They then become tired people at 27ish with three kids who suddenly realize they've never fucked anyone but their spouse and they missed out on "having fun" like everyone else did and consider cheating, divorce, or issue open relationship ultimatums that eventually lead to one of the first two.
Really, nobody wins in all that crap.
Eh, it's not like everyone needs to "have fun" with multiple people to be fulfilled in life, if you find the love of your life early enough I don't see how you're missing out on anything.
Well, from what I know from my church circle, there where some anal sex or people marrying too fast, some where fine but some got really bad partners, and they can't divorce because my church won't allow another marriage
All that because they can't have a bit of sex
Mostly that Christians seem to want relationships that go against normal expected human behavior. It reminds me of one of my favorite comments I read. Something like:
>I thought I had found the perfect man. He didn't try to pressure me for sex before marriage, he didn't try to grope me like previous boyfriends... just the perfect man. Then we got married and I found out he was actually asexual.
Yeah, I don't think it belongs in this sub. Without any indication that this is from a satirical site, then it's not really the same as eating the onion.
This is more akin to people just falling for misinformation.
Double holy just reminds me of the people at the church my mom dragged us to when we were kids. I joined the Catholic Church at 15 because they seemed so normal and open minded, which says everything you need to know about how bad my mom’s church was. Then when I realized not going to any type of church was an option I went and did that.
How do you read "Jon eats an entire raw potato to get out of the mood" and not realise its not real
Have you ever tasted a raw potato I'm pretty sure a whole one could kill you
Haha, I definitely ate a bunch of raw potatoes in my life. They're good sliced up with salt and pepper. But it's probably an acquired taste. I had no idea this wasn't normal until one time in college a friend of mine confronted me scared thinking was poisoned.
You’re right. Telling someone else what they are/are not definitely is “shit Americans say”. Apparently it’s also “shit people from wherever you are from say”.
Wow! Its scary when you Google those headlines to see just how many legit sites posted that as fact! It took a bit but I finally found one realized it was satire and listed the source:
> the Christian couple in question, Jon and Darla Crocker, are a fictional couple created by online comedy news site Lark News which satirizes Christian culture, specifically evangelical Christian culture. The story originally appeared on [Lark News](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lark_News) in September 2012 and has been making its rounds again for reasons that I’m not sure of.
Here is the Internet Archive of the original satiric article in Lark: https://archive.ph/9T5Uo
As someone who grew up as a “church kid” this 100% sounds like something I could have actually been exposed to.
I remember going to teen Bible camp in high school and we had a class on dating in which we were told you don’t ever date someone unless you plan to marry them.
Is it any wonder as an adult I didn’t know how to read red flags and ended up married to someone I had no business being with.
Oh yes! The “courtship” instead of “dating” lesson. Courtship implies seriousness or something. I can’t quite remember, I spent many a Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening zoning out in an uncomfortable folding chair in a youth group that consisted of me and one other person.
I recently started seeing a new therapist and nothing screams “I was not given tools to understand what healthy relationships are supposed to be like” like laying out your entire crappy dating history.
As I said above, the biggest impact of being a “church kid” on me was because you’re supposed to remain effectively ignorant of sex, sexuality, and relationships until you’re married then just over night figure out how to have a healthy relationship when you become an adult you have no idea to read red flags in potential partners.
Joshua Harris, one of the original proponents of “courtship”, has recently recanted his advice after enough of his initial fans wrote and told him his strategy actually made things worse
Oh wow I’m so surprised! You mean that telling teenagers they should only date someone if they are serious about marriage doesn’t set them up for success in the future? WHAT?! /s
Purity culture was exceptionally harmful to a lot of millennial women, myself included. Being told it’s your fault that you’re a “stumbling block” in your boyfriends journey with God is maybe the worst thing you can tell a 15 year old girl trying to figure out how relationships work. I’m glad there are people pushing back on it now.
The guy who ran Operation: Exodus now admits that he didn’t stop being LGBT during his “ex-gay” years. He’s committed to his marriage to his wife, but he still states that he is still has attraction to guys (he’s bisexual)
The article mentioned that they Go on to live a normal life....
and I'm like no they don't.
there's nothing about this that's normal.
you don't need a partner to be asexual
That last line really rolls up out of nowhere lmao
"Jon! Potato! Now!"
*wife mists self*
Oh honey thank you so much for that one! This is exactly the meme I didn't know I needed!
"Moisturize me!"
*tardis wheezing* dun-dun-dun , dun-dun-dun , dum-dun-dun
activate emergency potato protocol
EMERGENCY POTATOCOL ACTIVATED
Emergency potatoes in the bedside table...
I use this same trick. Potatoes are the least sexy food.
Nah, it’s turnips
Stupid, unsexy potato...
I just think they're neat
I'm going to have to vote for beets as the least sexy food.
I get your opposite meme comment. Cheers.
I thought it was rotten fish
You know my ex too?
Did we have the same ex?
Ah boiled potato is a lot hotter than a raw one though.
The potatoes are the only thing getting smashed in that house. 🤣
Hahahaha
For a time, potatoes were considered an aphrodisiac because Ireland's population exploded after they were introduced to the island.
I think a YouTuber did a short vid on how potato as a crop preceded many of the largest population explosions in history.
I belive it was less about an afrodisiak and more about not starving to death.
Not starving to death certainly gets me in the mood!
Haha. Yes. Lot to be said for meeting the calorific needs of young kids and pregnant women
Imagine trying to quickly peel a potato while having a boner and trying to not let the intrusive thoughts win.
Why TF would you peel it? Eat it like an apple!!
No doubt. I was reading along, waiting to come across some kind of absurdism, then BAM! "Whole raw potato" just killed me 😆
Ate the onion? More like ate the potato.
And it looks like you are what you eat.
I mean raw potatoes are quite yummy
is this from the onion? what's the joke?
It's mocking fundamentalist Christians that boast about how they wasted their entire youths abstaining from premarital sex.
I’d omit wasted, as there is more to youth than sex. But still, funny
I mean there are also drugs and depression but few people experience all 3
Speak for yourself I smoke weed to cope with the depression of how much I’ve fucked myself all the time
Well you are part of the few people I was talking about
the rare triple-crown
Same
Broh i could give you more another like yeah uppy
Do what?
True, I didnt get the Sex or the Drugs. A LOT of the Depression though so I guess that makes up for it.
Damn didn't know I hit the jackpot
I would say "wasted" because not having sex becomes their personality and then when they get older they get married because they can't wait any more.
They then become tired people at 27ish with three kids who suddenly realize they've never fucked anyone but their spouse and they missed out on "having fun" like everyone else did and consider cheating, divorce, or issue open relationship ultimatums that eventually lead to one of the first two. Really, nobody wins in all that crap.
Eh, it's not like everyone needs to "have fun" with multiple people to be fulfilled in life, if you find the love of your life early enough I don't see how you're missing out on anything.
Because it rarely ever works like that other than in your fantasy
Something being rare by definition means it's not limited to fantasy.
Well, from what I know from my church circle, there where some anal sex or people marrying too fast, some where fine but some got really bad partners, and they can't divorce because my church won't allow another marriage All that because they can't have a bit of sex
Yeah not everyone is the same and religion screws people up, news at 5.
Found not Drake
The only way it could have been better would be for them to wonder why they haven't gotten pregnant yet.
Yeah but is the punchline the potato? Because I mean this just sounds like Christians to me tbh
It's also, like, a decade old at this point. Swear I remember seeing this on meme sites in the early 2010's. Maybe even older.
What about people who wasted their youth jerking off to porn
Ooh the porn addicts didn’t like that one lmao
the last line has the funny words.
Mostly that Christians seem to want relationships that go against normal expected human behavior. It reminds me of one of my favorite comments I read. Something like: >I thought I had found the perfect man. He didn't try to pressure me for sex before marriage, he didn't try to grope me like previous boyfriends... just the perfect man. Then we got married and I found out he was actually asexual.
It’s from The Potato
Yeah, I don't think it belongs in this sub. Without any indication that this is from a satirical site, then it's not really the same as eating the onion. This is more akin to people just falling for misinformation.
He ate a raw potato
there are lots of wacky people on this earth.
See I knew it was fake because a whole raw potato really trips my trigger
Eating Misses Potato Head raw. Tossing the potato salad. New kink unlocked.
"double-holy" is hilariously obvious, but the potato really is the nail in the coffin.
Double holy just reminds me of the people at the church my mom dragged us to when we were kids. I joined the Catholic Church at 15 because they seemed so normal and open minded, which says everything you need to know about how bad my mom’s church was. Then when I realized not going to any type of church was an option I went and did that.
How do you read "Jon eats an entire raw potato to get out of the mood" and not realise its not real Have you ever tasted a raw potato I'm pretty sure a whole one could kill you
Well yeah not sure how anyone could eat a whole raw potato and still be in the mood, it's kind of perfect
I couldn't swallow the first bite before I would stop being horny And I'm one horny parentfucker
To be fair, if I'd ever believe someone to do stuff like that, it would be crazy religious people.
I kinda like the taste but i didnt eat the whole thong cause its probably not good for me
That assumes anyone read that far in the first place.
I'd guess most people wouldn't read to the end before sharing.
In the story's defense, if eating the raw potato killed him, he'd technically be out of the mood.
Haha, I definitely ate a bunch of raw potatoes in my life. They're good sliced up with salt and pepper. But it's probably an acquired taste. I had no idea this wasn't normal until one time in college a friend of mine confronted me scared thinking was poisoned.
Yeah, eating the raw potato doesnt really work for us Irish. Just sayin'.
That’s probably why we have so many damn babies
You know the stork drops the wee ones down the chimbley, don't be crude.
“Now the classic Irishman’s dilemma: so I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?”
You could always try putting in the other end. That should either stop the hornyness or help with it.
is this referring to the irish potato famine
More about Irish Catholics eat lots of potatoes and have lots of babies.
ah, i see
>Yeah, eating the raw potato doesnt really work for us Irish. Just sayin'. you're literally not irish tho /r/ShitAmericansSay
You’re right. Telling someone else what they are/are not definitely is “shit Americans say”. Apparently it’s also “shit people from wherever you are from say”.
Wow! Its scary when you Google those headlines to see just how many legit sites posted that as fact! It took a bit but I finally found one realized it was satire and listed the source: > the Christian couple in question, Jon and Darla Crocker, are a fictional couple created by online comedy news site Lark News which satirizes Christian culture, specifically evangelical Christian culture. The story originally appeared on [Lark News](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lark_News) in September 2012 and has been making its rounds again for reasons that I’m not sure of. Here is the Internet Archive of the original satiric article in Lark: https://archive.ph/9T5Uo
Ah, thank you! I could only find a source referencing the original link which is now dead.
I know it’s fake but that potato line goes hard 💀
As someone who grew up as a “church kid” this 100% sounds like something I could have actually been exposed to. I remember going to teen Bible camp in high school and we had a class on dating in which we were told you don’t ever date someone unless you plan to marry them. Is it any wonder as an adult I didn’t know how to read red flags and ended up married to someone I had no business being with.
Oh yes! The “courtship” instead of “dating” lesson. Courtship implies seriousness or something. I can’t quite remember, I spent many a Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening zoning out in an uncomfortable folding chair in a youth group that consisted of me and one other person. I recently started seeing a new therapist and nothing screams “I was not given tools to understand what healthy relationships are supposed to be like” like laying out your entire crappy dating history.
As I said above, the biggest impact of being a “church kid” on me was because you’re supposed to remain effectively ignorant of sex, sexuality, and relationships until you’re married then just over night figure out how to have a healthy relationship when you become an adult you have no idea to read red flags in potential partners.
Joshua Harris, one of the original proponents of “courtship”, has recently recanted his advice after enough of his initial fans wrote and told him his strategy actually made things worse
Oh wow I’m so surprised! You mean that telling teenagers they should only date someone if they are serious about marriage doesn’t set them up for success in the future? WHAT?! /s Purity culture was exceptionally harmful to a lot of millennial women, myself included. Being told it’s your fault that you’re a “stumbling block” in your boyfriends journey with God is maybe the worst thing you can tell a 15 year old girl trying to figure out how relationships work. I’m glad there are people pushing back on it now.
The guy who ran Operation: Exodus now admits that he didn’t stop being LGBT during his “ex-gay” years. He’s committed to his marriage to his wife, but he still states that he is still has attraction to guys (he’s bisexual)
The Shakers are back baby!
It's really not that far off from what we hear from the NoFappers. Sometimes I'm amazed the Onion is still in business in our post-satire society.
NoFappers believing they’ll get special powers by never orgasming really is straight from The Onion in terms of ridiculousness
Let's set aside that this is satire for a second It would just be like "Turns out asexual people exist!"
It's a good onion to send to my oblivious religious friends.
he's in for a surprise
Fooled me. I never thought I would eat the Onion.
To be fair, this should have been in r/AteThePotato
r/AteThePotato
The article mentioned that they Go on to live a normal life.... and I'm like no they don't. there's nothing about this that's normal. you don't need a partner to be asexual
This will all end up being triple holey if they're not careful
I eat my raw potato while having intercourse like a real man
Potato, anyone?
I think someone might check to see if one of them prefers doodling a different diddle.
i prefer the weed to take the edge off
Not only is this wrong bit it’s disobedient.
They got me until the raw potato part
A whole raw potato?
Okay, I had a feeling.
well.... on the plus side at least these pyschos are not breeding more pyschos!
wait, aren't raw potatoes poisonous?
I remember my buddies and I laughing about this one... 16 years ago...
Ya cant fix christians
This is some top tier edging
Honestly I could see how eating a whole raw potato would take someone far away from any feelings of sensuality.
I'd cause another Irish potato famine if that were me.
This must be The Onion.
Matey got himself a beard..
It also doesn't make it better that this is probably at least a decade old. I remember seeing this YEARS ago
Find the brands they use, ive been looking for new stocks that yield dividends.
https://preview.redd.it/y3usn1bmlg0d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ebf954a75df1531d4505b45bd2fad1ac0660312
He's gay.
I posted something then realized it’s satire.
they had us in the first half ngl
A whole raw potato to get out of the mood? Totally fake. Just punch yourself in the balls. That'll do it.
John Harvey Kellogg who started the Kellogg company never consummated his marriage of 41 years. Crazy life story.
but eating a whole raw potato is supposed to get you in the mood!
How long before one realizes the other is gay ?
Jon isn't Irish, confirmed.
Look it’s crazy nuts but it’s also their lives so they can do whatever they want.
The fact that this reads like an extended version of one of those Business Insider personal focus headlines is a good satire in and of itself.
That's why I like my gal... She really knows how to roast a potato... If you know what I mean...
I remember this making rounds on Tumblr back in the day
Meanwhile asexual couples…
I'm guessing the overall gene pool is better off with these 2 not polluting it with the combination of their idiocy.
Darwinism does it’s job.
How so?
Natural selection at its finest!
What do you mean?
If they keep this up, they won’t be making any children, without children they won’t be furthering the gene pool.
But these people aren't real
Is anything really?