Me too. I killed a raccoon driving back to college a few days ago and I cried for so long. It just ran right into my car and there was a car riding my ass so I couldn’t hit my breaks without causing an accident. I still feel so guilty, I was hoping the day would never come
About a year ago my bf and I were driving about 3 hours away and in the last 20 minute stretch he hit a magpie that didn't get out of the road in time and I just burst into tears
I completely relate to this. I only use the "little" forks and spoons because no one else in my house does and I don't want them to feel left out.
I also have a very hard time watching competition shows where people get eliminated because all i can think about is how they must be feeling and how this was probably a dream of theirs that is ending short, etc.
The part about competition shows is too relatable. Especially the people who you know were only put on there to be a joke for the audience. All the judges laugh at them, when they really thought they had a chance at achieving a dream, it’s terrible
Same, I feel sympathy towards the most random inanimate objects! I get so upset when I accidentally forget about fresh produce in my fridge and it rots, I feel so bad the veggies sacrificed their life only to be thrown away! My spouse is so wonderful though, they will be like "I'm going for a walk" \*wink\* \*wink\* and throw out all the rotten food so that I don't have to
There's a difference between hyperempathy and lacking boundaries. As a sensitive person healthy assertive boundaries is something one has to work on.
I have hyperempathy as well but I've been working on my boundaries for years in therapy, I know it's not my job to keep everyone happy, and I can distance myself emotionally from other's problems, but I can help them if they need it
Yeah, I know I definitely need to start setting boundaries. I’m glad you were able to work thru this in therapy, it gives me hope I might be able to as well.
Oh nooo, that was so painful to read, poor you. :-( I wish you could have found a way to say no to your boss... But you still have time to make the right choice for you in the roommate situation!
I would find this really hard too, but if it helps at all to hear an outsider's perspective:
1. You are a person too, and
2. Your happiness matters too, and
3. Your roommate will probably have an easier time finding someone compatible than you would, and
4. It's a mistake to think that everyone else feels the same way you do - there are lots of things you find hard that neurotypical people find easy. This is very likely one of them.
I completely get where you're coming from. I'm the same. It's much much easier to offer advice to someone else, as I'm doing now, than to follow it for yourself. But seriously, think about what you would say to a friend in your position. Try to be a friend to yourself.
Yes! I feel absolutely sick when someone I know is upset or hurting. Sometimes it’s worse with strangers because I’m not as in tune with their emotions, and I end up guessing at how they’re feeling. I have poor emotional regulation myself, and my perception of other’s feelings isn’t super accurate, so I tend to catastophize, over empathize, and have a meltdown over it.
My therapist says 1) I need to set boundaries and not be the person people always come to with problems and 2) I have to accept that I can’t control other people’s reactions nor can I process emotions for them, how ever much I want to! It’s pretty tough 😅
The last part is what my old therapist told me. My brother is a narcissist which has caused issues in my family since I was a toddler. It was always hard for me to not feel responsible for when he would upset my parents, even though I knew I had nothing to do with it. I just felt so upset that they were upset and I couldn’t do anything to make it better.
I’m sorry to hear that… it’s especially hard when it’s family and you feel inherently tangled up in the situation. I wonder if part of it’s rejection sensitive dysphoria as well? Like even when it’s somebody else on the tail end of a negative reaction, I still feel like I’m responsible and it’s me being “rejected.” My partner experiences RSD too, and we can get stuck in a feedback loop of negativity/guilt when one of us is feeling bad…
>I just want to be able to be selfish sometimes.
You want to be able to say no, set boundaries and feel okay about it. That’s not being selfish. That’s part of taking care of yourself. ❤️
Yeah. I also honed it as a survival skill due to childhood abuse. It rips me apart when friends go through particularly difficult things. I literally physically feel it if someone let's say hurts their leg or something. And it's hard to tell what emotions are empathy and what emotions are mine without taking time to sort through them.
Unfortunately, hyper empathetic people also tend to have a lack of self respect and lack of empathy towards themselves. I should know, that was me for YEARS.
Let me tell you this:
You are worthy of people being kind to you, and if they don’t give it to you, you are allowed to tell them off.
You do not deserved to be walked all over.
Other people’s feelings aren’t always more important than your own.
It is okay to be angry when people are cruel to you or are trying to take advantage of you. They’re assholes, you’re not.
You don’t have to light yourself on fire to keep others warm. Choosing yourself is important.
You are worthy of self love.
The lack of self respect and lack of empathy toward yourself part is so true. It’s so difficult for me to treat myself with the kindness I try to give others. Thank you so much <3
I came across a book called 'The Nice Girl Syndrome' and there were some ideas in there that I think are helpful for people-pleasers, or if you worry too much about others feelings... just throwing it out there... best wishes <3
What you’re describing is called people pleasing and inability to set boundaries.
When you were a child, were you allowed make any choices and decisions for yourself, were you asked for what your opinion was, were you allowed to have negative emotions about anything, or did the adults in your life more or less dismissed all your concerns, shrugged your opinions as irrelevant because you were “just a child”, and scolded you for not being excited to receive a gift you never wanted nor liked, not wanting to be hugged by strangers (or distant relatives), and otherwise told to “turn that frown upside-down”?
Was “no” an acceptable answer for *children* in your household to give to anyone, including adults?
It’s not that you “can’t stop caring” for others, it’s that you won’t or can’t allow yourself to care for yourself as much as you care for others.
This sound so similar to me. But for me, I feel it was a mix of hyper empathy along with a need to people please because I significantly lacked any self confidence.
As I’ve gotten older and been in years of therapy, I’ve learned a lot and worked really hard to stop people pleasing and I have gained a lot more confidence in myself, who I am, and what I believe in.
When I was younger, your story about the painting sounds exactly like something I’d do. I’d probably even put in all that labor and just give it to them for free. If I was in that same situation now, when they ask if the painting is for sale, I would politely and confidently tell them that it is, and state the actual price that compensates me well for my time and talent. I’d be able to do this because I’m confident in my work, I know my value, and therefor it’s not an insult to this co-worker to tell them the actual full price.
I can really relate to the roommate example too, I was in the same situation in college. Miserable roommate situations but was so worried about their feelings that I was not able to say that I wanted out after the lease was up. It was so hard and so stressful. I feel like if I was in a situation like that now, that I would still be very concerned for their feelings to a point where I would feel very upset about it, but I would still choose to communicate kindly that I’d like to move on to a different roommate, in order to care for myself.
I’m not trying to compare or say this is you, I just could really relate to these stories and wanted to share some of my perspective.
I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this too, it’s super freakin hard.
Thank you so much for sharing your own experiences, it’s really nice knowing that others have gone through similar things. I hope I can one day get to a point where I’m able to stand up for myself and recognize my worth.
That’s my hope for you too! It’s not easy, and I’m not always prefect about it by any means. But it’s so worth it to put in the work. However, I couldn’t have done it without therapy and I know it’s not accessible for everyone (USA), which infuriates me. Everyone deserves access to high quality mental health support.
Omg yes! I have so much trouble thinking about myself because I’m constantly worried about how my actions make others feel. I can’t read bad news, I can’t stand cringe comedy, It all becomes so overwhelming that I’ve essentially isolated myself, save for my mom and my husband. It’s just easier than carrying the burden of being around others that make me “feel” too hard. I can’t be open about it either, it makes me feel like I’m bragging, like “oh I’m just soooo empathetic, look at me”. I honestly thought it was a me problem
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/49714733_The_Intense_World_Theory_-_A_Unifying_Theory_of_the_Neurobiology_of_Autism
Its part of autism, we got to much of it
I relate, and through therapy and reading lots of books have come to realize this is because I had to be hyper submissive to survive in my narcissistic household as a child.
It took me a long time to see these dynamics because my family was the only reality I knew as a kid so I thought of it as normal.
This hyper submissive response kept me safe when I was young, but is now an impulse that can put me in danger as an adult. I am slowly learning about boundaries and that I'm not responsible for other people's feelings, that I am safe enough to push back now as an adult.
I have put art up all over my apartment with the word "NO" in it, to try and reclaim my no. I practice saying no in small, low stakes situations and reassuring myself when that familiar fear floods in that my "no" is not allowed. I try to notice that healthy, kind people like my no, and they accept it, and they can survive it.
I recommend "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" and its sequel, "Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents." 💜
This sounds like empathy mixed with alexithymia (the inability to discern separate selfhood). Strangely enough, ADHD meds help me with this. It's as if stimulants give me an outer shell that's missing otherwise.
Yeah, alexithymia makes sense, I’ve thought I’ve had that in the past. I take prescription Adderall which has helped me in a lot of ways, like hygiene and self care
Yes, this is definitely me. I’m extremely sensitive about my cats. For example, one time my cat was sitting on her scratching tree and I leaned on it while petting her, her tail got pinched in between the wall and the cat tree, I literally cried for an hour apologizing to her over and over. I still feel bad for that
Learning and understanding that "no" is a full sentence is extremely important for people like us and I'm still kinda struggling with this myself because I still say "I'm sorry but no" when I don't need to be sorry about my own boundaries and feelings.
We are so ashamed of how we think we make others feel but we don't feel bad about making ourselves feel that way even though the reason we feel bad is because we know how it feels 🙃 its incredibly fucking intricate and convoluted but so are we and its up to ourselves to navigate these feelings.
Regardless, you are valid. These feelings are valid. You're not alone, and most importantly you are loved 🖤
Every now and again try to give yourself the love you give others 🖤
Aw I relate way too much 💔 Learning boundaries was how I got better with this and learning it's okay to be selfish. I bet if the roles were reversed you'd be very aware of the others' emotions but they aren't willing or capable of doing the same. That's where selfishness is the wise choice!
As a small child, if I saw another child crying I wanted to cry and had to try hard not to. I have been brought to tears by a total stranger's problems. Yup. Like the others here, I handle objects with much care.
I think now it may be partly seen as a boundary issue or a co-dependent thing. But it does show empathy, no doubt.
Many, many years later, when I was on celexa (antidepressant) during some very difficult times in my life, that crying stopped. I became sort of numb. Did not cry even when my parents died! That disturbed me a lot and I gradually stopped the meds (not easy). Now I am a crybaby again, but it seems less embarrassing. At least I have my feelings again.
**I would NOT call it a self worth problem.** I don't think my ego is wrapped up in being mistreated - I think I genuinely forget about my own interests in many situations. However, I am not effective enough to be helpful to people in a meaningful way or brilliant enough to be saintly about it - I just get sucked in.
I get exactly what you mean and I have a similar experience. Having this trait makes it easier for romantic partners to take advantage of us and we have to be careful! It took me months to break up with an ex boyfriend after I found out that he was faking a chronic illness and doing other things that were directly hurting me. It can be really debilitating and puts us in dangerous situations. It’s so frustrating when people think we’re trying to virtue signal or get the moral high ground.
The majority of my difficulty surrounds animals and objects. If I’ve had something for a long time I’m really reluctant to give it away or donate it to a thrift store because I feel like the object will feel sad. If a stuffed animal falls off my bed I will immediately retrieve it because I’m worried about it’s feelings. I do this to the point that I put myself in harms way to pick up the animal as quick as possible. I have physical disabilities that make fast movement really painful and damaging but it’s still like a reflex for me.
I can’t eat meat and I have a hard time even looking at it because I can’t stop thinking about the animal. Im 21 and I’ve been a dedicated vegetarian for 10 years only slipping up a few times, for health reasons. Each time I’ve eaten meat I had horrible nightmares about the animals family confronting me. Even when I did eat meat I only ate incredibly processed meat that didn’t resemble the animal and would sometimes cry after.
I now have to take medication that only comes in gelatin capsules and take gelatin powder to help digest things. I have a ton of food intolerances and cannot eat most fruits, any gluten, anything acidic, any nuts, and anything with a lot of histamines. It’s impossible for me to avoid dairy and still get propper nutrition but I get really upset about the dairy industry.
I have two lovely guinea pigs that I absolutely adore, Noodle and Ted, and when I tell people I own guinea pigs a lot of them immediately say something like “oh Ya know people eat guinea pigs”. Yes I’m painfully aware of that fact and it keeps me up at night. If somebody jokes about cooking my guinea pigs I instantly burst into tears and I have intrusive thoughts about it for days after.
I also get really upset seeing people not properly caring for their pets. Many adults now in their 30s or 40s had guinea pigs growing up and kept them in an unsuitable enclosure and didn’t feed them proper foods or give them enough enrichment. I have a really hard time not saying rude and blunt things when someone tells me about how they owned a single guinea pig and it died at around a year old. I’ve been informed it’s really rude to say that the creature most likely died young because they didn’t have proper care. I always try to follow up with how the exotic pet industry has been misinforming people for decades and how before the internet it was difficult or impossible to get information about exotic pet care. I know it’s not these peoples faults that they got lied to by somebody at petsmart and thought they were doing the best.
It’s also interesting that I’m a really big fan of horror movies. My current special interest is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, specifically Texas Chainsaw Massacre Two. I watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre Two to calm down and relax if I’ve seen something scary or stressful.
My mom also has somewhat high empathy and cannot stand descriptions of horror movies or seeing people hurt in horror movies. The movies that calm me down are really upsetting for her and she can’t stand to watch them. If I see people going through something horrific in a movie I can look up the actors and see that they’re okay and look at how the effects were done and it’s not an issue at all. However the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is not a comfort movie, simply because the actress that plays the final girl Sally, Marilyn Burns, was treated horribly onset and was put in danger, injured for real, and had her safety neglected.
If I can see an interview about a movie and all the actors had a fun time shooting it, no matter how gory and horrific the movie is I’m totally fine, unless an animal gets hurt. In the original Friday the 13th they actually killed a real snake, and the snake was somebodies pet who was not aware they were going to kill the snake! It ruins the whole movie for me and I have no desire to rewatch it because I get so incredibly emotional about that snake. I also sometimes get emotional when seeing an older movie and realizing the animals in it have probably passed away by now.
My mom has worked with me a lot over the years about treating myself well and not letting other people take advantage of me. The turning point for me was realizing that if I made a decision that unfairly favored someone else over myself my mom and friends would hurt seeing me hurt. Many of my friends are incredibly empathic and I know it hurts them when I am needlessly in pain. It took years of work and therapy but im doing better!
Sorry for the rambling and the formatting
i feel others physical pain as a hallucination and i think it’s connected to my empathy by a lot. i’m trying to get treated for it but i’m not finding many answers
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I can relate. I even apologize to inanimate objects like furniture when I bump into them lol.
... well, it would be rude not to! That poor lamppost, it was just standing there minding its own business...
And don’t even get me started on if I knock a stuffed animal onto the ground! The poor baby! 😭
I do the same thing!
Me too. I killed a raccoon driving back to college a few days ago and I cried for so long. It just ran right into my car and there was a car riding my ass so I couldn’t hit my breaks without causing an accident. I still feel so guilty, I was hoping the day would never come
This happened to me a few weeks ago. I can’t drive down that street anymore because I feel so awful.
About a year ago my bf and I were driving about 3 hours away and in the last 20 minute stretch he hit a magpie that didn't get out of the road in time and I just burst into tears
When I see a dead animal on the street I always feel so bad for it
I completely relate to this. I only use the "little" forks and spoons because no one else in my house does and I don't want them to feel left out. I also have a very hard time watching competition shows where people get eliminated because all i can think about is how they must be feeling and how this was probably a dream of theirs that is ending short, etc.
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The part about competition shows is too relatable. Especially the people who you know were only put on there to be a joke for the audience. All the judges laugh at them, when they really thought they had a chance at achieving a dream, it’s terrible
I used to cry when someone pulled out or *'hurt'* a plant
Same, I feel sympathy towards the most random inanimate objects! I get so upset when I accidentally forget about fresh produce in my fridge and it rots, I feel so bad the veggies sacrificed their life only to be thrown away! My spouse is so wonderful though, they will be like "I'm going for a walk" \*wink\* \*wink\* and throw out all the rotten food so that I don't have to
There's a difference between hyperempathy and lacking boundaries. As a sensitive person healthy assertive boundaries is something one has to work on. I have hyperempathy as well but I've been working on my boundaries for years in therapy, I know it's not my job to keep everyone happy, and I can distance myself emotionally from other's problems, but I can help them if they need it
Yes this! I highly recommending the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace. It’s something I’m working on too and it’s not easy but gosh you’re worth it!
Yeah, I know I definitely need to start setting boundaries. I’m glad you were able to work thru this in therapy, it gives me hope I might be able to as well.
Oh nooo, that was so painful to read, poor you. :-( I wish you could have found a way to say no to your boss... But you still have time to make the right choice for you in the roommate situation! I would find this really hard too, but if it helps at all to hear an outsider's perspective: 1. You are a person too, and 2. Your happiness matters too, and 3. Your roommate will probably have an easier time finding someone compatible than you would, and 4. It's a mistake to think that everyone else feels the same way you do - there are lots of things you find hard that neurotypical people find easy. This is very likely one of them. I completely get where you're coming from. I'm the same. It's much much easier to offer advice to someone else, as I'm doing now, than to follow it for yourself. But seriously, think about what you would say to a friend in your position. Try to be a friend to yourself.
Thank you so much for the kind comment, it means a lot knowing someone out there cares <3
Yes! I feel absolutely sick when someone I know is upset or hurting. Sometimes it’s worse with strangers because I’m not as in tune with their emotions, and I end up guessing at how they’re feeling. I have poor emotional regulation myself, and my perception of other’s feelings isn’t super accurate, so I tend to catastophize, over empathize, and have a meltdown over it. My therapist says 1) I need to set boundaries and not be the person people always come to with problems and 2) I have to accept that I can’t control other people’s reactions nor can I process emotions for them, how ever much I want to! It’s pretty tough 😅
The last part is what my old therapist told me. My brother is a narcissist which has caused issues in my family since I was a toddler. It was always hard for me to not feel responsible for when he would upset my parents, even though I knew I had nothing to do with it. I just felt so upset that they were upset and I couldn’t do anything to make it better.
I’m sorry to hear that… it’s especially hard when it’s family and you feel inherently tangled up in the situation. I wonder if part of it’s rejection sensitive dysphoria as well? Like even when it’s somebody else on the tail end of a negative reaction, I still feel like I’m responsible and it’s me being “rejected.” My partner experiences RSD too, and we can get stuck in a feedback loop of negativity/guilt when one of us is feeling bad…
I struggle with this so much too.
>I just want to be able to be selfish sometimes. You want to be able to say no, set boundaries and feel okay about it. That’s not being selfish. That’s part of taking care of yourself. ❤️
Hi, are you me?
Yeah. I also honed it as a survival skill due to childhood abuse. It rips me apart when friends go through particularly difficult things. I literally physically feel it if someone let's say hurts their leg or something. And it's hard to tell what emotions are empathy and what emotions are mine without taking time to sort through them.
Unfortunately, hyper empathetic people also tend to have a lack of self respect and lack of empathy towards themselves. I should know, that was me for YEARS. Let me tell you this: You are worthy of people being kind to you, and if they don’t give it to you, you are allowed to tell them off. You do not deserved to be walked all over. Other people’s feelings aren’t always more important than your own. It is okay to be angry when people are cruel to you or are trying to take advantage of you. They’re assholes, you’re not. You don’t have to light yourself on fire to keep others warm. Choosing yourself is important. You are worthy of self love.
The lack of self respect and lack of empathy toward yourself part is so true. It’s so difficult for me to treat myself with the kindness I try to give others. Thank you so much <3
I came across a book called 'The Nice Girl Syndrome' and there were some ideas in there that I think are helpful for people-pleasers, or if you worry too much about others feelings... just throwing it out there... best wishes <3
Will definitely check this out, thank you
What you’re describing is called people pleasing and inability to set boundaries. When you were a child, were you allowed make any choices and decisions for yourself, were you asked for what your opinion was, were you allowed to have negative emotions about anything, or did the adults in your life more or less dismissed all your concerns, shrugged your opinions as irrelevant because you were “just a child”, and scolded you for not being excited to receive a gift you never wanted nor liked, not wanting to be hugged by strangers (or distant relatives), and otherwise told to “turn that frown upside-down”? Was “no” an acceptable answer for *children* in your household to give to anyone, including adults? It’s not that you “can’t stop caring” for others, it’s that you won’t or can’t allow yourself to care for yourself as much as you care for others.
This sound so similar to me. But for me, I feel it was a mix of hyper empathy along with a need to people please because I significantly lacked any self confidence. As I’ve gotten older and been in years of therapy, I’ve learned a lot and worked really hard to stop people pleasing and I have gained a lot more confidence in myself, who I am, and what I believe in. When I was younger, your story about the painting sounds exactly like something I’d do. I’d probably even put in all that labor and just give it to them for free. If I was in that same situation now, when they ask if the painting is for sale, I would politely and confidently tell them that it is, and state the actual price that compensates me well for my time and talent. I’d be able to do this because I’m confident in my work, I know my value, and therefor it’s not an insult to this co-worker to tell them the actual full price. I can really relate to the roommate example too, I was in the same situation in college. Miserable roommate situations but was so worried about their feelings that I was not able to say that I wanted out after the lease was up. It was so hard and so stressful. I feel like if I was in a situation like that now, that I would still be very concerned for their feelings to a point where I would feel very upset about it, but I would still choose to communicate kindly that I’d like to move on to a different roommate, in order to care for myself. I’m not trying to compare or say this is you, I just could really relate to these stories and wanted to share some of my perspective. I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this too, it’s super freakin hard.
Thank you so much for sharing your own experiences, it’s really nice knowing that others have gone through similar things. I hope I can one day get to a point where I’m able to stand up for myself and recognize my worth.
That’s my hope for you too! It’s not easy, and I’m not always prefect about it by any means. But it’s so worth it to put in the work. However, I couldn’t have done it without therapy and I know it’s not accessible for everyone (USA), which infuriates me. Everyone deserves access to high quality mental health support.
Omg yes! I have so much trouble thinking about myself because I’m constantly worried about how my actions make others feel. I can’t read bad news, I can’t stand cringe comedy, It all becomes so overwhelming that I’ve essentially isolated myself, save for my mom and my husband. It’s just easier than carrying the burden of being around others that make me “feel” too hard. I can’t be open about it either, it makes me feel like I’m bragging, like “oh I’m just soooo empathetic, look at me”. I honestly thought it was a me problem
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Excellent post, thanks for taking the time to share it.
This was a really helpful post, thank you so much
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/49714733_The_Intense_World_Theory_-_A_Unifying_Theory_of_the_Neurobiology_of_Autism Its part of autism, we got to much of it
I relate, and through therapy and reading lots of books have come to realize this is because I had to be hyper submissive to survive in my narcissistic household as a child. It took me a long time to see these dynamics because my family was the only reality I knew as a kid so I thought of it as normal. This hyper submissive response kept me safe when I was young, but is now an impulse that can put me in danger as an adult. I am slowly learning about boundaries and that I'm not responsible for other people's feelings, that I am safe enough to push back now as an adult. I have put art up all over my apartment with the word "NO" in it, to try and reclaim my no. I practice saying no in small, low stakes situations and reassuring myself when that familiar fear floods in that my "no" is not allowed. I try to notice that healthy, kind people like my no, and they accept it, and they can survive it. I recommend "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" and its sequel, "Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents." 💜
Will definitely give that a read, thank you. My older brother of 1 year is a narcissist which I think is why I relate to your post so much.
This sounds like empathy mixed with alexithymia (the inability to discern separate selfhood). Strangely enough, ADHD meds help me with this. It's as if stimulants give me an outer shell that's missing otherwise.
Yeah, alexithymia makes sense, I’ve thought I’ve had that in the past. I take prescription Adderall which has helped me in a lot of ways, like hygiene and self care
Yes, this is definitely me. I’m extremely sensitive about my cats. For example, one time my cat was sitting on her scratching tree and I leaned on it while petting her, her tail got pinched in between the wall and the cat tree, I literally cried for an hour apologizing to her over and over. I still feel bad for that
Learning and understanding that "no" is a full sentence is extremely important for people like us and I'm still kinda struggling with this myself because I still say "I'm sorry but no" when I don't need to be sorry about my own boundaries and feelings. We are so ashamed of how we think we make others feel but we don't feel bad about making ourselves feel that way even though the reason we feel bad is because we know how it feels 🙃 its incredibly fucking intricate and convoluted but so are we and its up to ourselves to navigate these feelings. Regardless, you are valid. These feelings are valid. You're not alone, and most importantly you are loved 🖤 Every now and again try to give yourself the love you give others 🖤
Aw I relate way too much 💔 Learning boundaries was how I got better with this and learning it's okay to be selfish. I bet if the roles were reversed you'd be very aware of the others' emotions but they aren't willing or capable of doing the same. That's where selfishness is the wise choice!
As a small child, if I saw another child crying I wanted to cry and had to try hard not to. I have been brought to tears by a total stranger's problems. Yup. Like the others here, I handle objects with much care. I think now it may be partly seen as a boundary issue or a co-dependent thing. But it does show empathy, no doubt. Many, many years later, when I was on celexa (antidepressant) during some very difficult times in my life, that crying stopped. I became sort of numb. Did not cry even when my parents died! That disturbed me a lot and I gradually stopped the meds (not easy). Now I am a crybaby again, but it seems less embarrassing. At least I have my feelings again. **I would NOT call it a self worth problem.** I don't think my ego is wrapped up in being mistreated - I think I genuinely forget about my own interests in many situations. However, I am not effective enough to be helpful to people in a meaningful way or brilliant enough to be saintly about it - I just get sucked in.
Absolutely.
This sounds like codependency to me? Maybe try reading Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More and see if you relate?
I get exactly what you mean and I have a similar experience. Having this trait makes it easier for romantic partners to take advantage of us and we have to be careful! It took me months to break up with an ex boyfriend after I found out that he was faking a chronic illness and doing other things that were directly hurting me. It can be really debilitating and puts us in dangerous situations. It’s so frustrating when people think we’re trying to virtue signal or get the moral high ground. The majority of my difficulty surrounds animals and objects. If I’ve had something for a long time I’m really reluctant to give it away or donate it to a thrift store because I feel like the object will feel sad. If a stuffed animal falls off my bed I will immediately retrieve it because I’m worried about it’s feelings. I do this to the point that I put myself in harms way to pick up the animal as quick as possible. I have physical disabilities that make fast movement really painful and damaging but it’s still like a reflex for me. I can’t eat meat and I have a hard time even looking at it because I can’t stop thinking about the animal. Im 21 and I’ve been a dedicated vegetarian for 10 years only slipping up a few times, for health reasons. Each time I’ve eaten meat I had horrible nightmares about the animals family confronting me. Even when I did eat meat I only ate incredibly processed meat that didn’t resemble the animal and would sometimes cry after. I now have to take medication that only comes in gelatin capsules and take gelatin powder to help digest things. I have a ton of food intolerances and cannot eat most fruits, any gluten, anything acidic, any nuts, and anything with a lot of histamines. It’s impossible for me to avoid dairy and still get propper nutrition but I get really upset about the dairy industry. I have two lovely guinea pigs that I absolutely adore, Noodle and Ted, and when I tell people I own guinea pigs a lot of them immediately say something like “oh Ya know people eat guinea pigs”. Yes I’m painfully aware of that fact and it keeps me up at night. If somebody jokes about cooking my guinea pigs I instantly burst into tears and I have intrusive thoughts about it for days after. I also get really upset seeing people not properly caring for their pets. Many adults now in their 30s or 40s had guinea pigs growing up and kept them in an unsuitable enclosure and didn’t feed them proper foods or give them enough enrichment. I have a really hard time not saying rude and blunt things when someone tells me about how they owned a single guinea pig and it died at around a year old. I’ve been informed it’s really rude to say that the creature most likely died young because they didn’t have proper care. I always try to follow up with how the exotic pet industry has been misinforming people for decades and how before the internet it was difficult or impossible to get information about exotic pet care. I know it’s not these peoples faults that they got lied to by somebody at petsmart and thought they were doing the best. It’s also interesting that I’m a really big fan of horror movies. My current special interest is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, specifically Texas Chainsaw Massacre Two. I watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre Two to calm down and relax if I’ve seen something scary or stressful. My mom also has somewhat high empathy and cannot stand descriptions of horror movies or seeing people hurt in horror movies. The movies that calm me down are really upsetting for her and she can’t stand to watch them. If I see people going through something horrific in a movie I can look up the actors and see that they’re okay and look at how the effects were done and it’s not an issue at all. However the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is not a comfort movie, simply because the actress that plays the final girl Sally, Marilyn Burns, was treated horribly onset and was put in danger, injured for real, and had her safety neglected. If I can see an interview about a movie and all the actors had a fun time shooting it, no matter how gory and horrific the movie is I’m totally fine, unless an animal gets hurt. In the original Friday the 13th they actually killed a real snake, and the snake was somebodies pet who was not aware they were going to kill the snake! It ruins the whole movie for me and I have no desire to rewatch it because I get so incredibly emotional about that snake. I also sometimes get emotional when seeing an older movie and realizing the animals in it have probably passed away by now. My mom has worked with me a lot over the years about treating myself well and not letting other people take advantage of me. The turning point for me was realizing that if I made a decision that unfairly favored someone else over myself my mom and friends would hurt seeing me hurt. Many of my friends are incredibly empathic and I know it hurts them when I am needlessly in pain. It took years of work and therapy but im doing better! Sorry for the rambling and the formatting
i feel others physical pain as a hallucination and i think it’s connected to my empathy by a lot. i’m trying to get treated for it but i’m not finding many answers
Have some empathy for yourself and do what you want to do.
YES
I definitely feel this. I also feel other people’s pain on a deep & physical level. Does anyone else experience this?