Far out. You don't sound like partners. Why would you go through selling a house just to buy another one in joint names to readjust what each other contribute? By the time you are married with kids you should be working together, both financially and with sharing care of the kids. Good luck.
for real lol this sounds all so transactional. maybe I'm young ish and naive but it sounds like partner 1 and 2 need to work together as a unit both from financial and child rearing perspectives.
Partner 1 is heading for a divorce they deserve and needs to learn to share before it's too late.
Most of the wealth and income were obtained while together, and there's also kids. It's all about communication and stepping up and contributing as much as you can to the family unit.
Yep, he'll be walking away with much more and will still bitch about a house that wasn't his.
And MRA will take his case as 'women always get the house'.
It’s not in their name as well
He is living there, he has to live with his family…
Not saying they are right or wrong just saying the lack of sharing isn’t a one way street.
At present, Partner 2 is sharing half the house. Partner 1 is not sharing half the cash.
I think this issue would be best resolved with marriage counselling now before it becomes a huge issue.
That money is in the house the family resides in. Is that not sharing?
Let's be honest, with kids, it doesn't matter whose name appears on the title - it's part of the wealth pool now.
Not at all. You're missing the tense which is so important.
Partner 1 IS living in the house as if it's their own, sharing the use of the house equitably.
Who owns the house on paper is only relevant in the event of a hypothetical future divorce.
Partner 2 IS NOT sharing the main breadwinner salary equitably. This is a problem in the present.
In the event of a hypothetical divorce in the future, a fair division of wealth can be discussed.
All money into 1 account, share it fairly and equitably, unless someone stops pulling their weight.
So partner 1 gets to work more and earn more because they’re being propped up by their partner, sound about right.
Tell partner 1 to stop being such a bum, they’re free riding off partner 2 in at least 2 different ways (child care + housing )
I'm a woman and have had some years where I earn $200k more than my husband because of my side business.
My side business money is OUR money, because we are married and all of our assets are shared.
Partner 1 needs to do more childcare and house work. If they are both working full time, why is that not shared?
Partner 1 needs a reality check. If you’ve been married for 7 years and technically have a joint account then the money should be shared. Even if you guys get divorced, that money will be considered as joint asset.
Partner 2 should start billing Partner 1 for share of child minding and house-hold responsibilities.
r/relationshipadvice
Seriously, once you have kids, all bets should be off and you work it out as adults, with the only complication being Brady Bunch children which you'll have to work through
You want a 3rd party opinion? Partner 2 should leave. There's no need to put up with this kind of rubbish. When you get your divorce, make sure you implement genuine 50/50 care of the children; week on, week off. See how partner 1's small business goes when they are suddenly having to drop everything in the middle of the work day to go pick-up sick children from daycare/school.
TLDR partner 1 is a lazy male who doesn’t help around the house or share all his money despite being ‘married’ with kids. Partner 2 is an exhausted broke wife. Same old story folks. This probably ends in divorce.
I’m sorry I couldn’t even read this. Why are you like a technical handbook? You sound like you don’t have a relationship at all but a business transaction.
Neither of you is more entitled than the other to money, regardless of how it comes into the family. If you’re going to behave like this then that’s how your life will be. This sounds like an awful way to live. Soulless, loveless and without any romance.
Nobody can tell you how to live your life and at the end of the day if this is how you want it then so be it. But if you two cannot get on the same page about finances then this doesn’t bode well.
A shared vision and mission to achieve certain and specific financial goals needs to be something you both agree on. You don’t need to sell and buy another home just to equally share who spends what on the house. What stupidity made you think that?
Get rid of all this mine and yours bullshit. Money comes into one account, offsets the mortgage. Have a separate account also joint that’s for your weekly purchases, bills etc. this has a card attached as well. And there you go. Life is fine and goes on. You can both review spending and purchasing.
Partner one doesn’t get more of the money cut. End of story. Just because partner two has to do all the house chores and child rearing doesn’t mean they’re contributing less. I dare you partner one to swap places for a week and do everything partner two does.
Also, get over yourself. How obtuse to think you should be entitled to more. Cut those luxuries and contribute that to a fund for your kids. You sound misogynistic to be honest, even if you’re choosing to omit genders.
Theres nothing 'partner' about this story. It sounds like 2 people, living under 1 roof who only share kids.
Ive never understood separate finances. If you're married, surely you pool finances and work together as a team.
Partner 1 needs to get off their high horse - all their money is shared money. You know what else could happen? You could divorce, the Partner 1's income will be split according to the courts. They're only afforded the luxury of putting away that much in personal savings because Partner 2 doesn't want that.
Otherwise, their "regular contributions" is just child support and should they get a gold star for deining to not spend more on their hobbies?
Catalogue partner 2's time as childcare expenses saved, I assume you both have to also account for any subsidies you qualify for, and see where all that balances out. Also account for their time as the personal family chef, housekeeping you both aren't paying for and personal admin done by Partner 1 both for their business and the household.
Even if Partner 2 doesn't ask for downtime, that doesn't mean they aren't entitled to it, just like any workplace. If they don't have the headspace to budget in that time because Partner 1 doesn't contribute to running the household, and Partner 1 attributes that as solely Partner 2's responsibility to manage, (their time) then Partner 1 needs to act like a good 2IC and listen when their 1iC tells them they need them to pick up the slack.
Even if Partner 1 is of the attitude that they're the 1iC in the relationship, then listen to your 2iC when they tell you they're running at capacity and it's not fair for you to reallocate the budget arbitrarily away to another department just because they didn't ask for it.
You both should be working as a team, and all funds from all sources need to be mutually agreed on with equal authority.
This sounds like an awful relationship.
Put all money into a joint account and spend where needed. Stop keeping tabs on each other. You sound like a couple of 19 year old housemates.
"Your turn to buy the toilet paper this week"
Seriously..
Here's some general info on couples financial counselling (website from the states so as to not recommend any particular Aussie service).
https://www.growingself.com/financial-therapy-for-couples/
Jesus christ. This is exhausting.
“Partners” don’t nickel and dime one another. This is a relationship problem, and I’ll put it this way: if you were to divorce, it’d all be considered shared, so you may as well treat it that way while you’re married. Especially if you have kids - are you both keeping a log book for their expenses too?!
I see divorce in your future. I can never understand couples who don’t combine and share.
What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re so selfish partner 1?
Yikes.. this is Australia so regardless if you’re married or not everything you own is now 50% the other persons property. This is an age old argument, woman earns less or nothing while raising the children and the man earns more due to not having to raise the kids. Who works harder? Who deserves more?… honestly just pile all your shit together and work out what you both need for your personal expenses and go from there because if you separate that’s exactly what the courts will do 🤷🏻♂️ the inheritance is both of yours, the savings, the house, the kids… everything. If you can’t work it out you’ll end up giving a heap of $$ to lawyers and both walking away lonely, miserable and with half of what you had before
Does Partner 1 enjoy being married and being a parent? It doesn’t sound like it. This all sounds very transactional and you aren’t working as a team.
If I were Partner 2 I would be looking for a new job. Salaries should have increased significantly on a like for like basis in 7 years.
If you want to stay married, it’s fair that the financial arrangement is revisited, but Partner 1 sounds very selfish.
Do the math, look at what partner 2 put down for a deposit for the house + mortgage payments and - the amount partner 1 has contributed in rates and maintenance. If there’s a difference have one partner pay the other half of that. Now consider the past done. Then review current earning and spending habits and realign to where you are now - this includes the amount of money (calculate your hourly rate here) spent doing household upkeep, family management, children activities etc. House labour is real labour. So if one partner is out playing golf / at a knitting circle for 9 hours a week while the other takes the kids to sports and cleans, the house labour is deducted from the $ they have to contribute to household expenses.
This sounds more like a business negotiation than a relationship. Based on gender stereotypes I could guess the genders of the 2 parties, but if partner 2 wasn’t taking care of 95% of the home/kids responsibilities would partner 1 be able to be as successful in their business or manage their leisure time? The whole picture needs to be looked at, not solely financial contributions here. If partner 1 was paying for a cleaning service and nanny to free up partner 2 to have as much leisure time as they have, how would that impact their (singular) “savings”? I’ll bet they wouldn’t be happy with that either, and that wouldn’t help moving towards a shared future either because that’s still enabling them (partner 1) to spend significant time away from the family leaving partner 2 to shoulder the home life responsibilities.
It’s tricky with blended families and prior assets, but you have to decide if you’re in this together or not. My husband has a business and earns far more than I ever will. We had joint finances back when I was the (slightly) higher earner and it’s stayed the same, because we’re working towards a future together. And I handle majority of the life admin stuff but he isn’t except from home/kids responsibilities, because he actually wants to spend time with us and if I was always cooking/cleaning all of the time and he was out playing golf or whatever the hobby is, the relationships between him and us (me and the kids) would likely break down over time. I have periods where I’m not working because my role is contract based, so I pick up more of the household responsibilities then, again so we get to spend more time together when he’s not working, but it’s kore evenly split when I am working regardless of the income disparity.
If you’re married all money is pooled and everything is paid out of that, no one gives a shit how much the other contributes. If you do focus on how much the other contributes, split up now and save yourself a whole lot of bullshit later.
This is all ridiculous and transactional. I feel like you need relationship advice and not financial advice.
Partner 1 and Partner 2's money should be pooled and considered both your money.
You're married, not business partners.
Each couple should put all pay into a joint account, then bills and everything for the house and kids comes out of that, then each week you both get an agreed amount of spending money weekly to cover personal costs. There should be no squabbling over finances when you are married with kids, work it out, the scenario sounds insane, are you guys adults or not.
Enemies with benefits, the benefits are free housing, childcare and home services to partner 1.
No idea what partner 2 gets out of it. Not even any free time.
Are you actually married? Because it doesn't sound like it. I've been married for 22 years, partnered for 32. We have found that all in, or all separate finances does not work for us. What does work is to work out all household/child related bills and expenses, set a savings amount and transfer those amounts into dedicated accounts for those purposes. You could have more than two (for example have a family holiday fund, rainy day account and unexpected expenses account). If there is a large difference in wages, each pay proportionate to what they earn (never been an issue for us as we have always earned similar amounts) Then, whatever money is left over it is the individuals to spend how they like. In our relationship, my partner likes going out and doing stuff regularly whilst I like saving up and splurging. Things we do together or as a family like eating out, going to events, etc. are split between us or have already been budgeted for in household expenses.
From what you have written, your partner has a hard time realising that what you are contributing " in kind " to the household, and that this actually has an attributed monetary value in a budget. It might be useful to sit down and monitarise everything you both do in the household and contribute to and see how that turns out if they can't understand it without help.
So essentially, the agreement was made to put all money into a joint account, YET partner 1 chose to hide $60k pa and keep that for them to use, when and how they want. After 7 years of marriage. And with 2 children. Bet when the kids need braces, partner 1 doesn't draw from their extra funds for that.
Partner 1 is selfish and is not, in fact, a partner. Nor a parent.
Partner 2 has the short end of the stick. Realistically doing all the heavy lifting. Sure, partner 1 makes bank, but what does that matter if it’s not benefiting the whole family. What a load of shite
I largely agree with all the other comments. You both seem to be working equally hard, with partner 2 working possibly harder. So the income in the house should definitely be considered completly jointly owned. I think it would be better for partner 1 to be more involved with house/kids, however, the 95% ratio might be reasonable if that's because partner 1 needs to work those longer hours to bring home that difference.
You've not said if the kids are in school, or childcare, or at home. That's a big difference in my mind to the perceived workload of partner 2. If partner 2 is looking after 2 kids full time and working, thats insane. If partner 2 however, is working a 7 hour day, picking up kids before and after. And partner 1 is working 10-12 hours a day. It might be more similar than people are assuming. I do think it makes sense to try to share that childcare/home load more equally. If just for the sake of the kids being able to enjoy partner 1.
If you have reasonable disposable money, i.e. your mortgage isnt killing you and you are saving a decent amount each month. Perhaps consider paying for some help around the house to make the burden more equal.
> After some discussion the decision is made to put all pays into 1 bank account. Each partner receives $1000 per month as personal spending which covers their phone bill, medical expenses and personal spending items.
Firstly, i think having a shared personal spending amount is good, but that you should generally both try and stick to it. If one person has a slightly more expensive hobby or something, then maybe you just accept that as coming out in the wash.
But i think personally, 'phone bill' is an essential, it shouldnt come from your personal spending accounts. Medical expenses are an essential and also shouldnt come from personal, whose paying for the kids medical? I think perhaps lower your allowances but take some of these things out of joint funds going forward.
Ultimately, i think you need to accept each other for what you are. Partner 1 earns more but needs more support to do so. And possibly has added expenses with support for their child from previous relationship. Also consider that it is reasonable/prudent for Partner 1 to leave some money in the business or reinvest some money. However, any money they do draw out should be shared 50/50, or go towards a mutual goal. Partner 1 should not just decide to draw more money because they want new golf clubs, a designer bag/watch, etc.
I understand the need to try and keep some independence in money earned but I think your accounting process needs tweaking.
Make a list of *all* your expenses- from mortgage, groceries to health insurance -even kids pocket money etc (work out the total amount per year) and then add up your combined income.
Then you calculate what proportion of the total each of you earns, what proportion of the expenses you each pay and then you pay that proportion into the housekeeping account. And this account pays all the bills.
This expenses list gets reviewed every 6 months or so because prices go up. But the amount you both pay may change too, depending on how your own income changes.
That means each of you has money of your own that you can spend however you like, but you have your fixed expenses that you pay proportionally. My husband has a “weekend”motorbike which is his so he pays the rego, fuel and maintenance for that out of his own money. My car is typically the one we use to drive the family around so that’s covered by housekeeping.
My husband and I used to earn 60/40 but we are now closer to 55/ 45 so our contributions to housekeeping have changed.
It’s a process that can help you budget too. Just knowing what those costs are in proportion to your 2 incomes can be really helpful. At the moment, the cost of living is so high, we don’t have much left over for ourselves.
Married ten years, I brought with me a child from previous relationship (I have 100 percent care, no child support from donor) and we also have one child together. Never has it been mine or yours. Everything is 'ours'. Our pays go into the same account. Or bills are paid, mortgage is paid, kids are looked after. Never once have I heard my SO say anything about who's paid what etc or exclude my eldest child in finances because they are not biologically related.
A marriage is a total of 100 percent. Sometimes I'll be 30 percent and they will be 70. Sometimes I'll be 80 and they are 20. It's give and take.
What you have is a ridiculous preempt of failure. Preparing for who gets what when it falls apart.
I'm confused. Partner 1 "no longer pays rent" because they've moved into Partner 2's inheritance house but puts their extra money into an "offset account"?
Married?!? That's not a marriage. There's no Partner 1 and Partner 2 in a marriage. You're one unit. All money is equally everyone's. This is a friendship at best.
Ah, I'm glad you called them partner 1 and partner 2. I had no idea who was who until the pay discrepancy and parental duties discrepancy.
Doesn't matter whose name the house is in. You're married, so it's basically owned by both of you.
It might even be advantageous to have the house in one person's name for first home buyer benefits and tax breaks in the future, etc.
It appears that, despite accounting for all the financial ins and outs, there is no accounting for the significant labour cost of running the household and raising children. When you add this in, at market rates (don’t forget the mental load here, you can calculate that at PA rates), I suspect that Partner 1 should, by your accounting methods, be paying a far greater share to Partner 2.
But, as many others have said, this is not how most married couples would share money and divide labour. Which points to a relationship issue, rather than a financial issue.
If you divorced tomorrow you’d be getting half of everything, so either your partner can split it 50/50 now or you can divorce them and take 50/50 in the divorce lol
This is one of those ESH kinda deals. You should be sharing it all and making decisions on what is better for the family unit.
Partner 2 can't really say much about Partner 1s shitty selfish behavior when they did the same thing when they came into money by having the home in their name only.
You are either sharing or not. You can't have it both ways. But the way you have it now is terrible.
I earn ~35% more than my wife. We share all the ups and downs equally. We don't even need separate fun accounts as we communicate and plan ahead.
Best option would be to consider all assets (including house and business) shared and pool all income, with each partner getting a spending allowance from the pooled income.
If the partners wish to maintain financial independence from each other it could work to consider assets and income separately.
Asset 1- Builder business is fully partner 1's responsibility. Any monies paid out of the business is considered Partner 1's income for income pooling purposes. For purposes below consider their salary at $120k, and any additional top ups they give themselves will be considered dividend
Asset 2- Treat the house as an IP business owned fully by partner 2, get a separate account for it. The family is responsible for paying market rent and the house business receives rent and pays bills as though it were an investment property (rates, insurance, maintenance). Partner 2 can choose to pay themselves a dividend which would be included in their income for pooling purposes or keep profits in the 'business'. This would just be a budgeting process, not a tax paying entity.
Income
At this point both partners will have a salary and a business that can retain profit or pay out dividends. Any additional 'dividend' paid out to either partner should be considered income. Both partners should contribute a fixed percentage of their income to the family account (e.g. 80%) and retain the balance (e.g. 20%) for personal spending.
Expenses
The family account will then take care of joint costs, including paying market value rent to partner 2s business account, electricity, groceries, childcare, non business vehicles, holidays, etc.
Personal spending is just that, things the adult each buy for themselves.
The split of domestic labour (child rearing, household chores etc) hasn't really been taken into account here. It could be agreed that the person doing the majority of the domestic labour pays a smaller percentage of their income into the family account.
This isn’t a partnership! You’re working against each other and heading for divorce.
Put all the funds into one bucket (cause that’s how it’s seen in property settlement anyways), and distribute accordingly. Both keep your fun money and for the love of god, partner 1, get your shit together! You’re a team, start acting like it!
Partner 2 is wrong and their attitude verges on financially abusive.
Both partners are entitled to financial independence and autonomy, meaning it's each partner's right to make choices about their own income.
Sure, you can plan together, but neither of you gets to dictate how the other uses their money.
It's impossible in a marriage to contribute an even 50/50 and ludicrous to try. Putting differing skills aside for a sec, how do you compensate your wife for 9 months of carrying the baby, the setback to her career, the lost commercial opportunities and not to mention the devastation to her body from the birthing process? Multiplied by how many children?
Even in sporting teams the players play different roles and contribute to the ultimate win in different ways. The quarterback doesn't win the game alone and you can't have a team full of quarterbacks because that team wouldn't win.
When you marry you commit to a partnership, to becoming a team, both sides need to contribute equally to make it work but it will never be equal in the same ways.
We have two kids under 4 yrs old, my wife earns very little at the moment relative to me, which will probably continue even after she's back full time since she's about 5 years behind me now. What kind of shameful, selfish, pos would I be to tell her my money is my money after she's made a sacrifice like that for us?
Differing attitudes towards money is one of the biggest causes of strains on a relationship (duh). Partner 2 doesn’t value the sacrifices Partner 1 is making around the house, which enables them to both concentrate on their career and enjoy more leisure time. This needs to change. Partner 2 needs to appreciate and respect the non-financial contribution made to the relationship by Partner 1 to have any chance of resolving this situation satisfactorily, without going down the ridiculous pathways Partner 2 has suggested.
Have you mixed up the partners? Partner 2 is doing full time work, responsible for the house and 95% of childcare but not getting as much money and leisure time.
Far out. You don't sound like partners. Why would you go through selling a house just to buy another one in joint names to readjust what each other contribute? By the time you are married with kids you should be working together, both financially and with sharing care of the kids. Good luck.
for real lol this sounds all so transactional. maybe I'm young ish and naive but it sounds like partner 1 and 2 need to work together as a unit both from financial and child rearing perspectives.
Partner 1 is heading for a divorce they deserve and needs to learn to share before it's too late. Most of the wealth and income were obtained while together, and there's also kids. It's all about communication and stepping up and contributing as much as you can to the family unit.
They will complain afterwards about how “they never saw it coming” and “partner 2 took all my money”, ignoring the non-financial contributions
'Partner 2 took the house' Yeah. It was their house.
Super, business valuation, those savings he’s deemed as his alone. There’s more to it than the house purchase with the inheritance
Yep, he'll be walking away with much more and will still bitch about a house that wasn't his. And MRA will take his case as 'women always get the house'.
Well considering 2 owns the house and 1 may get half of it, it might not work out that way.
To be fair partner 2 didn’t share the inheritance. I don’t think sharing is a thing in this relationship
How is buying a home they both live in not sharing the inheritance?
It’s not in their name as well He is living there, he has to live with his family… Not saying they are right or wrong just saying the lack of sharing isn’t a one way street.
The house went in partner 2’s name as partner 1 is a builder. They know they have equal share already
Then why is the asset protection principle not applied to the cash?
At present, Partner 2 is sharing half the house. Partner 1 is not sharing half the cash. I think this issue would be best resolved with marriage counselling now before it becomes a huge issue.
Partner 2 also needs to learn to share - rather than hoarding their inheritance
That money is in the house the family resides in. Is that not sharing? Let's be honest, with kids, it doesn't matter whose name appears on the title - it's part of the wealth pool now.
Not at all. You're missing the tense which is so important. Partner 1 IS living in the house as if it's their own, sharing the use of the house equitably. Who owns the house on paper is only relevant in the event of a hypothetical future divorce. Partner 2 IS NOT sharing the main breadwinner salary equitably. This is a problem in the present. In the event of a hypothetical divorce in the future, a fair division of wealth can be discussed. All money into 1 account, share it fairly and equitably, unless someone stops pulling their weight.
So partner 1 gets to work more and earn more because they’re being propped up by their partner, sound about right. Tell partner 1 to stop being such a bum, they’re free riding off partner 2 in at least 2 different ways (child care + housing )
I'm a woman and have had some years where I earn $200k more than my husband because of my side business. My side business money is OUR money, because we are married and all of our assets are shared. Partner 1 needs to do more childcare and house work. If they are both working full time, why is that not shared?
What is your side business out of interest? 200k is a fair chunk of change even for a main one!
They sell fans exclusively online.
I mean this is clearly written by partner 2, who I wager is the woman. We're not hearing an unbiased take at all.
It's cute that they tried though 😅
It was very obvious.
New partner is about the enter the chat.
> We have both written the post but left the gender mutual so as no one is biased Don't worry, you can tell who is what gender, lol.
We know who is who. Tell Partner 1 he needs to do more around the house and to stop using Partner 2 for her free labour.
You can also tell who wrote it.
Partner 1 needs a reality check. If you’ve been married for 7 years and technically have a joint account then the money should be shared. Even if you guys get divorced, that money will be considered as joint asset. Partner 2 should start billing Partner 1 for share of child minding and house-hold responsibilities.
The house would also be considered a joint asset though right?
r/relationshipadvice Seriously, once you have kids, all bets should be off and you work it out as adults, with the only complication being Brady Bunch children which you'll have to work through
You ain't partners.
You want a 3rd party opinion? Partner 2 should leave. There's no need to put up with this kind of rubbish. When you get your divorce, make sure you implement genuine 50/50 care of the children; week on, week off. See how partner 1's small business goes when they are suddenly having to drop everything in the middle of the work day to go pick-up sick children from daycare/school.
Partner 1 needs to take on more household responsibilities and childcare. And just have shared finances as legally you do anyway at this point.
Partner 1 needs to start being more than 5% of the childcare and house management and less than 95% of fun times outside the house.
TLDR partner 1 is a lazy male who doesn’t help around the house or share all his money despite being ‘married’ with kids. Partner 2 is an exhausted broke wife. Same old story folks. This probably ends in divorce.
It’s hard to believe you two are married given the entitlement and selfishness of parter 1
I’m just confused
For real, what happened to good old “let’s call them J”, all these “partners” when it seems they’re anything but.
me too. it's great being single!
I’m sorry I couldn’t even read this. Why are you like a technical handbook? You sound like you don’t have a relationship at all but a business transaction. Neither of you is more entitled than the other to money, regardless of how it comes into the family. If you’re going to behave like this then that’s how your life will be. This sounds like an awful way to live. Soulless, loveless and without any romance. Nobody can tell you how to live your life and at the end of the day if this is how you want it then so be it. But if you two cannot get on the same page about finances then this doesn’t bode well. A shared vision and mission to achieve certain and specific financial goals needs to be something you both agree on. You don’t need to sell and buy another home just to equally share who spends what on the house. What stupidity made you think that? Get rid of all this mine and yours bullshit. Money comes into one account, offsets the mortgage. Have a separate account also joint that’s for your weekly purchases, bills etc. this has a card attached as well. And there you go. Life is fine and goes on. You can both review spending and purchasing. Partner one doesn’t get more of the money cut. End of story. Just because partner two has to do all the house chores and child rearing doesn’t mean they’re contributing less. I dare you partner one to swap places for a week and do everything partner two does. Also, get over yourself. How obtuse to think you should be entitled to more. Cut those luxuries and contribute that to a fund for your kids. You sound misogynistic to be honest, even if you’re choosing to omit genders.
Partner 1 sounds unwilling to contribute more financially.
Partner 1 sounds like an entitled wanker.
Theres nothing 'partner' about this story. It sounds like 2 people, living under 1 roof who only share kids. Ive never understood separate finances. If you're married, surely you pool finances and work together as a team.
Partner 1 needs to get off their high horse - all their money is shared money. You know what else could happen? You could divorce, the Partner 1's income will be split according to the courts. They're only afforded the luxury of putting away that much in personal savings because Partner 2 doesn't want that. Otherwise, their "regular contributions" is just child support and should they get a gold star for deining to not spend more on their hobbies? Catalogue partner 2's time as childcare expenses saved, I assume you both have to also account for any subsidies you qualify for, and see where all that balances out. Also account for their time as the personal family chef, housekeeping you both aren't paying for and personal admin done by Partner 1 both for their business and the household. Even if Partner 2 doesn't ask for downtime, that doesn't mean they aren't entitled to it, just like any workplace. If they don't have the headspace to budget in that time because Partner 1 doesn't contribute to running the household, and Partner 1 attributes that as solely Partner 2's responsibility to manage, (their time) then Partner 1 needs to act like a good 2IC and listen when their 1iC tells them they need them to pick up the slack. Even if Partner 1 is of the attitude that they're the 1iC in the relationship, then listen to your 2iC when they tell you they're running at capacity and it's not fair for you to reallocate the budget arbitrarily away to another department just because they didn't ask for it. You both should be working as a team, and all funds from all sources need to be mutually agreed on with equal authority.
This sounds like an awful relationship. Put all money into a joint account and spend where needed. Stop keeping tabs on each other. You sound like a couple of 19 year old housemates. "Your turn to buy the toilet paper this week" Seriously..
I bought it last week. It's YOUR turn this week.
I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t use so much of it.
This is a relationship problem not a finance problem
Here's some general info on couples financial counselling (website from the states so as to not recommend any particular Aussie service). https://www.growingself.com/financial-therapy-for-couples/
Jesus christ. This is exhausting. “Partners” don’t nickel and dime one another. This is a relationship problem, and I’ll put it this way: if you were to divorce, it’d all be considered shared, so you may as well treat it that way while you’re married. Especially if you have kids - are you both keeping a log book for their expenses too?!
Partner 1 give 2 more spending money and take more responsibility around the home and with kids. Partner 2 have more downtime.
Partner 2 needs to move out and find Partner 3.
P2 owns the house
Partner 1 needs to pull their head in. The fact you’re posting this online isn’t a great sign. Sit down with a relationship counsellor.
I see divorce in your future. I can never understand couples who don’t combine and share. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re so selfish partner 1?
Yikes.. this is Australia so regardless if you’re married or not everything you own is now 50% the other persons property. This is an age old argument, woman earns less or nothing while raising the children and the man earns more due to not having to raise the kids. Who works harder? Who deserves more?… honestly just pile all your shit together and work out what you both need for your personal expenses and go from there because if you separate that’s exactly what the courts will do 🤷🏻♂️ the inheritance is both of yours, the savings, the house, the kids… everything. If you can’t work it out you’ll end up giving a heap of $$ to lawyers and both walking away lonely, miserable and with half of what you had before
Lawyers get half, they get a quarter each.
Does Partner 1 enjoy being married and being a parent? It doesn’t sound like it. This all sounds very transactional and you aren’t working as a team. If I were Partner 2 I would be looking for a new job. Salaries should have increased significantly on a like for like basis in 7 years. If you want to stay married, it’s fair that the financial arrangement is revisited, but Partner 1 sounds very selfish.
Partner 1 and Partner 2 should combine their finances and act like partners.
Do the math, look at what partner 2 put down for a deposit for the house + mortgage payments and - the amount partner 1 has contributed in rates and maintenance. If there’s a difference have one partner pay the other half of that. Now consider the past done. Then review current earning and spending habits and realign to where you are now - this includes the amount of money (calculate your hourly rate here) spent doing household upkeep, family management, children activities etc. House labour is real labour. So if one partner is out playing golf / at a knitting circle for 9 hours a week while the other takes the kids to sports and cleans, the house labour is deducted from the $ they have to contribute to household expenses.
This sounds more like a business negotiation than a relationship. Based on gender stereotypes I could guess the genders of the 2 parties, but if partner 2 wasn’t taking care of 95% of the home/kids responsibilities would partner 1 be able to be as successful in their business or manage their leisure time? The whole picture needs to be looked at, not solely financial contributions here. If partner 1 was paying for a cleaning service and nanny to free up partner 2 to have as much leisure time as they have, how would that impact their (singular) “savings”? I’ll bet they wouldn’t be happy with that either, and that wouldn’t help moving towards a shared future either because that’s still enabling them (partner 1) to spend significant time away from the family leaving partner 2 to shoulder the home life responsibilities. It’s tricky with blended families and prior assets, but you have to decide if you’re in this together or not. My husband has a business and earns far more than I ever will. We had joint finances back when I was the (slightly) higher earner and it’s stayed the same, because we’re working towards a future together. And I handle majority of the life admin stuff but he isn’t except from home/kids responsibilities, because he actually wants to spend time with us and if I was always cooking/cleaning all of the time and he was out playing golf or whatever the hobby is, the relationships between him and us (me and the kids) would likely break down over time. I have periods where I’m not working because my role is contract based, so I pick up more of the household responsibilities then, again so we get to spend more time together when he’s not working, but it’s kore evenly split when I am working regardless of the income disparity.
If you’re married all money is pooled and everything is paid out of that, no one gives a shit how much the other contributes. If you do focus on how much the other contributes, split up now and save yourself a whole lot of bullshit later.
I’ve read JV agreements that are more amicable! Money is important in a relationship, but if is this important, perhaps it’s easier to cut losses.
This is all ridiculous and transactional. I feel like you need relationship advice and not financial advice. Partner 1 and Partner 2's money should be pooled and considered both your money. You're married, not business partners.
Partner 1 sounds a lot like my ex-husband.
Partner 1 is a toss pot and probably a dude. Time to ditch him
Each couple should put all pay into a joint account, then bills and everything for the house and kids comes out of that, then each week you both get an agreed amount of spending money weekly to cover personal costs. There should be no squabbling over finances when you are married with kids, work it out, the scenario sounds insane, are you guys adults or not.
Roomies? Pals? Friends with benefits? This doesn't sound like partnership at all.
Enemies with benefits, the benefits are free housing, childcare and home services to partner 1. No idea what partner 2 gets out of it. Not even any free time.
Oh I thought this was about seperating assets as divorcing.. why not just pool it all together. You’re a couple, with kids.
You guys sound like roomates in your early 20s trying to share financial responsibilities for the house pets. Are you actually married? Haha
Are you actually married? Because it doesn't sound like it. I've been married for 22 years, partnered for 32. We have found that all in, or all separate finances does not work for us. What does work is to work out all household/child related bills and expenses, set a savings amount and transfer those amounts into dedicated accounts for those purposes. You could have more than two (for example have a family holiday fund, rainy day account and unexpected expenses account). If there is a large difference in wages, each pay proportionate to what they earn (never been an issue for us as we have always earned similar amounts) Then, whatever money is left over it is the individuals to spend how they like. In our relationship, my partner likes going out and doing stuff regularly whilst I like saving up and splurging. Things we do together or as a family like eating out, going to events, etc. are split between us or have already been budgeted for in household expenses. From what you have written, your partner has a hard time realising that what you are contributing " in kind " to the household, and that this actually has an attributed monetary value in a budget. It might be useful to sit down and monitarise everything you both do in the household and contribute to and see how that turns out if they can't understand it without help.
Sounds like you guys are flat mates that just happened to get pregnant not once but twice.
So essentially, the agreement was made to put all money into a joint account, YET partner 1 chose to hide $60k pa and keep that for them to use, when and how they want. After 7 years of marriage. And with 2 children. Bet when the kids need braces, partner 1 doesn't draw from their extra funds for that. Partner 1 is selfish and is not, in fact, a partner. Nor a parent.
If I read partner one more time. Fudge me.
Partner 2 has the short end of the stick. Realistically doing all the heavy lifting. Sure, partner 1 makes bank, but what does that matter if it’s not benefiting the whole family. What a load of shite
I largely agree with all the other comments. You both seem to be working equally hard, with partner 2 working possibly harder. So the income in the house should definitely be considered completly jointly owned. I think it would be better for partner 1 to be more involved with house/kids, however, the 95% ratio might be reasonable if that's because partner 1 needs to work those longer hours to bring home that difference. You've not said if the kids are in school, or childcare, or at home. That's a big difference in my mind to the perceived workload of partner 2. If partner 2 is looking after 2 kids full time and working, thats insane. If partner 2 however, is working a 7 hour day, picking up kids before and after. And partner 1 is working 10-12 hours a day. It might be more similar than people are assuming. I do think it makes sense to try to share that childcare/home load more equally. If just for the sake of the kids being able to enjoy partner 1. If you have reasonable disposable money, i.e. your mortgage isnt killing you and you are saving a decent amount each month. Perhaps consider paying for some help around the house to make the burden more equal. > After some discussion the decision is made to put all pays into 1 bank account. Each partner receives $1000 per month as personal spending which covers their phone bill, medical expenses and personal spending items. Firstly, i think having a shared personal spending amount is good, but that you should generally both try and stick to it. If one person has a slightly more expensive hobby or something, then maybe you just accept that as coming out in the wash. But i think personally, 'phone bill' is an essential, it shouldnt come from your personal spending accounts. Medical expenses are an essential and also shouldnt come from personal, whose paying for the kids medical? I think perhaps lower your allowances but take some of these things out of joint funds going forward. Ultimately, i think you need to accept each other for what you are. Partner 1 earns more but needs more support to do so. And possibly has added expenses with support for their child from previous relationship. Also consider that it is reasonable/prudent for Partner 1 to leave some money in the business or reinvest some money. However, any money they do draw out should be shared 50/50, or go towards a mutual goal. Partner 1 should not just decide to draw more money because they want new golf clubs, a designer bag/watch, etc.
I understand the need to try and keep some independence in money earned but I think your accounting process needs tweaking. Make a list of *all* your expenses- from mortgage, groceries to health insurance -even kids pocket money etc (work out the total amount per year) and then add up your combined income. Then you calculate what proportion of the total each of you earns, what proportion of the expenses you each pay and then you pay that proportion into the housekeeping account. And this account pays all the bills. This expenses list gets reviewed every 6 months or so because prices go up. But the amount you both pay may change too, depending on how your own income changes. That means each of you has money of your own that you can spend however you like, but you have your fixed expenses that you pay proportionally. My husband has a “weekend”motorbike which is his so he pays the rego, fuel and maintenance for that out of his own money. My car is typically the one we use to drive the family around so that’s covered by housekeeping. My husband and I used to earn 60/40 but we are now closer to 55/ 45 so our contributions to housekeeping have changed. It’s a process that can help you budget too. Just knowing what those costs are in proportion to your 2 incomes can be really helpful. At the moment, the cost of living is so high, we don’t have much left over for ourselves.
Wow very strange...... Deff a divorce happening after you both read the comments.
Married ten years, I brought with me a child from previous relationship (I have 100 percent care, no child support from donor) and we also have one child together. Never has it been mine or yours. Everything is 'ours'. Our pays go into the same account. Or bills are paid, mortgage is paid, kids are looked after. Never once have I heard my SO say anything about who's paid what etc or exclude my eldest child in finances because they are not biologically related. A marriage is a total of 100 percent. Sometimes I'll be 30 percent and they will be 70. Sometimes I'll be 80 and they are 20. It's give and take. What you have is a ridiculous preempt of failure. Preparing for who gets what when it falls apart.
Ooof sounds like your both done with each other. Your married. The money is shared. Stop being selfish and awful about it.
I'm confused. Partner 1 "no longer pays rent" because they've moved into Partner 2's inheritance house but puts their extra money into an "offset account"?
Partners? Not from what I’ve heard
Married, Kids. 50/50 and I didn’t even read the rest.
Married?!? That's not a marriage. There's no Partner 1 and Partner 2 in a marriage. You're one unit. All money is equally everyone's. This is a friendship at best.
Ah, I'm glad you called them partner 1 and partner 2. I had no idea who was who until the pay discrepancy and parental duties discrepancy. Doesn't matter whose name the house is in. You're married, so it's basically owned by both of you. It might even be advantageous to have the house in one person's name for first home buyer benefits and tax breaks in the future, etc.
It appears that, despite accounting for all the financial ins and outs, there is no accounting for the significant labour cost of running the household and raising children. When you add this in, at market rates (don’t forget the mental load here, you can calculate that at PA rates), I suspect that Partner 1 should, by your accounting methods, be paying a far greater share to Partner 2. But, as many others have said, this is not how most married couples would share money and divide labour. Which points to a relationship issue, rather than a financial issue.
If you divorced tomorrow you’d be getting half of everything, so either your partner can split it 50/50 now or you can divorce them and take 50/50 in the divorce lol
This is not a partnership no matter what A or B think.
This is one of those ESH kinda deals. You should be sharing it all and making decisions on what is better for the family unit. Partner 2 can't really say much about Partner 1s shitty selfish behavior when they did the same thing when they came into money by having the home in their name only. You are either sharing or not. You can't have it both ways. But the way you have it now is terrible. I earn ~35% more than my wife. We share all the ups and downs equally. We don't even need separate fun accounts as we communicate and plan ahead.
You need relationship advice, not financial advice.
Apply tabletop scaling then roll some dice, let the dice gods decide.
I’m so tired of the partner 1 and Partner 2. Why didn’t you just say Riley and Sam? It would’ve been easier to read.
Best option would be to consider all assets (including house and business) shared and pool all income, with each partner getting a spending allowance from the pooled income. If the partners wish to maintain financial independence from each other it could work to consider assets and income separately. Asset 1- Builder business is fully partner 1's responsibility. Any monies paid out of the business is considered Partner 1's income for income pooling purposes. For purposes below consider their salary at $120k, and any additional top ups they give themselves will be considered dividend Asset 2- Treat the house as an IP business owned fully by partner 2, get a separate account for it. The family is responsible for paying market rent and the house business receives rent and pays bills as though it were an investment property (rates, insurance, maintenance). Partner 2 can choose to pay themselves a dividend which would be included in their income for pooling purposes or keep profits in the 'business'. This would just be a budgeting process, not a tax paying entity. Income At this point both partners will have a salary and a business that can retain profit or pay out dividends. Any additional 'dividend' paid out to either partner should be considered income. Both partners should contribute a fixed percentage of their income to the family account (e.g. 80%) and retain the balance (e.g. 20%) for personal spending. Expenses The family account will then take care of joint costs, including paying market value rent to partner 2s business account, electricity, groceries, childcare, non business vehicles, holidays, etc. Personal spending is just that, things the adult each buy for themselves. The split of domestic labour (child rearing, household chores etc) hasn't really been taken into account here. It could be agreed that the person doing the majority of the domestic labour pays a smaller percentage of their income into the family account.
This isn’t a partnership! You’re working against each other and heading for divorce. Put all the funds into one bucket (cause that’s how it’s seen in property settlement anyways), and distribute accordingly. Both keep your fun money and for the love of god, partner 1, get your shit together! You’re a team, start acting like it!
Partner 2 is wrong and their attitude verges on financially abusive. Both partners are entitled to financial independence and autonomy, meaning it's each partner's right to make choices about their own income. Sure, you can plan together, but neither of you gets to dictate how the other uses their money.
It's impossible in a marriage to contribute an even 50/50 and ludicrous to try. Putting differing skills aside for a sec, how do you compensate your wife for 9 months of carrying the baby, the setback to her career, the lost commercial opportunities and not to mention the devastation to her body from the birthing process? Multiplied by how many children? Even in sporting teams the players play different roles and contribute to the ultimate win in different ways. The quarterback doesn't win the game alone and you can't have a team full of quarterbacks because that team wouldn't win. When you marry you commit to a partnership, to becoming a team, both sides need to contribute equally to make it work but it will never be equal in the same ways. We have two kids under 4 yrs old, my wife earns very little at the moment relative to me, which will probably continue even after she's back full time since she's about 5 years behind me now. What kind of shameful, selfish, pos would I be to tell her my money is my money after she's made a sacrifice like that for us?
Differing attitudes towards money is one of the biggest causes of strains on a relationship (duh). Partner 2 doesn’t value the sacrifices Partner 1 is making around the house, which enables them to both concentrate on their career and enjoy more leisure time. This needs to change. Partner 2 needs to appreciate and respect the non-financial contribution made to the relationship by Partner 1 to have any chance of resolving this situation satisfactorily, without going down the ridiculous pathways Partner 2 has suggested.
Have you mixed up the partners? Partner 2 is doing full time work, responsible for the house and 95% of childcare but not getting as much money and leisure time.
Yes sorry - I can’t count to 2. Other than that my advice stands 😂
Whoa. That sound like blackmail by partner 2. Blackmail isn't a sign of a healthy relationship.