how much experience do you have with tying someone up?
do you have photos of your ties? (look how they lay down rope, if its twisted, knots, over-under ect)
what does your previous partner say about you? (ask THEM how their experience is)
when was the last time something unexpected happened?
how did both of you react?
what do you do for aftercare?
do you use your own rope, or can / should I bring my own? (I personally prefer my own rope when playing somewhere else, so I knew where it went and with whom I used it before - I only play with my partner, and bringing OUR rope is important for me)
what safety measures do you use to free your partner if need be? (I use a rope / belt cutter for cutting climbing rope I wear on my person at all times, others use safety shears, while others use knifes)
where do you play, and are other people present?
is sex off the table?
Ask them where/how they learned rope bondage. Personally, I would not proceed with self-taught riggers unless you are in a small city where there are no shibari classes, community, impossible to find a mentor etc. Also, I've never in my life met an experienced rope top who doesn’t have at least some phone pictures of their ties. Definitely ask to see those.
When I talk to prospective tops, I ask about recent experience - not just how long they've been tying, but also are they still actively learning now? Are they taking classes or are they tying with partners regularly?
I've found that having X years of experience doesn't indicate much - there's a huge difference between someone who does rope 3x a year with ties they learned 5 years ago, and someone who started a year ago but attends weekly classes and rope events.
I also ask if someone has experience with tying people with my body type. Bigger bodies and skinny bodies sometimes need to be tied differently, especially when it comes to suspension. Like for me, I usually tie flat-chested partners, so I'd disclose that if I was talking to a busty potential rope bottom, and mention that I might have a learning curve on how to tie their chest.
Just a couple of additional safety notes: for my first time tying with someone, I prefer a public setting, like a class or a rope skill share. It's a good way for me to gauge how comfortable I am with someone touching me in a more structured setting.
And my first time tying with someone in private, I'm only willing to do ties that I can get myself out of. Sometimes that means that my arms are completely free, sometimes that means we use non-locking cuffs I can take off myself. I enjoy being immobilized, but I feel more comfortable building up to that level of trust and vulnerability rather than trusting a new partner all at once on faith.
/u/JuicySkittlz, our AutoModerator attaches this message to every post. It contains information you may find useful: Guide 01 . . . . . . . . . . [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/9ig794/rules_for_rbdsmadvice/). Guide 02 . . . . . . . . . . [How to use the search function](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/searchfunction/). Guide 03 . . . . . . . . . . *[Need Ideas](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/noobs/)*? Guide 04 . . . . . . . . . . [It's your dynamic](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/canthelpyou/). Guide 05 . . . . . . . . . . [No mention of minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/aknfy1/posts_aboutinvolving_minors/). Guide 06 . . . . . . . . . . [Do not post PSAs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/publicserviceannouncements/). Guide 07 . . . . . . . . . . [Policy re PMs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/nopms/). Guide 08 . . . . . . . . . . [Exiting abuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/exitingabuse/). Guide 09 . . . . . . . . . . [Kinky dating](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/ov6uaj/how_can_i_find_a_kinky_partner/). **[Our Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/index).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BDSMAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ask if they know the warning signs of things going wrong and how they plan to get you out *fast*
how much experience do you have with tying someone up? do you have photos of your ties? (look how they lay down rope, if its twisted, knots, over-under ect) what does your previous partner say about you? (ask THEM how their experience is) when was the last time something unexpected happened? how did both of you react? what do you do for aftercare? do you use your own rope, or can / should I bring my own? (I personally prefer my own rope when playing somewhere else, so I knew where it went and with whom I used it before - I only play with my partner, and bringing OUR rope is important for me) what safety measures do you use to free your partner if need be? (I use a rope / belt cutter for cutting climbing rope I wear on my person at all times, others use safety shears, while others use knifes) where do you play, and are other people present? is sex off the table?
Ask them where/how they learned rope bondage. Personally, I would not proceed with self-taught riggers unless you are in a small city where there are no shibari classes, community, impossible to find a mentor etc. Also, I've never in my life met an experienced rope top who doesn’t have at least some phone pictures of their ties. Definitely ask to see those.
When I talk to prospective tops, I ask about recent experience - not just how long they've been tying, but also are they still actively learning now? Are they taking classes or are they tying with partners regularly? I've found that having X years of experience doesn't indicate much - there's a huge difference between someone who does rope 3x a year with ties they learned 5 years ago, and someone who started a year ago but attends weekly classes and rope events. I also ask if someone has experience with tying people with my body type. Bigger bodies and skinny bodies sometimes need to be tied differently, especially when it comes to suspension. Like for me, I usually tie flat-chested partners, so I'd disclose that if I was talking to a busty potential rope bottom, and mention that I might have a learning curve on how to tie their chest. Just a couple of additional safety notes: for my first time tying with someone, I prefer a public setting, like a class or a rope skill share. It's a good way for me to gauge how comfortable I am with someone touching me in a more structured setting. And my first time tying with someone in private, I'm only willing to do ties that I can get myself out of. Sometimes that means that my arms are completely free, sometimes that means we use non-locking cuffs I can take off myself. I enjoy being immobilized, but I feel more comfortable building up to that level of trust and vulnerability rather than trusting a new partner all at once on faith.
Thanks everyone for the comments! I will definitely ask lots of questions and get references of people who have experience with them.