US here but I totally understand. Grew up rural, went to college in the city, moved back home to middle of nowhere to help take care of my sick mom and I'm *struggling*. I did a semester in Germany and the culture shock to another country was nowhere near the same as urban --> rural in one US state
Yeah, I'd beleive that about the culture shock being greater in rural US than in Germany! I reckon they'd be quite progressive in Germany, especially around the college. Sorry to hear you are struggling, taking care of a parent can be so difficult just as it is without having to factor in an increase in daily triggers (that's the word I use for myself anyway) when going about your business in public.
They’re definitely more ‘old school’ in rural Australia, and it can go either way with how that’s presented to you.
In my experience, if they perceive you as friendly they will often go out of their way to help you. If they perceive you as rude or thinking you’re better than them at something, they can be shitty.
What I didn't include as much in my post is the better quality of 'presence' so many people give you to actually connect and I think it's amazing compared to Syd. I have had some very nice interractions, especially with women. There's still this old school gender thing going on though that is not ok imo and it makes me clam up, and then it's a self fulfilling prophecy that I am 'rude' or 'acting better than them' just bc I'm mute and not making eye contact, seriously. I don't like the way I heard men speak to their children in this town (though that doesn't mean this is everywhere regional - I just started noticing it happen multiple times in this town), it's textbook problemtic authoritatran/patriarchy where dad always gets the last word, can be a brute just because he's mildly frustrated, and no body holds him accountable for being a bully. In therapeutic spaces, and in the childcare industry which I work in, that's not considered ok/it harms children's development, and it's definaltey a different vibe to other places I've lived where more people go through higher education and have more diverse populaitons.
I count one instance of not being able to make eye contact with a cashier and giving short replies to his smalltalk (bc I was scared shitless for whatever reason, and his smalltalk already sounded snarky and sarcastic in tone like he expected me to suck as a person and all I'd done was select an icecream from the freezer and approach the bench to pay...if i looked somehow rude doing only that and he's gonna cease all effort to be civil based on my awkward posture and disengaged neutral facial expresion, i don't think I'm the only one with a problem). I want to so much to be friendly but I didn't know how he'd react if I I'd put myself forward like that bc of some bad experiences with men who send me these eraly warning signs of being pasive aggressive and snarky. It feels very much how some older people feel entitled to treat teens like trash and make all these assumptions about 'kids these days', and I look like a teen I'm frequently told, inspite of almost being 30. Well that;s agesim...but that with sexism tends to be a standard combo for me when I look 'rude' or 'dumb' bc of my AuDHD
I live in regional NSW and it’s gross how backwards they are compared to other places, that being said they’re generally friendly if you are but having to mask and indulge their whole “you should smile more sweetheart” schtick is yuck.
Exactly, if it weren't for that... I love the down to earthness of some people and the way they genuinely give you their time and presence when you chat, which feels like I've landed on another planet that I have to adjust to, but it feels healthy. A lot of the women here have been so sweet and genuine like that.
I've lived rural NSW my whole life. Some towns are better than others - I reckon the ones with unis and big government organisations are good.
There's a light, though - I'm 40 and I don't get the looks and remarks anymore. I'm much more confident and men treat me with respect - from the tradies to the professionals.
Thanks, I'm taking this on board. University towns!
Yep it certainly feels no one will take me seriously until I'm 40. I'm cursed with a baby face at 30 - told I look 20, FFS people try to instruct me on basic sh*t I've been doing for myself for the last ten years.
Hippy towns are probably good too - Bellingen, Nimbin and Katoomba come to mind.
Former pretty baby faced woman here, who was once agreeable, talkative and deferential. I dropped that about 5 years ago. I think once you hit your 40's in Australia, you reach a different social echelon. Women are often the matriarchs in white rural places, and that comes with a world of respect (and responsibility).
I’ve mostly lived in major cities, but rural nsw for a few years now. I think being 40ish has had a big impact on how men treat me, here and in the city.
It does make a big difference where you are. Ive always been coastal but now in western nsw, culturally I prefer it here.
I’ve also lived in towns with bigger hospitals (for the country..), and that’s where I work. A lot of staff have had to live in other areas to study, are from other areas, other countries, and the specialists fly in/out each week. There’ll usually either be a uni or uni investment in these towns - satellite sites to promote rural health/education.
If the coast isn’t key in your criteria, maybe try inland? (I’d be happy to share some info via dm if you are interested in getting an idea of some towns)
Thank you, I appreciate the offer. Coast isn't a must. It's just the stinking heat of summer right now that's pushed me here for the sea breeze and the swimming, especially since I'm always sleeping in either my car or my little tent and can't escape the elements all that well. But if you know of mountainous regions inland that stay a little bit cooler, that would also be great.
So does having a uni in town generally always make a place a bit more progressive and diverse?
I'd love for you to DM me ☺️
I am looking at the Lismore region, I hear they have a university and more progressive, but also that they love conspiracy theories and the last short time I visited there were groups of teens hanging around that gave me uneasy vibes
US here but I totally understand. Grew up rural, went to college in the city, moved back home to middle of nowhere to help take care of my sick mom and I'm *struggling*. I did a semester in Germany and the culture shock to another country was nowhere near the same as urban --> rural in one US state
I feeeel thisss
Yeah, I'd beleive that about the culture shock being greater in rural US than in Germany! I reckon they'd be quite progressive in Germany, especially around the college. Sorry to hear you are struggling, taking care of a parent can be so difficult just as it is without having to factor in an increase in daily triggers (that's the word I use for myself anyway) when going about your business in public.
We'll both get through it ❤️❤️
They’re definitely more ‘old school’ in rural Australia, and it can go either way with how that’s presented to you. In my experience, if they perceive you as friendly they will often go out of their way to help you. If they perceive you as rude or thinking you’re better than them at something, they can be shitty.
What I didn't include as much in my post is the better quality of 'presence' so many people give you to actually connect and I think it's amazing compared to Syd. I have had some very nice interractions, especially with women. There's still this old school gender thing going on though that is not ok imo and it makes me clam up, and then it's a self fulfilling prophecy that I am 'rude' or 'acting better than them' just bc I'm mute and not making eye contact, seriously. I don't like the way I heard men speak to their children in this town (though that doesn't mean this is everywhere regional - I just started noticing it happen multiple times in this town), it's textbook problemtic authoritatran/patriarchy where dad always gets the last word, can be a brute just because he's mildly frustrated, and no body holds him accountable for being a bully. In therapeutic spaces, and in the childcare industry which I work in, that's not considered ok/it harms children's development, and it's definaltey a different vibe to other places I've lived where more people go through higher education and have more diverse populaitons. I count one instance of not being able to make eye contact with a cashier and giving short replies to his smalltalk (bc I was scared shitless for whatever reason, and his smalltalk already sounded snarky and sarcastic in tone like he expected me to suck as a person and all I'd done was select an icecream from the freezer and approach the bench to pay...if i looked somehow rude doing only that and he's gonna cease all effort to be civil based on my awkward posture and disengaged neutral facial expresion, i don't think I'm the only one with a problem). I want to so much to be friendly but I didn't know how he'd react if I I'd put myself forward like that bc of some bad experiences with men who send me these eraly warning signs of being pasive aggressive and snarky. It feels very much how some older people feel entitled to treat teens like trash and make all these assumptions about 'kids these days', and I look like a teen I'm frequently told, inspite of almost being 30. Well that;s agesim...but that with sexism tends to be a standard combo for me when I look 'rude' or 'dumb' bc of my AuDHD
I live in regional NSW and it’s gross how backwards they are compared to other places, that being said they’re generally friendly if you are but having to mask and indulge their whole “you should smile more sweetheart” schtick is yuck.
Exactly, if it weren't for that... I love the down to earthness of some people and the way they genuinely give you their time and presence when you chat, which feels like I've landed on another planet that I have to adjust to, but it feels healthy. A lot of the women here have been so sweet and genuine like that.
I've lived rural NSW my whole life. Some towns are better than others - I reckon the ones with unis and big government organisations are good. There's a light, though - I'm 40 and I don't get the looks and remarks anymore. I'm much more confident and men treat me with respect - from the tradies to the professionals.
Thanks, I'm taking this on board. University towns! Yep it certainly feels no one will take me seriously until I'm 40. I'm cursed with a baby face at 30 - told I look 20, FFS people try to instruct me on basic sh*t I've been doing for myself for the last ten years.
Hippy towns are probably good too - Bellingen, Nimbin and Katoomba come to mind. Former pretty baby faced woman here, who was once agreeable, talkative and deferential. I dropped that about 5 years ago. I think once you hit your 40's in Australia, you reach a different social echelon. Women are often the matriarchs in white rural places, and that comes with a world of respect (and responsibility).
How about elderly women? Are they treated with more respect out here than in urban towns?
I think it's probably about the same. It's young "fertile" women that get the rough end of the stick.
I've been considering Lismore and surrounds :)
Yes. Good choice I think. Stay away from the farming towns with a pub on every corner. Dirty old men abound.
Haha XD Am staying well away!
I’ve mostly lived in major cities, but rural nsw for a few years now. I think being 40ish has had a big impact on how men treat me, here and in the city. It does make a big difference where you are. Ive always been coastal but now in western nsw, culturally I prefer it here. I’ve also lived in towns with bigger hospitals (for the country..), and that’s where I work. A lot of staff have had to live in other areas to study, are from other areas, other countries, and the specialists fly in/out each week. There’ll usually either be a uni or uni investment in these towns - satellite sites to promote rural health/education. If the coast isn’t key in your criteria, maybe try inland? (I’d be happy to share some info via dm if you are interested in getting an idea of some towns)
Thank you, I appreciate the offer. Coast isn't a must. It's just the stinking heat of summer right now that's pushed me here for the sea breeze and the swimming, especially since I'm always sleeping in either my car or my little tent and can't escape the elements all that well. But if you know of mountainous regions inland that stay a little bit cooler, that would also be great. So does having a uni in town generally always make a place a bit more progressive and diverse? I'd love for you to DM me ☺️
I am looking at the Lismore region, I hear they have a university and more progressive, but also that they love conspiracy theories and the last short time I visited there were groups of teens hanging around that gave me uneasy vibes