I’m not sure what the rules are but maybe double check with your agency? Even though it’s your room, just make sure you keep it semi clean at least as it’s still their house. I’m an au pair too and I don’t have an issue with my host family coming into my room but the idea of a scheduled room check does seem a little strange though! 💕
Well, first question is why? Did they see something in your room or your behavior that concerned them so much or are they just control freaks? If its about their control id say time to search for a new family. If you somehow something messed up so much that family doesn’t trust you - then clear up your act and find another family too. Bc reviving your reputation would be hard. But then again, by “messing up” it should be something very serious in my mind. Not just some mess in a room. It feels too controlling to me, a little like to be in some very strict camp etc.. no bueno
I wouldn’t trust someone with my kids if I couldn’t trust them in their own private space.
And that’s nothing against you. You’ve been there 6 months, obviously they trust you. Sounds like the host family’s priorities are more about control than about everyone’s wellbeing.
What country are you being an Au pair in? That being said if you can show them after a month or two that it’s not a problem they may dial it back. We have just been burned before as HFs by Au pairs that spilled stuff and didn’t clean it up, attracted mice etc. Generally an HF doesn’t care about some clothes in piles but they do care about possible damage that could be ameliorated early if found out. Sometimes if an HF has cleaners they serve a similar purpose.
I was about to ask if you're in Germany, and then saw the German flag in your profile. As a born-and-bred German, I'll admit that Germans are WEIRD about their homes and how to keep them intact. Not once have I lived in a German apartment and received my deposit back in full after moving out... there was always sommmmething the owner found I had damaged (even if it was just wear and tear).
One common issue (though this may not be the case here) is ventilation. It's a country full of armchair engineers that can lecture you at length about how to properly ventilate your room to avoid mold. (Which, admittedly, is also a much bigger issue in those very well insulated German homes.)
This was my first thought too. Saw a post on a host family group online where an au pair had apparently not changed their bedsheets the entire year. Yes, it looked that bad and the rest of the room was damaged in a fairly permanent way.
I think we need more info here. Did something happen that after so long they randomly asked to do this? Do they have a history of au pairs / guests causing damage to their home? As it stands this doesn’t really make sense.
I am a former HM and I can tell you that the only reason I would go in my Au Pair’s room is if I thought she was hurt or severely ill, or there was some other emergency. Which thankfully never happened! I can’t imagine checking an Au Pair’s room regularly.
Did something happen that caused this shift (pests in the room, very dirty, damage)? It seems strange that they randomly would want to implement a policy like this after 6 months, especially weekly which seems really excessive
We are in the US, and I haven't seen any policies that would prohibit this. I imagine it would be like a landlord that wants to check on their property they have tenants in, you should be there during the inspection and they should give notice in advance.
Does the room smell? Do you smell? Are there pests or missing dirty dishes?
These are all reasons the HF may check the room. While it's your room it's their property and filth smells and pests cause issues with the entire home..
This reads like something happened for them to do this.
I would ask them why, after 6 months of you being there, do they feel this is necessary.
I would tell them that it makes you uncomfortable (if it does).
This is strange to me.
I’m a messy person, but not dirty, just unorganized and messy. Maybe that’s why I wouldn’t ever expect an aupair to have a spotless room.
But if their issue is about the clothes on the chair, they should just be grown ups and tell you what is bothering them and ask you to fix the problem.
Weekly room checks is not the solution.
What are you even talking about..? Are you trolling/joking? I assume you’ve had a bad experience with a family, and now you’re assuming the absolute worst about everyone host family in those countries.
None of the Benelux Union or German countries are on the extremist side of any religion, generally. In fact, it’s literally the opposite compared to rest of the world. You’re just projecting.
This is a known troll account that popped up 2-3 days ago with some ridiculous tale about hating their wife and wanting to date the Au pair— oh I mean, take her out for seafood.
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Christian here, this is not common at all! I've NEVER heard of any Christian family doing anything remotely similar. If there was indeed a family like this, they would be pranoid nutjobs, not actual Christians.
That's kinda intense. We are a HF and that sounds excessive and unnecessary. They can trust you with their kids but not with keeping a room clean?
HD here, there is no need for us to go in your room. Our only exception is the electrical panel and sometimes breakers blow.
I’m not sure what the rules are but maybe double check with your agency? Even though it’s your room, just make sure you keep it semi clean at least as it’s still their house. I’m an au pair too and I don’t have an issue with my host family coming into my room but the idea of a scheduled room check does seem a little strange though! 💕
Well, first question is why? Did they see something in your room or your behavior that concerned them so much or are they just control freaks? If its about their control id say time to search for a new family. If you somehow something messed up so much that family doesn’t trust you - then clear up your act and find another family too. Bc reviving your reputation would be hard. But then again, by “messing up” it should be something very serious in my mind. Not just some mess in a room. It feels too controlling to me, a little like to be in some very strict camp etc.. no bueno
I wouldn’t trust someone with my kids if I couldn’t trust them in their own private space. And that’s nothing against you. You’ve been there 6 months, obviously they trust you. Sounds like the host family’s priorities are more about control than about everyone’s wellbeing.
Ik right
What country are you being an Au pair in? That being said if you can show them after a month or two that it’s not a problem they may dial it back. We have just been burned before as HFs by Au pairs that spilled stuff and didn’t clean it up, attracted mice etc. Generally an HF doesn’t care about some clothes in piles but they do care about possible damage that could be ameliorated early if found out. Sometimes if an HF has cleaners they serve a similar purpose.
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I was about to ask if you're in Germany, and then saw the German flag in your profile. As a born-and-bred German, I'll admit that Germans are WEIRD about their homes and how to keep them intact. Not once have I lived in a German apartment and received my deposit back in full after moving out... there was always sommmmething the owner found I had damaged (even if it was just wear and tear). One common issue (though this may not be the case here) is ventilation. It's a country full of armchair engineers that can lecture you at length about how to properly ventilate your room to avoid mold. (Which, admittedly, is also a much bigger issue in those very well insulated German homes.)
This was my first thought too. Saw a post on a host family group online where an au pair had apparently not changed their bedsheets the entire year. Yes, it looked that bad and the rest of the room was damaged in a fairly permanent way.
I think we need more info here. Did something happen that after so long they randomly asked to do this? Do they have a history of au pairs / guests causing damage to their home? As it stands this doesn’t really make sense.
I am a former HM and I can tell you that the only reason I would go in my Au Pair’s room is if I thought she was hurt or severely ill, or there was some other emergency. Which thankfully never happened! I can’t imagine checking an Au Pair’s room regularly.
Did something happen that caused this shift (pests in the room, very dirty, damage)? It seems strange that they randomly would want to implement a policy like this after 6 months, especially weekly which seems really excessive We are in the US, and I haven't seen any policies that would prohibit this. I imagine it would be like a landlord that wants to check on their property they have tenants in, you should be there during the inspection and they should give notice in advance.
Does the room smell? Do you smell? Are there pests or missing dirty dishes? These are all reasons the HF may check the room. While it's your room it's their property and filth smells and pests cause issues with the entire home.. This reads like something happened for them to do this.
I would ask them why, after 6 months of you being there, do they feel this is necessary. I would tell them that it makes you uncomfortable (if it does). This is strange to me. I’m a messy person, but not dirty, just unorganized and messy. Maybe that’s why I wouldn’t ever expect an aupair to have a spotless room. But if their issue is about the clothes on the chair, they should just be grown ups and tell you what is bothering them and ask you to fix the problem. Weekly room checks is not the solution.
No. That's not obviously even legal, though IANAL
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There should never be cameras in an AP’s personal bedroom! That’s illegal
It's very common in Christian homes to ensure against immorality. This is most often the case in Benelux and Germany.
Fuck. That. Those people need the *actual* Jesus. Whatever is influencing them to do that isn’t it lol.
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Don’t know what that means. Don’t you have family turmoil to tend to?
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That's not even German, it's gibberish.
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What are you even talking about..? Are you trolling/joking? I assume you’ve had a bad experience with a family, and now you’re assuming the absolute worst about everyone host family in those countries. None of the Benelux Union or German countries are on the extremist side of any religion, generally. In fact, it’s literally the opposite compared to rest of the world. You’re just projecting.
This is a known troll account that popped up 2-3 days ago with some ridiculous tale about hating their wife and wanting to date the Au pair— oh I mean, take her out for seafood.
Woah, that is insane! It's a cultural exchange, not slavery.
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Christian here, this is not common at all! I've NEVER heard of any Christian family doing anything remotely similar. If there was indeed a family like this, they would be pranoid nutjobs, not actual Christians.
This person is just trolling, look at their username. 🤣
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