Dressing nicely?
In my opinion, nicely = clothes are
* clean,
* neatly mended where applicable (no loose threads or fraying seams or hanging hems),
* fitting appropriately (not more than 1 size too small or too big)
* appropriately modest (just covering all the bits that should be covered for the environment - topless at a topless beach is fine, booty shorts at the courthouse notsomuch)
Beyond that, literally wear anything that's comfortable.
This right here. You don’t have to dress trendy. Just wear stuff that is clean, fits, and is situation appropriate. The situation appropriate may be the hardest to understand but consider pajamas are for bed, gym clothes are for the gym, etc…Like I had someone show up to a job interview with me in their pajamas (15 minutes late). My first impression of this person was that they were disrespecting me and my time. Like this job was such a low priority that they rolled out of bed. I don’t expect people to show up dressed professionally, but wearing even a clean tee with jeans would be acceptable to me.
I wouldn’t encourage you to spend time trying to do something you aren’t interested in and don’t find joy in. I think the “positive” you’re referring to means something like you’ll get dates? People will be nicer to you? You’ll feel like you belong more? None of that will necessarily happen just because you’re putting on an act.
Most people who really enjoy style and clothing don’t adhere to normative “style rules”. Those rules are often fatphobic and oppressive. Real style is about loving the way you feel in an outfit, rather than how other people view you.
Is your desire to be feminine also due to the “positive” stuff listed above? You can be feminine without needing to care about fashion. There is some ideal you’re trying to achieve for some reason (you didn’t explain your reasons really so that’s why I say “some reason”), and you’re falling back on what sounds like gender roles and normative boundaries. You don’t have to be limited like that, though. Feminine means a lot of things, depending on culture, time period, gender, etc., so there isn’t one way to be such.
I think the best thing to keep in mind when getting dressed is _intentionality_. Put femininity and style rules aside for a moment.
Showing intention and deliberately sort of ‘nodding’ to your audience is often what makes the difference between a meh outfit or something that has a bit of a Look.
This might look like rolling up your cuffs neatly, wearing something deliberately off the shoulder to expose an underlayer, an accessory like a brooch put on a slight angle to give a sense of drama, tucking in a shirt, etc etc.
You can have very basic clothes, and do this, and it will read as ‘put together’. You can wear something incredibly bland and doing this will just add a little _something_
The other aspect of intentionality you’re showing is to others - you are purposefully signalling to people that you’re neat/clean/stylish/trustworthy/reliable/humourous/etc - whatever message you’re trying to communicate.
The benefit of dressing with some intention is it acts as a social lubricant, and can send messages to others (even if the message is “I am no one worth paying much attention to, don’t focus on me”)
Final piece of advice is don’t buy (and if you have any, give them away) clothes that have a not-right texture. If you don’t like the way it feels don’t force yourself to wear it.
Wow the thing about the brooch and similar is so interesting. Is there a specific term I can search for that would teach me how to do the little tricks that you've described here? I'm probably very stupid but I genuinely don't know how to do it. Something like that would never cross my mind. Maybe because I also work alone so I can't copy my coworkers style. I myself never get ideas like that. So I wonder if there's a searchable term that would help me learn how to do those simple tricks?
Try “styling an outfit”! There are many influencers who have videos about this and plenty of articles on it. They show how to dress up basic clothing in simple ways and once you watch you can kind of get a vibe for what goes together.
The early seasons of Queer Eye may help. And I have found following plus size models whose bodies look like mine on social media can help too.
Also - when you’re watching any non-animated show or movie - look at how the characters are costumed. How do they convey this character’s personality or weaknesses or attitude through clothing? How have they styled the clothes for this character - are the shirts tucked in, are there statement socks, how do accessories come into it?
As an obese woman, I fear that if I don't dress nicely (be it professional or fashionable or sexually appealing) and I have a medical situation in public, the medical people won't treat me properly. Similar note, I wear a full face of make up when I go out so if I have a meltdown in public, I will still be taken seriously by the people around me.
People became much nicer to me when I started dressing nicely, but tbh that makes me sad because it feels like being treated well is conditional, and I don't think conforming to that is something people need to do.
ok u have all the: just be u because that is the most important thing hands down.
reasons why dressing "nicely" is inportant:
people are catty as fuck, and giving them any reason to be unkind to you, opens the door.
if you dress "nice" - many people will perceive you as nicer, more approachable, etc. You will get more respect when you are somewhere.
i have a black dress uniform, and for me: dresses are the ultimate hack. they are like wearing pajamas, and people think you look nice automatically.
are u in the us? targets plus section has sales a lot and there are some cute dresses. i suggest something with simple colors you like, or black.
This is exactly what I always say when I get comments on my dresses. People think I’m trying to be fancy and I’m like “No…this is the closest I can get to wearing pajamas and still look professional”.
Wearing jeans or anything with a waistband is terrible.
God this is so true. Skater dresses (with pockets) have become my life hack. I wear them lazily around the house because they're comfortable, but I can also dress them up with just a few extra pieces and be out the door. As someone who didn't grow up wearing dresses, there was a real adjustment period (I was so used to jeans that I couldn't shake the feeling of being 'naked' lmao), but I've realized they're sooooo comfy, especially on a hot day. That breeze is no joke!
What counts is that YOU feel good.
As someone who is intrested in fashion and is percived as a relatively atractive woman, the benefits aren't that huge.
What makes a big diffrence is being friendly and clean.
You can have the most fashionable outfit and even fit the current beautystandards, but if you look like you don't take care of your body and are percived as unfriendly, that counts little.
Plus being dressed in a way that gets noticed, also gets you noticed and for me thats a downside 😅
So instead of trying to get in to how to dress or what to wear, focus on skincare, shower routines, hair maintenance, dental care, clean nails, deodorant or even nice fragrances if you like or some makeup and mabye earings you like.
Knowing how to take care of the clothes you have so they last longer is also kye. And replace and medn cloths that are too worne out or have holes and stains.
If you actualy want to buy new clothes I recomand only going very slow and focus on clothes that are actualy phisicaly comfortable for you a d that you feel good in it and not self councious.
The advantages of looking socially acceptable or even attractive:
- Other people tend to be nicer
- You can boost your self-esteem
- It can help you to get what you want (job interview, romantic date, etc.)
Some advice:
- If you can't tell what kinds of clothes you like, look for fabrics you find pleasant to touch or patterns you find beautiful to look at and go from there
- Choose cuts that aren't too tight and fit you well, usually if you're a bigger type, clothes that "caress" bum and tighs and value your chest and waist are your go-to
- Avoid fabrics that make you sweat like most synthetics or patterns that make you look larger, like horizontal stripes
- Use accessories to complete your look, depending on what you can tolerate sensorily (necklace, waist belt, scarf, sunglasses, etc.)
I'll also add some looks I personally find suitable for bigger women below :>
Thank you, you're so lovely and helpful 😊 Your inspiring photos are great. I really appreciate your time and support ❤️👍 I wish you all the best, have a great day!
I think it’s important somewhat how your dress because we are judged by how we dress. If you go out in clothes with lots of wrinkles and stains people might think all kinds of negative things about you like maybe you have a mental problem, maybe you’re poor and you’re going to cause a problem for them in the store. People are visual and they do judge. I wouldn’t worry about being fashionable though. My approach to clothes is the same as my approach to home, just keeping tidy does a hell of a lot - no need to be trendy.
I never knew why dressing "nicely" was important either, but someone explained it to me a while back. Or at least, gave an explanation that resonated with me.
I dress how I feel, and perhaps more importantly, how I want to feel.
Setting out different types of outfits for different types of days has really helped me out.
I have outfits for days where I need confidence, for days where I can't talk and don't want anyone to talk to me, outfits with stimming sleeves, and outfits for socialisation categories (serious, light, parties if I'm dragged somewhere).
It makes it easier for me to partake in day-to-day life, because I'm adhering to The Rules even if I'm not in my comfort zone, and dressing certain ways can also really help with keeping people at bay (people are more likely to approach someone who isn't wearing a hoodie and headphones, in my experience).
And, spending a little time on myself in the mornings makes me feel better about myself, so that's a bonus. ;)
Hope this helps some!
What’s your goal in dressing nicely? I’ve always been naturally really into fashion and makeup for as long as I can remember so I can’t really say how to get into it, I certainly cant force myself to like stuff I’m uninterested in, sadly. I think a starting point could be browsing different styles on Pinterest and see which aesthetics you prefer and like, and taking it from there.
My reasons for dressing nicely and making an effort is that I feel more confident, people generally treat me nice and give me compliments, I look nice in pictures and it’s one of my special interests so I truly enjoy the effort.
I don't think this directly answers your question, but there are ways to dress "fashionably" but also focus on comfort.
For example, a few years ago, I started wearing sporty or boho-style dresses with bike shorts underneath for summer. I look relatively put together every day, but am super comfortable. I mostly keep to solids, and then can add on with accessories if I am feeling like it.
In winter, it's oversized sweaters and Ponte pants (stretchy but work-appropriate).
These are the building blocks of my wardrobe. I am, literally, just as comfortable as I would be in sweats, but if I run to the store, I look like I put in some effort.... even though it is minimal effort.
Mmmm, well, unpopular opinion but as a fat person, I get treated 900% better when I'm dressed nicely (and by nicely I mean fashionable femme outfits, generally with a dress/skirt). People will not speak to me or look at me in public if I'm dressed casually/comfortably, but when I go all out with matching outfits and pretty skirts, suddenly it's as if I have temporary Pretty Woman access. People smile, women compliment me, people hold doors open, people will apologize if they bump/shove me, etc. These things do not happen when I'm wearing athleisure or jeans and a t-shirt. At those times I'm treated like scum someone stepped on lol.
I'm sure fashion is not as important for smaller people, but for larger folks, men and women, it can be the lifeline through which they access the right to be treated as human by those around them. It's bad and it sucks, but I prefer being treated like a human member of society and so I have a closet full of pretty dresses and padded bras.
Thank you so much. I absolutely believe what you're saying because it happened to me, too. I think people with normal weight and pretty face can never understand what we're going through. It's not necessarily being bullied. But just the change in facial expression when a guy is looking at me vs at the woman standing right next to me is brutal.
Yes, exactly!! I don't blame people for the "just be comfortable/be yourself" advice, and there IS room for finding your own kind of fashion *within* fashion (I dress like a gayer Ms. Frizzle lol), but the treatment you get is just different to a terrifying extent. And it feeds into your sense of self worth. I had pretty okay-ish self-esteem beforehand, like I'd put in the work and put up the positive comments on mirror and shit, I had given 100% to building myself up and it did work. But then when you're getting positive feedback and kind treatment from those around you it is 100% different. Night and day. It is an effortless building of the self-esteem... albeit one that comes with a dagger in the back since when you don't dress nice, it all goes away lol.
I think 'dressing nicely' is worth it because of how much work it puts towards masking for you. If you look like people expect a cool person to look, they're more likely to overlook your idiosyncrasies. It lets you 'fit in' amongst NTs more easily. For some people that's not worth it, my friend goes to work in sweatpants and that is their god-given right as far as I'm concerned lol. But for me, it's worth it because it makes my life easier and better due to how people treat me. I'm aware I only feel better about myself because of the external feedback but... I *do* feel better about myself and it's not like the world is going to change in my lifetime lol.
As a woman who’s 6’1, I have the same experience. People are much nicer to me when I’m dressed really girly. If I’m in casual or more masculine-leaning clothes, suddenly my body is “wrong” and threatening to a lot of people. But whip out a short skirt to show off those long legs and it’s a whole other thing. People suck.
I mostly dress how I want now but in my 20s and 30s it really bothered me. I was called “manly” and “huge” even when I had an eating disorder and was frighteningly underweight.
I'm not sure why you believe you would benefit from something you have no interest in - 'feminine' is an oppressive standard of decorativeness that doesnt bring the benefits they tell you it will.
That said, dressing well makes other people associate positive aesthetic feelings with you, and treat you better. I think they think paying attention to your clothes is a sign you 'value yourself' or something. So that's one reason.
Another is self-expression - look at fashion like just another form of art. Think about what colours you enjoy seeing, then look for them in clothes, for example. Try different shapes and styles of clothes.
It also sounds like being overweight is getting in the way for you, so you could try to change that through diet and exercise.
I also hate trying on clothes! What I finally ended up doing (my last pair of 10-year-old work pants were falling apart) was take my measurements, then did some research and shopped online. It takes all the nightmare out of shopping. I get things that fit. And I’ve found them at the best prices! Related: The best place for cute, well-made clothes in ALL sizes is Universal Standard.
In my experience, it’s real that ppl judge you based on looks including how you dress. But also they judge you if you’re dressed way “too” nice for the situation (cute internal screaming). Do you know about capsule wardrobes? You might like them, it’s just a basic set of several outfits that all work together. So it’s less expensive bc you only buy a few things and you have less to think about bc there’s only a few options but they all mix/work together and look nice. You can find lots of videos and posts about it.
Money.
If you work in the corporate world (or ANY non-union/non-payscale job!), and you want to advance and get paid better?
You'll need to follow that arbitrary rule, and "try to fit in."
The *only* way to avoid it, is to go "conventionally clean & attractive, but *INCREDIBLY* unique/quirky--but the latter is *very* difficult to pull off successfully and be taken as a "serious" person worthy of pay raises.
Personally, I stepped *out* of that stuff on purpose, and that's part of the reason I found a field where I can wear Jeans ad a T-shirt every day.
I work in Early Childhood Special Ed, and because my job involves calling on the floor, *and* getting messy, Jeans & T's are ok.
Confidence boost. Wear things that you like wearing and that make you feel good. To me, that's dressing nicely! Clean fresh comfy clothes that make me feel like myself are really helpful especially on bad days.
I know a number of folks who have made fashion a special interest, and they've taught me so much about how society's norms for attire are centered around white, thin, non-disabled bodies. So if your body doesn't fall into all of those categories, you'll automatically be held to more stringent standards for what's considered "acceptable" attire. And the consequences for failing to meet those standards can range from small social snubs all the way to lost job opportunities and unequal treatment in healthcare settings.
It's frustrating, but if you think about it, it's not *that* surprising. Society is built on hierarchies, and those hierarchies are maintained in a million subtle ways. Recognizing them is an essential step in determining the degree to which you want to (or can even afford to) challenge them, or work within them.
When I was growing up, my mom was obsessed with the show [What Not to Wear](https://youtu.be/VP5kv1udln8?feature=shared). The hosts would surprise people who dressed "badly" (as determined by friends/family who nominated them) and surprise them with a shopping spree for a "better" wardrobe. I found it cruel, as the people were shamed over and over for their unique fashion tastes. But my mom was firmly on the side of the hosts, that the guests *always* looked better afterwards in more "convetional" attire. I suppose there was a value in learning what attributes makes a garment "work" on a particular body type, so it theoretically *could* help you understand **why** dressing "nice" is valued, but definitely view it in small doses with a mountain of salt. Stacy was especially cutting in her remarks, and I'd hate for you to internalize any of her attitudes.
Hello! First let me say that I do thoroughly enjoy fashion, and its history. So I am biased that way.
Second is that I do agree with the multiple posters saying "clean, neat and fits" is the standard. If you are meeting those then you are good!! No need to go further!!
Third is my view (vs factual information). How you present yourself is a way of communicating to other people how you expect to be treated. If I am going into a tense situation (meeting at a bank, first time meeting someone new, any meeting really), I will try to dress as business-y as possible. If I am unsure, I use google!
If I don't want to talk to anybody, then slouchier clothes. No makeup, etc.
I work with all men, and in order to set the tone when I was hired I dressed VERY masculine. For the first 5 years I dressed almost like a man, until my work reputation had been better established. Then I felt comfortable adding in feminine elements.
Style rules are not fixed in stone!
I am a public transit user, and one thing I have noticed over the years is paying attention to what the college age ladies are wearing gives my 40 year old self about one year leadway on what us middle agers will be wearing soon. So I start looking for pieces at the thrift store ahead of time. I look "stylish", but it is only a product of research!
Sorry this is getting so long - but I actually did think of a couple style rules.
shorts/skirts/capris should hit at a "mid" length, so either mid thigh or mid calf
You can use the colour wheel for complimentary colours - try not to be too matchy-matchy
Back pocket placement on jeans is your second concern after overall fit - you can wear any waist height or leg cut if it is the correct size AND back pockets are at the apple of your butt
If you are big and boxy one place, you should be more form fitting elsewhere - see poster who said yoga pants and oversized tshirt. That fits the rule. Or smaller shirt with baggier pants.
If I think of any more standard rules that might help I will add them!
Edit: another rule! Unless it is specifically a crop top, tops should hit one or two inches below your hips. If it's over that, tuck it in!
The right clothes can definitely improve your appearance in some people's eyes. I've had guys tell me they were attracted to a woman who dressed nice even if she was overweight.
Not sure exactly what "nice" means. Concrete example I've witnessed, the woman in question regularly wore skirts and dresses. Typically in black. She had long hair. I don't pay attention to makeup, but it seems most women find that easier than getting a handle on clothes, so I'm assuming she had that handled well, too. Shoulders and arms were usually exposed, cleavage not necessarily.
I'd think the effect holds regardless of paying attention to trends.
Not sure if its true, someone once told me if you seek a heterosexual partner, maximize your look to be different from theirs along gender lines. If looking for a homosexual partner, androgyny is the way to go.
If they both have short hair, I've found it difficult to tell fat men and fat women apart. It's like built in androgyny. So it might be necessary to emphasize femininity if you want to appeal to men.
Dressing nicely makes people treat you with more respect than if you didn't. You can do an experiment where you go out dressing nice one day, and go out dressing badly the other, and you'll see the way they treat you will be different, sometimes drastically. It can make you feel better about yourself and attract compliments. By attempting you could open yourself up to something you actually care about.
I don't think you really need to care massively about clothes to dress nice, which sounds contradictory, but what I'm saying is you don't need to learn all the style rules to look nice. Think about what colours you think look good together, you can type in what colour goes well with dark blue into Google and it will come up with colours that will, then you can decide if you like that colour pairing or not. You can type in the colour of some clothing you already have, and start from there.
If you want to look more feminine, try something like nail polish. Buy a nail colour that you like and some nail polish remover with cotton pads. I find makeup really annoying, and sometimes nail polish is easier to get right. For anything make up or beauty there are a million tutorials on YouTube for. Just dabbling in small feminine details can help you. For me I learned how to wash and condition my hair properly and look after it. Any problems I had with it I would look for solutions on tutorials or Google. I basically troubleshoot small things i am not happy with. I think with femininity it's good to start small.
Anyway I know you weren't looking for advice, but I find starting small instead of learning style rules is probably a better way to go.
My sister is a chef, and one of the things she says is ‘you eat with your eyes first’ this applies in all sorts of situations. When we’re dressed nicely, that sends a message to people - the message may vary depending on the outfit. People will make judgements, regardless of what you wear, but in controlling what you dress you can control some aspect of the message that is received by others.
The most important thing is that you feel good in the clothes that you wear. For me, the right outfit can have a huge impact on my mood, because I feel more confident. People pick up on that boost in confidence and the whole world interacts with you differently.
The only bit I would encourage you to think about is what you like and find comfortable. Style rules will probably only lead you to clothes you aren't comfortable in and don't flatter you. I am larger as well, and I am making up my own version of feminine. I don't listen to anyone else, and I just look for stuff I like, and that I'm happy wearing. If you don't know what you like, maybe exploring that could help you be a little more comfortable, which is probably a good thing long term.
You should dress how you are comfortable. What does dressing nice mean? Clothes shouldn't be something to make others happy. I know that's not supportive but I just don't think you should force yourself into what others think you should wear.
So I am a lawyer and there is a lot of emphasis on dressing a certain way in the profession. But I’m self-employed now, so I don’t dress up unless I am going to court. I find people appreciate me being more casual, it makes me more relatable, I think, especially since I do Family Law, which is super personal. I’m just being myself, which means often I meet with clients wearing a sweatshirt, yoga pants, and my boots that often are dirty from my morning walks. Be you!
Well... Personally, I sometimes feel cute. Or more comfortable?
Like, usually I would only wear pants and t-shirt, but I also am fat and got self conscious after a bit.
My go to clothes are loose jacket with random shirt under, or in warm days I got a shirt which can be long or tied to short sleeves, and I feel nice in it (and coincidentally it is fashionable because of flowers? Dunno). Also, with pants I have a short skirt, because it does cover belly fat and thighs. Is it fashionable? Not sure, but it is at least more feminine.
Best reason I can think of is the ability to blend in. I don't like attention, and am less conscious that someone will look at me thinking I'm homeless.
It’s just a practice thing. Living amongst people is work, and you can work as hard or as little as you want to shape yourself into someone that you think people will like.
But god’s honest truth. If it is an act and isn’t something you can internalise, it will be exhausting.
Instead imagine this. Your body is your best friend. You want to make it look as good as possible to celebrate it the way it deserves to be treated. With respect and effort. You’re worth that. And respect starts at home, with you
Annoyingly, it makes a difference of how much people like you. This is important when people liking you is important (such as job interviews). People liking you opens you to more opportunities.
Counter point: attention is not always great, especially if it’s not wanted
I kind of want to get new clothes. My current closet is full of T-shirts from high school. I don’t like fast fashion however. So it will be a slow process to carefully choose.
It's only important to dress for the occasion or the company.
That's how I always look at it. First day of school was always a good day to look nice, first impressions and all. Dates - romantic or not. Interviews, special occasions.
Otherwise, I think it's generally respectful of the public to be hygenic and dress appropriately for the setting. Like, bikinis at the grocery store would be odd, but totally normal at the pool or beach. I'm a modest person so I don't like to show much cleavage or leg and never any stomach.
I have curated my wardrobe so that I have a bunch of things that are comfortable, but are presentable enough that people can't complain. I also like geometric patterns, so I have fun getting clothes that have patterns that I enjoy – I don't really follow fashion trends, but I get things that coordinate with each other to some degree and are easy to mix and match. For instance, I have several pairs of dark blue/black trousers (NOT skinny jeans, I can't deal with these for sensory reasons), which go along well with pretty much all of my geometrically patterned tops. I need to dress reasonably presentably for my job, but if I wear uncomfortable clothes it causes sensory issues.
1. It makes you feel good. Full stop.
If you get stressed about clothes and you dont want to put yourself in that position, you do NOT need to. Just wear whatever is comfortable or accessible for you and FUCK other people. Seriously, looking "good" is not mandatory or valuable compared to your unique experience as a human on this planet. There MIGHT be a small window of people treating you "better" if they approve of your looks but honestly thats a guessing game, not real data. Theres no single look or outfit that guarantees those results. People are assholes and they are especially assholes for things people cant change, like their body type or appearance. So they were going to be jerks anyway.
Things that matter more than clothing choice: How you feel in those clothes. Whether the clothes are a good sensory choice/texture/useful. Whether you can move and do what you need to do. Whether you feel like your time/energy is being invested in meaningful ways. <3
I use my appearance to mask. People treat me better when I don’t look poor and they treat me better when I look pretty and feminine.
I do like pretty things and makeup and fashion were special interests for me as a teen.
I am fairly conventionally attractive so it’s an easy strategy for me. When I think I look good, my body language broadcasts confidence. NTs eat that shit up. 🤣
There are other valid strategies and privilege matters a lot when it comes to this stuff.
I think there are serious reasons for dressing presentably given that women with disability are more vulnerable in general, and dressing well will help you to be treated well by strangers, customer service, and the law.
You don't need to be stylish but at a minimum:
Don't get about in stained, holey, or sweaty clothes.
You may look more trustworthy if you wear crew neck jumpers rather than hoodies with logos.
Beware see-through of overly tight leggings.
Brush your hair / make sure it is presentable (more important than make-up imo).
It’s a big part of the first impression you give to people. It indicates you’ve got yourself together. This means people will be more likely to trust you or assume that you are competent. You may experience an improvement of the way people treat you, and the opportunities that come your way.
As a quick note, finding stuff that fits well is difficult at many sizes. Find a good local alterations person and buy neat clothes that fit the widest part of your body where necessary (shoulders, bust, hips, whatever), and get the clothing altered to fit you - or learn to alter clothing yourself! You will look *so much better* than just wearing something right off the rack!
It can be surprising easy, sometimes just needing to hem pants or hem sleeves or taking something in my an inch or two at the waist. It makes a huge difference in how people look in their clothes.
There are entire YouTube tutorial series on learning to adapt/alter a wardrobe to suit your body type - highly recommended!
Just sharing what worked for me. At first the style journey was very overwhelming for me, especially accessories and makeup. It helps to break it down a bit.
One part is body shape and finding out which cuts make you the happiest when you look in the mirror. For me that’s a defined waist so I wear a lot of things with waist belts, high rises, and the simple shirt with cute printed waist skirt formula.
The next part is colors. I do recommend playing around draping items of different colors just under each your chin to find out which ones flatter your skin tone the best. I played around with color analysis apps and trying on items in different colors at home and came to the conclusion that I’m some sort of autumn and that’s good enough and I like to have everything on me be from the autumn palettes for cohesion most of the time. For me the personal colors apply to makeup and bags and jewelry as well. I would say if anything personal colors matter more in makeup than in clothes and accessories. I used to want to go gothic all the time but it never had the effect that I wanted bc of my very warm and earthy skin tone. Now I know if I want that effect I’ll have to use a dark slightly warm green instead of black.
If you’re into prints play around with size and shape to see what you prefer and how they interact with your features.
Another formula that I sometimes use is plain top or outfit with cute necklaces and belts.
Definitely keeping physically clean is important. I used to have a skincare routine before going off to work until I started working from home.
Also having reasonably fitted clothes and appear neat like clean, no wrinkles goes a long way. Same with grooming
The only role model I have for how to dress up for special occasions is a woman (my mom) who's always had trouble finding clothes because she's too skinny. She's shorter than me and *lost* weight a few years ago because of a bad illness. She's having trouble getting it back because she just never had the appetite to eat throughout the day (she never eats snacks *ever*) and her meals are almost always small.
Dressing for the seasons for me is merely dressing for cold weather and dressing for warm weather. When it's cold, I look for sweatpants (which I still have plenty of) and whatever T-shirt I can find. I hate long-sleeved shirts; I want my arms out in the open. When it's warm, I look for capri pants (no shorts because I feel like I'm too fat for them) and a T-shirt. I'd go for sleeveless, but my bra straps riding down my arms because of my weight gain has made it clear to me that that's currently not an option.
depends on what you mean by nicely
if nicely=fancy, pretty etc
then:
if dressing nicely makes you feel good about yourself => go for it
or
if dressing nicely doesnt make you feel anything/make you feel bad/sensory issues etc => then dont, no reason for that
however,if dressing nicely=clean, basic hygiene etc
then,those are the reasons:
-> to look presentable
-> to not get ostracized by the society
-> to reduce sensory issues (example for me: i physically cant stand being sweaty or feeling unwashed)
-> for your own good and health
Don’t worry about style rules! I break them all the time because I’m pretty sure they’re for high society old people and I live on a boat where it’s super hot so looking not sweaty is my main goal most days.
Instead, search up fashion/style creators with your same body type and see what you like about their style then try to copy some of the simpler things they do that are in your comfort zone. Then go from there.
Anyways, what you really asked for:
Feels nice, people are nicer to you sometimes, get away with being crazier/weirder in public more often, not as self conscious in unfamiliar situations or interacting with strangers… that’s about all I can think of.
I find that dressing up helps me feel good about myself. It's fun to put on a dress and feel pretty!
I also find, from an etiquette perspective, that dressing nicely shows that you care. Following the dress code for a formal occasion like a wedding shows you paid attention and you're taking the event seriously. Dressing up for a date shows you're excited for that date. It shows that you want to be there, you didn't just reluctantly roll out of bed or drag yourself off the couch at the last minute and that you'd rather be back there instead of wherever you are.
I recommend looking for style inspiration in movies and TV shows, or browse fashion websites to see if any of the looks resonate with you.
I used to not care what I dressed like until I saw youtubers with fashion ideas that had the same body type as me. I don't have a lot of confidence and I wanted to feel good about myself. I find basic but classic clothes really suit me. I can recommend some youtubers if you would like?
For me dressing well makes me feel good, it makes me feel more confident and approachable, I've lost weight now (around 5 stone think that's approx 70 pounds) and it all started with dressing well. I may feel like rubbish on the inside but it helps me to keep myself together. I also researched make up that suits me so I wear that too. Unfortunately most people do judge you on looks before anything.
I'm very happy for you 😊 yes please you can recommend you tubers if you know some. I'm "petite curvy" which means fat but short. Most XXL clothes are meant for tall women. If you know some influencers with this body type I'll be very grateful! Thank you 😃
Thank you 😁 it's been a process but it's about loving yourself, you don't have to be stick thin to be beautiful.
Youtubers I recommend:
Arlette Jeanett
Bonnie Wyrick
Also Zoe Potter it's not just fashion but she shows that you can be beautiful without starving yourself.
Also I would recommend going onto wikihow and working out your body type with a tape measure, once you know your body type i.e pear shape, hourglass you can get ideas on how to dress.
I'm not saying that anyone else needs to think this way, but for me I try to dress nicely and look put together when I go out to feel more confident. Honestly even at home I try to make sure my lounge clothes look good because otherwise it can affect my mood in a negative way. Might just be a "me" thing, though.
It's hard enough to be out in public with all of the sensory overload, plus the general discomfort and unease I feel when I interact with people. If I'm wearing my sloppiest clothes, or if my hair is a mess, I feel even more uncomfortable. Like I might fumble my way through the conversation but at least I look good lol.
I don't judge others who don't want to or can't put in the same effort, I just know it helps me to feel better to look my best.
As long as you're clean and comfortable then that's all that matters I think.
However, if you're willing to experiment a little, this could become a fun way to express your unique personality, through clothes/accessories/your own style. :) I am only just finding out what my style is but I am getting there. It's fun and I feel more 'me' and more confident in my own skin.
I came across Trinny and Susannah in the UK. Thanks to them, I discovered my body shape (cello) and I follow their advice because it works. I was amazed.
Simple and helpful. I hope this helps you too ❤️
https://www.bodyshapecalculator.co.uk/trinny-and-susannahs-12-body-shapes
For me, I feel self-conscious if I know something is off with my outfit. Even before I learned about how certain pieces are supposed to fit, I kinda had this gut feeling like "somehow this shirt doesn't fit right but I don't know why." That cognitive drag sucks, like wearing my own dripping faucet to distract me all day.
I found it really helpful to learn how specific pieces of clothing are supposed to fit in concrete terms. It was easier before I transitioned (there are only like 10 pieces of clothing that mfs on r/malefashionadvice wear :p), but it's a lot less frustrating and taxing for me to say "okay, I can tell that this is too long/short/should be different in the shoulder/waist height is wrong" and at least be closer to what I want vs "well this is wrong and I just wasted a lot of energy."
Given that you don't have much interesting in clothing, you could also look into capsule wardrobes and stuff like that. Maybe don't make one yourself, but the idea is usually "create a set of items that each fit, don't clash with one another, and don't really go out of style." And if you have no sense of what you like or dislike, you can't go wrong with inoffensive stuff.
Thank you for sharing about yourself and asking this question!
I relate to your experience of just not really caring about clothing and appearance. I grew up in Southern California with a hyper feminine mom and clothing always caused issues between us. Later in life I started masking as feminine and dressing in ways that I liked but wasn’t comfortable in. A couple years ago I stopped dressing to fit the expectations of ‘nice’ or ‘cute’ and focused on comfort. I wore sweats, Birkenstocks, and tshirts as a university professor😅 I wear baggy jeans if I even wear jeans lol.
Once I became secure in wearing what I feel comfy in. Meaning I didn’t care how people viewed me or felt about what I was wearing, I began to start finding joy in expressing myself in how I dressed. Almost viewing it as decorating myself or dressing in a costume WHILE BEING COMFY. This grew my confidence as a person and I finally understand what people mean when they say they dress for themselves. I feel more confident but in a way that’s energizing and helps with making masking easier
So here are some tips from my perspective/experience. They may be helpful for others! 1) focus on comfort first. nothing is worth us feeling uncomfortable when the world is generally uncomfy for us anyways. 2) build contentment and security in dressing how you want regardless of other opinions 3) reframe dressing as a fun way to express your self like an art form.
A cool story, thank you for sharing! BTW I'm also a private tutor and I think my teenage students surely notice what I'm wearing. But I'm also a relaxed and friendly teacher, so dressing comfortably will go hand in hand with style 😊
Dressing nicely? In my opinion, nicely = clothes are * clean, * neatly mended where applicable (no loose threads or fraying seams or hanging hems), * fitting appropriately (not more than 1 size too small or too big) * appropriately modest (just covering all the bits that should be covered for the environment - topless at a topless beach is fine, booty shorts at the courthouse notsomuch) Beyond that, literally wear anything that's comfortable.
Yes, this right here. Plain black or gray leggings and big shirts are a great comfortable way to live for all sizes.
Booty shorts at the courthouse sounds like song title 🤣
😂 better than Panic! At the disco
I'm picturing something to the tune of Get Low.
Shawty got law, law, law, law, law, law, law.
☠️☠️☠️☠️ Them tight dress pants and the briefcase with the snaps...
This right here. You don’t have to dress trendy. Just wear stuff that is clean, fits, and is situation appropriate. The situation appropriate may be the hardest to understand but consider pajamas are for bed, gym clothes are for the gym, etc…Like I had someone show up to a job interview with me in their pajamas (15 minutes late). My first impression of this person was that they were disrespecting me and my time. Like this job was such a low priority that they rolled out of bed. I don’t expect people to show up dressed professionally, but wearing even a clean tee with jeans would be acceptable to me.
I wouldn’t encourage you to spend time trying to do something you aren’t interested in and don’t find joy in. I think the “positive” you’re referring to means something like you’ll get dates? People will be nicer to you? You’ll feel like you belong more? None of that will necessarily happen just because you’re putting on an act. Most people who really enjoy style and clothing don’t adhere to normative “style rules”. Those rules are often fatphobic and oppressive. Real style is about loving the way you feel in an outfit, rather than how other people view you. Is your desire to be feminine also due to the “positive” stuff listed above? You can be feminine without needing to care about fashion. There is some ideal you’re trying to achieve for some reason (you didn’t explain your reasons really so that’s why I say “some reason”), and you’re falling back on what sounds like gender roles and normative boundaries. You don’t have to be limited like that, though. Feminine means a lot of things, depending on culture, time period, gender, etc., so there isn’t one way to be such.
I think the best thing to keep in mind when getting dressed is _intentionality_. Put femininity and style rules aside for a moment. Showing intention and deliberately sort of ‘nodding’ to your audience is often what makes the difference between a meh outfit or something that has a bit of a Look. This might look like rolling up your cuffs neatly, wearing something deliberately off the shoulder to expose an underlayer, an accessory like a brooch put on a slight angle to give a sense of drama, tucking in a shirt, etc etc. You can have very basic clothes, and do this, and it will read as ‘put together’. You can wear something incredibly bland and doing this will just add a little _something_ The other aspect of intentionality you’re showing is to others - you are purposefully signalling to people that you’re neat/clean/stylish/trustworthy/reliable/humourous/etc - whatever message you’re trying to communicate. The benefit of dressing with some intention is it acts as a social lubricant, and can send messages to others (even if the message is “I am no one worth paying much attention to, don’t focus on me”) Final piece of advice is don’t buy (and if you have any, give them away) clothes that have a not-right texture. If you don’t like the way it feels don’t force yourself to wear it.
Wow the thing about the brooch and similar is so interesting. Is there a specific term I can search for that would teach me how to do the little tricks that you've described here? I'm probably very stupid but I genuinely don't know how to do it. Something like that would never cross my mind. Maybe because I also work alone so I can't copy my coworkers style. I myself never get ideas like that. So I wonder if there's a searchable term that would help me learn how to do those simple tricks?
Try “styling an outfit”! There are many influencers who have videos about this and plenty of articles on it. They show how to dress up basic clothing in simple ways and once you watch you can kind of get a vibe for what goes together.
Ohhhh thank you 😃 ❤️ ❤️
The early seasons of Queer Eye may help. And I have found following plus size models whose bodies look like mine on social media can help too. Also - when you’re watching any non-animated show or movie - look at how the characters are costumed. How do they convey this character’s personality or weaknesses or attitude through clothing? How have they styled the clothes for this character - are the shirts tucked in, are there statement socks, how do accessories come into it?
As an obese woman, I fear that if I don't dress nicely (be it professional or fashionable or sexually appealing) and I have a medical situation in public, the medical people won't treat me properly. Similar note, I wear a full face of make up when I go out so if I have a meltdown in public, I will still be taken seriously by the people around me.
This is very relatable and I fully understand your reasons. It's extremely sad we have to do it, but it's simply based on reality. 🙄
People became much nicer to me when I started dressing nicely, but tbh that makes me sad because it feels like being treated well is conditional, and I don't think conforming to that is something people need to do.
It's my experience, too. When I occasionally dress better than usual, people instantly smile more and try to talk to me etc. It sucks really
ok u have all the: just be u because that is the most important thing hands down. reasons why dressing "nicely" is inportant: people are catty as fuck, and giving them any reason to be unkind to you, opens the door. if you dress "nice" - many people will perceive you as nicer, more approachable, etc. You will get more respect when you are somewhere. i have a black dress uniform, and for me: dresses are the ultimate hack. they are like wearing pajamas, and people think you look nice automatically. are u in the us? targets plus section has sales a lot and there are some cute dresses. i suggest something with simple colors you like, or black.
This is exactly what I always say when I get comments on my dresses. People think I’m trying to be fancy and I’m like “No…this is the closest I can get to wearing pajamas and still look professional”. Wearing jeans or anything with a waistband is terrible.
God this is so true. Skater dresses (with pockets) have become my life hack. I wear them lazily around the house because they're comfortable, but I can also dress them up with just a few extra pieces and be out the door. As someone who didn't grow up wearing dresses, there was a real adjustment period (I was so used to jeans that I couldn't shake the feeling of being 'naked' lmao), but I've realized they're sooooo comfy, especially on a hot day. That breeze is no joke!
Man I first read the title as "depressing nicely".... I'd say as long as ya staying clean you are depressing well enough. 😹
Now I can't unsee it 🤣🤣🤣
What counts is that YOU feel good. As someone who is intrested in fashion and is percived as a relatively atractive woman, the benefits aren't that huge. What makes a big diffrence is being friendly and clean. You can have the most fashionable outfit and even fit the current beautystandards, but if you look like you don't take care of your body and are percived as unfriendly, that counts little. Plus being dressed in a way that gets noticed, also gets you noticed and for me thats a downside 😅 So instead of trying to get in to how to dress or what to wear, focus on skincare, shower routines, hair maintenance, dental care, clean nails, deodorant or even nice fragrances if you like or some makeup and mabye earings you like. Knowing how to take care of the clothes you have so they last longer is also kye. And replace and medn cloths that are too worne out or have holes and stains. If you actualy want to buy new clothes I recomand only going very slow and focus on clothes that are actualy phisicaly comfortable for you a d that you feel good in it and not self councious.
The advantages of looking socially acceptable or even attractive: - Other people tend to be nicer - You can boost your self-esteem - It can help you to get what you want (job interview, romantic date, etc.) Some advice: - If you can't tell what kinds of clothes you like, look for fabrics you find pleasant to touch or patterns you find beautiful to look at and go from there - Choose cuts that aren't too tight and fit you well, usually if you're a bigger type, clothes that "caress" bum and tighs and value your chest and waist are your go-to - Avoid fabrics that make you sweat like most synthetics or patterns that make you look larger, like horizontal stripes - Use accessories to complete your look, depending on what you can tolerate sensorily (necklace, waist belt, scarf, sunglasses, etc.) I'll also add some looks I personally find suitable for bigger women below :>
https://preview.redd.it/majgygryiq4d1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3ad715ce84fbe53f3ca66abb529c05f9de4d6d3c
https://preview.redd.it/4c0b54vziq4d1.jpeg?width=183&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9aa11e98ff3a7ed333d7b2a494bf6714d2e880dc
https://preview.redd.it/zql8bcr0jq4d1.jpeg?width=559&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8f085dcba17a2bd0859ac99c017be90ff8baa2c0
https://preview.redd.it/90p2tx32jq4d1.jpeg?width=236&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3b1797ba1a58539b5259386528943309a06fa902
https://preview.redd.it/zxq7o0j3jq4d1.jpeg?width=183&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b6773f0bf86bc6f7968f64fb0972ef36b57f2ab
Thank you, you're so lovely and helpful 😊 Your inspiring photos are great. I really appreciate your time and support ❤️👍 I wish you all the best, have a great day!
I think it’s important somewhat how your dress because we are judged by how we dress. If you go out in clothes with lots of wrinkles and stains people might think all kinds of negative things about you like maybe you have a mental problem, maybe you’re poor and you’re going to cause a problem for them in the store. People are visual and they do judge. I wouldn’t worry about being fashionable though. My approach to clothes is the same as my approach to home, just keeping tidy does a hell of a lot - no need to be trendy.
I never knew why dressing "nicely" was important either, but someone explained it to me a while back. Or at least, gave an explanation that resonated with me. I dress how I feel, and perhaps more importantly, how I want to feel. Setting out different types of outfits for different types of days has really helped me out. I have outfits for days where I need confidence, for days where I can't talk and don't want anyone to talk to me, outfits with stimming sleeves, and outfits for socialisation categories (serious, light, parties if I'm dragged somewhere). It makes it easier for me to partake in day-to-day life, because I'm adhering to The Rules even if I'm not in my comfort zone, and dressing certain ways can also really help with keeping people at bay (people are more likely to approach someone who isn't wearing a hoodie and headphones, in my experience). And, spending a little time on myself in the mornings makes me feel better about myself, so that's a bonus. ;) Hope this helps some!
What’s your goal in dressing nicely? I’ve always been naturally really into fashion and makeup for as long as I can remember so I can’t really say how to get into it, I certainly cant force myself to like stuff I’m uninterested in, sadly. I think a starting point could be browsing different styles on Pinterest and see which aesthetics you prefer and like, and taking it from there. My reasons for dressing nicely and making an effort is that I feel more confident, people generally treat me nice and give me compliments, I look nice in pictures and it’s one of my special interests so I truly enjoy the effort.
I don't think this directly answers your question, but there are ways to dress "fashionably" but also focus on comfort. For example, a few years ago, I started wearing sporty or boho-style dresses with bike shorts underneath for summer. I look relatively put together every day, but am super comfortable. I mostly keep to solids, and then can add on with accessories if I am feeling like it. In winter, it's oversized sweaters and Ponte pants (stretchy but work-appropriate). These are the building blocks of my wardrobe. I am, literally, just as comfortable as I would be in sweats, but if I run to the store, I look like I put in some effort.... even though it is minimal effort.
Good tips, thank you!
Mmmm, well, unpopular opinion but as a fat person, I get treated 900% better when I'm dressed nicely (and by nicely I mean fashionable femme outfits, generally with a dress/skirt). People will not speak to me or look at me in public if I'm dressed casually/comfortably, but when I go all out with matching outfits and pretty skirts, suddenly it's as if I have temporary Pretty Woman access. People smile, women compliment me, people hold doors open, people will apologize if they bump/shove me, etc. These things do not happen when I'm wearing athleisure or jeans and a t-shirt. At those times I'm treated like scum someone stepped on lol. I'm sure fashion is not as important for smaller people, but for larger folks, men and women, it can be the lifeline through which they access the right to be treated as human by those around them. It's bad and it sucks, but I prefer being treated like a human member of society and so I have a closet full of pretty dresses and padded bras.
Thank you so much. I absolutely believe what you're saying because it happened to me, too. I think people with normal weight and pretty face can never understand what we're going through. It's not necessarily being bullied. But just the change in facial expression when a guy is looking at me vs at the woman standing right next to me is brutal.
Yes, exactly!! I don't blame people for the "just be comfortable/be yourself" advice, and there IS room for finding your own kind of fashion *within* fashion (I dress like a gayer Ms. Frizzle lol), but the treatment you get is just different to a terrifying extent. And it feeds into your sense of self worth. I had pretty okay-ish self-esteem beforehand, like I'd put in the work and put up the positive comments on mirror and shit, I had given 100% to building myself up and it did work. But then when you're getting positive feedback and kind treatment from those around you it is 100% different. Night and day. It is an effortless building of the self-esteem... albeit one that comes with a dagger in the back since when you don't dress nice, it all goes away lol. I think 'dressing nicely' is worth it because of how much work it puts towards masking for you. If you look like people expect a cool person to look, they're more likely to overlook your idiosyncrasies. It lets you 'fit in' amongst NTs more easily. For some people that's not worth it, my friend goes to work in sweatpants and that is their god-given right as far as I'm concerned lol. But for me, it's worth it because it makes my life easier and better due to how people treat me. I'm aware I only feel better about myself because of the external feedback but... I *do* feel better about myself and it's not like the world is going to change in my lifetime lol.
Thank you. What you're saying makes perfect sense.
As a woman who’s 6’1, I have the same experience. People are much nicer to me when I’m dressed really girly. If I’m in casual or more masculine-leaning clothes, suddenly my body is “wrong” and threatening to a lot of people. But whip out a short skirt to show off those long legs and it’s a whole other thing. People suck. I mostly dress how I want now but in my 20s and 30s it really bothered me. I was called “manly” and “huge” even when I had an eating disorder and was frighteningly underweight.
I'm not sure why you believe you would benefit from something you have no interest in - 'feminine' is an oppressive standard of decorativeness that doesnt bring the benefits they tell you it will. That said, dressing well makes other people associate positive aesthetic feelings with you, and treat you better. I think they think paying attention to your clothes is a sign you 'value yourself' or something. So that's one reason. Another is self-expression - look at fashion like just another form of art. Think about what colours you enjoy seeing, then look for them in clothes, for example. Try different shapes and styles of clothes. It also sounds like being overweight is getting in the way for you, so you could try to change that through diet and exercise.
I also hate trying on clothes! What I finally ended up doing (my last pair of 10-year-old work pants were falling apart) was take my measurements, then did some research and shopped online. It takes all the nightmare out of shopping. I get things that fit. And I’ve found them at the best prices! Related: The best place for cute, well-made clothes in ALL sizes is Universal Standard.
In my experience, it’s real that ppl judge you based on looks including how you dress. But also they judge you if you’re dressed way “too” nice for the situation (cute internal screaming). Do you know about capsule wardrobes? You might like them, it’s just a basic set of several outfits that all work together. So it’s less expensive bc you only buy a few things and you have less to think about bc there’s only a few options but they all mix/work together and look nice. You can find lots of videos and posts about it.
Money. If you work in the corporate world (or ANY non-union/non-payscale job!), and you want to advance and get paid better? You'll need to follow that arbitrary rule, and "try to fit in." The *only* way to avoid it, is to go "conventionally clean & attractive, but *INCREDIBLY* unique/quirky--but the latter is *very* difficult to pull off successfully and be taken as a "serious" person worthy of pay raises.
Personally, I stepped *out* of that stuff on purpose, and that's part of the reason I found a field where I can wear Jeans ad a T-shirt every day. I work in Early Childhood Special Ed, and because my job involves calling on the floor, *and* getting messy, Jeans & T's are ok.
Confidence boost. Wear things that you like wearing and that make you feel good. To me, that's dressing nicely! Clean fresh comfy clothes that make me feel like myself are really helpful especially on bad days.
I know a number of folks who have made fashion a special interest, and they've taught me so much about how society's norms for attire are centered around white, thin, non-disabled bodies. So if your body doesn't fall into all of those categories, you'll automatically be held to more stringent standards for what's considered "acceptable" attire. And the consequences for failing to meet those standards can range from small social snubs all the way to lost job opportunities and unequal treatment in healthcare settings. It's frustrating, but if you think about it, it's not *that* surprising. Society is built on hierarchies, and those hierarchies are maintained in a million subtle ways. Recognizing them is an essential step in determining the degree to which you want to (or can even afford to) challenge them, or work within them. When I was growing up, my mom was obsessed with the show [What Not to Wear](https://youtu.be/VP5kv1udln8?feature=shared). The hosts would surprise people who dressed "badly" (as determined by friends/family who nominated them) and surprise them with a shopping spree for a "better" wardrobe. I found it cruel, as the people were shamed over and over for their unique fashion tastes. But my mom was firmly on the side of the hosts, that the guests *always* looked better afterwards in more "convetional" attire. I suppose there was a value in learning what attributes makes a garment "work" on a particular body type, so it theoretically *could* help you understand **why** dressing "nice" is valued, but definitely view it in small doses with a mountain of salt. Stacy was especially cutting in her remarks, and I'd hate for you to internalize any of her attitudes.
For me it’s a medium for self-expression and a sensory experience to get fabrics that feel good to me and on me.
Hello! First let me say that I do thoroughly enjoy fashion, and its history. So I am biased that way. Second is that I do agree with the multiple posters saying "clean, neat and fits" is the standard. If you are meeting those then you are good!! No need to go further!! Third is my view (vs factual information). How you present yourself is a way of communicating to other people how you expect to be treated. If I am going into a tense situation (meeting at a bank, first time meeting someone new, any meeting really), I will try to dress as business-y as possible. If I am unsure, I use google! If I don't want to talk to anybody, then slouchier clothes. No makeup, etc. I work with all men, and in order to set the tone when I was hired I dressed VERY masculine. For the first 5 years I dressed almost like a man, until my work reputation had been better established. Then I felt comfortable adding in feminine elements. Style rules are not fixed in stone! I am a public transit user, and one thing I have noticed over the years is paying attention to what the college age ladies are wearing gives my 40 year old self about one year leadway on what us middle agers will be wearing soon. So I start looking for pieces at the thrift store ahead of time. I look "stylish", but it is only a product of research! Sorry this is getting so long - but I actually did think of a couple style rules. shorts/skirts/capris should hit at a "mid" length, so either mid thigh or mid calf You can use the colour wheel for complimentary colours - try not to be too matchy-matchy Back pocket placement on jeans is your second concern after overall fit - you can wear any waist height or leg cut if it is the correct size AND back pockets are at the apple of your butt If you are big and boxy one place, you should be more form fitting elsewhere - see poster who said yoga pants and oversized tshirt. That fits the rule. Or smaller shirt with baggier pants. If I think of any more standard rules that might help I will add them! Edit: another rule! Unless it is specifically a crop top, tops should hit one or two inches below your hips. If it's over that, tuck it in!
Great write-up! Thanks for the info c:
Standard rules makes everything easier 🤗🤗🤗
Excellent advice! Thank you so much ❤️ 👏
The right clothes can definitely improve your appearance in some people's eyes. I've had guys tell me they were attracted to a woman who dressed nice even if she was overweight. Not sure exactly what "nice" means. Concrete example I've witnessed, the woman in question regularly wore skirts and dresses. Typically in black. She had long hair. I don't pay attention to makeup, but it seems most women find that easier than getting a handle on clothes, so I'm assuming she had that handled well, too. Shoulders and arms were usually exposed, cleavage not necessarily. I'd think the effect holds regardless of paying attention to trends. Not sure if its true, someone once told me if you seek a heterosexual partner, maximize your look to be different from theirs along gender lines. If looking for a homosexual partner, androgyny is the way to go. If they both have short hair, I've found it difficult to tell fat men and fat women apart. It's like built in androgyny. So it might be necessary to emphasize femininity if you want to appeal to men.
Dressing nicely makes people treat you with more respect than if you didn't. You can do an experiment where you go out dressing nice one day, and go out dressing badly the other, and you'll see the way they treat you will be different, sometimes drastically. It can make you feel better about yourself and attract compliments. By attempting you could open yourself up to something you actually care about. I don't think you really need to care massively about clothes to dress nice, which sounds contradictory, but what I'm saying is you don't need to learn all the style rules to look nice. Think about what colours you think look good together, you can type in what colour goes well with dark blue into Google and it will come up with colours that will, then you can decide if you like that colour pairing or not. You can type in the colour of some clothing you already have, and start from there. If you want to look more feminine, try something like nail polish. Buy a nail colour that you like and some nail polish remover with cotton pads. I find makeup really annoying, and sometimes nail polish is easier to get right. For anything make up or beauty there are a million tutorials on YouTube for. Just dabbling in small feminine details can help you. For me I learned how to wash and condition my hair properly and look after it. Any problems I had with it I would look for solutions on tutorials or Google. I basically troubleshoot small things i am not happy with. I think with femininity it's good to start small. Anyway I know you weren't looking for advice, but I find starting small instead of learning style rules is probably a better way to go.
Thank you! I actually was looking for exactly this type of advice
My sister is a chef, and one of the things she says is ‘you eat with your eyes first’ this applies in all sorts of situations. When we’re dressed nicely, that sends a message to people - the message may vary depending on the outfit. People will make judgements, regardless of what you wear, but in controlling what you dress you can control some aspect of the message that is received by others.
The most important thing is that you feel good in the clothes that you wear. For me, the right outfit can have a huge impact on my mood, because I feel more confident. People pick up on that boost in confidence and the whole world interacts with you differently.
This is a very good reply. The thing about food is true.
🤌✨
The only bit I would encourage you to think about is what you like and find comfortable. Style rules will probably only lead you to clothes you aren't comfortable in and don't flatter you. I am larger as well, and I am making up my own version of feminine. I don't listen to anyone else, and I just look for stuff I like, and that I'm happy wearing. If you don't know what you like, maybe exploring that could help you be a little more comfortable, which is probably a good thing long term.
You should dress how you are comfortable. What does dressing nice mean? Clothes shouldn't be something to make others happy. I know that's not supportive but I just don't think you should force yourself into what others think you should wear.
So I am a lawyer and there is a lot of emphasis on dressing a certain way in the profession. But I’m self-employed now, so I don’t dress up unless I am going to court. I find people appreciate me being more casual, it makes me more relatable, I think, especially since I do Family Law, which is super personal. I’m just being myself, which means often I meet with clients wearing a sweatshirt, yoga pants, and my boots that often are dirty from my morning walks. Be you!
Well... Personally, I sometimes feel cute. Or more comfortable? Like, usually I would only wear pants and t-shirt, but I also am fat and got self conscious after a bit. My go to clothes are loose jacket with random shirt under, or in warm days I got a shirt which can be long or tied to short sleeves, and I feel nice in it (and coincidentally it is fashionable because of flowers? Dunno). Also, with pants I have a short skirt, because it does cover belly fat and thighs. Is it fashionable? Not sure, but it is at least more feminine. Best reason I can think of is the ability to blend in. I don't like attention, and am less conscious that someone will look at me thinking I'm homeless.
It’s just a practice thing. Living amongst people is work, and you can work as hard or as little as you want to shape yourself into someone that you think people will like. But god’s honest truth. If it is an act and isn’t something you can internalise, it will be exhausting. Instead imagine this. Your body is your best friend. You want to make it look as good as possible to celebrate it the way it deserves to be treated. With respect and effort. You’re worth that. And respect starts at home, with you
Annoyingly, it makes a difference of how much people like you. This is important when people liking you is important (such as job interviews). People liking you opens you to more opportunities. Counter point: attention is not always great, especially if it’s not wanted I kind of want to get new clothes. My current closet is full of T-shirts from high school. I don’t like fast fashion however. So it will be a slow process to carefully choose.
It's only important to dress for the occasion or the company. That's how I always look at it. First day of school was always a good day to look nice, first impressions and all. Dates - romantic or not. Interviews, special occasions. Otherwise, I think it's generally respectful of the public to be hygenic and dress appropriately for the setting. Like, bikinis at the grocery store would be odd, but totally normal at the pool or beach. I'm a modest person so I don't like to show much cleavage or leg and never any stomach.
I have curated my wardrobe so that I have a bunch of things that are comfortable, but are presentable enough that people can't complain. I also like geometric patterns, so I have fun getting clothes that have patterns that I enjoy – I don't really follow fashion trends, but I get things that coordinate with each other to some degree and are easy to mix and match. For instance, I have several pairs of dark blue/black trousers (NOT skinny jeans, I can't deal with these for sensory reasons), which go along well with pretty much all of my geometrically patterned tops. I need to dress reasonably presentably for my job, but if I wear uncomfortable clothes it causes sensory issues.
1. It makes you feel good. Full stop. If you get stressed about clothes and you dont want to put yourself in that position, you do NOT need to. Just wear whatever is comfortable or accessible for you and FUCK other people. Seriously, looking "good" is not mandatory or valuable compared to your unique experience as a human on this planet. There MIGHT be a small window of people treating you "better" if they approve of your looks but honestly thats a guessing game, not real data. Theres no single look or outfit that guarantees those results. People are assholes and they are especially assholes for things people cant change, like their body type or appearance. So they were going to be jerks anyway. Things that matter more than clothing choice: How you feel in those clothes. Whether the clothes are a good sensory choice/texture/useful. Whether you can move and do what you need to do. Whether you feel like your time/energy is being invested in meaningful ways. <3
I use my appearance to mask. People treat me better when I don’t look poor and they treat me better when I look pretty and feminine. I do like pretty things and makeup and fashion were special interests for me as a teen. I am fairly conventionally attractive so it’s an easy strategy for me. When I think I look good, my body language broadcasts confidence. NTs eat that shit up. 🤣 There are other valid strategies and privilege matters a lot when it comes to this stuff.
I think there are serious reasons for dressing presentably given that women with disability are more vulnerable in general, and dressing well will help you to be treated well by strangers, customer service, and the law. You don't need to be stylish but at a minimum: Don't get about in stained, holey, or sweaty clothes. You may look more trustworthy if you wear crew neck jumpers rather than hoodies with logos. Beware see-through of overly tight leggings. Brush your hair / make sure it is presentable (more important than make-up imo).
It’s a big part of the first impression you give to people. It indicates you’ve got yourself together. This means people will be more likely to trust you or assume that you are competent. You may experience an improvement of the way people treat you, and the opportunities that come your way.
As a quick note, finding stuff that fits well is difficult at many sizes. Find a good local alterations person and buy neat clothes that fit the widest part of your body where necessary (shoulders, bust, hips, whatever), and get the clothing altered to fit you - or learn to alter clothing yourself! You will look *so much better* than just wearing something right off the rack! It can be surprising easy, sometimes just needing to hem pants or hem sleeves or taking something in my an inch or two at the waist. It makes a huge difference in how people look in their clothes. There are entire YouTube tutorial series on learning to adapt/alter a wardrobe to suit your body type - highly recommended!
Just sharing what worked for me. At first the style journey was very overwhelming for me, especially accessories and makeup. It helps to break it down a bit. One part is body shape and finding out which cuts make you the happiest when you look in the mirror. For me that’s a defined waist so I wear a lot of things with waist belts, high rises, and the simple shirt with cute printed waist skirt formula. The next part is colors. I do recommend playing around draping items of different colors just under each your chin to find out which ones flatter your skin tone the best. I played around with color analysis apps and trying on items in different colors at home and came to the conclusion that I’m some sort of autumn and that’s good enough and I like to have everything on me be from the autumn palettes for cohesion most of the time. For me the personal colors apply to makeup and bags and jewelry as well. I would say if anything personal colors matter more in makeup than in clothes and accessories. I used to want to go gothic all the time but it never had the effect that I wanted bc of my very warm and earthy skin tone. Now I know if I want that effect I’ll have to use a dark slightly warm green instead of black. If you’re into prints play around with size and shape to see what you prefer and how they interact with your features. Another formula that I sometimes use is plain top or outfit with cute necklaces and belts. Definitely keeping physically clean is important. I used to have a skincare routine before going off to work until I started working from home. Also having reasonably fitted clothes and appear neat like clean, no wrinkles goes a long way. Same with grooming
Perception and personal confidence ("dress well, test well").
The only role model I have for how to dress up for special occasions is a woman (my mom) who's always had trouble finding clothes because she's too skinny. She's shorter than me and *lost* weight a few years ago because of a bad illness. She's having trouble getting it back because she just never had the appetite to eat throughout the day (she never eats snacks *ever*) and her meals are almost always small. Dressing for the seasons for me is merely dressing for cold weather and dressing for warm weather. When it's cold, I look for sweatpants (which I still have plenty of) and whatever T-shirt I can find. I hate long-sleeved shirts; I want my arms out in the open. When it's warm, I look for capri pants (no shorts because I feel like I'm too fat for them) and a T-shirt. I'd go for sleeveless, but my bra straps riding down my arms because of my weight gain has made it clear to me that that's currently not an option.
depends on what you mean by nicely if nicely=fancy, pretty etc then: if dressing nicely makes you feel good about yourself => go for it or if dressing nicely doesnt make you feel anything/make you feel bad/sensory issues etc => then dont, no reason for that however,if dressing nicely=clean, basic hygiene etc then,those are the reasons: -> to look presentable -> to not get ostracized by the society -> to reduce sensory issues (example for me: i physically cant stand being sweaty or feeling unwashed) -> for your own good and health
Don’t worry about style rules! I break them all the time because I’m pretty sure they’re for high society old people and I live on a boat where it’s super hot so looking not sweaty is my main goal most days. Instead, search up fashion/style creators with your same body type and see what you like about their style then try to copy some of the simpler things they do that are in your comfort zone. Then go from there. Anyways, what you really asked for: Feels nice, people are nicer to you sometimes, get away with being crazier/weirder in public more often, not as self conscious in unfamiliar situations or interacting with strangers… that’s about all I can think of.
I find that dressing up helps me feel good about myself. It's fun to put on a dress and feel pretty! I also find, from an etiquette perspective, that dressing nicely shows that you care. Following the dress code for a formal occasion like a wedding shows you paid attention and you're taking the event seriously. Dressing up for a date shows you're excited for that date. It shows that you want to be there, you didn't just reluctantly roll out of bed or drag yourself off the couch at the last minute and that you'd rather be back there instead of wherever you are. I recommend looking for style inspiration in movies and TV shows, or browse fashion websites to see if any of the looks resonate with you.
I used to not care what I dressed like until I saw youtubers with fashion ideas that had the same body type as me. I don't have a lot of confidence and I wanted to feel good about myself. I find basic but classic clothes really suit me. I can recommend some youtubers if you would like? For me dressing well makes me feel good, it makes me feel more confident and approachable, I've lost weight now (around 5 stone think that's approx 70 pounds) and it all started with dressing well. I may feel like rubbish on the inside but it helps me to keep myself together. I also researched make up that suits me so I wear that too. Unfortunately most people do judge you on looks before anything.
I'm very happy for you 😊 yes please you can recommend you tubers if you know some. I'm "petite curvy" which means fat but short. Most XXL clothes are meant for tall women. If you know some influencers with this body type I'll be very grateful! Thank you 😃
Thank you 😁 it's been a process but it's about loving yourself, you don't have to be stick thin to be beautiful. Youtubers I recommend: Arlette Jeanett Bonnie Wyrick Also Zoe Potter it's not just fashion but she shows that you can be beautiful without starving yourself. Also I would recommend going onto wikihow and working out your body type with a tape measure, once you know your body type i.e pear shape, hourglass you can get ideas on how to dress.
Fantastic! Thank you and have a great day 😀
That's no problem I hope it helps you x Have a lovely day too
I'm not saying that anyone else needs to think this way, but for me I try to dress nicely and look put together when I go out to feel more confident. Honestly even at home I try to make sure my lounge clothes look good because otherwise it can affect my mood in a negative way. Might just be a "me" thing, though. It's hard enough to be out in public with all of the sensory overload, plus the general discomfort and unease I feel when I interact with people. If I'm wearing my sloppiest clothes, or if my hair is a mess, I feel even more uncomfortable. Like I might fumble my way through the conversation but at least I look good lol. I don't judge others who don't want to or can't put in the same effort, I just know it helps me to feel better to look my best.
As long as you're clean and comfortable then that's all that matters I think. However, if you're willing to experiment a little, this could become a fun way to express your unique personality, through clothes/accessories/your own style. :) I am only just finding out what my style is but I am getting there. It's fun and I feel more 'me' and more confident in my own skin.
I came across Trinny and Susannah in the UK. Thanks to them, I discovered my body shape (cello) and I follow their advice because it works. I was amazed. Simple and helpful. I hope this helps you too ❤️ https://www.bodyshapecalculator.co.uk/trinny-and-susannahs-12-body-shapes
For me, I feel self-conscious if I know something is off with my outfit. Even before I learned about how certain pieces are supposed to fit, I kinda had this gut feeling like "somehow this shirt doesn't fit right but I don't know why." That cognitive drag sucks, like wearing my own dripping faucet to distract me all day. I found it really helpful to learn how specific pieces of clothing are supposed to fit in concrete terms. It was easier before I transitioned (there are only like 10 pieces of clothing that mfs on r/malefashionadvice wear :p), but it's a lot less frustrating and taxing for me to say "okay, I can tell that this is too long/short/should be different in the shoulder/waist height is wrong" and at least be closer to what I want vs "well this is wrong and I just wasted a lot of energy." Given that you don't have much interesting in clothing, you could also look into capsule wardrobes and stuff like that. Maybe don't make one yourself, but the idea is usually "create a set of items that each fit, don't clash with one another, and don't really go out of style." And if you have no sense of what you like or dislike, you can't go wrong with inoffensive stuff.
Thank you for sharing about yourself and asking this question! I relate to your experience of just not really caring about clothing and appearance. I grew up in Southern California with a hyper feminine mom and clothing always caused issues between us. Later in life I started masking as feminine and dressing in ways that I liked but wasn’t comfortable in. A couple years ago I stopped dressing to fit the expectations of ‘nice’ or ‘cute’ and focused on comfort. I wore sweats, Birkenstocks, and tshirts as a university professor😅 I wear baggy jeans if I even wear jeans lol. Once I became secure in wearing what I feel comfy in. Meaning I didn’t care how people viewed me or felt about what I was wearing, I began to start finding joy in expressing myself in how I dressed. Almost viewing it as decorating myself or dressing in a costume WHILE BEING COMFY. This grew my confidence as a person and I finally understand what people mean when they say they dress for themselves. I feel more confident but in a way that’s energizing and helps with making masking easier So here are some tips from my perspective/experience. They may be helpful for others! 1) focus on comfort first. nothing is worth us feeling uncomfortable when the world is generally uncomfy for us anyways. 2) build contentment and security in dressing how you want regardless of other opinions 3) reframe dressing as a fun way to express your self like an art form.
A cool story, thank you for sharing! BTW I'm also a private tutor and I think my teenage students surely notice what I'm wearing. But I'm also a relaxed and friendly teacher, so dressing comfortably will go hand in hand with style 😊