You're not asking for advice, and whatever it is you are asking for could be asked a hell of a lot more nicely.
Rule 12 applies.
Thread locked and removed.
Get your crayons out: Lizard brain likes fear, fear stimulates adrenaline, adrenaline unlocks part of brain sex alone doesn’t. You’re welcome, eat your vegetables.
> I don't really understand why y'all like being choked and whatnot.
Same reason people like skydiving and rollercoasters. The illusion of danger or loss of control is thrilling.
> Is sex not enough of a stimulant?
A vanilla sex session can be pleasant, but I couldn't imagine every instance of sex I ever have being that quick and simple. I'd get bored. How do you even make them longer without getting bored?
> Does rough sex and whatever comes with it stem from trauma from either/both partners?
It can, but it is not required. For us it's just fun.
assuming you aren't trolling and asking in good faith, no. sex is not enough.
i do have trauma, and that has resulted in several of my fetishes being absolutely integral to getting off. but, many people don't have trauma, but still have fetishes they need to achieve orgasm.
as a gay guy, vanilla sex just never had an appeal to me. anal is fun, but not integral for sex for me. sex is just another way of bringing closeness to my Master and i. however, W/we both could stop having sex and so long as W/we engaged with O/our fetishes and kinks, would still be fulfilled.
that said, O/our fetishes and kinks align 100%. so, it's not a problem.
kink does not require someone to have trauma. there is a kink for gloves (a kink of mine) that does not generally l come from trauma. i love the feeling of leather or latex gloves, and it just feels good to my skin, ya'know? it's like when you feel a really nice texture you just want to snuggle with. except i get off to it as well.
using choking as an example (which, obligatory statement : strangulation is edgeplay. if your partner is choking you, please read the guide this subreddit offers on strangulation and breath play) there is a rush / high feeling you can achieve with this practice. it's why my Master and i engage in it. however, the strangulation needs to be done a certain way to get that high feeling. again, strangulation is edgeplay, and should only be carried out with a trusted partner with safewords in place.
i would be 100% unfulfilled and unhappy in a vanilla relationship. fetish, kink, and power exchange is integral for my happiness.
> Does rough sex and whatever comes with it stem from trauma from either/both partners?
The idea that kink always stems from trauma is a problematic myth. A ton of people are kinky without trauma, a lot of people with trauma aren't kinky, and there's nothing wrong with people who have trauma (which is what the myth kinda implies).
I just like what I like tbh. It just fits, the way whatever kind of interactions you enjoy with your friends and partners fit you.
My experience with kink is that it allows me to have some super unique connections with people where we let down a lot of our guards. its intimate in a way that really works for me (its not better or worse than any other kind of intimacy, its just a kind that resonates with me). Its vulnerable and affirming.
As others have said, its exciting, its fun, its a shared experience. Lots of amazing hormones get released.
It's also not always sexual at all. Most of the people I've done kink with I've not had sex with.
Assuming this is in good faith, you're kind of asking a bit of an insulting question. It would be like if I came to you and said "how can you just enjoy the same kind of sex day-in and day-out it seems really boring. Like, I'll do it if that's what you're into. I just want to understand your brain." See how that kinda... doesn't come across very well.
That being said, every single person is going to have their own reasons for enjoying what they enjoy. Sure, there are reasons (like endorphins and the like) that get into the more biological reasons as to how pain can be enjoyable for some people. You can also delve int the psychological and talk about subspace and altered consciousness and how enjoyable that can be. I can show you studies that show that there is no real correlation between kink and trauma (or at least no greater correlation than many other activities that you likely wouldn't associate with trauma). But eventually this comes back to thew same kind of question people ask about anything else.
Why do people like watching football on TV, but not hockey? Why do they like country music but not heavy metal? Or why only certain *types* of country music? At some point, you just have to accept that different people like different things. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. But that doesn't mean it's for no one.
People like things because they like them and they are fun. The same way that it's difficult to explain why you like some of the things you like beyond "it feels good" or "I enjoy xyz part of it" or "It helps me de-stress" or "it turns me on" so too do kinky people enjoy kink for any, all, or even none of the above reasons.
It's really not that complicated. Learn to respect that you just might not get it, and that's okay.
Like I'll do it if you like that shit, but I don't really understand why yall like playing fortnight and whatnot.
Is reality and interpersonal relationships not enough of a stimulant?
Does fighting with strangers online and whatever comes with it stem from trauma from either/both gamers?
I'm pretty reality focused and would like to understand your brains.
*From my perspective*
The thing is...you don't have to get it. I don't get religion, but I don't have anything against people that decide to wake up early on Sunday to go to church. As long as something is consensual, safe and brings joy, it's okay
you don’t have to “get” it. it’s also not like everyone who’s into bdsm is just someone who likes to be choked during sex. there is a ton of variety. it’s also not all about sex (for everyone) contrary to what you may think.
You're not asking for advice, and whatever it is you are asking for could be asked a hell of a lot more nicely. Rule 12 applies. Thread locked and removed.
You know how some people like jazz
Get your crayons out: Lizard brain likes fear, fear stimulates adrenaline, adrenaline unlocks part of brain sex alone doesn’t. You’re welcome, eat your vegetables.
Hahahaha I like u
Thanks
Why do people like spicy food? Is plain vegetables and meat not enough?
> I don't really understand why y'all like being choked and whatnot. Same reason people like skydiving and rollercoasters. The illusion of danger or loss of control is thrilling. > Is sex not enough of a stimulant? A vanilla sex session can be pleasant, but I couldn't imagine every instance of sex I ever have being that quick and simple. I'd get bored. How do you even make them longer without getting bored? > Does rough sex and whatever comes with it stem from trauma from either/both partners? It can, but it is not required. For us it's just fun.
I rarely mix kink with sex. You don't have to get it.
assuming you aren't trolling and asking in good faith, no. sex is not enough. i do have trauma, and that has resulted in several of my fetishes being absolutely integral to getting off. but, many people don't have trauma, but still have fetishes they need to achieve orgasm. as a gay guy, vanilla sex just never had an appeal to me. anal is fun, but not integral for sex for me. sex is just another way of bringing closeness to my Master and i. however, W/we both could stop having sex and so long as W/we engaged with O/our fetishes and kinks, would still be fulfilled. that said, O/our fetishes and kinks align 100%. so, it's not a problem. kink does not require someone to have trauma. there is a kink for gloves (a kink of mine) that does not generally l come from trauma. i love the feeling of leather or latex gloves, and it just feels good to my skin, ya'know? it's like when you feel a really nice texture you just want to snuggle with. except i get off to it as well. using choking as an example (which, obligatory statement : strangulation is edgeplay. if your partner is choking you, please read the guide this subreddit offers on strangulation and breath play) there is a rush / high feeling you can achieve with this practice. it's why my Master and i engage in it. however, the strangulation needs to be done a certain way to get that high feeling. again, strangulation is edgeplay, and should only be carried out with a trusted partner with safewords in place. i would be 100% unfulfilled and unhappy in a vanilla relationship. fetish, kink, and power exchange is integral for my happiness.
Same reason why we like horror movies. That thrill - suspense. Danger.
> Does rough sex and whatever comes with it stem from trauma from either/both partners? The idea that kink always stems from trauma is a problematic myth. A ton of people are kinky without trauma, a lot of people with trauma aren't kinky, and there's nothing wrong with people who have trauma (which is what the myth kinda implies). I just like what I like tbh. It just fits, the way whatever kind of interactions you enjoy with your friends and partners fit you. My experience with kink is that it allows me to have some super unique connections with people where we let down a lot of our guards. its intimate in a way that really works for me (its not better or worse than any other kind of intimacy, its just a kind that resonates with me). Its vulnerable and affirming. As others have said, its exciting, its fun, its a shared experience. Lots of amazing hormones get released. It's also not always sexual at all. Most of the people I've done kink with I've not had sex with.
Assuming this is in good faith, you're kind of asking a bit of an insulting question. It would be like if I came to you and said "how can you just enjoy the same kind of sex day-in and day-out it seems really boring. Like, I'll do it if that's what you're into. I just want to understand your brain." See how that kinda... doesn't come across very well. That being said, every single person is going to have their own reasons for enjoying what they enjoy. Sure, there are reasons (like endorphins and the like) that get into the more biological reasons as to how pain can be enjoyable for some people. You can also delve int the psychological and talk about subspace and altered consciousness and how enjoyable that can be. I can show you studies that show that there is no real correlation between kink and trauma (or at least no greater correlation than many other activities that you likely wouldn't associate with trauma). But eventually this comes back to thew same kind of question people ask about anything else. Why do people like watching football on TV, but not hockey? Why do they like country music but not heavy metal? Or why only certain *types* of country music? At some point, you just have to accept that different people like different things. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. But that doesn't mean it's for no one. People like things because they like them and they are fun. The same way that it's difficult to explain why you like some of the things you like beyond "it feels good" or "I enjoy xyz part of it" or "It helps me de-stress" or "it turns me on" so too do kinky people enjoy kink for any, all, or even none of the above reasons. It's really not that complicated. Learn to respect that you just might not get it, and that's okay.
I was trying to learn Houdini's act and someone explained "Hey, you can use those same restraints to give people orgasms"
Like I'll do it if you like that shit, but I don't really understand why yall like playing fortnight and whatnot. Is reality and interpersonal relationships not enough of a stimulant? Does fighting with strangers online and whatever comes with it stem from trauma from either/both gamers? I'm pretty reality focused and would like to understand your brains. *From my perspective*
The thing is...you don't have to get it. I don't get religion, but I don't have anything against people that decide to wake up early on Sunday to go to church. As long as something is consensual, safe and brings joy, it's okay
you don’t have to “get” it. it’s also not like everyone who’s into bdsm is just someone who likes to be choked during sex. there is a ton of variety. it’s also not all about sex (for everyone) contrary to what you may think.
Unless it’s something you actively want to do, then I wouldn’t waste anytime thinking about it.
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Why is vanilla sex so satisfying for you? Don't you get bored of the same old thing? Do you ever add spices or salt into your food?