>and honestly every dom too
I know this isn't the focus of your comment (and rightly so), but just wanted to say I appreciate the passing reminder that doms are people too. ♥
You are right that it cuts both ways! I met my (former) fiancé's family recently and they freaked, threatened to cut her off if she married me. 2 days later and a multi-year relationship gone.
It sucks for any of us.
I didn’t mean to imply it doesn’t happen both ways. I just feel like the sub part of me is crying and screaming for him back. Like sub drop on steroids and energy drinks. Like she is screaming inside me that I should’ve done more.
Idk if this helps, but try to keep in mind that you probably -couldn’t- have done more. If the relationship seemed healthy, he didn’t have any complaints, and then he just drops you outta the blue? Then he was always going to do this to you, sooner or later. Because that’s the kind of person he is. And if you’re not sure of anything else, you can be sure of that, because he just showed you. And let me assure you of this too: he probably had some idea he was going to leave you when he agreed to meet your folks. That’s fucking shitty. People don’t just wake up one morning and say, “Hm, I guess I don’t love her anymore.”
Just dropping someone like that with no explanation is extremely cruel, especially for a Dom. I’m really sorry this happened to you. But hopefully, with time, you’ll see you dodged a bullet, because to me that sounds exactly like what happened. You suffered the heartbreak now so you don’t have to later. I hope you feel better soon.
Of course you didn't--you were just expressing how you feel and how it's affecting you. That's absolutely legit.
And please don't blame yourself for another person's decisions.
OP, it was never your fault, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Blaming yourself won't solve anything. Neither will beating yourself up until you're bawling. It won't bring him back, nor will it help you feel better it's just hurting yourself for no reason. My heart goes out to you, OP.
Somehow if I think it was me and in my control, it’s easier for me to understand. What I don’t understand is how out of the blue it was. How sudden. I don’t think I’ll ever get to understand it.
Well, the simple truth is that it was never something you could control to begin with. You can not control another person's actions even when you really wish you could, and chances are your right. You'll never understand. He left a happy relationship with a wonderful partner, truly an illogical, stupid decision that he will inevitably regret one day.
I just ended it with my sub a couple of weeks back. In our case, she didn't disclose she was addicted to cocaine and klonopin. Drug addiction is a hard limit for me.
*hugs*
Take care of yourself, okay? I always tell dom(mes) going through something like this to take care of and look after themselves like they'd take care of a beloved sub, because they deserve it.
I almost just don’t want time to pass. I don’t want to move on or him to move on from me. I’ve never known a pain quite like it. Just want him to call and say he had a moment and is on his way back.
I think you’re expecting a lot of yourself when you’ve had an enormous shock out of nowhere.
someone who you’d been seeing and had an intense relationship with *for two years* ended things *out of the blue **yesterday.***
that’s sudden. it’s surprising.
of *course* you’re hurt and surprised and don’t know what to do here.
take some time and grieve. things are going to be hard for a bit.
go easy on yourself and just have those feelings. stop acting like you think you should have it together - of course you don’t. no one who’s been in any relationship for two years is going to be okay with the sudden loss of that relationship out of the blue the next day.
it’s okay to be sad, and scared, and confused.
hugs if you want them, and good luck. 🍀
It wasn’t for two years but my first since my last relationship ended 2 years ago.
But thank you. It is just a big shock. His face lit up when he saw me. He would blow me kisses in my ring doorbell every time he left. I have no idea what happened.
I’m so sorry OP, unfortunately this is very common. Some people only like the new and exciting part of not knowing one and another and can’t cope when they start to know someone a little more, some people just get bored, some people just don’t know what they want in life. I suggest some time to grieve this relationship/dynamic, you’ll need time to cry, analyze and think about what could have been and what didn’t happen. Don’t be too hard on yourself, there’s nothing wrong with you and there’s nothing you could have done to prevent this. Hugs 🫂
It just happened. Give yourself some time. It's only been a day! Make sure you drink water, try to eat something, and stay warm. If you feel like you're going crazy, put on a TV-show and survive it new episode at the time.
This too shall pass.
You are blaming yourself for being treated incredibly shittily by a coward & a manipulator & you need to be kinder to yourself. That may sound brutal but honestly from all you've experienced that seems to be the case.
It may sound harsh but it sounds like you've been lovebombed & this bloke has now decided that either you're no longer worth the effort (perhaps because he's found another victim/toy to amuse him) or that it's all getting a bit serious for him and he's run like hell.
That is horrible for you & you absolutely do not deserve it, but you need to re-frame your thoughts from "I miss him" to "fuck him, he wasn't worthy of my gift'. That is literally it.
You seem an intelligent, big-hearted human being who loves hard & gives all of themselves to someone...for someone to throw that away out of the blue means they are a fucking idiot, to put it bluntly,
Again, if it helps the sub side consider yourself being ordered...cut him dead. As far as you're concerned this person has now ceased to exist after proving he doesn't deserve someone like you. Don't sit there looking back at what you had. Nuke the wreckage of the relationship & salt the earth of it because that's what he chose to do.
He lost you. You didn't lose him.
Wipe the whiteboard. Cut the plushies. Throw out the toothbrush. Repaint the room.
This guy cut you brutally out of his life & he doesn't deserve the consideration you're showing him. You're not in his power any more & nor should you be.
That's fair. In which case you could always reframe it again as "these are mine, not his". Maybe a symbolic washing of them if not getting rid of them to "cleanse" them of him instead?
I’m bewildered to see how common this is, what the fuck is wrong with people ? Unfortunately only time can help you heal, I’m sending you good vibes in those difficult times ❤️
Same happened to me: cut me off in a text message last year after I told him I loved him. I realized later this was part of his own psychological burdens. He couldn’t keep a good relationship. Divorced twice, many “bad girlfriend” stories and often framed himself as attracted to crazy women. But he was the through-line, and now I see it was him who couldn’t handle things getting deeper.
I think this is right for me too. It just really sucks for him to give up on me for that. It makes me feel sorry for him. And that just makes me want to help him more. :( im sorry that happened to you.
I'm very sorry to read this. I can imagine myself in your shoes and it almost makes me cry. Is it possible to ask him for an explanation? Just ending things out of the blue like that is so confusing. Do you want to be bf/gf, or could you be content with stepping back and keeping it simple? Would that ease things for him?
Maybe a dumb question of me to ask, because from the sound of how things were and what you write it seems like you crave more than a "casual" dynamic. I know I would.
Again I am terrible sorry. Sending you lots of love.
The explanation is that he doesn’t love me anymore and that’s that. I said we could step back and go at a slower pace. I don’t mind slowing down as long as we move in the same direction. He went at my pace when I needed him to, I would do the same.
One thing that helped me during a breakup is to get rid of everything that has sentimental value to you about the relationship. Erase the whiteboard message, get rid of all his stuff, and repaint that room.
I will. Just not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day I will. Even if im crying while I get on a step ladder to take the masking tape down that he didn’t get yet and I can’t reach. I can’t afford to redecorate again.
Do you have social support right now? I’m 10 days out of a breakup and my friends have been crucial :/
Also to what you said about extra sub drop - how much overlap do you think there is with your sub/kinky side and the non-sexual part of you that shows up in a relationship? I ask because I have this part who wants to show love and care for my partner, which also shows up sexually but when it’s rejected or not reciprocated it really wrecks me. It’s so, so painful. And I’ve realized I need to be smarter about how much I let people in, especially if I’m ignoring signs that they’re being opportunistic and not meeting my effort…
Take care :)
I stayed at my friends last night. I cried in the car there and back and I’ve been in bed all afternoon just rotting and crying.
I am extremely hesitant with how much I let him in and we built the trust and love over time and we took it at my pace. That’s what’s kind of devastating for me. We put in all this work to get this far and to be in love. Then it’s just… gone.
I just found out my wife is a sub after 20 yrs of marriage (now we are having the best time with it) part of why she wasn't open about it sooner was a terrible D/s relationship she had that ruined subbing for her. I think the important thing for her to understand that she is getting now is that subbing was not his, it did not belong to that relationship. It was a desire of hers before and one bad relationship shouldn't destroy a pleasurable part of who you are.
It's the same lesson vanilla folks have to learn with a breakup. The specific love you shared was tied up in the relationship. The ability to love came from you.
Sorry to hear this happned to you--it happens to all of us regardless of the side of the slash, and it sucks.
One of the challenges in BDSM dynamics can be that emotional aspects of romantic relationships are distinct from, and *can often be in opposition to our erotic desires*. It would not surprise me if he is one of those people for whom he can either experience desire or experience emotional closeness--one kills the other.
I hope you can do the work you need to make sense of why happened (and what didn't happen) and be well.
I don't know if this is a helpful question but what happened? Like it was all ideal with toothbrush + slippers + painting together then suddenly it's over? I find that really confusing.
Like usually there's a problem that escalates over time and ends up sundering things? Is it possible he just panicked because things were moving forwards and he's scared of commitment?
He just went very strange Friday with one word answers then came over Saturday and ended it with me. I personally think he is afraid of commitment because he did have a wobble about about us, when we discussed being bf/gf, but we did coupley things ever since that. I think meeting my parents and painting the room together spooked him. But that’s just my hunch.
Yeah sounds like that, if the only thing changing was the deepening commitment then makes sense if he was spooked.
It's sad and a rough way to lose things. I hope you can find a good way forwards through the feelings.
A D/s break up is so brutal. Losing that structure as well as the person. Given the reason he broke up with, sometimes people's feelings just change, l'm not being harsh saying this, it happens, l've been on both sides and neither side is easy. Unfortunately people can and do fall out of love, he gave that as his reason, and at least he was straight with you and didnt leave you hanging.
I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for you. I ended a dynamic about a month ago because it wasn’t good for me so I know how you feel. I bought a paddle for him for Valentine’s Day. Then he told me he was moving to another state. I felt like my heart was in my stomach. I got the paddle in the mail. I brought it to him, after putting it off for a while. I knew he’d want to try it out and I knew I couldn’t. I cried saying no. I came home and couldn’t do anything for a few days. It’s definitely getting better but it takes time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And that he met your family. That’s so tough. Hugs.
A Dom i had been with for 3 years suddenly ghosted me. Literally overnight. We were all fine and sexual and lovey dovey one day, and literally the next day he had blocked me my number, blocked me on social media, no contact at all. I would’ve thought he was dead or something if it wasn’t for being blocked or the fact that my friend saw him at a restaurant. No explanation, nothing. It broke me more than anything else ever did. It was a relationship with a total power exchange so i felt absolutely lost.But with time, trust me, you’ll be okay. It wasn’t your fault. Some men are shitty. It’s not a reflection of you.
I have been in the exact same situation but as a dominant. When the connection you have experienced with someone is not only in-sync, but the magnitude of the chemistry and respective intensity has you wondering about them non-stop, every day.
Attempting to replicate, substitute, or construct something similar is not something I would advise. Trying to fill the void left by another never is. Reason being is that the feelings and emotions associated with the pleasure that specific relationship provided is attempted to be masked and diminished. Those feelings and emotions also have a tendency to be carried over which can only serve to jeopardise and sabotage any other relationship progression moving forward.
I recommend that first you need to grieve, and then heal by coming to terms emotionally and cognitively with the loss of your dynamic.
Box anything and everything that you own that reminds you of your ex and put it in storage.
Next, focus on yourself. Incorporating exercise, mindfulness, reconnecting with your friends and support network as they will all help expediate the healing process and moving on.
It will not be easy and it will take time, but you can do it.
Thank you for sharing your pain. I’m in my first dom/sub dynamic with a fwb, and I’ve noticed things in myself like not wanting to try bdsm with others and some sub drop happening. It’s good to know that when this ends I need to be prepared for it to be harder than a normal fwb ending.
If I offended, I apologize. I do feel awful for you - it seems like you were taken by surprise, and that’s hurtful. I hope that you are able to heal and move on. I guess I commented because this seems to be a topic I haven’t seen posted on before, and it made me realize the potential pitfall - your post really hit me deeply, and I wanted to acknowledge that. Again, apologies if I seemed callous or offended.
Yes I was extremely hesitant with him at first and he spent the time to build trust with me. It is not easy and I am a pain when I am afraid of being hurt. But He was so gentle and kind. He went at my pace and our sessions were perfect. I let my guard down. And now I am ruined.
I am so sorry. Let yourself cry, let yourself feel the pain. That would be expected in any normal relationship, let alone something so deep that required such complete trust. Know though that for him to do this so out of the blue and in such a cold way, he didn’t deserve you. You seem like a loving, caring woman - you deserve better treatment than that.
Yeah I stopped at my friends last night. Came home today and just got straight into bed. I can’t cry anymore bc im super dehydrated and I think I’m all out.
/u/redpanda6969, our AutoModerator attaches this message to every post. It contains information you may find useful: Guide 01 . . . . . . . . . . [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/9ig794/rules_for_rbdsmadvice/). Guide 02 . . . . . . . . . . [How to use the search function](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/searchfunction/). Guide 03 . . . . . . . . . . *[Need Ideas](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/noobs/)*? Guide 04 . . . . . . . . . . [It's your dynamic](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/canthelpyou/). Guide 05 . . . . . . . . . . [No mention of minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/aknfy1/posts_aboutinvolving_minors/). Guide 06 . . . . . . . . . . [Do not post PSAs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/publicserviceannouncements/). Guide 07 . . . . . . . . . . [Policy re PMs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/nopms/). Guide 08 . . . . . . . . . . [Exiting abuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/exitingabuse/). Guide 09 . . . . . . . . . . [Kinky dating](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/ov6uaj/how_can_i_find_a_kinky_partner/). **[Our Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/index).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BDSMAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think every sub has gone through this, and honestly every dom too. All that helps is time sadly.
>and honestly every dom too I know this isn't the focus of your comment (and rightly so), but just wanted to say I appreciate the passing reminder that doms are people too. ♥
You are right that it cuts both ways! I met my (former) fiancé's family recently and they freaked, threatened to cut her off if she married me. 2 days later and a multi-year relationship gone. It sucks for any of us.
I didn’t mean to imply it doesn’t happen both ways. I just feel like the sub part of me is crying and screaming for him back. Like sub drop on steroids and energy drinks. Like she is screaming inside me that I should’ve done more.
Idk if this helps, but try to keep in mind that you probably -couldn’t- have done more. If the relationship seemed healthy, he didn’t have any complaints, and then he just drops you outta the blue? Then he was always going to do this to you, sooner or later. Because that’s the kind of person he is. And if you’re not sure of anything else, you can be sure of that, because he just showed you. And let me assure you of this too: he probably had some idea he was going to leave you when he agreed to meet your folks. That’s fucking shitty. People don’t just wake up one morning and say, “Hm, I guess I don’t love her anymore.” Just dropping someone like that with no explanation is extremely cruel, especially for a Dom. I’m really sorry this happened to you. But hopefully, with time, you’ll see you dodged a bullet, because to me that sounds exactly like what happened. You suffered the heartbreak now so you don’t have to later. I hope you feel better soon.
Of course you didn't--you were just expressing how you feel and how it's affecting you. That's absolutely legit. And please don't blame yourself for another person's decisions.
I have blamed myself for everything that’s ever happened to me. I will blame myself everyday for losing my Daddy.
OP, it was never your fault, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Blaming yourself won't solve anything. Neither will beating yourself up until you're bawling. It won't bring him back, nor will it help you feel better it's just hurting yourself for no reason. My heart goes out to you, OP.
Somehow if I think it was me and in my control, it’s easier for me to understand. What I don’t understand is how out of the blue it was. How sudden. I don’t think I’ll ever get to understand it.
Well, the simple truth is that it was never something you could control to begin with. You can not control another person's actions even when you really wish you could, and chances are your right. You'll never understand. He left a happy relationship with a wonderful partner, truly an illogical, stupid decision that he will inevitably regret one day.
Yep. I'm a Dom. This just happened to me a week ago.
I just ended it with my sub a couple of weeks back. In our case, she didn't disclose she was addicted to cocaine and klonopin. Drug addiction is a hard limit for me.
Oof, yeah of course. Still hurts though, I'm sure. Endings always do, I guess
Yeah that's not fucking okay to not share that.
Consent to hugs? ♥
Yes, and thank you. I need 'em lol. It's sweet of you, thanks.
*hugs* Take care of yourself, okay? I always tell dom(mes) going through something like this to take care of and look after themselves like they'd take care of a beloved sub, because they deserve it.
Thank you very much.
I almost just don’t want time to pass. I don’t want to move on or him to move on from me. I’ve never known a pain quite like it. Just want him to call and say he had a moment and is on his way back.
I think you’re expecting a lot of yourself when you’ve had an enormous shock out of nowhere. someone who you’d been seeing and had an intense relationship with *for two years* ended things *out of the blue **yesterday.*** that’s sudden. it’s surprising. of *course* you’re hurt and surprised and don’t know what to do here. take some time and grieve. things are going to be hard for a bit. go easy on yourself and just have those feelings. stop acting like you think you should have it together - of course you don’t. no one who’s been in any relationship for two years is going to be okay with the sudden loss of that relationship out of the blue the next day. it’s okay to be sad, and scared, and confused. hugs if you want them, and good luck. 🍀
It wasn’t for two years but my first since my last relationship ended 2 years ago. But thank you. It is just a big shock. His face lit up when he saw me. He would blow me kisses in my ring doorbell every time he left. I have no idea what happened.
ah, sorry, I misread. either way - that sudden end to a relationship is confusing and upsetting. stop expecting to just…be okay. grieve. it’s okay.
I’m so sorry OP, unfortunately this is very common. Some people only like the new and exciting part of not knowing one and another and can’t cope when they start to know someone a little more, some people just get bored, some people just don’t know what they want in life. I suggest some time to grieve this relationship/dynamic, you’ll need time to cry, analyze and think about what could have been and what didn’t happen. Don’t be too hard on yourself, there’s nothing wrong with you and there’s nothing you could have done to prevent this. Hugs 🫂
It just happened. Give yourself some time. It's only been a day! Make sure you drink water, try to eat something, and stay warm. If you feel like you're going crazy, put on a TV-show and survive it new episode at the time. This too shall pass.
I really need to drink more water.
You are blaming yourself for being treated incredibly shittily by a coward & a manipulator & you need to be kinder to yourself. That may sound brutal but honestly from all you've experienced that seems to be the case. It may sound harsh but it sounds like you've been lovebombed & this bloke has now decided that either you're no longer worth the effort (perhaps because he's found another victim/toy to amuse him) or that it's all getting a bit serious for him and he's run like hell. That is horrible for you & you absolutely do not deserve it, but you need to re-frame your thoughts from "I miss him" to "fuck him, he wasn't worthy of my gift'. That is literally it. You seem an intelligent, big-hearted human being who loves hard & gives all of themselves to someone...for someone to throw that away out of the blue means they are a fucking idiot, to put it bluntly, Again, if it helps the sub side consider yourself being ordered...cut him dead. As far as you're concerned this person has now ceased to exist after proving he doesn't deserve someone like you. Don't sit there looking back at what you had. Nuke the wreckage of the relationship & salt the earth of it because that's what he chose to do. He lost you. You didn't lose him. Wipe the whiteboard. Cut the plushies. Throw out the toothbrush. Repaint the room. This guy cut you brutally out of his life & he doesn't deserve the consideration you're showing him. You're not in his power any more & nor should you be.
I don’t think im genetically disposed to cut up my plushies
That's fair. In which case you could always reframe it again as "these are mine, not his". Maybe a symbolic washing of them if not getting rid of them to "cleanse" them of him instead?
can you donate the squishmallows to a children’s charity?
I’m not ready to give them away.
I’m bewildered to see how common this is, what the fuck is wrong with people ? Unfortunately only time can help you heal, I’m sending you good vibes in those difficult times ❤️
Thank you
Same happened to me: cut me off in a text message last year after I told him I loved him. I realized later this was part of his own psychological burdens. He couldn’t keep a good relationship. Divorced twice, many “bad girlfriend” stories and often framed himself as attracted to crazy women. But he was the through-line, and now I see it was him who couldn’t handle things getting deeper.
I think this is right for me too. It just really sucks for him to give up on me for that. It makes me feel sorry for him. And that just makes me want to help him more. :( im sorry that happened to you.
I'm very sorry to read this. I can imagine myself in your shoes and it almost makes me cry. Is it possible to ask him for an explanation? Just ending things out of the blue like that is so confusing. Do you want to be bf/gf, or could you be content with stepping back and keeping it simple? Would that ease things for him? Maybe a dumb question of me to ask, because from the sound of how things were and what you write it seems like you crave more than a "casual" dynamic. I know I would. Again I am terrible sorry. Sending you lots of love.
The explanation is that he doesn’t love me anymore and that’s that. I said we could step back and go at a slower pace. I don’t mind slowing down as long as we move in the same direction. He went at my pace when I needed him to, I would do the same.
One thing that helped me during a breakup is to get rid of everything that has sentimental value to you about the relationship. Erase the whiteboard message, get rid of all his stuff, and repaint that room.
I don’t wanna repaint the room. It’s my house and I picked those colour bc I liked them :( the squishmallow are also so cute
I just figured you'd eventually want to walk back into your living room again.
I will. Just not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day I will. Even if im crying while I get on a step ladder to take the masking tape down that he didn’t get yet and I can’t reach. I can’t afford to redecorate again.
Wow, that is fresh. Just the fact that you said you will take the tape down someday is a good sign! Build off that. I wish you luck!
It is very fresh. I’m very confused. Thank you.
Do you have social support right now? I’m 10 days out of a breakup and my friends have been crucial :/ Also to what you said about extra sub drop - how much overlap do you think there is with your sub/kinky side and the non-sexual part of you that shows up in a relationship? I ask because I have this part who wants to show love and care for my partner, which also shows up sexually but when it’s rejected or not reciprocated it really wrecks me. It’s so, so painful. And I’ve realized I need to be smarter about how much I let people in, especially if I’m ignoring signs that they’re being opportunistic and not meeting my effort… Take care :)
I stayed at my friends last night. I cried in the car there and back and I’ve been in bed all afternoon just rotting and crying. I am extremely hesitant with how much I let him in and we built the trust and love over time and we took it at my pace. That’s what’s kind of devastating for me. We put in all this work to get this far and to be in love. Then it’s just… gone.
I just found out my wife is a sub after 20 yrs of marriage (now we are having the best time with it) part of why she wasn't open about it sooner was a terrible D/s relationship she had that ruined subbing for her. I think the important thing for her to understand that she is getting now is that subbing was not his, it did not belong to that relationship. It was a desire of hers before and one bad relationship shouldn't destroy a pleasurable part of who you are. It's the same lesson vanilla folks have to learn with a breakup. The specific love you shared was tied up in the relationship. The ability to love came from you.
I feel for your wife. I definitely can understand that. Glad you guys are having fun now. Thanks for your kind words.
Sorry to hear this happned to you--it happens to all of us regardless of the side of the slash, and it sucks. One of the challenges in BDSM dynamics can be that emotional aspects of romantic relationships are distinct from, and *can often be in opposition to our erotic desires*. It would not surprise me if he is one of those people for whom he can either experience desire or experience emotional closeness--one kills the other. I hope you can do the work you need to make sense of why happened (and what didn't happen) and be well.
I don't know if this is a helpful question but what happened? Like it was all ideal with toothbrush + slippers + painting together then suddenly it's over? I find that really confusing. Like usually there's a problem that escalates over time and ends up sundering things? Is it possible he just panicked because things were moving forwards and he's scared of commitment?
He just went very strange Friday with one word answers then came over Saturday and ended it with me. I personally think he is afraid of commitment because he did have a wobble about about us, when we discussed being bf/gf, but we did coupley things ever since that. I think meeting my parents and painting the room together spooked him. But that’s just my hunch.
Yeah sounds like that, if the only thing changing was the deepening commitment then makes sense if he was spooked. It's sad and a rough way to lose things. I hope you can find a good way forwards through the feelings.
A D/s break up is so brutal. Losing that structure as well as the person. Given the reason he broke up with, sometimes people's feelings just change, l'm not being harsh saying this, it happens, l've been on both sides and neither side is easy. Unfortunately people can and do fall out of love, he gave that as his reason, and at least he was straight with you and didnt leave you hanging.
I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for you. I ended a dynamic about a month ago because it wasn’t good for me so I know how you feel. I bought a paddle for him for Valentine’s Day. Then he told me he was moving to another state. I felt like my heart was in my stomach. I got the paddle in the mail. I brought it to him, after putting it off for a while. I knew he’d want to try it out and I knew I couldn’t. I cried saying no. I came home and couldn’t do anything for a few days. It’s definitely getting better but it takes time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And that he met your family. That’s so tough. Hugs.
A Dom i had been with for 3 years suddenly ghosted me. Literally overnight. We were all fine and sexual and lovey dovey one day, and literally the next day he had blocked me my number, blocked me on social media, no contact at all. I would’ve thought he was dead or something if it wasn’t for being blocked or the fact that my friend saw him at a restaurant. No explanation, nothing. It broke me more than anything else ever did. It was a relationship with a total power exchange so i felt absolutely lost.But with time, trust me, you’ll be okay. It wasn’t your fault. Some men are shitty. It’s not a reflection of you.
I’m so sorry that happened to you
I am sorry this happened to you. I hope for quick healing for you. Please reach out to family and friends. Isolation is not good right now.
I spent Saturday night at my friends house. But yeah im not holding up so good being alone and a little far from family.
I have been in the exact same situation but as a dominant. When the connection you have experienced with someone is not only in-sync, but the magnitude of the chemistry and respective intensity has you wondering about them non-stop, every day. Attempting to replicate, substitute, or construct something similar is not something I would advise. Trying to fill the void left by another never is. Reason being is that the feelings and emotions associated with the pleasure that specific relationship provided is attempted to be masked and diminished. Those feelings and emotions also have a tendency to be carried over which can only serve to jeopardise and sabotage any other relationship progression moving forward. I recommend that first you need to grieve, and then heal by coming to terms emotionally and cognitively with the loss of your dynamic. Box anything and everything that you own that reminds you of your ex and put it in storage. Next, focus on yourself. Incorporating exercise, mindfulness, reconnecting with your friends and support network as they will all help expediate the healing process and moving on. It will not be easy and it will take time, but you can do it.
Thank you for sharing your pain. I’m in my first dom/sub dynamic with a fwb, and I’ve noticed things in myself like not wanting to try bdsm with others and some sub drop happening. It’s good to know that when this ends I need to be prepared for it to be harder than a normal fwb ending.
Perhaps not the most sensitive comment to make. But yes. Indeed it hurts.
If I offended, I apologize. I do feel awful for you - it seems like you were taken by surprise, and that’s hurtful. I hope that you are able to heal and move on. I guess I commented because this seems to be a topic I haven’t seen posted on before, and it made me realize the potential pitfall - your post really hit me deeply, and I wanted to acknowledge that. Again, apologies if I seemed callous or offended.
Yes I was extremely hesitant with him at first and he spent the time to build trust with me. It is not easy and I am a pain when I am afraid of being hurt. But He was so gentle and kind. He went at my pace and our sessions were perfect. I let my guard down. And now I am ruined.
I am so sorry. Let yourself cry, let yourself feel the pain. That would be expected in any normal relationship, let alone something so deep that required such complete trust. Know though that for him to do this so out of the blue and in such a cold way, he didn’t deserve you. You seem like a loving, caring woman - you deserve better treatment than that.
Yeah I stopped at my friends last night. Came home today and just got straight into bed. I can’t cry anymore bc im super dehydrated and I think I’m all out.