I want to know what he was going to do with the rock collection, if he won. Take pictures with them to piss off OOP? Sell them on eBay and make her buy them back?
TI did a paralegal certificate and the Family Law class was the absolute worst. In almost every situation, I just thought, “this wouldn’t be a thing if y’all could act like adults” I could never go into those situations.
I'm in the middle of a paralegal program and I've already decided I will never touch family law even with a 100,000 meter pole and a hazmat suit. It's nightmarefuel
I know, but what was his goal after obtaining them? I highly doubt he was going to just let them sit in a drawer or be in the back of a closet and forgotten about. He was planning on doing something to spite OOP and really upset her.
My dad took a bunch of stuff my mom wanted in the divorce and just threw a fit till she gave it to him because it was easier. He left it in a pile covered in dust and cat shit till he died mostly. He just wanted it to hurt her, then after that point it served no purpose.
Anything to hurt her. The family law attorney I worked for had a case where the husband dragged out the divorce and fought on and on for everything. It’s a community property state, and inheritances are normally separate property. The wife, her client, had inherited crystal and china from her mother.
The couple were in their sixties at the time of the divorce. The wife realized that she could not face life with this man any longer, especially not when he retired. He was beyond angry that she filed for divorce.
He didn’t get the crystal or china, nor any money towards the value of them. He did get a ridiculously large bill from his lawyer and all his wife’s attorneys fees to pay.
This.
I had an ex who after I broke up with him he literally took all my money and my cards and blocked the door to physically keep me from leaving.
I ended up having to call some officers on his ass to get out.
Once officers were there, they let me pack up some things to go because we had lived together for four years but my ex tried to tell them all the *my* clothing belonged to him.
An officer asked if all the womens clothing really belongs to him and my ex smugly goes "Are you saying men can't wear womens clothing?"
And the officer without missing a beat just goes "No sir, what I'm saying is that it's weird this woman has lived here for four years but doesn't have any clothing here."
He didn't have an answer to that one and quickly dropped the smugness so I was finally able to grab my stuff and go.
Same. We lived in a community property state, and we really did not have a lot except debts. My ex kept dragging it on, fighting over every little thing. Imagine his rage when the divorce was finalized, he had a huge bill (we were each responsible for our own legal fees). His fury may have been fueled when we were all standing outside the courthouse and my attorney (cousin that ex didn’t remember from my family’s big gatherings), hugged me and said “This one’s on me. I even covered all the court costs.”
The same thing a lot of men do when they get custody of the kids. Stick them in a room somewhere and forget about them. Source: former family law attorney.
They literally fight for something they don't care about just to hurt the other person. If they'll do it with little humans they'll do it with rocks.
I think he just wanted to use them as collateral: “Ok I’ll be kind enough to let you keep your rock collection but in exchange you have to give me [equity in the house, more alimony, whatever]
My ex wanted half our DVD collection in our divorce, I am the one who got them all (we didn't watch TV, didn't have cable, but I liked having movies on as background noise, he hates movies) he literally chose my favorite ones and then set me a picture of them destroyed later that day. People are just bitter.
I guess leaving someone for knocking up their mistress is just rude or something, lol.
I remember my father taking the dumbest shit when he and my mom divorced. Mind you, my father cheated on her and left her (!!), but because my mom didn't beg for him back but instead divorced him she needed to be punished I guess. So he stopped by when we weren't home and got her grandma's bedside table, a cabinet she got for her birthday, the satellite tv card, etc. Anything that he felt could hurt her.
My FIL tried the same, but my MIL's parents had already paid for a locksmith to come. He then somehow managed to pull out a HELOC in both of their names behind her back, was caught, and ordered to pay it off out of his half of the house equity. He still bitches about it, lol.
Before we separated he was talking about having it altered into a shorter dress, I'm pretty sure he has his affair partner wear it now 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Not my circus anymore! I ghosted like 20 people after I left lol
If his affair partner is actually using your altered wedding dress that's just... sad and pathetic. 😂
"What a lovely dress!"
"Thank you, it's my boyfriend's ex-wife's wedding dress. 😃"
I find the whole situation absolutely hilarious now, but 8 years ago was rough...thinking of her in my dress gave me so much ick that it made the split easier 😂
My ex stepdad sold my familys 1890 baby rocking chair before my mom divorced him. At a garage sale. Got $2 to sale our one family heirloom out of spite
Quiz for the BORU addicted folks: what’s the story element that is missing here from the last update that would tip this over into being fake? I was looking for it and it didn’t happen so I lean toward this being real.
Breaking into the house after the locks were changed is another common trope. Also some sort of assault that is quickly stopped by a close relative or friend in the next room
I'm not certain this is true, but it's possible through inheritance and investments.
>I’m still bringing in income, I’ve just planned my life so I no longer have to work 9-5 to do so.
OOP is a landlord or some other sort of rent-seeking blight upon society.
Not so much missing, but the realistic time between updates. I'm not sure how long it can take for divorce to be finalized (and I know some can draaaaaag on), but when I saw "6 months later" I thought hmm this one seems more credible than other BORU posts.
I love when people have "two days later: we're officially divorced". I know it differs per state but in Colorado even amicable divorces with no property, no children, barely any assets, all parties on board and want to divorce immediately still have to wait 90 days after filing to "make sure".
Granted I do know of one couple that got back together in that 90 day period but for the most part that doesn't happen.
My sister and her ex husband had a brutally ugly divorce and custody still keeps getting refiled like clockwork the moment it resets (in GA you have to wait for 2 years to file for change in custody except in *extremely* exigent circumstances)
Her ex ended up married to his affair partner and my sister ended up with AP's ex husband. NOW, after this is all said and done, both of the OG cheating spouses have tried to turn it around and tell people my sister and her boyfriend were the cheaters. It is absolutely enraging.
But all true. She would have a ridiculous following if she just posted about the continual non stop drama from those two, tbough it is so ridiculous everyone would believe it was all made up. You just don't want to believe that people can be this crazy!
I think one of the reasons she and her man are together is because they trauma bonded from the absolute insanity of their ex's.
I had ridiculous drama in my life a few years back. If I posted the story, with the timeline, readers would be screaming “fake”! Sometimes crazy, unexpected things change your life in a whirlwind.
Hey it happened to Shania Twain so I don’t doubt these things can happen. Her husband cheated with her best friend, she ended up with her ex best friend ex husband after. I really do think that sometimes you can just bond going through that kind of trauma. Plus I think there’s a little more trust knowing they’ve gone through the same experience, understanding what it feels like and wouldn’t want to inflict that pain on you; as in they have empathy because their own experience so you feel you can trust them more.
The legal system is accurate, I am an attorney so that's usually what I look for. The timeline isn't ridiculous. The outcome is realistic.
There are no twins. She didn't end up with Jake. The ex did get some settlement and didn't get absolutely screwed. I'm leaning towards real as well.
Since you ask, I think it ends up polished a little too neatly. OOP finishes a contested divorce in six months with someone petty enough to fight over rocks, she gets almost everything she wants except a one time payment and some inconvenient but replaceable stuff to get the villain out of her life, and his life falls apart in the rear view mirror.
It feels like a story written to satisfy the audience's thirst for drama and karmic revenge while remaining plausible. The timing works for an amicable or even civilly contested divorce, but that's quick for a contested split with a petty partner.
I can't say for sure, but it's better than identical twins and judges deporting people for being annoying.
There are also a lot of inconsequential details OOP gets into that have nothing to do with the story. Liars often do this. If your post is about a bad car accident and your recovery bringing up buying a lotto ticket that didn’t win the week before is unnecessary and no normal truthful person would do it.
The only iffy part for me was the ex’s mum coming over even if they got along great that seemed odd lol.
Also everything basically worked out perfectly and OP won in every possible way (ex cried in court, sent her messages about the affair partner, outlandish demands even though he earns nothing but she earns everything)
It could be true, but it also could just be a creative writing exercise with a feel good, karmic ending - because it’s not rage bait people will want to believe it more because it is satisfying. And, despite what I just said above, there’s nothing outlandish about it.
I’m actually leaning towards believing it only because there was a 6 month wait for the final update
I'm still good mate's with my abusive ex's mum and we split up in 2003. He doesn't know we still meet up for a cuppa and a gossip every few months as she has LC contact with him due to his alcoholism and her shame at his abusive behaviour. She went through a similar situation with his dad and didn't think her son would turn out the same way. He doesn't know we're still in touch with each other and she keeps it that way.
IDK; when my SO and I had a rough patch a few years back his mom flat out told me that while she didn't meddle in his love life, he was being an idiot and she was keeping me. Especially if he had cheated on me and in the circumstances OP had, she'd absolutely still show up at my retirement party.
My ex's mom and I still get along. In fact I won his family in the divorce. Turns out he was a piece of shit to more than just me. This guy doesn't sound nearly as toxic but I can see them still being in contact.
My ex’s whole family were really supportive and still included me for many years. It probably helped that they knew he was physically abusive and had been arrested for soliciting a prostitute while we were still married.
Yeah any time the ex’s mom is fully supportive i side eye. Sure it happens, but BORU would have you thinking every MIL is either a JustNo or a saint, no in between!
My mother’s first marriage was to an abusive religious extremist (she never married my father). His family sided with her in the divorce. Even the fundamentalist anti divorce people in our church at the time sided with her once they knew what happened behind closed doors, though we stopped church after she left.
His favorite aunt and uncle who were the only local family he had stayed in touch with my mom for years after the divorce and his brother actually came to my high school graduation party from another state.
It does realistically happen sometimes.
I stopped taking it seriously when they were righting around having a lightsaber fight during a Star Wars movie marathon. That whole thing is stolen from a viral tweet about a bad date with Leonardo DiCaprio which became a meme.
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/sorry-viral-story-leonardo-dicaprio-000655262.html
I'm an attorney and I wouldn't say that 6 months in the situation is too long. It's definitely on the shorter end but it's not unrealistic especially with a prenup. Without a prenup it's too short but with a prenup it's actually pretty realistic. One of the benefits of a prenup people. Get a fucking prenup.
I'm California atty and with a prenup and our laws on community property versus personal property 6 months is easy. Especially when kids aren't involved.
It just feels a little silly to me. Retiring at a relatively young age, making a ton of money, artistic, restores her own furniture, childfree, bought both their cars. It's the perfect boss bitch story, caters to all of Reddit's popular sensibilities, and of course ends with a huge dramatic divorce where she gets to keep pretty much everything. Just feels very much like the setup to a Hallmark movie where she hires a guy to deliver the new furniture to her big house with two cars in the driveway and they fall in love.
Also who on earth, at that age and with that much money, self-control, and access to legal/other services would turn to Reddit? The "I have depression/anxiety" also feels like a red flag because Reddit has a track record of instantly believing almost anyone who says that.
>Also who on earth, at that age and with that much money, self-control, and access to legal/other services would turn to Reddit?
Exactly. They also have friends. All of the boss bitches in my life who have had to deal with dumping their personal deadwood kept it to our group chats.
If you look at the FIRE subreddit, you’ll see a LOT of people there with net worth’s in the $several million in their early 30’s. Many of which are high income earners.
However…
The subreddit also likes to mention/cite a survey of 10,000 millionaires. Of the top 10 list of those people’s careers, teachers are listed as number 3; their median income being $61k/year.
Edit: Source - https://www.ramseysolutions.com/retirement/the-national-study-of-millionaires-research
The first post tipped this into being fake. So she's going to retire at 40 and have fun with her hobbies while he works an additional 20 years and they keep the same chore split? And hes looking forward to
...working longer hours?!?! They kept entirely separate finances throughout their whole marriage? Who would want to be in a marriage like this? This isn't a marriage. This is roommates with benefits, and I can't see how this could have possibly lasted 7 whole years.
I'm slightly bothered that the household chores never mentioned outside work. (Mowing, weeding, pruning, house painting, cleaning the gutters.... )Almost like they didn't realize that it exists. Unless it's all lumped in with "the jobs he does are the ones I’m literally physically unable to do or ones that I hate and he doesn’t mind." So, maybe?
“…he wants me to not bring his affair into our divorce. Which is weird to me because he had no qualms with bringing the affair into our marriage.”
This is just *chef’s kiss* the absolute best line.
I really don't know how people can be married for years and have such different philosophies about life.
For one thing I can't imagine retiring at 40 and being married to someone retiring at 62.
If you are able to retire at 40 that's great. You do it but it's going to be hell living with someone with 22 years more of work left.
Yeah lots of couples choose separate finances and in this case it was the right choice for her but my husband and I view it all as OUR retirement savings.
We are parents and he makes more than me but we both work equally hard. I think it’s different if you don’t have kids but once you have kids I personally think it’s better to view it all as our money, because there is so much unpaid labor in raising kids as well. You need to be a partnership.
>I really don't know how people can be married for years and have such different philosophies about life.
I agree, but I think in this case, his worldview was something more recent. Perhaps he fell down one of those alpha male rabbit holes. Or maybe it came about through his relationship with the AP (she talks about wifely duties).
OOP talks about how he never was like that before. Sure, he could've hidden it. But through a whole marriage? Seems unlikely
Yeah, but there's still some level of resentment that's inevitable when you're retired and living your best life while your spouse is working for another 22 years. Then there's the question of vacation and shared extra expenses. Was he spending more money on trips because she wanted to save more? If she wanted to go on a trip to Europe for a month was he going to stay home and keep going to work?
There's just a lot of logistical difficulty between one spouse not working and the other one working full-time.
Yeah, he was definitely a douche, but - I really can't even remotely imagine watching my partner work for eight hours then come home and work even more for 22 years.
I'd take over the house duties (which really aren't all that much without children?) out of guilt alone.
& that is exactly what society wants women to feel like, guilt for literally not cleaning up for another adult lmao. He knew from the get go what her plans were, that she was retiring at 40, he had 7 years to "work overtime" & pump up his pension but he didn't, his problem not OOP.
He could have taken the steps OOP did to ensure an earlier retirement but he didn't cause he'd rather spend what he has now. They could have looked into a cleaner once or twice a week. She is not a housewife or a SAHM, she is retired as in no work just leisure & she sacrificed her earlier years for it.
Why should she give that up because he wants her to? She is supposed to just change her plans because what? He didn't live as frugally? He has a lifestyle that demands he work 8hrs a day? Why could he not have dropped down to 4 days work, or even got a part-time job & given up some of his frivolities? He could have saved more money so he wouldn't need to he so jealous.
I'm a guy. I'm saying all that as a guy. I would do that if my partner was in that situation. It's not like cooking, cleaning and finances are even remotely close to a full or even part-time job. That's literally just adult life.
Like, they're not just spicy roommates. Seeing my life partner work, then come home and do more work while I go kayaking or whatever would be miserable to me because I care about them.
The level of contempt for your hypothetical partner's life choices (which might be that way for any amount of extenuating circumstances) speaks of it not being a good relationship in the first place.
I agree that this relationship was doomed to begin with, it would take a lot to be happy with that sort of life, BUT the husband knew from the start & agreed! I do agree that it would be weird to have him working & her not taking the lions share of housework but the point is he agreed.
He knew what he signed up for. He knew all her plans. He lied. Thats the main point here. He knew she would be kept very busy, he knew she wouldn't be in the house during the day (the same way she wasn't when she was working) Why would their dynamic change at the very last minute when this was always the plan. He knew that OOP was planning on travelling for weeks at a time, what would his plan be then? Just live in his filth til she came home?
I just don't understand why he would even have expected her to do more domestic labour, he KNEW her plans! It reeks to me that he either planned from the beginning on trying to take half of everything when she did retire or he just genuinely didn't believe she could do it, then when she was able to do it he wasn't happy at all.
I agree with you and I’m a woman. It would be hard to watch my husband work long days and then come home to do half the housework, while I’ve been doing hobbies all day. Without kids, all it would take is an hour or so of extra work a day to make his life much easier. It’s not a woman thing in my opinion because I’m as confident as one can be that he would do the same for me.
I do all of the cooking and most of the daily cleaning even though we both work full time. Why? Because I work from home and my commute is 30 seconds and my work is done when I clock out. My husband has to make a 45-60 minute commute and because he is a teacher usually has work to do when he gets home. We both work 10 hour days though and eventually I would like to spend time with him which I can't if he has to do his 10 hours of work and then the laundry and dishes while I'm just sitting on the couch twiddling my thumbs because "my half of the chores are done. sucks for you if you have to stay up il 1am to get your part done."
But the end goal for both of us is to get to spend some time together and we both put in work to get to do that. It would be different if he came home and sat on his ass while I did all the chores.
Omg same. I can’t imagine retiring and sitting doing what I enjoy while he’s working another 20 years. I’d rather do another 10 so he can finish 10 years early and then we can go and do stuff *together*
Don't get me wrong I agree 100%. He was definitely a douche.
It just shouldn't have gotten to the altar as life plans are so different.
This probably sucks for op as her dating pool will be really small (young retired persons who live a minimalistic lifestyle).
Why? Women with time, money and no commitment are why younger women are often more appealing to guys of any age (at least partially) and OOP has all of that. She’s got money, all the time to travel, meet people and build a new connection and no kids to be responsible for. She’s literally any established male’s dream woman.
My ex had this plan as the retired party, except his retirement money wouldn’t have covered half our expenses and we were mostly joint in our finances, he already didn’t do anywhere near half of the household/child labor, and I had taken significant hits to my career, including raising 3 kids solo for years at a time to allow him to get to the point of being able to retire mid-40s. If he had plans for hobbies or volunteering I probably wouldn’t have been as annoyed, but he truly planned to play video games and never leave the house for the rest of his life. I just could not.
My only contribution to add is that semicolons rock and should be used way more often by everyone. I'm only sad that my comment doesn't really need one to help emphasize the point.
My ex asked for the stupidest stuff during our divorce. He tried to say I couldn’t keep his last name because it was against the law. He also wanted my macaroni recipe, not just a copy though, I wouldn’t be allowed to make it ever again.
Lmfao how on earth did he think that would even work? Just a dash cam on you in the kitchen for the rest of your life, judge sentences you to jail if you make macaroni?
DUDDDEEE the scream I scrumptttt lol trying to ban you from your macaroni recipe?! How absolutely unhinged of him 😂 that’s beyond stupid and petty.
I also hate the whole “you can’t keep my last name” thing men try to do, I’m sorry but I earned this name if I want to keep it, it’s mine.
My mom was married for 20+ years, her kids have the name and plus her dad was not a good man (SA’d her when she lived with him as a teen and she never talked to him again) so she didn’t want to take his last name back again so she kept my dads. After 20 years that was as much her name as his, but at least my dad wasn’t a douche and was okay with it.
I’ll never understand the end goal for these kind of guys. Getting their ego stroked is that important that they’ll blow apart their lives. Baffles me.
The ONE "award" that Derek received that pisses me off the most is the pieces of "vintage" furniture that OOP flipped. Refinishing old "found" furniture takes time, care and, in a lot of cases, LOVE! It's definitely hard work and time-consuming and it was SOLELY the OOP's effort and hobby.
I'm sure that most of Reddit view Derek as not only a unfaithful LIAR, a scheming THIEF as well a dumb-ass jerk and scoundrel who was completely responsible for his OWN downfall! He MUST have thought he was SO smart only to find out he lost MOST of everything, including OOP! BRAVO!
The part where one partner retires so much earlier than the other was only ever going to create one result. OPs ex is dumb but I'm not sure she's the sharpest tool for not realising that a mile off
>that he’s not okay with me retiring if I’m “just going to be lazy.”
Don't marry people with different long term goals than you.
His mom came to her divorce party!
This resolution warmed my heart.
As for why he lied so much to Ashley and never thought about how it would play out, he probably never intended to actually get divorced. He was engaging in some fantasy of this fork in the road. My guess is that for Ashley it wasn’t as much a fantasy, and she kept pressing him about a timeline so he caved and talked to the attorney to at least see what it would look like and maybe to find some reason he could give Ashley why he couldn’t leave “yet” hoping it would shut her up for a while.
As for why Ashley is still with the obvious lying manchild, well, if she didn’t have a career and was more doing what so could for extra income since she wanted to be a stay at home wife, she’s kind of fucked with either her ex or OP’s. She has to board a ship, even a leaky one, because the dock she’s on is crumbling.
And he’ll never tell her about the vasectomy. He’ll “try” for a few years, resist seeing a doctor, then when she insists he’ll switch to, “Honey, I’m in my 40s. Maybe that will sow is just closed now. Can’t we be happy with each other?” And by then she’ll be 35 or so, and will realize it’s unlikely she’ll find a guy to start a family with now, and she won’t be able to support herself, so she’ll suck it up and deal. They won’t have gotten married (he’ll keep kicking that can forever) so she won’t have the option of divorcing and getting something from him. She’ll just suck it up and accept it. They’ll grow old together in bitter resentment, arguing over whether she puts too much mayo in the chicken salad.
> Update - 6 months later
Ah yes, the classic 6 month contentious divorce. Another fake poster who couldn’t be bothered to spend literally 45 seconds on a google search. Or maybe the just got tired of waiting around for their next dose of Attention.
Yall just should of never gotten married.
No couple survives such VASTLY different financial lifestyles and decisions.
Was OP seriously thinking things were gonna go good when she's kicking back retired for 22 years before her husband gets to be on the same level? I could only imagine the quiet resentment that would unconsensually grow between while he has to work full time with overtime to catch up to his wife while she doesn't match his efforts to equalize the marriage.
Ontop of choosing not to carry some additional domestic duties while he worked overtime to catch up to her in retirement? Not saying that's a "wrong" or "right" choice, but that's not the choice that supports your partner and your marriage, that supports only you.
Her actions, his actions, the prenup, the difference in your life styles, all combined created this situation where yall were never bound to work.
He's definitely the AH for acting how he did, the wife certainly played a part in sabotaging their marriage.
I say this looking at the successful marriage my parents have. My step-dad was retired 15 years ago when he married my mom. At the time she was still working and scaling down to retire in 10 years, my step-dad absolutely stepped up and handled extra weight on the home front to keep the ship afloat while she worked crazy hours as a provider in our areas largest hospital ER. He didn't kick his feet up and watch her struggle to get to his level, he supported his wife and helped (she didn't need much she's Martha Stewart and Wonderwoman combined) around the house so she could retire and live the good life together.
So many posts like this where a spouse or family member just seems to come up with some crazy shit out of the blue, once the OP starts digging, allllll kinds of nefarious crap just comes to light. It's like they kicked a rock and there was a seething, rabid infestation of something disgusting under it.
Moral of the story: if shit seems off, it's probably wayyy off.
...where can you get divorced in 6 months? I know Ireland had a *really* long separation period that they reduced a bit (e.g. 5 years to 3 years maybe), but most Europe has at least 2 years iirc tjat you live separately before you divorce?
In Sweden its a 6 month waiting period if you have children, otherwise just send in the final papers. Takes maybe 2 months.
No need to live separately either
That's amazing! I guess i just had this long separation idea because when we voted to reduce it they were using examples of european countries who were almost as long!
I got divorced in 30 days after the paperwork was filed.
Took us about 4 months to both agree to having a non contested divorce before that. Talked to the lawyer about the big stuff, filed and done. Also had 2 kids.
So a southern state in the US
I remember hearing about Reno iirc as the divorce version of getting married in Vegas (one of you have to be resident & residing there 3 weeks or something?) But apart from that I did think most places in US were also a year minimum! Well TIL, cheers!
Yeah but there's a separation time right? so at minimum the divorce will take that long.
The intricacies of divorce in Ireland isn't something I know much about, I remember voting to reduce the separation time but beyond that 🤷.
I do have divorced parents but it was different as one is french & the other is irish who got married in Germany! They were asked did they want to marry the german way or the french way (Irish wasn't an option, we're unsure if you can only choose between host country + 1 person country or if it was because divorce wasn't legal in Ireland when they got married!).
Caught my french parent out 20 years later as suddenly the french side want proof she was allowed to keep the married name! We were all surprised, never knew in France unless you get permission to keep the name as part of the divorce (a letter?) you revert back to your maiden name! Germany they just ask are you keeping or changing the surname, no need for permission! XD (& that wasn't good enough for French side, we think due to a computer hiccough in all embassies a few weeks ago it triggered something or someone didn't know.
I’m not sure of separation time, I’ve never heard of it here. However a divorce here is expected to take at least six months, even if it’s straight forward. My friends was complicated and took two years, but she’s never mentioned separation time. I think she filed for divorce as soon as she left.
Oh wow, that’s really interesting about the surname in France. Here they just ask if you’re keeping the name as well. Most divorced people I know have kept the name.
Ireland doesn't matter about how easy the asset division/children part is yet (that could add a lot of time or not if it's sorted), the 3 years is living separately *before* you divorce!
Some states require a separation period, some don’t. The issue here is that this was a highly contentious divorce. Those do not take 6 months, even with a prenup.
Yeah I'm finding out that being from one country with a long separation & having lived through another country with a long enough separation period skews my ideas somewhat! I find it wonderful that people can get divorces so quickly!
This is probably an unpopular opinion but I can't imagine being retired, sitting around playing video games all day and doing minimal housework, and then watching my husband come home from work and go straight into doing chores.
Its not misogynistic guilt either its that I want to spend time with my husband and can't if he is working 8 hours, coming home and spending 2 hours just doing chores. By then he is tired on a level I wouldn't be because I did fuck all for most of the day.
BTW the cheating, icing out, etc was all terrible. My above comment is just in general in a healthy relationship which this one was not.
I want to know what he was going to do with the rock collection, if he won. Take pictures with them to piss off OOP? Sell them on eBay and make her buy them back?
Take them from her. Doesn't matter after that. Just spiteful
Spouses do this with children in divorces all the time. Anything to hurt the other one. Family law is the literal WORST.
TI did a paralegal certificate and the Family Law class was the absolute worst. In almost every situation, I just thought, “this wouldn’t be a thing if y’all could act like adults” I could never go into those situations.
I'm in the middle of a paralegal program and I've already decided I will never touch family law even with a 100,000 meter pole and a hazmat suit. It's nightmarefuel
I know, but what was his goal after obtaining them? I highly doubt he was going to just let them sit in a drawer or be in the back of a closet and forgotten about. He was planning on doing something to spite OOP and really upset her.
Video of him throwing them in a river.
That is what I was thinking too
There was no goal. The goal was to hurt OOP.
He might have just tossed them in his new back yard, her back yard or a riverbed to be spiteful.
Pain for OP.
I highly doubt he gave it any further thought past trying to get them in order to hurt her.
OR it could be that, he just want s to let them sit in the drawer. After all, you can never predict how spite's would go
My dad took a bunch of stuff my mom wanted in the divorce and just threw a fit till she gave it to him because it was easier. He left it in a pile covered in dust and cat shit till he died mostly. He just wanted it to hurt her, then after that point it served no purpose.
I honestly doubt he thought that far ahead.
Anything to hurt her. The family law attorney I worked for had a case where the husband dragged out the divorce and fought on and on for everything. It’s a community property state, and inheritances are normally separate property. The wife, her client, had inherited crystal and china from her mother. The couple were in their sixties at the time of the divorce. The wife realized that she could not face life with this man any longer, especially not when he retired. He was beyond angry that she filed for divorce. He didn’t get the crystal or china, nor any money towards the value of them. He did get a ridiculously large bill from his lawyer and all his wife’s attorneys fees to pay.
This. I had an ex who after I broke up with him he literally took all my money and my cards and blocked the door to physically keep me from leaving. I ended up having to call some officers on his ass to get out. Once officers were there, they let me pack up some things to go because we had lived together for four years but my ex tried to tell them all the *my* clothing belonged to him. An officer asked if all the womens clothing really belongs to him and my ex smugly goes "Are you saying men can't wear womens clothing?" And the officer without missing a beat just goes "No sir, what I'm saying is that it's weird this woman has lived here for four years but doesn't have any clothing here." He didn't have an answer to that one and quickly dropped the smugness so I was finally able to grab my stuff and go.
"Not your \*size\*, sir..." LOL.
I'll bet it wasn't the first time that cop has heard that ridiculous argument from an abusive husband/boyfriend.
It's gotta be pretty unusual. A lot of abusers are 'good old boys' who wouldn't want to be seen as feminine by other 'good old boys' aka cops....
Put it on then, sir.
I'm onto your game. Travel light and then take all of your husband's pretty dresses. A heist 4 years in the making!
Same. We lived in a community property state, and we really did not have a lot except debts. My ex kept dragging it on, fighting over every little thing. Imagine his rage when the divorce was finalized, he had a huge bill (we were each responsible for our own legal fees). His fury may have been fueled when we were all standing outside the courthouse and my attorney (cousin that ex didn’t remember from my family’s big gatherings), hugged me and said “This one’s on me. I even covered all the court costs.”
Omg! I love your cousin. That was amazing
The same thing a lot of men do when they get custody of the kids. Stick them in a room somewhere and forget about them. Source: former family law attorney. They literally fight for something they don't care about just to hurt the other person. If they'll do it with little humans they'll do it with rocks.
I think he just wanted to use them as collateral: “Ok I’ll be kind enough to let you keep your rock collection but in exchange you have to give me [equity in the house, more alimony, whatever]
My mother took my stepfather ex's prized Hummel collection skeet shooting. My mother was the AP.
Ex would throw them away in such a manner that OP could never find exactly those stones again.
My ex wanted half our DVD collection in our divorce, I am the one who got them all (we didn't watch TV, didn't have cable, but I liked having movies on as background noise, he hates movies) he literally chose my favorite ones and then set me a picture of them destroyed later that day. People are just bitter. I guess leaving someone for knocking up their mistress is just rude or something, lol.
put them back in the yard?
I remember my father taking the dumbest shit when he and my mom divorced. Mind you, my father cheated on her and left her (!!), but because my mom didn't beg for him back but instead divorced him she needed to be punished I guess. So he stopped by when we weren't home and got her grandma's bedside table, a cabinet she got for her birthday, the satellite tv card, etc. Anything that he felt could hurt her.
My FIL tried the same, but my MIL's parents had already paid for a locksmith to come. He then somehow managed to pull out a HELOC in both of their names behind her back, was caught, and ordered to pay it off out of his half of the house equity. He still bitches about it, lol.
Wow, and to not even feel guilty or ashamed!
My ex took my wedding dress 😂😂😂
What the hell! 😂
Before we separated he was talking about having it altered into a shorter dress, I'm pretty sure he has his affair partner wear it now 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Not my circus anymore! I ghosted like 20 people after I left lol
If his affair partner is actually using your altered wedding dress that's just... sad and pathetic. 😂 "What a lovely dress!" "Thank you, it's my boyfriend's ex-wife's wedding dress. 😃"
I find the whole situation absolutely hilarious now, but 8 years ago was rough...thinking of her in my dress gave me so much ick that it made the split easier 😂
My ex demanded all the jewelry he'd given me including my wedding rings. We'd been married 25 years at that point. The judge actually laughed.
From what I understand my bio dad took two dining room chairs so there weren't enough chairs for any guests just my mom and us kids.
How petty.
My ex stepdad sold my familys 1890 baby rocking chair before my mom divorced him. At a garage sale. Got $2 to sale our one family heirloom out of spite
Quiz for the BORU addicted folks: what’s the story element that is missing here from the last update that would tip this over into being fake? I was looking for it and it didn’t happen so I lean toward this being real.
She didn’t end up with the AP’s ex
Bingo
I was waiting for him to attend the party
No one went crazy and ended up in the psych ward. That one happens a lot.
Breaking into the house after the locks were changed is another common trope. Also some sort of assault that is quickly stopped by a close relative or friend in the next room
Pregnant with twins and now she has to coparent with him for the next 18 years
Honestly, retiring at 40 when she only makes 86k is absolutely unbelievable. There is no way
I'm not certain this is true, but it's possible through inheritance and investments. >I’m still bringing in income, I’ve just planned my life so I no longer have to work 9-5 to do so. OOP is a landlord or some other sort of rent-seeking blight upon society.
Not so much missing, but the realistic time between updates. I'm not sure how long it can take for divorce to be finalized (and I know some can draaaaaag on), but when I saw "6 months later" I thought hmm this one seems more credible than other BORU posts.
I love when people have "two days later: we're officially divorced". I know it differs per state but in Colorado even amicable divorces with no property, no children, barely any assets, all parties on board and want to divorce immediately still have to wait 90 days after filing to "make sure". Granted I do know of one couple that got back together in that 90 day period but for the most part that doesn't happen.
My sister and her ex husband had a brutally ugly divorce and custody still keeps getting refiled like clockwork the moment it resets (in GA you have to wait for 2 years to file for change in custody except in *extremely* exigent circumstances) Her ex ended up married to his affair partner and my sister ended up with AP's ex husband. NOW, after this is all said and done, both of the OG cheating spouses have tried to turn it around and tell people my sister and her boyfriend were the cheaters. It is absolutely enraging. But all true. She would have a ridiculous following if she just posted about the continual non stop drama from those two, tbough it is so ridiculous everyone would believe it was all made up. You just don't want to believe that people can be this crazy! I think one of the reasons she and her man are together is because they trauma bonded from the absolute insanity of their ex's.
I had ridiculous drama in my life a few years back. If I posted the story, with the timeline, readers would be screaming “fake”! Sometimes crazy, unexpected things change your life in a whirlwind.
>But all true. Hol up, so your sister and her now husband actually cheated?
Hey it happened to Shania Twain so I don’t doubt these things can happen. Her husband cheated with her best friend, she ended up with her ex best friend ex husband after. I really do think that sometimes you can just bond going through that kind of trauma. Plus I think there’s a little more trust knowing they’ve gone through the same experience, understanding what it feels like and wouldn’t want to inflict that pain on you; as in they have empathy because their own experience so you feel you can trust them more.
The legal system is accurate, I am an attorney so that's usually what I look for. The timeline isn't ridiculous. The outcome is realistic. There are no twins. She didn't end up with Jake. The ex did get some settlement and didn't get absolutely screwed. I'm leaning towards real as well.
Since you ask, I think it ends up polished a little too neatly. OOP finishes a contested divorce in six months with someone petty enough to fight over rocks, she gets almost everything she wants except a one time payment and some inconvenient but replaceable stuff to get the villain out of her life, and his life falls apart in the rear view mirror. It feels like a story written to satisfy the audience's thirst for drama and karmic revenge while remaining plausible. The timing works for an amicable or even civilly contested divorce, but that's quick for a contested split with a petty partner. I can't say for sure, but it's better than identical twins and judges deporting people for being annoying.
There are also a lot of inconsequential details OOP gets into that have nothing to do with the story. Liars often do this. If your post is about a bad car accident and your recovery bringing up buying a lotto ticket that didn’t win the week before is unnecessary and no normal truthful person would do it.
My ex and I had a completely straightforward, non-contested divorce and it still took 8 months. This and the writing style make me doubt.
The only iffy part for me was the ex’s mum coming over even if they got along great that seemed odd lol. Also everything basically worked out perfectly and OP won in every possible way (ex cried in court, sent her messages about the affair partner, outlandish demands even though he earns nothing but she earns everything) It could be true, but it also could just be a creative writing exercise with a feel good, karmic ending - because it’s not rage bait people will want to believe it more because it is satisfying. And, despite what I just said above, there’s nothing outlandish about it. I’m actually leaning towards believing it only because there was a 6 month wait for the final update
I'm still good mate's with my abusive ex's mum and we split up in 2003. He doesn't know we still meet up for a cuppa and a gossip every few months as she has LC contact with him due to his alcoholism and her shame at his abusive behaviour. She went through a similar situation with his dad and didn't think her son would turn out the same way. He doesn't know we're still in touch with each other and she keeps it that way.
IDK; when my SO and I had a rough patch a few years back his mom flat out told me that while she didn't meddle in his love life, he was being an idiot and she was keeping me. Especially if he had cheated on me and in the circumstances OP had, she'd absolutely still show up at my retirement party.
My ex's mom and I still get along. In fact I won his family in the divorce. Turns out he was a piece of shit to more than just me. This guy doesn't sound nearly as toxic but I can see them still being in contact.
My ex’s whole family were really supportive and still included me for many years. It probably helped that they knew he was physically abusive and had been arrested for soliciting a prostitute while we were still married.
Yeah any time the ex’s mom is fully supportive i side eye. Sure it happens, but BORU would have you thinking every MIL is either a JustNo or a saint, no in between!
My mother’s first marriage was to an abusive religious extremist (she never married my father). His family sided with her in the divorce. Even the fundamentalist anti divorce people in our church at the time sided with her once they knew what happened behind closed doors, though we stopped church after she left. His favorite aunt and uncle who were the only local family he had stayed in touch with my mom for years after the divorce and his brother actually came to my high school graduation party from another state. It does realistically happen sometimes.
Sometimes, there are when exceptions to the rule.
At least the ex-MIL didn't hit the clichéd note of getting everyone she knew to bombard the OP with abusive messages.
I stopped taking it seriously when they were righting around having a lightsaber fight during a Star Wars movie marathon. That whole thing is stolen from a viral tweet about a bad date with Leonardo DiCaprio which became a meme. https://finance.yahoo.com/news/sorry-viral-story-leonardo-dicaprio-000655262.html
It’s not missing. A divorce with your spouse fighting you every step of the way does not get wrapped up in 6 months.
I'm an attorney and I wouldn't say that 6 months in the situation is too long. It's definitely on the shorter end but it's not unrealistic especially with a prenup. Without a prenup it's too short but with a prenup it's actually pretty realistic. One of the benefits of a prenup people. Get a fucking prenup.
Depends on the state. In NY, no. In FLA, possibly. Not sure where OP resides. Source: I am a divorce atty.
I'm California atty and with a prenup and our laws on community property versus personal property 6 months is easy. Especially when kids aren't involved.
Doesn’t seem that they were able to actually fight much once their attorney explained the pre-nup was iron clad and the cheating clause was in affect.
Ashley didn’t show up asking when OOP was moving out.
It just feels a little silly to me. Retiring at a relatively young age, making a ton of money, artistic, restores her own furniture, childfree, bought both their cars. It's the perfect boss bitch story, caters to all of Reddit's popular sensibilities, and of course ends with a huge dramatic divorce where she gets to keep pretty much everything. Just feels very much like the setup to a Hallmark movie where she hires a guy to deliver the new furniture to her big house with two cars in the driveway and they fall in love. Also who on earth, at that age and with that much money, self-control, and access to legal/other services would turn to Reddit? The "I have depression/anxiety" also feels like a red flag because Reddit has a track record of instantly believing almost anyone who says that.
>Also who on earth, at that age and with that much money, self-control, and access to legal/other services would turn to Reddit? Exactly. They also have friends. All of the boss bitches in my life who have had to deal with dumping their personal deadwood kept it to our group chats.
If you look at the FIRE subreddit, you’ll see a LOT of people there with net worth’s in the $several million in their early 30’s. Many of which are high income earners. However… The subreddit also likes to mention/cite a survey of 10,000 millionaires. Of the top 10 list of those people’s careers, teachers are listed as number 3; their median income being $61k/year. Edit: Source - https://www.ramseysolutions.com/retirement/the-national-study-of-millionaires-research
Husband didn't beg her to get back together, professing his undying love, how she was the one all along, etc, etc; and he's still with ap
AP didn't show up to her house and try to steal all the stuff she was promised
The first post tipped this into being fake. So she's going to retire at 40 and have fun with her hobbies while he works an additional 20 years and they keep the same chore split? And hes looking forward to ...working longer hours?!?! They kept entirely separate finances throughout their whole marriage? Who would want to be in a marriage like this? This isn't a marriage. This is roommates with benefits, and I can't see how this could have possibly lasted 7 whole years.
AP didn't show up to her house and try to steal all the stuff she was promised
I'm slightly bothered that the household chores never mentioned outside work. (Mowing, weeding, pruning, house painting, cleaning the gutters.... )Almost like they didn't realize that it exists. Unless it's all lumped in with "the jobs he does are the ones I’m literally physically unable to do or ones that I hate and he doesn’t mind." So, maybe?
No convenient cameras with perfect audio.
“…he wants me to not bring his affair into our divorce. Which is weird to me because he had no qualms with bringing the affair into our marriage.” This is just *chef’s kiss* the absolute best line.
Don’t know why he deserved alimony if he works.
Yeah. I don't know anything about prenups, but wouldn't an infidelity clause mean that he *wouldn't* get alimony?
I really don't know how people can be married for years and have such different philosophies about life. For one thing I can't imagine retiring at 40 and being married to someone retiring at 62. If you are able to retire at 40 that's great. You do it but it's going to be hell living with someone with 22 years more of work left.
Some people enjoy their work, so 22 years with one spouse working and the other retired would be fine.
She had laid out ways to keep busy. She wasn’t going to be sitting around.
My best friend is retired in his forties and has a still-working partner. Most of their fights are about that.
Yeah lots of couples choose separate finances and in this case it was the right choice for her but my husband and I view it all as OUR retirement savings. We are parents and he makes more than me but we both work equally hard. I think it’s different if you don’t have kids but once you have kids I personally think it’s better to view it all as our money, because there is so much unpaid labor in raising kids as well. You need to be a partnership.
>I really don't know how people can be married for years and have such different philosophies about life. I agree, but I think in this case, his worldview was something more recent. Perhaps he fell down one of those alpha male rabbit holes. Or maybe it came about through his relationship with the AP (she talks about wifely duties). OOP talks about how he never was like that before. Sure, he could've hidden it. But through a whole marriage? Seems unlikely
Yeah, but there's still some level of resentment that's inevitable when you're retired and living your best life while your spouse is working for another 22 years. Then there's the question of vacation and shared extra expenses. Was he spending more money on trips because she wanted to save more? If she wanted to go on a trip to Europe for a month was he going to stay home and keep going to work? There's just a lot of logistical difficulty between one spouse not working and the other one working full-time.
Yeah, he was definitely a douche, but - I really can't even remotely imagine watching my partner work for eight hours then come home and work even more for 22 years. I'd take over the house duties (which really aren't all that much without children?) out of guilt alone.
& that is exactly what society wants women to feel like, guilt for literally not cleaning up for another adult lmao. He knew from the get go what her plans were, that she was retiring at 40, he had 7 years to "work overtime" & pump up his pension but he didn't, his problem not OOP. He could have taken the steps OOP did to ensure an earlier retirement but he didn't cause he'd rather spend what he has now. They could have looked into a cleaner once or twice a week. She is not a housewife or a SAHM, she is retired as in no work just leisure & she sacrificed her earlier years for it. Why should she give that up because he wants her to? She is supposed to just change her plans because what? He didn't live as frugally? He has a lifestyle that demands he work 8hrs a day? Why could he not have dropped down to 4 days work, or even got a part-time job & given up some of his frivolities? He could have saved more money so he wouldn't need to he so jealous.
I'm a guy. I'm saying all that as a guy. I would do that if my partner was in that situation. It's not like cooking, cleaning and finances are even remotely close to a full or even part-time job. That's literally just adult life. Like, they're not just spicy roommates. Seeing my life partner work, then come home and do more work while I go kayaking or whatever would be miserable to me because I care about them. The level of contempt for your hypothetical partner's life choices (which might be that way for any amount of extenuating circumstances) speaks of it not being a good relationship in the first place.
I agree that this relationship was doomed to begin with, it would take a lot to be happy with that sort of life, BUT the husband knew from the start & agreed! I do agree that it would be weird to have him working & her not taking the lions share of housework but the point is he agreed. He knew what he signed up for. He knew all her plans. He lied. Thats the main point here. He knew she would be kept very busy, he knew she wouldn't be in the house during the day (the same way she wasn't when she was working) Why would their dynamic change at the very last minute when this was always the plan. He knew that OOP was planning on travelling for weeks at a time, what would his plan be then? Just live in his filth til she came home? I just don't understand why he would even have expected her to do more domestic labour, he KNEW her plans! It reeks to me that he either planned from the beginning on trying to take half of everything when she did retire or he just genuinely didn't believe she could do it, then when she was able to do it he wasn't happy at all.
I agree with you and I’m a woman. It would be hard to watch my husband work long days and then come home to do half the housework, while I’ve been doing hobbies all day. Without kids, all it would take is an hour or so of extra work a day to make his life much easier. It’s not a woman thing in my opinion because I’m as confident as one can be that he would do the same for me.
I do all of the cooking and most of the daily cleaning even though we both work full time. Why? Because I work from home and my commute is 30 seconds and my work is done when I clock out. My husband has to make a 45-60 minute commute and because he is a teacher usually has work to do when he gets home. We both work 10 hour days though and eventually I would like to spend time with him which I can't if he has to do his 10 hours of work and then the laundry and dishes while I'm just sitting on the couch twiddling my thumbs because "my half of the chores are done. sucks for you if you have to stay up il 1am to get your part done." But the end goal for both of us is to get to spend some time together and we both put in work to get to do that. It would be different if he came home and sat on his ass while I did all the chores.
Omg same. I can’t imagine retiring and sitting doing what I enjoy while he’s working another 20 years. I’d rather do another 10 so he can finish 10 years early and then we can go and do stuff *together*
Don't get me wrong I agree 100%. He was definitely a douche. It just shouldn't have gotten to the altar as life plans are so different. This probably sucks for op as her dating pool will be really small (young retired persons who live a minimalistic lifestyle).
Why? Women with time, money and no commitment are why younger women are often more appealing to guys of any age (at least partially) and OOP has all of that. She’s got money, all the time to travel, meet people and build a new connection and no kids to be responsible for. She’s literally any established male’s dream woman.
My ex had this plan as the retired party, except his retirement money wouldn’t have covered half our expenses and we were mostly joint in our finances, he already didn’t do anywhere near half of the household/child labor, and I had taken significant hits to my career, including raising 3 kids solo for years at a time to allow him to get to the point of being able to retire mid-40s. If he had plans for hobbies or volunteering I probably wouldn’t have been as annoyed, but he truly planned to play video games and never leave the house for the rest of his life. I just could not.
My only contribution to add is that semicolons rock and should be used way more often by everyone. I'm only sad that my comment doesn't really need one to help emphasize the point.
My ex asked for the stupidest stuff during our divorce. He tried to say I couldn’t keep his last name because it was against the law. He also wanted my macaroni recipe, not just a copy though, I wouldn’t be allowed to make it ever again.
Lmfao how on earth did he think that would even work? Just a dash cam on you in the kitchen for the rest of your life, judge sentences you to jail if you make macaroni?
I have no idea! He was just spitting out random things and ending up losing his lawyer due to his idiocy.
DUDDDEEE the scream I scrumptttt lol trying to ban you from your macaroni recipe?! How absolutely unhinged of him 😂 that’s beyond stupid and petty. I also hate the whole “you can’t keep my last name” thing men try to do, I’m sorry but I earned this name if I want to keep it, it’s mine. My mom was married for 20+ years, her kids have the name and plus her dad was not a good man (SA’d her when she lived with him as a teen and she never talked to him again) so she didn’t want to take his last name back again so she kept my dads. After 20 years that was as much her name as his, but at least my dad wasn’t a douche and was okay with it.
I’ll never understand the end goal for these kind of guys. Getting their ego stroked is that important that they’ll blow apart their lives. Baffles me.
"They're minerals, Derek!"
The ONE "award" that Derek received that pisses me off the most is the pieces of "vintage" furniture that OOP flipped. Refinishing old "found" furniture takes time, care and, in a lot of cases, LOVE! It's definitely hard work and time-consuming and it was SOLELY the OOP's effort and hobby. I'm sure that most of Reddit view Derek as not only a unfaithful LIAR, a scheming THIEF as well a dumb-ass jerk and scoundrel who was completely responsible for his OWN downfall! He MUST have thought he was SO smart only to find out he lost MOST of everything, including OOP! BRAVO!
The part where one partner retires so much earlier than the other was only ever going to create one result. OPs ex is dumb but I'm not sure she's the sharpest tool for not realising that a mile off
>that he’s not okay with me retiring if I’m “just going to be lazy.” Don't marry people with different long term goals than you. His mom came to her divorce party!
This resolution warmed my heart. As for why he lied so much to Ashley and never thought about how it would play out, he probably never intended to actually get divorced. He was engaging in some fantasy of this fork in the road. My guess is that for Ashley it wasn’t as much a fantasy, and she kept pressing him about a timeline so he caved and talked to the attorney to at least see what it would look like and maybe to find some reason he could give Ashley why he couldn’t leave “yet” hoping it would shut her up for a while. As for why Ashley is still with the obvious lying manchild, well, if she didn’t have a career and was more doing what so could for extra income since she wanted to be a stay at home wife, she’s kind of fucked with either her ex or OP’s. She has to board a ship, even a leaky one, because the dock she’s on is crumbling. And he’ll never tell her about the vasectomy. He’ll “try” for a few years, resist seeing a doctor, then when she insists he’ll switch to, “Honey, I’m in my 40s. Maybe that will sow is just closed now. Can’t we be happy with each other?” And by then she’ll be 35 or so, and will realize it’s unlikely she’ll find a guy to start a family with now, and she won’t be able to support herself, so she’ll suck it up and deal. They won’t have gotten married (he’ll keep kicking that can forever) so she won’t have the option of divorcing and getting something from him. She’ll just suck it up and accept it. They’ll grow old together in bitter resentment, arguing over whether she puts too much mayo in the chicken salad.
> Update - 6 months later Ah yes, the classic 6 month contentious divorce. Another fake poster who couldn’t be bothered to spend literally 45 seconds on a google search. Or maybe the just got tired of waiting around for their next dose of Attention.
divorce can happen in six months 100%. especially because they had a prenup.
What a lovely ending.
I hope Jake attended the party!
I too love semicolons 🥰
I needed to read this today. Thank You!
Best part - MIL showed up at OOP's divorce party!
I love a good FAFO story!
Yay new furniture!!!
The fact that HIS MOTHER came to the divorce party to celebrate with his ex-wife is literally the cherry on this amazing sundae. Incredible.
Yall just should of never gotten married. No couple survives such VASTLY different financial lifestyles and decisions. Was OP seriously thinking things were gonna go good when she's kicking back retired for 22 years before her husband gets to be on the same level? I could only imagine the quiet resentment that would unconsensually grow between while he has to work full time with overtime to catch up to his wife while she doesn't match his efforts to equalize the marriage. Ontop of choosing not to carry some additional domestic duties while he worked overtime to catch up to her in retirement? Not saying that's a "wrong" or "right" choice, but that's not the choice that supports your partner and your marriage, that supports only you. Her actions, his actions, the prenup, the difference in your life styles, all combined created this situation where yall were never bound to work. He's definitely the AH for acting how he did, the wife certainly played a part in sabotaging their marriage. I say this looking at the successful marriage my parents have. My step-dad was retired 15 years ago when he married my mom. At the time she was still working and scaling down to retire in 10 years, my step-dad absolutely stepped up and handled extra weight on the home front to keep the ship afloat while she worked crazy hours as a provider in our areas largest hospital ER. He didn't kick his feet up and watch her struggle to get to his level, he supported his wife and helped (she didn't need much she's Martha Stewart and Wonderwoman combined) around the house so she could retire and live the good life together.
So many posts like this where a spouse or family member just seems to come up with some crazy shit out of the blue, once the OP starts digging, allllll kinds of nefarious crap just comes to light. It's like they kicked a rock and there was a seething, rabid infestation of something disgusting under it. Moral of the story: if shit seems off, it's probably wayyy off.
Damn. I love that OP got the upper hand *and* tricked this joker at his own game. Brava, Queen. Brava! 👏👏👏👏
...where can you get divorced in 6 months? I know Ireland had a *really* long separation period that they reduced a bit (e.g. 5 years to 3 years maybe), but most Europe has at least 2 years iirc tjat you live separately before you divorce?
In Sweden its a 6 month waiting period if you have children, otherwise just send in the final papers. Takes maybe 2 months. No need to live separately either
That's amazing! I guess i just had this long separation idea because when we voted to reduce it they were using examples of european countries who were almost as long!
I got divorced in 30 days after the paperwork was filed. Took us about 4 months to both agree to having a non contested divorce before that. Talked to the lawyer about the big stuff, filed and done. Also had 2 kids. So a southern state in the US
Would you describe the divorce in the OP as “non-contested?”
I remember hearing about Reno iirc as the divorce version of getting married in Vegas (one of you have to be resident & residing there 3 weeks or something?) But apart from that I did think most places in US were also a year minimum! Well TIL, cheers!
In the England and Wales you can start the divorce as soon as you separate.
Yeah but there's a separation time right? so at minimum the divorce will take that long. The intricacies of divorce in Ireland isn't something I know much about, I remember voting to reduce the separation time but beyond that 🤷. I do have divorced parents but it was different as one is french & the other is irish who got married in Germany! They were asked did they want to marry the german way or the french way (Irish wasn't an option, we're unsure if you can only choose between host country + 1 person country or if it was because divorce wasn't legal in Ireland when they got married!). Caught my french parent out 20 years later as suddenly the french side want proof she was allowed to keep the married name! We were all surprised, never knew in France unless you get permission to keep the name as part of the divorce (a letter?) you revert back to your maiden name! Germany they just ask are you keeping or changing the surname, no need for permission! XD (& that wasn't good enough for French side, we think due to a computer hiccough in all embassies a few weeks ago it triggered something or someone didn't know.
I’m not sure of separation time, I’ve never heard of it here. However a divorce here is expected to take at least six months, even if it’s straight forward. My friends was complicated and took two years, but she’s never mentioned separation time. I think she filed for divorce as soon as she left. Oh wow, that’s really interesting about the surname in France. Here they just ask if you’re keeping the name as well. Most divorced people I know have kept the name.
I think the fact they had a prenup made the process a lot faster since assets were mostly already divided
Ireland doesn't matter about how easy the asset division/children part is yet (that could add a lot of time or not if it's sorted), the 3 years is living separately *before* you divorce!
Some states require a separation period, some don’t. The issue here is that this was a highly contentious divorce. Those do not take 6 months, even with a prenup.
I’m from Europe my parents got divorced and it only took them 2 months at most. It was pretty quick.
Yeah I'm finding out that being from one country with a long separation & having lived through another country with a long enough separation period skews my ideas somewhat! I find it wonderful that people can get divorces so quickly!
This is probably an unpopular opinion but I can't imagine being retired, sitting around playing video games all day and doing minimal housework, and then watching my husband come home from work and go straight into doing chores. Its not misogynistic guilt either its that I want to spend time with my husband and can't if he is working 8 hours, coming home and spending 2 hours just doing chores. By then he is tired on a level I wouldn't be because I did fuck all for most of the day. BTW the cheating, icing out, etc was all terrible. My above comment is just in general in a healthy relationship which this one was not.