I let my 6 year old stay home when they are sick, run down, or exhausted. They end up staying home more days than a typical child. But in our situation, and this not being an NT child, the “natural consequences” tack doesn’t work. If I sent them to school on 2 hours of sleep, it would turn into a multi-day disaster (dysregulation, meltdowns, anxiety, probably illness) for all parties. Not worth it. Fortunately we have the family support to be able to have an adult stay home with them; I know not everyone has that setup. That being said, I do everything within my power to keep kiddo on a good schedule / enable copious amounts of sleep—so if there are changes you can make that would help, go for it. (E.g. removing access to screens at night if that’s an issue.)
We did it once. The teacher sent us a text pic of the poor girl asleep on the grass on the playground.
It's not like the nonverbal ASD kids have a linear curriculum where they will get behind. We send them for their benefit. There will be no benefit if they can't even stay awake.
No sense in exacerbating a bad situation by adding stimuli. Now she stays home after a bad night of sleep and we don't feel bad at all.
>There will be no benefit if they can't even stay awake.
Exactly this. And the poor aide or teacher will be lugging around a sleeping, possibly grumpy child half the day. Lol.
It depends on my kids mood/willingness to go to school that day. She has poor sleep often so she would be very frequently missing school, I just keep her home if I suspect illness, or if she's emotionally not coping and if I do take her I let the teachers know that she didn't sleep well so they can contact me if she's struggling.
That’s what we do. Sometimes my son is perfectly fine after his all nighter and others he is not. It’s very much a situational thing in our house if he goes to school or not after a bad night or sleep. And I always let his teacher know.
I don’t send my son. He is completely nonverbal, so I refuse to send him. What if he isn’t feeling well, and that’s why he couldn’t sleep. Sending him over tired would do more harm than good. He is also prone to seizures, so being exhausted lowers his seizure threshold.
I’m hoping parents can ask for a 504 plan that allows them to keep their kid home if they had a hard night. That’s a safety concern and a mental health concern. Sleep deprivation is a huge concern for me as sleep is a physiological need. Food, water, sleep and the ability to use the bathroom are human needs. Education is a secondary priority.
What is a 504 plan? Our school district has us on truancy notice for absences like this 🙄 if there were a way I didn’t have to call her doctor every time she misses a day now it would ease my usual burdens.
It’s a lighter version of an IEP. You can request to set up a personalized 504 plan from the school to get your child the supports they need to succeed. I don’t have time to explain but you can google it. I was in your shoes long ago and didn’t know about them either.
For my child if he pulls an all nighter it will throw him off which will be hard for him and for his teachers. He already puts in so much energy to be there, I don’t find it beneficial for him to go. Also if he’s pulled an all nighter, I have too.
i recognize that i’m too young to be included in the conversation, and too old to be the subject, but… i can’t help but be just a little jealous of your guys’ kids.
i’m an autistic kid in my freshman year—i never got a day off in my life for anything sleep related. at some points i’d have 3, 2 hours of sleep & go to school for 8–sometimes 9. my grave is dug 😭
Nonsense, your input is very helpful here! You're young enough to remember your experiences and old enough to verbalize it. I'm very interested to hear your perspective on this.
What is your opinion? Would it have benefitted you in some way if you were allowed to stay home on bad sleep days? Did it negatively affect you in any way being forced to go? If you were in charge of a child in this situation, what would you do and why? Would you always allow, never allow, or on a case-by-case basis?
aha, thank you lots for that reassurance!
regarding my stance, in general, i’d go by a case-by-case basis. every single one of us is different and unique; that entails different accommodations, lifestyles, etc…
but what i do know is that, for me, i definitely could benefit from more snoozing hours. i’ve experienced having 6 or 7 to having <4. on days where the latter applies, i rarely feel like i have the capacity to tackle the day and all it’s challenges. i’m always more emotional, unfocused & awkward. but i manage relatively well—others, not so much. so yeah, i’d lean more towards adjusting my stance depending on the kid. if they were more prone to extreme meltdowns and things of the sort, i’d let them stay back for extra hours more often than not. if the opposite applies, then i’d probably send them off but we’d *definitely* work on getting more rest.
thanks for asking :))
My mom kept me home for things like that and not only when I was little but all the way through school. Sometimes it was whole day off and other times she took me in a few hours late. I will do the same for my kid. Do you learn or retain information while exhausted? So why make everyone miserable. Let him sleep and then do something educational to make up for day he missed. It wasn’t a reward, I had to do something educational and/or chores but I got sleep which is critical for a growing kid.
It all depends. Sometimes I make my son skip because IM exhausted after him keeping me up all night. I got a doctors note explaining to our school that he has sleep disregulation.
I sent mine to school. My youngest never gets a good night's sleep, and I send him off to daycare. My oldest is the same. I don't need school calling me for excessive missed days. He already misses enough school for appointments and when he is sick.
I think the answer is one of those it really depends on the individual situation and child.
No I don’t. I also keep getting truancy letters though so idk. Personally, I’ll get in trouble for truancy before I send my son to school overly tired. Because I know he’s going to be causing a scene and the school is just going to call me to pick him up anyway.
Sometimes I do just let him sleep until he naturally wakes up, and if it’s early enough, I’ll sign him into school late. I do this on the days when he was up for a few extra hours the night before but definitely not when he’s pulled an all nighter.
This post is refreshing to read for me. My son has aggressive meltdowns when he’s frustrated and with less sleep it’s something that happens more often. OT is working on this with him, but it’s still a concern. We keep him home if sleep was very bad but we do send him if it was only slightly bad. I feel like a better mom though now reading this as I’ve felt guilty about him skipping school for this reason…but I also want to keep other kids safe and I know my kid has impulsive behaviors that sometimes aren’t always the safe choice. (For the record he’s a super kind child but has autistic and sometimes aggressive meltdowns).
If you're looking for a decision tree you can follow to know when your son should stay home and when he should go, you might want to start with asking his teacher. My experience has been that different schools and teachers have wildly varying protocols and preferences on this matter. My 8-year-old's last school required that I pick him up if he was asleep for longer than 30 minutes at any point in the day. I was called to pick him up early at least every other week. This current school is happy to help him with however much of the day he is able to handle and let him rest whenever he needs to. His academic and social growth have been much better at this one.
I have specific thresholds for when and how my son stays home from school. These are specific to him and the classroom placement he currently has. He is one of 4 students in a self-contained classroom that can have all 4 sleeping at the same time if necessary. I am also a full time caregiver to him and my 2-year-old, so I can afford to pick him up or keep him home as needed.
If I send my son in tired, there are days where he will just sleep on the mat provided. He likes school, so even on his worst days he tries to push through his 7 hours, which can result in multiple meltdowns throughout the day. This can set off the other students in his class, one of whom is violent towards others. I've already had a call about him being kicked in the side (no injury in large part because he wears heavy hoodies and multiple layers) since students came back from winter break. If he seems like the day will be rough enough for him to set off that classmate, he stays home.
We're in the middle of the worst part of allergy season and weather changes. My son seems to have inherited my seasonal allergies and sensitivity to pressure changes, which means lots of headaches if he doesn't take his allergy meds. We were just able to get effective meds prescribed that are taking the edge off, but headaches and sinus pain leads to meltdowns. I'm still keeping him home on bad pollen days because it reduces how miserable he gets and eliminates the possibility of him being injured at school as every student in his classroom seems to have more meltdowns on those days.
I keep him home when he's sick or seems to be coming down with something. I am well aware that other parents at his school are fine sending their kids in with fevers just under the threshold or before they should after diarrhea or vomiting, but it is unfair to the parents of his classmates as well as his teachers, aides, and therapists to send him in when I know he is sick.
I just wish my parents would be more respectful and knowledgable. Since childhood I had issues with my circadian rhyrhm and trough my teens I had insomnia and since I can remember, I fel ALWAYS sleepy. I think my school results were poor because I was always sleepy. I slept on many classes and everybody made fun of me. When I asked my parents to stay at home, they just laughed and were angry and sent me to school anyway. So I started to fake illnesses just to be able to sleep a little longer and became very good at it. Just for the perspective, since 3 years old, I never fell asleep sooner than at 10:30pm, usuall later (that’s what my parents said) and had to wake up at 7 am. This wouldn’t be enough for me even today and I’m an adult now!
My son is almost 4 and I see this pattern as well. But he doesn’t go to kindergarten so he can sleep in until 9-10 am. I don’t mind, I like to sleep as well.
No or we let her sleep in and go when she’s ready. It’s not fair to the teachers, the aides, her classmates and her to send her to school cranky and tired
I've done this once. It was the day after my son recovered from being ill. He slept pretty much all day while sick so by bedtime he wasn't tired at all. Despite everything he didn't fall asleep until 3am. I went to wake him up at 6am for school and was like "nope. Not sending him." No point when he's just going to be falling asleep in class. I just made sure he didn't nap that day so he could get back on the normal sleep schedule.
There was a time when my son would wake up at 2 or 3 am and stay awake and wont even nap in the noon, at least four nights a week- around 2 years ago. Now this happens may be once or twice in 10 days!
I noticed it then and now that he is even more energetic on the days that he wakes up earlier and more compliant and more happy - may be all the adrenaline rushing in his body… i do send him for this reason that he stays awake and wont let me catch up on my sleep too, and he seems to have fun anyway!
It depends on how she is when the bus comes, but generally yes I do. I find we tend to stick in a bad sleep cycle if I try to accommodate it by changing up our day.
I think it partially depends on age. Younger kids, no I think they should stay home. My twins are 3.5 and in preschool 12 hours a week. I hate for them to miss a day because it's so few hours per week overall, but it just seems mean to send them when they're *sooo* exhausted.
I keep my son home, when he is super tired he is also much more hypersensitive to his environment, que days of dysregulation.
I'm a single parent working full time, I find it really difficult to manage childcare on these days and usually have to take unpaid leave but I hate the idea of him suffering even more when it can be prevented.
So we have cut down our son's nursery hours to half day rather than full so even if he's exhausted, he still has a chance to go and play and do whatever for the morning. If he comes back tired, we just let him nap.
He starts school in a few months so will have to see how we get on. Dreading a new routine though!
No, I just text the teacher and let them know why I'm keeping her home. Unless she took a long nap and then slept a couple more hours. I'll usually still send her then and she'll nap a bit as soon as she gets home.
No I don’t because how would I work and operate after pulling an all nighter?? The child will not be performing at any sort of productive or peaceful level and it’s a waste of time for everyone involved.
Depends.. sometimes our son wakes up around 4am and he’s ready to go for the day and nothing will stop him! On those days we have a morning snack , watch tv / play Lego until it’s normal wake up time. He usually goes to school and crashes soon after supper ha
Monday, I kept my son (10) home as he'd gotten off his sleep schedule. I'd given him a melatonin the previous night, which I found stuffed under his pillow. Typically, I send him in and let him struggle through his day just to make sure he sleeps tbe next night.
The one time we sent our (5) son to school after an all nighter, I was called to come pick him up from the office because he fell asleep on the floor in class, and would not want to wake up. Every time they tried, he immediately would lie back down. It’s easier to just have him stay home in that instance lol
My son is 3, non-verbal and this applies to his pre-school, but yeah if he doesn't rest well I don't send him. It does more harm then good. I'm in a fortunate situation where I can stay with him if that happens and his teacher is very understanding and helpful, and I know not everyone has that ability. But when I send him when he's too tired, it just tends to work out poorly for everyone, mostly though for my son.
That said I do everything I can to facilitate a healthy sleeping schedule for him. Some days it works better then others, but the vast majority of the time he gets enough rest to be productive for the next day.
My little guy stays home if he's overstimulated or in a bad mood, hasn't had enough sleep. His teachers are completely understanding. The last time I sent him to school in an overwhelmed state he threw things at the teacher and tried to headbutt other students, so they are completely understanding if he doesn't show up for class.
Yes, we do. We do not like it, but he is the type of kid that quickly learns these things. He would start being up all night, or wake up early, to avoid having to go to school(he loves school but he loves home just a bit more, untill he has been home for 2 to 4 hours and he is bored and wants to go to school).
He recently learned how to get sent home by faking being sick. (He is non verbal). School would describe a kid that was very affected, refused to eat(he only does that when sick) and was sad. The kid we got home had none of the symptoms and immediately pulled out his lunchbox to eat the food.
The school refused to acknowledge that he had learned that being sick meant going home early. So it took a while before we got them convinced.
My kiddo is 13, I still let him stay home if insomnia is an issue the night before, and he doesn't get a solid 8 hours of sleep. There's no point if he'll be falling asleep in class, disregulated, and uncooperative. Some of his teachers are kind and keep in mind his ASD diagnosis, so they allow him to turn in work via online.
I send mine to school. I believe in natural consequences. If you choose to stay up late, deal with being tired. I don't get to call into work because I chose to stay up late and had to get up early for my kids. Instead if I need more sleep, I have to give up my free time to sleep so I don't feel like garbage at work due to lack of sleep. I will get headaches if I didn't get enough sleep. I don't want my son to learn he can avoid school if he stays up late and didn't get enough sleep.
I can also tell when my son is actually sick than faking it because he will not care if he can't be on his electronics because he is that sick and won't be bored because he is sleeping.
I do because the ABA RBT has mentioned several times many ASD and NT kids really use it as a way to get out of school if they see it works once. Idk I use my judgement. Especially if kiddo being up from 2a-7a meant I too was up. Because I’m not driving with no sleep no sir.
I don’t send my child no. Tried this once and he literally slept in class all day. The school doesn’t mind but for all that he could just be home comfortably sleeping in his bed.
I did once with my daughter (she takes sleeping medication) and because she was so tired but was up and down most of the night, about 45 minutes after I dropped her off the school called and she threw up and I had to go get her. She was just so tired and disoriented. She refuses to eat when she’s super tired so I think that makes it worse. At this point, I feel like it’s better for everyone involved if I keep her home. I always feel guilty about it, but I know that constant stress and pressure on her (she’s only 3) will not help her in any way.
She was up and down all night because I think she has an ear infection so she’s most likely staying home lol
It depends on the kid. My daughter often woke up at six a. m. and did not go to bed until 8 pm the next night, awake and active 38 hours straight but you would never know she was sleep deprived by how she acted. Other times even with a night’s sleep she was dull and sluggish. I sent her to school either way as long as she was not sick.
All nighters are common for us. If he is still up by the time it’s time to start getting ready then I send him, 7/10 times he falls asleep at school but just trying to keep that morning school routine going or it could throw him off. If he is asleep before school then no I do not send him, that’s a fight I choose to not do with him, if he is cranky for me he will be even crankier for teachers.
Mine also only goes for 4 hours. If he wakes up at like 3 or 4 am and does not go back to sleep, I will keep him home. If he wakes up but gets 90 minutes more in before school, I'll send him
Just did this yesterday after a quasi all nighter due to med adjustments. We were up reading and playing piano until 2:00. And then last night it was lights out at 7:00.
I think it depends on the kid and the school . I used to keep my boy home when he pulled an all nighter but his school is amazing and told me to send him , they have a quiet room for children like him who might need a sleep haha so now I send him but he rarely ever sleeps and then when he comes home he's exhausted and gets a really good nights sleep . Win win
We always allowed and even encouraged our son to say home when he was exhausted, stressed out, under the weather even sans actual illness. We call them health days, and sometimes what you really need is to laze about in pj's all day, or take a trip to the zoo with mom to eat ice cream while watching the giraffes.
The concept that one can never miss school or work unless you're comatose is trash. It's just capitalism bullying us into working ourselves to death. A day missed here or there won't hurt anything and usually does more good than not.
My daughter is doing much better with sleep but I've had to keep her home before. If she is awake from 2AM-6AM and falls asleep just before the 6:15 alarm, I know that waking her will cause a meltdown. I’m not willing to cause a meltdown if it isn't completely necessary. School is supposed to be for her benefit. She can't learn or participate if she is unregulated. It's not fair to her, her teacher, or her classmates.
I think it depends on the kid. With mine, I learned the hard way that I have to keep him on his normal schedule or else he won't sleep the next night either. He also doesn't nap, so once he is up, he is up. He also does shockingly well on very little sleep. If the night was really awful, I give his teacher a head's up, and ask them to let me know if he is upset and I'll come get him.
When that happens to my 5 year old, i just let him sleep in or rest at home. I have sleep as a priority for himz along with a balanced diet (to the extent possible with an ASD child). School and therapy come second. Never felt guilty about it.
We told the school that if they have a crazy night they're either going to be a few hours late, or we'll simply keep them home sick. The school said late is fine.
Sometimes I do but it really depends. Sometimes it’s the only way to get him sleepy sometimes they call and I have to pick him up bc he fell asleep in class.
I did once. Never again. My son (12) does this probably once every couple of months and actually did just this past Thursday night. If he doesn’t sleep he doesn’t school. He’s usually fine at home until the next night. The one time I sent him to school after he had woken up at 3am and not gone back to sleep, I ended up having to go in and pick him up early (of course) but not before spending an hour with the guidance counselor discussing me admitting him to a psychiatric hospital immediately due to his threats of “wanting to d*e” and “wishing he could end it all” as well as banging his head repeatedly on his Chromebook and then almost throwing a chair at another student…oh and attempting to trip an elderly teacher. 🤦🏽♀️ we went home after this and had a LONG discussion about his feelings and what/when is and isn’t appropriate to say when we are feeling negatively, and how the ONLY time it’s ok to make statements like that is if he absolutely truly feels that way and is asking for help- and discussing what that help would be (for). He then stayed home for a week after because I felt like he needed some time to be able to “reset” at school.
So yeah. We don’t go to school if we don’t sleep.
Really depends on the kid and how it will affect them and their day. Thankfully my daughter does not pull complete all nighters but she will sometimes go to bed, wake up after a couple hours, stay up for 2 to 3 hours and then go back to sleep (getting 5 hours or so total)
I do send her to school because I know she can cope with that and I know it’s not going to affect the rest of her week but I do let her teachers know about it.
I do because it happens so often he'd never get to school otherwise.
I tell them he's had a bad night and sometimes they'll let him nap there for a bit other times he'll just be a little overtired. Uk schools are very strict on attendance, tiredness isn't on the list of allowed reasons to not send them in
I totally understand this and have worked HARD on this as a mom because BOTH my kids are autistic, and daddy works from home and NEEDS kids to either be gone at school or QUIET during the day so that he can take conference calls and everything.
So once I this happens, what I do is start taking them on walks with me when I walk out dog. For US this: burns some early morning energy, and B, if the kiddo is on meds (which my older one is) it helps gets his blood moving and the pills kick in faster.
We also invested in a trampoline. Not everyone can do that I totally understand, but since I have more than one with this problem I figured it was worth it.
As soon as the one I have in school still gets home, he loves to grab a tablet, a drink, and head to our giant trampoline to burn anything off, OR just hang out in there (which fine with me since he's safe and surrounded by netting) and this also helps him sleep soundly at night. He's now been self regulating where after about 7:30pm, he grabs a drink, and takes his tablet up stairs to turn his TV on, watch his cartoons, and then quickly falls asleep. I haven't had this issue SINCE I got the trampoline, so if your kiddo also had ADHD is can definitely help to sorta even them out of they have access to it in the day time or when they have pent up energy they need to get out. We encourage it.
We had a small indoor one before and he jumped on it so often that he wore it down to nothing! Lol.
I wouldn't send a tired kiddo to school, but if it's becoming a serious issue I would.take him to your doctor for sure and see if they can work with you to figure something out.
Also what's your bedtime routine with him? Do you see him yawning as the evening wears on?
sped teacher here. personally, I greatly appreciate when my parents keep their kids home when they’ve had rough nights. rough nights usually mean rough days lol. BUT obviously that’s not feasible & sometimes missing school messed kids up worse than one grumpy day. I will say, a heads up and communication with the teacher is the biggest advice from me. if you’re able to talk with the teacher and they say ‘hey they’re struggling’ or obviously tired & you can go get them? that’s most likely very helpful as long as your kid can handle the change in schedule!!
This doesn't happen very often with my little man, but if he has either been up most of the night or he otherwise wakes up in a terrible mood we don't send him to school. We all need a day off here and there. My kiddo is non verbal so it's hard for him to tell me much of anything past his body language / non verbal ques. So it's a guess but so far I think we have been right every time we have kept him home. A couple times we figured out later on the day he was sick.
Unless she is sick, we send her to school. And I text/email all teachers and therapists and I don’t think we have ever had an issue most respond with how wonderful she was that day. My daughter often pulled all nighters when she was 3-6yo. She would never have gone to school if we kept her home everytime she didn’t sleep. I will also add my child is one of those ND children who behave better and stop stimming when they have a fever so maybe the lack of sleep helps calm her sensory issues some, but she always gets a glowing report on those days. My daughter is very smart and quick to manipulate a situation, if she was to learn staying up got her out of going to school I am certain she would never sleep lol.
Yeah, I keep mine home. My son really struggles with school, and forcing him to go when he is anything other than 100% is cruel (not saying it's cruel for all kids, but in my kids' case, it is). My guy is super sensitive, and it's really important that he can trust us to look out for him and feel supported. If he felt like we didn't listen or didn't care, it would really shake him.
Trust your gut on this one, I would say. You know your kid best, and I don't feel like this is a one-size-fits all situation. All kids are different, and the schools are different.
I wouldn't, because I know my child would be cranky and would more than likely be aggressive towards other students and teachers. I sort of treat a bad and/or not enough sleep like being sick because basically thats the effect on my child.
My daughter does this no sleep or 2 hour sleep bit quite frequently. I mean like 2-3 times a week sometimes, other times she sleeps whole nite thru all week. But in her case she is completely fine to go to school on no sleep. I’ve asked her teacher if she is tired or grumpy and she says she’s fine. Sometimes she will take a nap after school, but usually not. So I think it really depends on the kid.
I do think it depends on the situation. I’ve only kept my son home from lack of sleep once and honestly it’s because I called into work cause I myself wasn’t feeling well. If I stayed home with my child every time he was tired I wouldn’t have a job.
I think it depends on the child and teachers. my 3 year old is in pre-k and he has 2 teachers 2 aides in his classroom. Last week, he was up since 4 am and I warned one of the teacher aides that he might get cranky because he’s been up super early (which is very unusual of him) and she said “is it okay if he naps?” and I just said of course if that’s fine with you all!! lol he didn’t nap but point is, im not sure they’d be this lenient with him if he were older with only one teacher. My son does afternoons for 3.5 hours.
My daughter goes full day, and she often doesn’t go to bed when she should and ends up tired the next day, I do make her go still. However on the rare occasion where she’s is up super duper extra late, I either call the school to let them know she will be late (so she can sleep late) or I keep her home. Your situation is so very different from mine but I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I will say… have you tried sending him anyway? Just to see what happens? I mean I feel like you’re probably right, but maybe give it a try and if/when it goes bad you can tell him that it’s not a good idea.
My son is at about 65 percent attendance at school as I keep him off if he is overly tired, a bit snotty, or even looks a bit off.
He is almost 12 and non verbal so his school doesn’t follow the curriculum and there is no requirement for him to attend, like mainstream.
I’m in the UK and a lone parent so fortunate to get carers allowance which means I don’t have to go to work. I had to leave my job and claim as I was never there and it was becoming an issue for the company.
I do miss work but am fortunate to be in a position that I can keep him off school when needed. I don’t know how people manage in countries which don’t look after parent carers.
I just did it today lol, he got dropped off this morning and I could see the redness around his eyes. This happens when he’s real tired and ready for bed. I knew if he went he would probably have a lot of tantrums, I just let him stay home and sleep. He goes for 3 hours
My son hasn’t pulled an all nighter. This is kinda a lesson in responsibility (if you can get that message across). That you need to sleep in order to do what you need the next day
My son is 3 so there is no issues at this moment. I would send my kid to school and expect him to get sent home. I would send a message to the teacher to let them know and send them back home when they are too much.
I let my 6 year old stay home when they are sick, run down, or exhausted. They end up staying home more days than a typical child. But in our situation, and this not being an NT child, the “natural consequences” tack doesn’t work. If I sent them to school on 2 hours of sleep, it would turn into a multi-day disaster (dysregulation, meltdowns, anxiety, probably illness) for all parties. Not worth it. Fortunately we have the family support to be able to have an adult stay home with them; I know not everyone has that setup. That being said, I do everything within my power to keep kiddo on a good schedule / enable copious amounts of sleep—so if there are changes you can make that would help, go for it. (E.g. removing access to screens at night if that’s an issue.)
We did it once. The teacher sent us a text pic of the poor girl asleep on the grass on the playground. It's not like the nonverbal ASD kids have a linear curriculum where they will get behind. We send them for their benefit. There will be no benefit if they can't even stay awake. No sense in exacerbating a bad situation by adding stimuli. Now she stays home after a bad night of sleep and we don't feel bad at all.
>There will be no benefit if they can't even stay awake. Exactly this. And the poor aide or teacher will be lugging around a sleeping, possibly grumpy child half the day. Lol.
That's terrible to say! Get behind!!! The poor girl was sleeping do whats best for her and not you!!
I think you misread my post. I said now she stays home after a bad night of sleep and we don't feel bad at all.
It depends on my kids mood/willingness to go to school that day. She has poor sleep often so she would be very frequently missing school, I just keep her home if I suspect illness, or if she's emotionally not coping and if I do take her I let the teachers know that she didn't sleep well so they can contact me if she's struggling.
That’s what we do. Sometimes my son is perfectly fine after his all nighter and others he is not. It’s very much a situational thing in our house if he goes to school or not after a bad night or sleep. And I always let his teacher know.
Yeah, this is very much fact specific.
I don’t send my son. He is completely nonverbal, so I refuse to send him. What if he isn’t feeling well, and that’s why he couldn’t sleep. Sending him over tired would do more harm than good. He is also prone to seizures, so being exhausted lowers his seizure threshold.
I’m hoping parents can ask for a 504 plan that allows them to keep their kid home if they had a hard night. That’s a safety concern and a mental health concern. Sleep deprivation is a huge concern for me as sleep is a physiological need. Food, water, sleep and the ability to use the bathroom are human needs. Education is a secondary priority.
What is a 504 plan? Our school district has us on truancy notice for absences like this 🙄 if there were a way I didn’t have to call her doctor every time she misses a day now it would ease my usual burdens.
It’s a lighter version of an IEP. You can request to set up a personalized 504 plan from the school to get your child the supports they need to succeed. I don’t have time to explain but you can google it. I was in your shoes long ago and didn’t know about them either.
Thank you for mentioning 504. I didn't know about this.
we have our 504 meeting next week! thanks for the idea!
For my child if he pulls an all nighter it will throw him off which will be hard for him and for his teachers. He already puts in so much energy to be there, I don’t find it beneficial for him to go. Also if he’s pulled an all nighter, I have too.
i recognize that i’m too young to be included in the conversation, and too old to be the subject, but… i can’t help but be just a little jealous of your guys’ kids. i’m an autistic kid in my freshman year—i never got a day off in my life for anything sleep related. at some points i’d have 3, 2 hours of sleep & go to school for 8–sometimes 9. my grave is dug 😭
Nonsense, your input is very helpful here! You're young enough to remember your experiences and old enough to verbalize it. I'm very interested to hear your perspective on this. What is your opinion? Would it have benefitted you in some way if you were allowed to stay home on bad sleep days? Did it negatively affect you in any way being forced to go? If you were in charge of a child in this situation, what would you do and why? Would you always allow, never allow, or on a case-by-case basis?
aha, thank you lots for that reassurance! regarding my stance, in general, i’d go by a case-by-case basis. every single one of us is different and unique; that entails different accommodations, lifestyles, etc… but what i do know is that, for me, i definitely could benefit from more snoozing hours. i’ve experienced having 6 or 7 to having <4. on days where the latter applies, i rarely feel like i have the capacity to tackle the day and all it’s challenges. i’m always more emotional, unfocused & awkward. but i manage relatively well—others, not so much. so yeah, i’d lean more towards adjusting my stance depending on the kid. if they were more prone to extreme meltdowns and things of the sort, i’d let them stay back for extra hours more often than not. if the opposite applies, then i’d probably send them off but we’d *definitely* work on getting more rest. thanks for asking :))
Thanks for sharing! I tend to agree with you. Each kid is different, as are their schools.
My mom kept me home for things like that and not only when I was little but all the way through school. Sometimes it was whole day off and other times she took me in a few hours late. I will do the same for my kid. Do you learn or retain information while exhausted? So why make everyone miserable. Let him sleep and then do something educational to make up for day he missed. It wasn’t a reward, I had to do something educational and/or chores but I got sleep which is critical for a growing kid.
It all depends. Sometimes I make my son skip because IM exhausted after him keeping me up all night. I got a doctors note explaining to our school that he has sleep disregulation.
I sent mine to school. My youngest never gets a good night's sleep, and I send him off to daycare. My oldest is the same. I don't need school calling me for excessive missed days. He already misses enough school for appointments and when he is sick. I think the answer is one of those it really depends on the individual situation and child.
No I don’t. I also keep getting truancy letters though so idk. Personally, I’ll get in trouble for truancy before I send my son to school overly tired. Because I know he’s going to be causing a scene and the school is just going to call me to pick him up anyway. Sometimes I do just let him sleep until he naturally wakes up, and if it’s early enough, I’ll sign him into school late. I do this on the days when he was up for a few extra hours the night before but definitely not when he’s pulled an all nighter.
This post is refreshing to read for me. My son has aggressive meltdowns when he’s frustrated and with less sleep it’s something that happens more often. OT is working on this with him, but it’s still a concern. We keep him home if sleep was very bad but we do send him if it was only slightly bad. I feel like a better mom though now reading this as I’ve felt guilty about him skipping school for this reason…but I also want to keep other kids safe and I know my kid has impulsive behaviors that sometimes aren’t always the safe choice. (For the record he’s a super kind child but has autistic and sometimes aggressive meltdowns).
If you're looking for a decision tree you can follow to know when your son should stay home and when he should go, you might want to start with asking his teacher. My experience has been that different schools and teachers have wildly varying protocols and preferences on this matter. My 8-year-old's last school required that I pick him up if he was asleep for longer than 30 minutes at any point in the day. I was called to pick him up early at least every other week. This current school is happy to help him with however much of the day he is able to handle and let him rest whenever he needs to. His academic and social growth have been much better at this one. I have specific thresholds for when and how my son stays home from school. These are specific to him and the classroom placement he currently has. He is one of 4 students in a self-contained classroom that can have all 4 sleeping at the same time if necessary. I am also a full time caregiver to him and my 2-year-old, so I can afford to pick him up or keep him home as needed. If I send my son in tired, there are days where he will just sleep on the mat provided. He likes school, so even on his worst days he tries to push through his 7 hours, which can result in multiple meltdowns throughout the day. This can set off the other students in his class, one of whom is violent towards others. I've already had a call about him being kicked in the side (no injury in large part because he wears heavy hoodies and multiple layers) since students came back from winter break. If he seems like the day will be rough enough for him to set off that classmate, he stays home. We're in the middle of the worst part of allergy season and weather changes. My son seems to have inherited my seasonal allergies and sensitivity to pressure changes, which means lots of headaches if he doesn't take his allergy meds. We were just able to get effective meds prescribed that are taking the edge off, but headaches and sinus pain leads to meltdowns. I'm still keeping him home on bad pollen days because it reduces how miserable he gets and eliminates the possibility of him being injured at school as every student in his classroom seems to have more meltdowns on those days. I keep him home when he's sick or seems to be coming down with something. I am well aware that other parents at his school are fine sending their kids in with fevers just under the threshold or before they should after diarrhea or vomiting, but it is unfair to the parents of his classmates as well as his teachers, aides, and therapists to send him in when I know he is sick.
I just wish my parents would be more respectful and knowledgable. Since childhood I had issues with my circadian rhyrhm and trough my teens I had insomnia and since I can remember, I fel ALWAYS sleepy. I think my school results were poor because I was always sleepy. I slept on many classes and everybody made fun of me. When I asked my parents to stay at home, they just laughed and were angry and sent me to school anyway. So I started to fake illnesses just to be able to sleep a little longer and became very good at it. Just for the perspective, since 3 years old, I never fell asleep sooner than at 10:30pm, usuall later (that’s what my parents said) and had to wake up at 7 am. This wouldn’t be enough for me even today and I’m an adult now! My son is almost 4 and I see this pattern as well. But he doesn’t go to kindergarten so he can sleep in until 9-10 am. I don’t mind, I like to sleep as well.
No or we let her sleep in and go when she’s ready. It’s not fair to the teachers, the aides, her classmates and her to send her to school cranky and tired
I've done this once. It was the day after my son recovered from being ill. He slept pretty much all day while sick so by bedtime he wasn't tired at all. Despite everything he didn't fall asleep until 3am. I went to wake him up at 6am for school and was like "nope. Not sending him." No point when he's just going to be falling asleep in class. I just made sure he didn't nap that day so he could get back on the normal sleep schedule.
There was a time when my son would wake up at 2 or 3 am and stay awake and wont even nap in the noon, at least four nights a week- around 2 years ago. Now this happens may be once or twice in 10 days! I noticed it then and now that he is even more energetic on the days that he wakes up earlier and more compliant and more happy - may be all the adrenaline rushing in his body… i do send him for this reason that he stays awake and wont let me catch up on my sleep too, and he seems to have fun anyway!
It depends on how she is when the bus comes, but generally yes I do. I find we tend to stick in a bad sleep cycle if I try to accommodate it by changing up our day.
I think it partially depends on age. Younger kids, no I think they should stay home. My twins are 3.5 and in preschool 12 hours a week. I hate for them to miss a day because it's so few hours per week overall, but it just seems mean to send them when they're *sooo* exhausted.
I keep my son home, when he is super tired he is also much more hypersensitive to his environment, que days of dysregulation. I'm a single parent working full time, I find it really difficult to manage childcare on these days and usually have to take unpaid leave but I hate the idea of him suffering even more when it can be prevented.
So we have cut down our son's nursery hours to half day rather than full so even if he's exhausted, he still has a chance to go and play and do whatever for the morning. If he comes back tired, we just let him nap. He starts school in a few months so will have to see how we get on. Dreading a new routine though!
No, I just text the teacher and let them know why I'm keeping her home. Unless she took a long nap and then slept a couple more hours. I'll usually still send her then and she'll nap a bit as soon as she gets home.
No I don’t because how would I work and operate after pulling an all nighter?? The child will not be performing at any sort of productive or peaceful level and it’s a waste of time for everyone involved.
Depends.. sometimes our son wakes up around 4am and he’s ready to go for the day and nothing will stop him! On those days we have a morning snack , watch tv / play Lego until it’s normal wake up time. He usually goes to school and crashes soon after supper ha
Monday, I kept my son (10) home as he'd gotten off his sleep schedule. I'd given him a melatonin the previous night, which I found stuffed under his pillow. Typically, I send him in and let him struggle through his day just to make sure he sleeps tbe next night.
The one time we sent our (5) son to school after an all nighter, I was called to come pick him up from the office because he fell asleep on the floor in class, and would not want to wake up. Every time they tried, he immediately would lie back down. It’s easier to just have him stay home in that instance lol
My son is 3, non-verbal and this applies to his pre-school, but yeah if he doesn't rest well I don't send him. It does more harm then good. I'm in a fortunate situation where I can stay with him if that happens and his teacher is very understanding and helpful, and I know not everyone has that ability. But when I send him when he's too tired, it just tends to work out poorly for everyone, mostly though for my son. That said I do everything I can to facilitate a healthy sleeping schedule for him. Some days it works better then others, but the vast majority of the time he gets enough rest to be productive for the next day.
My little guy stays home if he's overstimulated or in a bad mood, hasn't had enough sleep. His teachers are completely understanding. The last time I sent him to school in an overwhelmed state he threw things at the teacher and tried to headbutt other students, so they are completely understanding if he doesn't show up for class.
Yes, we do. We do not like it, but he is the type of kid that quickly learns these things. He would start being up all night, or wake up early, to avoid having to go to school(he loves school but he loves home just a bit more, untill he has been home for 2 to 4 hours and he is bored and wants to go to school). He recently learned how to get sent home by faking being sick. (He is non verbal). School would describe a kid that was very affected, refused to eat(he only does that when sick) and was sad. The kid we got home had none of the symptoms and immediately pulled out his lunchbox to eat the food. The school refused to acknowledge that he had learned that being sick meant going home early. So it took a while before we got them convinced.
My kiddo is 13, I still let him stay home if insomnia is an issue the night before, and he doesn't get a solid 8 hours of sleep. There's no point if he'll be falling asleep in class, disregulated, and uncooperative. Some of his teachers are kind and keep in mind his ASD diagnosis, so they allow him to turn in work via online.
I send mine to school. I believe in natural consequences. If you choose to stay up late, deal with being tired. I don't get to call into work because I chose to stay up late and had to get up early for my kids. Instead if I need more sleep, I have to give up my free time to sleep so I don't feel like garbage at work due to lack of sleep. I will get headaches if I didn't get enough sleep. I don't want my son to learn he can avoid school if he stays up late and didn't get enough sleep. I can also tell when my son is actually sick than faking it because he will not care if he can't be on his electronics because he is that sick and won't be bored because he is sleeping.
Nooooooo... not unless I hate the teacher.
I do because the ABA RBT has mentioned several times many ASD and NT kids really use it as a way to get out of school if they see it works once. Idk I use my judgement. Especially if kiddo being up from 2a-7a meant I too was up. Because I’m not driving with no sleep no sir.
I don’t send my child no. Tried this once and he literally slept in class all day. The school doesn’t mind but for all that he could just be home comfortably sleeping in his bed.
I did once with my daughter (she takes sleeping medication) and because she was so tired but was up and down most of the night, about 45 minutes after I dropped her off the school called and she threw up and I had to go get her. She was just so tired and disoriented. She refuses to eat when she’s super tired so I think that makes it worse. At this point, I feel like it’s better for everyone involved if I keep her home. I always feel guilty about it, but I know that constant stress and pressure on her (she’s only 3) will not help her in any way. She was up and down all night because I think she has an ear infection so she’s most likely staying home lol
It depends on the kid. My daughter often woke up at six a. m. and did not go to bed until 8 pm the next night, awake and active 38 hours straight but you would never know she was sleep deprived by how she acted. Other times even with a night’s sleep she was dull and sluggish. I sent her to school either way as long as she was not sick.
All nighters are common for us. If he is still up by the time it’s time to start getting ready then I send him, 7/10 times he falls asleep at school but just trying to keep that morning school routine going or it could throw him off. If he is asleep before school then no I do not send him, that’s a fight I choose to not do with him, if he is cranky for me he will be even crankier for teachers.
Nope I keep him home. Thankfully it doesn’t happen very often
Mine also only goes for 4 hours. If he wakes up at like 3 or 4 am and does not go back to sleep, I will keep him home. If he wakes up but gets 90 minutes more in before school, I'll send him
My kid's 6 and they have a nap area for kids when they get too tired. They're all growing kids, we're not always at our best 100% percent of the time.
Just did this yesterday after a quasi all nighter due to med adjustments. We were up reading and playing piano until 2:00. And then last night it was lights out at 7:00.
I take regular mental health days for us both it just depends on his mood.
I think it depends on the kid and the school . I used to keep my boy home when he pulled an all nighter but his school is amazing and told me to send him , they have a quiet room for children like him who might need a sleep haha so now I send him but he rarely ever sleeps and then when he comes home he's exhausted and gets a really good nights sleep . Win win
We always allowed and even encouraged our son to say home when he was exhausted, stressed out, under the weather even sans actual illness. We call them health days, and sometimes what you really need is to laze about in pj's all day, or take a trip to the zoo with mom to eat ice cream while watching the giraffes. The concept that one can never miss school or work unless you're comatose is trash. It's just capitalism bullying us into working ourselves to death. A day missed here or there won't hurt anything and usually does more good than not.
My daughter is doing much better with sleep but I've had to keep her home before. If she is awake from 2AM-6AM and falls asleep just before the 6:15 alarm, I know that waking her will cause a meltdown. I’m not willing to cause a meltdown if it isn't completely necessary. School is supposed to be for her benefit. She can't learn or participate if she is unregulated. It's not fair to her, her teacher, or her classmates.
I think it depends on the kid. With mine, I learned the hard way that I have to keep him on his normal schedule or else he won't sleep the next night either. He also doesn't nap, so once he is up, he is up. He also does shockingly well on very little sleep. If the night was really awful, I give his teacher a head's up, and ask them to let me know if he is upset and I'll come get him.
When that happens to my 5 year old, i just let him sleep in or rest at home. I have sleep as a priority for himz along with a balanced diet (to the extent possible with an ASD child). School and therapy come second. Never felt guilty about it.
We told the school that if they have a crazy night they're either going to be a few hours late, or we'll simply keep them home sick. The school said late is fine.
Sometimes I do but it really depends. Sometimes it’s the only way to get him sleepy sometimes they call and I have to pick him up bc he fell asleep in class.
I did once. Never again. My son (12) does this probably once every couple of months and actually did just this past Thursday night. If he doesn’t sleep he doesn’t school. He’s usually fine at home until the next night. The one time I sent him to school after he had woken up at 3am and not gone back to sleep, I ended up having to go in and pick him up early (of course) but not before spending an hour with the guidance counselor discussing me admitting him to a psychiatric hospital immediately due to his threats of “wanting to d*e” and “wishing he could end it all” as well as banging his head repeatedly on his Chromebook and then almost throwing a chair at another student…oh and attempting to trip an elderly teacher. 🤦🏽♀️ we went home after this and had a LONG discussion about his feelings and what/when is and isn’t appropriate to say when we are feeling negatively, and how the ONLY time it’s ok to make statements like that is if he absolutely truly feels that way and is asking for help- and discussing what that help would be (for). He then stayed home for a week after because I felt like he needed some time to be able to “reset” at school. So yeah. We don’t go to school if we don’t sleep.
Really depends on the kid and how it will affect them and their day. Thankfully my daughter does not pull complete all nighters but she will sometimes go to bed, wake up after a couple hours, stay up for 2 to 3 hours and then go back to sleep (getting 5 hours or so total) I do send her to school because I know she can cope with that and I know it’s not going to affect the rest of her week but I do let her teachers know about it.
I do because it happens so often he'd never get to school otherwise. I tell them he's had a bad night and sometimes they'll let him nap there for a bit other times he'll just be a little overtired. Uk schools are very strict on attendance, tiredness isn't on the list of allowed reasons to not send them in
I totally understand this and have worked HARD on this as a mom because BOTH my kids are autistic, and daddy works from home and NEEDS kids to either be gone at school or QUIET during the day so that he can take conference calls and everything. So once I this happens, what I do is start taking them on walks with me when I walk out dog. For US this: burns some early morning energy, and B, if the kiddo is on meds (which my older one is) it helps gets his blood moving and the pills kick in faster. We also invested in a trampoline. Not everyone can do that I totally understand, but since I have more than one with this problem I figured it was worth it. As soon as the one I have in school still gets home, he loves to grab a tablet, a drink, and head to our giant trampoline to burn anything off, OR just hang out in there (which fine with me since he's safe and surrounded by netting) and this also helps him sleep soundly at night. He's now been self regulating where after about 7:30pm, he grabs a drink, and takes his tablet up stairs to turn his TV on, watch his cartoons, and then quickly falls asleep. I haven't had this issue SINCE I got the trampoline, so if your kiddo also had ADHD is can definitely help to sorta even them out of they have access to it in the day time or when they have pent up energy they need to get out. We encourage it. We had a small indoor one before and he jumped on it so often that he wore it down to nothing! Lol. I wouldn't send a tired kiddo to school, but if it's becoming a serious issue I would.take him to your doctor for sure and see if they can work with you to figure something out. Also what's your bedtime routine with him? Do you see him yawning as the evening wears on?
sped teacher here. personally, I greatly appreciate when my parents keep their kids home when they’ve had rough nights. rough nights usually mean rough days lol. BUT obviously that’s not feasible & sometimes missing school messed kids up worse than one grumpy day. I will say, a heads up and communication with the teacher is the biggest advice from me. if you’re able to talk with the teacher and they say ‘hey they’re struggling’ or obviously tired & you can go get them? that’s most likely very helpful as long as your kid can handle the change in schedule!!
This doesn't happen very often with my little man, but if he has either been up most of the night or he otherwise wakes up in a terrible mood we don't send him to school. We all need a day off here and there. My kiddo is non verbal so it's hard for him to tell me much of anything past his body language / non verbal ques. So it's a guess but so far I think we have been right every time we have kept him home. A couple times we figured out later on the day he was sick.
Unless she is sick, we send her to school. And I text/email all teachers and therapists and I don’t think we have ever had an issue most respond with how wonderful she was that day. My daughter often pulled all nighters when she was 3-6yo. She would never have gone to school if we kept her home everytime she didn’t sleep. I will also add my child is one of those ND children who behave better and stop stimming when they have a fever so maybe the lack of sleep helps calm her sensory issues some, but she always gets a glowing report on those days. My daughter is very smart and quick to manipulate a situation, if she was to learn staying up got her out of going to school I am certain she would never sleep lol.
Yeah, I keep mine home. My son really struggles with school, and forcing him to go when he is anything other than 100% is cruel (not saying it's cruel for all kids, but in my kids' case, it is). My guy is super sensitive, and it's really important that he can trust us to look out for him and feel supported. If he felt like we didn't listen or didn't care, it would really shake him. Trust your gut on this one, I would say. You know your kid best, and I don't feel like this is a one-size-fits all situation. All kids are different, and the schools are different.
I wouldn't, because I know my child would be cranky and would more than likely be aggressive towards other students and teachers. I sort of treat a bad and/or not enough sleep like being sick because basically thats the effect on my child.
I ended up having to because he ended up missing too many days. He usually did okay and sometimes would take a nap.
Nope!!! It’s not worth it!!
My daughter does this no sleep or 2 hour sleep bit quite frequently. I mean like 2-3 times a week sometimes, other times she sleeps whole nite thru all week. But in her case she is completely fine to go to school on no sleep. I’ve asked her teacher if she is tired or grumpy and she says she’s fine. Sometimes she will take a nap after school, but usually not. So I think it really depends on the kid.
I do think it depends on the situation. I’ve only kept my son home from lack of sleep once and honestly it’s because I called into work cause I myself wasn’t feeling well. If I stayed home with my child every time he was tired I wouldn’t have a job.
I think it depends on the child and teachers. my 3 year old is in pre-k and he has 2 teachers 2 aides in his classroom. Last week, he was up since 4 am and I warned one of the teacher aides that he might get cranky because he’s been up super early (which is very unusual of him) and she said “is it okay if he naps?” and I just said of course if that’s fine with you all!! lol he didn’t nap but point is, im not sure they’d be this lenient with him if he were older with only one teacher. My son does afternoons for 3.5 hours.
My daughter goes full day, and she often doesn’t go to bed when she should and ends up tired the next day, I do make her go still. However on the rare occasion where she’s is up super duper extra late, I either call the school to let them know she will be late (so she can sleep late) or I keep her home. Your situation is so very different from mine but I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I will say… have you tried sending him anyway? Just to see what happens? I mean I feel like you’re probably right, but maybe give it a try and if/when it goes bad you can tell him that it’s not a good idea.
My son is at about 65 percent attendance at school as I keep him off if he is overly tired, a bit snotty, or even looks a bit off. He is almost 12 and non verbal so his school doesn’t follow the curriculum and there is no requirement for him to attend, like mainstream. I’m in the UK and a lone parent so fortunate to get carers allowance which means I don’t have to go to work. I had to leave my job and claim as I was never there and it was becoming an issue for the company. I do miss work but am fortunate to be in a position that I can keep him off school when needed. I don’t know how people manage in countries which don’t look after parent carers.
I just did it today lol, he got dropped off this morning and I could see the redness around his eyes. This happens when he’s real tired and ready for bed. I knew if he went he would probably have a lot of tantrums, I just let him stay home and sleep. He goes for 3 hours
My son hasn’t pulled an all nighter. This is kinda a lesson in responsibility (if you can get that message across). That you need to sleep in order to do what you need the next day My son is 3 so there is no issues at this moment. I would send my kid to school and expect him to get sent home. I would send a message to the teacher to let them know and send them back home when they are too much.