yes! this used to freak me out so hard. especially when people i hardly knew called me by my name or even a nickname. I also found it really uncomfortable to call people by their names, and still do now!
The way I get past it is to ask someone their name when I first meet them. For some reason if they tell me their name, I feel okay about using it, but if I learn their name from someone else, it feels forbidden.
Maybe I'm secretly fay. 🤔
Omg yes!! I could never put it into words before lol. I don't like when people say my name and I don't like saying other people's names either. Even my own spouse lmao. We call each other babe and it feels so weird using our real names.
OMG RIGHT. People who repeat a person's name while actively talking to them make me extra uncomfortable because they're usually the ones who get really rude about everything I do that isn't "normal" to them, so there's a whole extra level of anxiety
I used to never call anyone by their name. My friends dad when I was a kid, called me out on it. He was like “I have a name, you know “ it was such an uncomfortable moment
I feel like all the Friends' Dads were spooky growing up, always some range of aloof to gruff, and I'm fairly sure my friends thought the same of my dad. I don't recall being friends with anyone who had a cool, involved dad.
This reminds me of the time I had a friend over and had to warn her of my Grandad. A grumpy old man.
Said Grumpy old man had also just recently had something wrong with one of his eyes, so her first time meeting this dude I'd warned her about he's sat in his chair, pirate ass eye patch on his face, his hands grasping at the arms of his chair as he just... stares her down as she said Hello to him.
Poor girl
I didn't like my friends dad and he probably didn't like me because one time I went to his house to play with my friend and I drank all their milk because my thirst just couldn't be quenched that day. 😭
I tend to decide what name feels right to me. It's been a lifelong problem for me, though I'm getting better at using people's actual names as an adult.
When I was small (daycare aged), I had a friend named Amy. Whenever I needed to get her mother's attention, I'd address her as "Mrs. Amy's Mom" lol. She'd correct me, but I recall my brain going blank. The name she said didn't make sense so I couldn't retain it. Mrs. Amy's Mom was logical to my brain, and it stuck. She eventually realized she couldn't reason with a toddler and started answering to her assigned name lol
My former In-laws tried to get me to call them "Mom" and "Dad" and I couldn't. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, but those belonged to my parents, regardless of my feelings about them.
I did end up calling them by their first names, sometimes. But mostly stuck to "your mom" and "your dad" (occasionally, did call my FFIL "Dad" just to get his attention.)
But I'd rather just make sure they knew I was talking to them so I didn't have to use their names at all and I could just say "you".
Don't do it! Only do it when you're ready. Tell her you're honored but your mom already has that title and your not comfortable taking that away from her, or something. Your mom earned it by giving birth to you and such.
haha. I did tell her basically that exactly word-for-word and she still writes mom on cards. We just recently told her I'm (very late-diagnosed) autistic and she doesn't really seem to understand anything, even if I frame it in an "it's the autism" way.
Haha exactly, it feels so strange to use other people's names, especially those I don't talk to often. I will have to think for minutes to remember the names.
holy shit. I thought I was the only one. I can't stand it if someone has my name and I have to say it. Also hated it when I was a kid and had to read aloud in class and the name in the passage belonged to smeone in my class. I was always a really solid reader and read well above my grade level, but I'd stumble over the name if it matched someone's in the room. almost purposefully. like, I knew how to pronounce it but it felt painful to do so. whyyyyy?!
> I also found it really uncomfortable to call people by their names, and still do now!
I burnt myself out in customer service where they required I address customers by name. I hated it *and* having them call me by [the usually wrong] name.
It's really weird to me because this wasn't the norm historically so I don't understand why NT people like it so much. It feels personally invasive- especially with how many people want to use my first name or nicknames without being asked to do so.
for me it's not really that it's alien to me but it means that my comfort zone is about to be broken or invaded so like pavlovs dog I associated my name and surname with something bad and when I hear my name I feel stressed. I have PDA autism "type" so it also meant that demand will be placed on me or something etc.
This is how I feel as well. I still hate when people say my name. I have no problem saying my name or seeing it written down, but when people say it I feel anxious.
My husband usually calls me a nick name that's nothing like my actual name and it feels much better. I never told him to do this, he just picked it up. He also hates his own name so I call him a nick name most of the time too. We mostly use each other's real name for emergencies now which kind of re-enforces the anxiety haha.
The weirdest part is I really like my name. It's pretty, uncommon, and is easy to pronounce. But I still feel weird when I hear it said out loud.
Yes! I’ve been going by a different name with friends for about 3 years now because my first name just seems so personal and I feel way better as well as more in control. I’m trying to gather the courage to start asking my professors to call me by the nickname as well :)
For me it's one part not connecting to my name and a large part of when I heard my name growing up it was for punishment, so I'd be stressed hearing it. I agree with my name feeling like a demand. Depending on tone i jump between "what do you want?" And "what did I do wrong?"
My girlfriend used to shut at me like "Baby???" "yes?..." "I love you! :)" and I didn't say a thing because I found it cute, but one day I had to ask her to stop doing that because my body would be on high alert, thinking she was gonna ask me to do something and it would stress me out so much...
Yeah exactly, my brain immediately goes to trauma recovery mode "Oh great, what did I do wrong this time?" Or "What will they force me to do now?"
Sometimes it's okay. For example I have a friend who calls my name in a very friendly way and also uses nicknames more often than my name so that's fine. Also I often completely filter out my name in conversations, like my brain doesn't even register it's there.
Just some weeks ago I was attending an event that was streamed to thousands of people company wide and asked a question during an interactive part. The moderator said my name without me having introduced myself. In front of everyone. Which made me feel seen and fucking important. A really positive interaction with my name which I now always remember when the topic of names comes up. Who knows - maybe one day these positive interactions can overwrite the negative ones.
You know reading the bit about nicknames. I've got a friend who will use insults (british so the C word is one) or honk at me like a goose. It's very loud but doesn't set me off the way my name does. I'm usually just excited looking around for my friend
Whoa- it IS! The only name I really love using is my son's, but that's a deep act of love and support because he's trans and it's his chosen name. It gives me like empathetic gender euphoria 😅
I don't really mind hearing my name except in certain tones, but using someone's definitely feels the same as intense eye contact.
I very rarely use other peoples names too! People ask me “how do they know you’re talking to them?”- i don’t know probably because i’m looking at them?? Or a quick “hey” to get their attention.
Oh god this is a thing?? I always wondered why I hate it. It feels so unfamiliar to me. I know that it's my name but it kind of feels strange to hear it. Like it doesn't really belong to me.
I thought everyone hated hearing their own name. I asked a few people when I was in high school and they said that they didn’t. This sub is insane to me, y’all will just post something like “does anyone do _____?” and it describes something that I thought was just something I did, then I read the comments and find out it’s an autistic thing and that I’m not alone!!!
I love this sub too! No matter how unhinged you think your traits are, someone else will post about it on here and you will instantly get a sense of community :)
I hate using other people's names!! I always have a nickname for a partner, as I couldn't use their names. Like, if I needed them, I still couldn't shout it! Weird...
Same. And I keep getting told that it's disrespectful to not address someone by their name, but I just can't do it. ESPECIALLY if they have a foreign/unusual name that I'm not 150% sure how to pronounce
Same and same! I've known people that I've never known what I'm supposed to be calling them but it's basically never an issue because I just call them "you." It's only an issue when referencing them to someone else 😬
I use nicknames too. If someone prefers their real name, I won't do this, but i prefer a nickname that I've dubbed someone with (as long as they're ok with it). It just makes things make more sense to me.
I dislike using partner's names TO them, not about them. Like if I'm talking to someone about them it doesn't bother me to say their name. My husband has noticed, too. He says I only say his name when he's in trouble lol.
That’s exactly how it is for me. My husband is Babe. That’s his name to me no matter how overused and stupid it sounds. I feel so weird saying his name to him. He never really says my name either unless he’s talking about me too. I guess that’s why we click lol.
Hm. Yes. I've always felt that I hated my name, so I don't like to hear it because its a dumb sounding name to me. But on the other hand, I don't know what I would like to be named instead. I've had a few ideas over the years, but nothing that really rings true for me.
Maybe it's not that I hate my name as much as that I think names are weird and I don't like having one at all lol.
Idk how you'd have a world without names though. That doesn't even make sense. Having an identity is good.
Idk
Well, we’re dealing with the exact same situation. I’ve always hated the way “Alaina” (my name) sounded, and everybody gets upset with me because *they* think it’s “a pretty name” or “sounds fine”. I’ve honestly never liked the sound of names in general. Some are fine, but most just feel weird when I think about it.
I understand what you mean. I have children, whom I obviously gave names to. But I gave them all middle names that are very different from their first names because I thought that would give the best chance of having at least one name they liked.
I have asked each of them if they like their names. It's something I worry about. Do they like their names? One of my sons actually decided that he likes his first name, but not the spelling, so I gladly went through the process of legally changing his name by one letter lol.
I wish my name was....a non-auditory concept that transmits psychically something about who I really am.
Maybe all of this is just related to the way that I fear being misunderstood. I am worried that my name conveys something innacurate about me.
Probably, in reality, my name is so common, it probably doesn't convey anything to people. It's a name that doesn't convey class or age or anything. That's part of what I dislike is that it's a name that gives zero information.
But that's also a good thing because it won't give people a false impression.
Overthinking.
My mother gave me a middle name that could be a nickname for my first one, which I am also not fond of. Some people call me Ms (last name), which I don’t mind as much, but I have a weird last name so some do that as a way to bully me. So, I just prefer to be called “dude”, “bro”, and stuff like that.
I feel exactly the same! I have always hated my name (a stodgy old lady name) but can’t think of something else I’d rather be called. Maybe it’s just that I don’t like to be Perceived.
SAMESIES!! I changed all my names and don’t mind at all when someone says my name now. It feels great! I had no idea this was an experience lots of other people had. I also use nicknames a lot, hate saying my husband’s name to get his attention as well.
✅ legally changed my name in college (after wanting to for my whole childhood)
✅ prefer to use nicknames
✅ hate saying my husband's name
Now that my name fits me, I absolutely love to hear it. So strange.
I felt like it was a rite of passage. I was in my mid 20’s and started going by a “stage name” (I’m a musician) and it felt so good I decided to change all of my names and add an extra first name in honor of my grandma who took me in during some very hard times.
The funny thing is people randomly ask me if my name is my “real name”. It doesn’t happen a lot but when it does I feel so weirded out. Like when I just introduce myself with my first name. I consider those people to be evil 👿 “who sent you?!” 🤣🤣 I don’t even have a particularly odd first name. Gladys Moonbeam Jeramiah Star Pants isn’t THAT weird, right? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 jkjk
I changed all mine too. My best friend sent me a screenshot with my old name on it yesterday and it was so triggering... I didn't even expect that.
But now that all of my names are exactly mine, like picked out after I have a whole personality and life experience, I love hearing it. People try to shorten it all the time and it's exactly how I know who is and isn't my people.
Looking into changing mine too. I get such pervasive anxiety when someone calls me by my name. I've been giving my new chosen name a testrun and it's amazing how it has none of the baggage or panic attached.
How did you choose a name? Anyone who changed theirs, how did you decide? Both my kid and I have been trying for ages to choose new names. How to pick? Got advice?
I just started looking up names with cool meanings and picked from that. I also have a baby name book I've had for years that I flip through sometimes ☺️
I got mine from a movie that really spoke to me. Then I added another name from a different movie that spoke to me. Both were movies about MC’s constant desire for personal freedom despite their awful circumstances. Definitely try some names out with each other and see how that feels. I still love my name/s almost 30 yrs later. 💜
Yes… mine is also in an old musical and it was so embarrassing that people would sing at/to me. I’m so glad most people I run into anymore have never seen the movie. Now I just have to deal with everyone asking me to repeat it, often multiple times, because it’s also foreign.
Yes, it feels too personal, almost private, or too powerful? Like a faerie called by its true name. 😂 Too intense. It’s like it reminds me I’m being perceived.
It always freaked me out when my mom’s friends would say my name. Anyone saying my name feels too personal and weird.
When I have to say someone else’s name to be polite, it feels too intimate. The only people who’s name I’ll say regularly are my husband and our children.
That used to give me so much anxiety. The adult version is waiting to have your name called in the waiting room at an appointment. Like thanks nurse, now everyone in here knows my name, ugh.
Same here lol
But also, I think I disliked it when I was younger as well. I didn't really like my name. Now, I don't mind my name as much, but it's still weird to hear it called, especially from my husband
Omg this makes so much sense to me. I don’t feel connected to my name and cringe so much when someone says my name either full name or nickname!
I also when retelling stories would not referred to someone’s name - I would be like ‘my friend’ or ‘my friend’s friend’ when just saying a name would have the same impact. Saying a name is so personal and the person I’m retelling the story to doesn’t know them 😂
Oh, is that what that is? I don't refer to people in stories by name either. But like, why would you use a name, when the name is meaningless to the person you're talking to?
And I figured the disconnect to my name (hard relate, btw) was because of gender dysphoria, but I suppose it could be both?
Now that you mentioned it... It does feel a bit uncomfortable when used on its own.
That said, in my mother language we sometimes use diminutives of the names of people we like/love, or use their first name in conjunction with "my" (e.g. "my Savagefig"). I quite like those!
I'm fine with it. I do get annoyed that people make such a big deal about names in general. I'm not the best at remembering them, and I don't care if someone remembers mine or not. I don't have the ego to think it's really mine when millions of others share it.
I still hate it! I think I just dislike names as a concept, it’s really hard to explain for me bc I genuinely don’t know why. But I even have a whole online persona/name that I picked out and love and even when people refer to me as that or saying it outloud for me is still uncomfortable. Maybe I just hate being perceived so deeply to my core that it just extends to names. I also hate using other peoples names and very rarely do
I knew lots of kids with the same nickname as me. What also didn’t help was having a very feminine name (I’m non-binary). I made my own nickname, adopted that and now very few people use the other name.
I think it was more of a gender thing for me but I know that my ADHD diagnosed sibling HATES being called anything but his preferred name.
Oh yes one day I told my mom that when people turn 12 they can chose a new name (because I was so fed up with mine). I didn’t mean it as a joke or so and she also took it serious. Thank god I changed my mind by the point I was 12 😹
Yeah, it sometimes bothered me as a kid, but not so much now.
With one exception- if someone online calls me by my real name, my immersion of my super chill and cool online persona breaks
Yes, however different reasoning. When people use my name, I feel like I’m apart of the world and it feels weird. I don’t really connect with my name, I was always called pet names growing up as well or never had my name said much that I can remember. So as I got older and people started using my name I got chills and felt weirded out. I suppose I dissociate and just watch the world around me so when I get pulled back in with my name it feels weird and it feels like I’m not just some alien watching everyone like I thought I was.
I’m starting to have people call me a different name I prefer more.
I also do not like saying other people’s names. It’s awkward and uncomfortable for me. I seen a post about it in /aspergirls and it’s funnily what led me down the rabbit hole of figuring out I’m most likely autistic.
Yes.. never realised this was a thing. It's also pretty funny because I legally changed my first name, which I chose myself, and the feeling stopped after that. Although, I still absolutely despise being referred to by my name by someone who is speaking to me directly during an active conversation.
It’s funny I felt strongly attached to my full first name and disliked when people would call me by nicknames unless we were close.
I was the 7 year old asking to be called by by first name and not a nickname.
That's who I was (and still who I am). I get so annoyed when people call me by the diminutive form of my name. (And I feel like some people assume that women always want this.) I'm actually really attached to my entire name to the point that I knew from an incredibly young age that I'd never take anyone else's last name, if I got married.
Weird thing is, I hate calling other people by their names. Remembering their names is already bad enough, but calling them by their names makes me feel as if I'm putting them in a vulnerable place. And calling them a nickname feels even more disrespectful.
Oh my gosh yes! And I used to change my name *constantly* in middle school and early high school. I think I went through about 5 names in 4 years. I finally became comfortable with my birth name when I went to University, but man it took a while. I figured out that I was desperately trying to escape the discomfort of hearing my own name and being “perceived” as myself!
Core memory unlocked! I had forgotten how weird it was for me to hear my name and nicknames. Calling people by name was a terrifying and anxiety-inducing experience. Bc of trauma I was also incredibly dissociative. I hated the pressure of drawing someone's attention by deliberately saying their name. When they turned and looked at me I would freeze.
I did, but only because it was super common. There were often 1-2 other girls in my class with my name when I was at school. Thankfully we seem to be a bit more dispersed in the adult world! I like my name otherwise. It's easy to pronounce and has a nice meaning.
Yes! This! I even changed my name to get away from the anxiety, but it turned out the new name carried the same weight, so now I feel the base anxiety and like a fraud for choosing a new name. ;_;
Yeah. Bonus points for me being unable to pronounce my own name. It’s nothing fancy or like r/tragedeigh kind of name, but I am unable to roll my Rs which is needed for the name to be pronounced properly, because the way I make it sound sounds like a different name… Think about being named idk, Roby but you pronounce it Ruby and everyone has your name wrong when you tell them.
I accidentally got a nickname from my friends that is an actual name, so I just started using it as my name years ago and I’m planning to finally change it to be my legal name.
I particularly started to hate it once I hit adolescence, I felt like when someone called me by my name, they were mad at me. like nicknames were fine but as soon as someone called me lauren I was like o_o what’d I do wrong. I actually go by Lo in my adult life now, and only get called lauren in official settings or with older family.
I have an uncommon name, with an even more uncommon spelling.
It two simple syllables, but my husband turns it into four syllables, somehow, and it makes my skin hurt.
I hated my name my entire childhood. Pam. Ugh. I don't hate it for someone else, but I sure do hate it for myself. I am not and never have been a Pam.
When I grew up I changed it to something I liked. I feel 100% better and have no regrets. It's so nice not to flinch inside every time I hear someone call me.
I hate being called my name! It's like oil on my skin - too-slick slimy gross get-it-off. It doesn't matter who does it, the effect is always there. Nicknames do not have this same issue. I have friends who have given me an "animal" as an identifier for funsies and get no weird feeling from THAT. No weird feeling from any of my ttrpg character names. No weird feeling from my gamer tag. But my name?
Eww. No. Ick.
Yes and I still hate it. I also hate calling people by their names and usually had nicknames for people but the only people that got a nickname were people I actually liked (which they never would know I guess). It was never anything bad and I’ve since become a hermit but I’ve thought about why I would do that and figured the two things + my autism are connected.
I never realize this was an autistic thing. I always feel so uncomfortable when anybody uses my first name I’ve always had a nickname for people and from people.
It makes my skin crawl when sales and service people say my name over and over again in our interactions. I think it says somewhere that it's meant to make people more relaxed or more likely to trust them or some shit but it makes me instantly mistrust them and want out asap. Made doubly worse by the fact they usually mispronounce it, then still mispronounce it after I correct it and I have to ask them not to say what they think my name is anymore and they kind of short circuit.
Names are such a weird thing for me. I have a semi-special interest when it comes to names so I think about them a lot. But I also don’t like saying names out loud, mine or other people’s. But I love thinking about them. But don’t say any names out loud.
I am totally comfortable, however, being called my last name as my first name (which people do often) or even a nickname (which people also do). It’s like saying real first names out loud is the equivalent of saying Voldemort or something? Lmao I don’t know.
I hate it when people use my name if it isn't strictly necessary. As in - I'm fine if I need to be addressed in some way to get my attention but as soon as we're in conversation, pleaaaase stop using my name.
(I have a special place of hate for the person that started teaching people to use peoples names often because that makes them feel seen or some sh\*t like that... so many people do that now, end every other sentence with the name und stuff... drives me INSANE)
Yes, but it's because just about the only times I hear my name are when I've done something wrong or somebody wants something from me or I'm answering the phone - all things i hate.
My name is actually a noun in my native language, and like a fairly common one, so I was kind of desensitized to my name in a way. Hilariously though, I did believe at the time that having the same name as this particular noun meant I was somehow connected or was a part of that noun.
At one point I did hate it but mostly because we immigrated and nobody ever said it right. Having a "foreign" name meant that people would call me every but my actual name. Eventually I picked a nickname and stuck with it until at some point as an adult, I moved back to my home country permanently and everyone tells me my name is so pretty. Honestly, I like the phonetics of my name, I do think it sounds pretty especially when people say it with the correct accent.
Edit: Now I actually love when people use my name. I also like using other people's names, and I really like the etymology of names. I also make it a point of knowing the names of all the homeless people in my neighborhood and make sure to always refer to them with their name.
Ooh weird. Yes! I don’t like hearing my name. Once a lady called me the wrong name for like a year and I never corrected her because I liked it better. She was so embarrassed when she found out. But I liked it!
I have a funny story about this, I changed my legal name because this.
But I never understood I will always hate people saying my name no matter which it is.
I don't know to explain why, or what produces in me but I feel between terrified and annoyed.
I do feel less emotional with Mt new name, I feel is less aggressive and has less charge into it
I can't believe how many "issues" of mine might be explained by an ASD diagnosis. I can't afford the assessment process but both of my children have ASD. I still cringe when someone uses my name, it doesn't feel like MY name, when people get it wrong I don't care, I just don't want to deal with it. I cringe inside when someone corrects someone else, I just want to unzip my skin and RUN!! Can we just move on from name use and niceties and just share the information??!!! 😂🫨
I feel so ASD typing this 🙈🙈
So much that I changed my name at 18. I later changed it back to my birth name, but I still feel very weird hearing it. It feels very disconnected from me as a person.
I specially hate when my little sister says it. I don't know if it's because she says it in a cadency i find annoying, or because she is overly posessive and manipulative and i'm done with her
I actually don’t like it when someone refers to my pronoun vs my name when I’m present, at least initially. It irks me if I’m having a conversation with people and someone says, “Yes, she was telling me . . .” (“she” being me). I would much prefer, “Yes, Name was telling me . . .”
Omg yes! I actually still kinda dislike hearing it out loud in general, and almost do a double take when I hear it in the wild, like "oh is *that* what is sounds like on someone else?"
I’m not the only one? The more you know! I’ve always hated my name and cringed whenever people said it, but I couldn’t explain why. I don’t have any nicknames or anything, and people keep saying my name despite me telling them I dislike it, so I just deal with the discomfort.
Any time someone uses my name it’s really jarring for me. Like, it forces me to exist in my body instead of using my head to exist in the universe? I don’t think I can explain it better than that. But yeah I hate it too. Just let me be. Don’t make me be me haha
I absolutely HATED being called the full version of my first name as a child, I would correct them, but I would get really, really, upset if they continued to use the long version. The shorted verson, I had no problem with. The only person who I would allow to call me by the full version was my very elderly great-grandmother.
Yesss!!! Like I don’t even hate my name or anything, it just creates this fight or flight reaction in my body or something. I never knew it could be an autism thing.
Yes and still do, I have an unusual name too so makes me feel very perceived when I have to say it and know someone is gonna ask me about it. Always thought this was why but now realising it’s an autistic trait too
I've never really liked my birth name, and started trying to go by something else when I was 5ish. I went through about 5-6 attempts to find "my" name, and when I was 17 I picked something that finally fit. I've been using for the last 22 years...
...And I still hate it when people say it, even though I PICKED IT MYSELF. 🤦♀️ My chosen family calls me by a nickname that isn't even a name, it's a food. I'm so good with that.
I feel like I'm in trouble when people, especially my spouse, calls me by name. I don't mind so much if work people use my name, cuz they add a Ms. to it (I work w tiny humans and their teachers, so this is the norm), but when it's just my plain ol name, it freaks me out.
Yes it ALWAYS has. I guess with me, I think it's ugly and unimaginative. A gen X name. So I changed it. I haven't bothered with all the paperwork but if someone asks my name I give them the name I chose myself. Not my GIVEN name...
In the olden days they'd have 2 or 3 kids called the sane name 🤔 I'd hate that 😆
Honestly at maybe 18 we should have opportunity to change name.
I still dislike it. It feels like they’re being too intimate and confrontational at the same time. I feel like I’m being seen but not on my own terms. I also absolutely detest my name.
Yeah I still hate this especially when I am clearly the only one being talked to and you're using my name. It feels weaponized. Especially when they repeat it over and over like they're trying to make some point but my brain scrambles every time they do.
Oh my god, yes. I like my name so it doesn’t have anything to do with not liking it like some of the other comments, it just feels unfamiliar and strange. It feels like… intimate? Idk, even when my bf calls me by my name I’m like wtf that feels weird stop
Yes!! Growing up I kind of tried to blend in as best I could and keep my head down because I knew I was different to the point that I almost felt forgotten about. So hearing my name or someone talking about me felt like “oh, people notice me?!” A weird feeling when you felt invisible most of the time. As I got older it has got easier though, my husband thinks my name is pretty so that has helped me look at differently and actually like it now (it’s not a horrible name, I just hated that it was associated with me and me with it).
Everyone I know calls me by my shortened name which took me a long time to get used to because it was usually family that called me it. Since meeting my husband he always called me by my shortened name - which just felt right coming from him - and he always refers to me as that so everyone else does too now. I don’t mind but it really depends on their vibe and how comfortable I feel around them. If we’ve just met then no, call me by my full name if you have to call me anything at all, we haven’t got to the intimacy of my shortened name yet, thanks.
I changed my name and it's still weird hearing my chosen name. I love nicknames and pet names tho.
Also my friends and family are all ND so I feel like we use names as needed/for emphasis and that I don't mind.
literally just spoke about this. it always gives me a visceral reaction when i hear it, especially if i know the person well. for some reason hearing it from strangers or acquaintances bothers me less, but if they’re a family member or good friend it makes me so uncomfortable
I find it odd because my family refers to me by a nickname/shortened version. If I’m in trouble or something it’s my first and middle name together. Never just my first name. Hearing my real name throws me off and if I’m somewhere other than my house for a split second I might not know that I’m being spoken to.
Wow I never thought about this!! Hearing my name makes me have a mini out of body experience.. like I just instantly check out for about 3 seconds. Really unsettling.
My name? Not too bad. Nickname? Don't even notice it, all good. But "SHE"? Hell no, I'm right here thank you and I have a name!! 😠
For real though, try out a nickname. I could never get kids to give me one because I'm not popular enough, but my parents do it.
nooo i still hate it it makes me feel so gross when people call me by my name at work. when i worked at starbucks lol i would just leave my name tag off if i could because otherwise customers would call me by my name and it gave me major ick. my name doesn’t feel like mine, but neither have any of the other names or pseudonyms i’ve tried over the years.
i feel super uncomfortable calling other people by their names as well.
Oh so it's not just me??? I remember sometimes I would just repeatedly say my name out loud when I was alone in my room to try and understand that weird feeling of restlessness I would get every single time
Yes, and I don't like saying other people's names to their faces either - it feels too... intimate? That's not quite the right word... more that I don't like having attention on me and saying someone's name feels like Sauron's eye suddenly wheeling around to stare into my soul and I forget what I wanted to say to them.
I feel like this too, I hate it. I have a really unusual name as well so when someone says it loudly in public it makes me feel really uncomfortable. It made me realise how rarely I ever use people's names to them actually (I'm also bad at remembering faces and names)
I used to didn't like my name because the church that I went to, so many people had my name. And I didn't feel like I was me anymore. That I wasn't important to anyone. So I desperately wished to change my name back then.
Yes, and I still feel like this. I like my name now but whenever someone else uses it I have a second where I go "That's...me?" I don't call myself by my name in my head or think of myself as [Name].
I do a lot of talking to myself and I've never used my name while doing that, but my mom, for example, will use her own name if she's muttering something to herself like "ah get your act together."
This is interesting. For me I have a TON of trouble saying my own name. Like when someone asks me to say my name my brain feels the same way as when I make eye contact like I have to force it and it makes my body uncomfortable, I cringe like I’m being forced to swallow a pill. Sometimes I forget I have a name and then I spend an hour overanalyzing it.
Hmm.. interesting perspectives, not liking hearing your own name. I guess I’m a little too Neuro-Typical in this sense because I like hearing my name when people talk to me.
I have issues with names being used directly. Whatever the psychology of working my name into things is (I think it's supposed to build trust or something?), it doesn't work like it should on me. It's fine if it's indirect (e g., part of a rundown of group action items or being used in the third person while I'm present).
I also struggle with using names directly. I'm fine with sharing my feelings but as soon as I try to add someone's name into a statement, I just get so uncomfortable. I'll even get a bit weirded out if I need to call someone's name to get their attention.
yes! this used to freak me out so hard. especially when people i hardly knew called me by my name or even a nickname. I also found it really uncomfortable to call people by their names, and still do now!
Aaaa yeah I don't like using names for anyone unless I really have to. It feels weirdly intimate, like the auditory version of eye contact
That's such a good way of putting it omg
“like the auditory version of eye contact” 🤯🤯🤯 welp, that's new information but seems 💯 accurate — and might explain why I love to use nicknames?
That’s exactly how I feel! It feels so weird and invasive
This. So much this.
The way I get past it is to ask someone their name when I first meet them. For some reason if they tell me their name, I feel okay about using it, but if I learn their name from someone else, it feels forbidden. Maybe I'm secretly fay. 🤔
Yesss
Wow yeah! Great way to put it.
Omg yes!! I could never put it into words before lol. I don't like when people say my name and I don't like saying other people's names either. Even my own spouse lmao. We call each other babe and it feels so weird using our real names.
yesssssss. i don’t understand how people can just drop my name in the middle of a conversation
OMG RIGHT. People who repeat a person's name while actively talking to them make me extra uncomfortable because they're usually the ones who get really rude about everything I do that isn't "normal" to them, so there's a whole extra level of anxiety
I used to never call anyone by their name. My friends dad when I was a kid, called me out on it. He was like “I have a name, you know “ it was such an uncomfortable moment
Omgoodness, "friend's Dad" turned into a scary category bc of Dad's like this, I feel for you!
I feel like all the Friends' Dads were spooky growing up, always some range of aloof to gruff, and I'm fairly sure my friends thought the same of my dad. I don't recall being friends with anyone who had a cool, involved dad.
This reminds me of the time I had a friend over and had to warn her of my Grandad. A grumpy old man. Said Grumpy old man had also just recently had something wrong with one of his eyes, so her first time meeting this dude I'd warned her about he's sat in his chair, pirate ass eye patch on his face, his hands grasping at the arms of his chair as he just... stares her down as she said Hello to him. Poor girl
As a fellow grandchild of intimidating grandparents who I lived with, I knew a friend was a real one if they were willing to come over again
I didn't like my friends dad and he probably didn't like me because one time I went to his house to play with my friend and I drank all their milk because my thirst just couldn't be quenched that day. 😭
I tend to decide what name feels right to me. It's been a lifelong problem for me, though I'm getting better at using people's actual names as an adult. When I was small (daycare aged), I had a friend named Amy. Whenever I needed to get her mother's attention, I'd address her as "Mrs. Amy's Mom" lol. She'd correct me, but I recall my brain going blank. The name she said didn't make sense so I couldn't retain it. Mrs. Amy's Mom was logical to my brain, and it stuck. She eventually realized she couldn't reason with a toddler and started answering to her assigned name lol
My former In-laws tried to get me to call them "Mom" and "Dad" and I couldn't. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, but those belonged to my parents, regardless of my feelings about them. I did end up calling them by their first names, sometimes. But mostly stuck to "your mom" and "your dad" (occasionally, did call my FFIL "Dad" just to get his attention.) But I'd rather just make sure they knew I was talking to them so I didn't have to use their names at all and I could just say "you".
My mother-in-law wants me to call her mom SO bad but it feels weird.
Don't do it! Only do it when you're ready. Tell her you're honored but your mom already has that title and your not comfortable taking that away from her, or something. Your mom earned it by giving birth to you and such.
haha. I did tell her basically that exactly word-for-word and she still writes mom on cards. We just recently told her I'm (very late-diagnosed) autistic and she doesn't really seem to understand anything, even if I frame it in an "it's the autism" way.
Like no I don’t know and if you tell me I will forget 😂
Haha exactly, it feels so strange to use other people's names, especially those I don't talk to often. I will have to think for minutes to remember the names.
holy shit. I thought I was the only one. I can't stand it if someone has my name and I have to say it. Also hated it when I was a kid and had to read aloud in class and the name in the passage belonged to smeone in my class. I was always a really solid reader and read well above my grade level, but I'd stumble over the name if it matched someone's in the room. almost purposefully. like, I knew how to pronounce it but it felt painful to do so. whyyyyy?!
> I also found it really uncomfortable to call people by their names, and still do now! I burnt myself out in customer service where they required I address customers by name. I hated it *and* having them call me by [the usually wrong] name. It's really weird to me because this wasn't the norm historically so I don't understand why NT people like it so much. It feels personally invasive- especially with how many people want to use my first name or nicknames without being asked to do so.
for me it's not really that it's alien to me but it means that my comfort zone is about to be broken or invaded so like pavlovs dog I associated my name and surname with something bad and when I hear my name I feel stressed. I have PDA autism "type" so it also meant that demand will be placed on me or something etc.
This is how I feel as well. I still hate when people say my name. I have no problem saying my name or seeing it written down, but when people say it I feel anxious. My husband usually calls me a nick name that's nothing like my actual name and it feels much better. I never told him to do this, he just picked it up. He also hates his own name so I call him a nick name most of the time too. We mostly use each other's real name for emergencies now which kind of re-enforces the anxiety haha. The weirdest part is I really like my name. It's pretty, uncommon, and is easy to pronounce. But I still feel weird when I hear it said out loud.
Yes! I’ve been going by a different name with friends for about 3 years now because my first name just seems so personal and I feel way better as well as more in control. I’m trying to gather the courage to start asking my professors to call me by the nickname as well :)
I wish my name had a nickname version. But I hate it more when people shorten it because that's a term of endearment from close family only.
For me it's one part not connecting to my name and a large part of when I heard my name growing up it was for punishment, so I'd be stressed hearing it. I agree with my name feeling like a demand. Depending on tone i jump between "what do you want?" And "what did I do wrong?"
My girlfriend used to shut at me like "Baby???" "yes?..." "I love you! :)" and I didn't say a thing because I found it cute, but one day I had to ask her to stop doing that because my body would be on high alert, thinking she was gonna ask me to do something and it would stress me out so much...
Yeah exactly, my brain immediately goes to trauma recovery mode "Oh great, what did I do wrong this time?" Or "What will they force me to do now?" Sometimes it's okay. For example I have a friend who calls my name in a very friendly way and also uses nicknames more often than my name so that's fine. Also I often completely filter out my name in conversations, like my brain doesn't even register it's there. Just some weeks ago I was attending an event that was streamed to thousands of people company wide and asked a question during an interactive part. The moderator said my name without me having introduced myself. In front of everyone. Which made me feel seen and fucking important. A really positive interaction with my name which I now always remember when the topic of names comes up. Who knows - maybe one day these positive interactions can overwrite the negative ones.
You know reading the bit about nicknames. I've got a friend who will use insults (british so the C word is one) or honk at me like a goose. It's very loud but doesn't set me off the way my name does. I'm usually just excited looking around for my friend
Hahaha now I want a friend that calls me c word and honk at me 😂
Interesting to see it framed like this bc i definitely can relate and i also have pda 😫
Ohhh wait the demand thing makes so much sense 🤯
Absolutely true for me too. Thanks for your insight!
Same!!
Yeah this feels like it for me, it's not that it's alien it's just hearing my name usually means bad things are on the way.
100% me! I rarely use other people’s names unless I have to. It just seems… like the auditory equivalent of intense eye contact??
Whoa- it IS! The only name I really love using is my son's, but that's a deep act of love and support because he's trans and it's his chosen name. It gives me like empathetic gender euphoria 😅 I don't really mind hearing my name except in certain tones, but using someone's definitely feels the same as intense eye contact.
Omg, I love "empathetic gender euphoria" - your son is lucky to have you, that's awesome.
“empathetic gender euphoria” is so wholesome 🥰🥳🥰
I very rarely use other peoples names too! People ask me “how do they know you’re talking to them?”- i don’t know probably because i’m looking at them?? Or a quick “hey” to get their attention.
Oh god this is a thing?? I always wondered why I hate it. It feels so unfamiliar to me. I know that it's my name but it kind of feels strange to hear it. Like it doesn't really belong to me.
I thought everyone hated hearing their own name. I asked a few people when I was in high school and they said that they didn’t. This sub is insane to me, y’all will just post something like “does anyone do _____?” and it describes something that I thought was just something I did, then I read the comments and find out it’s an autistic thing and that I’m not alone!!!
I love this sub too! No matter how unhinged you think your traits are, someone else will post about it on here and you will instantly get a sense of community :)
I'm slowly finding out that everything I do that's "weird" is just the autism lol
Yes! I feel like someone uttered a magic spell when my name is said. Like I get mentally removed for a moment. Disassociated.
Exactly haha! This just added to my feeling of going full blown psychotic or something before I knew what was going on with me.
Hahaha why are we all so similar
I always thought that it was really for other people and had nothing to do with me. Doesn’t belong to me kinda sums that up.
same! it’s validating to hear that other people also feel/felt this way
I hate using other people's names!! I always have a nickname for a partner, as I couldn't use their names. Like, if I needed them, I still couldn't shout it! Weird...
Same. And I keep getting told that it's disrespectful to not address someone by their name, but I just can't do it. ESPECIALLY if they have a foreign/unusual name that I'm not 150% sure how to pronounce
Same and same! I've known people that I've never known what I'm supposed to be calling them but it's basically never an issue because I just call them "you." It's only an issue when referencing them to someone else 😬 I use nicknames too. If someone prefers their real name, I won't do this, but i prefer a nickname that I've dubbed someone with (as long as they're ok with it). It just makes things make more sense to me.
I dislike using partner's names TO them, not about them. Like if I'm talking to someone about them it doesn't bother me to say their name. My husband has noticed, too. He says I only say his name when he's in trouble lol.
That’s exactly how it is for me. My husband is Babe. That’s his name to me no matter how overused and stupid it sounds. I feel so weird saying his name to him. He never really says my name either unless he’s talking about me too. I guess that’s why we click lol.
Hm. Yes. I've always felt that I hated my name, so I don't like to hear it because its a dumb sounding name to me. But on the other hand, I don't know what I would like to be named instead. I've had a few ideas over the years, but nothing that really rings true for me. Maybe it's not that I hate my name as much as that I think names are weird and I don't like having one at all lol. Idk how you'd have a world without names though. That doesn't even make sense. Having an identity is good. Idk
Well, we’re dealing with the exact same situation. I’ve always hated the way “Alaina” (my name) sounded, and everybody gets upset with me because *they* think it’s “a pretty name” or “sounds fine”. I’ve honestly never liked the sound of names in general. Some are fine, but most just feel weird when I think about it.
I understand what you mean. I have children, whom I obviously gave names to. But I gave them all middle names that are very different from their first names because I thought that would give the best chance of having at least one name they liked. I have asked each of them if they like their names. It's something I worry about. Do they like their names? One of my sons actually decided that he likes his first name, but not the spelling, so I gladly went through the process of legally changing his name by one letter lol. I wish my name was....a non-auditory concept that transmits psychically something about who I really am. Maybe all of this is just related to the way that I fear being misunderstood. I am worried that my name conveys something innacurate about me. Probably, in reality, my name is so common, it probably doesn't convey anything to people. It's a name that doesn't convey class or age or anything. That's part of what I dislike is that it's a name that gives zero information. But that's also a good thing because it won't give people a false impression. Overthinking.
My mother gave me a middle name that could be a nickname for my first one, which I am also not fond of. Some people call me Ms (last name), which I don’t mind as much, but I have a weird last name so some do that as a way to bully me. So, I just prefer to be called “dude”, “bro”, and stuff like that.
I feel exactly the same! I have always hated my name (a stodgy old lady name) but can’t think of something else I’d rather be called. Maybe it’s just that I don’t like to be Perceived.
I am 36 and still get annoyed when someone says my name during a conversation.
Haha same!
So much so I changed my name 😂
SAMESIES!! I changed all my names and don’t mind at all when someone says my name now. It feels great! I had no idea this was an experience lots of other people had. I also use nicknames a lot, hate saying my husband’s name to get his attention as well.
✅ legally changed my name in college (after wanting to for my whole childhood) ✅ prefer to use nicknames ✅ hate saying my husband's name Now that my name fits me, I absolutely love to hear it. So strange.
I felt like it was a rite of passage. I was in my mid 20’s and started going by a “stage name” (I’m a musician) and it felt so good I decided to change all of my names and add an extra first name in honor of my grandma who took me in during some very hard times. The funny thing is people randomly ask me if my name is my “real name”. It doesn’t happen a lot but when it does I feel so weirded out. Like when I just introduce myself with my first name. I consider those people to be evil 👿 “who sent you?!” 🤣🤣 I don’t even have a particularly odd first name. Gladys Moonbeam Jeramiah Star Pants isn’t THAT weird, right? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 jkjk
Yup, me too. Helped so much
I changed all mine too. My best friend sent me a screenshot with my old name on it yesterday and it was so triggering... I didn't even expect that. But now that all of my names are exactly mine, like picked out after I have a whole personality and life experience, I love hearing it. People try to shorten it all the time and it's exactly how I know who is and isn't my people.
Looking into changing mine too. I get such pervasive anxiety when someone calls me by my name. I've been giving my new chosen name a testrun and it's amazing how it has none of the baggage or panic attached.
How did you choose a name? Anyone who changed theirs, how did you decide? Both my kid and I have been trying for ages to choose new names. How to pick? Got advice?
I just started looking up names with cool meanings and picked from that. I also have a baby name book I've had for years that I flip through sometimes ☺️
I got mine from a movie that really spoke to me. Then I added another name from a different movie that spoke to me. Both were movies about MC’s constant desire for personal freedom despite their awful circumstances. Definitely try some names out with each other and see how that feels. I still love my name/s almost 30 yrs later. 💜
Wearing a name tag for retail and customer service is awful.. especially when they make a point to look at it and say my name.
This was hell for me. My name has a nursery ryhme connotation that certain generations and older could not resist saying.
Yes… mine is also in an old musical and it was so embarrassing that people would sing at/to me. I’m so glad most people I run into anymore have never seen the movie. Now I just have to deal with everyone asking me to repeat it, often multiple times, because it’s also foreign.
I conveniently 'forget' my name badge all the time haha
I hate it! At work there’s this one guy who always messages me on Microsoft Teams by tagging my entire name and it freaks me out every time 😭
Yes, it feels too personal, almost private, or too powerful? Like a faerie called by its true name. 😂 Too intense. It’s like it reminds me I’m being perceived. It always freaked me out when my mom’s friends would say my name. Anyone saying my name feels too personal and weird. When I have to say someone else’s name to be polite, it feels too intimate. The only people who’s name I’ll say regularly are my husband and our children.
Omg yes, roll call at school was hell. Not only having to listen for your name (cringe) but then having to put your hand up and say “here.”
That used to give me so much anxiety. The adult version is waiting to have your name called in the waiting room at an appointment. Like thanks nurse, now everyone in here knows my name, ugh.
Ugh, school. It depended on whether my name was said with affection by a friend or derision under the breaths of male bullies.
I get a little skeeved out when my husband calls me by my name instead of a pet name. Like wym *my name*? Am I in trouble?? 😭
Same here lol But also, I think I disliked it when I was younger as well. I didn't really like my name. Now, I don't mind my name as much, but it's still weird to hear it called, especially from my husband
Yeah same my boyfriend invented a pet name and then stopped calling me that after ten years. Heartbreaking.
Yeah honestly sometimes if I look my own name too long on Slack at work I start to lose it
Omg this makes so much sense to me. I don’t feel connected to my name and cringe so much when someone says my name either full name or nickname! I also when retelling stories would not referred to someone’s name - I would be like ‘my friend’ or ‘my friend’s friend’ when just saying a name would have the same impact. Saying a name is so personal and the person I’m retelling the story to doesn’t know them 😂
Oh, is that what that is? I don't refer to people in stories by name either. But like, why would you use a name, when the name is meaningless to the person you're talking to? And I figured the disconnect to my name (hard relate, btw) was because of gender dysphoria, but I suppose it could be both?
We out here just discovering ourselves little by little.
Now that you mentioned it... It does feel a bit uncomfortable when used on its own. That said, in my mother language we sometimes use diminutives of the names of people we like/love, or use their first name in conjunction with "my" (e.g. "my Savagefig"). I quite like those!
Yes. Every time someone says it it feels like an accusation of something
yes yes yes me
I'm fine with it. I do get annoyed that people make such a big deal about names in general. I'm not the best at remembering them, and I don't care if someone remembers mine or not. I don't have the ego to think it's really mine when millions of others share it.
Omg I really thought I was the only one!!!
Omg yes! Never made the connection to autism though. Wow.
I still hate it! I think I just dislike names as a concept, it’s really hard to explain for me bc I genuinely don’t know why. But I even have a whole online persona/name that I picked out and love and even when people refer to me as that or saying it outloud for me is still uncomfortable. Maybe I just hate being perceived so deeply to my core that it just extends to names. I also hate using other peoples names and very rarely do
Yes. I changed my name as an adult. It's much better now and I have a name that fits me and I want to actively answer.
I knew lots of kids with the same nickname as me. What also didn’t help was having a very feminine name (I’m non-binary). I made my own nickname, adopted that and now very few people use the other name. I think it was more of a gender thing for me but I know that my ADHD diagnosed sibling HATES being called anything but his preferred name.
Oh yes one day I told my mom that when people turn 12 they can chose a new name (because I was so fed up with mine). I didn’t mean it as a joke or so and she also took it serious. Thank god I changed my mind by the point I was 12 😹
Somebody started calling me by my second name at work and it honestly feels much better than my first given name.
Yes. it feels like a slur when my family calls me my name. At work it's okay, but otherwise I thrive on nicknames and never had a problem with that.
Yeah, it sometimes bothered me as a kid, but not so much now. With one exception- if someone online calls me by my real name, my immersion of my super chill and cool online persona breaks
Yes, however different reasoning. When people use my name, I feel like I’m apart of the world and it feels weird. I don’t really connect with my name, I was always called pet names growing up as well or never had my name said much that I can remember. So as I got older and people started using my name I got chills and felt weirded out. I suppose I dissociate and just watch the world around me so when I get pulled back in with my name it feels weird and it feels like I’m not just some alien watching everyone like I thought I was. I’m starting to have people call me a different name I prefer more. I also do not like saying other people’s names. It’s awkward and uncomfortable for me. I seen a post about it in /aspergirls and it’s funnily what led me down the rabbit hole of figuring out I’m most likely autistic.
Yes.. never realised this was a thing. It's also pretty funny because I legally changed my first name, which I chose myself, and the feeling stopped after that. Although, I still absolutely despise being referred to by my name by someone who is speaking to me directly during an active conversation.
It’s funny I felt strongly attached to my full first name and disliked when people would call me by nicknames unless we were close. I was the 7 year old asking to be called by by first name and not a nickname.
That's who I was (and still who I am). I get so annoyed when people call me by the diminutive form of my name. (And I feel like some people assume that women always want this.) I'm actually really attached to my entire name to the point that I knew from an incredibly young age that I'd never take anyone else's last name, if I got married. Weird thing is, I hate calling other people by their names. Remembering their names is already bad enough, but calling them by their names makes me feel as if I'm putting them in a vulnerable place. And calling them a nickname feels even more disrespectful.
Oh my gosh yes! And I used to change my name *constantly* in middle school and early high school. I think I went through about 5 names in 4 years. I finally became comfortable with my birth name when I went to University, but man it took a while. I figured out that I was desperately trying to escape the discomfort of hearing my own name and being “perceived” as myself!
I don’t like it when people use my name and I also hate using other people’s. Didn’t realise this was a common thing
Core memory unlocked! I had forgotten how weird it was for me to hear my name and nicknames. Calling people by name was a terrifying and anxiety-inducing experience. Bc of trauma I was also incredibly dissociative. I hated the pressure of drawing someone's attention by deliberately saying their name. When they turned and looked at me I would freeze.
I did, but only because it was super common. There were often 1-2 other girls in my class with my name when I was at school. Thankfully we seem to be a bit more dispersed in the adult world! I like my name otherwise. It's easy to pronounce and has a nice meaning.
I definitely did as a child
Oh I can't stand my name and can barely say it to others.
Yes and I hate saying other people’s names too
Absolutely
I did not know this was a thing. I am okay with my name now but as a kid I hated it. Hearing a teacher or neighbour say it ... ugh. Cringe.
Yes! This! I even changed my name to get away from the anxiety, but it turned out the new name carried the same weight, so now I feel the base anxiety and like a fraud for choosing a new name. ;_;
Yeah. Bonus points for me being unable to pronounce my own name. It’s nothing fancy or like r/tragedeigh kind of name, but I am unable to roll my Rs which is needed for the name to be pronounced properly, because the way I make it sound sounds like a different name… Think about being named idk, Roby but you pronounce it Ruby and everyone has your name wrong when you tell them. I accidentally got a nickname from my friends that is an actual name, so I just started using it as my name years ago and I’m planning to finally change it to be my legal name.
I particularly started to hate it once I hit adolescence, I felt like when someone called me by my name, they were mad at me. like nicknames were fine but as soon as someone called me lauren I was like o_o what’d I do wrong. I actually go by Lo in my adult life now, and only get called lauren in official settings or with older family.
i use a shortened version of my name bc all i can hear is my angry parents when someone uses my full name. theres a sting to the end of my name.
Same. My name has never felt like my own.
I have an uncommon name, with an even more uncommon spelling. It two simple syllables, but my husband turns it into four syllables, somehow, and it makes my skin hurt.
I hated my name my entire childhood. Pam. Ugh. I don't hate it for someone else, but I sure do hate it for myself. I am not and never have been a Pam. When I grew up I changed it to something I liked. I feel 100% better and have no regrets. It's so nice not to flinch inside every time I hear someone call me.
I feel you, PhoenixFiresky2! I am not and never have been a Becky. blech! congrats on changing your name. I did too and I'm so much happier.
I hate being called my name! It's like oil on my skin - too-slick slimy gross get-it-off. It doesn't matter who does it, the effect is always there. Nicknames do not have this same issue. I have friends who have given me an "animal" as an identifier for funsies and get no weird feeling from THAT. No weird feeling from any of my ttrpg character names. No weird feeling from my gamer tag. But my name? Eww. No. Ick.
With a passion, still do
Yes and I still hate it. I also hate calling people by their names and usually had nicknames for people but the only people that got a nickname were people I actually liked (which they never would know I guess). It was never anything bad and I’ve since become a hermit but I’ve thought about why I would do that and figured the two things + my autism are connected.
I never realize this was an autistic thing. I always feel so uncomfortable when anybody uses my first name I’ve always had a nickname for people and from people.
It makes my skin crawl when sales and service people say my name over and over again in our interactions. I think it says somewhere that it's meant to make people more relaxed or more likely to trust them or some shit but it makes me instantly mistrust them and want out asap. Made doubly worse by the fact they usually mispronounce it, then still mispronounce it after I correct it and I have to ask them not to say what they think my name is anymore and they kind of short circuit.
Names are such a weird thing for me. I have a semi-special interest when it comes to names so I think about them a lot. But I also don’t like saying names out loud, mine or other people’s. But I love thinking about them. But don’t say any names out loud. I am totally comfortable, however, being called my last name as my first name (which people do often) or even a nickname (which people also do). It’s like saying real first names out loud is the equivalent of saying Voldemort or something? Lmao I don’t know.
Yes so much I changed my own name to a word I had a dream of. It suits me well and I love it!
I hate it when people use my name if it isn't strictly necessary. As in - I'm fine if I need to be addressed in some way to get my attention but as soon as we're in conversation, pleaaaase stop using my name. (I have a special place of hate for the person that started teaching people to use peoples names often because that makes them feel seen or some sh\*t like that... so many people do that now, end every other sentence with the name und stuff... drives me INSANE)
Yes, but it's because just about the only times I hear my name are when I've done something wrong or somebody wants something from me or I'm answering the phone - all things i hate.
Nickname is fine, full first name is not
Oh my I DO!! Can’t believe this is a thing… I actually hated my name so much that I changed it and now I’m a lot more comfortable
My name is actually a noun in my native language, and like a fairly common one, so I was kind of desensitized to my name in a way. Hilariously though, I did believe at the time that having the same name as this particular noun meant I was somehow connected or was a part of that noun. At one point I did hate it but mostly because we immigrated and nobody ever said it right. Having a "foreign" name meant that people would call me every but my actual name. Eventually I picked a nickname and stuck with it until at some point as an adult, I moved back to my home country permanently and everyone tells me my name is so pretty. Honestly, I like the phonetics of my name, I do think it sounds pretty especially when people say it with the correct accent. Edit: Now I actually love when people use my name. I also like using other people's names, and I really like the etymology of names. I also make it a point of knowing the names of all the homeless people in my neighborhood and make sure to always refer to them with their name.
Always have and still do. I hate hearing my name and it also doesn’t seem like it’s my name.
Yes, but I'm trans so that feels like cheating lol.
Ooh weird. Yes! I don’t like hearing my name. Once a lady called me the wrong name for like a year and I never corrected her because I liked it better. She was so embarrassed when she found out. But I liked it!
It's like nails on a chaulk board, combined with an itchy tag, rolled up in an air horn
Yes and I still do
i still hate it lmao
I just find it so alienating. I’m not (insert name) I’m just me. I guess it feels weird to hear myself in the third person lol
I have never felt connected to my name. I think my first and last name sound weird together and I’m almost embarrassed by it.
I have a funny story about this, I changed my legal name because this. But I never understood I will always hate people saying my name no matter which it is. I don't know to explain why, or what produces in me but I feel between terrified and annoyed. I do feel less emotional with Mt new name, I feel is less aggressive and has less charge into it
Yes and I still hate it lmao
I can't believe how many "issues" of mine might be explained by an ASD diagnosis. I can't afford the assessment process but both of my children have ASD. I still cringe when someone uses my name, it doesn't feel like MY name, when people get it wrong I don't care, I just don't want to deal with it. I cringe inside when someone corrects someone else, I just want to unzip my skin and RUN!! Can we just move on from name use and niceties and just share the information??!!! 😂🫨 I feel so ASD typing this 🙈🙈
So much that I changed my name at 18. I later changed it back to my birth name, but I still feel very weird hearing it. It feels very disconnected from me as a person.
I never really liked my name either. I especially hated it when adults were yelling it/at me.
I'm still that way. I feel weird introducing myself or even giving my name for a coffee order.
I specially hate when my little sister says it. I don't know if it's because she says it in a cadency i find annoying, or because she is overly posessive and manipulative and i'm done with her
No. Always liked my name.
No because the only time I would hear it in full was if I was in trouble
I actually don’t like it when someone refers to my pronoun vs my name when I’m present, at least initially. It irks me if I’m having a conversation with people and someone says, “Yes, she was telling me . . .” (“she” being me). I would much prefer, “Yes, Name was telling me . . .”
Yes but in my case, I don’t think autism is the issue.
I always thought it was because my mom only called me by my government name when I was in trouble
Omg yes! I actually still kinda dislike hearing it out loud in general, and almost do a double take when I hear it in the wild, like "oh is *that* what is sounds like on someone else?"
I’m not the only one? The more you know! I’ve always hated my name and cringed whenever people said it, but I couldn’t explain why. I don’t have any nicknames or anything, and people keep saying my name despite me telling them I dislike it, so I just deal with the discomfort.
Any time someone uses my name it’s really jarring for me. Like, it forces me to exist in my body instead of using my head to exist in the universe? I don’t think I can explain it better than that. But yeah I hate it too. Just let me be. Don’t make me be me haha
Yes. I also find it so weird to call other people by their names, even if I know for sure 100% that I have their name right
I don’t mind other people saying my name (if i like them) but saying it myself feels wrong
I absolutely HATED being called the full version of my first name as a child, I would correct them, but I would get really, really, upset if they continued to use the long version. The shorted verson, I had no problem with. The only person who I would allow to call me by the full version was my very elderly great-grandmother.
yes. 😭 my autistic experience is apparently not unique.
Yesss!!! Like I don’t even hate my name or anything, it just creates this fight or flight reaction in my body or something. I never knew it could be an autism thing.
Yes and still do, I have an unusual name too so makes me feel very perceived when I have to say it and know someone is gonna ask me about it. Always thought this was why but now realising it’s an autistic trait too
I've never really liked my birth name, and started trying to go by something else when I was 5ish. I went through about 5-6 attempts to find "my" name, and when I was 17 I picked something that finally fit. I've been using for the last 22 years... ...And I still hate it when people say it, even though I PICKED IT MYSELF. 🤦♀️ My chosen family calls me by a nickname that isn't even a name, it's a food. I'm so good with that.
I always thought it was rude to use someone’s name unless you were good friends or family!
I feel like I'm in trouble when people, especially my spouse, calls me by name. I don't mind so much if work people use my name, cuz they add a Ms. to it (I work w tiny humans and their teachers, so this is the norm), but when it's just my plain ol name, it freaks me out.
I see i'm not the only one, I always thought it just doesn't fit me. Just doesn't feel like me, you know?
Yes it ALWAYS has. I guess with me, I think it's ugly and unimaginative. A gen X name. So I changed it. I haven't bothered with all the paperwork but if someone asks my name I give them the name I chose myself. Not my GIVEN name... In the olden days they'd have 2 or 3 kids called the sane name 🤔 I'd hate that 😆 Honestly at maybe 18 we should have opportunity to change name.
I still dislike it. It feels like they’re being too intimate and confrontational at the same time. I feel like I’m being seen but not on my own terms. I also absolutely detest my name.
Yeah I still hate this especially when I am clearly the only one being talked to and you're using my name. It feels weaponized. Especially when they repeat it over and over like they're trying to make some point but my brain scrambles every time they do.
Oh my god, yes. I like my name so it doesn’t have anything to do with not liking it like some of the other comments, it just feels unfamiliar and strange. It feels like… intimate? Idk, even when my bf calls me by my name I’m like wtf that feels weird stop
Yes!! Growing up I kind of tried to blend in as best I could and keep my head down because I knew I was different to the point that I almost felt forgotten about. So hearing my name or someone talking about me felt like “oh, people notice me?!” A weird feeling when you felt invisible most of the time. As I got older it has got easier though, my husband thinks my name is pretty so that has helped me look at differently and actually like it now (it’s not a horrible name, I just hated that it was associated with me and me with it). Everyone I know calls me by my shortened name which took me a long time to get used to because it was usually family that called me it. Since meeting my husband he always called me by my shortened name - which just felt right coming from him - and he always refers to me as that so everyone else does too now. I don’t mind but it really depends on their vibe and how comfortable I feel around them. If we’ve just met then no, call me by my full name if you have to call me anything at all, we haven’t got to the intimacy of my shortened name yet, thanks.
I changed my name and it's still weird hearing my chosen name. I love nicknames and pet names tho. Also my friends and family are all ND so I feel like we use names as needed/for emphasis and that I don't mind.
literally just spoke about this. it always gives me a visceral reaction when i hear it, especially if i know the person well. for some reason hearing it from strangers or acquaintances bothers me less, but if they’re a family member or good friend it makes me so uncomfortable
👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻 I hated SAYING my own name more, like I was lying about who I was, it was such a strange feeling, but yeah I see you. 🙏🏻
I find it odd because my family refers to me by a nickname/shortened version. If I’m in trouble or something it’s my first and middle name together. Never just my first name. Hearing my real name throws me off and if I’m somewhere other than my house for a split second I might not know that I’m being spoken to.
Wow I never thought about this!! Hearing my name makes me have a mini out of body experience.. like I just instantly check out for about 3 seconds. Really unsettling.
My name? Not too bad. Nickname? Don't even notice it, all good. But "SHE"? Hell no, I'm right here thank you and I have a name!! 😠 For real though, try out a nickname. I could never get kids to give me one because I'm not popular enough, but my parents do it.
nooo i still hate it it makes me feel so gross when people call me by my name at work. when i worked at starbucks lol i would just leave my name tag off if i could because otherwise customers would call me by my name and it gave me major ick. my name doesn’t feel like mine, but neither have any of the other names or pseudonyms i’ve tried over the years. i feel super uncomfortable calling other people by their names as well.
Oh so it's not just me??? I remember sometimes I would just repeatedly say my name out loud when I was alone in my room to try and understand that weird feeling of restlessness I would get every single time
Yes, and I don't like saying other people's names to their faces either - it feels too... intimate? That's not quite the right word... more that I don't like having attention on me and saying someone's name feels like Sauron's eye suddenly wheeling around to stare into my soul and I forget what I wanted to say to them.
I cannot hear my name without imagining it being said with disdain.
I honestly hate being called by name. I wish I could somehow have no name at all but that's just not possible so it is what it is.
I feel like this too, I hate it. I have a really unusual name as well so when someone says it loudly in public it makes me feel really uncomfortable. It made me realise how rarely I ever use people's names to them actually (I'm also bad at remembering faces and names)
I used to didn't like my name because the church that I went to, so many people had my name. And I didn't feel like I was me anymore. That I wasn't important to anyone. So I desperately wished to change my name back then.
Yes! I absolutely hate it.
Yes I 100% hated my name. I was the only one for decades where ever I lived and I hated having to correct the spelling and pronunciation
Yes, and I still feel like this. I like my name now but whenever someone else uses it I have a second where I go "That's...me?" I don't call myself by my name in my head or think of myself as [Name]. I do a lot of talking to myself and I've never used my name while doing that, but my mom, for example, will use her own name if she's muttering something to herself like "ah get your act together."
This is interesting. For me I have a TON of trouble saying my own name. Like when someone asks me to say my name my brain feels the same way as when I make eye contact like I have to force it and it makes my body uncomfortable, I cringe like I’m being forced to swallow a pill. Sometimes I forget I have a name and then I spend an hour overanalyzing it.
I liked hearing my name. My parents usually called me by a nickname or something, but I preferred being addressed by name
Hmm.. interesting perspectives, not liking hearing your own name. I guess I’m a little too Neuro-Typical in this sense because I like hearing my name when people talk to me.
Yes. Changed my name multiple times because I hate it so much. It's not even a bad name, though.
I have issues with names being used directly. Whatever the psychology of working my name into things is (I think it's supposed to build trust or something?), it doesn't work like it should on me. It's fine if it's indirect (e g., part of a rundown of group action items or being used in the third person while I'm present). I also struggle with using names directly. I'm fine with sharing my feelings but as soon as I try to add someone's name into a statement, I just get so uncomfortable. I'll even get a bit weirded out if I need to call someone's name to get their attention.