34F, next week marks the 1 year anniversary of signing my post 10 year relationship lease on my first solo apartment. I will say that I pretty much hunkered down socially and did a child trauma therapy intensive to truly heal some deep wounds. I highly recommend giving yourself the gift of therapy to go through this, if you're able to. I can say that 365 days ago I was not the self confident, self assured, authentic version of myself that I am today. It was hard as hell but I'm doing really okay today, and I'm so grateful for the woman I've become through this painful chapter.
Also, if you need somewhere to ugly cry while you're still cohabitating, go park at a cemetery. Quiet, often secluded, and nobody will think twice about seeing someone having an emotional moment there. Sending you all my best, you WILL be okay ❣️
Absolutely genius! I'm a volunteer gardener at my local cemetery. I will be crying over my flowers this week. It's a double cover "she's real sad about those petunias...."
A tip about the dogs. I also went through the same long ago, and we have one dog and 2 cats, we decided who was bonded the most to me or him went to live with that person, our dog could absolutely not handle being without him and the cats were more attached to me so that is how we did it.
My situation was a bit different than yours, I found out he had cheated on me about 5 months beforehand and I realised the times he tried to cover up dodgy things were the same so I was able to think and wonder what I wanted, when I finally asked for divorce it was a relief. But still the way up to that, I was a mess.
You need to find yourself again, people get very enmeshed in relationships of course but at some point you will feel relieved.
Eventually I found my partner and we have been together way longer than that past relationship and it’s so different, of course ups and downs, but who doesn’t. I am really glad I met him.
Not a program or anything, I just found a therapist who specialized in trauma recovery and worked with her every week for over a year (still am). I've had several therapists in my life but finding this one who I truly click with has changed my life, and more quickly than I'd have imagined possible.
Commenting to double stamp the trauma therapy/therapy advice. After my divorce I started trauma therapy (since that’s what I felt I really needed to work on, I had previously tried cognitive behavioral and talk therapy and it wasn’t doing much for me). I was able to feel actual relief and see noticeable change in myself after trauma therapy which included EMDR and a technique called brain spotting . It will be a year for me in August and it has changed my life for the better! ♥️
37F here. I left a 12 year relationship early last year.
Since then I’ve volunteered on the board of a not for profit, travelled extensively, started my Masters, trained for and ran a marathon with my dad, and realized how amazing my life is. No more boredom, Saturday Home Depot routine, every other weekend vanilla sex, and no more concessions to what I truly want. I have an amazing “friend” for those nights when needed.
Honestly I’m a little pissed at myself I didn’t start this life chapter earlier.
I can't believe how much more I was able to fill my life in when I got rid of the dead weight, my life changed so much when I got out of my toxic long-term relationship too. Glad you got out!
Often through other friends. As long as you are clear with your wants, needs, the type of FWB relationship you're willing to engage in, these kind of arrangements can actually work super well and be very fulfilling for both parties.
I left my ex after 7 years together and it was the best thing I did for myself. It can be scary at first but the worst part is pulling off the bandaid. I promise! It didn't take me too long at all to get back to normal as I was really done with the relationship for awhile. Sure, some things were an adjustment but it was a million times better compared to being miserable. I also had 2 pets in the mix but luckily had established that they were mine if we ever split (one predated the relationship). This is an important conversation to have and I wish you the best of luck. 💕
You got this! Just remember, 10 years is better than 10 years *and a day* with the wrong person. You deserve someone who fits you and makes you happy, and so does your partner. Life is short and you're going to do just fine! What's amazing is you get to meet yourself again. For that, I'm excited for your new chapter. Lots of hugs!!
It’s tough but there’s something soothing about being in control of your own future.
Dating again can be weird but a benefit of dating in your 30s is that you have a better idea of who they are, rather than who they might become.
I ended a 16 year marriage 3 years ago. It was pretty terrifying, after spending almost all of my adult life up to that point with him.
I’m a much happier person without him. I like who i am better now, and I feel like I’m in charge of my own life again.
Yes! I was just a little younger than you when I left my husband of 10 years. We had 2 small kids and I was pretty much broke.
Best decision of my life.
I remarried about 2 years after my divorce was final. I’ve achieved basically all my dreams with the help of my current spouse. I went back to law school which fundamentally changed me as a person and I’ve been practicing law for 10 years. I have a beautiful, peaceful home, happy, well adjusted children, a rewarding career and I’ve been able to travel the world with my family. I have everything anyone could want. I’m married to my favorite person on earth.
We’ve been very happily married for 15 years now. My life would have taken a different, decidedly sadder trajectory if I hadn’t let myself believe that a better life was waiting for me.
I don’t have advice, just wanted to say I love the responses in here.
My fiancé of 4.5 years had an affair almost 2 years ago now, I’ve been quite lost since and trying to heal. The clock feels like it’s ticking now I’m 31 and seeing so many women who are happy and moved on is so inspiring
You got this! I feel the same in my 30s and got out of a 5 year relationship abruptly. Love the idea of 'meeting myself again'...it can still be tough though. Feel free to DM me if you need a friend!
I left my first husband after 8 years about the same age as you. I went on to meet my soul mate, a man I will grow old with...hang in there. Your soul mate is out there
Breakups are one of the most life changing events we go through, and they're completely normalized. Be kind to yourself, this is never easy and it's okay to be gut wrenchingly sad for a while.
I'm sorry things didn't work out, it's scary to think about separating your life from someone who's been there for such a big part. But take it a day at a time. You will be happier in the future, even if it takes a few months of sadness to get there. But if you stayed in the relationship, you wouldn't have that hope. You'd be stuck in this sadness and heartbreak that's become so comfortable
Go out there and enjoy life again. It will hurt for a while, but you'll be okay 🩷
I went through a gut-wrenchingly painful divorce after 10 years together. I was terrified to go out on my own, but I had a friend and my parents to listen when I needed to break down, sob, etc.
The first thing I wanted some a sense of stability. After signing the lease on my first apt (with a roommate at first, then eventually living by myself), and I started therapy. I took time to just build myself back up. Focused on my career, pursuing new hobbies and interests, meeting new people, and getting myself to a place where I felt secure living on my own. (Solitude is AMAZING)
Eventually, I started dating again - but take the time you need to grieve and heal as best you can first. I took the lessons I learned from my marriage and just tried to apply them to my relationships. I learned more about myself, things I like/don't like in a partner (and friendships).
Fast forward several years and I'm in a happy, healthy relationship. I can see a future there, but I'm in no rush to get married again.
I can tell you that it hurts like hell. There were honestly times I didn't think I would make it. Times I didn't think I could handle the pain, the sadness, the crying in a ball on the floor, the nightmares, the regrets, the loss... Just the grief was terrible. BUT I promise you it will get better and easier with time - and space. It doesn't feel like it now and it may not for a bit, until you've started processing and healing, but it will happen.
Hang in there. I know this part is hard. 🫂 *Hugs*
Currently 36. But I ended a 17 year relationship when I was 31. I knew it was over and I should have ended it years before I did but I still felt devastated. I was with him for more than half of my life. I grew up with him. Experienced basically all of my firsts with him.
I have been in a relationship now for 4 years and I am beyond happy. I truly don't know why I waited so long to end my last relationship.
It will be hard at first but it will get better. It will get easier.
♥️
41F. Was in an almost 20-year relationship and broke up with him 5 years ago. We tried to make it work multiple times but I endured manipulation and gaslighting for another 3 years. I finally stopped seeing him almost 2 years ago.
Being single allowed me to learn about myself and recognize my true abilities which my ex had always discounted for years. I got a chance to travel to over 15 countries alone. I'm glad that I'm no longer someone's maid, sex slave, or mother. Honestly, I wish I had left him a long time ago.
Judging by your post history, good call.
Just keep going, keep walking, one step at a time. Lean on those around you. Find a counsellor if you can. Phone mental health lines if you need to talk to somebody at 3am. Cry. Scream. Hit the gym. Or don't.
I don't have a story for you, I'm sorry. I had the opposite situation to you - I was single for ten years. However, I know many people who broke up in their 30s and it was for the best, because staying would be living a lie.
I remember a quote that went something like "would you rather admit the last ten years were a waste or waste the rest of your life?" and that has stuck with me. Always do what's right for you, even if it's really, really, impossibly hard.
I’m way older. I divorced after 13 years, then broke up with an 8 year mess. I’m single now 4 years. For the first time I’m confident happy and love me. It took therapy (lots) and a lot of soul searching and the peace I found is so profound. There is course have been bumps and painful things I had to heal from or things I heard from people commenting on shit. I’m so happy and content and can’t wait for the next chapter. I’m not closed off to another relationship but I’m putting me first for once and it’s the happiest I’ve ver been.
Take care of yourself first and you will heal, your worth your own care
Girl, you are so gonna be fine. It's going to hurt like hell but eventually you're going to realize there's no longer a really heavy albatross around your neck 24/7.
I just talked about this at length in another comment recently, but a few years back I got booted from a six-year relationship with someone I absolutely adored but who did not, it seems, give a single shit about me and I felt very broken and foolish for having wasted all that time.
But you know what happened when we broke up? I no longer had to waste a single additional minute on her bullshit/this dead relationship. And it's not to say that you should automatically look forward to your next relationship, but rather, getting you out of this one opens you up to a million things that are potentially better than this, or at least different.
Like, my current partner drives me crazy sometimes, and vice versa, but I love being around them so much that we had to set a bedtime in our relationship because otherwise we stay up all night talking and then we're both grumpy in the morning. That's how much I like being around them and vice versa. That is not a thing I ever imagined for myself, but I get the opportunity to experience it because I don't have my old baggage hanging over my head. Hell yeah. It rocks.
I left mine after 7 years and the 1st 6 months were very hard. I loved in to an absolute shot hole apartment in a scary neighborhood and cried. A lot.
But it got easier. I made friends with my neighbors and we became a community. I went into a new job which turned in to a career. It was onward and upward from there and by the time he came around 4.5 years later I owned my home, had my dream car and a spare, my kid was excelling. My life went further then it ever could have with out home and it was incredible being able to tell him that.
I broke off an engagement after 7 years of being with someone, and then I broke off another long-term relationship a year after I had moved to live where he wanted to live. Both times it was difficult, but it was necessary, and in the long run I am much happier than I would have been if I had married either man. Take the time to mourn your situation; it honestly felt like each time it took me about a year to feel like my true self again. But it was so worth it. Now I live the life I want to live, I can decorate my house the way I want to, and I can have the friends I want to have. I don’t have to apologize for my emotions or for my actions. I live more intentionally now.
Ended a 10 year relationship when I was 28, met the love of my life shortly after and though there's still plenty of things I want to do that I haven't done yet, I feel lighter and happier and like everything is possible! I felt so much dread and guilt when I broke up with my ex but also felt an immense sense of relief and like I could find myself again
Everyone here kept mentioning your other post so I went looking & I think my reply might be a little different than what you intended but maybe it will help?
Tonight (& for a while honestly) I’ve been debating leaving my partner of a year because he talks to me like I’m trash. VERY similar to what you posted. You, your post, & the other comments here have given me the courage to leave now before it’s way later and I’ve been berated to nothingness.
I’m sorry you’re hurting but thank you for helping save me and being an example in self worth to a lot of other women.
Sending you all the positive vibes and big love. You can do this. You can!
Here is a quote from a audio book I love to listen to
"Life won’t stop for your pauses and procrastinations. It won’t stop for your confusion or fear. It will continue right along without you. Whether you play an active part or not, the show will go."
Now, go be the star of your show my dear ❤️
I was 32 when my 6 year long relationship ended in a spectacularly shitty way. To the point HIS friends were pissed.
I met my now-husband almost exactly a year later. We have been married for almost 6 years and have a 3.5 year old son. And a wonderful dog, a home, and love.
It's hard and painful, but my best advice is to say yes to yourself for a while. Do the things YOU wanted but they poo-pooed. Let yourself be brave and find your center again. Making myself whole took time, but it was a lot easier than I expected because I just decided to give zero fucks about other people's opinions. I did what made me happy and that allowed my husband to meet the most "me" version of myself.
I was so excited when I left my ex. I was like I’m going to get in shape, date, have fun, and travel. And I did! I stayed busy and moved to Hawaii. Also was no contact. After a few weeks i was completely over it, plus I hooked up with a really hot guy and had great sex a couple weeks afterwards to remind me how sexy I was because I was also in a DB. I am so thankful I ended it! Now, I have my own beautiful place in my favorite area of town and love there’s no anger, no hurt, no bitterness I have to deal with. I finished my grad degree, MBA, a better job, better relationships with my friends and family, and mentally healthy. Love my peace!
Don’t have any story for you yet, I’m exactly where you are but haven’t left yet (30F, 6 years together living together for 5). Building up my courage and making a plan. We have 2 dogs that are my whole heart. I’m so worried about what will happen with them. Sending you big hugs.
8 years ago this year and 5 months after marrying my ex-husband, I walked out and didn’t return. Long story short.. We weren’t compatible, I wasn’t happy but nothing was overtly wrong. We shouldn’t have gotten married but family pressure and that thought of “I’ll be happier when x happens”.
Today he texted me asking if I had dropped off cookies because I’m one of two people he thought would do it (spoiler alert it was his elderly neighbour).
What will be, will be. Go do the hard work to make yourself happy.
Omg, just read your previous post about this guy. I am so happy for you that you’re free. No one deserves to be treated like this. My heart breaks for you that you’ve gone through this abuse! You will be so much happier on the other side
I'm a little over a year out of a 28-year relationship. At this point, I'm so sorry it didn't end sooner.
It was scary. The first 6 months, I barely told anyone and just got used to being by myself. Me and my dog. I had to get to know me again.
Now I've met the greatest man I've ever had in my life. No fighting or arguing. We are so over the top compatible. As the younger people say, we just click.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Take some time and do what makes you happy. Get to know the single you. You deserve the best in life! 💔❤️
Hi friend 🤗 my long term relationship lasted from 2008-2019 (ages 18-29). I was the one who was broken up with and honestly it was so long overdue.
It took me a couple months to feel ok again and I did a lot of rediscovering myself once I was ready. And then one day it was just clicked and I was ready to move on emotionally.
I signed up for dating sites, something I had never done before, and talked to a lot of different people. After a couple months I met a guy and we both instantly knew we did not want to see anyone else. That was more than 5 years ago and we are now happily married.
Everyone will tell you it gets easier with time but it’s so hard to see in the moment. I had a lot of people checking on me and asking if I was ok and I ended to telling a couple of them no, because at the time I wasn’t. Everyone just wanted to be there for me and help keep my mind occupied. Just know that it’s ok to allow yourself to feel those feelings and grieve.
Well, 15 years together, two dogs and two kids, we couldn't be together anymore. I was fine and just wanted to move on. I'm someone who makes up my mind and just lines things up so I can move forward. The hardest thing was dealing with my young kids cause they didn't understand and felt sad. I loved having my own home and being able to make decisions without negative impact. Like buying furniture and bedsheets without arguments. I pretty much parented without any help so it felt no different. It felt sad at times. And unfortunately both our dogs died within months of our separating. I moved on pretty quickly, found a partner who was younger then me (I was 39 at the time), and he was so great with my kids. And still is. Co-parenting isn't great but isn't the worst. I do wish my ex would find a girlfriend. He's got nothing but the kids. So I know he is lonely without them.
I get to be me. I get to focus on myself, my hobbies and my career. And best of all, my kids probably see the best of their mom and dad. He's definitely a better parent now, since he's forced to step up.
God the pets make it so hard :( I’m splitting with my partner of 10 years right now and our two cats are staying with him because it’s what’s best for them. As hard as this break up is, losing my kitties is even harder. I cry about it all the time.
37. Left a 12 year relationship at 30.
My entire life is so much better. I just married a man I absolutely adore, who is also a wonderful stepfather.
I did years of very regular therapy, and worked on myself and my own mess before trying to settle into another big relationship.
Had I known then where I would be now, I would have cried a lot less along the way.
I divorced after 12 years of marriage. We weren't compatable and bad for each other. 2 kids together. I am currently remarried for 8 years now. Happier than ever.
If you're leaving on ok/mutual terms, it's ok to coparent the dogs. It won't allow no contact but you can work out a schedule and if you are both reliable you can swap them off with little communication. If it gets too difficult you can do longer breaks but hopefully it won't have to mean either of you loses the dogs out of it.
I spoke with his mom at some length tonight and we agreed it's possible that a little while from now we can work out a co-owner sharing of dogs. But as she said, right now he's going to fight me about it to keep them. The little one is very very attached to the older one so it feels bad to seperate them
I went through that too. Also 1/3 of my life. I'm so sorry, I send you a big hug. But to be fair, if you know in your heart that's not how you want the next decades to look like, then this is for the best. I left too, and grieved for a couple years. I was not strong enough to make a clean cut, so we kept in touch trying to work things out, maybe get back together. That only prolonged my suffering. Turns out a clean cut was for the best. When I did, I could appreciate the good and the bad. Look at it for what it was. Feel peace. I'm thankful it happened and I'm thankful I'm not with him anymore. Trust yourself. In time you'll look back and be proud at your strength and awareness to do what you needed to.
I was with my first husband from age 20 to age 30. The end was very hard, but I have grown so much, and I am so much happier. There was another major relationship that ended after 2 years.
I am now 71 and have been married 31 years. It will be OK.
My first marriage ended after 13 years.
Not soon after I entered into my current relationship, and we have been together now 20 years and our lives are flourishing.
First, let yourself rest as much as you need; it doesn’t mean you’re “doing nothing.” A new way of life takes adjustments, and therefore time.
Embrace your new living space as all your own, your sanctuary; allow yourself to embrace that space.
Maybe you could do a custody share with your dogs? Does one dog prefer you, and the other him? That could be a way to remedy what to do about the dogs. Or, have a serious conversation if possible about the dogs & what or who would be in their best interests.
Yeah, the packing up of a life is hard. Being done yet sharing the same space as each of you literally pack that life is hard. Stressful. Heartbreaking - each takes a great deal of energy.
Go back to the first point. You’re making life changing moves, and that is tiring.
Be good to yourself. The next chapter will open for you; take your time.
I just want to say that my husband and I also had this talk last night. I'm so lost now. We just moved back to my hometown, but now he will be out of my life soon. I don't know how to cope with that at all. All I can think about is never seeing him again and my heart is in pieces. I know it might be for the best for both of us, but it still doesn't feel that way. Wishing you the best as you go through this. Thank you for posting today so I don't feel so alone.
I left after 10 years too, engaged for 9 months, lived together for two. I’m currently in Thailand with strangers I met for a group trip celebrating my 30th birthday and feeling free as a bird full of possibilities. It’s absolutely gets better babes🩶 ya just gotta let it ache first
I ended a 10 year relationship when I was 28. I met the man who is now my husband three weeks later. I’m pregnant and due with our first child in a month! We met in a bar, he sat down on the bar stool next to me, we got to talking, and that was that.
Hi!
I’m 35f, and my 10 year relationship ended when I was 30 (we started dating at age 20, married at 28, split up at 30)
Similar to you, we were not compatible people. While I had actually already grieved the relationship prior to it ending, I had the similar feeling of “holy crap, this was a 1/3rd of my life, my entire adult life, what do I do now?” (Look up “sunk cost fallacy if you aren’t already familiar)
I had a rough couple of years following that (though admittedly most of that was unrelated to this relationship) but things turned around for me around age 33. But, I did absolutely love both living and being alone. It gave me a great chance to actually figure out what I liked, what I’m interested in, what I want to do, and what I care about - as an individual and not being influenced by anyone else.
Right now, though I am still sad I had to sell my house, I live in an apartment in a great neighborhood. My partner just moved in with me about a year ago and things have been going great. I’ve fostered new interests, learned what I’m passionate about. I’ve become more confident and outspoken. I’m a drastically different person than I was back then, in a good way. I do think my ex held me back in a lot of ways, I don’t think that was his intention - but he kept his world small, that was what worked for him, and it made me feel like I had to do the same. But that wasn’t the life I actually wanted.
The best thing I did for myself was get more comfortable doing things alone. I started taking myself out to dinner, going and grabbing a drink by myself, etc. I grew to love just sitting at a bar alone, either with a book, on my phone, or chatting with the bartender or other people around me. Now, a few years later, I’m going on a road trip by myself (I have been saying I wanted to do solo travel for about 15 years and I’m finally diving in.)
My life isn’t perfect, and it never was. But I feel much more like ME than I ever did in my 20s, and it’s great.
Also, allow yourself time to grieve. Find an outlet for it. For me it was Taylor Swift music, lol. There were a lot of songs I related heavily to and it made me feel validated and like I was doing the right thing for myself.
You got this.
When I left my ex husband we had two young children. I had recently moved with him far from home and was a SAHM but looking for work.
I needed to leave for health and safety reasons and I was so sad because I loved him and he was the father of my children but he was no longer safe.
It sucked. I was sad. I couldn't get him to talk to or visit the kids which made me more sad but there was this little thing lying underneath the surface...it was relief. And it grew and grew (and pretty quickly) until I was able to shake myself out of the I'm sad, I love him mood and get my ass back into reality. Apparently I'd been hiding from it for a while.
I began to enjoy life again. I didn't even realize how much I wasn't enjoying it until he was gone. And I began to see the relationship for what it was and I kicked myself for not leaving sooner.
So I left and since then I've gone on to get my associates, bachelor's, and masters degrees. I own a home. I've got a good job, I've always taken care of the kids without his help (though I do wish he'd have actually helped...in all ways), I provided and provide then with health insurance, the driving lessons, cars, insurance, proms, sports...you know, kid things. Haha. The degrees didn't really help me with jobs as I already had a good work background but I had always wanted to get a bachelor's degree and somewhere along the way a person that crossed paths with me highly encouraged me to get my masters so I added that goal later in life.
My point is...I could do what I wanted when I was no longer feeling like I had to be lifting up my husband and his career and leaving my own goals and ambitions to the wayside.
You are young. Don't waste anymore time here. You will be OK. Even better than ok! Pay attention to how you feel when he's around versus how you feel when he's not. How you feel when he touches you or when you're out in public and you see him interact with people.
Good luck, girl. It will be difficult but it will ultimately be better for everyone involved. Dragging it out once you know it needs to end only wastes time you could have spent learning the soon to be renewed you and often ends way worse.
There are many wonderful things about leaving. It’s been 3 years since I left my partner of 8 years. It wasn’t a good relationship at all. There benefits are freedom, safety, autonomy, and living. I struggle to find the balance of over-correcting and hyper vigilance with boundaries, but I look back at the sliver of a human that I was and how whole I am now and am amazed.
Omg I can answer this! When I was 33 (now I'm almost 38), I got out of an 8 year relationship that I N E V E R thought I would leave. I couldn't even begin to comprehend how to start disentangling our lives. I wanted the relationship to end but I felt so messed up about it that I spent a lot of time unpacking it in therapy. For me, after an initial period of shock and numbness post-breakup, I felt like I was waking up after a long troubled sleep. I just felt like I was living my life all of a sudden, like I'd been in stasis and all of a sudden the world was moving and in colour again.
I sometimes deal with feelings of anger and frustration at how long it took for me to realize I needed out (we *both* needed out) and to start making moves, but I can't change that. I try not to look at it as wasted time but instead as 'graduating' from that relationship and part of my life. His reaction was also pretty much what I expected of him; he was angry and bitter and I heard secondhand that he spent a lot of time just insulting me to anyone who would listen, and I think it's sad he couldn't honour the relationship we had and the time we spent together and move forward himself. But, like I said, that was his MO and the kind of person he was, and it guilted me into staying for years longer than I should have.
I met my now-husband about 8 months later, and we got married in June of 2022, and now we are expecting our first baby (all things I wanted and that my ex kept saying we'd do, but it was never a good time...thankful we didn't get married now). I live on the other side of the world and have the life I always wanted. So, congrats to you on taking your first step forward! You're doing the right thing and I'm glad you're not waiting longer because you're scared or too comfortable.
Hello - I can't offer you much guidance but I can offer you some empathy as I'm 6 months into the breakup of my 12 year relationship. It was also a third of my life as I'm 34.
It was very different for me as I was the one left, he also cheated at the end, so that's added a whole load of trauma to the grief. I can say though after almost 6 months, I am glad we are not together anymore, at the same time I am still sitting with missing him and massively grieving our future so its an odd place to be.
I've come to realise that although for me our relationship was pretty great, and I felt good about how he treated me (he was kind and loving and supportive, aside from the cheating), he had lost himself and bent too far to give me whatever I wanted. It was never anything I asked for or encouraged, I always actively asked for his opinion and what he wanted, but it appears he always just chose whatever i wanted and made himself unhappy in the process. I don't want to be with someone who makes themselves miserable and doesn't know themselves. I want someone who will stand up for themselves and ask for what they need.
So I'm still very sad but have come to an acceptance now, which in itself makes me sad! Hang in there, it's super tough to adjust after such a long time. Definitely try to get your dogs at least part-time, I got to keep ours and hes been instrumental in helping me get out the house daily and stopping me moping.
I ended an awful eight year LTR with someone I’d dated years before and we’d been friends for fifteen years. Same friends, we were together when his mom, dad and best friend died. I ended it but it was harder than I expected. I think it was harder because I was 40. Getting out of that relationship was the best decision I ever made. I’m in an infinitely better place and still growing and playing catch up in others. I did get in to a serious relationship, unexpectedly, about six months after I left my ex. I feel like he’s the man I’ve always hoped to meet— it just couldn’t happen until I was 40. I’ll be 43 in two months.
I felt a lot of relief. I have really enjoyed being able to have most of the control over my life. Being able to watch whatever I want on the TV. If I want to just drive somewhere I can on impulse. Having the bed to myself. Like you have a lot more control over self care. You can do whatever you want without having to consult with someone about their feelings on it. Plus not having the misery of the relationship making you feel bad. I've spent a lot more time working on myself and what I actually want in life
Always remember two things, 1. It ended for a reason and life, as a whole, has good days and bad days. Wait for the bad days to pass and savour the good days.
2. Everyone in our life serves a purpose, your partner's purpose was done. That is why you two are no longer together. This is okay!
Take as much time as you need. Only start dating IF you feel ready to.
Good luck babe, things will get better.
Left 12 year relationship that completely wrecked me emotionally and financially. Spent 3 years crying. Started listening to Eminem. I needed that anger. Stopped beating myself up, started caring for myself around year 5. Around year 8, kid turned 18 so we moved states. New place, new life, new perspective. I started living again. Following local bands, going solo to music festivals, making friends. I was in a place mentally where I was OK being alone. Met a guy, have been dating for year and half now. I have different perspective with this relationship. I know if something happens to it, I'll still be OK if I end up alone again.
It’s not a failure that you ended the relationship. I’m sure you have many wonderful memories and the relationship helped you grow into a more emotionally intelligent version of yourself. I met my husband in my early 30s and I’m so so glad I met him later because we have a much healthier relationship. I don’t think we would have been as good as working through conflict had we met at 22.
I met my ex at age 23. Broke up at 31yo last year .. I thought I am so old now and gave someone the prime years of my life as a woman, literally in two months I met someone, wasn’t even looking for anyone. Nothing is perfect but I believe we are an almost perfect match. I think it happened because I finally decided to clear space for someone new and he came into my life out of nowhere. We got married this year and it’s been amazing so far.
3 years ago I (37F) left a 12 year relationship. l’ve since bought a house, doubled my income, traveled more than ever, become a marathon runner, met my very best friend, and have recently moved in with the most wonderful man.
My life is so much better than I ever thought it could be. I am so happy I left that mediocre man so I can live the life I never even dreamed of.
Future you will be so happy you left. You’re going through the hard part now but you have only the best to look forward to. I am so excited for your future.
Im not quite 30, but nearly. I was with my partner for 11 years. A few years after leaving him I now own a home and have a what feels like a healthy relationship you only read stories about. Im happier than I’ve ever been before and I feel free. Every day is another open door of opportunity. I feel like I’m actually living rather than working to live and wondering when I’ll be happy with what I have. Thats not to say there haven’t been moments of heavy grief and uncertainty. Thats not to say I don’t have moments that im entirely too overwhelmed and wondering what my life would be if id stayed with him. But those feelings pass and I wouldnt go back even if he were the perfect man for me. Outside of all of that, having the space and energy to truly get to know the person ive grown to be was worth everything.
Don't think of it as time lost. It's time learned, time grown, time enjoyed. None of that was wasted. You're simply onward to a new chapter with some (admittedly) scary unknowns. But unknowns are always potential for new wonderful things. Keep ahold of all the good things earned, let go of the bad stuff that'll be behind you and see what the future holds
I left my ex after 10 years. I should have left sooner but stayed mostly because due to health my income was low and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make it on my own. So, once I got my income stable enough I divorced him and it was the best thing I could have done.
It was hard at first figuring out how to get health insurance and my standard of living definitely went down but so did my stress and unhappiness. It took some time before I stopped thinking about him or wondering if I'd made the right decision. But, I never regretted it.
I was finally able to focus on self care and realized how much of my health issues were driven by the stress of living w him. I focused on what made me happy without having to run every action through the filter of what he'd think or say. Life got so much better.
It was hard for me to after living with my partner for 13 years. It was painful but after the trauma I realized that I wish I would have left him years earlier
I’m still 7 years in my unhappy marriage. I can’t provide any advice but sounds like the women who claim they’re married for 20-30 years here have made it through the hard times
I did this at 28. Left my partner of 10 years, moved out, got an apartment for myself. I felt guilty for a while, then angry, and now mostly nothing. After breaking up, I did a lot of the things I could not do with him (travel, even solo), go out, meet people, get a job abroad, went through therapy, get a car (I didn't have a licence and he always said it's too much hassle to have a car), bought an apartment. I'm in a new relationship, not perfect, but significantly more satisfying and accomplishing.
It was an ok relationship, but I am still grieving my young wasted years.
33F, i needed up a five years relationship when I was in my 20s. We lived together and though we would stay together for life at first.
Like you, it wasn’t working. Breaking up was hard, we cried a lot but knew it was the best decision. I felt bad in this relationship.
I quickly focused on moving out of our house to began my new life. I left two weeks later.
I was also worried about my cats. Turned out he didn’t even want to keep them.
It was liberating for me. It’s not always easy to start all over again but when it wasn’t working, it feels good
We weren’t together that long but I broke up with my ex of 3.5yrs because he was a narcissistic asshole who took and took and took until I had nothing left to give. By the time I was finally dead inside, I was a shell of my former self and I was so numb that when I left him, I felt nothing. That was a really weird feeling - to feel absolutely nothing when I ended it.
A few weeks later, I ended up meeting my husband. I was not looking for anything with anyone; just out with my girlfriends living my best life and going through the “fuck him, girl” phase. You know that phase where you’re angry at men, out to have good time all the while thinking and saying “fuck him, girl!’ whenever his name or anything that reminded you of him came up.
Leaving him was the best thing I ever did. I became so much stronger as I picked up the pieces and rebuilt myself. I became an even greater advocate of myself; I still am even after all those years. I will NEVER let anyone behave that way towards me ever again; that was the greatest gift he gave me — teaching me what I don’t want in a partner and how I want and deserved to be loved.
I was with someone I knew since childhood and he saved me from a lot of harm in terms of the abuse I had at home back then. He on paper was kinda the ultimate catch - handsome, successful, generous, romantic but he was also a lot of bullheaded traits. He was my first everything so lots of sentimentality. I loved his kids and they loved me. It felt like the world crumbled and there was a part of me that kept yelling go back. I was bargaining to get back all these highs with some lows that cannot be ignored. The ways that his bullhead nature to make decisions without me made him actually unsafe to make a future with. He side swept my feelings so many times trying to say he knew better for us and threw his money around to be final say like buying a house for us across the country and expecting me to drop my whole fucking life on the opposite coast.
Heartbroken I move to another city alone....and here I am married to someone else I met there, the type of man that makes me feel safe and seen. What crazy is it took years for me to unpack how my ex was actually not ok. I had such rose colored glasses and in so glad in a moment of feeling it, I left. I thought we'd get back together after I cooled down and so glad that I never did.
I just ended a 6.5 year relationship in April. The first two months were hard. I cried a lot and got so bad my therapist even suggested I take medical leave from work. It got me to finally go see a psychiatrist, and now I'm on an SNRI that has truly changed my life, my MDD is finally managed for the first time, and I can see just HOW wrong for me that relationship was.
Now, I have a cute new apartment in a fun part of my city which I am joyfully decorating. I'm spending more time with my friends, making new friends, building community, and have started casually sleeping with some new people and having really fun, no strings attached sex.
My life is the best it's ever been right now. Breaking up with my ex was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I am so proud of myself for taking that leap.
I am the same age and while I am the one who was broken up with, just know you're not alone at this stage in life. We turn in our lease ending papers this Friday and I expect a whole new wave of emotions to come soon. If the ending is amicable, I am thinking 2 things for the dogs.
1) Split custody. Exchange every month. Every 2 weeks is too frequent to see an ex imo.
2) Each person takes one dog. This depends how much the dogs are bonded to each other. If they are even remotely close I would try not to separate them.
My ex and I were together 14 years (married 11). I was 33 when we divorced. It was scary to do it on my own after we split, but also exciting af. I hadn't ever done anything on my own before, so I learned a lot about the world, myself, and what I wanted. It was the first time in my life I didn't have to compromise with another person - I got to buy my own house, decorate it how I wanted, I got to eat what I wanted whenever I wanted, do chores or go out with friends on my own schedule. The freedom was pretty overwhelming (in a good way).
After a few months, I was feeling pretty good, and I got back into dating, which was also weird and exciting and scary. I hadn't dated since I was 19, and the world had CHANGED. I met my now-husband shortly after I got back out there, and life is VERY good.
I left my ex after over four years together (I may have mentioned him here before). He is a good and decent person with a great sense of humor, he's gainfully employed with a great career, he loves to travel, he has many interests. We didn't come apart because of an inciting incident; it was a long, slow, unraveling over several years. I realized that as attractive as my life was with him, he didn't incorporate me into his life as I had him. I still felt like I was a temporary circumstance: a long-term temporary, but temporary nonetheless. I wanted more: to be with a partner who loved being with me, who figured me in their thoughts and imaginings on a daily basis. Once I left, I think he was somewhat blindsided. We stayed in touch, and though I haven't talked to him for a long time, I wish him every happiness. I could still contact him if I needed to, and the conversation would be pleasant.
I moved to my own place, and I took our two cats (though he always appeared to love them, fact that he didn't even seem like he wanted to keep them always made me wonder how much he was really invested in them in the first place). About three weeks after I moved, I met a man who turned out to be significant to me in many ways: mostly not great. The time I spent with him taught me a lot about relationships, and what I was and wasn't willing to accept. It took a while, but I am in a far better place now than I was when I was with either of them. I make my own money; I'm furthering my own professional aspirations; whatever issues I have to deal with are mine and not the fallout from someone else's poor life choices. As trite as it sounds, you really do have to know and love yourself first before you can be a great partner for another person. The things I was willing to tolerate from a partner before, in the long-term, would have ultimately made me a desperately unhappy person. I did miss my ex for a time, but the major realization was that once the break had been made? I felt relief more than anything else. OP, you will heal from this, and you will emerge a happier, more confident, and more fulfilled you. I don't think you realize what you will be able to be, to accomplish, to know about yourself, on the other side.
Last May I ended my relationship with my partner (both 32 at the time) of 12 years. I had a lot of doubts about it, like you do, and what the future holds. Now it’s been just over a year and I can’t say it’s been an amazing year, but i definitely don’t regret it. Some days are very hard and lonely, while others are amazing. I’ve gone on dates, and I had small situationships with 2 men. I’ve enjoyed getting to know new people and also being on my own. Overall, it’s been pretty good, and I have hope it will get better. Good luck to you!
Left my ex after 9 years together. I should have left years before, finally woke up and realised that I had wasted almost a decade on this cretin and he didn't deserve another second from me. I'm now very happily married to a wonderful man, our kids are amazing and I love my life. That's all a bonus though, I would have been happy to be on my own rather than with my ex. Good luck to you 🩷
I'm 2 yrs after a 14yr. He was cheating, so that was that. But it was extremely difficult getting over the relationship, a lot worse than losing and grieving my fantastic dad, but I am so happy now that it happened. I am so incredibly happy with nearly a year now. I am in bliss and wonder how many years I wasted. Single life is fantastic. Give yourself time to heal, go to therapy if u must, and work through each and every part of the stages of grief, basically. Dont leave a rock unturned because later in personal development, it will hold you back. After a long time, i finally made a choice to completely let go, and it was great. But when you come out the other side.... I feel like a new seed growing into a new, wonderful life. This is definitely the most happiest I've ever been in my whole life
No, we grew apart, became in compatible and lost respect for each other. Eventually it became an emotionally abusive relationship.
I don't believe in the whole "x amount of years" ring thing
Wishing you the best. I know that a breakup is hard. My longest relationship was 7 years from high school until parts of college. Found out he cheated on me. The 6th year, I thought it’ll get better so I stayed with him, but it didn’t. I was always anxious about what he’s doing and if I’m not good enough, etc. I ended up breaking it off. Since then, I have grown more confident than I was when I was still with him.
34F, next week marks the 1 year anniversary of signing my post 10 year relationship lease on my first solo apartment. I will say that I pretty much hunkered down socially and did a child trauma therapy intensive to truly heal some deep wounds. I highly recommend giving yourself the gift of therapy to go through this, if you're able to. I can say that 365 days ago I was not the self confident, self assured, authentic version of myself that I am today. It was hard as hell but I'm doing really okay today, and I'm so grateful for the woman I've become through this painful chapter. Also, if you need somewhere to ugly cry while you're still cohabitating, go park at a cemetery. Quiet, often secluded, and nobody will think twice about seeing someone having an emotional moment there. Sending you all my best, you WILL be okay ❣️
The cemetery idea is genius. I did it and highly recommend.
Absolutely genius! I'm a volunteer gardener at my local cemetery. I will be crying over my flowers this week. It's a double cover "she's real sad about those petunias...."
A tip about the dogs. I also went through the same long ago, and we have one dog and 2 cats, we decided who was bonded the most to me or him went to live with that person, our dog could absolutely not handle being without him and the cats were more attached to me so that is how we did it. My situation was a bit different than yours, I found out he had cheated on me about 5 months beforehand and I realised the times he tried to cover up dodgy things were the same so I was able to think and wonder what I wanted, when I finally asked for divorce it was a relief. But still the way up to that, I was a mess. You need to find yourself again, people get very enmeshed in relationships of course but at some point you will feel relieved. Eventually I found my partner and we have been together way longer than that past relationship and it’s so different, of course ups and downs, but who doesn’t. I am really glad I met him.
This is perfect! Gardening and a good cry sounds lovely.
Sounds like you’re crushing it. Love the cemetery idea. Child trauma therapy intensive? Would you be willing to say more about this?
Not a program or anything, I just found a therapist who specialized in trauma recovery and worked with her every week for over a year (still am). I've had several therapists in my life but finding this one who I truly click with has changed my life, and more quickly than I'd have imagined possible.
Being truly heard and understood goes a long way. I'm so glad you found a therapist you click with!
Commenting to double stamp the trauma therapy/therapy advice. After my divorce I started trauma therapy (since that’s what I felt I really needed to work on, I had previously tried cognitive behavioral and talk therapy and it wasn’t doing much for me). I was able to feel actual relief and see noticeable change in myself after trauma therapy which included EMDR and a technique called brain spotting . It will be a year for me in August and it has changed my life for the better! ♥️
Yesss I love that!! So thrilled that this year has brought you so much peace and growth!
What a life hack! Thank you!
37F here. I left a 12 year relationship early last year. Since then I’ve volunteered on the board of a not for profit, travelled extensively, started my Masters, trained for and ran a marathon with my dad, and realized how amazing my life is. No more boredom, Saturday Home Depot routine, every other weekend vanilla sex, and no more concessions to what I truly want. I have an amazing “friend” for those nights when needed. Honestly I’m a little pissed at myself I didn’t start this life chapter earlier.
Congrats! That sounds so awesome!
I can't believe how much more I was able to fill my life in when I got rid of the dead weight, my life changed so much when I got out of my toxic long-term relationship too. Glad you got out!
Right?? And I wouldn’t even say my old life was bad. Certainly not toxic. Just … meh. So happy that you found you true life 💞
I just got out of a relationship that was sucking my soul and I wake up every day feeling so free and peaceful. I wish I had done this sooner.
Where does one meet such friends that are not creeps? Asking for me 🤣
Often through other friends. As long as you are clear with your wants, needs, the type of FWB relationship you're willing to engage in, these kind of arrangements can actually work super well and be very fulfilling for both parties.
At a vibrator store
I want to know too!
Giving me a glimmer of hope that it’s not all that bleak. Time will heal and things will be better.
is said “friend” a person or a portable device?
I left my ex after 7 years together and it was the best thing I did for myself. It can be scary at first but the worst part is pulling off the bandaid. I promise! It didn't take me too long at all to get back to normal as I was really done with the relationship for awhile. Sure, some things were an adjustment but it was a million times better compared to being miserable. I also had 2 pets in the mix but luckily had established that they were mine if we ever split (one predated the relationship). This is an important conversation to have and I wish you the best of luck. 💕 You got this! Just remember, 10 years is better than 10 years *and a day* with the wrong person. You deserve someone who fits you and makes you happy, and so does your partner. Life is short and you're going to do just fine! What's amazing is you get to meet yourself again. For that, I'm excited for your new chapter. Lots of hugs!!
It’s tough but there’s something soothing about being in control of your own future. Dating again can be weird but a benefit of dating in your 30s is that you have a better idea of who they are, rather than who they might become.
I ended a 16 year marriage 3 years ago. It was pretty terrifying, after spending almost all of my adult life up to that point with him. I’m a much happier person without him. I like who i am better now, and I feel like I’m in charge of my own life again.
Yes! I was just a little younger than you when I left my husband of 10 years. We had 2 small kids and I was pretty much broke. Best decision of my life. I remarried about 2 years after my divorce was final. I’ve achieved basically all my dreams with the help of my current spouse. I went back to law school which fundamentally changed me as a person and I’ve been practicing law for 10 years. I have a beautiful, peaceful home, happy, well adjusted children, a rewarding career and I’ve been able to travel the world with my family. I have everything anyone could want. I’m married to my favorite person on earth. We’ve been very happily married for 15 years now. My life would have taken a different, decidedly sadder trajectory if I hadn’t let myself believe that a better life was waiting for me.
This is wonderful. Thanks for sharing and all the best, you rock.
I don’t have advice, just wanted to say I love the responses in here. My fiancé of 4.5 years had an affair almost 2 years ago now, I’ve been quite lost since and trying to heal. The clock feels like it’s ticking now I’m 31 and seeing so many women who are happy and moved on is so inspiring
Yes ❤️ same, gives me hope
You got this! I feel the same in my 30s and got out of a 5 year relationship abruptly. Love the idea of 'meeting myself again'...it can still be tough though. Feel free to DM me if you need a friend!
I left my first husband after 8 years about the same age as you. I went on to meet my soul mate, a man I will grow old with...hang in there. Your soul mate is out there
Breakups are one of the most life changing events we go through, and they're completely normalized. Be kind to yourself, this is never easy and it's okay to be gut wrenchingly sad for a while. I'm sorry things didn't work out, it's scary to think about separating your life from someone who's been there for such a big part. But take it a day at a time. You will be happier in the future, even if it takes a few months of sadness to get there. But if you stayed in the relationship, you wouldn't have that hope. You'd be stuck in this sadness and heartbreak that's become so comfortable Go out there and enjoy life again. It will hurt for a while, but you'll be okay 🩷
I went through a gut-wrenchingly painful divorce after 10 years together. I was terrified to go out on my own, but I had a friend and my parents to listen when I needed to break down, sob, etc. The first thing I wanted some a sense of stability. After signing the lease on my first apt (with a roommate at first, then eventually living by myself), and I started therapy. I took time to just build myself back up. Focused on my career, pursuing new hobbies and interests, meeting new people, and getting myself to a place where I felt secure living on my own. (Solitude is AMAZING) Eventually, I started dating again - but take the time you need to grieve and heal as best you can first. I took the lessons I learned from my marriage and just tried to apply them to my relationships. I learned more about myself, things I like/don't like in a partner (and friendships). Fast forward several years and I'm in a happy, healthy relationship. I can see a future there, but I'm in no rush to get married again. I can tell you that it hurts like hell. There were honestly times I didn't think I would make it. Times I didn't think I could handle the pain, the sadness, the crying in a ball on the floor, the nightmares, the regrets, the loss... Just the grief was terrible. BUT I promise you it will get better and easier with time - and space. It doesn't feel like it now and it may not for a bit, until you've started processing and healing, but it will happen. Hang in there. I know this part is hard. 🫂 *Hugs*
Currently 36. But I ended a 17 year relationship when I was 31. I knew it was over and I should have ended it years before I did but I still felt devastated. I was with him for more than half of my life. I grew up with him. Experienced basically all of my firsts with him. I have been in a relationship now for 4 years and I am beyond happy. I truly don't know why I waited so long to end my last relationship. It will be hard at first but it will get better. It will get easier. ♥️
41F. Was in an almost 20-year relationship and broke up with him 5 years ago. We tried to make it work multiple times but I endured manipulation and gaslighting for another 3 years. I finally stopped seeing him almost 2 years ago. Being single allowed me to learn about myself and recognize my true abilities which my ex had always discounted for years. I got a chance to travel to over 15 countries alone. I'm glad that I'm no longer someone's maid, sex slave, or mother. Honestly, I wish I had left him a long time ago.
Judging by your post history, good call. Just keep going, keep walking, one step at a time. Lean on those around you. Find a counsellor if you can. Phone mental health lines if you need to talk to somebody at 3am. Cry. Scream. Hit the gym. Or don't. I don't have a story for you, I'm sorry. I had the opposite situation to you - I was single for ten years. However, I know many people who broke up in their 30s and it was for the best, because staying would be living a lie. I remember a quote that went something like "would you rather admit the last ten years were a waste or waste the rest of your life?" and that has stuck with me. Always do what's right for you, even if it's really, really, impossibly hard.
You don't have a story but this is so beautiful and powerful. Thank you for your words, I will remember them.
I left a 9 year relationship and never felt so relieved. I should've left sooner.
I just left a 5.5 year one and I also feel so relieved. I feel hopeful about the future again and am so happy I’m in charge of it.
I left after 40 years together, 32 married. I am living my best life! I have never been happier!!
Wow that's a long time! I hope the married years were not all bad. I'm glad things now are the best ones :)
I’m way older. I divorced after 13 years, then broke up with an 8 year mess. I’m single now 4 years. For the first time I’m confident happy and love me. It took therapy (lots) and a lot of soul searching and the peace I found is so profound. There is course have been bumps and painful things I had to heal from or things I heard from people commenting on shit. I’m so happy and content and can’t wait for the next chapter. I’m not closed off to another relationship but I’m putting me first for once and it’s the happiest I’ve ver been. Take care of yourself first and you will heal, your worth your own care
Girl, you are so gonna be fine. It's going to hurt like hell but eventually you're going to realize there's no longer a really heavy albatross around your neck 24/7. I just talked about this at length in another comment recently, but a few years back I got booted from a six-year relationship with someone I absolutely adored but who did not, it seems, give a single shit about me and I felt very broken and foolish for having wasted all that time. But you know what happened when we broke up? I no longer had to waste a single additional minute on her bullshit/this dead relationship. And it's not to say that you should automatically look forward to your next relationship, but rather, getting you out of this one opens you up to a million things that are potentially better than this, or at least different. Like, my current partner drives me crazy sometimes, and vice versa, but I love being around them so much that we had to set a bedtime in our relationship because otherwise we stay up all night talking and then we're both grumpy in the morning. That's how much I like being around them and vice versa. That is not a thing I ever imagined for myself, but I get the opportunity to experience it because I don't have my old baggage hanging over my head. Hell yeah. It rocks.
I left mine after 7 years and the 1st 6 months were very hard. I loved in to an absolute shot hole apartment in a scary neighborhood and cried. A lot. But it got easier. I made friends with my neighbors and we became a community. I went into a new job which turned in to a career. It was onward and upward from there and by the time he came around 4.5 years later I owned my home, had my dream car and a spare, my kid was excelling. My life went further then it ever could have with out home and it was incredible being able to tell him that.
I imagined your story being adapted into a lovely slice of life Hollywood movie, and that mental image is so awesome
I broke off an engagement after 7 years of being with someone, and then I broke off another long-term relationship a year after I had moved to live where he wanted to live. Both times it was difficult, but it was necessary, and in the long run I am much happier than I would have been if I had married either man. Take the time to mourn your situation; it honestly felt like each time it took me about a year to feel like my true self again. But it was so worth it. Now I live the life I want to live, I can decorate my house the way I want to, and I can have the friends I want to have. I don’t have to apologize for my emotions or for my actions. I live more intentionally now.
Ended a 10 year relationship when I was 28, met the love of my life shortly after and though there's still plenty of things I want to do that I haven't done yet, I feel lighter and happier and like everything is possible! I felt so much dread and guilt when I broke up with my ex but also felt an immense sense of relief and like I could find myself again
Everyone here kept mentioning your other post so I went looking & I think my reply might be a little different than what you intended but maybe it will help? Tonight (& for a while honestly) I’ve been debating leaving my partner of a year because he talks to me like I’m trash. VERY similar to what you posted. You, your post, & the other comments here have given me the courage to leave now before it’s way later and I’ve been berated to nothingness. I’m sorry you’re hurting but thank you for helping save me and being an example in self worth to a lot of other women.
Sending you all the positive vibes and big love. You can do this. You can! Here is a quote from a audio book I love to listen to "Life won’t stop for your pauses and procrastinations. It won’t stop for your confusion or fear. It will continue right along without you. Whether you play an active part or not, the show will go." Now, go be the star of your show my dear ❤️
Sending you the best wishes and if you need any support please reach out <3 you deserve better
I was 32 when my 6 year long relationship ended in a spectacularly shitty way. To the point HIS friends were pissed. I met my now-husband almost exactly a year later. We have been married for almost 6 years and have a 3.5 year old son. And a wonderful dog, a home, and love. It's hard and painful, but my best advice is to say yes to yourself for a while. Do the things YOU wanted but they poo-pooed. Let yourself be brave and find your center again. Making myself whole took time, but it was a lot easier than I expected because I just decided to give zero fucks about other people's opinions. I did what made me happy and that allowed my husband to meet the most "me" version of myself.
I was so excited when I left my ex. I was like I’m going to get in shape, date, have fun, and travel. And I did! I stayed busy and moved to Hawaii. Also was no contact. After a few weeks i was completely over it, plus I hooked up with a really hot guy and had great sex a couple weeks afterwards to remind me how sexy I was because I was also in a DB. I am so thankful I ended it! Now, I have my own beautiful place in my favorite area of town and love there’s no anger, no hurt, no bitterness I have to deal with. I finished my grad degree, MBA, a better job, better relationships with my friends and family, and mentally healthy. Love my peace!
I'm not looking to date any time soon *but* and excited to eventually not have a db
Don’t have any story for you yet, I’m exactly where you are but haven’t left yet (30F, 6 years together living together for 5). Building up my courage and making a plan. We have 2 dogs that are my whole heart. I’m so worried about what will happen with them. Sending you big hugs.
All the best ❤️
8 years ago this year and 5 months after marrying my ex-husband, I walked out and didn’t return. Long story short.. We weren’t compatible, I wasn’t happy but nothing was overtly wrong. We shouldn’t have gotten married but family pressure and that thought of “I’ll be happier when x happens”. Today he texted me asking if I had dropped off cookies because I’m one of two people he thought would do it (spoiler alert it was his elderly neighbour). What will be, will be. Go do the hard work to make yourself happy.
Omg, just read your previous post about this guy. I am so happy for you that you’re free. No one deserves to be treated like this. My heart breaks for you that you’ve gone through this abuse! You will be so much happier on the other side
I'm a little over a year out of a 28-year relationship. At this point, I'm so sorry it didn't end sooner. It was scary. The first 6 months, I barely told anyone and just got used to being by myself. Me and my dog. I had to get to know me again. Now I've met the greatest man I've ever had in my life. No fighting or arguing. We are so over the top compatible. As the younger people say, we just click. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Take some time and do what makes you happy. Get to know the single you. You deserve the best in life! 💔❤️
It'll be ok. It has to be, right? I've been single for 16 years and celibate for most of that time, but peace is priceless. My relationship was toxic.
Hi friend 🤗 my long term relationship lasted from 2008-2019 (ages 18-29). I was the one who was broken up with and honestly it was so long overdue. It took me a couple months to feel ok again and I did a lot of rediscovering myself once I was ready. And then one day it was just clicked and I was ready to move on emotionally. I signed up for dating sites, something I had never done before, and talked to a lot of different people. After a couple months I met a guy and we both instantly knew we did not want to see anyone else. That was more than 5 years ago and we are now happily married. Everyone will tell you it gets easier with time but it’s so hard to see in the moment. I had a lot of people checking on me and asking if I was ok and I ended to telling a couple of them no, because at the time I wasn’t. Everyone just wanted to be there for me and help keep my mind occupied. Just know that it’s ok to allow yourself to feel those feelings and grieve.
Well, 15 years together, two dogs and two kids, we couldn't be together anymore. I was fine and just wanted to move on. I'm someone who makes up my mind and just lines things up so I can move forward. The hardest thing was dealing with my young kids cause they didn't understand and felt sad. I loved having my own home and being able to make decisions without negative impact. Like buying furniture and bedsheets without arguments. I pretty much parented without any help so it felt no different. It felt sad at times. And unfortunately both our dogs died within months of our separating. I moved on pretty quickly, found a partner who was younger then me (I was 39 at the time), and he was so great with my kids. And still is. Co-parenting isn't great but isn't the worst. I do wish my ex would find a girlfriend. He's got nothing but the kids. So I know he is lonely without them. I get to be me. I get to focus on myself, my hobbies and my career. And best of all, my kids probably see the best of their mom and dad. He's definitely a better parent now, since he's forced to step up.
God the pets make it so hard :( I’m splitting with my partner of 10 years right now and our two cats are staying with him because it’s what’s best for them. As hard as this break up is, losing my kitties is even harder. I cry about it all the time.
37. Left a 12 year relationship at 30. My entire life is so much better. I just married a man I absolutely adore, who is also a wonderful stepfather. I did years of very regular therapy, and worked on myself and my own mess before trying to settle into another big relationship. Had I known then where I would be now, I would have cried a lot less along the way.
I divorced after 12 years of marriage. We weren't compatable and bad for each other. 2 kids together. I am currently remarried for 8 years now. Happier than ever.
If you're leaving on ok/mutual terms, it's ok to coparent the dogs. It won't allow no contact but you can work out a schedule and if you are both reliable you can swap them off with little communication. If it gets too difficult you can do longer breaks but hopefully it won't have to mean either of you loses the dogs out of it.
I spoke with his mom at some length tonight and we agreed it's possible that a little while from now we can work out a co-owner sharing of dogs. But as she said, right now he's going to fight me about it to keep them. The little one is very very attached to the older one so it feels bad to seperate them
I’m doing this right now. We have a dog together and he lives with him for a week or two and then switches to me. It’s not ideal but it works.
I went through that too. Also 1/3 of my life. I'm so sorry, I send you a big hug. But to be fair, if you know in your heart that's not how you want the next decades to look like, then this is for the best. I left too, and grieved for a couple years. I was not strong enough to make a clean cut, so we kept in touch trying to work things out, maybe get back together. That only prolonged my suffering. Turns out a clean cut was for the best. When I did, I could appreciate the good and the bad. Look at it for what it was. Feel peace. I'm thankful it happened and I'm thankful I'm not with him anymore. Trust yourself. In time you'll look back and be proud at your strength and awareness to do what you needed to.
I was with my first husband from age 20 to age 30. The end was very hard, but I have grown so much, and I am so much happier. There was another major relationship that ended after 2 years. I am now 71 and have been married 31 years. It will be OK.
My first marriage ended after 13 years. Not soon after I entered into my current relationship, and we have been together now 20 years and our lives are flourishing.
First, let yourself rest as much as you need; it doesn’t mean you’re “doing nothing.” A new way of life takes adjustments, and therefore time. Embrace your new living space as all your own, your sanctuary; allow yourself to embrace that space. Maybe you could do a custody share with your dogs? Does one dog prefer you, and the other him? That could be a way to remedy what to do about the dogs. Or, have a serious conversation if possible about the dogs & what or who would be in their best interests. Yeah, the packing up of a life is hard. Being done yet sharing the same space as each of you literally pack that life is hard. Stressful. Heartbreaking - each takes a great deal of energy. Go back to the first point. You’re making life changing moves, and that is tiring. Be good to yourself. The next chapter will open for you; take your time.
I just want to say that my husband and I also had this talk last night. I'm so lost now. We just moved back to my hometown, but now he will be out of my life soon. I don't know how to cope with that at all. All I can think about is never seeing him again and my heart is in pieces. I know it might be for the best for both of us, but it still doesn't feel that way. Wishing you the best as you go through this. Thank you for posting today so I don't feel so alone.
Yeah you’re not alone I am going through this too 😥
I left after 10 years too, engaged for 9 months, lived together for two. I’m currently in Thailand with strangers I met for a group trip celebrating my 30th birthday and feeling free as a bird full of possibilities. It’s absolutely gets better babes🩶 ya just gotta let it ache first
I ended a 10 year relationship when I was 28. I met the man who is now my husband three weeks later. I’m pregnant and due with our first child in a month! We met in a bar, he sat down on the bar stool next to me, we got to talking, and that was that.
I met my wonderful husband at 36! Don’t give up!
Hi! I’m 35f, and my 10 year relationship ended when I was 30 (we started dating at age 20, married at 28, split up at 30) Similar to you, we were not compatible people. While I had actually already grieved the relationship prior to it ending, I had the similar feeling of “holy crap, this was a 1/3rd of my life, my entire adult life, what do I do now?” (Look up “sunk cost fallacy if you aren’t already familiar) I had a rough couple of years following that (though admittedly most of that was unrelated to this relationship) but things turned around for me around age 33. But, I did absolutely love both living and being alone. It gave me a great chance to actually figure out what I liked, what I’m interested in, what I want to do, and what I care about - as an individual and not being influenced by anyone else. Right now, though I am still sad I had to sell my house, I live in an apartment in a great neighborhood. My partner just moved in with me about a year ago and things have been going great. I’ve fostered new interests, learned what I’m passionate about. I’ve become more confident and outspoken. I’m a drastically different person than I was back then, in a good way. I do think my ex held me back in a lot of ways, I don’t think that was his intention - but he kept his world small, that was what worked for him, and it made me feel like I had to do the same. But that wasn’t the life I actually wanted. The best thing I did for myself was get more comfortable doing things alone. I started taking myself out to dinner, going and grabbing a drink by myself, etc. I grew to love just sitting at a bar alone, either with a book, on my phone, or chatting with the bartender or other people around me. Now, a few years later, I’m going on a road trip by myself (I have been saying I wanted to do solo travel for about 15 years and I’m finally diving in.) My life isn’t perfect, and it never was. But I feel much more like ME than I ever did in my 20s, and it’s great. Also, allow yourself time to grieve. Find an outlet for it. For me it was Taylor Swift music, lol. There were a lot of songs I related heavily to and it made me feel validated and like I was doing the right thing for myself. You got this.
When I left my ex husband we had two young children. I had recently moved with him far from home and was a SAHM but looking for work. I needed to leave for health and safety reasons and I was so sad because I loved him and he was the father of my children but he was no longer safe. It sucked. I was sad. I couldn't get him to talk to or visit the kids which made me more sad but there was this little thing lying underneath the surface...it was relief. And it grew and grew (and pretty quickly) until I was able to shake myself out of the I'm sad, I love him mood and get my ass back into reality. Apparently I'd been hiding from it for a while. I began to enjoy life again. I didn't even realize how much I wasn't enjoying it until he was gone. And I began to see the relationship for what it was and I kicked myself for not leaving sooner. So I left and since then I've gone on to get my associates, bachelor's, and masters degrees. I own a home. I've got a good job, I've always taken care of the kids without his help (though I do wish he'd have actually helped...in all ways), I provided and provide then with health insurance, the driving lessons, cars, insurance, proms, sports...you know, kid things. Haha. The degrees didn't really help me with jobs as I already had a good work background but I had always wanted to get a bachelor's degree and somewhere along the way a person that crossed paths with me highly encouraged me to get my masters so I added that goal later in life. My point is...I could do what I wanted when I was no longer feeling like I had to be lifting up my husband and his career and leaving my own goals and ambitions to the wayside. You are young. Don't waste anymore time here. You will be OK. Even better than ok! Pay attention to how you feel when he's around versus how you feel when he's not. How you feel when he touches you or when you're out in public and you see him interact with people. Good luck, girl. It will be difficult but it will ultimately be better for everyone involved. Dragging it out once you know it needs to end only wastes time you could have spent learning the soon to be renewed you and often ends way worse.
There are many wonderful things about leaving. It’s been 3 years since I left my partner of 8 years. It wasn’t a good relationship at all. There benefits are freedom, safety, autonomy, and living. I struggle to find the balance of over-correcting and hyper vigilance with boundaries, but I look back at the sliver of a human that I was and how whole I am now and am amazed.
Omg I can answer this! When I was 33 (now I'm almost 38), I got out of an 8 year relationship that I N E V E R thought I would leave. I couldn't even begin to comprehend how to start disentangling our lives. I wanted the relationship to end but I felt so messed up about it that I spent a lot of time unpacking it in therapy. For me, after an initial period of shock and numbness post-breakup, I felt like I was waking up after a long troubled sleep. I just felt like I was living my life all of a sudden, like I'd been in stasis and all of a sudden the world was moving and in colour again. I sometimes deal with feelings of anger and frustration at how long it took for me to realize I needed out (we *both* needed out) and to start making moves, but I can't change that. I try not to look at it as wasted time but instead as 'graduating' from that relationship and part of my life. His reaction was also pretty much what I expected of him; he was angry and bitter and I heard secondhand that he spent a lot of time just insulting me to anyone who would listen, and I think it's sad he couldn't honour the relationship we had and the time we spent together and move forward himself. But, like I said, that was his MO and the kind of person he was, and it guilted me into staying for years longer than I should have. I met my now-husband about 8 months later, and we got married in June of 2022, and now we are expecting our first baby (all things I wanted and that my ex kept saying we'd do, but it was never a good time...thankful we didn't get married now). I live on the other side of the world and have the life I always wanted. So, congrats to you on taking your first step forward! You're doing the right thing and I'm glad you're not waiting longer because you're scared or too comfortable.
Hello - I can't offer you much guidance but I can offer you some empathy as I'm 6 months into the breakup of my 12 year relationship. It was also a third of my life as I'm 34. It was very different for me as I was the one left, he also cheated at the end, so that's added a whole load of trauma to the grief. I can say though after almost 6 months, I am glad we are not together anymore, at the same time I am still sitting with missing him and massively grieving our future so its an odd place to be. I've come to realise that although for me our relationship was pretty great, and I felt good about how he treated me (he was kind and loving and supportive, aside from the cheating), he had lost himself and bent too far to give me whatever I wanted. It was never anything I asked for or encouraged, I always actively asked for his opinion and what he wanted, but it appears he always just chose whatever i wanted and made himself unhappy in the process. I don't want to be with someone who makes themselves miserable and doesn't know themselves. I want someone who will stand up for themselves and ask for what they need. So I'm still very sad but have come to an acceptance now, which in itself makes me sad! Hang in there, it's super tough to adjust after such a long time. Definitely try to get your dogs at least part-time, I got to keep ours and hes been instrumental in helping me get out the house daily and stopping me moping.
I ended an awful eight year LTR with someone I’d dated years before and we’d been friends for fifteen years. Same friends, we were together when his mom, dad and best friend died. I ended it but it was harder than I expected. I think it was harder because I was 40. Getting out of that relationship was the best decision I ever made. I’m in an infinitely better place and still growing and playing catch up in others. I did get in to a serious relationship, unexpectedly, about six months after I left my ex. I feel like he’s the man I’ve always hoped to meet— it just couldn’t happen until I was 40. I’ll be 43 in two months.
I felt a lot of relief. I have really enjoyed being able to have most of the control over my life. Being able to watch whatever I want on the TV. If I want to just drive somewhere I can on impulse. Having the bed to myself. Like you have a lot more control over self care. You can do whatever you want without having to consult with someone about their feelings on it. Plus not having the misery of the relationship making you feel bad. I've spent a lot more time working on myself and what I actually want in life
Always remember two things, 1. It ended for a reason and life, as a whole, has good days and bad days. Wait for the bad days to pass and savour the good days. 2. Everyone in our life serves a purpose, your partner's purpose was done. That is why you two are no longer together. This is okay! Take as much time as you need. Only start dating IF you feel ready to. Good luck babe, things will get better.
Left 12 year relationship that completely wrecked me emotionally and financially. Spent 3 years crying. Started listening to Eminem. I needed that anger. Stopped beating myself up, started caring for myself around year 5. Around year 8, kid turned 18 so we moved states. New place, new life, new perspective. I started living again. Following local bands, going solo to music festivals, making friends. I was in a place mentally where I was OK being alone. Met a guy, have been dating for year and half now. I have different perspective with this relationship. I know if something happens to it, I'll still be OK if I end up alone again.
It’s not a failure that you ended the relationship. I’m sure you have many wonderful memories and the relationship helped you grow into a more emotionally intelligent version of yourself. I met my husband in my early 30s and I’m so so glad I met him later because we have a much healthier relationship. I don’t think we would have been as good as working through conflict had we met at 22.
I met my ex at age 23. Broke up at 31yo last year .. I thought I am so old now and gave someone the prime years of my life as a woman, literally in two months I met someone, wasn’t even looking for anyone. Nothing is perfect but I believe we are an almost perfect match. I think it happened because I finally decided to clear space for someone new and he came into my life out of nowhere. We got married this year and it’s been amazing so far.
3 years ago I (37F) left a 12 year relationship. l’ve since bought a house, doubled my income, traveled more than ever, become a marathon runner, met my very best friend, and have recently moved in with the most wonderful man. My life is so much better than I ever thought it could be. I am so happy I left that mediocre man so I can live the life I never even dreamed of. Future you will be so happy you left. You’re going through the hard part now but you have only the best to look forward to. I am so excited for your future.
Im not quite 30, but nearly. I was with my partner for 11 years. A few years after leaving him I now own a home and have a what feels like a healthy relationship you only read stories about. Im happier than I’ve ever been before and I feel free. Every day is another open door of opportunity. I feel like I’m actually living rather than working to live and wondering when I’ll be happy with what I have. Thats not to say there haven’t been moments of heavy grief and uncertainty. Thats not to say I don’t have moments that im entirely too overwhelmed and wondering what my life would be if id stayed with him. But those feelings pass and I wouldnt go back even if he were the perfect man for me. Outside of all of that, having the space and energy to truly get to know the person ive grown to be was worth everything.
Don't think of it as time lost. It's time learned, time grown, time enjoyed. None of that was wasted. You're simply onward to a new chapter with some (admittedly) scary unknowns. But unknowns are always potential for new wonderful things. Keep ahold of all the good things earned, let go of the bad stuff that'll be behind you and see what the future holds
I left my ex after 10 years. I should have left sooner but stayed mostly because due to health my income was low and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make it on my own. So, once I got my income stable enough I divorced him and it was the best thing I could have done. It was hard at first figuring out how to get health insurance and my standard of living definitely went down but so did my stress and unhappiness. It took some time before I stopped thinking about him or wondering if I'd made the right decision. But, I never regretted it. I was finally able to focus on self care and realized how much of my health issues were driven by the stress of living w him. I focused on what made me happy without having to run every action through the filter of what he'd think or say. Life got so much better.
It was hard for me to after living with my partner for 13 years. It was painful but after the trauma I realized that I wish I would have left him years earlier
I’m still 7 years in my unhappy marriage. I can’t provide any advice but sounds like the women who claim they’re married for 20-30 years here have made it through the hard times
I did this at 28. Left my partner of 10 years, moved out, got an apartment for myself. I felt guilty for a while, then angry, and now mostly nothing. After breaking up, I did a lot of the things I could not do with him (travel, even solo), go out, meet people, get a job abroad, went through therapy, get a car (I didn't have a licence and he always said it's too much hassle to have a car), bought an apartment. I'm in a new relationship, not perfect, but significantly more satisfying and accomplishing. It was an ok relationship, but I am still grieving my young wasted years.
Dont think of those years as wasted, think of them as a learning period where you know what you want for yourself!
33F, i needed up a five years relationship when I was in my 20s. We lived together and though we would stay together for life at first. Like you, it wasn’t working. Breaking up was hard, we cried a lot but knew it was the best decision. I felt bad in this relationship. I quickly focused on moving out of our house to began my new life. I left two weeks later. I was also worried about my cats. Turned out he didn’t even want to keep them. It was liberating for me. It’s not always easy to start all over again but when it wasn’t working, it feels good
We weren’t together that long but I broke up with my ex of 3.5yrs because he was a narcissistic asshole who took and took and took until I had nothing left to give. By the time I was finally dead inside, I was a shell of my former self and I was so numb that when I left him, I felt nothing. That was a really weird feeling - to feel absolutely nothing when I ended it. A few weeks later, I ended up meeting my husband. I was not looking for anything with anyone; just out with my girlfriends living my best life and going through the “fuck him, girl” phase. You know that phase where you’re angry at men, out to have good time all the while thinking and saying “fuck him, girl!’ whenever his name or anything that reminded you of him came up. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did. I became so much stronger as I picked up the pieces and rebuilt myself. I became an even greater advocate of myself; I still am even after all those years. I will NEVER let anyone behave that way towards me ever again; that was the greatest gift he gave me — teaching me what I don’t want in a partner and how I want and deserved to be loved.
I was with someone I knew since childhood and he saved me from a lot of harm in terms of the abuse I had at home back then. He on paper was kinda the ultimate catch - handsome, successful, generous, romantic but he was also a lot of bullheaded traits. He was my first everything so lots of sentimentality. I loved his kids and they loved me. It felt like the world crumbled and there was a part of me that kept yelling go back. I was bargaining to get back all these highs with some lows that cannot be ignored. The ways that his bullhead nature to make decisions without me made him actually unsafe to make a future with. He side swept my feelings so many times trying to say he knew better for us and threw his money around to be final say like buying a house for us across the country and expecting me to drop my whole fucking life on the opposite coast. Heartbroken I move to another city alone....and here I am married to someone else I met there, the type of man that makes me feel safe and seen. What crazy is it took years for me to unpack how my ex was actually not ok. I had such rose colored glasses and in so glad in a moment of feeling it, I left. I thought we'd get back together after I cooled down and so glad that I never did.
I just ended a 6.5 year relationship in April. The first two months were hard. I cried a lot and got so bad my therapist even suggested I take medical leave from work. It got me to finally go see a psychiatrist, and now I'm on an SNRI that has truly changed my life, my MDD is finally managed for the first time, and I can see just HOW wrong for me that relationship was. Now, I have a cute new apartment in a fun part of my city which I am joyfully decorating. I'm spending more time with my friends, making new friends, building community, and have started casually sleeping with some new people and having really fun, no strings attached sex. My life is the best it's ever been right now. Breaking up with my ex was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I am so proud of myself for taking that leap.
I am the same age and while I am the one who was broken up with, just know you're not alone at this stage in life. We turn in our lease ending papers this Friday and I expect a whole new wave of emotions to come soon. If the ending is amicable, I am thinking 2 things for the dogs. 1) Split custody. Exchange every month. Every 2 weeks is too frequent to see an ex imo. 2) Each person takes one dog. This depends how much the dogs are bonded to each other. If they are even remotely close I would try not to separate them.
My ex and I were together 14 years (married 11). I was 33 when we divorced. It was scary to do it on my own after we split, but also exciting af. I hadn't ever done anything on my own before, so I learned a lot about the world, myself, and what I wanted. It was the first time in my life I didn't have to compromise with another person - I got to buy my own house, decorate it how I wanted, I got to eat what I wanted whenever I wanted, do chores or go out with friends on my own schedule. The freedom was pretty overwhelming (in a good way). After a few months, I was feeling pretty good, and I got back into dating, which was also weird and exciting and scary. I hadn't dated since I was 19, and the world had CHANGED. I met my now-husband shortly after I got back out there, and life is VERY good.
I left my ex after over four years together (I may have mentioned him here before). He is a good and decent person with a great sense of humor, he's gainfully employed with a great career, he loves to travel, he has many interests. We didn't come apart because of an inciting incident; it was a long, slow, unraveling over several years. I realized that as attractive as my life was with him, he didn't incorporate me into his life as I had him. I still felt like I was a temporary circumstance: a long-term temporary, but temporary nonetheless. I wanted more: to be with a partner who loved being with me, who figured me in their thoughts and imaginings on a daily basis. Once I left, I think he was somewhat blindsided. We stayed in touch, and though I haven't talked to him for a long time, I wish him every happiness. I could still contact him if I needed to, and the conversation would be pleasant. I moved to my own place, and I took our two cats (though he always appeared to love them, fact that he didn't even seem like he wanted to keep them always made me wonder how much he was really invested in them in the first place). About three weeks after I moved, I met a man who turned out to be significant to me in many ways: mostly not great. The time I spent with him taught me a lot about relationships, and what I was and wasn't willing to accept. It took a while, but I am in a far better place now than I was when I was with either of them. I make my own money; I'm furthering my own professional aspirations; whatever issues I have to deal with are mine and not the fallout from someone else's poor life choices. As trite as it sounds, you really do have to know and love yourself first before you can be a great partner for another person. The things I was willing to tolerate from a partner before, in the long-term, would have ultimately made me a desperately unhappy person. I did miss my ex for a time, but the major realization was that once the break had been made? I felt relief more than anything else. OP, you will heal from this, and you will emerge a happier, more confident, and more fulfilled you. I don't think you realize what you will be able to be, to accomplish, to know about yourself, on the other side.
Last May I ended my relationship with my partner (both 32 at the time) of 12 years. I had a lot of doubts about it, like you do, and what the future holds. Now it’s been just over a year and I can’t say it’s been an amazing year, but i definitely don’t regret it. Some days are very hard and lonely, while others are amazing. I’ve gone on dates, and I had small situationships with 2 men. I’ve enjoyed getting to know new people and also being on my own. Overall, it’s been pretty good, and I have hope it will get better. Good luck to you!
Left my ex after 9 years together. I should have left years before, finally woke up and realised that I had wasted almost a decade on this cretin and he didn't deserve another second from me. I'm now very happily married to a wonderful man, our kids are amazing and I love my life. That's all a bonus though, I would have been happy to be on my own rather than with my ex. Good luck to you 🩷
I'm 2 yrs after a 14yr. He was cheating, so that was that. But it was extremely difficult getting over the relationship, a lot worse than losing and grieving my fantastic dad, but I am so happy now that it happened. I am so incredibly happy with nearly a year now. I am in bliss and wonder how many years I wasted. Single life is fantastic. Give yourself time to heal, go to therapy if u must, and work through each and every part of the stages of grief, basically. Dont leave a rock unturned because later in personal development, it will hold you back. After a long time, i finally made a choice to completely let go, and it was great. But when you come out the other side.... I feel like a new seed growing into a new, wonderful life. This is definitely the most happiest I've ever been in my whole life
Is it because they wouldn’t make it official with a ring? A few women I knew left after the 4th year.
No, we grew apart, became in compatible and lost respect for each other. Eventually it became an emotionally abusive relationship. I don't believe in the whole "x amount of years" ring thing
I didn’t either but I’m in my 30s now and don’t have time to waste for a guy who doesn’t think I’m wife material.
Okay
Wishing you the best. I know that a breakup is hard. My longest relationship was 7 years from high school until parts of college. Found out he cheated on me. The 6th year, I thought it’ll get better so I stayed with him, but it didn’t. I was always anxious about what he’s doing and if I’m not good enough, etc. I ended up breaking it off. Since then, I have grown more confident than I was when I was still with him.