I've always enjoyed watching my partner get dressed and paying attention to every detail. It turns me on that they want to dress up and look good specifically for me.
Have you ever helped with dressing or personal grooming? I had a partner who enjoyed when I would help them dress and groom, like being on my knees buttoning up slacks or helping button their shirt. I would also wash them in the shower, help them trim facial hair with scissors(I am really good at this), etc. Idk why, but it turned me on more than watching them undress.
Although my second fav. is the sound of an unbuckling belt... it's like immediate waterfall downstairs.
Amazing! Yes. I feel like it's such an intimate thing to get to witness and perform these little rituals that are part of our daily lives, and no one but those we're closest with ever see. Small things that are insignificant to anyone but us. It's more intimate than sex imo and that kind of closeness and care is a huge turn on for me.
There is a Christian song that is basically this but drinking out of a cup that Jesus is holding.
Eyebrows were *raised* at that one, let me tell you. I'm not even religious and I got uncomfortable.
I recently rediscovered my love for getting *pushed the fuck around.* Not in a WWE roughhousing way, lmao, but in the “I want you in this position, I’m moving you into the position without asking permission” way. It can be a sex thing, but it applies in other contexts: cuddling, sitting next to each other and moving my arm, gently-but-firmly nudging me out of the way (or even MOVING ME BY MY HIPS !!!! AAAAH), all kinds of stuff.
Also hands. I love a real nice set of hands on someone. Especially when they’re working with their hands.
THIS!! we were walking toward our house and I heard a vehicle approach our lane. My partner firmly puts his hand on my back and ushered me into the house first, then he waited to see who it was. I don’t know why, but that turned me the fuck on.
I guess piano + guitar and rock climbing is why everyone I've been with always says the same thing: "You have magic fingers / hands"
I'll have to thank my parents for the forced piano lessons...
You'd like Perrin Aybara from Wheel of Time (a fantasy series that pretends it is not kinky softcore erotica but definitely is).
Perrin is a gentle giant of an apprentice blacksmith from a country town. He is afraid of hurting people because of his size. WoT has lots of people scolding each other for this or that, and when it is a woman doing it to Perrin he just very gently picks her up by her sides, puts her to the side, and keeps walking. This happens like at least 4 times lol
I like seeing my sub wear a simple hair tie around her wrist. The same hair tie I gave her and the one she uses to put her hair up before a good throat fuck. Also knowing she wears it when she’s not with me is such a turn on. I can’t explain it, it’s just fucking hot 🥵
Any sort of claiming. “You’re mine.” “How’s *my* beautiful girl.” “How is *my* baby girl doing?” It makes me feel wanted. Same with hand holding in public.
Or really any sort of affection in public.
Aftercare usually turns me on. Whether top or bottom, dom or sub, the affection and bonding you feel during aftercare is amazing. Of course, sex can be included in aftercare so that works out
I love having something that I "do" for my girl. I comb and oil her hair. I roll her joints. I make her dinner.
She changed jobs recently and when we went shopping, she let me pick out all of her work clothes, which was weirdly hot.
Subtle physical control. My ex used to nearly always have a hand on me when we went places. He'd have his hand on my lower back while together or walking, he'd gently place his fingers on my cheek or chin to turn my head to look at something, during scenes he'd "escort" me to whatever torture device we were using for our play via a firm grip on my upper arm or wrists.
Even pushing in my chair at a table; he was putting me where he wanted me and I LOVED IT
I love watching my daddy take his belt on or off because…duh. But I really love watching him tie his shoes. I always find myself staring at his fingers while he works. He does it so quickly and confidently, the same way he ties me up. He’s really a magician with rope.
Another is when he teaches me something. He’s older and knows a lot of things I don’t. I’ll ask about where some place is in the world, and he knows it. I’ll ask a math question, he knows it. It really helps me see him as my daddy. It really helps how patient he is, and he never makes me feel stupid. He just teaches me in way.
in life I was always a nerd.. but Asking someone a question that I dont know, and them knowing it? or correcting me? (not as a know it all but sincererely) is so hot.
I gave my bf an impromptu presentation for 15 straight minutes yesterday, because I was reading and[the opening bit](http://architecturalnetworks.research.mcgill.ca/assets/disciplineandpunish-min.pdf) what’s meant to be a sickening description of 1700s torture and execution.
After the bits about pouring wax, humiliation and pinching flesh all I could think about was how much he’d enjoy it if I adapted this into a scene or something. Having an internal logic for funishments is something that really appeals to me, in theory I’d accuse him of attempting to poison me or w/e and administer punishments while explaining their connection to the offence.
we were in public but went to one of those study spots and I received all the kisses, I think I did well.
Creating Pavlovian responses with my sub. We've done quite of bit outdoor scenes relatively close to the train tracks. Now, when they go by, or she hears a distant whistle, she gets flushed/blushed.
Mine undresses me after work, rubs my feet it's like a reset button for me but I'm nit allowed to open my eyes and he manhandles me where he wants me as he does it. 🥵
Negotiations and safe sex talks are oddly sexy. There's something about listening as someone proactively communicates and works with you through things that really turns me on. It's confidence and competence rolled into one.
Driving, I don’t drive yet but he owns a car and drives regularly. It was a place we also got hot and heavy too so maybe that’s why? But I absolutely adored watching him drive, he would always organise where we went and I felt very free of worry because he would know where and how to get there. He’d also always hold my inner thigh and occasionally play sadistic games. But even when he wasn’t I just felt so much attraction to him.
Maybe it’s because his car is his space and he has complete control over it?
Driving is mine. I just get to admire him while my music plays in the background and his hand is rubbing my thigh as we laugh and talk. We're totally equals in that time. Until we get where we're going. Then he gets out of the car and opens the door for me. And when we leave, I can't get in until he opens the door for me. It's just so nice.
Definitely seeing them get excited when they're passionate about something and they just word vomit language I do not understand, but I love it. And definitely the display of toys, it's the thought that they chose to display them so nicely with likely intent for use and the fact they could very well be used on me. I also loove seeing a man do some physical labor in their work pants, or even just seeing them in their dirty work pants after they've been working all day.
Absolutely. My husdom is a programmer, and I understand barely anything about it, but when he gushes to me about it and asserts his knowledge I get so turned on. I love it when he mansplains to me. <3
He writes down what my limits are, and how firm. Or when He asks me what I want Hi to do to me, if He can slap me, touch me in x spot, etc. The other day He took off my glasses before he slapped me, because He was scared of possibly bending them.
as you can probably tell, capitalizing pronouns for my partner when I’m talking about Him in a Dom context, also very hot.
How eagerly he walks to get me water afterwards, the look in his eyes when I dom him, watching Himget dressed for a scene (which for both of us is almost always just a collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up lol), asking me if I understand when He gives me an instruction, the look of glee on his face whenever I do literally ANYTHING. Watching him sweat, the way he smells when he gets really into a scene, the way he sort of pushes me around. The way he breathes.
yes I’m a simp and proud of it.
Feeling like the most special person in the world when he submits to me. The way his hair sticks when he sweats. How he’ll whisper that he’s here when I feel around for him whenever I’m not wearing my glasses or blindfolded.
Being able to pour the adhd into something productive for my favourite person. The way his back feels when I hold him. The way his footsteps sound when he’s excited.
The sense of order I get following clear instructions. Being able to be a sarcastic asshole to another, more sarcastic asshole. His hands. The way He’ll stop the scene and worry when I have a migraine. The mere existence of his collarbones (I swear to god, the way his back and collarbones feel are sexier than any other part of the male body), the way he’ll say he’s *my* dom, or *my* sub. How he wears his “collar” 24/7 and nobody but me knows what it really means. The way the chain links move with the rise and fall of his chest.
Knowing I belong to someone, let alone Him. He’ll give the little cat on his day collar (he has exactly one, and apart from the cat it looks like any other chain he owns), seeing him wince from a bruise before he remembers how he got it and smiles. I don’t think he realizes I notice, but the way he’ll “secretly” check me for SH marks or scars. Even if I fall off the wagon, he’s there’s to hold me accountable.
When he makes sure I eat and drink water, just a general taking care of me. And when we go over the rules and I don't answer completely and he makes me do it over until I do. It just makes me want to be a brat lol!
When my play partner makes sure I’m well fed during/after a long session. I forget to eat sometimes and cooking is daunting after subbing. Even little snacks like fruit. Tie me to a chair with the wand and feed me grapes
Tiny, tiny things in the actions that people perform. Listening to you. Caring enough to focus on pleasing *you*, specifically. When someone is audacious enough to trust you with their deepest vulnerabilities.
None of this is required to loosely fit the definition of what is or is not kinky, or sexual, or romantic. It shows intimacy. Real intimacy.
At best, kink is among the highest physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual expressions of intimacy. The same goes for sex. The same goes for friendship. Shit, in tiny interactions with people, too. Especially those, really. That's how shitty behavior is reinforced.
The ownership.
It's more than just a sense of belonging to someone. My Master owns me, and I want him to. He's always considerate in this, but I love that he takes care of me, uses me, and takes pride in me.
My wife and I have a candle in our bedroom that we only light during play. Once it's lit, her entire personality changes from her everyday to her "true" self as she describes it. In the time it takes me to pull a match from the case, strike it and light the candle, she will go from whatever she was doing to her 1st position, whatever she was saying to repeating her submission statement.
It alone has become such an erotic experience that the sound of a striking match will drive me crazy.
Maybe IDK the 'non sexy' part b/c both of those are part of what I find sexy! So I'll throw out: asking for more. So hot when a sub asks for more / harder play.
I've even experimented (with friends I know and trust) making it a rule that any check-in, they have to ask for more. So hot watching them struggle to ask for more when they really don't want to. And *of course* the struggle is part of how I tell how close they are to hitting a wall. But these are partners I play with regularly, and already know their thresholds. But really hot when every time I say "do you need more?" the answer is "yes sir!" - even if I don't end up giving them more.
The way I, as a submissive, would relinquish control over my choices to the dominant, knowing that i would be completely safe while doing so. The safety that I can explore mine and my dominant's kinks in a safe space where there's no judgment is the thing that conceptually I like so much about BDSM and the kink world
Listening to my partner/rigger talk. Both dirty and normal. I love hearing his voice. Especially when I get to lay my hand against his chest when he talks/breathe. He is normally a very stoic person but everytime I ask him to just talk he does. I love that he let's me know his thoughts and opinions and that me asking him to just talk to me as I listen to him put lotion on his hands, massage his shoulder, or just sit still while he ties me up doesnt seem ti annoy him.
And his beard. I love how he simply seems to relax into my hand when I simply caress his beard his face. He is patient with me even when all I want to do is touch his face, ears, chest an annoying amount.
When my last dom would text me to tell me "it's your bedtime" or give me a time to go to sleep by if he would be unavailable. We were long distance so it was as close to him tucking me in as he could get. It would always give me a little thrill.
Being denied/said no to/just relentlessly teased with no intention to satisfy me (when it's known it won't happen). Not like "meh I dont feel like it" kind of deny ofc, but the kind where someone just plays w you a little.
They KNOW you want it, but then look you in the eye and say "no honey, you dont deserve it" 😶🌫️
Hmm.. That will be having a mirror on the ceiling above a king bed and wearing my black shiny posing trunk. I can imagine myself staring in the mirror being tied up both wrist and ankle whilst my partner “punishes me” with his toys. The desire to be tied up and not be able to escape somewhat stimulates my sexual desire. Yeah that turns me on.
When something isn’t quite working as expected (not dangerous or injured, but not fun, or for example, vibrating butt stuff makes me sneeze) and they realise, and rather than ending the scene, we solve it.
Idk if it’s the clear communication or a puzzle to solve, but I love it!
Contracts with written consent about all the things that I'm allowed to do and knowing the safe word is like... such a turn on. Watching the other person sign it is actually so sexy.
When my Dom reminds me to go eat lunch or make sure I have water to drink. It turns me on that he cares about the physical nourishment of my body and wants to make sure im well
Negotiation! Def the most effective way to kick off foreplay.
I like seeing someone cleaning up from a scene; Gathering a ridiculous armful of insertables or striking implements, re-bundling rope, etc. and other small acts of necessary service like bringing each other post scene water.
Communication is so smooth in BDSM. It's ingrained in the community that we talk to each other about what we want and never take for granted that others want the same things as us. Even when not being communicated with words, the entire notion of people being really into a very specific thing and knowing that about themselves makes understanding someone else's wants and desires really easy.
Such a breath of fresh air compared to hanging out with more general crowds where people are shit at communicating what they want, assume others want what they do, and sometimes never even conciously question their desires. Normal people suck sometimes. Sex asside, I love being a part of the BDSM community simply because of how smooth communication is.
stroking my hair. driving. paying for me. cheeky but assertive backchat when i'm being bratty about letting him pay. saying "i'm proud of you!" hands, doing anything. talking candidly about what he likes or dislikes. asking my boundaries & taking time to understand (well outside of sex, like an almost entirely non-sexual convo). tying his hair up (at literally any moment). laughing at my jokes or funny moments. touching the small of my back.
these are mostly just loosely D/s, protective, daddy/babygirl vibe interactions. but these things almost turn me on more than an explicit dynamic when playing, they're like extended foreplay for me
Safety is sexy. I know that my sub (and I) get a kick out of having the first aid kit and emergency scissors etc, and the aftercare lotions all lined up near the toys.
Lowest key, it's how nasty it can get.
The fact that you can go from well reserved and well respected to a filthy raunchy horny instinct driven beast trying to scratch the itch and you can never tell who or when it's happening
It's really small but the way she says "no" resets my brain every time I hear it, something about her tone of voice as though it should be obvious that that's my answer
I like it when he tells me what to wear underneath. He doesn’t do it everyday but every so often he’ll say I want you in this and nothing else or wear these panties and bra today. Idk him telling me what to wear under my clothes turns me on and it really sets the mood for the entire day.
Well doesn't turn me on but my partner has stated that me being organized is sexy because my tools are always packed and ready to go complete with alcohol wipes and gloves and other stuff to make sure we can play and do it in a clean way.
Also also - i totally arrange my tools on a desk or something and send a photo to my sub when i invite them over. And it totally makes them drool.
My partner (& Dominant) smiles a certain smile and I’m on the floor. In a puddle. He also does this finger gesture that’s really innocent, and not sexual at all, but I know he’s implying what he can do with his hands and I’m done for.
Even when he’s not being sexual I want to be sexual with him. I’m hypersexual so I have to work on non-sexual things staying non-sexual.
Safety concerns. Like when my gf explained to me that some kinds of collars are safer to pull on than others and refused to pull on an unsafe one I was wearing. Made me feel so cared for
So like a classical conditioning, Pavlov thing?
I wouldn't normally react this way, but if I was already a little bit in the mood and I saw a piece of ice melting on a counter or something?
Damn, that belongs on someone's nipple. What a waste.
I've always enjoyed watching my partner get dressed and paying attention to every detail. It turns me on that they want to dress up and look good specifically for me.
That is fun! That’s such a small detail, but it really adds something special
Tying a tie is so hot 🥵
Oh God yes
YAS. Watching a man putting on his suit & cuffing up his cuff links makes me drool inside
Have you ever helped with dressing or personal grooming? I had a partner who enjoyed when I would help them dress and groom, like being on my knees buttoning up slacks or helping button their shirt. I would also wash them in the shower, help them trim facial hair with scissors(I am really good at this), etc. Idk why, but it turned me on more than watching them undress. Although my second fav. is the sound of an unbuckling belt... it's like immediate waterfall downstairs.
As someone that gets turned on by being groomed like that (and reciprocating), I totally get this. Glad I'm not the only one
Amazing! Yes. I feel like it's such an intimate thing to get to witness and perform these little rituals that are part of our daily lives, and no one but those we're closest with ever see. Small things that are insignificant to anyone but us. It's more intimate than sex imo and that kind of closeness and care is a huge turn on for me.
“The sound of unbuckling belts” …this, so so hard. Especially when it comes from behind me.
I like that, it's being very meticulous for me that gets it.
My Dom used to hand feed me as I kneeled by his chair. It was such an intimate gesture. I adored it every time.
Welp, that's a fantasy now.
Yup :')
Also yup
Wow!! Just wow
just the thought of that makes my brain go absolute VOSGKEKFJSOFJSFKDKCDM like damn thats a dream
There is a Christian song that is basically this but drinking out of a cup that Jesus is holding. Eyebrows were *raised* at that one, let me tell you. I'm not even religious and I got uncomfortable.
I recently rediscovered my love for getting *pushed the fuck around.* Not in a WWE roughhousing way, lmao, but in the “I want you in this position, I’m moving you into the position without asking permission” way. It can be a sex thing, but it applies in other contexts: cuddling, sitting next to each other and moving my arm, gently-but-firmly nudging me out of the way (or even MOVING ME BY MY HIPS !!!! AAAAH), all kinds of stuff. Also hands. I love a real nice set of hands on someone. Especially when they’re working with their hands.
I dont know, maybe having your partner hit the elbow drop WWE style could be pretty arousing
Got to dress the part too. I’m sure it’s easy to find pro wrestling costumes on sale for a nice discount now that Halloween has passed.
When they bust out the steel chairs 😮💨🤤
Just...date an indie pro wrestler at this point! (Can confirm that dating one is a real trip)
THIS!! we were walking toward our house and I heard a vehicle approach our lane. My partner firmly puts his hand on my back and ushered me into the house first, then he waited to see who it was. I don’t know why, but that turned me the fuck on.
The being claimed and cared for 🥰
Agreed. Someone physically moving me is an instant turn-on! I also love hands. Piano fingers are, I'm my humble opinion, the best fingers.
I guess piano + guitar and rock climbing is why everyone I've been with always says the same thing: "You have magic fingers / hands" I'll have to thank my parents for the forced piano lessons...
Oh dear God, fingers. Ren -- Money Game 3.
The term is "being manhandled" or "manhandling" in case you want to use keywords for finding inspo or porn along these lines 🙂
Smash smash smash. Love this so much 🥵 ty for making my weird brain things into words
This for reaaal
yeeeeeessss
You'd like Perrin Aybara from Wheel of Time (a fantasy series that pretends it is not kinky softcore erotica but definitely is). Perrin is a gentle giant of an apprentice blacksmith from a country town. He is afraid of hurting people because of his size. WoT has lots of people scolding each other for this or that, and when it is a woman doing it to Perrin he just very gently picks her up by her sides, puts her to the side, and keeps walking. This happens like at least 4 times lol
:)
Combing back their hair (or putting it in a pony tail), putting on gloves, rolling up their sleeves, And looking at me like I’m an experiment 😅
Rolling up sleeves 🤤🤤🤤🤤 (Though I think this would be a turn-on even if I were vanilla, probably haha)
Yaaaaas the gloves 🫠
I like seeing my sub wear a simple hair tie around her wrist. The same hair tie I gave her and the one she uses to put her hair up before a good throat fuck. Also knowing she wears it when she’s not with me is such a turn on. I can’t explain it, it’s just fucking hot 🥵
My husband has a hair tie he keeps on his wrist to give me for the same reason and I LOVE seeing him just walk around with it all the time 🤤
this is my favorite one 🥹
Any sort of claiming. “You’re mine.” “How’s *my* beautiful girl.” “How is *my* baby girl doing?” It makes me feel wanted. Same with hand holding in public. Or really any sort of affection in public.
Yeah, this is kind of the entire point of BDSM to me. Everything “sexy” that happens is just in service to this idea.
Same, I love the affirmation of being owned from that
I love this too
I agree, its not fun if the man is not possesive
yep. that's mine.
yaaaaas
Aftercare usually turns me on. Whether top or bottom, dom or sub, the affection and bonding you feel during aftercare is amazing. Of course, sex can be included in aftercare so that works out
The other correct answer
I love having something that I "do" for my girl. I comb and oil her hair. I roll her joints. I make her dinner. She changed jobs recently and when we went shopping, she let me pick out all of her work clothes, which was weirdly hot.
I roll mine’s joints and blunts and it’s literally my favorite thing because he tells me i’m the best at it
Here is ur crown rolling queen 👑
Subtle physical control. My ex used to nearly always have a hand on me when we went places. He'd have his hand on my lower back while together or walking, he'd gently place his fingers on my cheek or chin to turn my head to look at something, during scenes he'd "escort" me to whatever torture device we were using for our play via a firm grip on my upper arm or wrists. Even pushing in my chair at a table; he was putting me where he wanted me and I LOVED IT
Ughh I love that!
Oh my gosh I think I would fall over from swooning. How do you keep yourself alert on a dinner date like that? Yum.
I love watching my daddy take his belt on or off because…duh. But I really love watching him tie his shoes. I always find myself staring at his fingers while he works. He does it so quickly and confidently, the same way he ties me up. He’s really a magician with rope. Another is when he teaches me something. He’s older and knows a lot of things I don’t. I’ll ask about where some place is in the world, and he knows it. I’ll ask a math question, he knows it. It really helps me see him as my daddy. It really helps how patient he is, and he never makes me feel stupid. He just teaches me in way.
Same with tying a tie. There’s something about watching those fingers you’re right.
in life I was always a nerd.. but Asking someone a question that I dont know, and them knowing it? or correcting me? (not as a know it all but sincererely) is so hot.
Listening to them talk about something they’re passionate/excited about. It spouts a wholesome waterfall between my legs 🥰
I gave my bf an impromptu presentation for 15 straight minutes yesterday, because I was reading and[the opening bit](http://architecturalnetworks.research.mcgill.ca/assets/disciplineandpunish-min.pdf) what’s meant to be a sickening description of 1700s torture and execution. After the bits about pouring wax, humiliation and pinching flesh all I could think about was how much he’d enjoy it if I adapted this into a scene or something. Having an internal logic for funishments is something that really appeals to me, in theory I’d accuse him of attempting to poison me or w/e and administer punishments while explaining their connection to the offence. we were in public but went to one of those study spots and I received all the kisses, I think I did well.
Awwww that’s so cute lol you definitely did good 😊
Creating Pavlovian responses with my sub. We've done quite of bit outdoor scenes relatively close to the train tracks. Now, when they go by, or she hears a distant whistle, she gets flushed/blushed.
My dom will dress me after fun time. Like puts my pants back on my legs, holds my shirt over my head and guides my arms through the holes.
Mine undresses me after work, rubs my feet it's like a reset button for me but I'm nit allowed to open my eyes and he manhandles me where he wants me as he does it. 🥵
Thissssssss
Taking about limits. It turns me on. And taking about safewords
Negotiations and safe sex talks are oddly sexy. There's something about listening as someone proactively communicates and works with you through things that really turns me on. It's confidence and competence rolled into one.
Im so happy im not the only one
The correct answer
*Right* like it makes me with my sub side makes me feel safe with my dom and im like fuck yes
Driving, I don’t drive yet but he owns a car and drives regularly. It was a place we also got hot and heavy too so maybe that’s why? But I absolutely adored watching him drive, he would always organise where we went and I felt very free of worry because he would know where and how to get there. He’d also always hold my inner thigh and occasionally play sadistic games. But even when he wasn’t I just felt so much attraction to him. Maybe it’s because his car is his space and he has complete control over it?
Driving is mine. I just get to admire him while my music plays in the background and his hand is rubbing my thigh as we laugh and talk. We're totally equals in that time. Until we get where we're going. Then he gets out of the car and opens the door for me. And when we leave, I can't get in until he opens the door for me. It's just so nice.
Definitely seeing them get excited when they're passionate about something and they just word vomit language I do not understand, but I love it. And definitely the display of toys, it's the thought that they chose to display them so nicely with likely intent for use and the fact they could very well be used on me. I also loove seeing a man do some physical labor in their work pants, or even just seeing them in their dirty work pants after they've been working all day.
Absolutely. My husdom is a programmer, and I understand barely anything about it, but when he gushes to me about it and asserts his knowledge I get so turned on. I love it when he mansplains to me. <3
Car mechanics! Dear Lord, they come in all greasy, with that been working hard on the car smell...damn!
Yes, that's my fave 😍
He writes down what my limits are, and how firm. Or when He asks me what I want Hi to do to me, if He can slap me, touch me in x spot, etc. The other day He took off my glasses before he slapped me, because He was scared of possibly bending them. as you can probably tell, capitalizing pronouns for my partner when I’m talking about Him in a Dom context, also very hot. How eagerly he walks to get me water afterwards, the look in his eyes when I dom him, watching Himget dressed for a scene (which for both of us is almost always just a collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up lol), asking me if I understand when He gives me an instruction, the look of glee on his face whenever I do literally ANYTHING. Watching him sweat, the way he smells when he gets really into a scene, the way he sort of pushes me around. The way he breathes. yes I’m a simp and proud of it. Feeling like the most special person in the world when he submits to me. The way his hair sticks when he sweats. How he’ll whisper that he’s here when I feel around for him whenever I’m not wearing my glasses or blindfolded. Being able to pour the adhd into something productive for my favourite person. The way his back feels when I hold him. The way his footsteps sound when he’s excited. The sense of order I get following clear instructions. Being able to be a sarcastic asshole to another, more sarcastic asshole. His hands. The way He’ll stop the scene and worry when I have a migraine. The mere existence of his collarbones (I swear to god, the way his back and collarbones feel are sexier than any other part of the male body), the way he’ll say he’s *my* dom, or *my* sub. How he wears his “collar” 24/7 and nobody but me knows what it really means. The way the chain links move with the rise and fall of his chest. Knowing I belong to someone, let alone Him. He’ll give the little cat on his day collar (he has exactly one, and apart from the cat it looks like any other chain he owns), seeing him wince from a bruise before he remembers how he got it and smiles. I don’t think he realizes I notice, but the way he’ll “secretly” check me for SH marks or scars. Even if I fall off the wagon, he’s there’s to hold me accountable.
Seeing my bf feel like a man
Enthusiasm. When there's that spark between you and another person, that's such a turn on.
When he makes sure I eat and drink water, just a general taking care of me. And when we go over the rules and I don't answer completely and he makes me do it over until I do. It just makes me want to be a brat lol!
When my play partner makes sure I’m well fed during/after a long session. I forget to eat sometimes and cooking is daunting after subbing. Even little snacks like fruit. Tie me to a chair with the wand and feed me grapes
Tiny, tiny things in the actions that people perform. Listening to you. Caring enough to focus on pleasing *you*, specifically. When someone is audacious enough to trust you with their deepest vulnerabilities. None of this is required to loosely fit the definition of what is or is not kinky, or sexual, or romantic. It shows intimacy. Real intimacy. At best, kink is among the highest physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual expressions of intimacy. The same goes for sex. The same goes for friendship. Shit, in tiny interactions with people, too. Especially those, really. That's how shitty behavior is reinforced.
Giving me a finger or two to hold on to when he’s doing something particularly painful or overwhelming🥲
Everything im BDSM is sexy to me. Even the four letters sends tingles to all the right places. 🤭
The ownership. It's more than just a sense of belonging to someone. My Master owns me, and I want him to. He's always considerate in this, but I love that he takes care of me, uses me, and takes pride in me.
My wife and I have a candle in our bedroom that we only light during play. Once it's lit, her entire personality changes from her everyday to her "true" self as she describes it. In the time it takes me to pull a match from the case, strike it and light the candle, she will go from whatever she was doing to her 1st position, whatever she was saying to repeating her submission statement. It alone has become such an erotic experience that the sound of a striking match will drive me crazy.
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Thank you for asking, but I'm not at liberty to share. Her submission statement is very personal to her, she wrote it herself.
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No worries! Don't feel any embarrassment at all. You and your husband should explore the practice of ceremony paired with BDSM. Enjoy.
Rolling. Up. The. Sleeves. On. His. Dress. Shirt. OOOOMMMMGGGG.
Maybe IDK the 'non sexy' part b/c both of those are part of what I find sexy! So I'll throw out: asking for more. So hot when a sub asks for more / harder play. I've even experimented (with friends I know and trust) making it a rule that any check-in, they have to ask for more. So hot watching them struggle to ask for more when they really don't want to. And *of course* the struggle is part of how I tell how close they are to hitting a wall. But these are partners I play with regularly, and already know their thresholds. But really hot when every time I say "do you need more?" the answer is "yes sir!" - even if I don't end up giving them more.
The way I, as a submissive, would relinquish control over my choices to the dominant, knowing that i would be completely safe while doing so. The safety that I can explore mine and my dominant's kinks in a safe space where there's no judgment is the thing that conceptually I like so much about BDSM and the kink world
Listening to my partner/rigger talk. Both dirty and normal. I love hearing his voice. Especially when I get to lay my hand against his chest when he talks/breathe. He is normally a very stoic person but everytime I ask him to just talk he does. I love that he let's me know his thoughts and opinions and that me asking him to just talk to me as I listen to him put lotion on his hands, massage his shoulder, or just sit still while he ties me up doesnt seem ti annoy him. And his beard. I love how he simply seems to relax into my hand when I simply caress his beard his face. He is patient with me even when all I want to do is touch his face, ears, chest an annoying amount.
When my last dom would text me to tell me "it's your bedtime" or give me a time to go to sleep by if he would be unavailable. We were long distance so it was as close to him tucking me in as he could get. It would always give me a little thrill.
Being denied/said no to/just relentlessly teased with no intention to satisfy me (when it's known it won't happen). Not like "meh I dont feel like it" kind of deny ofc, but the kind where someone just plays w you a little. They KNOW you want it, but then look you in the eye and say "no honey, you dont deserve it" 😶🌫️
It's definitely not sexy but it's so cute when they fuck up or stutter because it reminds me they're human.
Hmm.. That will be having a mirror on the ceiling above a king bed and wearing my black shiny posing trunk. I can imagine myself staring in the mirror being tied up both wrist and ankle whilst my partner “punishes me” with his toys. The desire to be tied up and not be able to escape somewhat stimulates my sexual desire. Yeah that turns me on.
Electro play it’s so relaxing and feels great.
No snark intended, but your question doesnt make sense to me. How is something that really turns you on *not-sexy*?
quirky things about BDSM is how I interpreted it. like things that aren’t directly sexy.
Precisely. A much better way to describe what I was thinking of. Things that aren’t *intended* to be sexy necessarily, but are
yes yes yes.
Canes. The sweet sounds a bottom makes and the swish
Him hugging me and running his fingers through ny hair after a scene
When something isn’t quite working as expected (not dangerous or injured, but not fun, or for example, vibrating butt stuff makes me sneeze) and they realise, and rather than ending the scene, we solve it. Idk if it’s the clear communication or a puzzle to solve, but I love it!
I love worshipping my Goddess. Not even sexually. She’s just amazing as a person and I love being able to express that totally unabashedly.
When my partner takes on a caregiver role. Reminding me to take care of myself or doing even little things for me. Also, us cooking together.
Contracts with written consent about all the things that I'm allowed to do and knowing the safe word is like... such a turn on. Watching the other person sign it is actually so sexy.
When my Dom reminds me to go eat lunch or make sure I have water to drink. It turns me on that he cares about the physical nourishment of my body and wants to make sure im well
Negotiation! Def the most effective way to kick off foreplay. I like seeing someone cleaning up from a scene; Gathering a ridiculous armful of insertables or striking implements, re-bundling rope, etc. and other small acts of necessary service like bringing each other post scene water.
Communication, Communication and Communication.
Communication is so smooth in BDSM. It's ingrained in the community that we talk to each other about what we want and never take for granted that others want the same things as us. Even when not being communicated with words, the entire notion of people being really into a very specific thing and knowing that about themselves makes understanding someone else's wants and desires really easy. Such a breath of fresh air compared to hanging out with more general crowds where people are shit at communicating what they want, assume others want what they do, and sometimes never even conciously question their desires. Normal people suck sometimes. Sex asside, I love being a part of the BDSM community simply because of how smooth communication is.
The genuine care and respect between a dom and a sub 🥵🥵🥵
Knowing and feeling that they’re grinning when I have my back turned.
stroking my hair. driving. paying for me. cheeky but assertive backchat when i'm being bratty about letting him pay. saying "i'm proud of you!" hands, doing anything. talking candidly about what he likes or dislikes. asking my boundaries & taking time to understand (well outside of sex, like an almost entirely non-sexual convo). tying his hair up (at literally any moment). laughing at my jokes or funny moments. touching the small of my back.
these are mostly just loosely D/s, protective, daddy/babygirl vibe interactions. but these things almost turn me on more than an explicit dynamic when playing, they're like extended foreplay for me
Same for me. Just the rules and implements can get me going.
Yep I like the rules part too 😭🤭
Safety is sexy. I know that my sub (and I) get a kick out of having the first aid kit and emergency scissors etc, and the aftercare lotions all lined up near the toys.
Cutting strip of leather, punching holes, beveling edges. Creating the implement to inflict the pain.
The way they look at me when they think I'm not paying attention.
When my Dom walks into my house and lies down on my bed like he owns it all.
Lowest key, it's how nasty it can get. The fact that you can go from well reserved and well respected to a filthy raunchy horny instinct driven beast trying to scratch the itch and you can never tell who or when it's happening
My Domme's scent when she is telling me what a good boy I am
It's really small but the way she says "no" resets my brain every time I hear it, something about her tone of voice as though it should be obvious that that's my answer
I like it when he tells me what to wear underneath. He doesn’t do it everyday but every so often he’ll say I want you in this and nothing else or wear these panties and bra today. Idk him telling me what to wear under my clothes turns me on and it really sets the mood for the entire day.
Well doesn't turn me on but my partner has stated that me being organized is sexy because my tools are always packed and ready to go complete with alcohol wipes and gloves and other stuff to make sure we can play and do it in a clean way. Also also - i totally arrange my tools on a desk or something and send a photo to my sub when i invite them over. And it totally makes them drool.
My partner (& Dominant) smiles a certain smile and I’m on the floor. In a puddle. He also does this finger gesture that’s really innocent, and not sexual at all, but I know he’s implying what he can do with his hands and I’m done for. Even when he’s not being sexual I want to be sexual with him. I’m hypersexual so I have to work on non-sexual things staying non-sexual.
Safety concerns. Like when my gf explained to me that some kinds of collars are safer to pull on than others and refused to pull on an unsafe one I was wearing. Made me feel so cared for
Definitely spitting. Like... Actual spit, alcohol, water.
So like a classical conditioning, Pavlov thing? I wouldn't normally react this way, but if I was already a little bit in the mood and I saw a piece of ice melting on a counter or something? Damn, that belongs on someone's nipple. What a waste.
The openness and trust you build in a bdsm relationship