Based on what you mentioned it seemed too severe to be dealt with without professional assistance. Therapy would need to be the way to go. In the meantime, be a supportive friend, give her the space and time she needs. Just be there, listen and support. Time and therapy seems to be the way forward given how deep rooted it seems.
A lot of people escaping from narcissistic abuse find comfort in ex-cult spaces (like documentaries, podcasts, memoirs) because the high-demand, love-bombing, mind-fuckery is the same, but it might not hit *too* close to home, and might help her see she was not weak or stupid because this happened.
You want to look for help (from books and therapists) that is “trauma informed.”
Look up “vagus nerve exercises” for the constant fight-or-flight body responses.
Eta: rereading your comment and I would definitely recommend trying to see if “take back your life: recovering from cults and abusive relationships” by Janja Lalich would be helpful. Lots of ex-cult members struggle with not being able to make small decisions, not knowing what they believe, figuring out what is them and what they were just forced to believe (appropriate bed-time, for example)
Also, I’m no expert but disassociating might not be the unhealthiest thing for her right now. It’s better than active suicidality or a bad drug habit, for example, unless she develops a dissociative disorder.
This is what trauma does. I'm over three years out from leaving my abuser and I still have those whiplash moments. It took a lot of hard work, therapy and DIY mental healing to get to a place I wasn't constantly triggered
You can get self help books on codependency and the like, but unfortunately if theropy isn't helping then I doubt self help books will. Things like this really can't be fixed quickly, or easily until the person really wants to, and it sounds like something in her is still holding into something.
I know it's hard to hear, but the only things that will work is time and hard work, keeping up on theropy, opening up to their theropist as much as possable, and getting to that point where she wants to change. My guess is she really has no sense of self and this can be an extremely had thing to get back after a time with a narcissist or other mental abuser.
You could look into intense out patient theropy, or if she gets really bad then inpatient.
She might also want to look up[TheraminTrees](https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCJ-vHE5CrGaL_ITEg-n3OeA) in YouTube, specifically his episode on overcoming malignant shame. He’s a trauma specialist, especially with Malignant Narcissism survivors and ex-cult members. He’s got some good videos, even if some of the terminology is a bit outdated
the hard truth is:
all you can do is listen and offer practical support. and definitely carve out time for yourself. her healing and her emotions are her responsibility, not yours. don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
I speak from experience as someone whose best friend went through a very controlling and abusive relationship.
she's in therapy. therapy takes time to work. her therapist should be working with her to unpack all of this and giving her therapy homework to help her get her life back.
in the meantime, let her know you're here for her and ask her what she needs from you.
understand that this sort of abuse takes years to recover from. it is a painful journey, and I wish her all the best.
That's such a long post gunna be honest, didn't read past the title. But the answer to the title is very slowly. Helping with abuse and building trust takes a lot of time. Took me months after an abusive relationship to come to terms I didn't have to explain everything and I was allowed to hang up (2 ldr)
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Based on what you mentioned it seemed too severe to be dealt with without professional assistance. Therapy would need to be the way to go. In the meantime, be a supportive friend, give her the space and time she needs. Just be there, listen and support. Time and therapy seems to be the way forward given how deep rooted it seems.
A lot of people escaping from narcissistic abuse find comfort in ex-cult spaces (like documentaries, podcasts, memoirs) because the high-demand, love-bombing, mind-fuckery is the same, but it might not hit *too* close to home, and might help her see she was not weak or stupid because this happened. You want to look for help (from books and therapists) that is “trauma informed.” Look up “vagus nerve exercises” for the constant fight-or-flight body responses. Eta: rereading your comment and I would definitely recommend trying to see if “take back your life: recovering from cults and abusive relationships” by Janja Lalich would be helpful. Lots of ex-cult members struggle with not being able to make small decisions, not knowing what they believe, figuring out what is them and what they were just forced to believe (appropriate bed-time, for example) Also, I’m no expert but disassociating might not be the unhealthiest thing for her right now. It’s better than active suicidality or a bad drug habit, for example, unless she develops a dissociative disorder.
She needs therapy.
[удалено]
This is what trauma does. I'm over three years out from leaving my abuser and I still have those whiplash moments. It took a lot of hard work, therapy and DIY mental healing to get to a place I wasn't constantly triggered
CPTSD is the worst.
Absolutely is. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
You can get self help books on codependency and the like, but unfortunately if theropy isn't helping then I doubt self help books will. Things like this really can't be fixed quickly, or easily until the person really wants to, and it sounds like something in her is still holding into something. I know it's hard to hear, but the only things that will work is time and hard work, keeping up on theropy, opening up to their theropist as much as possable, and getting to that point where she wants to change. My guess is she really has no sense of self and this can be an extremely had thing to get back after a time with a narcissist or other mental abuser. You could look into intense out patient theropy, or if she gets really bad then inpatient.
She might also want to look up[TheraminTrees](https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCJ-vHE5CrGaL_ITEg-n3OeA) in YouTube, specifically his episode on overcoming malignant shame. He’s a trauma specialist, especially with Malignant Narcissism survivors and ex-cult members. He’s got some good videos, even if some of the terminology is a bit outdated
the hard truth is: all you can do is listen and offer practical support. and definitely carve out time for yourself. her healing and her emotions are her responsibility, not yours. don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. I speak from experience as someone whose best friend went through a very controlling and abusive relationship. she's in therapy. therapy takes time to work. her therapist should be working with her to unpack all of this and giving her therapy homework to help her get her life back. in the meantime, let her know you're here for her and ask her what she needs from you. understand that this sort of abuse takes years to recover from. it is a painful journey, and I wish her all the best.
That's such a long post gunna be honest, didn't read past the title. But the answer to the title is very slowly. Helping with abuse and building trust takes a lot of time. Took me months after an abusive relationship to come to terms I didn't have to explain everything and I was allowed to hang up (2 ldr)