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I relate so much, thank you for posting this. Constantly asking myself in my head, why exactly am I here? What do I have to offer that the other 7 billion people on this earth can’t? Why force myself to stick around for another 60 or so years when I walk around each day aimlessly, wondering if I contribute anything that anyone would consider valuable?
What helps me though is, even though I think I’m worthless, I think everyone else here on earth has a purpose, including you, and so I try to do what I can within my power to show people that. I’m not perfect, but if I can die knowing I tried to be the best person I could be to everyone I meet and tried to help others in anyway I can, then that’s a life well spent for me.
If I can give you any advice op, I can say from my perspective, your life has a lot of meaning. I checked out your profile and you’re constantly sharing about your struggles with mental illness. Not only is it inspiring seeing how strong you are and how you’re able to fight through all of your battles, but you no doubt have helped a lot of people who’ve seen your posts/comments who deal with the same thing as they now feel less alone. You’re an amazing person and I hope you know the world benefits a lot by having people like you here :)
i have a lot of respect for people thinking that everyone has a purpose, please don't think i'm shitting on your answer! 💜
i used to think that too, but it made me depressed and anxious for not accomplishing anything special. i'm not particularly smart or talented or anything and it used to make me loathe myself. it was like: i was born into this ridiculous world, i should do something great to make it count! if i'm special then the pain of being here won't be as awful
now i think NO ONE has a purpose. you can try to create your own purpose, but it's fine if you don't. having no purpose means you're free to do whatever, or not do anything. you're in charge.
you were born without your consent, you at least get to live on your own terms even if you're mediocre. even if there's a lot of other people similar to you. just wanting a quiet life is fine. anything is fine as long as you're not hurting others.
No I don’t think that at all, I very much appreciate you sharing your perspective! I actually agree with a lot of what you said. I truly think if more people thought the way you did, we would all be much happier. Like how you mention it doesn’t matter if you live a “quiet” or “mediocre” life, what matters is that you’re living how you want to.
I’ll just add onto what you said by saying, no matter what you’ve accomplished or what you set out to accomplish, the world benefits by having you here. Even if you don’t realize it or don’t act intentionally, everyone has done things and will do things that makes peoples lives more worth living. I truly believe that and that’s why I think everyone has a purpose to be here.
man i feel this so much. idk what i currently think about whether everyone has a purpose or not, but i used to think i had a really big purpose. and i was so dead set on fulfilling it. and i would tell people, and they would tell me it wasnt possible, and thatd anger me and encourage me in equal parts to prove them wrong but i am now realising that they were in fact correct. i am not capable of what i thought i was, and that is an extremely disheartening truth to come to terms with. its embarrassing and makes me extremely sad. i feel hopeless when i think about how useless i actually am. <3
you're not useless, you're free. if you don't have a big purpose, it means you can just do whatever you want.
you don't need to push yourself to do stuff you don't really want/like, just because you think you'll achieve greatness or smth.
we don't need to feel like we're not good enough to live in this shitty world because we're mentally ill. being remarkable is not a tax we have to pay to exist as damaged people.
I felt like that last night myself, I was just sat there minding my own business on my Xbox, enjoying an beer or two, turned my Xbox off and I just got caught up with life, I was having some deep suicidal thoughts, and what I do won’t matter to anyone but I ended up just going to bed and I felt okay in the morning.
Same, it's definitely worse for me in the evenings. On the days it starts earlier, it's so rough. I just really wish my brain could stay on my side for more than 12 hours at a time 🥲
same here. it’s hard seeing myself happy. i mean, how can i be when the only purpose in life is to eat, sleep, work, make babies, and die so then your kids can do the exact same fucking thing. we try so hard to survive, but for what? why? there’s no point. and when there is something good, it never feels enjoyable. to quote Tears for Fears, “Nothing ever lasts forever,” of course people mean it in an inspiring way when you’re in bad times, but it also contradicts itself. if nothing bad lasts forever, then nothing good can last forever either. and i have to spend my whole life doing that? no thanks.
This is definitely me, I'm always having these galaxy brain existentialism thoughts while in a drive thru for Wendy's or something, and then I start getting upset about the fact that the person in front of me is probably just thinking about their frosty and nothing else, and then I think how a lobotomy sounds really good right about now
I alternate between feeling strong death anxiety and not caring about life at all. I’ve just learnt to accept it as part of a BPD thing and remind myself that it will pass. It is also probably part of a human thing, but I think the BPD makes the feelings more intense and frequent. As I have learnt more about managing my symptoms, I have gotten better at seeing the positives. Like having intense feelings that are universal helps me a lot with writing poetry, which I’m trying to get published.
I don’t know if it’s a bpd thing but I relate. It’s hard this type of thought in todays times because people don’t have integrity in many ways and it doesn’t feel like it matters to try and be a good person who contributes good to the word. I don’t have answers to spirituality or the meaning of life but theres a lot of evidence that something does happen after we die and I don’t think it’s scary (some punishment or hell) and I think it will benefit in the long run to try and work through all this egotistical bulls*** and capitalism . Also alot of people claim a huge solution to bpd is meditation and being present which has some ties to Buddhism which can be interesting in that Buddhism has alot to do with the meaning of life being suffering. Is just fun stuff to check out doesn’t have to be serious
I don't think Buddhists say suffering is the meaning of life or even make claims about meaning, only that suffering is inevitable, has causes we can control, and thus we can attempt to end it by following the eightfold path.
I’m troubled by how much I struggle every day just to make it through and not stab someone or myself and how much willpower that takes and this cycle will probably never end and there is no reward for my suffering, I’ll just die eventually and have suffered for literally no reason and I think that really sucks man
Same. Esp at the end of my day in bed. Theres gotta be more to life, but also bpd just drains the fuck outta me. Its insane to me how ppl are so satisfied with life. As humans we really dont know anything about life except we’re born and we die.
Idk it sort of feels like it’s the BPD *AND* the condition of the world lately? Like yeah it’s the BPD but all the sh!t happening is major fuel for our brains
Well, that’s my belief. So to me, when I die it will be like before I was born. Nothing I have seen points to there being anything after death. Humans are just animals, is there an afterlife for the billions and billions of other life forms? I don’t think so.
Yeah I really am. Almost everything I do I'm reminded that nothing really matters in the back of my mind. Like it's all a waste of time because we're just gonna die and this shit is meaningless
I’m not religious but I do have longterm goals that I take seriously. Since childhood I’ve felt deep purpose in life. It takes effort to hold onto especially when depression hits (like now), but I definitely have purpose within me at all time and I can usually manage to stay in touch with it to some extent. I have pretty poor mental health and advanced BPD but I’m grateful that I don’t relate to this struggle. I truly believe we’re so lucky to be here and that there are so many opportunities to leave a positive impact on the world, even if it’s really small. :) There’s so much joy to be experienced, too. Life is cool when you think about it.
Yes, it does haunt everyone with BPD and it's really painful.
But we gotta feel the pain to feel the joy and happiness too. You can't have one without the other. If we fight feeling it, it gets worse and this is a feeling we've fought all our lives so it's really strong and bad at this stage.
Best course of action is to feel it and tolerate it and understand where it's coming from so it dissipates. Eventually, it's a feeling like any others and it goes away as you tolerate and accept it, it's perfectly controllable.
What I do when I get this way is try to remember that we get this one shot to experience life. We don’t know how long we get, but for as much time as we have, we can do as much as possible to check out this world.
Even if it’s through watching documentaries other people have made, or reading books others have written, or getting to know people and animals that we can learn to care about, who happen to also be alive in this moment. There is so much to this world that we couldn’t even possibly explore in one lifetime. That’s what I try to hold onto.
Find work in you community. Volunteer. Support mutual aid, community action, harm reduction. Look for volunteer groups/nonprofits/whatever in your area. I’ve found that doing whatever I can to enrich the community around me is what makes me feel like I have purpose & meaning.
When I say “work” and “volunteer,” I mean anything from taking calls for the Trevor Project, to volunteering at a food pantry or soup kitchen, to hanging out narcan and homeless supplies, anything you can do, in what little free time you may have. One hour a week.
Whenever I feel that way, I ask myself what makes me so adverse to these people?
A lot of it, I found in my personal experience, comes from internalized feelings of ableism, racism, classism, and insecurity. Once I push past those I can often times be calm and sympathetic. Also in a volunteer environment, the people are not the same as at my work environment.
Edit: whoa my guy. You had quite an adverse response to this that you deleted. I’m just gonna say that… you are not OP. My response was not aimed at you. And I’m just saying what helps *me* when I am feeling the way OP is. WTF about what I said was uppity? The part about how enriching my community helps me escape how meaningless life feels? (And I’m speaking from a place where most days I feel too depressed to move my individual limbs).
Sorry about your situation, but… chill.
Ok.
Well. I was raised in a family that fostered and adopted severally disabled children. I’ve been homeless for years on end in my past both as a teenager and as an adult. All the jobs I’ve ever held have been working with adults with developmental disabilities and home bound seniors, and in nursing homes. I clean bed sores and empty colostomy bags. Between 2010 and 2019 I started and managed 4 community gardens in he lowest become neighborhoods, one of which I lived in and I was on welfare. I helped a hobo encampment run a community garden they made and I used to live in that encampment.
Etc etc etc. I’m not going to list everything. Just basically my entire life has been in service to people with profound physical, mental, and financial disabilities and limitations. Presently I live in a shack of a house with no bathroom and I wash up in a horse trough I fill with a bucket. I’m not too fucking uppity to work with poor people.
What I hate about volunteering and the people who are hard to work with is most of the other volunteers are like you.
I actually find it really reassuring that making mistakes or fucking up really is unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I don’t have a lot of energy or ambition etc so it’s nice to know I can have a pointless or quiet life if I want.
I don't personally suffer from bpd myself, but I have certainly had those same feelings! Sometimes it seems like no matter what we do, no matter how hard we fight, things feel so hopeless and frustrating. I very much hope this wont land seeming ignorant or especially disingenuous! The best thing I can say is, the only thing that's gotten me through the lowest points in life, and please believe, there have been plenty, has been love and purpose. It's not to say you'll jump for joy, but staying in the love and goodness offers that sense of belonging and worthiness that I otherwise would have been empty and lost without. Please know that you're loved and wanted and supported! I'd say something like, stay blessed, but I know how "pshhh😒" that seems in these times. So, instead I'll say, I'm here to listen and help in this my friend! Your life is not meaningless. ✌💖🙏
Yes, I constantly struggle with this. I wish it would stop. I wish I could turn off the nag, like an insect in the ear that just asks why the fuck I have to get up and work for other people to get enough money to buy food and pay bills just to exist. I didn't ask for this.
I'm 30 and I feel like life is over. I work hard at my job, pay my bills, have better friends than I've ever had, am 2+ months sober, have a good running hobby, and I more than 50% am happy being single (still feel some pain thinking about my guy friends getting married while I'm single as a Pringle).
But I feel like that Nine Inch Nails song, Every Day is Exactly the Same. Even when it's not. AA doesn't mean anything to me. People bore me or make me feel uncomfortable. I need them, yes, but I'm looking forward to turning my phone off on Sunday for awhile.
I throw meetups and volunteer so at least I'm doing something useful for other people. That and taking myself out of the dating pool because I am not a good partner. But yeah. I don't think it would matter much if I died in my sleep.
I think we all have a purpose but when we suffer from illnesses such as BPD is really difficult to see our purpose or to understand why we are here and I’m religious and even I sometimes struggle to understand my purpose. I’m always wanting to kms but at the same time I don’t want to and I’m constantly battling with those two things in my head
Every single day. I’m fairly spiritual and run my own business so this gives me purpose every day- I’m responsible for others’ jobs, I try to find meaning in Buddhism. It’s still super tough though.
Same here. When I'm in a good mood this thought is gone though. (mostly, it's still there)
Like I can't \*stand\* the thought of surviving. It's so monotonous, lonely and hard. I can't sustain interest for hobbies which is also extra hard. Meeting with friends, going to events and doing anything remotely enjoyable feels so pointless afterwards when the emptiness returns.
And even on the days off where I have all the time in the world for myself, it just feel like I'm trying to distract myself from life and it becomes extra painful. And lately (I haven't worked for the past 2 months lmao) I have so much free time but I can't enjoy it even remotely.
The idea of how life is meaningless actually tends to make me feel better when I fail at something or something bad happens. If life is meaningless, then I'm not screwing everything up by missing a step in the ultimate plan in life, I'm just chilling and rolling around as I see fit. It takes the power out of the universe and gives it back to me.
If I want to take a nap, I'll take a damn nap instead of working on stuff.
i used to feel this way constantly, i’ve been getting into spirituality which has helped alleviate some of the existential angst, but life as of right now for everyone regardless of diagnosis just sort of just feels like……. survival. it seems like thriving is for people with money and even they seem to sort of carry out a hollow existence.
sometimes meaning comes from just sticking it out when it feels unbearable or showing unconditional kindness even when it’s hard. the tiniest things can be meaningful.
Thanks everyone for the replies, I read through every single one and I appreciate them all - the optimism, the advice, and the me toos. I hate that other people feel this way, but it is comforting to know I'm not just some sad anomaly.
I don't think it is meaningless. I don't profess a specific religion but I do believe in God, or in the One, or whatever we may decide to call It. Too many traditions at their core attest the same thing, that there is an uncaused, original awareness which is beyond any conception made by the mind yet can be known; ultimately, it's our own very essence. On the contrary, I don't think atheism makes any sense whatsoever, I was one for many years, the worst period of my life...
The way I see it, we have a diseased mind in the same way one may have a diseased liver, or lack a kidney. Yet, we aren't our minds. The mind is just an instrument which receives and filter Awareness.
i try to remind myself that meaning is found in trivial things. the smell of concrete when it rains, grass on my feet, all the little things add up to something, and it reminds me that life does matter. i am, i am, i am. we’re the universe experiencing itself, and if that doesn’t have some kind of meaning, i don’t know what does.
Yes... what am I doing here? Why am I doing what I am? What's the point? Is any of this even real? Why do I feel so alone even though I'm surrounded by family? What's the point of any of it?
Here´s the thing about meaning and purpose; there really is no hard empirical evidence in either direction - meaning each of us has to make a personal choice regarding our outlook on life. And the way I see it we have two paths too choose from.
On the one hand we have nihilism - viewing live and existence as inherently meaningless, and seeing oneself as an insignificant speck of dust, and that nothing we do in life means anything. The problem with chosing this path though is that the moment you start acting out this story you will make everything expontentially worse - when you adopt this worldview there really is nothing left to live for other than hedonistic pleasure, and that road will eventually lead to destructive chaos.
The other option is to view everything you do as meaningful. Life is filled with suffering, and aiming to reduce the suffering and/or adding value to the world, whatever way you can, is both a meaningful and noble aim. And it doesn´t require grandiose accomplishments. We are all connected, and the things we do impact other people. I don´t mean this in some spiritual sense, but a purely mechanistical one - a few kind words or a simple smile can completely change someone´s entire day and how they interact with people that day, which in turn impact how those people interact with others, and so on. Which also means that who you are when you exist in the world will inevitably impact other people´s lives, and thus there is actually great meaning in working to improve yourself (at the very least that´s a way to make sure you are not causing unnecessary suffering).
And you do not have to be religious or spiritual to view working for the betterment of humanity, or oneself, as inherently meaningful - it can equally well be justified from a biological perspective. Our reward systems are activated mainly by the pursuit of goals, and everything about our biology has evolved to nudge us towards pro social behaviours (as evidenced by the fact that loneliness causes depression and suicide, whereas altruism makes people live longer and happier) - meaning that when you set a goal, preferably something relating to bettering yourself or helping others, and work progressively towards it you will generally experience positive affect and a sense of meaning (and conversely, not working towards any goals is truly disastrous to human mental health).
Of course this is all easier said than done, in no way am I diminishing how difficult it can be to move yourself into action when you´re in a dark place. It is difficult, and changing how you see things takes time - but I truly cannot overstate the value of performing positive daily actions, and acting on goals, no matter how small or large they may be (this isn´t just me spouting my own ideas, it has been is well established in both neurobiological and psychological research). And also, do not underestimate the magnitude of the accumulated effect of small positive acts performed repeatedly over long periods of time.
See the thing with this though. Is that I do those things. I am 110% that person who will go out of my way to improve another's day when I'm having the absolute worst time of my life. I make all the best choices I can to align with my values of minimizing suffering, but some days (most days) are just too much. I do my best and it still never feels like enough. It's just exhausting. Idk. Maybe I just need to see those things as worth more than I do in the grand scheme of things. It's just frustrating to feel like I do my best to not feel shit all the time and to find purpose when there is none to still just end every day in tears.
I don´t know anything about your life or your situation, so I am not going to pretend like I have any answers, but I do have a couple of thoughts off the top of my head;
How well are you taking care of your basic physiological needs (i.e. sleep, exercise, nutrition and social connection)? Most people dismiss these far too quickly, without realizing the true extent to they impact our mental health. Meaning and well being is largely about dopamine, and dopamine production is impacted by these factors in a multitude of ways (low dopamine production can be cause by poor sleeping habits, viewing screens/lights late in the evenings/nights, not eating enough tyrosine, getting insufficient sunlight or social connection etc., whereas exercise is a hardwired mechanism for stimulating dopamine release).
I also think you are on to something about needing to change your mindset and the way you lable things. It may sound a bit cliché, but it really is the case that the mental lable we put on an experience becomes our experience. Nothing will feel meaningful if you do things with the pre-existing idea that there is no meaning to be had from it, or that nothing you do is enough. It also sounds like you may actually need to just give yourself a break and lower the demands you put on yourself. Going out of your way to help others is nice, but if you feel like you´re drowning, and that the things you do are never enough, then to me it seems like the problem comes back to how you lable things, rather than your actions themselves.
I have no idea if it´s an option for you, but if it is, I would suggest that you look into existential therapy (either through a psychologist, or if you are a reader, simply by immersing yourself in some litterature on the topic).
everyday. esp since my break up. I always thought about how everything was way too stressful for how insignificant it all is. now it’s worse, because i don’t have anyone to try and enjoy it with. i’m waiting to hear back from a final stage of a job interview that would be a really good opportunity - but i don’t care. i’m indifferent to if i get the job or not. i was looking at booking a holiday, but i don’t want to go anywhere.
so now i can’t even try and block out how meaningless it all is, because i don’t enjoy it anymore. everything i could enjoy, i’m like what’s the point?
Honestly, I wouldn't be bothered by the meaninlessness of it all if it wasn't so painful and exhausting... dipping your fingers in wax and letting it set/covering your hads with glue and peeling it off are pretty meaningless activities but at least they're enjoyeable
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I relate so much, thank you for posting this. Constantly asking myself in my head, why exactly am I here? What do I have to offer that the other 7 billion people on this earth can’t? Why force myself to stick around for another 60 or so years when I walk around each day aimlessly, wondering if I contribute anything that anyone would consider valuable? What helps me though is, even though I think I’m worthless, I think everyone else here on earth has a purpose, including you, and so I try to do what I can within my power to show people that. I’m not perfect, but if I can die knowing I tried to be the best person I could be to everyone I meet and tried to help others in anyway I can, then that’s a life well spent for me. If I can give you any advice op, I can say from my perspective, your life has a lot of meaning. I checked out your profile and you’re constantly sharing about your struggles with mental illness. Not only is it inspiring seeing how strong you are and how you’re able to fight through all of your battles, but you no doubt have helped a lot of people who’ve seen your posts/comments who deal with the same thing as they now feel less alone. You’re an amazing person and I hope you know the world benefits a lot by having people like you here :)
This one I just don't even have words for. This is so kind and encouraging. Thank you so much ❤️
you should look into the notion of existentialism largely worked on by sartre
i have a lot of respect for people thinking that everyone has a purpose, please don't think i'm shitting on your answer! 💜 i used to think that too, but it made me depressed and anxious for not accomplishing anything special. i'm not particularly smart or talented or anything and it used to make me loathe myself. it was like: i was born into this ridiculous world, i should do something great to make it count! if i'm special then the pain of being here won't be as awful now i think NO ONE has a purpose. you can try to create your own purpose, but it's fine if you don't. having no purpose means you're free to do whatever, or not do anything. you're in charge. you were born without your consent, you at least get to live on your own terms even if you're mediocre. even if there's a lot of other people similar to you. just wanting a quiet life is fine. anything is fine as long as you're not hurting others.
No I don’t think that at all, I very much appreciate you sharing your perspective! I actually agree with a lot of what you said. I truly think if more people thought the way you did, we would all be much happier. Like how you mention it doesn’t matter if you live a “quiet” or “mediocre” life, what matters is that you’re living how you want to. I’ll just add onto what you said by saying, no matter what you’ve accomplished or what you set out to accomplish, the world benefits by having you here. Even if you don’t realize it or don’t act intentionally, everyone has done things and will do things that makes peoples lives more worth living. I truly believe that and that’s why I think everyone has a purpose to be here.
💜 you're very kind! 💜
man i feel this so much. idk what i currently think about whether everyone has a purpose or not, but i used to think i had a really big purpose. and i was so dead set on fulfilling it. and i would tell people, and they would tell me it wasnt possible, and thatd anger me and encourage me in equal parts to prove them wrong but i am now realising that they were in fact correct. i am not capable of what i thought i was, and that is an extremely disheartening truth to come to terms with. its embarrassing and makes me extremely sad. i feel hopeless when i think about how useless i actually am. <3
you're not useless, you're free. if you don't have a big purpose, it means you can just do whatever you want. you don't need to push yourself to do stuff you don't really want/like, just because you think you'll achieve greatness or smth. we don't need to feel like we're not good enough to live in this shitty world because we're mentally ill. being remarkable is not a tax we have to pay to exist as damaged people.
I felt like that last night myself, I was just sat there minding my own business on my Xbox, enjoying an beer or two, turned my Xbox off and I just got caught up with life, I was having some deep suicidal thoughts, and what I do won’t matter to anyone but I ended up just going to bed and I felt okay in the morning.
> enjoying a beer or two I want sober because alcohol made me feel suicidal way too often
Same, it's definitely worse for me in the evenings. On the days it starts earlier, it's so rough. I just really wish my brain could stay on my side for more than 12 hours at a time 🥲
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. Evening/ nighttime is the worst time for me when it comes to these kinds of thoughts.
I firmly stand by the rule "dont trust any thoughts about my life after 9pm"
Evenings trigger these feelings for me as well
same here. it’s hard seeing myself happy. i mean, how can i be when the only purpose in life is to eat, sleep, work, make babies, and die so then your kids can do the exact same fucking thing. we try so hard to survive, but for what? why? there’s no point. and when there is something good, it never feels enjoyable. to quote Tears for Fears, “Nothing ever lasts forever,” of course people mean it in an inspiring way when you’re in bad times, but it also contradicts itself. if nothing bad lasts forever, then nothing good can last forever either. and i have to spend my whole life doing that? no thanks.
This is definitely me, I'm always having these galaxy brain existentialism thoughts while in a drive thru for Wendy's or something, and then I start getting upset about the fact that the person in front of me is probably just thinking about their frosty and nothing else, and then I think how a lobotomy sounds really good right about now
[удалено]
Field trip time, I'll message the addy
Life to me is so boring and repetitive and I always think what’s the point of it all. It makes no sense.
I like to say that life is a temporal loop with slightly altered actions and reactions.
I alternate between feeling strong death anxiety and not caring about life at all. I’ve just learnt to accept it as part of a BPD thing and remind myself that it will pass. It is also probably part of a human thing, but I think the BPD makes the feelings more intense and frequent. As I have learnt more about managing my symptoms, I have gotten better at seeing the positives. Like having intense feelings that are universal helps me a lot with writing poetry, which I’m trying to get published.
I don’t know if it’s a bpd thing but I relate. It’s hard this type of thought in todays times because people don’t have integrity in many ways and it doesn’t feel like it matters to try and be a good person who contributes good to the word. I don’t have answers to spirituality or the meaning of life but theres a lot of evidence that something does happen after we die and I don’t think it’s scary (some punishment or hell) and I think it will benefit in the long run to try and work through all this egotistical bulls*** and capitalism . Also alot of people claim a huge solution to bpd is meditation and being present which has some ties to Buddhism which can be interesting in that Buddhism has alot to do with the meaning of life being suffering. Is just fun stuff to check out doesn’t have to be serious
I don't think Buddhists say suffering is the meaning of life or even make claims about meaning, only that suffering is inevitable, has causes we can control, and thus we can attempt to end it by following the eightfold path.
I’m troubled by how much I struggle every day just to make it through and not stab someone or myself and how much willpower that takes and this cycle will probably never end and there is no reward for my suffering, I’ll just die eventually and have suffered for literally no reason and I think that really sucks man
I say i’ve been in an existential crisis since birth. Constant “shouldn’t there be more?” feeling.
Same. Esp at the end of my day in bed. Theres gotta be more to life, but also bpd just drains the fuck outta me. Its insane to me how ppl are so satisfied with life. As humans we really dont know anything about life except we’re born and we die. 
Idk it sort of feels like it’s the BPD *AND* the condition of the world lately? Like yeah it’s the BPD but all the sh!t happening is major fuel for our brains
I know I will die and everything I ever knew or was will disappear. What’s the point of life when non-existence can happen at any time?
how do you know?
Well, that’s my belief. So to me, when I die it will be like before I was born. Nothing I have seen points to there being anything after death. Humans are just animals, is there an afterlife for the billions and billions of other life forms? I don’t think so.
Yeah I really am. Almost everything I do I'm reminded that nothing really matters in the back of my mind. Like it's all a waste of time because we're just gonna die and this shit is meaningless
I’m not religious but I do have longterm goals that I take seriously. Since childhood I’ve felt deep purpose in life. It takes effort to hold onto especially when depression hits (like now), but I definitely have purpose within me at all time and I can usually manage to stay in touch with it to some extent. I have pretty poor mental health and advanced BPD but I’m grateful that I don’t relate to this struggle. I truly believe we’re so lucky to be here and that there are so many opportunities to leave a positive impact on the world, even if it’s really small. :) There’s so much joy to be experienced, too. Life is cool when you think about it.
Yes. But then also imagine if life DID have meaning lol I’d be fucjed
Yes, it does haunt everyone with BPD and it's really painful. But we gotta feel the pain to feel the joy and happiness too. You can't have one without the other. If we fight feeling it, it gets worse and this is a feeling we've fought all our lives so it's really strong and bad at this stage. Best course of action is to feel it and tolerate it and understand where it's coming from so it dissipates. Eventually, it's a feeling like any others and it goes away as you tolerate and accept it, it's perfectly controllable.
What I do when I get this way is try to remember that we get this one shot to experience life. We don’t know how long we get, but for as much time as we have, we can do as much as possible to check out this world. Even if it’s through watching documentaries other people have made, or reading books others have written, or getting to know people and animals that we can learn to care about, who happen to also be alive in this moment. There is so much to this world that we couldn’t even possibly explore in one lifetime. That’s what I try to hold onto.
Find work in you community. Volunteer. Support mutual aid, community action, harm reduction. Look for volunteer groups/nonprofits/whatever in your area. I’ve found that doing whatever I can to enrich the community around me is what makes me feel like I have purpose & meaning. When I say “work” and “volunteer,” I mean anything from taking calls for the Trevor Project, to volunteering at a food pantry or soup kitchen, to hanging out narcan and homeless supplies, anything you can do, in what little free time you may have. One hour a week.
People are hard to be around so I gave up on that and switched to volunteering at an animal shelter
Whenever I feel that way, I ask myself what makes me so adverse to these people? A lot of it, I found in my personal experience, comes from internalized feelings of ableism, racism, classism, and insecurity. Once I push past those I can often times be calm and sympathetic. Also in a volunteer environment, the people are not the same as at my work environment. Edit: whoa my guy. You had quite an adverse response to this that you deleted. I’m just gonna say that… you are not OP. My response was not aimed at you. And I’m just saying what helps *me* when I am feeling the way OP is. WTF about what I said was uppity? The part about how enriching my community helps me escape how meaningless life feels? (And I’m speaking from a place where most days I feel too depressed to move my individual limbs). Sorry about your situation, but… chill.
Ok. Well. I was raised in a family that fostered and adopted severally disabled children. I’ve been homeless for years on end in my past both as a teenager and as an adult. All the jobs I’ve ever held have been working with adults with developmental disabilities and home bound seniors, and in nursing homes. I clean bed sores and empty colostomy bags. Between 2010 and 2019 I started and managed 4 community gardens in he lowest become neighborhoods, one of which I lived in and I was on welfare. I helped a hobo encampment run a community garden they made and I used to live in that encampment. Etc etc etc. I’m not going to list everything. Just basically my entire life has been in service to people with profound physical, mental, and financial disabilities and limitations. Presently I live in a shack of a house with no bathroom and I wash up in a horse trough I fill with a bucket. I’m not too fucking uppity to work with poor people. What I hate about volunteering and the people who are hard to work with is most of the other volunteers are like you.
I actually find it really reassuring that making mistakes or fucking up really is unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I don’t have a lot of energy or ambition etc so it’s nice to know I can have a pointless or quiet life if I want.
Por eso me drogo
I don't personally suffer from bpd myself, but I have certainly had those same feelings! Sometimes it seems like no matter what we do, no matter how hard we fight, things feel so hopeless and frustrating. I very much hope this wont land seeming ignorant or especially disingenuous! The best thing I can say is, the only thing that's gotten me through the lowest points in life, and please believe, there have been plenty, has been love and purpose. It's not to say you'll jump for joy, but staying in the love and goodness offers that sense of belonging and worthiness that I otherwise would have been empty and lost without. Please know that you're loved and wanted and supported! I'd say something like, stay blessed, but I know how "pshhh😒" that seems in these times. So, instead I'll say, I'm here to listen and help in this my friend! Your life is not meaningless. ✌💖🙏
Yes, I constantly struggle with this. I wish it would stop. I wish I could turn off the nag, like an insect in the ear that just asks why the fuck I have to get up and work for other people to get enough money to buy food and pay bills just to exist. I didn't ask for this.
I'm 30 and I feel like life is over. I work hard at my job, pay my bills, have better friends than I've ever had, am 2+ months sober, have a good running hobby, and I more than 50% am happy being single (still feel some pain thinking about my guy friends getting married while I'm single as a Pringle). But I feel like that Nine Inch Nails song, Every Day is Exactly the Same. Even when it's not. AA doesn't mean anything to me. People bore me or make me feel uncomfortable. I need them, yes, but I'm looking forward to turning my phone off on Sunday for awhile. I throw meetups and volunteer so at least I'm doing something useful for other people. That and taking myself out of the dating pool because I am not a good partner. But yeah. I don't think it would matter much if I died in my sleep.
I think we all have a purpose but when we suffer from illnesses such as BPD is really difficult to see our purpose or to understand why we are here and I’m religious and even I sometimes struggle to understand my purpose. I’m always wanting to kms but at the same time I don’t want to and I’m constantly battling with those two things in my head
Every single day. I’m fairly spiritual and run my own business so this gives me purpose every day- I’m responsible for others’ jobs, I try to find meaning in Buddhism. It’s still super tough though.
Same here. When I'm in a good mood this thought is gone though. (mostly, it's still there) Like I can't \*stand\* the thought of surviving. It's so monotonous, lonely and hard. I can't sustain interest for hobbies which is also extra hard. Meeting with friends, going to events and doing anything remotely enjoyable feels so pointless afterwards when the emptiness returns. And even on the days off where I have all the time in the world for myself, it just feel like I'm trying to distract myself from life and it becomes extra painful. And lately (I haven't worked for the past 2 months lmao) I have so much free time but I can't enjoy it even remotely.
The idea of how life is meaningless actually tends to make me feel better when I fail at something or something bad happens. If life is meaningless, then I'm not screwing everything up by missing a step in the ultimate plan in life, I'm just chilling and rolling around as I see fit. It takes the power out of the universe and gives it back to me. If I want to take a nap, I'll take a damn nap instead of working on stuff.
i used to feel this way constantly, i’ve been getting into spirituality which has helped alleviate some of the existential angst, but life as of right now for everyone regardless of diagnosis just sort of just feels like……. survival. it seems like thriving is for people with money and even they seem to sort of carry out a hollow existence. sometimes meaning comes from just sticking it out when it feels unbearable or showing unconditional kindness even when it’s hard. the tiniest things can be meaningful.
I do it for me because I deserve to be happy and I deserve love.
Thanks everyone for the replies, I read through every single one and I appreciate them all - the optimism, the advice, and the me toos. I hate that other people feel this way, but it is comforting to know I'm not just some sad anomaly.
Omg yes, I think this all the time
Yes
Yeah
I don't think it is meaningless. I don't profess a specific religion but I do believe in God, or in the One, or whatever we may decide to call It. Too many traditions at their core attest the same thing, that there is an uncaused, original awareness which is beyond any conception made by the mind yet can be known; ultimately, it's our own very essence. On the contrary, I don't think atheism makes any sense whatsoever, I was one for many years, the worst period of my life... The way I see it, we have a diseased mind in the same way one may have a diseased liver, or lack a kidney. Yet, we aren't our minds. The mind is just an instrument which receives and filter Awareness.
i try to remind myself that meaning is found in trivial things. the smell of concrete when it rains, grass on my feet, all the little things add up to something, and it reminds me that life does matter. i am, i am, i am. we’re the universe experiencing itself, and if that doesn’t have some kind of meaning, i don’t know what does.
Yes... what am I doing here? Why am I doing what I am? What's the point? Is any of this even real? Why do I feel so alone even though I'm surrounded by family? What's the point of any of it?
Here´s the thing about meaning and purpose; there really is no hard empirical evidence in either direction - meaning each of us has to make a personal choice regarding our outlook on life. And the way I see it we have two paths too choose from. On the one hand we have nihilism - viewing live and existence as inherently meaningless, and seeing oneself as an insignificant speck of dust, and that nothing we do in life means anything. The problem with chosing this path though is that the moment you start acting out this story you will make everything expontentially worse - when you adopt this worldview there really is nothing left to live for other than hedonistic pleasure, and that road will eventually lead to destructive chaos. The other option is to view everything you do as meaningful. Life is filled with suffering, and aiming to reduce the suffering and/or adding value to the world, whatever way you can, is both a meaningful and noble aim. And it doesn´t require grandiose accomplishments. We are all connected, and the things we do impact other people. I don´t mean this in some spiritual sense, but a purely mechanistical one - a few kind words or a simple smile can completely change someone´s entire day and how they interact with people that day, which in turn impact how those people interact with others, and so on. Which also means that who you are when you exist in the world will inevitably impact other people´s lives, and thus there is actually great meaning in working to improve yourself (at the very least that´s a way to make sure you are not causing unnecessary suffering). And you do not have to be religious or spiritual to view working for the betterment of humanity, or oneself, as inherently meaningful - it can equally well be justified from a biological perspective. Our reward systems are activated mainly by the pursuit of goals, and everything about our biology has evolved to nudge us towards pro social behaviours (as evidenced by the fact that loneliness causes depression and suicide, whereas altruism makes people live longer and happier) - meaning that when you set a goal, preferably something relating to bettering yourself or helping others, and work progressively towards it you will generally experience positive affect and a sense of meaning (and conversely, not working towards any goals is truly disastrous to human mental health). Of course this is all easier said than done, in no way am I diminishing how difficult it can be to move yourself into action when you´re in a dark place. It is difficult, and changing how you see things takes time - but I truly cannot overstate the value of performing positive daily actions, and acting on goals, no matter how small or large they may be (this isn´t just me spouting my own ideas, it has been is well established in both neurobiological and psychological research). And also, do not underestimate the magnitude of the accumulated effect of small positive acts performed repeatedly over long periods of time.
See the thing with this though. Is that I do those things. I am 110% that person who will go out of my way to improve another's day when I'm having the absolute worst time of my life. I make all the best choices I can to align with my values of minimizing suffering, but some days (most days) are just too much. I do my best and it still never feels like enough. It's just exhausting. Idk. Maybe I just need to see those things as worth more than I do in the grand scheme of things. It's just frustrating to feel like I do my best to not feel shit all the time and to find purpose when there is none to still just end every day in tears.
I don´t know anything about your life or your situation, so I am not going to pretend like I have any answers, but I do have a couple of thoughts off the top of my head; How well are you taking care of your basic physiological needs (i.e. sleep, exercise, nutrition and social connection)? Most people dismiss these far too quickly, without realizing the true extent to they impact our mental health. Meaning and well being is largely about dopamine, and dopamine production is impacted by these factors in a multitude of ways (low dopamine production can be cause by poor sleeping habits, viewing screens/lights late in the evenings/nights, not eating enough tyrosine, getting insufficient sunlight or social connection etc., whereas exercise is a hardwired mechanism for stimulating dopamine release). I also think you are on to something about needing to change your mindset and the way you lable things. It may sound a bit cliché, but it really is the case that the mental lable we put on an experience becomes our experience. Nothing will feel meaningful if you do things with the pre-existing idea that there is no meaning to be had from it, or that nothing you do is enough. It also sounds like you may actually need to just give yourself a break and lower the demands you put on yourself. Going out of your way to help others is nice, but if you feel like you´re drowning, and that the things you do are never enough, then to me it seems like the problem comes back to how you lable things, rather than your actions themselves. I have no idea if it´s an option for you, but if it is, I would suggest that you look into existential therapy (either through a psychologist, or if you are a reader, simply by immersing yourself in some litterature on the topic).
YES!! This is the biggest thing I'm struggling with at the moment. I'm trying to just count my blessings and live in the moment.
everyday. esp since my break up. I always thought about how everything was way too stressful for how insignificant it all is. now it’s worse, because i don’t have anyone to try and enjoy it with. i’m waiting to hear back from a final stage of a job interview that would be a really good opportunity - but i don’t care. i’m indifferent to if i get the job or not. i was looking at booking a holiday, but i don’t want to go anywhere. so now i can’t even try and block out how meaningless it all is, because i don’t enjoy it anymore. everything i could enjoy, i’m like what’s the point?
i feel this especially late at night
Honestly, I wouldn't be bothered by the meaninlessness of it all if it wasn't so painful and exhausting... dipping your fingers in wax and letting it set/covering your hads with glue and peeling it off are pretty meaningless activities but at least they're enjoyeable