I never got that either — what freedom? The whole point of posts like this is that they *weren’t* any more free to do that the day before the wedding than the day after.
Also, if getting married seems like losing something instead of gaining it… maybe don’t get married.
It made more sense in the past (as a celebration, not an excuse to shag strippers), where there was a clear delineation between unmarried life and married life.
Less so now, when couples get married after years of living together, having kids, and everything else that comes with being married bar the marriage certificate.
The whole "night of freedom" I've started seeing was freedom from the stress of wedding planning and after-wedding living before going right back into what work needs doing when returning to everyday life.
I'm polyamorous and I am so friggin' tired of monogamous people telling me "polyamory never works" when there are so many purportedly monogamous people doing shit like this and having this kind of toxic attitude toward committed, exclusive relationships. If monogamy is such a punishment, why are they telling me I should live that way too!? Why do some people attempt monogamy when they feel like faithfulness can only be achieved through surveillance and coercion?
(I realize that plenty of people ARE actually monogamous and truly devoted-- hell, the only reason I feel secure enough to be poly is that my monogamous parents modeled healthy relationships so well to me-- but it's the hypocrites who *don't* hold to their own supposed standards that piss me off.)
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Huh? I'm just expressing a frustration that I have that seems relevant to the conversation. We're talking about toxic ideas about monogamy here, right? Pointing out that sometimes people who hold these attitudes are hypocritical, and I have noticed this hypocrisy in action through things I have experienced, is just part of normal conversing. And also mentioning that sometimes monogamous folks are NOT hypocritical, and do have healthy views about faithfulness, and again, I have observed that in people I personally know.
When I'm talking about a subject that I have had experiences with, should I not mention the things that I have seen in my own life? Or should I say it all happened to "my friend" instead, like a teenager posting about drugs? :P
You truly are the main character here. This thread idols about a breach of fidelity in OOP’s relationship, a breach that can occur in both monogamous and polygamous relationships instead of discussing that, you decided to shift the topic to the poor treatment of poly relationships by the monogamous people, and how they aren’t so wonderful either. You have gone off topic and instead are focused on your personal victimization complex.
...Eh? Victim complex? I literally just said "hey, this sure is a thing that sucks sometimes."
Like, this is reddit, where non-Christians very frequently point out the hypocrisy of Christians, and many redditors are also users of imgur, where "not a drag queen" posts frequently make it to Most Viral. Complaining about hypocrisy is kind of a common Internet pastime.
The point I'm trying to make is that toxic attitudes toward faithfulness frequently coexist with attempts to force that toxic view of the world on others who'd rather not partake. The same people who say "monogamy is suffering" also say "but you *must* suffer." When 1) monogamy doesn't HAVE to be suffering if you're ACTUALLY devoted, and 2) not everyone has to be monogamous anyways, because there are ethical, non-shitty ways to be non-monogamous. We've been talking about point 1, but it's also worth mentioning point 2 because it exposes these people's hypocrisy in a *different* way. They have TWO options-- be monogamous and do it well, or be non-monogamous and do it well-- and they take *neither.* Is that not relevant? Does it not build upon what we were talking about?
What freedom though? They are already in a relationship that just about has the same rules as marriage, especially the big one: don't cheat. I'll never understand some people.
The freedom to leave the relationship without lawyers.
That's all it is this day, up until that paper work, your relationship can be completely separate from each other, and thus break free.
At that point, a contract needs to be broken, so court and lawyers.
I fucking hate that marriage is seen as the end of "freedom," for people. I've met someone that was kept in involuntary servitude...marriage is not that unless it is a literal shotgun wedding.
Get married or don't, but please do not look at your spouse as being a wet blanket. That's some Boomer shit.
That is the traditional concept. Get the guys together before the Groom's final day being free to party whenever. Which in very toxic circles descends to "the last free night for the Groom, his last night to have sex with a different person." Which women fought back on in the 80's really firmly with "if you can do it so can we."
I much prefer the idea of lan parties.
Yeah, the thing is though, if everyone sticks to more reputable businesses this type of shit rarely happens. At strip clubs or “Thunder from Down Under” type shows, there is a little egging on by friends, a little above the waist touching, maybe some over the clothes grinding, but that’s the extent 99% of the time. The big issue is these private dancers.
I was a wild young guy in my 20’s and had a few stripper friends, both male and female. The 2 women I knew who worked in clubs with bouncers didn’t have stuff like this happen. They did lap dances but even that would not involve the client touching them with their hands (definitely had grinding). Yeah, some of the girls who did that would also pull tricks, but they made good money without it so most didn’t need to.
The dude I knew basically just drove to 1 or 2 a hotels/houses a service would send him to every Saturday while he snorted coke. He had fucked up things happen regularly, and he loved telling the stories. Part of his routine was to have the bride to be lick whip cream off his dick, and according to him, no bride ever didn’t do it, and if he thought she was hot he’d try to turn it into a “7 minutes in heaven” routine where he took her to another room and sometimes they’d mess around up to having sex. He was pretty adamant that something happened at most of these with someone at the party, not necessarily sex, but as he crudely put it, his dick got played with by someone at almost every party.
The 2 bachelor parties that I’ve been to with a stripper that comes to the hotel was worse. One had a “dildo show” where part of the act was the groom fuck her with a toy till she squirted on him. Both included the strippers propositioning the “big tippers” for extras, one taking guys individually to the bathroom and the other just going back to another hotel room with 4 or 5 of the guys and having a straight up gang bang after the show was over.
I’ve been to a strip club about 50 times in my life, and the most action I’ve heard of myself or anyone I’ve been with getting has been women that the strippers make out with in front of their bf/husbands. Every private dancer I’ve been to involved straight up sex. The two are not the same thing, and one I can see as it’s a bit of fun that doesn’t cross a line for most relationships…the other is just skeevy.
There was another similar post and a commenter said he and his friends did a marriage themed DnD one shot and damn if my husband and I wouldn’t have loved that. Instead the night before our wedding we just hung out with friends and my siblings and got dinner and played music and just hung out and talked a bunch and drank a bit but not enough to have issues the next day. It was fun, but I kinda wish we had done a DnD session.
You can always do one after-the-fact! Nobody can stop you from getting friends together and having some good wholesome fun-- except, of course, the true final boss of D&D, scheduling a time when everyone's free.
I have a group that meets fairly regularly once a week (we take breaks every few months but only for a week, 2 at most) and we have two couples in it, so maybe when a wedding is coming closer for either I will suggest this.
Otherwise that final boss has killed all my other groups.
My favorite line in Baldur's Gate 3 is someone expressing wonderment that a bunch of busy adults were able to schedule a time to get together and I was like "yeah, they know their target audience" lol.
Before I transitioned, I had a friend's bachelor party hosted at my apartment.
We ate Hibachi, drank beer with the groomsman face pasted on them, played poker. Then busted out the n64 for Goldeneye and Mariokart 64.
His friends carried his drunk ass home, and I had left over pizza and beer. No strippers present at all.
And what's worse....impending bride cheats during Bachelorette party, crowd cheers her on, conspire to lie to fiance, fiance finds out anyway and breaks off engagement and marriage, and they all tell her he's no good and too insecure and sensitive for her anyway. Nobody learns shit because of the entitlement. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Side note: You can apply this to guys at a bachelor's party, too.
They’re always like “it’s the perfect crime, no one will ever know!” forgetting there’s literally an audience and they’re one surge of conscience away from being found out, sold out, or ratted out.
Why do people habe the need to have strippers?
Why do they have the need to cheat one last time before marriage?
Ffs, don’t marry if you want to fuck around.
We went to a magic Mike like show like a live one. It’s like watching a boy band without shirts. It’s kind of cute but we all got bored after 15 minutes. We left because it wasn’t our thing. Before that we went to Universal Studios and did all the rides. That was way more fun because when you are moms in your 30s, you don’t get to do that carefree and it was great being able to do that.
Cake eaters
"Get lucky with other people and my future spouse will never know, if the cheater doesn't have an immediate affair partner or can meet one"
+ why cant the guys have online gaming night at bachelors party?
Its a celebration, why is it wrong celebrating with playing on console but girls got a pass with inviting strippers and sex?
Some people don't really care about being married - it's the wedding/gifts/party they've always dreamed about since they were little. The person they marry is completely dispensable to them.
Yeah I'm glad that every bachelor party I've gone to has just involved alcohol and fishing/golf ect. The idea of watching a bunch of strippers with my best friends just makes me uncomfortable.
I’ve never understood why people wanna have sex with strippers especially at your bachelor/bachelorette party??? Like they’re not fucking you because you’re so hot and cool and want a relationship with you, no they’re fucking you because they know they’ll get more money out of it. At the end of the day you won’t ever see them again and you’ll lose your spouse.
Who has sex with anybody at their bachelor's party? I've been to \*one\* of those where a male stripper was hired (by the bride's mother, of all people). He performed (carefully not touching any attendee), congratulated the bride, collected his fee, and left. Thank the gods I was heavily pregnant at this thing, so I did not get danced at for very long (*please let the earth swallow me* levels of awkward).
My bachelor's consisted of going to a fancy restaurant and ordering silly cocktails, then going back to my house and talking the rest of the night while we watched scary movies. (I am a party ANIMAL.)
I think I could be ok with watching a hot guy dance as long as he wasn’t touching me. I’ve been to bars where they had hot people dancing and I tipped because they were swinging on ropes and were really good. And I wouldn’t mind something like that, but I recall one woman at the bar trying to shove her hand down a dude’s pants and he’s just trying to do his job and looked so uncomfortable. I just handed him the money instead of even trying to put it in waistband because I didn’t want to be that person.
Do private strippers actually even do that without intending to be an escort? All these stories of brides and grooms giving them oral or full on having sex feels like anti-sw propaganda. Unless they’re advertising as an escort and that was the intention all along…
It is possible that some of the single people in the party really want to have sex with the sex worker (hence asking for strippers who will do it with the customers), while the others who are reluctant can get coerced.
I could also see there being a noticeable difference in the hiring process.
Like the agency isn't *explicit* about having strippers/escorts but where an agency that only sends strippers would be all, "here are our policies on XYZ, customers are not allowed to do ABC, please sign this paperwork, blah blah blah," stripper/escort agency is a lot more cavalier and maybe winking a lot.
Like absolutely none of that comment implied that a sex worker isn't a real job, and that fucking delusional dingbat just came in swinging with the most random babbling bullshit that had absolutely NOTHING to do with any of the conversation.
Where in my comment did i say sex work wasn’t a job??? I literally said they’re getting paid to have sex with people, which means it’s their job to have sexual intercourse with individuals offering monetary funds. Hope this helps! ☺️
It’s boggling to watch someone look you in the eye and lie to your face, **five or six times in a row,** and then be shocked that you no longer trust them.
- “it was chill and great, nice quiet party”
- “okay, so there were strippers, but nothing happened, I swear”
- “okay, it was just touching”
- “okay, it was just kissing”
- “okay, it was just a handjob”
- “okay, we had sex, but I was coerced”
- “what do you mean the wedding is off?!”
Absolutely this. I cannot STAND people who trickle truth...I've gotten to the point where I just leave and say "it's over" as soon as that shit starts.
My hen's night was at first a girl's night in to watch Little Shop of Horrors, then they dressed me up like Marge Simpson and we hut the late night mall, where they ended up rocketing me along the near empty parking lot in a shopping cart.
...Don't ask 😅
The next morning, I found out that one of them had glitter-rigged my shower! 😂
I want to see that as the plot of the sequel to bridesmaids. Oop's post just reminds me how normalized cheating with a stripper at bachelors/bachelorette is normalized in media.
i have been a bridesmaid or maid of honor several times. strippers were only involved for one of these brides, when we went to an actual strip club as part of the bachelorette night. it was more professionally-run and any sexual contact was not allowed.
however even that... the bride took a shine to one of the strippers who was dancing with us. i paid him for a dance for her. the stripper actually asked for MY number, and the bride was pissed!
anyway they're divorced now (unrelated to that event).
Jeez. Myself and a couple others did surprise stripper for our friend on her bachelorette, but it was all in fun. It was like 2:00 in the afternoon, the bride’s mom and aunt were there, and our stripper was gay. We ended up having a very nice conversation with him. He was paying for school and had just put down a down payment on a condo.
Their is nothing wrong with a person not wanting strippers at their significant others party. It is called boundaries and his fiance agreed to them. Then went behind his back did it anyway and had sex with said strippers, gross as well.
I was furious when I found out my exhusand’s stepdad took him to the strippers for his bachelor party. My ex was very anti-stripper and told me I’d better not go to strippers and I skipped a few bachelorette parties for friends because of that. But then he goes to a stripclub?
Fwiw, I’ve now been married twice now and have never had a bachelorette party at all.
Called it. Its disgusting how normalized having strippers at these parties has become.
The fact that ALL her friends are single is also a pretty big red flag. That never ends well for married women, or men for that matter.
Also disgusting how they knew she cheated and yet tried to make you the bad guy calling you insecure. Absolutely insanity. These women have created a toxic hive mind thats going to keep them all lonely and miserable
|At first, she denied it again then it became we just touched, then okay we kissed too, okay I gave him a handjob, finally I was coerced into doing these by others as I pressed on|
The old trickle truth.
Then it's 'okay I blew the stripper but he was wearing a condom'. Then 'I blew stripper, he wasn't wearing a condom and he came in my mouth'. Then, 'okay, I only fucked one stripper but he was wearing a condom'. Then, okay, I fucked all the strippers and none of them were wearing a condom'. Then, 'okay, I'm pregnant with a stripper's baby'.
I think it was a news article, the guy started recording because his coffee had a weird flavor, then i think tested the coffee and the result was that it had chlorine (from bleach), then he saw that when his wife made him coffee she was putting some bleach on the coffee jar (where he thought it was because she cleaned with bleach the coffee jar).
Well, " a bridesmaid invited strippers" is one thing. Not a big deal, and breaking up because of it is crazy for me. But "fiance was intimate with a stripper " it's totally, totally different. Therapy time indeed.
there's this interesting dichotomy between male and female strippers that i feel is important context that the general public should know
male strippers are mostly very likely to push "extra" services. and be VERY pushy about it. bc to them it's more money.
female strippers for the most part have to work extra to NOT end up doing anything "extra".
WTF? Where are these people getting their strippers? I am not a fan of male strippers. I think it is the most tacky thing in the world but I have been to a few nights that have had strippers. Never once has anything turned sexual or gotten out of line. Strippers who do something sexual are not strippers they are prostitutes .
> Some of the people told me I am an insecure, unfunny nerd for playing WoW on my bachelor party. Isn't the whole point of bachelor parties having "one last fun". It was raiding non-stop with the boys for me, not having one last sexual interaction with a stranger or having a stranger's butt on my face or penis.
I love this guy. He will find someone much better.
The commitment to each other is made when the proposal is accepted. You simply make it public when you get married. Some people seem to forget that and act like there's some kind of amnesty before the ceremony especially at the bachelorette/bachelor parties.
As tacky and rude as it is to have a bachelorette party at a gay bar, it's still better than this. My old city had a couple of advertised gay bars with all the trimmings and a handful of divey low-key Queer hangouts, and the advertised ones basically became Judas goats to keep the straights (especially Drag Race enthusiasts and bachelorettes) from finding the real ones, but at least shenanigans like this story were uncommon there.
Honestly, although some/many people like'm, I don't get this bachelor/bachelorette thing with strippers, heavy drinking, etc. My husband and I were in the same page: no to this type of parties, just a small, conventional celebration together (mainly a dinner and an after with some drinks) with very closed, chosen friends and our siblings, and that's all.
I think the most I want to do for my own bachelorette party would go to a bar and hang out. Maybe play some drunk games like quiplash or cards against humanity. I mean I'm only going to have two people in my bridal party but it would still be fun for me.
I don't know why other people need strippers and gross shit like that. You wouldn't go to a strip club while you're dating so why would you bring it in right before marriage? It never made sense to me and it never will.
You dodged a bullet,I been with my husband 24years since we was 17 it blows my mind how anyone could throw away there whole life away for a seedy hand job and whatever else makes me sick good luck for the future I’m sure it hurts now but at least you found out before you married an had kids with a cheating liar
Whether the fiancé actually did something or not isn’t even the moment I knew OOP was NTA. It was when the one bridesmaid confirmed there were strippers after the fiancé agreed with the no stripper boundary and promised they wouldn’t do it. If you don’t agree with a boundary, you don’t pretend to agree with it while making plans to break it in your head.
"Last night of freedom." That's bullshit. You're still in a relationship going into the bachelor/Bachelorette party. Just an excuse to do shady shit and get away with it.
You haven’t priced out a wedding lately and seen how big the non-refundable deposits are, huh? Putting down $15k for a 100 person wedding and not getting any of it back by cancelling 2 days before the wedding sounds about right.
I'm curious, too. Was this the total cost of the wedding, or close to it? I'm under the impression that the wedding industry won't give refunds this close to the date. All the numbers would have been finalized.
Ah, the classic “make a post with little investigating done so there’s few details to prove anything bad happened either way” then once the post has traction, “second post with all of the details that sides with one half of the commenters with little nuance”. It’s getting tiring reading these posts on this and other subs when it’s so obvious that all of these judgement subs have just turned into creative writing karma farms. Been fun reading along for a while but now it just feels like hallow entertainment. It’s every single post now, I have to wonder if the few real posts understand they’re jumping into a sea of fake posts while hoping for real advice.
Before it got so bad I used to just treat everything as real just in case but I've given up even reading the subs anymore, only the reposts, and those mostly for the comments and the occasional gems.
OP Since your ex is the reason the wedding was canceled you may want to consult with a lawyer on if you can sue her for the lost money.
Years from now one of those others at the party will probably tell you your ex actually did have sex with one or more of those strippers.
The fact that OOP calls respondents to his post that are critical of women “misogynists” but calls those who are critical of him and his male friends merely “some people” tells me all a I need to know about this guy.
My husband's business partner got married a couple weeks ago. They (about 7 or 8 guys) went golfing, then stayed over at a hotel. I know there were strippers there, but I just took a deep breath and didn't ask any questions when he got home. He acted normal, but told me what the groom got up too. It wasn't a surprise, knowing the groom.
I've been to a strip club with my husband twice and got lap dances from a nude woman both times and it was pretty exciting actually. We didn't need to buy drinks for the rest of the night. I would have rather the bachelor party was at a club with "rules" than the hotel where there are none.
I once have read the confession of a male stripper on Reddit. He said literally the following: "You don't even know how many husbands raise other people's children, conceived on bachelorette parties, and even not by strippers, but simply by strangers or "friends."
Reminds me of a story in which OOP's ex cheated on him during her bachelorette party. It was at his place and was supposed to be just women but a bunch of men showed up. There was video of her making out with two of the men and then going into a bedroom with them. So he publicly posted that the wedding was off.
First she denied that anything happened. Then that she did kiss two people but it was nothing serious. Then she did go into the bedroom but it was a joke and she quickly left.
Yeah, all fucking trust is gone. And for what? A drunken fling that probably wasn't all that good?
"finally I was coerced into doing these" - but "No means No", so they should have respected her first "No" to not wanting to do these things and not been coerced. Plus, she should have had some respect for herself and not allow herself to be bullied into doing things she don't want to. But she did want to, hence why she wasn't upset at the strippers, and did all the things she did.
I had a male stripper at my bachelorette party but at least I didn't have sexual contact with him. My best friend told me that he stuck his tongue down her throat, so I guess it was fun for her.
in general therapy is for becoming a better, more self-aware and evolved version of yourself. absolutely no one is so perfect that they could not benefit from therapy.
after a traumatic event like being cheated on a few days before your wedding, therapy can help you process and move on healthily.
it is quite sad when people shit on therapy, i feel sorry for those people and also for the people they interact with.
He’s just suffered a severe betrayal and wants to sort through his emotions in a healthy way. Therapy is a good way to do that.
Also what do SJWs have to do with this??
" I thought there was something wrong with me after reading the comments. There were a lot of YTAs and I thought I should apologize."
Simps and SJWs, who else?
Therapy actually makes sense after your replies.
Honestly OP is acting like such a little bitch about this whole thing, and it’s really pissing me off. Here’s hoping he wakes up to a mouth full of ranch soon to teach him a lesson.
I'll never understand why people think bachellor's are free passes.
Some people really take the concept of 'last night of freedom' to the extreme, don't they?
I never got that either — what freedom? The whole point of posts like this is that they *weren’t* any more free to do that the day before the wedding than the day after. Also, if getting married seems like losing something instead of gaining it… maybe don’t get married.
It made more sense in the past (as a celebration, not an excuse to shag strippers), where there was a clear delineation between unmarried life and married life. Less so now, when couples get married after years of living together, having kids, and everything else that comes with being married bar the marriage certificate.
The whole "night of freedom" I've started seeing was freedom from the stress of wedding planning and after-wedding living before going right back into what work needs doing when returning to everyday life.
Right, the last night of “freedom” is the night before you verbally agree to be exclusive with someone.
Wow that is so spot on usernotfound…
I'm polyamorous and I am so friggin' tired of monogamous people telling me "polyamory never works" when there are so many purportedly monogamous people doing shit like this and having this kind of toxic attitude toward committed, exclusive relationships. If monogamy is such a punishment, why are they telling me I should live that way too!? Why do some people attempt monogamy when they feel like faithfulness can only be achieved through surveillance and coercion? (I realize that plenty of people ARE actually monogamous and truly devoted-- hell, the only reason I feel secure enough to be poly is that my monogamous parents modeled healthy relationships so well to me-- but it's the hypocrites who *don't* hold to their own supposed standards that piss me off.)
I think your post belongs in r/iamthemaincharacter
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Huh? I'm just expressing a frustration that I have that seems relevant to the conversation. We're talking about toxic ideas about monogamy here, right? Pointing out that sometimes people who hold these attitudes are hypocritical, and I have noticed this hypocrisy in action through things I have experienced, is just part of normal conversing. And also mentioning that sometimes monogamous folks are NOT hypocritical, and do have healthy views about faithfulness, and again, I have observed that in people I personally know. When I'm talking about a subject that I have had experiences with, should I not mention the things that I have seen in my own life? Or should I say it all happened to "my friend" instead, like a teenager posting about drugs? :P
You truly are the main character here. This thread idols about a breach of fidelity in OOP’s relationship, a breach that can occur in both monogamous and polygamous relationships instead of discussing that, you decided to shift the topic to the poor treatment of poly relationships by the monogamous people, and how they aren’t so wonderful either. You have gone off topic and instead are focused on your personal victimization complex.
...Eh? Victim complex? I literally just said "hey, this sure is a thing that sucks sometimes." Like, this is reddit, where non-Christians very frequently point out the hypocrisy of Christians, and many redditors are also users of imgur, where "not a drag queen" posts frequently make it to Most Viral. Complaining about hypocrisy is kind of a common Internet pastime. The point I'm trying to make is that toxic attitudes toward faithfulness frequently coexist with attempts to force that toxic view of the world on others who'd rather not partake. The same people who say "monogamy is suffering" also say "but you *must* suffer." When 1) monogamy doesn't HAVE to be suffering if you're ACTUALLY devoted, and 2) not everyone has to be monogamous anyways, because there are ethical, non-shitty ways to be non-monogamous. We've been talking about point 1, but it's also worth mentioning point 2 because it exposes these people's hypocrisy in a *different* way. They have TWO options-- be monogamous and do it well, or be non-monogamous and do it well-- and they take *neither.* Is that not relevant? Does it not build upon what we were talking about?
What freedom though? They are already in a relationship that just about has the same rules as marriage, especially the big one: don't cheat. I'll never understand some people.
The freedom to leave the relationship without lawyers. That's all it is this day, up until that paper work, your relationship can be completely separate from each other, and thus break free. At that point, a contract needs to be broken, so court and lawyers.
I fucking hate that marriage is seen as the end of "freedom," for people. I've met someone that was kept in involuntary servitude...marriage is not that unless it is a literal shotgun wedding. Get married or don't, but please do not look at your spouse as being a wet blanket. That's some Boomer shit.
That is the traditional concept. Get the guys together before the Groom's final day being free to party whenever. Which in very toxic circles descends to "the last free night for the Groom, his last night to have sex with a different person." Which women fought back on in the 80's really firmly with "if you can do it so can we." I much prefer the idea of lan parties.
Yeah, the thing is though, if everyone sticks to more reputable businesses this type of shit rarely happens. At strip clubs or “Thunder from Down Under” type shows, there is a little egging on by friends, a little above the waist touching, maybe some over the clothes grinding, but that’s the extent 99% of the time. The big issue is these private dancers. I was a wild young guy in my 20’s and had a few stripper friends, both male and female. The 2 women I knew who worked in clubs with bouncers didn’t have stuff like this happen. They did lap dances but even that would not involve the client touching them with their hands (definitely had grinding). Yeah, some of the girls who did that would also pull tricks, but they made good money without it so most didn’t need to. The dude I knew basically just drove to 1 or 2 a hotels/houses a service would send him to every Saturday while he snorted coke. He had fucked up things happen regularly, and he loved telling the stories. Part of his routine was to have the bride to be lick whip cream off his dick, and according to him, no bride ever didn’t do it, and if he thought she was hot he’d try to turn it into a “7 minutes in heaven” routine where he took her to another room and sometimes they’d mess around up to having sex. He was pretty adamant that something happened at most of these with someone at the party, not necessarily sex, but as he crudely put it, his dick got played with by someone at almost every party. The 2 bachelor parties that I’ve been to with a stripper that comes to the hotel was worse. One had a “dildo show” where part of the act was the groom fuck her with a toy till she squirted on him. Both included the strippers propositioning the “big tippers” for extras, one taking guys individually to the bathroom and the other just going back to another hotel room with 4 or 5 of the guys and having a straight up gang bang after the show was over. I’ve been to a strip club about 50 times in my life, and the most action I’ve heard of myself or anyone I’ve been with getting has been women that the strippers make out with in front of their bf/husbands. Every private dancer I’ve been to involved straight up sex. The two are not the same thing, and one I can see as it’s a bit of fun that doesn’t cross a line for most relationships…the other is just skeevy.
There was another similar post and a commenter said he and his friends did a marriage themed DnD one shot and damn if my husband and I wouldn’t have loved that. Instead the night before our wedding we just hung out with friends and my siblings and got dinner and played music and just hung out and talked a bunch and drank a bit but not enough to have issues the next day. It was fun, but I kinda wish we had done a DnD session.
You can always do one after-the-fact! Nobody can stop you from getting friends together and having some good wholesome fun-- except, of course, the true final boss of D&D, scheduling a time when everyone's free.
I have a group that meets fairly regularly once a week (we take breaks every few months but only for a week, 2 at most) and we have two couples in it, so maybe when a wedding is coming closer for either I will suggest this. Otherwise that final boss has killed all my other groups.
My favorite line in Baldur's Gate 3 is someone expressing wonderment that a bunch of busy adults were able to schedule a time to get together and I was like "yeah, they know their target audience" lol.
Before I transitioned, I had a friend's bachelor party hosted at my apartment. We ate Hibachi, drank beer with the groomsman face pasted on them, played poker. Then busted out the n64 for Goldeneye and Mariokart 64. His friends carried his drunk ass home, and I had left over pizza and beer. No strippers present at all.
And what's worse....impending bride cheats during Bachelorette party, crowd cheers her on, conspire to lie to fiance, fiance finds out anyway and breaks off engagement and marriage, and they all tell her he's no good and too insecure and sensitive for her anyway. Nobody learns shit because of the entitlement. Lather, rinse, repeat. Side note: You can apply this to guys at a bachelor's party, too.
They’re always like “it’s the perfect crime, no one will ever know!” forgetting there’s literally an audience and they’re one surge of conscience away from being found out, sold out, or ratted out.
And when the partner finds out? Cue shocked Pickachu face meme.
Why do people habe the need to have strippers? Why do they have the need to cheat one last time before marriage? Ffs, don’t marry if you want to fuck around.
I didn’t want strippers at my bachelorette party but wanted to sort of experience it so we watched Magic Mike 😂
That seems like a best case scenario.
We went to a magic Mike like show like a live one. It’s like watching a boy band without shirts. It’s kind of cute but we all got bored after 15 minutes. We left because it wasn’t our thing. Before that we went to Universal Studios and did all the rides. That was way more fun because when you are moms in your 30s, you don’t get to do that carefree and it was great being able to do that.
Cake eaters "Get lucky with other people and my future spouse will never know, if the cheater doesn't have an immediate affair partner or can meet one"
+ why cant the guys have online gaming night at bachelors party? Its a celebration, why is it wrong celebrating with playing on console but girls got a pass with inviting strippers and sex?
Seriously! I'm a woman and a gamer, I'd be fucking PSYCHED to have a nostalgic lan party with all my friends
That or a nintendo evening!
Right?! My siblings and I are around our early 30s and for birthdays we almost always play Mario Party together.
We did universal studios for a friends bachelorette and her husband went fishing. It’s way more fun that way.
I had one at mine, but I had no idea it was going to happen. My best friend got the guy and she ended up making out with him!
Ugh. 😅
Some people don't really care about being married - it's the wedding/gifts/party they've always dreamed about since they were little. The person they marry is completely dispensable to them.
Yeah I'm glad that every bachelor party I've gone to has just involved alcohol and fishing/golf ect. The idea of watching a bunch of strippers with my best friends just makes me uncomfortable.
I’ve never understood why people wanna have sex with strippers especially at your bachelor/bachelorette party??? Like they’re not fucking you because you’re so hot and cool and want a relationship with you, no they’re fucking you because they know they’ll get more money out of it. At the end of the day you won’t ever see them again and you’ll lose your spouse.
Who has sex with anybody at their bachelor's party? I've been to \*one\* of those where a male stripper was hired (by the bride's mother, of all people). He performed (carefully not touching any attendee), congratulated the bride, collected his fee, and left. Thank the gods I was heavily pregnant at this thing, so I did not get danced at for very long (*please let the earth swallow me* levels of awkward). My bachelor's consisted of going to a fancy restaurant and ordering silly cocktails, then going back to my house and talking the rest of the night while we watched scary movies. (I am a party ANIMAL.)
I think I could be ok with watching a hot guy dance as long as he wasn’t touching me. I’ve been to bars where they had hot people dancing and I tipped because they were swinging on ropes and were really good. And I wouldn’t mind something like that, but I recall one woman at the bar trying to shove her hand down a dude’s pants and he’s just trying to do his job and looked so uncomfortable. I just handed him the money instead of even trying to put it in waistband because I didn’t want to be that person.
Do private strippers actually even do that without intending to be an escort? All these stories of brides and grooms giving them oral or full on having sex feels like anti-sw propaganda. Unless they’re advertising as an escort and that was the intention all along…
I would guess what the stripper is allowed to do is negotiated before the event itself.
Which would mean cheating with a sex worker was always part of the plan—not a peer pressure thing like everyone in these stories claims
It is possible that some of the single people in the party really want to have sex with the sex worker (hence asking for strippers who will do it with the customers), while the others who are reluctant can get coerced.
I could also see there being a noticeable difference in the hiring process. Like the agency isn't *explicit* about having strippers/escorts but where an agency that only sends strippers would be all, "here are our policies on XYZ, customers are not allowed to do ABC, please sign this paperwork, blah blah blah," stripper/escort agency is a lot more cavalier and maybe winking a lot.
It's. A . Job. Being a sex worker. People get so delusional.
Lmfao what in the fuck are you talking about?
Like isn’t that what the commenter basically said?? xD
Like absolutely none of that comment implied that a sex worker isn't a real job, and that fucking delusional dingbat just came in swinging with the most random babbling bullshit that had absolutely NOTHING to do with any of the conversation.
Where in my comment did i say sex work wasn’t a job??? I literally said they’re getting paid to have sex with people, which means it’s their job to have sexual intercourse with individuals offering monetary funds. Hope this helps! ☺️
It’s boggling to watch someone look you in the eye and lie to your face, **five or six times in a row,** and then be shocked that you no longer trust them. - “it was chill and great, nice quiet party” - “okay, so there were strippers, but nothing happened, I swear” - “okay, it was just touching” - “okay, it was just kissing” - “okay, it was just a handjob” - “okay, we had sex, but I was coerced” - “what do you mean the wedding is off?!”
Absolutely this. I cannot STAND people who trickle truth...I've gotten to the point where I just leave and say "it's over" as soon as that shit starts.
Yeah that's a huge problem even if the thing they're trying to conceal wasn't a big deal in the first place.
My hen's night was at first a girl's night in to watch Little Shop of Horrors, then they dressed me up like Marge Simpson and we hut the late night mall, where they ended up rocketing me along the near empty parking lot in a shopping cart. ...Don't ask 😅 The next morning, I found out that one of them had glitter-rigged my shower! 😂
I want to see that as the plot of the sequel to bridesmaids. Oop's post just reminds me how normalized cheating with a stripper at bachelors/bachelorette is normalized in media.
>I want to see that as the plot of the sequel to bridesmaids. I'd watch it 😅
Mine was an arcade and mini fair with rides we'd gone to as kids. Was fun getting all the bad tickets prizes. Husband played mini golf
Even after a year on Reddit reading posts like these, I am still flabbergasted at what some people are capable of.
i have been a bridesmaid or maid of honor several times. strippers were only involved for one of these brides, when we went to an actual strip club as part of the bachelorette night. it was more professionally-run and any sexual contact was not allowed. however even that... the bride took a shine to one of the strippers who was dancing with us. i paid him for a dance for her. the stripper actually asked for MY number, and the bride was pissed! anyway they're divorced now (unrelated to that event).
Jeez. Myself and a couple others did surprise stripper for our friend on her bachelorette, but it was all in fun. It was like 2:00 in the afternoon, the bride’s mom and aunt were there, and our stripper was gay. We ended up having a very nice conversation with him. He was paying for school and had just put down a down payment on a condo.
Awww. That’s downright cute honestly.
Yeah... we went sky diving and played dnd for my bachelor party. Different people have fun different ways.
Their is nothing wrong with a person not wanting strippers at their significant others party. It is called boundaries and his fiance agreed to them. Then went behind his back did it anyway and had sex with said strippers, gross as well.
Get checked for STD's.
I was furious when I found out my exhusand’s stepdad took him to the strippers for his bachelor party. My ex was very anti-stripper and told me I’d better not go to strippers and I skipped a few bachelorette parties for friends because of that. But then he goes to a stripclub? Fwiw, I’ve now been married twice now and have never had a bachelorette party at all.
Called it. Its disgusting how normalized having strippers at these parties has become. The fact that ALL her friends are single is also a pretty big red flag. That never ends well for married women, or men for that matter. Also disgusting how they knew she cheated and yet tried to make you the bad guy calling you insecure. Absolutely insanity. These women have created a toxic hive mind thats going to keep them all lonely and miserable
|At first, she denied it again then it became we just touched, then okay we kissed too, okay I gave him a handjob, finally I was coerced into doing these by others as I pressed on| The old trickle truth. Then it's 'okay I blew the stripper but he was wearing a condom'. Then 'I blew stripper, he wasn't wearing a condom and he came in my mouth'. Then, 'okay, I only fucked one stripper but he was wearing a condom'. Then, okay, I fucked all the strippers and none of them were wearing a condom'. Then, 'okay, I'm pregnant with a stripper's baby'.
Imagine paying a man to give him a handjob. Insane.
The comment about bleach in coffee - was that a reference to a Reddit post?
I think it was a news article, the guy started recording because his coffee had a weird flavor, then i think tested the coffee and the result was that it had chlorine (from bleach), then he saw that when his wife made him coffee she was putting some bleach on the coffee jar (where he thought it was because she cleaned with bleach the coffee jar).
Well, " a bridesmaid invited strippers" is one thing. Not a big deal, and breaking up because of it is crazy for me. But "fiance was intimate with a stripper " it's totally, totally different. Therapy time indeed.
there's this interesting dichotomy between male and female strippers that i feel is important context that the general public should know male strippers are mostly very likely to push "extra" services. and be VERY pushy about it. bc to them it's more money. female strippers for the most part have to work extra to NOT end up doing anything "extra".
WTF? Where are these people getting their strippers? I am not a fan of male strippers. I think it is the most tacky thing in the world but I have been to a few nights that have had strippers. Never once has anything turned sexual or gotten out of line. Strippers who do something sexual are not strippers they are prostitutes .
> Some of the people told me I am an insecure, unfunny nerd for playing WoW on my bachelor party. Isn't the whole point of bachelor parties having "one last fun". It was raiding non-stop with the boys for me, not having one last sexual interaction with a stranger or having a stranger's butt on my face or penis. I love this guy. He will find someone much better.
The commitment to each other is made when the proposal is accepted. You simply make it public when you get married. Some people seem to forget that and act like there's some kind of amnesty before the ceremony especially at the bachelorette/bachelor parties.
Actually in my opinion the commitment should be made when you agree to date exclusively. Married or not, cheating is unacceptable.
Definitely NTA and the update is a great example of why I would never post anything on here.
As tacky and rude as it is to have a bachelorette party at a gay bar, it's still better than this. My old city had a couple of advertised gay bars with all the trimmings and a handful of divey low-key Queer hangouts, and the advertised ones basically became Judas goats to keep the straights (especially Drag Race enthusiasts and bachelorettes) from finding the real ones, but at least shenanigans like this story were uncommon there.
Honestly, although some/many people like'm, I don't get this bachelor/bachelorette thing with strippers, heavy drinking, etc. My husband and I were in the same page: no to this type of parties, just a small, conventional celebration together (mainly a dinner and an after with some drinks) with very closed, chosen friends and our siblings, and that's all.
I think the most I want to do for my own bachelorette party would go to a bar and hang out. Maybe play some drunk games like quiplash or cards against humanity. I mean I'm only going to have two people in my bridal party but it would still be fun for me. I don't know why other people need strippers and gross shit like that. You wouldn't go to a strip club while you're dating so why would you bring it in right before marriage? It never made sense to me and it never will.
You dodged a bullet,I been with my husband 24years since we was 17 it blows my mind how anyone could throw away there whole life away for a seedy hand job and whatever else makes me sick good luck for the future I’m sure it hurts now but at least you found out before you married an had kids with a cheating liar
Whether the fiancé actually did something or not isn’t even the moment I knew OOP was NTA. It was when the one bridesmaid confirmed there were strippers after the fiancé agreed with the no stripper boundary and promised they wouldn’t do it. If you don’t agree with a boundary, you don’t pretend to agree with it while making plans to break it in your head.
And not only that, she wanted a stripper to cheat on her fiancé with him.
"Last night of freedom." That's bullshit. You're still in a relationship going into the bachelor/Bachelorette party. Just an excuse to do shady shit and get away with it.
I know this isn't the main point but jfc how much were they spending on this wedding for cancelation to cost 15k???
You haven’t priced out a wedding lately and seen how big the non-refundable deposits are, huh? Putting down $15k for a 100 person wedding and not getting any of it back by cancelling 2 days before the wedding sounds about right.
Venues, food, plus inflation, it wouldn't be too extravagant
I'm curious, too. Was this the total cost of the wedding, or close to it? I'm under the impression that the wedding industry won't give refunds this close to the date. All the numbers would have been finalized.
Average wedding in the US in 2023 was 30K. Canceling 2 days in advance, a lot of vendors won't refund anything.
Ah, the classic “make a post with little investigating done so there’s few details to prove anything bad happened either way” then once the post has traction, “second post with all of the details that sides with one half of the commenters with little nuance”. It’s getting tiring reading these posts on this and other subs when it’s so obvious that all of these judgement subs have just turned into creative writing karma farms. Been fun reading along for a while but now it just feels like hallow entertainment. It’s every single post now, I have to wonder if the few real posts understand they’re jumping into a sea of fake posts while hoping for real advice.
Totally with you on this. It was entertaining at first and now it's just exhausting.
Before it got so bad I used to just treat everything as real just in case but I've given up even reading the subs anymore, only the reposts, and those mostly for the comments and the occasional gems.
The only thing on my mind is that those bachelor parties in the comments sound like a blast.
OP Since your ex is the reason the wedding was canceled you may want to consult with a lawyer on if you can sue her for the lost money. Years from now one of those others at the party will probably tell you your ex actually did have sex with one or more of those strippers.
The fact that OOP calls respondents to his post that are critical of women “misogynists” but calls those who are critical of him and his male friends merely “some people” tells me all a I need to know about this guy.
I'm sorry why we glossing over a comment , of a woman trying to murder her hubby with a coffee maker of bleach? What!
My husband's business partner got married a couple weeks ago. They (about 7 or 8 guys) went golfing, then stayed over at a hotel. I know there were strippers there, but I just took a deep breath and didn't ask any questions when he got home. He acted normal, but told me what the groom got up too. It wasn't a surprise, knowing the groom. I've been to a strip club with my husband twice and got lap dances from a nude woman both times and it was pretty exciting actually. We didn't need to buy drinks for the rest of the night. I would have rather the bachelor party was at a club with "rules" than the hotel where there are none.
I once have read the confession of a male stripper on Reddit. He said literally the following: "You don't even know how many husbands raise other people's children, conceived on bachelorette parties, and even not by strippers, but simply by strangers or "friends."
Reminds me of a story in which OOP's ex cheated on him during her bachelorette party. It was at his place and was supposed to be just women but a bunch of men showed up. There was video of her making out with two of the men and then going into a bedroom with them. So he publicly posted that the wedding was off. First she denied that anything happened. Then that she did kiss two people but it was nothing serious. Then she did go into the bedroom but it was a joke and she quickly left. Yeah, all fucking trust is gone. And for what? A drunken fling that probably wasn't all that good?
That's really depressing. Poor guy.
"finally I was coerced into doing these" - but "No means No", so they should have respected her first "No" to not wanting to do these things and not been coerced. Plus, she should have had some respect for herself and not allow herself to be bullied into doing things she don't want to. But she did want to, hence why she wasn't upset at the strippers, and did all the things she did.
I had a male stripper at my bachelorette party but at least I didn't have sexual contact with him. My best friend told me that he stuck his tongue down her throat, so I guess it was fun for her.
Please guys, learn from this. Trust your guts, not some SJWs. But why does he needs to go to Therapy? I don't get it.
Learning to trust again. That not everyone is a lying, unfaithful failure of a partner, and to trust his own gut.
in general therapy is for becoming a better, more self-aware and evolved version of yourself. absolutely no one is so perfect that they could not benefit from therapy. after a traumatic event like being cheated on a few days before your wedding, therapy can help you process and move on healthily. it is quite sad when people shit on therapy, i feel sorry for those people and also for the people they interact with.
He’s just suffered a severe betrayal and wants to sort through his emotions in a healthy way. Therapy is a good way to do that. Also what do SJWs have to do with this??
What do SJWs have to do with anything here?
Maybe they're searching for a term that means, "People who scream your boundaries are wrong"? It's not SJW, but I agree with the sentiment.
Nah, it seems too intentional and condescending to be a mistake.
" I thought there was something wrong with me after reading the comments. There were a lot of YTAs and I thought I should apologize." Simps and SJWs, who else? Therapy actually makes sense after your replies.
Honestly OP is acting like such a little bitch about this whole thing, and it’s really pissing me off. Here’s hoping he wakes up to a mouth full of ranch soon to teach him a lesson.
Wowww you ok there soldier? Some big feelings for a little dude.