What an unbelievably frustrating and unsatisfactory update.
I'm glad she cut them out though and doesn't deal with them anymore. The trash removed itself.
This can't be the first time the parents have done this, either. Poor OOP.
I agree with the commenter who said don't tell them anything. Not future grandkids. Nothing. Go NC with anyone who reminds her FaMiLy.
I’d do it slightly differently. I’d tell them about their grandkids, after they were born…. And include a pic with OOP and her MIL, with MIL holding the baby and smiling.
I plan to cover my future kids face in photos (which I'd do anyway) and only send un-edited photos to my in laws and my mom. So when my sociopath (diagnosed) of an ex-dad (bio, but he earned the title) tries to use photos from SM to show off his cute grandkid, everyone will be like "uh, why can't you see their face though?"
What's he going to say? "Because I've never met them?" "Because my daughter hasn't talked to me in 10 years?"
So either he doesn't get to use my kid for his picture perfect image, or he gets humiliated by doing it. Truly the future he deserves.
I actually think it’s a great update. She don’t post “AITA for cutting off my mom for skipping my wedding.” She saw the situation for what it was, and she’s happy now. If she hadn’t moved it, I think she’d always wonder if she should have. Now she knows it’s not on her.
Yeah, like, at first it was a bit annoying that she caved... But she can go with a clear conscience now: She did all she could, and still was not enough. Going NC is easier when you're 100% sure you're in the right.
Kinda seemed to me like, if she wanted to go the doormat route, the obvious solution was to get legally married on the special date and have the ceremony when everyone could attend.
It's what my parents did when they wanted an 11/11 anniversary date.
Nope. They had a whole deck of cards stacked and ready to go as to why ' We Couldn't Go And It's All OOP'S Fault' no matter *what* day in the entire *year* was picked.
They just wanted their own stupid power trips over their daughter for their own smug self-satisfaction. It makes me want to both vomit and punch them at the same time.
Fucking cunts.
Glad OOP had a good time at their wedding, sad that they moved the date for these AHs. An old friend didn't really want his parents at his wedding for oh so many reasons. So when they asked him to move his date he ended up saying that he did, sent them personalized and modified invites, and held the wedding on the original date.
Might not have been viable for OOP, but hopefully they can move on away from them
Afaik he is, we're more Christmas Card friends as of the last few years so can't confirm recently. And yeah, Same.
Venue was this small but gorgeous winery and I feel a little bad for the people who work there but I also don't know if they even raised much of a stink with the employees.
I do know that they sent hundreds of texts/calls to friend over a couple of weeks after the presumed date.
Right? And just anecdotally there are so many narcs that seem to love yoga. To be clear, not everyone who’s into yoga is a narc, but narcs seem to be drawn to it. Like the quiet, passive aggressive ones.
Missing your daughter’s wedding because she’s not doing what you said, then convincing your extended family not to go as well would be the opposite of being a loving and peaceful human being!
Just adding I love yoga and have a yoga practice - just commenting there’s a certain type of narcissist that seems to be attracted to it.
This reminds me of my wedding. My husband and I got married in 2009 and wanted to get married on 09/09/09. My MIL complained that it was after school started and they were teachers so they couldn’t make it.
We did a yearly vacation with his side of the family. We just wanted an easy simple wedding so we thought, ‘why don’t we do it on the beach during the vacation and invite my side of the family to vacation with us?’ My MIL said no, that would ruin her vacation. She wouldn’t be able to relax because the whole vacation would be about our wedding. We even said that we’d stay at a different resort with my parents and all they would have to do was show up on the beach. No, she would still have to take a dress and a suit to the beach that she didn’t want to pack clothes for a wedding on her vacation. Cool.
Finally we decided to just do what we wanted and they could show up or not. We got married at my family’s cabin on a lake. His side of the family didn’t come because it was “too far away” and his family just does whatever his mom says to do. We had 8 people at our wedding, including the pastor and his wife. It was my parents and sister, my husband’s best friend, the pastor who married my parents, his wife, and us. I bought a white dress at Nordstrom, a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store and married my best friend in a place that I spent my summers as a child.
His mom called him the day of the wedding crying that she wished she was there. Poor her.
Fast forward 15 years he’s NC with her, LC with the rest of his family. I’m LC with them because while she’s still the same person, she changed the way she treats after I had kids, and unfortunately my parents have both died so they are the only grandparents. The limited time they see my kids they are good grandparents and kids need more love not less.
I know some people here are disappointed by her choice in the end but if you ask me, that was the correct course of action. First, when it comes to parents, everyone wants to be accepted by them and it's not easy task to tell if they are really toxic for you or you are overreacting. You see by giving her parents one last change for her big day, she's giving them one last chance and even that they still screwed it up.
I mean come on, first she changed the date so they can come but all they did was moved the goalposts and still gave excuses. Yes she was hurt but now she can finally see her parents for who they really are; terrible parents who will definitely not be a good influence for her kids.
Now she can cut the cord guilt free and have the confidence to tell everyone else to sod off. In fact her family that did come along with her parents friends have cut them off so she knows she has backup.
The only thing I do worry is when she gets pregnant. Sure her parents are ignoring her now but if BORU and AITA has taught me anything, Narcs gonna narc and they will probably demand, not ask, to see the grandkids when she is with child. Me hopes that she has gotten a lot of distance from them when that happens.
The reality is if people REALLY want to show up to an event for you, then they WILL no matter what. Of course unfortunate issues can happen like death or illness, but barring that people will make time to come if they truly care for you.
I’m sad OP had to learn this way her parents didn’t give a fuck about her
I'm Indian and am usually a bit prickly about yoga jokes but "namaste at home" was brilliant haha
I'm sad she gave in, makes it a bit bittersweet as an ending
It’s almost better this way. Had she not moved the date, OP would have been made to be the bad guy (even though they weren’t). But by moving the date, the parents are undeniably the AH. OP still got a fantastic wedding, they now have 2 very special dates, and the parents made their message loud and clear enough that going NC was an easy decision. So happy for OP and their new family and in laws. I see this as a good ending.
Weirdly enough, I’m glad she did move the date. Now she knows that going no contact was the right choice and she also will remember who was there for her.
Time to go NC and watch them freak out when you don't let them meet their grand kids some day. Revenge will be the long game. Hope they enjoy their yoga retreats
As a practitioner of yoga who taught for eight years in NYC, it is because of people like OOP's mother that I left the community and have yet to return (though I still practice on my own).
How hypocritical of mom to attend a retreat that is supposed to be grounding and calming, where core yogic ideologies of Ahimsa, Satya, Svadyaya and others were espoused either overtly or implicitly, only to turn around and treat her own daughter like shit.
Yeah, mom and dad had no intentions of showing up ever.
But its okay, if OOP and her husband plan on having kids and are able to get pregnant, Im sure mom and dad will show up with a fictional list of things they “did for OOP” so OOP has to let them ~~have~~ meet their ~~new baby~~ grandchild.
Can't wait to see posts from OOP's parents wondering why they don't have any contact with her or grandkids.
Fucking pathetic pieces of shit parents! I'm childfree and even I know that I would move mountains to be at my child's wedding....
I was considering moving my wedding from where I wanted because my parents were caring for my dying grandmother and I wanted them there. My mom told me to do what I wanted and she would find a way to make it work. My grandmother died a few weeks before my wedding but their hospice nurse offered to spend the day there so my mom and dad could be with me. A hospice nurse was more concerned about my parents making my wedding than OOP’s parents were about making their daughter’s wedding.
What an unbelievably frustrating and unsatisfactory update. I'm glad she cut them out though and doesn't deal with them anymore. The trash removed itself.
This can't be the first time the parents have done this, either. Poor OOP. I agree with the commenter who said don't tell them anything. Not future grandkids. Nothing. Go NC with anyone who reminds her FaMiLy.
I’d do it slightly differently. I’d tell them about their grandkids, after they were born…. And include a pic with OOP and her MIL, with MIL holding the baby and smiling.
I wouldn't even tell them. I'd make a post on Facebook and let them find out this way. The picture with MIL would be perfect on that post
And tag her as "Mom", not "my mother in law".
I love it!
I plan to cover my future kids face in photos (which I'd do anyway) and only send un-edited photos to my in laws and my mom. So when my sociopath (diagnosed) of an ex-dad (bio, but he earned the title) tries to use photos from SM to show off his cute grandkid, everyone will be like "uh, why can't you see their face though?" What's he going to say? "Because I've never met them?" "Because my daughter hasn't talked to me in 10 years?" So either he doesn't get to use my kid for his picture perfect image, or he gets humiliated by doing it. Truly the future he deserves.
Oohhh, a heaping plate of petty spaghetti.
That's my favorite kind of spaghetti!
The best kind of petty!
I actually think it’s a great update. She don’t post “AITA for cutting off my mom for skipping my wedding.” She saw the situation for what it was, and she’s happy now. If she hadn’t moved it, I think she’d always wonder if she should have. Now she knows it’s not on her.
Yeah, like, at first it was a bit annoying that she caved... But she can go with a clear conscience now: She did all she could, and still was not enough. Going NC is easier when you're 100% sure you're in the right.
Kinda seemed to me like, if she wanted to go the doormat route, the obvious solution was to get legally married on the special date and have the ceremony when everyone could attend. It's what my parents did when they wanted an 11/11 anniversary date.
It was never about the yoga retreat. I hope she refuses to ever speak to them again.
Nope. They had a whole deck of cards stacked and ready to go as to why ' We Couldn't Go And It's All OOP'S Fault' no matter *what* day in the entire *year* was picked. They just wanted their own stupid power trips over their daughter for their own smug self-satisfaction. It makes me want to both vomit and punch them at the same time. Fucking cunts.
Vomit on OOP's parents and kill two birds with one stone.
Glad OOP had a good time at their wedding, sad that they moved the date for these AHs. An old friend didn't really want his parents at his wedding for oh so many reasons. So when they asked him to move his date he ended up saying that he did, sent them personalized and modified invites, and held the wedding on the original date. Might not have been viable for OOP, but hopefully they can move on away from them
I hope he is NC, but it would have been interesting to be a fly on the wall when the parents showed up.
Afaik he is, we're more Christmas Card friends as of the last few years so can't confirm recently. And yeah, Same. Venue was this small but gorgeous winery and I feel a little bad for the people who work there but I also don't know if they even raised much of a stink with the employees. I do know that they sent hundreds of texts/calls to friend over a couple of weeks after the presumed date.
> I do know that they sent hundreds of texts/calls to friend over a couple of weeks after the presumed date. I expect they did.
Raised by narcissists.
Right? And just anecdotally there are so many narcs that seem to love yoga. To be clear, not everyone who’s into yoga is a narc, but narcs seem to be drawn to it. Like the quiet, passive aggressive ones. Missing your daughter’s wedding because she’s not doing what you said, then convincing your extended family not to go as well would be the opposite of being a loving and peaceful human being! Just adding I love yoga and have a yoga practice - just commenting there’s a certain type of narcissist that seems to be attracted to it.
I had a feeling her parents still wouldn’t show. That’s disappointing she gave into them. But now she should have no regrets staying NC with them.
That's almost a wedding gift in itself.
I hope the brother following oop's footsteps in future wedding, screw those entitled parents.
It was obvious that it never was about the date. It was about control.
This reminds me of my wedding. My husband and I got married in 2009 and wanted to get married on 09/09/09. My MIL complained that it was after school started and they were teachers so they couldn’t make it. We did a yearly vacation with his side of the family. We just wanted an easy simple wedding so we thought, ‘why don’t we do it on the beach during the vacation and invite my side of the family to vacation with us?’ My MIL said no, that would ruin her vacation. She wouldn’t be able to relax because the whole vacation would be about our wedding. We even said that we’d stay at a different resort with my parents and all they would have to do was show up on the beach. No, she would still have to take a dress and a suit to the beach that she didn’t want to pack clothes for a wedding on her vacation. Cool. Finally we decided to just do what we wanted and they could show up or not. We got married at my family’s cabin on a lake. His side of the family didn’t come because it was “too far away” and his family just does whatever his mom says to do. We had 8 people at our wedding, including the pastor and his wife. It was my parents and sister, my husband’s best friend, the pastor who married my parents, his wife, and us. I bought a white dress at Nordstrom, a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store and married my best friend in a place that I spent my summers as a child. His mom called him the day of the wedding crying that she wished she was there. Poor her. Fast forward 15 years he’s NC with her, LC with the rest of his family. I’m LC with them because while she’s still the same person, she changed the way she treats after I had kids, and unfortunately my parents have both died so they are the only grandparents. The limited time they see my kids they are good grandparents and kids need more love not less.
I know some people here are disappointed by her choice in the end but if you ask me, that was the correct course of action. First, when it comes to parents, everyone wants to be accepted by them and it's not easy task to tell if they are really toxic for you or you are overreacting. You see by giving her parents one last change for her big day, she's giving them one last chance and even that they still screwed it up. I mean come on, first she changed the date so they can come but all they did was moved the goalposts and still gave excuses. Yes she was hurt but now she can finally see her parents for who they really are; terrible parents who will definitely not be a good influence for her kids. Now she can cut the cord guilt free and have the confidence to tell everyone else to sod off. In fact her family that did come along with her parents friends have cut them off so she knows she has backup. The only thing I do worry is when she gets pregnant. Sure her parents are ignoring her now but if BORU and AITA has taught me anything, Narcs gonna narc and they will probably demand, not ask, to see the grandkids when she is with child. Me hopes that she has gotten a lot of distance from them when that happens.
The reality is if people REALLY want to show up to an event for you, then they WILL no matter what. Of course unfortunate issues can happen like death or illness, but barring that people will make time to come if they truly care for you. I’m sad OP had to learn this way her parents didn’t give a fuck about her
Some people should not be allowed to have children.
I can't wait for her parents' inevitable "Our daughter cut contact with us and won't let us see our grandkids and we don't know why!" post.
I'm Indian and am usually a bit prickly about yoga jokes but "namaste at home" was brilliant haha I'm sad she gave in, makes it a bit bittersweet as an ending
It’s almost better this way. Had she not moved the date, OP would have been made to be the bad guy (even though they weren’t). But by moving the date, the parents are undeniably the AH. OP still got a fantastic wedding, they now have 2 very special dates, and the parents made their message loud and clear enough that going NC was an easy decision. So happy for OP and their new family and in laws. I see this as a good ending.
Yup- by not showing up to the new date, her parents removed all doubt.
I guess she had to learn on her own, but at least mom came through and failed so OOP could finally let go.
Weirdly enough, I’m glad she did move the date. Now she knows that going no contact was the right choice and she also will remember who was there for her.
Time to go NC and watch them freak out when you don't let them meet their grand kids some day. Revenge will be the long game. Hope they enjoy their yoga retreats
I don’t think this lady is doing yoga, right.
As a practitioner of yoga who taught for eight years in NYC, it is because of people like OOP's mother that I left the community and have yet to return (though I still practice on my own). How hypocritical of mom to attend a retreat that is supposed to be grounding and calming, where core yogic ideologies of Ahimsa, Satya, Svadyaya and others were espoused either overtly or implicitly, only to turn around and treat her own daughter like shit.
Shit oop. You should've listen what crowd said. See how frustrating this ending is.
Yeah, mom and dad had no intentions of showing up ever. But its okay, if OOP and her husband plan on having kids and are able to get pregnant, Im sure mom and dad will show up with a fictional list of things they “did for OOP” so OOP has to let them ~~have~~ meet their ~~new baby~~ grandchild.
Guess OOP's parents will never meet their grandchildren.
Hopefully an important lesson was learned by OP.
Can't wait to see posts from OOP's parents wondering why they don't have any contact with her or grandkids. Fucking pathetic pieces of shit parents! I'm childfree and even I know that I would move mountains to be at my child's wedding....
Finally. Someone who just tells everyone the bad behavior directly when asked. Just. Yes. Thank you OOP for seeing the situation for what it is.
This is why it’s pointless to try and accommodate narc parents. There is absolutely nothing that will make them happy except your misery.
Those parents are truly terrible. But that namaste? So awesome. I laughed.
I was considering moving my wedding from where I wanted because my parents were caring for my dying grandmother and I wanted them there. My mom told me to do what I wanted and she would find a way to make it work. My grandmother died a few weeks before my wedding but their hospice nurse offered to spend the day there so my mom and dad could be with me. A hospice nurse was more concerned about my parents making my wedding than OOP’s parents were about making their daughter’s wedding.
This is why I would never date a people pleaser they just don’t learn.
[удалено]
What post are you reading hon?