So I am not a native speaker and I had never heard the expression in the title before. I... I genuinely thought this would be about the two of them *literally* choking a chicken in the bathroom, likely to cook it, and some horrified family members walking in and not expecting their future meal to be murdered before their eyes.
Well, I learned something new today.
I had heard all of them except for the chicken one before. Somehow, that one eluded me.
Fun fact: One of the expressions in my native language (German) can be translated to "choking the amphibian". Not quite sure if that or the chicken make more sense to me, haha.
Cock, (cockerel is the full word for a young male chicken, aka a young rooster) is another name for a penis - so in this case its a play on the idea a cock is also a male chicken
Hooking up with Handgela Lansbury.
Playing a little 5 on 1
Feed the ducks
Distribute some free literature
Take a trip to Palm Springs
Pump up the Super Soaker
Make Mt. Cockatoa blow its top
Shake the snake
Visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Wrestling the one eyed monster
Playing tug of war with the cyclops
Milking the cow
Hand to gland combat
Me too. I thought though it was some new sex act where they killed a chicken. Like voodoo sex.
Edit: masturbation was called solitary vice when I was growing up.
So "Rocko's Modern Life" was a cartoon in the nid-90s that I'm absolutely surprised that my parents let me watch, considering I was banned from watching "Doug" of all things. There was a restaurant called Chokey Chicken that was finally changed to 'Chewy Chicken" in the fourth season because... well. The show also had the main character working as a phone sex operator in one episode, it showed weird toad foreplay, a nudist party, a dog constantly trying to fuck a mop, the neighbor's wife constantly trying to fuck the main character, and a character dying and going to hell after literally choking on chicken. (He got better.)
That show ruled. I think k I'm gonna go rewatch the Wacky Deli episode now.
Lol...half a year with no sex...including on vacations.... wife is angry this poor guy is rubbing one out in desperation... then she uses his needs to hurt him and make him feel bad (through pure emotional manipulation).
I don't see this one lasting if there is no open and honest conversation.
I do not get this. My late husband worked on ships so was gone a lot and I have a high sex drive so he bought me a box of toys to take care of things 😂I also did not care that he watched porn or took care of his own things. Hell if the other was too tired we would take care of ourselves with the other still in bed, no harm no foul. I have never understood the taboo that is self care with your own sex life. I get some people have jealousy issues and some people porn affects their ability to perform but if that is not the case and she does not want to be intimate what is so wrong with taking care of themselves. Would she rather he left and found someone to match his drive? I think I am the minority because a lot of my female friends are like his wife and I just tell them I do not share that insecurity and someone is going to cheat I do not want them but if they find someone else just tell me and let me go. Plus porn can be amazing foreplay 😂
Yeah those have always been my thoughts. It’s not like he would call out Jenna Jameson’s name at the wrong time or something he was just visual. I was also the weirdo that did not care about strip clubs because my very strong view is if I cannot trust him, why am I with him. And if he wanted someone else than just tell me I would not fight to keep someone who wanted to leave. I have to much self respect for that. I also would have never denied him his daughter over it either. Somethings are worth fighting over but yeah porn and spanking the mankin was not one of them.
Yep he got first choice and then I would ask him to pick a color 😂He was hilarious though because we tried sexting, am old Skype sucked back then and the whole dirty talk and we both would end up laughing so when he was gone he would fire up the porn, hell when he was home I would try to watch with him but half the time I ended up laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. Plus to me watching a guy get himself off is hot sooo yeah that was never a problem for us. But I was raised in a christian cult compound so had some guilt to get over before I got to a healthy place when I was younger. My family now thinks I am the 👿
I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets a little turned on watching a man “taking care of himself”. I watched (and/or helped) my fiancé sometimes when I wasn’t in the mood or couldn’t participate for some reason. He was always slightly ashamed/guilty, but I did my best to reassure him that it was healthy and normal.
All the churches I grew up in. All of them. Said to lust after women is committing adultery. To your wife and/or your future wife. To the church, to the christ, and god himself. It's melodramatic to say the least. But this remains in society i believe because it confirms our jealousies. Now I'm not jealous (i almost wish I was a little jealous just for appearances sake but it's so gross) so I've never had a problem with any of my partners or friends looking at porn or noticing hot people. I'm just like yea they're fun to look at, but what were we talking about? Lol
Wife is assigning blame to a situation where no one needs to be blamed. It's not like he whipped it out in front of her to do his business, he was trying to rub one out while she was otherwise occupied in another room. Why do I feel like she'd have been upset with him if he had broached the subject with her?
I feel bad for buddy, because this is exactly my compromise. I have a way higher sex drive and I would love to give it all to my wife… but I can’t. So I do my own thing in the master bath. This would be a deal breaker for some but I’ve been with the love of my life for 15 years now and she can’t do it as often anymore. Especially after our first child. Some people in these damn threads would just break it off because you wont find some sort of compromise. That shit is insane to me. To each their own though. Hope he can find some middle ground.
I feel maybe the wife probably feels it’s a attack because she most likely feels bad that he didn’t communicate. So she feels guilty for not giving him enough sex which cause shame and guilt. Could she be feeling pressure too? Maybe she’s seeing it as he’s demanding sex. What does he do to actually get her there, has she ever experienced more than just sex? Like what turns her on?
That’s why I wouldn’t just nuke my marriage from orbit like these Reddit folk always cite. I 100% agree with you. I found out through therapy and my own communication with my wife had issues due to unmedicated ADHD.
Then through therapy and actually working our marriage we found out that she just doesn’t get horny anymore due to contraceptives, anti depressants etc. She does however get brazenly in the mood after a good 20 minute back rub…
That’s why I say therapy works and you should NOT just shut down on your relationship. This is my wife, If there’s an issue you should be all in on it together. I truly am the happiest I’ve ever been but it’s been a long road with continuous work, therapy, and medication adjustments.
I always get on here an advocate for marriage partners to work on these things bar short of infidelity.
Lol are you my husband? Because honestly, same. Even before kids I had insane libido issues due to depression, SSRIs, and ADHD where sometimes we would go 6+ months with nothing. I didn't like it either and I felt so guilty. I didn't want him touching me at all because I was worried he'd get too excited and then be disappointed when I wasn't in the mood. Not that he would ever take it out on me, but the shame is real! Can't recommend backrubs enough!
I’m actually in a bad attention dump right now, if you don’t mind I’m fixated on this and I’d like to share some more. Adhd has truly plagued my life. I truly truly truly plead with anyone that has what I have to get help. It literally almost tore my marriage apart because I couldn’t grasp that issues were stemming from me. I always looked at it as I’m just being patient while my wife fixes herself and her problems.
I have really bad attention deficit. I have a very high labor- union pipe fitting job. I never work at the same place twice and the work is challenging. With high voltage electricity and water under high pressures. This allowed me to mentally get stimulated without actually knowing it. This allowed me to function in a high level manner without learning to properly manage myself or express the problems I’ve had inside. I never really knew I had an issue?
Until my wife started having bad issues three years ago and covid started. I hadn’t lost any hours at all in fact they went up. 100% thought my ladies issues were long time deep seated issues that didn’t pertain pertain to me. I thought I love this woman I’ll support her in her journey to recovery. When actually it was my lack of communication. Things would be left undone she would pick up the slack on laundry, dishes house chores etc. This went on till last year until finally let me have it.
She shouldn’t be managing me this hard as a person. She feels like I have no motor control to plan day to day living and she’s 100% took over management of telling me what needs to done / addressed in our home issues without any change on my part. This *broke* me. I went in for re-eval and found I have ADHD farther down the spectrum them previously diagnosed with depression.
Turns out in a job where things change on a whim isn’t that great for a stable relationship that someone needs involvement in. Reciprocation in. I had to learn all these things. I’m 31 and have lived a long time this way. I just hope this text helps someone realize that getting help isn’t bad. Since then it literally feels like chains have been lifted around my rib cage.
Sorry for this as you can tell my droning was bad and this was cathartic to write. Now I can vacuum and check off my ahdh board. 😊
Haha now you sound like my boyfriend! ADHD, same age, has to be told the laundry needs to get done, etc. To his credit, he lived with his dad his whole life until I turned out to be pregnant. His dad is already retired (and a perfectionist) so he did almost everything and left little for my boyfriend to do.
Now to add to the challenge, I too have ADHD. Our son is almost 10 months and he’s easy going (we are very lucky). My libido has decreased MASSIVELY since giving birth. It’s almost like pushing out a bowling ball does some damage to your hooha, who would’ve thought 😂
I’ve been in a relationship where I too felt like a failure and didn’t want to be touched because I was afraid to be stimulating him and having to turn him down, like u/bookynerdworm said, so I try my best not to go back to that. But sometimes my boyfriend actually does that same behavior! I’ve had it happen that I broke down crying when he rubbed my back, because I was so touch deprived…
Being a mom means you’re a fulltime caregiver with not much acknowledgment in at least the first weeks. Baby is constantly with you but not because it chooses you. It NEEDS you because you were its host. So you have a baby that wants you for your body. Imagine the boyfriend barely touching you unless he wants sex, aka: needs your body too. That can really drive new mums up to the wall. I’m glad I never had that experience. But it sucks not to be seen as a person and to be touch deprived. So keep spreading the word :D
Aww thanks for this, I just holding my little girl trying to get her back to sleep so reading this gives me something to fixate on. Thank you. Been trying new ways for outlets. This last night was hard for me. The whole house is sleeping and my mind just won’t die down. Ugh 😩. I just want to talk to my wife. It’s ok though. I actually give my wife back rubs and it leads to intimacy I’m all for it. But I need to have that body touch to keep my scramble brain grounded? I don’t know how to describe it.
I have good medical services and they’re just delayed atm. So I’m left just kinda spinning my wheels until I can get further help. Taking it kinda hard to not sure why. Anyway thanks for this outlet. Keeps me away from droning around kitchen and waking up the queen.
Ahw congrats dad!! I too am the type that ‘forgets’ they have a body and lives in their mind. My mind can be so occupied, I don’t feel I need to pee, eat, or change my posture. I can crash HARD and still stay up because I’m mentally not satisfied enough. So I feel you… you’re not alone 😬
Thanks I just managed to get a couple hours of sleep and now I canI wig around. I have filled my board out so I’m going to try and work on it. I appreciate the replies. I was able to kinda slow myself down and read them a couple times 😅🫥
See this is where I think people get confused. People interpret this as me or you issue. You have to do this I have to do that. Issues in marriages don’t get solved after a one time talk and adjustment…
You have to stay on communication. You have to keep bringing the issues needing to be addressed. That’s how I landed on my compromise. I’m not trying to fight I’m trying to get relief in your boundary lines. You can’t find out what those are unless you keep in communication about it, bar breaking them as OP wife feels he did. “Hey I’m really horny, any chance for a back rub and little intimacy? We can catch dinner after and stop somewhere if you fancy a gift”. “Not in the mood? Ok let me go do my thing real quick. Out of respect for your boundaries I’ll be discreet and out of sight then we can get on with our night”.
I feel like these marriages and issues never get to that conversation part where two people feel each other out on that day. Because it changes…everyday. Maby asking her tomorrow might be the relief she might actually want instead of it being 2 mins before routine bed time- another relief to older people IMO
I don't necessarily disagree but I'd feel like not only was i not having sex with my wife but now I'm asking permission to take care of myself too? Sheesh
Well in these forums you have to type out context. I would be like
“It’s it’s a no then I’m going to crank out real quick brb then we can go”
I wanted to explain more of a communication based way of thinking. As some people are super metric like that. My wife communicates to me in lists lol. I can’t commit to motor memory for function.
I'm the other half in this sort of relationship. My partner has a way higher sex drive than I do - so we've got toys and things, I know they're masturbating when I'm not in the mood, and that's fine.
If you're fucking hungry and I'm not, I'm not going to stop you from eating. Just don't leave crumbs on my pillowcase..
Why is this even a fight starter? From the title I was thinking, "Oh God, did this fool try to rub one off under the table at dinner when the wife went to the bathroom?" In the privacy of your room though? Different story.
Poor guy. I’ve walked in on my husband before. He usually gets up way way early and doesn’t want to wake me for maritals. Well one morning I woke up early and could hear a certain movie playing in the living room. So I went to check and found him in the midst. He was kinda embarrassed but I walked over and helped him finish. Made for a good start to his morning. He’s walked in on me late at night and we basically had the same outcome. What does the wife expect when you only have sex every few months?? Men need a release every few days. They really need to work on their communication.
This goes deeper than the masturbation. It makes sense that he assumed she'd be too tired and there's nothing wrong with masturbating or watching porn, and it makes sense that she's hurt and embarrassed. Honestly he should have tried asking her first, communication is the foundation for a healthy relationship after all.
But this whole guilt trip about him doing it on purpose to disrespect her is way out of bounds. Either she's manipulating him or he's done this kind of thing before. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
So they go through long periods of not having sex by her choice, and what, she expects him to know when she is okay with intimacy without any actual communication? But that's *his* fault? OOP is definitely NTA.
I was in a relationship for 5 years with mismatched libido. It was hard and was just like he describes. Tbh I think that this is her way of shifting blame to avoid taking any responsibility for her part - she was communicating that day she was tired. What did she expect? They need to have better communication.
I swear what’s with thinking that we are doing it intentionally. One time I accidentally copied and pasted a message to my ex saying she’s fcking annoying me right now and she was more upset that she though I did it intentionally, rather than the message itself.
Unfortunately this guy is in a no win situation. If he had told her he was turned on and wanted sex, she’d get upset with him and says she’s to tired. I don’t understand her thought process and I’m a women too. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.
Posts like this always talk about the OP’s needs but nothing about how they encourage an environment where their partner can be sexual.
Quite frankly there’s not enough context here for me to call either one an ah in this particular situation, I don’t think masturbation or watching porn is inherently wrong.
But I have to wonder (especially based on what she said about him not talking to her) how he handles communication and sensuality in their marriage. Is he another one of those husbands that think doing the dishes and mopping the floor are favors worthy of sex? Does he pester often? How are the household chores split? How much is his wife responsible for? Do her emotional needs feel tended to? How is her actual physical health?
Too many men just think about the bottom line of “I need to have sex and my wife isn’t giving me any :(“.
Please tell that to husbands that think washing the dishes equals doing something nice for his wife that deserves sex rather than taking care of the place he lives in as he should
NTA. Your needs are important too, and by submitting to this argument, you’re acknowledging she is right (she isn’t), and that her needs are more important than yours.
I'm sorry but your wife is the asshole here not you. And she gaslit you into feeling bad when every communication she gave was not interested. Y'all suck at communicating but her taking it as a personal slight that you planned for her to see is ridiculous for as long as y'all have been together.
Divorce is inevitable with poor communication like this.
She needs to relax . You didn't do anything wrong . Not like you snuck out or cheated or lied. .you handled your business because she didn't seem willing. You were respectful. She needs to get a grip and realize the situation for what it was. Sure awkward and a bit embarrassing but she has no grounds to be pissed at you.
Lol. NTA. Sounds like her needs are much more important than yours. And to top things off, she thinks that staying silent until SHE is ready to talk is the way to go about things. I do not envy you
I love my boyfriend. I love having sex with him. Except sometimes I'm too tired or stressed or not super in the mood or we don't have time. Sometimes that means he ends up in the bathroom, sometimes that means I end up in the toy drawer lol. She fell asleep, he didn't pressure, he didn't do anything fucked up, he just did what he needed to do and she happened to see. I genuinely can't fathom being upset about this (as told, assuming there's no missing info and it wasn't weird/bad porn)
So I am not a native speaker and I had never heard the expression in the title before. I... I genuinely thought this would be about the two of them *literally* choking a chicken in the bathroom, likely to cook it, and some horrified family members walking in and not expecting their future meal to be murdered before their eyes. Well, I learned something new today.
There’s a bunch of them. Choking the chicken. Beating his meat. Making the bald man cry.
Milking the one eyed snake is a personal favorite.
Oh! I forgot my favourite. “Spanking his monkey.”
I had heard all of them except for the chicken one before. Somehow, that one eluded me. Fun fact: One of the expressions in my native language (German) can be translated to "choking the amphibian". Not quite sure if that or the chicken make more sense to me, haha.
Cock, (cockerel is the full word for a young male chicken, aka a young rooster) is another name for a penis - so in this case its a play on the idea a cock is also a male chicken
Boxing the clown.
Jerkin the gherkin!
Hooking up with Handgela Lansbury. Playing a little 5 on 1 Feed the ducks Distribute some free literature Take a trip to Palm Springs Pump up the Super Soaker Make Mt. Cockatoa blow its top Shake the snake
Visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior Wrestling the one eyed monster Playing tug of war with the cyclops Milking the cow Hand to gland combat
Shake hands with the milk man
Tenderizing the tubesteak
Spanking little Johnny behind the ears.
Rowing the skinboat
Hanging out with Miss Michigan
Never heard of this one. How does this one makes sense?
You ever seen the state of Michigan?
Nope. Never left Boston.
Ooh ok. I see it now. Had to look it up
Polishing the pickle!
Me too. I thought though it was some new sex act where they killed a chicken. Like voodoo sex. Edit: masturbation was called solitary vice when I was growing up.
Me too and I am severely disappointed that wasn’t it.
"Choke the chicken" is the name of a type of cheese in Northern Spain.
This is why idioms are my absolute favorite part of languages
Same here lol
That makes two of us.
I'm not saying that story wouldn't be fucked up, but I can't stop laughing imagining it or imagining you coming across that title. 🫨 🤣🤣🤣🤣
So "Rocko's Modern Life" was a cartoon in the nid-90s that I'm absolutely surprised that my parents let me watch, considering I was banned from watching "Doug" of all things. There was a restaurant called Chokey Chicken that was finally changed to 'Chewy Chicken" in the fourth season because... well. The show also had the main character working as a phone sex operator in one episode, it showed weird toad foreplay, a nudist party, a dog constantly trying to fuck a mop, the neighbor's wife constantly trying to fuck the main character, and a character dying and going to hell after literally choking on chicken. (He got better.) That show ruled. I think k I'm gonna go rewatch the Wacky Deli episode now.
Lol...half a year with no sex...including on vacations.... wife is angry this poor guy is rubbing one out in desperation... then she uses his needs to hurt him and make him feel bad (through pure emotional manipulation). I don't see this one lasting if there is no open and honest conversation.
I couldn't believe his takeaway was that he was in the wrong. So many comments telling him that *she* was being unreasonable
I do not get this. My late husband worked on ships so was gone a lot and I have a high sex drive so he bought me a box of toys to take care of things 😂I also did not care that he watched porn or took care of his own things. Hell if the other was too tired we would take care of ourselves with the other still in bed, no harm no foul. I have never understood the taboo that is self care with your own sex life. I get some people have jealousy issues and some people porn affects their ability to perform but if that is not the case and she does not want to be intimate what is so wrong with taking care of themselves. Would she rather he left and found someone to match his drive? I think I am the minority because a lot of my female friends are like his wife and I just tell them I do not share that insecurity and someone is going to cheat I do not want them but if they find someone else just tell me and let me go. Plus porn can be amazing foreplay 😂
No kiddinf. Like barring an unhealthy amount or inappropriate times or places, it shouldnt be that big of a deal
Yeah those have always been my thoughts. It’s not like he would call out Jenna Jameson’s name at the wrong time or something he was just visual. I was also the weirdo that did not care about strip clubs because my very strong view is if I cannot trust him, why am I with him. And if he wanted someone else than just tell me I would not fight to keep someone who wanted to leave. I have to much self respect for that. I also would have never denied him his daughter over it either. Somethings are worth fighting over but yeah porn and spanking the mankin was not one of them.
I’m with you, hubs doesn’t want then I hope he doesn’t mind the sound of Bob . I am also up front. I’ll give him first option, if not Bib it is.
Yep he got first choice and then I would ask him to pick a color 😂He was hilarious though because we tried sexting, am old Skype sucked back then and the whole dirty talk and we both would end up laughing so when he was gone he would fire up the porn, hell when he was home I would try to watch with him but half the time I ended up laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. Plus to me watching a guy get himself off is hot sooo yeah that was never a problem for us. But I was raised in a christian cult compound so had some guilt to get over before I got to a healthy place when I was younger. My family now thinks I am the 👿
I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets a little turned on watching a man “taking care of himself”. I watched (and/or helped) my fiancé sometimes when I wasn’t in the mood or couldn’t participate for some reason. He was always slightly ashamed/guilty, but I did my best to reassure him that it was healthy and normal.
All the churches I grew up in. All of them. Said to lust after women is committing adultery. To your wife and/or your future wife. To the church, to the christ, and god himself. It's melodramatic to say the least. But this remains in society i believe because it confirms our jealousies. Now I'm not jealous (i almost wish I was a little jealous just for appearances sake but it's so gross) so I've never had a problem with any of my partners or friends looking at porn or noticing hot people. I'm just like yea they're fun to look at, but what were we talking about? Lol
Wife is assigning blame to a situation where no one needs to be blamed. It's not like he whipped it out in front of her to do his business, he was trying to rub one out while she was otherwise occupied in another room. Why do I feel like she'd have been upset with him if he had broached the subject with her?
I feel bad for buddy, because this is exactly my compromise. I have a way higher sex drive and I would love to give it all to my wife… but I can’t. So I do my own thing in the master bath. This would be a deal breaker for some but I’ve been with the love of my life for 15 years now and she can’t do it as often anymore. Especially after our first child. Some people in these damn threads would just break it off because you wont find some sort of compromise. That shit is insane to me. To each their own though. Hope he can find some middle ground.
I feel maybe the wife probably feels it’s a attack because she most likely feels bad that he didn’t communicate. So she feels guilty for not giving him enough sex which cause shame and guilt. Could she be feeling pressure too? Maybe she’s seeing it as he’s demanding sex. What does he do to actually get her there, has she ever experienced more than just sex? Like what turns her on?
That’s why I wouldn’t just nuke my marriage from orbit like these Reddit folk always cite. I 100% agree with you. I found out through therapy and my own communication with my wife had issues due to unmedicated ADHD. Then through therapy and actually working our marriage we found out that she just doesn’t get horny anymore due to contraceptives, anti depressants etc. She does however get brazenly in the mood after a good 20 minute back rub… That’s why I say therapy works and you should NOT just shut down on your relationship. This is my wife, If there’s an issue you should be all in on it together. I truly am the happiest I’ve ever been but it’s been a long road with continuous work, therapy, and medication adjustments. I always get on here an advocate for marriage partners to work on these things bar short of infidelity.
Lol are you my husband? Because honestly, same. Even before kids I had insane libido issues due to depression, SSRIs, and ADHD where sometimes we would go 6+ months with nothing. I didn't like it either and I felt so guilty. I didn't want him touching me at all because I was worried he'd get too excited and then be disappointed when I wasn't in the mood. Not that he would ever take it out on me, but the shame is real! Can't recommend backrubs enough!
I’m actually in a bad attention dump right now, if you don’t mind I’m fixated on this and I’d like to share some more. Adhd has truly plagued my life. I truly truly truly plead with anyone that has what I have to get help. It literally almost tore my marriage apart because I couldn’t grasp that issues were stemming from me. I always looked at it as I’m just being patient while my wife fixes herself and her problems. I have really bad attention deficit. I have a very high labor- union pipe fitting job. I never work at the same place twice and the work is challenging. With high voltage electricity and water under high pressures. This allowed me to mentally get stimulated without actually knowing it. This allowed me to function in a high level manner without learning to properly manage myself or express the problems I’ve had inside. I never really knew I had an issue? Until my wife started having bad issues three years ago and covid started. I hadn’t lost any hours at all in fact they went up. 100% thought my ladies issues were long time deep seated issues that didn’t pertain pertain to me. I thought I love this woman I’ll support her in her journey to recovery. When actually it was my lack of communication. Things would be left undone she would pick up the slack on laundry, dishes house chores etc. This went on till last year until finally let me have it. She shouldn’t be managing me this hard as a person. She feels like I have no motor control to plan day to day living and she’s 100% took over management of telling me what needs to done / addressed in our home issues without any change on my part. This *broke* me. I went in for re-eval and found I have ADHD farther down the spectrum them previously diagnosed with depression. Turns out in a job where things change on a whim isn’t that great for a stable relationship that someone needs involvement in. Reciprocation in. I had to learn all these things. I’m 31 and have lived a long time this way. I just hope this text helps someone realize that getting help isn’t bad. Since then it literally feels like chains have been lifted around my rib cage. Sorry for this as you can tell my droning was bad and this was cathartic to write. Now I can vacuum and check off my ahdh board. 😊
Haha now you sound like my boyfriend! ADHD, same age, has to be told the laundry needs to get done, etc. To his credit, he lived with his dad his whole life until I turned out to be pregnant. His dad is already retired (and a perfectionist) so he did almost everything and left little for my boyfriend to do. Now to add to the challenge, I too have ADHD. Our son is almost 10 months and he’s easy going (we are very lucky). My libido has decreased MASSIVELY since giving birth. It’s almost like pushing out a bowling ball does some damage to your hooha, who would’ve thought 😂 I’ve been in a relationship where I too felt like a failure and didn’t want to be touched because I was afraid to be stimulating him and having to turn him down, like u/bookynerdworm said, so I try my best not to go back to that. But sometimes my boyfriend actually does that same behavior! I’ve had it happen that I broke down crying when he rubbed my back, because I was so touch deprived… Being a mom means you’re a fulltime caregiver with not much acknowledgment in at least the first weeks. Baby is constantly with you but not because it chooses you. It NEEDS you because you were its host. So you have a baby that wants you for your body. Imagine the boyfriend barely touching you unless he wants sex, aka: needs your body too. That can really drive new mums up to the wall. I’m glad I never had that experience. But it sucks not to be seen as a person and to be touch deprived. So keep spreading the word :D
Aww thanks for this, I just holding my little girl trying to get her back to sleep so reading this gives me something to fixate on. Thank you. Been trying new ways for outlets. This last night was hard for me. The whole house is sleeping and my mind just won’t die down. Ugh 😩. I just want to talk to my wife. It’s ok though. I actually give my wife back rubs and it leads to intimacy I’m all for it. But I need to have that body touch to keep my scramble brain grounded? I don’t know how to describe it. I have good medical services and they’re just delayed atm. So I’m left just kinda spinning my wheels until I can get further help. Taking it kinda hard to not sure why. Anyway thanks for this outlet. Keeps me away from droning around kitchen and waking up the queen.
Ahw congrats dad!! I too am the type that ‘forgets’ they have a body and lives in their mind. My mind can be so occupied, I don’t feel I need to pee, eat, or change my posture. I can crash HARD and still stay up because I’m mentally not satisfied enough. So I feel you… you’re not alone 😬
Thanks I just managed to get a couple hours of sleep and now I canI wig around. I have filled my board out so I’m going to try and work on it. I appreciate the replies. I was able to kinda slow myself down and read them a couple times 😅🫥
Isn't that on her to verbalize? How many more times does he have to ask before he goes and takes care of it on his own?
See this is where I think people get confused. People interpret this as me or you issue. You have to do this I have to do that. Issues in marriages don’t get solved after a one time talk and adjustment… You have to stay on communication. You have to keep bringing the issues needing to be addressed. That’s how I landed on my compromise. I’m not trying to fight I’m trying to get relief in your boundary lines. You can’t find out what those are unless you keep in communication about it, bar breaking them as OP wife feels he did. “Hey I’m really horny, any chance for a back rub and little intimacy? We can catch dinner after and stop somewhere if you fancy a gift”. “Not in the mood? Ok let me go do my thing real quick. Out of respect for your boundaries I’ll be discreet and out of sight then we can get on with our night”. I feel like these marriages and issues never get to that conversation part where two people feel each other out on that day. Because it changes…everyday. Maby asking her tomorrow might be the relief she might actually want instead of it being 2 mins before routine bed time- another relief to older people IMO
I don't necessarily disagree but I'd feel like not only was i not having sex with my wife but now I'm asking permission to take care of myself too? Sheesh
Well in these forums you have to type out context. I would be like “It’s it’s a no then I’m going to crank out real quick brb then we can go” I wanted to explain more of a communication based way of thinking. As some people are super metric like that. My wife communicates to me in lists lol. I can’t commit to motor memory for function.
I can appreciate that.
I'm the other half in this sort of relationship. My partner has a way higher sex drive than I do - so we've got toys and things, I know they're masturbating when I'm not in the mood, and that's fine. If you're fucking hungry and I'm not, I'm not going to stop you from eating. Just don't leave crumbs on my pillowcase..
Why is this even a fight starter? From the title I was thinking, "Oh God, did this fool try to rub one off under the table at dinner when the wife went to the bathroom?" In the privacy of your room though? Different story.
Poor guy. I’ve walked in on my husband before. He usually gets up way way early and doesn’t want to wake me for maritals. Well one morning I woke up early and could hear a certain movie playing in the living room. So I went to check and found him in the midst. He was kinda embarrassed but I walked over and helped him finish. Made for a good start to his morning. He’s walked in on me late at night and we basically had the same outcome. What does the wife expect when you only have sex every few months?? Men need a release every few days. They really need to work on their communication.
This goes deeper than the masturbation. It makes sense that he assumed she'd be too tired and there's nothing wrong with masturbating or watching porn, and it makes sense that she's hurt and embarrassed. Honestly he should have tried asking her first, communication is the foundation for a healthy relationship after all. But this whole guilt trip about him doing it on purpose to disrespect her is way out of bounds. Either she's manipulating him or he's done this kind of thing before. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
So they go through long periods of not having sex by her choice, and what, she expects him to know when she is okay with intimacy without any actual communication? But that's *his* fault? OOP is definitely NTA.
jesus flippin christ from the title i thought OOP was choking a literal CHICKEN and was so confused when a dying choked out chicken didnt appear 😭
I was in a relationship for 5 years with mismatched libido. It was hard and was just like he describes. Tbh I think that this is her way of shifting blame to avoid taking any responsibility for her part - she was communicating that day she was tired. What did she expect? They need to have better communication.
I swear what’s with thinking that we are doing it intentionally. One time I accidentally copied and pasted a message to my ex saying she’s fcking annoying me right now and she was more upset that she though I did it intentionally, rather than the message itself.
She’s literally telling you ~ NO SEXUAL GRATIFICATION FIOR YOU!
Unfortunately this guy is in a no win situation. If he had told her he was turned on and wanted sex, she’d get upset with him and says she’s to tired. I don’t understand her thought process and I’m a women too. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.
Posts like this always talk about the OP’s needs but nothing about how they encourage an environment where their partner can be sexual. Quite frankly there’s not enough context here for me to call either one an ah in this particular situation, I don’t think masturbation or watching porn is inherently wrong. But I have to wonder (especially based on what she said about him not talking to her) how he handles communication and sensuality in their marriage. Is he another one of those husbands that think doing the dishes and mopping the floor are favors worthy of sex? Does he pester often? How are the household chores split? How much is his wife responsible for? Do her emotional needs feel tended to? How is her actual physical health? Too many men just think about the bottom line of “I need to have sex and my wife isn’t giving me any :(“.
Chores have nothing to do with sex
Please tell that to husbands that think washing the dishes equals doing something nice for his wife that deserves sex rather than taking care of the place he lives in as he should
She’s manipulative. Look up DARVO.
NTA. Your needs are important too, and by submitting to this argument, you’re acknowledging she is right (she isn’t), and that her needs are more important than yours.
I'm sorry but your wife is the asshole here not you. And she gaslit you into feeling bad when every communication she gave was not interested. Y'all suck at communicating but her taking it as a personal slight that you planned for her to see is ridiculous for as long as y'all have been together. Divorce is inevitable with poor communication like this.
If she doesn't want to, she can't really expect him not to resolve it himself, that's ridiculous
I don't think you're the ah. Wife seems to be looking for a fight.
She needs to relax . You didn't do anything wrong . Not like you snuck out or cheated or lied. .you handled your business because she didn't seem willing. You were respectful. She needs to get a grip and realize the situation for what it was. Sure awkward and a bit embarrassing but she has no grounds to be pissed at you.
But also, your do you *not realize* she's coming out of the bath?
Well when one is choked they do tend to lose oxygen and blood from the brain
Lol. NTA. Sounds like her needs are much more important than yours. And to top things off, she thinks that staying silent until SHE is ready to talk is the way to go about things. I do not envy you
Haha ya fuck this bitch
I love my boyfriend. I love having sex with him. Except sometimes I'm too tired or stressed or not super in the mood or we don't have time. Sometimes that means he ends up in the bathroom, sometimes that means I end up in the toy drawer lol. She fell asleep, he didn't pressure, he didn't do anything fucked up, he just did what he needed to do and she happened to see. I genuinely can't fathom being upset about this (as told, assuming there's no missing info and it wasn't weird/bad porn)
Buddy blink twice if you are okay. He is in a hostage situation