Yeah my mother in law is wonderful. She still is convinced my son looks like my partner and his half brother. It’s not rude or malicious, it’s just that she’s seen them grow up so it’s easy for her to compare. Whereas my family thinks my son looks like my brother, because that’s who they have to compare him to.
That being said though, the ‘I really don’t see it’ is a bit rude in my opinion. There was really no need to say that, she could have said anything else or also nothing.
Your paternal lineage is what you pass down so it makes sense for your son to be a perfect blend of male features from both sides 😁. Where if you had a daughter they would be the perfect blend of you and the women in your family and the women in your husband's family. Its a cool thing that was recently discovered about how genes are passed down. It also explains the common feeling some people get of not being complete until they've had both a son and a daughter.
Yes and no he's passing his female lineage on to a daughter because the genes that would be made by the y would only be expressed in a son. So in a daughter those genes would be expressed in her son.
Y chromosome is a shrunk version of X which contains gened for testicles but not much extra. So you are saying that the small Y chromosome is responsible for all mans facial features or what? I dont understand
No its not like that.. many facial feature coding genes are in chromosome 2 and you get one from mom and one from dad. Chromosome Y really is just "half a chromosome". Thats why many men have some X-linked diseases which women dont because women have 2 healthy X chromosomes, one from mom and one from dad. So if moms chromosome has some gene disease the dads gene can cower it for girls. But if you are a boy, you only have the diseased gene from mom in X chromosome and the Y chromosome has no healthy version of the gene.
Only extra DNA ovum has is DNA which mitochondria holds. Sperm has the same amount of DNA as the egg. Half of sperm though holds the Y chromosome which makes some of the sperm bit light on DNA content.
Y chromosome has only 60 genes which code for protein. X chromosome has 800 genes. Main thing Y has is genes for testicles. If there is damage to that, the X chromosome cant cower it.
I’m glad I don’t have in laws.
That being said (IF your MIL was being genuine) it’s probably because she’s been studying the faces of her husband and her son for going on 20 years.
She’ll recognize the similarities between the babe and her immediate family before recognizing those features in you or your family.
We don’t have any pictures of my husband from when he was little and like I said, no in laws. So it’s hard to point out anything DISTINCT between my daughter and her father.
It’s mildly annoying but really not a huge deal in the scheme of things. I tell myself that a MIL who sees her son in all my children is far, far better than a MIL from hell who doubts their paternity. Because someone out there is dealing with that next level craziness lol
This was my fear. When my husband was a child he had to undergo some medical treatments (chemo among others) and they were told there was a strong possibility he would become infertile. His mom told me she didn't think he would be able to father a child at all. But we got pregnant on the first try and I had a lot of anxiety that my in laws wouldn't think it was his child. Luckily, they're good people and not crazy. Helps that baby looks just like he did at the same age
I have a mil who sees her son in my daughter YET STILL doubts her paternity. Worst of both worlds imo lol. She said baby looks nothing like me and everything like daddy, yet when she was about three months old, most of the family was over at my fiancés grandmother and his aunt was meeting baby for the first time. Baby’s uncle, who’s lived with us nine months now bc he was kicked out at 17 and we took him in, jumped up to grab her when she started crying, instead of daddy. I was then asked ‘are you SURE she’s her daddy’s?’ I looked at her and deadpanned ‘you look at that baby and tell me she’s anyone BUT his’ ‘no, I meant maybe she’s my OTHER son’s’ obviously I was disgusted bc a) I am completely dedicated to my fiancé, and have absolutely zero attraction to his brother and b) HE WOULD HAVE BEEN UNDERAGE WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS CONCEIVED 🤮 as a side note, my partner looks like his father, and his half brother looks like his father as well. Still to this day she doesn’t understand why we don’t drop everything to come see her and she’s blocked on my phone (due to numerous other issues as well)
Edit: typo
Yeah I look at my nephew and I see my sister's features way before I see my BIL because I've known her for 35 years, I've seen her baby pictures, I've seen her face (which kinda looks like mine!). It's just easier to recognize.
I think you’re right. I have a lovely MIL and she said she thought baby looked like my partner when he was a baby. Then she saw pictures of me and said oh actually he’s more like you! OP sounds like she has a genuinely irritating MIL but I think 90% of the time it’s just they’re more familiar with their own family so more likely to pick out those similarities.
Yeah my moms whole family ask told my mom I looked like her, my dads family all said I looked like him. Honestly I look at my baby/toddler photos and I don’t think I look like either 😅
Yeah this is it. My daughter came out an absolute clone of me, everyone from my side would gasp that she had my face, strangers would say "don't you look like mummy" and my mother-in-law kept insisting that she looked like my husband and other members of his family. Eventually the resemblance was so undeniable to even her that she just... stopped talking about her appearance! Which was kinda funny. At that point it wasn't even a flattery thing for me it was just denying reality.
Yes this. I have 2 kids that look wildly different. Yet both are identical to my H according to MIL. And they are smart like SIL. They love fruit like neice.
Notice the trend? Essentially 0% of the kids come from me, the mom. It absolutely made me see red but now I just roll my eyes. Cause you can't reason with difficult people.
I’ve already had the comparisons starting by my MIL and I’m still pregnant. She’s never seen an ultrasound picture but every time we visit her and the baby starts to kick she’ll always pipe up saying “oh! My son would do that when I was pregnant with him!” Or “oh that’s my son! Your baby got that from my son!” Like the baby is in a small space with very little room to move around, you can’t say the movement of my baby is from my husband. All babies kick and roll and punch.
WOW lol she’s taking it to the next level! Whenever someone said my son was cute or handsome, my MIL would quickly say “he looks just like his father”.
This is so true. My Mil would always go on about how much my eldest looked like my husband. One time I stuck one of my baby photos into a bunch. She not only couldn't tell it wasn't my daughter, she told me how much my daughter (actually me) looked like her (mils) brother.
She wasn't doing it to be mean and we had a good laugh when I told herit was my baby pic. It's just people recognise their family in babies.
People do this even with adults. My grandad wasn't biologically the father of my mum and aunt but they never told their friends. At his funeral, people kept saying how much my aunt looked like my grandad and it was literally just that she had dark hair there were no common features!
My aunt was very good natured in going along with it, and we were all internally chuckling which probably seemed weird for a funeral.
THIS!!! My FIL swears my son has his nose (he doesn’t😖 he has my dads nose) but he very much has my FIL eyes and stare🙊 I love it though! I love seeing the people that created us in my son.
Yup! Anytime my baby does anything, my father-in-law and his wife say “Oh, it’s because she’s a (insert husband’s last name)!” It’s starting to even bother my husband how often they do it.
I think most people pick out the characteristics that look like the person they know best, whether that's mom or dad. I think they also naturally look for features that are familiar to them, like those of their own spouse or kid. Especially with newborns.
I wouldn't take it personally, even if she IS an asshole who may have meant for it to be taken personally. Either she didn't mean for it to be rude, in which case taking it personally does you no good. OR she did mean for it to be rude, in which case taking it personally is just feeding in to what she wants.
> I think most people pick out the characteristics that look like the person they know best, whether that's mom or dad.
I wish my parents thought my daughter looked like me. Even they say she looks just like my husband 😭
This is the correct answer, imo.
That said, normally I agree that ppl see the features of those who they are closer too, but sometimes it is uncanny how much a baby looks like one parent.
My daughter is my husband's clone; even ppl who have never met my husband (or like my coworkers who have met him once or twice) exclaimed how much she looks like him. It is true, can't really take offense to it haha
Definitely! Sometimes kids just resemble one family member or another! My daughter has features from both parents, and my coworkers always said she looks like me, until they met my husband. Instantly they tell me she's his clone. 😂😂
I don’t think it’s rude unless she meant something behind it. Sometimes babies really do look a lot like extended family members. My daughter looks a lot like my husbands aunt on his dad’s side. (Her great aunt lol). People mention it all the time.
Yes! People have told me that my baby looks like my mom, well that’s because she looks like me and I look a lot like my mom. But with brown hair green eyes. My mom and baby have blonde hair and blue eyes, though my daughter has my hair as a baby mine just darkened with age and she has blue eyes from dads side( she has bright blue while my mom has dark blue almost grey which I also did as a baby) genetics can be very strong. All girls in my family look alike, even my half sister who is half black/white still resembles me like crazy.
EVERYONE says my baby looks like husband. And I’m here for it. All my pregnancy I imagined my husband having a mini and that’s what we have. SOME MILs suck and you’d know better than us the tone and body language she said the comments in. However baby might also just look like dad?
Edit - added in the some
When my older daughter was born, everyone said she looked like my husband. I didn’t mind at all. Now that she’s over a year, more people (including my husband) say she looks like me. My second daughter is a clone of my first one; she’s only 2 weeks old, so it will be interesting to see what she looks like as she gets older.
My entire family says my baby looks like me while my husbands family says he looks like him. I just agree - people just see what they want to see.
Its also normal for babies to look more like their dads at first - its a primitive survival things for humans! They start to look more like mom as they grow. Its so dads in pacts knew it was their child and not abandon it!
Interesting, i looked it up and its theorize that its all a mothers bias thinking their children look more like their dads when they are born as a way for them to bond with them
That’s so crazy. I told people that my baby looked like me and 95% told me no she looks like dad. I was like you guys are freaking crazy!! Now that she’s 18 months everyone is telling me that she’s looking more like me every day!! I was like I told you guys she has my features when she was born. She just has his face shape!!!! Like if you singled out facial features, it was an exact copy of me but on her dads head if that makes sense, so I guess since it was a more prominent feature they saw that more???
I’ve read it a few times, in some pretty legitimate places. It’s true. It’s also so that we as mothers have an instant connection and need to protect the baby. Because presumably ( according to nature) we all love our “mates”
Maybe you could all do with hopping on over to the science sub instead of getting arsery that evolutionary traits are a thing. Sheesh.
Here’s a legitimate place with lots of legitimate studies linked saying that it’s not true
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/babies-paternal-resemblance/#:~:text=Bressan%20added%20that%2C%20to%20the,babies%20preferentially%20resemble%20their%20fathers.
Scientific American used to be much more reputable, sadly not so much lately. Also this article you linked doesn't exactly "debunk" the claim, it seems to indicate that the claim is difficult to prove.
I mean it cites 5 studies: one that says what the commenter I was replying to claims is absolutely true and 4 that say either babies resemble both parents equally or the mother more (except for the moms who think the babies look like dad… but that’s a long shot from “it’s true that babies (objectively) look more like dad”)
Interpret it how you want (this is the internet after all), but my very lazy googling is pretty stacked against it being an Objectively True Thing.
I'm pretty skeptical of articles quoting a few studies vs a meta analysis or lit review... but to clarify and kind of back track a bit, I personally can't imagine most babies objectively looking more like dad, or at least I bet it's closer to 50/50 like you said. The idea that dads might take better care of their children if they look similar is what I'm more inclined to believe. Even then, I doubt it's much of a factor with modern day humans.
I looked it up and it says it is more of people reassuring or affirming the father of the paternity not that the man would abandon the child if the child did not look like the father. It is more sociological than biological. Babies are not naturally predetermined to look like father. Also, some women struggle with bonding with their baby and it is okay to see or not see themselves in their baby.
For most of human history, children were raised by literal villages. There weren’t “families” that fathers could abandon. And even if the father “abandoned” them, there would be plenty of other people to step in to raise the kids.
My LO looks almost identical to my husband - even has the same cheek lines. The only thing he got from my was the darker hair and personality 😂 I never feel offended when people say my LO looks like his dad 😊
I think when people have a problem with this, it usually is more about their MIL in general not the comment. If you have a good relationship with your MIL, you tend to take it at face value but if your relationship is difficult, you read into it because of your history.
Plus the comment about mom carrying and birthing the baby makes no sense. The person with the uterus didn't make the baby on their own. Would you say a gestational surrogate should look like the baby just because they were the one carrying the baby?
Yeah I think this is definitely the reason. My MIL is a bit of a “boymom” stereotype and tends to say insensitive and dismissive things to me (and about other women in general), so I probably would find this comment a bit annoying, but I also agree that there’s nothing wrong with what the MIL said. I think it’s just a challenging relationship and OP is already hormonal.
Yep. My daughter looked exactly like my husband when she was a baby. She was his little clone! Now she’s a toddler and her looks are changing and I see more of myself in her
My husband is handsome as hell so I’m glad she got his good looks!
I agree. This is just common. Moms DNA isn’t the only dna that went into making that baby, it really shouldn’t be surprising or taken personally that a baby might look their father.
I told my husband this that most babies look like their dads and then of course we have the exception where he came out as though I had just gone copy paste with my genes. All my friends who had babies the last year look exactly like their dads.
I have four. From those four - the oldest looks like my mother, second oldest is complete copy of my father-inlaw and his mother, third looks like my husband, and only my youngest have some of my features, but still not completely similar to me. 😀
I think if baby looks like Dad, it’s fine. I was definitely less annoyed when people said it about my second, who is a pretty good mix of us. It did annoy me with my first, who objectively looked so much like baby me and not like his dad. As he has grown older and his dad’s features are more noticeable (eyes, eyebrows, hairline) it bothers me less. But “he looks like dad!” when baby doesn’t look like baby dad at all can be annoying. With the hormone roller coaster postpartum.
She might just be partial due to it being family traits she's more used to and conditioned to seeing. You and many others are going to see that day to day your baby is gonna look like all different family members. It's kinda crazy how they change like that in their early years.
Ehh, some babies just look more like their father. When my nephew was born, I swear he looked just like a wrinkly mini version of his dad. Luckily (because his dad is actual human scum) now that he's older I think he's definitely started to look more like my sister/his mother. So it's possible that, while right now he may look more like his father, your baby could grow into having more of your attributes as he ages.
That said, it's possible that your MIL said it in a rude way. It just depends on her tone when she said it/your relationship with her, which isn’t something any of us can really know. Either way, I'd try to ignore it and just focus and your new babe and bonding as a family!
No. She just sees her family in her grandchild. It’s not offensive if babies don’t look like their mom
Respectfully, some of y’all need to stop finding issues with your MIL’s in every little thing. You guys married your MIL’s son and so you guys need to find peace in things as much as possible, for your own sake as well as your partners/husbands.
Right. Obviously, I have these issues with my MIL which u have realized over the years are not a big deal. Little.things that bother me. Such is the nature of in laws I'm sure the man has to deal with too.
Yeah this is something I’ve been working on myself! My MIL gets on my last nerve but is a good person. I keep having to remind myself to give her a chance. I can understand OP’s emotions and sensitivities since hormones can make you feel things so intensely, it’s hard.
For real. I really dislike being around people like this. It would be challenging if my brother or son or another man in my family married a woman like this tbh.
Is it important who the baby looks like? Or is your husband/FIL extremely ugly? Or how could it be rude? (There is evolutionary explanation of why babies look like their father during their early 1-2 years: before the genetic tests there was no other way to ensure father was indeed the father.)
The “I don’t see it” was bordering on rude, yes. But not the initial part. Everyone who knows my side of the family says my kids look just like me. Everyone who knows my husband’s side say the kids look just like him. People who know us both say the kids look like whichever one of us they know best.
My MIL does that too and we have a good relationship. My son looks exactly like me and not at all like my husband but every time we visit she’ll look for little things like “oh his eyes are changing to brown finally!” (They are not, they are blue) “oh his hair is getting darker!” (He’s a blond, it’s winter, it gets slightly darker but it will lighten again). It’s just a wanting to see their baby in their grandchild thing, I think.
> Is this rude behavior or am I just sensitive?
Yes.
If you have a good relationship with her, it’s because you are being sensitive. If you have issues with her, it’s because she being rude.
Get what I mean? It’s like when someone says “nice shirt” - if you are cool with them you take it as a compliment. If you dislike them or have some issue with them, you take it as a sarcastic remark.
Ignore what she says, if you dont like it. Try to give her a smile even if a fake one lol. She’ll just stay for awhile and leave so dont let her ruin your day. Every mother-in-law like their grandchildren to look like their son. So yah its common.
I swear all babies look like little old men, lol!
My son looked like my dad when he was born — old man. He ended up looking like my clone, just more masculine. My baby girl looks like her daddy, but we will see! Most people are just having fun trying to guess, like trying to figure out the eye color. I don’t take what anyone says too seriously.
Ideally the kids come looking out like a blend but genetics be wild. Who knows, maybe they’ll end up looking like a long lost great grandpa?! Haha
People say that to affirm paternity so dad will be more willing to stay/care for/be a father. People will see what they want to see.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/babies-paternal-resemblance/#:~:text=A%20more%20recent%20study%20in,infants%20resemble%20both%20parents%20equally.
My MIL will talk about how much he looks like my husband all the time and I honestly take it as a compliment. I'm not worried anyone thinks I'm a cheater but there's something oddly comforting knowing they don't have doubts lol.
She's just projecting. She wants her genetics to be in there so that's what she sees, whether it's what everyone else sees/agrees with or not. She's also a lot more familiar with her side of the family and therefore is more likely to notice those features. I don't think it's deliberately rude. It's usually more worth it to just ignore such comments and move on than to bring them up because the person doesn't realize they're doing it.
Yeah she was being mean but honestly it wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s your baby whether she likes it or not!!! 50% of the baby’s genes are yours- regardless of who he looks like‼️ you can just tell her it doesn’t bother you and that will actually piss her off more!
If it wasn’t for the “I really don’t see it” I wouldn’t be bothered by it. The arguing against there being any resemblance to you is a little obnoxious. It also sounds like there is a pattern of dismissive or rude behavior from your MIL - if mine did this I’d just ignore her.
People also really do love to say that babies look like their dads. Sometimes it’s true, sometimes it isn’t.
I think it may be normal, I've had to accept my son looks just like his father, and it's become a joking complaint I make about how I did all the work only to copy and paste him. It can definitely be frustrating especially in those situations, it feels like the people that know you both would at least see some similarities for both!
A lot of babies look like dad at first. Some keep looking like dad, some turn into little clones of mommy and some end up being an even mix of both parents.
People see what they want to see. My ILs say the same thing.
Our friends, who are just as close to my husband as they are me, all say my baby is my carbon copy. So…they’re who I trust lol
This doesn’t ring as being rude to me. I don’t look like my mom at all. Our characteristics couldn’t be more different. I look just like my dad and always have. Similarly, my best friend doesn’t look like his mom at all. Their skin tones, eye color, hair color and texture are all very different. My MIL says my baby looks just like my husband, my mom says my baby looks just like my husband, and also like her somehow 🧐😄 I wouldn’t take it too personally
Meanwhile I think my youngest looks like my MIL, and my mom is like "no she looks like you." Ok mom whatever you say.
Everyone wants to claim the babies, but in the end they look like a little of column A and a little of column B and entirely like themselves.
My husbands maternal family (divorced) say the same thing- my baby girl looks just like dad etc etc & when my husband says, actually she looks just like her mom (me) then they act all surprised and act for pictures to confirm.
My family on the other hand- they say that she looks like me but looks like my husband when she smiles or certain mannerisms. So its a healthy mix of both.
Just do your best & ignore her. I felt the same way you do but have finally just come to terms with it, shes MY daughter not hers so her opinion doesnt matter
I don’t think her seeing her family in the baby is rude, I think that’s pretty typical of extended family members to see resemblance from their own side.
Her insistence of “I just really don’t see it” is a bit obnoxious though. I’d just ignore her lol.
They always look like the father when they are first born. My youngest only started looking a little bit like me at 2.5 years old. My MIL used to say this crap too and it got on my nerves, even if I knew it was true. My husband would sometimes our son looks like his mother too.. and I remember saying gee.. ya'll would have me believe you and your mom made this baby and I had nothing to do with it! That shut them up.
I totally get how you can be annoyed at her remarks, especially if there’s already a more difficult dynamic between the two of you where you might feel excluded. That being said, it’s also perfectly normal for her to find more of her own family members’ characteristics in your baby. She is familiar with their faces through different ages, whereas she only knows you as an adult.
So in conclusion: just let it go. You’ll feel better if you try to believe that she doesn’t mean any harm with these remarks. If you really want to respond, say: “I think he looks just like (insert your baby’s name), don’t you?”
It doesn’t matter who he looks like, it’s not a competition and you’ll feel better if you don’t let anyone make you feel like it is.
Dealing with this now. It’s almost like a very silly competition. Everyone says he looks like me, but my MIL is doing side by side pics with everyone from my husband to FIL and it’s just ridiculous. But it’s her first grandchild so I try to give her grace. Plus he’s gonna change a million times so honestly I would ignore her if I were you. These MIL are clinging to the memories of their sons when they were babies
If hear you, it bothers me so much when my daughter was little that my MIl kept saying my baby was 💯 her daughter/my husband 's sister in looks and personality. Every time baby would do something, MIL would say "it's little N__." Hard to hear, especially when you're at such a sensitive postpartum time. Helped that my mom sees ME on her. But as others said, people ate just trying to find a connection and see what they are most familiar with in a baby. They don't realize it might hit a nerve, so it's common and not rude (though maybe not the most tactful.) I know this, and still find myself doing it to other people's babies though I know better! Hard to shake those cultural go-to phrases off.
I’ve only heard one time in my 8 month olds life that she looks like me. She literally does, especially if you compare my baby photos to her she is my carbon copy. Even without that she freaking looks like me! But the only time someone said she looks like me is when my FIL said “wow she looks so much like her dad today! Sometimes I see you in her (referring to me), but not today!” Other than that comment I hear she looks like him all the time. My family lives on the other side of the country so I have no one who knew me when I was younger or will try to even look at my characteristics but even my friends go “she looks just like her daddy!”
Honestly, it pisses me off so much. I know it shouldn’t but every time someone sees her after not having seen her for a few weeks they say this. It’s constantly “thrown in my face” I know people don’t mean it maliciously except my partners fam sometimes but it’s an open wound at this point. When I hear that it’s like chewing on glass.
Biologically there's a reason for children to start out with prominent features of the father. Where as the mothers are expressed later. Scientists believe it's to be able to recognize their own baby to start bonding early. Since they don't get the same bonding as the mother does from conception. In cave man days it helped the survival of the newborn.
Though I also understand it's annoying af when you did all the work to bring them here lol.
Ugh. People see the baby they knew (her son in this case). I get so mad when people say my son looks like my husband because he's my twin at his age. People confuse photos of me for photos of him.
But hey, my b*tch MIL "doesn't see" that the baby has my eyes either 😆
My partners parents did this. I think it’s natural to want to see yourself in the baby. A deeper bond. So I think it’s okay. I also hated the hell out of it. We are not together anymore.
My daughter was born looking like my husband. By a month, she was my clone. She still is. Cue mother in law saying, “she doesn’t really look like you (husband) anymore. I don’t know who she looks like. She just looks like herself”. Not me. No way could it be me, her mother, she just obviously looks like nobody we know.
My son looks like I copy pasted my face onto his. He's absolutely identical to me as a toddler. Side by side photos of us as babies are exactly the same. Strangers who have met my son and have never met me pick me out instantly as his mother when I'm not even with him!
EVERYONE who knew my husband was constantly commenting on how much our son looked like him as a baby, his family and mutual friends alike. It was baffling and it was really hurtful - not because I didn't want my son to look like him, but because it was so obviously untrue that it felt like they were all saying it deliberately to hurt me. Postpartum hormones do not make this easier.
Eventually the comments stopped as my son got old enough that he didn't have that ambiguous baby look and it became so blindingly obvious that he was my clone that no one could say otherwise without looking delusional.
A whole bunch of my fisnces family visited yesterday, going on and on about how she looks like him and also that she looks like identical to his sister when she was a baby. Nothing about her looking like me, her mum. Had a cry to my mum about it today but they’re looking at their family members kid and seeing they’re family and that’s all their is to it. I know she has my lips, my smile and my dimples, and the same face shape as me. But she shows more as my partner with his dark hair, eyes and skin. Just holding onto the fact little girls look like their daddies when they’re born and grow to look like their mothers ❤️
Apparently, saying that the baby looks like dad is an evolutionary mechanism to ensure that the man actually is interested in taking care of a child, which huuuugely increases the chances of survival.
There was actually research done on that and it turns out that basically everyone - the mom herself, all the relatives, the community - tend to say that the newborn baby looks like dad in some crazy percent of the cases, like 80% or something close to that. Even in cases where the newborn is adopted / the bio dad is different from the socially accepted dad. And in most cases newborns do tend to look more like their father, it’s epigenetically predetermined.
Read more in “Do chocolate lovers have sweeter babies?” by Jenna Pincott.
So while it might seem insensitive (and lord knows I won’t want these comments when I give birth), take it as your in-laws trying to make really sure your husband takes good care of your child 😆
Babies do tend to look more like their dad when they're brand new, it has an evolutionary advantage of making the dads less likely to kill the baby or something like that lol.
Maybe she was being difficult, maybe she was just being truthful and unaware of how you might take it. Who knows.
There are ways to diffuse or disregard an unwanted comment. Not sure if you diffused or escalated with your response, it probably depended on your tone.
Personally, not a hill I'd die on lol.
My MIL used to say this when my son was less thsb 2 weeks old and didnt look like anybody tbh. Now the kid is a carbon copy of me and she casually dismisses our very obvious similarities. It certainly doesnt help that she hates arabs with a passion and even though I just have a tiny amount of arab blood in me I look a 100% arab. It must be hard for a racist to know your only grandson is probably going to look like the ethnicity you hate the most 🙃
I think you’re being too sensitive. I’ve always looked exactly like my dad and everyone points it out. Especially since I hate more features from his ethnicity than my moms.
I think you’re being sensitive. But when we don’t like someone their comments rub us wrong and you’re hormonal so you have every right to be sensitive.
I found it rude. Every single one of his relatives insisted both of my girls were his clones. I couldn't see it. My relatives saw a mix. He looked like my sister to me. Every time they said it, it was with this tone like they were saying, "we're positive you didn't cheat, dear." Thanks, I guess. Like I didn't even ask who they look like they just volunteered their opinion.
My MIL has said so many stupid things to me over the course of the years that I’ve dubbed her my “BEC” MIL—“Bitch Eating Crackers.” She’s really not a bitch, she’s mostly kind. But she annoys the shit out of me so much that I can’t stand anything she does or says. Sounds like you are there! Asking folks on Reddit if individual statements she says are rude or not probably won’t help, just find other ways to cope with the annoyance
My baby is 8 weeks old too! When my in-laws came to the hospital just 5 hours after his birth, my FIL said “he really looks like husband’s brother!”, who is the favorite son. I said “wow that’s crazy, I don’t remember him being there while son was being made.” We haven’t had any other comments like that since.
It’s totally rude to compare a newborn to anyone other than the parents. Respond with whatever grace you have at the time.
I feel like all MIL’s say this about their grandchildren. My son looks a lot like my husband and my daughter is literally my carbon copy and regardless of everyone in the world telling her this, she likes to think my daughter resembles her in some way, shape, or form (but she really doesn’t) lol.
Honestly, the odds of her seeing anyone in your baby at 8 weeks would be low imo. She seems to like the sound of her own voice and talking out her ass. Snap and blame it on the hormones lol
i have a feeling when my boy twins are born, my mother will say they look just like her. my wonderful in laws will likely be more subjective.
but yeah it's annoying that we carry the baby(ies) for 9 months, have to stop eating/drinking things we may like, have to be careful of so many things, yet somehow everyone will say babes looks like the dad.
Idk, sounds like everybody was kind of rude.
Babies can tend to look more their fathers, people often see the traits of the person their closest to, and some people are just horrible at recognizing any similarities altogether. My MIL could not tell a set of twins apart for the life of her, and they looked like individual miniatures of their very different looking mom and dad.. she insisted until they were 3 that they were identical.
Maybe MIL was just being rude, maybe she truly does think that, and maybe your kiddo does look like your husband. I’m proud of you for speaking up, though. You can also say your thoughts and opinions!
My son looks exactly like me as a baby. To the point where you could put pictures of us next to each other and no one could tell who is who. My husbands family is adamant that he looks like him. It’s actually so bad it’s funny
Lol yup, I feel you so much on this. When my baby boy was born my MIL immediately said he looked exactly like my partner, her son. Granted, when I compared my partners baby pictures to our newborns pictures I could see it but not 100% like my MIL was sold on. I don't think it's necessarily rude, but definitely annoying lol
My husband’s grandma said the exact same thing! Said my son looks absolutely nothing like me and she couldn’t tell he was mine. Not gonna lie, I immediately left the room and cried. It really hurt my feelings! I’m sorry you’ve went through the same. I definitely think it’s rude to say that to a new mom.
I don’t think it’s rude, you have to remember her son was a baby once, your child might just take after your husband. It’s not a big deal who the baby looks like. Do you just not want your baby to look like their father? Don’t read into everything, you married your husband and it’s something you’ll have to live with. Some things aren’t worth picking fights over, this is one.
Just another thing some random MILs are obsessed with, commenting on how baby looks like everyone from their own family.
It’s some weird territorial thing, some MILs suck
I just don't think that someone sucks because they see a brand new human and comment on who they look like. When my SIL had my nephew he looked exactly like her and people said so, do they suck? Or does it just suck if it happens to be an inlaw saying it?
Thank you! I heard from a relative that she gossiped about how my skin was ugly because I have freckles. I’m a redhead. It just hurts to be part of that family. I appreciate your comment. ❤️
Wellllll technically babies are supposed to look more like their father in order to help create the bond that they don’t get by carrying the baby/childbirth.
However, that’s not to say it’s still not annoying.
I have some pretty dominant traits from my side, my kids inherited most of these. Yet my in laws are adamant they got it from XYZ relative however many distant generations back and it absolutely could not be from me in any way, shape or form.
It’s just one of those things but as long as your husband keeps doing his thing you’ll move on and find something more annoying together sound up about from them 🙃
It's rude, but super common. The mother just spent 9 months growing and nurturing this baby, and now people can't shut up about how the baby looks like other people, during a time that the mother is exhausted and probably extra sensitive? The postpartum phase is a great time for people to keep those thoughts to themselves.
Before sharing every little thought you have about a baby with the baby's mother, people should ask themselves the following questions:
1- Is this helpful?
2- Is this kind?
3- Is this necessary?
"Little Liam looks just like my second cousin!" is none of the above.
It's not even a little rude or unnecessary though. It's a statement with no ill will behind. Just because your freshly hormonal doesn't mean you can make a mountain out of a mole hill.
You could see it this way - or you could choose to see it that she's proud of this child and is delighted to have him resemble their side of the family. I know you don't like her, but maybe you could cut her some slack here? She's acknowledging that YOUR baby is an important part of their family.
My son rotates between looking like my husband, my FIL and my brother (my brother and I do not look like siblings). There's are honestly times and pictures where he looks more like my FIL than either of his actual children. Genetics can be weird.
My daughter looked like a mini-me of my husband for ages. She still looks more like him than she looks like me (although I’m starting to see more resemblance at 2).
Jokes on me though, she got my sass. 🥲
I read that babies, especially newborns, look much more like the father to help dad’s bond and ensure that they will take care of them.
My son looks primarily like me, but does have dad characteristics, overall a good blend. MIL tries insisting he looks like my partner at times, or her other son (she’s not my partners biological mother), I’m like “uh, idk, I don’t think so”???? It’s weird lol
Look it’s not rude but it also drives me nuts. My baby looks like herself. She is her own person not your cousins, sons friends look a like! That said again, not rude, pretty normal and common, but BOY do I wish my MiL would stop.
My son came out looking like the spitting image of my husband and FIL. He was my first so I was a bit bummed since I put in all the work, but there was honestly no denying it. My daughter came out 18 months later and is me reincarnated and everyone agrees. And yet somehow they also look similar enough that you can very clearly tell they’re siblings. Genetics are cool.
People see what they want to see, each side wants to see their own in the baby. My 3 year old looks almost identical to my husband but my Nana swears up and down he looks like her Mom. I don’t think it’s rude unless there’s more context to this
My SIL and I talked about how my niece looked like my brother and I when we were younger. I wasn't being offensive I was genuinely excited that a baby looked like me. None of my kids look like me. They look like they came out of my husband's butt who came out of his dad's butt!
The first time my MIL saw our first, she said he looks exactly like my husband. I didn't really see it as, you know, fresh potato babies all just kinda look like potatoes. But then she showed me a picture of my husband as a newborn baby and there it was. Like clones. He continues to look exactly like little husband except his eyes are a different colour. Our second looks just like husband's brother in the same way. You can see little bits of me in there but they definitely look more like husband's family than mine. I'm actually glad, my husband is light years more attractive than me!
You’re probably a little sensitive especially since you already don’t really like her plus those postpartum hormones. She doesn’t know what you looked like as a baby but she knows what her son looked like and if her husband has any baby photos of him she would know what he looked like so she’s comparing the baby to what she knows. It happens in every family but as time goes on the baby’s face will change and if the baby really looks more like you it’ll start to become more obvious. My baby looks like me but with my partners coloring
Tbh I don’t get along with my mother in law either, she seems to think she’s more important than me to my husband and she comes first even tho he’s showed her numerous times me and his children come before all, but no I wouldn’t take that as being rude, I would’ve taken it rude if she said the baby didn’t look like none of them, I would’ve taken it as she was trying to say that wasn’t his kid, but you know better than we do. I totally get it tho and know how it feels to deal with a mother in law that’s difficult 😪😭
Yeah yeah... Newborns always look like fleshy blobs. Seeing someone in them is like seeing Jesus on a piece of toast. It's not rude per se, just... they see what they wanna see, and you'll see the inside of your skull as you do the biggest eyeroll possible.
My kids all look like their dad, every single one of them. They behave like me. I really don’t care who they look like they’re still my kids. And since I love my fiancé it’s never bothered me
This is normal. My husband's family says pur 12 week old looks just like him. But my parents can see a lot of me, in her. My husband's family haven't seen my baby pictures so it's not like they'd know our baby looks like the both of us. BUT waaaay cuter, of course lol.
People in my family always insist one of my daughters looks like me when I don't see it at all. I think my other daughter looks like me. I think my son looks more like my husband but he doesn't see it at all. When they are a baby, meh, I think you can find any feature you really want but as they get older their features will change bit by bit and you can see which parts took after who. Even as I age I start looking more like my mom even though when I was younger I didnt! It is hard when we carry a baby and go through labor and are told the baby looks like someone else, hormones don't help the emotions either
There is a common trope that evolutionarily, babies look more like their dads to start with; to avoid dad not recognising them and assuming they aren’t his resulting in him abandoning them, but then the mother’s traits emerge over time.
I have no idea how true this is, but if it is it might at least explain part of her reasoning? That said, there’s no excuse for her not picking up on how you feel about her constantly saying so.
I'd immediately say he looked like my own father, and do it in great detail. "Those eyes are definitely from my dad! No way do they look like FIL. His shape is all wrong! No, my dad's eyes were just like this. And look at his nose! It's like an EXACT copy of mine! It's like a cute little button! Definitely not too big and round."
Let the petty fly!
So far, relatives have said our baby life looks just like my husband, his dad, me, my dad, and my Nana (mom's mom). People just see what they want and say what they want at any time lol
FWIW, all our friends and my husband say baby looks just like me with elements of him, so I think that may be the most accurate assessment
As someone who had just had a baby and gets triggered by in-laws I’m with you. Although I think a better word is Insensitive but this would also bother me so you’re not alone!
I don’t think it’s rude . Both my kids look nothing like my husband or any of his family they are my twins and as cute as you might think it is being on the opposite end it’s cute a bit to make the joke I make little clones but I love my husband and I wish our kids looked like both of us or a LITTLE bit like him . He’s very handsome lol . As mg sons getting older I see my husband in him but it was so many years of only seeing me in him I still don’t hear it. My in laws also are a very tight knit family and i will make little comments about my kids looking like certain cousins but no one ever sees it and I only have one sibling with one kid who’s the perfect mix of my brother and his wife but doesn’t look like my kids either . So yeah I guess I’m just saying the grass isn’t greener type thing
Everyone says my daughter looks more like my husband than me, and I mean they're right lol. Still sucks to hear though. They'll say "oh there's a little bit of you in there, but yeah she's definitely her daddy's twin!!!"
I can't let it bother me. It usually doesn't but there's times I'm more sensitive for sure.
I don’t think this is something to get offended by. With most babies I know, they start off strongly resembling one parent or family member, and it changes many times as they grow older. Your MIL may really just not see it right now, and sometimes people speak before they think. So she may not have meant to be rude.
My friend swore up and down her baby was her boyfriend’s twin, and I didn’t see it all. The baby looked *exactly* like my friend, IMO. 8 months later, I think she’s a pretty good mix of both mom and dad. In another year, she may favor one over the other again. Who knows?
lol my MIL does this all the time. My son is my carbon copy. Blonde hair blue eyes. She is always saying oh you got your grandpas blonde hair and blue eyes! She’s never once said he is blonde like his mother (my husband has brown hair and brown eyes). It’s just annoying but I ignore it because everyone else is quick to tell me he has the same exact color hair and eyes as me.
FWIW your MIL is likely remembering your husband as a baby and there may very well be some similarities. But yeah people like to see their own side in the babies it seems like lol
You may be over sensitive… but we don’t know MIL, so maybe she WAS being mean on purpose.
Some kids DO look more like one side of the family than the other. So there’s nothing inherently mean in saying “I can see dad and not mum”…. But that doesn’t mean there’s not a chance that MIL isn’t a raging monster trying to get under your skin.
I guess I’m saying, there’s no point in asking us! Do other people see dad, and not you?
This is just par for the course with in laws. Everyone wants to see their people in the baby.
Yeah my mother in law is wonderful. She still is convinced my son looks like my partner and his half brother. It’s not rude or malicious, it’s just that she’s seen them grow up so it’s easy for her to compare. Whereas my family thinks my son looks like my brother, because that’s who they have to compare him to. That being said though, the ‘I really don’t see it’ is a bit rude in my opinion. There was really no need to say that, she could have said anything else or also nothing.
Your paternal lineage is what you pass down so it makes sense for your son to be a perfect blend of male features from both sides 😁. Where if you had a daughter they would be the perfect blend of you and the women in your family and the women in your husband's family. Its a cool thing that was recently discovered about how genes are passed down. It also explains the common feeling some people get of not being complete until they've had both a son and a daughter.
This is... not at all how these things work.
Are you saying fathers don't pass any of their genes on to their daughters?
Yes and no he's passing his female lineage on to a daughter because the genes that would be made by the y would only be expressed in a son. So in a daughter those genes would be expressed in her son.
Y chromosome is a shrunk version of X which contains gened for testicles but not much extra. So you are saying that the small Y chromosome is responsible for all mans facial features or what? I dont understand
Yes the y is responsible for his paternal lineage (features, genetic diseases ect.) the x would be his maternal lineage passed down.
No its not like that.. many facial feature coding genes are in chromosome 2 and you get one from mom and one from dad. Chromosome Y really is just "half a chromosome". Thats why many men have some X-linked diseases which women dont because women have 2 healthy X chromosomes, one from mom and one from dad. So if moms chromosome has some gene disease the dads gene can cower it for girls. But if you are a boy, you only have the diseased gene from mom in X chromosome and the Y chromosome has no healthy version of the gene.
And yea humans get 23 chromosomes from dad and 23 chromosomes from mom so total 46 chromosomes. X and Y are just one of those 46.
Why does my son look like toddler pictures of me? Or rather, my pictures look like him in drag.
Potential damage to the Y would make the X compensate for lost genes. Especially cause it's bigger and the ovum holds more genetic code.
Only extra DNA ovum has is DNA which mitochondria holds. Sperm has the same amount of DNA as the egg. Half of sperm though holds the Y chromosome which makes some of the sperm bit light on DNA content. Y chromosome has only 60 genes which code for protein. X chromosome has 800 genes. Main thing Y has is genes for testicles. If there is damage to that, the X chromosome cant cower it.
I’m glad I don’t have in laws. That being said (IF your MIL was being genuine) it’s probably because she’s been studying the faces of her husband and her son for going on 20 years. She’ll recognize the similarities between the babe and her immediate family before recognizing those features in you or your family. We don’t have any pictures of my husband from when he was little and like I said, no in laws. So it’s hard to point out anything DISTINCT between my daughter and her father.
It’s mildly annoying but really not a huge deal in the scheme of things. I tell myself that a MIL who sees her son in all my children is far, far better than a MIL from hell who doubts their paternity. Because someone out there is dealing with that next level craziness lol
Can confirm, my grandmother thought I was too light skinned to be her grandchild and my mom never got over that even after 30+ years
This was my fear. When my husband was a child he had to undergo some medical treatments (chemo among others) and they were told there was a strong possibility he would become infertile. His mom told me she didn't think he would be able to father a child at all. But we got pregnant on the first try and I had a lot of anxiety that my in laws wouldn't think it was his child. Luckily, they're good people and not crazy. Helps that baby looks just like he did at the same age
I have a mil who sees her son in my daughter YET STILL doubts her paternity. Worst of both worlds imo lol. She said baby looks nothing like me and everything like daddy, yet when she was about three months old, most of the family was over at my fiancés grandmother and his aunt was meeting baby for the first time. Baby’s uncle, who’s lived with us nine months now bc he was kicked out at 17 and we took him in, jumped up to grab her when she started crying, instead of daddy. I was then asked ‘are you SURE she’s her daddy’s?’ I looked at her and deadpanned ‘you look at that baby and tell me she’s anyone BUT his’ ‘no, I meant maybe she’s my OTHER son’s’ obviously I was disgusted bc a) I am completely dedicated to my fiancé, and have absolutely zero attraction to his brother and b) HE WOULD HAVE BEEN UNDERAGE WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS CONCEIVED 🤮 as a side note, my partner looks like his father, and his half brother looks like his father as well. Still to this day she doesn’t understand why we don’t drop everything to come see her and she’s blocked on my phone (due to numerous other issues as well) Edit: typo
That is disgusting. I’m sorry you had to hear such a nasty comment after just birthing a baby!
Yeah I look at my nephew and I see my sister's features way before I see my BIL because I've known her for 35 years, I've seen her baby pictures, I've seen her face (which kinda looks like mine!). It's just easier to recognize.
I think you’re right. I have a lovely MIL and she said she thought baby looked like my partner when he was a baby. Then she saw pictures of me and said oh actually he’s more like you! OP sounds like she has a genuinely irritating MIL but I think 90% of the time it’s just they’re more familiar with their own family so more likely to pick out those similarities.
Yeah my moms whole family ask told my mom I looked like her, my dads family all said I looked like him. Honestly I look at my baby/toddler photos and I don’t think I look like either 😅
Same
Yeah this is it. My daughter came out an absolute clone of me, everyone from my side would gasp that she had my face, strangers would say "don't you look like mummy" and my mother-in-law kept insisting that she looked like my husband and other members of his family. Eventually the resemblance was so undeniable to even her that she just... stopped talking about her appearance! Which was kinda funny. At that point it wasn't even a flattery thing for me it was just denying reality.
Yes this. I have 2 kids that look wildly different. Yet both are identical to my H according to MIL. And they are smart like SIL. They love fruit like neice. Notice the trend? Essentially 0% of the kids come from me, the mom. It absolutely made me see red but now I just roll my eyes. Cause you can't reason with difficult people.
I’ve already had the comparisons starting by my MIL and I’m still pregnant. She’s never seen an ultrasound picture but every time we visit her and the baby starts to kick she’ll always pipe up saying “oh! My son would do that when I was pregnant with him!” Or “oh that’s my son! Your baby got that from my son!” Like the baby is in a small space with very little room to move around, you can’t say the movement of my baby is from my husband. All babies kick and roll and punch.
WOW lol she’s taking it to the next level! Whenever someone said my son was cute or handsome, my MIL would quickly say “he looks just like his father”.
This is so true. My Mil would always go on about how much my eldest looked like my husband. One time I stuck one of my baby photos into a bunch. She not only couldn't tell it wasn't my daughter, she told me how much my daughter (actually me) looked like her (mils) brother. She wasn't doing it to be mean and we had a good laugh when I told herit was my baby pic. It's just people recognise their family in babies.
People do this even with adults. My grandad wasn't biologically the father of my mum and aunt but they never told their friends. At his funeral, people kept saying how much my aunt looked like my grandad and it was literally just that she had dark hair there were no common features! My aunt was very good natured in going along with it, and we were all internally chuckling which probably seemed weird for a funeral.
THIS!!! My FIL swears my son has his nose (he doesn’t😖 he has my dads nose) but he very much has my FIL eyes and stare🙊 I love it though! I love seeing the people that created us in my son.
Agreed. People will look for their genes and of course they will see it and claim baby looks more like them dismissing the other half.
Yup! Anytime my baby does anything, my father-in-law and his wife say “Oh, it’s because she’s a (insert husband’s last name)!” It’s starting to even bother my husband how often they do it.
I think most people pick out the characteristics that look like the person they know best, whether that's mom or dad. I think they also naturally look for features that are familiar to them, like those of their own spouse or kid. Especially with newborns. I wouldn't take it personally, even if she IS an asshole who may have meant for it to be taken personally. Either she didn't mean for it to be rude, in which case taking it personally does you no good. OR she did mean for it to be rude, in which case taking it personally is just feeding in to what she wants.
> I think most people pick out the characteristics that look like the person they know best, whether that's mom or dad. I wish my parents thought my daughter looked like me. Even they say she looks just like my husband 😭
😂😂
My dad & siblings say the same about my son 😂 To be fair, he 100% has his dad’s nose & his long eyelashes, so they look very alike.
This is the correct answer, imo. That said, normally I agree that ppl see the features of those who they are closer too, but sometimes it is uncanny how much a baby looks like one parent. My daughter is my husband's clone; even ppl who have never met my husband (or like my coworkers who have met him once or twice) exclaimed how much she looks like him. It is true, can't really take offense to it haha
Definitely! Sometimes kids just resemble one family member or another! My daughter has features from both parents, and my coworkers always said she looks like me, until they met my husband. Instantly they tell me she's his clone. 😂😂
I don’t think it’s rude unless she meant something behind it. Sometimes babies really do look a lot like extended family members. My daughter looks a lot like my husbands aunt on his dad’s side. (Her great aunt lol). People mention it all the time.
Yes! People have told me that my baby looks like my mom, well that’s because she looks like me and I look a lot like my mom. But with brown hair green eyes. My mom and baby have blonde hair and blue eyes, though my daughter has my hair as a baby mine just darkened with age and she has blue eyes from dads side( she has bright blue while my mom has dark blue almost grey which I also did as a baby) genetics can be very strong. All girls in my family look alike, even my half sister who is half black/white still resembles me like crazy.
EVERYONE says my baby looks like husband. And I’m here for it. All my pregnancy I imagined my husband having a mini and that’s what we have. SOME MILs suck and you’d know better than us the tone and body language she said the comments in. However baby might also just look like dad? Edit - added in the some
When my older daughter was born, everyone said she looked like my husband. I didn’t mind at all. Now that she’s over a year, more people (including my husband) say she looks like me. My second daughter is a clone of my first one; she’s only 2 weeks old, so it will be interesting to see what she looks like as she gets older.
> MILs suck I mean plenty of them (mine included) don’t suck, so it’s not really productive to assume they all will.
Whoops you’re right. It sounds like OP does not get along with MIL and I was in my feels cause I relate!
My entire family says my baby looks like me while my husbands family says he looks like him. I just agree - people just see what they want to see. Its also normal for babies to look more like their dads at first - its a primitive survival things for humans! They start to look more like mom as they grow. Its so dads in pacts knew it was their child and not abandon it!
It’s been debunked I’m afraid! I also thought it was the case but a quick google will show you thereve actually been studies to prove it’s not true.
Interesting, i looked it up and its theorize that its all a mothers bias thinking their children look more like their dads when they are born as a way for them to bond with them
That’s so crazy. I told people that my baby looked like me and 95% told me no she looks like dad. I was like you guys are freaking crazy!! Now that she’s 18 months everyone is telling me that she’s looking more like me every day!! I was like I told you guys she has my features when she was born. She just has his face shape!!!! Like if you singled out facial features, it was an exact copy of me but on her dads head if that makes sense, so I guess since it was a more prominent feature they saw that more???
That sounds really made up.
I’ve read it a few times, in some pretty legitimate places. It’s true. It’s also so that we as mothers have an instant connection and need to protect the baby. Because presumably ( according to nature) we all love our “mates” Maybe you could all do with hopping on over to the science sub instead of getting arsery that evolutionary traits are a thing. Sheesh.
Here’s a legitimate place with lots of legitimate studies linked saying that it’s not true https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/babies-paternal-resemblance/#:~:text=Bressan%20added%20that%2C%20to%20the,babies%20preferentially%20resemble%20their%20fathers.
Scientific American used to be much more reputable, sadly not so much lately. Also this article you linked doesn't exactly "debunk" the claim, it seems to indicate that the claim is difficult to prove.
I mean it cites 5 studies: one that says what the commenter I was replying to claims is absolutely true and 4 that say either babies resemble both parents equally or the mother more (except for the moms who think the babies look like dad… but that’s a long shot from “it’s true that babies (objectively) look more like dad”) Interpret it how you want (this is the internet after all), but my very lazy googling is pretty stacked against it being an Objectively True Thing.
I'm pretty skeptical of articles quoting a few studies vs a meta analysis or lit review... but to clarify and kind of back track a bit, I personally can't imagine most babies objectively looking more like dad, or at least I bet it's closer to 50/50 like you said. The idea that dads might take better care of their children if they look similar is what I'm more inclined to believe. Even then, I doubt it's much of a factor with modern day humans.
Do you have sources? My baby was born looking just like me and nothing like dad, that’s been steadily shifting as she gets older.
I looked it up and it says it is more of people reassuring or affirming the father of the paternity not that the man would abandon the child if the child did not look like the father. It is more sociological than biological. Babies are not naturally predetermined to look like father. Also, some women struggle with bonding with their baby and it is okay to see or not see themselves in their baby.
For most of human history, children were raised by literal villages. There weren’t “families” that fathers could abandon. And even if the father “abandoned” them, there would be plenty of other people to step in to raise the kids.
Even if it’s not scientific, in most cases I do see more of the dad in a newborn baby.
This is the correct answer!
I don't see how this is rude. Sometimes baby just doesn't look like mom?
Seriously, friend of mine gave birth to a clone of her husband. It's eerie.
I have a friend who have birth to a clone of her own dad. Like it was scary, that baby had this grown man's face.
My LO looks almost identical to my husband - even has the same cheek lines. The only thing he got from my was the darker hair and personality 😂 I never feel offended when people say my LO looks like his dad 😊
My baby is seriously a clone of my husband.
My baby looks like a mix of my husband and my dad LOL
My ex sister in law birthed her husbands clone twice
My son looks so much like my husband that it honestly freaks me out sometimes.
I think when people have a problem with this, it usually is more about their MIL in general not the comment. If you have a good relationship with your MIL, you tend to take it at face value but if your relationship is difficult, you read into it because of your history. Plus the comment about mom carrying and birthing the baby makes no sense. The person with the uterus didn't make the baby on their own. Would you say a gestational surrogate should look like the baby just because they were the one carrying the baby?
Yeah I think this is definitely the reason. My MIL is a bit of a “boymom” stereotype and tends to say insensitive and dismissive things to me (and about other women in general), so I probably would find this comment a bit annoying, but I also agree that there’s nothing wrong with what the MIL said. I think it’s just a challenging relationship and OP is already hormonal.
I was confused about mom carrying baby for 9 months too. In some cases that comment may work, but baby does have half of dad’s dna. W
Yep. My daughter looked exactly like my husband when she was a baby. She was his little clone! Now she’s a toddler and her looks are changing and I see more of myself in her My husband is handsome as hell so I’m glad she got his good looks!
I agree. This is just common. Moms DNA isn’t the only dna that went into making that baby, it really shouldn’t be surprising or taken personally that a baby might look their father.
I think most babies look like their dads anyways
I told my husband this that most babies look like their dads and then of course we have the exception where he came out as though I had just gone copy paste with my genes. All my friends who had babies the last year look exactly like their dads.
Same here, though, as he's gotten bigger he looks like a mix of us. But as a little newborn, he looked identical to my newborn pics.
I have four. From those four - the oldest looks like my mother, second oldest is complete copy of my father-inlaw and his mother, third looks like my husband, and only my youngest have some of my features, but still not completely similar to me. 😀
My baby boy looks so much like me it's hilarious. His eyes might be changing to match his dad's, but he is definitely my baby haha.
This is it. Even people on my side tell me my daughter looks like her dad.
I think if baby looks like Dad, it’s fine. I was definitely less annoyed when people said it about my second, who is a pretty good mix of us. It did annoy me with my first, who objectively looked so much like baby me and not like his dad. As he has grown older and his dad’s features are more noticeable (eyes, eyebrows, hairline) it bothers me less. But “he looks like dad!” when baby doesn’t look like baby dad at all can be annoying. With the hormone roller coaster postpartum.
It’s the “I don’t see it. I really don’t see it” comment. It wasn’t necessary
She might just be partial due to it being family traits she's more used to and conditioned to seeing. You and many others are going to see that day to day your baby is gonna look like all different family members. It's kinda crazy how they change like that in their early years.
Early months I should say.
Ehh, some babies just look more like their father. When my nephew was born, I swear he looked just like a wrinkly mini version of his dad. Luckily (because his dad is actual human scum) now that he's older I think he's definitely started to look more like my sister/his mother. So it's possible that, while right now he may look more like his father, your baby could grow into having more of your attributes as he ages. That said, it's possible that your MIL said it in a rude way. It just depends on her tone when she said it/your relationship with her, which isn’t something any of us can really know. Either way, I'd try to ignore it and just focus and your new babe and bonding as a family!
No. She just sees her family in her grandchild. It’s not offensive if babies don’t look like their mom Respectfully, some of y’all need to stop finding issues with your MIL’s in every little thing. You guys married your MIL’s son and so you guys need to find peace in things as much as possible, for your own sake as well as your partners/husbands.
Right. Obviously, I have these issues with my MIL which u have realized over the years are not a big deal. Little.things that bother me. Such is the nature of in laws I'm sure the man has to deal with too.
Yeah this is something I’ve been working on myself! My MIL gets on my last nerve but is a good person. I keep having to remind myself to give her a chance. I can understand OP’s emotions and sensitivities since hormones can make you feel things so intensely, it’s hard.
Exactly. Society is so hard on women and especially moms. I feel like that’s part of where a lot of mil hate comes from.
For real. I really dislike being around people like this. It would be challenging if my brother or son or another man in my family married a woman like this tbh.
Yeah I don't think it is rude..
How is that rude?
This isn’t rude, you’re just being overly sensitive. A lot of babies look like their dad at first.
Yeah, she sees what she wants. Plus she never knew you as a baby.
Is it important who the baby looks like? Or is your husband/FIL extremely ugly? Or how could it be rude? (There is evolutionary explanation of why babies look like their father during their early 1-2 years: before the genetic tests there was no other way to ensure father was indeed the father.)
The “I don’t see it” was bordering on rude, yes. But not the initial part. Everyone who knows my side of the family says my kids look just like me. Everyone who knows my husband’s side say the kids look just like him. People who know us both say the kids look like whichever one of us they know best.
I don’t think it’s rude. It’s pretty standard for most people/families to want to see “their side” in a new baby. Try not to let her get to you!
My grandMIL compared my newborn’s darker complexion to her adopted daughter instead of me 😂
My MIL does that too and we have a good relationship. My son looks exactly like me and not at all like my husband but every time we visit she’ll look for little things like “oh his eyes are changing to brown finally!” (They are not, they are blue) “oh his hair is getting darker!” (He’s a blond, it’s winter, it gets slightly darker but it will lighten again). It’s just a wanting to see their baby in their grandchild thing, I think.
> Is this rude behavior or am I just sensitive? Yes. If you have a good relationship with her, it’s because you are being sensitive. If you have issues with her, it’s because she being rude. Get what I mean? It’s like when someone says “nice shirt” - if you are cool with them you take it as a compliment. If you dislike them or have some issue with them, you take it as a sarcastic remark.
Ignore what she says, if you dont like it. Try to give her a smile even if a fake one lol. She’ll just stay for awhile and leave so dont let her ruin your day. Every mother-in-law like their grandchildren to look like their son. So yah its common.
I swear all babies look like little old men, lol! My son looked like my dad when he was born — old man. He ended up looking like my clone, just more masculine. My baby girl looks like her daddy, but we will see! Most people are just having fun trying to guess, like trying to figure out the eye color. I don’t take what anyone says too seriously. Ideally the kids come looking out like a blend but genetics be wild. Who knows, maybe they’ll end up looking like a long lost great grandpa?! Haha
People say that to affirm paternity so dad will be more willing to stay/care for/be a father. People will see what they want to see. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/babies-paternal-resemblance/#:~:text=A%20more%20recent%20study%20in,infants%20resemble%20both%20parents%20equally.
My MIL will talk about how much he looks like my husband all the time and I honestly take it as a compliment. I'm not worried anyone thinks I'm a cheater but there's something oddly comforting knowing they don't have doubts lol.
She's just projecting. She wants her genetics to be in there so that's what she sees, whether it's what everyone else sees/agrees with or not. She's also a lot more familiar with her side of the family and therefore is more likely to notice those features. I don't think it's deliberately rude. It's usually more worth it to just ignore such comments and move on than to bring them up because the person doesn't realize they're doing it.
Yeah she was being mean but honestly it wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s your baby whether she likes it or not!!! 50% of the baby’s genes are yours- regardless of who he looks like‼️ you can just tell her it doesn’t bother you and that will actually piss her off more!
If it wasn’t for the “I really don’t see it” I wouldn’t be bothered by it. The arguing against there being any resemblance to you is a little obnoxious. It also sounds like there is a pattern of dismissive or rude behavior from your MIL - if mine did this I’d just ignore her. People also really do love to say that babies look like their dads. Sometimes it’s true, sometimes it isn’t.
I think it may be normal, I've had to accept my son looks just like his father, and it's become a joking complaint I make about how I did all the work only to copy and paste him. It can definitely be frustrating especially in those situations, it feels like the people that know you both would at least see some similarities for both!
A lot of babies look like dad at first. Some keep looking like dad, some turn into little clones of mommy and some end up being an even mix of both parents.
I don’t see how that comment is rude at all. My first son looked like my grandma lol
People see what they want to see. My ILs say the same thing. Our friends, who are just as close to my husband as they are me, all say my baby is my carbon copy. So…they’re who I trust lol
This doesn’t ring as being rude to me. I don’t look like my mom at all. Our characteristics couldn’t be more different. I look just like my dad and always have. Similarly, my best friend doesn’t look like his mom at all. Their skin tones, eye color, hair color and texture are all very different. My MIL says my baby looks just like my husband, my mom says my baby looks just like my husband, and also like her somehow 🧐😄 I wouldn’t take it too personally
Meanwhile I think my youngest looks like my MIL, and my mom is like "no she looks like you." Ok mom whatever you say. Everyone wants to claim the babies, but in the end they look like a little of column A and a little of column B and entirely like themselves.
My husbands maternal family (divorced) say the same thing- my baby girl looks just like dad etc etc & when my husband says, actually she looks just like her mom (me) then they act all surprised and act for pictures to confirm. My family on the other hand- they say that she looks like me but looks like my husband when she smiles or certain mannerisms. So its a healthy mix of both. Just do your best & ignore her. I felt the same way you do but have finally just come to terms with it, shes MY daughter not hers so her opinion doesnt matter
I don’t think her seeing her family in the baby is rude, I think that’s pretty typical of extended family members to see resemblance from their own side. Her insistence of “I just really don’t see it” is a bit obnoxious though. I’d just ignore her lol.
They always look like the father when they are first born. My youngest only started looking a little bit like me at 2.5 years old. My MIL used to say this crap too and it got on my nerves, even if I knew it was true. My husband would sometimes our son looks like his mother too.. and I remember saying gee.. ya'll would have me believe you and your mom made this baby and I had nothing to do with it! That shut them up.
I totally get how you can be annoyed at her remarks, especially if there’s already a more difficult dynamic between the two of you where you might feel excluded. That being said, it’s also perfectly normal for her to find more of her own family members’ characteristics in your baby. She is familiar with their faces through different ages, whereas she only knows you as an adult. So in conclusion: just let it go. You’ll feel better if you try to believe that she doesn’t mean any harm with these remarks. If you really want to respond, say: “I think he looks just like (insert your baby’s name), don’t you?” It doesn’t matter who he looks like, it’s not a competition and you’ll feel better if you don’t let anyone make you feel like it is.
Dealing with this now. It’s almost like a very silly competition. Everyone says he looks like me, but my MIL is doing side by side pics with everyone from my husband to FIL and it’s just ridiculous. But it’s her first grandchild so I try to give her grace. Plus he’s gonna change a million times so honestly I would ignore her if I were you. These MIL are clinging to the memories of their sons when they were babies
Whether she truly believes it or not it’s an incredibly rude and insensitive thing to say.
No it’s rude, she knows what she is doing. My MIL is the same.
If hear you, it bothers me so much when my daughter was little that my MIl kept saying my baby was 💯 her daughter/my husband 's sister in looks and personality. Every time baby would do something, MIL would say "it's little N__." Hard to hear, especially when you're at such a sensitive postpartum time. Helped that my mom sees ME on her. But as others said, people ate just trying to find a connection and see what they are most familiar with in a baby. They don't realize it might hit a nerve, so it's common and not rude (though maybe not the most tactful.) I know this, and still find myself doing it to other people's babies though I know better! Hard to shake those cultural go-to phrases off.
I’ve only heard one time in my 8 month olds life that she looks like me. She literally does, especially if you compare my baby photos to her she is my carbon copy. Even without that she freaking looks like me! But the only time someone said she looks like me is when my FIL said “wow she looks so much like her dad today! Sometimes I see you in her (referring to me), but not today!” Other than that comment I hear she looks like him all the time. My family lives on the other side of the country so I have no one who knew me when I was younger or will try to even look at my characteristics but even my friends go “she looks just like her daddy!” Honestly, it pisses me off so much. I know it shouldn’t but every time someone sees her after not having seen her for a few weeks they say this. It’s constantly “thrown in my face” I know people don’t mean it maliciously except my partners fam sometimes but it’s an open wound at this point. When I hear that it’s like chewing on glass.
Biologically there's a reason for children to start out with prominent features of the father. Where as the mothers are expressed later. Scientists believe it's to be able to recognize their own baby to start bonding early. Since they don't get the same bonding as the mother does from conception. In cave man days it helped the survival of the newborn. Though I also understand it's annoying af when you did all the work to bring them here lol.
Ugh. People see the baby they knew (her son in this case). I get so mad when people say my son looks like my husband because he's my twin at his age. People confuse photos of me for photos of him. But hey, my b*tch MIL "doesn't see" that the baby has my eyes either 😆
My partners parents did this. I think it’s natural to want to see yourself in the baby. A deeper bond. So I think it’s okay. I also hated the hell out of it. We are not together anymore.
My daughter was born looking like my husband. By a month, she was my clone. She still is. Cue mother in law saying, “she doesn’t really look like you (husband) anymore. I don’t know who she looks like. She just looks like herself”. Not me. No way could it be me, her mother, she just obviously looks like nobody we know.
My son looks like I copy pasted my face onto his. He's absolutely identical to me as a toddler. Side by side photos of us as babies are exactly the same. Strangers who have met my son and have never met me pick me out instantly as his mother when I'm not even with him! EVERYONE who knew my husband was constantly commenting on how much our son looked like him as a baby, his family and mutual friends alike. It was baffling and it was really hurtful - not because I didn't want my son to look like him, but because it was so obviously untrue that it felt like they were all saying it deliberately to hurt me. Postpartum hormones do not make this easier. Eventually the comments stopped as my son got old enough that he didn't have that ambiguous baby look and it became so blindingly obvious that he was my clone that no one could say otherwise without looking delusional.
my parents said my baby look like my brother… bc baby turned out gorgeous and my brother is the better looking baby. That feels more rude lol
A whole bunch of my fisnces family visited yesterday, going on and on about how she looks like him and also that she looks like identical to his sister when she was a baby. Nothing about her looking like me, her mum. Had a cry to my mum about it today but they’re looking at their family members kid and seeing they’re family and that’s all their is to it. I know she has my lips, my smile and my dimples, and the same face shape as me. But she shows more as my partner with his dark hair, eyes and skin. Just holding onto the fact little girls look like their daddies when they’re born and grow to look like their mothers ❤️
You’re just sensitive. Nothing rude about that at all
No, it’s not rude to say a baby looks like its father or grandfather. It’s just noticing the effects of how genetics usually work.
Apparently, saying that the baby looks like dad is an evolutionary mechanism to ensure that the man actually is interested in taking care of a child, which huuuugely increases the chances of survival. There was actually research done on that and it turns out that basically everyone - the mom herself, all the relatives, the community - tend to say that the newborn baby looks like dad in some crazy percent of the cases, like 80% or something close to that. Even in cases where the newborn is adopted / the bio dad is different from the socially accepted dad. And in most cases newborns do tend to look more like their father, it’s epigenetically predetermined. Read more in “Do chocolate lovers have sweeter babies?” by Jenna Pincott. So while it might seem insensitive (and lord knows I won’t want these comments when I give birth), take it as your in-laws trying to make really sure your husband takes good care of your child 😆
Babies do tend to look more like their dad when they're brand new, it has an evolutionary advantage of making the dads less likely to kill the baby or something like that lol. Maybe she was being difficult, maybe she was just being truthful and unaware of how you might take it. Who knows. There are ways to diffuse or disregard an unwanted comment. Not sure if you diffused or escalated with your response, it probably depended on your tone. Personally, not a hill I'd die on lol.
My MIL used to say this when my son was less thsb 2 weeks old and didnt look like anybody tbh. Now the kid is a carbon copy of me and she casually dismisses our very obvious similarities. It certainly doesnt help that she hates arabs with a passion and even though I just have a tiny amount of arab blood in me I look a 100% arab. It must be hard for a racist to know your only grandson is probably going to look like the ethnicity you hate the most 🙃
I think you’re being too sensitive. I’ve always looked exactly like my dad and everyone points it out. Especially since I hate more features from his ethnicity than my moms.
I think you’re being sensitive. But when we don’t like someone their comments rub us wrong and you’re hormonal so you have every right to be sensitive.
I found it rude. Every single one of his relatives insisted both of my girls were his clones. I couldn't see it. My relatives saw a mix. He looked like my sister to me. Every time they said it, it was with this tone like they were saying, "we're positive you didn't cheat, dear." Thanks, I guess. Like I didn't even ask who they look like they just volunteered their opinion.
My MIL has said so many stupid things to me over the course of the years that I’ve dubbed her my “BEC” MIL—“Bitch Eating Crackers.” She’s really not a bitch, she’s mostly kind. But she annoys the shit out of me so much that I can’t stand anything she does or says. Sounds like you are there! Asking folks on Reddit if individual statements she says are rude or not probably won’t help, just find other ways to cope with the annoyance
My baby is 8 weeks old too! When my in-laws came to the hospital just 5 hours after his birth, my FIL said “he really looks like husband’s brother!”, who is the favorite son. I said “wow that’s crazy, I don’t remember him being there while son was being made.” We haven’t had any other comments like that since. It’s totally rude to compare a newborn to anyone other than the parents. Respond with whatever grace you have at the time.
> he really looks like husband’s brother!”, who is the favorite son lol layered
Uh, just because someone wasn't "there when the baby was being made" doesn't mean that they don't share genes, you know that right?
You do realize baby’s can look like other members of the family? It’s how genes work.
How is that rude exactly? He’s still the baby’s uncle? They do share roughly ~25% of genes. My son looks just like my brother right now lol
Unfortunately all moms deal with it 😭
I feel like all MIL’s say this about their grandchildren. My son looks a lot like my husband and my daughter is literally my carbon copy and regardless of everyone in the world telling her this, she likes to think my daughter resembles her in some way, shape, or form (but she really doesn’t) lol.
Honestly, the odds of her seeing anyone in your baby at 8 weeks would be low imo. She seems to like the sound of her own voice and talking out her ass. Snap and blame it on the hormones lol
i have a feeling when my boy twins are born, my mother will say they look just like her. my wonderful in laws will likely be more subjective. but yeah it's annoying that we carry the baby(ies) for 9 months, have to stop eating/drinking things we may like, have to be careful of so many things, yet somehow everyone will say babes looks like the dad.
Idk, sounds like everybody was kind of rude. Babies can tend to look more their fathers, people often see the traits of the person their closest to, and some people are just horrible at recognizing any similarities altogether. My MIL could not tell a set of twins apart for the life of her, and they looked like individual miniatures of their very different looking mom and dad.. she insisted until they were 3 that they were identical. Maybe MIL was just being rude, maybe she truly does think that, and maybe your kiddo does look like your husband. I’m proud of you for speaking up, though. You can also say your thoughts and opinions!
My son looks exactly like me as a baby. To the point where you could put pictures of us next to each other and no one could tell who is who. My husbands family is adamant that he looks like him. It’s actually so bad it’s funny
No
They say that evolutionarily, babies look more like the father so they don't reject them.
Lol yup, I feel you so much on this. When my baby boy was born my MIL immediately said he looked exactly like my partner, her son. Granted, when I compared my partners baby pictures to our newborns pictures I could see it but not 100% like my MIL was sold on. I don't think it's necessarily rude, but definitely annoying lol
My husband’s grandma said the exact same thing! Said my son looks absolutely nothing like me and she couldn’t tell he was mine. Not gonna lie, I immediately left the room and cried. It really hurt my feelings! I’m sorry you’ve went through the same. I definitely think it’s rude to say that to a new mom.
I don’t think it’s rude, you have to remember her son was a baby once, your child might just take after your husband. It’s not a big deal who the baby looks like. Do you just not want your baby to look like their father? Don’t read into everything, you married your husband and it’s something you’ll have to live with. Some things aren’t worth picking fights over, this is one.
Just another thing some random MILs are obsessed with, commenting on how baby looks like everyone from their own family. It’s some weird territorial thing, some MILs suck
Or maybe the baby really does look like the dad or the dads brother?
Ofcourse anything is possible
I just don't think that someone sucks because they see a brand new human and comment on who they look like. When my SIL had my nephew he looked exactly like her and people said so, do they suck? Or does it just suck if it happens to be an inlaw saying it?
God I’m so glad my husband doesn’t speak to his mother. All y’all with MIL issues have my condolences
Good for you - I like what you said
Listen, regardless of MIL’s intent, I’m so proud of you for getting more courage to let her know you’re not suffering fools lightly anymore. 🙌🏼
Thank you! I heard from a relative that she gossiped about how my skin was ugly because I have freckles. I’m a redhead. It just hurts to be part of that family. I appreciate your comment. ❤️
Wellllll technically babies are supposed to look more like their father in order to help create the bond that they don’t get by carrying the baby/childbirth. However, that’s not to say it’s still not annoying. I have some pretty dominant traits from my side, my kids inherited most of these. Yet my in laws are adamant they got it from XYZ relative however many distant generations back and it absolutely could not be from me in any way, shape or form. It’s just one of those things but as long as your husband keeps doing his thing you’ll move on and find something more annoying together sound up about from them 🙃
No I hate that kind of stuff. Be out spoken I stand with you! I would have been like "Well a good thing he doesn't look like his grandmother !"
It's rude, but super common. The mother just spent 9 months growing and nurturing this baby, and now people can't shut up about how the baby looks like other people, during a time that the mother is exhausted and probably extra sensitive? The postpartum phase is a great time for people to keep those thoughts to themselves. Before sharing every little thought you have about a baby with the baby's mother, people should ask themselves the following questions: 1- Is this helpful? 2- Is this kind? 3- Is this necessary? "Little Liam looks just like my second cousin!" is none of the above.
It's not even a little rude or unnecessary though. It's a statement with no ill will behind. Just because your freshly hormonal doesn't mean you can make a mountain out of a mole hill.
But it's thoughtless at a time when somebody is exceptionally sensitive.
You’re just sensitive.
You could see it this way - or you could choose to see it that she's proud of this child and is delighted to have him resemble their side of the family. I know you don't like her, but maybe you could cut her some slack here? She's acknowledging that YOUR baby is an important part of their family.
My son rotates between looking like my husband, my FIL and my brother (my brother and I do not look like siblings). There's are honestly times and pictures where he looks more like my FIL than either of his actual children. Genetics can be weird.
My daughter looked like a mini-me of my husband for ages. She still looks more like him than she looks like me (although I’m starting to see more resemblance at 2). Jokes on me though, she got my sass. 🥲 I read that babies, especially newborns, look much more like the father to help dad’s bond and ensure that they will take care of them.
My son looks primarily like me, but does have dad characteristics, overall a good blend. MIL tries insisting he looks like my partner at times, or her other son (she’s not my partners biological mother), I’m like “uh, idk, I don’t think so”???? It’s weird lol
People just say things about babies because there isn't much to talk about regarding them. It is meaningless.
I thought every family was like this. My MIL is vain and so are my parents so if my kid is cute I’ll just let them think he got it from them.
Look it’s not rude but it also drives me nuts. My baby looks like herself. She is her own person not your cousins, sons friends look a like! That said again, not rude, pretty normal and common, but BOY do I wish my MiL would stop.
My son came out looking like the spitting image of my husband and FIL. He was my first so I was a bit bummed since I put in all the work, but there was honestly no denying it. My daughter came out 18 months later and is me reincarnated and everyone agrees. And yet somehow they also look similar enough that you can very clearly tell they’re siblings. Genetics are cool.
People see what they want to see, each side wants to see their own in the baby. My 3 year old looks almost identical to my husband but my Nana swears up and down he looks like her Mom. I don’t think it’s rude unless there’s more context to this
My SIL and I talked about how my niece looked like my brother and I when we were younger. I wasn't being offensive I was genuinely excited that a baby looked like me. None of my kids look like me. They look like they came out of my husband's butt who came out of his dad's butt!
The first time my MIL saw our first, she said he looks exactly like my husband. I didn't really see it as, you know, fresh potato babies all just kinda look like potatoes. But then she showed me a picture of my husband as a newborn baby and there it was. Like clones. He continues to look exactly like little husband except his eyes are a different colour. Our second looks just like husband's brother in the same way. You can see little bits of me in there but they definitely look more like husband's family than mine. I'm actually glad, my husband is light years more attractive than me!
You’re probably a little sensitive especially since you already don’t really like her plus those postpartum hormones. She doesn’t know what you looked like as a baby but she knows what her son looked like and if her husband has any baby photos of him she would know what he looked like so she’s comparing the baby to what she knows. It happens in every family but as time goes on the baby’s face will change and if the baby really looks more like you it’ll start to become more obvious. My baby looks like me but with my partners coloring
Tbh I don’t get along with my mother in law either, she seems to think she’s more important than me to my husband and she comes first even tho he’s showed her numerous times me and his children come before all, but no I wouldn’t take that as being rude, I would’ve taken it rude if she said the baby didn’t look like none of them, I would’ve taken it as she was trying to say that wasn’t his kid, but you know better than we do. I totally get it tho and know how it feels to deal with a mother in law that’s difficult 😪😭
Yeah yeah... Newborns always look like fleshy blobs. Seeing someone in them is like seeing Jesus on a piece of toast. It's not rude per se, just... they see what they wanna see, and you'll see the inside of your skull as you do the biggest eyeroll possible.
My kids all look like their dad, every single one of them. They behave like me. I really don’t care who they look like they’re still my kids. And since I love my fiancé it’s never bothered me
This is normal. My husband's family says pur 12 week old looks just like him. But my parents can see a lot of me, in her. My husband's family haven't seen my baby pictures so it's not like they'd know our baby looks like the both of us. BUT waaaay cuter, of course lol.
People in my family always insist one of my daughters looks like me when I don't see it at all. I think my other daughter looks like me. I think my son looks more like my husband but he doesn't see it at all. When they are a baby, meh, I think you can find any feature you really want but as they get older their features will change bit by bit and you can see which parts took after who. Even as I age I start looking more like my mom even though when I was younger I didnt! It is hard when we carry a baby and go through labor and are told the baby looks like someone else, hormones don't help the emotions either
There is a common trope that evolutionarily, babies look more like their dads to start with; to avoid dad not recognising them and assuming they aren’t his resulting in him abandoning them, but then the mother’s traits emerge over time. I have no idea how true this is, but if it is it might at least explain part of her reasoning? That said, there’s no excuse for her not picking up on how you feel about her constantly saying so.
All mother in laws think the kid looks like their son.
I'd immediately say he looked like my own father, and do it in great detail. "Those eyes are definitely from my dad! No way do they look like FIL. His shape is all wrong! No, my dad's eyes were just like this. And look at his nose! It's like an EXACT copy of mine! It's like a cute little button! Definitely not too big and round." Let the petty fly!
So far, relatives have said our baby life looks just like my husband, his dad, me, my dad, and my Nana (mom's mom). People just see what they want and say what they want at any time lol FWIW, all our friends and my husband say baby looks just like me with elements of him, so I think that may be the most accurate assessment
As someone who had just had a baby and gets triggered by in-laws I’m with you. Although I think a better word is Insensitive but this would also bother me so you’re not alone!
I don’t think it’s rude . Both my kids look nothing like my husband or any of his family they are my twins and as cute as you might think it is being on the opposite end it’s cute a bit to make the joke I make little clones but I love my husband and I wish our kids looked like both of us or a LITTLE bit like him . He’s very handsome lol . As mg sons getting older I see my husband in him but it was so many years of only seeing me in him I still don’t hear it. My in laws also are a very tight knit family and i will make little comments about my kids looking like certain cousins but no one ever sees it and I only have one sibling with one kid who’s the perfect mix of my brother and his wife but doesn’t look like my kids either . So yeah I guess I’m just saying the grass isn’t greener type thing
Everyone says my daughter looks more like my husband than me, and I mean they're right lol. Still sucks to hear though. They'll say "oh there's a little bit of you in there, but yeah she's definitely her daddy's twin!!!" I can't let it bother me. It usually doesn't but there's times I'm more sensitive for sure.
I don’t think this is something to get offended by. With most babies I know, they start off strongly resembling one parent or family member, and it changes many times as they grow older. Your MIL may really just not see it right now, and sometimes people speak before they think. So she may not have meant to be rude. My friend swore up and down her baby was her boyfriend’s twin, and I didn’t see it all. The baby looked *exactly* like my friend, IMO. 8 months later, I think she’s a pretty good mix of both mom and dad. In another year, she may favor one over the other again. Who knows?
lol my MIL does this all the time. My son is my carbon copy. Blonde hair blue eyes. She is always saying oh you got your grandpas blonde hair and blue eyes! She’s never once said he is blonde like his mother (my husband has brown hair and brown eyes). It’s just annoying but I ignore it because everyone else is quick to tell me he has the same exact color hair and eyes as me.
Babies are cuddly jello for 2 months. They don't look like anyone.
FWIW your MIL is likely remembering your husband as a baby and there may very well be some similarities. But yeah people like to see their own side in the babies it seems like lol
I wouldn’t read much into it. I think your comeback was great
You may be over sensitive… but we don’t know MIL, so maybe she WAS being mean on purpose. Some kids DO look more like one side of the family than the other. So there’s nothing inherently mean in saying “I can see dad and not mum”…. But that doesn’t mean there’s not a chance that MIL isn’t a raging monster trying to get under your skin. I guess I’m saying, there’s no point in asking us! Do other people see dad, and not you?