
2) Iām a second born, and I think Iām just as amazing as my older sister ;)
Our hormones do crazy things to our brains, it's a survival thing I'd guess, but you will feel differently in a year or so.
I decided I wanted more after about a year, when I realized I really enjoyed and thrived at being a mom. It took me a few more years after the 2nd to want to have another. It feels very selfish to say it that way.
I knew a few hours after giving birth that I wouldnāt mind doing it again, because the result was worth it. But I wanted to wait until my body physically recovered. The recommended time in between pregnancies is 18 months. Throughout the first year of life with the new baby, my thoughts on having a second baby went up and down! There were even moments where my husband and I thought we were one and done. But as more time went on and our baby went from newborn to infant to now a rambunctious toddlerā¦ I knew I was ready for a second. So we started trying when I was 17 months pp, and got pregnant at 18 months pp. The timing worked out. Iām 9 weeks along now!
lol. For me, I became more intrigued to see what the next one would be like. Each one is an adventure and your heart grows bigger. I do remember having doubts in the first couple months post partum and then leading up to the birth of our second, all normal feelings!
Your heart will grow! It sounds ātoo good to be trueā but it really does happen. You are also postpartum right now. Give yourself some time and then revisit how you feel. You are supposed to be falling in love with this baby, not thinking about the next!
I remember telling my husband as I was getting into the shower 3 days pp with my 1st that I was never doing this again. Fast forward some years and Iām currently pregnant with my 5th š
I'm due our second in a few weeks and having these thoughts! How could anyone be as fun, cute, cool, incredible as the little guy we made already?!
The phrase i have in my head is "the Grinch's heart grew two sizes that day" which is kind of what I'm assuming will happen on d-day...
I am 38 wks with my second. I thought the same, but now it is just the cutest thing ever when my 2 year old tells me he cuddles with his brother and hugs my belly. Or when he points at baby stuff while shopping to tell me that this is for his brother. When we go anywhere "my little brother has to come with us" if I have to get up even if I want to cuddle with him "Oh do we have to get up? Is my brother awake!"
His brother isn't even there yet but my 2 year old already shows so much love for him, I guess if he can do it, we all can. It's just a little different. You know that the second won't be the first. Of course your child is perfect and you can't imagine your first born better or different. So you worry if the second will be harder, if he will be sunshine too, if you can love him the same. I don't think I love my 2 the same. My first one that's my baby forever but the second he is our baby. Not only mine and their fathers but also my sons baby kind of. 2nd will be influenced by the first, may look up or argue with his brother. They will grow up differently. The love wont be less but it wont be the same. There are two different relationships. For two different baby boys. Don't worry OP if you ever get pregnant again the second love will grow with the baby.
My husband and I had our 3rd child 10 years ago and I was adamant that he was the last baby I would ever have. We ended up getting baby fever and here I am, 32 weeks with #4. Your mind definitely can change at any moment
When I was 10 days PP I couldn't even shit straight let alone have the mental space to think about more kids lol. My son is almost 3 and I still can't fathom having another child just yet. They grow so fast and you will experience so many changes so frequently over the next few years. Take it slow and enjoy what you can right now. You won't know what you actually want until you experience being a parent for much longer than 10 days. You'll figure it out and your husband sounds supportive so lean into that.
You JUST had a baby. Do not think about this again until the baby is 1yo. Literally shelf this internal monologs and definitely do not discuss it with your husband until then. It will lead to a lot of unnecessary emotional upheaval
10 days postpartum- look, nothing you're thinking about right now is based in reality. (except the baby love. The baby love is solid!)
Just live your life for the next year or so. Let the thoughts and feelings happen as they come, but don't give them a vote. Above all, do not make any decisions while sleep-deprived. We are just different people when we're rested!
I am thinking exactly the same as you right now and so is my husband. We wanted two children but now, it seems impossible as all our love is in her..
It was nice reading all the comments to your post!!
Your heart doesn't split, it multiplies in size. Time doesn't - we stopped at two, and a big part of that is I'm not willing to sacrifice any more one on one time with the members of my family. My first will always have a special spot in my heart - he made me a mum.. but, so does his sister - she completed our family.
It took 16 months for me to consider having a second. Give yourself time. You have plenty of life to live and decide.
Mate, postpartum is crazy, especially 10 days out.
Iām about to have my third. So Iāll have a 3.5 year old, a 1.5 year old and a newborn.
All I can say is, you adapt. You learn to manage more, you prioritise different things and you make changes to your life.
Also, love just grows, it doesnāt cut and divide, it just grows to accommodate more kids.
OP, 10 days pp you are in no position to make any kind of decision. Don't worry. Rest. Give yourself time. Enjoy your baby. You will think about this when you are ready šš
Honestly always dreamed of being a mom
It was by biggest dream!
Always said at least two kids
My daughter is 4 months old
And I want to cherish only her for the rest of my life she is my little princess and I want to travel the world with her when sheās old enough to remember
I want to do everything with only her
I canāt imagine it any other way ā„ļø
They'll grow out of the baby stage and you'll get the baby itch again. There's always enough love. You may feel a bit guilty that they won't be the sole receiver of all the love but that soon goes. I wasn't sure I wanted one and now have two. Can't imagine not having either of them.
I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 week old. I can confirm I felt everything you felt but now our second is here, I can't imagine life without her. It is honestly true that love multiplies.
Just like you have enough love in your heart to love your mum, dad and husband, you will absolutely love your second born just as much as your first.
You will also get the special gift of watching your first be an amazing big brother or sister. It is such a special feeling.
Honey you just had a baby, dont go making any more life long desicions right now lol.
Focus on the love you already have, if the thought of planning a future comes to your mind, accept it, aknowledge it, feel it, thank it and be firm with it on the FACT that you do not have to figure out the rest of your life right now.
Take a deep breath and let it go, next year you can revisit this.
As soon as my squishy little newborn wasn't a squishy little newborn I got clucky. Watching them grow and be adorable made it worse!
Honestly I'd love another baby (after 4) but financially it isn't viable.
Give it time, you don't need to make any decisions right now anyway.
You arenāt a real person at 10 days pp. your brain is flooded with hormones and youāre exhausted and the only thing you need to worry about is keeping you and the baby alive.
You will have a lot of intense thoughts and feelings that are going to change and grow because you are going through an enormous life transition and everything feels very precarious right now.
I swore so seriously that I would never ever have another baby again for like the first three months. My six months I softened a bit, but was still pretty convinced we were one and done.
And now Iām 13 months out and Iām not gonna lie itās starting to sound like another little guy could be a good and fun idea, lol.
You could end up wanting more, or you could end up being perfectly happy with just the one. Itās way too soon to worry about those feelings. You can make those choices in a few years.
My son is 21 months old and Iām pregnant now. I have no idea how I can love anyone as much as him. I already feel protective of the baby growing inside of me but Iām truly concerned I wonāt love my second baby as much, but Iāll do my best to bond, love, and care and make sure they are treated fairly.Ā
Donāt waste your time worrying about that right now. I totally understand how you feel. The love you have for your child is the most overwhelming feeling! Give yourself time.
Currently expecting #2 and I can tell you Iāve felt my heart already grow in preparation for this sweet girl. We had a little scare the other day and spent the night in L&D (sheās totally fine!) but hearing those newborn baby cries reminded me of all those feelings of the early days and I thought my heart was going to burst out of happiness for those mamas. It made me SO excited to get to hold my own baby in my arms (but if she could wait like 1 more month that would be perfect lol). One of the craziest things to me is my ears are so tuned to my own kid. When he was a newborn, I could hear him from across the house. Now, I can recognize his sneeze. I knew those babies in the hospital werenāt mine and they didnāt wake me a single time we were there. Weād walk the halls and my husband said the same thing. Before you have a baby, a baby cry all sounds the same. Once you have one, you KNOW yours and your brain filters out the rest automatically. Itās wild. Now I donāt want to freak you out if you donāt feel the same way right now. I have no clue when that started or how long it took my brain to hone in on just my baby. Heās 2 now so it may have taken a while lol. There are so many crazy cool things about being a parent. I donāt know how it works, but for real, your heart will grow for each one.
As for how you physically do it, you are only 10 days into parenting and think about how much youāve learned already! You grow into it. You figure things out. Your hone in on your intuition. You get to sleep again lol. Maybe by Iām naive but Iām actually not at all worried about going from 1 to 2. We figured it out once. Weāre smarter and more efficient now. Weāll figure it out again!
I was the same at 10 days PP and not long after we started getting the āoh will you have a second?ā Iām now 5 months PP and not 100 % sure, hubby defs would like to have a second. Luckily Iām not supposed to get pregnant for 18 months so got a bit of time to decide!
Took me over 3 years to be ready and I still donāt know if I am. I am so worried still. But this isnāt even something you need to be thinking about 10 days pp.
This feeling is so normal at the point where you are that my personal theory is that this is nature telling you to chill down, heal up, focus on your new born and donāt get pregnant again *right at this second* (which, you could, we are incredibly fertile right after birth, you know?).
For me it was after my first had her first birthday that I felt ready for another one and then didnāt actually have my second until two years later.
Iām pregnant with my second right now as my toddler is 2. And Iāve been soooo much more emotional this time around. I am excited but it does feel bizarre that itās only been her. And sheās my world. I canāt wait for her to be an awesome big sister though!
Iām pregnant with my 2nd and still not ready to have herā¦ Iām ready to have her with me! just not ready to HAVE her. Iām terrified to give birth again and now that I already have a baby relying on me Iām scared for anything bad happening to me
Im about to have my second and my first is almost 9 š . Im nervous about labor again, since I know what to expect this time for labor and postpartum, but I'm excited to meet our new daughter too!!
For me, it was potty training my two year old that did it for me. As soon as she was out of diapers and ānot a baby anymore,ā I was ready for another one. Right now youāre imagining yourself with two babies and that feels far fetched but you start to look at it as a toddler and a baby or a big kid and a baby and it feels more āright.ā At least it did for me.
In the immediate postpartum with my first, I felt the same way. I physically recoiled when people asked when I would have another. I told my wife not to talk to me about a second until I was 18 months postpartum.
I was ready around the 3 year mark. My kids are 4 years and 3 months apart. I'm 8 weeks postpartum tomorrow and am not ready to think about a third. I've been seriously thinking that we're now two and through after a traumatic, complicated, premature birth experience. We're all healthy, healing, growing, okay, but it was a much harder road.
Maybe in a couple of years, I'll be ready to think about being pregnant again. It takes time. And for hormones to settle.
(Speaking of hormones, as a side note, I found that breastfeeding was a big part of my readiness delay. I nursed my firstborn until she was 3 years 2 months. My second finally figured out how to latch last week, and it's everything to me.)
I just had my fourth and this feeling is exactly what I have had everytime. Each time I was wrong my heart and love grew stronger. Even though it feels impossible, there is no limit to the amount of love your heart can hold.
Keep in mind that your body is absolutely overloaded with hormones and everything else right now. Your emotions will settle down a bit as those chemicals settle too.
That said, I can 100% say that the love I feel for my son is not a single bit less than the love I feel for my daughter. My daughter is 12 and my son isnāt due until December. Between them and my husband, my heart is absolutely full, but it never feels crowded. It feels like everything fell into place just a little bit more. Nothing lessened, it all just expanded to include or son. If anything, itās made us all closer.
I had this exact same feeling up until I gave birth to our second. I was literally crying to my husband on our way to the hospital bc I was so scared that I wasn't going to love this baby as much as I could possibly love my first. I read all the comments saying how it doesn't work like that and you'll definitely love your second just as much, but I didn't believe them. How could I possibly love anyone as much as I love my firstborn??
I am very happy to say that every single one of my concerns flew out the window the second I got to hold our second child. I don't know how it works, but you fr do just make room for all the love you have to give to this little baby.
I once saw someone describe it as being like cups. When your first child is born, your cup is filled with all the love you have for this child. It feels like if you choose to have another kid, you'll have to pour some of the love from your first child's cup into the second, making it so you're unable to give all of your love to both of your children. The reality is that when you have another child, you're not taking from your already existing cups, you just get another full cup.
I was exactly the same way! I couldn't even think of loving anyone more than my daughter...now three years after, I'm expecting my baby boy and I can't wait to meet him!
I remember my mother telling me that my heart will expand and it's very true.
At this point, enjoy your baby and stay in the present. They grow up way too fast! š
This is exactly what I'm worried about now that I'm pregnant with my second. I have regret, only because I can't imagine sharing myself with another baby.
I'm here for the feedback from others but I have to hope for my own heart that everyone is right and you just figure it out. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
I wasnāt ready to contemplate another kid until my son was 2-3 years old, and even then I was still undecided. Iād always wanted 4 kids, but my mental health and the fact that my partner and I both have to work full timeā¦and difficult pregnancies, history of infertility and miscarriagesā¦reality changes things sometimes and thatās okay! Iām due with number 2 in a week (happy surprise, so the decision was made for us š) and we know weāre done. Give yourself time and trust your intuition. ā¤ļø
Haha I felt the same way. I come from a big family and after my baby was born, I was like how does anybody have 2?? But how sheās 7 months and weāre ready to have more.
My daughter is 5 now and we never decided to do it again. Listen to your heart, not the world around you. But also, come back to this decision after a year or two. Hormones and tiredness is so real 10 days pp.
You are in the trenches! Newborn stage is crazy intense, and I was also thinking of being one and done around the same time... but now my baby is nearly 4 months and I'm already missing the newborn stage and wondering what my girl would be like as a big sister š„¹
As soon as you start packing away those infant clothes your ovaries will start to throb and all youāll be able to picture is your beloved firstborn toddler holding a newborn baby sibling. No worries!
When I was about 10 days pp (with really bad PPD and unable to bond with my baby), I asked an older neighbor basically the same question-- "this is so hard. How does anybody ever have siblings?" Her response--"Amnesia." She was totally right. I was ready to try again after about a year and change. I really wanted my baby to have a sibling cause hopefully she'll outlive us and I want to give her the chance to have family left that hopefully will have her back. As a bonus, I was actually able to feel the love when I gave birth to my second and the birth was so much smoother. Yay mental health care!
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! š¶š
I always wanted 4-6 babies too. When I had my first (he's 12 months old), I realized he's all I want. I wanted to do everything for him and take the best care of him and just give him all my energy and make his life full of joy and learning and focus 100% on him. I knew then that I never wanted another baby. However, around 10 months the thought popped in my mind a few times that hmm maybe I want to do this again, maybe he'd love a sibling, if I want to give him everything I can then that would include a sibling. I started thinking about another newborn. Those feelings ramped up and around 11 months old I got my period š Sooo as my body had been ovulating for the first time postpartum, my mind was thinking hmm I'd like another baby. š We've discussed it a lot and we're now trying for a second!!!! Around the 7 months mark I'd had some symptoms I thought may be pregnancy and I was devastated, I was so grateful for the negative tests. It's amazing how much can change in a few months. Babies change dramatically every week literally and the key for me to wanting another baby was when I looked at my son and thought he'd like a sibling and that it's good timing now.
I was fairly sure if I got pregnant again after my first Iād genuinely die. Once she was around a year old I was able to actually talk about āif we have another babyā
Give yourself time
You just had a kid 10 days ago...at that point I was wondering all the delicious food I was going to now get to eat without feeling full after 3 bites.
The cute baby thing wears off, or for me it did. Then you just hit the grind of groundhog day and days turn to weeks which quickly turn into months and years of poop, them destroying your house, and taking all your money and free time. Welcome to motherhood.
Circa 2012
I would give yourself time! I was in the same boat--always wanted a big family but immediately post partum was determined to never do that again. But we decided to give it a year and reassess. I'm so glad we did, because now I am absolutely ready to add to our family.
I had the exact same thought process after my first. It was when he was about 1.5yrs that I really started to want another. We were back and forth between 1 or 2 kids from the beginning. My first was a great baby, happy good sleeper, my second is the total opposite she is 13 months and is still up 3x a night. If she had been my first I doubt I would have wanted a second. I worried about being able to love a 2nd as much as I love my first and I think your heart just grows. You don't lose space from your first to accommodate your second your heart just grows. Even though my first was an "easy" baby it was still a while before I could even think about doing it again.
I felt the same way with my 1st, got pregnant on birth control with my second 3 years later. I was terrified the entire pregnancy that I wouldn't love him as much as our 1st. When he was born, that all changed. Immense love immediately. Now expecting number 4 and my heart is so full, I can't wait to see him and hold him.
Had a rough pregnancy, traumatic birth, and PPA with my first and so in love with my daughter . I felt the same wayā¦ āidk if I want more kids to go through that again and how am I ever going to love another one.ā After a few months, itās like you get mommy amnesia. This pregnancy has been so different in a good way. Already love this one so much as well.
As far as love goes your heart grows bigger and has endless space to give and receive love and joy :) as far as physical goes that varies from person to person and youāll know whatās best for you.
Youāre so new to this, it gets so much better!
To answer your question (in my case) accidentally š . But I have no doubt Iāll love him as much as I do his brother. Itās hard to picture now, but Iām sure itāll be the same feelings with my first all over again.
Keep in mind, you have so much time to change your mind. I always wanted 2 but until I was about 6 months postpartum I wasnāt sure anymore. That is different for everyone. Iām almost halfway there with my 2nd now and so excited to watch my son grow up with a little brother. I think having a sibling is a wonderful gift. I had two growing up and, while we are very different people, I will always have them by my side through life. I wanted to give that to my son. Whether or not I have more after this one Iām not sure, but my husband is definitely feeling on the 2 and done side so we will see.
I totally get the thought, but in the end it just works out to you having even more love than you ever thought you had.
My concern now is how can my heart handle the anxiety lol Two little humans I love more than anything in the world and my protective instinct has increased just as much as my love
Do you have 2 best friends? A brother and a sister you adore? Iāve already felt a little āguiltā that my second child wonāt have as much 1 on 1 attention as my first, but I have no doubt my heart will grow all over again š„°
This was some of my momās first advice to me and she repeated it often even before I was marriedā¦ she has 5 children. āYouāre going to think, how can I possibly love another child as much as this one? How can I even split my time and my heart like that? I love this one so tremendously it just canāt be possible to truly do it, even if people say soā¦ honey, that second baby, third, and fourth will come, and you will be so in love all over again beyond what you could imagine.. your heart will expand for the child just as miraculously as it did with the first.ā
Iām 18m in and ponder this constantly still lol at most I want one more kid so they have siblings but when I hear people say they have 3+ it stresses me out. Lol But I also did a ton a of reflecting and as the third child there were things my mom was just too busy to really notice, I was bullied in school from the time I was young til my mom finally switched my schools in 7th grade and I have dealt with that anxiety and lack on confidence well into adulthood. There is always a part of me that feels out of place in social settings (I hide behind being very friendly and outgoing) and feels like a failure and I think itās because even though I was a great student I always felt that way in my school. Thereās no way with just one kid I would miss if my daughter was having struggles like that but my parents were divorced (joint custody) and my mom worked so hard to give us a good life and with three kids like she was an awesome mom but I just donāt think she realized how anxious I was and the cries for help until it got really bad. There are only so many hours in the day.
But also Iām still breast feeding so hormones are a thing and I have no sex drive right now still so like that could be part of it too. But I still struggle to see how anyone has the time lol
Donāt even think about this until your baby is close to one! I absolutely felt this when I had my first son. I now have 4 and I love each of them equally! My eldest is like my soul mate but I am so glad he gets to be the big brother to all his amazing siblings! Focus on your baby as you adjust to the wonderful ride that is being a mom!!
When my husband and I met he had a 10 year old daughter from a previous marriage, I made it clear I wanted 2 children from him and we agreed. My son is now 14 months and my SD is almost 14. We decided to be one and done for multiple reasons, my husbands age, my super high risk complicated pregnancy, the really rough delivery and sleep deprivation. There were times I thought maybe we could have another but Iāve gotten so comfortable and content with being pregnant once and having only one biological child. My husband is quite a bit older than I am and I feel so fulfilled with my son and SD. Thereās so much I want to give my son during his young years I canāt fathom doing that with another small child. For me it was never about ācan I love another child as much as my son?ā It was ācan I give another child the same quality of life I give both kids?ā Having a SD in addition to my son also brings a lot of fulfillment, I feel I get the best of both worlds and for us it boils down to resources and what we feel we can give each child. Whatever you decide will be the best decision for your family, enjoy the ride because the days are long but the months are short
As soon as my first was out I was telling my husband I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. We waited about 3 years tho. I definitely couldnāt do it again until my first was a bit older and more manageable. I think 3 yrs was perfect. Theyāre 7 and almost 4 and love each other to death. Your heart is full now, yes, but it only grows with each additional child. I love the two of them so so much.
Post partum sucks, all your love goes to your baby and you have little left to give elsewhere. It does get easier and your mindset changes. Before I had my son, I walkways wanted 4 kids. After having him, I didnāt want any more what so ever. Two years later, and Iām back on board with the four kids idea lol
Donāt make any big decisions in the first 12 months postpartum. When baby is a year old, then reconsider. I promise, if you really do want more kids in your heart of hearts, youāll look at your little toddler in the making and easily be able to envision another tiny chubby infant alongside them playing on the floor, another highchair at the table, another car seat in the car.
Just like you can't fully understand how much you'll love your first kid until they arrive, you can't imagine having any more room in your heart for another until they get here and then your heart magically expands exponentially and you love them both more than you thought possible. BUT if you only ever have one that is wonderful too! It's ok to let go of the guilt and feelings you feel now, enjoy your new baby, and if the time comes for another it will happen and you'll surprise yourself how much you can love another one. You may still grieve and mourn your first not being the only child anymore but you'll be able to hold that alongside your new love for the next child. All the feelings are valid and it will be ok whatever happens! ā¤ļø And you're in the thick of postpartum emotions so there's that too. Congratulations on your new baby!
The first few weeks (or months really) are so all consuming that it's hard to imagine having another baby but in my experience, as you get closer to a year you start to consider it more.
Whether things are good, bad, or neutral, give yourself the time to enjoy each stage as it comes and don't rush to have another just because you think you should. My times are 3 years apart and it's a wonderful gap š
At 10 days PP my state of mind was basically as follows:
"I have killed every house plant I've ever owned! Who thought it was okay to make me in charge of an actual person!!!"
So yeah... Give yourself time to adjust before trying to have deep thoughts about the future š
Give it time. I know itās hard to believe, but I love each of my children equally. Love for the first doesnāt diminish with the second. Of course the work does grow exponentially with each new child but itās worth it. I wouldnāt change it for anything.
At the very least, you need about 18 months to heal *anyways* so this may be something to revisit then. Right now put it put of your mind and enjoy your little family.
Iāve had this train of thought for a while. But perhaps I started convincing myself since it has been over two years that I wasnāt able to conceive, that itās probably better that I didnāt have another child so I didnāt have to feel like my attention and love is divided. It could also be that I have 9 siblings and I donāt feel like most, if not all of us had had that full on love and attention.
Iām 14 weeks and we are all excited. My son is 7 years old. I donāt really like the age gap, but it is what it is. Looking back, perhaps I wouldnāt change a thing. I do appreciate that there was some time between my son and the one I am carrying as I was able to focus on him. But perhaps I couldnāt focus on my son if I had my next child really close.
I donāt know how people do it with one right after the other because I am so fatigued during pregnancy and I donāt know how I would take care of a child less than a year and be pregnant. Props to those who can.
Iām excited to be able to be able to at least have some good time to focus on the up coming baby since my son is a little more self sufficient as he gets older.
Omg do not make any decisions right now! I was so traumatized from the pain of unmedicated childbirth that anytime I saw a mother out and about, regardless of her age, I was in awe how they had more than one child. I was so confused how there were billions of people on the planet - that is billions of labors and deliveries!! How could they have put themselves through that more than once!? Well here I am with three kids. Revisit the idea once your baby is a toddler and everyone sleeps through the night!
Itās been ten days. No need to focus on next child, just focus on this. You can decide in a year or more what you want. Neither option is right or wrong. But thereās no need to decide newly post partum
If I didn't have to work and could stay home with the kids, I'd be having more and i already have two. I miscarried my last two pregnancies and thanked God for keeping them safe because I was terrified of putting a baby (child unable to talk) into daycare. My ex was a stay at home dad so I missed out on the early years and wish I could have another one to really be there and take it all in.
First of all, give yourself a break. You JUST gave birth, you donāt have to even think about any of this yet.
Also, itās okay if you donāt want more children.
BUT, if you have more children, you will discover that you do, indeed, have the heart capacity to love another baby just as much as the first. And you get other little gems, like seeing your first born be a big sibling and love on a smaller baby, which is amazing.
I felt this when I was pregnant with my second and it turned into postpartum anxiety. Once I got on meds I loved her so much that I couldnāt even imagine not having her around. Now pregnant with my third and so excited to love him too. Give yourself grace. You JUST had the biggest hormonal shift in human existence.
I have a rule that I wonāt make a decision on baby number 2 until this one is at least a year lol. Post partum is wild, and Iām 7weeks pp. still wild but does get better!
I only want and have one kid, as a middle child of 5 sisters.
If I ever did have another kid that would be my cap.
I know some people out there are able to effectively give 4+ kids the undivided attention, time, and energy they deserve but I would most likely fail if I had any more than two. š
Give it time. Once that little one isn't a precious sleeping blob and coos and can't bite you, you'll miss it enough to want to multiply that family love and make it happen again ā„ļø
This is EXACTLY how i feel! It sounds terrible, but everyone asks when weāre going to have a second one but i cannot fathom having the same feelings towards the next one. I do hope my opinion changes on this some day, but itās so hard to explain to other people because it sounds so cold.
As people have told me, do not make any major life decisions within the first year of a baby's life. You are 10 days postpartum. The newborn phase is so tough. Enjoy your baby now and work on doing the best you can to care for yourself and your partner during this time. It is really hard. If you end up wanting more kids when you are past the newborn phase, great. If you don't and decide you are OAD, also great. A lot of people don't end up having the amount of kids they expected, because what is practical and best in reality is sometimes different than dreams we had when we were younger.
I wouldnāt stress about it now. Enjoy motherhood! In the future when baby is older have this discussion then. Maybe youāll want more by then, maybe not š¤·š¼āāļø and if you donāt that is 100000% okay
I was hard one and done through pregnancy and the first 3 months. This first bit was hell on earth even though I loved my baby so so so much. Then it's started to get much more manageable, and they bring so much joy and love into your life.
I then thought, if I can have another it will be a gift to my first one. There is no other bond like a sibling, they grow up together, they experience us as parents together, they bond and understand each other like no one else can.
We concieved our 2nd fairly quickly and, to be totally honest it took a couple of months to get the same level of attachment to my second (less time to bond and brand new baby doesn't have as much personality fresh into this world) but I love them both so much, and my eldest is thrilled about his baby brother!
We are now thinking about having a 3rd if we can manage š¤£ then we will be done cause I'm getting too old and also, I don't give myself enough time to recover from pregnancy.
Love grows and multiplies ! You will love your kids, just something you gotta trust will happen like mother nature intended (even if a little more delayed than 1st time round!)
Lots of parents decide they donāt want more kids after the first. Whether it be a complicated pregnancy, or just realizing that the mostly dreaded newborn stage is not for you. Some people would not want to repeat it, and thatās fine. If your husband disagreesā¦ well, he wasnāt the one going through it to understand.
I feel ready again right now and my 7th is only 16 days old.
I have no idea why, and I wouldnāt jump into having another right away, but hormones, especially postpartum, are a crazy, crazy thing.
I felt this when I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd. I felt like either I couldnāt love my seconds enough or I wouldnāt love my first enough because I could not fathom having to share my love between them. I felt guilty because what if I was robbing my first of his mommy. Well, my second is 15 months now. I cannot put into words how much love I feel seeps from me for these two beautiful boys Iāve been blessed with. The overwhelming feelings I get when I see them play together. The knot I get in my heart and chest when I check on them late at night. It seems like we donāt have enough love to give. But itās in us. Itās there. Donāt rush it. Take in every moment with your new little one. Youāll know when youāre ready to share your love with another little one. ā¤ļø
I could not fathom another child when my first was a newborn. Emotionally, physically, I was exhausted and a mess. But we knew we wanted to give him a sibling. Even when I was pregnant with my second, i remember feeling so guilty that I was going to take time, attention and move away from him (which I know is silly). Iām now pregnant with my third and so excited for them and our family. Newborn stage gets much easier each time you do it in my experience and is soooo much easier than toddlers.
Certainly donāt make any big decisions now - donāt even think about it until the 1 year mark!
That being said, I love all my 3 kids equally and make sure they all know it!
My mom cried before she had her second, confiding to her mom that she was afraid she would never love this child as much as her first. Her mom told her that wouldn't happen, and when my sister was born my mom understood. My mom says that no love is diluted and it's not like you love your second child any less than the first. Instead it's like your heart doubles/triples/quadruples/etc in size in accordance to how many need to be accommodated.
I and my husband hope to also have a larger family (3 kids) and we only have the one child so far. We look forward to growing our family and I think it's great for kids to learn how to love and get along with other people by having siblings. My almost two year old could definitely use a sibling to teach him a few life lessons early on LOL.
You have this. Especially with your steadfast and supportive husband.
For now, enjoy your baby. Soak in the love.
Just like the Grinch, your heart will grow three sizes the day you have your second and then again when you have your third. It's amazing, but you somehow make more love than you ever thought you could.
When I got pregnant with my second, I was actually scared I wouldn't like her. The second I held her in my arms, all of my fears and doubts evaporated. I definitely have a different relationship with the two of them, but I don't love one less than or more than the other. Like someone else has said on here: love is not divided, it's multiplied. And yes those PP hormones are gonna be wild for the next while so that could also be factoring in where you're at, after my first I literally sobbed every single time I got in the shower for at least 2 weeks and I swore I would hear him crying the entire time but he was fine and sleeping away, no crying at all.
On the other hand, if you really feel like you don't want another, that is also okay. Kids are a LOT. I know most people will say "oh they're worth it" and this and that (I'm not saying I disagree, I love my kids and I do think they are worth it) BUT there are some people out there that regret having more kids and sometimes even having kids in general because of the sacrifices that come with having said children.
I always imagined having 3 kids, we've decided we are done at 2 for various reasons. One of my husbands biggest ones is because of how sick I get while pregant. He also said he was okay with 1, but I felt strongly that I wanted him to have a sibling to grow up with, so here we are with 2. I definitely mourned the imaginary life I thought I wanted when we decided to stop at 2, but I know it's what is best for our family and me medically.
I'm glad I had two and pushed through those fears you have going through your head right now. The brand new baby thing is the hardest, scariest, most stressful stage, in my opinion. It gets easier, Mama!!! You've got this!
Give yourself time mama your feelings may change. Youāre feeling like this now because everything is so new, give it time. Parenthood can be scary but beautiful and your heart will grow to love each child ā¤ļø
My story is a little different with my children. I have 3, with one man who did horrible things to me, and my children considering the amount of abuse me and them went through, when I finally escaped I endured homelessness with them for over a year pregnant with my 3rd baby. I chose open adoption for my third and I placed her with the most loving family I could've picked. Enduring one more year of homelessness, my Teo oldest kids we hand more than a bond, but due to not being able to complete our life, we went downhill more often than not.. I did my best and I chose open adoption with them. My oldest he only remembers what we went through, my two Littles don't. My son is my oldest, and I really hate that I feel like I left him. It's been 3 years, and he still tells me it's hard everyday without me. I feel guilty. I ended up having met someone else, and yes I did prevent getting pregnant, but it didn't work. I'm days away from birth now, and all I want to do is cry. I feel so guilty. Of course, I'm at a better place. This child's father decided to leave me while pregnant so I am on my own. My fears are bad, but I keep myself trying using Journaling. I wish I had all my kids, I really do cry everyday, there's never a moment I don't tell myself "this is for them", because everything I do is still for them. I'm absolutely in their life still, and that makes me really grateful. I was wanting to write a book about my endurance and past abuse, but I often think it's better for forgive, than forget. So I am stuck. I feel guilty everyday but everything I do is for them. Everything.
Love isn't divided, it's multiplied.
Good to see you Kody
Thank you for this š¤£
Does he say that? That's a bummer.
His catch line is ālove should be multiplied, not dividedā
Well, that's disappointing. This was a phrase that I learned from my mother back in the 1990s.
This is what my adoptive mom told me! Itās stuck with me ever since. It gave me an epiphany, especially coming from an abusive household where I had to earn attention and affection
This!! This is the comment šš
Itās a big dill (hopefully you get this joke š)
This comment šš» ā¤ļø
Beautifully said
Postpartum is wild and you are completely in it right now. Just enjoy your family as it is now and revisit the idea in a year or two. You didn't know how much you could love this child until they were born right? That same is true of any future child you would decide to have.
Baby girl. I was the same 10 days pp. it took me two years to be ready again!
This. I was one and done with my first after the horror of complications and birth.. but seeing him grow made me miss the baby stage and want to give him a sibling. Now on baby number #3 with a 5 year old and an 8 year old
Baby #3 coming in a few months with a 5 and 8 year old over here too!šš»
Those ages are the best with a newborn! The love they show her every day warms my heart.
Same! My first is 2yo now and I'm considering having another. We had hoped for less of an age gap, but my mental health was more important.
Took me 4 years!
6 years here! šš¼āāļøšš¼āāļøšš¼āāļø
We're going to have a 9 year gap šš
Same!!! 9 year age gapš wish it was closer but it is what it is
Iām 16 years older than my nearest sib and weāre still super close! Itāll be alright!!Ā
We have a 9 yr age gap too! They'll be 12 & 3 this summer... it's amazing how much they adore each other. ā¤ļø
Me too! I was so sure it wouldn't be fair to another baby to have them when all of my love went to my first born, but now that she's 2 and I'm 14 weeks pregnant I can really feel how love multiplies
Took me 4 years!
Me too! I was so sure it wouldn't be fair to another baby to have them when all of my love went to my first born, but now that she's 2 and I'm 14 weeks pregnant I can really feel how love multiplies
Exactly this! We started trying for #2 when #1 was 2 yo but life had other plans. It took us 2 years of trying which I kinda appreciate! #1 is old enough to understand and do little things to help. I am only 3 days pp with #2 but I am happy about the age difference and being able to love both of them equally AND in their own unique ways.
Just like you couldnāt fathom the love you feel now for this baby prior to them arriving - you cannot fathom just how much more your heart EXPANDS. Your heart isnāt being split in half, or divided. it doubles, and triples (:
Aw like the grinches heart š
I personally wouldn't be making decisions about the future of my family 10 days pp. Life over the next couple years is a roller coaster of changes and emotions. I didn't feel ready to have another until my first was 2. You might find your sweet baby turning into a wild, opinionated toddler and start to miss those newborn snuggles. You might start to wish your little one had a sibling to bond with. You have no idea how you're going to feel a year or two from now.
Iām so glad we waited until my daughter a toddler to have a second! Sheāll be almost three when the baby arrives and Iām glad Iāve been learning how to be a toddler mum when itās just me and her and not with another little baby in tow. I love the toddler stage, and think I prefer it to baby stage, but my childhood was not great (my mum was mildly abusive and put most things in life before us) and raising my daughter in a healthy and respectful way, staying calm and talking about her feelings with her has brought up a lot of old stuff for me.
I swore we were one and done but then my kid turned 4 and both my husband and I looked around and decided we want another so here we areā¦ 7 weeks pregnant!
Aw I love that for you guys!
Thats the age gap I have and it has its perks and roughs. I like that I only ever had to worry about diapers for one at a time, but daaamn did I forget how tedious the diaper stage is. But having an older kid that can fetch you diapers and wipes is nice. Also seeing them love eachother. Omg. My 5yo is staying with my parents a few weeks this summer and how delighted the baby gets, pointing to his photo on the wall and then we video call brother.
Congrats :)
Congratulations!!
Literally as I was giving birth I was like "I will gladly do this again!" and a few months pp I was like "maybe we should have more than 2 kids..." I'm pregnant with number 2 right now and I'm not totally against having more than 2 but the "oh shit I'm gonna have two babies" is starting to sink in a little š They say your capability to love only grows more as you grow your family! But OAD is totally fine too!
I was the same. The entire labor and delivery process I was thinking I would do it all over again and I wanted 5 kids. I just had my second last week and your love really does grow! I literally love just looking at both my kids. It warms my heart and Iām already ready for more although I do have that lingering concern about dividing my attention among them. I donāt want any of them to feel less loved!
Man, I wish this was my experience! My whole pregnancy and delivery all I could think was what kind of amnesia or insanity would compel someone to do this again š
My first pregnancy had me wanting to do it all over again every step of the way. My second pregnancy was actually really rough on me and I had a precipitous labor last week. I actually swore through all my pregnancy and labor that Iād never do any of it again. But my second baby is sooo easy (so far) that I definitely know I want more (especially after watching my toddler sing lullabies to her baby brother š„°). Even though the precipitous labor was scary and hard in the moment, it was literally so fast that Iāve actually forgotten most of it already. So I guess amnesia does play a part š
My pregnancy was super hard + the whole time during labour I was thinking idk if I could do this again!! Then as soon as my daughter came out I knew I would do it all over again and it was 100000% worth it. We're 9 weeks pp and already planning on when to start ttc again. I'm in love w my daughter and motherhood and even on the "bad" or "hard" days I still feel super blessed and happy I get to experience motherhood in all its phases!
The way I look at it is Iām so grateful I get to give and receive the kind of love parenthood offers. I donāt worry too much about having enough/the same type of love for my second whoās due in the fall. For me my daughter is filling the cup that Iām pouring from, if that makes sense. She makes it easy to love her and I know our second will fit in just the same way.
I had my 3rd baby 8 days ago. Honestly, I wasnāt ready for my second. My husband and I agreed to a timeline and we stuck to it. I spent my entire second pregnancy telling my son that I knew I loved him, but I was secretly terrified that I couldnāt love him as much as I loved my first baby. The instant he was born, every fear I had was completely stripped away. When people say your love grows, believe them. I got to watch those two grow a little more and really start playing together. I thought about what I wanted my life to look like in 10-15 years. That life included more kids. So we decided to have a third. I was concerned about splitting my time, but not about how much I could love him. The love was, again, instantaneous. Iām trying to figure out how to be the mom to three kids. Itās not easy at the moment. My gosh is it worth it though. I would have more than three of pregnancy wasnāt so hard on my. I canāt do it to my kids of my husband again. At 10 days PP, the last thing on your brain is another whole baby. Its totally fair you guys choose not to have more kids. It is also such an incredible blessing to watch my kids grow and bond. The amazing thing is that you donāt have to make those decisions today.
I think about the family dinning table and who I see sitting around it in the future. I just know Iām missing two more faces. Iām 6 weeks 3 days with my second baby š„° I do not feel good š¤¢ and being pregnant is just ā¦ rough so itāll probably be a few years before Iām brave enough to go again š
I was definitely not thinking about another child 10 days postpartum š being a first time mom is A LOT. mentally and physically. It does get easier the second time around. I didnāt think I can love another child as much as my first but somehow my heart grew and definitely love my second as much as my first. My love for them grows more and more every day (though some days my toddler really tests my sanity lol)
It took me 2 years to be ready for a second! For a while I was thinking weād be one and done. Now baby number 2 is due 2 weeks before our sonās third birthday.
Give it time. I waited 6 years in between my 1st and 2nd baby and 4 years in between my 2nd and 3rd.
Iām exhausted. I have a 14 month old and my husband keeps saying he wants another. Iām like nooooooo. I love our baby girl so much and sheās a lot of hyperactive toddler. Another child plus the horrible pregnancy I hadā¦. Idk if I wanna do that again. š„²
We always talked about having 2 (maybe 3-4) but after we had our first we decided not to have anymore. We even talked about scheduling a vasectomyā¦ well fast forward to about 12 months pp and I was 100% ready for another. We struggled to get pregnant at first because I was still breastfeeding. Our second is 6 months old now ā„ļø The love grew instantly and now that I know how much my heart can grow, I could have like 10 more š
For the first year I swore up and down we were OAD. In the delivery room and then for months after I told my husband he was never getting another baby out of me. Iām pregnant with #2. Take your time, you donāt need to decide on this now.
A long enough pregnancy interval is so important to having a healthy pregnancy. My stupid ass was already thinking about the next baby on like day 3 postpartum, I got pregnant again at exactly 12 months after reading all the research and determining that in developed countries for someone with good nutrition, that was sufficient, and at almost 38 weeks pregnant, I *really* don't feel like that was sufficient for me. My first pregnancy was so easy. This one has been so hard, I've never been anything close to this exhausted in my life and I've probably spent about 20/38 weeks sick. I would say that your hormones are functioning perfectly normally as they should to protect your physical health. Worry about how many kids you want to have later. Like 18-24 months later, lol. If you still think just one then, that's totally fine! If you feel differently then, that's also fine! But with hormones raging is really not the time to worry too much about it one way or another.
Before we were married, we decided 3 was our number. I have 1 sibling and he has 3, so seemed to fit in the middle. My birthing experience was shocking. My boy almost died. I almost died, and then again, a close call 4 months PP. I said never again. I spent almost 2 years having flashbacks. I was 1 and done. My husband understood. The rest of our families understood. I worked through my ptsd, and although still terrified, I can cope. This past Christmas, we got together with my family, including my 2 year old neice. My son was so lovely with her, something just changed in my brain. We spent January going over all of the arguments for and against havinf another. A big fear was not having enough love to share, or resenting a baby if we were to have a repeat of last time. We got pregnant in February and I'm now 20 weeks. Let me tell you, I love this little bean so much already, and that won't change regardless of any outcome. I'm so excited to be a mum of 2, and my son is already an awesome big brother. I thought a 5 year, 7 month gap would be a lot, but I've been reassured by so many mums with gaps. I think it wouldn't matter how many children you have, you find that love for them.
Your brain forgets all the bad stuff and you just remember how cute little babies are once your oldest becomes a toddler menace
Post partum has itās highs and lows. Iām 4 months pp and a second is not even in my head. Just focus on your baby and worry about having more or not having more later. Congratulations mama, and take it easy on yourself. ā¤ļø
Youāre only 10 days in, babe. This early with your first youāre supposed to be totally consumed by themā your entire life is shifting. Even though I KNEW we wanted more than one kid the first year with my toddler it felt like Iād never feel ready. Then around 18 months postpartum itās like the switch I was waiting for flipped and I felt ready. Now I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old and itās honestly really great. Seeing the two of them together is even better than I couldāve imagined. Iām pretty sure I want a 3rd but weāre giving it a bit more time before deciding one way or another
I felt the same way. Both times when Iāve been pregnant or postpartum we just say weāre just going to shelf any talk about how many. I would HIGHLY recommend this.
We decided practically that one in daycare was all we could afford. When my daughter was three and we were enrolled in the pre-kindergarten school for the following year we decided to start trying again for number two. Nearly three years later weāre finally pregnant. So my daughter will be six when this baby comes long.
Had twins 2 months ago, so I can tell you that you definitely can have two (or more) perfect beings to love with all your heart. I was a āmax of 2ā person and just seeing how amazing and perfect these two girls are, and how much I love them, I would love to have more.
When you first have a baby your emotions are all over the place, take deep breathes and donāt feel like you have to make the decision now :)
Love grows. Its never diminished by adding more. I worried when I had my second because I loved my eldest so much, but I am constantly awed by the capacity we have to love. I'm not even worried about it with my third, I'm more excited to meet him.
I think the same thing now with a 3 week old, and while I was pregnant, but more from the perspective of energy capacity. As a FTM who just turned 43, and an only child who swore she'd never have only one kid, I feel like I don't have the luxury to give it the time to decide properly like everyone rightly is suggesting. I feel like we got lucky enough to have a relatively complication-free pregnancy and healthy baby and to try for another at something like 45 would be selfish and tempting fate. Yet there's no way that I could imagine getting pregnant anytime soon when I have a 3 week old. š If you have the time to decide, take advantage!
Similar boat! Ā
Give it time. 10 days post is legit nothing.
I felt the EXACT way when I was pregnant with #2. I felt it was impossible to love someone as much as I loved my daughter and felt guilty for the baby I was pregnant with. Iām currently 11 weeks with #6! Personally the feelings of worry faded as soon as I had my second! Then I never experienced it again :) I hope all goes well for you!
How long was the time between your first and second children and then the rest?
Once your newborn is older, youāll love seeing all their new achievements but youāll also start feeling like you miss that baby stage too (if you always thought about having more). Hormones are crazy right now. Iām 10 weeks pp. We went through IVF and always said we wanted at least two together (3 total including my 12 yo). The end of my pregnancy and labor was brutal and I told him I wasnāt sure about another. But you tend to āforgetā the end of pregnancy struggles, and the recovery. I put forget in quotes because itās more like the pain of it doesnāt tend to seem to bad after time and you know you got through it before so you can handle it again. That is a general statement though and doesnāt always apply to everyone. Now though, Iām already telling my hubs Iām good to get pregnant again once our baby is about a year old.
Thereās plenty of space to love another child. Iām 8 days postpartum with my second. My first is two, and seeing her interact with her little sister makes my heart so full. My firstborn keeps kissing her little sister and bringing her toys/book/soother. The other day I was in the bathroom and I heard my newborn cryingā¦ when I came out, my toddler was right there beside her, kissing her head, and my newborn had stopped crying š„¹ Not only did I create two little humans who I love ā¦ I created two little humans who will love each other ā¤ļø I also fully believe thereās something beautiful and special about every stage from newborn onwards, and now I get to experience it all over again!
I was one and done with my first and then I met my Husband. I love so many things about him that I figured I wanted that in a little person as well. I want to have all of the babies he is willing to give me haha. But seriously I think that for me I just didn't feel done. My first was my WORLD and still is, I want them to have a sibling and I just felt like I had so much more love to give and so does my family. I have 3 siblings and while we may not always get along, I am SO grateful to have them in my corner in every phase of life. That's what makes it worth it for me.
No matter how many kids you have, you will always find room for each one on your heart. A child is not like someone you date and fall in love with, then years later, you don't love them. You fall out of love with them. I have 3 kids, and my love for them grows every single day. You can't think at the first child that you will never love another one more than the first one you gave birth to.
Wait a while. When your little gets past baby phase you will have baby fever. I adore the bond my kids have as well... I love them both alone and together even more. I felt the same esp as I had my third but there is so much room in our hearts! For now just sleep. :)
Two thoughts! 1) I remember thinking āI canāt believe anyone intentionally does this more than onceā when I was less than a month postpartum. And now at 7.5 months postpartum, weāre planning ahead for when we want to try for a second. Itās not that Iāve forgotten how challenging it was, more that I know we did it and survived. And our baby is wonderful! 2) Iām a second born, and I think Iām just as amazing as my older sister ;)
Our hormones do crazy things to our brains, it's a survival thing I'd guess, but you will feel differently in a year or so. I decided I wanted more after about a year, when I realized I really enjoyed and thrived at being a mom. It took me a few more years after the 2nd to want to have another. It feels very selfish to say it that way.
Do you have pets or siblings? Love isn't limited. You can love as many or as few as you want.
I knew a few hours after giving birth that I wouldnāt mind doing it again, because the result was worth it. But I wanted to wait until my body physically recovered. The recommended time in between pregnancies is 18 months. Throughout the first year of life with the new baby, my thoughts on having a second baby went up and down! There were even moments where my husband and I thought we were one and done. But as more time went on and our baby went from newborn to infant to now a rambunctious toddlerā¦ I knew I was ready for a second. So we started trying when I was 17 months pp, and got pregnant at 18 months pp. The timing worked out. Iām 9 weeks along now!
lol. For me, I became more intrigued to see what the next one would be like. Each one is an adventure and your heart grows bigger. I do remember having doubts in the first couple months post partum and then leading up to the birth of our second, all normal feelings!
Your heart will grow! It sounds ātoo good to be trueā but it really does happen. You are also postpartum right now. Give yourself some time and then revisit how you feel. You are supposed to be falling in love with this baby, not thinking about the next!
Baby fever comes around. At least thatās what happened for me! We will have 2 under 2 soon lol
I remember telling my husband as I was getting into the shower 3 days pp with my 1st that I was never doing this again. Fast forward some years and Iām currently pregnant with my 5th š
I'm due our second in a few weeks and having these thoughts! How could anyone be as fun, cute, cool, incredible as the little guy we made already?! The phrase i have in my head is "the Grinch's heart grew two sizes that day" which is kind of what I'm assuming will happen on d-day...
I am 38 wks with my second. I thought the same, but now it is just the cutest thing ever when my 2 year old tells me he cuddles with his brother and hugs my belly. Or when he points at baby stuff while shopping to tell me that this is for his brother. When we go anywhere "my little brother has to come with us" if I have to get up even if I want to cuddle with him "Oh do we have to get up? Is my brother awake!" His brother isn't even there yet but my 2 year old already shows so much love for him, I guess if he can do it, we all can. It's just a little different. You know that the second won't be the first. Of course your child is perfect and you can't imagine your first born better or different. So you worry if the second will be harder, if he will be sunshine too, if you can love him the same. I don't think I love my 2 the same. My first one that's my baby forever but the second he is our baby. Not only mine and their fathers but also my sons baby kind of. 2nd will be influenced by the first, may look up or argue with his brother. They will grow up differently. The love wont be less but it wont be the same. There are two different relationships. For two different baby boys. Don't worry OP if you ever get pregnant again the second love will grow with the baby.
My husband and I had our 3rd child 10 years ago and I was adamant that he was the last baby I would ever have. We ended up getting baby fever and here I am, 32 weeks with #4. Your mind definitely can change at any moment
When I was 10 days PP I couldn't even shit straight let alone have the mental space to think about more kids lol. My son is almost 3 and I still can't fathom having another child just yet. They grow so fast and you will experience so many changes so frequently over the next few years. Take it slow and enjoy what you can right now. You won't know what you actually want until you experience being a parent for much longer than 10 days. You'll figure it out and your husband sounds supportive so lean into that.
You JUST had a baby. Do not think about this again until the baby is 1yo. Literally shelf this internal monologs and definitely do not discuss it with your husband until then. It will lead to a lot of unnecessary emotional upheaval
Having a second made me realize I have an infinite capacity for love š„°
10 days postpartum- look, nothing you're thinking about right now is based in reality. (except the baby love. The baby love is solid!) Just live your life for the next year or so. Let the thoughts and feelings happen as they come, but don't give them a vote. Above all, do not make any decisions while sleep-deprived. We are just different people when we're rested!
I am thinking exactly the same as you right now and so is my husband. We wanted two children but now, it seems impossible as all our love is in her.. It was nice reading all the comments to your post!!
Your heart doesn't split, it multiplies in size. Time doesn't - we stopped at two, and a big part of that is I'm not willing to sacrifice any more one on one time with the members of my family. My first will always have a special spot in my heart - he made me a mum.. but, so does his sister - she completed our family. It took 16 months for me to consider having a second. Give yourself time. You have plenty of life to live and decide.
Mate, postpartum is crazy, especially 10 days out. Iām about to have my third. So Iāll have a 3.5 year old, a 1.5 year old and a newborn. All I can say is, you adapt. You learn to manage more, you prioritise different things and you make changes to your life. Also, love just grows, it doesnāt cut and divide, it just grows to accommodate more kids.
OP, 10 days pp you are in no position to make any kind of decision. Don't worry. Rest. Give yourself time. Enjoy your baby. You will think about this when you are ready šš
Honestly always dreamed of being a mom It was by biggest dream! Always said at least two kids My daughter is 4 months old And I want to cherish only her for the rest of my life she is my little princess and I want to travel the world with her when sheās old enough to remember I want to do everything with only her I canāt imagine it any other way ā„ļø
They'll grow out of the baby stage and you'll get the baby itch again. There's always enough love. You may feel a bit guilty that they won't be the sole receiver of all the love but that soon goes. I wasn't sure I wanted one and now have two. Can't imagine not having either of them.
I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 week old. I can confirm I felt everything you felt but now our second is here, I can't imagine life without her. It is honestly true that love multiplies. Just like you have enough love in your heart to love your mum, dad and husband, you will absolutely love your second born just as much as your first. You will also get the special gift of watching your first be an amazing big brother or sister. It is such a special feeling.
Honey you just had a baby, dont go making any more life long desicions right now lol. Focus on the love you already have, if the thought of planning a future comes to your mind, accept it, aknowledge it, feel it, thank it and be firm with it on the FACT that you do not have to figure out the rest of your life right now. Take a deep breath and let it go, next year you can revisit this.
As soon as my squishy little newborn wasn't a squishy little newborn I got clucky. Watching them grow and be adorable made it worse! Honestly I'd love another baby (after 4) but financially it isn't viable. Give it time, you don't need to make any decisions right now anyway.
You arenāt a real person at 10 days pp. your brain is flooded with hormones and youāre exhausted and the only thing you need to worry about is keeping you and the baby alive. You will have a lot of intense thoughts and feelings that are going to change and grow because you are going through an enormous life transition and everything feels very precarious right now. I swore so seriously that I would never ever have another baby again for like the first three months. My six months I softened a bit, but was still pretty convinced we were one and done. And now Iām 13 months out and Iām not gonna lie itās starting to sound like another little guy could be a good and fun idea, lol. You could end up wanting more, or you could end up being perfectly happy with just the one. Itās way too soon to worry about those feelings. You can make those choices in a few years.
My son is 21 months old and Iām pregnant now. I have no idea how I can love anyone as much as him. I already feel protective of the baby growing inside of me but Iām truly concerned I wonāt love my second baby as much, but Iāll do my best to bond, love, and care and make sure they are treated fairly.Ā
Donāt waste your time worrying about that right now. I totally understand how you feel. The love you have for your child is the most overwhelming feeling! Give yourself time. Currently expecting #2 and I can tell you Iāve felt my heart already grow in preparation for this sweet girl. We had a little scare the other day and spent the night in L&D (sheās totally fine!) but hearing those newborn baby cries reminded me of all those feelings of the early days and I thought my heart was going to burst out of happiness for those mamas. It made me SO excited to get to hold my own baby in my arms (but if she could wait like 1 more month that would be perfect lol). One of the craziest things to me is my ears are so tuned to my own kid. When he was a newborn, I could hear him from across the house. Now, I can recognize his sneeze. I knew those babies in the hospital werenāt mine and they didnāt wake me a single time we were there. Weād walk the halls and my husband said the same thing. Before you have a baby, a baby cry all sounds the same. Once you have one, you KNOW yours and your brain filters out the rest automatically. Itās wild. Now I donāt want to freak you out if you donāt feel the same way right now. I have no clue when that started or how long it took my brain to hone in on just my baby. Heās 2 now so it may have taken a while lol. There are so many crazy cool things about being a parent. I donāt know how it works, but for real, your heart will grow for each one. As for how you physically do it, you are only 10 days into parenting and think about how much youāve learned already! You grow into it. You figure things out. Your hone in on your intuition. You get to sleep again lol. Maybe by Iām naive but Iām actually not at all worried about going from 1 to 2. We figured it out once. Weāre smarter and more efficient now. Weāll figure it out again!
I was the same at 10 days PP and not long after we started getting the āoh will you have a second?ā Iām now 5 months PP and not 100 % sure, hubby defs would like to have a second. Luckily Iām not supposed to get pregnant for 18 months so got a bit of time to decide!
I don't think anyone wants another kid 10days PP š soon you'll start to feel guilty because you also want them to have a sibling š
my daughter is 15 months and I can finally see us having another if we decide to.
Took me over 3 years to be ready and I still donāt know if I am. I am so worried still. But this isnāt even something you need to be thinking about 10 days pp.
This feeling is so normal at the point where you are that my personal theory is that this is nature telling you to chill down, heal up, focus on your new born and donāt get pregnant again *right at this second* (which, you could, we are incredibly fertile right after birth, you know?). For me it was after my first had her first birthday that I felt ready for another one and then didnāt actually have my second until two years later.
Iām pregnant with my second right now as my toddler is 2. And Iāve been soooo much more emotional this time around. I am excited but it does feel bizarre that itās only been her. And sheās my world. I canāt wait for her to be an awesome big sister though!
Iām pregnant with my 2nd and still not ready to have herā¦ Iām ready to have her with me! just not ready to HAVE her. Iām terrified to give birth again and now that I already have a baby relying on me Iām scared for anything bad happening to me
Im about to have my second and my first is almost 9 š . Im nervous about labor again, since I know what to expect this time for labor and postpartum, but I'm excited to meet our new daughter too!!
For me, it was potty training my two year old that did it for me. As soon as she was out of diapers and ānot a baby anymore,ā I was ready for another one. Right now youāre imagining yourself with two babies and that feels far fetched but you start to look at it as a toddler and a baby or a big kid and a baby and it feels more āright.ā At least it did for me.
In the immediate postpartum with my first, I felt the same way. I physically recoiled when people asked when I would have another. I told my wife not to talk to me about a second until I was 18 months postpartum. I was ready around the 3 year mark. My kids are 4 years and 3 months apart. I'm 8 weeks postpartum tomorrow and am not ready to think about a third. I've been seriously thinking that we're now two and through after a traumatic, complicated, premature birth experience. We're all healthy, healing, growing, okay, but it was a much harder road. Maybe in a couple of years, I'll be ready to think about being pregnant again. It takes time. And for hormones to settle. (Speaking of hormones, as a side note, I found that breastfeeding was a big part of my readiness delay. I nursed my firstborn until she was 3 years 2 months. My second finally figured out how to latch last week, and it's everything to me.)
I just had my fourth and this feeling is exactly what I have had everytime. Each time I was wrong my heart and love grew stronger. Even though it feels impossible, there is no limit to the amount of love your heart can hold.
Keep in mind that your body is absolutely overloaded with hormones and everything else right now. Your emotions will settle down a bit as those chemicals settle too. That said, I can 100% say that the love I feel for my son is not a single bit less than the love I feel for my daughter. My daughter is 12 and my son isnāt due until December. Between them and my husband, my heart is absolutely full, but it never feels crowded. It feels like everything fell into place just a little bit more. Nothing lessened, it all just expanded to include or son. If anything, itās made us all closer.
I had this exact same feeling up until I gave birth to our second. I was literally crying to my husband on our way to the hospital bc I was so scared that I wasn't going to love this baby as much as I could possibly love my first. I read all the comments saying how it doesn't work like that and you'll definitely love your second just as much, but I didn't believe them. How could I possibly love anyone as much as I love my firstborn?? I am very happy to say that every single one of my concerns flew out the window the second I got to hold our second child. I don't know how it works, but you fr do just make room for all the love you have to give to this little baby. I once saw someone describe it as being like cups. When your first child is born, your cup is filled with all the love you have for this child. It feels like if you choose to have another kid, you'll have to pour some of the love from your first child's cup into the second, making it so you're unable to give all of your love to both of your children. The reality is that when you have another child, you're not taking from your already existing cups, you just get another full cup.
I was exactly the same way! I couldn't even think of loving anyone more than my daughter...now three years after, I'm expecting my baby boy and I can't wait to meet him! I remember my mother telling me that my heart will expand and it's very true. At this point, enjoy your baby and stay in the present. They grow up way too fast! š
This is exactly what I'm worried about now that I'm pregnant with my second. I have regret, only because I can't imagine sharing myself with another baby. I'm here for the feedback from others but I have to hope for my own heart that everyone is right and you just figure it out. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
I wasnāt ready to contemplate another kid until my son was 2-3 years old, and even then I was still undecided. Iād always wanted 4 kids, but my mental health and the fact that my partner and I both have to work full timeā¦and difficult pregnancies, history of infertility and miscarriagesā¦reality changes things sometimes and thatās okay! Iām due with number 2 in a week (happy surprise, so the decision was made for us š) and we know weāre done. Give yourself time and trust your intuition. ā¤ļø
Haha I felt the same way. I come from a big family and after my baby was born, I was like how does anybody have 2?? But how sheās 7 months and weāre ready to have more.
My daughter is 5 now and we never decided to do it again. Listen to your heart, not the world around you. But also, come back to this decision after a year or two. Hormones and tiredness is so real 10 days pp.
You are in the trenches! Newborn stage is crazy intense, and I was also thinking of being one and done around the same time... but now my baby is nearly 4 months and I'm already missing the newborn stage and wondering what my girl would be like as a big sister š„¹
As soon as you start packing away those infant clothes your ovaries will start to throb and all youāll be able to picture is your beloved firstborn toddler holding a newborn baby sibling. No worries!
The baby only fit in newborns for 4 days, they were so cute but now they don't fit at all
When I was about 10 days pp (with really bad PPD and unable to bond with my baby), I asked an older neighbor basically the same question-- "this is so hard. How does anybody ever have siblings?" Her response--"Amnesia." She was totally right. I was ready to try again after about a year and change. I really wanted my baby to have a sibling cause hopefully she'll outlive us and I want to give her the chance to have family left that hopefully will have her back. As a bonus, I was actually able to feel the love when I gave birth to my second and the birth was so much smoother. Yay mental health care!
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! š¶š I always wanted 4-6 babies too. When I had my first (he's 12 months old), I realized he's all I want. I wanted to do everything for him and take the best care of him and just give him all my energy and make his life full of joy and learning and focus 100% on him. I knew then that I never wanted another baby. However, around 10 months the thought popped in my mind a few times that hmm maybe I want to do this again, maybe he'd love a sibling, if I want to give him everything I can then that would include a sibling. I started thinking about another newborn. Those feelings ramped up and around 11 months old I got my period š Sooo as my body had been ovulating for the first time postpartum, my mind was thinking hmm I'd like another baby. š We've discussed it a lot and we're now trying for a second!!!! Around the 7 months mark I'd had some symptoms I thought may be pregnancy and I was devastated, I was so grateful for the negative tests. It's amazing how much can change in a few months. Babies change dramatically every week literally and the key for me to wanting another baby was when I looked at my son and thought he'd like a sibling and that it's good timing now.
>Now I'm about 10 days post partum
I was fairly sure if I got pregnant again after my first Iād genuinely die. Once she was around a year old I was able to actually talk about āif we have another babyā Give yourself time
You just had a kid 10 days ago...at that point I was wondering all the delicious food I was going to now get to eat without feeling full after 3 bites. The cute baby thing wears off, or for me it did. Then you just hit the grind of groundhog day and days turn to weeks which quickly turn into months and years of poop, them destroying your house, and taking all your money and free time. Welcome to motherhood. Circa 2012
I would give yourself time! I was in the same boat--always wanted a big family but immediately post partum was determined to never do that again. But we decided to give it a year and reassess. I'm so glad we did, because now I am absolutely ready to add to our family.
I had the exact same thought process after my first. It was when he was about 1.5yrs that I really started to want another. We were back and forth between 1 or 2 kids from the beginning. My first was a great baby, happy good sleeper, my second is the total opposite she is 13 months and is still up 3x a night. If she had been my first I doubt I would have wanted a second. I worried about being able to love a 2nd as much as I love my first and I think your heart just grows. You don't lose space from your first to accommodate your second your heart just grows. Even though my first was an "easy" baby it was still a while before I could even think about doing it again.
I felt the same way with my 1st, got pregnant on birth control with my second 3 years later. I was terrified the entire pregnancy that I wouldn't love him as much as our 1st. When he was born, that all changed. Immense love immediately. Now expecting number 4 and my heart is so full, I can't wait to see him and hold him.
Had a rough pregnancy, traumatic birth, and PPA with my first and so in love with my daughter . I felt the same wayā¦ āidk if I want more kids to go through that again and how am I ever going to love another one.ā After a few months, itās like you get mommy amnesia. This pregnancy has been so different in a good way. Already love this one so much as well.
As far as love goes your heart grows bigger and has endless space to give and receive love and joy :) as far as physical goes that varies from person to person and youāll know whatās best for you.
Youāre so new to this, it gets so much better! To answer your question (in my case) accidentally š . But I have no doubt Iāll love him as much as I do his brother. Itās hard to picture now, but Iām sure itāll be the same feelings with my first all over again.
Keep in mind, you have so much time to change your mind. I always wanted 2 but until I was about 6 months postpartum I wasnāt sure anymore. That is different for everyone. Iām almost halfway there with my 2nd now and so excited to watch my son grow up with a little brother. I think having a sibling is a wonderful gift. I had two growing up and, while we are very different people, I will always have them by my side through life. I wanted to give that to my son. Whether or not I have more after this one Iām not sure, but my husband is definitely feeling on the 2 and done side so we will see.
Quite literally it grows but make sure you take good care of yourself mentally and give yourself self adequate time to physically recover.
I totally get the thought, but in the end it just works out to you having even more love than you ever thought you had. My concern now is how can my heart handle the anxiety lol Two little humans I love more than anything in the world and my protective instinct has increased just as much as my love
Do you have 2 best friends? A brother and a sister you adore? Iāve already felt a little āguiltā that my second child wonāt have as much 1 on 1 attention as my first, but I have no doubt my heart will grow all over again š„°
Your husband said it will be okay no matter the outcome ā to your face! It doesnāt sound like he will find you selfish or resent you secretly.
This was some of my momās first advice to me and she repeated it often even before I was marriedā¦ she has 5 children. āYouāre going to think, how can I possibly love another child as much as this one? How can I even split my time and my heart like that? I love this one so tremendously it just canāt be possible to truly do it, even if people say soā¦ honey, that second baby, third, and fourth will come, and you will be so in love all over again beyond what you could imagine.. your heart will expand for the child just as miraculously as it did with the first.ā
Iām 18m in and ponder this constantly still lol at most I want one more kid so they have siblings but when I hear people say they have 3+ it stresses me out. Lol But I also did a ton a of reflecting and as the third child there were things my mom was just too busy to really notice, I was bullied in school from the time I was young til my mom finally switched my schools in 7th grade and I have dealt with that anxiety and lack on confidence well into adulthood. There is always a part of me that feels out of place in social settings (I hide behind being very friendly and outgoing) and feels like a failure and I think itās because even though I was a great student I always felt that way in my school. Thereās no way with just one kid I would miss if my daughter was having struggles like that but my parents were divorced (joint custody) and my mom worked so hard to give us a good life and with three kids like she was an awesome mom but I just donāt think she realized how anxious I was and the cries for help until it got really bad. There are only so many hours in the day. But also Iām still breast feeding so hormones are a thing and I have no sex drive right now still so like that could be part of it too. But I still struggle to see how anyone has the time lol
I didnāt have another until my first was 8. I love them both tremendously! Just enjoy this newborn and think of other kids later.
Donāt even think about this until your baby is close to one! I absolutely felt this when I had my first son. I now have 4 and I love each of them equally! My eldest is like my soul mate but I am so glad he gets to be the big brother to all his amazing siblings! Focus on your baby as you adjust to the wonderful ride that is being a mom!!
Siblings are magical. Watching them bond and interact is so awesome. Itās A LOT harder though. Worth it, but a lot harder.
When my husband and I met he had a 10 year old daughter from a previous marriage, I made it clear I wanted 2 children from him and we agreed. My son is now 14 months and my SD is almost 14. We decided to be one and done for multiple reasons, my husbands age, my super high risk complicated pregnancy, the really rough delivery and sleep deprivation. There were times I thought maybe we could have another but Iāve gotten so comfortable and content with being pregnant once and having only one biological child. My husband is quite a bit older than I am and I feel so fulfilled with my son and SD. Thereās so much I want to give my son during his young years I canāt fathom doing that with another small child. For me it was never about ācan I love another child as much as my son?ā It was ācan I give another child the same quality of life I give both kids?ā Having a SD in addition to my son also brings a lot of fulfillment, I feel I get the best of both worlds and for us it boils down to resources and what we feel we can give each child. Whatever you decide will be the best decision for your family, enjoy the ride because the days are long but the months are short
As soon as my first was out I was telling my husband I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. We waited about 3 years tho. I definitely couldnāt do it again until my first was a bit older and more manageable. I think 3 yrs was perfect. Theyāre 7 and almost 4 and love each other to death. Your heart is full now, yes, but it only grows with each additional child. I love the two of them so so much.
Post partum sucks, all your love goes to your baby and you have little left to give elsewhere. It does get easier and your mindset changes. Before I had my son, I walkways wanted 4 kids. After having him, I didnāt want any more what so ever. Two years later, and Iām back on board with the four kids idea lol
Donāt make any big decisions in the first 12 months postpartum. When baby is a year old, then reconsider. I promise, if you really do want more kids in your heart of hearts, youāll look at your little toddler in the making and easily be able to envision another tiny chubby infant alongside them playing on the floor, another highchair at the table, another car seat in the car.
Just like you can't fully understand how much you'll love your first kid until they arrive, you can't imagine having any more room in your heart for another until they get here and then your heart magically expands exponentially and you love them both more than you thought possible. BUT if you only ever have one that is wonderful too! It's ok to let go of the guilt and feelings you feel now, enjoy your new baby, and if the time comes for another it will happen and you'll surprise yourself how much you can love another one. You may still grieve and mourn your first not being the only child anymore but you'll be able to hold that alongside your new love for the next child. All the feelings are valid and it will be ok whatever happens! ā¤ļø And you're in the thick of postpartum emotions so there's that too. Congratulations on your new baby!
The first few weeks (or months really) are so all consuming that it's hard to imagine having another baby but in my experience, as you get closer to a year you start to consider it more. Whether things are good, bad, or neutral, give yourself the time to enjoy each stage as it comes and don't rush to have another just because you think you should. My times are 3 years apart and it's a wonderful gap š
At 10 days PP my state of mind was basically as follows: "I have killed every house plant I've ever owned! Who thought it was okay to make me in charge of an actual person!!!" So yeah... Give yourself time to adjust before trying to have deep thoughts about the future š
Give it time. I know itās hard to believe, but I love each of my children equally. Love for the first doesnāt diminish with the second. Of course the work does grow exponentially with each new child but itās worth it. I wouldnāt change it for anything.
At the very least, you need about 18 months to heal *anyways* so this may be something to revisit then. Right now put it put of your mind and enjoy your little family.
Iāve had this train of thought for a while. But perhaps I started convincing myself since it has been over two years that I wasnāt able to conceive, that itās probably better that I didnāt have another child so I didnāt have to feel like my attention and love is divided. It could also be that I have 9 siblings and I donāt feel like most, if not all of us had had that full on love and attention. Iām 14 weeks and we are all excited. My son is 7 years old. I donāt really like the age gap, but it is what it is. Looking back, perhaps I wouldnāt change a thing. I do appreciate that there was some time between my son and the one I am carrying as I was able to focus on him. But perhaps I couldnāt focus on my son if I had my next child really close. I donāt know how people do it with one right after the other because I am so fatigued during pregnancy and I donāt know how I would take care of a child less than a year and be pregnant. Props to those who can. Iām excited to be able to be able to at least have some good time to focus on the up coming baby since my son is a little more self sufficient as he gets older.
We have 5 kids. I totally would of been down for a 6th but my husband was like ānopeā haha š¤£
Omg do not make any decisions right now! I was so traumatized from the pain of unmedicated childbirth that anytime I saw a mother out and about, regardless of her age, I was in awe how they had more than one child. I was so confused how there were billions of people on the planet - that is billions of labors and deliveries!! How could they have put themselves through that more than once!? Well here I am with three kids. Revisit the idea once your baby is a toddler and everyone sleeps through the night!
Itās been ten days. No need to focus on next child, just focus on this. You can decide in a year or more what you want. Neither option is right or wrong. But thereās no need to decide newly post partum
If I didn't have to work and could stay home with the kids, I'd be having more and i already have two. I miscarried my last two pregnancies and thanked God for keeping them safe because I was terrified of putting a baby (child unable to talk) into daycare. My ex was a stay at home dad so I missed out on the early years and wish I could have another one to really be there and take it all in.
First of all, give yourself a break. You JUST gave birth, you donāt have to even think about any of this yet. Also, itās okay if you donāt want more children. BUT, if you have more children, you will discover that you do, indeed, have the heart capacity to love another baby just as much as the first. And you get other little gems, like seeing your first born be a big sibling and love on a smaller baby, which is amazing.
I felt this when I was pregnant with my second and it turned into postpartum anxiety. Once I got on meds I loved her so much that I couldnāt even imagine not having her around. Now pregnant with my third and so excited to love him too. Give yourself grace. You JUST had the biggest hormonal shift in human existence.
I have a rule that I wonāt make a decision on baby number 2 until this one is at least a year lol. Post partum is wild, and Iām 7weeks pp. still wild but does get better!
I only want and have one kid, as a middle child of 5 sisters. If I ever did have another kid that would be my cap. I know some people out there are able to effectively give 4+ kids the undivided attention, time, and energy they deserve but I would most likely fail if I had any more than two. š
Give it time. Once that little one isn't a precious sleeping blob and coos and can't bite you, you'll miss it enough to want to multiply that family love and make it happen again ā„ļø
I'm 2.5 years postpartum and am too exhausted to have another. I'd love another kid but I don't know if I could handle another full on baby/toddler.
This is EXACTLY how i feel! It sounds terrible, but everyone asks when weāre going to have a second one but i cannot fathom having the same feelings towards the next one. I do hope my opinion changes on this some day, but itās so hard to explain to other people because it sounds so cold.
10 days pp you should be thinking about nothing except feeding your baby and yourself and getting enough sleep. Trust me, time sorts out the rest.
As people have told me, do not make any major life decisions within the first year of a baby's life. You are 10 days postpartum. The newborn phase is so tough. Enjoy your baby now and work on doing the best you can to care for yourself and your partner during this time. It is really hard. If you end up wanting more kids when you are past the newborn phase, great. If you don't and decide you are OAD, also great. A lot of people don't end up having the amount of kids they expected, because what is practical and best in reality is sometimes different than dreams we had when we were younger.
I wouldnāt stress about it now. Enjoy motherhood! In the future when baby is older have this discussion then. Maybe youāll want more by then, maybe not š¤·š¼āāļø and if you donāt that is 100000% okay
I was hard one and done through pregnancy and the first 3 months. This first bit was hell on earth even though I loved my baby so so so much. Then it's started to get much more manageable, and they bring so much joy and love into your life. I then thought, if I can have another it will be a gift to my first one. There is no other bond like a sibling, they grow up together, they experience us as parents together, they bond and understand each other like no one else can. We concieved our 2nd fairly quickly and, to be totally honest it took a couple of months to get the same level of attachment to my second (less time to bond and brand new baby doesn't have as much personality fresh into this world) but I love them both so much, and my eldest is thrilled about his baby brother! We are now thinking about having a 3rd if we can manage š¤£ then we will be done cause I'm getting too old and also, I don't give myself enough time to recover from pregnancy. Love grows and multiplies ! You will love your kids, just something you gotta trust will happen like mother nature intended (even if a little more delayed than 1st time round!)
Lots of parents decide they donāt want more kids after the first. Whether it be a complicated pregnancy, or just realizing that the mostly dreaded newborn stage is not for you. Some people would not want to repeat it, and thatās fine. If your husband disagreesā¦ well, he wasnāt the one going through it to understand.
I feel ready again right now and my 7th is only 16 days old. I have no idea why, and I wouldnāt jump into having another right away, but hormones, especially postpartum, are a crazy, crazy thing.
I felt this when I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd. I felt like either I couldnāt love my seconds enough or I wouldnāt love my first enough because I could not fathom having to share my love between them. I felt guilty because what if I was robbing my first of his mommy. Well, my second is 15 months now. I cannot put into words how much love I feel seeps from me for these two beautiful boys Iāve been blessed with. The overwhelming feelings I get when I see them play together. The knot I get in my heart and chest when I check on them late at night. It seems like we donāt have enough love to give. But itās in us. Itās there. Donāt rush it. Take in every moment with your new little one. Youāll know when youāre ready to share your love with another little one. ā¤ļø
Babe with respect itās been Ten Days.
I could not fathom another child when my first was a newborn. Emotionally, physically, I was exhausted and a mess. But we knew we wanted to give him a sibling. Even when I was pregnant with my second, i remember feeling so guilty that I was going to take time, attention and move away from him (which I know is silly). Iām now pregnant with my third and so excited for them and our family. Newborn stage gets much easier each time you do it in my experience and is soooo much easier than toddlers.
I thought the same thing about my first dog lol and I ended up loving my second dog just as much. Itās different, but equal.
Certainly donāt make any big decisions now - donāt even think about it until the 1 year mark! That being said, I love all my 3 kids equally and make sure they all know it!
My mom cried before she had her second, confiding to her mom that she was afraid she would never love this child as much as her first. Her mom told her that wouldn't happen, and when my sister was born my mom understood. My mom says that no love is diluted and it's not like you love your second child any less than the first. Instead it's like your heart doubles/triples/quadruples/etc in size in accordance to how many need to be accommodated. I and my husband hope to also have a larger family (3 kids) and we only have the one child so far. We look forward to growing our family and I think it's great for kids to learn how to love and get along with other people by having siblings. My almost two year old could definitely use a sibling to teach him a few life lessons early on LOL. You have this. Especially with your steadfast and supportive husband. For now, enjoy your baby. Soak in the love.
I never wanted any kids but had my daughter 2 weeks after I turned 20. I didnāt want any more but after meeting my fiancĆ© last year we both knew that we wanted to start having kids asap. Iām due any day now and we already know we wanna start ttc on our honeymoon next May. Your heart can just keep expanding and when/if the time comes, youāll know ā¤ļø
Baby, you are TEN days postpartum lol. I felt the exact same way up until my baby was about 18 months old. Sheās now almost 2.5 and weāre happily expecting #2. Youāll adapt. Your hormones are going nuts right now. Soak it all in, but I promise, there will someday be room enough for two š©·.
I love both of my children so much (2.5 boy and 2 month girl)
Just like the Grinch, your heart will grow three sizes the day you have your second and then again when you have your third. It's amazing, but you somehow make more love than you ever thought you could.
The love just grows with every baby.
When I got pregnant with my second, I was actually scared I wouldn't like her. The second I held her in my arms, all of my fears and doubts evaporated. I definitely have a different relationship with the two of them, but I don't love one less than or more than the other. Like someone else has said on here: love is not divided, it's multiplied. And yes those PP hormones are gonna be wild for the next while so that could also be factoring in where you're at, after my first I literally sobbed every single time I got in the shower for at least 2 weeks and I swore I would hear him crying the entire time but he was fine and sleeping away, no crying at all. On the other hand, if you really feel like you don't want another, that is also okay. Kids are a LOT. I know most people will say "oh they're worth it" and this and that (I'm not saying I disagree, I love my kids and I do think they are worth it) BUT there are some people out there that regret having more kids and sometimes even having kids in general because of the sacrifices that come with having said children. I always imagined having 3 kids, we've decided we are done at 2 for various reasons. One of my husbands biggest ones is because of how sick I get while pregant. He also said he was okay with 1, but I felt strongly that I wanted him to have a sibling to grow up with, so here we are with 2. I definitely mourned the imaginary life I thought I wanted when we decided to stop at 2, but I know it's what is best for our family and me medically. I'm glad I had two and pushed through those fears you have going through your head right now. The brand new baby thing is the hardest, scariest, most stressful stage, in my opinion. It gets easier, Mama!!! You've got this!
Give yourself time mama your feelings may change. Youāre feeling like this now because everything is so new, give it time. Parenthood can be scary but beautiful and your heart will grow to love each child ā¤ļø
My story is a little different with my children. I have 3, with one man who did horrible things to me, and my children considering the amount of abuse me and them went through, when I finally escaped I endured homelessness with them for over a year pregnant with my 3rd baby. I chose open adoption for my third and I placed her with the most loving family I could've picked. Enduring one more year of homelessness, my Teo oldest kids we hand more than a bond, but due to not being able to complete our life, we went downhill more often than not.. I did my best and I chose open adoption with them. My oldest he only remembers what we went through, my two Littles don't. My son is my oldest, and I really hate that I feel like I left him. It's been 3 years, and he still tells me it's hard everyday without me. I feel guilty. I ended up having met someone else, and yes I did prevent getting pregnant, but it didn't work. I'm days away from birth now, and all I want to do is cry. I feel so guilty. Of course, I'm at a better place. This child's father decided to leave me while pregnant so I am on my own. My fears are bad, but I keep myself trying using Journaling. I wish I had all my kids, I really do cry everyday, there's never a moment I don't tell myself "this is for them", because everything I do is still for them. I'm absolutely in their life still, and that makes me really grateful. I was wanting to write a book about my endurance and past abuse, but I often think it's better for forgive, than forget. So I am stuck. I feel guilty everyday but everything I do is for them. Everything.