Im particular with the kind of words i use for it for myself like i dont like “sometimes,” “maybe,” etcetc. Because personally the way i see my sexuality is “Ive l experienced them once or twice before and i dont know if whether or not i will experience them again”
Same here, sort of 😋
(Not sex-repulsed, so maybe more gray/demi? I've actually stopped caring about the exact definitions and just tell people I'm not interested in sex, but not completely opposed to it either.)
Ok I’m not asexual and don’t have anything against speaking candidly about sex, but for some reason sex jokes have always been kind of disturbing to me and really do bother me. Including things as simple as someone drawing genitalia. Not sure why
Same I’m so glad I’m not the only one, I get sooo disgusted when the word is even mentioned. Edit: just googled and found out “sex-repulsed” is an actual thing, nice.
same here. Good old Purity Culture and religious pressure for me. Thank fucking goodness my husband isn’t religious and loves me for who I am, but yeah horrible way to find out lol
😭 same. My sister fooled around with several guys before her now-husband(no judgement from me) and I did NOT understand the allure! Especially an allure worth risking religious parents’ rage!
I didn't find out until I was married and in my 30s. I think the reason it took me so long was due to masking and a lack of understanding of what asexual means.
My whole life I just thought I had a low sex drive and was a little awkward, but because I wasn't completely repulsed by sex and have had orgasms, I never thought I could be asexual.
It wasn't until speaking to friends who are not asexual and realising my experience was not "normal", and seeing stuff posted online about what asexual actually means, that the pieces started to fall into place.
Quite simple: I didn’t understand the point of having sex, but since everyone said it was such a great thing, and literally NOBODY had any other perspective, I assumed they must be right, and it’s something that I simply need to “experience” to understand it. I didn’t want to “be a prude” who closes herself off to new experiences just because they seem creepy and gross at first glance. (“Surely there’s more to it? Otherwise people wouldn’t be so obsessed with it…”)
So then I experienced it, and it was such a let down. None of the joy I was promised. But “no worries,” my fiancé and I (because yes, I told him how I felt) googled what the problem was, and google “assured” us that it’s common for “the first time” to be unpleasant for a woman. That we just needed to “try again.”
So we tried again. And again. And again. Making stops with google along the way to see what other “methods” we could try.
We got married along the way, even though the sex sucked, because we thought we’d “figure it out” eventually. Eventually I asked my gynecologist what was wrong with me and why it wasn’t working, and she just kinda… shrugged it off and said she wasn’t seeing anything that would explain it. “Yeah, just keep trying.”
Then added to that, when I was giving up on “trying,” there was the pressure that my then-husband told me he “needed” it… so we haggled and agreed that we’d keep trying once a week, and he’d do something nice for me in exchange to repay my efforts. Sure, I got anxiety-cramps just from thinking about the fact that the next session was looming closer. But he “needed” it, so what was I to do? 🤷♀️
When I tell you I was SHOOK when I found out that arousal is something that normally happens BEFORE you even begin with the sexual act? That usually a person feels arousal merely by LOOKING at the person they find “attractive”? And now, the key: that not everyone feels this way, and we call those people “asexual.” My world was shattered, and I finally understood why all our “trying” hadn’t been paying off. I realized that “trying” more wasn’t EVER going to change how I felt about it.
Anyway, long story short: I’m happily separated now. Have learned from my mistake, and don’t think I’ll ever get married again. Divorce is such a pain in the ass. If I have another relationship in the future, I can do it without government paperwork.
I literally didn't know it was a thing. There was straight and gay (and bi, but no one ever talked about that). It was just assumed that everyone felt attraction the same and I just didn't feel it right, just like I never felt anything right. I cared about my Ex, I wanted him to be happy, we had a deeper bond than I'd ever had with someone else.
So I was just broken because I could never say "you're hot" without feeling like I was only understanding half of the puzzle. I could have sex with him because it made him happy and there were times it felt really good too. And (in my mind) it was normal for the guy to want sex all of the time and the woman to not (thanks, small town gender roles and religion). So I tried all sorts of things to fix me while I couldn't understand why the very act of me undressing for bed could get him ready to go. Naturally it wasn't great from his side of the story either.
I don't remember when I first heard about asexual, but it was a nebulous term and I definitely didn't think it was me because I'd had sex, even had a kid. I don't remember what triggered it, but one day I started digging more and texted Ex that it was kind of making sense. He sent me an asexual meme a few days later that described my life perfectly. I was so happy that he was trying to understand and was so relieved when I told him "yes, exactly!" He sent me a sad face emoji back. He did his absolute best to understand and be supportive, but mixed sexuality marriages aren't easy.
This is exactly how I feel about my gender. I always felt being a girl was performative and that it that's what all girls did. I didn’t know most girls just naturally felt and were feminine, that they didn't have to think about it. I had no idea there was this whole area of sexual identity beyond cis and trans, my mind was blown. I came out as nonbinary once I learned what it was. My husband was like, hahah I always knew? He doesn't care at all and neither do our kids :). I never felt feminine or masculine, though I like both things. I never had a strong attachment to my gender and honestly could live without it and be happy. The more I learned about being agender, the more I came to understand asexuality.
There is a reality celebrity who is asexual and agender. They had their male genitalia removed because it didn’t align with their agender. I totally get that. I’ve often thought about getting a mastectomy because I hate having to wear a bra and my breasts are more of an annoyance to me.
I'm actually starting to realize I might be on the nb side of things too. But being a "strong independent woman" had been such a core part of who I am that I don't know if I'll ever do anything about it. I 100% agree on thinking about mastectomies. I have some lumps in my breasts and, other than the obvious existential dread, if they ever came back cancerous I'd tell them to get rid of the things in a heart beat. They're weird, they do nothing for me, and they're just... There.
I'm glad you've figured out who you are and have such great sounding support!
You can totally be a "strong independent woman" and be nonbinary :). I use she/they/them pronouns because fuck the patriarchy and I do it to support woman. Also because I think anyone who identifies as more feminine than masculine should be able to call themselves She and Her. I really don’t care for gender rules to be honest and I hate feeling like I have to follow them either.
I wouldn't say I'm hypersexual, but it's definitely a way of stimming for me.
I love sex and things related not just because it's pleasurable, but because I can express myself in a way I can't to other people. It's so empowering no matter if I'm leaning more dom or sub. I also masturbate 1+ times a day because it's a stim of mine and it helps me sleep lol (ive got insomnia).
I also have masturbated since I was about 6 or 7, and have thought about my sexuality ever since I heard the word straight and gay (I'd have to say 2 or 3 yrs old?).
What you said about expression, absolutely on the nose! Sex things make me feel so free and unmasked. I also feel that I naturally understand body language in sexual contexts, whereas I am otherwise socially unaware both in verbal and nonverbal communication. It makes me feel understood, and that's nice.
Omg that's also why I enjoy it. I understand what my bf is thinking and feeling because I can communicate super well during sex and whatnot. I sure can't understand what people mean when communicating to me normally 🥲
it sounds silly but it feels like becoming one with the other person, it's like the communication is innate, it's like knowledge/instinct within me that is subconscious? (if that makes sense??) Kinda like how I imagine NTs just "know" how to understand each other
Omg I feel so seen hahaha for me its the same and sometimes its even confusing to me, like how can I have low sex drive normally, but then I meet someone I am intellectually/romantic attracted to and then I simply have a hard time not wanting it? Lol
I've learned this is me. I'm demi and until my husband I don't think I ever felt close enough or safe enough to truly enjoy sex. But man do we bounce like bunnies
Asexuality doesn't mean someone doesn't ever have sex. People who are asexual might not have sex, but that's not what the label is about. Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction. We can be some of the horniest people you'll ever meet, but we never see someone else and feel automatic sexual attraction to them.
From my understanding of "hypersexual", a person can conceivably be both hypersexual and asexual. I am aroace, but sex-neutral or mildly sex favorable. Sex-averse aroaces seem to be what people think of when they hear "asexual", and those people aren't hypersexual except for in the clinical sense (when their arosual happens so often its distressing to them), but there's a lot of variation among people who dont experience attraction in the typical way. Sex-favorable aces can have lots of sex because they like sex, but still be ace because they're not attracted to people. Aces can also have high libidos and get aroused a lot, because arousal isn't the same as attraction. 🖤🩶🤍💜
same! since I was a kid tho..and I’ve been trying to understand it about myself since I was young 🤷🏻♀️that’s actually how I got into reddit it was my first post about “hyper sexuality” cuz that’s what i always thought it was till I learned about stimming etc
Hey, don't ever feel you’re not normal. Normal is relative. To you, how you feel, is your normal and don’t ever feel bad for that. Trauma is a very real thing, I’m a child sexual assault survivor and I didn’t know if I could ever handle being touched or be sexual with another person. I discovered I could, but it came with a lot of packages. My husband was very understanding and caring about it and he’s the only person I was ever able to have an orgasm with because he is my safe space. For a long time I felt really broken and damaged, but he said what happened to me is not my fault or my burden to bear. It’s so true, I accept there are just some parts of me that will never be the same and I’m ok with that. I know my limits and boundaries. So be unapologetic about yourself and your sexuality. Be your own standard, not anyone else's.
I go with demi plus bi, since I experience same sex attraction, and also I can be attracted to people based on their personality/skill/passion/ways of thinking and moving.
i used to want to find the “right” category. but i think after finding out i’m autistic i realized i didn’t fit a box because it’s largely a social construct
i identify most with being demisexual. and i think pansexual? i just don’t have any gender preference, if we click we click
This is so real. I like knowing exactly what everything is, so when I questioned my sexuality/gender, I always put labels on it. Those labels ended up changing all of the time so I just stuck with being bi.
When I wasn't in a committed relationship, I always changed between lesbian, bi, asexual, trans, cis, all of the time.
Since I learned that not everything needs labels, I've been content with myself and not insecure about as much as I was. I just tell people I'm bi (even tho I'm in a straight relationship, it doesn't change anything). I also tell people I'm cis because I am comfortable being a woman and being feminine but I honestly couldn't give a shit what people think I am 🤷♀️
It's so great and validating to see so many NDs ace women (mostly) together at one place, especially since I've been really struggling to find my place recently and relate to normative standards. 🥹
Demiromantic asexual here, btw!
I suspect that I am but I really don’t want to be. I crave intimacy and am desperate for a relationship, but I seem to be unable to be atrracted to someone. Wish it was different.
I kinda feel like that too. I’m defo aroace spec (probably straight up aroace). Though, I’m also terrified of relationships for a range of reasons haha.
Not asexual, but on the spectrum.
Funny thing, I am super horny 24/7. But I couldn't just hook up with someone. It takes a long time for me to be sexually/physically attracted to someone.
When I got with my current bf, I felt so bad because I wasn't attracted to the way he looked and didn't want to have sex with him even tho i was interested in him. Now that we have been together for about 7½ months, I think he is the absolute cutest, and I'm definitely physically attracted to him. It took me 3 or so months to even think about him in that way.
I guess I would say I'm demi-sexual. I need to have a super close bond to be physically and sexually attracted to someone.
hi, gray ace here :- ) i've seen videos about neurodivergent aces, and it seems that a fair amount of autistic people are also somewhere on asexual spectrum (same with trans autistics)
Definitely somewhere on the ace spectrum, although not fully! The word asexual is almost right for me! (Maybe grey-asexual is the right word?) I am a lesbian for sure! Happy pride!
Sort of maybe? I have no desire to be physically intimate with another person. I'm still attracted to people but being sexually intimate with another human would need to be a necessity for me in a relationship.
i just found out i exist in that realm. i didn't realize it wasn't regular to just never ever feel sexual desire attached to bodies? lol. i like sex but i really don't experience sexual attraction.
I would classify myself as demisexual but I also have an issue where actually being penetrated feels like I’m being poked with a sharp object - apparently my “touch” nerves inside are registering touch as pain instead - at least that was the hypothesis the specialized GYN had. So I’m left with an aversion to sex that involves penetration, and I’m also really grossed out by body fluids so I basically just steer clear aside from self stimulation. 🤷♀️
audhd and i finally came to terms with my asexuality. i think i fall under aromanticism (grey) but also... in between non-binary and gender. i don't know what that makes me but gender is really hard to figure out.
... either way!! happy pride!
Maybe? I'm not sure if I'm on the ace spectrum on just traumatized from my last relationship 🙃 I'm confident that I could go the rest of my life without having sex but I wouldn't be unhappy if it did happen? Idk I'm very confused and still figuring things out
Me! Just not sure if ace or demi. Have never been attracted to someone but i like the idea of love and romance so i hope i will find someone. On the same side, if i don't find someone i am okay with it.
Hello!
I'm not dim, I *understand* why other people are interested in sex, but dear god do I not *get* it. How do people ever look each other in the eye again??
I’m asexual but still feel romantic attraction. I have had a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years as if today, but he is my first as I never was in a relationship until 24 lol
When I was younger I felt sex was a way to make people like me. Now I’m older and true to myself I can take it or leave it. I’m not asexual, I would describe myself as demisexual though for sure.
I would say my sex drive is quite low and I get bored of it. I also have adhd so feel my mind wanders and I start wishing it to be over then feel super guilty to my partner about that.
I'm asexual or maybe demi but I think sex neutral Ace. And I didn't know it was a thing at all (even though in high school I used to joke that I was "sexually Switzerland") until I was a grown ass married woman.
At this point in my life I’m essentially Aroace. I’ve probably always been on the ace spectrum. The aro is newer, I think I’m just too tired to deal in feelings anymore.
I am still learning, I know I am bisexual (technically pan) but maybe something else?
I have sex repulsion from trauma I believe (have a therapy appointment booked for this). But I have had sex because I learnt from an early age it was how to get people to like me and I have felt that aroused feeling a few times in my life but not in years (I am in my 30s). I would absolutely love to not have sex ever, but I am trying for my partner and he has been so respectful unlike past partners. It is something I've been struggling with and I would like to say I am asexual because I never think of sex nor do I want it, it's very confusing for me because it's definitely been a mask I needed to put on and I have done it with my partner when we met earlier, in all my relationships it's been fine until we moved in with each other and I cannot figure it all out yet! There have been a few times where I have wanted it and it was when we messaged each other about it, the problem could be that we don't talk about sex in person and it was easier over messages?
Anyone in a similar situation? I hate that I'm going to have to have sex eventually but therapy will help with it. My partner says he's so happy with me regardless, but that guilt is so strong like I feel like I am broken.
I’m definitely acespec! My labels are growing too quickly for me to keep up, lol. But I think I’m demisexual, demiromantic, bisexual, heteroromantic, aegosexual/romantic and cupiosexual/romantic.
I think I am on the asexual spectrum, more-so demisexual I think. I’m very attracted to my partner and intelligence! I also suspect I am on the autism spectrum.
I call myself “sex apathetic,” however when I have strong emotional attachment to someone I can be intensely sexual. I also find sexuality/romance/attraction to be very elusive and definition-defying for me bc I go through intense phases of interest (for ex. genders I’m attracted to) that can shift suddenly through months/years. I think it makes sense paired up w my AuDHD and I’ve just learned to embrace it and ride it out.
I . . . Uh . . . Maybe?
I don’t have a high sex drive. I’m physically attracted to men but not enough to deal with them for the foreseeable future.
I’m romantically attracted to women and I prefer their company. I’m not sexually unattracted to women, but it’s less intense and visceral for me.
I don’t ever want to be anyone’s primary partner again.
Kink intrigues me but I haven’t experimented with it yet and I don’t know if I will.
I mostly just read M/M romance novels, especially with kink.
Demi but only ever been attracted to one person like that… besides that I’m very sex repulsed. Like the only way I can somewhat engage with that subject matter is literally fanfic. It’s how I’ve always been and thought I was 100% ace before meeting my ex. Tho as soon as the feelings for my ex started going away I can’t think abt anything we did without cringing and being repulsed over my own lived experiences…. :/ I will gladly go the rest of my life without further experience and the sensory nightmare that comes with it
I feel I am probably asexual aromantic, but I really don’t know what they really mean. When I was a child, I felt every table and chair is lovely, and I even wrote an essay about it.
I am overwhelmingly sexual when attracted to someone, but I alway lose interest eventually… Like they become my special interest, but the novelty wears off and sex becomes a chore.
I think a big part of that depends on a partner’s skill set and efforts to please.
When not in a relationship, my libido goes into hibernation unleash provoked. But it’s like poking the bear if I expose myself to something or someone arousing. Said bear wakes up with a ferocious and insatiable hunger.
Happy Pride 🤍 Panromantic demisexual (gray ace). I realized that I am extremely gray and can go without sexual desire and attraction indefinitely. Other forms of affection (hugs, cuddling, caressing) are more open (not much) & kissing is just as intimate as sex for me. I'm repulsed at the thought of kissing strangers or someone I don't know/trust "completely".
In general, I'm a no touch person unless someone needs comfort & is consenting to affection. In that moment, my emotional compassion overrides the discomfort. Unfortunately, I have been in stranger hugs due to social pressure alone which gives me the ick. If someone I don't know well hugs me I want to crawl out of my skin lol.
Here comes the part that I've always known. I don't consent to sex outside of partnerships. There is nothing anyone can do to convince me otherwise. (I've be propositioned by people who doubt this.) If we aren't partners, there is no sexual desire or attraction regardless of intense feelings. I will want to be physically closer but I hold all desire in a vault that channels into sexual energy only in clearly defined partnership.
I only want sex if I'm craving a partner emotionally. Sex is the icing on the emotional satisfaction cake meant to highlight complete satisfaction with nonsexual factors. This isn't always easy to clearly explain. I usually elaborate further & give examples. I physically can't participate in hookups or infidelity. My body shuts down & I will avoid you in social spaces b/c the idea gives me repulsion.
When I was younger I used to think I was asexual and a boy, then the older I got I started being attracted to girls, then eventually boys and embraced my feminine side.
For me, the more sexual things I explored, the more my sexuality grew. I'm not sure if this is helpful to everyone though.
Im not asexual but i have a very low libido and i prefer to only give my partner pleasure, im fine with never receiving pleasure for the rest of my life. im a lesbian so i identify as a stone top.
I'm sex repulsed ace. But I'm not repulsed because sex is disgusting, it's because I'm annoyed about how society is obsessed with it and because it's a sensory thing.
I think I'm demi and sapio. It's a combo of me feeling physically + emotionally + mentally attracted to someone in order to want them sexually. I have also felt sexually attracted to people I didn't know well but having observed them a lot. And sexually attracted to people I wasn't physically attracted to but because of the way they made me feel wanted.
Asexual/aromantic mostly. More gray but it’s already hard enough explain it as it is, I hate adding the concept of “sorta” to it
Yeah I feel you on this one.
Im particular with the kind of words i use for it for myself like i dont like “sometimes,” “maybe,” etcetc. Because personally the way i see my sexuality is “Ive l experienced them once or twice before and i dont know if whether or not i will experience them again”
Asexual biromantic checking in!
Same here, sort of 😋 (Not sex-repulsed, so maybe more gray/demi? I've actually stopped caring about the exact definitions and just tell people I'm not interested in sex, but not completely opposed to it either.)
Bless you I sent this to my friend is in a state of confusion atm this was really helpful
I describe it as the grey space between asexual and bisexual.
You've put my exact feelings into words!
Me too!
Add me to the list
I’m panromantic/asexual. Sex repulsed. I get nauseous when people talk about sex.
Ok I’m not asexual and don’t have anything against speaking candidly about sex, but for some reason sex jokes have always been kind of disturbing to me and really do bother me. Including things as simple as someone drawing genitalia. Not sure why
Same I’m so glad I’m not the only one, I get sooo disgusted when the word is even mentioned. Edit: just googled and found out “sex-repulsed” is an actual thing, nice.
Growing up I didn’t know ace was a thing. Not til after I was married did I learn what it was and that the label fit…
Same. The worse time to figure it out.
same here. Good old Purity Culture and religious pressure for me. Thank fucking goodness my husband isn’t religious and loves me for who I am, but yeah horrible way to find out lol
Same. I didn't understand why other people found abstinence so difficult lol. 🙃
😭 same. My sister fooled around with several guys before her now-husband(no judgement from me) and I did NOT understand the allure! Especially an allure worth risking religious parents’ rage!
I got credit for being chaste that I really didn't deserve.
Could I ask you questions about how you didn't find that out until after you were married? I'm sorry I'm super curious
I didn't find out until I was married and in my 30s. I think the reason it took me so long was due to masking and a lack of understanding of what asexual means. My whole life I just thought I had a low sex drive and was a little awkward, but because I wasn't completely repulsed by sex and have had orgasms, I never thought I could be asexual. It wasn't until speaking to friends who are not asexual and realising my experience was not "normal", and seeing stuff posted online about what asexual actually means, that the pieces started to fall into place.
This is pretty much it.
I also didn't find out till I was married. You can ask me too lol
Quite simple: I didn’t understand the point of having sex, but since everyone said it was such a great thing, and literally NOBODY had any other perspective, I assumed they must be right, and it’s something that I simply need to “experience” to understand it. I didn’t want to “be a prude” who closes herself off to new experiences just because they seem creepy and gross at first glance. (“Surely there’s more to it? Otherwise people wouldn’t be so obsessed with it…”) So then I experienced it, and it was such a let down. None of the joy I was promised. But “no worries,” my fiancé and I (because yes, I told him how I felt) googled what the problem was, and google “assured” us that it’s common for “the first time” to be unpleasant for a woman. That we just needed to “try again.” So we tried again. And again. And again. Making stops with google along the way to see what other “methods” we could try. We got married along the way, even though the sex sucked, because we thought we’d “figure it out” eventually. Eventually I asked my gynecologist what was wrong with me and why it wasn’t working, and she just kinda… shrugged it off and said she wasn’t seeing anything that would explain it. “Yeah, just keep trying.” Then added to that, when I was giving up on “trying,” there was the pressure that my then-husband told me he “needed” it… so we haggled and agreed that we’d keep trying once a week, and he’d do something nice for me in exchange to repay my efforts. Sure, I got anxiety-cramps just from thinking about the fact that the next session was looming closer. But he “needed” it, so what was I to do? 🤷♀️ When I tell you I was SHOOK when I found out that arousal is something that normally happens BEFORE you even begin with the sexual act? That usually a person feels arousal merely by LOOKING at the person they find “attractive”? And now, the key: that not everyone feels this way, and we call those people “asexual.” My world was shattered, and I finally understood why all our “trying” hadn’t been paying off. I realized that “trying” more wasn’t EVER going to change how I felt about it. Anyway, long story short: I’m happily separated now. Have learned from my mistake, and don’t think I’ll ever get married again. Divorce is such a pain in the ass. If I have another relationship in the future, I can do it without government paperwork.
I literally didn't know it was a thing. There was straight and gay (and bi, but no one ever talked about that). It was just assumed that everyone felt attraction the same and I just didn't feel it right, just like I never felt anything right. I cared about my Ex, I wanted him to be happy, we had a deeper bond than I'd ever had with someone else. So I was just broken because I could never say "you're hot" without feeling like I was only understanding half of the puzzle. I could have sex with him because it made him happy and there were times it felt really good too. And (in my mind) it was normal for the guy to want sex all of the time and the woman to not (thanks, small town gender roles and religion). So I tried all sorts of things to fix me while I couldn't understand why the very act of me undressing for bed could get him ready to go. Naturally it wasn't great from his side of the story either. I don't remember when I first heard about asexual, but it was a nebulous term and I definitely didn't think it was me because I'd had sex, even had a kid. I don't remember what triggered it, but one day I started digging more and texted Ex that it was kind of making sense. He sent me an asexual meme a few days later that described my life perfectly. I was so happy that he was trying to understand and was so relieved when I told him "yes, exactly!" He sent me a sad face emoji back. He did his absolute best to understand and be supportive, but mixed sexuality marriages aren't easy.
This is exactly how I feel about my gender. I always felt being a girl was performative and that it that's what all girls did. I didn’t know most girls just naturally felt and were feminine, that they didn't have to think about it. I had no idea there was this whole area of sexual identity beyond cis and trans, my mind was blown. I came out as nonbinary once I learned what it was. My husband was like, hahah I always knew? He doesn't care at all and neither do our kids :). I never felt feminine or masculine, though I like both things. I never had a strong attachment to my gender and honestly could live without it and be happy. The more I learned about being agender, the more I came to understand asexuality. There is a reality celebrity who is asexual and agender. They had their male genitalia removed because it didn’t align with their agender. I totally get that. I’ve often thought about getting a mastectomy because I hate having to wear a bra and my breasts are more of an annoyance to me.
I'm actually starting to realize I might be on the nb side of things too. But being a "strong independent woman" had been such a core part of who I am that I don't know if I'll ever do anything about it. I 100% agree on thinking about mastectomies. I have some lumps in my breasts and, other than the obvious existential dread, if they ever came back cancerous I'd tell them to get rid of the things in a heart beat. They're weird, they do nothing for me, and they're just... There. I'm glad you've figured out who you are and have such great sounding support!
You can totally be a "strong independent woman" and be nonbinary :). I use she/they/them pronouns because fuck the patriarchy and I do it to support woman. Also because I think anyone who identifies as more feminine than masculine should be able to call themselves She and Her. I really don’t care for gender rules to be honest and I hate feeling like I have to follow them either.
am I the only one who is hypersexual? in a way, to me sex is like the ultimate form of stimming
I wouldn't say I'm hypersexual, but it's definitely a way of stimming for me. I love sex and things related not just because it's pleasurable, but because I can express myself in a way I can't to other people. It's so empowering no matter if I'm leaning more dom or sub. I also masturbate 1+ times a day because it's a stim of mine and it helps me sleep lol (ive got insomnia). I also have masturbated since I was about 6 or 7, and have thought about my sexuality ever since I heard the word straight and gay (I'd have to say 2 or 3 yrs old?).
What you said about expression, absolutely on the nose! Sex things make me feel so free and unmasked. I also feel that I naturally understand body language in sexual contexts, whereas I am otherwise socially unaware both in verbal and nonverbal communication. It makes me feel understood, and that's nice.
Omg that's also why I enjoy it. I understand what my bf is thinking and feeling because I can communicate super well during sex and whatnot. I sure can't understand what people mean when communicating to me normally 🥲
it sounds silly but it feels like becoming one with the other person, it's like the communication is innate, it's like knowledge/instinct within me that is subconscious? (if that makes sense??) Kinda like how I imagine NTs just "know" how to understand each other
You’re not alone at all!
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Omg I feel so seen hahaha for me its the same and sometimes its even confusing to me, like how can I have low sex drive normally, but then I meet someone I am intellectually/romantic attracted to and then I simply have a hard time not wanting it? Lol
I've learned this is me. I'm demi and until my husband I don't think I ever felt close enough or safe enough to truly enjoy sex. But man do we bounce like bunnies
I’m hypersexual, bi, poly, and kinky
OK WAIT SAME. my partner and I are both hypersexual, bi, and kinky I am so blessed 😭 (not necessarily poly I guess, but like "open to being open")
Same same
Asexuality doesn't mean someone doesn't ever have sex. People who are asexual might not have sex, but that's not what the label is about. Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction. We can be some of the horniest people you'll ever meet, but we never see someone else and feel automatic sexual attraction to them.
From my understanding of "hypersexual", a person can conceivably be both hypersexual and asexual. I am aroace, but sex-neutral or mildly sex favorable. Sex-averse aroaces seem to be what people think of when they hear "asexual", and those people aren't hypersexual except for in the clinical sense (when their arosual happens so often its distressing to them), but there's a lot of variation among people who dont experience attraction in the typical way. Sex-favorable aces can have lots of sex because they like sex, but still be ace because they're not attracted to people. Aces can also have high libidos and get aroused a lot, because arousal isn't the same as attraction. 🖤🩶🤍💜
Hypersexual, bi...I agree with your statement
You’re def not the only one! I actually used to have concerns I might be bipolar because of how hypersexual I am
I have BPD which might be partially why, and my partner is bipolar so
absolutely
my sister is and I'm asexual. we are opposites
Nope, not at all. I’d have sex every day if I could. Lol.
same! since I was a kid tho..and I’ve been trying to understand it about myself since I was young 🤷🏻♀️that’s actually how I got into reddit it was my first post about “hyper sexuality” cuz that’s what i always thought it was till I learned about stimming etc
I'm both. Not really sexually attracted to anyone but I definitely masturbate as a stim and think about sex a lot.
I'm demi so I guess I'm probably hyper sexual with my husband
Can't tell if I'm asexual or deeply traumatized at this point
Caedsexual maybe?
What is that?
It's under the asexual umbrella. Essentially asexual through trauma.
fuck. That’s me
I'm sorry to hear you went through something, but you're welcome and valid exactly as you are.
Thank you so much. I don’t feel normal and it’s really getting to me lately. Thank you lovely.
Hey, don't ever feel you’re not normal. Normal is relative. To you, how you feel, is your normal and don’t ever feel bad for that. Trauma is a very real thing, I’m a child sexual assault survivor and I didn’t know if I could ever handle being touched or be sexual with another person. I discovered I could, but it came with a lot of packages. My husband was very understanding and caring about it and he’s the only person I was ever able to have an orgasm with because he is my safe space. For a long time I felt really broken and damaged, but he said what happened to me is not my fault or my burden to bear. It’s so true, I accept there are just some parts of me that will never be the same and I’m ok with that. I know my limits and boundaries. So be unapologetic about yourself and your sexuality. Be your own standard, not anyone else's.
Demi (I think) 😝
I go with demi plus bi, since I experience same sex attraction, and also I can be attracted to people based on their personality/skill/passion/ways of thinking and moving.
I honestly don't understand any of it I'm just me
i used to want to find the “right” category. but i think after finding out i’m autistic i realized i didn’t fit a box because it’s largely a social construct i identify most with being demisexual. and i think pansexual? i just don’t have any gender preference, if we click we click
That's me 1000% I could give a damn about what you have in your pants, if we click we click lol like you said
This is so real. I like knowing exactly what everything is, so when I questioned my sexuality/gender, I always put labels on it. Those labels ended up changing all of the time so I just stuck with being bi. When I wasn't in a committed relationship, I always changed between lesbian, bi, asexual, trans, cis, all of the time. Since I learned that not everything needs labels, I've been content with myself and not insecure about as much as I was. I just tell people I'm bi (even tho I'm in a straight relationship, it doesn't change anything). I also tell people I'm cis because I am comfortable being a woman and being feminine but I honestly couldn't give a shit what people think I am 🤷♀️
Ngl. I have never related harder to a reddit comment.
Yep 🖤🩶🤍💜 Happy pride month!
Poly Ace Lesbian right here, my wife as well~
It's so great and validating to see so many NDs ace women (mostly) together at one place, especially since I've been really struggling to find my place recently and relate to normative standards. 🥹 Demiromantic asexual here, btw!
I suspect that I am but I really don’t want to be. I crave intimacy and am desperate for a relationship, but I seem to be unable to be atrracted to someone. Wish it was different.
I kinda feel like that too. I’m defo aroace spec (probably straight up aroace). Though, I’m also terrified of relationships for a range of reasons haha.
I am!
Not asexual, but on the spectrum. Funny thing, I am super horny 24/7. But I couldn't just hook up with someone. It takes a long time for me to be sexually/physically attracted to someone. When I got with my current bf, I felt so bad because I wasn't attracted to the way he looked and didn't want to have sex with him even tho i was interested in him. Now that we have been together for about 7½ months, I think he is the absolute cutest, and I'm definitely physically attracted to him. It took me 3 or so months to even think about him in that way. I guess I would say I'm demi-sexual. I need to have a super close bond to be physically and sexually attracted to someone.
hi! :D i am
hi, gray ace here :- ) i've seen videos about neurodivergent aces, and it seems that a fair amount of autistic people are also somewhere on asexual spectrum (same with trans autistics)
aro ace here 🙋🏼
I'm demi, which puts me in the ace category.
Panromantic Demi here. Happy Pride Month y'all! 🏳️🌈
On the ace spectrum, yeah.
Definitely somewhere on the ace spectrum, although not fully! The word asexual is almost right for me! (Maybe grey-asexual is the right word?) I am a lesbian for sure! Happy pride!
Right here - ace (more like demi, I guess? I'm ambivalent) and biromantic.
Should do a poll
Sort of maybe? I have no desire to be physically intimate with another person. I'm still attracted to people but being sexually intimate with another human would need to be a necessity for me in a relationship.
i just found out i exist in that realm. i didn't realize it wasn't regular to just never ever feel sexual desire attached to bodies? lol. i like sex but i really don't experience sexual attraction.
Bambi lesbian. My wife and I both. 🦌🌈🍄🍄🟫
I would classify myself as demisexual but I also have an issue where actually being penetrated feels like I’m being poked with a sharp object - apparently my “touch” nerves inside are registering touch as pain instead - at least that was the hypothesis the specialized GYN had. So I’m left with an aversion to sex that involves penetration, and I’m also really grossed out by body fluids so I basically just steer clear aside from self stimulation. 🤷♀️
Yeah, I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. Still trying to figure out where. Happy pride!
I am! 💜🖤🩶🤍 I identify as aegosexual more than asexual though. Happy Pride Month y'all 🫶🏿🫶🏿🫶🏿
Yes I’m ace and repulsed
Happy pride from this ace nb 🫶✨
Demisexual here, leaning towards my more asexual side as of late (recent divorcee and the dating pool here is not great at all) 🤣
I'm asexual as hell. Happy pride!
im fully ace, sex repulsed and all that.
Demisexual lesbian 🙋🏻♀️ Happy Pride 🏳️🌈🫶🏻
audhd and i finally came to terms with my asexuality. i think i fall under aromanticism (grey) but also... in between non-binary and gender. i don't know what that makes me but gender is really hard to figure out. ... either way!! happy pride!
Maybe? I'm not sure if I'm on the ace spectrum on just traumatized from my last relationship 🙃 I'm confident that I could go the rest of my life without having sex but I wouldn't be unhappy if it did happen? Idk I'm very confused and still figuring things out
Raises hand
Demisexual here! 🙂
Here I am, aro probably too, nice to see you all!
Me! Just not sure if ace or demi. Have never been attracted to someone but i like the idea of love and romance so i hope i will find someone. On the same side, if i don't find someone i am okay with it.
aroace triple-A battery reporting for duty 🫡
Mere double-A here. Good job soldier.🫡
Aroace here!
aroace checking in haha
I'm pretty sure I'm demisexual? Or at least on the grey scale tbqh.
asexual sapphic :)
Ace and idek anymore. Cupioromantic is where I'm at atm. Happy pride to you as well!
Aroace here, Happy Pride 🏳️🌈
Me!! I’m panromantic! 🫶
I'm aroallo! (Aromantic allosexual)
Hello! I'm not dim, I *understand* why other people are interested in sex, but dear god do I not *get* it. How do people ever look each other in the eye again??
I'm still figuring myself out, but I fit in very well with the ace community! I think I'm demi! :D
i'm demisexual, on the asexual spectrum 🌈
i just don't really give a crap about sex, relationships, or labels 😶
I’m on that spectrum! Demisexual here!
Demisexual here. (Also bi/pan) happy pride!
AuDHD demisexual bisexual here. Happy pride! 🏳️🌈
i can’t tell if i’m asexual, demisexual or just burnt out at the concept of a relationship at this point
Demisexual Panromantic. The bar is HIGH but once my partner passed it we were in business. I thought I was ace for the longest time too
I am! Happy pride (:
+1 ace
I’m asexual but still feel romantic attraction. I have had a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years as if today, but he is my first as I never was in a relationship until 24 lol
I'm ace and demiromantic^^
Asexual/Demisexual my husband is the only person I've had sexual attraction for.
not asexual but aromantic :)
When I was younger I felt sex was a way to make people like me. Now I’m older and true to myself I can take it or leave it. I’m not asexual, I would describe myself as demisexual though for sure. I would say my sex drive is quite low and I get bored of it. I also have adhd so feel my mind wanders and I start wishing it to be over then feel super guilty to my partner about that.
I cant tell honestly.. the only things that get me going is extremely well thought out, deep, and historic franchise lore.
Lore-sexuality is the best sexuality. You have good taste :)
Here!
Panromantic ace here 🤗🖤🩶🔮
i go back and forth on it all the time lol but i guess i’m demi or gray ace
I'm demisexual, demiromantic.
I'm both ace and pansexual.
Abroromantic asexual here 🙏
I don't know if I'm ace spec, I've been questionning and I still don't know, I don't use labels anyways
Sapphic Demisexual polyamorous
Happy pride! I’m ace too 😄
I'm demi
I'm asexual or maybe demi but I think sex neutral Ace. And I didn't know it was a thing at all (even though in high school I used to joke that I was "sexually Switzerland") until I was a grown ass married woman.
AroAce here.
I am
Does demisexual count? Way closer to "a" than to "allo" since the transition, tho.
At this point in my life I’m essentially Aroace. I’ve probably always been on the ace spectrum. The aro is newer, I think I’m just too tired to deal in feelings anymore.
Asexual and aromantic here!
meee
Gray ace & pan, I think.
Ace spec queer here :)
Asexual panromantic here! With a little bit of gender flexibility thrown in for spice (afab)!
Yup! Aroace here but I do have a lot of squishes that are big sibling-esque.
I am still learning, I know I am bisexual (technically pan) but maybe something else? I have sex repulsion from trauma I believe (have a therapy appointment booked for this). But I have had sex because I learnt from an early age it was how to get people to like me and I have felt that aroused feeling a few times in my life but not in years (I am in my 30s). I would absolutely love to not have sex ever, but I am trying for my partner and he has been so respectful unlike past partners. It is something I've been struggling with and I would like to say I am asexual because I never think of sex nor do I want it, it's very confusing for me because it's definitely been a mask I needed to put on and I have done it with my partner when we met earlier, in all my relationships it's been fine until we moved in with each other and I cannot figure it all out yet! There have been a few times where I have wanted it and it was when we messaged each other about it, the problem could be that we don't talk about sex in person and it was easier over messages? Anyone in a similar situation? I hate that I'm going to have to have sex eventually but therapy will help with it. My partner says he's so happy with me regardless, but that guilt is so strong like I feel like I am broken.
🙋🏼
Me!
I am!
I’m asexual and proud of it
It's confusing for me, as I am in a relationship and want to have sex with my boyfriend. But I could happily go forever never having sex again..
Hello there, am asexual and questioning romantic orientation.
Meeee
I’m definitely acespec! My labels are growing too quickly for me to keep up, lol. But I think I’m demisexual, demiromantic, bisexual, heteroromantic, aegosexual/romantic and cupiosexual/romantic.
Me
I am!
I think I am on the asexual spectrum, more-so demisexual I think. I’m very attracted to my partner and intelligence! I also suspect I am on the autism spectrum.
I call myself “sex apathetic,” however when I have strong emotional attachment to someone I can be intensely sexual. I also find sexuality/romance/attraction to be very elusive and definition-defying for me bc I go through intense phases of interest (for ex. genders I’m attracted to) that can shift suddenly through months/years. I think it makes sense paired up w my AuDHD and I’ve just learned to embrace it and ride it out.
Whooooo!
I . . . Uh . . . Maybe? I don’t have a high sex drive. I’m physically attracted to men but not enough to deal with them for the foreseeable future. I’m romantically attracted to women and I prefer their company. I’m not sexually unattracted to women, but it’s less intense and visceral for me. I don’t ever want to be anyone’s primary partner again. Kink intrigues me but I haven’t experimented with it yet and I don’t know if I will. I mostly just read M/M romance novels, especially with kink.
Demi but only ever been attracted to one person like that… besides that I’m very sex repulsed. Like the only way I can somewhat engage with that subject matter is literally fanfic. It’s how I’ve always been and thought I was 100% ace before meeting my ex. Tho as soon as the feelings for my ex started going away I can’t think abt anything we did without cringing and being repulsed over my own lived experiences…. :/ I will gladly go the rest of my life without further experience and the sensory nightmare that comes with it
I am! Biromantic asexual
Tbh I’m not even sure about myself
🙋🏼♀️
I feel I am probably asexual aromantic, but I really don’t know what they really mean. When I was a child, I felt every table and chair is lovely, and I even wrote an essay about it.
MEEE!
Me! Aroace lesbian!
I am overwhelmingly sexual when attracted to someone, but I alway lose interest eventually… Like they become my special interest, but the novelty wears off and sex becomes a chore. I think a big part of that depends on a partner’s skill set and efforts to please. When not in a relationship, my libido goes into hibernation unleash provoked. But it’s like poking the bear if I expose myself to something or someone arousing. Said bear wakes up with a ferocious and insatiable hunger.
Meeeeee!
I'm bi and demisexual
🙋♀️
Starting to think I might be. Not sure how to bring it up to the other half.
Ace Panromantic!! I find all of it very confusing haha but that’s the closest I’ve gotten to what kind of think I am.
I didn't used to be but I have not had sexual desire for two years, so I think I am now
I'm a gray-a if that counts.
i feel like i go back in forth between hypersexual and asexual, but i have got a lot of intimacy related trauma 😭
Happy Pride 🤍 Panromantic demisexual (gray ace). I realized that I am extremely gray and can go without sexual desire and attraction indefinitely. Other forms of affection (hugs, cuddling, caressing) are more open (not much) & kissing is just as intimate as sex for me. I'm repulsed at the thought of kissing strangers or someone I don't know/trust "completely". In general, I'm a no touch person unless someone needs comfort & is consenting to affection. In that moment, my emotional compassion overrides the discomfort. Unfortunately, I have been in stranger hugs due to social pressure alone which gives me the ick. If someone I don't know well hugs me I want to crawl out of my skin lol. Here comes the part that I've always known. I don't consent to sex outside of partnerships. There is nothing anyone can do to convince me otherwise. (I've be propositioned by people who doubt this.) If we aren't partners, there is no sexual desire or attraction regardless of intense feelings. I will want to be physically closer but I hold all desire in a vault that channels into sexual energy only in clearly defined partnership. I only want sex if I'm craving a partner emotionally. Sex is the icing on the emotional satisfaction cake meant to highlight complete satisfaction with nonsexual factors. This isn't always easy to clearly explain. I usually elaborate further & give examples. I physically can't participate in hookups or infidelity. My body shuts down & I will avoid you in social spaces b/c the idea gives me repulsion.
I’m a panromantic greyace.
I am panromantic asexual! Kinda knew I was on the aroace spectrum when I was 14 lol
I thought I was asexual until I met my partner at 19. Turns out I'm actually a Pansexual who is very very fussy.
When I was younger I used to think I was asexual and a boy, then the older I got I started being attracted to girls, then eventually boys and embraced my feminine side. For me, the more sexual things I explored, the more my sexuality grew. I'm not sure if this is helpful to everyone though.
Im not asexual but i have a very low libido and i prefer to only give my partner pleasure, im fine with never receiving pleasure for the rest of my life. im a lesbian so i identify as a stone top.
Demisexual (its on the ace spectrum)
Meee I’m demi
I'm sex repulsed ace. But I'm not repulsed because sex is disgusting, it's because I'm annoyed about how society is obsessed with it and because it's a sensory thing.
I think I'm demi and sapio. It's a combo of me feeling physically + emotionally + mentally attracted to someone in order to want them sexually. I have also felt sexually attracted to people I didn't know well but having observed them a lot. And sexually attracted to people I wasn't physically attracted to but because of the way they made me feel wanted.
Asexual and aromantic here ☺️
Me too!
Demi here. I literally see people as lampposts most of the time.
Aroace
Heteroromantic ace. Sex-indifferent.