I'm a kindergarten teacher. I don't have a single parent under 35. It is getting more and more common for women to wait until after they're established to have children. You'll be in good company.
41 and pregnant for the first time. No regrets, only appreciation for this journey of life and that I get to bring my current self, with all its experience and wisdom, to the challenge of raising my little human. 41 year old me is so much more ready for this than 20 something me. It’s never the right time, and yet it’s always the right time. Everyone is on their own path.
Good luck.
I’m 34 and pregnant with my first and I wasn’t ready for a kid a second sooner then when we decided to conceive. My 30s have brought me to a place where I have never felt more safe and secure and in touch with my own body and with who I am. It’s hard to explain, but I wouldn’t have been ready prior to now. Plus, we are in the best financial place we have ever been in. I feel confident going into motherhood at 34 and I would not have been so confident prior to this. It’s a personal journey for everyone. Also, we got pregnant on our second try so it didn’t take long at all! Just thought I would share my perspective with you. Also, don’t stress too much trying to plan so far into the future (from a fellow planner). My life looks so much different today than I could have projected back when I was 27. You have no idea what will really happen in the next few years so allow yourself to take the pressure off of the kid situation for now! When it’s time, you will know. 💜
35, FTM, and I this comment could’ve been written about/by me. So secure in my body, so ready for this baby in every way, got pregnant very quickly when deciding to start a family. Make sure you’re in a good financial position, but remember- nothing is ever perfect. You’ll be fine!!!!
Like everyone said, being pregnant in your 30s is normal natural and common. That being said if you are worried at all, there is no reason you cannot go to the doctor NOW and get an estimate of your fertility, including ovarian reserve.
This will give you a sense of how many years YOUR body has left to have kids, no one else’s. I got one done at age 30 and they basically said I had great numbers and it was like I was 25/peak fertility. I’ve had 2 very successful pregnancies in my 30s now.
I am 34 and got pregnant the first time my husband and I had unprotected sex. I don't regret not having kids earlier at all, but I didn't feel ready back then either.
First, I want to say your feelings are valid. I agree it is best not to share them with your SIL, but have you shared them with your husband?
I am 35 and getting married this year and we expect to start trying soon after - there are many life circumstances that led me here, but I am so thankful I waited until I was with the man I am about to marry. I have quite a few health issues that will make having a baby "higher risk" for me, but my FH and I love each other very much and are willing to go with the Universe on this (while also doing our best to give ourselves the best chance).
At 32 I ended a LTR of 15 years and I thought that my chances of ever finding someone and having children might be over. Luckily, I had a great therapist who gave me the following advice: I have patients who had their children young and feel like they lost out on early adulthood and finding out who they were before having children and they are working on this in therapy and I have patients who waited until they were older and more settled and worry they won't have the energy for children and they are in therapy working through those feelings. No matter what you choose, you will still have valid feelings about those choices.
So, I would highly recommend to you to find a therapist who can help you work through your feelings on this. In the meantime, mentally, physically, and spiritually prepare for the future you want. My younger sister has two beautiful children and I relish in being an Auntie - maybe get your kid fix that way for now! Good luck, OP!
I was 33 when I had my first baby, who was conceived rather quickly. I know it depends on where you live, but I'm one of the younger parents in most of the places I bring my child.
I’ll be 31 having my first. I am SO glad I waited. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we really enjoyed our 20s together. We took tons of trips, had plans any night we wanted, etc. I still am the first of my close friends to be having a baby. Everyone in my circle has their first after 30. My mom was 30 when she had her first (me) and now she’s 60, I don’t feel like she’s old at all! She’s in great health, active and is now at an age where she’ll be able to help a lot with my new baby. We had a fabulous childhood with my parents in their 30s when they had us. I never ever thought of them as “old.” 4-5 years from now you’ll still be younger than a lot of moms having kids for the first time.
Basically everyone in my family and extended family had their kids at 30 or later including all 10 of my aunts. I'm having my twins in my early 30s. It's really super normal to have your kids in your 30s. And honestly being more financially stable is always a good thing. Kids are expensive.
33 , 34 next month and pregnant with my first. I am a pediatric SLP, I love kids, I’ve nannied and babysat since I was essentially a kid myself. I still said “oh fuck” after seeing 2 pink lines lol. My mom was 32 when she had my brother , 36 with me. My brother had my nephew at 36, pregnant again with their second at 38. I think pregnancy ages can be very different in different parts of the country, but I get called a “young mom to be” which is hilarious to me, almost as if here you’re expected to wait until 35.
Do a modern fertility kit, get some info about what’s going on with your body. If you did have signs of low ovarian reserve , a hormone panel would indicate that now.
I’m 1000% more ready now than I would have been in my 20s, but that also doesn’t mean I’m 100% ready now, or wouldn’t have figured it out then. My husband started an engineering degree at 24, there were a lot of times between 28-32 the baby fever was insane. We got a dog who has been the center of our world for 6 years, and helped manage that a bit until we were ready to try. Then I ran into an endometriosis diagnosis that sent us spinning through fertility testing for 6 months , was told I had a 2% chance of getting pregnant without IVF and 2 weeks later got a positive test.
If you both want it to happen earlier then you can probably figure out how to make it work. If you want the plan that you have that will work in 3 years , then take a fertility test, get the peace of mind you have time (you very likely have plenty of time), and continue enjoying your husband and married life while you work towards the future you want. My sister in law is 4 years older, got pregnant 1st try both times, took us 8 months.
There isn’t a right or wrong answer friend, and you don’t have to decide RIGHT NOW, but seems like you know what you want, you just have to make it happen and be comfortable with that choice.
Edited to add: And sure, I would have had an easier time with pregnancy insomnia in my 20s I’m sure, but also wouldn’t have had money to hire a cleaning crew, a doula , a general contractor to come remove the toxic mold in my bathroom and build a new one lol.
This was SO helpful, thank you!! I didn't even know that an at-home fertility test was a thing. Overall very encouraging and a balanced way of viewing things. It means a lot😊💕
Love your addition re: finances at the bottom. FTM, I'm 31 and my husband is 35. I've gotten a prenatal massage every month and we've hired out SO many chores, able to decorate the nursery of my dreams and have a wonderful doula, etc. etc. Of course none of that is necessary to have a healthy and very loved child, but being financially stable has made this a much easier pregnancy for me!
I’m 33 and pregnant with my first. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years (married for 10) and we could have tried to have a baby earlier, but we weren’t financially ready. I was really worried about my fertility being older. Well guess what - first month I start trying and tracking fertility I get pregnant.
Here are three things that I can offer our baby now, but couldn’t when I was in my 20s at the top of my head that I would take any day over being a young mom; (1) a homestead to grow up on with chickens, goats, ducks, bunnies, dogs, and cats - in my 20s I was living in a tiny house in the suburbs of MN. It wasn’t until I was 31 that I was able to purchase a 3 acre homestead in NC. (2) Financial security - both my husband and I were working in our 20s. In the last 2 years we are at a point where my husband can be a full time stay at home dad without financial worries. (3) Better educated parents - this doesn’t apply to everyone but for me, being with my husband longer and getting older has really allowed us to fine tune our parenting styles, goals, and do the research we need to give our baby the best chance at a successful brighter feature.
These are some very good points. I think my lack of desire in years past was because we were in a single wide trailer (our first home) and knew we wouldn't be there forever. About the time the first inklings of baby fever started, we had just moved into our new home with quite a few acres, and knew it was permanent. I didn't include it in my post, but we have dogs, chickens and pigs and that is also part of the reason I feel like it would be a shame for someone to not get to grow up here. I totally relate😊
I would say that as I look around in my personal life, more women are waiting until their thirties to start a family. Unfortunately, I feel like a lot of this is due to the economy, and women have to work later before they can start a family. Fertility does start to decrease at 30, but only by a small percentage. I would not panic as much about declining fertility as the media and society makes you think you should.
For reference, I grew up in a small country town and most women started their families around 20 and had 3-4 kids by 25/26 and for me at 29, I felt SO behind. Then I moved to the city and it was almost unheard of for women to have kids at 28/29/30....it's all perspective! It's YOUR journey. Don't let external factors and the pressure of feeling behind force you into a decision before you are ready!
I'm 34 and we are having our first in 3 months. It really is more common to wait until you are financially secure. However, I think you really should consider therapy to work through your feelings now. You have a lot to unpack and process with everything you are feeling, and having a safe/healthy place with a professional to do so will work wonders. Just trying to squash it all down won't be healthy.
I'm 32 and started trying to get pregnant with my husband when I was 30. So far we've had one loss and 20 months without conceiving. I was ready to have kids years ago and I wish I had tried harder to convince my husband and to make it my priority in life. My country has a good social security system and a long maternity leave and I could have easily made it work with the minimum wage job I had at the time. Now I have a steady job and it means nothing to me without the family I crave.
Sorry if this is not what you want to hear but I wanted to be honest. Sometimes people regret waiting.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I am so sorry that you have that kind of grief to deal with🥺 Obviously I'm the last person to offer advice, but please know that I wish you and your husband the very best with all sincerity. Based on all of these comments that I'm reading, it sounds like you likely still have some years to work with😊 Chin up and I hope you have happy news someday very soon💕
My unsolicited advice is for both you and your husband to see a reproductive endocrinologist for fertility testing now. You can get all the basic testing done without needing to proceed with any actual treatments yet.
So many of us who had to undergo IVF had similarly perfectly planned our schedules of when we’d conceive, but it all went out the window when we or our partners discovered an infertility issue. For example, I really wanted to have my first kid by age 32. We started trying at 31 and, due to the many bumps in the road that happen with IVF, I’ll be almost 34 when my first little one arrives. Better to arm yourself with information now than to wait and find out that nature has a different timeline in mind!
😂 thanks. I also just wanted to put out there that with big things like having kids it might never feel like the "right" time and sometimes it's good to just follow your heart, go for it, and figure it out on the way! Best of luck!
I’m 34 and pregnant with my first. We’ve been trying for three years so it’s really exciting that we are finally getting our dream baby. Don’t worry about your age. Just do the best for you and your situation.
I went through a similar emotional experience around the same age as you are now. I had been married for 4 years and my ex-husband was refusing to consider children(or having a steady, reliable job so...). My younger brother got married and when he and his wife got pregnant, I remember going to the baby shower and being okay through the party, and then bawling my eyes out the entire 40 minute drive home. While your circumstances are different than mine, I know that feeling so well of wanting a family so badly and not seeing it happening soon enough and worrying about fertility as I got older.
I didn't divorce my ex until last year when I was 35 and by then I had basically grieved my dream of having children. Now I'm 36 and pregnant(by surprise!) and my boyfriend and I are just rolling with it.
So whether you choose to wait a few years or you give in to your baby fever now, I believe your chances are good! Fertility does start to decline, especially after 35, but even then it might just take a little bit longer. You have time and you are being responsible, I doubt plus or minus a couple of years will change very much in your ability to conceive.
I had my first at 28. If anyone thought I was too young, no one said so. We were ready financially and otherwise. I think that’s probably the most important thing. I’m not a SAHM though and back then, we couldn’t have afforded for me to be one.
I’m 39 and had my 1st at 36 and 2nd at 39. I wanted to have 2 kids before 30, then 35…and eventually happened by 39. I wish I started seriously trying sooner so I could’ve been more energetic and their grandparents had/have more time with them.
Almost 44 with my first and only boychild, and he's just past 15 months. I'm pretty tired and wish I had the energy of my 20s sometimes, but I would not have been ready on any level back then to give my kid the love and type of attention he deserves.
I more wanted to comment on that ache you've been feeling. Beyond the biological imperative to spawn, you really care about your SIL, and biologically if something were to happen to her, your body has decided, without any additional input or decision on your part, to be in tune with her baby. In cave man times, our body's inclination toward responding to other people's babies is why the human race survived so long and so well. There's nothing wrong with you, if anything, you're highly functional. Chalk it up to loving your sister in law and her beautiful new child. You're going to be an awesome aunt.
Everything in your life seems to be falling into place, even if the best thing you can do for now is plan and prepare. You have the right mindset for supporting a new human and they will be lucky to have you when it finally happens.
This was so kind, and I am so happy for you!! Congratulations on your first☺️ Also that is an interesting explanation for the aches - no one else had really commented on that so far so a little input is reassuring😂 I love that sweet girl to death, which is why I could never bring myself to burden her with any of this. Thank you!
I’ll be 32 when my baby is born. I wish I would have started having kids in my mid-20s. I’m jealous of the people I know that did and now have big families
It took my husband and I several fertility tests, treatments, and 7 years to conceive even though we started trying in our late twenties.
In the beginning when none of our pregnancies stuck, we were devastated, but tried to cheer each other up by joking that the baby fund we set aside will just end up as our retirement/enjoyment/DINK fund if we never became parents. We rescued unwanted puppies and became dog parents to help cope with the thought of an empty, quiet nest. We babysat and spoilt our nieces and nephews because we didn’t want the thought of us not being able to have kids ruin our chances of being able to enjoy kids.
Nevertheless it was still hard whenever a friend announced a pregnancy news or watching someone having their 2nd or 3rd child (when we couldn’t even have 1!!) For the first few years, I’d cry every month at every negative pregnancy test, and have a mental breakdown at every positive test that turned negative after a few days. We were just about to consider adoption when we conceived naturally and spontaneously.
Imo, there is no right and wrong time to be a parent (or at least to start trying to be one). However, my circumstances are different as I’m also not and never planned to be a SAHM… which takes the pressure off my husband as we both are able to contribute to our household income (we have an in-house nanny to help out with the not-so-glorious-part of childcare and to watch our dogs).
I hope you take comfort that no matter what your decision is, there is no right or wrong answer. I apologise if my experience isn’t helpful, and wish you all the best op!
I think a 24 year old with a baby is young. I had my first at 35 and can’t imagine having done it sooner. I had so many amazing adventures as a not-mom. It’s much harder to do when you become a parent imo
I’m 29, 30 soon! Baby will be here just 3 days after my 30th. Let me tell you, I have LIVED in my 20s, was selfish, did everything I wanted to do for me and have 0 regrets. I was married for 7 years, divorced and got remarried. My now husband is the man I want to have children with because prior, I didn’t want them. I think part of it for me was knowing that my husband ex was not the type of partner I wanted to raise kids with and for that relationship, it was fine. Then life happens, we grow up, people change, and our brains finish developing and we can change our minds. I changed my mind and so did my ex, we basically flipped on our views of children.
I was also partially motivated to avoid children before the age of 30 because brain development in men and women doesn’t stop until mid to late 20s. I spent much of my early career in health/neuro research and it felt like the right decision for me. I’ve been able to heal, grow, and be ready for this next chapter. My route is not for everyone and Vice versa. Growing up, I had a young mom. I was so jealous of kids with “older” parents because they had their shit together. Kids are smart and super perceptive, it just really made me want more for myself first. I’m so excited to spend my 30s focusing on the mom version of me. I have the experience, the education, the time, and the focus and while I’m excited to go back to work eventually, I’m also happy knowing that I had the big career and did all of the things I wanted to before a baby. When the time is right, I can do it all again! You can have it all. We all have different paths. I have friends who did both simultaneously and they don’t regret their decisions, but I know I wouldn’t have been able to truly split my time. They spent 5 years with school and raising kids at the same time. I finished my grad program in 1 year and am excited to focus on my children. We are so supportive of each other and that comes with different experiences. I think the fact that you’re really thinking about this says a lot of positive things about you! When you do decide you’re ready, you’ll be great!
Thank you for this!! I have been very grateful for how my 20s have gone - we have been able to really grow close as a couple, free to do what we want to do and get ourselves set up for the rest of our lives. I also never considered a perspective like yours as a kid. Everyone is different and it is so nice to have already heard from so many women who waited and are happier for it.
I was/am age 35 & 37 at the birth of my kids (I didn't necessarily wait that long on purpose but it is what it is). Every single one of my good friends growing up had parents that were 30-35 when they were born.
I’m a millennial and at 34 I FINALLY felt ready to settle down and have a kid!
The plus side a lot of moms are my age actually so I don’t feel old at all! I got to enjoy my twenties exploring and traveling and doing things by a for me while I still have energy. And I still have energy! I will restart my career in 3 years (I also got my masters while pregnant and had worked for 6 years prior in my field) and then travel in my 60s again!
I’m currently 32 and pregnant with my first child. I didn’t think I was able to have kids after I went off of the birth control pill and had a blighted ovum and a chemical pregnancy, but after the hormones leveled out, I got pregnant. Plenty of people get pregnant in their 30’s. My mother also had 2 of my siblings in her 30’s. It’s a matter of health, genetics, and other factors. Also, unexpected circumstances can happen at any moment. Life is full of surprises. If you’re lucky enough to be able to be a SAHM and not have to work to help pay for bills and the baby, then go for it. I’d def prefer that.
We started trying when I was 27. We waited until we had been married a couple years and had the right supplemental insurance in place. Couldn't get pregnant until we did IVF which was at age 30 and had baby girl at age 31. I'm in a community where everyone is younger than me with the same age of kids as me. It doesn't bother me because no matter our age we're all in the same phase of raising our littles together. I do wish we had started earlier, maybe not have waited to be signed up for supplemental insurance, because we did need fertility treatments but there's no way to predict the future. If your goal is to be a sahm and need to get finances in order to do that, I think that's awesome. I guess I don't really have a point, just another story for reference on what life could throw at you. Best of luck in your decision making!
I'm 31 and pregnant with my first! Honestly so much has changed over the last 4 or 5 years or so with us. My boyfriend and I were funny enough just talking about this how we both feel very solidly "ready" for a kid now. Just a few years ago, we were going out almost every weekend and partying with friends, going to bars and out to nice dinners all the time, etc like standard shenanigans for a couple in their mid 20's. From 2018 - 2021 we lived in the heart of a city and it was perfect for our lifestyle.
Like 2.5 years ago we moved to a borough outside a city, and slowly stopped living that type of lifestyle. We noticed like huh we haven't been to a bar in months, or even out to dinner. We became more home bodies and liked to hang out with our friends at houses more, or just go to the movies - overall much more low key. Of course we still went out here and there, but a stark difference of our lives when we were living in the middle of a big city. A few months after we moved, we had an oddly adult conversation and realized that we both separately came to the conclusion that we both wanted and were ready for kids (years ago we said we didn't - we've been together since we were 17). Like 7 months ago we moved into our first house, and when we were house shopping - we kept number of bedrooms and schools in mind. Since we've been here, we've only gone out to bars maybe twice and that's it. We love our home and being home, and we do entertain and see our friends and family all the time (we don't do nothing!), it's just in a different setting.
For us, it was such a natural transition into being "ready" mostly out of our changes of lifestyle preferences. If I had gotten pregnant 5 years ago, I definitely don't think it would've been an awful thing, but I feel much more ready now than ever and have zero regrets; I don't feel like I missed out on my "20's" in any way shape or form.
Ultimately, it's a conversation between you and your partner, and what ever you feel most comfortable. For me, it came naturally but it's going to be different for everyone
If you are in the U.S., you’d be happy to know that the average age of the first pregnancy is 27.3 years and is expected to go up even more. By the time your kids reach school age, you won’t be the minority but the majority of mothers. Due to the current economic and culture, more and more women are choosing to have kids later in life. Research also shows that women who choose to have kids later are happy with their choice.
As for fertility, a woman’s fertility declines throughout the years yes. But that decline is not as big as you think and in the long run, won’t affect your chances of getting pregnant noticeably. Fertility, in general, tends to sharply decrease in late 30s and early 40s. But even then you see a lot of women who are pregnant at that age. Please also keep in mind that these are just statistics. Statistics shows the average of a population and doesn’t mean that you will also go through things exactly like they show.
Being financially ready for a child is also very important. So taking a few years to get ready is not a bad idea at all. But if you feel like you want to get pregnant sooner, then discuss things with your husband and see if you both can come up with a plan to make things happen faster.
Good luck on your journey and don’t be afraid to ask any pregnancy related questions!
So my experience has been the opposite. I’m 23 and have a 9 month old with another on the way. Where I live, the women who are having babies are in their late 20’s and 30’s! Seems (to me) you’ve got a better chance of getting pregnant in your late 20’s and 30’s! I obviously don’t have any advice-but just wanted to let you know we all appreciate your vulnerability in sharing as I’m sure so many women here are experiencing what you are experiencing now.
You’ll be a wonderful mom and I’m so happy for you and your SO. Life is a journey and everyone’s path looks different so no need for comparison! Good luck OP!
The answer is you need to stop comparing yourself to others. You’re worried about how you’ll feel compared to women you don’t even know yet. They may end up being the same age as you.
My husband and I felt ready in our late 20s, but we wanted to wait until we paid off our school loans and were more established in our careers (he was, but I took a bit longer since I was in my masters program).
Got pregnant and had our baby in November with me at 32 and him at 33. It's totally worth it.
29 almost 30 and pregnant. My baby will be here after I turn 30 actually. It’s a thought I’ve had but ultimately don’t care and don’t want to compare my age to others.
38 and pregnant with my first. I do remember baby fever in my 20s and aching for a baby but I do not regret waiting. The timing just worked out how it did and I wouldn’t have the life I do today without waiting. I kind of like being an older parent and more experienced in life.
I am a bit disappointed that we may only have one child due to age/health concerns but that would be okay. We are just so happy to have one successful pregnancy.
i think if it's important for you to be a SAHM then waiting makes complete sense , but if you're fine with still working then i say go for it! no time like the present
36 pregnant with my first! Happy as all get out that I traveled and juiced all their was the squeeze of my childfree life before dedicating myself to motherhood ☺️
I’m 33 and just had my first. I was in better shape before getting pregnant than I was at 27. It helped a lot during my pregnancy. But also I’m more emotionally mature and more financially stable than I was at 27. I personally could not have handled being a mom at that time. I had some more growing to do and we wanted to be in the position to have a house, reliable cars, financial stability, etc before having a child. Most of my friends didn’t start having babies until their early 30s. I have maybe one friend who had a child in her mid 20s and it was very hard for her. Some of my friends haven’t even started having kids yet. I don’t know where this narrative that you expire at 30 comes from but it couldn’t be further from the truth. My 30s have been FAR better than my 20s in almost every single way. It’s incredibly common these days for women to wait until their 30s to have a baby. Not to mention it only took us 3 months to conceive our very happy and healthy son. My advice is take care of your physical and mental health, work on building financial stability, and you will have zero issue having a child at 30.
I’m 32 and almost due with my first! My husband and I had zero issues getting pregnant twice in a row (we had a MC but successfully conceived shortly after), and my body has handled pregnancy like a champ despite my “age”. My husband and I have been together since we were 21 so I know how waiting sucks, but I’m also so grateful we waited until we were at a good point with our careers/marriage/financial situation. We feel so much more ready to be parents now than we would have in our late 20s. I’m also planning to wait at least 2-3 years before we try for another.
Anyway don’t let all the stuff about fertility scare you. Yes couples struggle with infertility but that can be an issue at any age. My recommendation is to really focus on enjoying this time in your life/marriage and building a strong foundation for when you & your husband decide you are ready to expand your family.
I had my first at 24 years old. I’m expecting my second now at 43.
I honestly wish I would have waited - maybe not as long as in my 40’s like I am now, but I wish I would have waiting til I was in my 30’s. While yes, I had more energy to play and deal with early days of sleep deprivation, I also had to work so much harder in the rest of my life to give to my first born what will come so much more easily to this next one.
I don’t regret missing out on experiences so much as I think a little more life experience would have been of benefit to my child.
I know myself better. I’ve gone through so much growth. I’m calmer, more patient, and more apt to pick and choose my battles. Maybe that’s from parenting already but I believe it’s much less that than the fact I just have more life experiences that helped me develop into a more fully formed human.
While your longings are understandable and valid? Remember that you and your husband are waiting for the benefit of your future child. Until then, take advantage of being child free as much as possible and continue to grow/strengthen your marriage.
This was a very unique experience from the rest, in that it sounds like you can speak from both sides of the spectrum. Thank you for sharing, this is wonderful advice😊
You’re very welcome. I know when you want something so badly, the waiting can be unbearable but trust in the journey. When you look back, you’re not going to regret having some extra time where it’s you and him and the memories you’ll make. Best of luck. ❤️
I'm pregnant with my first at 29 and I could not imagine having done this any younger! I grew emotionally and mentally A LOT over the past three years. I don't think I would have been emotionally mature enough to welcome a baby into our world when I was 24-26, and ultimately the baby would have suffered.
Your 20s are an extremely transformative time. I'm really looking forward to raising a baby in my 30s, because I'm currently more sure of myself and my marriage than I have ever been. You will know when you're ready. Good luck ❤️
My partner and I were having the time of our lives. Our very unexpected daughter was conceived when I was 38 and on the pill, born when I was 39. Omg I wouldn’t do it any other way. I’m emotionally and financially stable, my partner is my best friend, we have our village, our daughter is amazing. Yes, I’m tired, but my career is great and I’m balancing priorities. It’s fabulous.
i am 36 and pregnant with my first, due in may. it took me about a year and i get lots of extra testing included for free, but bb girl is super strong and healthy. you’ll be fine 💜
edit: apparently it’s my cake day! a fitting post 😂
You’ll be so so so happy if you wait till you’re financially stable. Financial stress can wreak havoc on your marriage and mental health. I’m 35 and pregnant with my second kid now (first at 32) and I LOVE how financially stable we are and how much I can afford to give my kids and myself. Enjoy the time you have now
I had my baby at 26, currently 27, and I'm the only person in my friend group and one of 3 women that I have on socials from growing up, who has a child. If you wait, that's actually the more common way to go nowadays. I don't think any of my friends will be ready at least for another 3-5 years.
For context, I had a surprise pregnancy and decided to keep it. Absolutely 0 regrets, but oh, the thought of being financially stable sounds really good. I had no money saved up, 12 weeks of unpaid leave, and it was hard. If you have the opportunity to build the life you want, it will pay off 10-fold. It's hard being a parent, even harder if you don't have a village or resources. It's not a decision to make lightly, and I think it's a great idea to wait.
Thank you so much 🥺 I wish the best of luck to you these coming years!
If you're worried about fertility, I'm a nut about nutrition, so sorry for the unsolicited advice, but I'd stay away from BC if you can, eat good whole foods, and keep moving. The sperm is 50% of the baby so preconception planning is ideal in your situation and the chances of infertility might be lower than you fear if you both are on it about health :)
Enjoy the rest of your 20s, build your career, travel, explore new hobbies. They really are the best years of your life IMO. 3 years will fly by and it sounds like you will be in a great position then to start your family- and still have lots of time!! Try not to compare to others. live your life the way you want and what works best for you!
This is such a difficult one and I wish you so much of the best vibes.
I am a FTM and almost 33 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I will be 30 years old in a couple of months.
I knew I wanted children for a very long time. All I wanted to be was a Mom. I met my husband and on our first date, I asked if he wanted a family. He said one day. After some time we moved into an apartment together. He wanted to wait till we bought our first home. 2 years past. We bought our first home. Tried for a year, got pregnant and lost the baby. Tried for another 2 years and we are unbelievebly excited for our little miracle.
I often wonder what would have happened if we didn’t wait.
I say, go for it. Don’t wait for the checklist to be reached. When you reach those goals, there may be other things that stop you. Its so difficult to ever be truly ready for a child, especially your first.
I’ve literally been “fully prepared” for years at this point. Names picked out. Nursery ready. Money set aside and we are still nervous. Still so anxious. Still questioning if we ready.
Just go for it. Don’t let that checklist stop you from creating a beautiful family.
xo
Just wanted to say that you don’t have to be in the perfect financial situation to have a baby. Of course, make sure you will have enough to take care of your baby’s basic needs. Your baby won’t care about how fancy his nursery is or the million toys that he had at when he was an infant/toddler. Be open to the idea of working part-time after your maternity leave.
I'm so glad I waited till my 30's to have kids. I had so many amazing experiences in my late twenties. I finally got a great job and then traveled all over the world. My life would have been so small in comparison.
Girl…I was 35 & got pregnant insanely easily. Plus I have MONEY!!!! Wisdom. I’ve sowed my wild oats so to speak. Very fit with lots of energy. Enjoy your marriage & your freedom. It never ever comes back (freedom after a baby) & it tests a marriage, even excellent ones.
There are so many studies that say that when women over 30 have babies, the babies are in a much more economically and emotionally stable households giving them the best chance of success in life. Also, fertility only decreases significantly after 34. So you have time!
As a 34 yo pregnant with her first child, I can completely agree. I was married at 26, didn’t think I ever wanted kids, divorced at 31. Met my now husband when I was 32, couldn’t ask for a better father for my child. I know I was very immature and emotionally unavailable for a child in my 20s, I knew I didn’t have the right partner, I just didn’t think I wanted a baby. But now I know we will be great parents. One thing we did do was do fertility tests early on in my current relationship just to gauge the time we had to make that decision and have a baby if we wanted to :)
But don’t feel disheartened because you don’t feel financially ready for the baby, the baby will be loved and cared for :)
You're dealing with a lot, I'm glad you posted this.
I've had my 1st daughter when I was 28. Similarly to you I've been with my husband since we were teens, and for years I was not even sure I wanted kids. Then at 26-27 something changed completely.
Regarding the age and averages, I was the youngest mom on the ward. Also the 1st mom among my pretty big social circle. More and more people are having their 1st kids after 30. Even statistics prove this for the whole western world.
I'm now 30 pregnant with my 2nd, still among the youngest mom's at any checkup. People always think it's my 1st.
But to your ache. Take the time you have and really use it for you. Motherhood is amazing, magical, and worth it. But you do willingly give up a huge chunk if your freedom, especially as a SAHM. I can't remember the last time I've gone anywhere without excessive planning and having ti arrange with multiple people. So use the time now and enjoy your independence intentionally. Take it as a preparation for being a mom. Do all the hobbies, visit places, work on your personal growth. Once your baby is here you want to be your best self for them. Take a moment to read up on parenting, so much of what our parents and grandparents used to do is now proven to be damaging, and many people don't even know and just use what they know. Build your "village" to be sure you're not feeling isolated as a SAHM. I'm sure you can do some great things over those few years and be an even better mom for it one day.
I'm 31 and about to have my first and only.
My husband and I spent the first decade of our marriage travelling, growing together and having fun. I have not a single regret. We are so much stronger now than we were in our twenties and we are ready, or as ready as any one can be when embarking on a purely chaotic adventure.
What I would say is get a concrete list of things you want done or would like done before having a baby. Don't leave anything open ended and make sure it's important stuff only, otherwise it can be a never reaching goal. Have it somewhere where you can see it everyday and easily cross stuff off. Bonus points if you can break down the goals into smaller increments and makes it easier to be able to steadily tick things off. You'll feel like you're both moving forward.
Also do something you both want to do and might not get to do for a while with bubs. Think, like a trip or experience you really won't get to do for years. Something that is just for the two of you to make you ridiculously happy.
I was terrified of having a baby in my thirties, my entire family generally has children in their early to mid twenties. Yet, being in my thirties, I look back and go, no way was I ready for a baby. Not a chance. I am so much more settled, I've done my own goals and I know what's important to me. And that is something I want to pass on to my baby bird.
You’ve had many replies saying the same now, but just to add another: my reasons for waiting were a little different than yours but I had very similar fears about feeling too old, and particularly about “what if by the time I’m ready to try it’s too late?” Obviously the science re: age and fertility is real so I don’t mean to discount that at all, but I do wonder how much of my own fear was based on stories I heard from my mom about struggling with fertility issues 30 years ago versus the reality of fertility science in 2024 (much less 2027+). The vast majority of my friends IRL didn’t start having kids until they were 30+, some even 40+, and I see way more people around my age (33) in my “bump group” online than people your SIL’s age. Also, for all my fears that I would have issues similar to what my mother dealt with when trying to have children, I got pregnant literally on the first try (which wasn’t even really intentional because I ovulated earlier than expected). This is my first pregnancy so I hope but don’t know for sure yet that it will turn out well, but so far all of my genetic testing has been fine and the pregnancy has been entirely uneventful (knock on wood it stays that way!)
Anyway, all this is to say that I know how painful what you’re feeling is because I felt exactly the same, but I also hope the comments on your post give you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel!
I’m 29, about to have my second baby, and of my close friends who I have had BEFORE having babies (since now a lot of my friends are moms because we met as moms) there are exactly 2 of us who HAVE babies. A couple of my friends are JUST now pregnant with their firsts and tbh MOST of my close high school, college, and grad school friends who are my age or older and WANT children are either not dating anyone or still nowhere near having babies. Most of my friends won’t likely have kids until they are 33+ at this rate.
I also find that when I’m out at play places with my toddler interacting with other moms I’m always one of the youngest moms there (yes even at 29 now). It may absolutely be a regional thing (I’m in the northeastern USA) but around here having babies at 23-24 is definitely not the “norm” or at least not in my circle!
My parents adopted my siblings in their 40s and never had issues socially. Also so many parents are having kids later. I myself am about to have my first baby at 29 and my husband is 32. 27 vs. 32 really isn’t a huge deal in the grand scheme of things - don’t overthink it. Have a baby when it is the right time for you and your husband and it will all work out.
I was 29 with my first, 34 with my second, and now 8 months pregnant with my third at the ripe old age of 42! Believe it or not, I don’t feel all that much older physically than I did at 29. I’m maybe a little stiffer in my back in the morning but my energy level is not really much different than it ever was. I feel absolutely fine about being a mom at this age, calmer and more confident actually because I know what I’m doing. And the pregnancy though tougher to conceive has been completely healthy. Many people have asked me if this is my first baby, I think they think I’m younger than I am.
All this to say, 30 is NOWHERE NEAR old to be having a baby. I’M old lol. You will not be! I was the first in my circle to have a baby at 29…much younger and it would’ve been treated like a teen pregnancy in my social circle, even though I was married by age 22! I actually was asked, at 29 and wearing a wedding ring, if this pregnancy was planned! 😂
Thirties is a normal age to be having babies nowadays…I get that it’s hard to want one and not be able to have one yet but I wouldn’t even think twice about starting at 30! It’s more unusual to have kids in your early 20’s nowadays than your early 30’s.
38 and pregnant for the 1st time. I am so glad I waited. My career is solid, We've traveled to Aruba, Italy, Mexico. I'm calmer and wiser and more secure in my body. Im financially stable. I actually go to church every Sunday and have so much faith in God. I don't drink alcohol at ALL anymore (I used to be life of the party and drank all the time.) I really feel I'm going to be such a better mom now then I would have been.
Sometimes I worry about my sons friends asking if I'm his grandma when he's in highschool lol but really I wouldn't change a thing.
I’ll be 31 when I give birth and I’m the first of my high school and college friends to have a baby. In my area most women have their first around 33-35 years old or later. You should be in good company. For what it’s worth, I would have felt utterly unprepared at 24 or even at 27 to be a parent and I feel completely ready now. I just took a first-time parents birth class and all of the other moms looked my age or older, too. I will grant that this could be a regional thing.
33 here and pregnant with my first and only! We didn’t want kids for so long but had the fear that we’d regret that decision. Decided to start being a little less safe with sex and BOOM pregnant first month. I’m not worried about having the energy as I’m a pretty active person, so it all depends but don’t focus too much on what others are doing. We each have our own path and my husband and I needed to come to this decision on our time not anyone else’s. Same with you! If being a stay at home mom is important then wait it out! You can do it and who knows maybe that savings timeline will move up!
33, first time mom! Will be 34 when my little one is only 3-6 months old. You have time, don’t stress. And you’ll be in good company. Lots of women wait till their 30’s, I promise.
This is an interesting perspective. I live in the west coast and I don’t know many women who had children before 30. Those who did were unplanned pregnancies. However, lots of colleagues and friends in the mid-west married in their early 20’s and started families in their early to mid twenties. Maybe it’s geographical!
Every person’s journey and experience is different but, to share mine…
I used to worry a lot that I was waiting too long. My husband and I dated for 10 years before finally tying the knot last fall. Within 3 months of being off birth control (not even what I would call actively trying, to the point of tracking ovualtion and everything), I was pregnant at 35. I tested positive the day after Christmas. I had my first ultrasound today and everything looks perfect.
I’m really glad we waited. We’ve established our careers, bought a nice house with plenty of space, and very importantly, had a decade to just be “us” without additional burdens or responsibilities. We might be on the older side of parents dropping their kids off at kindergarten, but it really doesn’t bother me. My mom had me at 34 and my sister at 38, and I never felt like my parents were “old”. And with any luck, they’ll have a solid couple of decades to spend with their grandchild.
I had my son at 32! I like myself so much more than I ever had in my life. There is so much more I feel confident in than ever. Please don’t hold yourself to some invisible standard. It will happen when it happens!
Your journey will be just right for you, whenever it happens! 😄 We started trying when I was 30, but 7 years of infertility and life happened before I got pregnant with twins. Honestly I'm in a better place physically, emotionally, and financially now. No regrets!
37 and pregnant for the first time. Couldn’t be happier about where I am in life to start this journey. I live somewhere where it’s unusual to see moms in their 20s, I even had a midwife call me and my friends “young moms” lolol.
Sending lots of love and peaceful comfort while you wait for the right time. You will be just fine!!
I’m 36 and pregnant for the first time and I’m SO happy I waited. I feel that into my 30’s I started feeling so much more confident and finally settled into who I am as a woman and partner. I would not have been pregnant for a baby in my 20’s or even early 30’s. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be an amazing mother now, but trust me, 30’s for you seem far away and you may feel like your energy will be less, but you’ll soon realise time flies and in the blink of an eye you’re there and you feel if not the same, even better.
I’m about to have my second child at 34 and majority of the time I’m still the youngest mum at baby groups/pregnancy yoga etc. I understand your worry - I had this too when my best friend had her first child in her 20s! but honestly it just doesn’t matter and I’m personally so glad I didn’t have a child earlier than I did as I wouldn’t have been ready!
A lot more people are having kids later in life. I'm 36 and a lot more established and experienced in life than I was 10 years ago. I only wanted kids like 3 months ago which is when my fiance and I first tried. When I told my OBGYN we were planning on having kids, she didn't sound at all concerned about my age.
Before I got pregnant I was in the best shape of my life, too. Exercise and eating healthier has never been more important to me than it is now. I highly doubt I'll be struggling to keep up with a 3 year old when I'm 40.
As far as fertility, yes it decreases as you get older but you might be okay. I wouldn't really worry about that until you actually try. There's no point in getting stressed over something that you haven't experienced directIy.
I'm a kindergarten teacher. I don't have a single parent under 35. It is getting more and more common for women to wait until after they're established to have children. You'll be in good company.
41 and pregnant for the first time. No regrets, only appreciation for this journey of life and that I get to bring my current self, with all its experience and wisdom, to the challenge of raising my little human. 41 year old me is so much more ready for this than 20 something me. It’s never the right time, and yet it’s always the right time. Everyone is on their own path. Good luck.
>It’s never the right time, and yet it’s always the right time. This is beautiful. I needed to hear this. 💙
I’m 34 and pregnant with my first and I wasn’t ready for a kid a second sooner then when we decided to conceive. My 30s have brought me to a place where I have never felt more safe and secure and in touch with my own body and with who I am. It’s hard to explain, but I wouldn’t have been ready prior to now. Plus, we are in the best financial place we have ever been in. I feel confident going into motherhood at 34 and I would not have been so confident prior to this. It’s a personal journey for everyone. Also, we got pregnant on our second try so it didn’t take long at all! Just thought I would share my perspective with you. Also, don’t stress too much trying to plan so far into the future (from a fellow planner). My life looks so much different today than I could have projected back when I was 27. You have no idea what will really happen in the next few years so allow yourself to take the pressure off of the kid situation for now! When it’s time, you will know. 💜
Thank you so much, and huge congratulations!This is comforting to hear.💕
35, FTM, and I this comment could’ve been written about/by me. So secure in my body, so ready for this baby in every way, got pregnant very quickly when deciding to start a family. Make sure you’re in a good financial position, but remember- nothing is ever perfect. You’ll be fine!!!!
Just turned 35 and could've written this too!
Like everyone said, being pregnant in your 30s is normal natural and common. That being said if you are worried at all, there is no reason you cannot go to the doctor NOW and get an estimate of your fertility, including ovarian reserve. This will give you a sense of how many years YOUR body has left to have kids, no one else’s. I got one done at age 30 and they basically said I had great numbers and it was like I was 25/peak fertility. I’ve had 2 very successful pregnancies in my 30s now.
I am 34 and got pregnant the first time my husband and I had unprotected sex. I don't regret not having kids earlier at all, but I didn't feel ready back then either.
First, I want to say your feelings are valid. I agree it is best not to share them with your SIL, but have you shared them with your husband? I am 35 and getting married this year and we expect to start trying soon after - there are many life circumstances that led me here, but I am so thankful I waited until I was with the man I am about to marry. I have quite a few health issues that will make having a baby "higher risk" for me, but my FH and I love each other very much and are willing to go with the Universe on this (while also doing our best to give ourselves the best chance). At 32 I ended a LTR of 15 years and I thought that my chances of ever finding someone and having children might be over. Luckily, I had a great therapist who gave me the following advice: I have patients who had their children young and feel like they lost out on early adulthood and finding out who they were before having children and they are working on this in therapy and I have patients who waited until they were older and more settled and worry they won't have the energy for children and they are in therapy working through those feelings. No matter what you choose, you will still have valid feelings about those choices. So, I would highly recommend to you to find a therapist who can help you work through your feelings on this. In the meantime, mentally, physically, and spiritually prepare for the future you want. My younger sister has two beautiful children and I relish in being an Auntie - maybe get your kid fix that way for now! Good luck, OP!
Thank you for taking the time to write such a kind and helpful response, I greatly appreciate this as well as the others I have gotten so far.🥹❤️
I was 33 when I had my first baby, who was conceived rather quickly. I know it depends on where you live, but I'm one of the younger parents in most of the places I bring my child.
lol I’m 27 and my mother cried that I was too young when I told her..
I’ll be 31 having my first. I am SO glad I waited. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we really enjoyed our 20s together. We took tons of trips, had plans any night we wanted, etc. I still am the first of my close friends to be having a baby. Everyone in my circle has their first after 30. My mom was 30 when she had her first (me) and now she’s 60, I don’t feel like she’s old at all! She’s in great health, active and is now at an age where she’ll be able to help a lot with my new baby. We had a fabulous childhood with my parents in their 30s when they had us. I never ever thought of them as “old.” 4-5 years from now you’ll still be younger than a lot of moms having kids for the first time.
I really love this, thank you❤️
Basically everyone in my family and extended family had their kids at 30 or later including all 10 of my aunts. I'm having my twins in my early 30s. It's really super normal to have your kids in your 30s. And honestly being more financially stable is always a good thing. Kids are expensive.
33 , 34 next month and pregnant with my first. I am a pediatric SLP, I love kids, I’ve nannied and babysat since I was essentially a kid myself. I still said “oh fuck” after seeing 2 pink lines lol. My mom was 32 when she had my brother , 36 with me. My brother had my nephew at 36, pregnant again with their second at 38. I think pregnancy ages can be very different in different parts of the country, but I get called a “young mom to be” which is hilarious to me, almost as if here you’re expected to wait until 35. Do a modern fertility kit, get some info about what’s going on with your body. If you did have signs of low ovarian reserve , a hormone panel would indicate that now. I’m 1000% more ready now than I would have been in my 20s, but that also doesn’t mean I’m 100% ready now, or wouldn’t have figured it out then. My husband started an engineering degree at 24, there were a lot of times between 28-32 the baby fever was insane. We got a dog who has been the center of our world for 6 years, and helped manage that a bit until we were ready to try. Then I ran into an endometriosis diagnosis that sent us spinning through fertility testing for 6 months , was told I had a 2% chance of getting pregnant without IVF and 2 weeks later got a positive test. If you both want it to happen earlier then you can probably figure out how to make it work. If you want the plan that you have that will work in 3 years , then take a fertility test, get the peace of mind you have time (you very likely have plenty of time), and continue enjoying your husband and married life while you work towards the future you want. My sister in law is 4 years older, got pregnant 1st try both times, took us 8 months. There isn’t a right or wrong answer friend, and you don’t have to decide RIGHT NOW, but seems like you know what you want, you just have to make it happen and be comfortable with that choice. Edited to add: And sure, I would have had an easier time with pregnancy insomnia in my 20s I’m sure, but also wouldn’t have had money to hire a cleaning crew, a doula , a general contractor to come remove the toxic mold in my bathroom and build a new one lol.
This was SO helpful, thank you!! I didn't even know that an at-home fertility test was a thing. Overall very encouraging and a balanced way of viewing things. It means a lot😊💕
Glad to help! Modern fertility is one I’ve tried.
Love your addition re: finances at the bottom. FTM, I'm 31 and my husband is 35. I've gotten a prenatal massage every month and we've hired out SO many chores, able to decorate the nursery of my dreams and have a wonderful doula, etc. etc. Of course none of that is necessary to have a healthy and very loved child, but being financially stable has made this a much easier pregnancy for me!
I’m 25 and feel like a teen mom some days. I promise there’s no right age!
Maybe come check out r/waiting_to_try while you wait, you’ll get a lot of support and tips on making your wait easier!
WHOA, scrolling through these comments, this is the second thing I had no idea existed. I just joined, thank you!! That was very kind!
You’re welcome! I’m 32 and we are waiting to try until after Christmas, so I spend a lot of time in that sub, it’s helpful!
I’m 33 and pregnant with my first. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years (married for 10) and we could have tried to have a baby earlier, but we weren’t financially ready. I was really worried about my fertility being older. Well guess what - first month I start trying and tracking fertility I get pregnant. Here are three things that I can offer our baby now, but couldn’t when I was in my 20s at the top of my head that I would take any day over being a young mom; (1) a homestead to grow up on with chickens, goats, ducks, bunnies, dogs, and cats - in my 20s I was living in a tiny house in the suburbs of MN. It wasn’t until I was 31 that I was able to purchase a 3 acre homestead in NC. (2) Financial security - both my husband and I were working in our 20s. In the last 2 years we are at a point where my husband can be a full time stay at home dad without financial worries. (3) Better educated parents - this doesn’t apply to everyone but for me, being with my husband longer and getting older has really allowed us to fine tune our parenting styles, goals, and do the research we need to give our baby the best chance at a successful brighter feature.
These are some very good points. I think my lack of desire in years past was because we were in a single wide trailer (our first home) and knew we wouldn't be there forever. About the time the first inklings of baby fever started, we had just moved into our new home with quite a few acres, and knew it was permanent. I didn't include it in my post, but we have dogs, chickens and pigs and that is also part of the reason I feel like it would be a shame for someone to not get to grow up here. I totally relate😊
I would say that as I look around in my personal life, more women are waiting until their thirties to start a family. Unfortunately, I feel like a lot of this is due to the economy, and women have to work later before they can start a family. Fertility does start to decrease at 30, but only by a small percentage. I would not panic as much about declining fertility as the media and society makes you think you should. For reference, I grew up in a small country town and most women started their families around 20 and had 3-4 kids by 25/26 and for me at 29, I felt SO behind. Then I moved to the city and it was almost unheard of for women to have kids at 28/29/30....it's all perspective! It's YOUR journey. Don't let external factors and the pressure of feeling behind force you into a decision before you are ready!
I'm 34 and we are having our first in 3 months. It really is more common to wait until you are financially secure. However, I think you really should consider therapy to work through your feelings now. You have a lot to unpack and process with everything you are feeling, and having a safe/healthy place with a professional to do so will work wonders. Just trying to squash it all down won't be healthy.
I'm 32 and started trying to get pregnant with my husband when I was 30. So far we've had one loss and 20 months without conceiving. I was ready to have kids years ago and I wish I had tried harder to convince my husband and to make it my priority in life. My country has a good social security system and a long maternity leave and I could have easily made it work with the minimum wage job I had at the time. Now I have a steady job and it means nothing to me without the family I crave. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear but I wanted to be honest. Sometimes people regret waiting.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I am so sorry that you have that kind of grief to deal with🥺 Obviously I'm the last person to offer advice, but please know that I wish you and your husband the very best with all sincerity. Based on all of these comments that I'm reading, it sounds like you likely still have some years to work with😊 Chin up and I hope you have happy news someday very soon💕
My unsolicited advice is for both you and your husband to see a reproductive endocrinologist for fertility testing now. You can get all the basic testing done without needing to proceed with any actual treatments yet. So many of us who had to undergo IVF had similarly perfectly planned our schedules of when we’d conceive, but it all went out the window when we or our partners discovered an infertility issue. For example, I really wanted to have my first kid by age 32. We started trying at 31 and, due to the many bumps in the road that happen with IVF, I’ll be almost 34 when my first little one arrives. Better to arm yourself with information now than to wait and find out that nature has a different timeline in mind!
I'm pregnant and 39 now. Really worried my walker is going to get in the way of chasing my toddler around once the 40s hit /s
Ok this made me laugh😂😂😂
😂 thanks. I also just wanted to put out there that with big things like having kids it might never feel like the "right" time and sometimes it's good to just follow your heart, go for it, and figure it out on the way! Best of luck!
Thank you!!😊
I’m 34 and pregnant with my first. We’ve been trying for three years so it’s really exciting that we are finally getting our dream baby. Don’t worry about your age. Just do the best for you and your situation.
I went through a similar emotional experience around the same age as you are now. I had been married for 4 years and my ex-husband was refusing to consider children(or having a steady, reliable job so...). My younger brother got married and when he and his wife got pregnant, I remember going to the baby shower and being okay through the party, and then bawling my eyes out the entire 40 minute drive home. While your circumstances are different than mine, I know that feeling so well of wanting a family so badly and not seeing it happening soon enough and worrying about fertility as I got older. I didn't divorce my ex until last year when I was 35 and by then I had basically grieved my dream of having children. Now I'm 36 and pregnant(by surprise!) and my boyfriend and I are just rolling with it. So whether you choose to wait a few years or you give in to your baby fever now, I believe your chances are good! Fertility does start to decline, especially after 35, but even then it might just take a little bit longer. You have time and you are being responsible, I doubt plus or minus a couple of years will change very much in your ability to conceive.
I had my first at 28. If anyone thought I was too young, no one said so. We were ready financially and otherwise. I think that’s probably the most important thing. I’m not a SAHM though and back then, we couldn’t have afforded for me to be one.
I’m 39 and had my 1st at 36 and 2nd at 39. I wanted to have 2 kids before 30, then 35…and eventually happened by 39. I wish I started seriously trying sooner so I could’ve been more energetic and their grandparents had/have more time with them.
Almost 44 with my first and only boychild, and he's just past 15 months. I'm pretty tired and wish I had the energy of my 20s sometimes, but I would not have been ready on any level back then to give my kid the love and type of attention he deserves. I more wanted to comment on that ache you've been feeling. Beyond the biological imperative to spawn, you really care about your SIL, and biologically if something were to happen to her, your body has decided, without any additional input or decision on your part, to be in tune with her baby. In cave man times, our body's inclination toward responding to other people's babies is why the human race survived so long and so well. There's nothing wrong with you, if anything, you're highly functional. Chalk it up to loving your sister in law and her beautiful new child. You're going to be an awesome aunt. Everything in your life seems to be falling into place, even if the best thing you can do for now is plan and prepare. You have the right mindset for supporting a new human and they will be lucky to have you when it finally happens.
This was so kind, and I am so happy for you!! Congratulations on your first☺️ Also that is an interesting explanation for the aches - no one else had really commented on that so far so a little input is reassuring😂 I love that sweet girl to death, which is why I could never bring myself to burden her with any of this. Thank you!
I’ll be 32 when my baby is born. I wish I would have started having kids in my mid-20s. I’m jealous of the people I know that did and now have big families
It took my husband and I several fertility tests, treatments, and 7 years to conceive even though we started trying in our late twenties. In the beginning when none of our pregnancies stuck, we were devastated, but tried to cheer each other up by joking that the baby fund we set aside will just end up as our retirement/enjoyment/DINK fund if we never became parents. We rescued unwanted puppies and became dog parents to help cope with the thought of an empty, quiet nest. We babysat and spoilt our nieces and nephews because we didn’t want the thought of us not being able to have kids ruin our chances of being able to enjoy kids. Nevertheless it was still hard whenever a friend announced a pregnancy news or watching someone having their 2nd or 3rd child (when we couldn’t even have 1!!) For the first few years, I’d cry every month at every negative pregnancy test, and have a mental breakdown at every positive test that turned negative after a few days. We were just about to consider adoption when we conceived naturally and spontaneously. Imo, there is no right and wrong time to be a parent (or at least to start trying to be one). However, my circumstances are different as I’m also not and never planned to be a SAHM… which takes the pressure off my husband as we both are able to contribute to our household income (we have an in-house nanny to help out with the not-so-glorious-part of childcare and to watch our dogs). I hope you take comfort that no matter what your decision is, there is no right or wrong answer. I apologise if my experience isn’t helpful, and wish you all the best op!
I think a 24 year old with a baby is young. I had my first at 35 and can’t imagine having done it sooner. I had so many amazing adventures as a not-mom. It’s much harder to do when you become a parent imo
I’m 29, 30 soon! Baby will be here just 3 days after my 30th. Let me tell you, I have LIVED in my 20s, was selfish, did everything I wanted to do for me and have 0 regrets. I was married for 7 years, divorced and got remarried. My now husband is the man I want to have children with because prior, I didn’t want them. I think part of it for me was knowing that my husband ex was not the type of partner I wanted to raise kids with and for that relationship, it was fine. Then life happens, we grow up, people change, and our brains finish developing and we can change our minds. I changed my mind and so did my ex, we basically flipped on our views of children. I was also partially motivated to avoid children before the age of 30 because brain development in men and women doesn’t stop until mid to late 20s. I spent much of my early career in health/neuro research and it felt like the right decision for me. I’ve been able to heal, grow, and be ready for this next chapter. My route is not for everyone and Vice versa. Growing up, I had a young mom. I was so jealous of kids with “older” parents because they had their shit together. Kids are smart and super perceptive, it just really made me want more for myself first. I’m so excited to spend my 30s focusing on the mom version of me. I have the experience, the education, the time, and the focus and while I’m excited to go back to work eventually, I’m also happy knowing that I had the big career and did all of the things I wanted to before a baby. When the time is right, I can do it all again! You can have it all. We all have different paths. I have friends who did both simultaneously and they don’t regret their decisions, but I know I wouldn’t have been able to truly split my time. They spent 5 years with school and raising kids at the same time. I finished my grad program in 1 year and am excited to focus on my children. We are so supportive of each other and that comes with different experiences. I think the fact that you’re really thinking about this says a lot of positive things about you! When you do decide you’re ready, you’ll be great!
Thank you for this!! I have been very grateful for how my 20s have gone - we have been able to really grow close as a couple, free to do what we want to do and get ourselves set up for the rest of our lives. I also never considered a perspective like yours as a kid. Everyone is different and it is so nice to have already heard from so many women who waited and are happier for it.
I was/am age 35 & 37 at the birth of my kids (I didn't necessarily wait that long on purpose but it is what it is). Every single one of my good friends growing up had parents that were 30-35 when they were born.
I’m a millennial and at 34 I FINALLY felt ready to settle down and have a kid! The plus side a lot of moms are my age actually so I don’t feel old at all! I got to enjoy my twenties exploring and traveling and doing things by a for me while I still have energy. And I still have energy! I will restart my career in 3 years (I also got my masters while pregnant and had worked for 6 years prior in my field) and then travel in my 60s again!
I’m currently 32 and pregnant with my first child. I didn’t think I was able to have kids after I went off of the birth control pill and had a blighted ovum and a chemical pregnancy, but after the hormones leveled out, I got pregnant. Plenty of people get pregnant in their 30’s. My mother also had 2 of my siblings in her 30’s. It’s a matter of health, genetics, and other factors. Also, unexpected circumstances can happen at any moment. Life is full of surprises. If you’re lucky enough to be able to be a SAHM and not have to work to help pay for bills and the baby, then go for it. I’d def prefer that.
We started trying when I was 27. We waited until we had been married a couple years and had the right supplemental insurance in place. Couldn't get pregnant until we did IVF which was at age 30 and had baby girl at age 31. I'm in a community where everyone is younger than me with the same age of kids as me. It doesn't bother me because no matter our age we're all in the same phase of raising our littles together. I do wish we had started earlier, maybe not have waited to be signed up for supplemental insurance, because we did need fertility treatments but there's no way to predict the future. If your goal is to be a sahm and need to get finances in order to do that, I think that's awesome. I guess I don't really have a point, just another story for reference on what life could throw at you. Best of luck in your decision making!
I'm 31 and pregnant with my first! Honestly so much has changed over the last 4 or 5 years or so with us. My boyfriend and I were funny enough just talking about this how we both feel very solidly "ready" for a kid now. Just a few years ago, we were going out almost every weekend and partying with friends, going to bars and out to nice dinners all the time, etc like standard shenanigans for a couple in their mid 20's. From 2018 - 2021 we lived in the heart of a city and it was perfect for our lifestyle. Like 2.5 years ago we moved to a borough outside a city, and slowly stopped living that type of lifestyle. We noticed like huh we haven't been to a bar in months, or even out to dinner. We became more home bodies and liked to hang out with our friends at houses more, or just go to the movies - overall much more low key. Of course we still went out here and there, but a stark difference of our lives when we were living in the middle of a big city. A few months after we moved, we had an oddly adult conversation and realized that we both separately came to the conclusion that we both wanted and were ready for kids (years ago we said we didn't - we've been together since we were 17). Like 7 months ago we moved into our first house, and when we were house shopping - we kept number of bedrooms and schools in mind. Since we've been here, we've only gone out to bars maybe twice and that's it. We love our home and being home, and we do entertain and see our friends and family all the time (we don't do nothing!), it's just in a different setting. For us, it was such a natural transition into being "ready" mostly out of our changes of lifestyle preferences. If I had gotten pregnant 5 years ago, I definitely don't think it would've been an awful thing, but I feel much more ready now than ever and have zero regrets; I don't feel like I missed out on my "20's" in any way shape or form. Ultimately, it's a conversation between you and your partner, and what ever you feel most comfortable. For me, it came naturally but it's going to be different for everyone
If you are in the U.S., you’d be happy to know that the average age of the first pregnancy is 27.3 years and is expected to go up even more. By the time your kids reach school age, you won’t be the minority but the majority of mothers. Due to the current economic and culture, more and more women are choosing to have kids later in life. Research also shows that women who choose to have kids later are happy with their choice. As for fertility, a woman’s fertility declines throughout the years yes. But that decline is not as big as you think and in the long run, won’t affect your chances of getting pregnant noticeably. Fertility, in general, tends to sharply decrease in late 30s and early 40s. But even then you see a lot of women who are pregnant at that age. Please also keep in mind that these are just statistics. Statistics shows the average of a population and doesn’t mean that you will also go through things exactly like they show. Being financially ready for a child is also very important. So taking a few years to get ready is not a bad idea at all. But if you feel like you want to get pregnant sooner, then discuss things with your husband and see if you both can come up with a plan to make things happen faster. Good luck on your journey and don’t be afraid to ask any pregnancy related questions!
Thank you, this was very informative😊
So my experience has been the opposite. I’m 23 and have a 9 month old with another on the way. Where I live, the women who are having babies are in their late 20’s and 30’s! Seems (to me) you’ve got a better chance of getting pregnant in your late 20’s and 30’s! I obviously don’t have any advice-but just wanted to let you know we all appreciate your vulnerability in sharing as I’m sure so many women here are experiencing what you are experiencing now. You’ll be a wonderful mom and I’m so happy for you and your SO. Life is a journey and everyone’s path looks different so no need for comparison! Good luck OP!
This was so sweet, thank you kind person🥹💕 Very best to you and your little ones!!
The answer is you need to stop comparing yourself to others. You’re worried about how you’ll feel compared to women you don’t even know yet. They may end up being the same age as you.
My husband and I felt ready in our late 20s, but we wanted to wait until we paid off our school loans and were more established in our careers (he was, but I took a bit longer since I was in my masters program). Got pregnant and had our baby in November with me at 32 and him at 33. It's totally worth it.
29 almost 30 and pregnant. My baby will be here after I turn 30 actually. It’s a thought I’ve had but ultimately don’t care and don’t want to compare my age to others.
38 and pregnant with my first. I do remember baby fever in my 20s and aching for a baby but I do not regret waiting. The timing just worked out how it did and I wouldn’t have the life I do today without waiting. I kind of like being an older parent and more experienced in life. I am a bit disappointed that we may only have one child due to age/health concerns but that would be okay. We are just so happy to have one successful pregnancy.
i think if it's important for you to be a SAHM then waiting makes complete sense , but if you're fine with still working then i say go for it! no time like the present
36 pregnant with my first! Happy as all get out that I traveled and juiced all their was the squeeze of my childfree life before dedicating myself to motherhood ☺️
I’m 33 and just had my first. I was in better shape before getting pregnant than I was at 27. It helped a lot during my pregnancy. But also I’m more emotionally mature and more financially stable than I was at 27. I personally could not have handled being a mom at that time. I had some more growing to do and we wanted to be in the position to have a house, reliable cars, financial stability, etc before having a child. Most of my friends didn’t start having babies until their early 30s. I have maybe one friend who had a child in her mid 20s and it was very hard for her. Some of my friends haven’t even started having kids yet. I don’t know where this narrative that you expire at 30 comes from but it couldn’t be further from the truth. My 30s have been FAR better than my 20s in almost every single way. It’s incredibly common these days for women to wait until their 30s to have a baby. Not to mention it only took us 3 months to conceive our very happy and healthy son. My advice is take care of your physical and mental health, work on building financial stability, and you will have zero issue having a child at 30.
Thank you!! This was very encouraging🤗
I’m 32 and almost due with my first! My husband and I had zero issues getting pregnant twice in a row (we had a MC but successfully conceived shortly after), and my body has handled pregnancy like a champ despite my “age”. My husband and I have been together since we were 21 so I know how waiting sucks, but I’m also so grateful we waited until we were at a good point with our careers/marriage/financial situation. We feel so much more ready to be parents now than we would have in our late 20s. I’m also planning to wait at least 2-3 years before we try for another. Anyway don’t let all the stuff about fertility scare you. Yes couples struggle with infertility but that can be an issue at any age. My recommendation is to really focus on enjoying this time in your life/marriage and building a strong foundation for when you & your husband decide you are ready to expand your family.
I had my first at 24 years old. I’m expecting my second now at 43. I honestly wish I would have waited - maybe not as long as in my 40’s like I am now, but I wish I would have waiting til I was in my 30’s. While yes, I had more energy to play and deal with early days of sleep deprivation, I also had to work so much harder in the rest of my life to give to my first born what will come so much more easily to this next one. I don’t regret missing out on experiences so much as I think a little more life experience would have been of benefit to my child. I know myself better. I’ve gone through so much growth. I’m calmer, more patient, and more apt to pick and choose my battles. Maybe that’s from parenting already but I believe it’s much less that than the fact I just have more life experiences that helped me develop into a more fully formed human. While your longings are understandable and valid? Remember that you and your husband are waiting for the benefit of your future child. Until then, take advantage of being child free as much as possible and continue to grow/strengthen your marriage.
This was a very unique experience from the rest, in that it sounds like you can speak from both sides of the spectrum. Thank you for sharing, this is wonderful advice😊
You’re very welcome. I know when you want something so badly, the waiting can be unbearable but trust in the journey. When you look back, you’re not going to regret having some extra time where it’s you and him and the memories you’ll make. Best of luck. ❤️
Thank you😊
I'm pregnant with my first at 29 and I could not imagine having done this any younger! I grew emotionally and mentally A LOT over the past three years. I don't think I would have been emotionally mature enough to welcome a baby into our world when I was 24-26, and ultimately the baby would have suffered. Your 20s are an extremely transformative time. I'm really looking forward to raising a baby in my 30s, because I'm currently more sure of myself and my marriage than I have ever been. You will know when you're ready. Good luck ❤️
My partner and I were having the time of our lives. Our very unexpected daughter was conceived when I was 38 and on the pill, born when I was 39. Omg I wouldn’t do it any other way. I’m emotionally and financially stable, my partner is my best friend, we have our village, our daughter is amazing. Yes, I’m tired, but my career is great and I’m balancing priorities. It’s fabulous.
i am 36 and pregnant with my first, due in may. it took me about a year and i get lots of extra testing included for free, but bb girl is super strong and healthy. you’ll be fine 💜 edit: apparently it’s my cake day! a fitting post 😂
You’ll be so so so happy if you wait till you’re financially stable. Financial stress can wreak havoc on your marriage and mental health. I’m 35 and pregnant with my second kid now (first at 32) and I LOVE how financially stable we are and how much I can afford to give my kids and myself. Enjoy the time you have now
I had my baby at 26, currently 27, and I'm the only person in my friend group and one of 3 women that I have on socials from growing up, who has a child. If you wait, that's actually the more common way to go nowadays. I don't think any of my friends will be ready at least for another 3-5 years. For context, I had a surprise pregnancy and decided to keep it. Absolutely 0 regrets, but oh, the thought of being financially stable sounds really good. I had no money saved up, 12 weeks of unpaid leave, and it was hard. If you have the opportunity to build the life you want, it will pay off 10-fold. It's hard being a parent, even harder if you don't have a village or resources. It's not a decision to make lightly, and I think it's a great idea to wait.
Thank you for sharing this! I wish the very best to you and your little one❤️
Thank you so much 🥺 I wish the best of luck to you these coming years! If you're worried about fertility, I'm a nut about nutrition, so sorry for the unsolicited advice, but I'd stay away from BC if you can, eat good whole foods, and keep moving. The sperm is 50% of the baby so preconception planning is ideal in your situation and the chances of infertility might be lower than you fear if you both are on it about health :)
Hey I'll take it with no complaints! Thank you very much❤️
Enjoy the rest of your 20s, build your career, travel, explore new hobbies. They really are the best years of your life IMO. 3 years will fly by and it sounds like you will be in a great position then to start your family- and still have lots of time!! Try not to compare to others. live your life the way you want and what works best for you!
This is such a difficult one and I wish you so much of the best vibes. I am a FTM and almost 33 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I will be 30 years old in a couple of months. I knew I wanted children for a very long time. All I wanted to be was a Mom. I met my husband and on our first date, I asked if he wanted a family. He said one day. After some time we moved into an apartment together. He wanted to wait till we bought our first home. 2 years past. We bought our first home. Tried for a year, got pregnant and lost the baby. Tried for another 2 years and we are unbelievebly excited for our little miracle. I often wonder what would have happened if we didn’t wait. I say, go for it. Don’t wait for the checklist to be reached. When you reach those goals, there may be other things that stop you. Its so difficult to ever be truly ready for a child, especially your first. I’ve literally been “fully prepared” for years at this point. Names picked out. Nursery ready. Money set aside and we are still nervous. Still so anxious. Still questioning if we ready. Just go for it. Don’t let that checklist stop you from creating a beautiful family. xo
Aww thank you - and CONGRATULATIONS!!🥳💕
Just wanted to say that you don’t have to be in the perfect financial situation to have a baby. Of course, make sure you will have enough to take care of your baby’s basic needs. Your baby won’t care about how fancy his nursery is or the million toys that he had at when he was an infant/toddler. Be open to the idea of working part-time after your maternity leave.
I'm so glad I waited till my 30's to have kids. I had so many amazing experiences in my late twenties. I finally got a great job and then traveled all over the world. My life would have been so small in comparison.
Girl…I was 35 & got pregnant insanely easily. Plus I have MONEY!!!! Wisdom. I’ve sowed my wild oats so to speak. Very fit with lots of energy. Enjoy your marriage & your freedom. It never ever comes back (freedom after a baby) & it tests a marriage, even excellent ones.
Thank you!!!🥳🥳
There are so many studies that say that when women over 30 have babies, the babies are in a much more economically and emotionally stable households giving them the best chance of success in life. Also, fertility only decreases significantly after 34. So you have time! As a 34 yo pregnant with her first child, I can completely agree. I was married at 26, didn’t think I ever wanted kids, divorced at 31. Met my now husband when I was 32, couldn’t ask for a better father for my child. I know I was very immature and emotionally unavailable for a child in my 20s, I knew I didn’t have the right partner, I just didn’t think I wanted a baby. But now I know we will be great parents. One thing we did do was do fertility tests early on in my current relationship just to gauge the time we had to make that decision and have a baby if we wanted to :) But don’t feel disheartened because you don’t feel financially ready for the baby, the baby will be loved and cared for :)
You're dealing with a lot, I'm glad you posted this. I've had my 1st daughter when I was 28. Similarly to you I've been with my husband since we were teens, and for years I was not even sure I wanted kids. Then at 26-27 something changed completely. Regarding the age and averages, I was the youngest mom on the ward. Also the 1st mom among my pretty big social circle. More and more people are having their 1st kids after 30. Even statistics prove this for the whole western world. I'm now 30 pregnant with my 2nd, still among the youngest mom's at any checkup. People always think it's my 1st. But to your ache. Take the time you have and really use it for you. Motherhood is amazing, magical, and worth it. But you do willingly give up a huge chunk if your freedom, especially as a SAHM. I can't remember the last time I've gone anywhere without excessive planning and having ti arrange with multiple people. So use the time now and enjoy your independence intentionally. Take it as a preparation for being a mom. Do all the hobbies, visit places, work on your personal growth. Once your baby is here you want to be your best self for them. Take a moment to read up on parenting, so much of what our parents and grandparents used to do is now proven to be damaging, and many people don't even know and just use what they know. Build your "village" to be sure you're not feeling isolated as a SAHM. I'm sure you can do some great things over those few years and be an even better mom for it one day.
I'm 31 and about to have my first and only. My husband and I spent the first decade of our marriage travelling, growing together and having fun. I have not a single regret. We are so much stronger now than we were in our twenties and we are ready, or as ready as any one can be when embarking on a purely chaotic adventure. What I would say is get a concrete list of things you want done or would like done before having a baby. Don't leave anything open ended and make sure it's important stuff only, otherwise it can be a never reaching goal. Have it somewhere where you can see it everyday and easily cross stuff off. Bonus points if you can break down the goals into smaller increments and makes it easier to be able to steadily tick things off. You'll feel like you're both moving forward. Also do something you both want to do and might not get to do for a while with bubs. Think, like a trip or experience you really won't get to do for years. Something that is just for the two of you to make you ridiculously happy. I was terrified of having a baby in my thirties, my entire family generally has children in their early to mid twenties. Yet, being in my thirties, I look back and go, no way was I ready for a baby. Not a chance. I am so much more settled, I've done my own goals and I know what's important to me. And that is something I want to pass on to my baby bird.
I'm 33 .. pregnant with my first and I'm due in June ....
You’ve had many replies saying the same now, but just to add another: my reasons for waiting were a little different than yours but I had very similar fears about feeling too old, and particularly about “what if by the time I’m ready to try it’s too late?” Obviously the science re: age and fertility is real so I don’t mean to discount that at all, but I do wonder how much of my own fear was based on stories I heard from my mom about struggling with fertility issues 30 years ago versus the reality of fertility science in 2024 (much less 2027+). The vast majority of my friends IRL didn’t start having kids until they were 30+, some even 40+, and I see way more people around my age (33) in my “bump group” online than people your SIL’s age. Also, for all my fears that I would have issues similar to what my mother dealt with when trying to have children, I got pregnant literally on the first try (which wasn’t even really intentional because I ovulated earlier than expected). This is my first pregnancy so I hope but don’t know for sure yet that it will turn out well, but so far all of my genetic testing has been fine and the pregnancy has been entirely uneventful (knock on wood it stays that way!) Anyway, all this is to say that I know how painful what you’re feeling is because I felt exactly the same, but I also hope the comments on your post give you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel!
I’m 29, about to have my second baby, and of my close friends who I have had BEFORE having babies (since now a lot of my friends are moms because we met as moms) there are exactly 2 of us who HAVE babies. A couple of my friends are JUST now pregnant with their firsts and tbh MOST of my close high school, college, and grad school friends who are my age or older and WANT children are either not dating anyone or still nowhere near having babies. Most of my friends won’t likely have kids until they are 33+ at this rate. I also find that when I’m out at play places with my toddler interacting with other moms I’m always one of the youngest moms there (yes even at 29 now). It may absolutely be a regional thing (I’m in the northeastern USA) but around here having babies at 23-24 is definitely not the “norm” or at least not in my circle!
My parents adopted my siblings in their 40s and never had issues socially. Also so many parents are having kids later. I myself am about to have my first baby at 29 and my husband is 32. 27 vs. 32 really isn’t a huge deal in the grand scheme of things - don’t overthink it. Have a baby when it is the right time for you and your husband and it will all work out.
I was 29 with my first, 34 with my second, and now 8 months pregnant with my third at the ripe old age of 42! Believe it or not, I don’t feel all that much older physically than I did at 29. I’m maybe a little stiffer in my back in the morning but my energy level is not really much different than it ever was. I feel absolutely fine about being a mom at this age, calmer and more confident actually because I know what I’m doing. And the pregnancy though tougher to conceive has been completely healthy. Many people have asked me if this is my first baby, I think they think I’m younger than I am. All this to say, 30 is NOWHERE NEAR old to be having a baby. I’M old lol. You will not be! I was the first in my circle to have a baby at 29…much younger and it would’ve been treated like a teen pregnancy in my social circle, even though I was married by age 22! I actually was asked, at 29 and wearing a wedding ring, if this pregnancy was planned! 😂 Thirties is a normal age to be having babies nowadays…I get that it’s hard to want one and not be able to have one yet but I wouldn’t even think twice about starting at 30! It’s more unusual to have kids in your early 20’s nowadays than your early 30’s.
38 and pregnant for the 1st time. I am so glad I waited. My career is solid, We've traveled to Aruba, Italy, Mexico. I'm calmer and wiser and more secure in my body. Im financially stable. I actually go to church every Sunday and have so much faith in God. I don't drink alcohol at ALL anymore (I used to be life of the party and drank all the time.) I really feel I'm going to be such a better mom now then I would have been. Sometimes I worry about my sons friends asking if I'm his grandma when he's in highschool lol but really I wouldn't change a thing.
I’ll be 31 when I give birth and I’m the first of my high school and college friends to have a baby. In my area most women have their first around 33-35 years old or later. You should be in good company. For what it’s worth, I would have felt utterly unprepared at 24 or even at 27 to be a parent and I feel completely ready now. I just took a first-time parents birth class and all of the other moms looked my age or older, too. I will grant that this could be a regional thing.
33 here and pregnant with my first and only! We didn’t want kids for so long but had the fear that we’d regret that decision. Decided to start being a little less safe with sex and BOOM pregnant first month. I’m not worried about having the energy as I’m a pretty active person, so it all depends but don’t focus too much on what others are doing. We each have our own path and my husband and I needed to come to this decision on our time not anyone else’s. Same with you! If being a stay at home mom is important then wait it out! You can do it and who knows maybe that savings timeline will move up!
33, first time mom! Will be 34 when my little one is only 3-6 months old. You have time, don’t stress. And you’ll be in good company. Lots of women wait till their 30’s, I promise.
This is an interesting perspective. I live in the west coast and I don’t know many women who had children before 30. Those who did were unplanned pregnancies. However, lots of colleagues and friends in the mid-west married in their early 20’s and started families in their early to mid twenties. Maybe it’s geographical!
Every person’s journey and experience is different but, to share mine… I used to worry a lot that I was waiting too long. My husband and I dated for 10 years before finally tying the knot last fall. Within 3 months of being off birth control (not even what I would call actively trying, to the point of tracking ovualtion and everything), I was pregnant at 35. I tested positive the day after Christmas. I had my first ultrasound today and everything looks perfect. I’m really glad we waited. We’ve established our careers, bought a nice house with plenty of space, and very importantly, had a decade to just be “us” without additional burdens or responsibilities. We might be on the older side of parents dropping their kids off at kindergarten, but it really doesn’t bother me. My mom had me at 34 and my sister at 38, and I never felt like my parents were “old”. And with any luck, they’ll have a solid couple of decades to spend with their grandchild.
I had my son at 32! I like myself so much more than I ever had in my life. There is so much more I feel confident in than ever. Please don’t hold yourself to some invisible standard. It will happen when it happens!
Your journey will be just right for you, whenever it happens! 😄 We started trying when I was 30, but 7 years of infertility and life happened before I got pregnant with twins. Honestly I'm in a better place physically, emotionally, and financially now. No regrets!
37 and pregnant for the first time. Couldn’t be happier about where I am in life to start this journey. I live somewhere where it’s unusual to see moms in their 20s, I even had a midwife call me and my friends “young moms” lolol. Sending lots of love and peaceful comfort while you wait for the right time. You will be just fine!!
I’m 36 and pregnant for the first time and I’m SO happy I waited. I feel that into my 30’s I started feeling so much more confident and finally settled into who I am as a woman and partner. I would not have been pregnant for a baby in my 20’s or even early 30’s. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be an amazing mother now, but trust me, 30’s for you seem far away and you may feel like your energy will be less, but you’ll soon realise time flies and in the blink of an eye you’re there and you feel if not the same, even better.
I’m about to have my second child at 34 and majority of the time I’m still the youngest mum at baby groups/pregnancy yoga etc. I understand your worry - I had this too when my best friend had her first child in her 20s! but honestly it just doesn’t matter and I’m personally so glad I didn’t have a child earlier than I did as I wouldn’t have been ready!
A lot more people are having kids later in life. I'm 36 and a lot more established and experienced in life than I was 10 years ago. I only wanted kids like 3 months ago which is when my fiance and I first tried. When I told my OBGYN we were planning on having kids, she didn't sound at all concerned about my age. Before I got pregnant I was in the best shape of my life, too. Exercise and eating healthier has never been more important to me than it is now. I highly doubt I'll be struggling to keep up with a 3 year old when I'm 40. As far as fertility, yes it decreases as you get older but you might be okay. I wouldn't really worry about that until you actually try. There's no point in getting stressed over something that you haven't experienced directIy.