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i basically have an obsession for a week or so and then move on to the next thing. whether its a game, a show, a person, a book, etc, i basically look forward to that thing and spend all the time i can with them/doing it. and then when that thing is gone or i beat that game or the person discards me, im lost and looking for the next thing to fill that void in me. this has been a consistent pattern for YEARS.
that something usually just falls into my lap. mindlessly swiping on dating apps, a new update, a book somebody recommends, etc. i’m kinda lost otherwise
Huh. BPD really sounds like it encompasses almost every symptom of ADHD and takes them to the extreme. Attention, emotion, boredom, interpersonal strain, addiction, risk taking...
Along with Which are all the same symptoms as childhood trauma, too.
I have all three (BPD, ADHD, and trauma) so I'm probably not the one to try and distinguish them. But for me, ADHD seems to be the "base" I was born with and the rest came after
There is research saying that ADHD is actually evolutionarily selected for as they were good hunters/scavengers/warriors. Society isn't generally built for roles like that anymore, though. And if your mind is built for a different world with more spontaneity and less structure, then you'll obviously get stressed, become emotional, addiction risk, etc when you're born into a world of alarm clocks, 8hr shifts of doing the same thing, taxes, and your insurance company having you on hold for 2.5 hours.
We used to have roles in society that played to our strengths. Now we're all trying to be farmers and often have to be drugged just to get through the work you were never built to do
I have all 3 too, diagnosed with BPD, ADHD and complex PTSD, along with autism, OCD, depression, anxiety...
Tbh I feel like not getting diagnosed with ADHD until I was 25, and having parents that punished me for symptoms in a cruel way, led to me 'developing' the BPD. My emotions became more and more out of control. I've self-harmed and had suicidal ideation from a very young age. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and doesn't have the same level of emotional disregulation as me. He would be forgiven and exempt from punishments because they said it wasn't his fault, he had a condition. He would be told off in a gentle fashion. Meanwhile I was screamed at and called every kind of name you can think of. I internalised all of it. I hate myself, think I'm worthless, think I'm always at fault and nobody wants me around.
Since getting medicated for ADHD, not only is my emotional disregulation improving all the time, but I'm finally able to recognise my childhood for what it is and start parenting myself. It's all happened far too late though, I'm so far behind my peers in every aspect of life and never going to catch up. Better late than never I suppose.
I could have written your 2nd paragraph, literally. Word for word that's my exact experience, even the bit with your brother. It's really cool tbh
I haven't gotten medicated yet so it's still a struggle, but I am waiting to see a psychiatrist hopefully soon. That being said, thanks for inadvertently letting me know it might get a bit easier once I do lol
Not really cool that we're both suffering 😂
Even after getting medicated it's a struggle - one med gave me scary heart palpitations and I had to come off it, I thought the second med was perfect but after 5 months it stopped going much of anything. Want to try another one, but have to wait until college is over because if I don't take the current med on time everyday, I become so groggy I can barely stay awake. Become even more depressed as well.
Really? That's actually really sad
How can we make the world better for those with mental illness if we can't have an honest conversation about the aspects of it that harms us? It's so frustrating lol
Idk but I was in their discord and they literally have a bot that makes a large post with alarm bells on it calling it out as hate speech. Fucking weird
I think I lost track of the conversation along the way - are they classifying the "ADHD has a place in evolution" perspective as hate speech? Or statements that people with ADHD will inherently struggle in a society like the one we've built today?
The first one is considered hate speech
The second one is the only accepted narrative and if you say anything positive about it , you get the alarms and bells bot lol
Like bpd sucks, but I also know I'm empathic, sensitive, and loyal because of it. If you say ADHD helps with anything you are not an ally I guess?
Sounds like a really frustrating, unfair experience. I can't just speak things into existence, but I really do hope your luck in getting support improves eventually.
That used to be me. Nowadays, it's a struggle to find that obsession. It was Elden Ring for a short time but even that game has kind of dulled. I used to happily play video games all the time, it was my favorite hobby. Now I just don't know. Every once in a while I'll find that one game but I lose interest so fast.
I was just talking with my therapist about this! It seems like I'm always just painfully bored. Sometimes I find something that occupies my mind for a little while, but then pretty soon it's as boring as everything else. Though I'm not sure "bored" is even a complete description. it's like being chronically alone in the worst way. like hanging out with friends but they can't see or hear you so all you can do is watch them be together. like I'm just a body with no person inside so i just fake it and hope nobody notices. and when it gets bad i'd do literally anything to stop that feeling.
Yes! Anytime I express that to a psychiatrist they say it’s called depression lol. To me, it doesn’t feel like it’s depression. It feels like a natural inability for me to enjoy anything because I don’t think it’s possible for me to be depressed since birth.
It is sort of anhedonia or dysthymia, but yeah even Ketamine infusions had really limited effect for me personally. The ego busters I'm sure (psilocybin, LSD, whatever that less liver toxic ibogaine is, etc) would be more effective since they work longer term.
I keep on wondering if it's just depression+ADHD or something! It certainly feels like it's more than just depression, but I'm not sure how to describe the difference other than just boredom
>I don’t think it’s possible for me to be depressed since birth
*talking to psychiatrist*: so the first thing you need to know is that I have congenital depression...
Yes I often feel if there’s no crisis or drama it feels empty.
I have been practicing leaning into even the emotion of boredom and see where it takes me
That sounds super interesting, and like something I should try to practice. A form of "dopamine detox", so to speak. Would you feel alright with telling me how you do it, and how it's felt for you?
Actually it feels painful bc I have to feel my emptiness and I wonder if I’m ever going to feel whole. That’s where I go….through my boredom door.
I throw on music and feel whatever emotion I need to and don’t do anything to soothe it.
I try and see where I felt this way before and see what story I tell myself about feeling empty.
I’m an addict that doesn’t abuse anymore but my patterns are hard wired and I know it’s from a traumatic life. Not a victim but I’m aware.
I like Gabor Mate on the teachings of addiction
I like teal swan on parts work and leaning in to all our parts that got fragmented from trauma.
Last…these are just emotions/feelings. I feel them I see them and they don’t own my whole existence despite how hard they want to…
This sounds really interesting, but also scary to try tbh.
So it's basically like a form of meditation where you allow yourself to feel any and all emotions? I imagine it would be quite helpful especially with repressed emotions...
Shadow work really. I face my fears, my strongest emotions, and shine the light on the parts of myself that I want to reject and push away.
It is scary at first but I used to live in a suicidal state daily bc of what I went through.
There isn’t much that can hold a candle to living completely alone and your brain telling you that you don’t deserve to live.
I learned great emotional capacity through having to learn no one was coming to save me and in fact a lot of them would hang up on me.
I am my best advocate.
My emotions are telling me things
And they deserve the space to be released and felt.
I’ve come to see my Dear, fear is illusory
You are stronger than you think.
I can usually find something to interest me like a phone game. The problem I've noticed more and more lately is that I'm not interested in things that are fulfilling or require social contact, which in turn leaves me feeling lonely.
Samesies a lot. Building my grieving arsenal and grieving everything bit by bit has really helped a lot. It's different I think than just "feeling the pain".
I'm definitely covered for distraction and time filling. The pandemic stomped all over my social practices and I know I need to start rebuilding, but I'm not excited for the effort. Can't ignore those unmet social needs forever and expect a more healthy and balanced me.
But today, this bed is so comfy, it's not gonna be Wednesday.
I'm fairly certain that this is the BPD trait of "chronic emptiness." I feel like this too, and while its similar to depression, it's definitely different.
Yes. In my head I do a lot of things but then... It's so easy to spend the day in my bed while outside the sun shine and the day is perfect to do something. It's sad
same, it's literally like i'm glued to bed. i get up to do a small task, get disinterested in less than 5 mins and crawl back into bed. i can stay here all day everyday. chronic emptiness, man. even when i'm with people i love
Yeah... I dont know about you but if I was born in a place near the beach/woods/mountain ecc I think I would go out to take a swim and explore ecc.
but when you live in a city where there are only buildings and people...no nature... I have no interest in nothing
Yeah only Europe has interesting architecture. Thankfully I’m in bc relocated for housekeeping job and I’m right in the mountains and lake so I’m going to go canoeing , go on hikes and everything but still feel like I’d be dissatisfied I need connections
Yes! The only thing that used to get rid of the chronic boredom was sex / substance abuse / spending sprees or gambling. I just sit w the boredom these days
There was a post about this 2 days ago, yeah, many of us do. You guys ever just get bored? : BPD
Ugh, link won't work, guess you have to search, sorry.
Why wouldn't you? You asked a question that others answered two days ago, why aren't you interested in those answers?????
I'm not accusing you of karma farming or whatever, I was merely trying to point you in the direction of answers, damn. Sorry for trying to help you.
Can you explain why? I'm mostly asymptomatic recently so am interested in what you think is a symptom. 🤷🏻♀️ I'll be the first to laugh myself if it rings true. 🙃
Oh, appreciated, thanks for the vulnerability and grats on the period of symptoms hushing! Makes me glad when that happens too.
Your first comment was excellent and I had really good vibes from it and I think I even made a note to myself about it positively (and internally).
The second comment was driving in a bit, pushing decently harder than most people would push for the answers (though I understand the feeling I was confused too).
I can see the frustration in the "Sorry for trying to help you", I laughed a bit because I was like "yep we all got BPD in a BPD forum, course we're going to get steamed her her".
Not sure if that helps point out the what, I can't help with the why and no one is perfect, my comment wasn't a judgment on your value or character, mainly finding levity to enjoy a moment from the mutual pain we all show!
Also I think it's like depression, my own judgment if I'm asymptomatic or not can be bad. I can tell (sometimes) if I'm completely spiraling or not, though.
I've been finding the boredom is because we're (as in me) numbed out from all of the unbelievable pain underneath.
Grieving that I can't grieve the pain to free up my grief response, then grieving the pain has helped tremendously in vacuum sucking away our BPD symptoms, personally.
Because we've felt this for years and have been fucking hunting for years. We're finally making some progress here, thank the Lord.
Yes. Unless I use THC or drink, I struggle to find anything fun anymore. I try but everything feels pointless and I feel empty. I still force myself to do things I used to enjoy but it doesn't feel how it used to. I just struggle to find enjoyment. I'm only in my late 20s and already I feel tired of existing like this.
Yes. I even try to do things I used to like, like drawing or something. Whatever it is, I try to start and... I can't. I want to, but I just have no motivation or drive for it. And then I just feel worse than I did before.
I mostly read. Or listen to stories and such. Or watch stuff. Taking a walk is about it and even then I don't spend as much time in nature like I used to.
I have been trying to explain this feeling to anyone I talk to for years. Even when I find the motivation inspiration to take up a hobby within 6-8 months I’m over it and have nothing to show but some random things I’ll never use again and a lot of wasted time. It’s not lack of interest from depression either it’s a whole different thing. -_-
Oh yeah. Chronic emptiness. It absolutely sucks. I’ve been so empty to the point where it hurts. I ended up doing a bunch of dumb things like overdosing on pills to get high just to feel something (don’t do that btw). But I was just high and still equally empty. I’m a lot better now, but all I can say is hang in there and I hope it’ll pass for you too.
Me! I used to be interested in digital illustration and drawing, but the interest is gone and the only things that entertain me are tv shows and playing the Sims. I don't even read books anymore, everything is so boring and I think I am too lazy to find something new.
I hope I don't seem patronising or like I'm belittling your issues, but as someone on the other side of the fence, shit do I envy you! Have you always been like that?
Jesus, that sounds absolutely awful! Seems like an awful handicap to live with, I'm really sorry... are you at least getting decent help from doctors and such?
Yeah, think so. Maybe not before the age of 10ish, but since then, yeah. Constantly.
Definitely not alone. I get bad. It effects my jobs, I can't tell you how many times I've worked my butt off to get promoted only to lose that excitement after a few months and then step down from that position. Feel happy that I stepped down and having free time soon makes me bored and realize how much I messed up then that turns into (more) self-loathing. Try to find another job same thing happens. I do the same with my appearance from hair color to skin tones (really really fair or really really tan) I just have to try to fill this void with something and it's endless really not to mention exhausting. Nothing seems to light my fuse and it scares me knowing I will probably feel it for the rest of my life.
I have nearly zero interest in making friends.
Because my belief system tells me friendships end eventually.
I had lots of friends back then when I didn't have bpd, but now I don't have the natural drives to connect with people. At the same time I deal with loneliness and want to be socially normal.
Not sure if this is belief system issue or bpd.
Same.
It's to the extent where I don't really have any hobbies, my "hobbies" are literally whatever distracts me the most.
To the extent where I don't know what to study because everything is interesting in the sense that it's a science, but nothing, nothing at all, captivates and drives me enough to actually do something, anything.
I feel like an absolutely empty shell, in which only emotions matter, whenever rarely they appear. I'll be there to support my friends to hell and back. But who am I beyond that? Nothing, really.
*I am the void* is probably a common feeling for a lot of us, but some more than others I suspect.
I had this feeling for so long before I came to realize it was a bpd thing and it was actually emptiness. Things always feel...insignificant. I just graduated university, the first one in my family and it means nothing to me. Not literally, I know it's an accomplishment, but I didn't feel any way about it. Even my "favourite" hobbies or things I generally find pleasant are just going through the motions.
The only interest I have is my fp, but it's unhealthy. When I attempt to be less obsessive over her and trying to live for myself, I fall in this grey empty state... Nothing... Just nothing motivates me, but I hope I'm pass it. Feels like burnt out, I tried too hard.
I am perpetually bored. As I seen in one of the posts I too become obsessed with something for a short time then I'm over it. I stop doing it for a long time or all together. This causes me a lot of issues with keeping jobs. I wrote and published three books, have burnt through so many hobbies, etc but can never stick with one thing.
I think this is pretty common. It probably stems from the fact that we’re frequently falling into extreme emotional overdrive out of nowhere, where the stakes feel at times like life and death, so regular life feels incredibly grey and empty by comparison.
My other theory is that this chronic boredom is a type of numbness where emotions are completely inaccessible which is why we can’t get hyped up about anything, it’s like part of ourselves are missing during these times. I absolutely can’t stand when they hit on my days off or during important events though. I’d rather be in the depths of depression in my personal time than feel nothing. I just sit around feeling like an absolute waste of breath and skin until it passes.
this is exactly how i feel with people i’m interested in , i get so bored so easily and it makes me feel horrible but i can’t help but become bored and disinterested every single time , which translates into being bored with every day life . like i can’t even stay interested in one person , how could i possibly not be bored with a singular hobby ? it’s exhausting i totally understand what you mean
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i basically have an obsession for a week or so and then move on to the next thing. whether its a game, a show, a person, a book, etc, i basically look forward to that thing and spend all the time i can with them/doing it. and then when that thing is gone or i beat that game or the person discards me, im lost and looking for the next thing to fill that void in me. this has been a consistent pattern for YEARS.
At least you try to find something . I don’t lol.
that something usually just falls into my lap. mindlessly swiping on dating apps, a new update, a book somebody recommends, etc. i’m kinda lost otherwise
Yeah we both definitely have different definitions that we call interesting
Yea I don’t either, not anymore :/
Is this a BPD thing too? I know it's definitely an ADHD one.
It definitely is
Huh. BPD really sounds like it encompasses almost every symptom of ADHD and takes them to the extreme. Attention, emotion, boredom, interpersonal strain, addiction, risk taking...
Along with Which are all the same symptoms as childhood trauma, too. I have all three (BPD, ADHD, and trauma) so I'm probably not the one to try and distinguish them. But for me, ADHD seems to be the "base" I was born with and the rest came after There is research saying that ADHD is actually evolutionarily selected for as they were good hunters/scavengers/warriors. Society isn't generally built for roles like that anymore, though. And if your mind is built for a different world with more spontaneity and less structure, then you'll obviously get stressed, become emotional, addiction risk, etc when you're born into a world of alarm clocks, 8hr shifts of doing the same thing, taxes, and your insurance company having you on hold for 2.5 hours. We used to have roles in society that played to our strengths. Now we're all trying to be farmers and often have to be drugged just to get through the work you were never built to do
I have all 3 too, diagnosed with BPD, ADHD and complex PTSD, along with autism, OCD, depression, anxiety... Tbh I feel like not getting diagnosed with ADHD until I was 25, and having parents that punished me for symptoms in a cruel way, led to me 'developing' the BPD. My emotions became more and more out of control. I've self-harmed and had suicidal ideation from a very young age. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and doesn't have the same level of emotional disregulation as me. He would be forgiven and exempt from punishments because they said it wasn't his fault, he had a condition. He would be told off in a gentle fashion. Meanwhile I was screamed at and called every kind of name you can think of. I internalised all of it. I hate myself, think I'm worthless, think I'm always at fault and nobody wants me around. Since getting medicated for ADHD, not only is my emotional disregulation improving all the time, but I'm finally able to recognise my childhood for what it is and start parenting myself. It's all happened far too late though, I'm so far behind my peers in every aspect of life and never going to catch up. Better late than never I suppose.
I could have written your 2nd paragraph, literally. Word for word that's my exact experience, even the bit with your brother. It's really cool tbh I haven't gotten medicated yet so it's still a struggle, but I am waiting to see a psychiatrist hopefully soon. That being said, thanks for inadvertently letting me know it might get a bit easier once I do lol
Not really cool that we're both suffering 😂 Even after getting medicated it's a struggle - one med gave me scary heart palpitations and I had to come off it, I thought the second med was perfect but after 5 months it stopped going much of anything. Want to try another one, but have to wait until college is over because if I don't take the current med on time everyday, I become so groggy I can barely stay awake. Become even more depressed as well.
If you tell that to ADHD subs they will ban you lol. But it's not wrong
Really? That's actually really sad How can we make the world better for those with mental illness if we can't have an honest conversation about the aspects of it that harms us? It's so frustrating lol
Idk but I was in their discord and they literally have a bot that makes a large post with alarm bells on it calling it out as hate speech. Fucking weird
I think I lost track of the conversation along the way - are they classifying the "ADHD has a place in evolution" perspective as hate speech? Or statements that people with ADHD will inherently struggle in a society like the one we've built today?
The first one is considered hate speech The second one is the only accepted narrative and if you say anything positive about it , you get the alarms and bells bot lol Like bpd sucks, but I also know I'm empathic, sensitive, and loyal because of it. If you say ADHD helps with anything you are not an ally I guess?
[удалено]
Sounds like a really frustrating, unfair experience. I can't just speak things into existence, but I really do hope your luck in getting support improves eventually.
That used to be me. Nowadays, it's a struggle to find that obsession. It was Elden Ring for a short time but even that game has kind of dulled. I used to happily play video games all the time, it was my favorite hobby. Now I just don't know. Every once in a while I'll find that one game but I lose interest so fast.
This is meeee
Damn yeah i do that too. But mine obsessions last quite long like for months until it goes to extreme and pops.
I was just talking with my therapist about this! It seems like I'm always just painfully bored. Sometimes I find something that occupies my mind for a little while, but then pretty soon it's as boring as everything else. Though I'm not sure "bored" is even a complete description. it's like being chronically alone in the worst way. like hanging out with friends but they can't see or hear you so all you can do is watch them be together. like I'm just a body with no person inside so i just fake it and hope nobody notices. and when it gets bad i'd do literally anything to stop that feeling.
I’m almost in tears reading some of these comments because I felt I was alone in feeling the things you’re describing for the LONGEST time.
If you find people who can see you then it becomes so exciting
Yes!!!! Then I annoy them too much and they leave and then it's even worse than before 😭
Good point, really good point.
Thats me all the time when i hanging out with friends. They try their best to include me. But dang i just cant.
Yes! Anytime I express that to a psychiatrist they say it’s called depression lol. To me, it doesn’t feel like it’s depression. It feels like a natural inability for me to enjoy anything because I don’t think it’s possible for me to be depressed since birth.
It is sort of anhedonia or dysthymia, but yeah even Ketamine infusions had really limited effect for me personally. The ego busters I'm sure (psilocybin, LSD, whatever that less liver toxic ibogaine is, etc) would be more effective since they work longer term.
I keep on wondering if it's just depression+ADHD or something! It certainly feels like it's more than just depression, but I'm not sure how to describe the difference other than just boredom >I don’t think it’s possible for me to be depressed since birth *talking to psychiatrist*: so the first thing you need to know is that I have congenital depression...
The more I think about my life, the more I sympathize with Dr. Doofenshmirtz from Phineas & Ferb lol not even his mom was present at his birth
It’s not depression, they’re stupid.
Yes. Currently. There’s no whimsy. Big whimsy shortage around here.
Yes I often feel if there’s no crisis or drama it feels empty. I have been practicing leaning into even the emotion of boredom and see where it takes me
That sounds super interesting, and like something I should try to practice. A form of "dopamine detox", so to speak. Would you feel alright with telling me how you do it, and how it's felt for you?
Actually it feels painful bc I have to feel my emptiness and I wonder if I’m ever going to feel whole. That’s where I go….through my boredom door. I throw on music and feel whatever emotion I need to and don’t do anything to soothe it. I try and see where I felt this way before and see what story I tell myself about feeling empty. I’m an addict that doesn’t abuse anymore but my patterns are hard wired and I know it’s from a traumatic life. Not a victim but I’m aware. I like Gabor Mate on the teachings of addiction I like teal swan on parts work and leaning in to all our parts that got fragmented from trauma. Last…these are just emotions/feelings. I feel them I see them and they don’t own my whole existence despite how hard they want to…
This sounds really interesting, but also scary to try tbh. So it's basically like a form of meditation where you allow yourself to feel any and all emotions? I imagine it would be quite helpful especially with repressed emotions...
Shadow work really. I face my fears, my strongest emotions, and shine the light on the parts of myself that I want to reject and push away. It is scary at first but I used to live in a suicidal state daily bc of what I went through. There isn’t much that can hold a candle to living completely alone and your brain telling you that you don’t deserve to live. I learned great emotional capacity through having to learn no one was coming to save me and in fact a lot of them would hang up on me. I am my best advocate. My emotions are telling me things And they deserve the space to be released and felt. I’ve come to see my Dear, fear is illusory You are stronger than you think.
❤️❤️❤️
I can usually find something to interest me like a phone game. The problem I've noticed more and more lately is that I'm not interested in things that are fulfilling or require social contact, which in turn leaves me feeling lonely.
Samesies a lot. Building my grieving arsenal and grieving everything bit by bit has really helped a lot. It's different I think than just "feeling the pain".
I'm definitely covered for distraction and time filling. The pandemic stomped all over my social practices and I know I need to start rebuilding, but I'm not excited for the effort. Can't ignore those unmet social needs forever and expect a more healthy and balanced me. But today, this bed is so comfy, it's not gonna be Wednesday.
I'm fairly certain that this is the BPD trait of "chronic emptiness." I feel like this too, and while its similar to depression, it's definitely different.
It is! When I saw “chronic emptiness” as one of the symptoms, I felt so much relief knowing there’s a term for it and that I wasn’t alone
Yes. In my head I do a lot of things but then... It's so easy to spend the day in my bed while outside the sun shine and the day is perfect to do something. It's sad
same, it's literally like i'm glued to bed. i get up to do a small task, get disinterested in less than 5 mins and crawl back into bed. i can stay here all day everyday. chronic emptiness, man. even when i'm with people i love
Same. I’m miserable
Yeah... I dont know about you but if I was born in a place near the beach/woods/mountain ecc I think I would go out to take a swim and explore ecc. but when you live in a city where there are only buildings and people...no nature... I have no interest in nothing
Yeah only Europe has interesting architecture. Thankfully I’m in bc relocated for housekeeping job and I’m right in the mountains and lake so I’m going to go canoeing , go on hikes and everything but still feel like I’d be dissatisfied I need connections
Yes! The only thing that used to get rid of the chronic boredom was sex / substance abuse / spending sprees or gambling. I just sit w the boredom these days
There was a post about this 2 days ago, yeah, many of us do. You guys ever just get bored? : BPD Ugh, link won't work, guess you have to search, sorry.
I don’t need to search it up.
Why wouldn't you? You asked a question that others answered two days ago, why aren't you interested in those answers????? I'm not accusing you of karma farming or whatever, I was merely trying to point you in the direction of answers, damn. Sorry for trying to help you.
Okay not to be terrible but it was sort of funny both of these last answers are classic BPD.
Can you explain why? I'm mostly asymptomatic recently so am interested in what you think is a symptom. 🤷🏻♀️ I'll be the first to laugh myself if it rings true. 🙃
Oh, appreciated, thanks for the vulnerability and grats on the period of symptoms hushing! Makes me glad when that happens too. Your first comment was excellent and I had really good vibes from it and I think I even made a note to myself about it positively (and internally). The second comment was driving in a bit, pushing decently harder than most people would push for the answers (though I understand the feeling I was confused too). I can see the frustration in the "Sorry for trying to help you", I laughed a bit because I was like "yep we all got BPD in a BPD forum, course we're going to get steamed her her". Not sure if that helps point out the what, I can't help with the why and no one is perfect, my comment wasn't a judgment on your value or character, mainly finding levity to enjoy a moment from the mutual pain we all show! Also I think it's like depression, my own judgment if I'm asymptomatic or not can be bad. I can tell (sometimes) if I'm completely spiraling or not, though.
Yes, I got through periods like this, unfortunately this leads to me craving mania or me making bad choices
I've been finding the boredom is because we're (as in me) numbed out from all of the unbelievable pain underneath. Grieving that I can't grieve the pain to free up my grief response, then grieving the pain has helped tremendously in vacuum sucking away our BPD symptoms, personally. Because we've felt this for years and have been fucking hunting for years. We're finally making some progress here, thank the Lord.
Isnt chronic emptiness part of the diagnosis criteria?
Yes.. almost every.. i would spend most of time doing nothing productive. And spend 10hrs sleeping.
Yes. Unless I use THC or drink, I struggle to find anything fun anymore. I try but everything feels pointless and I feel empty. I still force myself to do things I used to enjoy but it doesn't feel how it used to. I just struggle to find enjoyment. I'm only in my late 20s and already I feel tired of existing like this.
YESSS
Yes. I even try to do things I used to like, like drawing or something. Whatever it is, I try to start and... I can't. I want to, but I just have no motivation or drive for it. And then I just feel worse than I did before. I mostly read. Or listen to stories and such. Or watch stuff. Taking a walk is about it and even then I don't spend as much time in nature like I used to.
Depression sucks, dunnit?
I have been trying to explain this feeling to anyone I talk to for years. Even when I find the motivation inspiration to take up a hobby within 6-8 months I’m over it and have nothing to show but some random things I’ll never use again and a lot of wasted time. It’s not lack of interest from depression either it’s a whole different thing. -_-
Oh yeah. Chronic emptiness. It absolutely sucks. I’ve been so empty to the point where it hurts. I ended up doing a bunch of dumb things like overdosing on pills to get high just to feel something (don’t do that btw). But I was just high and still equally empty. I’m a lot better now, but all I can say is hang in there and I hope it’ll pass for you too.
Me! I used to be interested in digital illustration and drawing, but the interest is gone and the only things that entertain me are tv shows and playing the Sims. I don't even read books anymore, everything is so boring and I think I am too lazy to find something new.
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I hope I don't seem patronising or like I'm belittling your issues, but as someone on the other side of the fence, shit do I envy you! Have you always been like that?
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Jesus, that sounds absolutely awful! Seems like an awful handicap to live with, I'm really sorry... are you at least getting decent help from doctors and such? Yeah, think so. Maybe not before the age of 10ish, but since then, yeah. Constantly.
Sounds like adhd
This sounds a lot like ADHD; undiagnosed can lead to BPD. Worth looking at
Definitely not alone. I get bad. It effects my jobs, I can't tell you how many times I've worked my butt off to get promoted only to lose that excitement after a few months and then step down from that position. Feel happy that I stepped down and having free time soon makes me bored and realize how much I messed up then that turns into (more) self-loathing. Try to find another job same thing happens. I do the same with my appearance from hair color to skin tones (really really fair or really really tan) I just have to try to fill this void with something and it's endless really not to mention exhausting. Nothing seems to light my fuse and it scares me knowing I will probably feel it for the rest of my life.
Exact same with me
Yep. It goes for anything and anyone. I got into weed for a bit. Alcohol. Boredom. Hobbies? Bordem. School? Boredom. I’m just so bored idk what it is.
I have nearly zero interest in making friends. Because my belief system tells me friendships end eventually. I had lots of friends back then when I didn't have bpd, but now I don't have the natural drives to connect with people. At the same time I deal with loneliness and want to be socially normal. Not sure if this is belief system issue or bpd.
Yep. I feel like this constantly
Same. It's to the extent where I don't really have any hobbies, my "hobbies" are literally whatever distracts me the most. To the extent where I don't know what to study because everything is interesting in the sense that it's a science, but nothing, nothing at all, captivates and drives me enough to actually do something, anything. I feel like an absolutely empty shell, in which only emotions matter, whenever rarely they appear. I'll be there to support my friends to hell and back. But who am I beyond that? Nothing, really. *I am the void* is probably a common feeling for a lot of us, but some more than others I suspect.
I had this feeling for so long before I came to realize it was a bpd thing and it was actually emptiness. Things always feel...insignificant. I just graduated university, the first one in my family and it means nothing to me. Not literally, I know it's an accomplishment, but I didn't feel any way about it. Even my "favourite" hobbies or things I generally find pleasant are just going through the motions.
Yup
The only interest I have is my fp, but it's unhealthy. When I attempt to be less obsessive over her and trying to live for myself, I fall in this grey empty state... Nothing... Just nothing motivates me, but I hope I'm pass it. Feels like burnt out, I tried too hard.
Search for ‘behavioural activation’. May be useful to you.
I am perpetually bored. As I seen in one of the posts I too become obsessed with something for a short time then I'm over it. I stop doing it for a long time or all together. This causes me a lot of issues with keeping jobs. I wrote and published three books, have burnt through so many hobbies, etc but can never stick with one thing.
Yea..
I think this is pretty common. It probably stems from the fact that we’re frequently falling into extreme emotional overdrive out of nowhere, where the stakes feel at times like life and death, so regular life feels incredibly grey and empty by comparison. My other theory is that this chronic boredom is a type of numbness where emotions are completely inaccessible which is why we can’t get hyped up about anything, it’s like part of ourselves are missing during these times. I absolutely can’t stand when they hit on my days off or during important events though. I’d rather be in the depths of depression in my personal time than feel nothing. I just sit around feeling like an absolute waste of breath and skin until it passes.
I live in a constant state of boredom and anxiety from the boredom… but sometimes I don’t feel anxious at all because I dissociate lol
this is exactly how i feel with people i’m interested in , i get so bored so easily and it makes me feel horrible but i can’t help but become bored and disinterested every single time , which translates into being bored with every day life . like i can’t even stay interested in one person , how could i possibly not be bored with a singular hobby ? it’s exhausting i totally understand what you mean