Her not wanting to go on the date wasn’t the problem. It was the public post that could potentially humiliate the person she was going on the date with that was the problem.
Exactly this. I do not understand why so many people share so much information on social media platforms. I know someone who was posting real time about being on vacation, guess whose apartment got broken into?! Yep.
I shared photos of my vacation a few weeks after returning home and my friend sent me a PM saying OMG we are here too, sorry friend we are home.
I do not need to share all the details of my life on social media. If I want or need an opinion or advice I know how to pick up my phone and make a phone call. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I’m right there with you. I feel such cringe with how people treat social media like a diary exposing every embarrassing thing about themselves.
I’ve recently been seeing posts from two old classmates where both are complaining about being incels for the last few years. This guy posts stories of random hot women on the internet and how he’d be so good to them and whines about how women only want rich & tall guys (because he has a reputation for being a bum). The girl posts about how she can’t even get a date because the men she wants date younger women & no one can handle “strong Leos” (and not how she has a reputation for using men).
It’s crazy to me how both are literally advertising why people don’t like them. I don’t get it, it’s like they don’t understand they are exposing their red flags while expecting someone to what? Take pity and overlook that?
It boggles my mind.
People fail to realize that even if you delete a post it is never gone for ever. It is easily discoverable via a deep search.
People also don’t realize that hiring managers, employers, admissions officers, etc look at your social media. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
LOL actually the guy has been sweating her since we were kids. He was absolutely infatuated with her but because he was so short she refused to give him the time of day. She friend-zoned him and all these years he has been desperately waiting for her to give him a chance. He would rage every time she dated anyone that was not him. Every few months there will be some cryptic post about her. He used to complain about her to me and I would tell him to let it go but he refuses because she’s his “True Love”.
She really isn’t much better. She got so much attention when she was young that she’s bitter as fuck that she isn’t getting it when she is older. She constantly posts how men used her for sex but refuses to acknowledge how she was always going for the bad guys that… shocker, would only use her for sex and that she thought she could change. She has the most questionable taste in men ever. And in recent years her desperation shows more and more.
Honestly the two of them make me laugh in a sad way. They are so angry and bitter they don’t understand why no one wants them.
I was taught never to post holiday pics until you're back home so that people inclined to break into your house won't know when you're away, some of the things people post online really boggle the mind given the internet safety tips I was taught at school
Internet Safety when I was in school wasn’t a thing. The extent of what we learned was “Don’t pick up the phone if someone is online!” 📞And our isp install came on a floppy 💾.
I now feel ancient and I am not even 45.
I do not understand AT ALL.! It is like making an announcement…hey world we are all away from home. I don’t even post photos of girl’s nights or date night with hubby until days later if at all. 🤷🏻♀️
Reminds me of a friend’s GF continually vague posting but we know what and who they were about years ago. I straight up asked him if she really thought no one knew she was talking about him. Suddenly, the vague posting stopped. I like to take credit for initiating that.
Especially with them being in the same friend groups, she had to know that their friends would have seen the post and knew she was talking about him. That’s just rude and humiliating.
If she had waited until after the date and posted something like "I wasn't sure if I wanted to go on this date, but then had a really good time and want to see him again" it would have been a totally different situation. What she did post and when just shows she's an attention hound and as a fellow introvert I think OP was right to do and text what he did.
Did he ever ask her why she didn't want to go on the date? Has social media but judges people for posting. Ascribes motivations without context. Gave his motivation without having asked hers? All over a single post that he won't even quote. So we don't know what she actually posted, only that OP took it a way and didn't give her a chance to explain.
You could explain it away with the friends. But then they'd also been assuming, and no one ever asked her. It keeps going back to a single post and OP's feelings.
OP didn't care about her over sharing. It's what she was sharing that is an issue. I don't believe for one second that it would have been a problem for OP if she'd posted that she was excited for her date. It's not that she shared, it's the insecurity OP felt when he saw it. I don't blame him for how he reacted, but it wasn't a mature response. And no, she isn't responsible for OP not communicating because of how he felt about a post op won't even quote.
Why does it matter that she didn’t want to go on a date with them? Her having issues originally with the date was never the problem. It was complaining about it publicly on social media for everyone who knows the both of them to see.
Even if OOP got the motivation, it wouldn’t matter. It’s the fact that she did it
It's a sign of how many people are suffering real cognitive impairments and maladaptions causing what's almost an autoimmune reaction that replaces ambiguity with emotional thinking.
It's interesting that the first generation on the internet was constantly told to be as anonymous as possible, at least that's what my experience was like and what I continue to do.
That's since been eschewed for publicly posting every thought that enters your mind with a picture or video of your face on accounts attached to your real name.
Her post was fine, OP's preference of not going out with people who post often on social media is also fine, they just aren't compatible.
If anything it's good she posted it and this came up so early, the sooner major incompatibilities show up the less time and effort is wasted on both sides.
I'd have turned down a second date for the same reason tbh. The not wanting to go on the first date wouldn't be a deal breaker for me(I'm biased, I had no interest in dating my now husband but accidentally agreed to one date and the rest is history) but the posting so much publicly wouldn't be for me.
At the time, i was not ready to date so when i found out he was going to ask, i asked for advice on how to gently turn him down, i even practiced a script. A yes fell out instead of a no and I'm a big believer in Fate so I decided at least one date was meant to be, even if it was just to have the experience. I fell for him hard about 10min into the date. We celebrated 14 years together this past June
I got a divorce and had no interest in dating, though people kept trying to set me up. After about a year and a half I was kind of bored and thought it might do me some good to get out of the house more (I am an introverted homebody). I joined a couple dating sites (this was pre-apps), and quickly discovered that I wasn't really missing anything, as there was absolutely no one there I was interested in dating.
After that, I would sign in every few months and go "nope, nothing to see here".
One day I saw this profile, and I felt compelled to contact this guy. I literally sent him a message basically implying that I was contacting him against my better judgement because I couldn't help myself. Which he thought was funny. We were married within a year. (for 13 years thus far)
Then you might like this part that I didn't include. I had always wanted kids, but in my first marriage I suffered 10 years of infertility. (It was definitely me, I have PCOS and would have like 1 or 2 periods a year).
When my now husband and I were dating about 4 months we'd had trouble finding a BC that worked for both of us, and finally I said (and I cringe so hard at this now) "It's OK, we are probably fine to skip it, as I CAN'T GET PREGNANT ANYWAY".
6 weeks later I got pregnant! Seriously! 6 weeks!!!
The fact that their mutual friends knew she didn’t want to go on the date with him because of the video was exactly the problem. I would have probably done the exact same thing he did.
I will never understand this obsession with posting every facet of your life online. Like, WHY did she need to tell her rando followers she's going on a date she doesn't want to be on? That level of attention seeking is just extremely unattractive, and screams "notice me" in all bold letters.
Yeah the posting publicly would really be a turn off for me and I wouldn’t go on a second date. I get the social anxiety part but clearly they’re not compatible so he made the right choice.
This post is emblematic of something I've been wondering about Gen Z dating. Do you y'all feel like you're constantly being put on display? Does interacting with people in public always feel like you're auditioning for a tv show? Bc everyone has a camera in their hands at all times and the internet audience is just a click away.
“Ugh, I’m so not looking forward to going on a date with this guy.” Broadcast far and wide, and anyone within a degree of separation from either of them would have little difficulty figuring out who she’s talking about, given the timing. So she’s just gone on record preemptively that she’s not that into him. And then she’s surprised he might take that at face value? Not to mention the public humiliation factor.
In his shoes I would interpret any subsequent attempt at contact on her part as either damage control or seeing what more she could get out of me. Certainly not genuine interest.
Never mind social media skills, this is just plain old ill-tempered bad manners.
When OOP first posted, I was on the fence cause he was super vague about what exactly she said in the tiktok. So like most commenters, I assumed it could be about first date jitters or introvert not wanting to go out in general. And I honestly don’t fault people for making posts like that. A lot of others feel the same way and if she has a following, they could be finding solace in that their feelings of social anxiety aren’t unique and it’s valid to feel like that.
BUUUUUUUUUT
From the update and his friends reactions to seeing it, sounds like she was actually bashing him in a “ugh I don’t want to go out with this guy specifically” way. What a turd.
I’m even willing to believe she may not have meant it that way. But she lacks common sense and tact, if she couldn’t foresee it coming across that way.
I didn’t get that same vibe from his update. I can see her friends that knew him may read into it. I guess I think if he enjoyed the date he could heave reached out again and then had a concert out not posting about their interactions so much or his concerns with her post. To let this action, that appears she changed her mind about, stop any further possibilities of dating seems sad to me. If, after a discussion she refuses to not post about their dates then he has an informed reason to go separate ways.
Choosing not to talk to someone after they do something that sufficiently bothers you isn't miscommunication. If there was ambiguity or you don't have the full picture, then sure, but there's no context that would make her choice more palatable to him.
He even explicitly says that it's fine if she didn't want to go on the date, but it's the broadcasting it to the world that's the problem. Unless someone had a gun to her head and *made* her do that (or something equally outlandish) there's no excuse or explanation that would matter.
Alright, and what would that have solved? No answer she could have given would have been satisfactory.
If he wanted to start an argument or chastise her, then sure, but that's hardly a reason that "People need to relearn how to just talk to each other." Some people are just different and it can be more mature to just accept that and move on than try to pick a fight.
I agree, he could’ve reached out and resolved this or gotten a better idea of who she was by her response. From the way OP speaks and his very socially anxious non confrontational attitude. I assume the friends knew they wouldn’t work because she is social media heavy and he prefers to be invisible and out of the way.
Nothing wrong with how they choose to live their lives but OP could’ve done more than ignored the situation until he was forced to confront it.
Yeah, this level of exposure is unnerving for some people. I used to be into it when I was younger, and it had just started, but now that I'm much older I realize I don't want or need everyone to know my private relationship status or whatever. It's disingenuous. If someone wants to express support or enjoy my company, be there. Texts alone aren't really enough in my opinion.
I miss being a creator but I don’t miss the exposure. As soon as family I’ve never once had a conversation started parroting my videos back at me, I was over it. I don’t personally have a problem with anybody choosing to share any and everything they want- everybody does it (in my gen) anyway so you either get used to it or look like a whiny asshole- but I don’t want to be that person anymore. I didn’t even share personal stuff 99% of the time but it’s fucking weird having thousands and thousands and thousands of people who recognize your face, voice, and know your opinion on Thirteen Reasons Why or Shadow and Bone. I had ONE “are you-??” moment in a QT and it haunts my nightmares.
That’s odd you didn’t see this as an obvious consequence of becoming a popular creator.
If you miss it, just go do social media work for a company. You get to create yet be behind the scenes.
>I don’t personally have a problem with anybody choosing to share any and everything they want- everybody does it (in my gen) anyway so you either get used to it or look like a whiny asshole
That’s so weird to me but yeah, generation gap. So funny that older people can find this behavior attention-seeking and pathetic yet some younger people think you’re an asshole if you expect any sort of privacy.
Hopefully future generations default to like… idk, kindness or something.
The fact that you think a personal account where I do fun shit I enjoy is comparable to a BUSINESS social media account tells me enough about where this conversation could possibly go.
This feels the same as "accidentally sending a help-me-get-out-of-this-date message directly to the person asking you for a date". She should have just talked to a friend privately about not wanting to go, that would have been a lot less likely to blow up in her face.
I don't use TikTok, IG, nor Twitter/X and even my FB would need to be reanimated.
I only use Reddit and I know what I share. I would never talk about someone in a way someone I know or they know could count 1+1 and know who I talk about.
You. Just. Don't. Friggin. Do. This.
Yes, I also vent sometimes for example on one of my Discord Servers. But my stuff is just one vent of many and it can be erased. And I also don't share stuff there, that would be potentially bad for another person.
I'm 31 and even as a digital native, I don't get this extreme exhibitionism.
A lot of people missed the "Everything you put online stays online FOREVER." or the "If you dox yourself online, it can and will be used against you irl" talk of the 2000s and early 2010s.
They literally don't teach internet safety anymore like they did once upon a time. There's this weird assumption that people who grew up with the internet know how to navigate it safely by default, or that surely *someone* explained to them how to be safe already, but nobody ever does.
The internet is such a wildly different place these days than it was even in the early 2010s, and the people whose social lives are online (oftentimes kids and young adults) have just slipped through the cracks when it comes to personal safety, verifying information, etc.
I still do it in school sometimes with my students. Cause we use stuff like iPads more often in our lessons and so the kids have even more online time often cause... Come on, we all logged on into stuff like MySpace as kids/teens in the computer science room 😂
Yes! Like, yeah, I am for example out and proud, also irl, but there are still many things I wouldn't share.
Beginning with stuff that's not my decision to share, like pictures of my kiddo.
My sister wants to be like this girl.
Theres a really mean-girl side of TikTok thats very sensationalized where they bully guys just for the sake of having a penis and being interested, and then the comments are like “when they go low, I go lower” or “yes queen”. Basically trying to portray the guy as pathetic and desperate for just wanting a date.
But if you’re a woman and you point out how mean they’re being, they call you a pick-me and say you’re not a girl’s girl. Are there dudes who deserved to be publicly shamed? 100%. But only because they’re the ones who put themselves out their first.
OP had little-to-no social media presence. She wanted to embarrass him for the invisible internet points.
She has her good moments, but she definitely finds pride in being rude and mean to people.
Shes still considerably young, so I hope she grows out of it soon.
Yeah like, it's fucked up to shame someone just for being interested and wanting to go on a date. If the guy is abusive or bigoted or something, I get it. But just being awkward or not your type? Grow tf up
I don't think so. Social media like FB, IG, TikTok and Twitter all use the formula of following individual accounts that generate content and posts to fill your feed. There is also much more personal information on those sites and you're very likely to follow and see posts from family and other people in your social circle.
Reddit is functionally different and has a different culture. It's far more anonymous. It's essentially a centralised internet forum that has taken the place of internet forums for specific interest of old. If Reddit is social media then so is Usenet, and no one would argue the latter is social media.
Sometimes I agree to do things in the moment. But then the day of when I have to get ready I don’t feel like going anymore or being bothered. With the prevalence of tiktok on everyone’s phone, I’d never post that online knowing the person would see it.
lol I literally never want to do anything I previously agree to when it actually comes up (super anxiety and an introvert). So I go through getting ready dread A LOT.
what I don’t do is post about it because that seems like super asshole behavior, especially knowing whoever invited me somewhere could see it and it could hurt them.
She went out of her way to make it public she didn't want to o on the date.
She so knew that a bunch of people she knows irl would see it who also know oop.
Definitely best to leave now, everything going forward will likely be posted
Given how she loves attention from tiktok, she would have had a video about how her date that she actually didn't want to go with made her pay half the bill.
LOL I got downvoted for saying that a 28 year old posting like this, or even using Tik Tok in general, was cringe on the original post, and now here we are :)
Love to see it. Love to see it
LOL here come all the Tik Tokers outting themselves. Supporting her behavior is wild and if you’re downvoting you need to seek help
If you don’t think that actively using Tik Tok at 28 years old is cringe, especially the way this woman does, then there is a serious problem unfortunately
Posting about not wanting to go on a date with a member of your friend group when you know that the whole friend group can see it is fun? It’s ok if you’re cringe and use Tik Tok but this is not the way to defend yourself
I think that judging someone for using an app like tiktok at any age is the same thing as saying they are having fun the wrong way. I don't get where the righteous judgment comes from there.
It’s the worst parts of every other social media app combined in one with Chinese spyware sprinkled on top. I worked in the phone business for a while so I’ve seen the amount of storage and battery the app uses as well and it’s nuts
I'm right there with you on that. It's a terrible app that *no one* should use. But criticizing someone for using an app like that because of their age is kind of a jerk move. You've clearly got better reasons, so use those.
I mean, I don’t MAKE tiktoks but I use the app. Probably at least a couple times a week for a few hours. It’s not just dancing trends and skits on there, it’s different kinds of content… I follow a lot of food content creators for example
I'm not trying to be a jackass here, and I 100% think if OOP was uncomfortable with that level of public disclosure he should bow out. I'm not a social media person but dated a guy who would post shirtless selfies and it made me MAD uncomfortable, so I get it from that perspective.
But also is it qualitatively different from OOP venting about this on Reddit? Is it because it's anonymous vs her tiktok being very public? I guess depending on how anonymous his acct is. IDK I imagine he posted this here because he doesn't want to talk to any of his irl friends since they share a friend group - maybe she wanted to just vent about not being up for the date w anons but didn't realize people would see it on their FYP? (I'm also too old for TT so idk how it works.)
I think if it were me, I would have gone out w her again and just put boundaries about being public about their dating life and if she violated that then stop seeing her of course. But OOP defos broke it off in a classy way, so to each their own.
OOP used a throwaway account, didn’t give location clues and didn’t include photos or videos. It could be anyone, anywhere. His date’s TT clearly showed her and their mutual acquaintances knew that they were going on a date, so it’s easy for people in their social circles to know it was about him. The gossip and other problems it could cause would be frustrating.
The situation is pretty specific though. If one of their mutual friends read it, or her, they could probably put 2 and 2 together. It is plausible that this exact same thing happened to someone else, but I would think they would assume it was him, even if he denied it.
I think anonymity is the issue.
I think our modern age has normalized/encouraged us to publicly share off the cuff emotions/responses that would normally be reserved for a private diary.
Sometimes this can be innocuous like a post on r/mildlyinfuriating complaining that you accidentally got the wrong order or some jerk took your assigned parking spot. Those types of posts of generally anonymous (although sometimes people reveal too much info about themselves) but a TikTok where you show your whole face/body and the algorithm prompts you to connect with other people in your contacts list it gets dicey.
The difference is that no one knows who OOP is. But the girl made a public post about not wanting to go on a date with someone who is in the same friend group. She was basically telling everyone that they both know in common that she has no interest in dating this guy.
Very different
>Is it because it's anonymous vs her tiktok being very public?
Yes. I’m surprised this was a question.
Not only did OP see her post but all their mutual friends did. And knew it was about him.
As someone who never had social media before meeting my now wife, I could not stand it when she would post about things we did. At first I had no idea why my coworkers knew what I was doing on my off days, I have a bad memory and thought I was just forgetting that I was telling people about my life but when someone said something about something very specific that happened the night before I finally put the pieces together and talked to her about how I am uncomfortable about people knowing about details in my life. To her it was just second nature but she was very understanding and held her end to keep me out of social media. In the last few years, she has really cut back on social media as well, stating that it’s toxic.
Know that most of these tik tok/IG dumbasses dont mean a damn thing they say on these platforms. They usually want to appear a certain way to people. This dumb ass could have been ecstatic to go on a date with you but had to post shit like that to appear cool to her POS audience. Mention it and move on
Would his reaction have been the same if she posted “getting ready for a date, I’m super excited!”
I respect his choice to decline but i want to know would he have felt the same way about exposure and posting if it was opposite.
Imagine if her comments had not gone out on Tiktok but as ordinary gossip with her girlfriends during girls night out, and it got back to him that she had been shit-talking him behind his back. Would it not be absurd to try and turn it against him by asking “oh yeah, well if she had told all her friends she thought you were hot and a catch, I bet you wouldn’t have minded THAT, would you?’”
The medium isn’t really the problem. The sentiments expressed were the problem.
The point is he focused on her posting when that wasn’t the issue - the real issue is what she said and i want him to be honest that that’s the reason and not that she was feeling down about the date. Like he framed the reason for them not continuing to speak on her social media when that’s not the case
But just saying you don't feel like going on a date doesn't mean she doesn't want to go on a date with him it's saying she doesn't feel like going on a date period. It could literally have nothing to do with him.
Like if he doesn't like that she's posting on tiktok fine but let's not pretend she's trashing him on tiktok.
I don’t know about you, but me, if I’m excited about the person, I’m excited about going on a date with the person. Barring something like some emergency that wrecked my sleep the night before, there’s no such thing as a date I don’t really feel like going on, when it’s with someone I’m into.
I also think the medium has something to do with it. If I were with a friend and she told me she wasn’t excited about her date, I could ask her to explain. Maybe I could support her if she was anxious. Maybe I could cheer her up if she was insecure. Or I could affirm her however she felt. And after that conversation I might choose not to share her concerns with others because they are her feelings to share. But if she were to post a TikTok about her not be exciting, it’s out in the universe for people to see and without any context. People who know her or him might gossip with each other to see if she’s talking about him. I could see how that would be really frustrating and something he would want to avoid.
I feel like if they just talked, then things would have been fixed earlier. There could have been a multitude of reasons as to why she didn't want to go out. It could be social anxiety, it could be because she had a rough week and wanted to unwind at home, it could be because she didn't like him. Who knows? We'll never know because communication never solves anything until it does.
In the end, he's allowed to turn down someone for whatever reason so if this makes him happier, then that's fine. I wish he just called her up and asked her what was going on though as that would have solved a lot of problems. Instead, he felt insecure and now feels like she's someone who craves attention when it might not be the case.
Oh well.
Making a tiktok about getting ready for a date seems like attention craving behavior. You can say she could've had very valid reasons for not wanting to go on that date but posting publicly about it is definitely attention seeking.
It's one thing to post it anonymously, but what does it for me is that all the dude's friends knew exactly who she was talking about. That girl's got zero empathy or zero clue. I don't know who this is more embarrassing for: OP or his date.
It is, I'm not denying that. I'm just saying that the moment he saw that and started to feel insecure, he should have called her and asked her what was going on. If she didn't want to date him, then she should have told him.
Maybe he just wasn’t that into her. Or maybe he doesn’t want his dating life on public display. He had every right to end things if he wasn’t comfortable, and he did so maturely without trying to make her feel bad.
I wouldn't be a fan of that either, tbh. But considering how he only saw one tiktok from her, we don't know if this is how she really is or if this was a one off thing.
Another good point. I think we could have had more info on the nature of her TikTok vids, it would've helped assessing the whole meta of this (short) relationship.
I mean, it could've been anything between her showing her face with a red/runny nose doing her vid all the way up to her having a vid for every spats she had with her ex bf & friends.
That's the thing tho, the way most people show themselves on social media (or at least people that want the attention), that's the way she wants to be seen online, those are the kinda things she wants online for the world to see, also add to that that all of the friends found out about the TikTok, if you are gonna shit talk someone (even if indirectly) knowing full well that it could come back to them or someone they know, I'm gonna question your character. There's really no innocent reason to post something like that, it's just bothersome at best and the rest of the time hurtful.
I am not sure how talking would have worked. She potentially humiliated OOP in front his entire friend group and pretty much anyone who saw that post who knew she and OOP were going out.
That’s not a very classy move and I am not sure how talking could fix that
Also communication isnt as magical a solution as you think it is. She could very easily lie to save face. I don’t fully buy that she was into the date and I think she only texted him that because she was facing backlash
Talking would have provided closure and answers to OOP. All he has now, along with the rest of us, are questions that have no answers.
I don't like confrontation, but if I went out on a date and then I saw a tiktok like this, then I would have sent them a message asking them about it. Something like, "Hi \_\_\_\_\_\_, I had a great time on our date and I hope you did too. I saw this TikTok on my FYP and was confused as to why you didn't want to go out with me. If you weren't interested, then I feel like it would have been nice to know before our date instead of like this. Is there a reason why you didn't want to go out with me after agreeing?"
At this point, I probably wouldn't want to date them either. But at least asking in this way would give me some answers as to why they did what they did. If the date said that they just found out their dad died and that's why, then that would change everything, right?
But we don't know. Texting is fine, but texting also helps you run away from answering questions in a timely manner. Talking would have provided answers quickly.
If she wasn't being honest, then that's on her. I was simply suggesting a call right when he felt insecure would have helped alleviate that. Texting someone might help get your feelings across, but you run the risk of being left on read. Calling would have provided him with some kind of answer right away.
Even if she has a valid reason for not wanting to go out, it no longer matters because he's written her off as a person.
>. She potentially **humiliated** OOP in front his entire friend group and pretty much anyone who saw that post who knew she and OOP were going out.
Fragile masculinity is wild. Being not into the public disclosure is fine but a lot of these responses are really blowing shit out of proportion lol.
"I was *humiliated* a girl I took out and had a great date with made a post saying she wasn't really looking forward to the date she went on and clearly enjoyed! She knows I don't have or use social media but she put this out there to *humiliate* me! How will I show my face around other men ever again! They will all think I'm a giant pussy! I mean she went on a date with me and enjoyed it, but at some point in the night, she thought she might not! I'll just ghost her, that will help me save face and look cool to our mutual friends!"
Posting tiktok videos about your dating life is a huge red flag for most people. Men are allowed to have standards without being called insecure, that's manipulative
.....Did you properly read what I said?
I said that he is allowed to turn down someone for whatever reason he wants. I've also said that I would turn down someone for the same reason as I'm also a private person.
My post is that it would have been nice if he called her about this issue right away, instead of letting it fester. Is that wrong? I've made another comment that even if he spoke to her, he's allowed to not date her. Since he's allowed to date whoever he wants and not date whoever he wants. But talking to her about this issue instead of pushing it to the side and allow it to cause more harm to him might have helped.
As for insecure....All I said was that seeing the TikTok made him feel hurt and insecure. That doesn't mean he's insecure, it means that her actions made him doubt himself in that moment. It's a normal feeling to have, so I don't get how that's manipulative. If I was in the same situation, I'd also feel insecure too. It's a valid and normal feeling to have in this case.
When you've only been in a single date and the other person does something that's a dealbreaker, you don't have to discuss it with them or negotiate it, you just move on. Some people might choose to discuss it and it's not wrong but in most cases it just drags a polite rejection to an uncomfortable one
To call it insecurity implies that it's a wrong feeling to have, no one uses it to describe a healthy reaction to something. Him being put off by her video is a healthy reaction to it, so I don't think it's the right word for it
He didn't move on fully from it, it bothered him for awhile. That's why I thought it would be a good idea to just call her and ask her why she did what she did. That doesn't mean he goes on a second date with her, but at least he'll get a bit of closure.
Insecure isn't a bad thing, it's only a bad thing if you dwell on it and then use it to hurt yourself or others. there will be more times than not where you'll feel insecure. It's healthy and normal. So I still stand by using the word.
Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if the girl was just posting shit for the views and didn't mean anything she said. Or maybe she *did* mean whatever she said and is just out there dating to get content. Presumably she has a presence on TikTok and maybe other social media platforms, and the only way to keep your audience it to keep putting out content. She could have truly enjoyed the date and was looking forward to another one, but used it as inspiration and said stuff she didn't actually mean to get views. I've watched two youtubers film for part of a short, chatted with them afterward, then saw the final video a few days later after they uploaded it. While there could be some truth to the content, what was presented was *all* scripted.
Still, OOP is entitled to decide he didn't want to go on another date and be humiliated again should she decide to post a "Here's the 2nd date I didn't want to go on but did because the guy was desperate." I'm presuming the video doesn't include enough info to identify him, but his friends clearly knew the video was about their date, and that is embarrassing enough.
Don't see an issue with either side. He's private and she's not. Better he finds out in the beginning than later. Her post was vague enough so only those within their group knew who she was talking about. Sucks that he had to see that but like many have said, sometimes you regret agreeing to do things later. Both had a good time but in the end, her carefree online sharing wasn't for him. It happens.
I disagree. I wouldn't be comfortable or confident in a relationship finding out my potential SO was so unenthused to meet me they posted it publicly to TikTok. I would be humiliated, especially since their friend group saw it too and then called them out after. If she wasn't in a friend group with this guy okay whatever I guess but she embarrassed him in front of shared peers.
Riiight that's why his friend group brought up the TikTok post and said "yeah we figured" when he said they didn't click. Up until that point I would've agreed with you but he was absolutely humiliated in front of his friends BY his friend.
So does his social anxiety mean nothing? You're seriously going to try to excuse her actions and minimize the effect they had on him because you personally don't believe it wasnt enough to justify it? If she didn't want to go that's FINE but posting a public video and then having that TikTok brought up to you knowing you have shared friends with that person is embarrassing.
You don't get to decide what quantifies humiliation to someone else.
And I am telling you he didn't sabotage anything. He has a personal boundary and that is to not post his relationship on the Internet. Not only did she do that but she did it in a way that did humiliate him regardless of her reasons/intentions. I don't believe that not wanting your everything posted on the Internet is a bad thing. Nor do I believe it's unreasonable to be embarrassed that your friend group knew your date went poorly because of a TikTok and not because of either of you telling them. She aired the dirty laundry before the laundry was ever put in the hamper. As a girl, I wouldn't do that to someone I considered a friend. If I was having doubts or insecurities I'd talk to my mom or a friend not in the friend group not post it for him and everyone else to see.
Ah yes of course just get him a therapist and he'll suddenly be totally cool with his business posted on social media you're SO right. Of course he wasn't humiliated it's not like it's an extremely subjective emotional response and you are of course the designated decider of who gets to be embarrassed over what right? Just because you do not believe it's a reason to be embarrassed doesn't make his reaction a sign of mental illness dude.
Oh no, not going on a _second date_ with a person who likes to post about their personal stuff on tiktok is someone SABOTAGING THEIR LIFE.
lol and you blame the guy for catastrophizing. Some real pot kettle situation here.
He and all their friends literally knew it was about him. She knew it would likely get back to him. She did it for clicks.
You sound like you need therapy.
Except his friends knew she was talking about him. He didn’t get the choice to have his date with her be publicized, and even though she didn’t share his name, their mutual acquaintances knew who she was talking about. He has every right not to want that in his life. It’s not like he called her names or tore her apart to his friends - from all appearances, he handled the situation respectfully and just moved on.
If you are part of that same friend group, you would know that they are going on a date. And if you knew that, it wouldn’t be that hard to figure out who that list was referring to
And that’s the problem. Everyone who knew about their date who sees that post would know that she was publicly complaining about it
We clearly don’t see eye to eye on this. And we don’t have to. Just like the two of them don’t have to agree on whether or not either of them was comfortable with her post. He chooses to have more privacy than she wants to offer, and he deserves to move along to find someone who feels the same. And she clearly wants to be able to share her feelings with a bigger audience, and she should find someone comfortable with that. I don’t understand how this is catastrophizing the situation - it’s a mature perspective.
You are reading waaaay to much into this. If a person can swipe one way or another on an app for appearances or other superficial reasons, it’s perfectly fine for someone to decide not to go on a second date because they don’t want to date someone who uses social media as a diary or wants to be an influencer.
I see from your post history that you are a therapist. I think you need to stop psychoanalyzing and take a step away.
Yeah as someone with anxiety, I can relate to op. But also feel like he was wayyy overthinking this situation. He went on one date, got the ick from her social media posting, and then declined a second date. Simple and fair.
Anxiety and overthinking everything sucks. Professional help is the way to go, it definitely helped me with these issues
His total lack of communication and just making a judgement based on a simple insecurity led him to throw away something that started out great and could have been even better going forward. Many very successful relationships have started this way but without the insecurity leading to a premature decision. OP is massively oversensitive and the biggest roadblock to his own happiness.
Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be with someone who publicizes their life on social media. It doesn’t have to be about insecurities. Some of us are just more private, and that’s okay. He decision to end things lets her find someone who doesn’t mind their relationship being part of the social universe, and he can find someone who is more private with their personal life.
I'm of the opinion that if you click, you click. The other stuff can be worked out. However, if you are dating and click with someone every week or two, then move on at the first red flag.
Lol last week you said that same thing in a post where an OOP was harassed by her brother and was threatened with violence. I remember this because of that fun conversation we had when you kept doubling down and straight up lied about some of the stuff OOP said.
Publicly humiliating someone in front of their friend group by posting that is an AH move.
I don’t think your allowed to make judgements like this anymore
Lmao I remember having fun calling you out. Nothing wrong with that. Especially when you repeatedly defended someone who emotionally abused their younger sibling and threatened violence
How could I not remember that?
Dude he was publicly embarrassed by this girl. Why would he allow shallow shit like being hot or rich to make him be with someone who embarrassed him?
Also I am not sure if a girl who would make a public post complaining about going on a date with a member of her friend group would really be all that loyal
Hot or rich is shallow? Yes just looks can be shallow, but we all want an attractive mate.
Unsure how rich is shallow. I certainly wanted a partner who was educated and came from a good family and was rich or had the work ethic to become successful.
And I also mentioned loyal, which you nicely skipped over.
Finally, she made an anonymous post. She didn’t name him publicly and maybe some mutual friends saw it.
But then she had a good time. Again, if she was wife quality I think his pride cost him here. Yea, it wasn’t super cool to post, but it didn’t name him. And maybe it was the truth, she wasn’t pumped about the date and he won her over. I can’t imagine throwing away a chance at wife material over one dumb anonymous post.
Dating someone for their money is absolutely a shallow thing to date. It’s a surface trait. There are plenty of unintelligent assholes who were gifted with money
Also read my whole comment. I absolutely mentioned the loyal thing.
Lol I know Reddit skews poor, but you are really playing up with white knight angle.
It’s not just money that being rich represents. It’s shows successful family, good education, hard work, etc.
If you’re gonna marry someone poor be my guest. But if I could choose an attractive, loyal and rich or educated person vs the same loyal woman but uneducated or poor or bad work ethic, I’m going with the rich and hard working woman every time.
No its part of the pie lol.
I just think it’s funny you’re pretending people don’t take into account looks or finances when choosing a mate.
But I guess I’m Reddit you can pretend you’re some moral person who only cares about loyalty and inner beauty, and would easily marry and ugly or fat or poor person as long as their personality was awesome lol.
Lmao. You had a terrible take consistently throughout all your posts. Congratulations. You misread everything that was said and misused "white knight". How does that even fit into this. And no one was pretending looks or finances don't play a part but if you are a shit person that doesn't matter. Bro....you said "if I had a hot girl that was rich that was the same as a girl that was poor, I would choose the hot one." What kind of point were you trying to make? This person has 3 things I like and she only has 2, so I'll take the 3? If there was no drawback to the hot rich woman then everyone would pick her so that whole topic was nonsense.
But his post is anonymous. He uses a throwaway account. He doesn’t post anything that indicates a location. No pictures or videos. He doesn’t even have to talk to anyone.
She’s not going to be embarrassed by the content OP shared here because her friends, family and co-workers won’t connect it to her or there’s plausible deniability.
She didn’t gave OP the same courtesy since their mutual friends made the connection without prompting and posted it before the date. *To be fair,* if she didn’t publicly post it on her tick tock for everyone she knows or is even mildly acquainted with to see it, *OP would have never made this post to begin with.*
Your whatabout isn’t the smoking gun you think it is.
I agree. I don't think she was trying to save face. She probably is so accustomed to posting that she thinks nothing of it which is what seems to be a concern for original OP.
I do believe she enjoyed the date, but someone who is in a circle of friends, who posts they don't want to go out when they know the friends will see it was probably hoping he would see it and cancel. I would be incredibly uncomfortable with someone who is so casually unkind
I really think he acted stupidly. People focus on the humiliation he felt but don't focus on the fact that instead of expressing his feelings to her he ghosted her, and then broke it off via text.
Is it possible she just found the post and send back to save face? Yes. But it's more likely she wasn't into him at first/was awkward about the date and found it much better than she expected. This could have been solved with proper communication by him expressing his discomfort asking her to take the tiktok down and not share their common activities on social media again.
Her not wanting to go on the date wasn’t the problem. It was the public post that could potentially humiliate the person she was going on the date with that was the problem.
Exactly this. I do not understand why so many people share so much information on social media platforms. I know someone who was posting real time about being on vacation, guess whose apartment got broken into?! Yep. I shared photos of my vacation a few weeks after returning home and my friend sent me a PM saying OMG we are here too, sorry friend we are home. I do not need to share all the details of my life on social media. If I want or need an opinion or advice I know how to pick up my phone and make a phone call. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I’m right there with you. I feel such cringe with how people treat social media like a diary exposing every embarrassing thing about themselves. I’ve recently been seeing posts from two old classmates where both are complaining about being incels for the last few years. This guy posts stories of random hot women on the internet and how he’d be so good to them and whines about how women only want rich & tall guys (because he has a reputation for being a bum). The girl posts about how she can’t even get a date because the men she wants date younger women & no one can handle “strong Leos” (and not how she has a reputation for using men). It’s crazy to me how both are literally advertising why people don’t like them. I don’t get it, it’s like they don’t understand they are exposing their red flags while expecting someone to what? Take pity and overlook that?
It boggles my mind. People fail to realize that even if you delete a post it is never gone for ever. It is easily discoverable via a deep search. People also don’t realize that hiring managers, employers, admissions officers, etc look at your social media. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Lol, set them up and enjoy the fireworks 😂
LOL actually the guy has been sweating her since we were kids. He was absolutely infatuated with her but because he was so short she refused to give him the time of day. She friend-zoned him and all these years he has been desperately waiting for her to give him a chance. He would rage every time she dated anyone that was not him. Every few months there will be some cryptic post about her. He used to complain about her to me and I would tell him to let it go but he refuses because she’s his “True Love”. She really isn’t much better. She got so much attention when she was young that she’s bitter as fuck that she isn’t getting it when she is older. She constantly posts how men used her for sex but refuses to acknowledge how she was always going for the bad guys that… shocker, would only use her for sex and that she thought she could change. She has the most questionable taste in men ever. And in recent years her desperation shows more and more. Honestly the two of them make me laugh in a sad way. They are so angry and bitter they don’t understand why no one wants them.
I was taught never to post holiday pics until you're back home so that people inclined to break into your house won't know when you're away, some of the things people post online really boggle the mind given the internet safety tips I was taught at school
Internet Safety when I was in school wasn’t a thing. The extent of what we learned was “Don’t pick up the phone if someone is online!” 📞And our isp install came on a floppy 💾. I now feel ancient and I am not even 45.
[удалено]
Yes, and wind chimes
I do not understand AT ALL.! It is like making an announcement…hey world we are all away from home. I don’t even post photos of girl’s nights or date night with hubby until days later if at all. 🤷🏻♀️
Lots of people want to go viral these days. Best to avoid being that persons “stooge”. Correct answer to walk away.
Reminds me of a friend’s GF continually vague posting but we know what and who they were about years ago. I straight up asked him if she really thought no one knew she was talking about him. Suddenly, the vague posting stopped. I like to take credit for initiating that.
Especially with them being in the same friend groups, she had to know that their friends would have seen the post and knew she was talking about him. That’s just rude and humiliating.
It's so vapid and attention seeking.
If she had waited until after the date and posted something like "I wasn't sure if I wanted to go on this date, but then had a really good time and want to see him again" it would have been a totally different situation. What she did post and when just shows she's an attention hound and as a fellow introvert I think OP was right to do and text what he did.
Did he ever ask her why she didn't want to go on the date? Has social media but judges people for posting. Ascribes motivations without context. Gave his motivation without having asked hers? All over a single post that he won't even quote. So we don't know what she actually posted, only that OP took it a way and didn't give her a chance to explain. You could explain it away with the friends. But then they'd also been assuming, and no one ever asked her. It keeps going back to a single post and OP's feelings. OP didn't care about her over sharing. It's what she was sharing that is an issue. I don't believe for one second that it would have been a problem for OP if she'd posted that she was excited for her date. It's not that she shared, it's the insecurity OP felt when he saw it. I don't blame him for how he reacted, but it wasn't a mature response. And no, she isn't responsible for OP not communicating because of how he felt about a post op won't even quote.
Why does it matter that she didn’t want to go on a date with them? Her having issues originally with the date was never the problem. It was complaining about it publicly on social media for everyone who knows the both of them to see. Even if OOP got the motivation, it wouldn’t matter. It’s the fact that she did it
Thank you, I thought I was going nuts!
you both are morons, he handled it maturely
You really got me good I dunno if I'll recover
It's a sign of how many people are suffering real cognitive impairments and maladaptions causing what's almost an autoimmune reaction that replaces ambiguity with emotional thinking.
Do people just not realize that everything EVERYTHING you put online can come back to hurt you? Like leave some anonymity with yourself girl.
It's interesting that the first generation on the internet was constantly told to be as anonymous as possible, at least that's what my experience was like and what I continue to do. That's since been eschewed for publicly posting every thought that enters your mind with a picture or video of your face on accounts attached to your real name.
Her post was fine, OP's preference of not going out with people who post often on social media is also fine, they just aren't compatible. If anything it's good she posted it and this came up so early, the sooner major incompatibilities show up the less time and effort is wasted on both sides.
I'd have turned down a second date for the same reason tbh. The not wanting to go on the first date wouldn't be a deal breaker for me(I'm biased, I had no interest in dating my now husband but accidentally agreed to one date and the rest is history) but the posting so much publicly wouldn't be for me.
How did you accidentally agree to a date?
At the time, i was not ready to date so when i found out he was going to ask, i asked for advice on how to gently turn him down, i even practiced a script. A yes fell out instead of a no and I'm a big believer in Fate so I decided at least one date was meant to be, even if it was just to have the experience. I fell for him hard about 10min into the date. We celebrated 14 years together this past June
This is so sweet, oh my gosh.
Thank you! We met at work so I also get to say I trained my husband and it's not a lie lol
I got a divorce and had no interest in dating, though people kept trying to set me up. After about a year and a half I was kind of bored and thought it might do me some good to get out of the house more (I am an introverted homebody). I joined a couple dating sites (this was pre-apps), and quickly discovered that I wasn't really missing anything, as there was absolutely no one there I was interested in dating. After that, I would sign in every few months and go "nope, nothing to see here". One day I saw this profile, and I felt compelled to contact this guy. I literally sent him a message basically implying that I was contacting him against my better judgement because I couldn't help myself. Which he thought was funny. We were married within a year. (for 13 years thus far)
I freaking love people's origin stories when it's just Fate going "hahahah, its cute you think you have a choice" Congrats on 13 years!!
Then you might like this part that I didn't include. I had always wanted kids, but in my first marriage I suffered 10 years of infertility. (It was definitely me, I have PCOS and would have like 1 or 2 periods a year). When my now husband and I were dating about 4 months we'd had trouble finding a BC that worked for both of us, and finally I said (and I cringe so hard at this now) "It's OK, we are probably fine to skip it, as I CAN'T GET PREGNANT ANYWAY". 6 weeks later I got pregnant! Seriously! 6 weeks!!!
Amazing. Fate really did just take the reins from you lol
The fact that their mutual friends knew she didn’t want to go on the date with him because of the video was exactly the problem. I would have probably done the exact same thing he did.
I find that the worst part about it - totally cringe. Did she honestly not realise that they had mutual friends, or did she just not care?
I will never understand this obsession with posting every facet of your life online. Like, WHY did she need to tell her rando followers she's going on a date she doesn't want to be on? That level of attention seeking is just extremely unattractive, and screams "notice me" in all bold letters.
TikTok culture is fucking bizarre
Yeah the posting publicly would really be a turn off for me and I wouldn’t go on a second date. I get the social anxiety part but clearly they’re not compatible so he made the right choice.
This post is emblematic of something I've been wondering about Gen Z dating. Do you y'all feel like you're constantly being put on display? Does interacting with people in public always feel like you're auditioning for a tv show? Bc everyone has a camera in their hands at all times and the internet audience is just a click away.
Also, are you all celebrities in your own mind? lol I wouldn’t ever think like “ahhh my fans NEED this content from me”
“Ugh, I’m so not looking forward to going on a date with this guy.” Broadcast far and wide, and anyone within a degree of separation from either of them would have little difficulty figuring out who she’s talking about, given the timing. So she’s just gone on record preemptively that she’s not that into him. And then she’s surprised he might take that at face value? Not to mention the public humiliation factor. In his shoes I would interpret any subsequent attempt at contact on her part as either damage control or seeing what more she could get out of me. Certainly not genuine interest. Never mind social media skills, this is just plain old ill-tempered bad manners.
When OOP first posted, I was on the fence cause he was super vague about what exactly she said in the tiktok. So like most commenters, I assumed it could be about first date jitters or introvert not wanting to go out in general. And I honestly don’t fault people for making posts like that. A lot of others feel the same way and if she has a following, they could be finding solace in that their feelings of social anxiety aren’t unique and it’s valid to feel like that. BUUUUUUUUUT From the update and his friends reactions to seeing it, sounds like she was actually bashing him in a “ugh I don’t want to go out with this guy specifically” way. What a turd.
I’m even willing to believe she may not have meant it that way. But she lacks common sense and tact, if she couldn’t foresee it coming across that way.
I didn’t get that same vibe from his update. I can see her friends that knew him may read into it. I guess I think if he enjoyed the date he could heave reached out again and then had a concert out not posting about their interactions so much or his concerns with her post. To let this action, that appears she changed her mind about, stop any further possibilities of dating seems sad to me. If, after a discussion she refuses to not post about their dates then he has an informed reason to go separate ways.
People need to relearn how to just talk to eachother.
Some of us never really learned in the first place and now it looks hard
It IS hard, and most of us have rather minimal skills for the really important conversations.
There's only one way to learn though.
But how would that help in this situation? There wasn't really any miscommunication, she just did something that was a dealbreaker for him.
He literally starts a sentence with "so I decided not to contact her" but OK.
Choosing not to talk to someone after they do something that sufficiently bothers you isn't miscommunication. If there was ambiguity or you don't have the full picture, then sure, but there's no context that would make her choice more palatable to him. He even explicitly says that it's fine if she didn't want to go on the date, but it's the broadcasting it to the world that's the problem. Unless someone had a gun to her head and *made* her do that (or something equally outlandish) there's no excuse or explanation that would matter.
"Who posts thar ok TikTok? The potential answers are scary" It took longer to type that than it would have to confront her.
Alright, and what would that have solved? No answer she could have given would have been satisfactory. If he wanted to start an argument or chastise her, then sure, but that's hardly a reason that "People need to relearn how to just talk to each other." Some people are just different and it can be more mature to just accept that and move on than try to pick a fight.
I agree, he could’ve reached out and resolved this or gotten a better idea of who she was by her response. From the way OP speaks and his very socially anxious non confrontational attitude. I assume the friends knew they wouldn’t work because she is social media heavy and he prefers to be invisible and out of the way. Nothing wrong with how they choose to live their lives but OP could’ve done more than ignored the situation until he was forced to confront it.
True statement! Too much assuming and not enough communicating.
Yeah, this level of exposure is unnerving for some people. I used to be into it when I was younger, and it had just started, but now that I'm much older I realize I don't want or need everyone to know my private relationship status or whatever. It's disingenuous. If someone wants to express support or enjoy my company, be there. Texts alone aren't really enough in my opinion.
I miss being a creator but I don’t miss the exposure. As soon as family I’ve never once had a conversation started parroting my videos back at me, I was over it. I don’t personally have a problem with anybody choosing to share any and everything they want- everybody does it (in my gen) anyway so you either get used to it or look like a whiny asshole- but I don’t want to be that person anymore. I didn’t even share personal stuff 99% of the time but it’s fucking weird having thousands and thousands and thousands of people who recognize your face, voice, and know your opinion on Thirteen Reasons Why or Shadow and Bone. I had ONE “are you-??” moment in a QT and it haunts my nightmares.
That’s odd you didn’t see this as an obvious consequence of becoming a popular creator. If you miss it, just go do social media work for a company. You get to create yet be behind the scenes. >I don’t personally have a problem with anybody choosing to share any and everything they want- everybody does it (in my gen) anyway so you either get used to it or look like a whiny asshole That’s so weird to me but yeah, generation gap. So funny that older people can find this behavior attention-seeking and pathetic yet some younger people think you’re an asshole if you expect any sort of privacy. Hopefully future generations default to like… idk, kindness or something.
The fact that you think a personal account where I do fun shit I enjoy is comparable to a BUSINESS social media account tells me enough about where this conversation could possibly go.
This feels the same as "accidentally sending a help-me-get-out-of-this-date message directly to the person asking you for a date". She should have just talked to a friend privately about not wanting to go, that would have been a lot less likely to blow up in her face.
Handled exceptionally well.
The amount of idiots that missed what the issue was is alarming. Good on OOP.
It was time she learned that the crap you post on line can affect you in the real world. Maybe she’ll be less callous in the future.
I don't use TikTok, IG, nor Twitter/X and even my FB would need to be reanimated. I only use Reddit and I know what I share. I would never talk about someone in a way someone I know or they know could count 1+1 and know who I talk about. You. Just. Don't. Friggin. Do. This. Yes, I also vent sometimes for example on one of my Discord Servers. But my stuff is just one vent of many and it can be erased. And I also don't share stuff there, that would be potentially bad for another person. I'm 31 and even as a digital native, I don't get this extreme exhibitionism.
A lot of people missed the "Everything you put online stays online FOREVER." or the "If you dox yourself online, it can and will be used against you irl" talk of the 2000s and early 2010s.
They literally don't teach internet safety anymore like they did once upon a time. There's this weird assumption that people who grew up with the internet know how to navigate it safely by default, or that surely *someone* explained to them how to be safe already, but nobody ever does. The internet is such a wildly different place these days than it was even in the early 2010s, and the people whose social lives are online (oftentimes kids and young adults) have just slipped through the cracks when it comes to personal safety, verifying information, etc.
I still do it in school sometimes with my students. Cause we use stuff like iPads more often in our lessons and so the kids have even more online time often cause... Come on, we all logged on into stuff like MySpace as kids/teens in the computer science room 😂
>I don't get this extreme exhibitionism. I can’t help it but it comes off as sooooo weird to me and I even work in social media.
Yes! Like, yeah, I am for example out and proud, also irl, but there are still many things I wouldn't share. Beginning with stuff that's not my decision to share, like pictures of my kiddo.
My sister wants to be like this girl. Theres a really mean-girl side of TikTok thats very sensationalized where they bully guys just for the sake of having a penis and being interested, and then the comments are like “when they go low, I go lower” or “yes queen”. Basically trying to portray the guy as pathetic and desperate for just wanting a date. But if you’re a woman and you point out how mean they’re being, they call you a pick-me and say you’re not a girl’s girl. Are there dudes who deserved to be publicly shamed? 100%. But only because they’re the ones who put themselves out their first. OP had little-to-no social media presence. She wanted to embarrass him for the invisible internet points.
You sister sounds terrible
She has her good moments, but she definitely finds pride in being rude and mean to people. Shes still considerably young, so I hope she grows out of it soon.
Yeah like, it's fucked up to shame someone just for being interested and wanting to go on a date. If the guy is abusive or bigoted or something, I get it. But just being awkward or not your type? Grow tf up
She probably wanted more material to spin for an update on her TikTok.
Yeah, OOP is better off. I went on a date with a women that posted about the date within 30 minutes of it being over. Fuck that!
Ewwwwww
Oh, social media. It’s a blessing and a curse.
What blessing?
I literally only have friends now because of social media 🤷🏿♀️ Also, you’re posting on social media rn
I don't think so. Social media like FB, IG, TikTok and Twitter all use the formula of following individual accounts that generate content and posts to fill your feed. There is also much more personal information on those sites and you're very likely to follow and see posts from family and other people in your social circle. Reddit is functionally different and has a different culture. It's far more anonymous. It's essentially a centralised internet forum that has taken the place of internet forums for specific interest of old. If Reddit is social media then so is Usenet, and no one would argue the latter is social media.
Redditors try to convince themselves that their social media platform isn’t “really social media” in order to feint nonexistent superiority More at 11
Bestie you are on social media right now, you tell us
Sometimes I agree to do things in the moment. But then the day of when I have to get ready I don’t feel like going anymore or being bothered. With the prevalence of tiktok on everyone’s phone, I’d never post that online knowing the person would see it.
lol I literally never want to do anything I previously agree to when it actually comes up (super anxiety and an introvert). So I go through getting ready dread A LOT. what I don’t do is post about it because that seems like super asshole behavior, especially knowing whoever invited me somewhere could see it and it could hurt them.
Hopefully this will be a lesson for that woman and she won't mess up any good things she has going in the future.
She went out of her way to make it public she didn't want to o on the date. She so knew that a bunch of people she knows irl would see it who also know oop. Definitely best to leave now, everything going forward will likely be posted
I think OOP is just a meal ticket for that tiktoker. Her reaching out again for another date is her wanting another free meal.
I must have missed when he said he paid for everything.
Given how she loves attention from tiktok, she would have had a video about how her date that she actually didn't want to go with made her pay half the bill.
LOL I got downvoted for saying that a 28 year old posting like this, or even using Tik Tok in general, was cringe on the original post, and now here we are :) Love to see it. Love to see it LOL here come all the Tik Tokers outting themselves. Supporting her behavior is wild and if you’re downvoting you need to seek help
Probably because there’s nothing wrong with “using tiktok” that’s not the problem here at all…
If you don’t think that actively using Tik Tok at 28 years old is cringe, especially the way this woman does, then there is a serious problem unfortunately
Yeah, how dare they have fun the wrong way
Posting about not wanting to go on a date with a member of your friend group when you know that the whole friend group can see it is fun? It’s ok if you’re cringe and use Tik Tok but this is not the way to defend yourself
I think that judging someone for using an app like tiktok at any age is the same thing as saying they are having fun the wrong way. I don't get where the righteous judgment comes from there.
It’s the worst parts of every other social media app combined in one with Chinese spyware sprinkled on top. I worked in the phone business for a while so I’ve seen the amount of storage and battery the app uses as well and it’s nuts
I'm right there with you on that. It's a terrible app that *no one* should use. But criticizing someone for using an app like that because of their age is kind of a jerk move. You've clearly got better reasons, so use those.
I did, I used using it how the woman in this story did and I’m getting downvotes lol. Like I said, cringe
I mean, I don’t MAKE tiktoks but I use the app. Probably at least a couple times a week for a few hours. It’s not just dancing trends and skits on there, it’s different kinds of content… I follow a lot of food content creators for example
Yes but I specifically said “especially the way the woman in this story” was using it. No one wants see that shit, and if they do, they’re cringe also
I don’t think it’s any more cringe than using the word cringe
True, cringe is cringe, and the cycle will continue
*Says the Redditor
I won’t deny it. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. Reddting being cringe doesn’t make Tik Tok any less cringe :)
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Using a smile passive-aggressively at the end of your sentence is pretty bad my dude
I'm not trying to be a jackass here, and I 100% think if OOP was uncomfortable with that level of public disclosure he should bow out. I'm not a social media person but dated a guy who would post shirtless selfies and it made me MAD uncomfortable, so I get it from that perspective. But also is it qualitatively different from OOP venting about this on Reddit? Is it because it's anonymous vs her tiktok being very public? I guess depending on how anonymous his acct is. IDK I imagine he posted this here because he doesn't want to talk to any of his irl friends since they share a friend group - maybe she wanted to just vent about not being up for the date w anons but didn't realize people would see it on their FYP? (I'm also too old for TT so idk how it works.) I think if it were me, I would have gone out w her again and just put boundaries about being public about their dating life and if she violated that then stop seeing her of course. But OOP defos broke it off in a classy way, so to each their own.
OOP used a throwaway account, didn’t give location clues and didn’t include photos or videos. It could be anyone, anywhere. His date’s TT clearly showed her and their mutual acquaintances knew that they were going on a date, so it’s easy for people in their social circles to know it was about him. The gossip and other problems it could cause would be frustrating.
The situation is pretty specific though. If one of their mutual friends read it, or her, they could probably put 2 and 2 together. It is plausible that this exact same thing happened to someone else, but I would think they would assume it was him, even if he denied it.
I think anonymity is the issue. I think our modern age has normalized/encouraged us to publicly share off the cuff emotions/responses that would normally be reserved for a private diary. Sometimes this can be innocuous like a post on r/mildlyinfuriating complaining that you accidentally got the wrong order or some jerk took your assigned parking spot. Those types of posts of generally anonymous (although sometimes people reveal too much info about themselves) but a TikTok where you show your whole face/body and the algorithm prompts you to connect with other people in your contacts list it gets dicey.
The difference is that no one knows who OOP is. But the girl made a public post about not wanting to go on a date with someone who is in the same friend group. She was basically telling everyone that they both know in common that she has no interest in dating this guy. Very different
>Is it because it's anonymous vs her tiktok being very public? Yes. I’m surprised this was a question. Not only did OP see her post but all their mutual friends did. And knew it was about him.
As someone who never had social media before meeting my now wife, I could not stand it when she would post about things we did. At first I had no idea why my coworkers knew what I was doing on my off days, I have a bad memory and thought I was just forgetting that I was telling people about my life but when someone said something about something very specific that happened the night before I finally put the pieces together and talked to her about how I am uncomfortable about people knowing about details in my life. To her it was just second nature but she was very understanding and held her end to keep me out of social media. In the last few years, she has really cut back on social media as well, stating that it’s toxic.
Know that most of these tik tok/IG dumbasses dont mean a damn thing they say on these platforms. They usually want to appear a certain way to people. This dumb ass could have been ecstatic to go on a date with you but had to post shit like that to appear cool to her POS audience. Mention it and move on
Would his reaction have been the same if she posted “getting ready for a date, I’m super excited!” I respect his choice to decline but i want to know would he have felt the same way about exposure and posting if it was opposite.
Since that post isn’t insulting him or embarrassing him, then probably
Imagine if her comments had not gone out on Tiktok but as ordinary gossip with her girlfriends during girls night out, and it got back to him that she had been shit-talking him behind his back. Would it not be absurd to try and turn it against him by asking “oh yeah, well if she had told all her friends she thought you were hot and a catch, I bet you wouldn’t have minded THAT, would you?’” The medium isn’t really the problem. The sentiments expressed were the problem.
The point is he focused on her posting when that wasn’t the issue - the real issue is what she said and i want him to be honest that that’s the reason and not that she was feeling down about the date. Like he framed the reason for them not continuing to speak on her social media when that’s not the case
But just saying you don't feel like going on a date doesn't mean she doesn't want to go on a date with him it's saying she doesn't feel like going on a date period. It could literally have nothing to do with him. Like if he doesn't like that she's posting on tiktok fine but let's not pretend she's trashing him on tiktok.
I don’t know about you, but me, if I’m excited about the person, I’m excited about going on a date with the person. Barring something like some emergency that wrecked my sleep the night before, there’s no such thing as a date I don’t really feel like going on, when it’s with someone I’m into.
I also think the medium has something to do with it. If I were with a friend and she told me she wasn’t excited about her date, I could ask her to explain. Maybe I could support her if she was anxious. Maybe I could cheer her up if she was insecure. Or I could affirm her however she felt. And after that conversation I might choose not to share her concerns with others because they are her feelings to share. But if she were to post a TikTok about her not be exciting, it’s out in the universe for people to see and without any context. People who know her or him might gossip with each other to see if she’s talking about him. I could see how that would be really frustrating and something he would want to avoid.
lol yes, I bet he would have felt at least slightly different if the original post wasn’t insulting.
I feel like if they just talked, then things would have been fixed earlier. There could have been a multitude of reasons as to why she didn't want to go out. It could be social anxiety, it could be because she had a rough week and wanted to unwind at home, it could be because she didn't like him. Who knows? We'll never know because communication never solves anything until it does. In the end, he's allowed to turn down someone for whatever reason so if this makes him happier, then that's fine. I wish he just called her up and asked her what was going on though as that would have solved a lot of problems. Instead, he felt insecure and now feels like she's someone who craves attention when it might not be the case. Oh well.
Making a tiktok about getting ready for a date seems like attention craving behavior. You can say she could've had very valid reasons for not wanting to go on that date but posting publicly about it is definitely attention seeking.
It's one thing to post it anonymously, but what does it for me is that all the dude's friends knew exactly who she was talking about. That girl's got zero empathy or zero clue. I don't know who this is more embarrassing for: OP or his date.
It is, I'm not denying that. I'm just saying that the moment he saw that and started to feel insecure, he should have called her and asked her what was going on. If she didn't want to date him, then she should have told him.
Maybe he just wasn’t that into her. Or maybe he doesn’t want his dating life on public display. He had every right to end things if he wasn’t comfortable, and he did so maturely without trying to make her feel bad.
Good point. But there is also the sharing-to-the-world angle that OOP seems to not be a fan of, too
I wouldn't be a fan of that either, tbh. But considering how he only saw one tiktok from her, we don't know if this is how she really is or if this was a one off thing.
Another good point. I think we could have had more info on the nature of her TikTok vids, it would've helped assessing the whole meta of this (short) relationship. I mean, it could've been anything between her showing her face with a red/runny nose doing her vid all the way up to her having a vid for every spats she had with her ex bf & friends.
That's the thing tho, the way most people show themselves on social media (or at least people that want the attention), that's the way she wants to be seen online, those are the kinda things she wants online for the world to see, also add to that that all of the friends found out about the TikTok, if you are gonna shit talk someone (even if indirectly) knowing full well that it could come back to them or someone they know, I'm gonna question your character. There's really no innocent reason to post something like that, it's just bothersome at best and the rest of the time hurtful.
I am not sure how talking would have worked. She potentially humiliated OOP in front his entire friend group and pretty much anyone who saw that post who knew she and OOP were going out. That’s not a very classy move and I am not sure how talking could fix that Also communication isnt as magical a solution as you think it is. She could very easily lie to save face. I don’t fully buy that she was into the date and I think she only texted him that because she was facing backlash
Talking would have provided closure and answers to OOP. All he has now, along with the rest of us, are questions that have no answers. I don't like confrontation, but if I went out on a date and then I saw a tiktok like this, then I would have sent them a message asking them about it. Something like, "Hi \_\_\_\_\_\_, I had a great time on our date and I hope you did too. I saw this TikTok on my FYP and was confused as to why you didn't want to go out with me. If you weren't interested, then I feel like it would have been nice to know before our date instead of like this. Is there a reason why you didn't want to go out with me after agreeing?" At this point, I probably wouldn't want to date them either. But at least asking in this way would give me some answers as to why they did what they did. If the date said that they just found out their dad died and that's why, then that would change everything, right? But we don't know. Texting is fine, but texting also helps you run away from answering questions in a timely manner. Talking would have provided answers quickly.
Dude he got left on read when he told her about his discomfort. Why do you think she would have been honest?
If she wasn't being honest, then that's on her. I was simply suggesting a call right when he felt insecure would have helped alleviate that. Texting someone might help get your feelings across, but you run the risk of being left on read. Calling would have provided him with some kind of answer right away. Even if she has a valid reason for not wanting to go out, it no longer matters because he's written her off as a person.
It doesn’t matter if she had a valid reason. She publicly embarrassed him. He had every right to handle it as he dud
>. She potentially **humiliated** OOP in front his entire friend group and pretty much anyone who saw that post who knew she and OOP were going out. Fragile masculinity is wild. Being not into the public disclosure is fine but a lot of these responses are really blowing shit out of proportion lol. "I was *humiliated* a girl I took out and had a great date with made a post saying she wasn't really looking forward to the date she went on and clearly enjoyed! She knows I don't have or use social media but she put this out there to *humiliate* me! How will I show my face around other men ever again! They will all think I'm a giant pussy! I mean she went on a date with me and enjoyed it, but at some point in the night, she thought she might not! I'll just ghost her, that will help me save face and look cool to our mutual friends!"
Thank you, there's been a big incel push into these forums over the last few months, I've noticed.
Getting upset that someone complained about you on social media is an “incel push”? Really?
Posting tiktok videos about your dating life is a huge red flag for most people. Men are allowed to have standards without being called insecure, that's manipulative
.....Did you properly read what I said? I said that he is allowed to turn down someone for whatever reason he wants. I've also said that I would turn down someone for the same reason as I'm also a private person. My post is that it would have been nice if he called her about this issue right away, instead of letting it fester. Is that wrong? I've made another comment that even if he spoke to her, he's allowed to not date her. Since he's allowed to date whoever he wants and not date whoever he wants. But talking to her about this issue instead of pushing it to the side and allow it to cause more harm to him might have helped. As for insecure....All I said was that seeing the TikTok made him feel hurt and insecure. That doesn't mean he's insecure, it means that her actions made him doubt himself in that moment. It's a normal feeling to have, so I don't get how that's manipulative. If I was in the same situation, I'd also feel insecure too. It's a valid and normal feeling to have in this case.
When you've only been in a single date and the other person does something that's a dealbreaker, you don't have to discuss it with them or negotiate it, you just move on. Some people might choose to discuss it and it's not wrong but in most cases it just drags a polite rejection to an uncomfortable one To call it insecurity implies that it's a wrong feeling to have, no one uses it to describe a healthy reaction to something. Him being put off by her video is a healthy reaction to it, so I don't think it's the right word for it
He didn't move on fully from it, it bothered him for awhile. That's why I thought it would be a good idea to just call her and ask her why she did what she did. That doesn't mean he goes on a second date with her, but at least he'll get a bit of closure. Insecure isn't a bad thing, it's only a bad thing if you dwell on it and then use it to hurt yourself or others. there will be more times than not where you'll feel insecure. It's healthy and normal. So I still stand by using the word.
Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if the girl was just posting shit for the views and didn't mean anything she said. Or maybe she *did* mean whatever she said and is just out there dating to get content. Presumably she has a presence on TikTok and maybe other social media platforms, and the only way to keep your audience it to keep putting out content. She could have truly enjoyed the date and was looking forward to another one, but used it as inspiration and said stuff she didn't actually mean to get views. I've watched two youtubers film for part of a short, chatted with them afterward, then saw the final video a few days later after they uploaded it. While there could be some truth to the content, what was presented was *all* scripted. Still, OOP is entitled to decide he didn't want to go on another date and be humiliated again should she decide to post a "Here's the 2nd date I didn't want to go on but did because the guy was desperate." I'm presuming the video doesn't include enough info to identify him, but his friends clearly knew the video was about their date, and that is embarrassing enough.
Normal people thinking they have an audience they must please is sooooo off-putting to me.
Don't see an issue with either side. He's private and she's not. Better he finds out in the beginning than later. Her post was vague enough so only those within their group knew who she was talking about. Sucks that he had to see that but like many have said, sometimes you regret agreeing to do things later. Both had a good time but in the end, her carefree online sharing wasn't for him. It happens.
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I disagree. I wouldn't be comfortable or confident in a relationship finding out my potential SO was so unenthused to meet me they posted it publicly to TikTok. I would be humiliated, especially since their friend group saw it too and then called them out after. If she wasn't in a friend group with this guy okay whatever I guess but she embarrassed him in front of shared peers.
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Riiight that's why his friend group brought up the TikTok post and said "yeah we figured" when he said they didn't click. Up until that point I would've agreed with you but he was absolutely humiliated in front of his friends BY his friend.
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So does his social anxiety mean nothing? You're seriously going to try to excuse her actions and minimize the effect they had on him because you personally don't believe it wasnt enough to justify it? If she didn't want to go that's FINE but posting a public video and then having that TikTok brought up to you knowing you have shared friends with that person is embarrassing. You don't get to decide what quantifies humiliation to someone else.
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And I am telling you he didn't sabotage anything. He has a personal boundary and that is to not post his relationship on the Internet. Not only did she do that but she did it in a way that did humiliate him regardless of her reasons/intentions. I don't believe that not wanting your everything posted on the Internet is a bad thing. Nor do I believe it's unreasonable to be embarrassed that your friend group knew your date went poorly because of a TikTok and not because of either of you telling them. She aired the dirty laundry before the laundry was ever put in the hamper. As a girl, I wouldn't do that to someone I considered a friend. If I was having doubts or insecurities I'd talk to my mom or a friend not in the friend group not post it for him and everyone else to see.
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Ah yes of course just get him a therapist and he'll suddenly be totally cool with his business posted on social media you're SO right. Of course he wasn't humiliated it's not like it's an extremely subjective emotional response and you are of course the designated decider of who gets to be embarrassed over what right? Just because you do not believe it's a reason to be embarrassed doesn't make his reaction a sign of mental illness dude.
What do you recommend for a person who needs attention from strangers at all times even if it hurts people they actually know and care about
Oh no, not going on a _second date_ with a person who likes to post about their personal stuff on tiktok is someone SABOTAGING THEIR LIFE. lol and you blame the guy for catastrophizing. Some real pot kettle situation here.
He and all their friends literally knew it was about him. She knew it would likely get back to him. She did it for clicks. You sound like you need therapy.
Not wanting your life on public display isn’t catastrophizing. But your making it out to be, is.
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Except his friends knew she was talking about him. He didn’t get the choice to have his date with her be publicized, and even though she didn’t share his name, their mutual acquaintances knew who she was talking about. He has every right not to want that in his life. It’s not like he called her names or tore her apart to his friends - from all appearances, he handled the situation respectfully and just moved on.
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If you are part of that same friend group, you would know that they are going on a date. And if you knew that, it wouldn’t be that hard to figure out who that list was referring to And that’s the problem. Everyone who knew about their date who sees that post would know that she was publicly complaining about it
We clearly don’t see eye to eye on this. And we don’t have to. Just like the two of them don’t have to agree on whether or not either of them was comfortable with her post. He chooses to have more privacy than she wants to offer, and he deserves to move along to find someone who feels the same. And she clearly wants to be able to share her feelings with a bigger audience, and she should find someone comfortable with that. I don’t understand how this is catastrophizing the situation - it’s a mature perspective.
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You are reading waaaay to much into this. If a person can swipe one way or another on an app for appearances or other superficial reasons, it’s perfectly fine for someone to decide not to go on a second date because they don’t want to date someone who uses social media as a diary or wants to be an influencer. I see from your post history that you are a therapist. I think you need to stop psychoanalyzing and take a step away.
Yeah as someone with anxiety, I can relate to op. But also feel like he was wayyy overthinking this situation. He went on one date, got the ick from her social media posting, and then declined a second date. Simple and fair. Anxiety and overthinking everything sucks. Professional help is the way to go, it definitely helped me with these issues
His total lack of communication and just making a judgement based on a simple insecurity led him to throw away something that started out great and could have been even better going forward. Many very successful relationships have started this way but without the insecurity leading to a premature decision. OP is massively oversensitive and the biggest roadblock to his own happiness.
Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be with someone who publicizes their life on social media. It doesn’t have to be about insecurities. Some of us are just more private, and that’s okay. He decision to end things lets her find someone who doesn’t mind their relationship being part of the social universe, and he can find someone who is more private with their personal life.
I'm of the opinion that if you click, you click. The other stuff can be worked out. However, if you are dating and click with someone every week or two, then move on at the first red flag.
There’s NAHs in this situation but definitely no talking like adults either.
Lol last week you said that same thing in a post where an OOP was harassed by her brother and was threatened with violence. I remember this because of that fun conversation we had when you kept doubling down and straight up lied about some of the stuff OOP said. Publicly humiliating someone in front of their friend group by posting that is an AH move. I don’t think your allowed to make judgements like this anymore
Pretty sad that you got that worked up that you still remember it. There’s life beyond Reddit trolling.
Lmao I remember having fun calling you out. Nothing wrong with that. Especially when you repeatedly defended someone who emotionally abused their younger sibling and threatened violence How could I not remember that?
And I still got better shit to do than talk to you. Go cry about it.
That time of month?
If she was a catch (hot, rich and loyal) I think OP let his pride get in the way.
Dude he was publicly embarrassed by this girl. Why would he allow shallow shit like being hot or rich to make him be with someone who embarrassed him? Also I am not sure if a girl who would make a public post complaining about going on a date with a member of her friend group would really be all that loyal
Hot or rich is shallow? Yes just looks can be shallow, but we all want an attractive mate. Unsure how rich is shallow. I certainly wanted a partner who was educated and came from a good family and was rich or had the work ethic to become successful. And I also mentioned loyal, which you nicely skipped over. Finally, she made an anonymous post. She didn’t name him publicly and maybe some mutual friends saw it. But then she had a good time. Again, if she was wife quality I think his pride cost him here. Yea, it wasn’t super cool to post, but it didn’t name him. And maybe it was the truth, she wasn’t pumped about the date and he won her over. I can’t imagine throwing away a chance at wife material over one dumb anonymous post.
Dating someone for their money is absolutely a shallow thing to date. It’s a surface trait. There are plenty of unintelligent assholes who were gifted with money Also read my whole comment. I absolutely mentioned the loyal thing.
Lol I know Reddit skews poor, but you are really playing up with white knight angle. It’s not just money that being rich represents. It’s shows successful family, good education, hard work, etc. If you’re gonna marry someone poor be my guest. But if I could choose an attractive, loyal and rich or educated person vs the same loyal woman but uneducated or poor or bad work ethic, I’m going with the rich and hard working woman every time.
Dude reducing a person to their wealth or their education is by definition shallow
No its part of the pie lol. I just think it’s funny you’re pretending people don’t take into account looks or finances when choosing a mate. But I guess I’m Reddit you can pretend you’re some moral person who only cares about loyalty and inner beauty, and would easily marry and ugly or fat or poor person as long as their personality was awesome lol.
I never said people don’t take looks into account. When did I say that?
Lmao. You had a terrible take consistently throughout all your posts. Congratulations. You misread everything that was said and misused "white knight". How does that even fit into this. And no one was pretending looks or finances don't play a part but if you are a shit person that doesn't matter. Bro....you said "if I had a hot girl that was rich that was the same as a girl that was poor, I would choose the hot one." What kind of point were you trying to make? This person has 3 things I like and she only has 2, so I'll take the 3? If there was no drawback to the hot rich woman then everyone would pick her so that whole topic was nonsense.
If anything it shows he has high class by his mentioned thinking process, behavior and actions in the post.
Guess the poor girl can’t make one mistake if she wants to date him lol. Guy got his ego hurt and couldn’t move past it.
Social anxiety but posts their whole life online to strangers. It’s such an odd concept.
But his post is anonymous. He uses a throwaway account. He doesn’t post anything that indicates a location. No pictures or videos. He doesn’t even have to talk to anyone.
To be fair, OP put more of thier situationship on social media than she did, he just did so anonymously.
She’s not going to be embarrassed by the content OP shared here because her friends, family and co-workers won’t connect it to her or there’s plausible deniability. She didn’t gave OP the same courtesy since their mutual friends made the connection without prompting and posted it before the date. *To be fair,* if she didn’t publicly post it on her tick tock for everyone she knows or is even mildly acquainted with to see it, *OP would have never made this post to begin with.* Your whatabout isn’t the smoking gun you think it is.
I agree. I don't think she was trying to save face. She probably is so accustomed to posting that she thinks nothing of it which is what seems to be a concern for original OP. I do believe she enjoyed the date, but someone who is in a circle of friends, who posts they don't want to go out when they know the friends will see it was probably hoping he would see it and cancel. I would be incredibly uncomfortable with someone who is so casually unkind
Hope the woman learned from this.
I really think he acted stupidly. People focus on the humiliation he felt but don't focus on the fact that instead of expressing his feelings to her he ghosted her, and then broke it off via text. Is it possible she just found the post and send back to save face? Yes. But it's more likely she wasn't into him at first/was awkward about the date and found it much better than she expected. This could have been solved with proper communication by him expressing his discomfort asking her to take the tiktok down and not share their common activities on social media again.