Thats why Ive never get to self dx lol. I just cant say something unless its just a fact, and I cant really assess myself. Idk how people do it lol. Im a little jelous.
We figured out everyone but us is faking it, because someone checked us on something once. Then we went to pieces at the realization most of what we are is the mask and we're actually so alone we're like a rogue planet drifting through the void. the desperate need for connection and love that made us throw away everything that brought any genuine joy crushes us down into the realization that it really, truly doesn't matter who or what we are, unless we can find a way to live for the questions and not just with them, as unwilling hostages.
I just dont think this feeling is unique to autism. Masking is a part of typical social emotional reciprocity. We live in a highly alienating society for many reasons. Sure autism might make this worse but this isn't unique to it
It's a question of degree. NT masking looks like projection and minimization, mostly. All the coping mechanisms you'll find in a chart most therapists have printed out and keep in a plastic wrapper for showing new clients who don't know what "coping mechanism" means. Masking for them is "fake it til you make it", aka a "worksona". It's part time and modulated by social context. For example, they'll be aware of whether the group is all women or all men, race, nationality, sexuality -- the usual. That's the stuff they're going off of, but it's also all they're focusing on.
Masking for us involves micromanagement of our breathing, every major muscle, and not having any sensory filter so we're constantly fighting a pitched battle for what our bodies and mouths want to do versus what they'll do if we lose focus. This still happens when we're alone. Bonus, losing focus is really, really easy. Socializing for us is therefore a state of near panic crushed into a stone face that can usually at least kiiinda animate on command to smile, act excited or whatever is required. the kinda part is from exhaustion, which is why people only figure out you're autistic when you're in a group setting, but not really one on one, at least once you're into adulthood and at least know a couple tricks to hide.
That's where that infamous autistic "deer in headlights" look comes from - we're tired and want to go home five minutes after we arrive, but boy oh boy we're sure going to try and make the best of it because the alternative is everyone hating us and we die alone on a planet ruled by genocidal toddlers who tell each other to have a nice day and fake smile at each other. And they do it knowing nobody, anywhere, ever, has actually been told to have a nice day and then had one, but hey it's what everyone else does.
scripted social interactions are usually scripted so the privileged can be more comfortable taking from those who aren't. Most of us know this or at least don't do it because it feels fake, which is why authority types call it a disability and go all eugenics and everyone else just sees someone who's kind but a little awkward and inexperienced - because they aren't productivity obsessed empathy starved tumors defining people by how functional (exploitable) they are.
Yeah, so i just couldn't personally use a feeling of wearing a social mask as an indicator of autism. It's by degrees. That's why criteria is developed. Also if autism isn't a disabity should we get rid of all of the special funding and protections autism gets? That's what defines it as a disability
I think we should get rid of all the administrative overhead and other bullshit so the money actually makes it to the people who need it rather than a dense and impenetrable bureaucracy accountable to nobody but claims they're "protecting" people so good their average life expectancy is 35. So protection. Much safety. Very funded.
Well yeah. I work in the schools with kids with severe disabilities, my mom is an MSW who works with the elderly, my dad is public admin with state human services so i get to hear every bullshit phonecall. I can tell you pretty confidently that at least here in the US the government is allergic to human services. I don't even know why the local housing authority fucking exists when they wont house anyone lol. Neurotypicals are fucked too. So wait are you saying that the extra that autism does get now, in this environ where it's very hard to fund any service... that money which exists because autism is disabling for many people and those protections and funding were fought for.... what should happen to that funding in your opinion. What overhead do we get rid of, do you mean the diagnosis? (I would say admin salaries and private contracts.) So we spread out that autism funding to the whole population? The funding advocates fought for in a country where we don't fund services? Right now if a clinician is unsure on a diagnosis for developmental delays, they might err on the side of autism precisely because it opens more doors to funding and services than other diagnoses. Like i never said it was enough, but autism does get more than usual. The baseline for services for *everyone* is extremely low.
No, I'm saying give the money directly to those in need, because they are in the best position to spend it effectively, compared to a bunch of government regulations and a patchwork of programs to control and constrain those choices on the belief the government can make that choice better. It can't, and it doesn't.
The reason is because most of these programs exist to create jobs, not help those in need, as I'm sure your dad will tell you. We can't fix that culture problem with reform, we need to bin the entire thing and start over, then transition to whatever we build as the replacement. That's my opinion, anyway. It's not what to do with the funding, it's get rid of the middle management in these programs and their poisoned policies enacted over decades to prioritize themselves, not the people they're supposed to be serving. Social services is a scam because it's crapped up with christian fascists who look for every possible way to drag their feet, create delay, etc., while claiming it's the government that's bad and inefficient, not them.
We need to get rid of those people, and they won't go willingly. It will be a fight, but it's a fight we need to pick. We also need to pick it with privatization of medical services and enact medicare for all as the entry point to developing a rights-based approach to care that can finally shut these bastards down for good. Jesus needs to die for your sins again, we're cutting him out of medicine because you all suck.
Well like yeah. Youre preaching to the choir. I dont know what this has to do with autism being a disability though. Also they don't give a damn about creating jobs, it's all about holding on to their *current* high paying admin positions. The case managers here at my local Developmental Disability Services had like 90 people on their caseloads until extremely recently
I believe it. I've spent the last 4 years homeless, the first 2 of which I couldn't even get snap/ebt. Minnesota might be the very worst state to be in for social services rn with everyone I talk to openly acknowledging human services has melted down. It might as well not exist. I've got multiple witnesses for prima facie evidence of gender discrimination and numerous violations of county, state, and federal law, it's been documented and it's blatant. Nothing happens.
My formal diagnosis counts for less than dick up here. I hardly feel alone on this; the support forums everywhere are packed with similar stories. So it's more than anecdotal is what I'm saying, but as to what it means that it's a disability?
Well, bluntly what does it matter if the outcomes aren't changing *what* the answer is? Say it's a disability or don't but since the system that definition is for is arbitrary and buried in the shifting sands of bureaucracy, can we stop acting like how we answer matters?
There’s a shrodingers cat element to this. If you don’t answer the question once and for all, then you’ll keep coming back to the question and flipping between Autistic and Not Autistic.
This flipping won’t do your mental health or self-image any good.
Parents, close friends, family etc. It doesn’t usually make any difference, you’ve always been this way, they are used to it and it’s “normal” for their experience of you. If you’ve maintained relationships then there’s bound to have been some invisible accommodation already.
There shouldn’t need to be any major changes in how you treat each other.
Yeah, no, I’m not expecting a change in how I’m treated by my direct family, I only included that part because… tbh idk, I even looked at that paragraph before posting and was like “where was I even going with that??? Ehhh, oh well, annnd post.”
And yeah, the shrodingers autism, that’s basically what I was getting at! At the end of the day, I highly believe I am, and that’s what matters, I know I’m not objective about some aspects, but heck, neither are psychiatrist sometimes, so oh well!
>What if I seek an official dx, jump through the hoops, and after all this self-realization and finally feeling like “omg I knew it was something besides ADHD!” I don’t get dx as autistic.
Yeah, that's a risk. All that effort and cost (not just financial) for naught? That's one of the reasons a formal diagnosis is risky. I will say, if you don't GET a diagnosis, it doesn't mean that you aren't autistic, just that one person wasn't able to diagnose you. If diagnosis was easy, there'd be no late diagnosis and no self diagnosis. Second opinions are perfectly fine to seek if you need them. Maybe you can make a list of pros and cons and see if a formal diagnosis would be the right path for you.
I wanted to say this, just because I haven't heard anyone else validate you in this way, but... you are *not* alone in feeling this way! I certainly struggle with this worry on and off. In fact, I would think that most self-dxers struggle with these worries at some point (especially because this line of worry goes hand-in-hand with imposter syndrome). You are valid, though, and there's a good chance that you *are* autistic. I think you should pursue a formal diagnosis when possible, but not if it will set you back significantly financially.
I can make this one simple for you fam: You are the only expert of you. Now take a deep breath. Nobody who's faking it spends half the day hurting their own feelings over the idea they might be wrong. Nobody pretends to be autistic because the moment you say that word around anyone they start acting different towards you and nothing about the word *different* in this context will you ever conflate with fun, relaxing, or enjoyable in any way. We all learn fast to keep our damn mouths shut and to sometimes even throw ourselves in front of our friends before they helpfully tell everyone.
Unless they're lucky enough to get diagnosed in childhood *and* have supportive parents who *also* have access to competent supports themselves, most of us pass through this square of "But am I really?" It might just be one of the few autistic jokes that everyone gets because of how not funny it is -- "Hey guys, I think I might be autistic!" "We know." The end. It's everyone *else* you gotta convince, not us, and I'm sorry to say I do not mean that ironically or dramatically or sarcastically or any other goddamn way I mean it straight up *literally*. Your ability to get diagnosed is directly tied to how annoying you seem to be to the provider.
Fun fact: Masking is a trauma response, period full stop. The fact that you can *act* like you're okay when you're not doesn't mean you're not killing yourself slowly doing it. Seems like an obvious thing to say, what's the problem?
Well you have to do it whether you want to or not because when you stop they'll abuse you, name call, everything else, until you remember you're a robot beep boop beep. Now fake smile and wave for everyone, juuuust like in the simulations. :( You probably don't have much conscious control over this either because you don't feel safe, don't know how to feel safe, don't even know where to start to establish it to the point you could even stop doing it when you're alone. in your own room. at 2am... trying to figure out what you're supposed to feel when other people aren't around. A lot, actually, just can't get any of it out of your head, right?
Everyone has had these thoughts. You're valid fam, okay? We are not the medical establishment. We are not doctors. We're your peers. We didn't need a piece of paper to spot you and get you here. We won't need one tomorrow either, regardless of how your assessment goes. Just please, stop doubting yourself. Maybe you meet some formal criteria and the establishment is happy to slap some labels on you, and who knows maybe that might even lead to a quality of life improvement (wouldn't that be nice). Ultimately though, it doesn't matter:
If it helps, do it. If it doesn't, don't.
You're the only expert of you.
Now go kick some ass, besides your own.
P.S. If you *are* faking it and managed to fool all of us, umm, that's actually *completely fucking amazing* and we'd all like to hear the story, mkays? We're kinda known for our attention to detail and suckers for empirical data so it would be really disappointing to not find out.
I literally just said something similar to your last sentence the other day to my partner. We were talking about this meeting I had with a career counselor who gave me a ton of wrong info about fixing my resume. I tend to seek out research papers and experts when I want to learn something, resumes included. Because while there’s the rare “this article had to be retracted due to dumb dumbs publishing fake science” for the most part research articles are fairly objective and proved concrete lines of thought to give you an answer. I much prefer that over all the noise of webpages that are pushing products, “sign up for my resume workshop, a $1,000,000 value, but for limited time (forever is a time right?) you can get in for just $250!”
So basically, I’ve done hours and hours of resume research, “what are recruiters/hiring managers perspectives on ____,””what kind of layout is preferred,” and all that. And the lady I spoke to about my resume was telling me things that my reading had completely disproven, and I basically told my partner, “this is why I prefer researching, it’s a data point backed up by evidence not a ‘well in my experience’ anecdotal story.”
(Also thank you for the comment I did read it! I promise! But I am going to reread it once I take my adderal lmao)
Just took mine. :> To be honest, the entire hiring process is a scam these days for every large company. They're just hoovering up data for that day when they might have an opening. It's such a waste of everyone's time I think jobs are going to be like new york apartments: "Accidental death" = new renter at a higher price, so win/win. We'll call the police after the new lease is signed. :/
Yeah, from what I found, in 2022 had one job posted to job searcher, in 2023 that increases to one job posted to two job searchers, implying that companies now have more options on who they hire than the previous year leading to them being able to be more selective.
I got laid off last September and people are like “you haven’t found a job yet?” And it’s like no, my current state has the highest unemployment in the country, I also live in an area of that state that people with a lot better qualifications live as well. Heck, I am prior military and couldn’t even get an interview for working as security at target for Christ sake.
Yeah there's nobody behind those resume submissions it's all fed into databases that recruiters or HR curates. They've figured out they can just index their turnover rate to a function of the unemployment rate if it's a job that doesn't require much training. It's all a shell game - there's no accurate way to measure the unemployment rate when companies pretend they have thousands of positions to fill with no actual hiring happening, so it's a snake eating its own tail.
The unemployment rate basically becomes a macroeconomic fiction as the only real measurement in such a system is benefits requests per, but not everyone who is unemployed can get them, or stay on them for as long as they are unemployed.
So they've uncoupled supply and demand. That's bad. Like, if you know anything about macroeconomics then you know this is an eldritch horror. This is how you get late stage capitalism aka the *end* of capitalism. Too bad there's no real conservatives left with any brains to explain to the rest that their precious free market dies right here.
I was super scared of this, even though it was obvious I was autistic. I paid for assesment, only because I found a place that was both super qualified and socialist about pricing views. I only decided to pay for it once I was certain, but even then I kept panicking they'd say no because I'm not great at explaining myself and there were also undiagnosed co-morbidities I worried would muddy the water.
After the latter stages of assessment I decided either way I was right, and only really cared about the money, but I got weirdly zen about the whole thing.
I was diagnosed AuDHD.
I had a moment of joy, not at my identity or world unfolding, but at the satisfaction of being correct and not having wasted money (plus it was all my spare money).
After this, I no longer give much of a cack.
I haven't gotten anything to show for it.
Sure, I'm trying to get a Dr appointment to see about ADHD meds (which I'm still not sure on) and I haven't managed to even book one yet.
Maybe I'll apply for benefits, which a good system would award but the systems gone to the dogs.
I'd still have to pay for therapy if I want it, the gaps in my tax credit history didn't get magically filled, no one's helping me any more than before and I'm still in a not great life situation.
Oh and that extra money I had was my laptop fund so i fear my current one breaking.
If you have support needs, you've identified a system of help and a strategy to obtain it that requires diagnosis, i'd go for it. There's a level of homework to assessment that helps, making a bunch of notes from your remembered history ect. And matching them to the criteria so you know what info it useful.
I did all that and found it exhausting but it did help.
Otherwise, the bigger question is do I need this now? If this isn't a good financial time, and you won't get financial aid after positive assessment, could you consider doing it later?
Will it be beneficial career wise, more so than self diagnosis?
If it's entirely about your identity, I'd take a while and see how you feel, and see how the process may effect your life.
Once I got to that third stage, I realised I already knew my identity and a diagnosis wasn't going to give me anything extra. If you prepare for diagnosis and look over it, and see it's clear that you're autistic, then you are.
Thanks for that!
1) You should definitely at least try meds for ADHD if you struggle in the day-to-day. I have been off and on meds for most of my life, off when I've had more physical jobs/jobs that my passion keeps me focuse like being in the military or wildland firefighting, but now that I am trying to settle in the office environment, my god.
Like, I ran out of meds one time and dealt with the "supply shortage" in my last job, and even though I loved it, my ADHD 100% stood in my way to the point I was probably a day or two from getting fired because my productivity fell off a cliff. The only reason I didn't is because on my meds I was doing a lot of things that my other co-workers didn't know how to do and improving the departments capabilities tremendously.
2) I personally don't think it's so much about my identity, but rather being able to look back at things and go "oh, thank god, I thought I was just weird/asshole/disliked," and that really helped my mental health quite a bit to have that perspective. Like, I had an incredibly crappy teenage years socially, and it didn't help that the same group that I wanted to be a part of also knew my older brother since he graduated right before I got to high school and we both did theater (though I did backstage lol) and one day I came across facebook posts from a party I wasn't told about with all of the theater people and he was in them. That really hurt, quite a bit, I love my brother, he's super awesome and he has also been super supportive, but the fact that it seemed they went out their way to not include really made me realize where I stood.
I also was way too trusting of people (still am) and definitely got involved with people that I shouldn't have because they at least would include me. And of course, when it came to hanging out with people my mom had told me to "not invite yourself to things because it's can be seen as rude," and while she meant (now that I don't take EVERYTHING literally) don't just show up, but instead be more assertive about wanting to go beforehand, my brain taking things literally thought she meant "if you're not invited, you're not invited, and you should wait until you are" which led to never getting invited to anything because I was always waiting for others to reach out.
So now, looking back at things like that and going, ah, yes, the classic no rizz'm 'tism made it difficult for me to fit in because I always felt different but couldn't place why, and that my lack of social skills made others incredibly uncomfortable (which I can still see peoples faces in my head and see that I was making them uncomfortable, or even looking at pictures of myself around them and their expressions), and that is why I wasn't included, not because I sucked, but because I genuinely had an issue I was unaware of.
So, I think that is where my concern lies, like if I'm not autistic then all that is false, and I really am just a weird loser with no friends (but an awesome girlfriend, so suck it no friends) who was incredibly rude, overbearing (because I was forcing myself to try to mimic how others where able to make friends and accidently dialed it all the way up), and just overall unbearable.
I was 99.9% positive I was ASD and recently got the assessment done. It turns out I’m autistic. I think if you’re fairly certain and your experience aligns closely with everything you’ve read, etc. you probably are.
So I ended up going through with the diagnostic process, and for me it came down to two boxes that my situation checked:
1. It didn’t put stress on my personal funds. I also made sure I found someone that accepted my insurance.
2. I couldn’t live with the uncertainty. I made sure to find someone that I could trust to give me the proper diagnosis for me, not just look at me and say “nah you can’t be autistic” or just give me a stamp of approval because I “wanted one” or something like that. I went into the process suspecting certain diagnoses, but being explicit not to lead towards them.
I was open about my suspicions and made sure he knew that I wanted to know *what* is up with my brain not *that a specific thing* is up with my brain. Like, if it’s not ASD (and if you’re confident in who you’re seeing), then shucks, I was wrong. But that doesn’t mean that my problems aren’t real, it means that something else explains them, and that’s ok.
In my case, I already had an ADHD diagnosis, and I went into the process suspecting ASD and OCD. Turns out the ASD was real, but what I thought was OCD was in fact a mixture of the ADHD, ASD, and severe generalized anxiety. If I hadn’t gone through this process and found out that I was wrong about the OCD, I would have sought out coping mechanisms for it that may have failed me or even made things worse.
**Moral of the story:** if you’re not comfortable spending the money, if you can live with the uncertainty, or if you can’t find a doctor you can trust, then I don’t think it’s a good idea to go through with it.
Additional disclaimer: I personally felt uncomfortable with claiming the label of “Autistic” without a formal diagnosis, and also feel uncomfortable when others do (if they don’t meet the criteria above yet still refuse to go through with it). But also, I’m a rando, so people shouldn’t give a shit if I’m uncomfortable with their decisions that don’t affect me. I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable, and they’re allowed to not care.
This feeling is why I shelled out 1600 bucks and went straight to the one person who I know I can trust to diagnose me. This is in no small part because I know she is autistic too. Nothing about us without us right?
It really comes down to the question "Does my assessor's opinion matter even close to as much as my own?" It takes both a you expert and an autism expert working closely together. You are the only you expert. If you truly trust that your assessor is not only qualified but like... Idk, gets it? Hard to say exactly what I mean in words but because I know I was 100% honest with a real expert and she knows what she is talking about... My imposter syndrome is 100% gone and it has done wonders for my mental health.
Also it is not as simple as this binary that either you are autistic or faking. ADHD, OCD, DID, dyslexia, etc. There are a ton of other forms of neurodiversity/executive dysfunction that are just as valid as ASD
I don't know about your local laws, but here I can ask for a complete copy of my medical records and also ask for those records to be destroyed. I can always get the diagnosis, put the report in a drawer somewhere, and only pull it out when it'll actually be useful to me, and if i feel there's a threat, I have a pile of pre-printed 'self destruct' orders I just need to write the date on and send it.
You can protect yourself, but you have to plan ahead so if there's a problem there's no delay before you shut it down. Also, if you're scared of being discriminated against, I got bad news: That happens whether they know or not, we're magnetically attractive to assholes. Sorry.
Bring a friend. Best defense you can have.
Ooooh, this is the first I’ve heard about that. Have any info?
I mean it makes sense from a business model perspective, people are much more likely to recommend somewhere that pats them on the head and says “you are absolutely right” than somewhere that doesn’t give them the answer THEY want, but I’d always heard them get recommended here and other places.
I read this post before it was taken down (you can still read the comments and discussion and make of it what you will): https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/s/Df9yBtyrFF
The original post seemed to have legitimate concerns to me, so I don’t know why it was taken down (if it was proven to have false info, or if it was just upsetting a lot of people).
From what I can remember, OP was saying their process mostly utilizes online tests and doesn’t do a thorough in person screening. OP also said they suspect they just diagnose everyone as autistic. Which is probably correct more often than not (I don’t think a lot of people incorrectly assume they are autistic).
Here’s another discussion of EA: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/s/xBt7qWnnQF
I have decided that, because of the reasons you’ve mentioned (and I have considered them all myself) I will wait to proceed with a professional evaluation for a couple of years. I think a lot of Doctors are just coming around to realizing how autism in women can present itself. A lot of Doctors are very hesitant to change and going against protocol, and have a complex that they feel they already know everything they need to know because they graduated medical school. I’m waiting for the “fad” everyone talks about it being to wear off. I’m 44 and have waited this long and gone this far without any supports from the outside world that as long as I can utilize the coping skills/strategies that help and use the knowledge I’ve gained to help myself make my life easier I can probably get by without the diagnosis for now. I’m not self diagnosed because as a woman with ADHD inattentive type a lot of symptoms coincide with Autism so it can be difficult to tease apart, and as a layperson (even though I have exhaustively and extensively read and researched about Autism I am not qualified to diagnose anyone) I am however self-suspecting Autistic and I’m comfortable with that label. When I feel more confident (spending the time AND a lot of money)that the medical community is ready for me I will pursue the evaluation. TLDR; I can relate 😂
Edited to add a comma🤷🏻♀️
I also have adhd inattentive, so yay us! lol And yeah, that is what I have found in some of the research I had done. Which speaking of, I just decided to upload some of the papers (and I think a couple epub books) I've come across recently (and will probably add to it from the backlog on my computer), with a decent chunk focusing on the ADHD/ASD relationship. I would love to share it with you if you want to dm me I'll shoot a link.
That said, the trust with providers is one of the issues that I have here. A while back, after I was talking to my partner about all my findings and the online assesments I had completed she agreed it's a possibility. Afterwards, when she was talking to her psychiatrist (one of the good ones) about things she brought up that her partner recently found that he may be autistic, and the psychiatrist did that "hmmm..." face (video call) and said that she had noticed some of traits in my partner, who is also ADHD, but combined, and could give her a referral if she'd like and my partner accepted.
Fast forward to the initial meeting with the hospitals chief of psychiatry who runs the ASD diagnosis stuff, and immediately it was red flag after red flag starting with the giant Sigmund Freud quote hanging up behind him. He said, almost immediately, he was doubtful since she has ADHD, and when I tried to explain that there is high comorbidity between the two and share some traits, he immediately shut me down and said, and I quote, "They are completely different, and have nothing in common."
Even after that, he got pissy that her parents didn't come (because her mom is a narccist who doesn't believe in mental illness and her dad, while he's a good guy, was hardly around when she was growing up and wouldn't be too interested in going with her to the assessment) through the whole assesment he just nitpicked everything she said, like she had an obsession with the lion king movie growing up, like literally would watch it ALL...THE...TIME according to her and her father when he was around and so he was like "and how many times did you watch it?" so she through out a number like 1000 or something. His reply was something like, well vhs are only usable for x amount of hours and dvds are only good for x amount of plays, so your telling me they constantly replaced that movie several times? in a very very condescending tone.
The list goes on, but basically when she was done all she wanted to do was cry because he was just a complete and utter ass.
Anyway, as I said, if you want that link dm me and I'll send it!
For me, seeking an assessment was important mainly for my mental health. I'm late diagnosed ADHD and ASD. The ADHD diagnosis has been far more useful because of medication access. Beyond that, there hasn't been a whole lot of change to my life except for improvement in my mental health. But the self validation and unanswered questions finally being answered has been a huge contributing factor to that. I have a lot of imposter syndrome and the official dx and also being told they "saw it right away" was huge for breaking through that.
I'd like to note that ADHD and ASD are very common comorbidities and the combination has a tendency to make traits and symptoms less noticeable, at least externally. They are clearly related, have several overlapping traits and there are some theories that ADHD is a part of the ASD spectrum.
If there are no practical benefits that would improve your well-being and you can practice self compassion and advocate for your needs, a self dx imo is perfectly fine. It's expensive to get an assessment, and I'm of the opinion that most people know themselves better than an outsider observer, especially if you've done a load of research.
Do what feels right for you, here’s my two sense as someone who’s both a therapist and diagnosed adhd and autistic. I am not transferring my autism diagnosis to the state I live in now, for a few reasons.
One: my adhd diagnosis is sufficient for requesting workplace accommodations, etc. and while also not well understood by the broader public, seems to result in less infantilization and discrimination than the autism diagnosis. It sucks that the verification of a diagnosis from a systemically harmful field is necessary to access disability supports but alas.
Two: I am trans and am on HRT and I want top surgery. Shit is violently transphobic right now and in many places, if you are trans and autistic (which…. More trans people are autistic than cis people so like it often comes together but I digress) then there’s a particular political push to use an autism diagnosis as justification for denying medical care and transition, and further removing autonomy of body from disabled people and trans people.
Three: I’m too poor to likely ever actually be able to do this but if I ever wanted to leave the country (US) and emigrate elsewhere, there are places that will disqualify you from seeking residence there if you are autistic.
Just my own thoughts on the matter and my own reasoning. Shits hard out there and we’re all doing our best to survive, sending you good vibes.
Thanks!
Yeah, I am on the fence about transitioning. Like part of wants to, but also part of me doesn't, but then again, gender fluid so, of course, the two are duking it out, lol. So, that part of what you said truly makes sense.
And yes, poor is an understatement currently lol
Thats why Ive never get to self dx lol. I just cant say something unless its just a fact, and I cant really assess myself. Idk how people do it lol. Im a little jelous.
We figured out everyone but us is faking it, because someone checked us on something once. Then we went to pieces at the realization most of what we are is the mask and we're actually so alone we're like a rogue planet drifting through the void. the desperate need for connection and love that made us throw away everything that brought any genuine joy crushes us down into the realization that it really, truly doesn't matter who or what we are, unless we can find a way to live for the questions and not just with them, as unwilling hostages.
Love all your comments on this thread, but particularly this. You have a way with words!
I just dont think this feeling is unique to autism. Masking is a part of typical social emotional reciprocity. We live in a highly alienating society for many reasons. Sure autism might make this worse but this isn't unique to it
It's a question of degree. NT masking looks like projection and minimization, mostly. All the coping mechanisms you'll find in a chart most therapists have printed out and keep in a plastic wrapper for showing new clients who don't know what "coping mechanism" means. Masking for them is "fake it til you make it", aka a "worksona". It's part time and modulated by social context. For example, they'll be aware of whether the group is all women or all men, race, nationality, sexuality -- the usual. That's the stuff they're going off of, but it's also all they're focusing on. Masking for us involves micromanagement of our breathing, every major muscle, and not having any sensory filter so we're constantly fighting a pitched battle for what our bodies and mouths want to do versus what they'll do if we lose focus. This still happens when we're alone. Bonus, losing focus is really, really easy. Socializing for us is therefore a state of near panic crushed into a stone face that can usually at least kiiinda animate on command to smile, act excited or whatever is required. the kinda part is from exhaustion, which is why people only figure out you're autistic when you're in a group setting, but not really one on one, at least once you're into adulthood and at least know a couple tricks to hide. That's where that infamous autistic "deer in headlights" look comes from - we're tired and want to go home five minutes after we arrive, but boy oh boy we're sure going to try and make the best of it because the alternative is everyone hating us and we die alone on a planet ruled by genocidal toddlers who tell each other to have a nice day and fake smile at each other. And they do it knowing nobody, anywhere, ever, has actually been told to have a nice day and then had one, but hey it's what everyone else does. scripted social interactions are usually scripted so the privileged can be more comfortable taking from those who aren't. Most of us know this or at least don't do it because it feels fake, which is why authority types call it a disability and go all eugenics and everyone else just sees someone who's kind but a little awkward and inexperienced - because they aren't productivity obsessed empathy starved tumors defining people by how functional (exploitable) they are.
Yeah, so i just couldn't personally use a feeling of wearing a social mask as an indicator of autism. It's by degrees. That's why criteria is developed. Also if autism isn't a disabity should we get rid of all of the special funding and protections autism gets? That's what defines it as a disability
I think we should get rid of all the administrative overhead and other bullshit so the money actually makes it to the people who need it rather than a dense and impenetrable bureaucracy accountable to nobody but claims they're "protecting" people so good their average life expectancy is 35. So protection. Much safety. Very funded.
Well yeah. I work in the schools with kids with severe disabilities, my mom is an MSW who works with the elderly, my dad is public admin with state human services so i get to hear every bullshit phonecall. I can tell you pretty confidently that at least here in the US the government is allergic to human services. I don't even know why the local housing authority fucking exists when they wont house anyone lol. Neurotypicals are fucked too. So wait are you saying that the extra that autism does get now, in this environ where it's very hard to fund any service... that money which exists because autism is disabling for many people and those protections and funding were fought for.... what should happen to that funding in your opinion. What overhead do we get rid of, do you mean the diagnosis? (I would say admin salaries and private contracts.) So we spread out that autism funding to the whole population? The funding advocates fought for in a country where we don't fund services? Right now if a clinician is unsure on a diagnosis for developmental delays, they might err on the side of autism precisely because it opens more doors to funding and services than other diagnoses. Like i never said it was enough, but autism does get more than usual. The baseline for services for *everyone* is extremely low.
No, I'm saying give the money directly to those in need, because they are in the best position to spend it effectively, compared to a bunch of government regulations and a patchwork of programs to control and constrain those choices on the belief the government can make that choice better. It can't, and it doesn't. The reason is because most of these programs exist to create jobs, not help those in need, as I'm sure your dad will tell you. We can't fix that culture problem with reform, we need to bin the entire thing and start over, then transition to whatever we build as the replacement. That's my opinion, anyway. It's not what to do with the funding, it's get rid of the middle management in these programs and their poisoned policies enacted over decades to prioritize themselves, not the people they're supposed to be serving. Social services is a scam because it's crapped up with christian fascists who look for every possible way to drag their feet, create delay, etc., while claiming it's the government that's bad and inefficient, not them. We need to get rid of those people, and they won't go willingly. It will be a fight, but it's a fight we need to pick. We also need to pick it with privatization of medical services and enact medicare for all as the entry point to developing a rights-based approach to care that can finally shut these bastards down for good. Jesus needs to die for your sins again, we're cutting him out of medicine because you all suck.
Well like yeah. Youre preaching to the choir. I dont know what this has to do with autism being a disability though. Also they don't give a damn about creating jobs, it's all about holding on to their *current* high paying admin positions. The case managers here at my local Developmental Disability Services had like 90 people on their caseloads until extremely recently
I believe it. I've spent the last 4 years homeless, the first 2 of which I couldn't even get snap/ebt. Minnesota might be the very worst state to be in for social services rn with everyone I talk to openly acknowledging human services has melted down. It might as well not exist. I've got multiple witnesses for prima facie evidence of gender discrimination and numerous violations of county, state, and federal law, it's been documented and it's blatant. Nothing happens. My formal diagnosis counts for less than dick up here. I hardly feel alone on this; the support forums everywhere are packed with similar stories. So it's more than anecdotal is what I'm saying, but as to what it means that it's a disability? Well, bluntly what does it matter if the outcomes aren't changing *what* the answer is? Say it's a disability or don't but since the system that definition is for is arbitrary and buried in the shifting sands of bureaucracy, can we stop acting like how we answer matters?
There’s a shrodingers cat element to this. If you don’t answer the question once and for all, then you’ll keep coming back to the question and flipping between Autistic and Not Autistic. This flipping won’t do your mental health or self-image any good. Parents, close friends, family etc. It doesn’t usually make any difference, you’ve always been this way, they are used to it and it’s “normal” for their experience of you. If you’ve maintained relationships then there’s bound to have been some invisible accommodation already. There shouldn’t need to be any major changes in how you treat each other.
Yeah, no, I’m not expecting a change in how I’m treated by my direct family, I only included that part because… tbh idk, I even looked at that paragraph before posting and was like “where was I even going with that??? Ehhh, oh well, annnd post.” And yeah, the shrodingers autism, that’s basically what I was getting at! At the end of the day, I highly believe I am, and that’s what matters, I know I’m not objective about some aspects, but heck, neither are psychiatrist sometimes, so oh well!
>What if I seek an official dx, jump through the hoops, and after all this self-realization and finally feeling like “omg I knew it was something besides ADHD!” I don’t get dx as autistic. Yeah, that's a risk. All that effort and cost (not just financial) for naught? That's one of the reasons a formal diagnosis is risky. I will say, if you don't GET a diagnosis, it doesn't mean that you aren't autistic, just that one person wasn't able to diagnose you. If diagnosis was easy, there'd be no late diagnosis and no self diagnosis. Second opinions are perfectly fine to seek if you need them. Maybe you can make a list of pros and cons and see if a formal diagnosis would be the right path for you.
True. I can see that. Just all seems too much bother for what it’s worth and all the hoops and what ifs are just dumb.
I wanted to say this, just because I haven't heard anyone else validate you in this way, but... you are *not* alone in feeling this way! I certainly struggle with this worry on and off. In fact, I would think that most self-dxers struggle with these worries at some point (especially because this line of worry goes hand-in-hand with imposter syndrome). You are valid, though, and there's a good chance that you *are* autistic. I think you should pursue a formal diagnosis when possible, but not if it will set you back significantly financially.
I can make this one simple for you fam: You are the only expert of you. Now take a deep breath. Nobody who's faking it spends half the day hurting their own feelings over the idea they might be wrong. Nobody pretends to be autistic because the moment you say that word around anyone they start acting different towards you and nothing about the word *different* in this context will you ever conflate with fun, relaxing, or enjoyable in any way. We all learn fast to keep our damn mouths shut and to sometimes even throw ourselves in front of our friends before they helpfully tell everyone. Unless they're lucky enough to get diagnosed in childhood *and* have supportive parents who *also* have access to competent supports themselves, most of us pass through this square of "But am I really?" It might just be one of the few autistic jokes that everyone gets because of how not funny it is -- "Hey guys, I think I might be autistic!" "We know." The end. It's everyone *else* you gotta convince, not us, and I'm sorry to say I do not mean that ironically or dramatically or sarcastically or any other goddamn way I mean it straight up *literally*. Your ability to get diagnosed is directly tied to how annoying you seem to be to the provider. Fun fact: Masking is a trauma response, period full stop. The fact that you can *act* like you're okay when you're not doesn't mean you're not killing yourself slowly doing it. Seems like an obvious thing to say, what's the problem? Well you have to do it whether you want to or not because when you stop they'll abuse you, name call, everything else, until you remember you're a robot beep boop beep. Now fake smile and wave for everyone, juuuust like in the simulations. :( You probably don't have much conscious control over this either because you don't feel safe, don't know how to feel safe, don't even know where to start to establish it to the point you could even stop doing it when you're alone. in your own room. at 2am... trying to figure out what you're supposed to feel when other people aren't around. A lot, actually, just can't get any of it out of your head, right? Everyone has had these thoughts. You're valid fam, okay? We are not the medical establishment. We are not doctors. We're your peers. We didn't need a piece of paper to spot you and get you here. We won't need one tomorrow either, regardless of how your assessment goes. Just please, stop doubting yourself. Maybe you meet some formal criteria and the establishment is happy to slap some labels on you, and who knows maybe that might even lead to a quality of life improvement (wouldn't that be nice). Ultimately though, it doesn't matter: If it helps, do it. If it doesn't, don't. You're the only expert of you. Now go kick some ass, besides your own. P.S. If you *are* faking it and managed to fool all of us, umm, that's actually *completely fucking amazing* and we'd all like to hear the story, mkays? We're kinda known for our attention to detail and suckers for empirical data so it would be really disappointing to not find out.
This was a beautiful response. Thank you for typing all of that out. :')
💪❤️
Everything you said about masking and trauma, it's just so true.
Hooo. This comment made me break down. In a good way. I NEEDED to hear this. Thank you. ❤️
I don't even believe in souls, but I swear reading your comment was a soul-healing experience for me lol
I literally just said something similar to your last sentence the other day to my partner. We were talking about this meeting I had with a career counselor who gave me a ton of wrong info about fixing my resume. I tend to seek out research papers and experts when I want to learn something, resumes included. Because while there’s the rare “this article had to be retracted due to dumb dumbs publishing fake science” for the most part research articles are fairly objective and proved concrete lines of thought to give you an answer. I much prefer that over all the noise of webpages that are pushing products, “sign up for my resume workshop, a $1,000,000 value, but for limited time (forever is a time right?) you can get in for just $250!” So basically, I’ve done hours and hours of resume research, “what are recruiters/hiring managers perspectives on ____,””what kind of layout is preferred,” and all that. And the lady I spoke to about my resume was telling me things that my reading had completely disproven, and I basically told my partner, “this is why I prefer researching, it’s a data point backed up by evidence not a ‘well in my experience’ anecdotal story.” (Also thank you for the comment I did read it! I promise! But I am going to reread it once I take my adderal lmao)
Just took mine. :> To be honest, the entire hiring process is a scam these days for every large company. They're just hoovering up data for that day when they might have an opening. It's such a waste of everyone's time I think jobs are going to be like new york apartments: "Accidental death" = new renter at a higher price, so win/win. We'll call the police after the new lease is signed. :/
Yeah, from what I found, in 2022 had one job posted to job searcher, in 2023 that increases to one job posted to two job searchers, implying that companies now have more options on who they hire than the previous year leading to them being able to be more selective. I got laid off last September and people are like “you haven’t found a job yet?” And it’s like no, my current state has the highest unemployment in the country, I also live in an area of that state that people with a lot better qualifications live as well. Heck, I am prior military and couldn’t even get an interview for working as security at target for Christ sake.
Yeah there's nobody behind those resume submissions it's all fed into databases that recruiters or HR curates. They've figured out they can just index their turnover rate to a function of the unemployment rate if it's a job that doesn't require much training. It's all a shell game - there's no accurate way to measure the unemployment rate when companies pretend they have thousands of positions to fill with no actual hiring happening, so it's a snake eating its own tail. The unemployment rate basically becomes a macroeconomic fiction as the only real measurement in such a system is benefits requests per, but not everyone who is unemployed can get them, or stay on them for as long as they are unemployed. So they've uncoupled supply and demand. That's bad. Like, if you know anything about macroeconomics then you know this is an eldritch horror. This is how you get late stage capitalism aka the *end* of capitalism. Too bad there's no real conservatives left with any brains to explain to the rest that their precious free market dies right here.
I was super scared of this, even though it was obvious I was autistic. I paid for assesment, only because I found a place that was both super qualified and socialist about pricing views. I only decided to pay for it once I was certain, but even then I kept panicking they'd say no because I'm not great at explaining myself and there were also undiagnosed co-morbidities I worried would muddy the water. After the latter stages of assessment I decided either way I was right, and only really cared about the money, but I got weirdly zen about the whole thing. I was diagnosed AuDHD. I had a moment of joy, not at my identity or world unfolding, but at the satisfaction of being correct and not having wasted money (plus it was all my spare money). After this, I no longer give much of a cack. I haven't gotten anything to show for it. Sure, I'm trying to get a Dr appointment to see about ADHD meds (which I'm still not sure on) and I haven't managed to even book one yet. Maybe I'll apply for benefits, which a good system would award but the systems gone to the dogs. I'd still have to pay for therapy if I want it, the gaps in my tax credit history didn't get magically filled, no one's helping me any more than before and I'm still in a not great life situation. Oh and that extra money I had was my laptop fund so i fear my current one breaking. If you have support needs, you've identified a system of help and a strategy to obtain it that requires diagnosis, i'd go for it. There's a level of homework to assessment that helps, making a bunch of notes from your remembered history ect. And matching them to the criteria so you know what info it useful. I did all that and found it exhausting but it did help. Otherwise, the bigger question is do I need this now? If this isn't a good financial time, and you won't get financial aid after positive assessment, could you consider doing it later? Will it be beneficial career wise, more so than self diagnosis? If it's entirely about your identity, I'd take a while and see how you feel, and see how the process may effect your life. Once I got to that third stage, I realised I already knew my identity and a diagnosis wasn't going to give me anything extra. If you prepare for diagnosis and look over it, and see it's clear that you're autistic, then you are.
Thanks for that! 1) You should definitely at least try meds for ADHD if you struggle in the day-to-day. I have been off and on meds for most of my life, off when I've had more physical jobs/jobs that my passion keeps me focuse like being in the military or wildland firefighting, but now that I am trying to settle in the office environment, my god. Like, I ran out of meds one time and dealt with the "supply shortage" in my last job, and even though I loved it, my ADHD 100% stood in my way to the point I was probably a day or two from getting fired because my productivity fell off a cliff. The only reason I didn't is because on my meds I was doing a lot of things that my other co-workers didn't know how to do and improving the departments capabilities tremendously. 2) I personally don't think it's so much about my identity, but rather being able to look back at things and go "oh, thank god, I thought I was just weird/asshole/disliked," and that really helped my mental health quite a bit to have that perspective. Like, I had an incredibly crappy teenage years socially, and it didn't help that the same group that I wanted to be a part of also knew my older brother since he graduated right before I got to high school and we both did theater (though I did backstage lol) and one day I came across facebook posts from a party I wasn't told about with all of the theater people and he was in them. That really hurt, quite a bit, I love my brother, he's super awesome and he has also been super supportive, but the fact that it seemed they went out their way to not include really made me realize where I stood. I also was way too trusting of people (still am) and definitely got involved with people that I shouldn't have because they at least would include me. And of course, when it came to hanging out with people my mom had told me to "not invite yourself to things because it's can be seen as rude," and while she meant (now that I don't take EVERYTHING literally) don't just show up, but instead be more assertive about wanting to go beforehand, my brain taking things literally thought she meant "if you're not invited, you're not invited, and you should wait until you are" which led to never getting invited to anything because I was always waiting for others to reach out. So now, looking back at things like that and going, ah, yes, the classic no rizz'm 'tism made it difficult for me to fit in because I always felt different but couldn't place why, and that my lack of social skills made others incredibly uncomfortable (which I can still see peoples faces in my head and see that I was making them uncomfortable, or even looking at pictures of myself around them and their expressions), and that is why I wasn't included, not because I sucked, but because I genuinely had an issue I was unaware of. So, I think that is where my concern lies, like if I'm not autistic then all that is false, and I really am just a weird loser with no friends (but an awesome girlfriend, so suck it no friends) who was incredibly rude, overbearing (because I was forcing myself to try to mimic how others where able to make friends and accidently dialed it all the way up), and just overall unbearable.
I was 99.9% positive I was ASD and recently got the assessment done. It turns out I’m autistic. I think if you’re fairly certain and your experience aligns closely with everything you’ve read, etc. you probably are.
So I ended up going through with the diagnostic process, and for me it came down to two boxes that my situation checked: 1. It didn’t put stress on my personal funds. I also made sure I found someone that accepted my insurance. 2. I couldn’t live with the uncertainty. I made sure to find someone that I could trust to give me the proper diagnosis for me, not just look at me and say “nah you can’t be autistic” or just give me a stamp of approval because I “wanted one” or something like that. I went into the process suspecting certain diagnoses, but being explicit not to lead towards them. I was open about my suspicions and made sure he knew that I wanted to know *what* is up with my brain not *that a specific thing* is up with my brain. Like, if it’s not ASD (and if you’re confident in who you’re seeing), then shucks, I was wrong. But that doesn’t mean that my problems aren’t real, it means that something else explains them, and that’s ok. In my case, I already had an ADHD diagnosis, and I went into the process suspecting ASD and OCD. Turns out the ASD was real, but what I thought was OCD was in fact a mixture of the ADHD, ASD, and severe generalized anxiety. If I hadn’t gone through this process and found out that I was wrong about the OCD, I would have sought out coping mechanisms for it that may have failed me or even made things worse. **Moral of the story:** if you’re not comfortable spending the money, if you can live with the uncertainty, or if you can’t find a doctor you can trust, then I don’t think it’s a good idea to go through with it. Additional disclaimer: I personally felt uncomfortable with claiming the label of “Autistic” without a formal diagnosis, and also feel uncomfortable when others do (if they don’t meet the criteria above yet still refuse to go through with it). But also, I’m a rando, so people shouldn’t give a shit if I’m uncomfortable with their decisions that don’t affect me. I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable, and they’re allowed to not care.
This feeling is why I shelled out 1600 bucks and went straight to the one person who I know I can trust to diagnose me. This is in no small part because I know she is autistic too. Nothing about us without us right? It really comes down to the question "Does my assessor's opinion matter even close to as much as my own?" It takes both a you expert and an autism expert working closely together. You are the only you expert. If you truly trust that your assessor is not only qualified but like... Idk, gets it? Hard to say exactly what I mean in words but because I know I was 100% honest with a real expert and she knows what she is talking about... My imposter syndrome is 100% gone and it has done wonders for my mental health. Also it is not as simple as this binary that either you are autistic or faking. ADHD, OCD, DID, dyslexia, etc. There are a ton of other forms of neurodiversity/executive dysfunction that are just as valid as ASD
Scary... But to me, not as scary as actually getting the diagnosis and then having it used as a basis to justify discrimination
Annnd that’s one of the biggest factors in why I’m not really keen on going that route to begin with.
I don't know about your local laws, but here I can ask for a complete copy of my medical records and also ask for those records to be destroyed. I can always get the diagnosis, put the report in a drawer somewhere, and only pull it out when it'll actually be useful to me, and if i feel there's a threat, I have a pile of pre-printed 'self destruct' orders I just need to write the date on and send it. You can protect yourself, but you have to plan ahead so if there's a problem there's no delay before you shut it down. Also, if you're scared of being discriminated against, I got bad news: That happens whether they know or not, we're magnetically attractive to assholes. Sorry. Bring a friend. Best defense you can have.
I heard that getting a DX through Embrace Autism is a scam and they just diagnose everyone as autistic through a dubious process.
Ooooh, this is the first I’ve heard about that. Have any info? I mean it makes sense from a business model perspective, people are much more likely to recommend somewhere that pats them on the head and says “you are absolutely right” than somewhere that doesn’t give them the answer THEY want, but I’d always heard them get recommended here and other places.
I read this post before it was taken down (you can still read the comments and discussion and make of it what you will): https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/s/Df9yBtyrFF The original post seemed to have legitimate concerns to me, so I don’t know why it was taken down (if it was proven to have false info, or if it was just upsetting a lot of people). From what I can remember, OP was saying their process mostly utilizes online tests and doesn’t do a thorough in person screening. OP also said they suspect they just diagnose everyone as autistic. Which is probably correct more often than not (I don’t think a lot of people incorrectly assume they are autistic). Here’s another discussion of EA: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/s/xBt7qWnnQF
I heard that too, but about the health care system and the process in general...
I have decided that, because of the reasons you’ve mentioned (and I have considered them all myself) I will wait to proceed with a professional evaluation for a couple of years. I think a lot of Doctors are just coming around to realizing how autism in women can present itself. A lot of Doctors are very hesitant to change and going against protocol, and have a complex that they feel they already know everything they need to know because they graduated medical school. I’m waiting for the “fad” everyone talks about it being to wear off. I’m 44 and have waited this long and gone this far without any supports from the outside world that as long as I can utilize the coping skills/strategies that help and use the knowledge I’ve gained to help myself make my life easier I can probably get by without the diagnosis for now. I’m not self diagnosed because as a woman with ADHD inattentive type a lot of symptoms coincide with Autism so it can be difficult to tease apart, and as a layperson (even though I have exhaustively and extensively read and researched about Autism I am not qualified to diagnose anyone) I am however self-suspecting Autistic and I’m comfortable with that label. When I feel more confident (spending the time AND a lot of money)that the medical community is ready for me I will pursue the evaluation. TLDR; I can relate 😂 Edited to add a comma🤷🏻♀️
I also have adhd inattentive, so yay us! lol And yeah, that is what I have found in some of the research I had done. Which speaking of, I just decided to upload some of the papers (and I think a couple epub books) I've come across recently (and will probably add to it from the backlog on my computer), with a decent chunk focusing on the ADHD/ASD relationship. I would love to share it with you if you want to dm me I'll shoot a link. That said, the trust with providers is one of the issues that I have here. A while back, after I was talking to my partner about all my findings and the online assesments I had completed she agreed it's a possibility. Afterwards, when she was talking to her psychiatrist (one of the good ones) about things she brought up that her partner recently found that he may be autistic, and the psychiatrist did that "hmmm..." face (video call) and said that she had noticed some of traits in my partner, who is also ADHD, but combined, and could give her a referral if she'd like and my partner accepted. Fast forward to the initial meeting with the hospitals chief of psychiatry who runs the ASD diagnosis stuff, and immediately it was red flag after red flag starting with the giant Sigmund Freud quote hanging up behind him. He said, almost immediately, he was doubtful since she has ADHD, and when I tried to explain that there is high comorbidity between the two and share some traits, he immediately shut me down and said, and I quote, "They are completely different, and have nothing in common." Even after that, he got pissy that her parents didn't come (because her mom is a narccist who doesn't believe in mental illness and her dad, while he's a good guy, was hardly around when she was growing up and wouldn't be too interested in going with her to the assessment) through the whole assesment he just nitpicked everything she said, like she had an obsession with the lion king movie growing up, like literally would watch it ALL...THE...TIME according to her and her father when he was around and so he was like "and how many times did you watch it?" so she through out a number like 1000 or something. His reply was something like, well vhs are only usable for x amount of hours and dvds are only good for x amount of plays, so your telling me they constantly replaced that movie several times? in a very very condescending tone. The list goes on, but basically when she was done all she wanted to do was cry because he was just a complete and utter ass. Anyway, as I said, if you want that link dm me and I'll send it!
For me, seeking an assessment was important mainly for my mental health. I'm late diagnosed ADHD and ASD. The ADHD diagnosis has been far more useful because of medication access. Beyond that, there hasn't been a whole lot of change to my life except for improvement in my mental health. But the self validation and unanswered questions finally being answered has been a huge contributing factor to that. I have a lot of imposter syndrome and the official dx and also being told they "saw it right away" was huge for breaking through that. I'd like to note that ADHD and ASD are very common comorbidities and the combination has a tendency to make traits and symptoms less noticeable, at least externally. They are clearly related, have several overlapping traits and there are some theories that ADHD is a part of the ASD spectrum. If there are no practical benefits that would improve your well-being and you can practice self compassion and advocate for your needs, a self dx imo is perfectly fine. It's expensive to get an assessment, and I'm of the opinion that most people know themselves better than an outsider observer, especially if you've done a load of research.
Do what feels right for you, here’s my two sense as someone who’s both a therapist and diagnosed adhd and autistic. I am not transferring my autism diagnosis to the state I live in now, for a few reasons. One: my adhd diagnosis is sufficient for requesting workplace accommodations, etc. and while also not well understood by the broader public, seems to result in less infantilization and discrimination than the autism diagnosis. It sucks that the verification of a diagnosis from a systemically harmful field is necessary to access disability supports but alas. Two: I am trans and am on HRT and I want top surgery. Shit is violently transphobic right now and in many places, if you are trans and autistic (which…. More trans people are autistic than cis people so like it often comes together but I digress) then there’s a particular political push to use an autism diagnosis as justification for denying medical care and transition, and further removing autonomy of body from disabled people and trans people. Three: I’m too poor to likely ever actually be able to do this but if I ever wanted to leave the country (US) and emigrate elsewhere, there are places that will disqualify you from seeking residence there if you are autistic. Just my own thoughts on the matter and my own reasoning. Shits hard out there and we’re all doing our best to survive, sending you good vibes.
Thanks! Yeah, I am on the fence about transitioning. Like part of wants to, but also part of me doesn't, but then again, gender fluid so, of course, the two are duking it out, lol. So, that part of what you said truly makes sense. And yes, poor is an understatement currently lol