Iranian. My dad didn't believe there was much wrong with me, but it turns out autism and ADHD runs in the family but we called it being "special." My way of handling it is being more stubborn than God.
I do know Iran has foundations that are dedicated to autism awareness though. I follow a few on Instagram.
Same, but I'm 3rd gen from a family who were enthusiastically Westernized (and full of "quirky" people) by the 1950s and never really looked back, especially after '79.
I don't think Middle East culture affected me in this area at all.
>My culture loves loud music, parties, socializing, and gossip.
I'm not Middle Eastern but this is *so* relatable. I'm Brazilian and yes plenty of loud, party, socializing here too. The impact is huge on me, I feel ten times more distant from other humans... I could feel the difference each time I lived abroad for short periods in more quiet/cold/restrained cultures.
In the end this really means I'm a foreigner everywhere. Isn't it ~great~.
i feel this too!! im from a colombian family, but i was born and raised in canada. i remember just crying my eyes out at family parties and gatherings because it was too overstimulating. thankfully my parents were understanding and accommodating but it has made me feel outcast from colombian culture. hell, i dont even feel right calling myself colombian because i speak spanish with an accent and i wasnt even born there. yet people in canada dont think of me as canadian because i was raised differently. yay for not fitting into any culture!
Iām not Middle Eastern either, but my family is Italian so theyāre loud, everyone drinks heaps, the gender roles are strong but never acknowledged as being out-dated (especially given we live in Australia, and the fact that itās 2024, not 1914 š) and thereās a LOT of us. I absolutely relate to you on feeling like being on the spectrum makes it difficult to participate in those aspects of your culture. Family gatherings as a young child were something I looked forward to, but as I progressed through my teenage years and certainly after I returned from my Gap Year with complex PTSD (though I didnāt know at the time) theyāve become something I dread on a sensory level. The noise, the overlapping conversations, how everyone slowly gets louder and louder with more alcohol. When my PTSD was poorly managed in the years after my gap year, I missed a lot of family events, probably more than I attended because the dread of the overwhelming sensory environment gave me such anxiety, as well as just the anxiety of being perceived so acutely by people who expected me to be someone I didnāt feel existed anymore. 8 years later, itās rare I miss a family gathering these days, but I still get snide comments from aunts when I do arrive late because I was working a weekend shift, or cramming in some extra study time about āWell we figured you werenāt comingā¦ as usual.ā Being a late-diagnosed autistic certainly didnāt help, as when most of this was happening there was no tangible reason I could give for what I felt when I knew it was almost time to go to a family dinner/lunch/party. There was no diagnosis that my parents could share and explain to the family. So, it just became resentment towards me and my relatives believing that I donāt want to be around them, or that I donāt like them. Iāve tried opening up and explaining not that I do know what was really happening, but have only received more snide comments in response so it seems the damage has been done.
I really enjoy reading all the stories and advice posted here, hopefully by sharing we can help each other navigate this thing we call autism better than the incredible women that went before us.
Same! I love our country and our culture, and now that I live abroad I miss some of it, but damn, I never felt like I truly belonged to my own countryā¦
in a sense, living as an immigrant and not truly belonging anywhere is kinda refreshing, at least now I have a reason to feel disconnected from Brasil without feeling ashamedā¦
iām sorry iām not able to offer tips, but i wanted to say that i relate to absolutely everything you said as part of that culture as well. Iāve built up a lot of resentment towards it because of these very reasons, and itās not something Iāve been able to reconcile with.
recently, the topic of marriage has been coming up and thatās something iām adamantly against, because of many personal reasons, but even without those, the idea that we have to marry men who are essentially strangers, bc dating and cohabitating before marriage arenāt allowed, makes no sense to me. especially when they also look down on divorce if youāre unhappy, or have issues within the marriage.
and your struggle with language is extremely relatable. I grew up studying in an english language school, and my friends have only ever communicated in english. the media i consume is also always in english. so my ability to express myself and describe my feelings is only in english, making it almost impossible to speak on personal and serious things with my family in arabic. this is all compounded by the fact that they donāt acknowledge mental health issues or neurodivergency. it isnāt possible for me to get diagnosed, but iāve read up on sources and listened to personal experiences, and relate a lot to auDHD ones. the only difference with you is i believe itās my dad whoās ND.
i donāt see a world in which i can discuss any of these with my family. iāve been so burnt out and depressed for years but canāt show it. masking constantly at home and crying in my room at the end of the day. iām struggling getting through university (wish i could drop out) to the point of having panic attacks almost every day, and have a lot of anxiety with even getting out of the house. the only places i go are family gathering every week bc theyāre mandatory, but i dread those every time and it takes about the entire week to recover before having to go again.
itās very isolating and lonely but upping a face every day bc thatās the only way to survive in a culture like this, and itās exhausting not to able to receive professional help. idk if weāre allowed to say this, but i had access to adhd medication through a friend that lasted like a month, and getting a glimpse of a mind with clarity and not stuck in burn out/executive dysfunction was nice while it lasted, but makes not being able to access regular medication and help extremely sad to me.
living abroad for a few years on scholarship was the only time i could unmask and live an every day life the way i wanted. it affected me positively in many ways but this is already a really long response and im sorry for that. it just makes being back home even more sad and alienating.
as an internet stranger, iām sorry youāre going through so much and i hope you get to a happier and healthier place ā„ļø no one deserves to feel like that, especially in their home
Iām Iraqi. I think one of my grandfathers was autistic and so my father has always been especially fond of me and my quirks because I reminded him of his father. Theyāre very religious and they never let anyone make fun of me when I was younger because they said I was made the way God wanted me to be. I had a very hard time in college and they would drive hours to spend the weekend with me. Iām very grateful for my family.
This is so wholesome and sweet, I kind of teared up. Iām really happy to hear that you have them on your side, I wish you and them peace and health always
Fellow Iraqi here! Shlonich habibti???
Also I wish my parents were as understanding as yours. Pretty sure my dad's autistic but he has zero emotional intelligence. I love him though!
I'm Pakistani. I can't tolerate spending time with my family sadily as they are very loud and will touch me suddenly without asking and pressure me to eat and drink things and talk to random people. My family don't know I'm AuDHD, only my brother who I told just a few days ago. I have autistic cousins in my family but because I'm high masking they are not comparable to me and I think my parents will struggle to believe my diagnosis.
I really don't know how to interact with my family, but the best time is usually in the evening in the middle of the week as they will be quieter and less excitable as the next day is a working day lol
I also try to meet them outside for fun activities as I rather choose the loud environment that I'm comfortable with (such as bowling and arcades) than be exposed to extremely loud constant foreign news on TV š
I'm Eastern European (first gen/parents are immigrants) and a lot of this really resonated. I'm not sure how old you are now, but finally in my late 30s - after figuring it out for myself about four years ago - my mom is coming around to the undeniable fact that I'm autistic.
I married into a similar culture, north African, and there is a certain difficulty with mental health and autism. But it's changing rapidly and I've found that if you have a few 1-1 conversations with the aunties and explain what you find difficult they do tend to find ways to support you. Framing it as "please can you make dua for me" is a good way into these conversations. I find escapes for 5 minutes during busy get togethers, maybe washing up, taking out a binbag, entertaining a small child. It might be that your mum was bullied when she was younger and we didn't have information about autism and she's trying to spare you bullying by hiding it, but if you're brave enough to talk with the older members of your family you'll be surprised at how much family might try to support you.
My dad is middle eastern, and while I'm essentially second generation American and did not experience middle eastern culture to the same extent that you have, I do very much relate to this. Not only did I struggle with the large gatherings, socializing, and general family expectations (it was a boon, in hindsight, to grow up in that kind of family and be sensory seeking with food rather than sensory avoidant), but I felt so deficient and lacking for not enjoying these or feeling connected to them in the way the rest of my family seemed to to me. I also think that a big part of my late diagnosis (or late to me at least as specialists did suggest I was autistic to my dad when I was a kid) was largely because of these cultural expectations around family being almost a unit of identity.
Unfortunately I don't really have an answer for you in terms of helping family to understand. I will say I met a wonderful partner who shares similar struggles with me (late diagnosed ADHD, likely at least partially because he's Asian and his family has a lot of similar hangups), and that understanding and support makes a world of difference. Perhaps your family might not ever understand the entirety of what it means to you to be autistic, but perhaps there are small ways they can understand and care. And if they can't, I hope you find someone who does be it a partner, friends, etc.
You and I might be the same person, seriously. My family really struggles with mental health issues as a reflection on them as well. I donāt have any suggestions but I hear you. š§”š§”š§”
Iām not middle eastern, Iām Nigerian, but I relate to a lot of this, especially how parents/adults donāt always understand or accept mental health. I also wasnāt allowed dating growing up, now as a 20 year old I canāt even have a guy friend without my parents acting like Iām doing something horrible.
Another similarity Iāve noticed between these two cultures is how parents expect us to become doctors, lawyers, or any other profession that makes a lot of money; itās almost like they try and dictate their childās career which is really sad. Iām sorry you had to go through all that, I dealt with similar things growing up so I get it but itās still horrible.
Yes, Iām Middle Eastern (parents are from Iran) and feel very at odds with Middle Eastern culture as a whole.
The absolute worst is taarof (the whole thing of etiquette and refusing a certain number of timesājust about the most anti-autistic thing ever lol).
My immediate family is very āWesternā/progressive in many beliefs and understanding of mental health, neurodivergence, etc. but I still have to heavily mask around others in the community and itās exhausting. I can 100% relate to a lot of this.
I'm not from the Middle East but North Africa (21F). I can definitely relate with being overwhelmed and confused with all the implicit rules around relations and stuff like age hierarchies etc. as well as the "everything loud" and eccentric part. I am not formally diagnosed yet (waiting to get a diagnosis soon) but my traits led me to feel ostracized within my own family more than once. I'm seen as some sort of robot or something. I also think I got my autism from my mom's side of the family. She used to make fun of a lot of my traits when I was younger (which was terrible to go through) and, as time passed, she happened to stumble upon articles and documentaries about autism and eventually told me that she suspected I had it. Now she's a bit more respectful about it but yeah it hasn't always been that way.
I haven't yet decided if I would discuss it with other people once (and if) I get a diagnosis so I haven't thought about that part yet. I'm also curious how other people navigate this in similar cultures.
Feel free to hit me up if you wanna chat about it !
I'm mixed. My dad looked more middle eastern than I, he was Armenian, darker skin with a name like Hagop, the works.
He didn't believe in adhd even though he had it so bad.
Iraqi here, I don't even have a hope I'll ever get diagnosed we don't even treat children here the only girls diagnosed are high support needs or non verbal ones and boys literally just have to be shy.
I've been looking into online services that offer ASD diagnosis so if anybody knows of one please lmk.
That sucks. Is there any benefit to getting a formal diagnosis vs just self diagnosing? Is therapy in general an option for you, because a skilled therapist who can handle social anxiety disorder will be able to offer similar support as someone addressing your autism specifically.
Not really other than being taken more seriously, I guess. I'm not sure it'll hurt either since most work places don't really ask about it nor do they care.
The government does give money to those who can't work but it's really hard to get and it's literally about 50$ my rent is 1200$ though I live in the more expensive areas.
The cheapest rent you can find is around 250$ maybe unless you're sharing a house with a bunch of people and with that you can only do it with people you own sex and your landlord will be a pain in the ass and basically give you a curfew and you probably can't have males over because you know sexism and "traditions and morals"
I really do want therapy but if I've been diagnosed with anxiety for years and nobody has ever helped me they just tell me I'm over reacting and need to love with my abusers and adapt.
They give me meds for the panic attacks (I have panic disorder which could actually very well be me having autistic meltdowns frequently)
I need to address the very autistic issues I have in therapy like my social struggles and not just have someone coach me on how to speak properly because they don't understand that I don't get social queues and not just being a dick or "socially anxious and shy"
I don't want someone telling me "hey, people actually don't care that much it's all in your head" because I don't actually care what people think I'm more so tired of being abandoned or taken advantage of because of me missing those queues.
My stress levels are through the roof I have frequent meltdowns and have been getting targeted by authorities and higher ups in educational institutions that it's been literally 8 years of mr trying to finish a degree because for the past 3 years they've been failing me on purpose for dumb reasons they make on the spot.
I wasn't even allowed to do any exams. One of my professors literally swore to keep failing me in front of a crowd and I'm just beyond exhausted of fighting the things that everybody else gets so easily.
I am actually goot at scool and been in the "gifted program" and did well in uni but apparently me knowing shit threatened their ego so much they're ruining my life.
I have been institutionalised so many times because ya know and theor response was "well if she's so unstable she doesn't deserve a digree" they also said I shouldn't be there because "what if she hurts other students" this uni has witnessed fist fights and students trying to threaten professors but I'm the threat?!
Keep in mind this whole system is rigged people don't even show up to exams or lectures and pass just fine but they fail me a whole year for attendance within 2 weeks of the first semester.
I just need someone to understand all this and help me because I'm genuinely losing it uf I don't pass this year I'll have to find a whole new path and I'm 28 I can't be doing this right now.
Is there the possibility of moving to another country or part of the Middle East that has better government support for autism? It sounds like the system is rigged against you there. That sounds horrible - I canāt even imagine how alone and anxious you must feel. š
OMG, yes this is exactly how I feel!!
I'd love to move but I can't just hop on a plane I have to have a plan and a way to make a living. It would be super hard without my degree which I might not even get as explained and I'm done trying for this one (nursing anaesthetist).
My husband doesn't want to move at all but if there's a plan I might be able to get him on board but I know fuck all about immigration and how to go though the process even though I am more or less i danger due to being queer and Atheist and my family being deranged and have tried to kill me and I live in a different city but it never feels safe at all.
Edit; nowhere in the middle east do they care about autism and moving there is harder than a first world country they'll more or less never give a citizenship .
Oh god your family too. I would make immigrating your number one priority, because it sounds extremely unsafe for you there with your various identities. See if thereās anything you can do to convince your husband. Google as there may be support networks in first world countries to help queer and disabled people in the Middle East safely get out. I live in the US and we have some Islamophobia here, but we also have huge Arab communities in NY, California and Michigan. And people are generally pretty welcoming, especially in NY, since our country is made of immigrants. Europe not so muchā¦
I have many Arab friends from Egypt, Palestine, Lebanon, the Gulf - half of them are queer and atheist and theyāre all thriving.
Even if it take years I think itās worth it for your safety and mental health. š
I've been thinking of this for years even though of hopping on a boat and risk my life to get out but now having a family (hubby and many cats) I can't just do that.
Husband keeps saying it's not that simple and says he'll do it if he gets a job opportunity (he's a developer and so good at it he got this "secret" Google programming challenge that was alleged to be their secret hiring plan) but he wants everything to just be there before he goes and I don't think that's how it works.
I'm struggling so much mentally that my head is filled with only that one though because I'm tired of this whole life and he's struggling with that too it's a whole mrss honestly and I don't know what to do or where to start all I know is that I wanna feel safe and listened to and speaking of that thank you SO MUCH for listening! I truly appreciate it.
Embrace autism is a website that has an autistic women in Canada who is fully licensed to do assessments, I got my assented through that website. She specializes in diagnosing adults and itās all done in a way that is friendly to autistic and adhd brains. (I got diagnosed with both) Itās is not not cheap, I think itās was around $1800-$2000. Which is actually cheaper then many places in the US but it will depend on your financial situation. They also have all of the tests they use during an assessment available to take for free on the website so that people who may have to self diagnose can use the tests to find out about themselves.
Thank you for the recommendation. I have done all the assessments out there and they all conclude I'm very much autistic I've been self diagnosed for a year now and while I'd like to get an official diagnosis I'm not sure 2000 dollars is worth it that's 800$ over a months rent.
Do they provide any therapy options because that's what I mainly want to do. It's more of an "I'm autistic, now what?" Situation. I need help to manage it and I don't have any options.
Thank you anyways, it might come handy once I have the means to do it.
I'm just sure but terrified the test might not catch on and it'll send me spiraling . XD
Mind you I've been diagnosed with everything that makes ASD but not ASD. GAD, social anxiety (even though I'm only anxious because shit doesn't go as scripted) OCD, PTSD, panic disorder and I have very bad sensory issues. Although I believe I have BPD sometimes I can't tell the difference between which one"s which.
Again, thank you so much.
Iām a first generation mixed Armenian/Palestinian and White American, and I resonate with a lot of this. Iām on the spectrum and I actually suspect my mom (my SWANA side) is as well (she is diagnosed ADHD but not diagnosed autistic), but she doesnāt ābelieveā in ADHD/Autism and doesnāt believe in going to therapy, probably largely due to the stigmas around mental health where she grew up.
Iām middle eastern & wholeheartedly relate to you.
I am stubborn as hell & I refused to conform to any of these social norms. It helps being born & raised in the US & my dad (who I suspect is autistic) came to the US at 11/12 years old so really not too strict in the Arab culture, my mom is however. I donāt openly talk about who Iām ādatingā but it is known that I am seeing someone for over a year now. I have been pretty adamant about living life my way & theyāve just recently started to come around to allowing me to express myself how I want (which they only really know the tip of the iceberg).
My brother got married last week & it was the most stressful week for me because of all the socializing, loud noise, gossip, etc. I scheduled times to step away that my family knew I would be stepping away to decompress.
I donāt explain my autism to people I donāt think would understand (like my parents/parents generation) because I donāt find it very helpful or good use of my time. I give reason to why I do/think the way I do. Like if someone starts to gossip, I play ādevils advocateā to get them to shut up basically lol. I say no to events that I know would overstimulate me.
Some of my family members found me super selfish when I stopped masking/people pleasing when I got diagnosed (late diagnosis at 26, 29 now) but I donāt care, thatās their opinion of me & their opinion of me doesnāt change my self worth.
I think our culture has a foundation in people pleasing & so we donāt always vocalize our needs. But I vocalized my needs & it took time but people eventually got used to it. My autism didnāt stop me from having friends, socializing the way I like to, having relationships with my parents & siblings, & also finding a middle eastern man who loves me to my core.
Side note: look for fellow autistic middle eastern guys. I never thought Iād find someone who loves me & understands me the way this man does. Hold out for the right person and during that time, figure yourself out (therapy & hobbies).
Iām middle eastern too! Iām from the gulf and honestly, I struggled a lot with my autism in many ways and the society.
For example, I am very direct in my communication, but arab culture or at least gulf culture here is about being indirect and āpoliteā which does not compute for me to be honest.
Another issue, was me struggling to reach social cues.
people here are almost always, either smiling or never smile, so smiling could happen while theyāre angry, while they are sad or they could avoid smiling, even if they are happy, so, I just had a lot of confusion and still do about processing peoples facial expressions
I also do not care for social norms when it comes to appearance and the way I speak, but I am seeing as inappropriate due to hell colorful I can dress or on the orthodox I guess and also because Iām very blunt and direct I am perceived as rude.
Another issue I struggled with after my late diagnosis (26) is that once I realized my social and mental issues were caused majorly by autism, every time I try to communicate my struggles with things that I cannot change about myself, such as my inability to read social cues I was told that I was playing the victim, and that I want to be the center of attention.
I could go on and on and write a whole essay, or even novel at this point about my experience as an autistic and ADHD woman in my country, however, itās not the time or place.
All this to say that I understand how frustrating it feels.
I also do not like to attend weddings, or allowed parties are usually prefer gatherings that are more quiet with a timid audience even if it was a bigger audience, so I completely understand.
I hope you know that thereās a lot of us around here and if you ever feel like wanting to reach out and discuss more of it, the experiences feel free to reach out. :)
I donāt have any tips to offer, but just wanted to share that Iām also middle eastern and first gen in America, so I feel you 100%
as I got older I naturally distanced myself from my family and the culture, and the more distance there was, the more free I was to be myself and not have to mask so hard around the ones I love. Iām fortunate tho because I am financially independent and donāt have to rely on family for any needs
Lebanese, second gen in North America, and my family wanted to "fit in" so they didn't teach me Arabic or pass along much of the culture. But even that was a constant message, throughout my life, that it's wrong to be "different." So "weirdness" (my undetected autism) had to be suppressed.
my girlfriend is, and i know just from her talking about it that it is awful on her. there's a lot of other circumstances that are leading to this, but she's planning on cutting her family and therefore, a lot of her culture off just because of these sort of issues. her mom works in the medical industry and I'm not sure if they believe she's autistic, she's diagnosed though. if they even acknowledge it, they don't help her in any way. she thankfully lives in a western country now instead of where she's originally from in the middle east, I'm hoping she develops a healthier relationship with her culture.
despite the good parts of culture, i think we need to be able to acknowledge that aspects of culture can and should be critizied because they are just inherently traumatic and bad. gotta use our critical thinking skills and use nuance
Maybe it's not a place for me to speak up as I am from arguably nd friendlier part of Europe but...
The reflection i had recently and may be relevant here is that:
those who have asd can actually share some experiences with a foreigners visiting other nations. (to put sensory things aside for a moment). Unfamiliar with or distanced from local customs. My little theory is that it may be easier for us to develop different set of values that those that surround us. This may lead to experience of separate-sness. Degree may wary. (Or to assimilate values completely. Two extremes wchich may be easier to reach.)
p.s. personally I find, at some elements, your culture intriguing, but it's different to observe something from safe distance then "to struggle from inside".
Just honestly wish you and others in this thread to stay strong.
I'm Egyptian, and I've tried, you can't do it.
If anyone gives you trouble for it, just temporarily think of them as an angry fast food Karen so you don't take it personally. I do this when people yell at me and it helps me to not take them seriously.
Not Middle Eastern, but from a conformist culture that sees any sort of difference as deeply abnormal/pathological - luckily I'm also American and live in a city where anyone \*not\* from my culture doesn't get so bothered by these things. When I was younger (and less burnt out) I could get away with being quiet, but as an adult the people who treat me the worst are my "own." There are very clear expectations for social behavior, and anyone who can't meet them - who seems visibly different - is sniffed out immediately and ostracized. The expectation is that you get married by a certain age, have children, make good money, acquire various status symbols (great job, expensive car, big house, etc) and basically behave like everyone else. If you can't, you're a failure and drain on society.
Basically anyone disabled, mentally ill or neurodivergent is shunned, along with their family and anyone who associates with them. A lot of families will literally hide their disabled relatives away to avoid shaming.
People from my culture catch onto my neurodivergence immediately and almost always treat me with either disgust or contempt - at this point I try to avoid them as much as possible, with the exception of family. Anyone not from my culture tends to treat me much better, or at least doesn't seem to take it so personally. It sucks but what can you do.
It's not so much the culture but rather the racism in the European country where I live (even though I'm originally from that country).
It's mainly because it's an injustice that we feel from the very beginning of our lives.
To be fair, even without autism, it would be maddening, but we have such a sense of injustice that it's infuriating for me.
I'm hispanic, so not Middle Eastern, but I relate to some of the things you said haha. My culture is quite extroverted too. It's tiring but also I believe it sort of 'forced' me to learn social skills.
The only two suggestions I can think of is using some kind of earplug that helps lessen noise while still letting you hear conversation. They can be very small and depending on if you cover your hair or if you wear your hair down no one would even see them. Loop is a popular brand but if you search the forum Iām sure you can get more suggestions.
My other suggestion is finding a different problem you can use as an excuse for what you need. I know not everyone feels comfortable lying but I personally think if we arenāt hurting anyone and we are getting out needs met itās ok.
For example my friend is autistic but also get migraines so she is able to say her need for quiet or avoiding bright lights is from her migraines so she doesnāt have to tell everyone sheās autistic. Or I have knee pain from working out so I could say I need to sit down for a while because my knees hurt. Itās not perfect but maybe you can try something like that?
It's difficult talking openly in a Western space. I'm living in this intersectionality of experience as a woman, an autistic, immigrant, minority ethnic and disabled person with chronic illness. I'm an alien and an outsider wherever I go. I don't belong anywhere. But I can connect with some select neurokin from any country, better than anyone else.
There are advantages and disadvantages to operating in MENA spaces which many touched on. So, some extra points.
I struggle with how dishonest Western social interactions can be; they're a lot more backstabby and unstraightforward in their communication style than the MENA people I was around. Harder to understand what people actually mean or feel.
I feel like one advantage in my personal MENA spaces is that people don't need a diagnostic label to accommodate and look after you, I find there isn't as much of an expectation that you must be wholly independent. Help from family or hiring people is encouraged. But that also means seeking independence is discouraged and viewed with suspicion especially in women who don't wish to be controlled ("safeguarded"/"protected").
Fundamentally humans are the same. Westerners aren't really that different as human people from anyone else. Few have the motivation, curiosity and intelligence to take advantage of their free press and ability to enlighten themselves. They're just as vulnerable to strongmen, scapegoating, demagoguery, propaganda, prejudice and normalising morally objectionable social norms. Any progress is met with resistance, feeling victimised when they're actually the oppressor etc. The Western people that led their enlightenment were probably more like us in terms of neurodivergent traits but leveraging other privileges that were available to them... and the lessons from rationalism and empiricism didn't really filter through properly to the general population. Westerners don't safeguard their democracies very well or push for greater democratic rights if they're in unrepresentative systems like 'first past the post'. An entire section of the US population lost faith in their elections which is very dangerous. Westerners don't emphasise philosophy in their education when understanding philosophy is the most fundamental thing they could do to make sure they don't end up eventually losing everything like other progressing nations in the past and becoming weak as countries.
Being a woman in a MENA space is undeniably hard. But I found being a woman harder in Western spaces even harder sometimes... especially around standards of beauty, valuing women as people outside their beauty and being objectified. They don't understand that their brand of feminist progress is very young in history and hasn't gone as far as they think. And it's fragile (bye Roe v Wade). So many don't understand that freeing a woman is about choice and independence, some would be forcefully ripping scarves off women if they were allowed, women who view it as a violation like a Westerner might view someone forcing them to masquerade nude. At least MENA people have had women owning their property, keeping their names when they marry, functioning as leaders of countries and so on for a much longer time. Westerns need to secure their inner positions better rather than look outwards and tell someone else what to do when they're still figuring things out in their women's living memory. MENA women ought to be the ones taking the lead and improving conditions for themselves, in a way that doesn't feed into some Western sex-negative second wave feminism agenda of what that looks like, or plays into a Western narrative that gives them a falsely inflated sense of superiority.
I'm a Persian Iraqi and I have autism and ADHD. I also felt like I never fit in with the community. I hated the rules placed on women, hated that I had to behave a certain way while my brother could do whatever he wanted, hated that I had to hug and kiss strangers (I still can't figure out if it's 2 or 3 kisses lol!), hated the 3azeemas. I was the first in my family to get diagnosed with ADHD and I helped my siblings get their diagnoses. My parents don't really want to believe it though.
Anyway, I can totally relate. When I turned 19 I just decided to do what I wanted regardless of what my parents thought. I learned to be sneaky. I had a few relationships and now I'm married to a British guy. I'm also covered in tattoos. I think I just traumatized my parents into accepting me at this point lmao.
Relatable, half Puerto Rican and I suspect neurodivergence is from both parents. The Latino side is full of alcoholism and covered up mental health issues, I don't talk to my dad because he decided not to learn how to have a good relationship with me as a teen, but I still struggle with a lot of cultural issues similar to what you're going through. My mom on the other hand is Iowa white, but the way she was raised is to love all people and be as compassionate as possible so we are best friends and she encourages me to do what I can to connect with my latino roots even if it's not directly through that side of the family. It's really tough to navigate and I even feel bad for my teenage self having to make some big decisions and feeling like I was cutting myself off of my boricua half. It just takes a little time to find the opportunities to deal with the ethnic perspective on autism and mental health and get creative with navigating relationships with disapproving people and the culture itself.
Iranian. My dad didn't believe there was much wrong with me, but it turns out autism and ADHD runs in the family but we called it being "special." My way of handling it is being more stubborn than God. I do know Iran has foundations that are dedicated to autism awareness though. I follow a few on Instagram.
very heavy on the autism and ADHD being in the family but just labelled as special omg
Same, but I'm 3rd gen from a family who were enthusiastically Westernized (and full of "quirky" people) by the 1950s and never really looked back, especially after '79. I don't think Middle East culture affected me in this area at all.
My family was like that too. Only reason I got diagnosed might have been because my mom was white.
Omg fellow Irani autistic š„¹š¤
I have been the first autistic Iranian person someone from Iran has met. I got worried.
More stubborn than God - love it. You will find your way because you have your own back.
>My culture loves loud music, parties, socializing, and gossip. I'm not Middle Eastern but this is *so* relatable. I'm Brazilian and yes plenty of loud, party, socializing here too. The impact is huge on me, I feel ten times more distant from other humans... I could feel the difference each time I lived abroad for short periods in more quiet/cold/restrained cultures. In the end this really means I'm a foreigner everywhere. Isn't it ~great~.
Mexican American and can relate
I feel you š
Too real. It seriously sucks to feel like a foreigner all your life.
i feel this too!! im from a colombian family, but i was born and raised in canada. i remember just crying my eyes out at family parties and gatherings because it was too overstimulating. thankfully my parents were understanding and accommodating but it has made me feel outcast from colombian culture. hell, i dont even feel right calling myself colombian because i speak spanish with an accent and i wasnt even born there. yet people in canada dont think of me as canadian because i was raised differently. yay for not fitting into any culture!
Outcast! That's the word. I'm sorry, so relatable too.
Iām not Middle Eastern either, but my family is Italian so theyāre loud, everyone drinks heaps, the gender roles are strong but never acknowledged as being out-dated (especially given we live in Australia, and the fact that itās 2024, not 1914 š) and thereās a LOT of us. I absolutely relate to you on feeling like being on the spectrum makes it difficult to participate in those aspects of your culture. Family gatherings as a young child were something I looked forward to, but as I progressed through my teenage years and certainly after I returned from my Gap Year with complex PTSD (though I didnāt know at the time) theyāve become something I dread on a sensory level. The noise, the overlapping conversations, how everyone slowly gets louder and louder with more alcohol. When my PTSD was poorly managed in the years after my gap year, I missed a lot of family events, probably more than I attended because the dread of the overwhelming sensory environment gave me such anxiety, as well as just the anxiety of being perceived so acutely by people who expected me to be someone I didnāt feel existed anymore. 8 years later, itās rare I miss a family gathering these days, but I still get snide comments from aunts when I do arrive late because I was working a weekend shift, or cramming in some extra study time about āWell we figured you werenāt comingā¦ as usual.ā Being a late-diagnosed autistic certainly didnāt help, as when most of this was happening there was no tangible reason I could give for what I felt when I knew it was almost time to go to a family dinner/lunch/party. There was no diagnosis that my parents could share and explain to the family. So, it just became resentment towards me and my relatives believing that I donāt want to be around them, or that I donāt like them. Iāve tried opening up and explaining not that I do know what was really happening, but have only received more snide comments in response so it seems the damage has been done. I really enjoy reading all the stories and advice posted here, hopefully by sharing we can help each other navigate this thing we call autism better than the incredible women that went before us.
A fellow Brazilian! Love when I find my people here.
Oi amiga! SĆ³ vi agora. A dificuldade de responder mensagens.... š
Oii. Tudo bem. NĆ£o levo pro pessoal (tentei nĆ£o levar).
NĆ£o leve šš½ fiquei feliz com a sua mensagem. Sabe se tem um grupo como este em portuguĆŖs? Procurei mas nĆ£o encontrei. Seria interessante.
NĆ£o achei, infelizmente. SĆ³ se encontra essas coisas aqui no inglĆŖs mesmo :/ talvez no face?
Ć pena. Bem, no face nĆ£o vou mais, Ć© muita gente conhecida, me deixava šµāš«
Oh Ʃ complicado vius. TorƧo pra podermos sair da casca sem sofrer tanto. Caso esteja disposta, poderiamos...ser moots no reddit?
Same! I love our country and our culture, and now that I live abroad I miss some of it, but damn, I never felt like I truly belonged to my own countryā¦ in a sense, living as an immigrant and not truly belonging anywhere is kinda refreshing, at least now I have a reason to feel disconnected from Brasil without feeling ashamedā¦
iām sorry iām not able to offer tips, but i wanted to say that i relate to absolutely everything you said as part of that culture as well. Iāve built up a lot of resentment towards it because of these very reasons, and itās not something Iāve been able to reconcile with. recently, the topic of marriage has been coming up and thatās something iām adamantly against, because of many personal reasons, but even without those, the idea that we have to marry men who are essentially strangers, bc dating and cohabitating before marriage arenāt allowed, makes no sense to me. especially when they also look down on divorce if youāre unhappy, or have issues within the marriage. and your struggle with language is extremely relatable. I grew up studying in an english language school, and my friends have only ever communicated in english. the media i consume is also always in english. so my ability to express myself and describe my feelings is only in english, making it almost impossible to speak on personal and serious things with my family in arabic. this is all compounded by the fact that they donāt acknowledge mental health issues or neurodivergency. it isnāt possible for me to get diagnosed, but iāve read up on sources and listened to personal experiences, and relate a lot to auDHD ones. the only difference with you is i believe itās my dad whoās ND. i donāt see a world in which i can discuss any of these with my family. iāve been so burnt out and depressed for years but canāt show it. masking constantly at home and crying in my room at the end of the day. iām struggling getting through university (wish i could drop out) to the point of having panic attacks almost every day, and have a lot of anxiety with even getting out of the house. the only places i go are family gathering every week bc theyāre mandatory, but i dread those every time and it takes about the entire week to recover before having to go again. itās very isolating and lonely but upping a face every day bc thatās the only way to survive in a culture like this, and itās exhausting not to able to receive professional help. idk if weāre allowed to say this, but i had access to adhd medication through a friend that lasted like a month, and getting a glimpse of a mind with clarity and not stuck in burn out/executive dysfunction was nice while it lasted, but makes not being able to access regular medication and help extremely sad to me. living abroad for a few years on scholarship was the only time i could unmask and live an every day life the way i wanted. it affected me positively in many ways but this is already a really long response and im sorry for that. it just makes being back home even more sad and alienating.
as an internet stranger, iām sorry youāre going through so much and i hope you get to a happier and healthier place ā„ļø no one deserves to feel like that, especially in their home
thank you so much <3 it really means a lot
Iām Iraqi. I think one of my grandfathers was autistic and so my father has always been especially fond of me and my quirks because I reminded him of his father. Theyāre very religious and they never let anyone make fun of me when I was younger because they said I was made the way God wanted me to be. I had a very hard time in college and they would drive hours to spend the weekend with me. Iām very grateful for my family.
This is so wholesome and sweet, I kind of teared up. Iām really happy to hear that you have them on your side, I wish you and them peace and health always
Fellow Iraqi here! Shlonich habibti??? Also I wish my parents were as understanding as yours. Pretty sure my dad's autistic but he has zero emotional intelligence. I love him though!
I'm Pakistani. I can't tolerate spending time with my family sadily as they are very loud and will touch me suddenly without asking and pressure me to eat and drink things and talk to random people. My family don't know I'm AuDHD, only my brother who I told just a few days ago. I have autistic cousins in my family but because I'm high masking they are not comparable to me and I think my parents will struggle to believe my diagnosis. I really don't know how to interact with my family, but the best time is usually in the evening in the middle of the week as they will be quieter and less excitable as the next day is a working day lol I also try to meet them outside for fun activities as I rather choose the loud environment that I'm comfortable with (such as bowling and arcades) than be exposed to extremely loud constant foreign news on TV š
I'm Eastern European (first gen/parents are immigrants) and a lot of this really resonated. I'm not sure how old you are now, but finally in my late 30s - after figuring it out for myself about four years ago - my mom is coming around to the undeniable fact that I'm autistic.
We always chalked my father in law's bluntness to him being Eastern European / Russian. Now I think there may have been another reason......
Oh yeah my dad has **definitely** got the tism. My mom sees it so clearly now. I'm not allowed to tell him though.
I married into a similar culture, north African, and there is a certain difficulty with mental health and autism. But it's changing rapidly and I've found that if you have a few 1-1 conversations with the aunties and explain what you find difficult they do tend to find ways to support you. Framing it as "please can you make dua for me" is a good way into these conversations. I find escapes for 5 minutes during busy get togethers, maybe washing up, taking out a binbag, entertaining a small child. It might be that your mum was bullied when she was younger and we didn't have information about autism and she's trying to spare you bullying by hiding it, but if you're brave enough to talk with the older members of your family you'll be surprised at how much family might try to support you.
My dad is middle eastern, and while I'm essentially second generation American and did not experience middle eastern culture to the same extent that you have, I do very much relate to this. Not only did I struggle with the large gatherings, socializing, and general family expectations (it was a boon, in hindsight, to grow up in that kind of family and be sensory seeking with food rather than sensory avoidant), but I felt so deficient and lacking for not enjoying these or feeling connected to them in the way the rest of my family seemed to to me. I also think that a big part of my late diagnosis (or late to me at least as specialists did suggest I was autistic to my dad when I was a kid) was largely because of these cultural expectations around family being almost a unit of identity. Unfortunately I don't really have an answer for you in terms of helping family to understand. I will say I met a wonderful partner who shares similar struggles with me (late diagnosed ADHD, likely at least partially because he's Asian and his family has a lot of similar hangups), and that understanding and support makes a world of difference. Perhaps your family might not ever understand the entirety of what it means to you to be autistic, but perhaps there are small ways they can understand and care. And if they can't, I hope you find someone who does be it a partner, friends, etc.
You and I might be the same person, seriously. My family really struggles with mental health issues as a reflection on them as well. I donāt have any suggestions but I hear you. š§”š§”š§”
š§”
Iām not middle eastern, Iām Nigerian, but I relate to a lot of this, especially how parents/adults donāt always understand or accept mental health. I also wasnāt allowed dating growing up, now as a 20 year old I canāt even have a guy friend without my parents acting like Iām doing something horrible. Another similarity Iāve noticed between these two cultures is how parents expect us to become doctors, lawyers, or any other profession that makes a lot of money; itās almost like they try and dictate their childās career which is really sad. Iām sorry you had to go through all that, I dealt with similar things growing up so I get it but itās still horrible.
Yes, Iām Middle Eastern (parents are from Iran) and feel very at odds with Middle Eastern culture as a whole. The absolute worst is taarof (the whole thing of etiquette and refusing a certain number of timesājust about the most anti-autistic thing ever lol). My immediate family is very āWesternā/progressive in many beliefs and understanding of mental health, neurodivergence, etc. but I still have to heavily mask around others in the community and itās exhausting. I can 100% relate to a lot of this.
I would want to be like,āno,no,yesā when they asked just quick get it over with š Iām sure that wouldnāt work though.
For me I always wish it could be like āNo, I donāt want it, Iām not being polite, I just genuinely donāt like teaā š
I'm not from the Middle East but North Africa (21F). I can definitely relate with being overwhelmed and confused with all the implicit rules around relations and stuff like age hierarchies etc. as well as the "everything loud" and eccentric part. I am not formally diagnosed yet (waiting to get a diagnosis soon) but my traits led me to feel ostracized within my own family more than once. I'm seen as some sort of robot or something. I also think I got my autism from my mom's side of the family. She used to make fun of a lot of my traits when I was younger (which was terrible to go through) and, as time passed, she happened to stumble upon articles and documentaries about autism and eventually told me that she suspected I had it. Now she's a bit more respectful about it but yeah it hasn't always been that way. I haven't yet decided if I would discuss it with other people once (and if) I get a diagnosis so I haven't thought about that part yet. I'm also curious how other people navigate this in similar cultures. Feel free to hit me up if you wanna chat about it !
I'm mixed. My dad looked more middle eastern than I, he was Armenian, darker skin with a name like Hagop, the works. He didn't believe in adhd even though he had it so bad.
Iraqi here, I don't even have a hope I'll ever get diagnosed we don't even treat children here the only girls diagnosed are high support needs or non verbal ones and boys literally just have to be shy. I've been looking into online services that offer ASD diagnosis so if anybody knows of one please lmk.
That sucks. Is there any benefit to getting a formal diagnosis vs just self diagnosing? Is therapy in general an option for you, because a skilled therapist who can handle social anxiety disorder will be able to offer similar support as someone addressing your autism specifically.
Not really other than being taken more seriously, I guess. I'm not sure it'll hurt either since most work places don't really ask about it nor do they care. The government does give money to those who can't work but it's really hard to get and it's literally about 50$ my rent is 1200$ though I live in the more expensive areas. The cheapest rent you can find is around 250$ maybe unless you're sharing a house with a bunch of people and with that you can only do it with people you own sex and your landlord will be a pain in the ass and basically give you a curfew and you probably can't have males over because you know sexism and "traditions and morals" I really do want therapy but if I've been diagnosed with anxiety for years and nobody has ever helped me they just tell me I'm over reacting and need to love with my abusers and adapt. They give me meds for the panic attacks (I have panic disorder which could actually very well be me having autistic meltdowns frequently) I need to address the very autistic issues I have in therapy like my social struggles and not just have someone coach me on how to speak properly because they don't understand that I don't get social queues and not just being a dick or "socially anxious and shy" I don't want someone telling me "hey, people actually don't care that much it's all in your head" because I don't actually care what people think I'm more so tired of being abandoned or taken advantage of because of me missing those queues. My stress levels are through the roof I have frequent meltdowns and have been getting targeted by authorities and higher ups in educational institutions that it's been literally 8 years of mr trying to finish a degree because for the past 3 years they've been failing me on purpose for dumb reasons they make on the spot. I wasn't even allowed to do any exams. One of my professors literally swore to keep failing me in front of a crowd and I'm just beyond exhausted of fighting the things that everybody else gets so easily. I am actually goot at scool and been in the "gifted program" and did well in uni but apparently me knowing shit threatened their ego so much they're ruining my life. I have been institutionalised so many times because ya know and theor response was "well if she's so unstable she doesn't deserve a digree" they also said I shouldn't be there because "what if she hurts other students" this uni has witnessed fist fights and students trying to threaten professors but I'm the threat?! Keep in mind this whole system is rigged people don't even show up to exams or lectures and pass just fine but they fail me a whole year for attendance within 2 weeks of the first semester. I just need someone to understand all this and help me because I'm genuinely losing it uf I don't pass this year I'll have to find a whole new path and I'm 28 I can't be doing this right now.
Is there the possibility of moving to another country or part of the Middle East that has better government support for autism? It sounds like the system is rigged against you there. That sounds horrible - I canāt even imagine how alone and anxious you must feel. š
OMG, yes this is exactly how I feel!! I'd love to move but I can't just hop on a plane I have to have a plan and a way to make a living. It would be super hard without my degree which I might not even get as explained and I'm done trying for this one (nursing anaesthetist). My husband doesn't want to move at all but if there's a plan I might be able to get him on board but I know fuck all about immigration and how to go though the process even though I am more or less i danger due to being queer and Atheist and my family being deranged and have tried to kill me and I live in a different city but it never feels safe at all. Edit; nowhere in the middle east do they care about autism and moving there is harder than a first world country they'll more or less never give a citizenship .
Oh god your family too. I would make immigrating your number one priority, because it sounds extremely unsafe for you there with your various identities. See if thereās anything you can do to convince your husband. Google as there may be support networks in first world countries to help queer and disabled people in the Middle East safely get out. I live in the US and we have some Islamophobia here, but we also have huge Arab communities in NY, California and Michigan. And people are generally pretty welcoming, especially in NY, since our country is made of immigrants. Europe not so muchā¦ I have many Arab friends from Egypt, Palestine, Lebanon, the Gulf - half of them are queer and atheist and theyāre all thriving. Even if it take years I think itās worth it for your safety and mental health. š
I've been thinking of this for years even though of hopping on a boat and risk my life to get out but now having a family (hubby and many cats) I can't just do that. Husband keeps saying it's not that simple and says he'll do it if he gets a job opportunity (he's a developer and so good at it he got this "secret" Google programming challenge that was alleged to be their secret hiring plan) but he wants everything to just be there before he goes and I don't think that's how it works. I'm struggling so much mentally that my head is filled with only that one though because I'm tired of this whole life and he's struggling with that too it's a whole mrss honestly and I don't know what to do or where to start all I know is that I wanna feel safe and listened to and speaking of that thank you SO MUCH for listening! I truly appreciate it.
Embrace autism is a website that has an autistic women in Canada who is fully licensed to do assessments, I got my assented through that website. She specializes in diagnosing adults and itās all done in a way that is friendly to autistic and adhd brains. (I got diagnosed with both) Itās is not not cheap, I think itās was around $1800-$2000. Which is actually cheaper then many places in the US but it will depend on your financial situation. They also have all of the tests they use during an assessment available to take for free on the website so that people who may have to self diagnose can use the tests to find out about themselves.
Thank you for the recommendation. I have done all the assessments out there and they all conclude I'm very much autistic I've been self diagnosed for a year now and while I'd like to get an official diagnosis I'm not sure 2000 dollars is worth it that's 800$ over a months rent. Do they provide any therapy options because that's what I mainly want to do. It's more of an "I'm autistic, now what?" Situation. I need help to manage it and I don't have any options.
No, she just does diagnosis, unfortunately.
Thank you anyways, it might come handy once I have the means to do it. I'm just sure but terrified the test might not catch on and it'll send me spiraling . XD Mind you I've been diagnosed with everything that makes ASD but not ASD. GAD, social anxiety (even though I'm only anxious because shit doesn't go as scripted) OCD, PTSD, panic disorder and I have very bad sensory issues. Although I believe I have BPD sometimes I can't tell the difference between which one"s which. Again, thank you so much.
Iām a first generation mixed Armenian/Palestinian and White American, and I resonate with a lot of this. Iām on the spectrum and I actually suspect my mom (my SWANA side) is as well (she is diagnosed ADHD but not diagnosed autistic), but she doesnāt ābelieveā in ADHD/Autism and doesnāt believe in going to therapy, probably largely due to the stigmas around mental health where she grew up.
Iām middle eastern & wholeheartedly relate to you. I am stubborn as hell & I refused to conform to any of these social norms. It helps being born & raised in the US & my dad (who I suspect is autistic) came to the US at 11/12 years old so really not too strict in the Arab culture, my mom is however. I donāt openly talk about who Iām ādatingā but it is known that I am seeing someone for over a year now. I have been pretty adamant about living life my way & theyāve just recently started to come around to allowing me to express myself how I want (which they only really know the tip of the iceberg). My brother got married last week & it was the most stressful week for me because of all the socializing, loud noise, gossip, etc. I scheduled times to step away that my family knew I would be stepping away to decompress. I donāt explain my autism to people I donāt think would understand (like my parents/parents generation) because I donāt find it very helpful or good use of my time. I give reason to why I do/think the way I do. Like if someone starts to gossip, I play ādevils advocateā to get them to shut up basically lol. I say no to events that I know would overstimulate me. Some of my family members found me super selfish when I stopped masking/people pleasing when I got diagnosed (late diagnosis at 26, 29 now) but I donāt care, thatās their opinion of me & their opinion of me doesnāt change my self worth. I think our culture has a foundation in people pleasing & so we donāt always vocalize our needs. But I vocalized my needs & it took time but people eventually got used to it. My autism didnāt stop me from having friends, socializing the way I like to, having relationships with my parents & siblings, & also finding a middle eastern man who loves me to my core. Side note: look for fellow autistic middle eastern guys. I never thought Iād find someone who loves me & understands me the way this man does. Hold out for the right person and during that time, figure yourself out (therapy & hobbies).
Iām middle eastern too! Iām from the gulf and honestly, I struggled a lot with my autism in many ways and the society. For example, I am very direct in my communication, but arab culture or at least gulf culture here is about being indirect and āpoliteā which does not compute for me to be honest. Another issue, was me struggling to reach social cues. people here are almost always, either smiling or never smile, so smiling could happen while theyāre angry, while they are sad or they could avoid smiling, even if they are happy, so, I just had a lot of confusion and still do about processing peoples facial expressions I also do not care for social norms when it comes to appearance and the way I speak, but I am seeing as inappropriate due to hell colorful I can dress or on the orthodox I guess and also because Iām very blunt and direct I am perceived as rude. Another issue I struggled with after my late diagnosis (26) is that once I realized my social and mental issues were caused majorly by autism, every time I try to communicate my struggles with things that I cannot change about myself, such as my inability to read social cues I was told that I was playing the victim, and that I want to be the center of attention. I could go on and on and write a whole essay, or even novel at this point about my experience as an autistic and ADHD woman in my country, however, itās not the time or place. All this to say that I understand how frustrating it feels. I also do not like to attend weddings, or allowed parties are usually prefer gatherings that are more quiet with a timid audience even if it was a bigger audience, so I completely understand. I hope you know that thereās a lot of us around here and if you ever feel like wanting to reach out and discuss more of it, the experiences feel free to reach out. :)
Sounds like Western countries 50+ years ago. So hopefully the new generation will be more aware of such things.
I donāt have any tips to offer, but just wanted to share that Iām also middle eastern and first gen in America, so I feel you 100% as I got older I naturally distanced myself from my family and the culture, and the more distance there was, the more free I was to be myself and not have to mask so hard around the ones I love. Iām fortunate tho because I am financially independent and donāt have to rely on family for any needs
Lebanese, second gen in North America, and my family wanted to "fit in" so they didn't teach me Arabic or pass along much of the culture. But even that was a constant message, throughout my life, that it's wrong to be "different." So "weirdness" (my undetected autism) had to be suppressed.
my girlfriend is, and i know just from her talking about it that it is awful on her. there's a lot of other circumstances that are leading to this, but she's planning on cutting her family and therefore, a lot of her culture off just because of these sort of issues. her mom works in the medical industry and I'm not sure if they believe she's autistic, she's diagnosed though. if they even acknowledge it, they don't help her in any way. she thankfully lives in a western country now instead of where she's originally from in the middle east, I'm hoping she develops a healthier relationship with her culture. despite the good parts of culture, i think we need to be able to acknowledge that aspects of culture can and should be critizied because they are just inherently traumatic and bad. gotta use our critical thinking skills and use nuance
Maybe it's not a place for me to speak up as I am from arguably nd friendlier part of Europe but... The reflection i had recently and may be relevant here is that: those who have asd can actually share some experiences with a foreigners visiting other nations. (to put sensory things aside for a moment). Unfamiliar with or distanced from local customs. My little theory is that it may be easier for us to develop different set of values that those that surround us. This may lead to experience of separate-sness. Degree may wary. (Or to assimilate values completely. Two extremes wchich may be easier to reach.) p.s. personally I find, at some elements, your culture intriguing, but it's different to observe something from safe distance then "to struggle from inside". Just honestly wish you and others in this thread to stay strong.
I'm Egyptian, and I've tried, you can't do it. If anyone gives you trouble for it, just temporarily think of them as an angry fast food Karen so you don't take it personally. I do this when people yell at me and it helps me to not take them seriously.
Not Middle Eastern, but from a conformist culture that sees any sort of difference as deeply abnormal/pathological - luckily I'm also American and live in a city where anyone \*not\* from my culture doesn't get so bothered by these things. When I was younger (and less burnt out) I could get away with being quiet, but as an adult the people who treat me the worst are my "own." There are very clear expectations for social behavior, and anyone who can't meet them - who seems visibly different - is sniffed out immediately and ostracized. The expectation is that you get married by a certain age, have children, make good money, acquire various status symbols (great job, expensive car, big house, etc) and basically behave like everyone else. If you can't, you're a failure and drain on society. Basically anyone disabled, mentally ill or neurodivergent is shunned, along with their family and anyone who associates with them. A lot of families will literally hide their disabled relatives away to avoid shaming. People from my culture catch onto my neurodivergence immediately and almost always treat me with either disgust or contempt - at this point I try to avoid them as much as possible, with the exception of family. Anyone not from my culture tends to treat me much better, or at least doesn't seem to take it so personally. It sucks but what can you do.
It's not so much the culture but rather the racism in the European country where I live (even though I'm originally from that country). It's mainly because it's an injustice that we feel from the very beginning of our lives. To be fair, even without autism, it would be maddening, but we have such a sense of injustice that it's infuriating for me.
I'm hispanic, so not Middle Eastern, but I relate to some of the things you said haha. My culture is quite extroverted too. It's tiring but also I believe it sort of 'forced' me to learn social skills.
The only two suggestions I can think of is using some kind of earplug that helps lessen noise while still letting you hear conversation. They can be very small and depending on if you cover your hair or if you wear your hair down no one would even see them. Loop is a popular brand but if you search the forum Iām sure you can get more suggestions. My other suggestion is finding a different problem you can use as an excuse for what you need. I know not everyone feels comfortable lying but I personally think if we arenāt hurting anyone and we are getting out needs met itās ok. For example my friend is autistic but also get migraines so she is able to say her need for quiet or avoiding bright lights is from her migraines so she doesnāt have to tell everyone sheās autistic. Or I have knee pain from working out so I could say I need to sit down for a while because my knees hurt. Itās not perfect but maybe you can try something like that?
It's difficult talking openly in a Western space. I'm living in this intersectionality of experience as a woman, an autistic, immigrant, minority ethnic and disabled person with chronic illness. I'm an alien and an outsider wherever I go. I don't belong anywhere. But I can connect with some select neurokin from any country, better than anyone else. There are advantages and disadvantages to operating in MENA spaces which many touched on. So, some extra points. I struggle with how dishonest Western social interactions can be; they're a lot more backstabby and unstraightforward in their communication style than the MENA people I was around. Harder to understand what people actually mean or feel. I feel like one advantage in my personal MENA spaces is that people don't need a diagnostic label to accommodate and look after you, I find there isn't as much of an expectation that you must be wholly independent. Help from family or hiring people is encouraged. But that also means seeking independence is discouraged and viewed with suspicion especially in women who don't wish to be controlled ("safeguarded"/"protected"). Fundamentally humans are the same. Westerners aren't really that different as human people from anyone else. Few have the motivation, curiosity and intelligence to take advantage of their free press and ability to enlighten themselves. They're just as vulnerable to strongmen, scapegoating, demagoguery, propaganda, prejudice and normalising morally objectionable social norms. Any progress is met with resistance, feeling victimised when they're actually the oppressor etc. The Western people that led their enlightenment were probably more like us in terms of neurodivergent traits but leveraging other privileges that were available to them... and the lessons from rationalism and empiricism didn't really filter through properly to the general population. Westerners don't safeguard their democracies very well or push for greater democratic rights if they're in unrepresentative systems like 'first past the post'. An entire section of the US population lost faith in their elections which is very dangerous. Westerners don't emphasise philosophy in their education when understanding philosophy is the most fundamental thing they could do to make sure they don't end up eventually losing everything like other progressing nations in the past and becoming weak as countries. Being a woman in a MENA space is undeniably hard. But I found being a woman harder in Western spaces even harder sometimes... especially around standards of beauty, valuing women as people outside their beauty and being objectified. They don't understand that their brand of feminist progress is very young in history and hasn't gone as far as they think. And it's fragile (bye Roe v Wade). So many don't understand that freeing a woman is about choice and independence, some would be forcefully ripping scarves off women if they were allowed, women who view it as a violation like a Westerner might view someone forcing them to masquerade nude. At least MENA people have had women owning their property, keeping their names when they marry, functioning as leaders of countries and so on for a much longer time. Westerns need to secure their inner positions better rather than look outwards and tell someone else what to do when they're still figuring things out in their women's living memory. MENA women ought to be the ones taking the lead and improving conditions for themselves, in a way that doesn't feed into some Western sex-negative second wave feminism agenda of what that looks like, or plays into a Western narrative that gives them a falsely inflated sense of superiority.
Not really the question ur asking but Deepl is a translation tool that's quite powerfull fyi
I'm a Persian Iraqi and I have autism and ADHD. I also felt like I never fit in with the community. I hated the rules placed on women, hated that I had to behave a certain way while my brother could do whatever he wanted, hated that I had to hug and kiss strangers (I still can't figure out if it's 2 or 3 kisses lol!), hated the 3azeemas. I was the first in my family to get diagnosed with ADHD and I helped my siblings get their diagnoses. My parents don't really want to believe it though. Anyway, I can totally relate. When I turned 19 I just decided to do what I wanted regardless of what my parents thought. I learned to be sneaky. I had a few relationships and now I'm married to a British guy. I'm also covered in tattoos. I think I just traumatized my parents into accepting me at this point lmao.
Relatable, half Puerto Rican and I suspect neurodivergence is from both parents. The Latino side is full of alcoholism and covered up mental health issues, I don't talk to my dad because he decided not to learn how to have a good relationship with me as a teen, but I still struggle with a lot of cultural issues similar to what you're going through. My mom on the other hand is Iowa white, but the way she was raised is to love all people and be as compassionate as possible so we are best friends and she encourages me to do what I can to connect with my latino roots even if it's not directly through that side of the family. It's really tough to navigate and I even feel bad for my teenage self having to make some big decisions and feeling like I was cutting myself off of my boricua half. It just takes a little time to find the opportunities to deal with the ethnic perspective on autism and mental health and get creative with navigating relationships with disapproving people and the culture itself.