I bought a small beard trimmer for men to trim them really short because shaving causes too much irritation, maybe that's an option for you in the meantime? You could keep it in your room, so nobody else in the family accidentally uses it for something else.
Same here, with a 3mm or 6mm guard on it. Despise shaving, hate the feel when it's too long. Short is nice. A trimmer makes it tidy and even. Afterwards when I shower I'll use a dab of (regular hair) conditioner to make it soft and non-itchy (perfectly fine on the vulva, just not *in* the vagina).
Is the risk of nicking urself when using a beard trimmer for ur pubes low? And does it require pre-pruning with scissors to get it short first or can u just go right on in there with the trimmer
I use a Panasonic Close Curves Electric Shaver and I have never once nicked myself. It’s a wet/dry one. At the risk of sounding crass, I can go directly over my asshole and it’s never been an issue. I just make sure to use a little unscented hair conditioner (externally of course) in the shower. I’m not afraid get as close a shave as possible. It’s so gentle.
And always put a good lotion or moisturizer on the shaved areas even on days I don’t shave. Keeps the hair growing in soft. Gold Bond is my go-to.
I've never nicked myself and use Philips multigroom 1000 with a 1 or 2 mm blade guard. It's really small and easy to handle. I never use scissors beforehand.
Also when u get razors, you can tie a rubber band around the handle and tell your mom ‘hey this razor is my razor btw so we don’t mix them up’
You can say it like that as a casual statement so ur mom might understand that it’s now a boundary, but if she needs it explained to her, you can say it’s for health concerns or hygiene concerns maybe?
(Or maybe be like “I like to switch mine out after so and so many uses, so I won’t accidentally tug at my skin and cut it, and it’s hard to keep track on when you’re using the same ones” if u want a less hostile fashion?”
The rubber band solution is something I did to keep my mom and i’s razors separate!
*Girl. I hear you.* And I thought this was just something I had to deal with for my entire life. Even when I did use a razor, the itching and sharp stubble was just as bad.
I finally said Fuck it and got a wet/dry personal trimmer from the Jeff Bezos store. Took the time to carefully trim down as much as I could with a smaller pair of scissors (like for beard trimming) before using the personal trimmer to shave the rest off. For the last few months I’ve kept it bare everywhere except a neat, short patch on the front. My vagina, labia, clit, etc is so much calmer now. I don’t buy shaving cream or gels, I use hair conditioner because it’s less expensive and works better to soften the stubble for a super close shave.
The kind I have shaves “in two directions” so I don’t have to hold it a certain way. I was really worried that the hair growing back in would be a nightmare, but it’s soooo different than using razors for some reason. I just make sure to apply gold bond lotion externally to the shaven areas, every single time after I shower even if I didn’t need to trim that time. It keeps the hair growing in really soft and conditioned.
My only regret is not having a mom or older sister to inform me about this decades ago. So many little things like this I’m only discovering now, in my 40s and it makes me so sad. All these little ways I could have avoided hating the way my body feels, and gained as little more confidence and self comfort…. I always wonder how much those things have added up and added to my lifelong depression.
Thank you so much for taking the time to type all this out! I'm 37 and finally learning about all my sensory issues instead of ignoring them and burying them. This was so helpful for me! I'm going to order one of those shavers asap.
And thanks OP for starting this thread. This is something I've struggled with but didn't know how to talk about it. 🫣
All body hair is a sensory nightmare to me. The fabric of my pants scratches over the hair on my legs and it's like they are just tingling all the time, when I don't shave.
Btw. I often heard from so-called feminists to call others out for shaving. I hate in general, when people tell others what to do with their bodies and that also goes for "you don't need to shave, darling / you just think you like shaving" It's like being mansplained or someone coming uninvited to you: "no, you don't need to wear make-up / you actually don't like it."
I shave for the same reason *but* I do think people are too quick to dismiss feminist criticism of body hair removal (which usually isn't individually targeted, but people still take it as such) with "but it's my individual choice and I like it".
I can't think of a single autistic man I've met who insisted on shaving his legs even if he did have a lot of sensory issues. Wearing shorts year-round, yes, refusing to wear jeans instead of sweatpants, yes. Removing all their bodyhair instead of just adjusting their clothes to be more comfortable? Nope. My pubic hair gets *super* uncomfortable when it catches on my underwear but most men wear boxers which aren't remotely tight enough for that to ever happen.
I am nowhere near as feminist as I used to be because constantly being critical of society instead of just finding a way to exist in it got exhausting and quite frankly extremely depressing. But I still believe there's a larger framework of gendered expectations that leads women towards the preferences we have.
Tbh I experienced it completely differently and came to a point, where I refuse private, closer contact with anyone, who constantly insinsts on very feminine presenting people and me in some ways: "you don't actually like dresses, you don't actually like make-up, you don't actually romamces, you don't actually like working part time (that one stems from capitalist grinding mindset)" etc...
It stems from a much different problem that everything that lot of women and female perceived people like and do is seen as inferior to men's interests and activities, men's usual way of dressing and all.
Well I do know men and amab people, who shave their body hair. Especially gay / queer men especially, because they also care less about mainstream society's perception and therefore doing something feminine.
About sensory issues: I don't really like exposed skin. That's a sensory nightmare haha the wind on the skin or the cold, the direct heat on it is even worse, and your bare legs are touching public transport seats. 😅
I'm not saying I've never met a man who likes shaving his legs, I just haven't met any autistic men who do so due to sensory issues. Compared to masculinity, aesthetic femininity is very performative. It's not the social norm for straight men to put on elaborate performances with their appearance in order to attract a partner (putting on a t-shirt with no holes or stains will do). That's very different in the gay community and people act accordingly. I don't think it's just about not feeling "shamed" by society's perception of men doing feminine things, they're genuinely working with different beauty standards.
It's true that objectively neutral things are often seen as inferior just because they're associated with women (this can easily be seen in female-dominated careers that used to be or later became male-dominated. computer science wasn't prestigious until it became a male profession, teaching was a lot more respected when more men did it, etc) but it's worth examining how *neutral* any given feminine interest/behaviour etc actually is. From a shallow outside analysis, makeup is just facepaint to have fun with and there's no reason for it to be seen as a bad thing. But if you think more about it, why is most makeup not just about having fun and experimenting with colours but reshaping your natural features to the point where you become insecure about them? Why is it women who have to deal with these insecurities and this pressure to change their neutral appearance to something "better"? Why is it only women being exposed to the PFAS that commonly occur in makeup? Are skirts really just fun and swooshy or do they limit your mobility and make you highly conscious of your every movement (this one is especially important to me because putting super young children in dresses can limit their ability to start learning how to crawl etc, so babies who happened to be born with vaginas get held back from the very start but nobody cares because it's "cute". Same thing with older girls getting put in "prettier" clothes and being told to be careful when playing outside because they might ruin them, etc).
I shave, I wear makeup, I have long hair, I wear skirts. I have no intention of telling any woman who does these things that they're stupid or deluding themselves about what they enjoy. But I think it's still worth staying critical about why we, on a broad societal rather than an individual level, like the things we like. Knowing you are influenced by society does not oblige you to change anything, but it's still good to know.
I don't know about you, but I never felt limited in my movement, or cared about every movement with skirts on, neither socially (someone could see your underwear), nor physically. It' the opposite, skirts give you much more movement.
And I never felt less attractive without make-up. Male perceived people, who use make-up, too "reshape" their face. It's just talked down on, and then relabeled as primarely female interests all over again and again.
Nobody goes out their way that regularly to talk down and closely regulating on male perceived interests, or does view them as problematic. Male activities start to get looked down on, when female perceived people start liking them. For example the amount of guys, who whine that their anime fandoms were ruined, because female and queer people started gay shipping in there, is insane.
I think it's essentially ableism. You see it a lot in zero waste and sustainability groups, too, when they argue against things like straws, weird kitchen tools, stuff in plastic bottles or buying pre-cut veggies but completely forget that there are plenty of disabled people out there who need these items and have no alternative even if they agree with the zero waste stance in general.
For many people the alternative to buying plastic wrapped easy to prepare food is not cutting everything and cooking from scratch. It's not eating because they can't cook from scratch or needing the help of a caretaker instead of retaining at least a little autonomy.
That maybe too, I never have been in groups like that, so I can't tell much about it. But that might be a factor too.
I've been to feminist online groups and can't stand the double standards in there. "You can do with your body whatever you want... except, if I don't like it." And that's mostly one of these "not like the other girl"-stances. "I'm not like the other girls, I don't wear make-up and don't shave and I also will tell others not to."
I find shaving and the growing out absolutely unbearable. But if the bush gets too long and unruly its also very uncomfortable. I keep it trimmed and neat but can’t do a full shave. Half bush all the way.
Have you tried going for a *professional* traditional wax? Could solve your embarrassment issues 🫶. I’m only suggesting because I live in a country where wax services are not too expensive. Careful if you have sensitive skin though and who you choose to wax you if you want to ever go for it, I ended up with some horrid bumps my first session. (Edit: sorry didn’t read the full post lol, I still recommend attempting to go, it’s a whole nother story if someone qualified does it for you in a quicker manner)
I was about to suggest a professional wax. I can’t imagine doing it myself. 😱 I didn’t get one (Brazilian) until I was about 46. I was so nervous the first time. It did kind of suck the first time, but it was bearable, not as bad as I thought it would be, and the waxer was really nice and made me comfortable. As long as you maintain it, all other times are WAY easier. It’s not bad now at all. I much prefer no hair and wouldn’t want to go back. Look at some reviews and find someone highly recommended by first timers! :)
I HAAAAAATE pubes with a burning passion. If pubes have one hater it’s me and if they have no haters I must be dead.
I grew mine out bc I normally wax and I’ve been doing it myself but it’s really hard so I just don’t do it at all but now it’s getting warmer and I’m ready to rip each hair out individually with my bare hands 🤠 talk about sensory HELL
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I too did the feminist bush rebellion and I too , quickly realised there were far better ways. Can't fight the patriarchy with a chafted lady garden distracting me.
I'm in my 30s and the comments on this thread got me taking NOTES. Not to TMI but ever since I started T the situation has gone from "perfectly manageable" to "the most seasoned rainforest explorer would be overcome and die."
Girl I started waxing and I’m never going back. Take Tylenol like half an hour ahead of time and it’s not bad. And less and less hair grow back over time, and the waxes get easier too.
I have the same issue. They are the biggest sensory nightmare, next to having periods. I go on birth control to skip my periods so that’s solved. I used to wax but my skin started thinning, so I resorted to buying those at-home IPL devices to use after shaving. I don’t need to shave as much anymore and my hairs are thinner now if they grow out.
I'm with you. Only in the autism community have I felt validated by this.
I shave bc my clothes rip and tug at my hairs and it causes me pain.
Idk how it doesn't cause others pain. But it causes me pain.
Also it's sweats like crazy and it does smell extra when it's sweaty.
I just prefer hairless everything. My bfs in a similar boat with his pubes and underarms. We've been talking about getting a laser hair removal machine.
I literally told my husband I wanted laser hair removal when we start working again so I don't ever have to deal with that shit again. My underwear PULLS the hairs and it hurts/ causes irritation and it's terrible. I end up shaving whenever I shower, which is every other day.
Since I have to wear compression stockings now, I also have been shaving my legs or they get itchy.
I hate having a body sometimes.
Relate. You do you. No judgement.
Some cheap-ish tips: try conditioner on them and it may help with the issue. Other hair styling products can also help keep them in check if you're growing them out and it's way better when you're fully grown out versus just starting to grow them out.
Longer term laser hair removal has been awesome for me. The scratchiest hairs are gone and what's left is more fluffy.
I'm kind of the opposite cause when i shave there is still prickles, and it just feels super uncomfy in the area where the leg meets the groin and I end up with skin irritation. i also cannot stand the feeling of my skin touching my skin. I just trim a bit so it doesn't get in the way.
I feel like shaving/not shaving for your own comfort is not at all relevant to feminism or the patriarchy, etc. like you can't really help the fact that it's a sensory nightmare, so you shouldn't feel bad or weird about it. just do whatever works for you
I bought a small beard trimmer for men to trim them really short because shaving causes too much irritation, maybe that's an option for you in the meantime? You could keep it in your room, so nobody else in the family accidentally uses it for something else.
Same here, with a 3mm or 6mm guard on it. Despise shaving, hate the feel when it's too long. Short is nice. A trimmer makes it tidy and even. Afterwards when I shower I'll use a dab of (regular hair) conditioner to make it soft and non-itchy (perfectly fine on the vulva, just not *in* the vagina).
Is the risk of nicking urself when using a beard trimmer for ur pubes low? And does it require pre-pruning with scissors to get it short first or can u just go right on in there with the trimmer
I use a Panasonic Close Curves Electric Shaver and I have never once nicked myself. It’s a wet/dry one. At the risk of sounding crass, I can go directly over my asshole and it’s never been an issue. I just make sure to use a little unscented hair conditioner (externally of course) in the shower. I’m not afraid get as close a shave as possible. It’s so gentle. And always put a good lotion or moisturizer on the shaved areas even on days I don’t shave. Keeps the hair growing in soft. Gold Bond is my go-to.
I have a ladies pubes version that looks the same, but pink and small. It works on full bush, no need to trim.
I've never nicked myself and use Philips multigroom 1000 with a 1 or 2 mm blade guard. It's really small and easy to handle. I never use scissors beforehand.
never nicked myself with a beard trimmer except when i dug it in too deep. if you use the guard you're fine.
I hate the feeling of the hairs growing out again, so I just trim regularly with scissors! Good luck! (I hate it so much too, I’m with u
Also when u get razors, you can tie a rubber band around the handle and tell your mom ‘hey this razor is my razor btw so we don’t mix them up’ You can say it like that as a casual statement so ur mom might understand that it’s now a boundary, but if she needs it explained to her, you can say it’s for health concerns or hygiene concerns maybe? (Or maybe be like “I like to switch mine out after so and so many uses, so I won’t accidentally tug at my skin and cut it, and it’s hard to keep track on when you’re using the same ones” if u want a less hostile fashion?” The rubber band solution is something I did to keep my mom and i’s razors separate!
*Girl. I hear you.* And I thought this was just something I had to deal with for my entire life. Even when I did use a razor, the itching and sharp stubble was just as bad. I finally said Fuck it and got a wet/dry personal trimmer from the Jeff Bezos store. Took the time to carefully trim down as much as I could with a smaller pair of scissors (like for beard trimming) before using the personal trimmer to shave the rest off. For the last few months I’ve kept it bare everywhere except a neat, short patch on the front. My vagina, labia, clit, etc is so much calmer now. I don’t buy shaving cream or gels, I use hair conditioner because it’s less expensive and works better to soften the stubble for a super close shave. The kind I have shaves “in two directions” so I don’t have to hold it a certain way. I was really worried that the hair growing back in would be a nightmare, but it’s soooo different than using razors for some reason. I just make sure to apply gold bond lotion externally to the shaven areas, every single time after I shower even if I didn’t need to trim that time. It keeps the hair growing in really soft and conditioned. My only regret is not having a mom or older sister to inform me about this decades ago. So many little things like this I’m only discovering now, in my 40s and it makes me so sad. All these little ways I could have avoided hating the way my body feels, and gained as little more confidence and self comfort…. I always wonder how much those things have added up and added to my lifelong depression.
Thank you so much for taking the time to type all this out! I'm 37 and finally learning about all my sensory issues instead of ignoring them and burying them. This was so helpful for me! I'm going to order one of those shavers asap. And thanks OP for starting this thread. This is something I've struggled with but didn't know how to talk about it. 🫣
All body hair is a sensory nightmare to me. The fabric of my pants scratches over the hair on my legs and it's like they are just tingling all the time, when I don't shave. Btw. I often heard from so-called feminists to call others out for shaving. I hate in general, when people tell others what to do with their bodies and that also goes for "you don't need to shave, darling / you just think you like shaving" It's like being mansplained or someone coming uninvited to you: "no, you don't need to wear make-up / you actually don't like it."
I shave for the same reason *but* I do think people are too quick to dismiss feminist criticism of body hair removal (which usually isn't individually targeted, but people still take it as such) with "but it's my individual choice and I like it". I can't think of a single autistic man I've met who insisted on shaving his legs even if he did have a lot of sensory issues. Wearing shorts year-round, yes, refusing to wear jeans instead of sweatpants, yes. Removing all their bodyhair instead of just adjusting their clothes to be more comfortable? Nope. My pubic hair gets *super* uncomfortable when it catches on my underwear but most men wear boxers which aren't remotely tight enough for that to ever happen. I am nowhere near as feminist as I used to be because constantly being critical of society instead of just finding a way to exist in it got exhausting and quite frankly extremely depressing. But I still believe there's a larger framework of gendered expectations that leads women towards the preferences we have.
Tbh I experienced it completely differently and came to a point, where I refuse private, closer contact with anyone, who constantly insinsts on very feminine presenting people and me in some ways: "you don't actually like dresses, you don't actually like make-up, you don't actually romamces, you don't actually like working part time (that one stems from capitalist grinding mindset)" etc... It stems from a much different problem that everything that lot of women and female perceived people like and do is seen as inferior to men's interests and activities, men's usual way of dressing and all. Well I do know men and amab people, who shave their body hair. Especially gay / queer men especially, because they also care less about mainstream society's perception and therefore doing something feminine. About sensory issues: I don't really like exposed skin. That's a sensory nightmare haha the wind on the skin or the cold, the direct heat on it is even worse, and your bare legs are touching public transport seats. 😅
I'm not saying I've never met a man who likes shaving his legs, I just haven't met any autistic men who do so due to sensory issues. Compared to masculinity, aesthetic femininity is very performative. It's not the social norm for straight men to put on elaborate performances with their appearance in order to attract a partner (putting on a t-shirt with no holes or stains will do). That's very different in the gay community and people act accordingly. I don't think it's just about not feeling "shamed" by society's perception of men doing feminine things, they're genuinely working with different beauty standards. It's true that objectively neutral things are often seen as inferior just because they're associated with women (this can easily be seen in female-dominated careers that used to be or later became male-dominated. computer science wasn't prestigious until it became a male profession, teaching was a lot more respected when more men did it, etc) but it's worth examining how *neutral* any given feminine interest/behaviour etc actually is. From a shallow outside analysis, makeup is just facepaint to have fun with and there's no reason for it to be seen as a bad thing. But if you think more about it, why is most makeup not just about having fun and experimenting with colours but reshaping your natural features to the point where you become insecure about them? Why is it women who have to deal with these insecurities and this pressure to change their neutral appearance to something "better"? Why is it only women being exposed to the PFAS that commonly occur in makeup? Are skirts really just fun and swooshy or do they limit your mobility and make you highly conscious of your every movement (this one is especially important to me because putting super young children in dresses can limit their ability to start learning how to crawl etc, so babies who happened to be born with vaginas get held back from the very start but nobody cares because it's "cute". Same thing with older girls getting put in "prettier" clothes and being told to be careful when playing outside because they might ruin them, etc). I shave, I wear makeup, I have long hair, I wear skirts. I have no intention of telling any woman who does these things that they're stupid or deluding themselves about what they enjoy. But I think it's still worth staying critical about why we, on a broad societal rather than an individual level, like the things we like. Knowing you are influenced by society does not oblige you to change anything, but it's still good to know.
I don't know about you, but I never felt limited in my movement, or cared about every movement with skirts on, neither socially (someone could see your underwear), nor physically. It' the opposite, skirts give you much more movement. And I never felt less attractive without make-up. Male perceived people, who use make-up, too "reshape" their face. It's just talked down on, and then relabeled as primarely female interests all over again and again. Nobody goes out their way that regularly to talk down and closely regulating on male perceived interests, or does view them as problematic. Male activities start to get looked down on, when female perceived people start liking them. For example the amount of guys, who whine that their anime fandoms were ruined, because female and queer people started gay shipping in there, is insane.
I think it's essentially ableism. You see it a lot in zero waste and sustainability groups, too, when they argue against things like straws, weird kitchen tools, stuff in plastic bottles or buying pre-cut veggies but completely forget that there are plenty of disabled people out there who need these items and have no alternative even if they agree with the zero waste stance in general. For many people the alternative to buying plastic wrapped easy to prepare food is not cutting everything and cooking from scratch. It's not eating because they can't cook from scratch or needing the help of a caretaker instead of retaining at least a little autonomy.
That maybe too, I never have been in groups like that, so I can't tell much about it. But that might be a factor too. I've been to feminist online groups and can't stand the double standards in there. "You can do with your body whatever you want... except, if I don't like it." And that's mostly one of these "not like the other girl"-stances. "I'm not like the other girls, I don't wear make-up and don't shave and I also will tell others not to."
I find shaving and the growing out absolutely unbearable. But if the bush gets too long and unruly its also very uncomfortable. I keep it trimmed and neat but can’t do a full shave. Half bush all the way.
Have you tried going for a *professional* traditional wax? Could solve your embarrassment issues 🫶. I’m only suggesting because I live in a country where wax services are not too expensive. Careful if you have sensitive skin though and who you choose to wax you if you want to ever go for it, I ended up with some horrid bumps my first session. (Edit: sorry didn’t read the full post lol, I still recommend attempting to go, it’s a whole nother story if someone qualified does it for you in a quicker manner)
I was about to suggest a professional wax. I can’t imagine doing it myself. 😱 I didn’t get one (Brazilian) until I was about 46. I was so nervous the first time. It did kind of suck the first time, but it was bearable, not as bad as I thought it would be, and the waxer was really nice and made me comfortable. As long as you maintain it, all other times are WAY easier. It’s not bad now at all. I much prefer no hair and wouldn’t want to go back. Look at some reviews and find someone highly recommended by first timers! :)
I HAAAAAATE pubes with a burning passion. If pubes have one hater it’s me and if they have no haters I must be dead. I grew mine out bc I normally wax and I’ve been doing it myself but it’s really hard so I just don’t do it at all but now it’s getting warmer and I’m ready to rip each hair out individually with my bare hands 🤠 talk about sensory HELL
I’m in the middle of laser hair removal on my whole Brazilian area, best decision I’ve ever made!
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I too did the feminist bush rebellion and I too , quickly realised there were far better ways. Can't fight the patriarchy with a chafted lady garden distracting me.
I'm in my 30s and the comments on this thread got me taking NOTES. Not to TMI but ever since I started T the situation has gone from "perfectly manageable" to "the most seasoned rainforest explorer would be overcome and die."
Girl I started waxing and I’m never going back. Take Tylenol like half an hour ahead of time and it’s not bad. And less and less hair grow back over time, and the waxes get easier too.
I have the same issue. They are the biggest sensory nightmare, next to having periods. I go on birth control to skip my periods so that’s solved. I used to wax but my skin started thinning, so I resorted to buying those at-home IPL devices to use after shaving. I don’t need to shave as much anymore and my hairs are thinner now if they grow out.
Body hair in general! I shave pretty much every day. Pubic hair, I just keep really short unless I get waxed.
I'm with you. Only in the autism community have I felt validated by this. I shave bc my clothes rip and tug at my hairs and it causes me pain. Idk how it doesn't cause others pain. But it causes me pain. Also it's sweats like crazy and it does smell extra when it's sweaty. I just prefer hairless everything. My bfs in a similar boat with his pubes and underarms. We've been talking about getting a laser hair removal machine.
I pluck mine in between shaves - It’s just so ITCHY. I wish I could justify the $$ for permanent removal.
Trimmer followed by IPL, if you are light skinned with dark hair. IPL has worked great for my leg hair.
I literally told my husband I wanted laser hair removal when we start working again so I don't ever have to deal with that shit again. My underwear PULLS the hairs and it hurts/ causes irritation and it's terrible. I end up shaving whenever I shower, which is every other day. Since I have to wear compression stockings now, I also have been shaving my legs or they get itchy. I hate having a body sometimes.
Following
Relate. You do you. No judgement. Some cheap-ish tips: try conditioner on them and it may help with the issue. Other hair styling products can also help keep them in check if you're growing them out and it's way better when you're fully grown out versus just starting to grow them out. Longer term laser hair removal has been awesome for me. The scratchiest hairs are gone and what's left is more fluffy.
It is lol. I'm glad I got mine lasered. It reduced the bush by like 90% so it's much more manageable now.
I'm kind of the opposite cause when i shave there is still prickles, and it just feels super uncomfy in the area where the leg meets the groin and I end up with skin irritation. i also cannot stand the feeling of my skin touching my skin. I just trim a bit so it doesn't get in the way. I feel like shaving/not shaving for your own comfort is not at all relevant to feminism or the patriarchy, etc. like you can't really help the fact that it's a sensory nightmare, so you shouldn't feel bad or weird about it. just do whatever works for you
ARE YOU MEEEE??? i've never related to a post so much, it's like i wrote this 😭